How to Be the Love of Your Own Life with Simi Muhumuza

Summary

Podcast Summary
She’s So Lucky — Episode: “How to Be the Love of Your Own Life with Simi Muhumuza”
Host: Les Alfred
Guest: Simi Muhumuza (aka Simi Moonlight)
Date: September 16, 2025

—

Episode Overview

This episode centers around self-love, transformation, and creating the life you want on your own terms. Host Les Alfred is joined by writer, style icon, and thought leader Simi Muhumuza. Together, they discuss lucky moments, personal metamorphosis, evolving style, cultivating creativity, navigating body changes, and the deeper meaning of wellness and self-acceptance. The tone is candid, warm, and inspiring, with practical insights interwoven throughout Simi’s personal journey.

—

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Creating Your Own Luck & Moments of Alignment

• [02:24] Les invites Simi to share a moment when she felt lucky or created her own luck.
• Simi recounts her move from Atlanta to New York:
  • Landed her “biggest, coolest contract” at Afropunk, traveled frequently to NY, deeply wanted to move there but struggled financially.
  • After job rejection from Red Bull (due to not enough sports experience), she felt “very, very unlucky,” but had faith that something would work out.
  • A few days later, Red Bull called again with a NY-based position and flew her out for an interview—she was hired and they paid for her move.
  • Memorable quote:
    • “I was feeling so much change already, but I didn’t know what was changing... I was like, I just need a job.” – Simi [05:13]
    • “Anytime that you have doubt, just know that you are a very highly blessed individual.” – Simi [06:04]
• Les reframes the experience:
  • “Rejection is redirection, which ended up being better than that initial job anyway.” [06:24]

---

2. Entering Your 30s: Self-Compassion & Growing Into Yourself

• [06:37–09:16] Simi describes how turning 30 has shifted her sense of self:
  • She feels “lucky” to experience friendships, love, and the life she’s built in new, deeper ways.
  • “Every day I wake up and I can choose a new adventure… My inner child is very satisfied with who I am right now.” – Simi [07:38]
  • Approaching her thirties brought a sense of ease: worries about “having it all together” faded. Problems now seem manageable; urgency for perfection has lifted.
  • Les relates, noting that with age comes realization that “so many of the things that we stress about… they pass.”
• Simi’s insight for younger listeners:
  • “When you’re in your 20s and you’re a young Black child who really doesn’t know what the world has waiting for you... I thought that to reach the future, I had to be a certain version of myself.” [09:45]
  • Through gradual unlearning, she allowed herself to shed expectations and become her true self.

---

3. Metamorphosis & The ‘Cocoon Year’

• [17:50–20:40] Les references Simi’s description of 2024 as a “cocoon year.”
• Simi expands on her appreciation for change:
  • Cocoon year meant turning inward, asking: “What do I actually want? Are the people around me supportive?” [18:11]
  • Discipline and keeping promises to herself were central to her transformation.
  • “The more I was able to... keep promises that I made to myself, the more I was able to get into that transformation.” [19:47]
• She now feels lighter and more capable, crediting the hard internal work.

---

4. Self-Discipline, Creativity, & Grounding Practices

• [20:40–25:25] Simi talks about the challenge of keeping promises to oneself.
  • Tips for building self-discipline: embrace delayed gratification; visualize the goal and the feeling of reaching it.
  • Notable quote:
    • “Instant gratification is not really real… building that discipline is so that whenever you do get to that destination, you can maintain it.” – Simi [22:24]
  • Recommends physical, “hands-on” activities (art, gardening, crafts) to ground oneself in reality, away from digital distractions.
  • Memorable moment:
    • Simi humorously describes using grounding techniques mid-argument:
      • “I just stopped mid argument and was like, ‘This is a chair. I smell bacon.’” [24:54]

---

5. Style, Identity, & Creativity

• [28:10–34:13] Les and Simi discuss Simi’s vibrant personal style.
  • For Simi, style evolution was catalyzed by gaining access to more money and experiencing significant body changes (weight gain during the pandemic):
    • “If it were not for the fact that I was also experiencing a changing body, I don’t think that my style would have evolved the way it did.” [29:48]
    • She urges others not to wait for a “perfect body” to explore style—her body changes made her more creative.
  • Relationship with desirability:
    • “The only person I want to be desirable for is myself.” [32:26]
• Creativity in style draws on identity:
  • “If you had to draw your internal being… what in your closet would represent that?” [33:39]

---

6. Critique of Trend Culture & The Importance of Living

• [34:14–37:13] Discussion on how economic changes and “trend fatigue” (microtrends) might encourage people, especially young ones, to explore their own style instead of constantly chasing trends.
  • Simi references a Substack essay on losing “a sense of eroticism” in life and art, emphasizing the importance of lived experience.
  • “People really genuinely are not living life. And that makes me very sad... So much of style comes from not recreating—but from living your life and understanding what works for you.” [36:00]

---

7. Prioritizing Experiences & Knowing Your Needs

• [37:26–39:43]
  • Simi prioritizes different experiences depending on the season (joy, play, freedom, or sometimes rest and wellness).
  • Les: True living comes from identifying your own needs rather than seeking answers externally.

---

8. Navigating Body Changes, Surgery, and Compassion

• [43:16–55:05] Les prompts Simi to reflect on her breast reduction surgery and the difficult complications she faced.
  • Simi describes slow, uncertain healing, but ultimately greater faith in her body and profound respect for those living with illness or disability.
  • Key lesson:
    • “I learned a lot about the true nature of what it means to heal... My body was going through such an intense change... but [I saw] how my body healed itself.” [43:45]
    • “Every time you haven’t trusted yourself to get through a difficult situation, you’ve gotten through it.” [44:27]
  • On wellness culture:
    • Wellness and health are often a matter of luck, not just personal effort.
    • “Our bodies are sensitive… things happen. Having a healthy body is never a matter of personal failure.” – Les [48:09]
  • Simi highlights the dangers of ableism and fatphobia; bodies are not moral objects, and society’s views constantly change.
    • “You don’t have to be the perfect version of yourself in order to have what it is you want out of life, or to have a good experience.” [55:39]

---

9. Living in the Body You Have & Community

• [55:05–57:05]
  • Both agree on the therapeutic value of spending time outside, seeing real diverse bodies, and grounding oneself in real life and community.
  • “Going to the park has really changed my perception of life... People are outside, they’re enjoying life in whatever body they have. They’re not hiding.” – Simi [55:39]

