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- [00:01]
Host
The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Welcome back to the she's so Lucky podcast. Do you ever have an interaction with a woman where you walk away being like, yeah, you know what? She isn't really her. I think it's something that we all aspire to be on some level. And today's guest is absolutely one of those people who leaves you feeling that way. I am joined by Kendra Austin. Kendra is a model, author, content creator, podcast host, and serial entrepreneur who lives authentically and unapologetically. Now, chances are you've seen her on your for your page, dropping gems, giving a great restaurant wreck, and sharing so much wisdom. I loved getting to sit down with Kendra to talk more about what it means to lean into our personal evolutions, talking about everything from glow ups to spiritual awakenings and everything in between. So let's get lucky with Kendra. Kendra. Kendra, welcome to the show.
- [01:11]
Kendra Austin
Thank you so much.
- [01:12]
Co-Host
I've actually wanted to have you on for so long.
- [01:14]
Kendra Austin
I know. We've been so back and forth in the DMs.
- [01:16]
Co-Host
We've talked about it for a long time. I know, but I feel like every episode happens when it's meant to happen.
- [01:20]
Kendra Austin
I agree. I agree. This is meant to be, babe. It's kismet. We're here.
- [01:23]
Host
It is.
- [01:24]
Kendra Austin
Yeah.
- [01:25]
Co-Host
So the question that I've loved to ask people at the beginning, now this is like a new thing as I love asking guests about a lucky moment they had, maybe when something just felt like it lined all the way up for you and was beautiful.
- [01:39]
Kendra Austin
I have heard you ask this question as a listener, and I have to say, like, I feel I was literally just talking about luck not even an hour ago. I feel every single day luck happens to me. Like, I will go to a restaurant that I know I can't get a reservation at, and I've been wanting to go for so long. And I'll go and I'll just say, listen, like, whatever's meant to happen will happen. They'll be like, oh. Like, actually, there's only one seat and they just canceled, so it's for you. That happened to me this last week, but that happens a lot. And I feel like if I were to choose, like, one specific time that I felt super lucky, I would say, like, everything that surrounded me moving to New York felt really aligned in a way that was, like, meant for me. Like, I moved here because I was scouted by a modeling agency, and while I was, like, fresh out of college and I was having, like, my early life crisis, my entire life, I Had up until that point, which is not many years at all, being a child, I had imagined that I wanted to be a lawyer. I always wanted to be a lawyer and get into international justice law. I was like a bleeding heart liberal, like, from the day I was born and thought that was my life path because it's what really drove me energetically. And then I realized I just, like, wanted to, like, invoke change in a spirit of empowerment in people. I didn't necessarily want to do it in that way. And then I just was left with, like, well, then what? But I already was, like, degree down, had already paid for the. You know what I'm saying? I'd already paid for the degree, had already went through school, had already moved to do that, and I was like, oh, my God, like, for the first time in my life, I do not know who I am. Which is like, what everybody says to themselves at 22, because you shouldn't know who you are. I felt like I was in freeze mode, you know what I'm saying? Like, legitimate, like, in the state of survival, like, flight, fight, freeze. I was just frozen in time. Like, I had no idea what desire even meant. I was like, what do you mean? Like, all I ever asked myself is what I should or what I have to. And now you're asking me what desire means? Like, I don't fucking know. Anyway, it felt so lucky that I was DM by this modeling agency because I had never imagined that I was meant for something like grand or beautiful or Venusian. I thought I was just supposed to do hard stuff. And for the first time I realized, like, maybe I could just go and do something because it feels like it would be fun. And if I did that, let's see what happens. So that DM kind of felt really lucky to me because it just, like, really just propelled me into a seed of desire that I had never been before.
- [04:09]
Co-Host
And why did you feel like you had to do hard stuff or things had to be hard?
- [04:14]
Kendra Austin
Cause life was hard, you know? And I think that that's true for a lot of eldest daughters.
- [04:17]
Host
Yes.
- [04:18]
Kendra Austin
For a lot of eldest daughters, like, life just feels really challenging and you're constantly in a seat of obligation. And I think a lot of us had this experience where you finally get therapized and you're like, it's a chicken or the egg situation. Did I feel that it was hard because I naturally am, like, into taking on responsibility or was responsibility thrust upon me? And it's a little bit of both. Like, I think that I Made this sole contract to be born to a position of responsibility. And at the same time, there were my elders didn't really give me a choice. You know, the situation I was in really didn't give me a choice. So I felt like. Because I was so used to doing hard things, and I was congratulated by my peers and my elders, my teachers, my educators, the authority figures in my life, my parents. It was like, you're good. Like, you got it. And I was like, yeah, you're right. I'm so strong. I got it. Got it. So I think up until that point, I just had always been put in a position of authority. And it felt good to me, and it felt like everybody else needed it as well. I'm like. At school, I'm like, you guys, all these students, like, you guys are bozos. You know what I mean? Like, somebody's got to be the authority here. Obviously, I know what justice and fair and right is. So then I'm the SCA president. That makes sense. You know what I mean? Then it's like, okay, now I'm going to do Amnesty International and Key Club and all these things. It just felt like it was like a natural graduation of the authority that was already. This crown of authority that was already already placed on my head from birth. And I didn't realize, like, actually, I was, like, meant to be a voice for personal authority, not authority over others and what they should or should not do.
- [05:51]
Host
Ooh.
- [05:52]
Co-Host
Can we talk about that distinction more?
- [05:54]
Kendra Austin
Yeah.
