How to Trust Yourself Without a Co-Sign ft. Toni Bravo

Summary

She’s So Lucky – Episode Summary
Episode: How to Trust Yourself Without a Co-Sign ft. Toni Bravo
Host: Les Alfred
Guest: Toni Bravo
Release Date: May 26, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, host Les Alfred (“She’s So Lucky”) sits down with multi-hyphenate creator Toni Bravo for an honest, inspiring conversation on what it means to trust yourself — especially when you’re forging a path without external validation or a “cosign.” Through stories from her creative journey, Toni shares how she’s developed a deep sense of self-trust, the nuances of self-affirmation versus delusion, the importance of intuition, and practical ways to handle fear and doubt when betting on yourself. The discussion is a dynamic deep-dive into self-belief, creativity, boundaries, and the lifelong process of building the life you want.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Betting on Yourself: Ambition vs. “Delusion”

Timestamps: 00:12–07:26

• Opening Mantra: Toni’s motto, “everything I think I can do, I can,” anchors the episode’s theme of self-trust and betting on oneself. (02:34)

• Delusion vs. Ambition: Toni and Les discuss the difference between ambition and “delusion,” rejecting the trend of calling big dreams delusional if they’re rooted in desire and willing effort.

  • Toni Bravo: “You can be ambitious, but I think grounding it in delusion was always really interesting to me because that’s just never where my mind went... Other people can think it’s delusional, but for yourself, you shouldn’t actually think it’s delusional if you actually want it to be something that works out or happens.” (03:07)
  • Les Alfred: “I think audacious is a better word... you’re not delusional for wanting [something big].” (04:25)

• Practical Mindset: Both highlight how language — the way we talk to ourselves — shapes what we see as possible, thus influencing action and outcomes.

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2. Creativity, Curiosity, and Being a Beginner

Timestamps: 07:26–10:12

• Open-Minded Creativity: Toni’s creative process is rooted in openness, curiosity, and self-trust, not waiting for external validation.
  • “The hardest part isn’t figuring out where to get an idea... the hardest part is consistently following what I think is cool. Trusting myself in that when you don’t know if it’s co-signed by anyone else.” (07:51)
• Permission to Be a Beginner: She shares the need for self-grace when learning new things and reframes the discomfort of starting as fuel for innovation and growth.
  • “There’s also grace in allowing myself to be a beginner...” (03:55)

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3. The Foundations of Self-Trust

Timestamps: 10:12–13:37

• Origins: Toni credits her self-trust to family support and the unique experience of being a twin—developing distinction and awareness of self early on.
  • “When you grow up as a twin, you understand your sense of self and character very quickly because you kind of have an exact mirror...” (10:17)
• Lessons in Differentiation: Navigating constant comparison fueled her drive to understand and assert her own identity.

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4. Taking the Leap—But with Structure

Timestamps: 17:39–23:39

• Leaving 9-to-5 for Content Creation: Toni reflects on quitting her job at 22, emphasizing the blend of spontaneity and logistical planning (e.g., building relationships, hiring a manager, creating a foundation before leaving).
  • “[I] built a decent amount of foundation before I left... even then it still felt like betting on myself in many ways because it also felt like one of those moments where you either make the jump now or you don’t.” (17:48)
• Self-Designed Support: Having structures in place (manager, schedule, support system) was key to her successful pivot.
  • “You knew what you needed to feel supported.” (22:19)

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5. Fear vs. Failure: Why “What If” is Worse

Timestamps: 23:39–28:32

• Fear Paralyzes; Failure Teaches: Toni explains that the fear of failure usually overshadows failure itself and can be much more limiting.
  • “A lot of times you build up what the failure might look like... it ultimately isn’t failure anymore. It’s just the fear of failure.” (23:48)
  • “The fear of not doing anything at all is actually so much worse because it’s not just the fear that you built up for yourself of the failure, but also the million what ifs... I ultimately think that’s so much worse.” (25:17)
• Practice Taking Risks: Emphasizes that trying (and possibly failing) is preferable to living with regret.

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6. The Ongoing “Homework” of Self-Development

Timestamps: 28:32–34:44

• Daily Doubt and Self-Work: Both agree that imposter syndrome, doubt, and self-questioning are not one-time hurdles but continual processes.
  • Toni uses journaling and long-form writing to process doubts: “I think ways for me to expand upon that in writing... allows me to unpack that so much better so it’s not building up to be something... familiar, but just something that’s passing.” (28:35)
• Growth Mindset: Purposefully confronting uncomfortable feelings sharpens self-awareness and resilience in creative work.

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7. Lessons in Work–Life Balance & Rest

Timestamps: 34:44–38:48

• Dynamic Scheduling for Life, Not Just Work: Toni has learned her personal life must be as intentionally flexible as her creator schedule.
  • “Everything kind of has to be fluid for it to work, because if my schedule isn’t black and white, A or B, then my personal life schedule can’t be.” (34:50)
• Reframing Rest: She’s careful not to view rest as a productivity hack, but as something valuable in itself.
  • “I had to start looking at rest as just rest and not as a means to be productive in any way. And if something productive comes out of it, great. If not, great.” (36:26)

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8. Discernment & Intuition: Knowing What’s Really For You

Timestamps: 38:24–43:06

• Opportunities Filtered Through Intuition: Toni only says yes to projects that spark curiosity, excitement, or feel “homey.” She’s learned to differentiate between nervousness and intuition.
  • “If it's not exciting or something that's like a, ‘This just makes sense,’ then it doesn’t make sense...” (38:48)
• Decisiveness & Saying No: Hesitancy or slow response is often her subconscious no. She calls out how “indecision” can actually be the fear of disappointing people.
  • “What I used to blame on indecision was me just being afraid to say no. I wasn’t indecisive. I knew it was a no...” (43:06)

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9. Boundaries, “Protecting Peace,” and Self-Exploitation

