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Host (Alex)
The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Hello Clovers. Welcome to this week's episode of she's so Lucky and thank you for being here. So tuning in to today's episode. You are in for such a treat. It is an amazing conversation all about overcoming comparison and tending to your mental health, building community, and so much more. I'm joined today by Elise Fox, who is a Brooklyn based filmmaker, writer, and founder of the nonprofit Sad Girls Club. And if you have been on the Internet anytime after 2018, you're probably familiar with Sad Girls Club, the nonprofit committed to providing access, resources and community within the mental wellness space. I have been such an admirer of Elise and her work with Sad Girls Club for ages and was so excited to have her join the show. This is one of those episodes where you are going to feel seen, heard, and it's basically like a hug in conversation form. So I'm so excited to welcome Elise to the show. Elise, welcome to the show.
Elise Fox
Thank you so much for having me.
Co-Host (John)
I am so excited to have you. I've followed your work with Sad Girls Club for years now. I'm super excited to finally have you on the show.
Elise Fox
Thank you. This is like such a beautiful moment because I've been following your journey too. So this is like match made in heaven in my eyes.
Host (Alex)
Oh my gosh.
Co-Host (John)
Thank you. So since the rebrand, I've been liking to start the show off with the same question about luck. I would love to hear of a moment when you felt really lucky.
Elise Fox
I feel like a moment I felt really lucky was when I, I made the hard decision to leave everything that I knew and I loved and enjoyed about my life and took a risk on myself to like, start my own path, start my own career. And it was the scariest thing I've ever done. And it wasn't easy at all. But I'm still, like, grateful that I took that step in that and I am where I am today. Like leaving my comfort zone and stepping out of the box and doing it on my own has been like the best thing I've ever done.
Co-Host (John)
I love that. Was there a catalyst to that moment that made you decide to step out on a new path?
Elise Fox
I was tired of being sad. I was tired of not enjoying my life. I was sick of making everyone else's dreams come true while I kind of cried in the closet. Open mind would come true one day. And just one day I woke up and I said, this isn't the life that I want to live. I don't want to wake up 20 years from now saying I coulda, woulda, shoulda. So I did.
Co-Host (John)
That's like the definition of creating our own luck. And in that moment, what was the first step that you took?
Elise Fox
My first step was writing. Honestly, I'm not big on writing, but I knew that I needed to get my ideas out of my head. And I worked in film and production for a long time. I knew that I wanted to do something or pursue something in that realm. And I didn't like the landscape that I was in, so I wanted to try something different. So I wrote down a bunch of ideas. I was telling myself, there's no bad idea, there's no horrible idea. And then from there I just created a plan, like a loose plan of best case scenario, worst case scenario, this is where I'll land. And that's how I basically started my first company, produced by Girls, where it's a film production company that produces films for women, by women. And it's been like such a fun journey. And I was like, my first thing I've done.
Host (Alex)
Yeah.
Co-Host (John)
And then can we talk about the transition to how you created Sad Girls Club and what that origin story was?
Elise Fox
Yes, it's funny, it's all related. Through Produced by Girls, I was able to honestly channel like a really hard time in my life. The worst year of my depression. I was actually living in Los Angeles for a long time. I was working my dream job, I had everything I wanted in front of me. And I was like thoroughly depressed, like in a hole that I felt like I could not pull myself out of. And for a long time I didn't know how to get out of it. And the way that I've always communicated with the world, my friends and family, was through film. So coming out of or being in my depression, I said, I want to talk to my friends and family and let them know, like, yes, I'm doing these cool things. It looks like my life is going well. Yes, mom and dad, I went to college, but I am down bad, like, so I really need support. And I created a film called Conversations with Friends, a really short seven minute film about my experience with depression and how there's no face of depression. There's no. No one looks like they have depression. You know what I mean? You can't tell. And it was a way for me to just say, like, you never know. There's no look. And from there I released that film. And once I released it, I was so honest, I felt shame before I even released it. Like, I can't believe this is my life. I can't believe this is something that I'm accepting. No one's gonna like me anymore. And I received the exact opposite reception. The first message I opened up after releasing the film was from a girl in Paris and said, I saw your film clip. Like, can I see the whole thing? I feel like your story is my story. There was a girl in Asia. There was a girl in Africa. There was a girl in London, like, all over the world, who just saw themselves in that struggle and in that story. And I told myself, I want to use film. This catalyst that I been taking a bet on myself for a long time with. I want to do something more. And through that, I've created Sad Girls Club. I started an Instagram page and said, let's talk about our problems together. We'll be in the dm, sharing. And then from there, we just started creating in person events, small micro gatherings, conversations about anxiety, the nuances of having a family based in religion and mental health. And these conversations weren't really happening in 2017. So I think it being something that was new and fresh, and we all have things in our mind that we think are just unique to us. But from there, I was able to just create a space for young women to just express themselves in a space that felt safe and open and, you know, communal.
Co-Host (John)
Yeah. Which is so needed. And it just hit eight years.
Host (Alex)
Eight years, which is wild.
