How to Train Your Mind to Create Luck with Kyyah Abdul

Summary

Podcast Summary: “How to Train Your Mind to Create Luck with Kyyah Abdul”

She’s So Lucky | Host: Les Alfred | Guest: Kyyah Abdul

Date: May 12, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into the neuroscience and real-life strategies behind the concept of luck—how it’s less about chance and more about mindset, decision-making, and building an environment (internal and external) that enables “lucky” things to happen. Host Les Alfred and guest Kyyah Abdul, a science professional and content creator best known for her “Buy It Nice or Buy It Twice” series, discuss how to “train” your mind to create opportunity, the importance of decisiveness, setting boundaries, creating safety, embracing discomfort, and the role of community and self-belief in orchestrating your own luck.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Defining a Lucky Mind & the Role of Neuroscience

[02:14 - 03:28]

• Kyyah Abdul: A “lucky mind” isn’t innate; it’s trained. Like a muscle, it must be exercised through practice and diligence—specifically in self-belief, determination, grit, and decisiveness.
  • Quote: “With any muscle, if you don’t exercise it and work at it, it weakens. So I think having a lucky mind is really just having the belief in yourself, determination, grit, and the ability to follow through.” [02:23]
• Decisiveness as an underrated key to luck: Progress comes from making a decision—not necessarily the perfect one—and moving forward from there.

2. Betting on Yourself & Decisiveness

[03:28 - 07:54]

• Theme: Betting on yourself hinges on decision-making, risk-taking, and not over-indexing on other people’s input.
• Social media and societal expectations amplify fear of wrong decisions due to potential judgment.
• Kyyah: “If you're preventing me from living my fullest and most authentic life, I don't see the benefit. And it doesn't mean, like, you're cut out, but distance could be necessary for me to continue to have that luck.” [04:35]
• Not everything is (or should be) a “group project”—excessive collaboration can actually hinder decisiveness and authentic progress.
• Decisiveness can be an inherent trait but can also be developed by clarifying what you want, tuning out outside opinions, and practicing making foundational decisions.

3. Relationship with Failure & Growth

[07:54 - 12:28]

• Both guests discuss evolving perceptions of failure—from something to avoid, to something inevitable and essential for growth.
  • Quote, Les: “Not trying at all is just like, not even trying at all…it's better to try and fail than not try at all or something like that.” [09:24]
• Personal losses (e.g., Kyyah’s father passing young) can reframe what’s truly risky and encourage more intentional living.
  • Quote, Kyyah: “When you start to see the people closest to you leave this earth prematurely, what is a risk? ... I don’t believe in wasting time with anything or anyone.” [10:16]
• Lived experiences can drive courage but ideally, listeners are inspired to cultivate resilience without hardship.

4. Examples of Betting on Yourself

[17:56 - 21:43]

• Kyyah’s journey from corporate professional to content creator required self-betting, encouragement from friends, and getting comfortable with being visible and “perceived.”
• Content creation also provided financial flexibility and creative fulfillment.

5. Setting Boundaries (Especially Online)

[21:43 - 27:20]

• The importance of strict boundaries in the age of social media—choosing what’s public and what’s private, and protecting oneself/family from parasocial dynamics.
  • Quote, Kyyah: “Some things are just not up for commentary or discussion. And I think people have to understand those boundaries.” [22:30]
• Boundaries are mainly for self-protection, not control of others’ behavior.

6. Boundaries in Relationships & Friendships

[27:20 - 33:01]

• Family and friendship boundaries can be difficult, especially when facing incompatible traits.
• Luck and discernment in relationships: Realizing not everyone is “your people”; compatibility and accountability matter.

7. Community, Growth, and Relational Diversity

[34:43 - 36:01; 58:50 - 60:18]

• Surrounding yourself with growth-oriented people is likened to increasing your “surface area” for luck.
  • Quote, Les: “A rising tide lifts all boats. Lucky people have good people around them... committed to growth in all aspects.” [35:02]
• Relational diversity in friendships—having a variety of friends meeting different needs—enhances satisfaction and “luck.”

8. Embracing Discomfort as Growth Training

[36:01 - 41:07]

• Discomfort is essential for building resilience and luck—the willingness to do hard, unfamiliar, or risky things separates the “lucky” from stuck.
  • Quote, Kyyah: “Being uncomfortable is the only way to have a comfortable life… those uncomfortable moments have made life so colorful for me.” [37:11]
• Fitness and nourishing the body as micro-level “discomfort training.”

9. Safety & Creating Your Own Luck

[41:07 - 49:17]

• At the core, luck flourishes where there is a sense of safety, either self-made or through relationships/community.
  • Quote, Kyyah: “In order to bet on yourself, you have to feel a little bit more safe.... The only thing I can say is like figuring out how to create a safety net for yourself.” [45:20]
• Les’s personal experience: creating safety nets allowed her to leap from corporate to entrepreneurship.
• Many people’s inability to access “luck” is rooted in prolonged survival mode—finding or building support systems is key.

10. Boundary Setting, Discernment, and Self-Belief

[49:17 - 57:24]

• Protecting your ambitions from negativity, especially from those closest to you.
• The importance of holding your intentions closely, filtering unsolicited advice, and developing a thick skin against other people’s projections.
  • Quote, Kyyah: “Sometimes the closest people to you don't know how to be supportive, because it requires them to look in the mirror. And when you pursue that thing… it's like a shattering of their perception of self.” [51:08]
• Not everyone wants to do their personal work—learn to let that be.

11. Expanding Surface Area for Luck

[57:24 - 59:22]

• Apply to more programs, try more avenues, make more connections—in essence, take more “shots on goal” to invite luck.
• Friendship and career—the more diverse your network and efforts, the more luck you create.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Decisions and Luck:
  • “What moves you forward directionally is just being able to make a decision… and creating that decision tree for yourself to have a lucky life.” — Kyyah, [02:55]
• Personal Courage and Authenticity:
  • “If you’re preventing me from living my fullest and most authentic life, I don’t see the benefit.” — Kyyah, [04:35]
• Failure Reframed:
  • “It’s better to try and fail than not try at all or something like that.” — Les, [09:32]
• Discomfort as Resilience Training:
  • “Being uncomfortable is the only way to have a comfortable life.” — Kyyah, [37:11]
  • "Once you get comfortable with discomfort, you will become a more resilient person." — Kyyah, [39:06]
• Safety and Risk:
  • “In order to bet on yourself, you have to feel a little bit more safe.” — Kyyah, [45:20]
• On Group Projects (and Life):
  • “No group projects. No, no.” — Kyyah, [05:23]
  • “We graduated. I hated group projects.” — Kyyah, [56:41]
• On Boundaries:
  • “Boundaries are not for other people, they’re for you.” — Kyyah, [25:07]
• On Investing:
  • “I don’t hold on to money. That sounds crazy, but I love investing…I don’t have a scarcity mindset where it’s like, ‘Oh my God, I have to see the dollar amount in my account.’ I don’t mind putting it out into things that are intentional and knowing that it will eventually come back or compound.” — Kyyah, [61:52]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [02:14] – What It Means to Have a Lucky Mind
• [03:28] – Betting on Yourself & Making Decisions
• [07:54] – Failure & Growth Mindset
• [17:56] – Kyyah’s Decision to Start Creating Content
• [21:43] – Navigating Boundaries as a Content Creator
• [24:40] – General Boundary Setting for Life
• [27:20] – Understanding Compatibility & Friendships
• [34:43] – The Role of Your Circle in Creating Luck
• [36:01] – Embracing Discomfort
• [41:07] – The Neuroscience of Discomfort & Safety
• [44:54] – Building Your Own Safety to Create Luck
• [51:08] – Why Close Others May Not Always Be Supportive
• [57:24] – “Surface Area for Luck,” Applying Widely, Social Diversity
• [58:50] – Relational Diversity in Friendships

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Rapid Fire: Applying “Buy it Nice or Buy it Twice” Philosophy

[60:24 - 62:47]

• To friendships and relationships: Focus on quality, depth, and character—don’t waste time or cycle through low-quality connections.
• Finances: Don’t hold onto money with a scarcity mindset; invest intentionally in assets and yourself.
• Food: Refuse to cut corners—choose whole, high-quality nourishment.