Timestamps: 43:14–49:52

• Rethinking Boundaries: Toni unpacks the overuse and confusion of “boundaries,” particularly online, asserting that creators can share as much—or as little—as feels right for them.
  • “[Online] you can create as many... It’s your world, your universe. Boundaries are inherently so personal and personalized.” (44:23)
• Self-Exploitation: Warns against oversharing or using personal strife as a way to boost engagement, calling for sustainability and self-care in content creation.
  • “You're training your audience on what to expect... be mindful of what you're choosing to share about yourself, because I think that exploitation, even with yourself, becomes so hard to draw that line.” (47:38)
  • “If you don’t find the rest, it will find you. So it’s important to make it for yourself.” (37:47)

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10. Closing: Returning to Your Younger Self

Timestamps: 50:04–51:42

• Advice for Listeners: Toni encourages listeners to reconnect with their childhood selves — the versions less burdened by practicality — to guide their adult ambitions.
  • “Getting glimpses of the past versions of yourself... that existed more in the world of imagination. Less inhibitions... whenever I look at those versions of myself, I'm like, okay, it’s in there. It’s helpful. So revisiting those things... is a really great grounding place for me.” (50:04)
• Full Circle Wisdom: Les echoes this, noting that honoring what you once loved can open up new paths even as an adult.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On ambition vs. “delusion”:
  “If you actually want it to be something that works out or happens... the way you think about the ways you can accomplish or achieve anything is inherently like half the battle.”
  — Toni Bravo (03:07)

• On self-permission and risk:
  “I’d much rather try and have it fail and be like, at least I did something, at least I tried... I ultimately think [regret] is so much worse.”
  — Toni Bravo (25:17)

• On boundaries and sharing online:
  “You can do whatever you want. There’s no inherent, weirdly, expectation to share everything. But there weirdly is... people believe that that’s the start.”
  — Toni Bravo (45:26)

• On rest:
  “Rest is just rest—not as a means to be productive in any way. If something productive comes out of it, great. If not, great.”
  — Toni Bravo (36:26)

• On intuition and discernment:
  “My intuition always feels like statements, not questions. When there’s too many questions and not enough statements...that’s not my intuition.”
  — Toni Bravo (41:55)

• On reconnecting with your younger self:
  “Whenever I look at those versions of myself, I’m like, okay, it’s in there...revisiting those things and getting reacquainted with that version of yourself is a really great grounding place for me to start.”
  — Toni Bravo (50:04)

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Useful Timestamps

• [00:12] Main Theme Introduction: Betting on yourself
• [03:07] Delusion vs. Ambition; Power of language
• [07:51] Openness in creativity
• [10:17] The roots of self-trust—family and being a twin
• [17:48] Story of leaving her first 9-to-5
• [23:39] Fear vs. failure—risk and regret
• [34:50] Lessons in work–life balance
• [36:26] Reframing rest & rest as rest
• [38:48] Discernment and intuition
• [43:14] Saying no and setting boundaries
• [47:38] Boundary-setting and self-exploitation online
• [50:04] Advice: Return to your childhood self for guidance

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Final Takeaway

Toni Bravo’s journey is a testament to the power of self-trust, not just as a one-time leap but as a constant practice. This episode is a rich resource for anyone looking to build confidence without outside validation, reminding listeners that ambition, intuition, and authenticity are the only “cosigns” you truly need.

Transcript

[Amanda Hirsch]

The following podcast is a Dear media production.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

If you've been listening to the show lately, then you know that we've been exploring what it looks like to bet on yourself through your decisions, your mindset, and how you choose to show up in your life. And today's guest is somebody who embodies that in a way that feels both creative and intentional. Today, I'm sitting down with Toni Bravo,

[Amanda Hirsch]

a creator who has built her world

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

through exploration, expression, and a very clear belief in herself. From beauty to decor to the way she moves through life, Toni's approach to creativity isn't just aesthetic. It's strategic. It's how she's opened doors, created opportunities, and built a life that feels aligned. And throughout her content, there are a few ideas that really stand out to me. This belief that everything I think I can do, I can. The idea that sometimes what we call protecting our peace is actually avoidance and the understanding that fear often feels bigger than failure itself.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Toni, welcome to the show.

[Toni Bravo]

Oh, my God. Thank you for having me.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

I'm so excited to have you. I feel like I have seen your trajectory from such an early point. I remember, I think you first came across my for you page several years ago. You were, like, still working at Rare Beauty, trying makeup products in your car, and seeing your evolution and your growth and your trajectory over the last several years has been so fun and beautiful to see.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Oh, my goodness.

[Toni Bravo]

Thank you. I feel like I've lived many lives. I've lived many lives, which keeps it interesting. But it's cool because every life I feel like is just an evolution. So fun.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Yeah. And, like, still getting started. It's like you also still have so many lives ahead of you.

[Toni Bravo]

I think about that a lot. I think about the fact that the timing of it all feels like it's been a long time, but it's actually been a surprisingly short amount of time, which is fun. We're building the foundation.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Exactly. I know. And you're a Sagittarius queen.

[Toni Bravo]

I am.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Right. So that means you like movement.

[Toni Bravo]

I like movement. And I have a Capricorn rising, so I also like getting it done and having some kind of a structure. So I think those two together marry really, really well.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Yeah. Good balance.

[Toni Bravo]

You know, I try, I try.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

So on. She's so lucky. We talk all about the different ways that we create our own luck.

[Toni Bravo]

And.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

And our theme for this month is we're talking about betting on ourselves and what that looks like, and I'm really excited to explore that theme with you.

[Toni Bravo]

Yeah.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

And something that actually came to mind as I was thinking about the episode that we're doing together was I saw one of your vlogs that you'd posted a little while back where you were braiding your hair. And the thumbnail for that video I loved because the thumbnail said everything I think I can do, I can. And I felt like that was such a good anchor for us thinking about this theme of betting on ourselves and that just as a mantra that could apply to anything, whether it's a DIY project or a goal all over.

