We’re All Connected

Summary

Senseless with Erika Mahoney: "We’re All Connected"

In the poignant episode titled "We’re All Connected," released on July 1, 2025, Erika Mahoney delves deep into the aftermath of the tragic Boulder mass shooting. This episode weaves together personal narratives of loss, survival, and the unexpected connections that emerge from shared trauma, highlighting the resilience of the human spirit amidst unimaginable sorrow.

---

Introduction to the Tragedy

Erika sets the stage by recounting the fateful day of March 22, 2021, when an active shooter entered the King Soopers grocery store in Boulder. This heinous act resulted in the loss of ten lives, including Erika’s father. She emphasizes the tight-knit community atmosphere fostered by local grocery stores, where "Familiar faces, a friendly hello or nod. They create connection" ([00:30]).

---

Personal Stories of Loss and Survival

Logan Smith’s Heroism

Logan Smith, a 20-year-old employee at the Starbucks kiosk inside King Soopers, emerges as a central figure in the narrative. Prior to the shooting, Logan's interactions with Erika's father were a cherished part of his day.

"He just enjoyed life and he was happy to be here." ([01:44] Logan Smith)

On the day of the shooting, Logan's swift actions became lifesaving. Hearing gunshots, he initially mistook them for fireworks but quickly realized the gravity of the situation. Determined to protect his coworker, Helen, Logan bravely confronted the threat.

"This is real life. And I make sure Helen is safe." ([05:45] Logan Smith)

Olivia McKenzie’s Grief

Olivia McKenzie, daughter of victim Lynn Murray, shares her harrowing experience of losing her mother during the shooting. Living in isolation due to a broken leg, Olivia faced the devastating news that her mother was inside the store.

"I instantly knew I had no hope for her being alive." ([16:32] Olivia McKenzie)

Olivia’s journey through grief is marked by moments of disbelief and the painful "what ifs" that haunt survivors and families alike.

"I cannot feel her. I can't feel her at all." ([17:48] Olivia McKenzie)

---

Connecting Through Shared Pain

A Chance Meeting

A year after the shooting, fate brings Olivia and Logan together on a hillside overlooking South Boulder. Their shared experiences forge a deep bond, illustrating how tragedy can lead to profound connections.

"It's a really beautiful spot to just feel." ([14:45] Olivia McKenzie)

Their relationship blossoms as they navigate their grief together, finding solace and understanding in each other's company.

"Honestly, you never really can expect what's to come in life..." ([30:49] Logan Smith)

---

Healing and Moving Forward

Memorial and Reflection

Olivia reflects on the makeshift memorial that sprang up outside King Soopers, where community members gathered to honor the victims. The memorial became a symbol of collective mourning and remembrance.

"It was a shield... all the glass things were taped off." ([21:53] Olivia McKenzie)

Creative Healing

Engaging in creative projects becomes a therapeutic outlet for Olivia and Logan. They embark on photo shoots inspired by Olivia’s late mother, blending creativity with healing.

"I feel Lynn with us every time we go out into nature..." ([34:30] Logan Smith)

One notable project includes dressing up as astronauts for a sci-fi themed photo shoot, symbolizing their quest for normalcy and exploration of existential themes.

"I've been obsessed with space and everything that revolves around the universe..." ([33:04] Olivia McKenzie)

---

Unexpected Love Amidst Tragedy

Over three years after the shooting, Olivia and Logan’s bond deepens into a romantic relationship. Their connection is a testament to the beauty that can emerge from shared suffering and mutual support.

"That yes, I knew her mother and I met her because of this. And something beautiful blossomed from it..." ([31:17] Logan Smith)

Their relationship embodies the idea that even in the darkest times, love and understanding can flourish, providing a path toward healing and renewal.

---

Conclusion

Erika Mahoney masterfully intertwines the stories of loss, bravery, and unexpected love to illustrate the profound impact of the Boulder mass shooting on individuals and the community. Through Erika’s personal loss, Logan’s heroism, and Olivia’s journey of grief and connection, "We’re All Connected" underscores the resilience of the human spirit and the intricate web of relationships that sustain us in times of tragedy.

"We could all use an extra set of hands. That's where Duckbill comes in..." ([10:17] Erica Mahoney)

Ultimately, this episode of "Senseless" serves as a powerful reminder that in the wake of unspeakable loss, the connections we forge with others can provide the strength needed to move forward.