Elise Fox
Cannot believe it. I call it my first, like, real baby. And I cannot believe I've been doing the same thing. I'm also like the little rugrat in the family who's always doing a different project, and I'm always all over the place, traveling from here to there. So my family is even, like, even doing this for a long, for a good time. You must really enjoy it. And I'm like, yes, I enjoy helping people feel like the best version of themselves and finding people that help them feel that way as well.
Co-Host (John)
And when you first released the film and you were able to open up about the things that you were feeling, what did it look like for you to start to allow support in? I think that's something that can be really challenging for people if they realize, okay, actually, I'm in a space where maybe I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling depressed. I need support. I know I need to ask for help. I don't know necessarily what help looks like. How was navigating that process for you?
Elise Fox
It was twofold, because at that point, I hadn't started therapy for myself. Like, I couldn't afford therapy for myself. So I was finding therapy within, honestly, sad girls club events and conversations. And then I also needed help, like running a business. So I was very grateful. At the time I was working at a job. It was this really cool co working space, an all women's coworking space that had incredible members and they were all just ready to pour into you. So I met some great women who followed me on Instagram and they said, like, I see what you're doing, like on the side, I love what you're doing. Do you need help? And they actually offered help. And me as a Capricorn, I'm always just like, I could do it myself or, you know, I'll call you when I need you. And I'm like, I desperately need you. So I kind of took a little bit of the ego or a lot of the ego out of the project that I'm doing. Because if I'm going to heal, if I want to heal all of these women, if I want to heal my community, I'm going to need a lot of support. I'm going to need backup. So I accepted help. I also called in favors. I asked for mentorship from women who I didn't know. But I love their story and I love their journeys. And I had like this really cool cohort of just support. It wasn't an official, like mentorship camp, but it was just women that I trusted who would provide me with the insights. And some of them just knew someone who had a connection to mental health and they just wanted. That was their way of pouring into the organization. So it was such a difficult thing, though. I don't know why. The ego of it all, like, do people even care about this project as much as I do? Do people want to support this? Is this something that people want to speak about publicly and openly? But the answer is yes, once you speak about it. I feel like once you speak about it and put that energy out there, people will receive or they want to help you.
Co-Host (John)
I love that you just mentioned that last piece about people wanting to help you. Because I recently, I'm in like a post crash out period, right? Earlier this spring, I was kind of. It was a little spooky. And one of my big lessons was around asking for help and asking for support. And my big hang up was like, if I have to ask for it, then people don't want to do it. Like, people should just know, right? I'm having. I complained about XYZ or I'm having a hard time with XYZ and no one's Offering to help or showing up for whatever. And I had to learn through my little crash out that it's not that people don't want to support, it's that they often don't know how. And asking for what you need doesn't make it less valuable when you get it. At my big age and finally understanding.
Elise Fox
That, no, it's so, it's. That is so real. Because like I told them that I had this problem, but people need specific, like, call to action. When I receive a call to action from a friend, I'm like, oh, I'm so happy you made this so concise. I know exactly what you need. You want me to connect you with this person, but when it's me, I always just internalize the worst case scenario or like think that my problems are just less than for some reason. Why do we do that?
Co-Host (John)
I don't know if it's conditioning what it is.
Elise Fox
I don't know what it is. Are you the youngest?
Co-Host (John)
I'm the oldest.
Elise Fox
You're the oldest. Oh, this daughter.
Co-Host (John)
Which is its own.
Elise Fox
Yeah, its own thing.
Co-Host (John)
Its own separate thing.
Elise Fox
Right?
Co-Host (John)
Yeah. But I love that you also mentioned being a Capricorn because that also, it is like an earthy.
Elise Fox
Yeah. I always want to show people that I can do it myself. And it's like, who are you proving that to aside from yourself? No one's asking you to do that. A lot of the stress that we put on ourselves, especially with work, friendships, everything, like, we're kind of putting that on ourselves. No one is telling us these things. It's our own head in our own mind. So once you get yourself out of your own head, I've learned that's when like fruitfulness comes. That's when connection happens. That's when you're allowing that space to be filled with joy or help or support instead of just those negative, heavy, dark thoughts that you always feel. So just like if you're going through it, just open up yourself to even just being in a space to receive. And with receiving, you might receive like feedback or criticism, but it's all for the better good. That's a part of it. You know, sometimes with criticism, I'm like, but I'm doing it. I like the way this is done. There are so many different ways to complete a project successfully. So just be open minded with it.
Co-Host (John)
That's such a good point. And I would bet that there probably is a clear pipeline from like a, oh, she's got it or we don't have to worry about her to sad girl it's probably a direct shot because I do think when we have that hyper independence of people think we have everything together or we can handle everything, then it's like they're like, oh she's fine, she got it. We didn't have to worry about her.
Host (Alex)
If you're the kid that they didn't.
Co-Host (John)
Have to worry about, there's probably a direct pipeline to being a sad girl as an adult.
Elise Fox
Yes. Oh, that's definitely a major connection. Look at you connecting a dot.
Co-Host (John)
All my lessons that I'm learning like in real time.
