Rachel Kaly

Summary

Senses Working Overtime with David Cross: Episode Featuring Rachel Kaly

Introduction

In this engaging episode of "Senses Working Overtime", hosted by David Cross and produced by Headgum, comedian Rachel Kaly joins the conversation to delve into a myriad of topics ranging from personal anecdotes and family dynamics to the intricacies of the comedy world and societal observations. The episode, released on February 13, 2025, offers listeners a rich tapestry of humor, real-life struggles, and insightful discussions.

Personal Struggles and Family Dynamics

David Cross opens up about a challenging night where both he and Rachel endured sleeplessness. David shares a heart-wrenching story about his seven-year-old daughter throwing up repeatedly after he returned home late from a Broadway debut. He reflects:

[03:37] Rachel Clay: "No."

[03:40] David Cross: "Okay. And it was like a murder scene kind of thing. It was just like she had it all over her."

David’s vulnerability sets the tone for an honest dialogue about handling unexpected family crises. The conversation shifts to David's experience with tinnitus, a condition he shares with Rachel:

[05:01] David Cross: "I'm a little tired, you know, out of it. I also have tinnitus, so it gets a little worse if I'm if this for this kind of condition."

Rachel adds her perspective on tinnitus, highlighting its grounding effect:

[05:20] Rachel Clay: "It is annoying. Sometimes it grounds me a little bit because it brings me back to the present."

Gossip and Public Figures

The episode takes a dramatic turn when Rachel introduces a controversial topic involving rumors about former President Barack Obama and actress Jennifer Aniston allegedly having an open relationship. This segment sparks a humorous yet critical discussion about the nature of gossip and its impact on public perception:

[10:16] Rachel Clay: "It's about Obama and Jennifer Aniston. Have you heard this?"

[10:20] David Cross: "No, I have not heard about this, but I would imagine. And I don't have..."

Despite the sensational nature of the topic, David maintains a lighthearted approach, questioning the credibility and implications of such rumors.

Rachel's Background and Personal Life

Rachel delves into her complex family background, revealing distressing details about her father's alleged pedophilia—a revelation that adds depth to her comedic persona. She candidly discusses her strained relationship with her parents:

[22:37] Rachel Clay: "But we'll see how I feel about it, because I talk about it in stand up. But he's a pedophile."

The conversation also touches on Rachel’s heritage and her father's Moroccan roots:

[50:09] Rachel Clay: "My full last name is Bin Khalifa, which means son of the Caliphate."

David respectfully navigates these sensitive topics, allowing Rachel to express her experiences and the impact they've had on her life and comedy.

Comedy Career and Teaching Experience

Rachel shares her journey in the comedy industry, highlighting her early start in stand-up comedy at the age of nine. She recounts her time teaching at a private school in the West Village, where she interacted with children of celebrities, adding a unique dimension to her comedic material:

[60:22] Rachel Clay: "I was an assistant, and my job was mostly about discipline."

Her experiences in both teaching and performing provide listeners with an intimate look into the challenges and triumphs of pursuing a career in comedy.

Social Media and Dating Apps

The duo critiques the contemporary landscape of dating apps, discussing the superficiality and endless search for "someone better." Rachel expresses frustration with the algorithm-driven nature of these platforms:

[41:54] Rachel Clay: "I think I'm always looking for love, right? Sometimes. Sometimes I'm not."

David humorously suggests unconventional profile highlights to stand out:

[42:12] David Cross: "No. Take a burlesque class. Did you put that into your profile?"

Location Insights: New York vs. Los Angeles

Rachel, originally from Hell's Kitchen in New York City, contrasts her experiences living in New York with her current life in Echo Park, Los Angeles. The conversation delves into the differences between the two cities, particularly in terms of urban planning and lifestyle:

[70:02] Rachel Clay: "I live in Echo Park. When I'm not working, I often walk from Echo Park to Beverly Hills because I love the grass."

David shares his own experiences commuting in LA, emphasizing the challenges of navigating a car-centric city:

[72:31] Rachel Clay: "I often walk from Echo Park to Beverly Hills because I love the grass."

Health Stories: Food Poisoning and Fear of Flying

Both Rachel and David recount harrowing tales of food poisoning during their travels. Rachel describes being mugged and suffering severe food poisoning on a bus journey from Denver to New York, while David shares his own experiences with vomiting and illness on an Amtrak train:

[45:50] David Cross: "I got major food poisoning on the bus to Atlanta and then had it in Atlanta."

They also discuss the psychological impact of fears originating from traumatic events like 9/11:

[46:07] Rachel Clay: "I saw 911 happen. I was... My school was very close and it ruined my life."

Conclusion and Final Q&A

The episode wraps up with a light-hearted Q&A segment featuring a question from David's seven-year-old daughter about tornadoes:

[73:13] 7-Year-Old: "When tornadoes are made, how does the bottom part lift up?"

Rachel offers a whimsical answer, showcasing her comedic flair:

[73:44] Rachel Clay: "If you want something bad enough, you'll make it happen. And I think that tornadoes want to lift up a house, and so it does."

David appreciates the creativity of the response, highlighting the blend of humor and genuine interaction that characterizes the episode.

Notable Quotes

• David Cross [00:56]: "I didn't get very much sleep last night."

• Rachel Clay [05:20]: "It is annoying. Sometimes it grounds me a little bit because it brings me back to the present."

• Rachel Clay [22:37]: "But we'll see how I feel about it, because I talk about it in stand up. But he's a pedophile."

• Rachel Clay [41:54]: "I think I'm always looking for love, right? Sometimes. Sometimes I'm not."

Final Thoughts

This episode of "Senses Working Overtime" masterfully balances humor with heartfelt discussions, providing listeners with an authentic glimpse into Rachel Kaly's life and career. David Cross's adept hosting ensures that even the most sensitive topics are handled with care, while the light-hearted moments keep the conversation entertaining and relatable. Whether you're a fan of stand-up comedy or interested in the personal stories behind the laughter, this episode offers something for everyone.

Transcript

[David Cross]

This is a Headgum podcast. Take your choice. Wow.

[Rachel Clay]

Really?

[David Cross]

Yeah. You can have the red chair or the red chair. All right. Why not Mixing it up a little bit.

[Rachel Clay]

Should I use a coaster?

[Chris]

Thank you.

[Rachel Clay]

Of course.

[David Cross]

I mean, if you want. I mean, that's what it's here for, right? But I don't know. This is, you know.

[Rachel Clay]

Sure.

[David Cross]

It's. It's not.

[Rachel Clay]

Nothing special.

[David Cross]

Coaster Reliant.

[Rachel Clay]

Oh, and there's another one here. Oh, perfect.

[David Cross]

Oh, my Lord. So, apologies in advance, but I didn't get very much sleep last night.

[Rachel Clay]

Oh, no, I actually didn't either.

[David Cross]

Okay. This should be fun, then.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah. How does that affect you?

[David Cross]

I mean, that's a good question. I'm probably just not as sharp, and I haven't really started my day. Like, I woke up to explain. Mike, please. I. Oh, let me put this on Buzz. I. Thank you. I got. Emma. Do I need a coaster with this? It's metal. No, I don't. In fact, here's a question. Do I need a coaster with anything in this room?

[Rachel Clay]

No, I doubt that. That's wood.

[David Cross]

It's not wood. Your doubt is correct. I think we established it that on the very first episode. So, yeah, I was out. Listen, if you have to know. Jesus, Chris, enough. Always. Always asking me about this stuff. Yes. I made my Broadway debut last night.

[Rachel Clay]

You're kidding.

[David Cross]

No, I'm not kidding. Whoa. And so certainly not expecting what was to come. I went out and had a few drinks with Tim Meadows, who's in the cast, and we go way back. He's a good egg. He's a good egg. And the price of eggs are rising, so that's even more valuable. And, you know, didn't drink. Crazy. I had, like, three. And this will relate to Last week's episode three juicy hazy IPAs.

[Rachel Clay]

Okay.

[David Cross]

Okay. And hasn't aired yet, so you wouldn't be Okay.

[Rachel Clay]

I wouldn't be. I'm not privy to sort of the context.

[David Cross]

Anybody who's listened consecutively will understand. So went home. I didn't get home till, like, 11:30. Walked in, and my wife, I should also say is. Has strep throat, so she's sleeping downstairs.

[Rachel Clay]

Okay.

[David Cross]

She's, you know, drugged up and out of it. And I go to walk the dog. Come back, you know, I set my backpack down, and I've still got everything on. And then my daughter is naked, leaning over the railing, going, daddy. And that's not good.

[Rachel Clay]

No.

[David Cross]

I go, yeah, honey, I threw up.

[Rachel Clay]

No.

