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The following podcast is a Dear Media Production.
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Welcome back to she's so Lucky. My name is Les. I am your host and I appreciate you tuning in. This show is usually about all of the different ways that we create our own luck. And I often interview successful women who have created their own luck in different ways to share different stories and perspectives, to inspire. Inspire you. And sometimes I'm solo on the mic doing my own thing where we just kind of chat through either something I want to teach you or something that I'm thinking about. And today's solo episode is another kind of stream of consciousness episode. I did one of those at the beginning of July that resonated with a lot of people. And I'm back with another one now. I do want to say about the July episode, I was not expecting the level of support and supportive response that that episode got, which I'm so grateful for. People were so kind and thoughtful in their responses to it and how much they shared and the comments were so incredibly supportive. And it's something that I really appreciate because in full transparency, I struggle a lot with not feeling very supported. And I think sometimes it will come out in different ways or in different episodes. Even last week's episode with Rachel from the cutting room floor, I feel like as I was going back and reviewing that episode before we put it out, I could hear some of it in myself where I felt like, ah, I see these other people who their audiences like, support them in these ways. And I don't feel like people necessarily have my back in the ways that I would love or I feel like I'm constantly pouring and speaking so much life into people, and I don't necessarily
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feel like I get that back.
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And so getting that response to that episode sent me through kind of a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, when I sat down to record that episode, I was having a very hard time. And even though that was at this point almost two months ago that I sat down to record that, not much has changed. Like, my general feelings are the same, even though I'm not as anxious currently as I was at that point. Like, the things that were bothering me then are still bothering me now, but I think I've just learned how to release and cope with them better, which really was the point of that whole episode. And then there was another part of me that was like, yeah, but do I have to be down horrendous for people to engage? You know? And I know that there is so much of that that is relatable and that's what people were saying, and if you've been listening to the show for a little while, or if you've been following me for a while, you know that I have mixed feelings with that word because it bothers me that we can never seem to relate over good things. We only relate when someone expresses hardship or difficulty. And, yes, it's like when you're going through something and you see someone else going through it, you feel less alone, and that is comforting. But I think sometimes we tend to look too much for the comfort and not enough for the solution. Because for me, when I'm going through something that's hard and that sucks, and I see someone else going through something that's also hard and sucks or even the same thing, there is a part of me that's like, yes, okay, I feel less alone. But then I'm like, okay, how do we get out of this together? I don't really seek comfort in other people suffering just because I'm also suffering. And I think as somebody who has been in this space for a really long time, I'm having a really hard time letting go of how the Internet used to be, particularly pre Covid, and adapting to how it is now. But that's also like, lucky girl rule number one, which is something that I've talked about on the podcast a lot, which is like, you got to exist in the world as it is, not as you think it should be. And that's something that I still struggle with, too, where I'm like, man, the things that equate to success in this space, currently in the year of our Lord and Beyonce's good knee 2026, feel terrible to me. It is, like, so parasocial and in a lot of ways, really toxic. And I wish that there were ways to build momentum in other areas. So that was a really interesting learning experience, putting out that episode and seeing what the response to it was. And I also realized I made a comment in that particular episode, my solo episode from July, kind of all about letting go of things and letting go of how you think things should be. I made an offhanded comment about something that I actually realized bothered me more than I thought it did, which is where I talked about the perception that both I and this show are serious. And I, in the episode, kind of pushed back on that. And then a lot of people in the comments were doubling down about how serious I am. And it's been bugging me ever since. But I really had to sit and reflect and say, les, why does it bother you so much? That people have this perception of you, that you are serious. I think it's because so much of what is successful in my space is the opposite of serious in a lot of ways. And so I feel like everybody doubling down on how serious I am is also everybody doubling down on, like, girl, you're gonna stay unsuccessful. And that's not what people mean. But when we look at what is so successful in this space, it's not things that people would consider serious. And I still don't think that I am serious. And I actually don't think that this podcast is super serious. I actually think I've worked really hard to make that not the case. Because if you guys could see my inbox, I probably get easily about a dozen pictures a day across my various inboxes, in dms, in comments, probably close to a dozen pitches a day of people wanting to be on the show. And when I tell you 10 to 11 of those pitches every single time, are someone telling a really tragic story of something really terrible that happened in their life and them overcoming it, and how them overcoming it is creating their own luck, Which I don't disagree. And I also don't think that those are stories that shouldn't be told. But I just realized, like, oh, this is really heavy. I don't know if I can carry that. I don't think I'm the best person to tell that story. I want this space to have a little bit more lightness and levity to it. And I've been very intentional about not necessarily pulling in a lot of those types of stories, mostly because they just really bum me out and I'm not excited to tell them. And so knowing that I have to, like, work so hard to wade through all of that that's constantly thrown at me every day, only for everybody to still call me serious when I don't want to be. I don't know. It just really bugs me, and I need to get over it. I don't fully know what the solution. I think it's just something that I kind of have to. I just have to still work through and get over. And so I'm experimenting with new things and experimenting with different types of conversations. And as I've been recording some of these things and trying them, I will admit they feel a little bit clunky. I have had some recordings where I'm like, okay, this is different. I'm asking different types of questions. I don't know if that was my best per se, but I just want to try new things, and I want to loosen it up a little bit. This is kind of becoming more so my own