Elise Fox
No, it's so. It's interesting because I'm like, we are the new adults. I keep saying this like we are the new adults. Like I have a six year old son. I'm like, I am his, like everything. So I want to be able to be a representative of what just understanding the wholeness of self and kind of like operating at times like a man. Man just ask you for things. Like men will just ask their colleagues for things or ask for connection and there's no shame, there's no like pleasantries and you feel like you have to warm up. Like sometimes just putting out the ask is like all you need to do. So just getting out of your head and a lot of unlearning has definitely been happening through Sad Girls club of how I look and view myself as or how I look and view success as someone who, you know, like obviously depression and things doesn't have like a look or a disability. But like I have a lot of things not against me but like that I have to work through. And I can't define my success against someone else who I have no idea what their life is or what their day to day looks like. So I'm really just. I don't know, I feel like this season has been very bright. I don't know if it's like then it's definitely not the new year or what's happening this year. But I think it's just coming from a place of I've done it. I know how to ask for help. But I'm also trying to figure out like what's next in my life in this season too.
Host (Alex)
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Co-Host (John)
Going back to what you just mentioned about success, I think I've heard you use the language reclaiming success. Can we talk about what that is looking like for you right now?
Elise Fox
Yes. So reclaiming success for me is trying out things that I might be bad at, trying out things that I've always wanted to do and that are kind of outside of the box or the niche that I'm positioned in or like, that the world and industry has positioned me in. And I feel like maybe sometimes women fall into this, where we've been doing something for so long that just becomes who we are. Like, that's the one thing. That's what you do less as a podcast there. But, like, you have so many. Like, we're not a monolith. We do so many other things in our lives. So with me now, I am redefining success with starting new projects, trying out different things. I just started a new podcast or launched a new podcast in February called the End of an Era, which has been very exciting and incredibly scary to do. But success for me is just doing what my heart feels I need to do for the betterment of Elise and not what anyone else has chiseled into my mind as what success means. So it can mean one day, it could just be me, honestly, writing an article for my column. That's success. Or if I just have a really great day with my son, that is a success for me. If I don't crash out during the day while I'm off of two hours of sleep and running around, like, that's success for me as well.
Co-Host (John)
Those internal markers of success.
Elise Fox
Absolutely. It's so difficult to unlearn the external markers. And you always. You also play the comparison game, as we all do, and we see what everyone else is doing, but that's their version of success. Like, you can make your list. It shouldn't be mirrored off of anyone else. That can be inspiration, but it should not be bullet point by bullet point. What someone else is doing, even if they're in the same field or in the same lane as you, use them as inspiration. Or even just someone to possibly, like, uplift you as you are growing in a space. But never try to look at something as competition. Always inspiration.
Host (Alex)
Yeah.
Co-Host (John)
Are there any practices that have helped you eliminate feelings of comparison?
Elise Fox
Yes. I have to mute so many people that I love. Like, so many. I have such a great social circle of incredible women, but sometimes I do fall into the hole of, like, oh, my gosh, like, Jody's doing so well. This person's doing so great. This person's doing so great. And I'm like, why am I doing this to myself? I'm celebrating them. But I'm also like, why am I not here? So I do a lot of, like, muting online. I have very specific social media rules. Like, I don't Use it before noon. I don't use it after 8pm I try not to use it on Sunday unless I absolutely have to. So I set like barriers with social media. That's my main source of comparison, like fatigue. And then I also try to like fill that space with joy. I don't always want to feel like I need to be working, working, working, working. So I try to fill those spaces with joy. So I'll like go on a TikTok binge or I'll go outside and go for a walk or I like to get back into the gym. I've started getting back into the gym more consistently, which has been incredible. But I try to pull myself out of my own head by removing myself from the space that I'm currently in, whether it's physically or just emotionally, mentally in my head and taking myself to somewhere that feels like home.
Co-Host (John)
Definitely. I've started deleting Instagram from my phone on the weekends.
Elise Fox
Really?
Co-Host (John)
Which has been really helpful.
Elise Fox
Well, I like that.
Co-Host (John)
Yeah, I just delete the app.
Elise Fox
Do you feel yourself trying to like check it? Do you like ghost check it on your.
Co-Host (John)
A couple times. I will like muscle memory go. And I'll be like, oh, it's not there. Okay. I started it Memorial Day weekend, okay. I was like, okay, this three day weekend, I'm not going to delete it in general. And it was so helpful. So now I've been doing it every weekend since.
Elise Fox
What are some early learnings that you found by not being on social on weekends?
Co-Host (John)
I think I've just been able to be more present and actually enjoy things more. Like Memorial Day weekend, that first weekend that I deleted it, I was hanging out with friends. I went to like the Beyonce concert and I was on my phone way less. I was actually just enjoying it and I didn't feel the need to post things while it was happening or document things as much, a little bit here and there. But I just felt like I was a lot more present. I realized how much I just check it out of muscle memory, not even because there's really anything to see. And it just helped me kind of clock my own behavior.
Elise Fox
It's such an interesting habit that we have with these phones and this specific app, like the specific apps. I think that's such a great thing because removing the temptation completely, no one wants to go on Instagram or mobile. Like, let's be honest, that's a great tip. I think I want to get there too, where I'm just. I would love to be completely like not have it on my phone at all and like use it when I absolutely need to. We're not there yet, but I don't know. Do you feel like you have a good relationship with social media in general?