[David Cross]

Okay. And it was like murder scene kind of thing. Like, it Was. It was just like she had it all over her. And I was like, okay, honey, let's get you bath. And I, you know, got a hot bath going. And I. And she's like shivering and like. And she doesn't have a fever, but she's thrown up everything everywhere. I mean, so I get the sheets. Do not rinse them out well enough. Put them in the washer on the bedding setting, which is wrong. I should have put sanitize. And I was kind of half out of it too. And then just long story short, when I cleaned her up and everything, and I was like, no, you don't have to go to school tomorrow. I put her in our bed. And then 15 minutes later she threw up again all over the place. And that was just that for the rest of the night. Gave her a little pepto, threw that up. And then I think it ended around 4. And then I had to get up and talk to Rachel Clay. Oh, the most important thing in the world. Can't miss that. And so here I am.

[Rachel Clay]

How do you feel? Do you think you're gonna get some?

[David Cross]

I'm a little tired, you know, out of it. I also have tinnitus, so it gets a little worse if I'm if this for this kind of condition.

[Rachel Clay]

I have that too.

[David Cross]

Oh, it's the worst. Such a pain. No, it's not the worst. They're way. Actually, I take that back. It's the way, way worse things. It's just so annoying.

[Rachel Clay]

It is annoying. Sometimes it grounds me a little bit because it brings me back to the present. Interesting, because you're like, oh, I'm thinking all this stuff and then you just hear the noise and you're like, oh, here I am in the world.

[David Cross]

But I'll never thought about it like that. I like that.

[Rachel Clay]

Just worth a shot, I guess.

[David Cross]

That was a good shot.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

Thank you.

[David Cross]

You know the song Song? Hey man, Nice Shot by who? Is it Helmut? No, filter. Filter? Yes, filter.

[Rachel Clay]

I don't know that many songs.

[David Cross]

So this. You don't know that many songs?

[Rachel Clay]

No, I don't.

[David Cross]

Well, hang on one second, let me finish this thought. And we're gonna get to that. But this is also a reference to last week's episode that was about Bud Dwyer, the state treasurer of Pennsylvania who called the press conference and shot himself.

[Rachel Clay]

I keep hearing about this.

[Chris]

Really?

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

What circles do you run in? That's weird. You keep hearing about Bud Dwyer, normal.

[Rachel Clay]

People talking about 80s shot himself.

[David Cross]

Shot himself. You keep hearing about that?

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, I do.

[David Cross]

And is this, like a book club thing or.

[Rachel Clay]

No, it's more just like I sort of am obsessed with people, like, shooting themselves. And obsessed is maybe too strong a word, but I'm just like, what a way to go out.

[David Cross]

Sure.

[Rachel Clay]

And people. Yeah. I hope. Well, that's my fear, I think, is if I ever do it, I'll just do it wrong.

[David Cross]

Oh. Do it, like, in a boring, pedestrian way or like.

[Rachel Clay]

Miss. And then it's like, well, now I just have, like, a hole in my head and I can go to the hospital. You know what I mean?

[David Cross]

I don't think that.

[Rachel Clay]

Can you survive a shot to the head?

[David Cross]

Sure. People make that.

[Rachel Clay]

That's what I'm worried about. If I do it.

[David Cross]

But I don't know if you. You mean you get cold feet at the very end, but yet you still pull the trigger? Cause you're a woman of action.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Okay. So you could graze yourself. You know what you could do is go to shooting yourself.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Miss. Hit a little piece of teleprompter. A little piece of glass. Teeny piece of glass.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And just graze your ear and. And then become President of the United States.

[Rachel Clay]

Right.

[David Cross]

And say that you were. You know, it was a bullet that missed me, by Jesus. Brought his hand down and redirected the bullet matrix style, even though it was clearly from the teleprompter. But. Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

I can't believe that happened.

[David Cross]

Which one?

[Rachel Clay]

The one where he got shot in the ear.

[David Cross]

He didn't get shot in the ear.

[Rachel Clay]

It missed him entirely.

[David Cross]

It hit the teleprompter. It is, absolutely. I'm 100%.

[Rachel Clay]

But what about the blood? Wasn't there.

[David Cross]

Yeah. It was from the glass that sliced his ear.

[Rachel Clay]

Oh, I see.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Oh, there'd be so many other signs if a bullet literally grazed him. Like, literally. There'd be all. And there wasn't. And he did not get shot by a bullet. It was shrapnel. And. But everybody. It's a myth. It's now, you know, in the lore of Americana. Just because people chose to believe that. Nor the obvious.

[Rachel Clay]

The Democrats should have campaigned on that a little more.

[David Cross]

I think that would have been great.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Looks like we really dodged a bullet on that one. Or should I say dodged a piece of glass shrapnel from a teleprompter.

[Rachel Clay]

Yep.

[David Cross]

And wasn't he. Didn't he, like, make one part of his initial campaign about making fun of people using the teleprompter? Wasn't that one of his things back in the first run?

[Rachel Clay]

I think so. Well, I know for Biden, he's just always been like, this guy can't talk, basically. So maybe it's like, I can do this without a teleprompter. I feel like was a part of it.

[David Cross]

Yeah, but he was using a teleprompter.

[Rachel Clay]

But of course.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And in the same way that it's like Obama, he's always golfing. Stop golfing. And then became, in four years, golfed and took more vacations than any other president, including presidents that served two terms and even three terms.

[Rachel Clay]

That's incredible.

[David Cross]

And people are like, sounds good to me. Yeah, you're right. Stop golfing. Obama, you can golf, though. Trump, that's not hypocritical.

[Rachel Clay]

No, no.

[David Cross]

All right, that's enough about that.

[Rachel Clay]

I have one question.

[David Cross]

Yes?

[Rachel Clay]

It's kind of gossipy. I don't know if you like that.

[David Cross]

I don't, but I don't hate it. I'm just. Excuse me. It's not my thing.

[Rachel Clay]

We can move past if you don't want to talk about it.

[David Cross]

Well, as I'm. It's a.

[Rachel Clay]

It's out in the public.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I don't. It's one of those things, like, my wife likes a bit of gossip and. And my cousin is fucking worst. And, like, will text me things like. I don't give a shit.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Why are you bothering me with this?

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, maybe your cousin and your wife should text.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

Well, the gossip is just that, allegedly.

[David Cross]

Is it about Gaza?

[Rachel Clay]

No, no.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Rachel Clay]

I would never.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Rachel Clay]

It's about Obama and Jennifer Aniston. Have you heard this?

[David Cross]

No.

[Rachel Clay]

They were, like, together.

[David Cross]

What do you. What?

[Rachel Clay]

Please, no, I'm telling you, first of all. Well, I shouldn't say my source, but it's a very reputable source. Someone who works with him. I knew this about two years ago, and it's finally out in the public now.

[David Cross]

I have not heard about this, but I would imagine. And I don't have. I'm not on social media, and I'm not. I don't even hang out on the Internet that long. But that seems like something I would know. That's one of those things I know. Like, I know Beyonce won the Grammy for country album and everybody was furious, Right? Not everybody. You know.

[Rachel Clay]

Were people upset?

[David Cross]

Yeah, some people were. But, like, I know that. I know. Gosh. What else? Just, you know, the things that everybody knows. So that seems like something I would definitely have heard of.

[Rachel Clay]

I feel like it broke recently. And. Chris, feel free to weigh in because you are nodding or. I don't know if you're allowed to weigh in.

[David Cross]

I don't know if I'm allowed to weigh in either. You could absolutely weigh in. Come on. This is equitable. I'm all about DEI in this room. Yeah, no, I've heard that rumor for a while. And how have I not heard this? And it's just been a rumor. It's not like. It's not like it broke on People. Okay. So, yes, reputable People magazine now.

[Rachel Clay]

I think it's out there.

[David Cross]

I gotta get back. All right, so tell me. Tell me what you know.

[Rachel Clay]

What I know is that Barack and Michelle. And I'm worried about saying this in a public way. I feel like I'll get sniped by their. Whatever.

[David Cross]

But that's what you wanted, right?

[Rachel Clay]

Yes. Well, I'd like to be in. I guess I want to be myself.

[David Cross]

Well, you can't snipe yourself. You'd have to have, like, one of those. Maybe AI could help Rube Goldberg esque machine to be able to pull the trigger on that.

[Rachel Clay]

I just know that they have an open marriage, an open arrangement.

[David Cross]

I didn't know that.

[Rachel Clay]

This is what I've heard.

[David Cross]

Common or. No, it's not common.

[Rachel Clay]

That's perhaps more like. Again, like I'm sort of blowing up my source. Who is reputable?

[David Cross]

You. You. So far, you haven't. And you.

[Rachel Clay]

You and I.

[David Cross]

You can take it out of the. You can edit it if you're not.