thoughts around disillusionment with Internet culture, which is something that I have been feeling for a very, very long time. And I think because my feelings around my disillusionment with intern culture have been coming up in both my personal and professional life a lot, particularly this summer. And one of the things that I do want to do is talk a little bit more about this summer and give some updates there, because I know I've been traveling, I've been doing a lot of things, and I want to tell y' all more about where I went and how they. How that went and so on and so forth. But a lot of the travels and things that I've been doing have been for work, and so much of that is kind of wrapped up in Internet culture. And I've just been having a lot of. I don't know if maybe growing pains are the right word, but I think as I get older, because, child, I am knocking on 40s door, which is crazy, crazy, crazy. Like, I think I officially enter my late 30s later this month, which very. We won't talk about serious. Those numbers are serious. Like me scrolling all the way back to my birth year on an online form. That is serious. Okay, a little too serious for me. But I do think as I continue to mature and I've now had a fully formed frontal lobe for more than a decade, which I. I was creating content on the Internet before I had that. It's just giving me so much more clarity around how a lot of this stuff actually works and how disillusioned I've been become with some of it, and also realizing the role that I've played in some of it and realizing that I want to play a very different role in how I approach life and the world and how I engage with people. And it's just very much a lot of, like, existential stuff where I am de. Influencing myself from so many things. And it's not that I necessarily feel like I need to de. Influence people from things that they think they like or things that they think they want. But I do feel like if you. You've ever had an experience where maybe a veil has been lifted, you start seeing things you can't unsee. And I feel like that's why I've been in such an angsty place personally and professionally, because I've just. I've seen so many things that I can't unsee. And so as I was thinking about this episode and what I wanted to talk about today. It really was this idea of de influencing. Whether it's de influencing what we see on the Internet, whether it's de influencing ourselves from thinking we want things that we should want, but realizing that maybe there's something else for us. Just this general theme around de influencing. Because I think when you are harder to influence, you are a luckier person. The more difficult you are to influence, the more luck you have. Because when you are easily influenced, you're just getting tricked out of your true desires, your resources, your attention, your. Your everything that you could be pouring into yourself, you're getting tricked out of it. If you're so easy to influence in terms of what you buy, what you listen to, what you pay attention to, and what it is you think you need to do. And I think that I was very easily influenced for a very long time. I mean, we kind of all are. And I know I have influenced people to do things. And even some of the conversations that we have on this show can be considered influencing people to do things. And even if I have a guest who says something that I may not agree with or may not, if I were in their position, also be saying it. Being said in this space is not necessarily an endorsement from me, but it's a perspective. And I don't necessarily think that there's always right or wrong for something. If we have someone who says, I don't think you should start this type of business, it doesn't mean you can't do it, but they're speaking from their perspective, and you can take the meat and leave the bones. Or if they say, I don't think you should do xyz, none of that is law. Like, none of this is law. And I think the more that we're really able to flex those critical thinking skills to come at everything with curiosity, the better. So many of us have been through
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a moment where we realized that therapy could be helpful.
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A breakup that wrecked us, a burnout
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era, anxiety creeping in and just not letting up. And then you go to actually find a therapist, and the first thing you hit is insurance. Nobody takes it. So you're stuck either paying full price out of pocket or not going. And that just doesn't sit right with me. We use our insurance for so many other things. Why can't we use it for our mental health, too? That's why I love Rula. Rula is a healthcare company that partners with over 100 insurance plans. So the average session ends up costing around $15. For real therapy with licensed professional and not some watered down version of care. And that's the thing that gets me we don't even blink at using insurance for a doctor's visit or a dentist appointment. But somehow mental health got treated like it was optional, and Rula makes sure it isn't. What I actually love the most about Rula is they don't just throw you to whoever's next available. They look at your goals, your preferences, your background, and they match you with a curated list of therapists who are actually right for you. No random matching, no settling, and appointments can be available as soon as tomorrow so you're not stuck waiting weeks to get started. Rula sticks with you too, checking in along the way to make sure that your care is actually helping you move forward. Which is more than I can say. For a lot of app based options out there, go to rula.com Lucky to get started today. That's R U L A.com Lucky for quality therapy that's actually covered by insurance. Again, that's rula.com Lucky this episode is sponsored by Cotton, the fabric of our lives. So with it being summer, I had to do a complete overhaul on my closet. Synthetics are out and breathable pieces are in, and that has become my whole litmus test.
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If it's not cotton, it's not making the cut.
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So here's something I didn't fully clock until recently. Cotton is a natural fiber. It comes straight from the earth, which means it's not shedding microplastics every time you wash it. The waste synthetics do those microplastics end up in our waterways, which is just not ideal. I also love that cotton is naturally hypoallergenic, so it's way less likely to irritate your skin, which matters so much in the summer when we're all sweating, we're in the sun, and there's just
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a lot out there that can make
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our skin feel really uncomfortable. That's why my go to summer dresses are cotton, my underwear drawer cotton, my pajamas cotton. Because sleeping in breathable fabric during a heat wave is non negotiable. I love how cotton pieces breathe. They layer easily from a hot day into a cooler night and you genuinely don't have to sacrifice style to wear comfortable pieces. And cotton makes so many different things. There's poplin, there's jersey, there's denim. Cotton shows up in every silhouette you actually want to wear. So next time you're getting dressed, check the tag. Choose cotton. It's a small choice that makes a real difference. Cotton is the Fabric of Our lives. Learn more at the Fabric of our lives.com.