[Toni Bravo]

It's funny because you mentioned me being a Sagittarius and the fire element is so strong. And what's interesting is when I say things like that or I believe things like that. I do think there's been like this wave of even in terms of betting on yourself, of like it being rooted and delusion. But for me, maybe it's the sad. To me, I don't think delusion's ever been the right word to describe where I want to go and how I'm going to get there. I think you can be ambitious, but I think grounding it in delusion was always really interesting to me because that's just never where my mind went. It could sound silly and other people can think it's delusional, but I think for yourself, you shouldn't actually think it's delusional if you actually want it to be something that works out or happens. Because I do think that the way you think about the ways you can accomplish or achieve anything is inherently like half the battle. So whenever it came to doing anything, I think I've always just been open to learn and also open to being not great at things right off the bat, which is a challenge, especially as someone who likes to do so many things. I do like to be good at things. But I think I've learned that there's also grace in allowing myself to be a beginner. And I think when you approach it from that element and centering it on being ambitious versus delusional, it's helpful.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

I actually really appreciate what you just said about delusion because I have had a one sided beef with the word delusion in the way that it's commonly used, because I don't. When I think about delusion and what it actually means, it's almost this idea of like thinking that something impossible can happen. And even if it's ambitious, even if it's lofty, even if it's like audacious, I think audacious is a better word that doesn't mean it's impossible. I think if you have something amazing that you want to achieve or something bigger than what you currently see, you're not delusional for wanting it.

[Toni Bravo]

Exactly. And I think the ambition element of it, and I think that's where it maybe got twisted because I think it's so true that other people can find it delusional that you're thinking of this or you're trying to create this for yourself. But I think when you start taking it on as your own mantra, it shouldn't feel that far away or that, you know, unlikely to be categorized as delusional. And I think that's something that's been helpful for me to always understand that that's naturally how I navigate my life and my whatever I achieve and what I want to achieve. So it's really interesting when I was seeing the discourse, which it still happens, but you know, there was like a big wave at first. I was so confused. I was like, well no, you want to do that. And like that's not delusion. There's actually so much work and time and effort and energy and action involved in you getting to where you want to be. But also if you see other people doing it, it's not a delusion. Like that clearly could be a clear possibility. So I agree. I think that was very strong one sided beef I've had and I still continue to have because I don't think it's deluded. And when people break it down and I'm doing panels at schools or anything like that, or an interview and there's people asking questions about is this delusional? Isn't. And I'm like, well, you're describing someone's life right now. Like that's not delusional at all. That's someone's like real reality. So I think shifting away from that is really helpful in betting on yourself and understanding kind of where that confidence can come from. Because it really does begin with you and language for sure.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Most definitely. I think even just having a willingness to let yourself believe that certain things are possible for you influences your behavior and helps you be able to move towards it 100%.

[Toni Bravo]

Especially in a job or in a space where you are a huge part of your brand or you are the brand, you do have to have a strong sense of self, what you want, what you don't want. And all of those things are so incredibly contingent upon what you believe and how you speak to yourself about it, because that's how other people will begin to see it. So I Think language for me has always been very important. I think as someone who I enjoy, I enjoy words and I enjoy really understanding the weight of language. And I think it's so easy to run with something and maybe have something be a quick, topical way of explaining what you want because you're too afraid to actually share how much you want it, which is so real. But I do think it does bleed into the way that you think or you believe what you can actually achieve. So I've always been very protective about that for myself and I hope other people would be too, because I do think it makes a really big difference.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

It does.

[Amanda Hirsch]

It shapes how you view the world 100%.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

You just mentioned something interesting about being drawn towards writing and towards words and what they mean. I'm very curious about your relationship to creativity because I think in watching your work, it's like we can see how creative you are, whether you're sharing something related to beauty or like how you've put together your home and bringing us on that journey has been like, really beautiful. What has your relationship to creativity been like?

[Toni Bravo]

Very open minded. It's an open door. And I think the harder part isn't figuring out where to get an idea, where to find an idea. The hardest part is consistently following what I think is cool. That was the hardest part, Trusting myself in that because they exist, these ideas are all in the air for you to grab. It's kind of like a matter of you believing in yourself and believing in being able to go through with it and put it out there. Even if it's just you that might think it's cool. You don't know if it's cosigned by anyone else. And I think for me, I've always just gone with the flow of whatever inspires me or excites me or adds some level of curiosity. Naturally I have to be interested in whatever it is I'm creating. So if there's an intrigue there, it's kind of just like following my intuition. So I like to keep it very open door, open minded and kind of allowing myself to come up with whatever it might be without having any strict rules or specific black and whites, yeses or nos, and kind of being open to fleshing things out. So it's very fluid, I would say, my creative world and how I come up with things, which I think helps it stay fun and interesting and is also sustainable. It's the most sustainable way that I think I've been able to continue to create and continue to create in a way that feels Fun just having it be a little malleable always.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Yeah.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Feels like there's a parallel between what you just shared around kind of that exploration of creativity and letting it be play and what you mentioned earlier about being okay being a beginner and being okay being not the best at things when you first start and then getting better.

[Toni Bravo]

Oh, 100%. You're constantly throwing a bunch of things at the wall and seeing what sticks in regards to creating your own content or building a brand, a business, all of the above. And I think you have to inherently be okay with not everything being or coming out the way you wanted it to. The best safe net that I've built for myself is no matter the outcome. I'm just glad that I trusted myself enough to create it. And I think that ultimately has always weighed more and meant more to me. And I think when I'm focused on that versus what I can't control, it's been easier for me to kind of throw whatever I think is cool at the wall and see what sticks, see what I like. Focusing more on that element of at least I tried something and that to me is enough to keep going and wanting to try more.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Where is that sense of self trust? Have you always had it? Is it something you developed?

