The Best Advice for Creating Your Own Luck (300th Episode!)

Summary

Podcast Summary: She's So Lucky - Episode 300: The Best Advice for Creating Your Own Luck

Release Date: July 15, 2025

Celebrating its milestone 300th episode, "She's So Lucky" continues its mission to inspire women to create their own luck against all odds. Hosted by Les Alfred, this special edition compiles some of the podcast’s most impactful moments, featuring insights from previous episodes that resonate with listeners striving to live life on their own terms.

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1. Reflecting on Personal Growth – Insights from Episode 250

In a solo reflection from episode 250, Les Alfred shares 35 Lessons Learned by Her 35th Birthday, offering a candid look into her journey of self-discovery and empowerment.

Key Takeaways:

• Trusting Yourself: Tricia Lee emphasizes the importance of self-trust during significant life changes. At [02:23], she advises, “When it's time to take a leap, trust yourself enough to know that you will figure out whatever it is that you need to figure out.”
• Overcoming Limiting Beliefs: Lee highlights that many fears and limitations are constructed. At [05:45], she states, “So much of what you are afraid of or feel limited by truly is not real.”

2. Becoming Your Highest Self – Episode 236 with Jazz Turner

Jazz Turner delves into actionable steps for personal transformation, stressing the power of intentionality in shaping one’s dream life.

Notable Quotes:

• Intentional Living: Turner shares at [07:53], “Your dream life is not that far away from you. By being consistent, you can change your body, your habits, and ultimately your life.”
• Small Changes, Big Impact: Tricia Lee echoes the significance of minor adjustments, stating at [10:32], “Even waking up 15 minutes earlier and journaling can create inertia that propels you forward.”

3. Choosing Yourself in Career Transitions – Episode 206 with Rachel Rogers

Rachel Rogers recounts her courageous decision to leave a dissatisfying corporate job to pursue her passion for content creation, highlighting the importance of listening to one’s intuition.

Key Moments:

• Listening to the Gut: At [16:52], Rogers shares, “I knew in that moment to leave my job because without content creation, I was truly going to be miserable.”
• Embracing Change: Tricia Lee commends Rogers at [18:22], “Kudos to you for listening to your gut and walking out on faith.”

4. Embracing Vulnerability – Episode 281 with Gabrielle Union

Gabrielle Union opens up about her journey through trauma and the significance of vulnerability in personal relationships.

Impactful Insights:

• Vulnerability as Strength: Union discusses overcoming PTSD and learning to trust fully, stating at [23:30], “50, 50 is not enough. You need to be vulnerable to strengthen your relationships.”
• Healing Through Openness: She shares at [27:46], “Releasing control has brought us closer and allowed me to expand my heart.”

5. Controlling Your Narrative – Episode 205 with Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor underscores the power of crafting one’s own story, drawing inspiration from Michelle Obama’s approach to her memoir.

Key Points:

• Authentic Storytelling: Taylor reflects at [32:23], “It's about you ensuring that you are crafting your life in a way that aligns with your true self.”
• Identity-Based Habits: Les introduces the concept at [33:05], “Identifying as the person you want to be helps in forming lasting habits.”

6. Financial Empowerment – Episode 223 with Rachel Rogers

Rachel Rogers advocates for financial independence and offers strategies to elevate one’s financial status.

Strategies Discussed:

• Rewriting Financial Narratives: Kinsey advises at [62:33], “Reframe limiting beliefs by replacing phrases like ‘I can't afford it’ with empowering statements.”
• Evidence-Based Positivity: Rogers emphasizes gathering evidence to counter negative beliefs, saying at [59:46], “Write down all the evidence that contradicts your limiting beliefs.”

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Conclusion

The 300th episode of "She's So Lucky" serves as a comprehensive guide, encapsulating the essence of creating luck through self-trust, vulnerability, intentional living, and financial empowerment. By revisiting pivotal moments from past episodes, Les Alfred provides listeners with a rich tapestry of advice and inspiration to harness their innate magic and achieve their fullest potential.

Notable Quote Highlight:

Tricia Lee (07:33): “Never give another person enough power to dictate how you feel about yourself.”

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Whether you’re a long-time listener or new to the podcast, this episode offers valuable lessons and motivational insights to guide you on your journey of self-empowerment and luck creation.

Transcript

[Les]

The following podcast is a Dear Media.

[Jazz Turner]

Production.

[Les]

Welcome to this week's episode of she's so Lucky. My name is Les, I'm your host and this show is all about women who create their own luck. And today is a very special day because this here episode is the official 300th episode of the show. Most of those episodes were under our prior name, Balance Black Girl. It is the same show. We just got new packaging and I cannot believe we made it to 300 episodes. If you would have told me back in 2018 when I started this podcast while I lived in a townhouse with two roommates that I could not stand and had a social media manager job where I made $2 per year that eventually I would get to over 300 episodes and that it would be my full time job. I don't know if I would have believed you, but I am very grateful that that is the case. So as I thought about how we wanted to celebrate 300 episodes of the show, I thought what better way to do that than to compile some of our greatest hits and some of the top moments from the show that have amazing bits of advice to help you create your own luck and live your best life. So I'm going to be highlighting some amazing points from some of my favorite episodes and from some of your favorite episodes of the podcast to celebrate 300th. So whether you have already listened to some of these episodes and you're like, oh, I forgot, that was such a good point, or maybe you're new here and you haven't listened to the backlog yet, you're going to hear some of the best of the best. So let's get into the 300th episode of she's so Lucky and Greatest Hits. First, we're going to kick things off with a segment from episode 250 called 35 Lessons I've Learned by My 35th Birthday, the title of that is pretty self explanatory. It was a solo episode that I did last year that for many of you, you said was one of your favorites. So here are a few of my favorite lessons that I Learned by my 35th birthday.

[Gabrielle Union]

Foreign.