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Anytime that you have doubt, just know that you are a very highly blessed individual.” – Simi [06:04]
• “Every day I wake up and I can choose a new adventure… My inner child is very satisfied with who I am right now.” – Simi [07:38]
• “The sense of urgency to have everything be perfect kind of just faded away.” – Simi [08:28]
• “Metamorphosis... started with how I was taking care of myself and allowing myself to keep promises to myself.”—Simi [19:47]
• “The only person I want to be desirable for is myself.” – Simi [32:26]
• “People exist... And whatever’s happening, whatever body they’re in, they’re still existing, still moving forward however they can. That’s your reminder that you can do it too.” – Simi [56:10]

---

Episode Structure & Important Timestamps

• [02:24] — Simi’s story of “creating her own luck” by moving to NY
• [06:37] — Shifts in self-perception turning 30
• [09:45] — On unlearning social expectations and becoming your true self
• [17:50] — “Cocoon year” and internal transformation
• [20:53] — Tips for self-discipline and building habits
• [28:21] — Navigating style through body changes and creativity
• [32:26] — Embracing self-desirability and personal style
• [34:14] — Critiquing rapid trend culture and the value of lived experience
• [43:38] — Body, surgery recovery, and healing lessons
• [48:09] — Wellness, bodies, and the myth of personal failure
• [55:39] — The importance of being present, existing in your body, and community

---

Where to Find Simi Muhumuza

• Socials: @simimoonlight on all platforms (except YouTube: @withsimi)
• Substack: Search “Simi Muhumuza” on Substack

---

This episode offers a rich tapestry of personal growth, real talk about bodies and identity, the power of community, and the permission to unapologetically be yourself. Whether navigating life’s transitions, seeking healing, or expressing yourself through style, Simi’s wisdom about honoring your journey stands out as a central theme.

Transcript

[Podcast Producer]

The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

[Les (Host of She's So Lucky)]

Welcome back to she's so Lucky. I hope you're doing great. It's Les here in case you're joining us for the first time. And I host this show, and I have to say I am feeling especially lucky because I have been so excited for you all to hear today's episode. I know you're going to love it and I know you're going to love it because I loved the conversation while we were having it. This episode is so rich and nourishing. I am joined by the wonderful Simi Moonlight. Now, you're probably familiar with Simi. She is probably somebody who you already look to for style and thought leadership as a prime example of what it looks like to live a life that is incredibly rich in self love. And she brings all of that and more to this episode. We talk about her lucky moments. Navigating the transition from your 20s to your 30s, cultivating a sense of style, feeling at home in your body, even as it evolves and changes and so much more. So let's get into today's episode. Simi, welcome to the show.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Hello.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

I'm so excited to have you.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

I am very excited to be here.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

I actually, oddly, have been following you for so many years. I think initially on Twitter.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Oh, gosh. But I also like.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

I mean, RIP to Twitter, but Twitter.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

I know.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Years ago. Such a different. A different space.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

And then actually met you in person earlier this year.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

I know. I can't believe that was our first time.

[Les (Host of She's So Lucky)]

I know.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Meeting in person.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

In the same.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

It was like at the gym. And then later that.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

And then later that same dinner.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

My best friend actually has been listening to your podcast for the longest.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Oh, my God.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

So I remember she would always bring up your podcast and I was like, oh, I feel like I've seen her on social media maybe sometimes, but I'm not always a huge podcast listener. So when we met, I was like, oh, my God, this is so cool. Kind of like connecting those dots.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah, definitely.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

She loves, loves your podcast. Oh, I love that. You have to tell her hi for me. I will. She's. She'll be very excited that I'm here, actually. She's gonna be like, oh, my God.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Amazing. So I would love to start off by hearing about a time when you felt really lucky. And this could be a moment where you created your own luck.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Okay.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Or where something felt really aligned.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Okay.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

That's so funny. I. I feel like I have been feeling rather lucky in my life right now, but I Will use a. A past example to kick this conversation off. Okay. So before I moved to New York, I was working as a marketing consultant for myself. I was working with various different brands, and I had landed probably my biggest, coolest contract at the time, which was with what we know to be as Afropunk. And it was super cool. I was working, like, as a, like, almost like an influencer marketing consultant in a way. And I had to travel to New York a lot to kind of, like, work with the team a little bit. Like, see the team, stuff like that. And I remember thinking to myself that I wanted to move to New York, and I was really, like, trying to figure out how to get there. I had tried to live in New York before that for college, but it was way too expensive. So I only did, like, a year there, and I had to go back home. So I was in Atlanta, and I was just like, you know what? Let me figure out how to get to New York. I'm applying, applying for jobs, doing all these things. I also happened to need a job at the time, so I was, like, working out because my contract was ending and I was applying, applying. Everyone loved me for the most part, but no one wanted to pay for me to go. So I actually had ended up being like, you know what? Maybe New York is not in my cards right now. You know? Like, I think at this point, it was maybe August. So I was like, you know what? Let me just focus on Atlanta. Let me graduate school. I was going to Georgia State at the time, and let me just, like, spend one more year in Atlanta, and then I'll go. I'll see if I can go. So I kind of gave up on that, gave up on the dream. I was like, you know what? Fine. I'm just gonna leave it alone. I started applying to jobs in Atlanta. I happened to get an interview at Red Bull, and they really liked me. I made it all the way through the process, and I really, really needed a job. So I actually was like, I need this job. Like, you know, I was so, so incredibly, like, afraid of what was going to happen next in my life, because I was like, I was feeling so much change already, but I didn't know what was changing. I was like, oh, my God, I don't understand what's happening. Like, I just need a job. You know what I'm saying? So I get through the interview process, and they eventually call me and they tell me, like, we really, really like you, but unfortunately, we can't hire you because you don't have enough I think they wanted someone who had, like, sports experience. And it was a comms role for, like, music and sports. I was like, dang, I don't really have sports experience. And I was super depressed. I was like, oh, my God, I didn't get the job. And at that point, I was feeling very, very unlucky. But something told me that everything was gonna work out. I was like, you know what? Like, I think I need to just, like, trust in this moment. I feel like whatever is guiding me, God, ancestors, whatever. Like, I feel like I need to trust that I am an inherently lucky individual and, like, it's gonna work out. But that didn't stop me from crying for, like, two days, you know? And then I got a phone call from Red Bull again, and they're like, actually, we're hiring in New York for a position. We think it'd be perfect for you. Could you fly up to Interview and we'll, like, we'll like, fly you up and stuff? And I was like, absolutely. I was like, absolutely. I go up by interview and everything goes well, and they hire me that same week. And then they also paid for me to move from Atlanta to New York.

