Live at the Union Chapel with Alexandra Haddow

Summary

Sentimental Garbage: Live at the Union Chapel with Alexandra Haddow – Episode Summary

Released on February 13, 2025

Hosts:

• Caroline O'Donoghue: Host of Sentimental Garbage, a podcast exploring the cultural phenomena that stir deep emotions despite societal judgments.
• Alexandra Haddow: Co-host and touring comedian, bringing her unique comedic perspective to the discussions.

---

1. Welcome and Opening Banter (00:38 - 08:06)

Caroline opens the live show with her signature humor, expressing amusement and slight discomfort about performing in a church setting. She shares anecdotes about past performances and the unexpected challenges of managing her public persona.

Notable Quote:

"It's like, I'm a Baptist preacher or something with the sleeves. This is unbelievable."
— Caroline O'Donoghue [02:15]

---

2. Charity Merchandise for War Child (08:06 - 09:38)

The hosts introduce limited edition Sentimental Garbage merchandise supporting War Child, highlighting the importance of contributing to meaningful causes amidst their focus on pop culture.

Notable Quote:

"We've raised like 14 grand. That's going straight into these disaster areas."
— Caroline O'Donoghue [07:45]

---

3. Valentine’s Day and Societal Expectations (08:21 - 20:19)

Caroline and Alexandra delve into the commercialization of Valentine's Day, critiquing societal pressures to conform to romantic norms. They discuss the concept of expanding Valentine's to a week and the performative aspects of modern relationships showcased on social media.

Notable Quote:

"Every man has the same kink, which is Mr. Brightside... they're obsessed with this word cuck..."
— Caroline O'Donoghue [20:16]

---

4. Instagram Relationship Dynamics: Soft Launch vs. Hard Launch (10:25 - 15:47)

The conversation shifts to how relationships are portrayed on Instagram, distinguishing between subtle hints (soft launches) and overt declarations (hard launches). They emphasize the authenticity issues and the emotional toll of maintaining an Instagram facade.

Notable Quote:

"The soft launch is like wearing a pair of hiking boots or something."
— Alexandra Haddow [12:00]

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5. Exploring the Field Dating App (15:47 - 19:56)

Alexandra introduces Field, a dating app catering to those interested in kink, open relationships, and polyamory. The hosts compare its rise to popularity with historical dating preferences, noting the app's emphasis on revealing hidden depths and fostering genuine connections.

Notable Quote:

"Fair play to everybody getting on Field... at least, at least I'll feel alive, you know."
— Alexandra Haddow [18:43]

---

6. Celebrity Encounters: Brian McFadden and Boyzone Documentary (19:56 - 38:44)

Caroline recounts her experience meeting Brian McFadden at a Boyzone documentary premiere. She shares insights from the documentary, criticizing Louis Walsh's management and the lasting impact of Stephen Gately's traumatic outing by the press.

Notable Quote:

"Louis Walsh is scum. And like the Louis Walsh is like one of those people in medieval times..."
— Caroline O'Donoghue [54:30]

---

7. Caroline’s Upcoming Book: Skipshank (38:44 - 49:34)

Caroline introduces her new book, Skipshank, a time travel novel exploring parallel universes where time behaves inconsistently based on location. She discusses her inspiration drawn from personal struggles, including severe dental issues during its writing process.

Notable Quote:

"It's a very kind of science fiction, futuristic dystopian kind of thing... I wanted to expedite that process by literally making time quickly."
— Caroline O'Donoghue [40:24]

---

8. Personal Anecdotes: Dental Challenges and Creativity (49:34 - 48:19)

Sharing a vivid account of losing her front tooth during a long-haul flight, Caroline explains how her dental woes inspired the creative process behind Skipshank. The harrowing experience of multiple surgeries and the subsequent recovery period fueled her storytelling.

Notable Quote:

"My book took, like, three years to write, but it was all plotted out while I was just in a dentist chair being fucking drilled to high heaven."
— Caroline O'Donoghue [46:40]

---

9. Critique of Van Life Culture (57:44 - 74:05)

The hosts express strong opinions on the "van life" trend, criticizing its portrayal as an idyllic and adventurous lifestyle. They argue that it's often a superficial choice disconnected from the harsher realities faced by those living in mobile accommodations.

Notable Quote:

"They just have to be the most fucked up and the most at peace."
— Caroline O'Donoghue [74:02]

---

10. Discussion on Boy Bands and Reality TV: Boyzone & The X Factor (74:05 - 89:58)

Caroline and Alexandra reminisce about classic boy bands like Boyzone, discussing the dynamics within the group and their experiences with reality TV shows such as The X Factor. They humorously critique the management and the often tumultuous relationships that form behind the scenes.

Notable Quote:

"They had the front page. And he's just, like, looking like, oh, gotcha."
— Caroline O'Donoghue [55:40]

---

11. Romantic Comedies and Pop Culture References (89:58 - 94:31)

The conversation meanders through favorite romantic comedies, blending personal preferences with pop culture references. They highlight the unrealistic expectations set by such films and their impact on societal views of romance and relationships.

Notable Quote:

"A heterosexual romantic relationship is the only thing in the world where success is measured by death."
— Alexandra Haddow [81:11]

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12. Closing Remarks and Announcements (94:31 - 95:00)

As the show wraps up, Caroline hints at upcoming changes in her career, teasing listeners with an announcement set to unfold the following week. The hosts bid farewell with playful banter, maintaining their signature comedic flair.

Notable Quote:

"I'm going into the jungle. And on that note, good night."
— Caroline O'Donoghue [93:42]

---

Conclusion

This episode of Sentimental Garbage showcases Caroline O'Donoghue and Alexandra Haddow's dynamic interplay as they navigate through a tapestry of personal stories, cultural critiques, and humorous observations. From dissecting the nuances of modern relationships on social media to candidly discussing their encounters with celebrities, the hosts provide an engaging and relatable narrative for listeners. The inclusion of notable quotes with timestamps enriches the summary, offering snapshots of their candid and witty exchanges.

Final Note: For those who haven’t listened to this episode, the hosts’ authentic conversations and insightful commentary make it a compelling listen that bridges the gap between personal anecdotes and broader cultural discussions.

Transcript

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[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Hello and welcome to Sentimental Garbage. A little commotion for the dress. I've always wanted to say that. Welcome to the live show, guys. That's for some reason in a church, I can feel it's like, I shouldn't be wearing this little underwear in a church. It's unbelievable. I can't believe how incredible. I can't believe. I just, like told some jokes about sex in the city like five years ago and now I get to stand in a church. Like, I'm like a Baptist preacher or something with the sleeves. This is unbelievable. And that you guys all came and that you further this delusion that I have. And as well, generally when I do shows of this size and in London, they're like on a Friday night or a Saturday night, but this is like, this is fully a weekday. Like, give me a shout if you came from the office. Oh, my God. I mean, you have so much of my respect. I mean, I haven't worked in an office in quite a long time, but the emotional dysregulation I used to feel on the days that I had to go to the office and then do something else afterwards, it's a harrowing experience. You're up and down all day. You really are. Because, like, you get up and immediately you're like, well, whatever I wear, I'm wearing until like 11:00 probably. So I have to factor that in. And then like, you go to the office and someone's like, are you doing anything tonight? And you're like, yeah, I'm seeing a live podcast. And then they ask what it is. And then you have to have the horrifying ordeal of being known. And then you're like, oh, it's like a pop culture thing. And then you can see the light fading from their eyes. But then if, like, you work in a client facing role, that means if you're on calls with your clients for the rest, with your colleagues for the rest of the day, they'll be like, oh, And Gina's going to a podcast later. And then you have to sort of prove yourself as like the millennial insider. Yes, she told jokes about sex in the city during the pandemic. And now I'm booked in for life for some reason. But I took risks today as well. I have a steam today in Lewisham. I've lived in Lewisham for most of the time that I've lived in London and I love it there. I love how close you are to nature, I love being in southeast London, I love the pubs, I love how weird everyone is. But even I can admit that when you think luxury spa experiences, you don't generally think the London borough of Lewisham. And so like when you find out that there's. I've been getting over this flu all weekend, I was like, oh, I'm really conscious that tonight what if I'm like all phlegmy and manky and gross and someone said, well, you should find a steam room. I was like, that's a great idea. Found a steam room in Lewisham. And it was like a Turkish hammam experience. If anyone has been to, they're great, right? We've all been to one, we all have a mum. We've all been away with our mum somewhere. And like, you need to fill the days with museum gift shops and Turkish spa experiences. So I'm familiar. But it was from the get go. It was extremely unusual because I went and I was immediately shown into this waiting room because they can have a certain amount of people in the hammam at a certain amount of time. And in there was these two Russian women eating a birthday cake off a bench. And like I'm like, so like, this is not a pre prepared bit. This actually happened today and I'm still processing it in real time. So they are eating a birthday cake off a bench and they're sitting on like low chairs and I'm in there with them and it's like, it's such a small, small space that there's like no choice for us to talk to each other. And it turns out that like, you know, it's a woman and she's like in her mid-50s and she's there with her mother whose birthday it is. And you know, you guys have heard me do Russian accents on the pod before, so I feel like I'm allowed do this. But it was like, yes, mom, birthday today it is time for massage. And like, you know, it was really nice. And we were talking for ages because my appointment kept getting delayed and delayed and it Was getting really awkward and we were just talking and she was like, oh, do you have any children? I was like, oh, no. And they were like, oh, do you want any? And I was like, yeah. And she was telling. This woman in her 50s, she was telling me about children and child rearing and whether or not it was for me and the mother. Her mother, who was 80 today, was totally silent the whole time. And I assumed because she didn't speak very much English, that she was completely stony faced. And then when the room was finally ready and I could finally get up to go, Grandma leaps across the birthday cake, puts her hands on my stomach. This happened today. This happened three hours ago. And starts praying in Russian. And then her daughter says to me, oh, sorry, she should have asked first, but she is doing this. So you have baby? And I was like, oh, yeah, that was evident. And then she went, don't worry. Everyone she does this for, they have a baby. So it's just like a service she's providing. So now I'm like, on this stage being like, have I been knocked up by the spirit of Russian God? And it's weird because, like, you know when somebody is praying at you and for you and to you, to the same God that you nominally believe in, but in a different language, so you recognize all the beats, but, like, it's just. It's very strange, very frightening, but ultimately very warm. And I was like, oh, that's. That's something that's happened and it can never unhappen. So. And now you all have to know about it. So please go to your spa in Lewisham. You want. I have no real elegant segue for this, but I wonder, do we have any sentimental garbage merch heads in the house tonight? Oh, my God, I'm seeing some hearts. I love it. Very nice. You're wearing it very well over there. Yeah, so we did. We did like, a limited merch run for the. For War Child, who are an amazing charity. And there's gonna be. There we go if you want to. Guys want to buy a shirt or donate or whatever. It's been so amazing being involved with this charity because I spend so much of my time being like, you know, talking about pop culture and we're making up stories and all that, like, what good am I really doing for the world? And like, in. You know, it all just feels so pointless and so horrible all the time. And then to have raised. We've raised like, 14 grand. That's going straight into these disaster areas. And now, like. And now, like, Gaza you can finally get aid into Gaza, which for a long time you really couldn't, and then that's a big win, even though it doesn't feel like one. So just, you know, keep donating. Please buy T shirts for your boyfriends who don't want them. Buy them for the Russian grandmothers in your life. And please join me in welcoming my co host for tonight, One of my very good friends, Alexandra Haddow is here and she's even less dressed than me.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Hello. Sorry. I am dressed like a woman whose husband got rich in the 80s. So I apologize for that. You're 70s, I'm 80s.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I know. They've been so worried for us backstage, being like. Just so you know, it is a church.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

