Perhaps we need to stop celebrating resilience. Because we may actually be celebrating toxic resilience. Hear me out. In the corporate world, telling a woman she is resilient is often just a polite way of saying, “We are going to give you an impossible workload, broken systems, and no support… and we expect you to smile through it.”

In fact, if you’re complimenting my resilience, I may question if you were complicit in building and upholding the systems that made my resilience mandatory when yours was not.

Somewhere along the way, resilience became high praise for women in leadership. But too often it’s code for “Figure it out, we’re not going to fix this.” Women are expected to absorb dysfunction, manage emotional labor, navigate bias, and hold everything together without complaint. When resilience becomes a requirement instead of a choice, it stops being empowering and starts being extractive.

The truth is, many women develop extraordinary resilience not because they lack capability, but because they are operating inside systems that demand more from them than from their male counterparts. They are expected to be competent but warm, assertive but not threatening, and ambitious but endlessly accommodating. So they adapt. They endure. They carry. And then they’re praised for how well they survive conditions that were never equitable to begin with. But endurance is not the same as leadership strength.

Endurance drains creativity, dulls voice, and quietly normalizes what should actually be challenged.

Resilience is an important skill, but it should not be constantly taxed. Real leadership isn’t about how much you can tolerate - it’s about what you’re willing to transform. Instead of asking women to be more resilient, we should be asking why the system requires so much resilience in the first place. Sustainable leadership includes boundaries, advocacy, and the courage to disrupt what isn’t working. Sometimes the most powerful move a woman can make isn’t proving she can handle it. It’s refusing to carry what was never hers to hold.

Links Mentioned:

Hire Sara to speak: saradean.com/speaking
Coach with Sara: https://saradean.com/executive-coaching-services
Connect with Sara on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/saradeanspeaks

Watch Shameless Leadership episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@saradeanspeaks

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