Host (Alex)
Oh no.
Co-Host (John)
It's so toxic. But I think when so much of it is your work.
Host (Alex)
Yeah, it's so hard.
Co-Host (John)
I don't know how to have a good relationship with it when it's work.
Elise Fox
Because there have been jobs that I've loved, but I'm like, what? Obviously you get to leave it at home and this is like connected to us. There has to be a better way. I haven't found it yet, but I do feel like you're setting boundaries around it. That's the best way that we can operate now since it is a part of our day to day. But it can be very stressful. It can, honestly.
Co-Host (John)
Muting is key though. They that my favorite feature.
Elise Fox
Yes. The mute feature. I don't really have to block people. People are fine. But it's definitely like the mute feature and just like not feeling a temptation to like post. I feel like sometimes I was like, I don't haven't posted a story in two days. Like, girl who literally cares. It's fine. Like you'll be absolutely fine. You don't need to like find things to put together to collage to make yourself feel seen to other people. Like I, when I find myself doing that, I'm like, girl, go out, go touch grass. Go touch grass immediately.
Co-Host (John)
Truly, truly same. And we were talking a little bit about this before we started recording. Do you ever feel like there is kind of a weight to it or a heaviness that people expect you to carry? Whether that is people expect all conversations that they have with you to be all about mental health or kind of maybe unload on you just straight out the gate when it's like, okay, hold up. We're just, just trying to say hello. Do you ever find that it is hard to have that sense of like play and fun while also being the head of a mental health platform?
Elise Fox
Yes, it has definitely been an interesting space to navigate and friendships 100%. I'm fully open. Whatever you need, I got you. But I would be sometimes out at like a friend's birthday party or just out in a different state, just having fun time in my life, living life. And then, you know, girls will come up like, oh my gosh, you do sad girls club. Like I love sad girls club. And I would, you know, thank them and whatever. Hugs. And then the bathroom talk. Like, you know, girls bathroom Talk can be. It's usually, like, pouring in, like, I love this dress. You're so beautiful. Da, da, da. But my bathroom talk has become a girl. Put me to the side and, like, share, like, their deepest, darkest mental health history, which is, I'm happy that I can be a safe space for so many people, but it also. I have to balance the weight of holding other people's trauma and experiences while also navigating my own and also, like, not holding onto it for a long time, like, being there for them and sharing and giving space, but also removing it, like, cleansing myself from it. So I've learned. I. I have, like, a cleansing process that I do now if I do go out and I chat with someone and they kind of dump on me or unload on me, I have, like, these crystals, and I'm like, I have to, like, crystallize myself and, like, just come out with a clear head and understand, like, I can't help everyone. I can do what I can do. And maybe we're supposed to meet in this moment by happenstance, and I can share a little bit of tips. But it does become a little bit heavy when I'm, like, dating and I'm meeting someone for the first time, and then I hear about the weight of their entire lives or the struggles that I'm happy to be a safe space for so many people, but I'm still honestly, like, struggling with how to stop it or, like, pause it or pivot from it. Because if someone's sharing things that are heavy and sad, it's like, all right, can we talk about, like, what's going on with this person or what's happening and with Kendrick and all these things, but it's hard to pivot away from it. So I'm still kind of trying to navigate that when people feel a little bit too comfortable, I guess you can say, but I'm also, like, happy that they feel comfortable with me. It's a hard line to straddle, and I don't know. It's. What do you. What do you think I should do?
Co-Host (John)
It's a good question. I mean, it's hard because I asked that question because it's something that I feel like I kind of struggled with as well. I just rebranded my podcast to try to help, and it kind of helped, but kind of not really. I don't know. It's hard. I don't know if there really is, like, an answer, because I do think I feel very similarly, where it's so great, where people feel comforted and supported and it's like, wow, you feel comfortable talking to me about xyz, that's great. But then also it's like, then I feel like I'm carrying all this stuff from, like, everybody's unloading and related to what we were talking about earlier. It's also made me feel like, okay, shoot. Well, if I'm helping everybody else with X, Y, Z, then I feel like I can't then burden somebody else with, you know, my stuff.
Elise Fox
Yeah, it's still fairly new, and it depends on what I receive. Some things are very light, some things are super heavy. And then you're expected to just go outside and party with your homegirls or hang out, hang out with network. And that's tricky. But even if I have to do it, like, within the bathroom, I just have to, like, do some deep breathing and just say, I did what I can do. Like, I did everything that I can do and just kind of, like, leave it. I would ruminate on things. Like, maybe I can ask her if she tries this, if she's tried this. Let me get her Instagram. And then starting conversations in Instagram, dms as well, can be another space. But I also had to, like, pull back on how available I am to people and what that looks like as far as, like, my responses. And sometimes I just. I can't respond. You know, I'm in a space where I can't respond. So I kind of, like, tried to streamline. People can only really do that to me in person, which I guess is better than having, like, all of these avenues between email and Instagram and TikTok, all of these different places where people can. I just kind of, like, blocked it out. Where I literally cannot be in someone's DMs and trying to help them and get them advice, because tone is different when people read what you're saying and how things are perceived. So I have to just also be careful that I do hold a responsibility as someone in the space to, like, make sure that what I'm saying actually is true in fact, and holds weight. But if I'm not the one implementing, I can't be responsible for every part of it. So if I don't allow myself to interject at all, then I think I'm saving myself some space and some face. But in person is, like, the hardest part for me. But I always just try to, like, you know, give grace to everyone. They just want someone to talk to. That's what I think about it. And I'll give my little tidbit cleanse and then go back and have a good time.