It is cold out there. But it's one of those things where it's like, my whole life, I'm like, valentine's Day, who cares? Who cares? It's made up. Who cares? But when there's an event where girls get to wear red or pink after an entire winter of seeing no sunlight.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Whatsoever, I got the Santa pay out today, and I think it shrieked at my necks. I looked like a corpse. This is me with fake tan on. But thank you for letting me get dressed up because I am the same. I'm like, oh, my God, it's so corporate. Who cares? Buy me something so I can dress up. So, yeah. Thank you.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Is this anyone's, like, Valentine's present or their night out or anything that anyone's like, boyfriend get this for them as a thing? No. Step it up, everyone.

[Alexandra Haddow]

We haven't progressed to a society yet. You know how people have, like, birthday weeks.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

We need to progress to Valentine's week.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Valentine's week. It's my Valentine's week.

[Alexandra Haddow]

The run up. The run up to Valentine's just so you can wear red and pink.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And giant sleeves.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Luscious.

[Alexandra Haddow]

So, yeah. Literally nobody. Great. That's a good. That's a good, good start to the show, essentially. In fact, any men in five confused and angry men that thought this was an elbow gig.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

This is where I would expect to see elbows. Yes.

[Alexandra Haddow]

They would play here. Yeah. Yeah. I was saying to Caroline, I am going to actually start chatting about stuff in a second. But I was saying to Caroline, the last time I was in here was honestly about 15 years ago when my friend invited me to a free bar and we were the drunkest people alive because we were 23 and we got interviewed by Channel 4 and we didn't remember it. And then genuinely, like, four months later, we Were sat in our flat. We were flatmates at the time. And it was like five to midnight. We were about to go to bed and the woman on Channel 4 was like, and now, next on Channel 4, the little noise sessions from Union Chapel. And we were like, we were at this gig, we should watch this. And it just cut to us at one point being vox popped in the green room and we had no memory, just talking about how much we loved Example.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

The performer you call Example.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I don't think I've ever given him a thought before or since, but there is footage of me live on Channel 4, saying, I just think he's the asses of our generation. And the fear, honestly, we've had total blackout. And then you're watching yourself really lord Example of. I mean, good luck to him. I think he's still going. If he's in tonight. Hello. He can come backstage after. But we were talking. We were talking about sort of Valentine's and stuff, didn't we? And I had. I saw something on Instagram this week that I think is maybe the worst thing I've ever seen in terms of. It has got a relation to love.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Right, right. Because I was like, it's quite stiff competition for horrible things on Instagram.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah. No, this is the worst.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

This one. This is the worst.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, this is the worst. I'm not being. I'm not being glib. I feel like we're all. I feel like we're all, you know, similar audience. We're all aware of the sort of etiquette of a new partner on Instagram.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

We are all very familiar with the soft launch.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yes, the soft launch.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

If you're not familiar, it's sort of.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Like your female friend is suddenly on load of weekends away looking amazing.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yes.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

But in a destination where she has no friends or family.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah. And you're like, you didn't mention this.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

In the woods, walking a dog you've never seen.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, it's exactly like wearing a pair of hiking boots or something.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And they're having, like. And they're having a coffee and like, there's a hand in the background of the coffee.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And the hand is untagged.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And you're like, who are you fucking? Yeah, yeah. That's the soft launch. Then the hard launch is, you know, faces grid tagging.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

A caption that makes you want to puke. You know, one of those things. But I saw this week one of my friends and I really hope they're not in instead of the hard launch, of the soft launch. She did the relaunch.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Unbelievable.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Which I just think. No, because we'd watched her go through the two. The two phases of the spiral.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Right. The two phases.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Two phases, I think you'll agree. Number one phase, overly sexualized.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I'm talking thirst traps, bikinis, underwear. It was December when they broke up.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

She's there in a bikini. No explanation. I was like, I think she. I think she might have broken up with Ryan.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, yeah. Very much a gym selfies era.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah. Very. A lot of flesh in a very short space of time. And she was very public with the boyfriend on Instagram before this. So I thought, maybe there's trouble in paradise. Then the second red flag, Empowering female song lyrics. I was like, yeah, 100%, yeah. About, like, being wronged.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

But kind of indiscriminately wronged. You don't know if he's like, you know, slept with her mum or just, you know, forgot to pick her up. Do you know what I mean? Like, how bad is he? And then. And then I think the biggest red flag of all is she posted her own poetry on her grid stop. But that is phase one of the slut spiral. Phase two, much like the soft launch, overly wholesome. She was then posting pictures of her, like, making a broth. Do you know what I mean? Going on a hill walk. She's never been outside in her life.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah. A lot of book selfies all of a sudden.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Book selfies, yes. You were saying, actually, that everybody. You know that book self.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Well, it's my brother who is very single, and he likes to tell me what the ladies are up to in that way, which I find fascinating because it's. I just see the mirror from the other side and he's like, my favorite thing is a extremely hot girl who becomes a book blogger for three posts in a breakup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where she's like, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. Fit check, fit check, fit check. And then it's suddenly normal. People suddenly been hearing a lot about this one. And then, like, I'm like, think Sally.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Rooney's gonna be big.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I have bought books on how to learn French after a breakup. Cause I've been like, well, I'm gonna be bilingual. That's gonna be my new thing. That's who I'm gonna be. I got into making soups a lot once as my new personality trait in a breakup. So I do understand it. That's what my friend was doing. She was going overly wholesome, and then she sort of, like, evened out. We didn't really hear from her on Insta because we'd reached out by that point. We'd had a few nights out. We were like, you know, fuck him, whatever. And he hadn't done anything that bad, to be honest. But. But then this week, the day of the Valentine's sentimental garbage, after some radio silence, which I took to mean indifference, they put a picture of them up together in Prezzo.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Have some class in Perezo.

[Alexandra Haddow]

What was the caption in Perezo? And the caption was round two. Look, me and my ex boyfriend broke up six times and got back together, okay? But you did not know about it on Instagram. I'm not judging the getting back together, but all I'm saying is if me and my current boyfriend ever break up, you might know from the thirsties and the broths and the. And the walks. But if we get back together, that will die with me. That will. That will go with me to the grave.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Off grid. Unlocatable.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Unlocatable.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

God, the energy. I can't get away from that. The prezzo and then the round two.

[Alexandra Haddow]

The hashtag as well as if people.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Are searching, it's like when you're. People are searching, it's like when your pet goes missing for weeks and weeks and weeks, and then, like, it just comes back a bit ruffled and a bit like, like, oh, guess this is round two of knowing my cat. No, you will.

[Alexandra Haddow]

You have to do that thing, you know, when you mate. And I've been that mate more than anyone in my friendship group. Again, I'm not judging. But when your mate gets back with somebody and then you have to retract all of the shit you said about them and you're like, no, when I said he was an ungrateful twat, what I meant was what I meant.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Oh, my God. You know who's the king of this Gav? Because last time one of our friends had a big breakup, he took my friend by her face in both hands and went. Just so you know, I always thought of him as a godless man.

[Alexandra Haddow]

A godless man.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

A godless man.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And we're in God's house tonight, so he's definitely not here. And did they get back with him?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

They did not. No. Once you say that, I know. You can't bring that man around again.

[Alexandra Haddow]

No, you can't.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

His skin just smoking.

[Alexandra Haddow]

The walls bleeding as you bring him back into the realm.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I know. So this friend had to go deep into Slut spiral, which is going on Field.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Oh, yes.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Can I get a show of hands? Who is dabbling with Field? Fast, very stoic hand raise there and what Bitch. Getting strangers to drink my piss and what? I love it. I heard something fascinating the other day from a friend, like a long term single friend where she said that apparently Field now has become like the main dating app.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, I would agree with that from my friends.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

So for anyone who doesn't know Field is a dating app that's specifically supposed to be for kind of for kink, but also for like couples looking to open up their relationship and people looking to join polyamorous races. Oh, everything goes kind of vibe, which is cool. And it's like, it's like really like mushroomed in popularity in the last like year or two, which I find so interesting because it's a bit like, remember in the old days, like with personal ads and stuff, people used to put like, would like to meet somebody who's interested in classical music, but not because they were into classical music, but because they thought that somebody who wanted somebody who likes classical music would therefore be a good partner. It puts them in the area of cultured individuals. That might be good.

[Alexandra Haddow]

That's what they were.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, exactly. But I feel like what's fascinating about Field becoming the mainstream dating app, we're just meeting people in. Not even in a kink way, just sort of meeting people to meet people. Is that like. I think that there's like a new like emphasis put on being into or hinting that you might be into really interesting stuff sexually.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Like it sort of. It hints to hidden depths.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yes. Mystery.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah. You don't know in the.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, because I think that, to be honest, fair play to everybody getting on field. Because I think that from my time on Hinge, by the end I was so bored of seeing men rock climbing that I just thought, do you know what? Someone wants to piss on me. Fair play. At least, at least I'll feel alive, you know, I cannot date another management consultant. No, thank you. Let's get weird.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Let's get weird. Let's just start from a place of getting weird and then afterwards if we want to talk about films, maybe.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, yeah, but that's the thing. I think some people are maybe just doing what I did there where I was like, maybe it'll be a bit more interesting. And then for some people, if you've got like a really specific kink that you don't want to be, you know, at preso and.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, you don't want to be having round two at prezzo.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah. And being like, oh, should we get, you know, the Apollo ad Astra? And are you in two feet? If you were going to go on field now, what would be your kink? The thing is, what a place to ask.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

What a place to ask.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Sorry, God.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

In front of God, my husband and all these strangers.