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Final Takeaways

• Bet on yourself; self-belief is the ultimate seed of luck.
• Build decisiveness—don’t treat life as a “group project.”
• Create your own safety net (emotionally, financially, relationally).
• Embrace discomfort—resilience and luck go hand-in-hand.
• Focus on diversity and quality (in connections, investments, and habits).
• Support and luck are self-generated—do the work, and “train the muscle” of your mind to receive all that comes your way.

“Bet on yourself. Believe in yourself. Everybody in the world will probably doubt you. You don’t want to start with yourself.”
— Kyyah Abdul, [62:56]

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear Media Production. We talk a lot about being lucky girls on this show, but what does that actually mean? Is it a mindset? Is it a strategy? Is it timing? Or is it something deeper, something happening in your brain and body that determines how you show up for an opportunity? Today's guest, Kaya Abdul brings a neuroscience backed lens to all of these questions. She's built a platform around helping women think differently about their habits, their money and their decision making, blending brain science with real life strategy. You might know her from her Buy It Nice or Buy It Twice series or the way she breaks down what it actually means to move like a financially strategic woman. We'll unpack what it actually means to have a mind that creates luck, how your nervous system impacts your decision making and why discomfort is often the clearest signal you're moving in the right direction. This episode is for the woman who wants to move differently, think differently and ultimately win differently. Well, I'm so excited to have you. Thank you so much for joining me on the show today, Kya. I love your content and I love the ways that you blend not just lifestyle, but mental health, a life really well lived, financial education, like you blend these topics together in a way that is so beautifully done and just such a really good example of a life well lived. And the way that you generously share the knowledge that you have with other people I think is really great.

[B]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate that.

[A]

On she's so Lucky, we talk a lot about what it means to create our own luck and what it means to not leave our success up to chance. And what I appreciate about what you share is you touch a lot on neuroscience because you have a background in that you are very well educated in that area. And I want to explore what it looks like to have a lucky mind, to have a mind that is hardwired to create luck.

[B]

I love the connection with the neuroscience piece. I think a lucky mind is trained. I think it takes a lot of practice and diligence and I know doctors and scientists don't like when people say like, oh, your brain is a muscle, but that's how I will frame it for this, this conversation. And I think with any muscle, if you don't exercise it and work at weakens. So I think having a lucky mind is really just having the belief in yourself, determination, grit and the ability to follow through. And funny enough, so I was watching a video before I came in here and it was about decision making and I think it actually had to do with The Devil Wears Prada, too. It's like, symbiotic, whatever these videos were. And maybe I came up with a thought myself, but in the fact that what moves you forward directionally is just being able to make a decision, that's also a muscle. Not believing that this decision is perfect or right, but moving upward and forward in any sort of momentum. So I think that's also an aspect of luck, is. Is like all the things I said before, determination, but also being decisive enough to just move forward whether you're right or wrong and creating that decision tree for yourself to have a lucky life, per se.

[A]

I feel like that ties in so well with the theme that we're exploring on the show this month, which is the idea of betting on yourself.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Because a lot of betting on yourself is making a decision or taking a calculated risk and saying, hey, I'm gonna play this hand and I'm just gonna try it, and if it doesn't work, then I'll play, or then I'll move it. I'll pivot to the next thing. But I do think decision making can be so scary because we get so afraid of making the wrong decision.

[B]

Social media doesn't help that either.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hot take. But I think people are afraid of what other people will think and you don't, which is funny. You don't necessarily have to share every single thing that's going on in your life. You don't have to share the failures if you don't want to. If you like, great. If it doesn't bother you. But I think a lot of people are afraid of how certain things will be perceived by others, how things will be perceived by their family members if they leave their job, if they don't pursue medicine or law or whatever. I think it's a lot of it is other people and the idea of how you think they'll perceive you preventing you from betting on yourself. And that's why I'm very big on you gotta go. You gotta go. If you're preventing me from living my fullest and most authentic life, I don't see the benefit. And it doesn't mean, like, you're cut out, but distance could be necessary for me to continue to have that luck. Yeah.

[A]

Or it's like, I know I'm not gonna go to you for maybe advice about this thing if it's like, you're not the best person for that.

[B]

And that's okay. And that's okay. You don't have to tell everybody everything. It's great keeping things to Yourself.

[A]

I also think my hot take.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Is I think we treat too many things like group projects.

[B]

Agreed.

[A]

And not every part of life needs to be group project. Like, I think that there is a time and a place for collaboration and for community when we're working on things with other people. But I don't think that every decision that we need to make needs input from other people.

[B]

Agreed. I think that's what also strengthens that muscle of being able to be decisive. One of my greatest attributes. I think I will make a decision and that's just what it is like. Even if it's wrong, even if it's the right decision. And it helped me get to wherever it needs to go. I made the decision for myself and I'm so 100% comfortable with the fact that I made that decision. So I don't leave it up to other people to interpret for me to move forward with whatever choice I'm making for myself. I totally agree. No group projects. No, no. Especially.

[A]

Cause we know in group projects it usually ends up being one person doing all the work anyway.

[B]

I mean, you are the one doing it's your life. So it's like you're doing the heavy lifting anyway. Exactly.

[A]

In terms of your decisiveness, have you always been that way or has it always something you've developed? Really? It's like from a young age.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My mom tells me all the time that I was a very decisive child. This is what it is. Very big on integrity, very big on checks and balances. Just very inherent in me to just follow through. And this is what's decided. So that's what it is. Scary.

[A]

Sometimes I feel like it's one of those things. And there's a lot of qualities like this that are so great in adults, but then in little people it's like, oh, man.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Some of the things that, like, make kids can be challenging in kids or qualities that can be challenging in kids. It's like, oh, this is gonna be so great when you're an adult. But also like, I really just need

[B]

you to put your shoes on. Yeah. So we can go. Yeah. It's a stubbornness as a child. Yes. But when it evolves, it really is the ability to just decide.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like, we gotta foster that, but also teach them that there's a way, there's a way around it.

[B]

Yes. Luckily, I was a good kid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For people who may not have that strong of a decision making muscle, are there things that you recommend people do to get better at it or stronger.

