Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen
RE-RELEASE: Dr. Becky Kennedy—Chrissy Gets the Most Important Parenting Advice You’ll Ever Need
Release Date: November 27, 2025
Host: Chrissy Teigen
Guest: Dr. Becky Kennedy
Episode Overview
In this compelling episode, Chrissy Teigen sits down with clinical psychologist and parenting expert Dr. Becky Kennedy (a.k.a. Dr. Becky) to unpack the real work of parenting: raising emotionally healthy children while healing and understanding ourselves. From managing tantrums and difficult behaviors to the essential act of "repair," the conversation weaves together personal stories, actionable advice, and deep reflection on what it means to truly see and support both our children and our own inner child.
The discussion hits on topics like shame, accountability, generational cycles, and the importance of validating children’s feelings—even when it’s uncomfortable. Dr. Becky shares memorable frameworks and specific, practical tools for parents, caregivers, and anyone interested in breaking intergenerational patterns.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
The "Good Inside" Philosophy (02:19–05:18)
- Dr. Becky challenges standard parenting techniques rooted in reward and punishment.
- She asks: “What adults need can’t be that different from what kids need.” (04:00)
- Her belief: All kids are born "good inside"—their difficult behaviors are a mismatch between strong feelings and lacking the skills to manage them.
“Kids are born with all the feelings and none of the skills to manage feelings. The gap between feelings and skills always explains bad behavior.” (04:24, Dr. Becky Kennedy)
Separating Identity from Behavior (06:37–08:05)
- Scenario: Chrissy shares about getting “the call” from school about her son hitting.
- Dr. Becky distinguishes a child’s identity ("good") from their behavior ("hard moment").
- This separation allows for curiosity and teamwork between parent and child.
“When you see the gap between identity and behavior, our brain naturally starts to want to problem solve.” (08:01, Dr. Becky Kennedy)
- Practical Tip: Approach your child as a teammate, not as the enemy.
Focusing on Safety & Connection (09:48–10:47)
- Building safety after "bad" behavior lays the groundwork for future trust.
- Long-term Impact: Kids will use body memories of safety or shame in higher-stakes moments as teens or adults.
“Their body will remember that when they're at a party and people are drinking and they're making a decision about, do I call my mom… does, like, it's just gonna end up making me feel worse?” (10:35, Dr. Becky Kennedy)
Shame and Accountability in Children (12:35–15:51)
- Chrissy notices her son struggles with taking accountability after conflict.
- Dr. Becky explains that shame—a fear of losing connection—is what often blocks accountability.
“Shame, like my definition of shame, right, is it's the fear of disconnection... I’m doing something...that makes me almost feel unlovable.” (12:58, Dr. Becky Kennedy)
- Forcing apologies can deepen shame; demonstrate or "find their apology voice" for them instead.
The Power of Mirroring (16:19–22:51)
- Chrissy describes growing up with emotional indifference and its life-long impact.
- Dr. Becky discusses how parents act as mirrors, helping children know their feelings are real.
“I talk about this idea... we are our kid's mirror in terms of forming their identity.” (17:06, Dr. Becky Kennedy)
- The absence of emotional validation can create lasting self-doubt and difficulty trusting one's own feelings.
Validation and Building Self-Trust (20:21–23:33)
- Validating feelings is not just about comfort—it’s about teaching confidence and decision-making.
“Confidence is self-trust. It's not feeling good about yourself, it's self trust.” (21:09, Dr. Becky Kennedy)
- This affects life decisions around relationships, sex, and safety into adulthood.
Breaking Generational Cycles (25:15–27:32)
- Chrissy shares her efforts to give her kids emotional validation she never received, even if it feels performative.
“The first act of cycle breaking has to do with your relationship with yourself.” (26:09, Dr. Becky Kennedy)
- Dr. Becky encourages parents to practice validation with themselves, not just their children.
The Real Meaning of “The Talk” (27:30–31:45)
- Sex education shouldn't be a one-time “talk” but an ongoing, safe series of conversations.