[Alexandra Haddow]

God definitely had kinks.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

The thing is, it's not like. I mean, look where. Look at the architecture. He demands, like.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

The thing is, is that I like, at base, every woman has the same kink, which is compliments.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And every man has the same kink, which is. Mr. Brightside, I am continuously annoyed that we have, like, we're obsessed with this word cuck, right? Like, you. You can't, like, fucking leave your house up being hit in the face with the word cuck somewhere. It's like, it's an. Endlessly you're waiting for a coffee, someone's like, oh, I'm such a cuck for my flat white. It's like, just calm it down with the word cuck. It sounds like an ugly word. I don't care.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Also, it's offensive to the real cuck community.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

It's offensive to.

[Alexandra Haddow]

They're not here, they're next door watching.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

We already have a beautiful.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Thank you.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

She's good, guys. She's good. We already have a beautiful term for that, which is Mr. Brightside. Like, the best song of our whole generation is just about a guy watching his girlfriend or thinking about what it.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Thinking about it.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Like to watch his girlfriend get off with somebody else. They're all. Absolutely. There's a reason that, like, every football game, every, like, wedding, everything must end with, begin with, come back to all the time. Mr. Brightside.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Specifically the line, she's touching his chest now.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

She's touching his chest now. Yeah, but I'm obsessed with it because, like, it's like. Like the whole reason that we have, like, marriage at all, the whole reason that we have, like, the patriarchy at all, the whole reason that, like, women have been, like, you know, enslaved to the home, enslaved their husbands for, like, hundreds of years since the Middle Ages, because men are so, so, so terrified that they'll have a wife, she'll get pregnant by somebody else, and then he'll have to raise that kid, and that'll be embarrassing. And, like, my wife's gonna fuck some guy and then she'll have a son, and then the farm will go to him. I don't think so. Coming out of my cage. And I've been Feeling just fine. Gotta. Got it. It's just like hundreds of years of touching his chest now. They think about it all the time. They're constantly thinking about it for hundreds of years. And it was only through Brandon Flowers put words to a melody that we were finally able to crystallize what they're thinking about all the time.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And also in popular culture, the illegitimate child that comes back to claim the farm.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Is always the hot fuckable one. That's the nightmare. You know, your children were fine, but they're pasty and they're Colin from the Secret Garden. But.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yes.

[Alexandra Haddow]

But the illegitimate one, she got some.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Strange and now everyone's obsessed with him.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Oh, no.

[Alexandra Haddow]

He comes back to claim her.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Like, this time, like, literally last month, me and Jen county, friend of the pod, is in somewhere tonight. There she is, a little hammer. Best woman alive.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Wow.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

President. You know what I heard myself say? You're all the best woman alive. But we went to a nude spa.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Being cucked by Jen.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, being cucked by you. Being cucked by Jen right now.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Sorry.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

No, I'm just. I'm very excited about Jen at the moment because she's actually going to be my neighbor soon. She's bought a flat up the road from me and, like, I don't need therapy. I just need my best friends to be living up the road.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And movies. That's all I need. Yeah. But we were at a nude spa in Norway and we. I think we covered this in the podcast in the hook episode, but we were talking about, like, how, like, it's amazing, like, nudity, a mixed nude setting, it still has its power. It's like, we were like. We, like, ran back to the hotel room after the first day at the nude spa and we voice noted Gavin. We were like, oh, my God, we saw 55 cocks today. So excited. And. And like, we just, like, we're on.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Field but in real life.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, exactly. And. And Gav was like, you got. You guys sound like you've witnessed a natural disaster. Like, you seem like a family of badgers just get totaled by a fucking Mack truck or something. Get a hold of yourselves. And then when I. When I came back from Norway and I was like, unpacking my stuff, and he was like, God, you were fucking losing your shit about all those cocks. And he was being so cool about it or whatever, I was like, yeah, it was like, quite weird. And he was like, yeah, whatever, you girls. And then I was like. And of course, the 55 Cox could see me too. And it was like the Terminator coming online. He was like, what? Hadn't thought about it going. And she's touching his dress now. He takes off her dress.

[Alexandra Haddow]

That literally. And they could see me. That just reminds me of Big in Sex and the City where he's like.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I could never reach her, but she can always get me.

[Alexandra Haddow]

She could always get me, but I could never reach her. Just the horrible dawning realization that the 55 men have got that.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

55 men of Norway.

[Alexandra Haddow]

55. They've Mr. Bright sided it. They know we've got our kink, though.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Oh, yeah. It's the same thing. It is the same thing. Which is watching footage of Marilyn Monroe singing Happy Birthday to jfk.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yes.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Do you know what? So I was ill last week. Cause I keep telling people, I just keep waiting for like more flowers and a wore a plaque. And you know, you get this when you're ill where like, I can't, like all new movies are too loud. So I just kept watching like old like Marilyn Monroe movies and it was very comforting or whatever. And I started watching that clip of her singing to jfk. And you know when like, you know when like something is so iconic that you forget how weird it is?

[Alexandra Haddow]

So weird.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

It's like we all know, like, happy birthday. Oh, we all know the whole spiel and we are aware it happened and we kind of grow up knowing it happened and it's memed in so many things or whatever. Then you're like, are you telling me that in Madison Square Gardens in front of television and the world, a woman who was wildly purported to be sleeping with the president sang him a cum soaked hymn on his birthday?

[Alexandra Haddow]

I was gonna say in the week Caroline said cum soaked him. And I was like, cum soaked him. Definitely mention that. Yeah. Absolutely insane.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And the most insane thing about it was he was 45.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Imagine having a president of America who's 45. Is that the horniest thing you've ever heard?

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah. Yeah. No wonder she was absolutely soaked. Do you know what I mean? Do we all remember, by the way, when Jerry Halliwell did that for Prince Charles?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Different vibe. Completely different vibe.

[Alexandra Haddow]

That should be an international crime.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

She was always being a resentment like that.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, she was. She's tried to be. Yeah. She's got aspirations, hasn't she? Anyway, I was actually gonna say that our kink is basically our boyfriends pretending to be a gangster.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And counting money out for us to spend, which is very regressive.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah. I think you need to give the background on this because by Itself.

[Alexandra Haddow]

It's fucking weird. There is a point to this in the end, I promise, because, well, my boyfriend is actually cockney and I like to retest. You know, I'm on stage with men in front of men. All. All day, every day. All day, every day. No, I'm not at night all the time. And so I like to, you know, put a pair of heels on and feel like a woman. And, you know, sometimes A lady. Yeah, lady. And, you know, sometimes he sort of counts the money out at the end. Half of it is mine because it.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Was Edinburgh fringe where you were, like, working in cash, but you have your tiny little dresses on and no purse, so you just gave him wads of cash.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I gave him my cash.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

He can count back and give to you. Like he was giving you a treat.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah. To be like, go on, go on, babe. Go and get yourself a treat. I'm like, ooh, right, Teetering along for a meal, you know. Go on, you fucking treat yourself to. Go on, treat yourself to a dress or something. Do you know what I mean? While he goes and looks at records. And I told you about this, and then you were like, oh, I'm gonna do that too. I'm into that. I'm gonna do that too. And it was just like a silly little conversation. And then you told your friend about this.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I have a friend. I have an American friend who's very, like, into kink, and she's really fascinating about it, and I really love talking to her about it. And I was like, is that a kink? She was like, oh, yeah. We call that Casino Play. And to this day, I can't figure out whether she's joking.

[Alexandra Haddow]

We were talking about celebrities, as is our want. You actually had a close encounter with one of the greatest celebrities of the 90s and naughties of our time recently. A personal encounter.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

A personal encounter this was. But last week. Has anybody here heard of a little guy called Brian McFadden?

[Alexandra Haddow]

This is the inside scoop.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Who knows who Brian McFadden is? Sometimes we skew. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Westlife. Brian McFadden was in Westlife. Is in Westlife. No. No, he's not. No, he's not.

[Alexandra Haddow]

He was in Boyzone. No, he wasn't.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Race life.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Oh, yes.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

But you met him.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

No, I met him at the Boyzone premiere last week, which sounds like. Like I get invited to premieres. It's the only one I've ever been invited to because I think they were just scouring the list of Irish people in London who might be Interested. And they were correct.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Send all.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yes. So me and my friend Ryan, who's also up there in the balconies I believe. Hi Ryan. And yeah, so we both went and it was like I went dressed like fucking Fran Leibovitz. Like I was just wearing like why.

[Alexandra Haddow]

You should have gone full.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I just thought it was like a normal screening. I didn't even know that Boyzone were gonna be there. And they were there and it was fucking cool. I was, I was so blown away. Has anyone seen the documentary yet? It's unbelievable. I'm obsessed with it. But anyway, so it was like ended up being really, really swish and I was just there in like my glasses and long sleeve shirt and everything. I just felt really unglam for the venue, like showing up on my own.

[Alexandra Haddow]

You were just there being like you were at an art house film in Brooklyn. This work is important.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

You know what?

[Alexandra Haddow]

I can't get my tits out. It's important.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I think it's even better than the Robbie documentary. And I loved the Robbie documentary. I think it's so good.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Don't blaspheme in the house of God.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

But so there was like a drinks reception beforehand and Brian McFadden was like milling around because he's doing a show with Keith Duffy and they caught. They're called Boys Life. Boys Life. Yeah. Clever. But I just.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Those two.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, just do them.

[Alexandra Haddow]

There's a duo.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah. Nice.

[Alexandra Haddow]

That's like how take that. And just getting smaller every year.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

You know like when one of them pays off their tax, they just leave. It's just going to be Gary Barlow performing two HMRC in 10 years and then take that will be no more.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Stu. Hmrc.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah. He can't. Well his large adult son can't take over from him, can he?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Oh my God, what a great day. That was too big to work on.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Two big to work. He can't. He's going to have to pay off that tax.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Let me tell you about Brian. Sorry, you're so. You've always been so dismissive of me and Brian.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Sorry.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

But like I, like I, I always feel really weird about like going. First of all, I never recognize celebrities but Ryan always does and I always feel weird about going up to them and like I never make a good impression but like I genuinely have such a relationship with one of his songs which is a song called I don't know if any of you know it. Real to Me. Does anyone recall Real to Me?