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I've also realized something with this having brains that are so easily influenced is how quickly when people disagree about something, even something that is so non factor, how quickly we immediately turn to vitriol. We don't understand something or we don't agree, immediately we're insulting somebody. Somebody makes a comment about a business that we don't agree with, immediately we're insulting their business. And it's like, we've got to take a step back and fucking chill. And y' all call me serious. I see some of the things happening in the comments over things that are not that serious. Okay? And I think so much of that comes from being so easily influenced. Now, one of the things that I have experienced, and this is going to sound crazy because if you look at my old content, if you listen to old episodes of this podcast, it's gonna read very differently. But also, like, when I started this podcast, I was what, 28, 29? And now I'm about to be 37. So your brain changes a lot during that time. Even though you have a frontal lobe. Like, you just get different perspectives. I have such an ick about glow ups. The whole idea of glowing up. And it's something that I perpetuated that I felt like I had a glow up and that we've had so many episodes about glow ups. I mean, way back in the day when I first started Balance Black Girl, how I built my email list, my newsletter list was I had this little canva ebook that I created called the Glow Up Guide, where it had all of these journal prompts and inspiring quotes. If you're somebody who has been following me in this podcast long enough to have opted into the Balance Black Girl Glow Up Guide, please leave a comment and let me know because it would be really cool to hear from you if you've been with me that long. So I know that I have also perpetuated this. But I am now at the point where just the whole idea of it is kind of giving me the ick. And that's not to say that we can't take pride in ourselves, that we can't be a better version of ourselves. I mean, there's still things that I love to do. I thank God every day that a couple years ago I decided to get Invisalign when I still had my corporate jobs, dental insurance, and it paid for a chunk of it. I'm so grateful for the little toxy toxy that I get in my forehead once or twice a year. I am so grateful for tret knowing in the miracles that is done in my life. Like those things could definitely be considered parts of a Glow up and think. If there's things related to your appearance that you want to change or if you want to focus on yourself and your spirit and your journaling and your meditating and you are pouring into yourself in that way, I think that there's nothing wrong with that. What is beginning to give me the ick is this idea that we are never ending experiments that have to contort ourselves constantly to be palatable for these ass systems that we know are not doing us any favors where it is like everything about us has to be so hyper curated to be palatable enough to get crumbs. Do we need to be taught how to dress constantly? Or can you wear things that you can afford that you like that are comfortable to you and that fit your day today? Do you need to be taught how to smile the right way so that you don't show too many gum to teeth ratio because that makes you look older? Or can you just fucking smile when something's funny and when you like it and when you want to smile? You know what I mean? If there's specific things that you want and you want to build a muscle or build a skill to get it, that is great. That is creating your own luck. But feeling like you need to contort every single thing about yourself to become this, this hyper curated version that actually has nothing to do with your essence. I think it's, it's. It's something that I'm just no longer interested in doing, in perpetuating, in consuming. And my own brain began to kind of de influence me from that. And there has been so much freedom and peace in it. Again, it doesn't mean that I don't want to still dress up and look cute. It doesn't mean that there aren't things that I want to improve in or that, you know, there aren't things that I still work on. But I think if you're doing those things to bring yourself closer to yourself, that is a very big difference than creating a franken version of yourself that doesn't even have your essence anymore. And even if you do then receive things because of it, does it even feel good to receive things knowing that you had to change every single thing about yourself to be that, to get that, to become something that isn't even who you are? I think for a lot of it we've kind of lost the plot and there are Ways that I'm sure I've probably contributed to that with conversations that I've had here and things that I have shared and things that I have said. If you scroll back in my content, you see some of that, but I've really de. Influenced myself from a lot of that. And it has left so much space for fun and play and enjoying my people and just giving myself space to dream a little bit bigger. And yes, I get very frustrated because I do have very big dreams, and I feel like I'm very far from them. But I also don't think that contorting every single thing about myself is going to get me any closer to those dreams. I think building key skills to be better at my job would. I think continuing to pour into thoughtful relationships where I can continue working and growing and building with people would. But becoming this robotic version of myself that kind of is this weird collective of traits that other people deem desirable is just not something that I'm interested in anymore. And, yeah, getting there has been so freeing. And it's been. It has been quite lucky because I know some of my recent solo episodes haven't. Haven't sounded very lucky. And I do think professionally I've had some. I've had some hits and some misses there, but I do think outside of work, having that peace of mind has actually felt really lucky. And so if you're somebody who has been feeling the weight of feeling like, my God, am I just glowing up forever? Am I doing this stuff forever? What else about myself can I fix? Release yourself. Release yourself from the shackles of feeling like there is something else about you that you need to fix. There are always ways that you can grow and invest in yourself. But ultimately, if it doesn't feel like it's bringing you closer to you, don't do it. Because there's probably someone else who's profiting off of either getting you to buy something or profiting off of your attention to help further their agenda. But it actually has nothing to do with genuinely helping you. Okay, so now I want to talk a little bit about my summer so far, because it is mid summer, it's early August, So we still. We're a little over six weeks into summer. We have another about six weeks to go. It's high summer, It's Leo season, very important. And I want to kind of talk about the first half of my summer so far. So first half of my summer bananas. I feel like as soon as it was literally the first day of summer, I was ripping and running after about Mid June, I was. I was going crazy up until like the second week of July. So I went to LA for the Crete and Cultivate 100 party, which was very exciting because I was on the Cretan Cultivate 100 list this year, which was the such a cool moment. I remember seeing the create and cultivate 100 list back in 2019 and thinking, I really want to be a part of that list. I. I think it's a great organization. I would love for my work to be recognized. Those were in the very early days of, of me podcasting, even though I'd been blogging and doing content for quite some time there. And I remember seeing the list come out and seeing the content around it and thinking, oh, I want to do that.