[Rachel Clay]

No, no, that's fine. I hope. Bronze, if you're listening, I'm sorry. But also, you know, he's not listening. Great. Well, yeah, open marriage, whatever. I don't care.

[David Cross]

Nobody's judging, right?

[Rachel Clay]

No, no. No judgment.

[David Cross]

So who's Michelle? That's.

[Rachel Clay]

I heard her bodyguard.

[David Cross]

Oh, okay. Which is awesome because she saw My Bodyguard and got all.

[Rachel Clay]

You have a bodyguard?

[David Cross]

No, not my personal bodyguard. The movie. My Bodyguard.

[Rachel Clay]

I don't know that many movies either.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I guess not. You just know. Gossip about ex presidents.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Wow. And friends. Cast members.

[Rachel Clay]

Yes.

[David Cross]

So when and how did they hook up? If you know that kind of stuff.

[Rachel Clay]

That I don't know. But I heard about it, like, two years ago.

[David Cross]

So this is post presidency.

[Rachel Clay]

Yes. Oh, I would say probably during the presidency, they were together fully. Sorry. Barack and Michelle probably had a closed marriage due to the circumstances.

[David Cross]

Sure.

[Rachel Clay]

But these are two of the busiest people in the world who travel, you know, need to get whatever.

[David Cross]

I would say that perhaps Barack Obama is one of the busiest people in the world. I don't know if Jennifer Aniston is one of the busiest people.

[Rachel Clay]

Oh, no, I met Michelle, but I don't really know what Michelle's up to either.

[David Cross]

So she's perhaps fucking her bodyguard and then Barack and. I don't know how you avoid that. I mean, there's no amount of back entrances and fooling the paps. I don't know how you get away with that.

[Rachel Clay]

I have to imagine they paid everyone off.

[David Cross]

Everyone, maybe, except for your source. And your source works with works, or.

[Rachel Clay]

Worked works for him in some capacity.

[David Cross]

And is this source a personal friend of yours that you can vouch for? Yeah, they're legit.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah. Wow, a journalist. Okay, I've said too much.

[David Cross]

Okay. If you want to take something out.

[Rachel Clay]

No, no, keep it all. Release the teaser, then.

[David Cross]

You said just enough. You haven't said too much. Yeah, I think the guideline for editing something out is you've said too much. If you said just enough, then we can.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, okay, perfect. So that's all I have to offer, I guess.

[Chris]

Well, that's good.

[David Cross]

I mean, but it sounds like you haven't said anything beyond what apparently you and Chris and many others already know.

[Rachel Clay]

So that I guess I wish I.

[David Cross]

What's the point? You're just like a Yahoo page at this point.

[Rachel Clay]

Well, I guess I'm saying like I knew before a lot of other people, but I'm not. You're right. I'm not saying anything newsworthy.

[David Cross]

So this is really just about validating yourself by saying, I knew this information before that I didn't know about before everybody else but Chris obviously knew about.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, I guess. So I guess you knew too, huh?

[David Cross]

Yeah, but not so directly just secondhand.

[Rachel Clay]

That's even cooler, kinda.

[David Cross]

No, that's not cooler. Actually, firsthand is better than secondhand. Secondhand is how now I know it's right.

[Rachel Clay]

Okay.

[David Cross]

If Chris and I share the same. I guess third hand, maybe. Third hand, yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

Wow. So first, second, third.

[David Cross]

Yeah, you should know. Well, first, second, third, you should know. For those of you at home, we've been pointing to each other. All right. So I don't know if they explain to you. I try to know as little as possible about the guests that I don't know about. It's not like I'm poring over research, but I know enough to know you're a comedian in the New York area.

[Rachel Clay]

Yes.

[David Cross]

How's that going?

[Rachel Clay]

Well, I've been in LA a little bit more.

[David Cross]

Where are you from originally?

[Rachel Clay]

I'm from New York City. Originally from the city yeah.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

What part?

[Rachel Clay]

Hell's Kitchen.

[David Cross]

Oh. So you've seen a lot of changes.

[Rachel Clay]

I really have. Although my block hasn't changed at all.

[David Cross]

That was my next question was, when you go back home, is there a home to go back to?

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, technically, yes. Although. So my dad lives in my childhood apartment. I don't talk to him, but I see pictures.

[David Cross]

Because he won't leave your apartment. Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

I'm like, let's go. I see he has a YouTube page. So I see pictures of my apartment on his YouTube page.

[David Cross]

Weird.

[Rachel Clay]

And it looks the same anyway. And then my mom lives in Chelsea, and, well, I shouldn't say where, but she lives in Chelsea, but I can't go back to her apartment because there's a guy who lives above her who keeps dropping bowling ball all the time.

[David Cross]

Is it because he. His hands are getting weaker? He's arthritis or he's purposely.

[Rachel Clay]

We don't know why he's doing it, but he does it throughout the day and night.

[David Cross]

Maybe he doesn't understand the concept of bowling, but he likes the idea of bowling.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And nobody's. Why don't you go up there and say, hey, it's that you do it this way.

[Rachel Clay]

We've tried knocking. He doesn't answer.

[David Cross]

Have you tried knocking with a bowling ball?

[Rachel Clay]

No. I'll throw a bowling ball at his door next time. It is like a building where it's mostly old people.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

So I think the weak hand idea you have is perhaps it's too bad.

[David Cross]

You can't swap out the bowling ball with something that's more like cube shaped or something that won't roll. So if he drops it, he drops.

[Rachel Clay]

It's tough.

[David Cross]

You know what I mean?

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And then the bowling ball has holes in it, which makes it easier to pick up, pick up. But if it's a thing that drops and just stays there, maybe. And it's a he or she, I shouldn't. You don't even know. Honestly. The person above your mom.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Now, how come you don't talk to your dad or see your dad?

[Rachel Clay]

He is crazy, but he's hilarious. But he's a. He's not a good guy.

[David Cross]

In what way? What is prize picks? Hmm. Probably been asked that a million times.

[Chris]

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[David Cross]

I'm sure I have dozens, but thanks.

[Chris]

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[David Cross]

Let's say you've allotted, I don't know.

[Chris]

$180 for clam chowder for the month. This way you can track and see how much money you're spending on chowder. Are you spending too much money but you still want chowder? Get some cheaper chowder.

[David Cross]

I mean, you know, Rocket Money will.

[Chris]

Even try to negotiate lower bills for you, especially with clam chowder. They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save. Then you can ask them to negotiate for you. They'll deal with customer service so you don't have to. And I don't know how many times.

[David Cross]

I've had to deal with some just.

[Chris]

Like Automaton on the other end when I'm trying to get clam chowder.

[David Cross]

It's ridiculous.

[Chris]

Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com SenseToday that's RocketMoney.com senses RocketMoney.com senses.

[Rachel Clay]

Maybe we'll edit this out, but we'll see how I feel about it, because I talk about it in stand up. But he's a pedophile.

[David Cross]

Oh, shit. That's awful.

[Rachel Clay]

I know, but it's also like, whatever. There are other things, too. That's sort of like the cherry on top.

[David Cross]

Wow, that's. So if that is the cherry on top, the base, this is. I'm assuming this is an ice cream sundae analogy. That ice cream sundae must be amazing. Yeah, it's the cherry.

[Rachel Clay]

It's bananas, peanuts, whipped cream, whatever, man.

[David Cross]

All kinds of sauces.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Wow.

[Rachel Clay]

Chocolate caramel.

[David Cross]

And when you say he's a pedophile, is it. Is. Are you saying it like one would say, describe somebody as an alcoholic where they. If they had. If they've been sober for 10 years, you'd still say they're an alcoholic. So is he a practicing pedophile?

[Rachel Clay]

I don't think he's ever really practiced.

[David Cross]

Although, wait, now I'm. Now I don't understand at all.

[Rachel Clay]

It's sort of a situation of, like, watching stuff.

[David Cross]

Oh, gotcha.

[Rachel Clay]

Gotcha in a big way.

[David Cross]

Oh, man.

[Rachel Clay]

But.

[David Cross]

And I assume you've addressed this with him.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, no, he. He vehemently denies it.

[David Cross]

So how do you know?

[Rachel Clay]

Because my mom found it.

[David Cross]

Oh, my God. And that's why they're split up.

[Rachel Clay]

They were already splitting up. Or they had already split up.

[David Cross]

That's terrible.

[Rachel Clay]

I know. But it's also, you know, well, whatever. It's fine. He's. He never did anything really. But it's not good.

[David Cross]

Right. But he's still allowing that thing to continue and.

[Rachel Clay]

Of course. But all to say, that's not why I stopped talking to him. I would just say that again. The cherry on top, where it's like.

[David Cross]

There'S a lot of stuff.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And it. And do you have brothers and sisters?