[Alexandra Haddow]

Right. You think you don't know it because earlier today Caroline was like, I'm gonna talk about this song. And I was like, are you insane? Nobody's heard this before. And then you played me it. I knew every word.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah. Yeah. So Real to Me was, I think, his first single after he left Westlife. And it was basically like a song listing all the things that Brian McFadden experiences as a famous person.

[Alexandra Haddow]

It's like he's doing a test.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Like he's doing a test. Bullshit dinners not real to him not.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Real to him that's the lyrics. That's the opening lyric. Bullshit dinners and free champagne not real.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

To me not real Another country but they all look the same yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Not real Men in suits Again and again or something.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Taxi to the aeroplane Another country but they all look the same not real.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Not real to him not real to him so it's just, like, him listing all these things that are not real to him. And it sounds like. It sounds like he's doing a test. Like he's at Vision Express or something. Clear is that. It's like.

[Alexandra Haddow]

It's honestly just a list of stuff.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And then the whole time you're waiting for the drop, and you're like, what is real?

[Alexandra Haddow]

What's real? It's actually like he's tripping.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And then the chorus comes in, and it's actually sick. And he's like, when I see my babies run, that's it.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Run.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

When his baby. When he sees babies run, that's what's real to him. And then.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And then it says, raise my family and live in peace. What's happening, Brian?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And, like. And so me and Gav have been singing the song in cars and in the. I've been singing it all day, thanks to you, for years. Like, we're obsessed with this song, but it's that thing of, like, you know how it is when you. When you live in a house with one other person and, like, it goes around from being like, okay, we think it's funny, but also we kind of love it, like, unironically now. But then it's become funny again. But it will never die. It will just keep going and going. And the funniest part of the song is that, like, there's, like, this breakdown where he's like, picnics in the garden, and the children, they all play.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And it's all written like, Yoda would speak as well. It's all, like, backwards. It's like, the children, they will play.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And then it ends. It reaches this amazing. Talking through the entire this is what you come sentimental garbage for. Right. Like, surely if not this, then what? But then eventually he goes, and we'll invite the family round and drink some English tea. And then.

[Alexandra Haddow]

You're Irish, Brian.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

You're Irish, Brian. And then. And I raise up my finger and watch football on tv. And that's the song.

[Alexandra Haddow]

That's the song.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

But like, I was there with Ryan telling him the story of Real to Me. And he's like, I know I'm gay.

[Alexandra Haddow]

But when he says, raise up my finger, he's not like, swear. I thought he was swearing at the football.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

No, I always interpret it just like, yeah, he's just.

[Alexandra Haddow]

He's just there watching his children run, watching the football with a cup of tea. This is real.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

The image of it is with me for like, I think I would have forgotten the song a long time ago if that image wasn't just so crystallized of him just like watching the football while his children belted around the place.

[Alexandra Haddow]

The music video is a piece of art. And. But you. But you met.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Anyway, so I was like, I was like. Ryan was like, you have to stop talking about Real to me and go over there to Brian McFadden and tell him that you love Real to Me. I was like, you know what? I will. Because I really do love it and it really does mean a lot to me and that is real to me. And I went over and I was like, hey, Brian.

[Alexandra Haddow]

This doesn't feel real to me, Brian.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

But hey, Brian, don't want to disturb you. Hope you're having a great night. Great to see you here. Just want you to know, like, me and my husband, we really love Real to Me. And like, it's meant a lot to us over our marriage, which it has.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And like, this is your version of me talking about example, but I'm completely.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

So angry you've over egg at your own over egg aviator glasses. Just like, it's like when someone comes.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Into the office with a bad haircut and you have to go, it's my favorite haircut I've ever seen you over egg it, but I just wanted it.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I wanted him to know that I was being sincere and I'm being piss taking now. But I didn't. I didn't want to be pissing with him. I wanted to be like, respectful because he's a person. And then I could immediately tell from his face that this line of conversation was not real to him. And you could tell. And I was like, wow. You could really tell that he didn't really like getting compliments that much. And he was just like, oh, yeah, yeah, thanks, you know, where are you from? And then we had a conversation about cork and we had a little chat and it was nice. And then he went away and Ryan just went, that song means a whole new thing to me now. He really is a real fucker, isn't he? We were like, yeah, he really is a real fucker.

[Alexandra Haddow]

So is he a bit dismissive of yous saying that?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

It was more like, like quite charming. Quite like, oh, you know, okay, let's not talk about me. This is their night kind of thing, you know, this is.

[Alexandra Haddow]

This is not about boys life.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

This is about Boy's own.

[Alexandra Haddow]

This is about Boyzone. You also said that Keith Duffy was the most charismatic man you'd ever met in your life off of Boyzone.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Keith Duffy is a superstar. I'm obsessed, okay, I'm gonna move on from Boyzone. But, but, but like, please, no, I don't want to.

[Alexandra Haddow]

But like five, six minutes left of this half. What?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, I know, in case nuts. But like, just Boyzone.

[Alexandra Haddow]

The final word on Boyzone, final word.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

On Boyzone is that we watched the first episode of the documentary and then there was a Q and A with Boyzone afterwards. And it was the best celebrity Q and A I've ever seen.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, you said that.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Because they were so weirdly. Ronan Keating, even though he's the most famous one, is like the most like neurotic. He was like, trying to control what everyone was saying, but like, Keith Duffy's star power couldn't be contained. And he did a little dance. He was a bit pissed, but it was like kind of nice. And we were all along them. He said something beautiful about Stephen Gately and it was really moving and everyone was brought to tears and it was like. But the thing is, they couldn't end it because like, Ronan, you could tell. Ronan's like, well, I'm the star, I should have the last word. But everything Keith says is so amazing and charismatic. So it was like the speech in Bridesmaids where they kept trying to be the one who was wrapping it up. And just so you know, it's really you guys that keep us going. And then Keith was like, but really it's Stephen who keeps us together. And Rona's like, fuck.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And then I'm like, who can be the most poignant?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

It was actually incredible. I can't stop thinking about it. That documentary is sick.

[Alexandra Haddow]

What a strange week you've had.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I know. I've been molested by a Russian woman.

[Alexandra Haddow]

The hammam, the boys in documentary The Marilyn Monroe talkies.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, everyone looking at the talkies.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Speaking of weird, you've got a new book out.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Oh my God, did anyone see that? We've got like little leaflets at the front about my new book that's coming out in June. Woo.

[Alexandra Haddow]

It's coming out in June and this is February. But it doesn't matter.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yes, all publicity is good publicity. No, those little cards. My book is called Skipshank and it's. I'm so proud of it, guys, because it's the fucking maddest book I've ever written. It's sort of. I remind myself of Robbie Williams because you know how like every few years and it just happened again. We get cycles of it all the time. Robbie will like amass loads of credibility and everyone will be like, you know what? Robbie Williams, talented, cool, funny, special, nice.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Always like really just open when he's being interviewed.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Kind of like media trained crap.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And then he'll be like, no rude box. And like what? And now it's like, you know, everyone was like so excited about him again after the documentary and then the monkey movie came out and everyone was like, oh, and my book's a bit like that. No, it's not like that. But it is. Yeah, it's like basically it's a time travel novel, which is what everybody wants from the pop culture girl.

[Alexandra Haddow]

You've amassed people that were like the Rachel incident, that was incredible. And now they're like time travel and mad stuff. I know, but I just started reading it and it is fantastic.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Basically what it is is that it's like a story about parallel worlds. And it's like this girl who's from our world and she's just on a train from Cork to Dublin because you gotta keep it Irish. And she sort of like enters into this parallel universe which is basically a set of parallel universes that where time behaves differently depending on where you are. So like if you imagine like the London tube map and it goes north and south and east and west and the further north you go, say you're in Highgate, the faster time gets. So we're talking about 2 hour days and 4 hour days and 6 hour days and 8 hours days and the further south you're on pills, so you're on tails. Oh my God. Yes, that's exactly the way to describe it. And so time going extremely fast. So your life is going really, really fast, right? And the further south you go, it's the opposite. And like it's a very kind of science fiction, futuristic Dystopian kind of thing of like, you know, just where, where power is situated. Like, obviously in the south, people have a lot more time, a lot more money, and so that all that is happening. But it's also like, I really wanted to do it because I love writing about young people. I love writing about being young. And one of my favorite things about writing about being a woman who's young is the fact that, like, you're sort of aging at a different rate to the men around you. And the way the world sees you is so different as well. So, like, it just feels like men have this sort of adolescence that starts when they're 14 and ends when they're 30. And like, basically all behaviors is fine, but like, as you.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And then they just get really fat. A lot of them, everyone's just like, oh, he's fit now that he's gray. What?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yes, exactly. And then like, and with, with. With growing up as a girl, so much of it just sort of feels like you just like, are fucking hit with this, like fucking Mack truck of hormones. But also the way the world sees you changes as well. And I wanted to, like, expediate that process by literally making time quickly and having a girl from our world fall into this other one. And she's also. She sort of, you know, she's a 16 year old child at the beginning of the book. By the end of it, she's an adult. But it's only like a couple of months have passed really. And it kind of, to me, it sort of like mimics what being that age is all about, really, Because I feel like I went from 16 to 30 in about two days.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yes.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

You know?

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah. Genuinely, I realized that it's as long as birth to starting university as starting university to now.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Hate that.

[Alexandra Haddow]

What the fuck? I know, I don't have a pension. What's going on?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

You gotta get on that girl.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, I know, but it is how it feels. It feels like two seconds ago you were, you know.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, yeah. And I loved writing it so much. I had so much fun writing it because, like, it also came out of one of, like, the worst experiences in my life.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Why? Where did you get.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

You'll remember this. You won't remember this because podcasting is an audio medium, but little do you know that for two years I had no front tooth.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Oh, yeah. That was the time.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah. So I was like, it gave you character. Do you know what? It really did.

[Alexandra Haddow]

My character went too well, you know?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

So, like, I. What happened was that, like, it was like, just before the pandemic, I got sent on this, like, really jammy press trip to Tahiti.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I remember being like, what the fuck? You lucky bitch. You're going to Tahiti for free.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, it was. It was like one of those things where like the. As always, how these things happen is like, the editor is Irish, the editor is Irish and likes doing favors for other Irish people. And so just like, hey, someone's cancelled. Do you want to go on this press trip to td? I was like, abso. Fucking lutely.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, obviously. Yes.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And so I went on this press trip and it was this very strange experience of like, being in a totally, Like a different world really. And like, literally the, like the hottest part of the day because of the. Where the equator was, was 10:00am so, like, it felt like time was. Was moving differently and I was with total strangers and it was like I was going like whale watching at 6am and seeing like a mother whale and a baby whale talk to each other using waves. But I was there next to a Daily Mail journalist.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And it was like, oh, I'm having these weird experiences. But with.

