Leslye (Host of 'she's so Lucky') (12:14)
Now the other unpopular opinion that I have is that I think there is nothing more cringe than the term mean girl and how much so many of us use the term mean girl on social media. Walk with me here. We throw out the term mean girl often when there is someone we don't like. If somebody has a negative interaction with another woman, if a woman is perceived as, you know, being unpleasant or having an attitude or maybe does something shady. Social media TikTok in particular tends to like dogpile on this person and call them a mean girl. And now listen, I'm not here to pass judgment on anyone's behavior or just say whether or not someone behaves poorly or doesn't. But the general consensus is that if a woman or young woman exhibit some type of behavior that we in community generally don't like, automatically this person is labeled as a mean girl. And maybe that person is exhibiting bad behaviors. I don't know. I kind of stay out of it. Here's my issue with the term mean girl is we're beginning to use that term to describe people who are like 30 plus. And as a true millennial, born right smack dab in the middle of the generation, like, I'm not a geriatric millennial or a zillennial. I am a true late 80s millennial. I was of the prime age when the movie Mean Girls came out. Okay. I was 14 years old in the spring of 2004. I was a freshman in high school. I remember being very excited to go to the movies and to see it. It as millennials, we hold that movie so dear to our hearts because it is a big part of our generational zeitgeist. Okay? But I think because I was the appropriate age when that movie came out, the idea of referring to somebody as a mean girl 20 years later, like using the term mean girl over 30, and if I'm talking about somebody over 30 sounds dumb as hell, I'm so sorry, it sounds so stupid. And I think that if somebody is exhibiting behavior that is not great, like if somebody is mean, if somebody is rude, if somebody is harassing somebody, if somebody is assaulting somebody and they are grown as hell, I think we can use the actual language to describe it. But I think to write someone off as a mean girl is very middle school, high school language to me, maybe because I was the age when that term really came to be. And I also think it's really reductive because if you see content about, you know, the for you page dog piling on someone for being a mean girl, and then you hear about what they are doing to be called a mean girl, it's often like very serious. It's very much like, oh, this person was harassing somebody. They're a mean girl. And I'm like, no, they're just harassing somebody. Like, to call it mean girl behavior, I think is a little bit reductive. And I think it trivializes some things that can be like low key serious. I think that if you are over the age of 25 and if you are referring to somebody over the age of 25, let's use different words. Let's use different words because particularly being 30 plus maybe we can make the cutoff 30. Let's stop using the term mean girl over 30. I also think ideally people would stop being mean, right? That is, that is best case scenario is like, don't be mean. But if somebody is, or if somebody is behaving badly, let's name the actual behavior. If they're a grown ass woman instead of calling them a mean girl. I just think it's very cringe. It's very, very cringe. And I wish that we would stop doing it. I also feel similarly around the language of someone being a girl's girl. And this is as somebody who is very pro woman, you know what I mean? I. It's very rare that I'm not taking a woman's side or trying to, to do something to help another woman if I'm able to. But I then think we use the language girl's girl or not a girl's girl, kind of weaponized. If somebody does something that we don't like or if somebody does not do what we want them to do in that moment, then all of a sudden they're not a girl's girl. And I'm like, yeah, but again, we're grown ass women. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? It just, I'm here, I'm here for the support of it, of one another as women and, and younger women, but I think some of the language is just a little bit cringe. It's a little bit cringe. And I also know for a while would use the word girly a lot. And I got the feedback that I was using it too much and I understand that now and I've cut way back on using it. But I think when we then use the cutesy language to weaponize it against each other, it's a little bit cringy. It's a little bit cringy. You know what I mean? Are they a girl's girl or are they just cool as hell, you know what I mean? Are they girls girl? Did they have your back? Like, let's use the actual language to lift each other up. And if someone maybe does something that we don't like or does something that we don't agree with, I think we can also use the real language to talk about that. Like, hey, I felt like you stepped over this boundary or I felt like I couldn't trust you in that moment to be like, you're a mean girl, you're not a girl's girl. Particularly again, over 30, I just, I don't know. There's something about it, something about it that grinds my gears, you know what I mean? And I like to use the real words to compliment people or the real words if somebody does something that doesn't sit right. Because I think that words matter and language matters, and I think that we can all grow when we use the real words. So, you know, that's what I think about those things. So if you were not Lindsay Lohan in 2004 and. Or if you were old enough to be excited for that movie to come out in 2004, stop using the term mean girl and let's use actual words for whatever it is we're trying to describe. Thank you. That's my next unpopular opinion. I don't think for you, Paige, is not gonna like that. They're not gonna like that. My next unpopular opinion. And this was something that I've always felt and has been inspired because I've been listening to the audiobook of