[B]

I think understanding what you want out of your life is a good foundation and drowning out all the noise. Like, you don't need to sit and talk with your friends and be like, what do you guys think I'm good at? What do you think I should pursue? Do you think I should do this or that? I think it's sitting with yourself and really listing out the things that you are passionate about or enjoy. It doesn't have to be something you love doing a hundred percent of the time, but anything from like 85% and up, writing that out and understanding, okay, this is what I want to pursue. And once you're able to make that foundational decision, I feel like it's a little bit easier for it to blossom like the other decisions. It becomes easier to be decisive. Yeah, that's a good starting point for sure.

[A]

I can relate to that a lot because I'm somebody who. I'm pretty decisive now. But I did have to grow into that as I've gotten older and. And a lot of that really came from trial and error and experience and being in situations where I factored in what other people thought and wanted so much. And then I'm like, wait, I hate it here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And by the way, all these people whose opinions I'm factoring in, they hear dealing with consequences.

[B]

It's just me.

[A]

And so being able to apply that as I've gotten older has been so helpful.

[B]

Are you afraid of failure at all?

[A]

Not as much as I used to be, but now I'm at the point, and not to get so philosophical, it's like, what even. Is failure fair? Is there really a such thing? Or is it something that I can learn from and do differently the next time?

[B]

I love that perspective, but I think it's hard for people to. I don't know. The brain is just so crazy. It really tricks you into believing that you should fear not excelling at something 100%, rather than taking a different perspective like the one you just said. What helped you kind of get out of hearing failure?

[A]

I think my perspective of failure changed. My perspective of failure when I was younger was very much something not working out how I wanted or not getting what I wanted. That was like my definition of failure when I was younger to the point where I wouldn't even try.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And then I realized I didn't like where that got me because it got me absolutely nowhere. And so now my perception of failure is just like, not even trying at all.

[B]

I like that. Yeah. It's better to what's the saying? It's like, better to fail trying than to not try at all.

[A]

It's better to try and fail than not try at all or something like that.

[B]

Yeah, I totally agree that not trying at all is definitely failing. That's how people end up 50 and they have, like, a midlife crisis. It's like, oh, my God. I never became a baker when I, like, whatever their visions are, but it's like, wow, you could have just tried. Yeah, didn't work out. It's fine.

[A]

I had those moments in my, like, mid to late twenties where I was just like, oh, I'm almost a decade into this adulthood thing, and I haven't done anything that I actually want to do or. That's interesting to me. I've never taken any risks. And I. I see if I continue this path where that's taking me, and I would actually rather try something fall on my ass, but know that I at least tried than to keep doing this thing that I know I hate.

[B]

Totally, 100% agree. Yeah. I think if I'm being honest, I also feel like what has helped me get to where I am right now is I've experienced a lot of loss. So when you are really young, like, my dad died when I was 19, and when you start to see the people closest to you leave this earth prematurely, what is a risk? Yeah, Is it a risk, or am I just living my life? I don't believe in wasting time with anything or anyone. I will put in the effort for various things, but I have just learned to know when it's okay to call it quits. Doesn't mean I'm a failure. Doesn't mean I'm a quitter. It just means some things have run its course. I think it's a blessing and a disguise to have that perspective. Or a blessing and a curse, I should say, because same thing with friendships, relationships, jobs. When it's time, I'm like, that's okay. So I think that's helped me be really comfortable with myself, be really comfortable with my decisions, because like you said, it's better to have lived a life worth trying to not have lived at all.

[A]

Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, I do think it. It does add this important perspective where it's like, the things that we can sometimes make such a big deal out

[B]

of, you realize, like, they're not.

[A]

They're not.

[B]

They're literally not. I don't think anything is that serious. I don't think anything's that serious. My husband may not love that I approach life that way. But I'm like, it's not that deep. It just isn't. It will never be that deep to me because of those lived experiences. And I think sometimes when people watch my content, that's why I'm so open and honest, because I think people are like, oh, I wish I could have this mindset. Or, I wish I could be this way. I wish I could be this courageous. And I'm like, the courage came from, like, a very dark place. And while it's beautiful now because I'm able to live my life fully, I don't want that to get lost in translation or for people to feel bad that they haven't exercised the muscle. Because for me, the exercise came like, I got an extra boost unintentionally. So, yeah.

[A]

And then it's like conversations like this that can hopefully inspire people to move in that direction without having had that experience.

[B]

Exactly. Because I don't wish that on anybody. So I think just seeing what your life could be like when you bet on yourself, when you fine tune your mindset and your perspective beyond what I've had to experience, is the greatest gift I think I could give, like, anybody.

[A]

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[B]

I think creating content, honestly, because I still work in corporate, so I'm still a regulatory affairs professional. I've been doing that for 10 years. And when I first started creating content, it was with my good friend Keton, who has been creating content for, like, Love her.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

We lived together during COVID and she was like, oh, you know, I think you should make a YouTube channel. I had a YouTube channel, but I wasn't really serious. And she was like, oh, let me teach you how to, like, edit videos the right way. And, you know, I'll, like, put you in some of my content. And I was like, no. Like, it's fine. She's like, no, no, no, no. I think we're family friends, so she's like, no, no, no, no. Like, I think you should. So all throughout Covid, she was helping me with my content, and it helped me get a lot more confident and just be a little bit more creative in how I reach different audiences. We did a dating show together during COVID It was called Love it or Leave it so Cringe. But when I watch it back, I'm like, God, but it was so much fun just to tap into that different side of me. And I felt like she. I always credit her for my content creation journey because I felt like she gave me a lot of courage and just encouragement in general and guidance on how to navigate this whole new world as a science professional. And when I decided, okay, I'm really gonna commit to TikTok and Instagram and I'm just gonna post whatever I can post, documenting my jaw surgery journey, documenting, buying a house, like, I really showed it all. So I think it's just given me a different perspective on how life can be lived. And I think a lot of people are like, oh, you can't do your corporate career and also create content. And the fact that I've been able to do both for the past two or so years has just been extremely fulfilling. And content actually gave me the ability to take a three month sabbatical from my full time job because I was losing my mind at this one company. So I think that's also an opportunity where I was able to bet on myself because I had this cushion. Like content has really given me an amazing cushion to just do whatever I feel is right for myself.

[A]

I love that example. I think that content and a willingness to create content is the ultimate step in like letting yourself be seen. Seen.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And sometimes that's really scary being perceived

[B]

when I go start new jobs and someone's like, oh my God, I follow you on Tick Tock. I'm like, yeah, don't talk about that. Let's keep that between you. Right, right. Let's not spread that around for the world to see. But I think sometimes it really amazes me because I've had VC firms that are looking to vet, like, oh, what are the qualities for a VP of regulatory? Or like, what should we look for from my YouTube channel? I just find that. So venture capitalist, you're managing like a hundred million dollar fund and you want to talk to little old me?

[A]

They sure do.

[B]

But content has given me a really great boost of confidence and courage and the ability to not care how I'm perceived.