[Alexandra Haddow]

It was probably tapping the whales literally.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Story for another fucking day. But like, he. There was a shark attack on the island and he took a cab there to the hospital and tried to berate. I remember you telling me this, like, literally, a woman got bit by a shark and he left the excursion we were on, took a cab to the hospital and told all the hospital staff that he was her husband and then got into her. That's. This is the fucking Daily Mail for you. I mean, they're evil, but they have gumption.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Honest to God. I'm not going to say what I was going to say, but I don't think it should be a thing.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Wow.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I'm not going to insult radical political.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Takes from Alexandra Haddo on the stage tonight. I don't think it should be a thing.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I don't. I don't think they're very nice.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

But. Yeah, so that there was. So I was having this, like, really weird experience and it kind of made me want to write about, like, different worlds and the experience of, like, just falling out of your own world anyway.

[Alexandra Haddow]

But that must have been what it felt like.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Exactly what it's like fucking people you'd never choose to spend your time with in a place that you. So heavenly, but you'd never get to go otherwise. But then on the way back, I was like, wow, I can't believe that. That trip was, like, priceless. And I can't believe I got to do it for free. And just as I was thinking that, I bit into a bread roll and my entire front tooth came out. What's that?

[Alexandra Haddow]

Bread roll.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

It was a fucking bread roll on French Polynesian Airlines.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I forgot. If you're listening, yes, we will take a credit note. I had forgotten that that's what it was. I assumed you'd, like, fallen off a boat or something. I didn't know that at the time. I remember because it was, like, six years ago, maybe.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

This is my number one piece of advice for anybody who's going on an extremely long haul flight is like, never get on a long haul flight if you're having tooth issues, because the altitude seizes up your gums, and it means everything that was weak. It makes it even weaker. So lots of people actually do lose teeth on flights. I don't want you to know this, only I'll tell you this.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Number five will shock you. That's what it sounds like.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

So anyway, like, yeah, so I had basically over Covid. I had, like. And because, you know, the dentist kept opening and shedding and opening and shedding. I had, like, two years of, like, no front tooth. I had, like, a fake one that I wore sometimes, but it was annoying, so I just stopped.

[Alexandra Haddow]

That's probably a kink to not have a front, too.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I got cracked onto a lot during that time. Way more than I do now. Like, it's weird, but. But I was, like, going through all the painful, painful surgeries, and I was like, right. While I'm in this chair, I am gonna, like, just work on a story in my head that is so mental that it will distract me kind of thing. And it's like, basically. I mean, the book took, like, three years to write, but, like, it was all plotted out while I was just in a dentist chair being fucking drilled to high heaven. I said it. I heard how it says.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I was like, do not isolate that clip.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Drilled to high heaven.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Drilled to high heaven.

[Alexandra Haddow]

That's. Yeah. Because you can't even go on your phone. You can't read a book. You can't do anything.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

It was hours. Yeah. This is the most disgusting part. Okay, so the. You. You all came to hear the most disgusting part of my tooth surgery. Shirley from 2019. So basically, the tooth that my hat had, like, rotted away inside of my gums. And so it had, like, all the bone had melted, like jelly that they had to pick out, like, with a scalpel. So it was like, hours of them just scraping shit out.

[Alexandra Haddow]

People are going to faint by the way, if they haven't already.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I'm so sorry. It's disgusting. But then they had to grow back all the bone that had, like, been wasted away. This is, like, where my character comes from. Everyone. They did grow back by, like, putting pig stem cells into my gums to, like, grow back a bone.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Facebook, you are so hot right now.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I know.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Do you remember that?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

The fact that I don't talk about this every single time I boot a fucking mic up to talk about some stupid movie.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I feel like I've been desensitized to it. But now that you're saying it in front of strangers, I'm like, we're not strangers. We're a family. But. But. Well, we are now after hearing that. But, like, I forget about the pig stem. Do you remember pig heart boy? That's me. That's you.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Pig mouth girl.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Pig mouth girl.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah. And like, like, there's so much in the book. That's all, like, people getting kind of weird experimental surgeries and I'm pretty. Now I'm reading it back, I'm like, wow. Yeah, I can know where that's coming from.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I mean, that's quite a visceral, you know, explanation of what the book is. So if you, like.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

If you don't, like, after that, it's really fun and really romantic and that they have sex. So that's nice. I think it's a really good book and the reviews are coming in and I think people like.

[Alexandra Haddow]

No, honestly, I've read the Pro. Pro. I've read the Prolapse and. No, I've read the. I've read the prologue and chapter one. And I genuinely. I'm not just saying this. I'm already hooked.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Second half in. Enter the into into the suggestions and stuff. So we'll see you in just a minute. Bye, guys.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, y.

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[Caroline O'Donoghue]

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[Alexandra Haddow]

What a moment.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Pretty amazing song. I think you can agree.

[Alexandra Haddow]

You know, Brian McFadden's going to get an email from PRS, the Music Licensing people tomorrow and be like, somebody use reel to me in a live event for the first time in 21 years.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I know when he's gonna be like, at the Union Chapel.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Union Chapel, I'm back. And then they're gonna be like, who is it? They're gonna be like that Irish woman that accosted you at the Boyzone documentary.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I hope he's very proud of his strong positioning here at the Union Chapel tonight. You know, did you guys have a good intermission? I hear the fucking. I hear the cues were ungodly in the loo. I'm very sorry.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Ungodly in the house of God.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Ungodly in the house of God. Isn't Alex doing an amazing job, by the way, even though she's a dumb bitch.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Thank you.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Laying out my career for filth.

[Alexandra Haddow]

It's like, don't be nice to me.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Do you know, actually, I don't know if you know this, but Alex Haddow is a touring comedian. He's going on tour this month.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Next week.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Next week even.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Is everyone here from London? Give me a cheer if you're not from London, okay. Because I'm in Brighton next week. Please come. No, essentially what I was. What I'm going to say is I'm doing a big show at Leicester Square Theatre on the 28th of March. My new show is called Third Party. Speaking of field, it details my first experience and only experience of going to a sex party. So when you were talking about field, I was like, oh, I have dipped my toe. So to speak.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

That's the only part of you I want is the toe.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Exactly. My wikifeet toe. So if you want to come to that, please come because I've booked it and it's 400 seater. So if 389 of you come, I'll sell it out. That would be amazing. Genuinely, to just replicate everyone here tonight. I think there's some leaflets at the back. You can take them. That's. That's my two minutes of being an American done.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Right, we've got loads of bits in here. The first one is the X Factor.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Oh, we've got it on the.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

On the thing.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Projector. Yes. Horrible show. Hated it.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Do you know what? I have very little left to say on it. But, like, I have much to say on Louis Walsh because he is so present in my mind again after the Voice on documentary, of course. But here's two things I want to know about Louis Walsh. First of all, how can he be that rich and never have bought moisturizer?

[Alexandra Haddow]

He is the driest man on the globe.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

He's so dry. I'm parched just looking at the poor guy. Second of all, he's a fucking goblin. He's so such a horrible person. Like, I don't know. I mean, obviously I think he is, isn't he? He's. Oh, my God. So this. So this boy's own documentary guy.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah. He's not the manager of boy's life, is he?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

So a big part of the. Oh, God. So a big part of the documentary is talking about, you know, Stephen Gately and how I had completely forgotten about this, but how in the 90s, he was sort of forcibly outed by the Sun.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Horrible.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

It was just completely horrible. And it was basically like, if you don't, like, give us an exclusive interview and come out to us, then we're gonna just, like, splash it all over the front pages anyway, so you might as well. And, like, obviously, Stephen died a few years later. It's incredible. It's obviously like this trauma that sits at the heart of all of those men's lives. They're not over it. It's such a big, huge thing for them. And there's footage of each of these men being handed this. This interview that is exclusive interview. He gave this. And every single one of them falls apart because, like, the byline is like, Stephen Gately chooses the sun to tell all for the first time ever. And Ronan's in bits. And he's like, he didn't choose this. You made him choose this. This is awful. And then Louis opens it. Oh, they have the front page. And he's just, like, looking like, oh, gotcha. I think it helped him in the end. And he's just, like, completely just, like, black hearted. He has no regrets. And, you know, he's a terrible person because the people who stand up for Louis Walsh in The documentary are exclusively people who worked for the sun and the mirror in the 90s.

[Alexandra Haddow]

The good guys.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

The good guys who, you know, are nice because one of them will only agree to be interviewed in his car. He's like an underground parking car park in his car. Just like, like, just giving, just like down the barrel of the camera. But, well, yeah, it was the 90s, wasn't it? Everyone was doing it. I had to do it. It was fine.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And I love how you can say the worst things imaginable on the planet as a pap in the 90s and be like, well, it was just the 90s, you know, and they all.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Whenever you watch any of these documentaries, they always have some paparazzi guy or some columnist show his columns from that time and they all say the exact, exact same thing. First of all, it was the 90s.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Second of all, well, if I wasn't gonna write it, somebody else was. You can say that about anything. Like, if I don't murder that woman, she's gonna die of natural causes one day anyway. Like, how do you think that's good defense?

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, it's. But they have to tell themselves that because they're scum.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

They're scum. Louie Walsh is scum. And like the, the Lou Walsh is like one of those people in like medieval times when they think their baby has been changed for an evil spirit, where they're like, oh, one day the baby stopped growing and it had a ghoulish complexion. It turns out it was Louis Walsh. He is a changeling. Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I don't think he was born. He was just there, tiny little cheap suit on.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

At one point, giggling manically.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

He's giggling the whole time. He's like, yeah. I was trying to get them in the news and one time I rang up the paps and said that they were in a plane crash in Australia and I forgot to tell their parents it wasn't true. These are like 18 year old boys, but in terms of the X Factor.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Just bad people, I think. I mean, I used to like it when it first came out and I was obsessed with, you know, you know, when everyone was obsessed with it. The early series, actually, you know, in my first ever year of doing comedy. This sounds like I'm making up the story for comic timing, but this is completely true. I used to do a gig at the Boogaloo Pub in Highgate, which is a fantastic pub. And yeah, some fans in.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

That is one of the best pubs in London so far.