[Toni Bravo]

I think it's a mixture of both. I always grew up with my parents and family that always championed my creativity. Whatever it was I wanted to do, I was into a million different things. They would throw me into that class immediately, or they would get me a coach or get me a teacher. And I think having my immediate family and my entire family just always champion whatever it was I wanted to do, it was a really great, I think, genesis of that confidence that I have in myself. And also I think when you grow up as a twin, you understand your sense of self and character very quickly because you kind of have an exact mirror. When people start comparing or conflating you two together, you work harder to understand who you are very quickly. So I think that blended with a family and a close, tight knit unit that really supported me was a really great start. And then growing up, I think I just constantly had to find little bits of that, that version of myself. As I've gotten older and it's just grown, it definitely, it ebbs and flows. I think when it comes to anything creative, you're like, I don't know, or you have your hesitancies or your doubts and that picks up at times. But I think going back to that version of myself has always been a really great point. To get to whenever I'm feeling a little all over the place. So. A little bit of both. A little bit of both, yeah.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Developing it. What you said though, about being a twin and the level of self awareness that that naturally creates in you is really interesting. I've never thought about that, but it makes sense. And I bet a lot of people that are twins feel that way like you because you have this sibling who is your exact same age, mirror image. You do get this sense of self awareness so early, so quick.

[Toni Bravo]

And there's like a sense of self in regards to. I always enjoyed and still enjoy being a twin, but there's this kind of inherent desire to have a sense of self because if you don't, other people kind of naturally you kind of get a sense of that, which is. There are many parallels to that in this space for sure. And just in entertainment and in anything really. So I think having a taste of that really young, you learn how important it is to understand who you are and what separates you from the pack or your sibling or whatever it might be. And I think that really helped me as well. My parents were such big champions of both of us having and being good at our own things and having our own kinds of stays. So it was, I think, a mixture of all of that, but definitely a huge part, I think, of figuring out what I liked and why and figuring having a direct, I think mirror example was really helpful. And I do think that bleeds into how I am today and all of the ways, for sure.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Yeah. Being able to be so authentically yourself and differentiate yourself so clearly.

[Toni Bravo]

Oh, yeah. Like it's. You have to. Like you kind of have to. Growing up in school especially, like, people will naturally compare you to whoever they can, but when you have a twin, it's built in. It's built in. So it's like, it's fair. It's very fair. But I do think it naturally makes you want to go, okay, what makes me me? And how can I continue to have that be? Not just an internal understanding, but also an external one. So people can just understand me better, but I can also understand myself better. And in that, I've also understood my sister better. So it's helpful. Always around to yourself and everyone else. So, yeah, definitely a big part of it for sure.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

So interesting.

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[Amanda Hirsch]

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[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

I would love to maybe hear a story or an example of a time where you felt like you bet on yourself and it really paid off for you.

[Toni Bravo]

Oh my God. I think I bet on myself for fun every day. Like literally every single day. I think being in the space is betting on yourself every single day. Or I have the cap rising, which I've heard has like more of like a logistical element to it. So even leaving a nine to five that I was only at for like three months in that capacity. The other three months I was an intern. I still leaving that had a plan. I still leaving that had a manager and a team set up already. So I wasn't just jumping into nothingness, even though it still felt that way. But I had, I think, built a decent amount of foundation before I left. But even then it still felt like betting on myself in many ways because it also felt like one of those moments where you either make the jump now or you don't. And so I kind of had to make that decision. But I was like, I'm 22. I feel like this, if I'm going to make a jump, this is where you make a little bit of a jump. But there still was that, I think, intentional safety net that I created for myself. But it still felt like betting on myself. And I can't imagine my life had I not. It would look very, very different that it was today, even down to college, honestly. Like, I had originally gone an undeclared business major and then I jumped into film and I was like, oh, my God, this is so fun. But it also was a little scary in a bunch of different ways. I think most of the decisions I make have always been me betting on myself because ultimately you know what's best for you. And I think remembering that and anchoring myself in that has always led me to all of the right places.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Yeah.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Can we come back to what you said about creating that safety net for yourself and how you went about that, what that entailed for you leaving?

[Toni Bravo]

It was important that I knew I had an idea of how insane this schedule and this lifestyle would be. And I never saw myself necessarily in a specific 9 to 5, especially at that age. I was so excited to step out and really creatively allow myself to do whatever it is I wanted to do. But before then, I did have these relationships I had built with other brands, working with them that wanting to work with me, with my manager at the time, my first real manager. And the boutique agency I was with was also smaller. So it was nice to feel like I could have these, like, connections where I was able to talk with them in a way that was really helpful. In the beginning before, I naturally felt like I needed to step out into something that was a little bit bigger, been able to provide me more. But going into it, I had all of these kind of like checklist things like, okay, manager with my emails. We have all of these built relationships over the past few months versus just leaving and being like, okay, here we are, what do we do? And I do think that's just a natural way that I think. I think there's. With the spontaneity, there's always something there that adds a level of groundedness for me, which is usually more of the logistical elements there because I think a little bit of both is really helpful. I don't think one is as strong without the other. So I always like to balance it a little bit.

[Amanda Hirsch]

A little bit, yeah.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Having that sense of infrastructure in place, but also still giving yourself room to grow into it.

[Toni Bravo]

Yes, 100%. And there was a really helpful balance. And timing wise, it just worked out so well. Like, I couldn't have planned that timeline better myself. So I do think it was a mixture of that and luck. But also luck doesn't really mean anything if you don't know what to do with it. So it was helpful that the timing worked out and That I also was like, okay, well this is it. It's this or this. And I'm so glad, I'm so glad that everything worked out.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Knowing when to take that risk or play the hand, but then also your next move after that is really important

[Toni Bravo]

because it's really easy to Harper on that first kind of jump. But then it's like, okay, well now what? Now what? And I think that's a sentiment I hear all the time with friends who've made that jump or that leap or they've gone back or whatever is. You spend so much time thinking about the leaving that you're not really thinking a lot about the day to day afterwards and what comes with it. But I definitely had a flow already before I'd left of when I was filming, how much I was filming, how I was getting it down to edit, how much I was posting. That was already like planned beforehand. So it was helpful to already kind of have some kind of schedule that I created for myself because the schedules change every. Every day is so different, which I love. But I think having a sense of myself that felt grounded in some kind of a schedule was absolutely necessary for me.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Yeah, yeah. So it sounds like you were focused on creating the level of support that you know you needed, but that came from that sense of self awareness that

[Amanda Hirsch]

we were talking about 100% so that

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

you knew what you needed to feel supported.