[Rachel Clay]

I have a younger sibling who. Non. Binary.

[David Cross]

They. Okay.

[Rachel Clay]

You know about that?

[David Cross]

What?

[Rachel Clay]

You know about that?

[David Cross]

That one that's come up on the Nice. On the Yahoo.

[Rachel Clay]

Good, good.

[David Cross]

Yes.

[Rachel Clay]

Anya.

[David Cross]

What? He's. Or she's. And she's. What in the world? Yeah, yeah, I know.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah. Younger sibling.

[David Cross]

Man. That's. That's, that's. And well, that's great. I truly mean this, that you are addressing it in your stand up. You should. It's an amazing.

[Rachel Clay]

It's so funny.

[David Cross]

Well, that's not necessarily what I meant, but that's good that you were able to put a funny, positive spin on it.

[Rachel Clay]

People get upset when I talk about it.

[David Cross]

Well, they should. I'm. I'm. I'm upset a little bit by just. You just hear it and you, you know, there's like all kinds of stories about, you know, happening every two weeks or so. You get, you know, you read something horrific. But to sit across from somebody who is the daughter of that has to deal with that is like, that makes it much more, you know, present and immediate. And it's just, it's got to be because it's, it's, it's sickening. It's such a.

[Rachel Clay]

It is. Sometimes I kind of. I think I have enough distance from it now and I, I have fun with it. It was his birthday recently and I texted him and I asked him. I know. We don't talk. We don't talk.

[David Cross]

Wait, no, the first thing when you said that, my first, you know, cynical comic, it's like, oh, I know what you got him for Christmas, for his birthday. Dad, there's a dark web link too. All right. Good Lord, he's funny. But I just get the pedophile who has everything.

[Rachel Clay]

He has nothing. He's on Ozempic right now and he's gaining weight.

[David Cross]

He's got life all backwards.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

This guy can't catch a break. But I texted him, I was like, I felt I haven't talked to him in years. And I was like, sometimes I'm like, I should text him because what if he dies and then it'll feel complicated that I didn't wish him happy birthday or something.

[David Cross]

Oh, that.

[Rachel Clay]

I know.

[David Cross]

That I know.

[Rachel Clay]

But I did.

[David Cross]

And also, is he trying to reach out to you ever?

[Rachel Clay]

No. So sometimes he does. Sometimes he does, but when he does, it's usually to tell me I'm like, a bitch or whatever.

[David Cross]

Fuck him double now, of course.

[Rachel Clay]

But I texted him. I was like. He told me he was watching a Woody Allen movie on his birthday, and.

[David Cross]

I was like, how appropriate.

[Rachel Clay]

I was like, well, do you think you can separate the art from the artist? Like, I like to kind of play around with him. He just went on this whole tirade, like, defending Woody Allen and was like, do you know about the Connecticut court case that ruled in his favor, like, all this stuff?

[David Cross]

Of course. He's.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Oh, my Lord, it was so funny.

[Rachel Clay]

So I got a kick out of it.

[David Cross]

Well, that's good. What is. What is he. What does he do for a living? Or did.

[Rachel Clay]

He's a cab driver always.

[David Cross]

Since you were a kid.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

Hailed his cab once. This is my famous story. Not that it's very famous.

[David Cross]

That. What?

[Rachel Clay]

But we were estranged when I was in high school, and I hailed his cab.

[David Cross]

Oh, weird. Got into his cab, not knowing that that was his cab.

[Rachel Clay]

I know. I mean, I hailed it and it was him. And it was like, am I gonna get another cab or am I gonna get in the cab? So I got in the cab.

[David Cross]

Oh, my gosh.

[Rachel Clay]

And he made me pay the fare.

[David Cross]

I fucking hate this guy. I really don't like him. God damn, man. That's. That's. And he has a YouTube page. What is he doing his YouTube podcast, maybe? Sure, I might. I mean, I wouldn't. I wouldn't say no to that.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, he's funny.

[David Cross]

Well, I guess that's his saving grace, right?

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, well, he. He learned English from Seinfeld.

[David Cross]

What nationality is he?

[Rachel Clay]

Moroccan.

[David Cross]

Say it again.

[Rachel Clay]

Moroccan.

[David Cross]

Moroccan. They rank fairly high in the pedophile world in Morocco. No, in the.

[Chris]

Globally.

[Rachel Clay]

Oh, I see. Yeah. I don't know about that, but I'll look into it.

[David Cross]

I believe that section of the planet is, you know.

[Rachel Clay]

Sure.

[David Cross]

Middle Eastern, North African. Kind of some stuff going on over there.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah. Yeah, I'll look into it. I'd like to visit so I could ask when I'm there.

[David Cross]

Morocco's supposed to be amazing. I would love to go.

[Rachel Clay]

I would love to go.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And your mom is Ellis Island Jewish type of thing? Yeah. Wow. What a.

[Chris]

What a.

[David Cross]

What an awful sense of betrayal to. To your mom and you.

[Rachel Clay]

Sure. You know, but I think my mom has A type?

[David Cross]

Like, what would she.

[Rachel Clay]

Well, there's a guy she dated before my dad who I would say was pedophile adjacent.

[David Cross]

That you. Have you met him?

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, yeah. Weird guy. Nice guy, but weird.

[David Cross]

Yeah. How did you end up meeting him?

[Rachel Clay]

They're still best friends.

[David Cross]

Okay. Yeah. Wow.

[Rachel Clay]

And he introduced her to my dad.

[David Cross]

And your mom's first generation off the boat or.

[Rachel Clay]

No, no, my. My great grandparents were the ones who.

[David Cross]

Oh, so she's been here forever.

[Rachel Clay]

Made their way. Yeah. She's from Brooklyn.

[David Cross]

And where are your great. Do you say great or great? Great.

[Rachel Clay]

Great grandparents.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Where are they from?

[Rachel Clay]

Like Lithuania or something random?

[David Cross]

Yeah. Wow.

[Rachel Clay]

Where are you from?

[David Cross]

I'm from Atlanta. That's the short. The short answer is Roswell, Georgia. But the longer answer is I was born in Atlanta, moved every year constantly all over the place, and then moved back to Roswell when I was 9, and then was there for 10 years and then left. But my family's still there. I have one sister in North Carolina, but everybody else is still in Atlanta.

[Rachel Clay]

I've been to Atlanta twice. Both times I got food poisoning.

[David Cross]

That's the Atlanta promise.

[Rachel Clay]

Actually. Actually, there I stayed two nights. First night I was sick. Second night I went to that strip club. That's awesome.

[David Cross]

Oh, well, they have. They're known for the strip club, so.

[Rachel Clay]

Magic City one, tenured. I'm going like this because they have huge tips.

[David Cross]

Claremont.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Blondie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm. I'm. I'm air quote friendly with Blondie.

[Rachel Clay]

Really?

[David Cross]

Yeah. I did a. I had been. I. The. For those who don't know, and I think most people will know, Claremont Lounges now. It's internationally famous. It wasn't. It was around for a long time, but it was known for. It's right on Ponce. It's like right in Midtown and Ponce de Leon and, you know, older, super sassy, not empirically attractive strippers.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Cheap pbr. Like, I mean, when I was in high school, you know, 18, 19, 20, when we'd go down there before, it was like, you know, hipster discovered. I mean, it was. I think it was literally like a dollar a beer, $2 a beer, maybe. And. And it was more of a bar than a strip club. Everybody should know that. Yeah, that was just sort of this thing that happened around you. But. And it was at the base of the Claremont Hotel, which is now all fancy, but back then it was like flop house at my. My best friend growing up, him and his brother had a place there and found a rat. They were on, like, the fourth floor. And they found a rat in their toilet. That's how.

[Rachel Clay]

Drowned.

[David Cross]

No, alive. Just swimming around for real. And they were on like the fourth.

[Rachel Clay]

Floor because there aren't supposed to be rats up there.

[David Cross]

I just. That's a. That's a. It's a good tenacious rat to get all the way up there through the pipes.

[Rachel Clay]

But anyway.

[David Cross]

And then it got kind of. Then it was like, you know, discovered by the cool kids. And that's really my. Where I came into it too. I didn't. I never went there as like a regular before it was hit. But then I heard about it and it was awesome. And. But now it's like a tourist thing. It's really. And they've re. They've changed everything. Anyway, Blondie is still there and she's.

[Rachel Clay]

She's the one with huge tits, right?

[David Cross]

Yeah. And she'll crush the beer can.

[Rachel Clay]

That was awesome.

[David Cross]

Yeah, she's. And then what she'll do also. And I've had this done to me. She will put your head. Anybody, whoever, she'll take the tips and she'll put your head in between her tits and then beat the. She'll pound and it hurts like she is getting out some shit.