---

Notable Quotes:

• "I could tell that he just enjoyed life and he was happy to be here." — Logan Smith ([01:44])

• "I make sure Helen is safe." — Logan Smith ([05:45])

• "I cannot feel her. I can't feel her at all." — Olivia McKenzie ([17:48])

• "We’re all connected." — Implicit theme throughout the episode

• "We could all use an extra set of hands..." — Erika Mahoney ([10:17])

---

This comprehensive summary captures the essence of the "We’re All Connected" episode, highlighting the intertwined lives affected by the Boulder tragedy and the enduring human connections that arise from shared pain and healing.

Transcript

[Erica Mahoney]

Hey, I'm Erica Mahoney, host of Lemonada's hit podcast Senseless. I want to tell you about an app that's honestly been a game changer for me, Duckbill. Duckbill is like an executive assistant for your personal life, powered by AI and real humans who tackle your to do list so you don't have to because life is busy. So think of Duckbill like your personal task force that never gets tired, never procrastinates, and gives you a break. All you do is submit a task and they get on it fast. I've used Duckbill to manage my calendar, book doctor's appointments for my kids, order thoughtful gifts for my husband, and even plan my podcast, launch party venue and all. It helps me show up for the people I love and take better care of myself because time is power and everyone deserves extra help in reclaiming theirs. So if your plate is overflowing, pass a few things off to Duckbill. Life is short, so duck it. Use code senseless for 50% off your first two months at getduckbill.com that's getduckbill.com Lemonade this podcast relives an account of gun violence and the trauma that follows. Please take care when listening. Grocery stores have a way of making cities even the size of Boulder feel like a small town. Familiar faces, a friendly hello or nod. They create connection.

[Logan Smith]

Your dad, when I would serve him at Starbucks, he was the highlight of the day at times.

[Erica Mahoney]

That's Logan Smith. He worked at the Starbucks kiosk inside King Soopers. My dad, who always ordered one coffee for today and one for tomorrow, was one of his regulars.

[Logan Smith]

I could tell that he just enjoyed life and he was happy to be here.

[Erica Mahoney]

Logan was 20 years old when he worked there. On March 22, 2021, he got called in early, around 10am he didn't mind though, because he was on the schedule with one of his favorite coworkers, an older woman named Helen.

[Logan Smith]

So it was going to be like a 10 hour day. Got on the bus, got to work on time.

[Erica Mahoney]

As he walked into King Soopers, he had no idea that in just a few hours he'd be taking cover, hiding his co worker behind trash cans as an active shooter rampaged through the store. Because until then it was just an ordinary day.

[Logan Smith]

It was a calm and nice day. Like customers were nice. That was the whole vibe, I would say.

[Erica Mahoney]

Just before 2:30pm, Logan was making a drink when he heard something loud outside.

[Logan Smith]

I literally, I heard gunshots outside and like I'm in this zone of creating Another person's drink. While hearing this, subconsciously I knew it was gunshots, but at the same time I was like, maybe it's some kids, like fireworks. The alarms didn't trigger. And then it was a customer who very stoically ran up to me and was like, there's a shooting outside. There's a shooting outside. Call 911.

[Erica Mahoney]

Logan acts quickly. He rushes outside to see what's going on.

[Logan Smith]

And I see two individuals get shot in the back. And then I run back inside and it's pretty much like after that visual adrenaline, it's like an adrenaline shot, like sticking it in my leg. It was game on. The thing about it is like, you don't know how you're gonna react. You can't prepare. Being raised in a generation where school shooting drills and all of that was kind of put on us, that kind of helps. But I think just like intuitive ways that we were raised helped me as well with Native American values and all of that.

[Erica Mahoney]

In a split second, Logan decides to go back inside King Soopers and protect Helen.

[Logan Smith]

She was my grandmother in that moment and I was going to protect her and be with her and I was not going to let anything happen to her if it cost my life in the process.

[Erica Mahoney]

As Logan runs through the west side entrance, the shooter is running in through the east side.

[Logan Smith]

I kid you not. It's parallel. It's parallel. I see him running in like he's sprinting in, like literally. It's crazy because I run in, I see him running in. I grab the phone, I call 911.

