Podcast Summary

Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen

Episode: Emily Oster: Moving Forward After Pregnancy Loss
Date: November 6, 2025
Host: Chrissy Teigen
Guest: Emily Oster (economist, parenting data expert, author of The Unexpected: Navigating Pregnancy during and After Complications)

Main Theme:

A candid, compassionate exploration of the rarely discussed complications and losses associated with pregnancy. Chrissy Teigen and Emily Oster share personal experiences and data-driven insights on miscarriage, stillbirth, preeclampsia, and postpartum mental health, emphasizing the importance of self-advocacy, clear communication, and emotional healing.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Silence Around Pregnancy Complications and Loss

• Chrissy opens by reflecting on the loneliness and isolation that comes with pregnancy complications and loss, contrasting it with the celebratory narratives often seen in media and among peers.
• Emily explains her motivation for writing a book specifically about difficult pregnancy experiences, emphasizing the lack of accessible, clear information and the emotional needs that emerge (“Nothing prepares you for that awful silence in the doctor's office…” [00:19]).
• Quote:
  • Chrissy: “Even after, I’m not sure that I have a ton of clarity about what happened still.” [04:55]
  • Emily: “That part of the story, the sort of ‘I didn’t know what was happening at the time and then I never even learned about it later,’ I hear that so often.” [05:52]

2. Understanding Medical Experiences & Self-Advocacy

• Both recount feeling lost or uninformed during medical crises; Chrissy discusses her placental abruption and realization—much later—that her emergency procedure was classified as an abortion.
• They discuss the challenge of knowing what questions to ask doctors, and healthcare communication breakdowns (“I didn’t have a list of, like, the right questions to ask.” [06:39]).
• Quote:
  • Chrissy: “The only reason I know that what I had was called an abortion was because John... was like, well you went through it. And I was like, what? You had an abortion! I was like, what?” [07:11]

3. Grief, Regret, & the Challenge of Acceptance

• Chrissy vulnerably shares regrets (wishing she’d held her son Jack longer, or seen his face), and how societal discomfort around death and grief compounds the pain of pregnancy loss.
• Emily introduces the concept of “radical acceptance” and the struggle to co-exist with loss, guilt, and the search for new joy.
• Quotes:
  • Emily: “We are so bad as a society about death and grief. ...Sometimes sitting with someone, even when they’re gone, is a thing people need.” [09:46]
  • Chrissy: “Now, the mystery face is in my nightmares. And I don’t know if that's better or worse.” [08:58]

4. The “Will It Happen Again?” Question

• Most people who experience complications wonder about recurrence. Emily breaks down the actual data:
  • For some complications (e.g., gestational diabetes) recurrence is highly likely; for others (e.g., placental abruption), risk is only slightly elevated. [14:15]
• Importance of realistically preparing for possibilities in future pregnancies (rather than avoiding or minimizing fears).
• Quote:
  • Emily: “With almost any pregnancy complication, there is ... an elevated risk of it happening again in a later pregnancy, although it varies a lot.” [14:15]

5. Patients and Provider Relationships: Communication, Trust, and Fit

• The two discuss the nuances of patient-provider dynamics—how some want every detail, others prefer to trust the experts, and both approaches are valid.
• Chrissy shares how her own detachment from her body, stemming from past trauma and objectification, influenced her hesitancy to self-advocate (“...I just detached from really being like, an advocate for myself because it doesn’t feel like it’s mine, really.” [18:29])
• The crucial need for patients to feel listened to, and how to recognize when a doctor isn’t a good fit.
• Quotes:
  • Chrissy: “I always felt like if I nitpicked everything ... I’d be seen as a bother.” [19:09]
  • Emily: “If you’re not feeling listened to, it’s time to think about whether there’s another [doctor] or feeling rushed.” [29:58]

6. The Overlooked Realities of Postpartum Recovery

• They underscore how little is said about recovery after complicated or even “uncomplicated” births:
  • Perineal tearing; the challenge of bathroom care; emotional shock of an altered body.
  • Chrissy describes her misunderstanding of postpartum depression, thinking it was only about thoughts of harming a child (“I thought that since I felt all this love ... that I didn’t have it [Postpartum depression].” [23:21])
• Emily explains the spectrum of postpartum mood problems, prevalence, and the importance of universal mental health screening (“20% of people have postpartum depression... Postpartum depression and anxiety are incredibly common.” [24:25])
• Quote:
  • Chrissy: “Just the wide spectrum that can go into [postpartum depression] ... I didn’t even bring it up. …All it took was for someone else to, like, see my eyes…” [24:11]