[A]

Talk about strengthening a muscle, because that, that is really hard and something that I'm still kind of like growing into. Because I do think that the landscape has changed in a lot of ways. Where previously it was like a little bit easier to fit into a bucket or to have like a thing where it was like, I am a makeup youtuber, I am a fashion blogger. Like people know to come to me for this one thing and that's just not really the world that we live in anymore. People want to know who you are as a person kind of inside and out. They want to know what you think. They want to know what your values are. And there's nothing wrong with that in a lot of ways. Like, agree with that. But then when you're on the other side of it and it's like boundary less pieces from you a lot. Yeah. You have to be the one to put those boundaries in place.

[B]

Yeah. I'm strict.

[A]

It's hard.

[B]

You are.

[A]

In a good way.

[B]

Yeah. Because if you comment on something that I've already decided that it's not being discussed. Why are you commenting on that? The comments either going to get deleted or I will. I used to do this thing where when I first started creating content on TikTok specifically, I will call you out and I will make a dedicated video to all the reasons why you're insane for asking that question. Like, are you okay? Yeah. Some things are just not up for commentary or discussion. And I think people have to understand those boundaries. Like, my husband doesn't want to be on social media. And some people, like, I posted about my wedding. Some people were like, oh, you're even like, hiding your husband. I'm like, you could find that man. If you really wanted to spend enough time searching, you could. But I'm respecting the boundary that he set for himself because people are very parasocial. And I think a marriage should be protected. And so I'm not gonna platform my marriage in that way. Other people can. That's their story. But that's not what I'm gonna do. And we're not welcoming discussions or topics about that.

[A]

It's not a great project.

[B]

It is way to go. Cause it's not. I'm not discussing that with you. I never say where I work. People know not to ask because the answer will be so you can call my job. Right. So you can send them my TikToks. Like what? I keep the world very separate. I go by different names on purpose. Everyone thinks my name is Kaia. It's a short of my actual name. So. And now I have a different last name and people don't know that. So I just think some things when it comes to social media need to be kept, like, separate and protected. But I still feel the way I create content, people are still able to see and understand who I am as a person. The way I think, how I approach the world, how I engage with others. You get enough to feel like you're getting enough.

[A]

Definitely. Yeah. I agree with that in a lot of ways. And feel Very similarly, where it's like, people can see my character, they can see what matters to me, but do they need to know where I worked in 2013? I actually had someone ask me this because on LinkedIn, I do share content on LinkedIn, because a lot of my content is very like, career, business, whatever. So I took kind of my work history off. And the only thing that you'll see on my LinkedIn is just the podcast, because at this point, I have been out of corporate for a few years. Where I worked in 2011.

[B]

Doesn't matter.

[A]

It doesn't matter. And I. I had someone interviewing me and she asked me, well, why? And I was like, why does it matter? Yeah, I just said, I was like, you know, because I only want the attention that's on the business that I currently have, rightfully. So that's information that I don't think people need my full work history.

[B]

They. Does it make a difference?

[A]

Their nosiness?

[B]

Yeah, exactly. A lot of it is just nosiness. Yeah. And so putting those guardrails up, like, I totally respect. I don't update my LinkedIn. A lot of people end up finding my LinkedIn but don't accept requests. I don't update my LinkedIn, don't even have my last name on there.

[A]

I actually, I think this is a good segue to talk a bit more about boundary setting and what that could look like for anybody, whether they are, you know, dabble in the Internets like we do or not. What it is about boundary setting that can be so hard for people and if they struggle with it, how they can better set boundaries.

[B]

I want to preface that I'm not a therapist. I just have my own opinions and perceptions on boundary setting based on, like, my engagement with a therapist and working in clinical research. I think it depends on who you're setting the boundary with. I think first and foremost, people need to understand that boundaries are not for other people, they're for you. I think that's where a lot of people go wrong or have a hard time setting boundaries with people in their life is because they're like, oh, well, they didn't respect my boundary. I'm like, did they not respect your boundary, or did you not respect the boundary that you put in place for yourself? It's not for you to manage the behaviors of other people, but for you to understand how that boundary protects you. So I think that's the first point that people need to understand, is that the power is with you to protect yourself. I think setting boundaries with family is very hard because it is so unbelievably heartbreaking. Because you don't want to. These are people you're bound to, you know, These are people that you love, people you grew up with, people who saw you through different phases of life. That being said, I think there comes a time in everyone's life where you recognize that your parents, your aunts, your uncles, your elders, your cousins, whatever, they're people too, and they experience life the same way you do. But the outcome and how they become as a person is different. When you're dealing with setting boundaries with family members. I know some people don't want to automatically be like, I'm just cutting them off. And I don't recommend that people do cut people off. I think you should try and work through the issue, and if you can't. I've talked a lot about distance, not showing up as your full emotional self. Like, a lot of it is this desire to change people in our lives, but we cannot change how people are. So if someone's a narcissist, you know they're a narcissist. Why are you going to this narcissist and being like, I just feel like you. They're not hearing nothing that you said. Understand that they are who they are, and you can choose to still have them around you at small doses that you can manage and call it a day. Like, the boundary is for you, not for anybody else.

[A]

Yeah. There's nothing that we can do to change the behavior of other people and actually think if we try, that's actually manipulative.

[B]

Ooh, yikes.

[A]

Even like, people pleasing at times. And I say this as somebody who's done a lot of people pleasing, if you kind of look at it, it's kind of actually manipulative. You're trying to manipulate someone else's behavior and outcome to benefit you. Yeah.

[B]

Kind of just have to realize that that's just how they are. And it's like, oh, but. But nothing. Like, that's just how they are. You can either be around them, and this is part of the decisiveness. You can either be around them and understand that they will not change for you. They will change for themselves when they're ready, when they see fit, or when they identify. Or you can create enough distance where you just don't even have them around you anymore. I think the same goes for friendships as well, like understanding who people are. And sometimes it's not even. You have to set a boundary. I think people struggle with the fact that people. Some people are just not compatible not your people. You know what I'm saying? Not everybody's going to be your people. And that includes family, friends, and all of the, like, underlying categories of people. And I think once we understand that, a lot less will be put on. Like, well, I need to set a boundary with this person because they did X, Y and Z. How about they're just not the right person for you? I've talked before about, like, people with certain insecurity driven behaviors that. Not compatible for me, not compatible for you.

[A]

Can give us some examples.

[B]

There's a type of person, and I've experienced this before, that rushes closeness in a friendship without building any trust.

[A]

I don't like that.

[B]

I hate that. It kind of scares me because it's really uncomfortable. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's like, take your time, slow down. Like, what is, what's the brush?

[A]

You know, I just met you, you're

[B]

inviting yourself to my house. We had drinks twice. And it's. I understand that they mean well. And it comes most likely from a place of rejection as a child, this need to know how the relationship will be or end or be maintained because they can't, like the waiting period for them. It gives them anxiety. Like they need to feel secure in those relationships. And I can understand and I can empathize. I don't want that in a friend. And it doesn't mean you're a bad person. I think a lot of times people hear this and they're like, oh, you only want to be friends with perfect people. No, because I'm not perfect. A lot of the people in my life, my friends, my closest people, they're not perfect. Nobody is. But there are certain characteristics that don't align with my personality. And I think when you take an insecure person who, for example, tries to force that closeness with someone who is very secure, the worlds don't mesh. And then it's like I had to set boundaries with. No, you guys just don't vibe.