[Erica Mahoney]

He uses the landline at the Starbucks kiosk to help emergency dispatchers trace the location.

[Olivia McKenzie]

911 Let the ATISCU emergency.

[Logan Smith]

Hi, I'm at the Tittle Mesa King's Coopers at Broadway in Tidal Mesa. I think a stray bullet flew past me because I hear the. And it's at that moment where I drop the phone. I drop the phone. The operator is still on the phone. You there?

[Erica Mahoney]

He's not there because as he sees a co worker get shot, he starts ushering customers and co workers to safety and then hides with Helen, who was frozen in place.

[Logan Smith]

This is real life. And I make sure Helen is safe. She's under the countertop behind trash cans, all of that.

[Sarah Contu]

So the first three people in the parking lot were gone before we got 911 calls.

[Erica Mahoney]

That's Sarah Contu, a detective with the Boulder Police Department's Major Crimes unit. Within half a minute, 23 year old Nevin Stanisich, my dad, who was 61 and 49 year old Trelona Barkowiak were killed.

[Sarah Contu]

We didn't get any 911 calls until he actually made it into the building. So that's a delay that happens.

[Erica Mahoney]

Sarah vividly remembers the moment she found out about the active shooter situation. She was across town sitting at her desk in the police department.

[Sarah Contu]

And I could hear feet slapping like shoes slapping on the floor. And I kept popping my head up and looking around and nobody was around. And then finally I caught somebody and it was dress shoes running across the room, like men's dress shoes on the carpeted floor running across the room. And I was like, is something going on? And they said, yeah, there's an active shooter. And so we geared up. There were four of us that geared up and got in one car and ran out to the scene. We ran hot in an unmarked vehicle and got there as soon as we could.

[Erica Mahoney]

Sarah says 911 callers reported one to three shooters, probably because the gunfire was so rapid.

[Sarah Contu]

The description was generally the same, specifically to a rifle of some kind. So I think an AK47 was what was named repeatedly and that he had a bulletproof vest on. But it was chaotic. People are running for their lives, they're traumatized by what they've seen and the information that's coming in is not 100% accurate.

[Erica Mahoney]

And that speaks to just kind of how fast the shooter was.

[Sarah Contu]

Yes. So the first three, the first three people were deceased in 33 seconds. The first eight were just. Were dead in 68 seconds. 68, 69 seconds.

[Erica Mahoney]

Inside the store, 25 year old Ricky Olds, 20 year old Denny Stong, 62 year old Lynn Murray, 51 year old Terry Leiker and 65 year old Jody Waters were murdered.

[Sarah Contu]

So that's a lot. And that's inside and outside. That's movement that's changing them. A magazine. There's a lot that happened. It happened very quickly.

[Erica Mahoney]

Boulder police officer Eric Talley was in the area. As soon as he heard active shooter over police radio, he sped to the store. Audio from his dash camera captures how focused and intent he was on getting there as quickly as possible, hollering out when other drivers cut him off.

[Olivia McKenzie]

Block me off.

[Erica Mahoney]

What are you doing? Officer Talley, a father of seven children who dreamed about becoming a police officer since he was a little boy, arrived on the scene with three colleagues. One went to the back of the store to evacuate shoppers and employees out an exit door. Talley and the other two officers rushed into the east side entrance to confront the shooter.

[Sarah Contu]

As Officer Talley took the one step, there was a tower of a display, and as he took the one step in front of that, he was immediately shot and killed. And he was shot twice and he was 51 years old.

[Erica Mahoney]

He was the 10th and final person killed. As more officers arrived and entered the store, a Boulder police officer was able to shoot the gunman in the leg, ending the massacre. The shooter finally surrendered, stripping down to just his underwear, presumably to show he was unarmed to save himself from being killed. As SWAT officers took the gunman into custody, other officers began to evacuate people hiding in the store. Among them was Logan Smith and his co worker Helen, who had been hiding under the countertop at the Starbucks kiosk the whole time.

[Logan Smith]

The longest 58 minutes of my life, but also, in a way, the shortest.

[Erica Mahoney]

Logan would end up knowing more than half of the 10 victims. Two of them were his best friends and co workers, Denny and Ricky. Others were regulars at the store, like my dad and Lynn Murray, who worked for Instacart.