- [05:54]
Co-Host
AB Was there a moment where you realized that, or was it just gradual over time?
- [05:58]
Kendra Austin
I think it was gradual. And at the same time, I feel like it was kind of sudden in that, like, the second I no longer felt. The second I realized I was not going to choose the path of, like, being a lawyer or working in government or working in anything having to do with the powers that be. Right. Like, I always wanted to be a part of the powers that be in order to have a distinguished voice to speak for others. And then I realized that I didn't need to be involved in systems that, like, were built to destroy in order to do that. And then it's like, well, what does that mean? Like, that's a very radical thought, is like, if you're not going to be a part of the powers that be, then, like, how do you become a personal power? And how do you help other people understand that that's how we defend ourselves against the powers that be? And that kind of, I think, felt like a natural question once. Once I no longer Wanted to go in this like traditional path of being in any sort of like, honestly, when I decided I didn't want to have a boss, I don't wanna have a boss. And I didn't really want to like, work in anything bigger than me. I think then it was like natural. It's like, okay, well then what do I desire and what do I like and what feels exciting to me? And what did my inner child like? Like, I like thought back to like my 4, 5, 6 year old self. And like, I remember when I was really young, before money became a thing and be before like becoming the eldest daughter that my family could be proud of became a thing. I just really loved art. I loved art. I, like, that was my first thing I wanted to be creative. I wanted to be an artist. And that was like the earliest thing I remember identifying that I wanted to like, do. I was like, I want be an art club. When I was like in second grade and I. That thought came to me like while I was in this kind of like early life crisis. And then that drove me to like, oh, like maybe I'm a creative. Like, what do creatives do? And like, where does that come from? And what is that source? And what are we doing in this big world all the time? Like, we're trying to create a world that feels safer for everybody. So then I feel like I kind of connected. Like, to do for others is to do for self. And like, the best way I can impact change and make people feel inspired to build a world that's safer, like at a systemic level is to, at a personal level, be a catalyst for change and to like, show people that it's possible in their own lives. So like, that's when I really became obsessed with healing. In therapy, which was just then like another project for me. And then I had to learn how to undo the project. Yeah, the process, you're seeing where it goes. I'm like, it's just, it's constant rumination around that. But I think like from the context of personal power, I think that I was just reverse engineering the concept of systemic power and like where that really comes from. And like what makes somebody susceptible to being a victim of systemic power is like not having personal power. And then I just dove into that.
- [08:47]
Host
Yep. Breaking it down.
- [08:48]
Kendra Austin
Yeah.
- [08:48]
Co-Host
Asking why?
- [08:49]
Host
Why? Why?
- [08:49]
Kendra Austin
Yeah, why? Yeah. Why what? What for? And then that again I bring up that word desire, like that constantly was circulating. They still to this day, it's always circulating in my mind, like when I become obsessed with like obligation and responsibility. I always return back to this, like, well, what do you want to do? What do you want to do? And, like, why don't you think you can have that? And why don't you think that other people benefit from you doing what you want to do?
- [09:15]
Co-Host
Have you ever gotten some interesting answers when you ask yourself that question?
- [09:20]
Kendra Austin
Yeah, I mean, definitely. So, okay, I always bring up this, really, because I'm a crystal bitch through and through. Like, yeah, like. Like a natural bread crystal bitch. My mom was a crystal bitch. That's just like, my colloquial term for, like, somebody interested in the esoteric. And I've always been really interested in, like, the languages of spirituality. Like, in all of the typologies, like astrology, numerology, human design. I know you're really into that or you've tapped into that. I've always really interested in the typologies. I realized, like, my autistic fixation, like, special interest is people and, like, the categories of people and helping my, like, understanding why people are motivated by things and why there's kind of archetypes. And that drove me into the fact that, like, we all have these very specialized desires that help us understand where our places in the world and, like, what our thing is. So when I was. What was this? Maybe like 2021? I fell into the hands of my psychic, Wendy. Wendy is a known psychic. She runs a business called Pure Heart Sessions. A lot of famous people go to see her, but I was the first. Okay, not famous, just a person going to see her. I was like, a very early proselytizing client of Wendy's. But she's amazing. She, like, is not an oracle. She doesn't use any sort of divination tools or any sort of typologies. Like, she just simply taps into you. She's like, okay, I'm you now. And for our first session ever, I came in with a lot of questions. Turns out she doesn't do questions. She doesn't want you to talk at all. Because then it breaks her trance. She's, like, in a trance. So she just goes and goes and goes. And she just tells you, like, okay, this is your energy. This is what you're here for. The first thing she says to me is, she's in my energy. She's like, oh, my God. She's like, your energy is so fun. She's like, it's like being at church. She's like, to be around you feels like you're at church. And, like, that's what you're here for is to tell people, like, more more, rejoice more. And then she goes on to talk about all the things that I'll be interested in and how I'll manifest them. So she's just like, I think you're just gonna do everything like you wanna do. Like, that's what you're here is like, just do what you wanna do and show people that they're allowed to do what they want to do and that it's not going to be handed to you. You are allowed to manifest from your own energy and, like, whatever it is that is intended to be a resource for that physical manifestation will show up and, like, you'll see that in your own life. And if you stop waiting for some great thing to, like, bestow this power upon you, you'll understand this and then you'll stop waiting for it. Like, you'll stop waiting for the authority to decide that. Here's the brand deciding that. Your podcast is sponsored. Now, here is the thing that's going to tell you that you're going to get the book deal and you're going to do this, and you're going to do this. Like, you just go and do it, and then whatever it is that you need will make that possible if you need something outside of yourself. And up until that point, I had done a lot of waiting. Like, I was no stranger to hard work. I was already in a writing practice. I was already working on my spiritual practice. Those things resulted in a book deal, in an Oracle card deal, in a deal with subsack to write my weekly newsletter. Those things came, and it was weird that she was saying it at that time because I had already manifested those things. But I didn't understand that. That's why it was significant. I still thought, like, I actually just worked really, really hard for this and, like, these things were giving it to me, when in reality, I had already done the work that was meaningful to me. So then that was clicking in real time in the session. Then at the end of this reading, she had spent, like, probably an hour and a half with me. And, like, the session I paid for was like an hour. And she just went, went, went. She was like, you're gonna do this. You're gonna do this. Like, you're really everything that I ever imagined that I would, like, wanna do creatively. She told me, like, you're gonna have that because you want it. I'm just reading your current energy. It's the way you want. You'll have it. And at the end, I felt really disappointed. Why when we got to the questions where she was like, okay, now I'm done. What do you want to know? Like, if there's anything else? When we got to the question portion, I was really disappointed, and I didn't know why. And I was like, well, I asked her. I was like, will I ever be known for something? That was my question.