[Rachel Clay]

Wait, sorry. She does it on the side of her own tits.

[David Cross]

On the side of her tits? Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

But you're feeling the impact.

[David Cross]

Oh, very much.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

Wow.

[David Cross]

I mean, I don't know. I mean, she would be furious if I said this, but I'm guessing she's 50. Sure. You know. Yeah, she was incredible. She's amazing. And she. She's. You know, I did a whole. I did this segment about her for Vice tv long, long time ago because I had a. You know, I sort of knew who. You know, we knew each other, but. But she's also, you know, a little nuts and would call me at 4 in the morning and with, you know, with nothing to say and like, just. And also like, you know, when you are on either end of. You've had a conversation in your head or somebody's had a conversation in your head, then they turn to you or you turn to somebody and go, oh, that's why I don't want chicken nuggets.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[Chris]

What?

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Oh, sorry, I was just. No, I thought we were talking about lunch earlier and I thought. I thought I was talking to you, but I was talking.

[Chris]

She has.

[David Cross]

It's a lot of that where there's conversations in her head and then she's telling you something, you're like, What? And at 4 in the morning. Yeah, well, you know, I would just tell him that, you know, baby, it's time to go. Whatever.

[Rachel Clay]

Does she know about voice notes? Oh, maybe that one.

[David Cross]

I have not talked to her since I moved to Brooklyn, which was what, 15 years ago? Okay, so it's been a while.

[Rachel Clay]

Well, she seems to be doing well, based on what I saw.

[David Cross]

No, she's. I mean, you know, she's. She's a. Certainly a really interesting. And if she's in the right headspace, really cool to talk to.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah. Yeah, that's nice.

[David Cross]

Yeah, there's. There's a lot of different. She's like, first tier level of those. But there was a stripper named Cinderella. I think her name was. Oh, here. This is a true story. 100% true. So when I was. I'm gonna say 19, 18 or 19, I was there with my friend Craig, and Craig and I were sitting down there. This is kind of before it's getting discovered. And it's just a place to go with cheap beer and kind of like a day drinking thing, whatever. And we're there and our waitress is. I mean, I'm gonna guess eight months pregnant, like visibly with like a half shirt, but it's only a half shirt because her belly's sticking out. You know what I mean? And she was younger. She was definitely. She was a waitress. So most of the strippers are older. Not all of them, but they're.

[Rachel Clay]

I got a private dance there from a young stripper.

[David Cross]

Okay. All right. Anyway, there's no privacy. Where'd you go?

[Rachel Clay]

They did it. It was a. Someone just quickly. I walked in at 2am with my backpack on because I was coming from a show and people thought I was like a high schooler. And this guy was like, that's so funny. There's like a high schooler in here. And I was like, no, like, I'm in my 20s. He's like, I'm gonna get you a dance. And so he bought me a dance. The woman was fully naked, which I didn't really know about. Like, I thought you had. Well, whatever.

[David Cross]

Every state has a different.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Cross]

Different rules.

[Rachel Clay]

And she did it in front of everyone at the bar.

[David Cross]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. There's no, like, there's no VIP room. There's no room ever. Anywhere to go. So when you said private thing was like.

[Rachel Clay]

Well, but she was, like, doing like, crazy stuff to me and everyone was just watching. Anyway.

[David Cross]

Yeah, interesting. I think they have a kind of a higher quality of talent there now at that now that it's like, you'll see, like, Japanese businessmen there. And it's like in the timeout guide to Atlanta, you know, the where to get hard. Yeah. Prague version.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah. But go.

[David Cross]

Yeah. So the waitress, like, again, eight months, like, just about ready to pop.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Like, I think we get a couple rounds and super sweet, you know, southern younger girl. And then at some point, she's like, oh, excuse me. And we're kind of at the bar. You know how there is that like, kind of little, like, horseshoe thing.

[Chris]

All right.

[David Cross]

So she gets. She's like, excuse me. Gives us our drinks and then goes. Proceeds to go up and strip.

[Rachel Clay]

No way.

[David Cross]

Yeah. There weren't a lot of people there. Probably like, I'm gonna guess 10 people scattered around, tops. And we were like, wow.

[Rachel Clay]

Whoa.

[David Cross]

Full on pregnant. And I mean, full on pregnant. And then stripping and then getting back in her clothes to serve more beers. Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

Incredible.

[David Cross]

Yeah. That was. That's Claremont.

[Rachel Clay]

I took a burlesque class once because I wanted to try to be confident in my body, but it made it worse, obviously.

[David Cross]

What made it worse?

[Rachel Clay]

Well, burlesque is a lot of props.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

So you have to have a fan and gloves, and that just really made it worse for me. Yeah, they really focused on the gloves.

[David Cross]

Gloves. So you're not good at glove work.

[Rachel Clay]

I don't know if I'm good at it or not, but I don't like it.

[David Cross]

And what is it, this thing where you take your teeth and you do one finger at a time? Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

Take your teeth on the. On your hand, you pull off the glove, you take off your feather cap or whatever. I mean, this was a very particular burlesque class, I guess, where we're dressed to the nines and then nipple tassels. Kind of the whole thing. Yeah, it was like a month long course.

[David Cross]

Wow. And like pre Rachel Post Rachel, is there a difference in your burlesque abilities?

[Rachel Clay]

I know how to dance a certain way to make my boobs move a certain way.

[David Cross]

Oh, okay.

[Rachel Clay]

So that's a fun trick.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Rachel Clay]

You know, on a date, maybe a third date, maybe a first date.

[David Cross]

It depends.

[Rachel Clay]

Sure.

[David Cross]

I mean, some people connect right away. Yeah. Are you a app data?

[Rachel Clay]

I. I have been immensely. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah. That's something that is. Is so foreign to me. It's horrible in my generation and I. You know, there's a. Now why do you say it's horrible? Let's.

[Rachel Clay]

I think it's like. I mean, a lot of it is just like. I think it gives people the mindset that like, you can always find someone better. Kind of. It's like shot. It's like online shopping. It's like having 100 tab and you never have to. You're just like, I'm gonna actually try that one on.

[David Cross]

Well, is it okay? But what if it's just about hooking up? Is that still apply? Or you. Or is it looking for love?

[Rachel Clay]

I guess I'm always looking for love, right? Sometimes. Sometimes I'm not.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

But mostly I am.

[David Cross]

That's interesting. That. And. And you recognize that. That flaw in it, that it's.

[Rachel Clay]

I think there's somebody better.

[David Cross]

There's somebody better.

[Rachel Clay]

And it's like, who can curate their profile the best. And it doesn't actually necessarily, like, reflect anything, but there's an algorithm is a profile.

[David Cross]

A limited amount of characters and stuff.

[Rachel Clay]

Limited amount of pictures and kind of like prompts and whatever. But then, like, I think the algorithm recognizes what's like, a cool aesthetic. And so those people get more. I mean, I'm just pissed because I think I maybe don't have a good profile.

[David Cross]

No. Take a burlesque class. Did you put that into your profile?

[Rachel Clay]

No, I think that would knock me down.

[David Cross]

That you should lead with that.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And then next is. My dad is a pedophile. Right. And then after that, I'd like to shoot myself in the head. I think you're gonna get some top talent.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah. I'll give it a shot. And I'll tell you, I want to.

[David Cross]

Let everybody know we're talking to Rachel Clay.

[Rachel Clay]

Can I correct you?

[Chris]

Yep.

[Rachel Clay]

Clean.

[David Cross]

What?

[Rachel Clay]

Collie.

[Chris]

Collie.

[Rachel Clay]

I know.

[David Cross]

Oh, okay.

[Rachel Clay]

No one knows anything about my name.

[David Cross]

But it's spelled K L A Y. K A L, Y. Oh, I just misread it.

[Rachel Clay]

Perhaps. Perhaps it was a typo and you read it correctly. But there was a typo.

[David Cross]

Hey, let me see.

[Rachel Clay]

Because I don't want to blame anything.

[David Cross]

My brain made, like, a little, you know, just saw it and autocorrect, as it were. I'll tell you right now. Wait a second. Let me look at my calendar.

[Rachel Clay]

And even if you knew the right spelling.

[David Cross]

K A, L. That was me. I messed it up.

[Rachel Clay]

Well, it's no worries.

[David Cross]

Rachel. Collie.

[Rachel Clay]

There we go.

[David Cross]

And why was I going to say this? Because. Oh. What apps are you on?

[Rachel Clay]

Well, right now, I'm taking a break from the apps.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Rachel Clay]

But I was on Hinge. I was on Tinder, so look for.

[David Cross]

Rachel Kelly on Hinge and Tinder. After a brief hiatus.

[Rachel Clay]

Yes. I think they might still be active, but I just Deleted the apps.