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And.
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And so this year, when I was notified that I made it onto the list under the Rising Stars category, which I think is funny because I've been doing this for so long. I've been doing. I've been putting content on the Internet for 12 years, blogging, social media, newsletters. I. I used to create online workout programs. I've been podcasting for eight years. Like, there's nothing new about what I'm doing. I'm not new to this. I am true to this. But it really is interesting just how the different things are, are perceived. And I. I was asked a question when the announcement of the 100 list was made, was like, how did you pop off so quickly? And I'm like, I'm 12 years in. I'm still waiting to pop up. What do you mean quickly? First of all, I haven't popped off. Second of all, none of this quick. But I. I'm super grateful to have been a part of that list alongside a bunch of very incredible women. And so I went to LA for that. There was the party, celebrating that party was really fun. I actually ran into some of my friends from Seattle who are at the party, so I got to catch up with them. And then towards the end of the party, the Danessa Myricks, the iconic Danessa Myricks whose blush I'm currently wearing, as well as blurring primer, as well as setting spray on my face right now. And like every day, the Danessa Myricks came up to me and was like, les, oh my gosh, I love your podcast. I saw the episode you did with Emma Greed. It was such a great conversation. Excuse me. Excuse me. What? Danessa, I love you. First of all, she has built an incredible business that is built on artistry, that is built on patented, incredible Technology. It's why she can't be duped. It's why the formulas are excellent. She is also just a ray of sunshine and is so kind and is so nice. And so having her come up to me, I was like, sister girl, this trip to LA was worth it just for this right here. Okay. She was so lovely. So that was super cool. After the create and cultivate 100 party, I then went to Disneyland for a couple of days because I'm a part of the Disney Power of Joy community. Power of Joy is a collective of black content creators, thought leaders who work with Disney. We get to go on trips to the Disney parks and occasionally work on other projects with Disney throughout the year. And so we had a reunion at Disneyland, and that was really fun. It really does feel like a family reunion because with the Power of Joy community, like, we've been in, like, close quarters. I mean, a lot of us connected on our trip for our class, class of 2025, we were at Disney World together. We were on a cruise ship together for, like a week. We were in close quarters for a while. And so, like, we bond really quickly. And it truly felt like being at Disneyland with a bunch of our cousins. And there's also, like, I don't know, 100 creators in it. So it's a big group. So it's. People do kind of, like, break off. And we kind of have our own kind of communities within the community. And so it was like, with my girls that I was with, we just had so much fun. And it was like, so fun getting to go to. To Disney and do Pride and do Juneteenth. And it. We just had such a time. It was. It was such a great trip. And it was a really great trip to, like, recharge, have fun before getting into, like, work, work mode. Because as soon as I got back from Disney, I literally got back to New York, got into my apartment, unpacked my suitcase, repacked my suitcase, and pretty much went straight back to JFK. I was a JFK twice in less than 24 hours to go to Cannes. Cannes is a city in the south of France that has a few famous events every year. There is the Cannes Film Festival, which I think usually happens in, like, April or maybe. And then there is Cannes Lions, which is a celebration of excellence in marketing and advertising. So if you work in marketing or work in advertising, you are probably familiar with Cannes Lions now because the field of marketing has changed so much and because creators are such a big, you know, part of marketing, media, all of that over the past few years, there have been more and more creators who go to this, this event. And I feel like this year, particularly on social media, it. It was very loud. Maybe it felt loud to me because I'm obviously in the industry because I was planning to go, but like, my feeds of every app, whether that was Instagram, whether That was especially LinkedIn, months leading up to it were inundated with like, here's everything you need to know about can, here's how to prepare, here's this, here's that. To the point where I, I was overwhelmed. I was like, listen, this is too much for me. So I'm sure people who are outside of the industry, if they're seeing this, are probably also really inundated with it. And then when the event actually comes and a lot of people that you follow are all there, it's also probably like, what are y' all doing there? What is this event? Why is everybody in France? Are y' all just living it up in luxury? Like, what is this? Should I be there? Should I have fomo? Why am I not there? Let me de influence you from FOMO right now when I say, first of all, love France down. Paris particularly is my favorite place. I'd also been to the south of France previously. Back when I did my little Eat, Pray, Love stint in 2023, I went to Paris, I went to Nice, I went to Marseille mainly to see Beyonce, but got to kind of go around the south of France a little bit. Beautiful place, beautiful country. Love it down. Favorite, favorite place to visit. Okay, Paris, Love it down. Favorite city. Cannes, also beautiful city. However, it is not a glamorous situation. First of all, climate change been tearing us all up. As we know, this summer has been crazy. What have we had going? It's been a thousand degrees everywhere. It's been flooding, it's been fires, it's been tornadoes. It's been a mess. Okay. Everywhere. But when I tell you over there, it was so hot. France is not equipped for like 100 degree, 100 degree Fahrenheit, like high 30 plus degrees Celsius weather. That's not like, that's not normal there. Okay? So the infrastructure does not support that. Obviously, climate change tearing us all up. Like I said, it is not a glamorous event. It is in a beautiful location. It's in a beautiful part of the world. You are right on. You know, I don't know if that's like the French Riviera or what body of water specifically that is. It's very scenic, but you're out there in 100 degree weather, pouring, sweating, standing in line, trying to get a QR code to go into an event, to schmooze and do things. It's. It truly is like work. And it's very much dependent on who you know, how important people deem you are, who you're connected to. And if you are not seen as important, with enough social capital, with enough standing to have the right QR code to know the right person to get into the right event, it is not glamorous at all. You are standing in line for everything, for hours at a time, sweating, hoping to get a wristband somewhere, and you're doing that for an entire week. And you have to be very intentional about getting an ROI from that. So if you feel FOMO from not being there or feeling like you should be there, let me tell you, FOMO is not a good enough reason to do something. Because I partially went off of fomo, I was also really fortunate to be able to get a brand deal after I'd already booked it. So I was able to make back the money that I spent. And don't get me wrong, was the networking cool? Yeah. Was it great to see Oprah speak? Everybody who knows me knows like, Oprah is my career North Star. Yeah. Like, that was all super cool. I met really cool people. Like, that was great, but it was.