[Les (Host of She's So Lucky)]

Amazing.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

And I literally could not. Like, it was the most insane run of my life. I feel like that was when I really realized, like, anytime that you have doubt, just know that you are a very highly blessed individual. So, yeah, I love that story. Yeah, that's how I ended up in New York. So, yeah, that was like, five years ago.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Perfect. Like, rejection is redirection, which ended up being better than that initial job anyway, because that's what you really wanted. I love that story.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

It was great. It was amazing.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Yes. And I want to come back to you currently feeling like you're in a lucky season, too.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Yeah, let's talk about that too. I think that, you know, I just turned 30. Shout out to the 30 year olds.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Happy birthday.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Thank you. And I have been feeling very. I think I'm in this space where I'm like, I'm lucky because I have all of these things that I've always had. But for whatever reason, right now, I feel like I'm experiencing them in a way that I've never experienced them before. You know, like, my friends, like, I'm like, wow, I'm so. I just feel so lucky to, like, be loved by my friends. I feel so lucky to be, like, surrounded by such beautiful people. And then, like, even when I look at my life as it is now, you know, like, I'm like, everything isn't Perfect. Like, there are some things I would love to change or just, like, you know, push forward through, but for the most part, I do feel as though when I look at my life, I'm like, wow, I have been so lucky to be able to, like, build the life that I've built and, like, do the things that I want to do. Like, every day I wake up and, like, I can choose a new adventure. And I think that that is, like, one of the coolest things. I think my inner child is very satisfied with, like, who I am right now. So.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Yeah, that's an incredible feeling.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

And a beautiful sentiment of that appreciation of things you already have.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

I think that's where. I think that's why I feel very lucky, where I'm like, no matter what's happening, no matter what, I do want to change, and no matter what does happen, moving forward, like, you live a very blessed life, so you should be thankful. So.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

And you think your. Your inner child would be excited?

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Very excited. Right? I'm like, it just feels so cool.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

So.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Yeah, for sure.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah, for sure.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

You're freshly 30. Is there anything that you're either looking forward to in your 30s or have you felt any. Any difference? I mean, you have only been 30 for, like, a couple weeks, so I.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Honestly though, that switch to 30 is wild.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Yeah.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

I didn't believe the people when they were saying it. They're like, oh, yeah, when you turn 30, you're not really gonna care as much. Like, things are just gonna feel different. And I was like, yeah, yeah, whatever. Like, I feel like I've been through so many, like, metamorphoses in my life where I'm like, you know, I've changed a lot. I've had to transform a lot. I've had to become a lot. So I'm like, what could really feel any different this time around? But honestly, the more that I was creeping up to 30, I was like, wow, I just don't care. Like, I just do not care, you know, I'm like. Like, there's a problem. It'll get fixed, you know, like, or I'll get to it when I get to it. Like, the sense of urgency to have everything be perfect kind of just, like, faded away in a sense. And I think maybe that's the switch that everyone was, like, talking about, you know? So.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

I felt so similarly when I entered my 30s. And I also, like, when people are in their 20s and they express a lot of angst around wanting to figure things out and all of that, I get it. Cause I was very much that person in my 20s. And then when you get a little bit, you just realize you have so much time to figure things out, that there's never any one thing. And so many of the things that we stress about, we realize, like, they're think they pass. It's not that they don't matter, but they pass.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

It's never permanent. It's never permanent at all. And I think that, I think also when you're in your 20s and you're like a young black child who really doesn't know what the world has waiting for you, you know, like, I think you maybe struggle to see yourself in the future at times. And I think that was me especially like in my teen years, in my young 20s, like I was very. I was having a hard time seeing myself in the future, you know, And I think it was because I thought that in order for me to like, reach the future, I had to be a certain version of myself or a certain version that people wanted me to be. And I was so hyper focused on, like, trying to be that version. So now that I'm 30, I'm like, what was I even. What were you talking about, girl? You know, like, you can live your life how you want to live it, and whoever sticks around and whoever wants to be around is going to be there and then that's just the end of it.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

So, yeah, yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

When you say that there's a version of yourself that you thought you had to be, what was that version? And was there a moment where you realized, I don't have to be that, or was it more of a gradual knowing?

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

I think it was a gradual, a gradual process for sure. I think when you're in your 20s, like, you really think that, I don't know, like, life has to look a certain way. I. I can only imagine what it's like for the generation that's younger now. You know, we're with social media being involved so much, but for us, I think it was like, you know, TV representations maybe like modeling things like what we saw in the media here and there, maybe not so pushed into our face, but just enough where we're like looking to those as those people as aspirations. I think you think that in order for yourself to have a good life, you have to be similar to those representations or very close to those representations. And I think for me, I didn't really always see an accurate representation of like, what I felt internally, but I just felt like, you know, I have to like, Grow up and go to school and get good grades and, like, get a good job, probably become a lawyer, doctor or something like that, get married, have kids, and, like, that's what life is supposed to be, you know? And I think my 20s, I feel like I've always been kind of a rebel in a sense that I don't like to follow those rules. But I think in my 20s specifically, it was a very gradual kind of, like, disentanglement from all of that and understanding that I can be who I want to be and still have the things that I want to have without necessarily having to sacrifice my inner self.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

So, yeah, it is such an unlearning process. And I think, especially for people, those of us who are more of, like, millennial age, we had this interesting setup where, as kids, definitions of things were a lot more narrow. And then as we entered young adulthood, that was when we had more exposure to what was possible. But it's like we still had all of that conditioning, and we're figuring it out in real time, and I feel like we're all kind of unlearning together.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Yeah, I think we're all. I think more and more people are unlearning. I don't know. I think we're experiencing such a. Like, the road is, like, separating in a sense, where it's like the people who want to unlearn are going down one way and the people who are just going to continue on are going down the other way. But I think for the first time, maybe in a long time, we can clearly see the difference between the two. Whereas before, it felt like maybe we were all kind of chugging along and, like, solo people were going on their little journeys. But now it feels like there's a large mass of people kind of figuring out what they want to do and doing it. So, yeah.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

In real time.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Yeah, in real time.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

It's wild.

[Podcast Producer]

Audible's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you. When it comes to what kind of romance you're into. You don't have to choose just one Fancy a dalliance with a duke or maybe a steamy billionaire. You could find a book boyfriend in the city and another one tearing it up on the hockey field. And if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm. Discover modern rom coms from authors like Lily Chu and Ali Hazelwood, the latest Romantasy series from Sarah J. Maas and Rebecca Yarros, plus Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander, and, of course, all the really steamy stuff. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com wondery that's audible.com wondery the older I get, the.

