Holly Whitaker - 30 Days to Living Sober

In this compelling episode of Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen, host Chrissy Teigen engages in an intimate and raw conversation with Holly Whitaker, a renowned advocate for sobriety and author of Quit Like a Woman. Released on May 15, 2025, this episode delves deep into the complexities of maintaining sobriety, the pervasive influence of shame, and the practical tools available for those navigating their relationship with alcohol.

1. Chrissy’s Personal Sobriety Journey

Chrissy Teigen opens the conversation by sharing her personal journey toward sobriety. “Four years ago, I decided to stop drinking. It wasn't just about the hangovers or the embarrassing moments. It was about wanting to be more present, more control of my life, and more connected to the things that truly matter” (00:03). Inspired by Holly Whitaker's Quit Like a Woman, Chrissy discusses how the book reshaped her understanding of alcohol and addiction, particularly highlighting the societal pressures women face regarding drinking.

2. The Challenge of Maintaining Sobriety

The dialogue shifts as Chrissy recounts her initial success in maintaining sobriety, celebrating milestones like one month, six months, and a year without alcohol. However, she candidly admits her relapse: “There was no big dramatic moment. It hasn't really been an issue in the way that it was before, but I know deep down it still feels wrong” (01:30). This admission sets the stage for a deeper exploration of the emotional and psychological struggles involved in sustaining sobriety.

3. Navigating Shame and Self-Compassion

A significant portion of the conversation centers on the role of shame in addiction and recovery. Holly Whitaker elaborates, “Shame is just the difference between the ideas that we have of ourselves and who we're supposed to be and what we actually are” (05:33). Both hosts discuss how shame can often be a more daunting obstacle than the alcohol itself, leading to self-criticism and a relentless pursuit of perfection.

Chrissy echoes this sentiment, reflecting on her fear of disappointing others: “It's my big, shameful secret” (12:43). Holly reinforces the destructive nature of self-imposed shame, emphasizing the importance of self-compassion in overcoming these internal barriers.

4. Redefining Relationships with Alcohol

The conversation shifts to Holly Whitaker’s Audible Original series, 30 Days to a New Relationship with Alcohol. This program emphasizes understanding and reshaping the unconscious patterns that drive alcohol consumption. Holly explains, “This series isn't about counting drinks or advocating for total abstinence, but rather about diving deep into the unconscious patterns that keep us stuck in behaviors we might want to change” (01:45).

5. Practical Tools for Managing Cravings

Holly introduces a practical breathing exercise known as the Citali Breath, designed to manage cravings and ground the nervous system. She guides listeners through the technique, highlighting its effectiveness in triggering the parasympathetic nervous system to promote calmness: “It's a yummy breath... It kicks off my parasympathetic nervous system” (29:33). Chrissy shares her positive experience with the exercise, noting its ability to reduce anxiety and provide a moment of clarity.

6. Embracing Imperfection and Letting Go

A poignant moment occurs when Holly discusses the inevitability of disappointing others and oneself. She states, “We are just so mean to ourselves. What you just told me is really mean. It's just we're so fucking mean to ourselves” (22:14). This acknowledgment underscores the need to accept imperfection and the fluid nature of personal growth. Holly encourages embracing vulnerability and understanding that disappointing others does not equate to personal failure.

7. The Power of Daily Affirmations

The episode delves into the significance of daily affirmations in fostering a healthier relationship with alcohol. Holly explains how each day of the 30-day journey is anchored with specific affirmations designed to build upon one another: “Each of the affirmations are built in order to kind of day over day, give the listener a chance to... practice the affirmations, and also be changed by them” (17:56). These affirmations aim to guide listeners through a transformative process, promoting self-awareness and intentional change.

8. Cultivating Gratitude Amidst Struggles

Chrissy and Holly explore the concept of practicing gratitude, even for the challenging aspects of life. Holly references Melody Beatty’s approach, which involves acknowledging both positive and negative experiences: “You're using it as a way to bring in the stuff you really don't want to be facing” (27:38). This balanced practice of gratitude helps individuals process their emotions and find meaning in their struggles.

Chrissy shares her own growth, expressing how her experiences have deepened her empathy and reshaped her outlook: “My life has changed dramatically. The levels of empathy I have for people... are so vastly different” (28:38).

9. Conclusion and Final Insights

As the episode concludes, Chrissy expresses gratitude for Holly’s insights and support: “Holly Whitaker, I want to thank you so much for being here and joining me on Self Conscious” (33:33). Holly reiterates the importance of engaging with the process and using available tools to navigate personal challenges with alcohol.

The episode wraps up with a reminder of Holly Whitaker’s 30 Days to a New Relationship with Alcohol available on Audible, offering listeners a structured path toward understanding and transforming their relationship with alcohol.

Key Takeaways

• Shame as a Barrier: Shame can be a more significant obstacle than the addiction itself, necessitating self-compassion and acceptance.

• Practical Tools: Techniques like the Citali Breath and daily affirmations can provide practical support in managing cravings and fostering positive change.

• Embracing Imperfection: Accepting that disappointment is a natural part of life helps alleviate the pressure of perfectionism.

• Balanced Gratitude: Practicing gratitude for both positive and challenging experiences aids in emotional processing and personal growth.

Notable Quotes

• Chrissy Teigen on Sobriety: “Four years ago, I decided to stop drinking. It wasn't just about the hangovers or the embarrassing moments. It was about wanting to be more present, more control of my life, and more connected to the things that truly matter” (00:03).

• Holly Whitaker on Shame: “Shame is just the difference between the ideas that we have of ourselves and who we're supposed to be and what we actually are” (05:33).

• Chrissy on Disappointment: “It's my big, shameful secret” (12:43).

• Holly Whitaker on Affirmations: “Each of the affirmations are built in order to kind of day over day, give the listener a chance to... practice the affirmations, and also be changed by them” (17:56).

• Chrissy on Gratitude: “My life has changed dramatically. The levels of empathy I have for people... are so vastly different” (28:38).

Conclusion

This episode of Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen offers a profound exploration of sobriety, shame, and self-compassion through the lens of Holly Whitaker’s expertise. By intertwining personal narratives with practical advice, Chrissy and Holly provide listeners with both inspiration and actionable tools to navigate their own journeys toward a healthier relationship with alcohol.