[David Cross]

Right. So you got burlesque going. She knows how to move her. I'm going to say boobs because that's what you said, even though you said tits earlier. When they're somebody else's, they're tits. When they're yours, they're boobs. Okay, so. Because I'm speaking. So her tits. I can say that can. Has a dance that she can.

[Rachel Clay]

Clockwise, counterclockwise, left. Right.

[David Cross]

But both at the same time. Right.

[Rachel Clay]

Well, I. Okay. I'm not gonna show, obviously, but I'm just gonna. If you're watching, do you put it on YouTube?

[David Cross]

I do.

[Rachel Clay]

Okay. So I can do like that. I can do like that. I can do like that. That I can do like that.

[David Cross]

That seems really hard to me.

[Rachel Clay]

It's just gravity, really.

[David Cross]

I don't know. Like.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, it's quite simple, really.

[David Cross]

Is it. Is it like hula hooping or belly.

[Rachel Clay]

Dance about how you move your arms? I mean, it's really actually not very sexy because it's like you're kind of just. Anyway.

[David Cross]

But I mean. I mean, use it while you can because sex robots are right around the corner.

[Rachel Clay]

I know.

[David Cross]

And they're going to be able to do all that. Yeah. Rachel. Callie. Sorry. And do you have any dates or anything you want to plug?

[Rachel Clay]

It's interesting. It's actually maybe the worst time for me to do this because I have nothing to plug.

[David Cross]

That's all right.

[Rachel Clay]

But in about six to nine months, there will be stuff to plug.

[David Cross]

Well, that's. I think you're asking a lot of my audience to remember in about.

[Rachel Clay]

Just put. If you're listening right now, put a reminder or alert. Yeah, Google Rachel calling now.

[David Cross]

Six to nine months from now. Yeah, Okay, I want to go back to the food poisoning. So where'd you eat that? You got food poisoning twice.

[Rachel Clay]

So one was I. Actually, I was. I used to be too scared to fly. So I was taking a bus back from Denver to New York South. I know. It was horrible. So I got mugged.

[David Cross]

Oh, God. I want to hear about this. But why Too scared to fly. Just. It was a.

[Rachel Clay]

You know what it is?

[David Cross]

No.

[Rachel Clay]

And I hate. I keep bringing the mood down. Pedophilia, whatever. But I saw 911 happen. I was. My. My school was very close and it ruined my life.

[David Cross]

Sure. I understand.

[Rachel Clay]

Briefly. But I was too. I was like, there's no way. It's not happening again to me.

[David Cross]

Yeah. After. After 9 11, I was like, I'm not going into the World Trade Center.

[Rachel Clay]

No, totally.

[David Cross]

I'm Neither tower. That is not for me.

[Rachel Clay]

Nope. Not anymore. Yeah, I get that. That's smart.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

But that's why I wasn't flying. No, no.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Rachel Clay]

Oh. So the night before, I'd been in Nashville and I was staying at this girl's house who I knew in college, and she was a self proclaimed pop star and she lived in a mansion that her parents bought her.

[David Cross]

Oh, no.

[Rachel Clay]

And we were supposed to get dinner, but she said she was at the studio, which I don't know if that. I just. She's never put out a song, so I'm like, maybe she was at the studio, maybe she wasn't. But so she. I didn't know where to get food and she was like, help yourself to my stuff in my fridge. And all that she had in her fridge were raspberries. So I ate them, but I didn't wash them.

[David Cross]

So a little listeria practice.

[Rachel Clay]

I got major food poisoning on the bus to Atlanta and then had it in Atlanta. And then I think the other time I had gotten food poisoning at the airport. So I shouldn't blame Atlanta.

[David Cross]

Right?

[Rachel Clay]

I just experienced it there.

[David Cross]

Blame the mayor, though, in the. In his administration.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Oh, it could have been Shirley Franklin. It could have been her. When was this?

[Rachel Clay]

2016.

[David Cross]

Yeah. So that was a lady. I also got food poisoning. Not on a bus, but on a train.

[Rachel Clay]

Amtrak.

[David Cross]

Yep. Going to Atlanta from Boston.

[Rachel Clay]

Did you have a sleeper car?

[David Cross]

No, no, no. This was. I went from Boston to New York and then took whatever train it was. I remember one thing about it was that my. I remember I had cheddar cheese powder flavored sesame sticks, and the car was like an older car where there's like a lot of, like, wood. More wood than you'd ever see. Now, I don't remember which line it was, but I mean, I was throwing up all over the place. And the train never stopped shaking. Yeah. Yeah. Never stopped shaking. It was awful. That was horrible. Like, when I got off the train and, you know, there's vomit all over me and I don't have. And my mom was just like, oh, my God. I was just gray and it was.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, Amtrak is. I on this trip. I took the train to Denver and then buses back. So I've taken the train from New York to Denver.

[David Cross]

Man, that is. That's so. I mean, I understand. I mean.

[Rachel Clay]

Well, it made me. After that I was like, I'm taking a plane.

[David Cross]

And so what was that first experience.

[Rachel Clay]

Like, of getting back on the plane? It was scary. But I take Klonopin when I fly.

[David Cross]

My sister has a. Not. Because of 9 11. It was. This is going way back. She just has a terrible fear of flying that she knows is irrational. She's completely aware of it and is better. And she flies a lot, you know, and is better at it. But taking off and landing is. She's terrified. And she takes Klonopin as well.

[Rachel Clay]

That is. It's interesting because I know taking off and landing is technically the most dangerous part of flying.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Rachel Clay]

But it's actually the most soothing part to me, really. I'm always worried about just dropping out of the air and a terrorist.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

Anyway.

[David Cross]

And your dad's from Morocco. Interesting.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Terrorist adjacent.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah. Well, my full last name is Bin Khalifa, which means son of the Caliphate.

[David Cross]

Wow.

[Rachel Clay]

So that's tough when you're flying. They don't like that.

[David Cross]

Oh, that's amazing.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Have you ever just. Hi, I'm Rachel, Son of the Caliphate.

[Rachel Clay]

I would. I would love to change my name back. Like, I'm kind of pissed that my dad changed our name.

[David Cross]

He changed it. Well, it's understandable.

[Rachel Clay]

Of course.

[David Cross]

I'll give him that.

[Rachel Clay]

He became a citizen in 2003. He's. He's so funny, but he's just like. He was doing whatever. Yeah, he's a. He's a weird guy. But yes, he changed. He changed our name before he applied for citizenship.

[David Cross]

Sure. It makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. I don't. I don't. I. I know my name. I'm not gonna get into that.

[Rachel Clay]

Are you sure?

[David Cross]

Am I sure about not getting into it?

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, it's.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Not because it's embarrassing. It's just sort of boring and long about my last name.

[Rachel Clay]

Are you Jewish?

[David Cross]

Brought up Jewish. My. I got bar mitzvah and all that shit. But early on I was like, you.

[Rachel Clay]

Know, not for you.

[David Cross]

Not. Not just. Not for me. Just like, this is.

[Rachel Clay]

Like, right, like religion in general.

[David Cross]

Well, I guess.

[Chris]

Yes.

[David Cross]

But also specifically, you know, New and Old Testament based teachings are just. They're all ridiculous. Have you read the Bible or started to?

[Rachel Clay]

I can't say that I have. I mean, I was bat mitzvahed and I read my Torah portion, which was just about like counting people in a village, which I'm like, that's interesting.

[David Cross]

Just counting. Like a census.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, it was like a census. And I just think that that's funny. Like, counting Jews, basically.

[David Cross]

I remember my haptora.

[Rachel Clay]

What was it?

[David Cross]

It was God. We just. I talked about this with Nick. I think this is crazy. My haptora was. I can't remember who was talking to God or he was going to smite a village. And I don't know if it's Abraham or who. I can't remember who it was, but he was in a very Jewish way too. You know, if there are a thousand. If there's 10,000 people and a thousand of them are innocent, would you still kill them? He's like, no, I would not. What if there were 500? I would not. You know, when it goes down to one, what if there was one innocent person? Would you still smite the village? He. And then God decides not to smite the village.

[Rachel Clay]

Classic.

[David Cross]

But to kind of. He was annoyed at this guy kind of losing the. The argument, the debate. So he gave him a really tiny penis.

[Rachel Clay]

You're kidding. That's in the Torah?

[David Cross]

Yes. It's not. I didn't make that up. I would believe that it's something. It says something that you believed it, of course. No, the. The. I read. I don't remember which translation. It was something that was a little easier to read. But I read the first. I read Genesis. Just. You don't even have to go past Genesis. Genesis is the most insane.

[Rachel Clay]

Is that Old Testament?

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

I just learned about Old and New Testament.

[David Cross]

It.