- [13:19]
Host
Interesting.
- [13:20]
Kendra Austin
At the end of her telling me that I will be known for being everything that I want to be, I was like, well, what's my thing? And she looked at me and she said, for the energy that I'm sitting in, that question is really fucking limiting. She said that exact thing. It seared into my mind. And I was like, oh, read me. Like, read me. I, like, still didn't understand, like, my inner child. Like, this wounded part of me still wanted to be, like, a voice and authority of a really, really small thing that I think felt more significant to people outside of me and that other people would feel was important. And what she was telling me is like, you're gonna decide what's important to you, and that's gonna be enough. But in that moment, I hadn't done the work for that to be enough. So from that day on, I remember after that call, I closed my laptop, I cried about it, because in that moment I realized, like, this wounded child in me is not gonna get that. And that's my life purpose, is to help other people realize that they're not gonna get that. And that's not what's important. What's important is that you think that your desire and your self interest is enough. And if I don't do the work to get that, I won't ever feel good enough. So that is when desire became, like, the center of my being and of my orbit was like hearing almost from this, like, celestial, otherworldly source what I, my higher self was always telling me, which is that nothing is ever going to tell you that you're good enough. You're always going to feel like you're not good enough unless you decide that your work in itself is just of your deepest desire and of your joy and you get to do it yourself. And, like, that's the exciting part, is, like, nobody is ever gonna be the gatekeeper. Like, it's you. And that was, like, really shocking. And I think for so many of us that are motivated by, like, when you have, like, a good girl syndrome, like, you want the gold star, you have, like, the good student syndrome, knowing that that's not ever coming is, like, really deep wound work.
- [15:17]
Host
It is.
- [15:18]
Co-Host
I feel like you're dragging me right now because that's so much of the work that I currently need to do and so much of what you just shared really resonated.
- [15:32]
Host
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- [18:56]
Kendra Austin
Even.
- [18:56]
Co-Host
What you were just saying about wanting to know what is the small thing that I can be known for? Really? Well, literally last night I had that same thought. Yeah, I'm a part of this group of other women podcasters and we get together every other month and talk about podcasting.
- [19:10]
Kendra Austin
Oh, I love that.
- [19:11]
Co-Host
It's good. It's good. And last night we were talking about guesting and, you know, how do we pitch ourselves to be on other shows and how do we decide who to bring on as a guest for our show when we were talking about strategies for pitching ourselves? And one of my issues and why I don't pitch myself is I'm like, well, I don't have a thing. What is it that I, I even like posted on this, trying to ask my audience, like, what podcast should I go on and what should I tell them that I can talk? You know what I mean? What are the three bullet points that I can provide value to their audience because I can tell them how to like abc. And I was like, I, I don't have things where I can tell them strategies to do whatever. Maybe I could have about, like working out 10 years ago, but I don't want to talk about that. I'm over it. I've said everything there is to say. Work out or don't, I don't know, like, I've lost it. And so I had this moment where.
- [19:59]
Host
I was like, damn, I Can't pitch myself to be any.
- [20:02]
Co-Host
On any of these things because I don't have a thing. And then I had like a little existential crisis about it.
- [20:06]
Kendra Austin
How did your community respond to that? How did they.
- [20:08]
Co-Host
I didn't say anything out loud.
- [20:09]
Kendra Austin
This was all you're thinking. Yep.
- [20:11]
Co-Host
I didn't want to admit it out loud, but it, it.
- [20:15]
Kendra Austin
But you have now those feelings.
- [20:16]
Co-Host
Yeah, that I have. Sharing it reminds me so much of.
- [20:19]
Kendra Austin
What you just said.
- [20:20]
Co-Host
I feel like it's what I did.
- [20:21]
Kendra Austin
So interesting that you think that. Do you want to know what I think you do?
- [20:25]
Host
Sure.
- [20:25]
Kendra Austin
Okay. I think then I. I feel this is actually true for almost all LEOs. I think that you're here for self actualization. Okay. And I think that that's what you're an authority on is self actualization, and I think that that's also why you're such a brilliant podcast host, is that when you are an entity for self actualizing and the questions that come from that, you get to be a conduit to other people, understanding that in another seat. And it's valuable and it's relevant to everybody. So I personally, that's how I receive what it is that you put out in the world.
- [21:02]
Host
Well, thank you.