Co-Host (John)
I think that's like the best part possible scenario of how you can handle it. I did have to set a boundary, actually, for this show. Something that I don't do anymore is I don't do Q and A episodes anymore, which is hard because people love that. They love submitting their questions. They love getting advice. The last time I did One was in February 2024. I used to do, like monthly themes and we were doing friendship related episodes that month. And so I had people write in with their friendship questions and the girls were really going through it. And it was people just having a really hard time with their girlfriends and writing about just really hard, heavy stuff and just very tough situations that they wanted advice on. And I remember finishing that episode and it was like my heart rate was elevated. Like, I was about to have just like a panic attack because I was so overwhelmed by the situations that people were writing in. And then I was thinking, am I giving this person bad advice? Am I then going to say something that's going to damage this relationship further? I only have a piece of the context. I only have one person's side of the story. And then I was like, yeah, I just. I can't do it. I'm not really in a place to give people advice with a small tidbit of information. I'm also not a licensed therapist. I'm not really qualified. I'm just.
Elise Fox
Just the girl.
Co-Host (John)
I'm just a girl. Just have like, a little bit of information. And so after that episode, I was like, okay. I think these types of episodes were just not going to do anymore because it just felt like it wasn't good for me and they probably could get better advice elsewhere. And so that was just like a boundary that I set. That's been hard because people love it.
Elise Fox
But that's so interesting. I feel like I definitely love a Q A. I love solo episodes for my favorite podcasters and Q and A's are like, top. But I do feel like the world will test you, like, especially when they know something isn't the best for you. Like, if there's something that isn't the best for you, but it's so great. A successful on the outside, the world will test you to see if you would, like, drop that and fill it with something else that is more aligned. And I think that might have been a test for you where I know the girls love the Q and A episodes. Like, I love the Q and A episodes, but I feel like you've probably filled that space or that segment with something that is a bit more aligned and it feels more like home to you too, you know. So kudos to you for doing that because I know that's probably hard. It's like the girls love it, everyone loves it, but I don't love it. You know, I don't. I don't love it. Personally, I know I can't sustain this either. And also that's a good thing too. If you know you can't sustain something, it's like, why drag it on? You know what I mean?
Co-Host (John)
Yeah. It's hard, though.
Elise Fox
Hard.
Co-Host (John)
Yeah.
Elise Fox
Because people always want to know, you know, the intricacies. And you're obviously like a big sister to people and someone they look up to. So that is very, very tricky. Have you announced that you're not doing Q and A or just like, stop doing.
Host (Alex)
I think this is probably the first.
Co-Host (John)
Time I've flat out just said it. I think I've mentioned it maybe on Instagram or something. Or, you know, when people ask, I'm just like, oh, thanks for your suggestion. I just don't do those anymore. But I think this is probably the first time that I flat out just said it. It's an exclusive. You heard it here first.
Elise Fox
A year and a half later, if you didn't notice.
Co-Host (John)
Yeah, you don't do those anymore.
Host (Alex)
This episode is sponsored by cotton. Now more than ever, I have been prioritizing wearing items made from natural fibers as much as possible. And cotton is that fabric that I come back to again and again because it feels good, it wears well and is so versatile, especially now that the weather's warming up. I reach for cotton more than ever. Light, breathable tops, flowy cotton dresses, the softest sleepwear. I love knowing that what I'm putting on my body is gentle and not trapping heat or irritation, and that it won't bother my skin. It really does make a difference when you're wearing something all day and you want to feel comfortable and put together. Whether I'm wearing denim or a simple tea, cotton based fabrics are a staple in most of my outfits. And as someone who's on the go a lot, I appreciate that. Cotton is also super durable. It doesn't fall apart in the wash, it keeps its shape, and it's just not the kind of fabric that you have to fuss over. It's really easy to take care of, and that matters to me because I want my clothes and my linens to work with my lifestyle and not be another thing that I have to worry about Cotton is the Fabric of our lives. So next time you're shopping for clothes, bedding or home goods, check the tag and choose cotton. You can learn more at the Fabric of our lives.
Elise Fox
Com.
Host (Alex)
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Co-Host (John)
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Host (Alex)
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Host (Alex)
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Host (Alex)
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Co-Host (John)
Would also love to talk about your entrepreneurial experience as well with you've been running Sad Girls Club for the past eight years. You mentioned that when you started it. That was kind of your first foray of running a business, running a nonprofit organization. What has your entrepreneurial journey been like and what has it taught you?