“The way you should start is by saying, it's the same thing here, if I sound awkward while I'm talking, it's because I'm the first person in my family to ever have this conversation.” (27:55, Dr. Becky Kennedy)
- Kids' curiosity is natural and early; the goal is to make your home the safest place for it.
Rethinking Lying (31:45–39:51)
- Dr. Becky reframes lying as an attachment-protecting action, not a moral failing.
“Kids lie to protect their relationship with us…as long as I don’t tell the truth…she will look at me like I am this kind of good, loving kid in the family.” (33:13, Dr. Becky Kennedy)
- Approach misbehavior as a skill gap—not a reason for harsh punishment.
- Use analogies from sports and work to normalize supportive guidance over punitive measures.
Repair & Accepting Imperfection (43:04–47:40)
- Chrissy explores guilt over not wanting her kids to look back and see her as a “bad parent.”
- Dr. Becky emphasizes that fault does not have to be assigned for every need that goes unmet.
“Two things can be equally true... my parents were truly doing the best they could... and I might not have gotten everything I needed.” (44:53, Dr. Becky Kennedy)
- The goal is to be a parent who is open to feedback and repair, not perfection.
Practical Toolkit: AVP—Acknowledge, Validate, Permit (48:10–51:49)
AVP Framework (with examples)
- Acknowledge: Notice and name what’s happening inside (e.g., “Hi racing heart,” “Hi desire to stay in bed”).
- Validate: Tell yourself “that makes sense” given the circumstances.
- Permit: Grant yourself permission to feel as you do.
- Apply this with your children by naming, validating, and permitting their feelings—even about “minor” things like missing a party:
“Ugh, that stinks. That makes sense you're upset. I'd be upset, too. It's okay to be upset about not being invited...” (51:30, Dr. Becky Kennedy)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote/Context | |-----------|----------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 04:24 | Dr. Becky | “Kids are born with all the feelings and none of the skills to manage feelings. The gap... explains behavior.” | | 08:01 | Dr. Becky | “I have a good kid. That Miles is the same good kid as he was before he hit...a good kid who had a hard moment.”| | 12:58 | Dr. Becky | “Shame…is the fear of disconnection. I’m doing something...that makes me almost feel unlovable to others.” | | 21:09 | Dr. Becky | “Confidence is self-trust. It’s not feeling good about yourself, it’s self trust.” | | 27:55 | Dr. Becky | “If I sound awkward while I’m talking, it’s because I’m the first person in my family to ever have this conversation.”| | 33:13 | Dr. Becky | “Kids lie to protect their relationship with us…” | | 44:53 | Dr. Becky | “Two things can be equally true for you and for everybody to say my parents were truly doing the best they could...and I might not have gotten everything I needed.”| | 51:30 | Dr. Becky | “Ugh, that stinks. That makes sense you’re upset. I’d be upset, too. It’s okay to be upset about not being invited…”|
Timestamps for Major Segments
- 02:19 – The “Good Inside” parenting philosophy explained
- 06:37 – How to approach your child after “bad” behavior and separate identity from behavior
- 12:35 – Shame, accountability, and how to help children take responsibility
- 16:19 – The lasting importance of emotional “mirroring” for children
- 20:21 – Self-doubt and validation: teaching kids (and ourselves) self-trust
- 25:15 – How to give your kids what you didn’t have growing up; cycle-breaking
- 27:30 – Navigating “the talk(s)” about bodies, sex, and more
- 31:45 – Understanding why kids lie and how to respond productively
- 43:04 – Repairing, accepting imperfection, and navigating guilt as a parent
- 48:23 – AVP: Acknowledge, Validate, Permit—the toolkit for parents and selves
Tone & Takeaways
The tone is warm, introspective, and highly practical, blending Chrissy’s honest, sometimes vulnerable storytelling with Dr. Becky’s inviting expertise and actionable tools. The episode demystifies everyday parenting challenges with wisdom and grace. At its heart, it is about compassion—for children and for oneself—as the foundation for both growth and connection.
Perfect for:
- Parents and caregivers of any age
- Adult children reflecting on their own upbringing
- Anyone seeking practical frameworks for emotional well-being and growth
Summary prepared for listeners of Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen – Episode: Dr. Becky Kennedy