Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen

Episode Summary:

Guest: Dr. Marc Brackett, Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence
Episode Title: Marc Brackett: Why Understanding Your Feelings Will Change Your Life
Release Date: December 18, 2025

Main Theme / Purpose

In this engaging episode, Chrissy Teigen sits down with Dr. Marc Brackett to explore the transformative power of understanding and regulating our emotions. Drawing from his research, experience, and his books "Permission to Feel" and "Dealing with Feeling," Dr. Brackett delves into why emotions aren't problems to be suppressed but vital signals that inform us about our needs, values, and opportunities for growth. The conversation is packed with practical frameworks (like RULER and the Meta Moment), cultural observations, and personal anecdotes—offering listeners actionable tools for emotional intelligence and self-compassion.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “War on Feelings” in American Society

• Pushback in Schools (02:07): Dr. Brackett details how emotional intelligence education has faced resistance in U.S. schools, with some superintendents barring teachers from discussing feelings with students—even as evidence shows such skills are beneficial.
  • “We see pushback now. We see superintendents sending us emails saying, I'm sorry, Mark, but our teachers are prohibited from talking to kids about their feelings and even asking them how they feel.” — Dr. Marc Brackett [02:07]
• Importance of Naming Emotions: Chrissy shares her struggle to label her emotions, prompting Marc to stress the lifelong impact of emotional vocabulary and regulation.

2. The Science Behind Emotions as Data, Not Drama

• Emotions as Informational (06:45):
  • Emotions drive attention, decisions, relationships, health, and overall effectiveness.
  • They serve as “data,” signaling needs rather than being sources of disruption.
  • “Emotions drive our attention...they drive our decision making...our relationships...our mental and physical health...” — Dr. Marc Brackett [06:51]
• Poor Emotional Vocabulary: Most people have limited language for emotion, often defaulting to generic terms like "fine" or "stressed", which blocks effective coping and growth.

3. The RULER Framework for Emotional Intelligence

Marc introduces his five-skill model:

• Recognizing: Self and others’ emotions (via body language, thoughts, etc.)
• Understanding: The causes and consequences of emotions (i.e., anger vs. disappointment).
• Labeling: Using precise language (moving beyond ‘anxiety’ to ‘overwhelm’, ‘envy’, etc.).
• Expressing: Knowing how and when to express feelings in various contexts.
• Regulating: Strategies for managing both their own and others’ feelings.
  • “RULER is an acronym for the five skills of emotional intelligence…” — Dr. Marc Brackett [10:31]

4. Self-Regulation, Real Life, & the Meta Moment

• Personal Anecdote (Pandemic): Marc shares how even he—a global expert—struggled with emotional regulation during the pandemic lockdown, as his mother-in-law’s extended stay led to family tension.
  • “Are you really the director of the center for Emotional Intelligence?”...I just looked at him like, not tonight, honey, not tonight.” — Marc Brackett [13:37]
• Meta Moment Technique (34:02):
  • Pause, recognize the feeling, and activate your “best self” before responding.
  • “You take a breath and you say, no, Chrissy, you are creative, you are fun, you are present, you are loving. I promise you, you'll respond in a different way.” — Dr. Marc Brackett [35:34]

5. Cultural Nuances of Emotional Expression

• Chrissy discusses growing up in a multicultural home, underscoring how family history and cultural background impact emotional openness and stigma.
  • “Growing up in an Asian household...you were told never discuss anything else. It was heartbreaking for the family and a shame.” — Chrissy Teigen [15:44]
• Dr. Brackett insists on the importance of curiosity and adaptability to different emotional norms.

6. Practical Tips for Regulation

• Psychological Distancing: Using your own name in self-talk (“Mark, you’ve got this.”) helps neutralize emotional intensity. [17:14]
• Reappraisal: Reframing triggering scenarios with empathy and alternate explanations (e.g., “Maybe the rude driver is having a terrible day.”)
• On Rage Rooms: Dr. Brackett prefers healthy outlets (hiking, art, exercise) over simulated violence for processing anger.