[A]

Yeah, there's like a compatibility element too. And sometimes I think where people can get messed up in terms of relationships, like friendships, even if we keep the friendship example, where it's like they're looking to somebody to be something that person never consented to be, saying they wanted to be or that they could be or even have the skills to be.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And then there's animosity. Exactly. It's just not good.

[B]

It's messy. Like, that's exactly it. And it creates this deep seated resentment on both sides. And then there's like, oh, this person was such a mean girl. No, maybe you guys just didn't really. You just don't have the same way of approaching relationships. And I think that that's okay. I think it's everyone's responsibility to go back and do the personal work, to understand the kind of person you are. Things that trigger you, things that upset you based on your childhood or current situations. Or maybe you have no problems at all and it's just kind of like, I just want someone to get drinks with. That's fine. I think understanding those characteristics about yourself make it a lot easier to build and foster platonic and romantic relationships.

[A]

Yeah. And understanding why you want those things.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like what? Especially I think for those people who may kind of rush closeness, it's like, okay, maybe there's something. There's. There's some sort of gap here that you're looking to fill.

[B]

And most of the time they don't know they're doing it. Yeah, they don't know unless someone calls it out and says it. And who's gonna, you know, it's hard to do. It is. It's hard to pick out, but I always know when it's happening. I'm like, mm, mm, mm. It is uncomfortable. Most of the time, I won't say anything. I'll kind of just let it be.

[A]

What are on the flip side, qualities that do vibe with you or that you do think make for, like, healthy friendships?

[B]

People who are accountable to themselves and the people in their lives. I think being able to sit and self reflect and be like, wow, I did something wrong. I think, okay, another example, one of my best friends is a guy, and I have had buried relationships with some of my family members. And sometimes when I'm talking to people and they're talking to me about their familial situations, I'll catch myself in the moment and I'll be like, I just projected what I'm feeling about my situation in advising you, and that was wrong. So I've called my best friend back before when we had a conversation, he was talking about a situation and I was like, I think when I was advising you about your situation, literally this was in like within the span of like 24 hours. And I don't feel good about how I gave you that advice. And I want you to know that it came from a place of me projecting some of my own internal feelings about family. And he laughed. He was just like, bro, I did not take it that way at all. But being able to self reflect and understand that I'm taking my past experiences and possibly not advising someone in the best way is the kind of reflection that I like to see in my friends. And it doesn't have to be that extreme, but understanding how to be accountable to yourself and the people around you is extremely important. Honesty is very important to me. I don't think my friends have to have the same lifestyle as me, the same bot. Like when I have friends in the military, I have friends that are entrepreneurs. I have friends that have like regular nine to five jobs. It's not about what they do, but I think at the core of who they are, good character, good humor, not like overly sensitive. Those are just some of the qualities that I really value.

[A]

Yeah, for sure. I think that values piece is super important.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Especially now. Do you feel like, and I feel maybe based off of the conversation we've had, I feel like I can kind of guess the answer to this because I feel like with decisiveness, it goes hand in hand. But about developing that discernment with people, what that's looked like for you, do you feel like similarly to decisiveness, you've always kind of had that discernment, or is it something you developed?

[B]

Yeah, no, I feel like I've always been able to discern because integrity is such an integral part of how I approach the world. I think that's helped me with discernment and that's helped me with discernment in my professional career. And I think that's why I'm in regulatory, where my job is literally just like, yes, no black and white, the law kind of thing with friendships and relationships. That has also helped. But on top of that, I think it's my curiosity. I spend a lot of time asking myself, like, why someone behaved the way that they did or why someone said that or why someone feels that way. Trying to step into their shoes. That helps me kind of discern whether or not a relationship or a friendship can blossom. If that makes sense.

[A]

Yeah, definitely.

[B]

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[A]

When I think about creating a lucky life, I do think kind of continuing on with this, this theme of friendship and community that we've been talking about, I do also think that, like, the people around you matter. Like a rising tide lifts all boats. Yes. And I think, like, lucky people kind

[B]

of stick to have good people around them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They have good, focused, disciplined in whatever it is that they're passionate about around them. And I think also people who are just focused on, I think lucky and growth mindset kind of go hand in hand together. People who are willing to grow in all aspects. I think when we talk about growth, people just think like, oh, financially, like this person's just leveling up as it relates to money or material things, but no growth in the sense of emotionally, physically, whether it's like being committed to working out, taking care of yourself. I think those are the people that lucky people are constantly surrounded by. Is people committed to growth in all aspects.

[A]

Yeah. Actually, the episode that just went live the week before this, the guests said something really wonderful around this idea of fear being an invitation to grow. And that kind of reminds me of what you just said. And it also makes me think about some things that I know I've heard you say around discomfort.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And not avoiding discomfort. And why it's actually really important, especially for our brains to learn how to navigate discomfort and sit with it and.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Solve it as opposed to just avoiding it. Avoiding it altogether.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Can we talk a bit more about the importance of discomfort?

[B]

Yes. I think in all aspects, like, having difficult conversations. And as I said before at the start of this episode, it's kind of like a muscle. I think when I talk about some of the loss that I've experienced, people always get shocked. But I think at this point, I've gotten really uncomfortable with the. The discomfort of loss and being able to talk about that enriches conversation, creates depth and proximity. When I'm talking to people, I think being uncomfortable is the only way to have a comfortable life. Like, in all aspects, being uncomfortable emotionally, being uncomfortable financially. When I was in college, oh, my God, Struggling. I worked full time in a pharmacy and I was taking 19 credits as a pre med bio major. I had rent. I had bills. Now as an adult, I'm like, bills don't bother me because, like, I strengthened that muscle. In college, I lived in a frat house. I was the only girl because the rent was so cheap.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that was uncomfortable for me. But I am so grateful for that season of my life. Like, I regret nothing. Nothing. I've ever done, no job I've ever worked, no struggle I've ever had. Do I regret? Because I think those uncomfortable moments have made life so colorful for me in the sense that I'm not afraid of literally anything. I will try everything. I will do everything. I will live a very full life. I will leave this earth knowing that I lived a very full life, because I don't fear being uncomfortable at all.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I get to interview a lot of successful people because I selfishly started this show so I can do that. And I feel like that is, like, the common trait amongst nearly anybody who you think is successful, who you would look up to, who has achieved something great. It is like, there are elements of their story where there has been some sort of discomfort.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they figured out how to rise to the occasion, to the point where I'm like, yeah. I think that's probably the number one most important trait if somebody wants to be successful, if they want to live what they would consider discomfort, you have to embrace discomfort.