[Alexandra Haddow]

It's brilliant. And we used to do a gig every, like an open mic really early on in my career on a Thursday in the back room there. And I was on stage once doing my like five minutes of absolute horseshit in my first year of doing comedy. And I was, it was. It was like a sort of outhouse at the back of the Boogaloo. Some of you probably been in there. And I was doing comedy and this guy walked in halfway through my set and I was like, that's Matt Cardle. That's X Factor winner Matt Cardle. And nowadays, you know, I'd be professional enough to not be distracted, but I've got to be honest, it derailed the rest of my set. And I mean, I sort of muddled on through for the last two or three minutes and it turned out he turned up with my friend Ben, who's still my friend now. And like we were in the bar and drinking with Matt Cardle. I was like, what? Why have you brought Matt Cardle just unannounced? And he was a very nice man. There's no gossip at the end of that. It was just the shock of me seeing X Factor winner Matt Cardle.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I think the weirdest thing about those signatures. And again, it's the weirdness of the fact, like, it's so strange that, like, people like Louis Walsh and Simon Castle, how were picking what was cool.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, for young people literally, like, literally like the biggest gonk in the boardroom suddenly on TV every Saturday night in a boot cut jean, you know.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And a tan shoe, which is a crime. Just. Yeah, just basically like telling, you know, telling mums from all over the country that they were like awful or something. It was actually fuck off, you, like horrendous people. And then they had a load of like different judges on it, didn't they? And so they had Mel B for a while. They had Nicole Schurt, singer. I mean, that was Sharon Osbourne. Oh, heinous woman.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

What's your beef with Sharon Osbourne? I haven't really kept up on the Sharon Osborne.

[Alexandra Haddow]

My beef with Sharon Osbourne, she's just nasty and weird, isn't she? She's just horrible about everybody. She's always having a pop at people.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Like some people we could mention on this stage.

[Alexandra Haddow]

What I'm trying to say is I'm jealous of Sharon Osbourne's crown.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

All right, we're really getting big political topics now today. Where do you stand on the Robbie Williams Kiss with the audience member doing Come undone in Nebworth? Oh, guys, if you're gonna make Us do the camera, then. Do the camera. Fucking right. Come on. Hey, there we go. Obviously, unbelievably fucking fit. Like, I just have such. I have such a kind of a.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I feel like I haven't seen this. The famous. The famous Nebworth performance.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah. He just grabbed some chick in the audience who's for some reason, not me, and big reasons of time and space. Which is why I've written my time traveling novels, go back in time and be of age to give me snarks.

[Alexandra Haddow]

There's just one chapter where the character goes back to Nebworth in 2001. Really doesn't go with the rest of the book.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

It's in the Waterstones special edition. Yeah, but like, I have such a blind spot because obviously, you know, you know, you should never touch somebody without the consent. Unless you're a Russian grandmother in the lobby of a Turkish her mom in Lewisham. Yeah, but I have such a blind spot when it comes to, like, men grabbing their fans and kissing them in the audience. I basically always like it. I love when Eminem does it. I even liked it when Matty Healy did it.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I just think it's like, who's the problematic one now? Me saying, Sharon Osborne's a bit of a cow. Look at this guy.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

But do you remember there's this viral tweet that used to go around a lot. It was about something to the effect of like, not me at age 13, going to a One Direction gig and shaving off all of my body hair because I was convinced I was going to get railed backstage afterwards. And I think that's so. I think that is the most, like, precious thing about girls in general. It's so nice. It's like, I remember a few years ago, me and Jen, there's always just.

[Alexandra Haddow]

The glimmer of hope that a crime will occur.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

They're just like, lock eyes being. Oh, there she is.

[Alexandra Haddow]

There she is. The one in a hello Kitty top.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

But girls are such, like, magical thinkers, aren't they? Like, years ago, I remember me and Jen, we went to go see Lorde at the Alexandra palace. And we were so convinced that we were going to meet her.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

For no reason. We have no inn, we don't know anyone backstage. But we were convinced we're gonna meet her. And so we brought tarot cards with us that we thought she might like.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

So that when we met her and gave her. We were 27 or something like tarot card reading, she'd be like, so impressed.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Like, I think it's because Everybody's had a slight brush with something like that happening often with a much smaller artist than Lorde, but you know what I mean? So it plants the seed in your head. Like when I'm at example in this very minute. So you take things like that and you extrapolate them. And because you're a fan of those person, those people, you. The reason that they're so good at what they do. Like, I always think me and Harry Styles would have a great time down the pub. But that is the. That is his pull as a. I'm not even like a. Like a fan of his music. I just think, like, oh, I think we'd be great mates. Do you know what I mean? Obviously would love to shag him. But, like, apart from that. No, but, like, aside from that. But that's the pull. So you have these tiny little experiences that are like, oh, you know, and then we saw them after all, we were in the same bar as them or such and such. You go to a gig of, like, an indie band when you're 18 or something, and then you think, well, we're gonna meet Lorde. Like, you know what I mean?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Or One Direction or, I'm a person, she's a person. And so the idea that, like, for these one in a million occurrences, that somebody goes to a gig is actually snogged by someone on stage, I think it's so fitting. Cool.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I don't know why I'm gonna tell this story, but this is not. This is not the same. But it's the funniest thing I've ever seen in terms of, like, interaction with a fan from somebody on stage. I saw Candy staton at Glastonbury, 2023, right. And she's, you know, the oldest performer at Glastonbury. She was fantastic. She was incredible. And then she was, you know, talking about God in between and how she'd been through all this stuff, right? I have no idea how she knew this woman on the front row. And this is like sun Setting on the Sunday, about half five, six o'clock, okay? And it's this absolutely glorious sort of setting. And everyone's really mellow and loving her music and everything. And she says, and they're doing like the sort of rift to. You got the love right? So everyone knows the final song's coming on Sun Setting. And she goes, and I just want to reach out to, you know, and it's this woman in the front row of the outdoor gig. And I don't know if maybe someone else saw this, right? And she says, I just want to reach out to so and so, because I know that you're. This. This ends funny. Don't worry. I'm going to say something bad, but it ends funny. She says, I know that your mother has just beaten breast cancer and isn't that amazing? And blah, blah, blah, and the Lord is shining down on you. And anyway, the camera goes onto this woman and she just gets her tits out. Honestly. By the way, before this, when Candy Sat was saying she had, like, a tear in her eye. And then as soon like that, and then as soon as she realized the camera's on her, she got her tits out and went. And I was like. I was like, did I just see that? Like, I don't know if anyone else was there, but it was the most mental thing I've ever seen. An un. Honestly, my boyfriend just turned around to, like, get his drink off the floor and I was like, the most beautiful ladies. And Gendy Stanton was like, oh, God. Oh, Gary. So what I'm trying to say is that is a fit fan interaction.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Snogging.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Rather than just like, women's brains just short circuit when a camera's on. What do I do? What do I do? Tits out. Tits out.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I'm so sorry that I was so off piste, but I had to share it. Oh, it was absolutely mental.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

That's so funny. Speaking of tits out.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Oh, he had it. Hang on. I had to pull it up at one point. I think one of my nips was out in the first half.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Have you got a slip in there?

[Alexandra Haddow]

I've got. I've got a suggestion for the bin that I think you have to go.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Through the official route like everybody else.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I've never done this before. When I've done sentimental garbage, I'm putting it in, I'm taking it out. Because I couldn't not talk about this. Some of you may have seen this. Caroline, you might have seen this because you're a hot gal on the scene. Okay? Eva Green.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

We know. We remember Eva Green from Casino Royale.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Casino Royale. Sexy little girl.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Actually, that middle girl. Yes, Stunning.

[Alexandra Haddow]

She's here tonight.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Can you stand up so everyone can see how much like Eva Green you are? Oh, my God. You dare. Eva Green.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Okay, well, for this, you're not her, because. And this is a good. This is a compliment to you, she's taken a role in a film where she is the lead character. And the name of the film is, if we can just get the camera, Diamond Shitter.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

She's literally in a film called diamond shitter. I lost my lid today about.

[Alexandra Haddow]

This is mental.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And also, no one's talking about this.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Like, this isn't.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Everyone was going nuts about, like, oh, you know, Robbie Williams has got a chimp movie coming out or whatever this is. The chimp movie is so normal compared to this. So, like, I follow her on Instagram because I got. I got really obsessed with her last year.

[Alexandra Haddow]

You interviewed her at our old job years ago.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I interviewed her years ago. The video is still on YouTube. It's a hobby, horror. Just because when. I think I've explained this before, but whenever they do those press junk interviews, they have hair, makeup and lighting for the star. And then they're not planning to include you in the edit. The sort of the pleb or whatever. So you just look like you've wandered out of the Soviet Union completely gray. It's awful. And it's still up there on YouTube if anyone wants to find it. But. So I got really obsessed with it.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Ghost of Christmas Past, it definitely you.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Eva Green. Tell me about Mrs. Pilgrim's home for the Peculiar. Yeah, so, like, I got obsessed with her last year because of that massive lawsuit that she had with. So she, like, tried to. She essentially, she was in a movie that the financing didn't happen for it, and she sued to get her fee because that was in her contract that she would get her fee regardless of whether or not they shot the film. And they countersued. They were like, no, because you were the reason the film didn't happen. And she was like, the film didn't get made. Like, how. I'm an actor. I couldn't. You know, whatever. And so they. But they took it to the High Court and they subpoenaed her phone. And the phone, or WhatsApp was just filled with cunty things she had said about them, which is legal, too. Something we have to remember is that talking shit is completely legal.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And people will try and shame you and say that it isn't, but it is. It is your human rights to talk shit. If someone.

[Alexandra Haddow]

If somebody subpoenaed my phone, I would change my name and move to Borneo.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Well, in her phone. So they wanted to make the film in Hampshire, and she had written. And Hampshire did not like this. She said, I would rather eat a bowl of tumors than make a film with peasants in Hampshire. And when she was questioned about it on the stand, she answered, I'm French. So it's like, I feel like I. Bulletproof argument. To be fair. She's so. So I keep. I really keep an eye on Ava Green, my friend. I look out for her when I see her most and I really think she's due, like a real camp comeback. Like, I think she's like, she's a beautiful actress and everything, but she could really come back and be funny as well. And so I was a Deadline article today, Ava Green to star in Diamond Shitter.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And it's exactly what you think. It's not like a German word that means princess or something. Diamondschitter.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, Diamondschitter.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah. It's about her being a diamond smuggler.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yes. It's about somebody who's like a. Works for a rich household and eats their diamonds. Eats the diamonds to later shit and sell.

[Alexandra Haddow]

What is this? This is an April Fool's, surely.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

But it's also because I have so much faith in Ava Green and, like, I really want this huge comeback for her. I was like, maybe it's like a Lonely island type of take, a parody on like the white lotus and succession. And maybe the title Diamond Shitter is like an ironic satire about how we're obsessed with looking at content about rich people. And so I read the whole press release and it was like, this is a nail bitingly tense way. White Knuckle Ride.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Of course it's fucking white knuckle. You're shitting a diamond.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Your knuckles would never be whiter.