[Logan Smith]

It brings up that question of why am I? What is my purpose? Like, why was I saved?

[Erica Mahoney]

As these questions swirled in his head, families of the victims like mine were just getting the news. I'm Erica Mahoney and this is Senseless, a podcast about moving forward after the unthinkable. Stay with us as a mom, wife, friend, and now a podcast host. Life is a lot. One minute I'm chasing the kids in the yard, the next I'm racing to the recording studio. It's not easy, and honestly, it's a little overwhelming. But I wouldn't trade this life for anything. And I know I'm not alone. I see you juggling all the things, looking composed on the outside while quietly unraveling inside. From birthday parties to doctor's appointments, dinner plans to back to back meetings, we could all use an extra set of hands. That's where Duckbill comes in. Duckbill is like an executive assistant for your personal life, powered by AI and real humans who tackle your to do list so you don't have to. Because life is busy, it's messy, it's complicated, and Duckbill makes it a little bit easier. All you do is submit a task and Duckbill gets on it fast. I've used Duckbill to stay on top of my calendar, schedule appointments, order thoughtful gifts, and even plan my podcast, launch party venue and all. Duckbill helps me show up for the people I love and take care of myself. So if your plate is too full, hand off a few things to Duck Bill. Life is short, so duck it. Use code senseless for 50% off your first two [e-mail] that's getduckbill.com as the weather warms up, I feel that familiar urge to refresh my closet, but I'm not wasting money on pieces I'll only wear once or for just one season. Quince changes that their clothes are timeless, breathable, and feel far more luxurious than anything else. At this price, Quinn's has everything I need for summer, like 100% European linen shorts and dresses from $30 Italian leather platform sandals, luxury swimsuits, and so much more. One of the best parts of summertime to me is swimming. After my dad died, I spent a lot of time in the water because it's healing. My kids love swimming too, and this summer we're spending a lot of time at the pool. I just got the softest towels from Quince and the cutest one piece swimsuit for my daughter in this adorable strawberry print, her favorite fruit. The suit was half the cost of similar brands, and the material is rated UPF 50 for sun protection against UVA and UVB rays. Best of all, Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. Give your summer closet an upgrade with Quince. Go to quince.comsenseless for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I N-E.com senseless to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com senseless are you looking for ways.

[Olivia McKenzie]

To make your everyday life happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative? I'm Gretchen Rubin, the number one bestselling author of the Happiness Project, bringing you fresh insights and practical solutions in the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast, my co host and Happiness this guinea pig is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. That's me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood.

[Erica Mahoney]

Join us as we explore ideas and.

[Olivia McKenzie]

Hacks about cultivating happiness and good habits. Check out Happier with Gretchen Rubin from Lemonada Media. I was not in a good place before this shooting. It's not like my life was so beautiful and perfect and this thing ruined it. It just kind of blew everything else up out of the way and nothing really mattered.

[Erica Mahoney]

This is Olivia McKenzie. She's the daughter of Lynn Murray, who was killed in a checkout aisle.

[Olivia McKenzie]

And I'm learning that there's really just no right way to go. But it's just I felt so bad that she had to run for her life in a grocery store. I Mean, I just. It just is so part of my friendship, like, effed up.

[Erica Mahoney]

Olivia and I are sitting on a hillside that overlooks South Boulder. We connected about a year after the shooting, and now she's one of my closest friends. This spot is a place she would always come after the shooting when she needed to cry or reflect. It's really beautiful.

[Olivia McKenzie]

It's beautiful up here, and it's so you can see so far, I think just that big expanse when your mind is kind of going crazy and you have all these really harsh emotions you're trying to process. This is just a really. For me, it's been a really good spot to just feel.

[Erica Mahoney]

Olivia's mom, Lynn, a retired magazine photo director, started working for Instacart during the pandemic, and she became a frequent shopper at King Soopers. Meanwhile, Olivia was living up in the mountains above Boulder in a small, rustic cabin. She was 24 years old, trying to figure out what she wanted to do with her life. And she was trying to heal after she broke her leg skiing.

[Olivia McKenzie]

So I was a little stir crazy up in this cabin in Nederland, and I couldn't leave it ever, really. I could only walk a couple steps. I had to have my father bring groceries to me. I would order them, and he would come bring them to me.

