James Austin Johnson

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Senses Working Overtime with David Cross" featuring James Austin Johnson

Episode Information:

• Title: Senses Working Overtime with David Cross
• Host: David Cross
• Guest: James Austin Johnson
• Release Date: February 20, 2025

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Introduction

In this engaging episode of Senses Working Overtime with David Cross, host David Cross welcomes comedian and actor James Austin Johnson. The conversation delves into a variety of topics, ranging from personal experiences in the entertainment industry to deep discussions on religion, parenting, and the creative process.

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Personal Background and Early Life

David Cross and James Austin Johnson begin by sharing snippets of their upbringing and early life experiences. James recounts moving to New York during his formative years and navigating environments dominated by artistic communities.

James Austin Johnson [03:38]: "We were just the only couple under 75 and everyone was a billionaire... the immediate assumption is, wow, a healthy young woman is like a baby for..."

David contrasts this with his own experiences growing up in Atlanta, expressing concerns about cities like Nashville and Austin losing their unique character as they grow.

David Cross [04:14]: "There is a point where you get too big. Stop building. You're losing your soul, you're losing your character."

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Transition to Comedy and the Entertainment Industry

The discussion shifts to their careers in comedy. James shares his journey to joining Saturday Night Live (SNL), highlighting the challenges of balancing work and personal life, especially during his wife's pregnancy.

James Austin Johnson [09:26]: "I have no time other than the time I spend all of my comedy time goes to the show and then all of my rest of my time goes to sleeping and trying to put my personal imprint on my son in some way."

David provides insights into the rigorous demands of touring as a comedian, emphasizing the relentless travel schedules and the impact on personal well-being.

David Cross [19:07]: "It's a show that really works like that... it's the only show that really works like that."

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Discussions on Religion and Personal Beliefs

A significant portion of the conversation delves into the role of religion in their lives. James reflects on his upbringing in a religious environment and his current stance as an atheist.

James Austin Johnson [31:08]: "I have to do so much work to go from abject rejection and bitterness... to being a kind adult who, like, tries to give everybody the rope to do things the way that they want to do."

David challenges the negative impacts of religion, particularly its influence on mental health and personal freedoms.

David Cross [38:28]: "I think religion is uniquely positioned to torment people's inner lives in a way that nothing else is."

The dialogue explores the complexities of reconciling personal beliefs with familial and societal expectations.

James Austin Johnson [35:27]: "It's a very sweet story."

David Cross [33:08]: "Misquoting Jesus... it's just the history of the Bible, which is if you just know that you're like. You would completely question literally everything."

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Parenting and Family Life

Both hosts discuss the challenges of parenting while managing demanding careers. James shares strategies for fostering a love of reading in his children, inspired by his late grandfather.

James Austin Johnson [46:49]: "I'm trying to just engage with books in a different way because I feel like for years I was just reading things and forgetting them immediately."

David humorously touches upon the trials of parenthood, including dealing with unpleasant situations and teaching children practical lessons.

David Cross [75:05]: "I don't have any weed. I'm not gonna whore myself out. I can give you some Bible verses."

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Creative Process and Writing

The conversation ventures into their creative processes. James discusses writing sketches for SNL, emphasizing the blend of personal experiences and observational humor.

James Austin Johnson [61:33]: "It's like the parents that are annoying, not the kids. The kids are great. The parents are..."

David shares his passion for literature, mentioning favorite books and authors that have influenced his comedic style.

David Cross [49:20]: "Hunger by Newt Hampson, which is maybe the best of all."

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Memorable Moments and Anecdotes

Throughout the episode, both hosts recount humorous and memorable anecdotes from their careers and personal lives. From dealing with challenging audience interactions to navigating the complexities of live performances, their stories provide a candid look into the life of a comedian.

James Austin Johnson [70:47]: "I shot him in the face. Yeah. He's attacking me. And I don't regret it."

David Cross [77:49]: "I have a blow-up bouncy castle miniature...".

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Conclusion

As the episode wraps up, David and James reflect on the importance of maintaining authenticity in their personal and professional lives. They highlight the value of continuous learning, whether through reading, engaging with diverse communities, or embracing new creative endeavors.

James Austin Johnson [78:22]: "I was just trying to do a great God, you idiot. You dolt. Take it up with the big man."

David Cross [80:14]: "Let's go back into a long digression about religion."

---

Notable Quotes

• James Austin Johnson [09:26]: "I have no time other than the time I spend all of my comedy time goes to the show and then all of my rest of my time goes to sleeping and trying to put my personal imprint on my son in some way."

• David Cross [38:28]: "I think religion is uniquely positioned to torment people's inner lives in a way that nothing else is."

• James Austin Johnson [46:49]: "I'm trying to just engage with books in a different way because I feel like for years I was just reading things and forgetting them immediately."

• David Cross [49:20]: "Hunger by Newt Hampson, which is maybe the best of all."

---

Final Thoughts

This episode of Senses Working Overtime with David Cross offers a rich tapestry of conversations that intertwine personal narratives with broader societal themes. Listeners gain insight into the lives of two comedians striving to balance career ambitions with personal growth and family responsibilities. The candid and humorous exchange makes it a compelling listen for both fans and newcomers alike.

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Note: This summary excludes advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections as per the episode's structure, focusing solely on the substantive discussions between David Cross and James Austin Johnson.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[B]

Tune in every Monday at 8.7central on.

[A]

ABC and stream on Hulu for new episodes of the Bachelor. You have your choice. Would you like the red chair or the red chair?

[B]

Okay. Yeah, I feel like that's. I feel like you're the stuff wall. No, no. Am I the stuff wall? So that you can see your book and be reminded of it and be reminded of.

[A]

I'll sit wherever. I don't. I just allow. Sure.

[B]

You have a. You have a beverage and that table's closer. Okay, let's do that. Let's do it that way.

[A]

Let's do it.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Thank you for coming in.

[B]

Thank you for having me.

[A]

This is it for incredible for me to buzz.

[B]

Okay, one more.

[A]

Oh, just take the. Take the box. Take the whole box.

[B]

Excrete the whole time.

[A]

Well, look, I've. I'm getting over a cold that has been around lingering for a long time. So you will not be the first to either sneeze or cough or blow your nose during this. Oops.

[B]

Do you put these on or.

[A]

No, not.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

I mean, you can if you'd like.

[B]

Oh, I don't need.

[A]

If it's a fashion thing, you know.

[B]

It'S a fashion thing.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, how long you been in fourth grade? Or.

[B]

Let's see, we moved there at the start of my second season because we were living near Juilliard over in like Lincoln square area, like 66, then Riverside.

[A]

Too many theater kids. It's annoying the kids.

[B]

I mean, it looked. It looked like a cool place to be, like in middle school, high school age.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

LaGuardia was over there and there's like.

[A]

The arts for the magnet school over.

[B]

There and it seems like a. Seems like a decent area, but we were just the only couple under 75 and everyone was a billionaire and like, you know, the 100% nothing against surrogacy in any way. I think life is beautiful, but right on. My. My. My wife and her friend were in a park and her friend was pregnant. You know, they're women in their 30s and a woman said, who are you carrying for? And I was like, oh, we're just not in the economic class to be in this neighborhood. That the immediate assumption is, wow. A healthy young woman is. That's like a baby for.

[A]

It's like a bad investment. Funny, but kind of spot on. New Yorker cartoon.

[B]

It is a New Yorker cartoon.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And you don't want to be in one of those. Turns out you don't want to be in one of those.

[A]

Who are you caring for? That's crazy.

[B]

Yeah, that's like, what a weird. I don't think it's. I mean, it's not weird for that neighborhood. We were the weird people. Right. It's kind of like when.

[A]

Sure. For the neighborhood, but it. That neighborhood is weird for the rest of humanity. Coming from globally, it's weird.

[B]

Coming from Tennessee, that's like an incredibly weird.

[A]

You from Tennessee?

[B]

I'm from Nashville, Tennessee.

[A]

Oh, right on.

[B]

And you're from Georgia, right?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Hell yeah.

[A]

I was just in Nashville and I. I don't know, a couple months ago probably, but I've been going to Nashville off and on for decades. And I said, listen, as somebody who grew up in Atlanta, heed my words. There is a point where you get too big. Stop building. You're losing your soul, you're losing your character. I feel that way about Nashville. It's. Yeah, it's gotten too big and it's lost something. I feel that way about Austin. I feel that way about Atlanta.

[B]

It's just obliterated. It's weird.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, Boston, weird thing. It. That. That was a thing people were saying in the like late 90s, right. They were like worried about Austin losing its.