- [21:03]
Kendra Austin
Yeah, I really appreciate it. And in that way it's so exciting. But I get why it poses the feeling of lostness that I was just describing, because I am also that. So then you're in this constant flow in state of regeneration in like really like essentially extending that in the physical world into all these new projects and new things. Then people are like, well, I don't really get it. Like, what is it that you. And you find that question a lot, especially with elders. Or like, I always like people who are of locality. You know, saying like, it's just like a little.
- [21:34]
Co-Host
It's a. I love my phrasing.
- [21:35]
Kendra Austin
It's like a local mindset to be like, okay, like, I am wife. It's almost like hometown hotties. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? Like, if you go and like see like a local girl's Instagram bio, it's like mama of two, wife to Miami. To Tampa. Miami Aero emoji, Tampa seamstress.
- [21:54]
Host
So true.
- [21:54]
Kendra Austin
Do you know what I mean? And like, that is their whole reality. And like, that's not a problem. That's a beautiful thing. Like, that's their actualization. Like, that's not an issue. But I do think that if you're here to be a conduit for others, you have to be more Expansive. Like, you have to be like a projection tool or a mirror in so many ways. In that way, you have to have so many faces and so many facets and so many opportunities for other people to be a part of their own journey through you. And it makes your thing less obvious. And people just love to have the bio. And we're bioless.
- [22:24]
Host
Yeah.
- [22:24]
Co-Host
Yeah, exactly. Especially in this space and in this time of constant self promotion.
- [22:30]
Kendra Austin
Yeah.
- [22:30]
Co-Host
Where everybody feels like they need to be a brand. They need to be promoting themselves. They need to be doing all the things. When you're somebody who illuminates other people.
- [22:36]
Kendra Austin
Yeah.
- [22:38]
Co-Host
I have felt lost in that shuffle.
- [22:39]
Kendra Austin
Yeah, totally. And I think, like, it. It's also, like, let's just get down to the nitty gritty, right? Like, you're building a brand. You write. And so, like, when you're building a brand, you are a brand. You're. You're seeking to gain a semblance of success, regardless of how it is that you define it for yourself. Like, you want to know that you're reaching people. You want to know that you're reaching an audience and the right audience, and that it feels good for everybody. And it feels like it's an exchange, and that exchange is growing, and numbers matter in that way. And it's like, yeah, I feel like it's. It's this constant dance that we have to do with ourselves to, like, not only be a number, but also feel that we are getting to a place where, like, the eyes and ears that the space is intended for are finding us. Like, that's a real thing, you know? And, like, when you feel the resistance to that, that's indication that maybe it's, like, not right for you. And I think often it's like, the question you're asking is like, am I the resistance or is it that. That I'm not on brand? And that's the devil talking. You know what I mean? It's like, that's really hard. Like, it's like, we're always the resistance. But I think no matter what, you can always, like, get online and see somebody who's, like, another woman who's, like, so hot and electric and magnetic and amazing, and she's got the numbers and she's got the thing, and she's online telling people how to do the thing, and that might be relevant for somebody. It's never relevant for us.
- [23:58]
Co-Host
Right.
- [23:58]
Kendra Austin
I can tell you that.
- [23:59]
Co-Host
Yeah.
- [24:00]
Kendra Austin
It's never. You know what I'm saying?
- [24:01]
Co-Host
Yeah. That actually reminds me of your bio that says Women of your own dreams, which I want to talk to you about. I think that fits.
- [24:09]
Kendra Austin
That's in my bio for eight years.
- [24:10]
Host
Yeah.
- [24:11]
Kendra Austin
Yeah.
- [24:11]
Co-Host
I want to talk about what it means for you to be the woman of your own dreams.
- [24:14]
Kendra Austin
Yeah.
- [24:15]
Co-Host
How that's evolved for you. I'm sure over the past eight years, the definition of who that is has changed totally. How you've changed with it.