[Les (Host of She's So Lucky)]

More intentional I am about taking care of my brain health and eating well when life gets busy. Which, let's be honest, as always, I need snacks that work for me, not against me. That's why I've been reaching for Mosh bars. You might have seen them on Shark Tank. They were created by Maria Shriver and her son Patrick Schwarzenegger to spark a conversation about brain health and they've teamed up with top scientists and nutritionists to formulate something way beyond your average protein bar. Mosh bars are made with ingredients that support brain health including Ashwagandha, Lion's Mane Collagen, Omega 3s and Cognizant, which is a brain boosting ingredient you won't find in any other bar. My favorite flavors are cookies and cream and cookie dough crunch.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

If you can't tell, I love a.

[Les (Host of She's So Lucky)]

Cookie vibe and they are so good. I always keep one in my bag so I can enjoy on the go, which has come in handy on busy days. I also love that every purchase helps fund gender based brain health research through the Women's Alzheimer's movement. If you want to find ways to give back to others and fuel your body and your brain, Mosh bars are the perfect choice for you. Head to moshlife.com Lucky to save 20% off plus get free shipping on either the best sellers trial pack or the new plant based trial pack that's 20% off plus free shipping on either the best sellers trial pack or the plant based trial pack at Mosh. L I f e.com Lucky thanks to Mosh for supporting the show and for making snack time way better. As soon as the temperature drops and it's time to swap out my summer wardrobe, the first thing I reach for are my favorite quint sweaters. Their 100 Mongolian cashmere is just elite. It's soft, it's warm, but still looks polished. It's become a staple in my fall and winter wardrobe. I've had their sweaters in rotation for years and the best part is that you're not paying designer prices for the quality. I'm also in the middle of refreshing my apartment decor and yes, quince is coming through for that too. From bedding to kitchenware, it's become my one stop shop for those little upgrades that make such a big difference but again are incredible quality so I know they're Built to last. If you're not familiar, Quince partners directly with ethical top tier factories and cuts out the middlemen to bring you luxury essentials at prices that feel too good to be true. Again, we're talking cashmere from $50 washable silk, perfectly tailored denim and wool coats that look and feel like they're triple the price. And I have all of these things as part of my fall and winter wardrobe. It's elevated without being over the top, which is exactly the vibe I'm going for this season. Keep it classic and cozy this fall with long lasting staples from quince. Go to quince.com balanced less for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I N C E.com balanceless to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com balancedless.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

A few minutes ago you used the word metamorphosis and I would love to dig into that a little bit more. And it also reminded me of something that I saw you write last year where you referred to 2024 as a cocoon year for you. I would love to kind of get.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Like a follow up to that of.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Like where you're feeling from a metamorphosis standpoint.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Yeah.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

I think that one thing that I really do appreciate about myself is that I am someone who really appreciates change. Like, I think it has always been something that we are taught to resist in a way, maybe. But even though sometimes I'll get anxious about it, at the end of it, I'll appreciate it and be thankful for it and be, you know, just happy that I made it to the other side. And I, I do consider all of those moments to be a sort of metamorphosis. And for me, I think 2024 definitely was really 2023 into 2024, like closer to like half of 2023 into 2024 was really a stage of my life where I felt like I had to really go inward and figure out, like, what do I actually want? You know, like, what is it that I desire and what am I willing to do to get there? And are the people around me people that I feel as though don't necessarily have to help me get there, but can support me on the way there? Do they recognize me in all the ways that I will have to change or that I have changed? Like, you know, is the work that I'm doing a representation of that? Like, I think these are all questions I was asking myself a little bit before my 30th and, you know, some of those questions are not answered. Don't think that you just have all the answers at 30. But I think for me, it was. It was a deep transformational process that really started with how I was, like, taking care of myself. And I think the more that I was able to kind of build that discipline with myself and allow myself to keep promises that I made for myself that made to myself, the more that I was able to kind of, like, get into that transformation, you know? And now I feel a lot lighter. Like, I feel very happy. And it's so weird because it's like. I don't know. Like, I feel like if my. I don't know, my accountant were to watch this, they'd be like, girl, you got stuff. You got stuff you got to do right now. You know what I'm saying? But it's like. I don't know. Like, I just feel like whatever is next in my life, I feel very capable of handling it, and I feel like I wouldn't feel that way if I didn't have, like, a cocoon year, you know, so.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

That makes sense.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

I love that you mentioned keeping promises to yourself. I think that's something that can be really hard.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Yes. Very hard.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

During different seasons of life. Was that something that you had to learn how to do? What has helped you keep promises to yourself?

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

It's something that I still struggle with. Like, I think I can keep certain promises to myself. Others I'm still, like, working on, you know? But I think anyone that is looking to keep promises to themselves, I think you have to remind yourself that instant gratification is not really real. You know, like, in the grand scheme of things, it's not the thing that will actually push you forward, and you have to, like, really get used to delayed gratification. And I think a lot of people forget that. And I think for me, what helped me the most was being able to envision myself at the finish line or at the destination that I wanted to be at, even if it's not, like, a solid finish line, but just at whatever destination I'm looking for. And I allowed myself to, like, experience the emotion of getting there and allowed myself to really kind of, like, make it real in my brain so that I could continue whatever I needed to do, like, in my real life, if that makes sense. So, yeah.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

That's, like, such powerful mindset work.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Which I think if anybody reads anything that you write, I think it's very apparent that that is something that you are very good At I'm sure the.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Girls are like, she's so woo woo. But I'm like, it works though. I don't know what to say, you know?

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Yeah, it really does. And just that ability to be able to either visualize or keep yourself anchored, even if what you want isn't right in front of you right now, it's what will keep you going.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Yeah, for sure. I mean, it's just getting harder and harder with social media. I think things like AI social media just, they really kind of warp what we think everyday life or like real life is supposed to look like. And it becomes a struggle when you see people that maybe look as though they've had like this overnight capability of like growing something that you've been working towards for like maybe your whole life, you know. But I think you have to remind yourself that your journey is for you. And the whole point of building that discipline is so that whenever you do get to that destination, you can maintain it, you know? Like, I think a lot of people forget about the maintenance part. Like they think like, oh, I'm just gonna do this and like once I get there, my whole life is gonna be great, right? And like, sure, it might be, but also you have to maintain whatever it is you've gathered at that point. Like you don't harvest things just to harvest them, you know, like you have to figure out how to store them and how to eat them and how to like nourish them so that you can keep eating them. Like it's an entire process that I think people forget about. And one thing I do recommend to people that are like trying to build discipline with themselves is figure out an activity you can do with your hands. Like even if it's not anything related to your work, definitely cannot be related to your phone or your computer or technology. Like it has to be like a very hands on process, you know, like, because I think sometimes that helps us feel grounded again, like understanding. Like, oh, I'm doing something with my hands. I'm like, like this is real life. Like I have to like nourish this or like I have to like put an effort into this. And even if it doesn't come out perfect, it's still something that I did. So I think yeah, yeah, like making art. Like it's like drawing something, coloring something, planting something. Like these are all things that we can do with our hands. And I think a lot of people like forget that. That's like an important practice to have. So. Yeah, it is.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