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It.
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I don't know if I would say that it was fully worth it. Without having some sort of gig booked or without knowing exactly who you're going to meet, having time set up to meet them for making a trip that is really, really expensive. Being very clear on what the ROI is is very important because you also can spend that same amount of money going on a vacation and seeing a new part of the world and actually having time to like, relax and enjoy and decompress and pour into yourself creatively and potentially get a better ROI because you're ready to create some new shit that you're excited to do. And sometimes feeling refreshed and rested and recharged and excited and creatively poured into is even better than being in a room that seems important that you feel like you should be in. It's not always what it's cracked up to be. And that's no shade. It's not saying, oh, I wouldn't go back, but it is saying, FOMO is not a strategy. FOMO is not a good enough reason to do something. Okay, so I was de influenced from the experience while being there. And then after I sufficiently burned myself out from how exhausting all of that was. I did go to Paris for a couple of days, as I mentioned, because Paris is my favorite city, I did have some amex benefits that I wanted to use. So I booked myself a nice hotel, spent a few days in Paris just really chilling and decompressing after that experience and just getting to pour into myself. I went to a bunch of museums. I did some thrifting. I walked all around the city. I journaled a lot, I read a lot. And I just let myself be inspired by being in a new setting where I also did not feel like I was constantly being sized up by people for what I could do for them. And sometimes in this industry, that's a lot of what it is, and it just can wear on you after a time. And I really needed those couple of days to, like, really pour into myself. So, again, even though it sounds really glamorous to be like, oh, you're in France. Oh, you're in Paris, doing these things. So blessed to be able to do those things. And also, everything does not look as glittery in real life as it is on social media. But the few days that I had my little solo trip to Paris were actually so nice because I do really enjoy that city. And anytime I'm there, it does just calm my nervous system. And so I really appreciated it. So then I came back from Paris. I was back for a New York minute before I immediately went to New Orleans for Essence Fest. And it was another turn and burn where basically I came, unpacked my suitcase, repacked my suitcase, and flew down to New Orleans. Was happy to be in New Orleans because I love New Orleans, actually one of my favorite cities in the state. So it was nice to go from favorite city to favorite city, because I was moderating a panel at an event that Disney did. I actually was not at the actual Essence of Fest Convention center, anything like that, but I was there moderating a panel for Disney for one of their new shows that they have coming out this fall, which was such a cool experience. And after going through so many things in my work where I just feel like, man, my content's so unappreciated. Everybody wants me to be something that I'm not. I want to have great conversations with people, and I want to feel recognized for my ability to have good conversations with people. And I want to have conversations where we have depth and we learn and we're inspired, but we can also laugh, and there can be realness and there can be levity, and I just often feel so overlooked for that because I feel like people don't value that. But what I really appreciated about the panel that I got to moderate in New Orleans was it very much was a space where that was exactly the type of conversation that we had. And I felt very affirmed and appreciated for what I was able to bring to that conversation, which after feeling so beat down in a lot of ways when it comes to my work, especially coming off of Cannes, where I felt like people were not that nice to me, which is its own separate thing, I really needed that. I did again, all of our positive feelings and confidence and everything, it comes within. But sometimes it's also nice to have people be like, hey, I see you, and good job. And I don't think that that's the super pick me trait to sometimes want to hear that from your people a little bit, you know? And so it was such a nice experience to get to do something that I actually enjoyed doing, that I was really excited to take pride in and do good work in, to have the client hired me, really excited about the work that I was doing and affirming of it, and to just feel like, okay, I can finally doing something right. And so to be able to have that experience in a city that I love as a part of a broader event that I love was really, really special. And it was honestly kind of nice to get to go down there just for that, because sometimes ESSENCE can be really, really busy. I'm fortunate to have been able to go a couple of times over the years, and I had a very chill experience because really I was preparing for my panel, did my panel, enjoyed the concert, and then I went home, and it was actually really, really great. And there was a part of me that at first going down there felt away of, well, I'm not on a main stage and, like, I'm not a part of an official event. And they had this whole podcast activation, and my podcast wasn't included, and I feel really excluded. And I feel kind of sad that, like, people don't appreciate my work to then have that reframe of. Yeah, I was in a smaller venue. I was in a more intimate space, but I got to have the type of conversation that I really love to have. I was seen by the right people. I got to have, honestly, a little bit more of a chill experience. And it ended up being really, really positive.