Matriarch by Mama Tina Knowles, who we all love and adore. I truly believe that the only competition that we have in our lives is ourselves. It's us versus the future version that we want to be and maybe a past version that we can honor but need to let go of. I genuinely do not believe in competing with other people unless you are playing an actual sport where there is one team that's going to win or one gold medal that's coming out. I literally do not believe in competition with other people. I think that competition with ourselves and competition with our bad habits, with our own excuses, with our own limiting beliefs are the only true competition that we have in this world. I just, I. I don't believe that another person who is a mere mortal doing their best. I don't think that we have anything to compete over. I think everybody is in their own lane, running their own race. I think that all of us have our own divine assignments in this life. And I think that what your divine assignment is, is between you and God or you and whatever it is that you believe in. And I think that when you are focused on it being you and you and whatever it is that you are here to do, what other people are doing is irrelevant. I generally don't believe in this idea of competition, of people taking something from other people. If it can be taken, then it wasn't yours. What's for you is for you. Can nobody stop you but you? And sometimes things take longer than we like. Sometimes there are detours. Sometimes there are road bumps. Sometimes what is for us is a different version of what we think it should be. But I just don't believe in. In competition, in blaming other people for something that is my vision that I know I need to carry through. I don't believe in this idea of other people being able to limit what it is that we can do, because what do you mean? You are, again, a mere mortal. Babes, I know you got something over there that you could be handling, and I know I got things over here that I can be handling and that I should be handling. And if I'm so worried about what everybody else is doing, that means that there's some of my own stuff that I'm not handling. And when I was listening to Matriarch, I was listening to the story that she was telling about when Girls Time, which later became Destiny's Child, was first forming, and when little Beyonce had just been kind of doing too much. She was lead singing, and she was teaching everybody their parts and she was arranging vocals, and she wore her voice out, and they ended up bringing another little girl in to be the lead singer because Beyonce wore her voice out and couldn't do it in that moment. And the lesson that Tina taught her was how important it was for her to focus on her craft, not on what someone else was doing. So it's not that someone else took your spot. It's that you need to focus on your craft. You need to not be doing everybody else's part. You need to be doing the vocal lessons that we're trying to get you in to focus on your voice and your instrument, because you are your only competition. And I loved that story. And it was just such a reminder of something that I've felt and believed for a very long time. And sometimes you need those external reminders from somebody else to remind you what it is you need. And it's just such a good reminder. You are your only competition. Another person and what they are or aren't doing, that's not up to you. That's not for you to worry about. Nobody is better than you. Nobody is worse than you. We are all vibing on our own little planes, coexisting with one another. And you gotta focus on what's for you and what's in front of you, because you can't see what's going on in front of you. If you're too busy worried about what's going on with her, you're too busy calling somebody a mean girl. You're not even focused on what's in front of you. So what are we going to do about that? What are we going to do about that? We got to focus on what we've got going on, you know. So that's my unpopular opinion is that I don't think competition is real again unless you are in, you know, you're a athlete or something where there's one true championship winner. Other than that in this life stuff, there is no one prize, there is no one medal to win, there's no one race to win. There's no milestones for any of this stuff that we're doing. We're all people trying to figure it out. So you gotta keep your eyes on your paper to figure out what's best for you. So that's that unpopular opinion that I have. My next unpopular opinion is I think influencer hate is a little bit forced. And I think that it's such an awkward. I think it's a very awkward relationship that a lot of influencers or creators have with the general public of people who may not be influencers and creators. I think that influencers get a lot of smoke for a lot of things. And I did in my TikTok video talking about Essence Fest, I talked about this a lot where some of the feedback that I saw going around about that event was that people felt like everything was just all about influencers and the festival was just catering towards influencers. And I disagreed with that. Having the perspective of being a creator and having gone multiple times as a creator saying, well, I actually don't think the festival itself is leverages creators in the ways that they could actually. I think it probably could be something that they could be a little bit more strategic about. It's really the brands who prioritize creators because we're in an economic environment where both brands and people don't have as much money. And it's a lot cheaper to fly out some creators and put them up for a weekend for activities than it is to spend like multi millions of dollars on a big activation. And I do think that that sometimes can suck for the end user because those big activations are often what everyday people going to an event like that are able to interface with. Those things cost millions of dollars versus, you know, an event