It reminds me of a friend I have who she's really getting into crochet. And it's been really fun to see her journey where she took some classes, and now she's. She's making things, and it's purely just for joy, for fun. But that ability to use your hands and get tactile.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Yes.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Is so important.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

I agree.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Kind of reminds me of that. I don't know if it's, like, a therapy thing, but I feel like. I hear a lot of people say it where. If you're feeling anxious, like, identifying something you can touch, something you can smell, like, getting your senses involved.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

It's so funny because, like, I remember this one time I was, like, having an argument with someone, and I was like. I could feel myself, like, getting, like, out of the space I wanted to be in, and I was like. I just, like, stopped mid argument, and I was like, this is a chair. I was like, this is a chair. I smell bacon. Like, you know, like. And they're like, what are you doing? I was like, grounding. I'm. Right, because I'm gonna cuss you out, actually. And I'm trying to, like, help us here. You know what I'm saying? So, like. Yeah, I think a lot of people need more grounding practices, so. Yeah, absolutely.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Especially because it is getting so much harder to tell what's really real and what's not.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Yeah, it. It. It really is getting very scary. Very scary.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

I feel. I feel terrible for the younger generation because I think. I think our generation, like, we got very lucky. Like, we. We just missed the. The AI shenanigans. So for us, it's like, even if. Not even. Even if one AI does develop more than it is right now, I think we'll know how to keep ourselves grounded. You know what I'm saying? Whereas, like, the people who are growing up with AI, like, it's becoming very difficult for them to recognize reality from AI reality. And I think that is something that I feel very. I feel a lot of sympathy for them, honestly. So, yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Yeah, it's challenging, and I think that there's so much missed opportunity there with people being able to practice things and get, you know, like, we've talked about a little bit about writing because you are a writer, I think about something like writing with students using so much AI to do their writing. But part of that practice is learning the mechanics of it and probably writing some things that aren't good and learning how to make it better.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Right.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

And those are important things to go through, that when you skip that process, you're missing out on so much.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

I actually had just wrote something for Substack where I was saying, like, even if you do everything right, like, you can't avoid grief or heartbreak. And I think a part of, especially this generation's, like, grief and heartbreak is thinking that they are not making good things, like. Or that what they make is not good. I think, you know, with AI Especially involved, like, we really need to remind ourselves that making bad art is a part of the art making process, you know, and it actually is supposed to be bad in the beginning. It's supposed to be a direct representation of all the feelings you're putting into it, which aren't always going to be so neatly polished and. And perfect, you know?

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

So, yeah, it's necessary.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

And it's also a snapshot in time, even going back and looking at something like an old journal or something I love doing, because half the time I'm like, yeah, you sound crazy. But it also is such a time capsule of who you were.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

I'm like, girl, who was that boy you was talking about? Like, it's okay.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

It's going to be okay.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Okay. You don't even know his number no more.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Right.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

And so being able to, like, have those. Those real snapshots in Prime.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

So important.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah, I agree. Yeah.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

So I would love to talk a.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Little bit more about creativity, particularly through the lens of stuff.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Style.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Oh, okay.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

You obviously have amazing style, and you share so much of your style with us online. I'd love to talk more about your style journey and. And how you've cultivated it.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Yeah. So I always tell people my style journey started one when I started making more money because that was necessary. Yeah. I was like, I don't want to sit here and lie to y'.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

All.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Like, I was. I. I know that there are people who are. But I just personally was not one of those, like, thrifters, stuff like that. But the moment I had access to money, I was like, ooh, I can play around. I can do what I want to do. You know what I'm saying? But it also came at a very interesting crossroad with. It started when I started gaining weight as well. And I always tell people that I have grown up, you know, in an almond house, where everything was, like, very noticeable and also very discussed and also very, like, tracked and restricted and, like, it was just a very interesting dynamic to grow up under. So I think for me, I always had a very particular body image of myself. But during the pandemic, I think we all kind of went through a space where we're not moving as much, we're not as active, we're eating whatever we want to eat because we're at home all the time. Internally, I was very much okay with it. Like, I think I had grown up being an active person, so I wanted to remain active, but the way my body was changing was not something that, like, made me want to hide. And I thought that that was very interesting because the old version of me would have wanted to hide, you know? And I think not only did I not hide, but I was like, you know what? Let me put on the most colorful outfits that I can find and make this even more of a show. And I did that. And if it were not for the fact, I think if I had money, I would have had good style regardless. But if it were not for the fact that I was also experiencing a changing body, I don't think that my style would have evolved the way that it did. I always tell people that to encourage them to not wait for the perfect body to explore your style. Like, I think the way that my body pushed me to not only evolve my style, but also be. Be very crafty with the way that I dress myself was something that I don't think I would have had. Like, I don't think that's a skill I would have been able to develop had I not had that experience changing, you know? So I always tell people, I'm like, yeah, my style evolved because I gained weight. Like, and I know people are like, oh, that's so bad. But I'm like, it. It actually was the best thing for me, you know? Like, I don't think I would be able to have the eye that I do for style if I didn't have to have that eye, like, on myself at that time, you know? Like, if I could have just worn anything or bought anything, I probably would look just like anybody, you know? So, yeah.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Thank you for sharing that.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

I want to come back to what you just said about a previous version of yourself that, in that scenario, would have wanted to hide the space that you were in when it actually happened. Not wanting to hide what the difference was between those two versions of you.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

I really don't know, actually. I think. Well, maybe I do know, actually. Maybe I think at the time, I was also in a relationship, and I think, you know, I hate to give credit to a man, but I. I do think that being in a space where your desirability doesn't have to be proven in a way really makes you Feel so much more free than you maybe once were before, you know? And I think that can be a very comple. Like, nuanced conversation. But I think for me, I was just, like. Not to say I was performing Desirability before, but I think it was, like, I just didn't care. Like, I already didn't care before I met him. And it's funny because I actually was already gonna not date, like, really like that. And then I met him, and I was like, okay, cool. But when I met him and, like, we were together, I was like, oh, now I really don't care. Like, I'm like, oh, I really don't care who finds me desirable. Cause I, like, I got a man, and I really like him, and, like, he really likes me, and, like, who really cares, you know? Like, the only person I want to be desirable for is myself. And I think that was why I was able to kind of, like, develop the style I was able to develop because I wasn't thinking about anyone else besides myself. So.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Yeah, you're doing it for you.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