7. Emotional Contagion & Compartmentalizing

• Emotions are “contagious,” especially in families—so becoming mindful before interacting with loved ones can prevent spreading negative moods.
  • “When you attribute your feeling to its real cause, it will no longer have that influence in the future, that's pretty powerful.” — Dr. Marc Brackett [22:43]

8. Permission to Feel—Uncle Marvin’s Legacy

• The “Uncle Marvin” concept: Having—even just one—emotionally receptive adult shapes life satisfaction and resilience. Research shows only 30-35% of people remember having such a person.
• The top three characteristics: non-judgment, good listening, and empathy—not intelligence or being a “fixer.”
  • “No one says smart, no one says problem solver...what we want in life is safety and trust.” — Dr. Marc Brackett [27:59]
• Dr. Brackett’s story of hearing from a 94-year-old man who thanked him for being “my Uncle Marvin” illustrates this concept’s power. [30:06]

9. Meta-Emotions: Feelings About Feelings

• Sometimes shame, embarrassment, or discomfort with happiness itself leads to suppression or confusion about underlying emotions.
  • “When I was a kid, I've been bullied a lot...I was embarrassed that I was afraid of the bullies. And so you see, you have feelings about feelings.” — Dr. Marc Brackett [37:00]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On emotional regulation as a skill:
  • “The quality of your life depends on how well you deal with your emotions. And here's the good news, it's a skill. You can learn it.” — Chrissy Teigen [00:49]
• Funny moment:
  • “Are you really the director of the center for Emotional Intelligence?”... ‘Not tonight, honey, not tonight.’” — Dr. Marc Brackett [13:37]
• On therapy vs prevention:
  • “My job is to put you out of business...teach kids the skills they need so that we have less anxiety, less depression, less loneliness.” — Dr. Marc Brackett [15:10]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 02:07 – School pushback on emotional learning
• 05:10 – Mislabeling emotions (“fine, good, meh”) and the importance of vocabulary
• 06:45 – Emotions as “data, not drama” – five reasons why emotions matter
• 10:31 – Introduction to the RULER framework
• 13:24 – Family story: Dr. Brackett on pandemic emotional blow-up
• 14:38 – The need for prevention over therapy
• 15:44 – Chrissy’s cultural upbringing and emotional expression
• 17:14 – Psychological distancing for anger management
• 19:22 – Chrissy’s road rage and Dr. Brackett’s practical advice
• 21:09 – Emotional contagion and compartmentalization
• 24:49 – Reframing mindsets: “There’s no such thing as a bad emotion”
• 27:47 – Traits of emotionally supportive adults and the “Uncle Marvin” effect
• 30:06 – 94-year-old reader thanks Dr. Brackett
• 34:02 – Deep dive into the Meta Moment process for responding as your best self
• 37:00 – Meta-emotions: feelings about your feelings

Practical Takeaways & Actionable Tools

• Use Emotion Vocabulary Apps: Tools like Dr. Brackett’s "How We Feel" app can help broaden your emotional language and awareness.
• Practice the Meta Moment: Pause, name your feeling, visualize your best self (using three adjectives), then respond as that person.
• Adopt Psychological Distancing: Refer to yourself by name during self-talk to lower emotional intensity.
• Be an “Uncle Marvin”: Aim to be a non-judgmental, empathetic listener in others’ lives.
• Prioritize Well-Being: Schedule regular time for walks, rest, or pleasure to support emotional health.

Closing

Dr. Marc Brackett’s work is rooted in the belief that everyone can develop greater emotional intelligence—with compassion for oneself and others, and by employing practical, evidence-based strategies. As Chrissy notes, these skills aren’t just for kids—they’re lifelong tools for every age, relationship, and context.

“When you learn to deal with feeling, you don’t just change your mood, you change your life.” — Chrissy Teigen [00:59]