Elise Fox
Oh, it has taught me that I can do anything if I have a plan. When I made the decision with Sagros Club, I could have chosen for profit versus nonprofit. Something just felt really icky of profiting off of people's depression and, you know, angst. I went the nonprofit route and it was such a different ballpark as to what I thought it would be related to the for profit world. But I've learned that I I want to be the type of leader that my staff members can come to at any time about any problem. I also want to learn every part of the business. I'm someone who wants to like, I want to be in the kitchen, I want to be able to cut the meat. I want to know how to do every part of the business so that when I bring people in I'm a fully well oiled machine and I can show you better than I can kind of tell you about how things should go. I felt like I've learned a lot about myself and how I can use my voice as a way to heal people or like my story as a way to heal people. And I knew that through film. Like I knew that you can do create a really beautiful script and production and like you can show people that. But on a personal level I didn't know that I can have this much of an impact. So as a CEO, I try to empower every person who works with me Whether you're a contractor, to have that essence of no, we're SAG girls club. We are here to show up for these women and this is how we do it. And kind of have like my own like the Elise way of doing it. I've also learned that I love a small but mighty team. Big teams are pretty intimidating. I thought at first I wanted a 50 people team. I want an office in Flatiron. I want this and this and this. And then just through the process of doing the work, I learned that we can be way more efficient doing it this way, like being fully remote and like executing here. So I think I've gathered a lot about how I can impact people. And it's in a way that I never would have dreamt of or imagined or honestly could have learned in school. It's just me implementing and applying and trying things out. And I see success with having fun and being creative. The most creative and like one off events that we do, people are like, when are you guys doing that again? Like, that was so cool. And it was just an idea or a dream that I had. So I do feel like there is a lot of power and experimentation in business and I think now in how we're operating, how we're navigating this new administration in this new space, we have to be creative, we have to be collaborative, we have to be so many things that we've already been, but it has to kind of amplify itself more because every year in a nonprofit space is completely different. We have to fundraise every single year. Our new year, we don't have like a pot of, you know, you have to spend what you receive every year or else you don't get it the next year. So having to like regroup every single year, and this year transparently has been the hardest out of all eight years. But I think that the past seven and a half years have equipped me for what we're experiencing now. So I found that community collaboration is key, especially as like a black facing and a black serving organization. Collaboration is 100% like my North Star. And I just think that I like that I don't take myself too seriously. And I think that helps me do the serious work.
Co-Host (John)
I think that in not taking yourself too seriously, there is a level of humility. And I don't mean that in the way of being humble because I actually think a lot of us need to be less humble. But I mean it in the sense of like we're always learning and especially when you're leading an Organization where every year is different and there's just like new things being thrown at you all the time. There's always more to learn. And so it just sounds like you're coming from a space of being in that learning mode.
Elise Fox
Absolutely. And I always tell my staff, like, I do not know everything. I want everything to be collaborative conversation. If I say I want to have an event and I want it to be like a field day event, it's not. This is what we're going to do. It's like, what should we do? I have Gen Z, I have millennials, I have older millennials on my team. And it's like, what type of event would you like to do? So I do think that, like, less humble or like, I guess a more humble standpoint, it's allowed me to just collaborate more organically and people don't feel like I'm just tapping them for ideas. They. They're part of the growth of Sad Girls Club. They feel like ingrained in Sad Girls Club. They know that this person received service because of an idea that they had and the event went really well. So our girls, when we do feedback forms with. We have a five person event, we're sending a feedback form. I want to know that the event hit, you know, so it's nice for our team to feel empowered by their input and know that it's actually creating a sustainable change for these girls.
Host (Alex)
Definitely.
Co-Host (John)
And I'm sure also so rewarding for your team members to see their ideas come to life in that way.
Elise Fox
Have you ever worked a job and you have like a manager or staff person, like, what do you think about this, this and this? And they like, either take credit for the entire idea or they just never implement. They just never see you and you don't feel seen. And all we want to do is feel seen. Like, we just want to feel seen in this world. We want to feel heard. We want to feel supported. So I try to integrate that into the SAD Girls Club essence of the team structure. And I think it's something that's been working very beautifully and it stands out. And our girls give us that feedback to too.
Host (Alex)
Yeah.
Co-Host (John)
Which I'm sure is really helpful.
Elise Fox
Super helpful. I love feedback.
Co-Host (John)
Yeah.
Elise Fox
I was like, please give me feedback.
Co-Host (John)
Yeah. What has leading your team taught you about yourself?
Elise Fox
Leading CYG Girls Club has taught me that I put too much pressure on myself. And once I relieve or release some of that pressure, the ideas will flow. And I think that transcended in all aspects of my life. I put pressure in dating I put pressure on myself as a mom, but once I started remove the pressure. As like a CEO, you feel like this high responsibility. You're in charge of like these people's livelihoods, their salaries, like the output of their work. This is their resume, you're writing recommendation letters. All of these things. I just ruminate in my head all day. But once I remove that pressure of all of the what ifs, like just live, just live, that started transcending in every other aspect of my life. And it's made me honestly a better mom. Like a more fun and lightweight and light hearted mom. Not checking my phone every second to see if someone slacked me. And it's made me a better daughter. Like my mom and I have like the best relationship we've ever had, ever. We had a really rocky one. So I think just like being in business and having people kind of look up to you in that way, it helps. You have to like reflect on yourself. You have to reflect on if this person isn't doing well or if your whole entire team is struggling. That's you. You know what I mean? So how are you, what are you integrating? What are you sharing? How are you pouring into them so they pour back into the organization? I think everything should be reciprocal and I try to make sure that we have that at sgc.