[Erica Mahoney]

Olivia hadn't seen her mom in quite a while because life was busy. But the day before the shooting, her mom showed up at her front door.

[Olivia McKenzie]

It was so good to see her. It was such a relief. I mean, it just brought so much. So much hope and, like, it was just so good to see her. And that was the last time I saw her, because then the next day was the shooting. And she just made me feel so much better about everything, as moms do. I mean, my mom. I mean, I know not everybody has had a great. I learned. I didn't think everybody had. You know, I didn't realize how lucky I was to have such a wonderful moment. She was wonderful.

[Erica Mahoney]

The very next day, on March 22, 2021, Olivia got a confusing text from her dad asking her to call him.

[Olivia McKenzie]

And he texted me, I'm Soopers, talking with the police. And I thought it had to do with something else. I had no idea what he was talking about. And then he asked me to call him. I was frustrated. And he answered, and he said, olivia, I'm at King Soopers and I'm talking with the police. There is an active shooter inside of the store. And apparently your mother is inside. And hearing those words, I was standing at the foot of the bed. I was looking out the window overlooking the mountains, and I was hearing, apparently your mother was inside. And I instantly felt like I felt my heart just sink to my stomach. And as soon as he said she was inside, I knew she was dead. I instantly knew I had no hope for her being alive. And then I started to cry, and I said, no, I just saw her yesterday.

[Erica Mahoney]

Olivia's dad told her to stay put because she wasn't supposed to drive with a broken leg. But Olivia couldn't wait.

[Olivia McKenzie]

It had just snowed, so the car was completely covered, and I just used my crutches to beat the crap out of my car, get the snow off, and booked it down the mountain. And I remember it was so sketchy. I had driven in a month, and it was so weird, you know, I got dressed thinking, like, what am I getting dressed for? Is she alive or is she not alive? What should I wear for this? It was like weird thoughts were going through my head and like, what if I see this? It was just so strange, the stream of thoughts that were even just getting dressed to get ready to go. Funny enough, it was kind of hindsight. I ended up staying in those clothes for, like, three days afterwards because I just could barely move after I was so frozen by this. And so I drove down around 4 o', clock, called my friends, and they were saying things like, you know, we don't know yet. Just try to feel her. And I remember saying, kind of screaming back, I cannot feel her. I can't feel her at all. So I don't know if that's because I'm in shock, but I couldn't get a sense of connection to her here, whatever that is.

[Erica Mahoney]

Olivia says the rest of the day was a traumatic waiting game. Hours later, when it became clear her mom was gone, Olivia's search for answers only intensified. That night, she drove to the store and walked up to the temporary metal fence that was put up around the crime scene. Peeking through the fence, she could see investigators collecting evidence from inside the store.

[Olivia McKenzie]

Somebody that was manning the gate said something to the effect that they're going to be taking the bodies out. And I remember Scott kind of screeching, thinking, they're still in there. And it wasn't registering. It was a little. It was trauma. I mean, it just was so eerie, this whole event, to just know that there was 10 bodies laying at the front of the store, and I'm, you know, maybe 4, 3 or 100ft away, and there's just a wall and I'm watching People through the broken glass and it's registering. They're taking pictures of them. And I was just like, what? And they. And he. I said, they're taking the bodies. And he said, yeah, 10 people died in there. And I wanted to scream at him. I know, I know, but what do you mean they're still in there? Like in my brain. I don't know what I thought. I thought like, they're gone. Like they're just. They're gone or they're somewhere else, but that's how crime scenes work. And. And then I watched the coroner's cars one by one drive out past me. So I kind of was like, kind of nice, honestly. Just. I mean, nice isn't really the word, but I'm glad I was there to stand there at the gate and almost like nod my head. Like every car that drove out with their bodies.

[Erica Mahoney]

Over the next few days, Olivia couldn't stay away from the store. The metal fence that surrounded the perimeter turned into a gigantic makeshift memorial. Someone put up 10 crosses. Visitors decorated them. And for 10 days in a row, a local college student who survived the shooting played his cello, filling the area with music.

[Olivia McKenzie]

My name is Louis Saxton and this is the opening of Bach's G major cello suite, the Prelude. I went there every night and I sat in front of her cross and to see things that people drew on her cross and just would add and little like they would put instacart things and somebody drew something of a camera, like photography. She was a photo director. And just the thoughtfulness and it really did help.