[A]

I think that even before that. But yeah. Oh, Austin gone. Yeah, I know.

[B]

Fully gone.

[A]

Well, Nashville is, I think has reached the tipping point.

[B]

It might not be fun, but I will say that, like, it seems like everybody that's moving to Nashville is moving to Franklin. And so it's. It's sort of like it's going to reach a point where. Sort of like la. Where like la. LA is.

[A]

I mean, the spread.

[B]

I think so. Where it's like people.

[A]

Friends who just moved to Franklin.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Fairly recently. Yeah.

[B]

I mean that's like the Orange County Nashville. It's like nobody's actually moving to the cool part. Everybody is helping build this fortress city. This. It's like. It's like.

[A]

And it's got those kind of mixed use things that I hate, like the gulch, you know, and it's all these kind of.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like corporate chain live and work and play. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And electric and Atlanta has a bunch of that. And it's just. And Nashville is, you know, now has a couple of those. And it's just like. It's just weird. It's just like. Yeah, it's sort of like Dumbo is here a little bit. Like, everything in there is air quote cool, but it's all a corporate thing. Like blue bottle coffee. You know, on the surface you're like, oh, cool. A new. It's a chain with a bunch of things, and it's not that cool.

[B]

And it's not that cool.

[A]

And it's unique or interesting.

[B]

It's really expensive.

[A]

Very, very expensive.

[B]

But you can get coffee in the style of probably what you could get for like 79 cents from somebody's aunt in New Orleans.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's what they're. That's what they have Chipotle fied right into an $11 coffee. I don't know. Yeah, the. The whole. It's all steel, stainless steel everywhere. The. Even to be at the point where, like, Chipotle used to look like its own restaurant and now it just. They've all contorted McDonald's. They've all contorted into the same, like dark brown leather, stainless steel. Like, unwelcoming corporate lobby environment. Like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The whole time you're waiting for an elevator, right.

[A]

You're expecting, you know, somebody to ask if they can help you with your luggage.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Can I get.

[A]

Yeah, this is a. You are on a non smoking floor. All right.

[B]

Okay, cool. Oh, man. Yeah. You watching Severance man? You watch that show?

[A]

Oh, fuck yeah. I love it. Love it, love it, love it.

[B]

Incredibly relatable show when we're talking about these kinds of, like, spaces where it's like, how do we just remove all of the, like, human personality from any common space?

[A]

Are you. No, I'm not caught up. I think I've watched the first three episodes of season two.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So what are they for now? Or five might have just. I don't. I don't fucking know.

[B]

I can't.

[A]

I can't watch the story.

[B]

But I'm loving it.

[A]

Oh, God, it's great. It's great.

[B]

I don't remember anything that happened, but I'm having a great time watching.

[A]

I went out of my Way to. And there was something I was going to do, but that on paper was better. But I didn't do it so that I could go a couple days early to a screening of the first episode of season two.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I went to one of those. I went to.

[A]

Were you at the one with.

[B]

I was there, yeah. Did we miss each other there?

[A]

I guess so. It was tiny, tiny room.

[B]

I was in a corner down in Tribeca.

[A]

Somewhere down in Tribeca.

[B]

I was there with my wife because we were so psyched. I say yes anytime someone invites me to anything. Oh, I. I feel so flattered and I try to go.

[A]

You, you shouldn't.

[B]

I know it.

[A]

It. I know you'll. You know, you'll learn fairly quickly. Like, oh, this isn't.

[B]

I'm so desperately want to be cool that I say yes to.

[A]

Well, that doesn't mean absolutely everything. How does that make you cool?

[B]

That someone invited me.

[A]

But someone is like, it's an email server that. From the publicist server.

[B]

I know, but I'm in this. I have a three year old and like.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

You know, just the one. Just one three year old and.

[A]

Oh, so you want to get out of the house.

[B]

I want to get out of the house a little bit. And I'm also on Saturday Night Live and that is what.

[A]

So you have no time.

[B]

I have no time other than the time I spend. All of my comedy time goes to the show and then all of my rest of my time goes to sleeping and trying to put my personal imprint on my son in some way.

[A]

Oh, three is. So it's about to get fun. You put in a lot of work.

[B]

And it's been pretty fun.

[A]

The fun is going to start.

[B]

I mean, my wife is putting in the lion's share of the work. I mean, she is like, I'm working and she's at home.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so this is. This is what we're doing right now because we. We got pregnant like mere months before all this show business started happening in my life.

[A]

So, like, were you in Tennessee at the time?

[B]

We were in L. A for 10 years. But what part of LA mostly Highland Park.

[A]

Oh, I love Highland Park.

[B]

I love Highland Park.

[A]

Yeah, I like that.

[B]

We had such a great time in Highland Park. And Highland park kind of felt like the.

[A]

Don't say it. Do not say it.

[B]

Felt like the fun part of living in Nashville in my 20s.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Highland Park. I associated kind of with the cool part of Nashville.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's like East Nashville.

[A]

I got you. Yeah.

[B]

You hang out in East Nashville, when.

[A]

I go to Dino's.

[B]

Yeah, Dino's.

[A]

Fucking love Dino's.

[B]

And Dino's. That was one of those things that got like corporatized a little bit, but they kept it this. Mostly the same. I feel like it's.

[A]

I only know it as like in the last couple years.

[B]

I mean, the food is amazing.

[A]

And it's not just the food. It's like the whole vibe and energy is pretty cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The fact that you can go to this dive bar that's a legit dive bar with kind of, you know, everybody from the arts community or whatever.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they just so happen to have a great cheeseburger grill.

[B]

They have a great, like, nasty grill.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like. And like, where you can taste the grill on anything that you're eating. You can taste the. That's the nastiness. In a good way. Yeah, that. Anyway, so like, we lived in. We lived mostly in Highland Park. I lived in East Hollywood for a couple years, like Vermont and Santa Monica. That was. That was a beautiful journey, you know, got to know the girls on the street.

[A]

A lot of mental illness.

[B]

Yeah. You always see some guy just fully bleeding. Yeah, I would always see some guy just like in a dress and scrub.

[A]

East Hollywood promise.

[B]

And a sombrero just like sliced up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Fresh from some sort of Indiana Jones esque escape, you know, from a rolling boulder.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he's the mayor. David Winchell's Donuts. When a Winchell's loses its franchise due to quality and becomes a Michelle's, where they have to just flip the. Flip the W over. That's a beautiful thing.

[A]

It's smart. It's just.

[B]

Y'all couldn't stay a Winchell's.

[A]

Yeah. There's. I don't know if you noticed this, and I mean, bring this up, but this building that we're in currently at this moment in time, has an F rating.

[B]

I saw that coming.

[A]

Yeah. Saw that big old F. And I don't think I've seen an F ever on something that wasn't boarded up or, you know, had police tape across it. And the. I want to say the efficiency rating was a 28. Is that correct, Chris?

[B]

I've never noticed this.

[A]

It's on the fucking window. When you walk in by the door.

[B]

There'S a big F. It's an alarming. That's an alarming letter. F. That's not what you want to see.

[A]

How poorly designed? Do you have to. It's.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, you have windows. I've seen windows. So that's not it. There's a roof, right? The plumbing isn't dripping or anything. What is it about that we can't see, can't experience, that gives this building an F for failure?

[B]

I wonder if it's like if there was one modernization that they did to this building that this building just gave up.

[A]

You know what it is? It's the microwave. Fucked everything up.

[B]

I think it could be. Or all this fucking neon everywhere. These head gum signs everywhere. I mean, cool branding.

[A]

It's this office, it's the headcount.

[B]

These people. It's these people. You know, it's like if you try to teach. Like trying to teach a grandparent how to send an email, it's just going to like, you don't want to kill them, right? Like, you might kill them.

[A]

Baby steps.

[B]

Baby steps. Yeah. I don't know. We. We. What was I saying earlier?

[A]

I think I was saying East Hollywood guy bleeding.

[B]

Guy bleeding. Well, I was saying he's the mayor.

[A]

It's about inflection.

[B]

Yeah, of course. Yeah. This all happened really rapidly and my wife was just sort of like, I think we were gonna be equal parents in la because I was gonna go to two commercial auditions a week.

[A]

And what's your wife due?

[B]

She was in school to be a counselor. She's like putting a pause in school just to be a mom. And she might return to the psych world at some point, but, yeah, she's not, like, in the business.

[A]

Not an entertainer or a writer, but understands the lifestyle. I think I shouldn't say life, you know, understands the rigors, the demands of the.