[Rachel Clay]

I heard about it, but I don't think I ever sunk my teeth into what it means.

[David Cross]

The Old Testament is pre Jesus. The New Testament, the Gospels, you know, Mark, Luke.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Sandy and Trayvon. Those are the four apostles who wrote about Jesus. Way. They didn't write because they didn't know how to write.

[Rachel Clay]

Right.

[David Cross]

So they would. They told these stories orally. And some people wrote little bits and pieces of them down. Then some of these things were. And also memories were written down as the Gospels according to Luke and John, you know, and Those were written 30 to 90 years after the apostle died.

[Rachel Clay]

The apostle meaning the person whose book it is.

[David Cross]

Yes. So not.

[Rachel Clay]

Why did it take so long?

[David Cross]

Because a lot of people didn't know how to write. And these were all stories that I have a whole bit about that very famous bit. It's probably one of the best bits ever in the history of stand up comedy.

[Rachel Clay]

I'll have to Google it.

[David Cross]

It goes back.

[Rachel Clay]

Or I could watch it now.

[David Cross]

You could, I guess. I don't know which special it's from, but I gotta blow my notes. I'm getting like all. Hang on one second.

[Rachel Clay]

Did you use the whole wad for that?

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

Wow.

[David Cross]

Oh, there was a lot. I had. I ran out of the house. I woke up.

[Rachel Clay]

You could have canceled on Me, Just so you know.

[David Cross]

Yes, well, I appreciate that. And I. And I considered it, but no, I. I was like, I gotta do this. And I. And I told my wife. My wife said, cancel. And I was like, I'll do this. I'll take a nap when I get home. But. Oh, that poor kid. The whole. What was admirable about it was there was no freak out at all. It was just like I threw up and she kept throwing up, but there was no, like, what's happening to me? Or none of that.

[Rachel Clay]

She was resigned to it.

[David Cross]

She was. And.

[Rachel Clay]

And there's a wisdom to that.

[David Cross]

There is a maturity that. And she doesn't get, like, throw up sick a lot. I mean, I can count on one hand in her life that it's. That she's had that. But it was like something. She didn't have a fever, but something. You know, it's not norovirus because that has all these other attendant symptoms that she didn't have. And she just was at a loss. Like, why is this happening? I don't get, you know, how old is she? She is seven. She'll be eight in a couple weeks.

[Rachel Clay]

Amazing.

[David Cross]

But so I appreciated her kind of. No drama to it. Just like, you know, which is a good character trait to have. I think it's like, well, I'm sick and I'll deal with this now. And instead of being all, you know, oh, what am I to do?

[Rachel Clay]

That would be awesome if she said that.

[David Cross]

She'S. She's. She's now reached the age where all those funny things that, that are adult, like, that kids say. And every kid, you know, every culture, every kid everywhere has that era. It's like from three to six.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Where they say things that children don't say and adult. And you're like, what? Where did you get that from? Really funny. Really funny. Or Sally and oppression or whatever the thing that they say is. But she's kind of now as she's getting to be a person.

[Rachel Clay]

Right.

[David Cross]

Like, you don't really have those anymore, but.

[Rachel Clay]

Or if you do it, it becomes your personality.

[David Cross]

Well, I mean, the, the. She's exposed to so much too, especially living in Brooklyn and. Yeah. And also with all the shit that's available on tv, like, I don't even know half the stuff that she's accessing. You know, we don't. She's not on the Internet. We don't have that. But. But so the. So the phrases that she'd say that if she was five would be like, what in the. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's less of that because it's like, oh, you heard that in class or you heard that on TV or whatever.

[Rachel Clay]

I was a teacher for a while. Were you that around that age? Like four to six, sometimes seven, depending on.

[David Cross]

So like, kindergarten.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, kindergarten and first grade.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

And pre K. They sort of threw me around.

[David Cross]

Where did you teach?

[Rachel Clay]

It was a private school in the West Village.

[David Cross]

Oh, fancy.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Did any celebrities? Kids? Tons. Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

So many.

[David Cross]

And were they. Did you find that you had a. A judgment prejudgment of them that you tried to get past? Like, just because I don't respect your mother and father, I've got to give you.

[Rachel Clay]

I definitely. I really tried not to, but it is hard. It's like, oh, you're this person's kid, and you kind of see how they treat other kids or, like, what they're expecting. And you're like, there were some. But you did.

[David Cross]

You did experience a. Like, oh, that makes sense. You act like this and you're this person a bit.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah. And it was interesting because the parents were often very involved, and then you kind of, like, very involved or involved.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

And you meet these, like, celebrities in the context of being parents, and then you have judgments about that. I wish I could say names, but I can't. Anyway, all to say, I was a teacher for kids that age, and they would say really funny stuff, and I feel like I was often. Not often, but I sometimes was goading them to say. I was like, what are you gonna say if I bring this up?

[David Cross]

Right. That's kind of part of the fun, I would think.

[Chris]

Are you certified now?

[David Cross]

So how does that work?

[Rachel Clay]

I was, like, in an assistant position. My job was actually mostly about discipline.

[David Cross]

Oh.

[Rachel Clay]

I was the disciplinarian. But it's like they kind of put you through their own training process. We did a lot of, like, workshops and whatever. So I actually think I'm.

[David Cross]

So this is something that, I mean, you had to have had an interest in, and perhaps I'll do this in the future.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, I loved it. I really enjoyed it. And I'm always like, if this stuff doesn't work out or if I don't want to do it anymore, I'll become a teacher.

[David Cross]

And where are you in the. In your comedy career?

[Rachel Clay]

Here's what I'd say. I'm doing okay. I mean, I write on TV shows. I'm going to be in one this year. So it's like, I think in the next year I'll have a little bit more, but I'm like, working regularly, which is nice, and I feel lucky.

[David Cross]

Are you doing clubs and stuff?

[Rachel Clay]

I don't do clubs as much I would like to. I think my. My material. Well, I shouldn't blame my material. I just don't really do clubs.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Rachel Clay]

But I'm like.

[David Cross]

But you say you'd like to, so.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, I just haven't really tried. I do like, you know, Union Hall, Bell House when I'm here, then in la, it's like the illusion, like, whatever.

[David Cross]

For making money.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

If you're going to tour.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Where would you play?

[Rachel Clay]

When I've toured, I usually do kind of like. I mean, I don't do clubs. I do like venues that are often like kind of diy, whatever. But I've like, I was touring with someone who did some clubs, but it was mostly like rock venues.

[David Cross]

That's how I. I mean, I did clubs when I started. I started when I was, you know, relatively young in this, you know, in comedy and. And did clubs, because that's where you played and did that a lot until I decided, you know, fuck this.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

It's not, you know, I don't do that well in clubs. I'll take the money and I'll take the gigs and I'll do my material, but. And then I did a tour where I had a band open up for me, and then we did music venues, and it was fucking awesome. And then you dictate everything, right? You. You've got, you know, and the, The. There's several downsides to a club, but one of them is, you know, you've got no control.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

You got. If you want to go over 45 minutes and the second show Saturday, you can't. No, there's no.

[Rachel Clay]

Right.

[David Cross]

You gotta do that. And then you, you know, they're dropping checks in the middle of your closing bit and all that stuff, and you got to deal with annoying owners and the comedy condo.

[Rachel Clay]

Do you ever.

[David Cross]

You ever stay in a comedy condo?

[Rachel Clay]

What is a comedy condo? Sounds scary.

[David Cross]

Kids today, you kids. The comedy condo is the place. Sometimes it wasn't a condo, but it was the place that the club had. That was where all the comics stayed. And then there was a hierarchy.

[Rachel Clay]

Sure. Oh, okay.

[David Cross]

So the. So the headliner got the good room. Middle act, you know, feature act is the next best. And then it just sort of shook out that way. And, you know, it's part of paying your dues.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And. But they were. It was.

[Rachel Clay]

It was Comedy condo.

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

Incredible.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

I wish that was still around. There's one venue and trust me. Really?

[David Cross]

Yeah. It depends on who you're working with. I didn't work with outside of maybe one or two. One or two weeks at various clubs. Maybe more than that. Yeah. It's probably not fair, but I'd say certainly well over half of them were with douchey.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Road hack people who.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah. It's interesting the like, gamut of people who tour and what's going on with them. But. Yeah, I don't. I, I.

[David Cross]

That's kind of why I asked. That's was the reason why, like, you know, where are you and what are you doing?

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, I want to tour more.

[David Cross]

Yes.

[Rachel Clay]

It's fun when I've done it, but I've. I started doing stand up. I'm not saying I was good at it, but I started when I was nine.

[David Cross]

Wow.

[Rachel Clay]

I know.

[David Cross]

Nine. Where do you.

[Rachel Clay]

Gotham Comedy Club, down the street.