- [24:22]
Kendra Austin
Yeah. One million times over. And it's interesting because I put that in my bio in 2017-2016-2017-2016. And what it means to me has changed so much. And I realized, like, almost to, like, my understanding of the language has transformed a lot. When I put that in my bio, I remember thinking, like, woman of my own dreams is about manifestation of a very specific thing right now. And at the time, it was like, okay, I'm switching my idea of who I want to be to something more creative. I still don't know what that means. I've never, like, had to live the life of a creative. I don't know what it means to be in community with other creatives and how they might inform those daily choices or that life path. But what I do know is at the time, I was like, I want to be the next Oprah, so that's what I'm going to do. And at the time, I thought that meant that, like, Oprah was sitting in the chair getting to talk to somebody else, and everybody just knew Oprah was, like, rich and perfect and powerful and amazing, and that's all I wanted to be. Outside of that, it didn't really matter. Right. So that's what the dream was in that context. And a lot of that, too, was about, like, being an image. An image was really important to me at the time, and, like, looking really successful was really important to me at the time, and other people being able to identify that. And then I came to New York, and life humbled me. You know what I'm saying? New York humbles everybody. That's the point. It's a very saturnian city in that way. You know what I mean? Like, you're supposed to gain humility and work hard and then see what happens in that process. So that's what happened. And through my time and, like, moving as a creative because the journey kind of went is, like, I moved here, and I decided, okay, I'm just going to really invest in my social media platform. And so I gained my audience by sharing my stories. And at the time, it was, like, most, like, body positive to body neutral content. It was very Centered on physicality and self and, like, diet culture and fat phobia and identity as a whole. Because obviously that's, like, very intersectional. So I would talk about queerness because I'm queer. I would talk about race because I'm black. Might be news to all of you. So it's like. And all the. You know, from personal, interpersonal to systemic. All of those journeys, I would blog and talk about a lot. And then I got into my writing practice. I was working with a newsletter at the time called the between that became a modeling agency. So through that writing practice, in kind of watching somebody and being helpful with somebody, building a business, I realized, like, oh, like, maybe that's kind of what I want to do. It's just, like, build projects and businesses that might turn into something else. And I'm just going to kind of let that unfold as it may. And then that's kind of just happened. You know what I mean? Like, I realized, like, I just want to do some fun shit. And, like, through that process, I realized, like, what dreams really meant to me. And actually, it's interesting to kind of circle back to our first question of my answer about Wendy. She kind of told me, like, you know, you're gonna kind of just like, manifest things in real time, and, like, it's gonna be very quick. And then you're not really supposed to, like, finish. Like, you're supposed to just, like, kind of, like, move on. Like, you're not gonna be, like, a finisher, you know? I mean, like, that's, like, not the point. That was also really devastating to me as a Capricorn rising, because I said, what do you mean I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna finish stuff. She was like, no, not really. Like, you're just supposed to kind of just do it. Like, the whole point is the manifestation. So now that I'm in my process, I realize, like, oh, like, this is actually closer to Oprah than ever. Just not in the way that I thought. Because Oprah is not Oprah. She's not like, one thing. She's egot. Do you know what I'm saying? She's done everything. You know what I mean? Like, she's been at the helm of magazine. She is this, like, media entity. Yeah, she is Oprah sitting in the seat. But she's also, like, an actor. Like, she's one of Tony. She's what?
- [28:01]
Host
She's.
- [28:01]
Kendra Austin
She's won all of that. She's egot, you know what I'm saying? She's done all of It. She's a writer, she's saying she's done all of it, and I'm like, oh, my God, that's the thing. Like, actually, Oprah's misunderstood because she's a creative entity that people have made a franchise. But, like, she's actually a creative entity. And that's really what it is that I do. I'm just creating whatever it is I want. So over the period of my journey being here, it's like, I wanted to be a model, and then that I felt like I always kind of, like, ran up against the system, and then I wanted to be the biggest influencer, and then I ran up against the system because, like, I can't just sell myself to the algorithm. I don't want to post about the same things all the time. I want to evolve. I want to take my audience with me. I don't want to niche down. I don't give a fuck about a niche. So I guess that's. I'm always going to hit that wall. That's the thing I realized, like, no matter what, there's no way to outsmart the algorithm in that way. I'm going to hit the wall. So that's going to be disappointing to me if I keep on trying to chase that number. And then when I got into my writing bag, it's like, I love the mastery of language and being able to offer people different words for things that they're experiencing, but I don't want to be, like, only a writer, and that's exhausting for me. So kept on facing that wall, and although I had, like, that was a really important part of my process was, like, this window, like, 2020, like 2020 21, like 2023, when I was writing a lot was like, really that relationship that I shared with my audiences in that way was really amazing for me. I published my Oracle deck, I had my newsletter, and, like, that was some of the best, some of the most joyful times in being able to feel other people feel me. Because, like, writing is, like, such a place of solace and always has been. But again, it's like, I've reached this, like, almost, like, creative wall of, like, I don't want to do this all the time. Like, writing requires you sitting in the chair for so long. And, like, I realized I love the spiritual process of, like, the writing that happens when you're not in the chair, which is, like, concept and, like, also taking in other people's creative sources. And then eventually, after all was said and done from those kind of few Processes of, like, creative expression. I realized, like, oh, dreams to me is, like, actually just about being in the constant. Literally, the dreaminess. Like, I love, like, that kind of, like, Neptune energy of, like, the nebulousness of, like, what does this mean? And, like, can I share that with somebody right now? And whatever that means to me. And, like, now that's what dreams mean. It's like, not about, like, this, like, inspo porn of this, like, grand image. And one day I'm gonna get there. It, like, truly is obviously, like, I hate to be trite, but it is about the journey and not the destination. But at the time, dream meant destination, and now it means the journey. And also, I kind of always want to be. I realize, like, I myself want to be the dream. I want you to be always a little bit confused about what I'm doing.
- [30:49]
Host
That's where the Aquarius comes in.
- [30:50]
Kendra Austin
That's it. Exactly. It's like, I want to be nebulous. And I think that that's, like, really exciting for me to be able to say that and to really feel that.
- [30:58]
Co-Host
Way and not put in a box.
- [31:00]
Kendra Austin
Yeah, yeah, totally. And, like, I'm okay if, like, you just identify me. I'm like, it's fine. Like, if I hear the bio, like, I'm fine with you saying, like, okay, like, writer, podcaster, influencer, like, that. That's fine to me. Like, if it comforts you, it comforts me. Like, if that's the means to an end to be able to have the conversation that will be valuable to an audience, and I'm fine with that. But it's never just going to be that, right?
- [31:20]
Co-Host
You're not living by other people's definitions of you.