[Tricia Lee]

Isn'T about knowing that everything will work out. It's about knowing how to trust yourself and knowing that you will be able to land on your feet regardless. This is something that has been especially pertinent for me over the past year just because I've had so many changes between moving across the country and leaving my corporate job to podcast full time and all of these things. And they were all Things that I'd wanted to do for a while, especially going full time into podcasting. And for so long I thought that I could only do it if I knew that I had this very firm kind of non negotiable safety net that was going to catch me. But I realized that there's no such thing as that. Of course, when we make big leaps or big changes, we want to be, you know, thoughtful about it. We don't just want to leap into the void or, you know, quit our job without having any sort of backup or any sort of savings or anything like that. But we're never going to feel 100% secure in everything that we do. When it's time to take a leap, get to a point where you feel comfortable enough, you have enough of a cushion, enough of a bounce back, but trust yourself enough to know that you will figure out whatever it is that you need to figure out. Because if you're waiting for conditions to be perfect, they're never going to be. And so when you learn how to trust yourself and know I'm going to make something shake right, regardless, that is when you'll feel more comfortable to take big leaps. Okay, number eight. So much of what you are afraid of or feel limited by or bound by truly is not real. So much of it is literally fake. Things that either someone made up limiting beliefs that someone else passed on to you, or just things that are figureoutable. And and so don't let things that aren't truly real or that don't have, you know, hard consequences stop you from being where you want to be. Again, focusing on being solution oriented is really going to be the move for anything that you want to achieve in life. So don't be limited by things that truly are figureoutable. Put in the effort to figure it out. Number nine, and I've said this on social media, you don't need a boyfriend, you need hobbies. And I wish I could have said that to my 22 year old self who was in all of these relationships when really I quite literally could have just picked up a book and read it and probably would have been better off. That's not to downplay companionship, obviously, those things are very important. But look at the why behind what you're doing and the why behind the people who you're spending time around. A term that is almost getting to the point where it's making me cringe is lover girl. We've ran lover girl into the ground and I get it. Listen, as somebody with a lot of libra placements. I understand. However, there is a difference between being a lover girl and being a little desperate. And sometimes that void that we're looking to fill is something that could also be filled by stimulating hobbies, by creativity, by community, by pouring into ourselves. So just understand the difference. It's okay to have hobbies instead of a boyfriend. Just take it from me. Number 10, other people don't know what the fuck they're talking about. They really don't. So looking to other people, especially other people who are in your same position for validation when they're also probably unhappy with themselves and they also don't know what they're doing or where to go from here is pretty useless. Look for internal validation because other people don't know what's going on, especially other people in your age group. Okay, number 11. Similarly, people just be talking. Unless you truly know someone's heart and you truly know their intentions and you truly know that they have what is best for you at heart, which unfortunately is going to be pretty rare of people. Take everything they say with a grain of salt because people just be talking and they don't know what they're talking about. Take it all with a grain of salt unless they are in your very trusted inner circle and you know their heart. Number 12. Never give another person enough power to dictate how you feel about yourself. I'm gonna say that again. Never give another person enough power to dictate how you feel about yourself. And that doesn't mean that you have to be super stoic all the time. Like, we're all human, we all have feelings. People can do things that are hurtful and hurt your feelings. And it's okay to let yourself feel those feelings and be hurt. But at the end of the day, your inner foundation of how you feel about you has to be guided and dictated by you. And when you give someone else so much power over you that they're able to shake that foundation, that's when you know you've given up too much power and it's time to call it back in. And especially giving that power to somebody who isn't right with themselves, which is most people, that's power that they don't deserve.

[Les]

So call it back to yourself. Next is a segment from episode 236, how to become your highest self. Essential glow up tips with Jazz Turner.

[Jazz Turner]

But once you realize you are full, fully in control of going to the gym and changing your body, once you are in full control of doing your research, you know, saving up for an esthetician fixing your skin once you are in full control of setting boundaries with people and knowing the right relationships to get into. Once, once you realize that like, you can really make your dream life, like very basically just by being intentional with things. Once I realized that and realized life is like so unserious and it is completely up to me, I was like, I can design my life. Like, this woman that I see in my head is so achievable. And I go back to, you know, that journaling exercise, like writing a day in the life of my higher self. You know, I urge everybody to do that because when you go back and look at a day in the life of your higher self, the woman that you imagine your dream life, you're gonna realize like 70% of what you're journaling you can do right now. So you're talking about, you know, let's say like your dream self. She, she wakes up early in the morning at like 6am and she has like a good breakfast in the morning. And she wakes up in this beautiful apartment and everything's organized, everything's clean, feels really good in the morning. She does either like a workout class home or she goes to get. Goes to a workout class. She feels really good afterwards, she comes home, she works for herself. You know, you extrapolate all that. It's like, girl, you can wake up early tomorrow if you wanted to. Girl, you can make a healthy meal for yourself if you really wanted to tomorrow, you can start journaling tomorrow. You know, you want to talk about, you know, your dream apartment. You might not have it right now, but you can organize. You can start researching different organization tips or different things that you can bring. Maybe it's just a plant in your room that just makes you happy. There are such actionable steps that you can do based off of like that day in the life of your higher self that you can do today. And if you just consistent of it, like I, I forgot what Michelle Obama said. But you don't just wake up as her. You, you do things every single day as her. And then all of a sudden you're going to wake up and you are that girl. You are her. There's just so many things that think people are like, oh, it's so far off, but it really isn't. Your dream life is not that far away from you. And honestly, that's just what I did when I was journaling my higher self. I was like, actually, I can do all of this tomorrow. Can literally do all of this tomorrow. I can do a work I Can put on my workout on my TV and I can be consistent about it and I can change my body. You know, I can start to make friendships and go out on solo dates. You know, I can. Everything that I want is so within my grasp. That and it was, it was a good realization that I can do anything that I want.

[Tricia Lee]

You know, that's such an empowering message and it's. There's so much power in change and being willing to do something just a little bit differently. Whether that is you could literally wake up 15 minutes earlier and journal. Even if you're not ready to be a 5am Girly or you're not ready to do a super long, intense workout, you can pull up a 10 minute stretch video on YouTube. But just that little bit of change creates so much inertia that gets people so far and it's way less overwhelming.