And I would love to hear more about, from your perspective, how creativity plays into style.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Yeah. So I think for a lot of people, not only do I think creativity plays into style, but I also think identity does as well. And I think for a lot of people, if you don't look at yourself, like, your identity as an inherently creative being, that it's going to be really hard for you to look at your style as inherently creative or having the potential to be creative. And I think, for me, I don't think that everyone has to be colorful. I don't think everyone has to wear, like, maximalist jewelry like I do. I think that just is what works for me because I find myself to be a very colorful, maximalist person internally. You know, I think style in terms of creativity should always be. If you had to, like, draw your internal being on a piece of paper, what would you draw? And then based on what you would draw, how could. Like, what in your closet would represent that? You know? And I think that's a good question.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Like, I think that, to me, is where I encourage all people to start when it comes to their style. And sometimes with, you know, different style trends and things like TikTok and stuff like that, people kind of get lost in what other people are wearing or what other people are doing. But in reality, it's okay if it looks like someone else. However, it should not be a complete representation of someone else. Like, you should be able to see yourself in whatever it is you're putting onto your body. So.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Yeah, most definitely.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

I was talking to someone recently about style and trends, and I think. And maybe this is like an economic thing because, you know, the money is funny. I think we slowed down a lot with, like the micro trends that were happening a couple years ago where it was like every other day there would be something that had a name that honestly didn't even need a name. It was a little exhausting. And I think we've slowed down on that a little bit more, which I think, although it's probably because of economic reasons from a style standpoint, could be good for a lot of people, especially younger people who are probably developing their style because there's less that they feel like they need to keep up with and they can just play a little bit more. So I hope that that continues.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

I agree, I agree. Because I really did not like all of those trends coming out. I also think, I mean, I'm trying to keep it copacetic, but it's like, I think there's a certain demographic that really struggles with personal identity, and that is where we often see these trends come from. And I do think when you are not experiencing real life challenges, not only challenges, but also just real life things that you need to develop yourself for the sake of, it becomes very hard to recognize yourself in the midst of everyone else, you know, And I think this demographic sometimes struggles, sometimes struggles with that because they don't have these, like, real life experiences to kind of back the. The way that they see the world and the way that they see themselves in the world.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

So, yeah, 100%, yeah. So much of style comes from living.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

I think.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Kendra.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Kendra had posted a video on TikTok about that a couple months ago. Kendra, who was recently on podcast, we love her, she had posted a video talking about how so much of style comes from not like trying to recreate something, but from living and living your life and understanding what works for you, which is so important.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

I agree. There was this really good essay on Substack. I don't remember the specific title, but it was about how people are losing their sense of eroticism and in relation to life and living and art. And it was so. The way that they wrote it was beautiful, but it was such a reminder to me that people really, genuinely are not living life. And that makes me very sad, actually. It makes me wonder what the next 15 or 20 years is going to look like, you know, because I think a lot of people don't challenge themselves to go out and have experiences. So they don't know what they like. They don't know what they don't like. They just. They know what they're trying to avoid. And I think that's a really big difference. For sure. Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

I think sometimes when we're so focused on avoiding discomfort, particularly because I think oftentimes that's where avoidance comes from. We also avoid things that could be really great or things that we can learn so much from.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

And when you think about living and having experiences, what are the types of experiences that you prioritize?

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Ooh, I don't know if I have any that I prioritize. I think what I prioritize depends on, like, where I am in life. You know, I think right now I want to prioritize joy. I want to prioritize play. I want to prioritize freedom and expression. Maybe, like last year, I wanted to prioritize rest and peace, really, for ops and wellness and all of those things. So I think what I prioritize depends on the way that I'm living my life in the moment.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

I think that that's a really beautiful answer, though, because I sometimes. And I think social media is a big part of this as well. We often try to look outside to figure out what it is we need. And so much of living is figuring out, okay, what are my needs and how can I meet? And that does change from season to season.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Yeah, I agree. You know, I think people get really stuck in this loop of prioritizing, like, the material things, or they're like, oh, I just want to be rich, or, oh, I just want to be famous, or, oh, I just want to be whatever. Which is fine. I mean, if those are things you want, that's fine. I'm not judging you. Or maybe I am. But I also think that there's, like, such a. It's such a fun activity to kind of, like, name different things that you want to prioritize outside of. Maybe just, like, the things that people expect you to prioritize, you know, like, of course everyone wants to be rich. Everyone wants stability, you know, I'm saying, like, that's what you really want. You don't. I don't know if you really want richness more than you just want the stability you think comes with richness, you know? Or it's like, I don't know if you really want fame or thing you want, like, the love that you think that famous people get, you know? So I think when we can get, like, really granular with the things that we want. That's when you really find like some real magic, actually. Sure.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Like what is that core need that.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

We'Re trying to fill?

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

And often it comes down to like, like you said, things like stability, safety, belonging. It's like there's, there's a few like core things that I think we're always, you know, in need of.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Yeah, for sure.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

And looking for, for as humans.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Yeah, for sure.

[Les (Host of She's So Lucky)]