[B]

I have. I've just forced that upon her. I think she's just. We were. She. We were like each other's first relationship, like when we were like 21, and then broke up for years and then got back together after growing up a little bit. And so I think that kind of.

[A]

Sounds like it's potentially a sweet story.

[B]

It's a very sweet story. It is. Can you see my face? Yep, I can see your face better now.

[A]

Yeah, I moved my.

[B]

This is the first time I've ever.

[A]

I just shaved while we were doing this. I shaved.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It doesn't look good. You shaved this part?

[A]

Yes. I went. I went bald.

[B]

You looked like Gavin Newsome. You had the flowing.

[A]

Yeah, I did, yeah.

[B]

I've never met you before. This is very exciting to meet you on this podcast.

[A]

You know what? I'm glad you said that because. Because I can't tell you how many times, including a really embarrassing One where I've said to somebody during the podcast, I mean, I'm talking at least 10 times, we're like, well, this is great. I'm excited to meet you. And they're like, oh, we actually met at whatever. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, we talked for a little bit. Oh, I'm sorry. And then I had James acaster on 45 minutes into the podcast, and I said something to the effect of like, you know, it's cool to meet you, and da, da, da. He's like, oh, we've met before. It's like, oh, okay. When he's like, you did my podcast, brother. Like, oh, I'm. So. Then I remembered instantly when he was like, you know, the two British guys came over and talked about food. I was like, oh, yeah, I remember that.

[B]

What if I told you right now that I am James Acaster doing an American accent and wearing silly glasses?

[A]

I'd say that's spot on, man. You. You nailed it.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is that. He doesn't.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Well, thank you, sir. He doesn't have a deep, sonorous voice, right?

[A]

No, he doesn't.

[B]

No, he doesn't.

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

He did a really cool. He did a. I know. It's a.

[B]

It's.

[A]

I think it's on Netflix. I'm not sure. He did a special where. And he's not this kind of comic at all, but he did a special where he said it's okay to heckle. And he. Not necessarily encouraging it, but you can heckle. And I'm just gonna. Yeah, address it. It's not like. What do you call it? Crowd work. It's not like these TikTok things. It's. It's just literally, he is trying to get through his set, and he said that's what would happen in the uk. He would tour and people. And, you know, you. Have you been to the UK or don't stay. I did.

[B]

I did a little tour a couple summers ago where I got my first taste of performing in the uk. I must have had just really sweet people because I didn't have to deal with a whole lot of.

[A]

But sometimes you don't. And I would say with UK audiences, you know, the highs are higher and the lows are lower. You know what I mean? Like, if. If people don't like you, they really let you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And if people like you, they really let you know. So for the most part, I mean, 90%, I've had great experiences over there, but I've also had terrible ones. And.

[B]

Yeah. Do you Go regularly. Do you go fairly often?

[A]

I mean, when I tour, yeah. I'll be there in April. I was touring for a while, stopped down for a little bit, and then I'm doing this show on Broadway right now, and then I go to Canada. I do a bunch of dates in Canada, and then I have, like a week off, and then I do Europe for a month.

[B]

That's gonna be fun.

[A]

It will be. I'm so used to the shitty traveling part, but you know what I mean? Like here in the States, it's. It's.

[B]

That's the job. Right? I think once. Once I sort of had a little bit of like a burst of recognition, name recognition or something, and I started getting offers for, like, headlines, which had never happened in my 15 years of doing comedy. I was really surprised very quickly to learn that, like, oh, being a comedian is just the traveling.

[A]

Oh, it's a show Anthony Jeselnik has a great line about. He goes, I consider you. You're paying me to travel. I do this. It's fun. I love it. But you're paying me for the shitty travel thing. And I get that. I mean, it's. Yeah, it can be brutal, the traveling aspect of it, but in. You have the same kind of thing in Europe, but it's like, oh, I'm going from Brussels to Koln to. To. To Cologne to Amsterdam, you know, or whatever. And it's like, it makes it more. It's. It would be the same thing as going, I have to go from Bozeman, Montana, to Missoula to Fargo to, you know, Dunkirk or whatever.

[B]

I hope weird, like, European, like. Like math, rock bands or whatever. I hope, like, weird musicians who come and tour in America and who've never been, are having a fun time crossing Idaho. I hope it's interesting.

[A]

I. I imagine we stopped at loves.

[B]

Have you been to Love's Cafe? They have a laser pointer there. And we also bought Bluetooth gloves.

[A]

I tried to deal pickle chips. Delicious Pringle.

[B]

Did you have a delicious Pringles?

[A]

I. I did when I was a kid. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But so fun. It is fun, I guess, if it's your first time and you're here in this country. Yes. Oh, love it.

[B]

It's so dirty and Christian.

[A]

It is dirty and Christian. Yeah.

[B]

So dirty.

[A]

America, really?

[B]

And people are so nice and fit.

[A]

I wouldn't say fit. Where are they fit?

[B]

No, they fat.

[A]

Oh, fat, yeah. Yeah. I thought you said fit. No, they're fat.

[B]

So fat.

[A]

So fat. Yeah. We have a. We're a very fat country. Yeah. Sir, have you been on your travels? Been to BUC EE's.

[B]

Ah, BUC EE's.

[A]

That is the squirrel. Beaver.

[B]

The Christian squirrel who has all the nuts.

[A]

It's a Christian beaver, but yeah.

[B]

Yes. And you buy a T shirt that says, this bitch runs on Jesus and red wine and Bucky's coffee.

[A]

This bitch runs.

[B]

This bitch runs on the Bible and Jesus, I love you. I love your white Jesus. He's so strong.

[A]

You have to trademark that. This bitch runs on Jesus and put it. Just get. Get a bunch. Put them. Get like 20 printed up and then just put them on. Sneak them onto the this Bitch runs.

[B]

On Jesus and Gilmore Girls reruns.

[A]

Oh, it's a gay. It's the gay bitch. Oh, I thought it was like, the guy or. It's a woman on, like, you know, they have the things where they're on the back of the motorcycle.

[B]

Yeah. You can read this.

[A]

Yeah. Then the bitch fell off.

[B]

The fell off. She's watching Gilmore Girls.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And reading the New Testament.

[A]

This runs on Jesus. Oh, I love. I love stuff that has that, like, has. Makes you think, like, what? Wait, what?

[B]

Ass, gas, grass, Christ or Gilmore Girls. Nobody rides for free.

[A]

Yeah, I don't. I'm so sorry. I desperately need to get to the clinic, but I can't pay for. I have no money. I don't have any weed. I'm not gonna whore myself out. I can give you some Bible verses.

[B]

I have black coffee and I have a copy of the Purpose Driven Life. That's the environment that I grew up in. I was about to say hardcore conservative Christianity, Southeast. And you grew up in something similar to that?

[A]

Yeah, very much Baptist. It was very my.

[B]

Did you go to Baptist church or just. Everyone was Baptist around you?

[A]

Because everyone was Baptist around me. I grew up Jewish and raised.

[B]

Raised Jewish religiously, Right.

[A]

Yeah. And. And got bar mitzvahed and all that shit. And. But then, you know, I bet that.

[B]

Was really interesting in the Southeast. Well, moving on.

[A]

It wasn't fun. It was James. I was othered. Yeah, I was othered.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And also I looked the part. I had like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wild Jufro hair. Larry David on Fridays, kind of. Yeah. But no balding yet.

[B]

But he didn't. Yeah, that's right.

[A]

He had a little bit, but more like just. It was like naturally wavy and not. Not curly. You know what I mean? But just. And. And we had no money, so I'd like big thick glasses with tape around them, because if they broke, there's no money to get new glasses. So. Just. I mean, the dorky had terrible teeth.

[B]

I had bad teeth too.

[A]

Do you? Yeah, yeah. British.

[B]

Huge. But now those aren't bad. I had the. I had like really janky little kid teeth.

[A]

Oh my.

[B]

Is what I got made fun of.