[Jazz Turner]

People get so overwhelmed. I do this all the time in the gym. I do like two different tricks, like psychological tricks in my head. Especially when I tend to talk myself out of waking up at 5 in the morning. I do this thing, it's really silly. It's called 3, 2, 1. And I do things I don't even give myself a chance. When I open up my eyes in the morning, I go, three, two, one. I'm out of the bed. Like, I don't even give myself time to like talk myself out of it. You know, when I don't want to go into a workout, three, two, one, Put on my gym stuff. Like now it's already on. Now my shoes are already on. You know, if I don't want to do cardio in the gym, three, two, one. Do 10 minutes. And then all the time when I tell myself that like this goes into the second thing, like kind of just doing something I always set. And like my boyfriend and I go back and forth with this. He's like, you shouldn't have this mindset. But I'm like, it works for me. I set low expectations for the things. And because I'm such an overachiever and because I want this life for myself so badly, I tend to overachieve. So what I'll tell myself is like, Jasmine, you ain't got to do a lot. Do 10 minutes on the treadmill. I promise you I'll be on that treadmill for like 20 minutes. Like, I set my expectations so low that I feel even better when I overachieve it. Even if it's just 11 minutes on the treadmill, like I did that. Or like, you know what, Jasmine just All you have to do is clean for 30 minutes. Just set a timer clean, 30 minutes. I promise you. All deep clean. Like, I just need to get going, you know what I mean? I don't have. Don't give myself that chance to talk myself out of it. I set my expectations low because I'm such an overachiever, because I want to prove to myself that I can do it. I always end up doing more and feeling good that I did more, when in actuality that's just what I was supposed to do.

[Tricia Lee]

I love that hack though.

[Les]

It's almost like you under promise and.

[Tricia Lee]

Over deliver for yourself.

[Jazz Turner]

Exactly, exactly. And that's honestly how you show yourself consistency. I tell myself all the time. I tell my audience, you know, I have abandonment issues. I have, you know, what people think about me issues, you know, and if I have all these issues kind of externally, in reality, they're internally. So if I have abandonment issues, it's really important for me to show myself consistency because that's what I fear, you know, out in the world, people abandoning me, people not being consistent. I need I show myself consistency, even if it's just making my bed in the morning, even if it's just journaling in the morning, even if it is, I open up my eye at 5:30. At least I woke up, like at least at least one eye. At least I was up at 5:30. I show myself, you know, consistency and self discipline. And I think self discipline in essence is self love.

[Les]

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[Rachel Rogers]

That was when I really was like I have to leave this job because I was already pretty restless and growing pretty unhappy with my job there. And content creation was like the thing that gets me through it. Like okay, I don't really love this job, but I have something else that inspires creativity. I have something else that gets me excited. I have something else that can get me through the non exciting things. And so without that in the picture I was like I am truly going to be a miserable person. And like I cannot lose the one thing that makes this Place a little bit more bearable for me. So I left my job at the end of that week. I, you know, I knew in that moment to. The meeting was on a Tuesday, the day after my 28th birthday, actually. So for me, it was a little bit symbolic. I was like, oh, God is telling me, like, I gotta be at 28. We're doing something new. And so by. I knew that week that I was leaving. I had spent the week kind of talking to different people, weighing the options of, like, do I try and find another law firm? Do I leave and figure it out after that? Do I speak to an employment attorney and figure out if there's anything here? All of those things. And I knew at the end of the week, I was like, I don't want to come back here to work on Monday. On Wednesday, when I left the office, I took my things because I was like, I'm not coming back to this office. And Friday I submitted a letter of resignation. And I was like, this was my last day of work. No, two weeks, no, anything like that. I was like, I'm done here. And like, that's the end of that. So that was probably. That was hands down the biggest change that I went through this year.

[Tricia Lee]

Oh, my gosh. Absolutely. And I just have to say kudos to you for listening to your gut in that moment and just being able to walk out on faith in that way and in abundance in that way. Because I think it would also be understandable if someone's in that position to be like, okay, this is what my employer wants. This is what I should do. I should have a stable X, Y, Z. You know, I've gone to law school. I've done all of these things to get to this point. But you could tell that there was something else there, and you really chose what you thought would make you happy.

[Rachel Rogers]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. I think a lot of people also don't realize, like, I had. And I'm not the type of person at all to do something like what I did at all. Like, at all. I'm not a risk taker. I'm not the. Okay, well, like, you know, forget about it. And I. Honestly, when I think about it, I don't even know what, like, possessed me in that moment to act the way that I did, But I really think potentially this past January, I feel like there were just a number of seeds, like, planted that just, like, inspired in me the desire to do. To stop wasting time doing things that I don't want to do. I went to the doctor. And I started with a new doctor because I got new insurance, so I had a new doctor or whatever. And so she's getting to know me, and she's like, what do you do? I said, I work at a law firm. She asked me if I like the work that I did, and I was like, no. Like, no. Like, it was almost insulting the question. I was like, oh, you don't know how this works. You don't get to do the stuff that you like to do straight out of law school. You do the stuff that you have to do. And before she left, like, at the end of the visit, she was like, we have to get you doing something that you want to do. And for me, I kind of was just like, what? Like, is it really that simple? Like, or is it even really that serious? Like, I thought most people would have accepted, like, oh, yeah, like, you do the thing for two years and then you leave.

[Kennedy Ryan]

Yeah.

[Rachel Rogers]

And then after that, I had, like, a friend or a law school classmate who I had come to find out was just doing something so different. Like, and it was just so, like, oh, like, this doesn't make sense. Like, we just graduated law school. This person is doing something that does not make sense for what you typically think we're supposed to be doing. And so at that point, like, I texted my friend and I was just like, how long would you give yourself Start doing the things that you want to do? Because, like, you know, people say two years here, three years here, and I'm really just at a place where I'm like, actually, like, when, like, what's the. Like, I thought I was going to be here for three years. Now it's looking like two. Now it's looking like one and a half. And now I'm like, at a year I need to be out of here. Like, I genuinely don't want to be here. And I think, like, especially as people, if you go to school often or if you spend a lot of your years in school, like, that becomes the. Okay, law school is hard, but it's three years and you get through it. College is hard, but it's four years and you get through it. Like, you know, we put a time that we say, like, we just have to stick it out for X amount of time. And then. And then we get to say that again when it comes to, like, these large law firms, like, you know, it's really hard, but just stick it out for two years, stick it out for three years, and I'm like, I don't want my life to be a series of me sticking it out. I want to be at a place where I'm like, all right, like, let me get to what I want to do in as little, as much time as possible. So that's really what I think. Where I was when I made that decision, mentally, definitely.

