She’s So Lucky – “Are You Being Your Own Biggest Hater? Let’s Talk About It [Bonus]”

Host: Les Alfred
Release Date: August 29, 2025

Overview: Main Theme & Purpose

In this candid solo episode, host Les Alfred dives into a powerful self-reflection: How often are we our own biggest obstacle—and our own biggest hater? Drawing from personal experiences, cultural references, and actionable strategies, Les explores common ways women hold themselves back and offers practical tools for transforming self-doubt into empowered self-support. The episode breaks down why perfectionism, self-deprecating humor, and dimming our light can sabotage our own luck, and shares small but mighty mindset shifts for becoming your own biggest fan.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Recognizing the Real “Hater” (00:01 – 07:30)

• Les opens by reframing the narrative around “haters.” She shares that while external haters aren't something she personally encounters, self-criticism and self-sabotage have often been far more present.
  • Quote: "If I have ever had an op, it was usually myself." – Les (01:24)
• Discusses periods of low mental health, social media algorithms mirroring our mindset, and how we subtly make ourselves “the loser in our own story.”
• Pop culture references: 90s teen movies glorified self-deprecation until an outside savior intervened, which isn’t real life.
  • Quote: "Nobody is coming to save us and take our glasses off and give us a makeover ... We have to see [our value] first." – Les (05:14)

2. Dove Segment: Real Beauty & Self-Esteem (08:41 – 18:28)

• Guest: Caroline (advocate and mother, last name not specified)
  • Discusses alarming stats (Dove, 2024): 63% of girls and 55% of boys lack confidence due to appearance.
• The impact of filters and social media: Now hyper-realistic, they blur lines between reality and fantasy, making adults and youth question their own worth.
  • Quote: "I’m a 53-year-old woman ... it’s taken a lot of time, a lot of work to get here, and I can’t imagine ... what a 13, 14, 15-year-old girl would be looking at." – Caroline (10:25)
• Dangers of early anti-aging routines and insecurity-driven behaviors in young people.
• Shifting the narrative: Instead of anti-aging, focus on “pro-aging” and gratitude for one’s body.
  • Quote: "Everyone gets the privilege to be young, not everyone gets the privilege to be old." – Caroline (13:12)
• Advice for parents at back-to-school time: Build daily routines that create confidence and a sense of agency for kids.
  • Quote: "You do get to control how you feel, which is an incredible privilege that we don’t use enough." – Caroline (15:13)
• Affirmation suggestion for young girls: “Choose happy” and “Yes, you can”—affirming self-worth and resilience.

3. Top Ways We Hinder Ourselves (19:05 – 36:02)

a) Perfectionism

• Posits that perfectionism is a form of self-hatred and sabotage, preventing us from starting and growing.
  • Quote: "Perfectionism is often an act of self-hatred ... perfectionism is a form of self-sabotage." – Les (19:28)
• Real-life podcast example: Les launched her podcast in 10 days without ideal equipment or conditions. Taking imperfect action allowed her growth.
  • Quote: "...don’t wait for something to be perfect to do it and to try it. Because if you’re waiting for something to be perfect, you are going to be waiting forever." – Les (22:58)

b) Self-Deprecating Humor

• Self-dragging might make us seem relatable or safe, but it’s still just harmful, normalizing negative self-talk.
  • Quote: "...just because we can drag ourselves better than other people can drag us does not mean that we need to be dragged at all." – Les (29:44)
• Instead of letting insecurity masquerade as humor, pursue ways to be funny or relatable that don’t involve self-harm.

c) Dimming Your Own Light

• Out of fear of judgment (“she only got that because ... ”), many women hold back from sharing wins or showing confidence.
  • Quote: "Why am I pretending like I haven’t overcome some really hard things and, in a lot of ways, earned a lot of what I have?" – Les (34:40)
• We need to own our narratives—including adversity and achievements—despite others’ misconceptions.
• Confidence comes from acting, not waiting to feel confident. Don’t “cut off your own supply” of earned self-belief.
  • Quote: "We do the action and then we get the feeling." – Les (36:36)

Interruption Technique (41:08)

• When catching self-hating thoughts: "I don’t like that thought. We don’t talk like that here and I don’t want to see that again." Proactively reframe with a new, positive affirmation.

Becoming Your Own Biggest Fan: Practical Strategies (43:00 – 52:50)

1. Weekly Wins Practice (45:00)

   • Set aside time (Les prefers Friday mornings) to reflect and jot down at least one win. Size doesn’t matter—celebrate all progress.
   • Quote: "...reflecting on your wins is super important." – Les (46:57)
   • Addresses the mental trap of relief vs. pride by intentionally recognizing achievements, both big and small.

2. Lucky Log (48:13)

   • Keep a running note of “lucky” things, big or small, that happen unexpectedly.
   • Quote: "Anytime that we can just have proof of good things happening ... it is proof that good things happen, that we deserve good things, and that good things are coming again." – Les (48:41)

3. Keep Commitments to Yourself (50:24)

   • Following through on promises and habits builds self-love and reliability—just like you show up for others, show up for yourself.
   • Quote: "Nothing says I love myself more than doing what you say you’re going to do." – Les (50:28)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments with Timestamps

• "[If] I have ever had an op, it was usually myself." – Les Alfred (01:24)
• "No one is coming to save us and take our glasses off and give us a makeover ... We have to see it first." – Les (05:14)
• "Perfectionism is often an act of self-hatred ... perfectionism is a form of self sabotage." – Les (19:28)
• "Just because we can drag ourselves better than other people can drag us does not mean that we need to be dragged at all." – Les (29:44)
• "Everyone gets the privilege to be young, not everyone gets the privilege to be old." – Caroline (13:12)
• "You do get to control how you feel, which is an incredible privilege that we don’t use enough." – Caroline (15:13)
• "Why am I pretending like I haven’t overcome some really hard things?" – Les (34:40)
• "We do the action and then we get the feeling." – Les (36:36)
• "I don’t like that thought. We don’t talk like that here and I don’t want to see that again." – Les (41:26)

Summary Table: Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | Topic/Highlight | |------------|--------------------------------------------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:01–07:30| Solo intro by Les | Internal “haters,” cultural messaging, self-talk | | 08:41–18:28| Conversation with Caroline (Dove Segment) | Confidence, body image, social media, parenting for self-esteem | | 19:05–36:02| Three common self-sabotaging behaviors | Perfectionism, self-deprecation, dimming your light | | 41:08 | Technique for stopping self-hate thoughts | "We don’t talk like that here" interception | | 45:00–52:50| Becoming your own fan: 3 practical tools | Weekly wins, a “lucky log,” and keeping promises to yourself |

Takeaways & Action Steps

• Stop perfectionism: Take imperfect action—progress beats perfection.
• No more self-deprecation: Humor doesn’t need to hurt. Find joy that lifts you up.
• Shine unapologetically: You don’t owe silence about your wins or gifts.
• Celebrate yourself: Start a weekly wins practice and a lucky log.
• Keep your promises: The path to deep self-respect is following through for yourself.
• Intervene in negative self-talk: Actively notice, interrupt, and reframe.

Closing Encouragement

• Les closes by encouraging listeners to be proactive in their own self-celebration and reminds them: “If you have no other fans, be a fan of yourself.” She confidently asserts that real change and more “luck” will follow when you start showing up fully for yourself and stop being your own biggest hater.