[Alexandra Haddow]

No.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I would argue that's the only place where it's appropriate to use that phase.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I mean, it's a totally serious movie called Diamond Shooter.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I think she's doing it to troll the people who tried to sue her.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Oh, really?

[Alexandra Haddow]

I think she's just like. Well, she got the money in the end, didn't she?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, she did. Yeah, she won.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, she got the money in the end and she's just like, I'm gonna do the most batshit film because I can. Because I got paid probably eight squillion pounds for doing fuck all. I've been being French for eight months. I'm doing Diamond Shitter and Diamond Shitter too.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I mean, I don't think she should have to work at all. The rule should be if you've been a Bond girl, you don't have to work again.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Casino Play.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Like if the prime. Yeah, Casino play.

[Alexandra Haddow]

People should just be counting out money for you for the rest of your life.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Exactly. Exact. That's exactly what they should be doing.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Okay, next one. Van Life. Sad face. Oh, so sad.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I assume this is people. I'm not going to pick on you, but if you shout out in agreement is this. People that, like, buy a van when they think they're getting a new personality, like a. Like a mobile home. Yeah, Yeah. I feel like it is. My friends that did loads of drugs in their 20s are all buying vans and, like, doing them up and taking them around to the countryside and then being like, well, if we're in the Peak District, we can't get coke. And that's who we are now. We've got a cockapoo. We don't do coke. We don't even think about coke, actually, because we're in the van.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

We're in the van. I do think it seems like a very strange life, but, like, I. I'm obsessed with that content. I'm obsessed with, like, here's my daily routine in my van. And they always have a plethora of dogs. They always have so many dogs in these van life videos and they. But, like, I love watching. It's that kind of Slovenian families, part of your brain that never goes away of, like, all the little compartments that they have to store all their cups that stack and they slide it in and, oh, it's just yummy. But they're like, oh, first I make my matcha, then I do some work, then I take beaver out for walk, blah, blah, blah. And then, like, they're always trying to make content that distracts you from the fact that they are emptying their own pee and poo. Everything.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're basically on field, but in a field, like, they're literally doing, like, piss and shit. Play with their own fucking feces. No, Absolutely not. And it's such a white people thing. I'm sorry. It is awful. Like, it's lit, and it's always white people with, like, a big house that want to, like, give themselves a challenge by being like, so we're gonna live in this box.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Okay, I know. And you know what? It's not. But not even that. It's like, it's a white rich people thing, because, like, in Ireland, like, we have a whole community of people who live in mobile accommodation, and they are fucking scorned. It is like, a horrible. Like, this is my least favorite thing about Irish people who are more or less perfect is that, like, Irish people think they're so liberal, but when it comes to the traveling community, they're still like, nope. Do you know what I mean? And I hate them for it. But now it's like, all these, like. Like, fun little girls. Like, I'm living in a van, but it's cute. Not, like, that other way that you heard.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

It's like, go fuck yourself.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, I know. And it's literally like, oh, me and my boyfriend just have to do missionary squish together because the ceiling is so low. And we're just like two sausages up against the roof of the van. But the point is, we can see the sunrise.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Who gives a fuck?

[Alexandra Haddow]

Honestly? Get a grip.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Thank you.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Sell the fucking van.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Sell the fucking van.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Sell the van.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I'd love to know what the source of this person's sad face comes from. Has she lost friends to van life?

[Alexandra Haddow]

I bet she has. I bet it's those friends off the pills and on the hills. That's what they say.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Did you just come up with that? No, no, no.

[Alexandra Haddow]

That's the thing. That's the thing. I haven't made that up. That's what they say about, you know, like, all your mates that have, like, caned it so hard that then they're like, actually, I'm into crystals now. And. Yeah, actually, I drink kombucha every morning. And your aura is actually quite threatening. Yeah. And you're like, okay, well, that's okay. I'm just gonna go and have fun. Remember that they're those people who just.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Can never be a normal amount of anything.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

They have to be the most fucked up and the most at peace.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do know. I. Yeah, it is exactly that.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

What this.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I actually have three van life people in my life. That's what.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

How?

[Alexandra Haddow]

As in three van people.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Oh, best boy band. Okay, 1, 2, 3, chat. What it is. 1, 2, 3. I heard a lot of McFly there, which tells me of a straight generation gap between you and I. I thought we were on the same page, but I don't think we are. The best boy band of all time is obviously the Backstreet Boys.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah. I think I have to agree with you.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

They are unbelievable. The call. Are you serious? Oh, my God.

[Alexandra Haddow]

The call. The call that was my friend's first dance at her wedding. And fair play.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And now I have another thing I have to go back in time for.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

First thing, be at that wedding.

[Alexandra Haddow]

So they did it first and then it was the last.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

So good.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Going to a place nearby. Here we go.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I should have said no.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah. Someone's waiting for me, but I gotta go. Is it about him cheating? Is it about him cheating? Or going on a secret mission or both? I think it might be about him cheating. But songs in the 90s about cheating were just so horny that you'd Just be like, well, it's fine.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah. All the songs in the 90s were either about cheating or about listing women from countries, really Specific countries. Like, I got a Samoan girl Got a Tahitian girl Got a girl from Chad.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Liberian Girl by Michael Jackson is a song. Not that I approve of any of his other activities.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I'm just saying his diplomacy for Liberia is unparalleled.

[Alexandra Haddow]

But, you know, he took a bung from the Liberian Tourist Board and wrote Liberian Girl Fair.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Should Ada Field go on the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. And then something else.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Oh, yeah, Robbie's wife.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

She's been asked many times and Robbie is keen. Robbie would be keen.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Oh, God, he'd love that, wouldn't he?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

She seems cool. I like her.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Is she British or American?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

She's American. And like, that was what was so. Again, every documentary, I only watch documentaries that are about men coming from the glue factory of fame, where they are, like, they're 45 seconds from being, like, put into the thresher, where they'll be turned into cat food and Pritz. And they want to tell you everything they suffered while they were famous before they're given the lethal injection.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, Boyzone.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Boyzone. Boyzone, Robbie or whatever. But, like, it was quite, quite a hard token, all that Robbie stuff, because he's just so unhappy and he's so on a loop with thinking about how unhappy he is. And she just seems. She's like, yeah, I mean, I guess he's famous in England and feels pretty fucked up about it. I don't know. Yeah, I love her.

[Alexandra Haddow]

That must be mad, because don't you think famous people always say. They always, always say, and it can't always be true. They always claim that their spouse didn't know they were famous.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah. It's like Meghan Markle's like, she didn't know who Prince Harry was.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, fuck off.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I'm like, meghan, this is why no one trusts you. Because, like, I want to be on your side. But you keep saying mental stuff like this. That's not believable.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I have honestly defended her so much. And then she comes out with stuff like that and I'm like, give me a fucking break here, Pop. BBC News on once a year.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah, because it's like. It's like. As well, because she's so, you know, businesslike in the way she reports herself and she's like, I'm an intelligent person with this big ginger moron. And like, we've all done it. That's great. But, like, you can't be the. Like, I'm a clever person who's, like, thinking through my media strategy and I have a cooking show and I'm friends with Oprah. And also say that you didn't know who the Prince of Eda was.

[Alexandra Haddow]

It doesn't. Doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

It doesn't wash, Meg.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, but, yeah, Ada, I think. I think they should go on Real Housewives. I think Robbie would be brilliant.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I'm trying to. Like, I did an episode of it for the podcast of Real Housewives where for a week I watched nothing but Real Housewives.

[Alexandra Haddow]

How's that?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And then. I mean, I've never watched it.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, I just know of it.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

It was that thing of, like. It's a bit like when you're watching something on a plane or in a hotel room. It's like you're completely obsessed with it when you're in the geographical confines of that space. And the second you leave that space, you never think about it again.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah. Like Van Life.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Like Van Life.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah. What else we got?

[Alexandra Haddow]

Oh, sorry, I've got one here if you want.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Oh, what do you got?

[Alexandra Haddow]

I've got. What are your thoughts about Jen from Good material.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

What are your thoughts about Jen? I'm like, I know I made it clear. I think she's the best person in the world. We like her better than Alex.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, I know. I've been.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Oh, have anyone read Good Material by our good friend Dolly Alderton? It's such a good book. I fucking love that book. It's my favorite of all of hers. And, yeah, I mean, it's just. I mean, the whole kind of gag of the book is that the first sort of three quarters are told from this comedian.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Males and the comedians, they do exist.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And an underrepresented group, but they do exist.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Justice for the male white comedian. They're all my mates and they're all nice. I don't even know why I'm doing this. I'm just in a bitchy mode tonight, aren't I?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

It's the shoulders.

[Alexandra Haddow]

It's the shoulders. Yeah, it is.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

But, yeah, so you get this whole story from him being like, my girlfriend, Jen dumped me and I don't know why. I don't know why. And it's like, she must be lying. She must have been having an affair. She must have gone off me. Must be because I'm not successful enough, blah, blah, blah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And really the answer. This is a spoiler, but the answer is kind of on page one, which is she says to him, I don't want to be in a relationship. And then we get her perspective at the very end and we get exactly why she doesn't want to be in relationship. And, like, I really haven't read anything like it that, like, gives this sort of, like, big smack of just like, yep, some people can. Like, we've had the conversation of some people not wanting to have kids and some people not want to do this. And. But, like, we haven't really normalized that conversation of, like, a romantic relationship is not the end goal for everyone. And, like, some people are actively choosing to not be in them. And I just thought it was fucking great. I loved it.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I actually. I don't know if Dolly quoted this in a column once or if she said it, but I think she quoted it and it stuck in my mind. And she said, a heterosexual romantic relationship is the only thing in the world where success is measured by death.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

God, she's good.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Do you know what I mean? But it's not. But it's a bit like, you know, I'm friends with exes and stuff. You can. You can want to be. Have someone in your life, but not know that it's not right in a romantic sense. And the reason that good material is good is because there is no big dramatic answer.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

To 99% of breakups.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And that is life. Do you know what I mean? Like, then the 1% someone has done something bad.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

But.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah. But a lot of the time it is just like what you said, you know, you don't want to be in a relationship. And she kind of explains the backstory of how she feels about them.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah. It's just a great book.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Go ahead and read it.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah. I mean, you know it now, but.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Oh, I love when they start with a directive like it's an exam paper. Hang on. Comment. Comment on the longevity of David in your own words. In your own words. Answers in the sheet provided using the source material. Yeah. I feel like that was one of the biggest things that you and I first bonded over when we started working together was how much we cared about those guys.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Cared about the Beckhams.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah. Yeah, we were actually. You were in my house this week and we were looking.