7. "Toolkit": The Four Questions Framework

• Emily presents a practical, structured conversation tool for patients approaching medical discussions after loss/complications ([37:45]):

  1. What happened? (Explicit details of the event)
  2. Why did it happen to me? (Personal risk factors—not self-blame)
  3. Will it happen again? (Evaluating recurrence risk in clear terms)
  4. What can we do to make it less likely? (Prevention, preparation, or treatment)

• Quote (Emily):

  • “If you come into what you know will be a complicated conversation and you want to make sure you hit these four things, that can really help you structure how you’re talking about things.” [41:35]

8. The Lingering Impacts on the Body and Identity

• Chrissy details the emotional pain of having her postpartum body “paused” after loss, the shame about focusing on body image amid grief, and how this identity shift can be deeply disruptive.
• Emily acknowledges the validity of these feelings, and stresses the importance of giving oneself grace about physical recovery and self-image.
• Quote:
  • Chrissy: “This non-working body that was ferociously paused at 20 weeks pregnant for a year—I couldn’t do anything about. ...But no one ever talked to me about it.” [34:10]
  • Emily: “If the identity that you carry is reminding you all the time of a loss, then that’s not good. ...We have to give people grace.” [37:11]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Chrissy on the silence and loneliness of pregnancy loss (00:03 – 02:28)
• Emily’s motivation for writing about complications (02:36 – 04:17)
• Chrissy’s placental abruption and confusion (04:17 – 05:52)
• Navigating the lack of medical clarity (05:52 – 07:39)
• Terminology & abortion realization (07:11 – 08:58)
• Grief, radical acceptance, and society’s discomfort with death (09:46 – 10:47)
• Fear and risk of recurrence in future pregnancies (12:18 – 15:57)
• Variation among patients in their needs and communication styles (16:46 – 20:39)
• Postpartum recovery and depression misunderstood (21:52 – 24:50)
• Emily on normalization & universal screening for postpartum mental health (25:04 – 27:32)
• Choosing the right care provider and red flags (29:03 – 31:17)
• Toolkit: The Four Questions for Medical Clarity (37:32 – 41:57)
• Body image after loss, shame, and personal grace (34:01 – 37:32)

Notable Quotes

• Chrissy Teigen:

  • “I have big regrets about that. ...I just thought, okay, you can see him, and then you’re supposed to just get rid of it and get it out. And I still don’t know. Would they let you hold him for five hours if you wanted to?” [09:02]
  • “I always felt like if I nitpicked everything ... I’d be seen as a bother.” [19:09]
  • “Now, the mystery face is in my nightmares.” [08:58]
  • “This non-working body ... paused at 20 weeks pregnant for a year—couldn’t do anything about.” [34:10]

• Emily Oster:

  • “We are so bad as a society about death and grief… Sometimes sitting with someone, even when they’re gone, is a thing people need.” [09:46]
  • “With almost any pregnancy complication, there is ... an elevated risk of it happening again in a later pregnancy, although it varies a lot.” [14:15]
  • “Being listened to is probably the core [reason to switch care providers].” [29:58]
  • “If you come into what you know will be a complicated conversation and you want to make sure you hit these four things, that can really help you structure how you’re talking about things.” [41:35]

Takeaways: Practical Toolkit

Emily Oster’s Four Questions to Ask Your Doctor ([37:45]):

1. What happened?
   • Ask for all the details, not just medical jargon.
2. Why did it happen to me?
   • Understand personal factors/risk; not self-blame.
3. Will it happen again?
   • Frame risks in clear probability “buckets” (likely, elevated, unlikely).
4. What can we do to make it less likely?
   • Explore prevention and preparation strategies, not just “wait and see.”

Tone & Style

• Deeply compassionate, raw, honest, and supportive
• Combination of personal story-sharing and evidence/data-based guidance
• Unafraid to confront “taboo” emotional realities with warmth, sometimes gallows humor, and a focus on helping listeners feel less alone

For Listeners

This episode offers comfort, clarity, and practical empowerment for anyone affected by pregnancy complications or loss. It strongly encourages self-advocacy and honest dialogue with medical professionals, while recognizing the individual journey of healing and the common, unspoken struggles that persist long after the “end” of an acute crisis.