[Toni Bravo]

Well, yeah, and it's so frivolous. And I knew the way that I began this content journey of my would not look the same every year. I knew that there would be different ways I'd want to pivot and expand and add. So I knew the way I was creating content then was not going to be the same way I was going to create it the next year and the next year. So it was also me projecting how I could better support myself now, but also myself a year from now, two years from now. And then that really just came down to allowing myself to pivot and in ways that didn't feel informed by numbers or an algorithm or what I feel like I should be doing. And those are the hardest steps because I think trusting yourself is really obviously a lot easier said than done. But what you don't realize in trusting yourself or being yourself is that it's a constant thing. It's not just like, oh, trust yourself in the one thing. It's every single day, it's every single quarter, it's every single year, it's every. It happens all the time. And there's so many little ways that you have to do it. So those were the harder parts for me in the very beginning. And then once I got a hang of it, I realized, okay, this is a constant promise to myself. Not just to trust yourself with that or be yourself in this one time. This one time. It's like there's so many different versions of myself that I think I've continued to allow be, which I think has been helpful in all the different lives and things that I've been able to expand upon. It's been fun.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Something that I've also heard you say or seen you write is a sentiment around fear being bigger than failure. When people are afraid to take risks.

[Toni Bravo]

Oh, a hundred percent. A lot of times you build up what the failure might look like or might sound like that it ultimately isn't failure anymore. It's just the fear of failure. That's why just trying has always been important. Just doing. And I think that's the part, like, it's just the beginning kind of jumpstart is so difficult because it's so easy to convince yourself not to do something. Or you spend so much time thinking of the negatives or the things that haven't happened yet, which, for me, I'm like, well, those could happen. But, like, why worry twice? It could happen, or it could not. Either way, what you can control now is that you're just going to worry about it another time if it does happen. So why Harper on that? But obviously, so much easier said than done. It does take practice. But I do think that that is a sentiment that I've definitely fallen guilty, you know, doing, where you kind of think it up and it becomes this big, scary monster, but you realize, like, none of it even exists yet. But you've existed. You've made the worst parts exist first, which inherently will make it harder to start. So I think that's something that I've noticed in other people and in myself in many different ways that I think is important to be aware of. But it's a human thing.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Yeah. Yeah. I've had so many similar experiences to that, where I build something up in my head where I'm thinking about all the things that could go wrong.

[Toni Bravo]

Yeah.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

And then maybe I try it, and then maybe those things do go wrong.

[Toni Bravo]

Right.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

But it's actually never that bad. I'm always able to figure something else out or pivot or do something else.

[Toni Bravo]

Listen, the imagination is a crazy thing, and it could work with you or against you. And I think the failure element is something that is actually incredibly paralyzing. To think about. And I understand why nobody inherit, nobody wants to fail. But I do think the fear of not doing anything at all is actually so much worse because it's not just the fear of that that you're building up. It's all of the what ifs, it's all of the missed opportunities, it's all of the I could have, I should have, I would have. And those are things you can't ever get back in those moments. So I'd much rather try and have it fail and be like, at least I did something, at least I tried. Instead of sitting with not only just the fear that you built up for yourself of the failure, but also the a million what ifs. Yeah, it could have been that. Like, I ultimately think that's so much worse.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

It is.

[Toni Bravo]

So I always try if there's a, if I, if I were to pick one, like, I definitely will go with the possibility of it working out versus not working out versus never at all. It's interesting because that is something that you kind of have to grapple with every single day in this space. But I get it, it's very real for a reason. And it's ultimately a lot of times because care. So it always comes from a place of caring so much about something. But I do think it, it's helpful to have a balance.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

It definitely is. And it's from my experience so much about figuring out how to better transmute that energy because I've had experiences where I've done both. In my 20s, I was very cautious, very risk averse, didn't move to the cities I wanted to be in, didn't take the jobs that I wanted, didn't do the creative pursuits that I wanted to do. And when I was at the tail end of my 20s, I was like, girl, this was a whole decade that you kind of didn't do anything.

[Toni Bravo]

Which I think is so to look back on. And that is one of those things where I would much rather have those moments of like, I did this thing and it didn't turn versus moments of regret. Like, regret feels so much heavier to me. So much heavier than the potential of failure, for sure. And that's always been the case for me, especially as someone that's just like, I always want to be able to understand what to do with an opportunity should it come to me. And it really is all about a mental setup. But again, it goes back to how you think. And language is so important. So if you make yourself believe that everything you want to do is a pipe dream and isn't possible when it arises and it's right in front of your face. The thing that you're asking for that you want, would you actually take it? And a lot of times I think you want to say yes, but a lot of times I feel like it would be a but what if it turns out and then it's gone? Someone else will take it. That'll be an idea for someone else, you know. So I think it's an interesting. There's so much like mentally involved in any kind of creative space that I think is so invisible and so personal. It's helpful to hear other people's perspectives and which is why speaking to things like this on something like this with you is really helpful. Not just for me and for everyone else watching, but I think just internally it's nice to have that out there and these perspectives that are open. Yeah. And I think just it's. There's so much about this job, we're like, what do people not know about this? Or like what are things that people don't talk about enough? And there's so many invisible mental blocks that we built for ourselves that I think it's an everyday. It's everyday homework for me for sure.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Everyday homework is the most accurate thing.

