Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen

Episode: Susan Cain: Why Being Quiet Might Be Your Superpower
Date: October 30, 2025
Host: Chrissy Teigen
Guest: Susan Cain (author of Quiet and Bittersweet)

Episode Overview

In this episode, Chrissy Teigen sits down with Susan Cain, the bestselling author and advocate for the power of introversion and quiet, to challenge the pervasive cultural bias toward extroversion. Together, they explore the value of living a quieter life, the strengths of introverts, how to navigate relationships between introverts and extroverts, and how personal satisfaction and creativity often emerge from stillness and sensitivity. The conversation provides actionable tools for embracing quiet and living in alignment with one’s temperament.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Pressure to Be Loud in a Noisy World

• Chrissy opens by reflecting on her own journey from enjoying the limelight to craving a slower, quieter, and more grounded life.
  • Quote:

    “We live in a culture that tells us we need to be loud to matter... I’ve learned how to perform, how to be funny… until it didn’t work. Because eventually all that noise… starts to drown out the quieter parts of ourselves.” (01:00) — Chrissy Teigen

2. The Nature of Quiet and How It’s Experienced

• Susan Cain discusses her lifelong awareness of preferring quiet over socially accepted forms of fun and explains that many people feel a disconnect between their true preferences and what’s valued by society.

  • “Most people who crave a quiet life have felt… that there was a difference between the way they wanted to spend their time and the way they felt was socially acceptable to spend their time.” (03:23) — Susan Cain

• The ‘ideal weekend’ exercise: Imagine a weekend free of obligations as a lens into your true self (04:00).

3. Introverts, Extroverts, and Ambiverts

• Susan describes the core differences:
  • Extroverts gain energy in social settings; introverts find them draining.
  • The term “ambivert” describes those in the middle.
  • Metaphor of the “inner battery” being charged or drained at a party.
  • “If you start paying attention...do I feel like I’m in a state of nervous system equilibrium?... It’s a completely different way to live once you do that.” (08:05)

4. Authentic Relationships Between Introverts and Extroverts

• It’s common and beneficial for introverts and extroverts to be drawn together in various relationships.
  • Success involves compromise and planning rather than trying to change the other.
  • “We all kind of know what we’re good at...and where we need somebody to ground us.” (10:21)

5. Changing Over Time: Are Our Temperaments Fixed?

• Susan notes we can develop new skills, but our “core frequency” stays. With age, people often seek more quiet.
  • “If anything, most people tend to become more introverted as they get older.” (13:13)

6. Cultural Scripting and “Main Character Energy”

• Modern culture overvalues being the center of attention.
  • Chrissy relates to being a “praise seeker” and discusses the discomfort of doing things for oneself instead of an audience.
  • “I want to get away from feeling bad about doing nothing. …hard to not do something that isn’t getting you praise.” (15:16)

7. Quiet as a Source of Strength

• Susan argues that introverts offer deep listening, focused creative energy, and conviction.
  • Example: Gandhi—shy and reserved, but a leader through conviction.
  • “There’s an incredible power that happens when you’re willing to live on that quiet frequency.” (19:40)

8. Rethinking Happiness and Emotional Life

• High sensitivity means feeling highs and lows more deeply—not just sorrow, but also awe and wonder.

  • “A highly sensitive person is going to see the beautiful sunset… that’s not a jumping for joy kind of euphoria. It’s a much quieter version…” (22:15)

• Allow oneself to be open to both joy and sorrow for a full experience of life.

  • “To be fully alive…and get a little closer to wisdom involves being open to all of that instead of closing ourselves off.” (23:54)

9. Transforming Pain and Embracing Bittersweetness

• Instead of escaping emotional pain, use it as “offering”—creative or otherwise.
  • “Whatever the emotional pain is that you can’t get rid of... turn that into your offering... this is something that human beings are primed and designed to do.” (24:28)
  • Example: Post-9/11 and pandemic trends in helping professions.

10. Redefining Success

• Quiet success = living on your own terms, not by cultural definitions of loudness, speed, or glamour.
  • Key theme is granting oneself “permission” to be as you are.
  • “So much of what I’m trying to do with a quiet life is give people the permission to live on the frequency that they feel that they’re meant for.” (27:22)

Memorable Quotes / Moments (with Timestamps)

• “Imagine that you have a weekend with no social obligations…how would you choose to spend it? The answer to that question tells you so much about what your true preferences are…” (03:00) — Susan Cain
• “I was always someone who hated public speaking… but now I have this new skill. If anything, most people tend to become more introverted as they get older.” (13:13) — Susan Cain
• “To be fully alive… involves being open to all of [the emotions] instead of closing ourselves off.” (23:54) — Susan Cain
• “Quiet success looks like doing things on your own terms… If you are quieter, more reflective, more cerebral by nature, then it looks like doing your work and living your life that way.” (27:09) — Susan Cain
• “I want to get away from feeling bad about doing nothing. Whatever nothing is. …I’m like a praise seeker.” (16:14) — Chrissy Teigen
• “The whole idea of dividing people into main characters over here and NPCs… disrupts some of the best of Judeo-Christian teachings that there is innate value equally in every human being.” (29:06) — Susan Cain

Practical Toolkit Segment

Timestamps: (30:26–37:02)

1. Track Your Emotional Rhythms

• Become aware of your natural emotional and energetic patterns throughout the day.
• Design your tasks around those rhythms (do creative work when you're most energized; handle admin when you’re not).
• “You want to really be designing your days so that you’re in that nervous system equilibrium as much as possible.” (33:52)

2. “Millionaire in Time” Exercise

• Prioritize time for what matters most—family, creative pursuits, causes.
• Use nostalgia and envy as clues: What did you love as a child? Who do you envy?
• “If you tune into who you were when you were little, you’re tuning into who you really are right now that you might have forgotten.” (36:02)

Notable Takeaways

• Embrace Your Frequency: Whether introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, cultivate a life and career that fits your temperament, not societal expectations.
• Honor Sensitivity: Highly sensitive people contribute creativity, empathy, and depth.
• Redefine Success: Fulfillment doesn’t require main-character energy or constant achievement—inner contentment is equally valid.
• Confront Pain Creatively: Integrate life’s sorrows into purposeful and generative actions, however small.
• Be Intentional: Observe and structure your daily life to honor your true energy and preferences.

Additional Resources

• A Quiet Life in Seven Steps (Audible Original by Susan Cain)
• Susan Cain’s bestselling books: Quiet, Bittersweet

End of Summary