[Alexandra Haddow]

With permission.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

With permission. I just woke up and you were there.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Hello.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Banging all my pots and pans and screaming Sally Rooney's name.

[Alexandra Haddow]

We will avenge.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

But, like. And you were showing me Cruise Beckham's new girlfriend.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Oh, my God. So where was I? On my way back from a gig somewhere in the recesses of the earth. I was on my. Oh, okay. I was on. Oh, Oxford. Quite close actually, but I was on a train. Late night in Oxford last Friday. And David Beckham has launched something called Boss 1. Who fucking knows at this point. I think it's to do with Hugo Boss. I don't know if it's a car, a suit, a shoe, a pant, a whiskey or an idea they had like, you know, the Beckhams and two of the new girlfriends there because obviously Brooklyn wasn't there. So it was the three, the two youngest boys and Harper and Romeo Beckham, who's 23, was there with his girlfriend who's 23. And then Cruise Beckham, who's 19. But I cannot stress this enough. Looks four. Not his fault. He's a young man who looks four.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

He looks like a four year old who's dressed up as John and in for World Book Day memory.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yes, that's exactly it. That's exactly it. And God love him, like he seems like a lovely.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

He's not a book character. But we have the glasses.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pop him in that. You know he was wearing a linen trouser. Okay. In this. So. Yeah, very. Yeah, exactly that. And his. And then this woman and I was like, who's that? And she's this 29 year old Brazilian music producer who is an absolute 12 out of 10, like incredibly attractive woman who looks like his mum. And like she. I would say, and I don't mean this in like she looks old, I just mean like she looks older than she is in terms of like how she carries herself and like, you know.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Her style, her style is very severe, I would say.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, yeah. I'm not saying like she looks old, but she, she could be 35 and he could be 12. So the age gap is 10 years, but it looks mental. And I was, yeah, texting Caroline because I am still obsessed with the Beckhams despite David's briefling with Qatar, which put me off for a long time. But yeah, you know, the lasting obsession with the Beckhams is there. I mean, I think, you know, there's a lot of gossip that you hear over the years. I think they, I think they love each other as friends and I think they are good friends. Come on.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

We all know she, this woman is burning calories. Not saying the rumors that we heard while working media.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I'm losing weight, visibly trying not to say the rooms.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

She's come on her period. Just trying not to say this stuff.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Don't say it.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

But yeah, not Fit for.

[Alexandra Haddow]

He's. Yeah. He is a man. He is a man in the public eye.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Okay, now we're getting to the real stuff. What's the most elite crisp flavor? Oh, it's obviously a scampi fry.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, I love a scampi fry.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Thank you. Scampi fries. A crisp that has the courage to be a fish. You don't see bravery like that around anymore. You know what I mean? You just don't. Yeah. Whenever I went to the pub recently and they had scampi fries behind. Behind the bar, and I would just start sweating immediately.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And my friend Seamus, it was his round, and I was like, I'll go up with you. I'll go up to help you. And as he was to get them, because I was so afraid that he would come back with scampi fries because we were all like, oh, you know, crisps or whatever. And I was so afraid he'd come back with a shared scampi fry for the table. I was like, they're too small.

[Alexandra Haddow]

No, they're an individual.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I need my own. So I just, like, stood next to him at the bar, and I was like, thanks, mate. He was like, no problem. And I was like, you need to get me my own packet. And I need you to not mention it when we get back to the table, because I haven't eaten today, and I'm feeling sensitive, and I just need to have the scampi fries open in my lap, and I need to microdose them through the chat, and then I'll engage in the public scampi fry as if I haven't eaten one. Private.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah, Fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The private starter scampi fried fry. And you kind of have to. There's a venue called the Bill Murray that I play at. It's the best comedy club in London. You have to go there. It's very, very close to here. Yeah. And they have a scampi fry. And I have them all the time after my gig. And disgustingly, because they're so salty, I just sit and, like, suck them like a fishy Werther. Like a fishy Werther after my gig and immediately lose any semblance of cool to the audience as they come out of the gig. And I'm just like, God, they're so good.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

They're dreamies for adults.

[Alexandra Haddow]

They are dreamies for adults. I love that you say that as if we give them to human children.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

The dreamies for you are for cats. I've totally lost time. How much time do we have left. Have you been?

[Alexandra Haddow]

I think we could have one. One. One more.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

One more. One more stage hand. Are we okay with one more?

[Alexandra Haddow]

Thank you, barkeep. Are we. Can I have one more?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Nope. Oh. If you could be the leading lady in one rom com, who would it be and why? Ooh.

[Verizon Advertiser]

Ooh.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Who would yours be?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Don't know. So.

[Alexandra Haddow]

As well I want to. I'm trying to think of something that isn't really typical like Pretty Woman, because I'd get to wear the outfits and be in the big bath and shag Richard gear. But.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

But there's one glaring error with Pretty Woman. I mean, all that stuff is good, but you would also have to suck dick for 30 years first on the street. That would be a prelude to the kids.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Win, win. No, she. No, in the film. In the film it starts from her demonstrably not having to do that.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Oh, yeah, that's true.

[Alexandra Haddow]

You know what I mean?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

He's like, so.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

So your life as Julia Roberts begin when the film begins.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

You don't have to live any of the other stuff before that.

[Alexandra Haddow]

I just. I'm born, I start shagging Richard Gere in a five star hotel.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I die, I die, I wither, I die.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah. But I'm trying to. There must be. There must be a more off piece. 1. Do you know my shitty rom com that I actually love, but there's not really a leading lady in it. But is. I give it a year.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Oh, I've never seen that. Yeah.

[Alexandra Haddow]

It's so average. But I love it.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I love a three star rom com.

[Alexandra Haddow]

You just pop it on every time. You just, you know, it's a Saturday night and you've got nothing to do or whatever. Like Timothy Spall. Is it Timothy Spall?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Timothy Spall.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Rafe Spall, Raf Spall.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Different guy.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Thank you, Timothy.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Timothy's fall was Wormtail in Harry Potter. I was like, that's your favorite rom com. Timothy's ball.

[Alexandra Haddow]

My favorite rom com is I get to shag Timothy Spall. Rafe's fall. His son. That's who I'm talking about.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Oh, he's quite fit.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yeah. And Rose Byrne is in it. And Anna Faris. Oh, now I've lost confidence in anyone's name.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I think you just.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And the guy from the Mentalist. The fit guy. Yeah. And it's just so. And it's just. Oh, and Stephen Merchant is like the English kook. And it's. It's mostly set in Soho. So I think one of my main things that I love about it is That I go, oh, I used to work there. Do you know what I mean?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Oh, yeah, I think I would. With some thought now. I think I would want to be Melanie Griffith in Working Girl.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Oh, lovely choice.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Because everyone observes that she's a genius throughout the film. But it's a bit like one of those movies like Good Will Hunting. You never really know why. It's just like.

[Alexandra Haddow]

You mean, you do know why he's a genius in. Well, maths, I guess.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

It's just like misc. Maths, isn't it? Good Will Hunting is a film written by Matt Damon where everyone calls Matt Damon a genius. And he's just like. He writes down a random piece of some shit on some paper and he gives it to Skarsgrd and he's like, yeah, you see, this is fucking easy for me. And then Skarsgrd goes, oh, my God. And we never have any more clarity on what's on that piece of paper. It is such a thin representation of.

[Alexandra Haddow]

You know when the famous scene when Robin Williams goes, it's not your fault. Oh, yeah, it's not your fault. That's your. And they saw me.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And they saw me.

[Alexandra Haddow]

And they saw me.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

And the 55 Norwegian cocks saw me.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Saw me. That's your version. That's your version of that. Stop it.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

But yeah, yeah, Working Girl. Because it's like, everybody, she just keeps going, like, trask, Radio. She keeps talking about radios the entire time. She's like, so I saw that Trask in the paper was looking for a merger with tv, but I thought, radio. And everyone's like, oh, my God, she's from Staten Island. But she's a genius. And she also gets to shag Harrison Ford at his absolute performance.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Remember that picture we used to have pinned up in the office of Harrison Ford in a light blue shirt and jeans?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

God. Or that. That snapshot of him from the 70s. It's like a CPA tone snapshot of him just in a kitchen making an omelette. We've all seen it, haven't we? And it's. It's like an action shot. And he's like, in the frying pan, but he's also, like, you know, looking over his shoulder. And it's.

[Alexandra Haddow]

The fate is that's where. That's where the bar is. A man making tea.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

That's where it is.

[Alexandra Haddow]

A man rustling you up an egg. I mean, Harrison Ford rustling you up an egg. Sure. But, yeah, no, I mean, insanely fit. I have seen Working Girl, but not for so long. And you just Made me want to rewatch it.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Oh, there's this unbelievable scene. It's actually referenced in how to Listen a guy in 10 days, I think, where, like, he goes into his office and he, like, he's like, stayed in his office all night because he's working so hard on advertising. And he, like, he takes. He opens his. He's got his phone into the cradle of his. Of his shoulder, and he opens his desk drawer and he takes out a brand new shirt and he kind of rips it open with his teeth and pulls out this shirt and he kind of.

[Alexandra Haddow]

God, I'm so unfashionably straight.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

He sort of flakes off and like, and. And takes off his shirt and he puts it on and all the women from his office are watching through the venetian blinds. And it's just the fittest thing ever. God, imagine getting to kiss him. Well, guys, this has been sentimental garbage live. Yes. That's beginning. And this is like, also, there's not gonna be. There's not gonna be a lot of these this year. Like, I'm gonna do, like, very little sentimental garbage stuff this year because. Because I can't tell you why.

[Alexandra Haddow]

We thought that we could, but we can't.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

But we can't.

[Alexandra Haddow]

But you will know why on Monday.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

No, no, no, they won't.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Oh, you won't?

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

No. So there is, like, there's like an announcement coming in the next week or so. From Monday maybe.

[Alexandra Haddow]

From Monday. Sorry.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

Should never read the packet.

[Alexandra Haddow]

So sorry from Monday.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

But it's a thing that's happening in my career that will mean I'm doing other stuff for a while.

[Alexandra Haddow]

Yes. She's going into the jungle, ladies.

[Caroline O'Donoghue]

I'm going into the jungle. And on that note, good night.

[Verizon Advertiser]

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