[Toni Bravo]

Like every. No, like every. Every day without fail. If I can't rely on one thing, there will always be moments and peaks of like doubt or ultra self awareness. That's a little too much. And I think that can offer open up space for doubt in ways that are incredibly human. And I do sit with those moments and try to understand where they're coming from. Because ultimately it's not the doubt. The doubt is like a shadow of something else. So I think getting back to that and having I think ways for me to expand upon that in writing on substack or longer form content allows me to unpack that so much better. So it's not building up to be something I recognize as familiar, but just something that's passing and it comes and it goes and it's helpful I think to remember that or else this would all feel very insufferable very fast.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

It would be a lot. And I feel like these different elements from the types of work that we do, whether it's like being a creative, being entrepreneurial, being put in a position where you're constantly being perceived. It is like constant 247 personal development always. And you are always learning about yourself, always learning about how you react to things or why does this bother me? Or why is this uncomfortable? And in order to continue doing it, you have to confront those feelings constantly.

[Toni Bravo]

Oh, 100%. And I think that's the like mental toll or also mental like homework that people don't attribute as much to. Like a space like this. But that is an everyday thing that's helpful can be harmful if you don't, if you aren't addressing it and acknowledging it though. But very helpful. I think in I've learned so much about myself in the last handful of years. It's been a big learning journey. But I'm grateful. I'm grateful for all of it. It's just, wow, there's so much of it that I think you don't recognize is so heady. Which makes sense. I mean, that's where the ideas come from, but that's also where, you know, there's the doubts. And so it's interesting. It's interesting.

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[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

What have been some of either the biggest lessons or realizations that you've learned about yourself and doing all of this?

[Toni Bravo]

I'm someone that likes to get things done. I like to be busy and I think with having such a dynamic schedule, one thing I'VE learned as someone who might not take as much time for myself as I probably should at times, I've learned that it is incredibly important. For as dynamic my schedule is, it's important that I'm just as dynamic about my personal life and my personal needs. And I think it's really easy to be like, oh, like, I'm gonna set up free time here and free time here. My schedule's so dynamic, and I'm making things work for my schedule, work wise, that it's so important that my personal time in my life is dynamic with it, and if it's not, it will easily kind of fall behind. And that's social life. That's everything outside of this space. I think I've realized that everything kind of has to be fluid for it to work, because if my schedule isn't black and white A or B, than my personal life schedule can't be. So I think the challenge in the very beginning was finding a way to marry them both and realize that just as much as the schedule is kind of all over the place and moving around and I'm constantly adjusting and switching, I need to do the same thing for myself. And I'm sure you've experienced this too, where you're like, wait, when was the last time that I did this for myself or did that? And I think it's really easy to get caught up because I think there can be many moments that might feel like your social time or might feel like you're getting a little bit of a break, but it's still work. And it's really easy to, I think, confuse the two a little bit. So for me, it's been making my time for myself just as dynamic as my schedule for work.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Yeah. Have you ever had moments where you felt like you kind of struggled to turn off a little bit? And what has that looked like? How did you.

[Toni Bravo]

Oh, a hundred percent. And I think because I get so excited about what I want to create and what I want to make, I want to make as much time as I can to do that. For me, rest is so incredibly important. But I had to start, I think, restructuring the way I thought about rest because I started being like, well, rest is productive. But I had to be careful with that because I was starting to attribute rest to the end goal being something productive. So I had to start looking at rest as just rest and not as a means to be productive in any way. And if something productive comes out of it, great. If not, great. But I think I had to kind of step away from that kind of, again, language with myself. Because then I started going into those moments of being like, oh, well, this is productive. And it's like, well, or it's just rest. Or it just. It's just you taking a step back and doing that. Maybe it's just that. And it doesn't result in anything because when I'm thinking about what it can result, I'm not truly resting. So I think reframing what rest and a break looks like for me and not even having it exist in the world of productivity has been really, really, really, really helpful.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

That's something I still struggle with too, honestly, especially it's like when you have big goals or when you know what you're capable of and you get excited to rise to the occasion. Sometimes you just get so caught up in rising that having those checks and balances can be so hard.

[Toni Bravo]

You feel like there's only so many hours in a day. Yeah, there's only so many hours in a day. So I think the balance of that was. Has been so helpful for me. And in those moments, I've gotten so much better in the last year of taking time to myself, going somewhere, planning vacations, having a little getaway for a long weekend, I think is so incredibly important because if you don't find the rest, it will find you. So it's important to make it for yourself. And I think, yeah, the language I had around resting and breaks have been incredibly important to focus on because I'm someone that just likes to get things done. So I really had to be mindful about. The way that I framed it has been helpful.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Something that I'm also curious about is how you navigate discernment around opportunities. That's also an important element of betting on yourself, where I'm sure you get opportunities and inquiries and so many people wanting you to do things and wanting a piece of you all the time. That can sound really good. How do you differentiate between, hey, this is something really great that's aligned with me and then maybe this isn't. Maybe it just sounds good.

[Toni Bravo]

I think fully intuition. I think also for me, if it's not exciting or something that's like a. This just makes sense, then it doesn't make sense.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Yeah.

[Toni Bravo]

Especially when there's so much going on. It's been a skill to be able to follow my intuition. And so the discernment comes with the natural intuition. If it adds some level of curiosity or excitement, I know we're in a good place. Because if it's neither, I'm. I'm. I could be resting. I could be taking time to myself, and those are very important. So if it doesn't spark that. And I think the more you're in it, the more you realize what sparks that and what that looks like and what it feels like to have an opportunity to come through and be like, oh, well, yes, this makes so much sense. Or I don't really. You. You become really good at flagging what that feels like internally, which, again, is just leaning into the intuition of it all. So I think it's practice for sure. In the beginning, you're just grabbing onto whatever is there maybe a little too often. But I think once you're in the flow of it, you can recognize really quickly when it's something that just makes sense, because also it comes with understanding yourself, the brand or the look, the vision that you have. With practice, it's. It's gotten way easier.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Yeah.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Yeah.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Something that I've definitely had to learn how to do is to figure out what my intuition sounds like. So I think everyone's intuition sounds a little bit different.