- [31:22]
Kendra Austin
Yeah, yeah, totally. And, like, also, I've stopped trying to force myself into that, and I've stopped living a life that, like, intends to do that, because I think that people don't realize how much every single day, like, your ritual in itself, like, becomes your life. And, like, if you wake up and you're like, okay, like, I have to do this thing today. I have to. Okay, so I have my meeting, and then I have this meeting and I need to go to the gym and. And then I have to do this, and then I have to this. And when all is said and done, I will have been, like, writer, entrepreneur, podcast, or, like, that's what makes. Yeah, like, you do have to do the things. You have to check the boxes. Otherwise you can't say you do something if you're never showing up to the task of it. But I think that, like, I like to claim a ritual over a routine. And, like, the ritual means that it's done, not that it's done in a time or in a fashion that's, like, identifiable to other people. It's, like, really about you. It's kind of like prayer, you know what I'm saying? Like, people don't get to tell you what a prayer to God is. Like, you know what that is for yourself. As long as you have a meeting place with you and God, then you've met. You've met God, you know, And I, like, definitely equate God, little G God, not big G God to, you know, the spiritual practice that we have with creativity and with our audience. Like, that's where God lives for me. So I feel like seeing it more as, like, I'm going to show up in the ways that feel good to me. And even, like, I own a weed and shrooms delivery service called Pearl here in New York. That's, like, kind of my biggest baby right now because I have over 20 employees, which is like. So that's a. Yeah, that's a lot of people. Exactly. So it's like, you know, I'm talking really nebulously, but at the end of the day, I got to show up and, like, people have to get paid. Do you know what I mean? So it's like, those are the things that a lot of people, like, want to hear from me is like, right? So, like, you're this creative source, but then also, like, people just have to get paid. And, like, you do have to, like, create a schedule every week. You know, I have to be a people manager and, like, create a schedule every week. And, like, we have services and people have to. We have product and all these things. Like, how does that work? And, like, actually, I've made it work. That is the thing. I've just. I have just made it work for me by, like, being like, okay, I know this is going to get done. I'm going to do it my own time, and I'm going to do it in a way that feels good to me. And I'm going to let my team know, like, I am a woman in business. Like, I'm not going to run this like a man does. And I think that that is, like, really cool and exciting because my employees, like, I mean, I'll let them speak for it. They do all the time, but it's like, they like working for me. And I realize it's because I run the business based on, like, human beings in A way that feels like none of this is that serious, because it's not. I want you to feel good in your job, and I want you to feel like you have a job and a role that suits what your gifts are. Because that's why I don't want a boss, is I don't want to be told that my gifts have to be this right now. And I'm gonna work with you on that. But beyond that, like, we're not solving world hunger here. It's still just a product. So how do we make sure everybody feels aligned and good in the space? And like, that's the center of my conversation with my team. And I realized, like, that's the team that I always wanted to be a part of.
- [34:24]
Host
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- [37:40]
Co-Host
I love what you just said about being a woman in business and how you run your business because I do think that a lot of the downfall of the girl boss for many reasons was because women were getting in these positions and then trying to just do the same things that white men do.
- [37:55]
Kendra Austin
Correct.
- [37:56]
Co-Host
And that doesn't make it better. It doesn't work no matter who does it.
- [38:00]
Kendra Austin
And so it's not even working with them.
- [38:02]
Host
Actually.
- [38:02]
Kendra Austin
Everybody hates. It's not. Yeah, it doesn't.
- [38:04]
Co-Host
It no matter who, him, whoever. It's not working.
- [38:07]
Host
Working.
- [38:07]
Co-Host
And so being able to take a different approach and say what actually works for the humans. Because they're not numbers, they're not minions, they're humans. And what is going to help the humans feel fulfilled and do what they need.
- [38:21]
Kendra Austin
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I think like right now, I think we're at a really interesting time where like brand building and company building is about. It is an energy, like people are buying into an energy. They want to know who's behind the brand, what their values are, whether or not people are getting paid appropriately. They want to know those things, especially.
- [38:41]
Co-Host
If it's a woman owned brand.
- [38:41]
Kendra Austin
Exactly.
- [38:42]
Co-Host
Because for a lot of, a lot of male entrepreneurs, they don't have those questions. Who knows what. They're not out here being influencers for their brands. They're not out here building in public because that's everyone's favorite phrase. That's exactly when women do it.