Co-Host (John)
Yeah, I love that. It's the ultimate act of personal development is running a business or an organization because nothing's going to put you through it.
Elise Fox
The ringer.
Co-Host (John)
Reflection.
Elise Fox
The ringer. Oh my gosh. Like, you know, I don't have to tell you. Yeah, it's a very difficult landscape and it's always changing. Like it's ever changing. People think once you've made it to this point, you're there, you're on top of the mountain. It's like, no, you constantly have to like work to stay there and then work past that to grow.
Co-Host (John)
I think something that this show and interviewing so many women who have been so successful at so many different things has taught me is there's no such thing as making it so true. There's just not.
Elise Fox
You just enjoy, like you do what you do, you figure out how to enjoy what you're doing. Whether it's the people that you're serving or the mission, whatever it is, you find a way to enjoy what you do. But there's no, just like happiness. Happiness is not a consistent feeling. Like it's fleeting. You want to get it, you want to work towards it. But like you just live and you have to like that Is so true. You don't ever make it. Like, making it is not a thing. I think from other people's perspectives, it's more of a thing for you than you feel for yourself.
Host (Alex)
Exactly.
Co-Host (John)
Because there's always not like, oh, there's always more to do or to achieve, but it just is. I think the feeling that we think making it is going to give us doesn't exist. Is what I'm trying to say is, like, we think once we reach a certain point, we will feel xyz, and that feeling often just isn't there.
Elise Fox
It's very fleeting. And it's always, look, for me, the biggest projects that I've put out, as soon as it's out into the world, I'm like, I feel a little sad because I'm like, wait, what's next? Like, I think about the what's next? And it's like, that's why there's no making it. You always, especially if you're a creative, if you're an artist, if you're like, there's always something or more to do. But I think the journey is, like, making it. Like, if you're still able to be a part of the journey and, like, be intentional and to work towards it and you have, like, your plan, I think that is actually making it. Like, that part of it is making it Effy.
Co-Host (John)
Yeah. It's like, we think a certain level will bring us fulfillment. And making it is like finding fulfillment.
Elise Fox
At every step, at every step alongside the journey. Because you meet so many great people, you learn so many things about yourself. Like, if you can continue to learn about yourself, that is making it. Like, there are some people who I know just, they have, like, a very mundane routine. They don't see themselves in the way that, you know, the world probably sees them. But if you're constantly working and reflecting and growing, like, that is honestly making it because you're doing exactly what you know you need to do.
Co-Host (John)
This is good.
Elise Fox
It is good.
Host (Alex)
This is healing me.
Elise Fox
I like that.
Co-Host (John)
So I also really want to talk about your podcast, which you mentioned earlier, the End of an Era that you launched earlier this year. I want to talk about how that's been for you, and I also want to talk about the significance of the name and why we highlight the beauty of the end of eras.
Elise Fox
Yes, the End of An Era launched in February of this year. It's been really exciting. I actually created the idea about a year ago, and it honestly stemmed from me being in that creative kind of, like, I wanted that creative urge I wanted to get something out into the world and I wanted to try something new that was a bit more challenging, the mastery of it all, and just like, learn a new skill set, but also connect with an audience on a different level. And because I'm in the wellness space, I feel like the wellness space can be a lot of, like, toxic positivity. Everything is like, it's all going to get better, it's all going to be great. And, you know, all of those things. I'm like, yes, we all hope that it will. But, like, there's like a middle ground that is worthy of a discussion. When you're in that in between point of life, whether you're ending something or starting something new, it's typically scary when you do anything new, it's usually scary. So I wanted to, like, create a space where I can talk about the nuances of whether it's failing, starting something new, trying something different, moving away, getting into a new relationship, trying something new sexually. Like, what does your end of an era look like? And kind of owning it as something that's positive. If you were in a space where you knew that this relationship didn't work and you got away from it, like, congratulations, we should be celebrating that end of an era, not, you know, ruminating on, like, the best parts of that relationship or the negative parts of it. It's like you did something for yourself to get to the next step. Let's talk about that. Like, how was that journey, that positioning of how you got from being in the best part of relationship to ending it? Because I feel like we don't talk about, like the in between parts of the journey and like the meat and potatoes of how someone got to be where they are. Usually see the product and people think, oh, I've made it and that kind of thing. So I wanted to really dive into the nuances of, you know what? I'm in this gray area in life and I'm owning it and I'm accepting it, and this is what I'm doing to work myself out of it. It's not pretty, it's not perfect, but this is like my end of an era and kind of like flip it on its head of something that's like, I'm really proud of you. And I feel like you're going to see success because you're starting something that is organic and relevant to you.