[B]

And that's just what it is. I remember my uncle said to me one time, he was like, I feel like you're the kind of person that you could lose it all, but, like, rebuild it all tomorrow. And that's actually a really wonderful compliment. Oh, no. Love him down. Like, yeah, he ate that. He did. He really did. I was like, look at you. Yeah. Yes. And I always think about that sometimes when I'm going through, like, a hard time, I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna get on the other side of this just because of that hunger and that determination to get out of an uncomfortable situation. And I've been in so many uncomfortable situations in my life that I feel like it's strengthened this muscle to just be resilient and keep going. And I think that's actually where resilience comes. Once you get comfortable with discomfort, you will become a more resilient person. And I feel like that fear that we talked about earlier will kind of fade away and.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, definitely it. And I know the girls get tired of hearing me talk about this, but I feel like what has helped me improve my tolerance for discomfort has been my fitness journey, because I, earlier in my career, spent a lot of time working in fitness, and I've been very passionate about fitness. And I feel like, for me, I almost think of exercise as, like, daily discomfort training. Because you are uncomfortable. You're sweating, you're out of breath, you're

[B]

sore, and you have to go. It's hard. Like, you have to get up and go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's the hardest thing.

[A]

But it's like, every day when you do it, it's proof of concept that you can do hard things. And so it's like, if I get up in the morning and I do that thing and I'm sweating and I went and I got out of bed and all of that. Then later, when I get that stressful email in my inbox, it doesn't feel like as big of a deal because I'm like, I'm so hard today.

[B]

Yeah. Do you feel the same way about, like, nourishing your body. Ooh. With food?

[A]

I don't know if I do, but I feel like I'm kind of one of those people that can be a little bit indifferent to food. Like, I love a good meal, but I wouldn't say, say that I think about food a lot or that I have many, like, feelings about food.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I could see how it could

[B]

be similar because sometimes people are like, oh, it's such a hassle to, like, cook and, like, find foods to prepare or to even the act of eating. Sometimes people are just like, ugh, this just feels like a chore or a task.

[A]

Actually, I do feel like that sometimes.

[B]

And that's another hard thing that you have to do.

[A]

Yeah. Feed myself. I'm like, damn, again.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Didn't I just do this a couple hours ago?

[B]

Oh, my God. That's why intermittent fasting is so great.

[A]

Really?

[B]

You really don't eat that much? You just eat a lot at one point. Shorter window. Yeah, shorter window, less to think about.

[A]

I want to take a step back and get more, like, nerdy and sciency with you because I just, like, want to learn when we are experiencing something that we perceive as discomfort in our brain or maybe, like, afraid of, like, what is happening in our brain so that we can kind of understand that better.

[B]

I don't know if I'm qualified enough to even speak to what's happening on, like, a metaphysical level, but I think emotionally, I would say I'm trying to think of an example of, like, having a hard conversation with someone, and it gives you a lot of anxiety. I presume that you just don't feel safe in that setting. And how do you signal to your brain that it's safe to have that conversation without feeling like there's going to be some sort of drastic or negative consequence. Yes. The consequence sometimes, I feel like, stems from previous situations. Because when you look at children, Right. There will be that one kid who's not afraid to Say anything. And they'll just say what they think, what they feel, because they grew up in a household that was very nurturing in having an opinion. And then there's another child who grew up in a household where they were punished for questioning adults, for example. And then both people grow up. One person's able to excel and have hard conversations and the other kid feels that anxiety that I'm talking about. So I think going back to the core of why you feel fearful and just talking, it's just words like there's no, there's no repercussions for just speaking your mind, sharing your feelings. I do think it stems from not feeling safe in being able to have that hard conversation or do that hard thing. Same goes for a career. I think a lot of people when they feel anxiety about like I'm going to quit my corporate job, it's the fear of not having stable income. And obviously we as human beings, we need certain things to feel secure, like provisions, a head of a house over your head, those kind of things. So when you take that leap to quit your full time job, it feels like, how am I going to be able to take care of myself? You don't feel safe in that instance. The people who have the family to fall back on or the trust fund to fall back on, they feel safe in taking those risks. It doesn't feel like a risk to them, it's just another avenue. So I really think that the main precursor is understanding what makes you feel safe. How do you feel safe? Sometimes it's just finding a safe person that you can talk to and then build that muscle with that safe person. Or sometimes it's inching out of whatever it is you want to do. For example, content creation in your full time job, doing things on the side and being a little bit more nimble to create the safety that you need to follow through with whatever you're trying to do.

[A]

You actually just helped me come to a realization that is kind of reframing how I think about this whole creating luck thing, which I think a big element of creating our own luck is finding that sense of safety 100%. And I don't know if I've ever made that connection but before I think

[B]

it's all about safety. Yeah, yeah, we all want to feel safe and understand that if we make this decision that there's something else that can protect us. I think full on segue, but I think that's something that's so beautiful about marriage, is I feel like I can do whatever I want Because I have my husband to fall back on and he fully feels like he can do whatever he wants, take risks. And that's where you hear a lot of those stories where women are like, oh, yeah, my husband and I built this career together or we built this business together. Because there's that safety of being able to rely on somebody else, knowing that someone has your back, knowing that someone will protect you, that allows for you to take those greater risks. So I think at the forefront of everything is feeling safe.

[A]

Yeah. And even finding a way to create that sense of safety, if that's the

[B]

best, you don't start.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

With a friend or whoever.

[A]

Yeah. I know that's something that I've had, I've had to navigate is because I don't really have a lot of people outside of myself. Like, I'm not partnered or anything like that. And so even when I was thinking about making the leap from corporate to doing all of this full time, it was a multi year process to create.

[B]

You created the safety for yourself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you didn't even know you were doing it.

[A]

Yeah. And it was, but it was. I was very like methodological about it. About like, okay, I have to pay off this much debt. I want to have this much saved up. I want to have this much recurring. I want to have all my streams in a row. And it took several years, but it was so much less anxiety inducing than if it would have been done impulsively.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Because I realized what I needed to feel more comfortable to do that. And then I, like, made it happen.

[B]

I fully think that in order to bet on yourself, you have to feel a little bit more safe. And there's a lot of people who are very talented and creative and ambitious and it's sometimes unfortunate to know that they may never get that safety net or be able to build such a massive foundation such as you did for yourself. And they'll kind of just. I don't know. Makes you sad.

[A]

Sometimes it is really sad. I think about all of, like, innovation and the genius that we can miss out on because so many people are in survival mode.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And it's.

[B]

Yeah. People always ask me in my comments, like, how do I get out of survival mode? And I never know how to answer. I literally never know how to answer. Because unless you have support and community, I, I just don't. It's hard to be able to do it by yourself. It's very hard. The only thing I can say is like figuring out how to create a safety net for yourself.

[A]

One step at A time literally, what is the next best thing? Yeah. And I also think unpacking, like, what does safe mean for you?

[B]

That too.

[A]

That's important because safety can be different things for different people depending on our triggers and our childhoods and our traumas and all that fun stuff that we love. And I also think it's the next best step of not just identifying it, but figuring out, okay, now what do I do with this information?

[B]

Totally.

[A]

I think over the past few years, a lot of us have gotten really good at identifying it. We can tell you exactly what happened. We were 7 that made us think XYZ.

[B]

But what do you do now?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Upward momentum.

[A]

You have to decide how do we address it? How do we ease that 7 year old version of ourselves to experience that thing that they're not the one making decisions for us anymore.