- [38:55]
Kendra Austin
That's right in the burden, right? It's like heavy as the head. Like now the burden is on us to have to like stand behind values. And it sucks because if you're like an Amazon, right? Like everybody expects you to destroy the earth while you're at the task of making money. And so therefore they don't hold you to the standard of having values with those things. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you don't have to be like a good person on top of being a business owner. You can just be a business owner. We don't have that opportunity. And you know, it's like, yeah, okay, that sucks. It sucks because it just like, it's so much harder. It's so much harder. It's so much more costly. It is so much more costly to be an ethical brand owner. It's so much more costly in all of the ways emotionally, like, I realize like owning a business is like really about like being a good parent. And like, that's crazy because then it all goes back to the eldest daughter syndrome, which that I've been trying to like run away from is like having to like parent everybody and like be a source of comfort for the world even when I'm not so comfortable. So like, there's a lot of like therapy, like, there's a lot of talk in therapy that I have with my therapist about being like, why did I put myself in a position where now I have to do that in order to be a good, like just do the things that I want to do, you know what I'm saying? And be a good business owner. But it is like really fulfilling in that, like, I have to learn emotional regulation skills and feeling good in my emotional body for self, for to be a good partner, to be a good sister, to be a good friend and, and to be a good business owner. And like, in that way, like, I'm really working like a holistic process. So that feels great because like, I'm almost watching like the fruits of my labor, like in so many ways all the time and it feels less disjointed to like, have to be a good person. And then I would have to potentially another situation, another life, another timeline. I would have to go to work and work like a white man does. But, like, the person that I'm working toward in my personal life and in my spiritual life and spiritual authority is exactly who I get to show up as at my job. And like, I'm seeing how it's helped me build a woman owned business and not just a business that's owned by a woman. And that feels really exciting. And I realized too, like, how often that question comes up is like, why am I creating this policy? Who does it serve? And like, why do I think it's important? And like, yeah, like, sometimes I have to make a choice that like, serves my customer or serves my audience that my employees don't like. But in the same way that like, I think about motherhood and the way that I want to be a mother, like, you should never just tell a child, do it because I said so. I really don't agree with that terminal. I don't think that anybody should ever hear because I said so. You're forcing somebody to leave their own authority and what feels good in their body for the sake of your own. And so in my business, like, I am always going to tell you why it is that I'm doing the thing whether or not it feels comfortable to you. Like, you get to decide. And like, if this isn't a good environment for you, I totally understand that and I want to hear you out. And at the same time, like, this is a choice that I have to make for my bottom line. I don't want you to sacrifice your happiness in order to be here. So, like, let's figure out what can work for everybody. But like, I'm always going to tell my employees why I'm making the decision. Like, the answer's never. Like, well, it's. This is just what it is. And I think that that's like, really, it is extra work. But it is really exciting for me to be able to build that and like, see how much more comfortable it's making my team in my business as a whole. And like, then I get to build something fun. Like at the end of the day, like Pearl is, is meant to be fun. It's meant to be a highlight in somebody's day. We have this like, really fun girly pop space and like a really otherwise like, male, white, male dominated. And like, really like Zaza brand, like, very like ugly, like, druggie space. And like, that's not the energy we're giving. You know, we're like, this is girly pop. You get your goods in a really cute branded bag. Our discount card looks like a pro. Like, it looks like an Amex Platinum. You know what I'm saying? So it's like we're building those things on purpose. That way it feels like it's for you as an audience. And that starts with. With me being a better boss, so.
- [42:59]
Co-Host
Absolutely. And I'm sure also managing a team of 20, because that is a lot of people.
- [43:03]
Kendra Austin
Yeah.
- [43:04]
Co-Host
Is like a whole personal development experience in and of itself.
- [43:08]
Kendra Austin
It is.
- [43:08]
Co-Host
As you've navigated, entrepreneurship, growing a business, what have been some of the things that have helped you navigate the businesses you're building?
- [43:16]
Kendra Austin
Well, I think, for one, this is, like, the first venture I've ever had where I had a business partner. And it's interesting because they are exactly the opposite of me. And I am, like, so used to being, like, the thing is, I'm right, and so we should do that thing. We should do what I think is right. And it's, like, really interesting because I'm watching somebody, like, be in their own personal authority and, like, they think so different from me. And often, like, both. Both things are true at once. And, like, being able to, like, be malleable. I also, like, I'm Audi hd, so I also, like, can be really rigid in, like, what I think is going to work. So I think there's also a lot of, like, pushing through those ideas for the sake of my business and for my business partnership. And, like, I actually realized, like, oh, I really, really value your opinion. And I said that when we got into business together. And so I have to trust that now, like, I value your opinion. It doesn't mean that it's absolutely 100. Right. But in this moment, you do have an authority, and, like, that means as much to me as my own. And it's interesting because I find that to be true in interpersonal relationships as well, in a way that doesn't necessarily feel safe to me and my body all the time, because I'm so used to being parentified and having to be like, okay, nobody else knows what to do here. And so I guess through shaky voice and shaky knees, I have to say, this is what it is. We have to go full force in this direction for the sake of the business, for the sake of the family, for the sake of the relationship, whatever the situation is. And so I think that, like, I am learning as much of my business as I am my interpersonal life, how important it is to let the people that we're in relation with unfold before us and, like, trust that their Personal authority, because we say that we want to be in a relationship with them or in relationship to them is as important. And, like, is how we're building trust and how we're building a connection. And, like, this is where the good stuff is. It's not an offense to me in my safety to let this unfold. And, like, I feel that in my body every day, that challenge. It can be so scary to, like, say, I'm gonna let you do this, like, even in my personal business and building, like, Kendra Austin, llc. And, like, we were talking about this before we started recording, like, with my pod or, like, with anything else that I do. Like, right now, I'm building an apparel brand, and, like, I am like, okay, like, I'm gonna outsource this thing versus just doing it myself. Like, I'm so used to being like. Like, if I want this task done, like, I will go and learn an entire skill set. I will go learn an entire person's skill set. They learned over 10 years learning in 10 days for the sake of getting it done right. But, like, I do not have the time for that. And it's actually, like, I don't want to anymore. So can I let somebody else, in their authority, be as important as mine, like, and not feel like it's going to be the end of my world or, like, they're going to destroy this thing that I'm building? And it really does feel like a destruction, which is, like, insane. Why do mistakes feel like a destruction? I mean, you know what I'm saying?
- [46:08]
Co-Host
Why is it perfectionists.
- [46:10]
Kendra Austin
Yes.
- [46:11]
Co-Host
Backgrounds.
- [46:12]
Kendra Austin
It.
- [46:12]
Co-Host
It can.
- [46:13]
Kendra Austin
Yes. And, like, that's so crazy. Like, I feel like I have to interrogate that every single day. I'm like, a mistake is not a destruction. It is okay if relinquishing a little bit of power and a little bit of control to somebody else results in a mistake. Because it would result in a mistake if you were doing it too. You just wouldn't beat yourself up for it. So let's go deeper. You know what I mean? Like, now you know that what you want to say to this person that you absolutely should never say to somebody else. You would be saying to yourself, and that's why you're so fearful.
