Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen

Episode: RE-RELEASE: KC Davis—What To Do When Someone Can’t Love You The Way You Want Them To

Date: December 25, 2025
Guest: KC Davis, licensed therapist, bestselling author of Who Deserves You’s Love?

Overview

In this candid and heartfelt conversation, Chrissy Teigen welcomes therapist and author KC Davis to discuss the complexities of love, boundaries, and emotional safety. Together, they examine why relationships sometimes hurt, how childhood patterns influence adult connections, and the struggle between caring for others and caring for oneself. With a blend of personal storytelling and therapeutic insight, the episode offers listeners reassurance and a toolkit for healthy self-regulation and boundary-setting—especially when someone can’t love you the way you hope.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Challenging the “Deserving Love” Narrative

[01:38] KC Davis:

• The real question isn’t about whether someone “deserves” your love; it’s about whether the relationship is working for you right now.
• There is too much moralizing around relationship decisions (“Am I weak for staying? Does leaving make me strong?”).

  “Someone doesn’t have to be bad for you...they don’t have to be wrong for you to be wrong together.” — KC Davis [01:57]

• Evaluate if staying or leaving violates your own values, prioritizing your responsibility to yourself over external pressures.

The “Villain” Trap in Breakups

[03:23]

• People often feel compelled to paint their partner as “the bad guy” in order to justify leaving, which can lead to unnecessary conflict.

  “It’s almost like when you want to break up with somebody so you have to turn them into the bad person.” — Chrissy Teigen [03:23]

Misusing the Language of Narcissism

[03:40] KC Davis:

• “Narcissist” is overused, especially online, to describe exes or parents.

  “None of us have ever met somebody with true narcissistic personality disorder that didn’t develop that from deep trauma.” — KC Davis [03:50]

Hard Relationships vs. Unsafe Relationships

[04:08], [04:13] KC Davis:

• All relationships have “screw-ups,” but ongoing mistreatment (where hurts are not addressed) becomes emotional abuse when control, coercion, or degradation are present.

  “If someone’s throwing dishes at you, that’s not what we mean by relationships are hard.” — KC Davis [04:16]

Three Categories of Relationship Harms

• Screw-ups: Occasional, honest mistakes.
• Mistreatment: Patterns of hurt ignored or dismissed.
• Abuse: Mistreatment escalates to degradation, humiliation, coercion, or controlling behavior.

Childhood Dynamics Shaping Adult Relationships

[05:38]–[08:09]

• KC Davis and Chrissy Teigen recount how their relationships with their fathers and early experiences imprinted lasting beliefs about worthiness.
• Both reflect on seeking validation through being “chosen” or “liked,” not necessarily genuinely liking their partners.

  “Do I even know what it feels like to like someone? Or do I just know what it feels like to like being liked?” — KC Davis [07:25]
  “I pretty much just brought my toothbrush...and I live here now.” — Chrissy Teigen [07:34]

Recognizing Emotional Abuse in Everyday Relationships

[08:24] KC Davis:

• Emotional abuse is different from ordinary arguments; it’s when someone weaponizes your vulnerabilities against you.

  “It is not normal for you to fear that if you are vulnerable...your weaknesses will get weaponized later to harm you. That’s not psychological safety.” — KC Davis [08:24]

Family Responsibilities & Cultural Expectations

[10:19]–[12:39]

• Chrissy shares her experience of being criticized for placing her father in assisted living, balancing her joy in caring for her parents with cultural and familial expectations.

Boundaries: The Reality and the Grief

[14:12]–[21:41] KC Davis:

• Many confuse expressing needs (“I want you to be more present”) with setting effective boundaries.
• True boundaries are about maintaining one’s selfhood, even if the other person never changes.

  “A boundary is about understanding where I end and you begin.” — KC Davis [20:20]

• Sometimes, after honoring your responsibility to a parent or partner, what remains is accepting grief for what you can’t change.

Vulnerability and Public Perception

[25:10]–[26:30]

• Chrissy discusses the risk of public misperception when sharing family struggles, urging listeners (and the media) for grace in understanding the nuance of complicated relationships.

  “We haven’t had a falling out...I’m trying to fix this very complicated relationship that I think everybody has...” — Chrissy Teigen [25:48]

Memorable Quotes

• KC Davis:

  "We’re not only trying to decide is this relationship right for me, but...what does it mean about me if I stay?" [01:57]
  "Most people's reasons why they behave badly are sympathetic." [04:01]
  “When you admit mistakes and your partner uses them as ammo—that’s not safe.” [08:24]
  "If you could show up in that relationship and be exactly who you are authentically...you are being boundaried." [19:41]
  "A boundary is about understanding where I end and you begin." [20:20]
  "It’s not about fixing that heaviness, it’s about shifting your efforts from changing the other person to caring for yourself." [22:41]

• Chrissy Teigen:

  “I loved being on somebody’s arm and looking like a prize...I never really thought about whether I liked the people.” [06:29, 07:34]
  "I don’t think I’ll ever be able to change that." [29:16]
  “We haven’t had a falling out...I’m trying to fix this very complicated relationship...” [25:48]

Toolkit Segment – Practical Exercise: Emotional Self-Regulation

[30:51]–[37:32] KC Davis

Purpose:
To help recognize, de-escalate, and recover from emotional dysregulation, especially during conflicts.

Steps:

1. Recognize Your Triggers
   • Notice physical signs (tight chest, shallow breath, etc.) and feelings of urgency.

     “If we know that we have a sensitivity to feeling like we’re not good enough...identifying where and what in your body begins to tell you.” — KC Davis [31:06]

2. Stabilize Your Nervous System
   • Use “box breathing” (breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4).
   • Activate your vagus nerve:
     • Place something cold on your chest or neck
     • Hum or rock
     • Try mammalian dive reflex (cold water on the face)
   • Grounding: Name five things you can see, four things you can hear, etc.
   • Sensory distraction: Eat sour candy, hold something hot/cold.
3. Self-Soothing Mantras
   • Avoid unrealistic affirmations; instead, affirm what’s true:

     “This hurts. This really hurts.” [36:45]

   • Remind yourself: “Just because this feels urgent doesn’t mean it is.”

Closing Insights

• Ultimately, setting boundaries is not about changing others, but about maintaining honesty, accepting limitations, and respecting both self and others.
• Some grief may last, but focusing on self-compassion and realistic expectations brings relief and healing.
• Both Chrissy and KC model vulnerability, demonstrating that even those who seem put together are still working on complex, lifelong emotional challenges.

Notable Timestamps

• [01:38] — KC Davis reframes “Who Deserves Your Love?”
• [04:13] — Hard relationships vs. unsafe relationships
• [08:24] — What’s normal hard versus emotional abuse?
• [14:12] — Boundaries: What they are and aren’t
• [22:41] — Accepting grief, shifting efforts to self-care
• [30:51] — Emotional self-regulation toolkit

For anyone wrestling with giving, receiving, or redefining love—especially within complicated family ties—this episode offers a gentle, honest roadmap for honoring yourself, setting healthy boundaries, and finding compassion for your own needs.