[B]

Yes. I'm trying to think of, like, if there's anything that I've so fearful of that I just kind of. Oh. I was supposed to go to med school. I did pre med biology and I kept taking the mcat and I kept trying, trying, trying. I think for like two or three years I kept trying to get into med school. And like the first two years I didn't get in. And then I realized I was like, okay, same thing I said at the start of this episode, asking myself, why? What do I want to go to med school for? I don't even really like working with patients and not because, like, I don't like people. But I did a volunteer opportunity at Yale New Haven Hospital when I was in college and it was in the pediatric oncology wing. The way I went the second day. And I cried when I left and I never went back. Yeah, very avoidant. I did not email them, tell them not coming back. I just never came back. And I realized it's not for me. It doesn't fit my personality. I don't think it's something that I'm fully interested in. But I was doing it to fulfill this, like, desire and hope for my parents. Because, you know, immigrants, they'll always make you feel like you gotta become a doctor. It was taking the risk of betting on myself to be like, yeah, no, like, I like the job that I have right now and I'm gonna continue to pursue that career. But I had to really get to the root of what was holding me to do this thing in order for me to let go and decide to move forward with something else and just taking that risk.

[A]

Yeah. And I think sometimes when we're holding on to the idea of something so tight, even if we actually know it's not the thing, we're like, okay, well, when I figure out the next thing, then I'll let this go. That often doesn't work because the next thing needs room to come in. And as scary as it can be, part of the bet is like letting go of the thing that you know isn't for you to create space for the thing that is fully so hard.

[B]

It is, but I had a lot of security in making that decision. I had so many family members that I could go to that I could talk to about it and not feel judged. I had a lot of, like, family friends that helped me get, like internships to fine tune what my interests were. And so it goes back to having whatever feels like safety to you, figuring out what that is, creating it. And then it'll help you be a little bit more decisive and directional in how you want to move in your life.

[A]

Yeah. And that support system, so important and it can look a lot of different ways.

[B]

Yeah. It doesn't have to be a million people, which I feel like people think community is like everyone in the world. Like, no. It could just be a core, two, three people. It could be your siblings, be your parents. Whoever feels safest for you.

[A]

Even somebody who can like plant a seed of an idea.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have been so impactful for me. Even if it's someone who I'm like, not even necessarily like the closest to or we know each other super well, but like one good conversation that sparks an idea.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I'm like, oh, that's the unlock. That's the next thing.

[B]

It could be a boss.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Co worker, your neighbor, like literally anyone.

[A]

Sometimes it is almost even easier for people who don't know us as well to speak life into us. Because it's like there's no connection. Preconceived notion. Sometimes when the people who are closest to us, and I don't necessarily think people do this to me to be malicious, but sometimes people feel like those who are closest to them are at times less supportive, I think, because it can hold up a mirror to them of where they think they should be. And that's really hard for people to reckon with. And they're so busy sorting through their stuff. Yeah.

[B]

And that's why I said, close your mouth. Stop talking to people about things. No, because I remember when I was buying my house in LA and I was talking to some, like, people about it. Some people were so like, why would you do that? Why would you buy a house in La. Like, I don't understand. I had already bought the house. So they were like, because I want to. Yeah, because I want to. But for some people, it's like shocking to be younger than that person and want to do that thing. Even when I was telling some people that I want to go to law school, oh, my God. The doubts that were just like. Or the negativity that was just like, coming in because I said I wanted to go back to law school, I'm like, what's it to you for me to go back to school? But some people would say, like, oh, I don't think you need another degree. Okay, well, I want it right. So what now? So now what? I want it. So now we're looking at each other, you know? So I think it's best to protect some of the goals that you have. And so funny with this law school thing, my boss has been the most supportive person, and you would think the exact opposite because it's like, girl, you got work to do. She's so supportive. And she's always like, yeah, you're going to get in. She wrote my letter of rec. She's like, you can still work here and go to school at the same time. Between you and me, that goes back to your point of sometimes the closest people to you don't know how to be supportive because it requires them to look in the mirror. And when you pursue that thing that they don't have the courage, the ambition, the will, it's like shattering of glass. It's like a breaking down of their perception of self. And that can be very hard. And I empathize. Don't come burst in my bubble. No projecting or projecting whatever you have discouraging me from doing something that feels good to me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I've learned to just stop talking.

[A]

Yeah. One of my favorites, I'm saying that very sarcastically, is like, I don't know, having an aspiration or maybe mentioning it or saying what you're working on or something that you intend to do or that you are doing. And someone being like, but that's hard.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And everything's hard.

[B]

You know what I'm saying? So what did you bring to this conversation that was of value? Because you're saying it's hard. Like giving birth is hard. Going to college is hard. Everything's hard. Being black is all the black is hard. Paying bills is hard. No, it's hard.

[A]

Also not doing the things it's hard.

[B]

You know what I mean? So pick a hard. Pick a hard.

[A]

Or just because it's hard for you

[B]

doesn't mean it's hard for you.

[A]

Why not? Yeah. And vice versa.

[B]

I think people need to get comfortable with just supporting people with whatever it is they want to do and not centering yourself in other people's experiences. Life is so much better when you're just happy for the people around you and you're focused on your own lane. I don't think a lot of people know how to do that. And that's where the tension comes in of conflicts. Or. Another one of my favorites. You think you're better than everyone because you want to do this thing or you want to challenge yourself or you want to grow. When people say, like, oh, you think you're better than me? Or. I never said that.

[A]

No.

[B]

So now we're looking at each other again. So what now? Kind of have to ignore it or. Again, I lead with curiosity and empathy because I don't want anyone to feel less of themselves.

[A]

Right. It's like, when we have. Because I also think those are very human feelings to have that pop up where it makes us feel away or whatever. But learning how to channel that, whether it's like, curiosity and examining, ooh, where does that come from? Am I feeling this way because maybe I want something like that and I'm kind of afraid and, like, examining that and getting to the root of it.

[B]

A lot of people don't reject him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They don't know how. They don't know where to start, and it's so uncomfortable that they rather just ignore it and move on. I've really learned that some people are just hardwired not to ask the hard questions, not to dissect why they feel jealousy or animosity or frustration in watching another person have their success. You're not my person. And that's okay.

[A]

Yeah. So where should they start? Is it just, like, asking themselves why and following that thread?

[B]

I think so, yeah. It's like a decision tree, like, asking yourself why. And once you're able to fully uncover, make peace with the wrongs that you've done and move forward in the world as a better person, and that's all you can do. But it starts with wanting to. As someone who wants to believe the good in everyone. In the past, like, two years, I really had to learn. Not that everyone's bad or whatever, but, like, some people don't want to, and that is okay. And it's not for me, you, anybody else to put it on their shoulders to be like, I'm gonna help you change and become a better person and ask yourself why when you feel these hard and uncomfortable things. Some people don't want to ask themselves why. And it's not for you to sit there and interview them and be like, well, why?

[A]

Yeah. That has to come from themselves, from the inside.

[B]

And it may never. It may never come. Yeah, it literally may never come.

[A]

Like, being okay with that.

[B]

You have to.

[A]

Some people just being where they're at.

[B]

And that's okay. Yeah, it's easier. It makes living, like a peaceful life so much easier when you don't burden yourselves with the tasks that other people don't want to pick up for themselves.

[A]

And I also think that when you stop minding everyone else's business, that also creates space for more of your own love.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. Yes. You free up time and space. So much energy. Not to say don't support someone if they're going through something and they're asking themselves the hard questions, and they just need support to get to the other side of conquering that fear or that discomfort. But it's the people who don't want to pick up. You are not going to pick it up for them.