[Tricia Lee]

And you bring up such a good point where I do think we get conditioned to almost continuously go through these situations where we're constantly pushing through. And obviously, in life, there's challenges. There are different things that may require more of us. But do we want to be in a state where we're constantly pushing through, constantly counting down, and we can't enjoy where we are?

[Rachel Rogers]

I'm not saying that I dream of work, right? Like, I'm not saying that I have, like, a dream job, but, like, there are certain things that once I get started working on them, I won't want to stop. Like, there are certain things that I'll, like, wake up and I'll be like, oh, I'm excited to do this. I'm excited. And it might be planning a dinner party, or it might be putting an outfit together, or it might be editing a video. And, like, even though it's work, like, I'm genuinely excited to do the work. And so I would much rather get to the work that I don't have to stick out. And I would much rather have the work that I just, like, am excited to do. It can still be exhausting, right? But, like, it's fulfilling in a way that the sticking it through work isn't. So, yeah, I think we get to this place where we're like, just, you know, stick it out. But I'm just, like, sure, like, stick it out because work is hard, but not because, like, you don't want to do it at all.

[Les]

Such a big part of growth is learning how to change our minds and to change course when presented with new information. And that's exactly what this next clip is all about. This segment is from episode 281, where I sat down with Gabrielle Union to talk about embracing vulnerability, moving through creative blocks, and no longer going 50, 50. Have you had to learn how to ask for help?

[Kennedy Ryan]

Yeah, because I know all the answers. Not like. Like, I have to ask for help from a therapist. But, you know, I famously said, 50, 50 or bust, right? And, you know, and I meant that in every financially, spiritually, emotionally. And there's just a lot of days that I have 10% and I need him to be 90. There's days I don't have, and I need him to be a hundred. And I realized that so much of, well, my anxiety. I was diagnosed with PTSD after being sexually assaulted at 19. The extreme anxiety, the anxiety attacks, the being hyper focused on efficiency and time and being fiercely independent are trauma responses. And when I started to really unpack that a couple years ago, I was a part of my girlfriend Octavia Spencer's show, truth be told. And it was about girls in the Bay Area where I was sexually assaulted. Black girls, brown girls in the bay, going through this. And there was the, the culmination was on the, the courthouse steps of the Alameda County Courthouse, the same courthouse I testified in front of the grand jury. And something in me broke, completely just broke. And I am not, I'm not even one of those people who can cry on cue, child. I'm like, bring in the menthol. But something in me broke and it felt, it felt wild. I am a very controlled person and I was going home every day crying to my husband and he's like, who is this person? And I was remembering smells, sounds, feelings that my brain, thank God had blocked out for. It's almost was 92. So how many years is that? It's gonna be 33 years had blocked out and it came back in a whoosh. And I, I realized so much more about myself and what I survived and the power of your brain and the power of your body. But I was ready to finally deal with all of it and start the work on releasing the new things that, that came up. But part of that work that I'm still working on is that trauma response, timing myself, doing the dishes, like timing everything like. And when people are late, it, it's, I mean, it's rude, but it makes me feel like you hate me, that you want something terrible to happen to me. It's not just, you know, you got caught in traffic, it's you want something terrible to happen to me. Because as long as I can control time, as long as, you know, as my brain is constantly moving and I'm thinking of every scenario constant, and people are like, oh, you're so quick witted. I'm like, no, I thought about this question a billion times. It's a trauma response. It's never wanting to be so out of control. I don't have control over what is happening to my body. And 50, 50 is. You are not gonna, I'm not going to be vulnerable enough to trust you with a hundred percent of anything. Not my heart, not my cash, not my, you know, my, my, my energy, my. And when I started to really address that, and I was like, do you. Do you want to pay the whole mortgage? I thought I was about to die. I had such anxiety. Like, I was crying. I was shaking. And he was like, yeah, you insisted on that. I was like, he's like, I thought it made you feel better. I'm like, it did. And right now, I want to take it back, but let's just try for a month. And I was like, I couldn't. It felt like there was something blocking in my. You know, from even swallowing or breathing. It felt crazy. Now it sounds crazy to be like you, Mr. NBA superstar, who made a bazillion more amount of money than I do, can pay the mortgage. Because I. I hate. I hate the feeling of being. Of releasing that to someone. And you release that to someone, chaos can happen. So these are baby steps. Now. Did I. Did I settle on about 35% of the. More, you know, instead of 50?

[Les]

Sure.

[Kennedy Ryan]

But, you know, I'm trying to. Okay, you got it. You got it. And it's brought us closer because he knows it's not about whether he can afford it. It's being vulnerable enough to be open, enough to know that I'm okay. I'm okay as his wife, I'm okay. He's okay as my husband, I'm okay in this family. I'm okay in this home. I deserve it, and I'm okay. And no matter how much I want to try to control time or people or every situation by thinking, overthinking about every single thing that could possibly happen, that never happens. I'm not any safer. I'm not any further along. I'm not. If anything, I've made my. Made my life and my world smaller. And so I'm trying to expand my heart, expand all of the notions of what vulnerability can look like. And I'm saving a lot of money, really is what it gets.

[Tricia Lee]

But it.

[Kennedy Ryan]

It, you know, it feels good to, I don't know, relinquish some of the things that I really thought kept me safe. You know, it's like my security blanket. My accountant is like, good girl. Get a blanket. Like, wait, a blanket if you need to. But it's, you know, it's baby steps, and I don't have all the answers. And I said it so definitively, you know, on my boy's podcast.

[Les]

I remember that.

[Tricia Lee]

50, 50.

[Kennedy Ryan]

And the reaction was wild to me. I'm like, everybody doesn't do this. I mean, I. Obviously, I know there's people who don't do this. But the reaction was so aggressive. And for me, it felt like empowerment, you know what I mean? And not just mine, because it was like, you know, when you've been loved conditionally, you know, when you have a couple nickels more than somebody else, people change how they treat you and they want to be around you and they will shift and change their notions of love to be in your world. And it sucks. It hurts. It hurts so badly when it's family or your friends or, you know, and I never wanted to do that to him. You know, I never wanted him to feel that way. And he's like, I don't. He's like, I have a lot more than you. It's okay financially, it's okay, and I'm okay of taking care of you. I was like, okay, okay, so we don't have to split vacation. He's like, no, no, we're splitting vacation. But, yeah, it's a. It's a different world. It's not a matter of can you. It's. Can you allow your heart to be kind of, in my words, tossed up, but knowing it's gonna be caught on the cushioniest cloud of love and devotion and compassion and care that exists? Because I didn't think that was a thing. You don't see it a lot. Certainly, you know, we're not highlighting that, but yeah, he's provided a. A very beautiful cloud of love.