[A]

For my My dad had terrible, like comically bad teeth. I had what do you call it? Bridge. And. And I just got that British DNA. So my teeth are just awful. And we were on Medicare and I do not know this. I can't for a fact. It was just a gut reaction when I was like, I don't know, 10, 11 whenever I got braces. And I really had a strong sense that my orthodontist was anti Semitic and just did not like me for no reason other than that's the vibe I got as a little kid. Okay, you sign up for something and then forget about it. After the trial period ends, then you're charged month after month after month. The subscriptions are there, but you're not using them. In fact, I just learned that 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused each month. I'm sure I have dozens. But thanks to Rocket Money, now you can see all your subscriptions in one place and cancel the ones you're not using anymore. And then you're saving more money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. See all of your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. For ones you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them. Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts. Easily create a personalized budget with custom categories to help keep your spending on track. Are you spending a lot of money on clam chowder? Make that a category. See how your clam chowder expenses are going. Rocket Money can help. See your monthly spending trends in each category to know exactly where your money is going. Get alerts if bills increase in price, there's unusual spending activity, or if you're close to going over budget. Let's say you've allotted, I don't know, $180 for clam chowder for the month. This way you can track and see how much money you're spending on chowder. Are you spending too much money but you still want chowder? Get some cheaper chowder. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you, especially with clam chowder. They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save. Then you can ask them to negotiate for you. They'll deal with customer service so you don't have to. And I don't know how many times I've had to deal with some just like Automaton on the other end when I'm trying to get clam chowder. It's ridiculous. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com SenseToday that's RocketMoney.com senses RocketMoney.com senses you say you learn a new language every year, but few of us actually commit to it. Babbel makes it easy for you to learn one in less time than you think. Do you plan your vacation locations based on you say that three times fast on the local language. With Babbel, language no longer has to be the barrier. This year, speak like a whole new you with Babbel, the language learning app that gets you talking. Learning a new language is the pathway to discovering new cultures. So why not embark on learning something new? Babbel's quick 10 minute lessons, handcrafted by over 200 language experts, get you to begin speaking your new language in three weeks or whatever pace you choose. And because conversing is the key to really understanding each other in new languages, Babbel is designed using practical real world conversations. Where's the poo room? You can learn that in over 40 different languages. Spending months with private teachers is the old way of learning languages. And nothing screams tourist like holding a phone translation app to your face all day. Babbel's tips and tools are inspired by the real life stuff you actually need when communicating. Like, where's the poo room? With a focus on conversation, you'll be ready to talk wherever you go. Let's get more of you talking in a new language. Babbel is gifting our listeners 60% off six zero 60% off subscriptions at babbel.com senses get up to 60% off at babbel.com senses spelled B A B-B-E-L.com census babel.com senses rules and restrictions may apply.

[B]

Did you do anything that he suggested? His bias.

[A]

I mean, he had an iron cross tattooed on his cheek.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, he was like cracker bolts on his forehead. He. He just. I don't know. He. He didn't he just didn't care for me or my mom. And my mom was, you know, like the nicest. And we, and you know, we, we, as I said, we looked the part and we were in an area of the country back then where there weren't a whole lot of Jewish people. And I don't know, it was. I can't. It's a terrible thing to accuse somebody of that, you know, might. That might not be the case. It was just the vibe I got.

[B]

And I think you'd know, wouldn't you? I mean, if you're you, you would know, like bone deep, you'd know it.

[A]

Was a. Yeah, but even, even when you're young, it's just like, you know, and you're still starting to. You're still processing and, and starting to figure out that, oh, grown ups and authority figures aren't all that I was told they were when I was five, six, seven, you know, like, oh, some of these people are dumb, shitty, mean. You know what I mean?

[B]

Oh, sure. I'm reading my son the Mr. Rogers books, like the books that were written in like 1989 by Fred Rogers. And so much of the content of it is like, you can talk to any grownup around you because grownups have your best interests at heart. So you can trust a grown. If you're lost in the forest, ask the grown up how to get back to your mom.

[A]

What are you doing lost in the forest?

[B]

Running from a pedophile who stole you from a Kmart.

[A]

Exactly. And they've got bigger issues.

[B]

Exactly. Yeah. I don't know. This is a thing I've been thinking about lately with all the flurry of Christian nationalist legislation coming out is how much I was told as a kid that Christians are being targeted by a campaign of hate. And I'm like, we're literally being told this, like at Chick Fil A, like.

[A]

Not on a Sunday.

[B]

Like, not. It wasn't on a Sunday. I was being told this. But it's like, okay, we're literally in a. We're literally in a Christian themed chicken restaurant that is highly successful, that is jam packed with people. I don't really feel like I'm one of the nation's last Christians.

[A]

Well, it's such an obvious huddling in.

[B]

A basement somewhere as gunshots ring out.

[A]

And are your parents religious or still religious?

[B]

Still very religious. And I really respect it for my family members. I have had to do so much work to go from abject rejection and bitterness and just full on rejection of where I came from. Mentally, to being a kind adult who, like, tries to give everybody.

[A]

Well, that's good. Good for you.

[B]

The rope to. To. To do. Do things the way that they want to do. And I fully respect it for people who get a lot of value out of it. I think it. I think it took meeting. I think it probably for me, for my indie ass. I think it took meeting some, like, intellectuals that talk about it in a way that doesn't just drive me nuts. So I. I can see the.

[A]

Where did you have that turn? Where did that occur?

[B]

I had some great. I don't know, probably in all my writing workshops and, like, my literary stuff in, like, high school, college. I. I think I always knew I wanted to be an actor and a comedian, but when I got into, like, the books world and stuff, and I started wanting to be a little bit more. Wanting to expect more of myself than just being, like, a person who liked Conan or whatever.

[A]

Well, that's why we got to ban books. There is a legit reason to ban books so that people don't discover for themselves the hypocrisy and impracticality of pursuing.

[B]

Comedy as an art form.

[A]

No. Of Christianity.

[B]

Of Christianity.

[A]

American. Christina.

[B]

Oh, man. It's a thing I feel really conflicted about because it is my programming. It's how I understand the world. And to let go of the religious lifestyle that you were raised with is maybe the most impossible thing to try to achieve. I think it's. For me, it's been really difficult to fully remove it at the times that I have tried to fully remove it. So now I'm trying to.

[A]

Yes. You're cognizant of all that stuff. Stuff. Then perhaps you don't have to fully remove it because you're able to go. To compartmentalize it, as it were.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That. This is. This part of me. This is why I think this way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was. I mean, take the negative connotation out away from indoctrination and just. It is what it is. That's why I think these things. The. The. I. I can tell you that most of my family think the way they do because that's how they were brought up. Yeah. And that those are the things they were taught to believe. And, you know, when. When there's good morality, good ethics involved, Great. But sometimes there isn't.

[B]

Well, you just see. Sometimes you see it in others, and it. Maybe that. That's the part that. That bugs me the most, is that it's like, oh, man, I have tried to leave this and tried to Organize my. My goals and my morality in a kind of different way from what I was raised. But then you see a family member who's super Christian or something, and you realize that both of your boats are pointed in the same direction. You're like, well, I can't be mad at you because we're both just trying to be good fathers and good workers the best way we know how. What does it really matter to get in some sort of doctrinal spat, Some kind of theological. That's just, I think, going to a Christian university where I started learning all of the nitty gritty of the theology of the.

[A]

You went to a Christian university?

[B]

I did.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yes. Trivak and Azarian University and learning again. Triveca, Nazarene University.

[A]

What is Trevecca?

[B]

Trevecca, I think.

[A]

Is that a place?

[B]

It's a Welsh word. I think it was like the name of some Welsh theologians.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Estate or something like that. But so I went there. My whole family went there. My grandpa was president of it in the 70s. It's like. It's like a. It's the story of my family is that college. And so I think when I went there and I actually kind of learned what the theology was behind all the stuff I'd been taught all my life, that both gave me a lot more respect for it and also made me realize, like, what. What of it I didn't want to engage with anymore.

[A]

Well, I'm going to suggest a book that you may or may not be aware of, written by a theologian who got all the way up to the point. And I believe he was like. He graduated with honors and was on his way through a monastery. And from what he learned in his research, the research that they gave him to do, he, over time, did a complete 180, and he has several books. And the. The one I'm going to recommend is Misquoting Jesus.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you know it? No, but he's a Doctor of Theology. His name is Chris. Would you look this up? Bart Elman, I believe I want to get this right because it's a great, fascinating book and it's a little bit of his story.

[B]

But mostly there's some album reviews.

[A]

Yeah, he's life hacks. There's 40 life hacks in there.

[B]

There's Life hacks. It's Bart Ehrman.

[A]

Ehrman.

[B]

Bart Ehrman.

[A]

Misquoting Jesus.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And it's just the history of the Bible, which is if you just know that you're like. You would completely question literally everything.

[B]

Well, the questioning is the good thing. And it's the step of enrichment of your faith that a lot of people skip. It's like, I feel like a lot of the.

[A]

Hence the word faith.

[B]

Yeah. You know, I mean. Yeah, you need to have a critical eye on it, and you also just need to, like, meaningfully engage with it. I think, like, that's. This is sort of what I talk about, having respect for it. Like, I definitely had my youthful bitterness toward it because of the constraints it put on my artistic goals for myself. Of like.