[Erica Mahoney]

I also went down and I stood in front of the memorial and it was just this like kaleidoscope of colors and flowers and candles and it was like overwhelming and it was. It was so beautiful in front of this. Just. Yeah, I mean, horrible, ugly, violent tragedy right behind it. And I felt like it was a shield.

[Olivia McKenzie]

It was a shield. I felt the same way too. Because truthfully, the store looked like it was post war zone. It was all broken up, all the glass things were taped off. My mom's car was in that lot store for a couple of days. The car stayed there.

[Erica Mahoney]

My dad's too. Yeah.

[Olivia McKenzie]

So I even thought about that. Like, even if she got to her car. I thought about that too. Even if she had made it out of the store, maybe she wouldn't have lived anyway because I mean, I don't know if you went down those rabbit holes of like if it was this moment or if he had done this or incessant. Yeah, it's like, you just replay it.

[Erica Mahoney]

You can't stop thinking about the what ifs, because it's, like, hard to grasp that in that exact second, your mom, my dad was there. Like, it's.

[Olivia McKenzie]

Yeah.

[Erica Mahoney]

I don't know why our brains do that, but I think the way I've come to understand why I was really stuck on that is trying to actually create a way out for my dad to live.

[Olivia McKenzie]

Yeah, right, Right. I think for me, too. And also that part of training, trying to make sense of the senseless, trying to understand it and some, I think, later on, later on, it's kind of bitten me in the butt a little. Just that I've wanted to know every detail of what happened. Thinking that I would try to. It would make a little bit more sense if I understood exactly what happened. Moment by moment, second by second. And they walked me through it. Now I know it, and you can't unknow it.

[Erica Mahoney]

About a month after the shooting, with the memorial still up and the store still closed, the Boulder County District Attorney's office arranged a walkthrough of King Soopers for store employees and victims. Family members. My family decided not to attend. The thought of stepping foot into the store, this place we knew like the back of our hands but had changed completely, was excruciating. None of us could handle any more things we couldn't unsee or unknow.

[Olivia McKenzie]

They explained it to us that other victims from other shootings had found it helpful to go and see exactly where their loved one had died. I went with my friend Hope. She came with me. And it was harder than I thought to go inside and to see it.

[Erica Mahoney]

Olivia says glass was everywhere, lights were hanging off the ceiling, and that you could see bullet holes in the aisle signs, a name tag. And Rose was placed at each spot where someone died. Her mom was killed in checkout, aisle number five.

[Olivia McKenzie]

And I just remember my heart starting to race as I got closer to hers. And I was really thankful to see that she wasn't alone. Out of all the names that I saw on the floor that day, spread out throughout the store, they were further away, but my mom was right next to Terri.

[Erica Mahoney]

Terri Leiker, who worked at King soopers for over 30 years. Olivia was relieved to know her mom didn't die alone. A moment of human connection. It's heartbreaking the things we become grateful for when the unthinkable happens. As Olivia and her friend Hope left the walkthrough, someone caught their eye.

[Olivia McKenzie]

When we were done at the store, we got back into the car and I saw in the rear view mirror this guy with pink hair walking into the building because the next group of people were the employees to do the walkthrough after the families and Hope pointed him out and said, that's Logan. Because we had seen him all over the news and he was one of the people in the store that had had hid his coworker behind the trash can and hid in Starbucks and was able to hide well enough that he wasn't killed.

[Erica Mahoney]

She's talking about Logan Smith, the young man we met at the beginning of this episode who worked at King Soopers and helped save his co worker.

[Olivia McKenzie]

I was really curious about at that point getting to know the people that were inside the store and what they saw and like if they saw my mom.

[Erica Mahoney]

Had Logan seen her mom? That's after the break. I'm Erica Mahoney and you're listening to Senseless. Tired of the same old political shouting matches and talking points. Looking for thoughtful conversations that go beyond the headlines and help you understand issues that matter. I'm Sarah.

[Sarah Contu]

And I'm Beth.

[Erica Mahoney]

Together we host Pantsuit Politics, a podcast where we bring grace, nuance and perspective to the news. Because democracy deserves more than hot takes.