[A]

You can't.

[B]

You cannot.

[A]

They have to come around to it on their own, and then you can support them when they're there.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

You can't make someone do it.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah. And it's going to block luck for everybody.

[B]

Luck for everybody all around. Yeah. Because if someone doesn't strengthen those muscles and you're the one doing the reps for them, we're gonna be back at square one. So firm believer in people doing their own work. No group projects.

[A]

We graduated.

[B]

We graduated. I hated group projects. I mean, you're about to go back. I am, hopefully. Fingers crossed. This is my second time applying.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Last year I got waitlisted, and then this year I was like, I'm just gonna apply to every school possible. Hope I didn't go on.

[A]

Exciting. What is the timeline like now for you or you've applied your.

[B]

I applied. And so I was waiting to hear back here. Back by August latest. And then I would start in September. That's soon.

[A]

That's like a quick turn.

[B]

Yeah. Applications opened in October of 2025. So I applied to some schools in October 25th. Didn't get in. Still waiting to hear from one of those up cycles. And then I was like, oh, no. Like, I'm not leaving this up to chance.

[A]

Actually, what you just said reminded me of how I kicked off this series where I was talking about betting on ourselves, creating our own Luck. This idea of increasing our surface area for luck is what you just described. It was like, hey, if it means that you're applying to more places, you're increasing the chances of getting that. Yes. That you want from somewhere by not just having one avenue. That's an example of increasing that surface area.

[B]

Yeah. And also like increasing streams of content. Full time job. I'm really into like real estate and interior design and then law is a whole different other avenue. So I totally believe that if you want luck in multiple areas of your life, you have to stand that luck out. I even feel that way about friendships too. You have to cast a wide net in terms of where you're going, who you're talking to, being flexible with the type of people you socialize with. I made a video about this before where I said, I think some people, and I think this is predominantly an issue in la, but I think some people focus on the aesthetics or the appearance of what a friendship could look like rather than the true character or meaning or like any sort of depth. So they always ask themselves, like, why those friendships don't last. I think you have to cast a wide net in terms of the kind of friendships and relationships you have if you want to have long standing, lucky, if you will, types of relationships.

[A]

That reminds me of an episode I did a couple years ago with a woman named Danielle Byard Jackson. She's like a really incredible expert on the area of friendships, particularly female friendships. She does a lot of really great research on it and she mentioned that the people that feel the happiest and most supported by community have what's called relational diversity. It's this idea of not thinking that you have one or two best friends who are your everything. But it's like you have your work friends and you have your gym friends and you have your church friends.

[B]

Like you have friends for certain parts of your life. Yes.

[A]

You don't expect anybody to meet all of your needs because that's an unfair expectation.

[B]

Yes. I think that's very important, is spanning across. I have friends from middle school I'm still friends with, well from college, people from my master's program, cousins who are basically like my best friends. And I think it's great because everyone kind of itches a different side and vice versa. There's that diversity in the friendships. And then I am really big on like all my friends coming together because I had my wedding, it was a little bit easier and everyone vibed.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Everyone was got along so well because we had integrated everyone beforehand at like game nights or whatever. But they're all very, very different people. Very different people, very different backgrounds. And I agree with you that the diversity is the best way to live, like, a lucky, peaceful life. Yes.

[A]

Oh, so, so good. So this is our rapid fire. Just say, like, the first thing that comes to mind for you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because I know you are the queen. Buy it nice or buy it twice.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

How would you apply the buy it nice or buy it twice philosophy to friendships?

[B]

Oh, focus on the quality of the relationship and not how it appears or how you think it's going to enhance your life or social climb type of vibe. Focus on the depth and the quality. If you want the relationships to last and you're not cycling through friendships, you need to focus on the character and the depth.

[A]

How would you apply buy it nice or buy it twice to romantic partners?

[B]

I would say don't waste time in the sense of if it doesn't fit, let it go. If the quality's not there, something you

[A]

used to buy twice in your life that can be literal or metaphorical.

[B]

Something I used to buy twice. I would say probably my romantic relationships, like, when I look back at some of the people I dated, I was like, wow, I was wasting time because I wasn't paying attention to the character of the person. Focusing on the character and the quality of the person is something that I metaphorically had to buy twice. But happy with my husband now and then, materialistically, I feel like clothes in general, like, I used to waste a lot of money at certain fast fashion brands. I am a very intentional shopper now. Very, very picky about, like, materials, fabrics, all of that.

[A]

Because you are also our financially savvy queen. A mindset shift that upgraded your financial life.

[B]

I don't hold on to money. That sounds crazy, but I love investing. I think it's very wise. I like investing in real estate, stocks. I will invest as much as I possibly can for a 1k Roth IRA. I will invest in myself. That's why I want to go back to school. I don't hold on to money. I don't have a scarcity mindset where it's like, oh, my God, I have to see the dollar amount in my account. I don't mind putting it out into things that are intentional and knowing that it will eventually come back or compound.

[A]

Like, letting assets flow.

[B]

Yes, 100%.

[A]

What's one area of life where you refuse to cut corners?

[B]

What I eat. Not that I'm, like, picky about food, but I'm very picky. On where the food is from, what it is. I really like eating whole foods, so I'm very picky. Like, I don't eat fast food really at all.

[A]

You're our quality queen.

[B]

Yeah, I think that's the general theme of my life. It's like I'm very big on quality everything.

[A]

Last thing before we go. If there's like any one takeaway you want our girls to have when it comes to having a lucky mind, what would it be?

[B]

Bet on yourself. Believe in yourself. Everybody in the world will probably doubt you. You don't want to start with yourself. So I think believe that you can do whatever you put your mind to and focus on quality over quantity in everything in your life.

[A]

Boom. Oh, that was so good. Thank you so much.

[B]

Thank you for having me.

[A]

Thank you for being here. We will make sure that we link all of your socials, YouTube channel, everything in the description so everyone can find you.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Thank you for being here. Now, if Kya did not inspire you to bet on yourself, I don't know what will. I feel like I got so many gems and nuggets and takeaways and there were so many dots that were connecting for me throughout our conversation around the importance of of creating a sense of safety for yourself while you are creating your own luck. Thank you for tuning in and I'll see you next week. Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode of she's so Lucky. If you're ready to create your own luck, hit that subscribe button wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube so you don't miss an episode and head to the show notes for resources, links and discount codes. And if you are really feeling lucky, we would appreciate your rating and your review. It really helps us be able to improve the show, to get great guests and to understand what you want to hear more of. Thank you for tuning in and I'll see you next week. Hi, I'm Pia Barangini, the creative director of lpa, an entrepreneur, a wife and a dog mom basic in Los Angeles. This is my new podcast, Everything is the Best where we basically ask interesting

[B]

people, how did you go from zero to yacht?

[A]

I'm always curious how the help people became successful and I figured you would be too. Get on the Internet with me. Let's laugh, let's cry, let's overshare and let's get inspired to live our best lives. Check out new episodes every Wednesday.

[B]

It's all for you, baby.

[A]

Thanks for listening. Love you. Mean it. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.