[Toni Bravo]

Oh, very.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

How does yours sound? Very different.

[Toni Bravo]

For me, it lives in a place of curiosity and excitement. And I've heard this every single time I've gotten my chart read or I tell my friends who are really into astrology about my chart. It really lives in that place of natural curiosity and excitement. And if that doesn't incite, you know, if that's not incited within me, I know that it's something I need to sit with for a little bit longer or it's just not. For me, it's not something I will grab onto because I do think naturally. For me, it feels like excitement. And I think understanding excitement versus nervousness is also something that's interesting to be able to decipher because they're very, very similar. For me, I think it sounds like homey. It sounds. My intuition sounds like, oh, well, yeah, Like, I think for me, I'm pretty decisive. So with that tied into my intuition, just listening to that is really helpful because once it starts feeling like my intuition, my intuition always feels like statements, not questions. So when it's. When there's too many questions and not enough statements of, like, I like this. This sounds great. It's like, do I really like when it. When it leans to questioning, I know that's not my intuition. That's doubt. That's a little bit of, like, I don't know, like, indecisiveness, typically. Because sometimes the intuition and indecisiveness can sound the Same. So I think when it's rooted more in yes statements or affirmations, that's my intuition. Or just like, sure. Statements of like, no, that's not it. That's not it. Not questioning. When it's questioning, that's when I'm like, okay, I don't know if that's my. I don't know if that's where I need to be, where I need to be at. So I think it's. It's interesting because it does project to project difference. And there's timelines. Sometimes there's timelines where it's like you don't have very much time to think about it. So the intuition is the only constant. So for me, it sounds like there's like a gut, innate gut feeling attached to the speak that I have for myself when I'm going through those moments.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Yeah, it's so true.

[Toni Bravo]

But it's different for everybody. It is really different for everybody.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Yeah.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

I've had to realize that I'm more decisive than I thought that I was. And usually if I feel a hesitancy to respond, it's a no.

[Toni Bravo]

It's a no.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Because if something's a yes, I know it's a yes immediately, right away.

[Toni Bravo]

I get that vibe from you. I feel like when you know what you want, that is kind of the easier part is know. Not knowing what you don't want is. It was harder for me to be able to decipher it because knowing what you want is so intuitive. It's so intuitive. You're like, oh, well, let me hop on this right away. I want you to know that I'm excited about this versus not knowing what. Sometimes you're like, there's so many elements involved in people and relationships and politics involved in decisions in this space. So I think when it's like the. I don't. You're right. That's kind of. That's kind of where that lives for me too.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Or what I used to blame on indecision was me just being afraid to say no. I wasn't indecisive. I knew it was a no, and I didn't want to say no because I didn't want to disappoint people.

[Toni Bravo]

And that is so major because there's so many times you're going to have to say no and you're going to say no more than you say yes. And you realize that very quickly. But I think in such a personal space, it's really hard for it not to feel personal. But I think when you detach yourself away from that and realize, well, I'm not just gonna sit and dilly dally because then that's just wasting everyone's time. So I think when I was able to shift it to that and be like, let me just be efficient, time wise and communication wise because it saves us all the trouble, that was something that I also struggled with in the beginning. Especially when it's like you're just getting started with opportunity or, you know, these things are coming through. That was something that I think was. I had to check myself on as well early on.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

It's hard. It's like, I don't wanna let people down. I don't wanna burn a bridge. What if this ends up being a really good thing and then I turned it down? It's like, what ifs?

[Toni Bravo]

But it's like, if it was better for you, you'd want it. You would want it. So I think that's been all of those. All of those things. Interesting to navigate.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Yeah.

[Toni Bravo]

And helpful.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Yeah. That also reminds me of some of the sentiments that I've heard you kind of share around boundaries and this idea of protecting your peace.

[Toni Bravo]

Oh, yeah.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Some of your thoughts there?

[Toni Bravo]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Around how we may overuse that phrase, honestly.

[Toni Bravo]

Well, yeah. And I think also language around boundaries, it's like, I don't. I think we all need to like, revisit what boundaries actually mean. And in regards to like another person, like, there are rules and then there are boundaries. And I think people kind of conflate the two. And I think it's really interesting because specifically existing on the Internet, you can create as many. It's your world, like, it's your universe. And I think boundaries, it's an interesting topic because I do think they're inherently so personal and personalized. Right. And I think understanding the difference between you can set a boundary for somebody else, but you can set rules for yourself or other people. And I think existing in this space has given me a really great insight on what that looks like. Because for me, I don't categorize me not sharing certain things as I don't have to. Like, I had.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Actually, you can do whatever you want.

[Toni Bravo]

Don't have to. And I think framing it more in that way versus like I'm someone with all these boundaries. Like, she. Like, wait, no, you can actually block whoever you want to block. You can share whatever you want to share. There's no inherent, I think, weirdly, like, expectation to share everything about. But there weirdly is like, people believe that that's kind of the Start and kind of. It's hard to balance, for sure. But I think for me, in this space, it feels so early still. Like, it still feels like I'm building a foundation that everything I choose to share is so intentional. And I think when you choose to be intentional, those boundaries or the rules or your relationship with boundaries and rules becomes a lot more clear. But I also think it's really easy to take on other people's boundaries and what they decide works for them. You just decide works for you. Because you're like, well, everyone in the comments is saying so, like. So I think balancing that has been really, really helpful. But there's so much discourse about boundaries all the time on the Internet. I don't know if your for you page is always. There's always a boundary. There's always a boundary conversation on my. And then I go through the comments because I'm just so curious to learn about other people's perspectives and how, you know, you feel about boundaries and how that impacts your life or the way that you interact with other people. But it's interesting because I think there's so much projection also tied to boundaries and personal experience. So it's so personal.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Yeah.