[Olivia McKenzie]

Join us as we approach politics and.

[Erica Mahoney]

Current events with curiosity, empathy and a commitment to understanding the bigger picture. If you want to stay informed without the anxiety, we're the show for you. New episodes drop on Tuesdays and Fridays.

[Olivia McKenzie]

Subscribe to Pantsuit Politics wherever you get your podcast.

[Erica Mahoney]

After the walkthrough at King Soopers, Olivia decided to Google Logan. She came across his YouTube channel.

[Olivia McKenzie]

It was really silly and it was just like parody videos of him making food. And I had like a bunch of parody videos when I was younger and so I really thought that was so funny that this person and I felt connected to him. And so I reached out to him and I asked him to meet for coffee and I just instantly just felt so like at home and was so relaxed.

[Erica Mahoney]

It turns out that Logan did know her mom. In fact, Lynn Murray was one of his favorite customers. Logan used to work at the meat counter in King Soopers. Whenever he'd see Lynn approaching, he'd start preparing her order. She always got salmon for one of her instacart clients. They would chit chat and over time, Logan learned that she had a daughter and a son. Lynn would always tell Logan that her daughter Olivia would love him sitting in that coffee shop. The world around Olivia and Logan faded away. Olivia felt comfortable and connection for one of the first times since the shooting. They talked for, for Six hours.

[Olivia McKenzie]

And then we ended up just talking about life. And it was. We ended up talking about, you know, how we've been able to grow from this and how this has affected our lives and what our hopes and dreams were. We ended up having so much in common outside of this event. And I think I asked him something really silly and really basic, like what his zodiac sign was. And I. And he said he was an Aquarius. And I thought, man, I love Aquarians. My mom was an Aquarian. Those. I love myself an Aquarian. And so I just asked him what his birthday was, and he said it was January 30th. And my heart dropped. And I thought, that's my mom's birthday. And I felt like, oh, my gosh. Yeah.

[Erica Mahoney]

So I just got chills.

[Olivia McKenzie]

Yeah. So I just looked at him. I was like, so why are you here? I mean, what's. Obviously, this felt really. You couldn't make it up, so. And we were just instantly. Really could just connect and laugh. And I felt so at home so instantly, and. And I felt like. So just. Yeah. Just so held by that.

[Logan Smith]

Oh. The first time I saw Olivia, she. It was like an angel. Like, the church bells were ringing in my head. When getting to the coffee shop, she was already there, and I was looking around, and then I lock eyes and I see her in all black and everything. And there was. Like, my heart was warm. There was an aura similar to her mother.

[Erica Mahoney]

Fast forward. They ended up falling in love. On a warm spring evening about three years after the mass shooting, Olivia and Logan invite me over for dinner at their place.

[Olivia McKenzie]

What do you guys.

[Erica Mahoney]

What are you gonna make?

[Olivia McKenzie]

I'm gonna make a soup. I've just been really into soups. It's just so random. I've never liked them, but we made one the other night, and it just felt so good and so healthy.

[Erica Mahoney]

Do you guys usually cook together?

[Logan Smith]

Olivia does all the cooking, but yes.

[Olivia McKenzie]

You do pretty good, too. But we love to cook. That's another thing that's super from. You know, for my family, where I really feel them a lot is we were so into food growing up, and my mom was an amazing cook at.

[Erica Mahoney]

This point, they've been a couple on and off for the last two and a half years. As the soup cooks on the stove, we get comfy sitting in a circle on their living room floor. I can't stop thinking about the circumstances that connected the three of us. It began with heartbreak, but in that pain, people found each other, friendships formed, and even love blossomed.

[Logan Smith]

Honestly, you never really can Expect what's to come in life. I wouldn't imagine it, but just being open and like letting everything go and just seeing how it's flowed is one of the most beautiful things I've witnessed, experienced. And yeah, it's one of the beautiful things to come out of this throughout.

[Erica Mahoney]

Your guys relationship because there is this really, you know, traumatic event that brought you together. Like, how have you worked through that? What do you say to people when they ask, oh, how'd you guys meet?