- [46:41]
Host
Stay there.
- [46:42]
Kendra Austin
Yes. Yeah, exactly. And it's, like, interesting. Like, I am watching other people watch me process how much I am used to beating myself up or turning a bad moment into a bad day. And, like, now none of us have time for it because the service still runs. My businesses still run. Like, these things still have to happen. And, like, actually, like, almost from a pragmatic standpoint, From a pragmatic standpoint, there is not enough time in the day for me to be cruel to myself or to other people, period. You know, like, it's not gonna make the dream happen. It's not gonna get the work done. So, like, even if I was not so soft and gentle with myself, like, babe, like, time is money. You don't have the time for this. So be nice. Let's move on. Yes, be nice, and let's get through it. And it's so interesting, like, how you can come full circle and realize, like, the soft bits that you have convinced yourself you don't have time for or ultimately how you're gonna bring more time, more joy, more energy, more space to catch a vibe and still build the things that, like, you want to build to gain success in whatever ways you find valuable.
- [47:48]
Co-Host
Yeah, it's what's needed. I think in a lot of ways, we're seeing the downsides of how we've been lied to about the importance of soft skills. We've been lied to for a very long time. They were very undervalued. And now we're beginning to see, oh, those are important. We need those.
- [48:03]
Host
We need to know how to talk to each other and how to treat each other.
- [48:06]
Kendra Austin
Totally.
- [48:07]
Co-Host
That's just as important as being right.
- [48:09]
Kendra Austin
Totally.
- [48:09]
Co-Host
Not more so sometimes.
- [48:10]
Kendra Austin
Yeah, they are the thing. And, like, you know, I think what sucks is, like, as women, as black women, trying to build important things. As you mentioned earlier, we have an expectation that others do not have to do things ethically, to do things morally, to do things in a way that's really radical. And what we know about ethics in building something radical is that it's a steep climb up. Like, it is so much harder. It costs so much more money, and it costs so much more time, and it is way more emotionally taxing, and it's way more taxing on the body. For those reasons, as we know it keeps core. I would love for it to stop tallying now, but it is so worth it because you get to sleep at night. That is the thing. It is so worth it because you get to sleep at night and knowing that, like, what you're doing feels good to you and to others. And, like, I feel that it's also just really, really important to build community. I love that you have a community around you in building this brand that you're building. And, like, I think so many more women need to recognize, like, that is the only way that you won't feel like a reptilian. And these white men who are reptilians is like, you need to have community around you that, like, echo back the world that you're building. Otherwise, like, you will drown underneath your own expectation. Because it's really lonely to build something that you've never seen before. You know, it's like trying to be partnered in wanting to, like, build a marriage or a life with somebody who has also had, you know, a tough childhood or a tough upbringing. And, like, you guys want to have a beautiful family. Like, you're building something you've never seen before. So, like, you to be able to know what it is that you see in your mind's eye for the future, and you have to know that you're not alone in doing that. You have to hold somebody else's hand in doing that. And I think, like, the. Yeah, the quickest way to drown in that is. Is to not have somebody else's hand to hold in that experience, you know?
- [50:07]
Host
So true. So true. Kendra, thank you so much.
- [50:09]
Co-Host
I feel like that was, like, the perfect note to end on, but I'm so happy we got to sit down and chat. I know.
- [50:18]
Host
I got so much out of this episode. Thank you for dropping it. Dropping gems the whole time.
- [50:22]
Kendra Austin
Baby, put a mic in front of me. All I know how to do is yap.
- [50:25]
Host
That's what we love.
- [50:26]
Kendra Austin
All I know how to do is yap.
- [50:27]
Host
Can you please let the girls know where to find you if they're not already?
- [50:30]
Kendra Austin
Yeah, of course. You can find me at kendrammerous on all platforms, and through them, you can find anything else that it may offer the world. So amazing.
- [50:37]
Host
And we'll make sure we have all your stuff linked in the show notes.
- [50:39]
Kendra Austin
Perfect. Thank you so much, babe.
- [50:41]
Host
Thank you for being here. Of course.
- [50:42]
Kendra Austin
Absolutely.
- [50:46]
Host
Foreign. Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode of she's so Lucky. If you're ready to create your own luck, hit that subscribe button wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube so you don't miss an episode and head to the show Notes for resources, links, and discount codes. And if you are really feeling lucky, we would appreciate your rating and your review. It really helps us be able to improve the show to get great guests and to understand what you want to hear more of. Thank you for tuning in and I'll see you next week.
- [51:23]
Aaron and Sarah Foster
We are Aaron and Sarah Foster. We have a podcast. We're here to basically ask you to listen to it.
- [51:28]
Kendra Austin
We're just trying to help you guys.
- [51:29]
Host
Not make the same mistakes that we made in life. Yeah, we made a lot.
- [51:32]
Aaron and Sarah Foster
Especially me. I really went down some dark roads trying to save you guys from that. Our podcast is called the World's First Podcast. We are are technically the sisters behind the Nobody wants this podcast. It's inspired by us.
- [51:44]
Co-Host
Because you wrote it.
- [51:45]
Aaron and Sarah Foster
Yeah, that's true. But when I write, I am inspired by myself all the time.
- [51:49]
Kendra Austin
Right? That would make sense. You inspire you.
- [51:50]
Aaron and Sarah Foster
We're gonna wrap this up. Okay, guys, go check it out.
- [51:53]
Host
World's First Podcast. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.