[Toni Bravo]

But also inherently, like, well, in a boundary or like, you can also just choose not to. Like, you don't have. No one's forcing you do any of these things, especially on the Internet. You can feel that way, though. So I understand where people are coming from.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

It's very tempting.

[Toni Bravo]

Oh, very.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

And I think when you are on the Internet as your job,

[Amanda Hirsch]

people will

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

take as much as you give them. And I think so much of it is around, okay, what am I. I'm showing up here to do this or to share this or to have this point of view or to share about whether it's, like, wellness or beauty or whatever.

[Toni Bravo]

Yeah.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Being able to stand in that and say, if this is a job I'm creating for myself, this is what it's about. And it doesn't have to include every detail of life is okay. But I think sometimes it's so tempting to not do that, because then if you give people an inch, they'll take a mile and they'll want that kind

[Toni Bravo]

of insatiable nature 100%. And I think you're training people and you're training your audience on what to expect expect from you. So it's like if you know, you're struggling with your views or your engagement, and then you start sharing or exploiting parts of your life you maybe wouldn't have if it Wouldn't get you a lot of views. You're now and everyone taps in and they're tuning into the crash outs. It's like we're kind of training your audience and yourself to only really care. When you're attracting that. When you're. You're attracting from experience like that. That becomes your whole thing. And then when things are great.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Yeah.

[Toni Bravo]

And things are fine, it's kind of like a car crash people can't look away from. But when things are great, they're like, okay, anyway, we'll come back for the next one. Like, you have to be mindful of I think, what you're choosing to share about yourself, because I think that exploitation, even with yourself, becomes so hard to draw that line. But I see it happen all the time. Yeah, definitely. Forget, like it is up to you. Like it is your universe and your rules.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Exactly. Self exploitation is a really good word for it.

[Toni Bravo]

There's so much feels like that's kind of. That's exactly because it's like if you weren't getting this like rush of engagement afterwards, if you've been struggling with it for a while, would you post these things? Would you share these things? Probably not. And a lot of times it's like one of those things where maybe better shared, maybe that would be much better held by professionals, maybe a therapist. I think vulnerability, it's really hard though, to draw that line of when you're being vulnerable and what you might be exploiting parts of yourself because the algorithm's telling you to. And that's really hard. And it doesn't disappear, it doesn't feel great. And I think it's one of those things where I. It's so easy for your audience to then expect that of you. So then when it's like, oh, I don't have a moment to go, you start to create it in your own life. And I think that's where this can all feel very unsustainable very fast. So for me, it's always been very clear to create what I would also want to consume, but also to create from a place of what feels sustainable and mentally like healthy for me.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Yeah. And empowering.

[Toni Bravo]

And empowering.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Because that's what makes you want to keep doing it.

[Toni Bravo]

The energy is so important because also if it felt exhausting and crash out 24 7, I think I would want to stay so far away from it. So it's hard to be consistent when you don't enjoy the energy that you're cultivating. So that's always been first and foremost for me.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Toni, thank you so much for being here. If there's any one last little nugget that you want to give the girls who are feeling ready to bet on themselves or want to bet on themselves and don't know what next step to

[Amanda Hirsch]

take, what would you say?

[Toni Bravo]

Always, for me, what's been grounding is looking back and specifically my childhood, I created so much, and I think getting glimpses of the past versions of yourself that existed in Whether that. Whether you were five, whether you were 15, that existed more in the world of imagination. Less inhibitions, even, just, like, looking at pictures and having those moments where you're able to connect to that version of yourself. Because I think the older we get, more life happens, and imagination is really, you know, it feels far away at times. So I think looking back at those moments and seeing what intrigued you before we had to think about jobs and paying our bills and looking at what naturally felt calling to you is always a really helpful place to start. Because I think whenever I look at those versions of myself, I'm like, okay, it's in there. It's in there, and it's helpful. So revisiting those things and getting reacquainted with that version of yourself is always a really great grounding place for me to start.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Yeah, I love that. I feel like I've been in such a space of doing that, like, coming back full circle to what it was I really wanted to do when I was younger that I talked myself out of. And now I'm like, wait, that actually is possible?

[Toni Bravo]

And that makes sense. And it's so much easier to look back at that because you weren't even aware of why it couldn't be. So it's helpful. So I think that's always a really grounding place for me to, like, whenever I'm sitting in the middle, I just look back at young Tony and what she wanted to accomplish and what she was doing already. That was fun. Not because it was a job or because it could have been a career. That's, I think, a really, really great place to start. If you're feeling a little like, where would I go past? You probably already knows exactly where that beginning looks like. Just revisit a little bit. It's grounding, and it's helpful.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Yeah, I love that. What a wonderful note to end on. Thank you so much for being here, Toni.

[Toni Bravo]

Thank you for having me.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

I love this combo.

[Toni Bravo]

This was perfect.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Yeah.

[Toni Bravo]

Need it. Thank you.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

I hope that you enjoyed that conversation with Toni and that it really inspired you to feel self assured in the things that you want and the ways that you want to bet on yourself. Make sure you're subscribed to she's so Lucky on Spotify, Apple and YouTube so that you don't miss an episode.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode of she's so Lucky. If you're ready to create your own luck, hit that subscribe subscribe button wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube so you don't miss an episode and head to the show. Notes for resources, links and discount codes. And if you are really feeling lucky, we would appreciate your rating and your review. It really helps us be able to improve the show to get great guests and to understand what you want to hear more of. Thank you for tuning in and I'll see you next week.

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

Foreign this is Amanda Hirsch from the Not Skinny But Not Fat podcast. You might know me from Not Skinny

[Toni Bravo]

but not that on Instagram, where I

[Host of She's So Lucky Podcast]

spend my time talking about reality TV celebrities, everything happening and pop culture every Tuesday. Okay. I also talk to some of our favorite celebs and reality TV stars. We talk about what's going on. Tune in every Tuesday Tuesday and just feel like you're talking with your best friends in your living room.

[Amanda Hirsch]

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.