[A]

But does it anger you that other. Other potentially creative, wonderful lives were either completely quashed or people commit suicide because of those values that other people have? Yeah.

[B]

I mean, if it wasn't. If it wasn't that religion, it'd be something else. It'd be. It'd be overwork or.

[A]

Oh, I. I disagree.

[B]

So.

[A]

I highly disagree.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I think. You think that the people that committed suicide over generations, you know, let's say, I don't know, 500, let's say, over the last 500 years.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And forget the people who are slaughtered because of their non. Beliefs. Because we're not talking about that. We're talking about the constrictions that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And not just Christianity, you know, Islam and Judaism and any cults or whatever, that they restrict these things. And people, either because of shame or because they didn't feel like they were ostracized or didn't feel like they were a good enough person or even that they were evil and killed themselves. I don't think those people would have killed themselves because work was hard. I don't think that it's a predisposition to killing yourself. It's just that it took religion to do that.

[B]

You think religion is uniquely positioned to torment people's inner lives in a way that. Nothing.

[A]

I know it. Not that I think. Yeah, yeah, I know that's a lot of cases.

[B]

Right. To. To measure it against, but I mean, there is like. There's like, the suicide forest in Japan where, like, people who, you know, they have such a culture of overwork that people just walk into the forest and die. You know, it's that people just die on the job out there.

[A]

Okay, so. So let's remove Japanese people.

[B]

Maybe. I'm talking. Sure. Oh, I was just trying to give an example of, like.

[A]

I know, I understand. There are other ways. There are other reasons people kill themselves.

[B]

Maybe capitalism is also like. That's a. You could look at that as a pseudo religious system that destroys lives, you know.

[A]

Absolutely. I mean, I've always been. I just, I scratch my head. It's just a crazy thing to me. Perhaps it's because I grew up poor, I know how to be poor. But the idea that during the Great Depression and in the recession, I remember this happening reading a number of news stories of people lost everything and they killed themselves and what a crazy awful reason to kill yourself because you're not rich anymore is a strange well shatters your world.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Well, okay, but move on, you know, like figure, find the joy in.

[B]

Okay, so you, so I think what you're saying is that there is a, that that existing outside of religious system gives you a richer sort of framework of self improvement and self, self enrichment than.

[A]

I wouldn't say self improvement. I mean it's potentially good. But I think that religion, all religion actually the ones that I know of, can offer self improvement, but there are rules that can restrict people in horrible crippling ways. I think you can have self improvement through religion. Sure.

[B]

Yeah. I know it really works for a lot of people. I mean there's the, I think the age group that I'm in in comedy, I know people who are either starting families or doing 12 step programs and, or both.

[A]

And how old are you?

[B]

35.

[A]

Okay. So young. You're still young.

[B]

I mean it doesn't feel young. I had a kidney stone last year that felt like innocence lost in a big way. Like, okay, so now just shit stops working.

[A]

Man, I've heard awful things about that.

[B]

It was miserable. Oh God, it was miserable. I had to cancel a live reading of Attack of the Clones.

[A]

Oh, that sounds the worst.

[B]

That was the worst.

[A]

Are you sci fi nerd?

[B]

I like Star wars in like a fun way. Not in a I'm a Nazi way.

[A]

Right. The Patton Oswalt way.

[B]

In the small way. Was Patton Oswald tweeting terrible things at Kelly Marie Tran and Rian Johnson and everybody who made the Last Jedi.

[A]

Was he Leo? I don't know. I, I, I'm not on Twitter.

[B]

Wars is for the Nazis. Now the, the has the worst fan fandom at least of the.

[A]

But Patton makes fun of that. I mean Patton makes fun of. He's, he's of it, but he also is, you know, man, I, I don't.

[B]

Know to, I, I guess I'm a little bit nerdy, but I just kind of, I'm, I get really passionate about stuff for like a 10 year span and then I seem like to, to, to graduate to something else. I think right now I'm in a.

[A]

Well, that's healthy at least I think so.

[B]

I mean, I'll always like Star Wars. I just like goofy aliens that say, did you.

[A]

Were you into the Battlestar Galactica reboot?

[B]

No.

[A]

What?

[B]

Didn't really get into that.

[A]

Get the fuck out of here. I'm serious.

[B]

Get out.

[A]

Get the fuck out of here. All right, See you, man. Nice to meet you, Chris. What the. You gotta screen these guests better.

[B]

This room's too small.

[A]

This room's too small to do a bit where I exit.

[B]

There's nowhere to go. It just missed me, I think. I tried to watch it in college.

[A]

Maybe, and it was great. I loved it.

[B]

Couldn't hook in. But there's like a sexy lady. Sexy lady robot. That's part of it.

[A]

That's very important to the modern sci fi canon. Yes.

[B]

You gotta have a sexy lady in there.

[A]

Sexy lady robot.

[B]

I really liked the. I actually really liked the Disney Star wars evolution a lot.

[A]

I haven't. I don't know. I saw the first three, you know, I saw Star wars and then Empire Strikes Back, but. Love, both of them.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Saw. What's the last one?

[B]

Return of the.

[A]

Return of the Jedi. Wasn't that into that with the.

[B]

With the little guy.

[A]

The furballs verbals were in there called the weed box. I wasn't that into that one, but. And then I haven't seen anything.

[B]

And then you didn't see the prequels with Liam Neeson and Guy who Looks like the devil and Ewan McGregor, who's.

[A]

The guy who looks like the devil.

[B]

Darth Maul. Hello.

[A]

Oh, yes, I know. Yeah, I know. The figurines. I'm aware of the figurines.

[B]

I mean, religion really did a number on Darth Maul. That guy. These could have.

[A]

He could have been awesome.

[B]

These sith. I mean, that's. Oh, God. I think it's like. Okay, so I come from one of those families where nobody likes alien aliens in anything like the kind of.

[A]

I'm sorry to interrupt. How many brothers and sisters?

[B]

I have two older brothers.

[A]

Two older brothers. Mom and dad still together?

[B]

Mom and dad still together.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Lovely people, all of them. Lovely people.

[A]

Your extended family? They're all around Tennessee.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, it was.

[A]

And you're what generation?

[B]

No, everybody's kind of moved away, I think. My. My brothers are one brother in Georgia, near where you grew up, and one brother in Maryland. And they're all. Every. Everybody's. Everybody's the best. It's never been better, frankly. It's never been better. Like our relationships as men, you got.

[A]

Nieces and nephews and that bunch of nieces and nephews.

[B]

I recently just got done bribing everyone to read a book. All of the nieces and nephews, Everybody got promised $50 if they finished the book and zoomed with me.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's awesome.

[B]

So I'm trying to.

[A]

What's the book?

[B]

Oh, I bought everybody a different book for Christmas. Every family. Every member of my family.

[A]

James, that's awesome. I love that idea. I think that's great.

[B]

Well, thank you. I'm like. I just. I love reading. And my grandpa, who just died did this to me, like, tried to get me reading always, like, buy me books and ask me to read them, and I wouldn't. And, you know, I maybe did it once. I did it with, like, Old man in the Sea or something like that.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

And talk to him about it. So I'm trying to create a love of reading with all my new students.

[A]

That's great. Good for you. I applaud that.

[B]

And I did it with all the adults, too. I bought everybody a book I've read before. And I said, if you read this, then we can talk about it this year.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

Maybe you'll read this Kazuo Ishiguro, and we'll talk about it this year.

[A]

That's awesome. I hope they take you up on your offer.

[B]

Well, a couple of the kids have already done it, so I'm broke. But it's because you didn't expect them all. I don't know. It's.

[A]

Man, I think that's great. I applaud that, and I hope people are listening or watching. Take that to heart and do the same. It's a really cool thing.

[B]

I think you just gotta. I don't know. You gotta. I'm trying to just, like, engage with books in a different way because I feel like for years I was just reading things and forgetting them immediately. So now I'm giving myself, like, little assignments. Like, I just finished a Michael Chabon essays collection yesterday morning, and I made myself, like, write about it in a.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

And I went back through and flipped, and I was like, oh, yeah, this part I need to write.

[A]

You know who else would do that?

[B]

Who?

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

Jesus?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Jesus was really into the nonfiction of famous novelist Michael Chabon.