[Les]

Yeah.

[Gabrielle Union]

Yeah.

[Les]

Thank you so much for sharing that.

[Tricia Lee]

And what I appreciate about you sharing that too, is I think sometimes people think everything is black and white. So because you had a certain arrangement or a certain stance at one point, it must mean that forever. When it's like, no. Things change as you heal, as you evolve, as you lean more into vulnerability.

[Les]

You can also change how you feel about something.

[Tricia Lee]

And it's okay.

[Kennedy Ryan]

Okay. I mean, I've changed my mind about all kinds of things.

[Les]

Such an important part of creating your own luck is having a really strong self concept and being bold enough to control your own narrative. And that is exactly what we talk about in this next clip from episode 205, the Ultimate how to level up in your career and life with Jodi Taylor.

[Tricia Lee]

A few years ago, I had the.

[Les]

Opportunity to meet Michelle Obama after she wrote her first book, which was just.

[Tricia Lee]

The most incredible experience. And so I got to sit and talk to her similar to how we're talking now. And one of the things that she said about why she wrote her memoir at that time becoming, was because she was like, I've been the first lady, first black first lady, people have all kinds of ideas, stories, opinions about who they think I am. But I want to make sure that my story is told correctly and I want to be the one to tell it. And her saying that it's probably just going to stick with me forever. Her example is like a much grander scale, obviously. But what you're saying is like, our own version of that, of our stories are out there. What version of our story do we want? And we can take control of that and make sure that our version is at the forefront.

[Jodi Taylor]

Yeah, exactly. I think people will continually to curate and craft stories, and it's not always from, once again, a nefarious or a mal intent place. But once again, if they see a person who's working at a particular company, who dresses a particular way, they're already going to make associations based off of that. Once again, that's just how we've been socialized as human beings. But being able to sort of control that narrative to your benefit in a way that's also authentic to you. Right. And the brand doesn't always have to. I say these with a lot of caveats. Right. Like, the brand doesn't always have to be cohesive and you don't have to operate your life from like, is this with the brand or not with the brand? Like, that's exhausting.

[Gabrielle Union]

Yeah.

[Jodi Taylor]

But once again, I think it's just important for you to assess what your authentic code is first and foremost.

[Les]

Right.

[Jodi Taylor]

And figure out, like, what do I want to be known for? What opportunities do I want people to tap me for? What experiences do I want to have? And then how can I create a life via my friend group, via the things that I'm interested in, in my free time, via the activities that I participate in, via my career that will then beget those outcomes for me. So it's really about you. It's not really about other people. It's really about you ensuring that you are crafting your life in a way that almost. It's like you sort of see the destination and you begin crafting the vehicle, which is yourself, to get you to that destination. You put on the right set of wheels to get you to that destination. You get the right engine to get you to that destination. So you're just crafting the pieces in order to get you to where you're trying to go.

[Les]

Exactly.

[Tricia Lee]

Identifying as that person you want to be.

[Jodi Taylor]

Exactly.

[Tricia Lee]

I talk about that a lot when it comes to healthy habits, when people are like, how do I get in shape? How do I do this? It's not I want to get in shape. It is. I'm a person who works out. So it doesn't matter if I feel like waking up and going to the gym or going to this class. I am a person who does it, period. And then doing it.

[Jodi Taylor]

Exactly. That's a good. Atomic Habits was a very good book on this where it's like creating systems and structures and identity based changes where to your point, it's like it's very easy to say like, oh, I wanna lose 10 pounds or I wanna do XYZ. But when you begin to change your self concept as someone who does it, then anything that negates that can no longer be like, it's almost like a code that you're writing. Anything that negates that code will not. It won't even be computed by the computer. It essentially gets spit out. Exactly. When you change your self concept to someone who these things, anything that's outside of that concept kind of gets rebuffed by your internal sort of mental mechanisms 100%.

[Tricia Lee]

And something that's also been really helpful for me and, and I love to hear if you've had this experience as well is I used to go on social media and feel kind of envious.

[Les]

Of other people if I'm like, oh.

[Tricia Lee]

They got this opportunity or they got.

[Les]

To take this trip or they have.

[Tricia Lee]

This or they have that and starting to reframe that as like inspiration and being like, okay, I'm inspired. This person is showing me it's possible. If I were a person who did XYZ or who had xyz, how would I move and how would I act and what decision would I make next? And allowing that to kind of fuel us when we embody those things and make those decisions can be really powerful.

[Jodi Taylor]

Yeah, that's so good. And I think taking everything as expansive, but also with caveats like, I think we can all reflect back on moments. I've had experiences and moments where I'm sure externally looked fabulous and then internally I was dying. I hated every moment of it. Like relationships and jobs and all of these things. So one, taking caveats and this is not to diminish other people's experience or success, but it's also to normalize it. It's normalizing like there's someone looking at your page right now who is really like, oh my God, I cannot wait to be this person. Or I want everything that she has. Which is really flattering and amazing. But I can look back at some of my Instagram or social media photos where People may be like, oh my God, this is so incredible. And I can also reflect back on, it wasn't the best time in my life. So one, normalizing the concept of social media and humanizing it and realizing that that one snapshot in time is not reflective of an experience. And two, to your point, accept, like, there's so many things that, you know, I'm still wanting to call into my life and wanting to have. And I find myself really, really being joyful when I see other people and even more so when I see people around me. Because I think that's where it can also get tricky.

[Les]

Yes.

[Jodi Taylor]

Seeing it on Instagram with someone that you don't know, you're kind of like, oh, that's nice. But when your best friend gets the thing that you want, or the girl that you work across, like across the cubicle from, or who sits in your office gets the thing that you want, and being able to tap into that genuine, authentic joy when they get it, I think is something that. It's a cultivated skill, but what it also communicates. And you know, I'm kind of woo, woo. But what it communicates to the universe is like, I believe it's going to happen to me too, so why wouldn't I feel happy for this person?

[Les]

Exactly.