[Chris]

No shit.

[David Cross]

Like a legit club.

[Rachel Clay]

They have a kids troupe.

[David Cross]

Oh, that's cool. That's smart. I like that. It was.

[Rachel Clay]

But it was also like just the worst.

[David Cross]

I mean, now I don't think you can say you. Well.

[Rachel Clay]

Well, I can show you tapes. I have. All my sets were taped.

[David Cross]

I love that.

[Rachel Clay]

And I was like, my mom is crazy. She steals forks from McDonald's. We have no money. You know, like, whatever. It was, Joe. I was making jokes, but it wasn't good. And I was. When I first started out, I was copying other people's.

[David Cross]

Everyone does.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah. I was like. I think I was obsessed with Dimitri Martin at the time and I was telling his jokes.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

And we had these, like, coaches. We had to do workshops with professional comedians who would give us tips and stuff.

[David Cross]

Professional comedians. That should be in. That should be in air quotes.

[Rachel Clay]

It was very much so, yeah.

[David Cross]

Who were some of the professional comedians?

[Rachel Clay]

I wish I could tell you their names, but I can't. I can't. But he. This one guy was like, that's Demetri Martin's joke. And I was like, no, it's not. And I have that on tape of him being like, it is.

[David Cross]

No, it's not.

[Rachel Clay]

I was like, oh, I guess I wrote it too about like the most, like, absurd, conceptual, like. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I did brunch shows every month or so for about nine years.

[David Cross]

Brunch shows?

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, like, they do. It was like the Sunday at 2pm show at Gotham for Kids. Well, it was like a kid troop. But anyone could come. I mean, often it was.

[David Cross]

I'm surprised your dad wasn't.

[Rachel Clay]

I know. I Know, I mean, he dropped in every now and then. Of course he did, to take stock, but. But it was, it was, that was my training ground.

[David Cross]

That's really interesting. Yeah. I'm always fascinated, maybe unduly, but I'm fascinated with kids who grew up in the city. Because when I was a kid, I knew early, early on I was not meant to be wherever I was. And I was meant to be in either a big city or New York specifically. And I knew that at a really young age. And my conception of what being a city kid was way off because pretty much. And I feel the exact same way about people who, People who grew up in Hollywood, you know, like kid actors.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Cross]

Are just some of the most grounded, like, legit, ethical people I know. Like, like, specifically with, like, Hollywood. I'm married to a woman who was a child actress. I know tons of them, born and raised in la, Hollywood, and they're just the most decent, down to earth, unaffected people. And it's the people that move there who are like, I'm gonna be famous. They're the assholes.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Cross]

And I feel like that is a. There's a little bit of that in New York too. Like, most of the people that I know who grew up in the city are just totally chill, good, decent people. Although I've made the observation that. And I find this obnoxious, that New York City people who grew up in New York are the only people who ever say. Will preface a sentence with, well, I'm from New York, so. And nobody does like, you know, I'm from Boston, so. Well, I'm from Atlanta, so I'm from San Francisco.

[Rachel Clay]

What do they usually say after?

[Chris]

Whatever.

[David Cross]

It's some sort of, like, they're above it, they're experienced, they're. They don't see it the same way. Whatever the thing is. Yeah, like, you'll hear that not a.

[Rachel Clay]

Lot, but occasionally I must be. I often I. When I. I'm living in LA now, more or less, and I always am like, I'm from New York, so I don't know how to drive. Is that okay?

[David Cross]

It's all okay. It's not not okay. I just. It's something that only New Yorkers will preface, like, well, I'm from New York, so I know what a bagel is or whatever fucking annoying thing.

[Rachel Clay]

I do. I do. I think I have that a little bit. I'm very much someone who's like. I mean, when I'm in la, I'm like, LA is not a city, don't you think?

[David Cross]

No, I think it's a city. I think it's a poorly planned, not good city, but it is a city.

[Rachel Clay]

Sure. Yeah. That's maybe the thing where I'm like, I'm from New York, so I know what a city is. LA is not a city.

[David Cross]

Well, that I, you're, you're talking about density and.

[Rachel Clay]

Yes.

[David Cross]

The, and the planning of New York City is much smarter. It's on a grid, it's got a finite amount of boroughs. It's not gonna.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

It's not like all of a sudden, you know, it's gonna be, hey, Westchester is now part of New York City, but in la it just like, Wait, Hawthorne?

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Where am I going? Yeah, you know.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

But so where in LA do you live right now?

[Rachel Clay]

Echo Park.

[David Cross]

Oh, I love Echo Park.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah, it's really nice.

[David Cross]

I lived in LA for nine years, nine and a half years. And I just lived in Los Feliz in Silver Lake.

[Rachel Clay]

Perfect.

[David Cross]

The entire time. Yeah, it was great. And I rode my bike around a.

[Rachel Clay]

Lot and I tried riding my bike and it went really poorly.

[David Cross]

It's not a very bike friendly city at all.

[Rachel Clay]

And I walk a lot.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

When I'm not working, I often walk from Echo park to Beverly Hills because I love the grass.

[David Cross]

Wow. That's because you what?

[Rachel Clay]

I love the Grove.

[David Cross]

Okay, Sure. I like the Grove.

[Rachel Clay]

It's fun.

[David Cross]

Yeah, it's nice. Actually, I don't like the Grove. I like the Farmer's Market. I do. I think that's a really good, cool place. And I used to go and, and, you know, right there and have lunch there and continue writing. It was nice. Yeah. I like, I like the Farmer's Market. Yeah. But the Grove is a kind of a nice thing to have there, you know, I don't know that I'd walk 10 miles to it, but I'm really into walking. Me too. And I, I walk a lot. And I, and I, I'd say almost every visit, almost everyone at some point I'll have to do. And I don't go unless I have to go, but if I go, it's usually like press or work and like there's a hotel I'll stay at that's centrally located on vine and Argyle and, and you can pretty much walk to a whole bunch of places that you have to go through, but you have to walk through Hollywood Boulevard and all that. And I'll go do somebody's podcast or whatever. And, and when I explain, when I like get in there and I explain that I Walked there. It doesn't compute.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

It's like a computer malfunction.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah. People will, like, pull up to me on the street and be like, are you okay if I'm walk. I mean, because there are stretches where it's like, you probably shouldn't be walking there. It's like, full. I've ended up on the side of the highway before.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Clay]

That's not good.

[David Cross]

That's not good.

[Rachel Clay]

But I'm okay. I've. I was fine.

[David Cross]

All right, good. I'm glad to hear it.

[Rachel Clay]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Rachel, thank you so much for coming on the show.

[Rachel Clay]

It was a blast.

[David Cross]

It was a pleasure to meet you. You're fascinating.

[Rachel Clay]

Thank you.

[David Cross]

And I want to see your stand up now. Now. I end every show with a question from my daughter.

[Rachel Clay]

Okay.

[David Cross]

And this is. I'm running out of questions. I need more questions, but this is. Okay. So Rachel Callie asked for her by name. This is the question from my daughter. 7. When tornadoes are made, how does the bottom part lift up?

[Rachel Clay]

That's like the hole.

[David Cross]

Well, I think the. There's a funnel.

[Rachel Clay]

Right.

[David Cross]

So your. The bottom part would be where it's most tapered. But it does lift up. If you watch old, you know, watch old. Just watch old timey tornado videos. Oh. If you watch wizard of Arts, whatever. You'll see, you know, the spout, and then it sort of lifts up a little bit. How does the bottom part lift up? Is what Marlo would like to know.

[Rachel Clay]

If you want something bad enough, you'll make it happen. And I think that tornadoes want to lift up a house, and so it does.

[Chris]

Wow.

[David Cross]

I like that answer. I can't say that I'm fond of all the answers I get, but that's a good one.

[Rachel Clay]

Really.

[David Cross]

I like it.

[Rachel Clay]

Thank you.

[David Cross]

I like it. Okay. Rachel, Callie, thanks for coming on the show.

[Rachel Clay]

Thanks for having me. Feel better or got a good nap.

[David Cross]

Oh, and I thank you. And we're gonna have to cut out the name of the show she's doing, but, oh, boy, it's a good one. When you see Rachel Callie on this show, watch that show.

[Rachel Clay]

Thank you. I hope so.

[David Cross]

Okay. Yay.

[Chris]

Sense is working Overtime is a Headgum podcast created and hosted by me, David Cross. The show is edited by Katie Skelton and engineered by Nicole Lyons with supervising producer Emma Foley. Thanks to Demi Druchin for our show Art and Mark Rivers for our theme song. For more podcasts by headgum, visit headgum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and maybe we'll read it on a future episode. I'm not going to do that. Thanks for listening.

[Rachel Clay]

That was a headgum podcast.