Co-Host (John)
You know what I love about that is endings are often perceived as automatically being this sad thing or something to be grieved or mourned. But turning endings into a celebratory thing. I think it's just a really beautiful reframe.
Elise Fox
Absolutely. Thank you. I always love seeing the videos of women who are, like, celebrating their divorce parties. You know, they're out publicly doing it, or it's just not to say, like, all of those things need to be, like, publicly celebrated. But I do feel like when you make decisions, that removes you out of a space or a realm like that is worthy of acknowledgment and celebration and highlighting and also, like, writing it out, like, making sure you document this so you understand how you felt and how you pulled yourself out of it, because you will need those tools again in the future. So it's like my own diary of things that I'm ending in life and also bringing in questions from, you know, viewers of what they're ending, what they're receiving and how they feel in this space, in their lives, in these times. And it's been really cool to understand, even, like, it's so funny. I interviewed my brother on one episode, and he shared about, like, dating and, like, the differences in dating. We never talked about dating before, really. And how he's ending relationships and how he's kind of, like, uplifted himself. It's so cool to understand, like, that realm of people that you really never really see, but you might hear, like, little bits about.
Host (Alex)
Yeah.
Co-Host (John)
There's so much beauty in asking people questions and just hearing more about their perspectives, and it's just such a beautiful process that I think builds a lot of empathy and just helps you understand other people's perspectives so much more.
Elise Fox
Absolutely.
Co-Host (John)
Well, I loved having you. Thank you so much for joining me.
Host (Alex)
Thank you for having me. If the girls are not yet already.
Co-Host (John)
Following you and your work, can you please let them know where to find you?
Elise Fox
Absolutely. Absolutely. You can follow Sad Girls Club at Sad Girls Club on all platforms and then Elise period Fox on all platforms as well. And if you want to support Sagros Club, you can just check out all of our offerings and programs if you want to get involved@sagrosclub.org okay, perfect.
Co-Host (John)
We'll make sure we have all of that linked in the show notes so that people can check it out so that they can come to the Sad Girls Club events. We'll also make sure that the end of an era is linked so that.
Host (Alex)
They can add your podcast to their rotation if it's not there already. Thank you. Thank you again for joining me.
Elise Fox
Thanks for having me.
Host (Alex)
Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode of she's so lucky. If you're ready to create your own luck, hit that subscribe button wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube so you don't miss an episode and head to the show. Notes for resources, links and discount codes.
Co-Host (John)
And if you are really feeling lucky, we would appreciate your rating and your review. It really helps us be able to.
Host (Alex)
Improve the show, to get great guests and to understand what you want to hear more of. Thank you for tuning in and I'll see you next week.
Co-Host (John)
I'm Alex.
Host (Alex)
And I'm John.
Co-Host (John)
And we're your gracious, gracious, gracious hosts of Give It To Me Straight. We're a husband and wife duo and.
Host (Alex)
Your new best friend.
Elise Fox
Friends who unapologetically caught all your red flags.
Co-Host (John)
Every Tuesday, we answer your burning questions about dating problems, marriage issues, family drama, basically any disaster that's happening in your life that you want our opinion on.
Host (Alex)
It's a new form of therapy that.
Elise Fox
You didn't know you needed.
Co-Host (John)
Whether you're single, cuffed up, or just here for the drama, we're always here to give it to you straight.
Elise Fox
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Podcast Summary: "How to Stop Comparing Yourself with Elyse Fox of Sad Girls Club"
Podcast Information:
In this episode, host Les Alfred welcomes Elyse Fox, a Brooklyn-based filmmaker, writer, and founder of the nonprofit Sad Girls Club. The conversation centers around overcoming the trap of comparison, tending to mental health, and building supportive communities.
Notable Quotes:
Elyse shares a pivotal moment when she decided to leave her comfort zone to pursue her own path, highlighting the importance of taking risks to create one's own luck.
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The conversation delves into the inception of Sad Girls Club, Elyse’s nonprofit dedicated to mental wellness, and how it evolved from her personal struggles with depression.
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Elyse discusses the challenges of seeking help and accepting support, emphasizing the importance of community and mentorship in personal and professional growth.
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The discussion shifts to redefining success by focusing on personal fulfillment rather than societal standards, encouraging listeners to set internal markers for achievement.
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Elyse shares practical methods to combat social media-induced comparison, such as setting strict usage boundaries and focusing on activities that bring joy and presence.
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Elyse reflects on her eight-year journey with Sad Girls Club, highlighting the lessons learned about leadership, team collaboration, and personal growth.
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Elyse and the hosts discuss the concept that success is an ongoing journey without a definitive endpoint, emphasizing continuous growth and self-discovery.
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Elyse promotes Sad Girls Club and her new podcast, encouraging listeners to engage with the community and explore The End of an Era for deeper insights into personal transitions.
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Conclusion: This episode provides a heartfelt exploration of Elyse Fox’s journey in overcoming comparison, building a supportive community through Sad Girls Club, and redefining success on her own terms. Listeners are encouraged to embrace their unique paths, seek support, and celebrate their personal milestones as integral parts of their ongoing journey.