[Jodi Taylor]

So it begins to get you. And I believe in energy and I believe in when you're in that energy of being happy or excited for someone else, it communicates like I'm ready to receive that too. And it gets you on the same vibration of whatever you're trying to call in. So, oh, completely. I am truly. And also keeping in mind that there are a lot of people who are looking at your life right now and saying, oh, I can't wait to be there. Because I think it's always so easy to say, like, I can't wait to get to the next thing.

[Les]

Absolutely.

[Jodi Taylor]

When you're sitting in the next thing for a long. For a lot of people and for. For you, maybe five, 10 years ago. So really taking stock of also all the great things, like not just what's missing, but all the amazing things that you have, because there's a lot of people who want that as well.

[Les]

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[Octavia Spencer]

I think that during that time when everything was so uncertain and scary, there's safety, there was a. There's joy. You know, trapped between the covers of this book. I know that there's going to be joy. It's safe. There's going to be a happy ending. You know, I'm going to feel good at the end. There's going to be something satisfying about this. Satisfying and safe and sexy. You know, I think that a lot of people are embracing that in a way that they never have before. I think that the young people, you know, I think that Gen Z very much is like, we're going to read what we want to read. Don't. You don't get to tell me that. I don't get your. That what I read is not okay, you know, And I think that's made its way into. People are like, yeah, why? Why am I, you know, ashamed of what I'm reading? So I see that. And I do think that booktok is a really, really big part of that because it's creating community. But I think the big things is during this pandemic, specifically, like, wanting something that was safe, wanting something that was fun, wanting something that was. That had joy when everything was uncertain. Especially when I think about black women. Yes. You know, it's like, girl boss, you know, when it's like atomic habits, and it's like, mm, mm, mm, you know, And Tia and I were talking about this last night. Tia talks. I think Tia explores this in Ricky Wilde. The concept of, like, black excellence and of, like, having to achieve and having to be. Having to prove ourselves and you know what black excellence looks like. And we have to be at the top of our game, and we have to work three times as hard to get half, which is true. I mean, you know what I mean? Like, that is a reality that I see, you know, in my industry. I see the hustle, you know, And I'm like, my hustle. It's not gonna yield the same thing as your hustle, you know, I recognize that those are realities that we navigate as black women in white supremacist culture. That's just real. But I think that we're ready, a lot of us are ready for the soft life, you know, I'm like. They're like, give me a safe place to land. Give me something cozy. Give me something sweet. Spoil me. You know what I mean? Like, they want to see that. They want to see a black. I'm talking specifically now about black women. I think it's true of all women, but I'm talking about black women because the bar is always here, and we're always having to go, and we're always having to prove, and we're always having to strive. And I think when you're reading one of these books, it's like, oh, this is the soft life. You know, this is a safe place to land. This is sweet. This is. In these pages. Someone who looks like me, specifically in my books is being loved outrageously, is being spoiled, is being respected, you know, and we don't have A lot of safe places in white supremacist culture. We don't. There aren't a lot of safe spaces on for us. And I think that one of the charges for me and other women who are writing black romance or who are writing even interracial romance, but, you know, there's a black woman or a brown woman at the center. We are creating safe spaces to see ourselves loved and respected and celebrated. I always say that when I'm writing romance, it is an act of resistance. And writing black romance, even more is an act of resistance because we are constantly fed, even subconsciously, messages that we are not the most beautiful, that we aren't to be respected in the same way that we won't have great outcomes, that we don't get joyful endings like. And what we're writing flies in the face of all of that and says, no, you are gorgeous. You are to be celebrated, you are to be respected. You deserve a happily ever after. And for me, that is an act of disruption and resistance.

[Tricia Lee]

Yes. I'm like, that could be the episode right there. And I think that that ties so much into the beginning of talking about reading these books as a form of self care.

[Gabrielle Union]

Yes. Yes.

[Tricia Lee]

And seeing these characters be loved fully for who they are, even when it's messy.

[Octavia Spencer]

Yes.

[Tricia Lee]

You're navigating a messy divorce.

[Gabrielle Union]

Yes.

[Kennedy Ryan]

Yes.

[Tricia Lee]

And you're still loved fully as. As you are. Yeah.

[Octavia Spencer]

Yeah. And I think that's important. And it's so funny to me when people say, usually men from outside. How you gonna. What is it, Kristen?

[Tricia Lee]

Oh, how are you gonna hate from outside?

[Octavia Spencer]

How are you gonna hate from outside the club? Like, you don't know what's going on in here.

[Tricia Lee]

Right.

[Octavia Spencer]

But they're like, you know, these books are giving women unrealistic expectations of love. And I'm like, you know what? Like, when you really break it down, what you're seeing.

[Kinsey]

Yes.

[Tricia Lee]

Is it.

[Octavia Spencer]

Is everybody going to have a billionaire or a yacht or whatever, which everybody doesn't write? No, but you can be respected. You know, is it outrageous? Is it an unrealistic. Is fidelity an unrealistic expectation? You know, is that really an unrealistic expectation? Is a man who sees you as an equal. Is that really an unrealistic expectation? Is a man who esteems your career and your ambitions and. And your dreams and your goals as important as his? Is that really an unrealistic expectation? Or is that a bar that you don't want to step over? Is that a bar that you don't want raised? You know, What I mean, and I think that's, that's all we're saying, you know, whether it's a billionaire, whether it's, you know, whatever the core of it is. This relationship is one where you're safe, where you're respected, where you're loved and where you're esteemed, you know, and that's a threat to people who don't want to do the bare minimum and still want to get the reward of a good woman.

[Les]

Another big part of being lucky and creating your own luck is knowing when to put yourself first. And no episode really embodied this. This more than episode 265. How to create your dream life with Tricia Lee.

[Tricia Lee]

I think something that I really admire about you is that you know how.

[Les]

To use your secret sauce.

[Tricia Lee]

I think everybody has a secret sauce of those things you just mentioned, of our personality, those things that are unique to us. And sometimes it can be hard to know how to use it. Yeah, I feel like I'm still trying to figure out what mine is and how to use it. Yeah, but in seeing your work, we can see, see you use it, and it's so inspiring. What helped you be able to tap into that?