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A
For many years, I've been asked by my community to host things like trips and retreats, and I know that having dedicated space and containers to connect is so important. I also know the importance of my limits and my ministries. And I know that curating something of that magnitude is simply not my calling. So instead of me doing it badly, I want to point you towards a group that does it beautifully. This episode is brought to you by Lux Tribes. Lux Tribes is a luxury travel company founded by travel creator and entrepreneur Chitty Ashley. What started as a passion for travel has grown into a global community, creating curated group trips for women who want to experience the world together. Lux Tribes believes in curating luxury bucket list experiences for women. And luxury is not just about where you day, it's about how you feel. And every woman deserves to feel seen, supported and celebrated in every corner of the world. While travel can be so enriching, it can also be really overwhelming. The itinerary, the reservations, the group chat where nobody commits. Lux Tribes is the version where you travel solo, but you're never actually alone. Each trip is thoughtfully curated by their team in collaboration with trusted local experts, creatives and small businesses. They only plan experiences and destinations they know well, so every detail is meaningful and based on what actually works. Lux Tribes takes the stress out of planning by coordinating accommodation activities and unforgettable experiences so travelers can simply show up and enjoy. And they offer an amazing range of trips. Lux Tribes travels to over 100 destinations with luxury experiences ranging from Bali to Cartagena, Zanzibar to Greece and beyond. Whether you're going solo, bringing a friend, or you just want to meet women who are as curious as you are, there's a trip for you. You don't have to be a seasoned traveler. You don't have to have a passport full of stamps. You just have to want to go. So Clovers, go look at the destinations. Even if you're not booking today, I definitely recommend checking out what they have to offer because you can't plan a trip that you never let yourself imagine. Visit luxtribes.com and use the code LUCKY at checkout for $100 off your first trip. That's L u x e t r-I b e s.com and use the code LOCKY for $100 off your first trip. Here's a question I think about a lot. Why do we let ourselves age? Because getting older is different from aging. Getting older just means more time, more shared moments with the people you love. And that's a gift. But aging is a choice. So how do I actually align myself with healthy aging?
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For my mind, I've been leaning on
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journaling to stay grounded and clear headed.
- [40:30]
B
And for my body, I added One
- [40:31]
A
new thing to my routine, which is collagen. And I have been loving Radiance by Brickhouse Nutrition. We start losing collagen after 30. So whether you're 25 or 75, this is important. The benefits I've noticed include less soreness and stiffness when I wake up, better recovery after resistance training, and real support for my skin, which is like our body's first line of defense. So it deserves support from the inside, too.
- [40:56]
B
And if you don't feel a real
- [40:58]
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difference, you can get your money back, no questions asked. I got you 20 off and free shipping. So go to brickhouse nutrition.com and use the code LUCKY. That's brickhouse nutrition.com with the code Lucky.