[A]

Right? Yes. I mean, adjacent. Yeah, yeah, that's. That's great. I'll tell you one oddly positive thing about reading and then. And then not remembering, not retaining a lot of it is. And I'm being serious here, is you can go back and reread books, you know you loved. And 80% of it is new again, even though you kind of know where it ends and know where it goes. But as you're reading the. And I just. I went on this. I think I'm. I'm assuming it's because I'm older now and, you know, getting towards the other side. And I just had. Went on this run of rereading books that I loved that I hadn't read in a while.

[B]

I'm kind of doing that too, lately.

[A]

But I've forgot. I'm telling you, 80% of these books that I know I loved.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they were all great. I'm so glad I reread them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it felt almost fresh.

[B]

Is there a. Is there a particular one that's jumping out where you're.

[A]

Like, all the ones that I went on. So I read Masters of Atlantis, which I've probably read five times.

[B]

That's sitting on my shelf.

[A]

There's my Tet.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Masters of Atlantis.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The Third Policeman.

[B]

I got that sitting on my shelf.

[A]

What did I read after that? Oh, Independent people.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

That Icelandic author. It's great. It's great. And Hunger by Newt Hampson, which is maybe the best of all. And those are all strong books.

[B]

Never heard of that book.

[A]

Oh, it's great.

[B]

Is it.

[A]

It's so good.

[B]

Is it in the. Is it in the, like, abstract, comical universe of the first two that I recognize? Or is it.

[A]

No, it is. It's the. It's first person. A guy in Oslo in the turn of the 20th century. So it's. I think it's around World War I ish. But. And he is a writer and he just doesn't have any money. And it's literally. It's just a matter of days. And he's trying to get food, he's trying to eat. And the. And it's really. You know, he becomes a little mad and insane, you know, like. And. And he's not a good guy. He's not. He's not a shitty guy. But he's not a good. He's not as good as he thinks he is.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And. Because he has a little bit of that kind of bitter jealousy, you know, And I'm a writer, and I, you know, feels entitled. And it's just his, you know, it's like a week in his life where. And it's. But it's great. It's really good.

[B]

Oh, God. All right, well, I'm going to add that to the list. I'm on a reading thing right now, because between the parenting, which is an experience I've never had before, and doing comedy in such a specific and breakneck way, like we do on the show, which I grew up watching SNL all the time as a kid, but there's really no way of understanding what it's like to work there until you are like, brutal couple years.

[A]

It's psychologically, it's a physically grueling and psychologically, it's.

[B]

It's. It's like, it's. It's an all consuming kind of way of working that is totally unique to the art form. It's the only show that really works like that. And so I just felt my brain slipping away, like, because especially the. The first year. Okay. Like when I got the show. And I say this a lot on podcasts, so I'm sorry if you are hearing this story too many times, listener, but my wife was like six months pregnant when I got the show and we had to move in 10 days. And it all happened very rapidly and we never. We were like on vacation in Nashville at the time. We never went back to our apartment in LA that we had been nesting and preparing for the baby in. And so it was.

[A]

So how did. Physically, how did that work?

[B]

I tried to be an equal parent and equal in the baby labor for the. For my second half of my first season. So I just never slept. I. Yeah. Would get home at 3am and then I would take over the, like.

[A]

I.

[B]

Would take over the like maybe like an hour or two of hanging out with the baby.

[A]

Yeah. And feeding. I don't know what the feeding schedule is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Three months. But.

[B]

Yeah. And then. And then she would wake up. I think I did. She would go to sleep usually at 9. So I would have the 9 to 3am like, responsibility and just all night because they're waking up and going to sleep over and over.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I just went fucking crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was going crazy.

[A]

Sounds rough.

[B]

I don't remember a thing about the show at that time. I had a great first season for any new cast member. I mean, they. They had me as Biden opening up the season on my first episode. They had a tremendous amount of trust in me and I mostly met it, I think, and I was proud of myself for that. But, like, as soon as the baby arrived, my brain just melted.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I spent the whole summer kind of.

[A]

Did they have any empathy?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For. Yeah. Okay.

[B]

I mean, they. Yeah. They helped us find. Find a place to live. They helped us find a obgyn and told us which hospitals were good and everybody. It's a. It is thriving community. I think the fact that I come from such a. Like, when I describe it to other people, it sounds culty. But when I come from such a crazy religious environment, like, everything is built around a church. I feel like the amount of how used to religious environments I am in my brain has made it very. A smooth transition.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because it is like, it's a high school. It's a comedy scene. It's a TV show. It feels a little bit like a religious institution.

[A]

It has a de facto leader.

[B]

It's a monarchy. It's a democratic republic. It's an artistic collective. It's like every. There's a million books about it if you want to read about it and.

[A]

Say the name of the show again.

[B]

The show is Mad tv.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Airing on Fox.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So check it out. It's the 50th anniversary of Saturday Night Live.

[A]

What can I look forward to on this Mad TV of yours?

[B]

It's actually. I just remembered. It's called Saturday Night live. It's the 50th anniversary of Saturday Night Live. 50 hours in the special. We're gonna have a 50th anniversary special that is 50 hours long.

[A]

Wait, how does that work?

[B]

There's gonna be 50 hour long sketches. There's 50 hosts.

[A]

I love that idea.

[B]

All 50 SNL cast members will be there.

[A]

All 50?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think there's more than 50.

[B]

And, yeah, I'm really looking forward to the 50th anniversary because it's a show I've been watching for a long time, and I actually don't know what's happening in it. I think it's. We're making it like any. I think it's gonna be, like, kind of summoned up out of the ether the way we do the show. The show is summoned out of the ether.

[A]

When will that occur?

[B]

It's next week.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[B]

It's next week. It's on the 16th.

[A]

So by the time this goes out, it'll have happened.

[B]

Maybe. Tune in to SNL 50 on the 16th.

[A]

So why don't you address everybody in two ways? One as if it was a fantastic, just a complete success, and one as if it was a dismal, utter failure.

[B]

Okay. Hey, thank you so much for watching SNL50. I mean, it was such a blast to be up there with, you know, Shaun White, Tina Fey, Ryan Lochte, Wilco, Prince Michael, Che.

[A]

And what about that one bit?

[B]

Sammy Sosa? Oh, that one built that bit that killed was so good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

That. A little bit.

[B]

That was. Oh, I mean, you know, rapping with Snoop and Hillary Clinton was just like. I never thought I would be in such rare fight air.

[A]

Well, that's cool.

[B]

All right. And now let's do it. Like, it was a horrible.

[A]

It was a dismal failure, I think.

[B]

I just want to. I mean, before we keep going, I just want to apologize to the people of Midtown. It was never our intention to. To level three square blocks of mixed use spaces. I especially want to apologize to the people at the LEGO store for the atrocities that were visited upon that building in the making of that Lonely island crossover event with Roblox. And that ended up being a horrible idea. And I also want to apologize to the fine folks at that Indochino. We. We were just trying to do a fun man on the street bit and of course it. It went sideways. Yeah. And honestly, that's. I think the takeaway from that is you should always use proper flamethrower handling technique.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you shouldn't try to.

[A]

Well, now there's legislation, obviously, is being. They're trying to enact.

[B]

Yes. And I also want to thank Donald Trump for his support.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And, you know.

[A]

Yeah. And what about that? I. I know people have mixed feelings about the impression that you started the show off with.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and some people saying that's not a very good choice. Some people applauding you for your air quote. Bravery. How did that.

[B]

How did that come about?

[A]

Yeah, how'd that come about?

[B]

It was really interesting, I think. You know, we had been in touch with. We had been in touch with the estate of James Baldwin for a number of years. And I'm a. I'm a personal fan, and I ultimately concluded that this was not something that I should. That I should explore.

[A]

But you did it anyway.

[B]

Well, we did a. We did a live reading from Go.

[A]

Tell it on the Mountain and. And the Decision to Black Up, I think is the name of the term. It's an old theatrical term. What. I think that's. I think some people had an issue with that.

[B]

Well, it was Sarah Squirm's idea.

[A]

Well, that makes sense.

[B]

So you should take it up with her. I mean, I really wasn't in the.

[A]

Room, but you did it.

[B]

Anyone anything to. I don't know. I. I love that whole era.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love, like all of the, like Jim Crow.

[A]

No.

[B]

The French expat kind of, you know, the whole thing with, you know, Hemingway and.

[A]

Oh, okay. Oh, I see where they all Those.

[B]

Literary figures loom so large in my heart, and.

[A]

Well, you're a big reader. That's yet again, another reason to ban books.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wouldn't happen.

[B]

Wouldn't have happened.

[A]

And then the. The choice of singing I am not your negro was interesting.

[B]

Again, I wasn't in the room. I wasn't involved in any of these discussions.