[Gabrielle Union]

You know, I think at a certain point in your life, specifically with women, you have to just set yourself free, you know what I mean? And be okay with how people view you, them not being the most fond of you. Like, you just have to set yourself free. And I remember like so long ago, I would say five or six years ago, this woman that I've known since I've lived in New York, actually, she used to be my neighbor. She's just like this amazing individual. Tanisha Barnes. Shout out. Tanisha Barnes. And I remember her asking me like, this was like five or eight years ago. I don't even remember. And she was just like, Trisha Lee, like, I just want to do an interview with you and just ask you, like, what is it like to be such a free woman? And I was like, what do you mean? You know, and that it was like literally after she said that, I kept thinking, I know what she means. And I do, I do think you have to get to a point where you self set yourself free. And it's not like I don't care, but it's like I know I'm focused on, I get it. And it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. And so I think that what people perceive about me is, is specifically that. And I call that my power. You know, I, I, and I do use it how I Need to. There are times I need to use it to walk into a room and feel big enough, important enough, you know, powerful enough. There are times I use it to soften a situation, too. You know, there are times I use it to be the wisdom in the room, the guidance in the room, the clear head. You know, whatever it is, I think it's just one kind of taking others down and not keeping them on this pedestal that's just not real that you've put in your mind. Like, we're all here trying to figure it out, and there are some of us that have it figured out a little bit better in this lane, but we suck in this lane. Or we're like, we're really, really good over here, but over here, we struggle. So in the areas that, you know, that you're strong, like, find a power there. Like, find confidence there and give. Just let it go a little bit. Like, I think that for me, I just got to a point in my life where I was just like, oh, whatever. You know what I mean? I'm bad, and I don't care what you think. I know what it is. And you know what? Maybe one day you'll get it. Maybe one day you won't. But I don't care. Like, I'm doing me, and I. It allows me to kind of, like, feel a little bit more free, to show my personality, show my sense of humor, to show, you know, even, like, my quirks and, like, the things I'm really particular about. I will go insane over symmetry. Like, I mean, you'll just, like, leave her there. She's. She's gone. We won't see her for a while. So it's like, all the things about my personality, I accept I'm okay with it, and I'm. I'm also comfortable sharing it. I wouldn't be on a show if I wasn't, because I think there's a lot of just getting over yourself that needs to happen with us and being like, okay, you know, it's fine, and appreciating the differences. Like, I know that I'm very different. Like, I come across very, like, pulled together, whatever it is. And then you realize I'm actually quite funny, and I'm actually quite, you know, particular about certain things. And you know that, like, these are my quirks. I'm very, like. I'm also, like, very domestic. I love being at home. I love cooking. I love decorating, all these different things. But I feel that we're all so interesting. I've never sat down with anyone That I was like, you know, I mean, like, even at work, like, I go and I talk to these brokers, and I'm like, damn, you're gonna have a conversation with anybody. I'm just kind of, like, floored, you know? And I feel like everyone's really interesting, and I feel like everyone's amazing in. In different ways. You just have to figure out what ways they are. So. So we're all even, to me. You know what I mean? And it's like, I. If. If you're Ryan, if you're whoever, we're all the same. Like, we all struggle. We all, you know, we all are really strong in different areas. And so part of it is just like, lifting yourself up and kind of bringing everybody else down. We're all here and just set yourself free. And a lot of that stuff is in our minds. And so I read a lot about, you know, having a healthy mindset and having really mental toughness, because so much of what we are all dealing with, we have. We have also all created, and half of it's not real, right? So to me, there are times I just have to remind myself of who the fuck I am and walk into the room and know that, you know, And I think naturally, everyone else just figures it out, because you come in here like you're who you are. It's just like, yeah, yeah. And I think it's important, and I don't think that we have to apologize for that. That, you know, I. I don't think we should be made to apologize for it. There are people that are not, like, keen on it, and I. I pick that up all the time. Do I have a little sickness to enjoy their discomfort? Yeah, absolutely. I look forward. I look forward to it. You know what I mean? Because I do think that when a confident woman comes across your path, how you respond to a confident woman says a lot about yourself. I gravitate towards people that are okay with me feeling good about me and me loving myself and me, you know, being big on me. It's important to pay attention to people that are, you know, perturbed by that, though, also, you know, because it says a lot about that individual. And just naturally, we won't gravitate towards each other like that. You won't like me, I won't like you, it's fine. But I do pay attention to that, because what does it say about you that when a woman like myself that's hard working, accomplished, straightforward, and very dynamic, like, I can say those things. I don't need someone to Tell me those things. Like, I always tell people, I'm like, I've been me on my whole life. I know, but what does it say about someone when they're uncomfortable in that. When, in, when faced with that person? Like, it says a lot about that individual. And at that point, I assess that and you're not even there, you know, so it's okay that people are uncomfortable with it, but I say that more women need to walk tall with their confidence and allow people to be uncomfortable with it. And I think that selfishly, maybe I'm just trying to be that example so that more people are like, hell yeah, you know what? You know, and if it helps, great, but, you know, I need it, so I do it. That's kind of where it comes from. It's a selfish need that I'm filling. And I do, I do find that women gravitate towards it, and a lot of men gravitate towards it. And I've also had men that are like, no, that's, that's not my thing. Or you, you must be like, I had a guy say the other day, you must be single. And I was like, I'm very much attached and very much in demand. I don't know what you're talking about, you know, but it's interesting to pay attention to those personalities that are like, wow, you know, you're all in love with yourself. I don't like that. Okay. Yeah, that's an interesting observation. You know, and there are just people that are going to be that way, but when you're doing the work to love yourself and, and care for yourself, and when they talk about self care, I really take care of myself. I'm really good to myself. And I, I try to love on myself and set that example for my partner, for my friends, for my family to see how I care for me. When you're doing that work, you're proud of it, and that's what you're seeing that comes out, you know, because it took a long time to figure out how to prioritize myself. And I'm proud of it. And I want to be an example of that. Like, I think it's. I think more women need to do that. Like, I think we're just conditioned to meet everyone else's needs of us and then ours with whatever is left. It's such a broken system.

[Tricia Lee]

It is, it is. And I think it's designed to benefit everyone but us.

[Gabrielle Union]

Yeah.

[Les]

In a lot of ways, to be.