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That was kind of a part of my whole whirlwind. So by the time I got back, it was after the 4th of July, and I was, like, ready to sit down. And I spent the past, like, two weeks big chilling because I had to kind of recover from all that because I'm like, yo, doing all that moving around and ripping and running in time zones in your late 30s. It was. Was. It was rough. Okay, it was rough. I am getting into some more ripping and running the week that this comes out. I did go back home to Seattle to see my family and for my friend's wedding, and then I'm about to go to the Vineyard for another trip. So I'm still not done with ripping and running this summer. But, like, the first half of summer was a lot of rip and run. I have been really grateful the past few weeks since I've been home after all those trips to get to just be around my friends and have fun and be outside as much as we can be with all of these elements and floods and everything else going on. Ducking, ducking. Natural disasters, child. But in between all of that, I have been able to actually enjoy my summer like I talked about in last month's solo episode, and actually get to pour into myself. So I have been doing a little bit less on social media. I haven't been creating as much content. It pretty much has been podcast clips and partnerships, and that's all I've had in me. And I've been taking a break from guesting on other people's podcasts, and I've just been chilling while I kind of figure out what to do next and having these little winks and nods of affirming experiences. But I truly think that the little winks and nods and affirming experiences really came from the work that my brain has been doing around de influencing me to be oriented towards certain things. And so I'm really, really grateful. Even though a lot of it's been painful, even though a lot of it's hard, even though I feel like in a lot of ways like my ego is getting a good some lumps, I do think as I recover from the lumps, it, it will ultimately be for my greatest good. Now, there's one last thing that I have been thinking about and I actually, I talked about this on an impromptu TikTok live that I did a few weeks ago. If you saw that live, no, you didn't, but maybe you did. A lot of people did. But with all of this, I have been talking a lot more about my own relationship with, with the idea of being an influencer. And as I talk about it and as I talk about de influencing and as I talk about wanting to distance myself from that space, it is not at all from an I think the industry is bad. It's not from an I think influencers are bad. It's not from an I don't think there's value here because I. I do think that there are ways that it can be really positive. And I know over the years it has afforded me many opportunities that I'm incredibly grateful for and I'm just ready to build upon what I have there and move on to the next phase. And I just realized that as the industry evolves, kind of what I was saying at the beginning, what is often required of you to stay relevant isn't something that I feel super called to do. I personally don't feel super called to vlog my day to day and to every single time I want to cry, cry on social media, even though I do sometimes, even though I did on that live stream, there is this expectation that if you share on social media, your life is truly for everybody and you have to show every single facet. And if you don't, then, you know, you're closed off or you're a failure, you're this or you're that. And that's not necessarily how I feel. It's more so just that, like, I've kind of done all of that. I have vlogged many of vlogs. I have cried many a times, and I didn't really enjoy the experience of it. I don't enjoy pulling out my phone and recording every second of my day and then going back to edit and upload it. That's just not really my thing. I like having a beautiful set that I can come to and coming and doing my job and then going home the same way. A lot of other people with their job come in, go to the office and go home. I like that. I like the freedom that I have felt over the past few months of going to the gym and working out and not feeling pressured to record it in the same ways that I used to when I focused more on wellness content. I like that there are things that I can do that are actually for me in ways that I'd never really experienced before. Because so much of what I had done was always for other people over the years. And I know there are many people who have recently found me, so they don't know this, but in the past, past, I shared everything I ate. I shared every workout I did. I shared so many details about my money and my family and my past relationships and my finances. It actually does all still exist back in the archives. I haven't, like, taken it down per se. I have done all of that and I realized that I don't enjoy how that feels. I don't enjoy people feeling like they can make comments about what happens in my personal life when they get information about it. I don't enjoy people feeling like they know what's going on in my bank account and what I should and shouldn't do or what's in my grocery cart and what judgments they have with me about that. Because I have put that out there. I have shared all of that. And, and it. The experience of it, it just didn't really suit me. And so when I talk about really wanting to de influence myself from influencing, it's not to say that it's bad, other people shouldn't do it, but it's realizing that I think that there is a different path that is more aligned for me when I think more about being a true media personality and host and facilitator of conversation. What I had for breakfast is a nice to know, but people don't need to know that. And so if I can become so excellent at that, and if the content that I do with that or the conversations or the media that I can create is so excellent that people don't care about the parasocial, that's when I know that I have succeeded. But it is going to require some, again, to continue using the word de influencing, reprogramming of both my community and myself, and also to take a little bit of a risk and to fully walk away from some of the things that I had done in the past where, yeah, I'm probably not going to be a TikTok it, girl. Because what it means to succeed on TikTok is to get on there and share every waking thought and jump in every bit of everything. And I realized I've experimented with it,
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I don't enjoy it.