[A]

You just do it. You put on the wig or lack thereof, the bald cap, whatever, and off you go.

[B]

I was in a bald cap the whole night because I did a Trump in the beginning.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. And I wear a bald cap for Trump.

[A]

And was Trump okay with that?

[B]

I thought he did a great job.

[A]

The real Trump.

[B]

Yeah. I thought he had a lot of fun. I thought he did a great job on the show.

[A]

Yeah, but he shot somebody.

[B]

Yeah, well, it was sort of that. You know, that thing. If I could shoot somebody on Fifth Avenue.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean.

[B]

And so we were kind of riffing on that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But yeah, he shot Marcelo Hernandez. And that's. Yeah, that's. Marcel's fine. He's doing great. He got him in. He got him.

[A]

Like, what he did was he shot. He was aiming for him. Shot and hit a teleprompter.

[B]

He did, yeah.

[A]

And the teleprompter. A little piece of glass just nicked his ear. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So which that was supposed to be sort of a winky little reference to.

[A]

I got it.

[B]

You got it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he wasn't. That wasn't a bullet that grazed him. That was a piece of teleprompter glass.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We can all admit that, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, okay.

[B]

You know, we're all Americans here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, that was fun.

[A]

That was a fun riff. So that would. James Baldwin. What a pull.

[B]

What a James Baldwin.

[A]

That's a good.

[B]

Well, we wrote a sketch where. We did write a sketch where it was kind of taking from that thing of when liberal parents pretend that their children are more intelligent and emotional, have emotion, more emotional depth than they really do.

[A]

Oh, I want to see that.

[B]

It was cut for air, but we put it on. We put it online. So it was one of those cut for time things that we still release, which is. It's fun when something earns that spot. But, yeah, I wrote a sketch with Ali Levitan and Heidi Gardner sort of based on that idea, because I'd been obsessed with that idea of living in Fort Greene. I kind of meet.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

It's very different from growing up in Nashville. Like, the parents. The parents that I grew up with versus the parents that I meet in Brooklyn.

[A]

Holy shit. It's completely different.

[B]

They're not all this way, but every once in a while you, you meet, you meet somebody, you hear about somebody and, and you're like, well, your child never said that. Yeah, that was never said by your child. Your child.

[A]

Oh, I'm 100% with you. I mean, yeah, in a relative sense. I live down the street from you and were certainly in the same neighborhood and my son's 3.

[B]

But I'm just now learning this world of get ready pretentiousness among the parents.

[A]

I did a bit in the last special I did Worst daddy in the World. I do a bit about the Brooklyn chit chat, small talk with Brooklyn dads, cool dads. And, and it's, it's like, yeah, your kid isn't special, you know?

[B]

Yeah, we wrote this sketch where we're, you know, like the other parents are like, oh, he's our child. Oh, he loves Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. And then, you know, me and Heidi are feeling self conscious that our kid is not as cool as their kid. So we're like, yeah, last night he, he actually said he, he wanted to read to us. And so, you know, his favorite book at night has been if Beale street could Talk. And he said, he said, mommy, I don't want to just read. I want to become. So it was like this. And then at the end of the sketch, I, I, okay, after it's like clear that this kid is just a piece of, that we are covering for and that we're terrible parents and everyone leaves the, the house. We had a brilliant child actor come down the stairs with a, with a beautiful copy of if Beale Street Could Talk. And then they like, he says a, he says like a very prescient James Baldwin quote, you know, okay. And that is so apt. So, you know, the fun twist was our kid really was a beautiful genius.

[A]

Who if you go to reads Great Literature Kids sections of a lot of bookstores, they do have like T shirts and mugs and art things that have these, you know, exceedingly precious precocious sayings on them. So maybe a kid picked it up from it's possible mug that mom and dad had.

[B]

I fully respect this desire to expose your children to good, great stuff. Because the alternative is, oh yeah, for sure, dog shit.

[A]

It's the parents that are annoying, not the kids. The kids are great. The parents are. Yeah, like, I mean, and, and the names, dude. The name.

[B]

Hearing the kids names, I, I'm I.

[A]

Titus Andronicus and that rocks. And and, you know, you're ready for.

[B]

A return to Robert.

[A]

You want to meet a kid named Zeus and Tiffany? I don't need. This is young Zeus and his sister.

[B]

Well, I mean, our child has a Greek name. Our baby's name is Homer, but that's a family name. My grandpa's name was. We call him Homie, so everyone calls him Homie. And I sound like an out of date, you know, like. Like a 90s, 90s guy. I feel like when I say, when I call my son Homie, it feels a little bit like I am a.

[A]

Little like you're white, too.

[B]

Like I should be wearing some kind of multicolored, like, kangal hat. Yeah. Some kind of, like, I don't know, fun 90s hat, Jamarquai thing. Yeah. Some kind of Pauly Shore sort of get up from one of those. From Son In Law or something like that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Do you like Pauly Shore and Son In Law? That's a good movie.

[A]

I feel like that for me. I don't think he's ever given a performance that's been less than eight.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

On a scale of one to ten, I think Son In Law is kind of an eight. I think. Yeah.

[B]

Biodome.

[A]

Biodome. Encino Man. You know, the Perfect are beyond 10. I don't know what. What number comes after 10, but I would give it that.

[B]

Can we look that up?

[A]

Actually, Chris, would you look at what number comes after 10?

[B]

Goofy movie. There's been a big reappraisal. By the way, how old are you?

[A]

60.

[B]

Okay. There's been a big reappraisal of a Goofy movie, which would have been really.

[A]

What movie?

[B]

It's a movie called A Goofy Movie. It's a Disney animated film about Goofy and his son. And you would have. It would have been Right. You know, when it released. That would have been right there for you because you would have been.

[A]

Oh, no. Oh, yeah.

[B]

30. 39 when that came out. Yeah, right.

[A]

That's when I was seeing a lot of Disney.

[B]

You were seeing a lot of Disney animation studios movies at that time. Goofy Movie, Good Songs. Tevin Campbell. Tevin Campbell should have been a much bigger star.

[A]

I don't know. Tevin Campbell.

[B]

Well, you're gonna.

[A]

Yes, that's part of the problem.

[B]

You're gonna have to go check that out.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Brooklyn's really gotten to you. Fort Greene is. Clinton Hill's really gotten to you. Yeah, yeah. Because, you know, you are so in that lifestyle that you don't even know about the music of Tevin Campbell.

[A]

I guess yeah. Would it help if I had a man bun?

[B]

I'm picturing it now and I think.

[A]

It would be on this.

[B]

Really? Yeah. On that head. I think it'd be a really beautiful look for you. You'd.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You'd kind of have that swagger. Swaggy. It'd be a little swaggy. I imagine when you have the man bun, you've also got to have some sort of huge knit on.

[A]

A big kilt.

[B]

A kilt? Yeah, like a that. I see a lot of skirting happening in men's fashion. Sure.

[A]

Lately it's comfortable. Yeah.

[B]

Big shorts. You think you might get back into big shorts?

[A]

For sure.

[B]

I mean, the kids are wearing big shorts.

[A]

Like board shorts.

[B]

Like huge shorts. Like cargo shorts.

[A]

Again, I've never lost car. I have lots of cargo shorts. I find them very practical.

[B]

What do you put in those pockets?

[A]

Oh, gosh. I mean, I have usually just in case there are kids around, I'll have sour patch worms and gummies and sour patch.

[B]

Not in a bag. Loose in the pocket.

[A]

Loose in the pocket, yeah. And then. But I line my pocket with seal fur. So there's, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're nice sanitary. And it's warm. It's always warm.

[B]

Yeah. Humid environment.

[A]

I have a rectal thermometer. I have a. Again, this is just if kids are around, you know, so if.

[B]

Yeah. Just fun.

[A]

I have a blow up bouncy castle miniature though. No, it's full on.

[B]

They.

[A]

They get really compared. It's heavy. It's heavy as.

[B]

Yeah, it's like.

[A]

But. But they can compact them down like.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

The size of a bath bomb.

[B]

Fascinating.

[A]

Bath bombs. I have a lot of bitcoin. Yes. And I have a. And usually just some not jerky but billet. Billitong, which is like. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Biltong.

[A]

Biltong.

[B]

Biltong.

[A]

Yeah. And so, yeah, I'm good to go wherever.

[B]

What do you think about pemmican? Speaking of. Speaking of, like old timey too gamey.

[A]

Jerky prep. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

You're not a big games me person.

[A]

I know. Although I've had some really good. I had venison chili that a friend made from a deer that he shot and dressed and did the whole thing and it was fantastic. And smoked. Smoked venison.