I feel like the smartest people I know have a someday idea. The someday store, the someday brand, the someday business. But the truth is someday stays someday until you start. And that's where Shopify comes in. Whether you've got a product ready to go or just an idea in your notes app Shopify is the commerce platform that helps you build something real and makes it way less overwhelming. Shopify powers millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US that includes household names like Mattel and Gymshark and solo creators, kitchen table startups, and people just like you and me who decided to go for it. They make the setup simple with hundreds of beautiful ready to go templates, no design degree required. Their AI tools help you write product descriptions, enhance your photos, and even build out email and social campaigns. It's like having a creative team behind you without actually needing a team, which is so important when you're just getting started. You can also manage everything, inventory, payments, analytics, all in one place. And when you need help, their 247 support is actually helpful. So if you've been sitting on an idea that deserves a shot, this is your moment. You can turn your big business idea into. With Shopify on your side, sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com/black girl. Go to shopify.com/black girl that is shopify.com balance black girl. Okay, so I've officially entered my convenience era. I just do not have the capacity for a 12 step wellness and supplement routine right now. And that's exactly why I've been loving Groons. If you haven't heard of them. Groons are a convenient, comprehensive formula packed into a snack pack a day. This isn't a multivitamin, a greens, gummy or prebiotic. It's all of those things and then some at a fraction of the price. And bonus, it tastes great. I keep a pack in my bag at all times. It's become one of those non negotiables I actually look forward to taking. Which if you've ever choked down a bunch of pills or A chalky greens powder, you know that's saying something. And unlike most multivitamins that only give you seven to nine vitamins, groons have 20 plus vitamins and minerals, plus 60 nutrient dense and whole food ingredients. They're vegan, nut free, gluten free, dairy free and have no artificial colors or flavors. You can even choose a low sugar or sugar free grains option. But what sold me was how it supports everything my body needs. Gut, health, energy, skin, brain function, all in one little gummy. And the science is there. The ingredients are backed by over 35,000 research publications. So if you're someone who wants to feel a little more on top of it without adding another complicated routine, give this a try. Visit Groons co and use the code lucky at checkout for up to 52% off your first order. That's G R U N S. And use the code lucky for up to 52% off your first order. Trust me, this is one of those tiny changes that actually makes a difference.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

So I would love to also come back to a conversation we touched on a little bit in the style convo about body because you also last year had shared some of your experiences having a breast reduction as well as some of the complications that had stemmed from that. And you're now now over a year out from that. Wanted to see how you were doing now.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Wow, what a year has been actually.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Yeah.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

So I think with any surgery you could expect complications. I think if you go into plastic surgery thinking that you're not gonna have complications, that's very silly of you. You know, majority of the time there's not going to be complications, especially with, I mean most doctors don't want to get sued, you know, but I think with me specifically it just happened to be luck of the draw type of thing. And you know, I think this actually does go back to your question about like, why do you feel lucky? You know, because I think in that moment I was feeling very unlucky. Like I was like, oh my God, what is going on? I don't understand all of these things. But then it's like I was going through that and then I also was like experiencing some like difficulties from my last relationship and like all of these things. And I was just like, you know, what? How can I find the luck in this? You know, like what exactly am I being taught or shown here? And I genuinely do think that I was put in that situation to kind of learn a lot about like a true metamorphosis experience in a way, you know, like it was like. Like my body was going through such an intense change and I don't think it could handle all of what was happening at that time. And I really had to go slow with the way that I was healing. It was not a fast process at all. But in a way, I feel like I learned a lot about the true nature of what it means to heal. I think it was so cool after the fact that seeing how my body healed itself, you know, like, it was like my doctors, I mean, we were doing stuff to kind of maybe help the healing process. But I remember one day I called my nurse and she. And I was like, hey, like, what is the prognosis on this? Because, like, I just. I want to be realistic about what I'm thinking. And she was like, honestly, it's gonna be a while. Like, it's. It's gonna take your body a second to kind of catch up to the healing process. But she was like, you are gonna heal. And she was like, I know that it feels like it's not happening, or it looks like it's not happening, but it's happening. You just have to like, really trust your body right now. And I remember when she said that, I just started bawling because I was like, yeah, I don't trust my body. Like, I don't trust myself to like, get through this, you know? But then it was like a reminder that like every time you haven't trusted yourself to get through a difficult situation, you've gotten through it, you know? So it was such a. Like, looking back on it now, I'm like, wow, what a beautiful, like, heart wrenching experience I went through. But also I learned so much, you know, like, and I feel like I don't think I would have had the same insight about healing and growth and change if I didn't have that experience, you know? So, yeah, feel a lot better now. I feel a lot happier now. I always loved the results. Overall, I think it was just like that one thing that happened, but I love my results as well, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

I mean, honestly, through what I'm sure was such a hard time, like, kudos to you for looking for what the luck was in that moment, because I'm sure it could not have been easier.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Oh, God. It was very hard. It was very hard. I feel like I really have a newfound respect for people who go through very difficult things with their body. You know, Like, I. I feel like that was my first time ever getting a major surgery like that, and that was my first. So I guess it Was my first time also ever experiencing a crazy complication like that. And. Wow. I have a very, very profound respect for people who maybe have to do this on the day to day or like, have to deal with something like that on the day to day or who have, like, chronic illnesses that they have to handle on the day to day. You know, like, those are all things. I feel like you don't really understand how intense they are until you go through it yourself, so. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

That makes me think about some of the ways that my perspectives of wellness have changed because, like, as a lot of people who may have been, like, following me or the show know, a lot of my content really started off being very wellness based. And I still think that wellness conversations are very important.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

And a large part of being. Well, largely is luck for people who have not experienced some sort of condition or something happening.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

It's not a matter of personal failure, which is how the wellness industry often likes to paint things. And it's just like, we have bodies and they're sensitive, they're resilient, but they're also sensitive and things happen.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

And I think having a healthy body that is able to move and do things, sure, if you prioritize movement and doing things, that. That always helps, but that's never.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

It's never.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

It's not a matter of personal.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

I agree. I agree. You know, I think being an influencer, someone who's in that space as well, it. It's hard for me because I think I try to be very delicate in the ways that I discuss wellness because I never want people to think that if you do what I do, you can look like me, because that. That'll never be the case. You know what I'm saying? And I know that when I see other people, I could do what they do and I would never look like them. Like, the point is to look like me. The point should always be to look like you. And the biggest point should always be to feel as good as you possibly can in the body that you have, you know, And I think we lose sight of that a lot. And thankfully for me, I grew up, especially in, like, my young adult years, with people who were, you know, differently able. Abled activists, disabled activists, like people who really taught me about things like eugenics and ableism. And it really helped me understand just how sacred the body is and just how personal it is and how it really doesn't belong to anyone except for yourself, especially in conversation, you know, especially in the ways that we discuss them. Like, I think people feel way too comfortable having conversations about people's bodies. And I do think it's very strange. And I think, you know, a lot of people think that they can do everything right to avoid being disabled at some point, when in reality, it's like we live in a world that is constantly actually trying to disable you, that wants you to be disabled so that you have to rely on governments and rely on other people for your care. And the more that we engage in, like, ableist conversations, the more that they win, you know, the more that we remove ourselves from those conversations, the more that we start to care for everybody, no matter what kind of body they have, the more that we're, you know, really trying to operate as a community that wants to share resources, not for the sake of fixing other people, but for just for the sake of sharing, you know, the more that we can, like, really actually not have to rely on these spaces that want us to be ill. You know what I'm saying? And I think it takes a lot of personal experience to kind of transform the way that you view the body. And I think that experience, I mean, outside of, like the beautiful education I've gotten from the people around me, that experience really definitely made me realize, like, yeah, this is actually something that no matter what I could have done, it probably would not have been prevented. It's just the luck of the draw. And that's just it. So.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah, exactly.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Yeah, things just, yeah, just happen. I know people are always asking me, they're like, oh, my God, you should see your doctor. He did. And I'm like, no, he's one of the top doctors in the country. You know, I'm saying, like, he is very well respected. And I think when you have a situation that is a 10% likely situation, you just have to pray and see what your luck is going to be. You can't always try to find blame for what is happening to your body. And I think a lot of times people do that.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