for some influencers for a weekend is like in the thousands. And that's why brands do it, because it's cheaper, but they're still going to get reached that way. And I don't necessarily think that that's fair, particularly to people who may be flying themselves out to some sort of event hoping to have an experience. And then you see that and you're like, dang, this seems unfair. I totally get that. But I think that the blame is not necessarily put in the right place. The blame is often put on creators who are truly doing their jobs. And then it also is this weird push and pull where there is, I think, sometimes this forced hate against influencers and the spaces that they occupy and the things they do. But then also at the same time, people want the content and they want to be entertained by creators. They want, you know, recommendations. They want their favorite creators to respond whenever they have a question or whenever they have a problem. But then they also want to reserve the right to talk bad about them the second that they do something they don't agree with. And it's just such a weird push, pull relationship. Or it's like creators often get blamed for things like over consumption and pushing people to buy stuff. But God forbid you wear something online that you've had for five years and there's no link to, and the people get upset. So it's like it's one of these things where there's such an awkward push and pull. And again, I, and I know I've said this before on this podcast and on other podcasts, but I think that a lot of that, that disdain comes from the fact that a lot of the people who are truly successful influencers are women. It really is a female dominated industry. And I think that if more men were as successful and as popular of influencers as women, if it were a more male dominated industry in terms of who was successful, I don't think influencers would get so much hate because it's a lot easier to take your frustrations out on women. And societally, that's just kind of what tends to happen. I also think that some of the influencer hate that we see is because people have a perception that the job is easy. And there are certainly harder jobs out there, certainly jobs that are harder. But I also wouldn't say that it's the easiest job. As somebody who has done that job and has had lots of normal jobs and everything from like customer service to retail to corporate to all of the things, I definitely would say that the toll that that job takes on you and the expectations of you can be really challenging. However, there is this perception that it's very easy. And so you have this perfect storm of this perception that this job is easy and this perception that people are making all of this money that a lot of creators really are not making. And they, you see them going on these trips and doing these things for Something that is perceived as easy. And then again, because we live in a misogynistic society, people love to blame women at something and don't let a woman be successful and don't let a woman have some melanin and be successful. Oh, no. And you, you know, God forbid. And then that's where all of the complaints about people being unrelatable and all of these things come out. Yet still we can't get enough, and we keep watching, and we want them to respond to everything, and we want them to give us recommendations for everything, and we want them to pick out all of our outfits and to provide a link and to provide thoughts about everything. Meanwhile, cussing them out and talking bad about them on Reddit. It is such a weird relationship. And I think, however, that line of work is not going anywhere. It's not. If anything, it's only growing. And so I think the sooner that everybody can find some harmony, the better for all of us, because we are all coexisting in the world and on the Internet together. And like I said, I mean, my unpopular opinion that I started this little portion off with was that I think the hate is forced. I think the hate is forced because it's easy to hate women who have a perceived level of success for doing something that we perceive as easy. And I think everybody needs a little bit more harmony. And I also think, having been in some influencer spaces, there are some flavors of people who do this work and some types of this work that can be a little insufferable and can definitely read the room a little bit better. So I definitely understand both sides. Having been on both sides and also still sometimes being in spaces where I'm like, oh, there is some attitudes, there's some weirdness, this is a little spooky. But again, I think harmony amongst everybody, because we're all coexisting together. Creators need audiences, and audiences rely on creators a lot, particularly post Covid. As a person with a platform, I have seen firsthand how lonely people are. And some of the things that people come to me with leaves me deeply concerned because it's like, I'm a stranger. I'm a stranger on the Internet. I'm not qualified to talk about this or I don't actually know you, even though you feel like you know me. And I see some of the things that people come to me with, and it breaks my heart because I'm like, well, do they not have anyone else who they can talk to about these things or who they can go to for help? About these things. So in that way, being on that side of it, I see how audiences also rely on creators. And I think the sooner that we all just remember that we're all just people. That's the moral of all of my little unpopular opinions. We're all just people doing our best, the better. But influencers aren't going anywhere. They're not. They're not. So the best thing that you can do is to really curate your feeds with what it is you want to see, engage with more of what you want to see, don't engage with what you don't want to see, and curate your own experience. So that's, that's the lesson that I would apply to that unpopular opinion.
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