[B]

What if your friend was like, you want to eat some venison from a deer I shot? I'm like, yeah, tell me about how you shot this deer. Oh, he's. It was. He invaded my home and he was.

[A]

Going for my wife and I Stand your ground.

[B]

It was a stand your ground kind of situation. Yeah. This deer had kind of followed me home after walking my dog and tried to. Tried to assault me.

[A]

Oh God.

[B]

Yeah, this deer was very clearly trying to assault me sexually.

[A]

And that's how you got Lyme disease.

[B]

And that's how I got Lyme disease. I shot him. I shot him in the face.

[A]

In the face?

[B]

Yeah. I shot the deer in the face. Yeah. He's attacking me. And I don't regret it.

[A]

Nor should you. And you had a delicious chili.

[B]

Any was delicious. Have you heard about this disease you can get from deer where you can't eat meat like red meat for the rest of your life? No, there's like a. I think it's another tick borne disease. It's rarer. I can't. It has a fun name. I don't remember what the name is, but I remember hearing the name and being like, well, that's fun.

[A]

Vegetarianitis.

[B]

Vegetarianitis. You can eat. You can eat birds and fish still, but you can't eat like mammals anymore for the rest of your life. Your body just like rejects it. You just immediately vomit up or something.

[A]

And. And that's. And a. And a deer is herbivore, right. So they, they don't eat meat.

[B]

No, but it's some tick. It's some rare tick disease that if you eat a deer that has that disease. I just heard about this. This is like a. I think people mostly get it in like Scandinavia or something where they eat a lot more deer than. Wow. Than Americans do. But this is. This is a freaky new disease.

[A]

I just learned about my dog. I was upstate. I have a place upstate in the woods and tons of deer all over. Tons of everything. But. So there's deer poop all over. And my dog is a puppy. We were up there a couple weeks ago, unbeknownst to me, ate a bunch of deer poop, came in the house and maybe an hour later puked all over this rug we have. And it was one of the top five most foul smelling things like gag, gag reflex, like that kind of thing. Like I've smelled some awful, awful stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think the worst was that made me throw up was when I was 18. I want to say 17. 18. I worked for Mrs. Winter's Fried Chicken.

[B]

Which is a fried chicken. I know. Mrs. Winters. Yeah, I miss it. The cinnamon swirl.

[A]

Yeah, that's. So it's a fried chicken chain in the south and probably just southeast, but yes. So I worked at the one off of the Chambly Dunwoody exit off of 285 and middle of the summer, Georgia summer. And I had to go take some stuff to the dumpster. Big old dumpster just sitting in the heat, you know. And I had to go. I opened it up and there was all this rotten. Rotten chicken, rotten eggs. And it was. To this day. And I've been skunked.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

To this day. The worst fucking smell.

[B]

That's the worst smell you've ever had.

[A]

I've ever. And this is not up there. But it was top five as replaced. I don't know what it replaced, but it was so warm. Deer shit. That. That was your dog ingested. Yeah. Mixed with other stuff. Bile from a dog stump and just all over. And it was fucking foul. It was so awful. So awful. And in front of the. Like a fireplace. So you got a nice awesome.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A little crackling fire and just deer all over. Hot. Chewed up. It was so. It was awful. My daughter's like, dad, you know, like doing the kind of comically dramatic nose pinch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'd been outside. I think I came. I was like, you know, okay, it's not that, but. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh. Oh, man. It was brutal.

[B]

And that. And this is the premise of the show, right? Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It starts off with the dog. And, you know, each week.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You know, your dog ingests a different deer poop.

[B]

Horrible smelling deer poop. I don't. I've trying. I'm racking my brain right now to think of something that I have smelled that filled me with an equal revulsion. And I.

[A]

And I. I don't have a gag reflex either. I mean, it was. I can. You know, I just think these two times. I mean, I've smelled terrible stuff before, but not. That made me start to wretch, you know.

[B]

Oh, God. Yeah. I haven't had a. I don't know if I've. Outside of. Outside of a dream. I don't think I've ever had a smell experience like that.

[A]

Good. You never smell dead death or I. Because that's a smell. That is.

[B]

That's what I hear. I hear that the dead smell is the worst one.

[A]

It's bad.

[B]

It's really when they pull a body out of the river that. That the. That's the most horrible experience you can have.

[A]

Yeah. Or animals or. Or, you know, human, obviously. But yeah. Something that's dead.

[B]

I feel like my brain threw that right in the trash.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel like I have had a moment like that that my brain is just thrown Right. In the trash, the way I do with every diaper. Every diaper. I say to my wife, this is the worst smelling one I've ever smelled in my life.

[A]

I.

[B]

And even that has some sort of, like, pleasurable stink to it because it's like your DNA somehow.

[A]

It's like they don't tell you when you're. Is that for several years. Their breath stinks.

[B]

Their breath stinks.

[A]

Stinks. There's nothing sweet about it. It's, like, nasty.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Because their teeth are rotting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. They don't brush. The toothpaste we give them to brush their teeth with is candy itself.

[A]

Right. I just. I. And I still do this. I give my daughter General Tso's chicken to brush with.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yeah. And it's like an orange glaze.

[B]

Yeah. And you ever think about that sometimes that we're just covering chicken nuggets with candy? So there's different restaurants we go to.

[A]

And it's Panda Express.

[B]

There's restaurants like that even, like, tossed. Like wings places.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like, what are we really doing here? We're taking chicken nuggets and we're tossing it in candy sauce.

[A]

And beef, too. There's orange beef. You can do that.

[B]

You can do that with beef. I think the fact that we add spices, the fact that we add buffalo sauce doesn't, like boneless wings. Boneless wings at a chicken place.

[A]

That's chicken nuggets.

[B]

Let's be honest. That's chicken nuggets.

[A]

No, chicken nuggets is, like, weird.

[B]

When they rip the chicken.

[A]

Yeah. And it's ground up. It's like sausage.

[B]

To prove our domination of their species.

[A]

I always go like that.

[B]

Yeah. You flip the bird when you're making pink goo in a big factory somewhere. In a stinky Tyson factory.

[A]

Oh, fuck. You kick the machine and you love it. America. Love it or leave it. I'll say that you don't like it. Leave the thing. Yeah. James, thank you so much for coming on here. This has been a pleasure, and thanks for having me.

[B]

It was really nice to meet you.

[A]

Nice to meet you, too. I end every episode with a question from my daughter. She's seven.

[B]

Oh, cool.

[A]

And here is your question from my daughter.

[B]

Hello, daughter.

[A]

Why do you lose your taste when you get sick?

[B]

Why do you lose your taste when you get sick? I think. And I'm going to give my best scientific answer.

[A]

Okay. You. You feel free to answer, and then.

[B]

I'm going to say something kind of snide and dismissive after that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So My. So my best answer, I think, is that when your nose gets plugged up with. When you have an upper respiratory infection and your nose gets plugged up, I think you come to realize that your nose plays just as big a part in taste as your tongue, as your taste buds do. And I think that, yeah, the restricted airflow and maybe, Yeah, I would say that just the overall fogginess of your head that the illness is making happen just disrupts how all these body parts work together to give us pleasurable sensations. And that's. That's what I think it is.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I think it's more about the nose. When you lose your taste, when you get sick.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

And then the snide and dismissive answer is, well, it's because you lead a life of sin and God is punishing you for getting sick by making you more sick.

[A]

He's. God punishes you for just. For getting sick? Yeah.

[B]

God's kind of go, you idiot. You idiot. You got sick. Well, I'm gonna make you sicker.

[A]

That's.

[B]

You dolt.

[A]

That's terrible.

[B]

Well, take it up with the big man.

[A]

I will. I will. That seems awful.

[B]

As an atheist, can you even. Can you even get mad at God? Isn't that just looking in the mirror? Aren't you going use you.

[A]

Nice try, nice try, nice try to win that argument. How can you be atheist if you. You get mad at God? I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm not mad at. Well, I don't believe in God, so there's nothing to get mad at.

[B]

No. Let's go back into a long digression about religion.

[A]

I'll be on again. We'll do a part. Two Senses Working Overtime is a Headgum podcast created and hosted by me, David Cross. The show was edited by Katie Skelton and engineered by Nicole Lyons with supervising producer Emma Foley. Thanks to Demi Druchin for our show Art and Mark Rivers for our theme song. For more podcasts by headgum, visit headgum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and maybe we'll read it on a future episode. I'm not gonna do that. Thanks for listening. That was a Headgum Podcast.