[Logan Smith]

Yeah, definitely in the beginning was very difficult because of the perception that we were codependent. But as strength in each other grew and as we shut out the noise and just believed in each other, that we were gonna ride through life, it. I found it beautiful to stand in the power of how we met. That yes, I knew her mother and I met her because of this. And something beautiful blossomed from it because of just the understanding that we share and like the ideas and how life works and how we see the world is very uniting. And that's. That's where we grew and developed from, is our equal view. Not because of the shooting. It started because of something bad, but it hasn't developed because of it. It developed because of us.

[Erica Mahoney]

Olivia and Logan love cooking and traveling and photography. They go and do these creative photo shoots. One time, Olivia posed in a spacesuit at the Great Sand Dunes national park in Southern Colorado. She called the character Space Girl because she felt like an alien after the shooting.

[Olivia McKenzie]

I've personally just been obsessed with space and everything that has to revolve around the universe and our existentialism and all of that. So also I've just kind of felt like an alien on Earth because of this event and for so many other reasons. But I just had this vision one day to go dress up as an astronaut and hike the sand dunes. And I thought it looked like a really cool background to do kind of a sci fi themed photo shoot. And I told Logan I really wanted to go shoot this and he's great for. Thank you for just like going along with my crazy ideas and plans and just bring your camera and hiking up the sand dunes with me in this crazy astronaut outfit. But because the idea behind that, what I wanted to explore a little bit more and hopefully would Earth in the current state that it is, with mass shootings, with everything that it is, like if you came here, what would you, you know, what would you think of this place? Was kind of that idea. And I think about these things a lot.

[Erica Mahoney]

Whenever they're out doing these photo shoots, they feel close to Olivia's mom, who used to work as a magazine photo director.

[Olivia McKenzie]

She was just so fun and so creative and she you brought these flowers and she would go pick flowers and make flower crowns and she would paint palm trees and she would just come up with photo shoots for us as kids and would throw us into some of her photo shoots when she had assignments in Miami. And she just was so much fun in that way. So I really feel her so much when we do fun things like that.

[Logan Smith]

I definitely feel Lynn with us every time we go out into nature and go have the purpose of doing a photo shoot or like this creative project. It's just that feeling that she's with us and enjoying it and proud of us and proud of you and who you have become. So. And I can hear a sarcastic laugh up in the sky.

[Erica Mahoney]

Although Olivia and Logan are no longer a couple, they do believe Lynn brought them together through that connection. They helped each other heal as they moved forward in their grief and trauma. I'm Erica Mahoney and this is Senseless. Next time on Senseless.

[Olivia McKenzie]

There we go.

[Erica Mahoney]

Navigating life and death, grief and joy. When we're carrying really heavy grief, it sometimes begins to feel like we're splitting ourselves in half, facing the pain to begin moving forward. Senseless is written and reported by me, Erica Mahoney. I'm your host and executive producer. Christa Almanzan is our senior producer and executive editor. Original music, sound design and mastering by Hannis Brown. Audio editing and sound mixing by Jeremiah Edding. This podcast was made possible by support from Community Foundation Boulder county and the Boulder County Arts Alliance. The episode was recorded at Coop Studios in Boulder, Colorado. And special special thanks to my Kickstarter supporters. Executive producers for Lemonada Media are Jessica Cordova Kramer and Stephanie wittleswax. Thanks so much for listening. You can follow Senseless wherever you get your podcasts or listen ad free on Amazon Music with your prime membership. If you haven't yet, now is a great time to subscribe to Lemonada Premium. You'll get exclusive content from Senseless, where we take a deeper dive into the web of pain caused by gun violence through extended conversations and fresh interviews. Just hit the subscribe button on Apple Podcasts. Or for all other podcast apps, head to lemonadapremium.com that's lemonadapremium.com and coming up in the third premium episode, the web of pain left behind by mass shootings also forms new connections.

[Olivia McKenzie]

You know, we have a saying that I wish we never met because of this, but I too, am very happy that you and your mother are in my life. And I treasure you both and I treasure the friendships that are made through this. But it's a horrible way to say.

[Erica Mahoney]

How did you meet? Yeah. A conversation with Sandy Phillips, who lost her 24 year old daughter in the Aurora, Colorado movie theater shooting in 2012. Her daughter Jessie, happened to be one of my mom's college students. Sandy and her husband went on to create Survivors Empowered, a nonprofit organization that supports gun violence survivors. That exclusive episode of Senseless is available now with Lemonada Premium. See you next time.