So, yeah, yeah, that finding blame piece is huge. I think so many scenarios, so bad people are often looking for someone to blame. And I think it's because as humans, we try to find meaning in things, but you can't always find meaning through blame. Yeah, you just can't.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

You know, especially I think even with the body conversation, like, even going beyond being physically disabled, I think a lot of times we see this same rhetoric, like, that's very harmful when it comes to, like, fatphobia, you know, like the way that people look at being fat or being plus size or being even just curvy as like a moral failure. It is very scary, you know, because I think a lot of people don't realize just how much your body is trying to keep you alive. And sometimes in keeping you alive, it will have to do certain things like store fat in your body, you know, I'm saying. And like, that is the reality for a lot of people. I don't think that that's a moral failure, you know, I'm saying. And there are people who are fat because they're disabled or people who are disabled because they are fat. And like, these are all things that are still valid except experiences that we should respect and be kind and gentle when we discuss them. But unfortunately a lot of people don't have that decorum. So.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

No.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

And it's also, I think for a while there was a space where it had gotten better. And I think people were more open to just one, I think maybe minding their own business. But like, for sure, bodies come in so many different ways, for sure. And I now it's like we're kind of moving back towards some. It's just like, oh, we're.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

I feel like we've gone back at this point. Yeah, I feel like the veil has completely been lifted at this point. Like, it is very bad. But, you know, I think one thing about it though, the pendulum always swings. I think people don't do. They don't do their readings and their. Or their findings. And I think, you know, if you look back in history, being fat at some point was a sign of wealth because you had access to food or because you had access to money that could get you food. I wouldn't be surprised if that happened again, you know what I'm saying? I wouldn't be surprised if we got to the point where being able to have access to food is the luxury, you know what I'm saying? And like, I think a lot of people are going to be regretting the day that they were ever fat phobic or that they were ever questioning someone's body just because it looked different than theirs. So, yeah, I mean, yeah, we'll see what happens. Hopefully not in my generation, but, you know, who knows at this point? I'm like, who knows at this point, right? You don't know. We don't know. So, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's spooky. Yeah, it is very spooky. But I just always tell people the pendulum always swings. Like the goalpost is always moving. Like what you think is the standard now may not be the standard later. That's why you can't really focus on it. You can't really focus on what other people want you to be. You have to focus only on how you want to feel in your body. Period.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

100.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

That's it?

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

This almost kind of goes back to what we were saying earlier about, like, the senses and like the tactile thing, like a different. Of a different version of it. Because I think we can be very warped by images that we see either on social media or in entertainment. In the media, people who maybe have a lot of work done or look a certain way and think that that's normal, but then when you. You literally just go outside and you look at the world around you, people still look normal and people still look every which kind of way when you just, like, go outside and look at how real people are living. And I think it's going to be more important than ever that people do that.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Absolutely.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Absolutely. I really do love the fact that I try to take a walk in the park every day. And going to the park has really changed my perception of life, actually. I always recommend people take a walk. Okay. Because I love going out there and I'm like, oh, people touch grass. I love that people are outside, they're enjoying their lives. They're existing in whatever body that they have. They're not hiding from the world just because they have a roll on their back or because they are using crutches or because they have a wheelchair. Like, people are outside and enjoying the sun. They are existing. You know, And I think a lot of people, especially, especially on the Internet, need to remind themselves that people exist. They just exist. And whatever's happening in their life, whatever body that they're in, they're still existing. They're still living. They're still moving forward in however way that they can. And that is your reminder that you can do it too, you know, like, you can just exist. You don't have to be the perfect version of yourself in order to have what it is you want out of life, you know, or in order to just have a good experience in life.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

100%.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

And I think it's even, even more important that we continue living and being outside and in community where we can all, like, exist normally together as much as possible.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Simi, thank you so much for joining me.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Oh, my God, of course.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

I loved this conversation.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

This was so good.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

It was so, so good.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

This is great.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Okay, please let people know where they can find you. Also, please let people know where they can subscribe to your substack oh my.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

Gosh, that's so funny because I was just telling myself, I was like I need to tell people I'm a writer more, but I just don't. But if you want to find me on social media, you can find me at Simmy moonlight on all platforms except for YouTube. On YouTube I'm at with Simi and on substack it is my first name Simi my last name Mahumza I think like substack.com first and last name. I feel like if you search Simmy on subsack you'll find me because I don't think there's a lot of simmies on there. But but yeah. And yeah, you'll find me on the interwebs or in real life if you take walks in the park.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Perfect, perfect. And then we'll make sure we also link everything in the description too.

[Simi Moonlight (Guest, continuing conversation)]

So of course, of course, of course.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Have the links thank you for joining me.

[Les (Host of She's So Lucky)]

Thank you so much. Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode of she's so Lucky. If you're ready to create your own luck, hit that subscribe button wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube so you don't miss an episode and head to the show. Notes for resources, links and discount codes. And if you are really feeling lucky, we would appreciate your rating and your review. It really helps us be able to improve the show, to get great guests and to understand what you want to hear more of. Thank you for tuning in and I'll see you next week.

[Aurora Culpo (Host of Barely Filtered)]

Welcome to Barely Filtered, hosted by me, Aurora Culpo, where my mess is my message and I'm here to share it all with you. Let's optimize our lives together and I'll make the mistakes so you don't have to join me as I share TMI personal stories about navigating relationships, dating and mental health, all while breaking stigmas around topics like adhd, anxiety and depression. From messy mistakes to moments of growth, I'm here to support you on your journey towards healing and self discovery. Tune in every Wednesday for a mix of humor, vulnerability and raw honesty as I explore the ups and downs of living in this meat suit. Follow Barely Filtered Wherever you listen to podcasts.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Please note that this episode may contain.

[Les (Host of She's So Lucky)]

Paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

[Les (Host, continuing conversation)]

Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products.

[Les (Host of She's So Lucky)]

Or services referred to in this episode.