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So if I can put myself in different positions to do things that are work that I feel proud of, that I get excited to do that I want to do that. And so I think because I don't really feel that way about sharing the nitty gritty, gritty details of my life and every single thing that happens and every particularly bad emotion that I have. Even though, as I said at the top of this episode, I know that's what people love because it makes them feel seen. I really hope that there are other things that can make you feel seen. I hope that you begin to love yourself enough to not see yourself only in other people's hardship. I hope that we can all get to a point where we feel good enough to also see ourselves and other people's joy. And I really want to be a shepherd of that. That is what I feel called to do, is to help us feel more confident and self assured and to see one another in our joy, not in our hardship. To feel really smart and really confident and literate and media literate, my goodness. Because it's getting really spooky if I think of anything that is a mission where I'm like, if I would do something without getting paid for it, what would I do? I would help people be more media literate. So I need to figure out how to like lean into that. And maybe that's, that's the angle that I need to take because I feel very passionate about that. I say all of that to say in a time where the Internet is very noisy, when everybody wants to be an influencer because it's perceived as, as this glamorous job that makes a lot of money, the economy is terrible, people are suffering. They see this as a potential gold ticket to do something that they perceive as easy, even though it isn't necessarily easy. There's challenges to it. It's not the hardest job in the world, but there's definitely challenges to it where people feel like, I can do that too. And you can, you can do anything that you want. But in a time where it's all about bearing your soul and creating really unhealthy, unsafe, parasocial relationships. And this idea of yapping, which I fucking hate, I don't like yapping. And this the term yapping, as much as I don't like how we treat relatability. Because I believe in speaking with intention. I believe in speaking to either uplift, to educate, to entertain, to, to talk with reckless abandonment thoughtlessly, I think is incredibly dangerous. And I think it has led to why things are so spooky with our critical thinking and our media literacy. Because it's too loud. I say all of this to say at a time where everybody's yapping and everybody wants to occupy that space. If you're somebody who likes to be ahead of the curve, because I know I am, now is actually the time to lean into being excellent. And I know we do not see excellence being rewarded, but there are always pendulums. If everybody is the influencer, who is going to be influenced. If everybody's the speaker, who is going to be in the audience. And I think with everybody yapping and yelling and shouting, things are becoming and will continue to become so noisy that the pendulum is going to swing the other way. And we're going to really value hearing from people who have something to truly say, who have something that they do with excellence, something that they can share with excellence. So if you want to be ahead of the curve, I would like to de influence you from this idea of trying to be the loudest and I want to influence you into leaning into being the sharpest version of yourself and being very excellent at whatever it is that you are called to do. To not lean into what's shiny just because you see other people do it or because it looks looks glamorous. Because again, so much of that is really just tricking innocent people out of their attention, especially a lot of the content that's teaching you how to do these things. Those people have actually never done it. They've done it because people are broke and they're desperate to make money and they're desperate for a come up and they're preying upon your desperation for a come up. If somebody has never successfully marketed anything besides themself, I would not consider them an effective market. As somebody who worked in corporate marketing as well, that's just what it is. So Id influence you from what's shiny and I encourage you to lean into the sharpest version of yourself that really embodies your version of excellence. And I know it's hard and I know we have to be patient, but I'm telling you, the pendulum is going to swing the other way and the people who are sharp as hell are who is going to win. And if you're listening to this show, it's because you have something in you that is already sharp as hell. So get to sharpening. Okay. That's what I have for you today for my August Stream of consciousness episode. I don't know how many more like off the cuff episodes I'm gonna do because again, these. These episodes just be my thoughts of things. I don't know. Do you like my thoughts of things? Do you only like my thoughts of things when I'm down horrendous? Or do you also like my thoughts of things like this that can be a little bit more constructive or have a little bit more meat to it? Let me know what you think. I would be really curious to hear your thoughts and I would also love to hear a comment from you either on Spotify or on YouTube about something that you want to be de influenced from. Because I do think that that was kind of the theme of today's episode is de influencing. So I would love to hear what you would love to be de influenced from or what you are de influencing yourself from, how you are becoming harder to influence so that you can be even luckier. So if you enjoyed this episode, please make sure that you subscribe to she's so Lucky. You can subscribe on Spotify, you can subscribe on YouTube. It actually is super helpful for the show if you use one of those two platforms, Spotify or YouTube. I know a lot of people really like Apple, But Spotify and YouTube are actually the platforms that help us out the most. So if you could check us out there, that would be great. I come out with new episodes every single Tuesday. Have to give a huge thanks thanks to our sponsors for supporting today's episode. They are what keep the lights on, the cameras on and make all of this content free for you. So if you wanted to check out any of their special offers or their discount codes, make sure you head to the description for all of the links there. Thank you for tuning in and I will see you next week. Thank you for tuning in to this
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week's episode of she's so Lucky. If you're ready to create your own luck, hit that subscribe button wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube so you don't miss an episode and head to the show. Notes for resources, links and discount codes. And if you are really feeling lucky, we would appreciate your rating and your review.
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It really helps us be able to improve the show to get great guests
- [55:16]
A
and to understand what you want to hear more of. Thank you for tuning in and I'll see you next week.
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C
Hi you guys, I'm Mackenzie Foltz. I'm a private investigator of 20 years.
- [55:39]
B
I'm Hannah Anderson.
- [55:40]
D
I'm a writer, comedian, and armchair sleuth who is not a PI But I do know my way around Instagram. I can find anybody close enough.
- [55:48]
C
Together we host the Dating Detectives, a true crime podcast about the scammers, con artists, and heartbreakers hiding behind your favorite dating apps. Every week, we investigate real cases that are sent in by our listeners. And these are stories of matches that seemed perfect until, well, they weren't.
- [56:04]
D
We've had fake real estate moguls. We've had only fans. Pimps, an Elvis impersonator who was not just stealing hearts on stage. We've had churchgoing husbands who seem to seem so pious, so wonderful, except for the fact that they're secretly running Ponzi schemes. We dig through it all, the lies. We follow the money, and we expose the truth.
- [56:21]
C
And the truths are usually crazier than fiction. If you've ever texted good morning to someone who vanished by lunch, for instance, you're gonna fit right in.
- [56:31]
D
It's true crime. It's heartbreak. It's a public service announcement for anyone with a hinge profile.
- [56:36]
C
So before you swipe right tonight, make
- [56:39]
D
sure you've got your detectives on speed dial.
- [56:42]
C
The Dating Detectives. New episodes every Monday. Wherever you get your podcasts,
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B
Please note
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A
that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.