[Gabrielle Union]

Proud of how exhausted we are for pleasing everybody. You know, it's like so sick. So, no, I just, I don't subscribe to it at all. And I just, I've been very fortunate that my mom can appreciate it, my sister can appreciate it. My, you know, my, my partner's mom loves it. You know, I remember the best conversation we ever had. She was like, trisha, you know, I always thought for all these years you didn't like us. This is Jeff's mom. And she's like, I just felt, I thought you didn't like me. She's like, but then I realized you really like yourself. She's like, you know, it took me, she said, it's taken me 80 years to get to a point where I put myself first. I love to see that you have figured that out at your age.

[Tricia Lee]

Yeah.

[Gabrielle Union]

You know, and this is a woman that I was like, oh, I think we have a little conflict. And she was like, no, girl, you don't hate me. You just really love you. And I'm like, that's it. You know, and I, and, and to know that she's done the work to where she can appreciate that and is not offended by my admiration of who I am and what I've created and who I, what I've built, it's like, it's great to see that at her age that she's breaking those shackles as well. And she's, you know, she explained, she's like, in my era, it wasn't about that, that I love to see you so free. You know, this is an 82 year old woman. Or maybe she's 78. I mean, I should say she's 80. This is a 65 year old woman.

[Rachel Rogers]

You know what I'm saying?

[Tricia Lee]

But that's also such a beautiful testament to her credit that we can grow at any time.

[Gabrielle Union]

Exactly.

[Tricia Lee]

We can recognize patterns that don't need to continue at any time.

[Gabrielle Union]

Yes. And she's like, you know, I am where you are in your life, Trisha. I have just arrived there. I'm so proud to see you've discovered it earlier, you know, and I think that if there's a movement, I'm gonna get behind. It's that movement. I know that, you know, because like, we're here and I feel, I always say this with my friends, like we're talking about our parents. I'm like, they did their thing. And quite frankly, like, my parents grew up like they were living their, like young adult lives in the 70s. You're not gonna tell me they didn't do their thing. I want to do my thing, too. I want to enjoy my life and create great experiences. Love on my people, love on myself, you know, selfishly be absorbed with me, you know, and my happiness and my joy. And that doesn't mean there's not space to love and appreciate and work hard and. And do for and care about others. It just means that I am number one, you know, and I'm so proud of it.

[Les]

Part of creating your own luck is being on top of your finances. And though we have talked about money in several different ways over the years on this show, one of my favorite conversations that we've had about money is with none other than Rachel Rogers, who firmly believes that we should all be millionaires. And in episode 223, she tells us exactly how we can be just that.

[Tricia Lee]

Finding evidence of what's possible. Because I think oftentimes times when we do our research and we look for context clues, we look for all the clues of what could go wrong. And those things are possible, but what could go right is also possible. And so seeking out examples of that is so important.

[Kinsey]

It's so true. And, like, looking for role models that are a few steps ahead of you. Right. Like, you know, I was talking to someone earlier today, and they were like, you know, we think our examples are JLo and Cardi B.

[Kennedy Ryan]

Right.

[Kinsey]

But we're like, who are the regular women who maybe don't have huge careers in entertainment but are making good money? And that's what, you know, look for people within your profession or just mentors that you find online or people who write books or people who have podcasts, right, that you can look to to say, okay, what can I learn from this person? How did they make this happen? And so that's what I did. When I started my law practice. There was a mentor. His name was Jay Thunberg. He wrote a book about how to start a law practice. He talked about what it looked like to start right out of law school. I followed every speaking gig he did that was in, like, the Tri State area near New York. I was there. I was, like, traveling to Atlantic City, wherever I could go, right, to hear him speak. And I learned from him. And just hearing him say it over and over again and hearing the stories of all the people he had helped start a practice, I was like, okay, this is actually possible. It's not as pine in the sky as some people say or think. And I just want to try it. I'm just going to give myself the opportunity to just take a risk and do it. And of course, in the Meantime, I'm also like, okay, how am I going to pay my bills?

[Rachel Rogers]

Right.

[Kinsey]

Well, how much money do I need to make? Like, you gotta be strategic and smart about it, but take the risk if that's what's calling you. Because, yes, there's huge potential upside.

[Tricia Lee]

Absolutely. And this is like lessons that I'm.

[Les]

Learning in real time.

[Tricia Lee]

So I also am taking this in. Like, she's talking to me too.

[Kennedy Ryan]

Yes.

[Tricia Lee]

That's my navigation.

[Kinsey]

I'm also talking to myself. I'm reminding myself, right? Like, of my own ceiling that I've created for myself. Right. Like, even at this level, my company makes egg figures, but our goal is to get to nine. What's stopping us? Right? A lot of it. This is why, like, therapy is my most important appointment every week. Not just for my own personal well being, but also because I know that there's still limiting beliefs in my head that I have to still continue to work through to break through that next level. Right. So, like, we're always working. There's always more to learn, there's always more growth if we want it. Right. It's available to us.

[Tricia Lee]

Definitely.

[Les]

What are.

[Tricia Lee]

I know you just mentioned therapy. What are some additional practices that you recommend for people who are looking to raise their ceilings so that they start believing that they can have and earn more?

[Kinsey]

Yes. So two things. One is really rewrite your story, right? Like, what is the story that you're telling yourself all of the time? So if you're saying, like, I can't afford it, if that's like your mantra, please get a new phrase, right? So like, instead of saying, I can't afford it, maybe there's another word that's like, I cannot. I'm choosing not to buy that today. And, you know, I will be able to buy that in the future, right? Or I'm choosing not to buy that today and I'm saving up for an experience like that or whatever it is, but just like, reframe it. Because I think when we say, I can't afford it or use language like that, it just limits us. It's like, oh, this is not available to me, right?

[Gabrielle Union]

It's.

[Kinsey]

It takes our power away. I want us to use language that puts us in the driver's seat. Because the bottom line is, could you go buy some, you know, expensive Gucci shoes today? You could. Would your rent be paid? Maybe not, but you absolutely could make that choice to buy those shoes, right? I know people who do instead of paying their rent.

[Tricia Lee]

We all do.

[Gabrielle Union]

We all do.

[Kinsey]

Everybody's had that Moment, right? Yes. But it's just like honestly, we do have choice, right? But we're just choosing to be responsible or we're choosing to invest in our well being. Could we go, you know, live in our parents basement and keep all of our money and spend it all on vacations? We could. That is a choice and it's not necessarily a bad one. It's like what matters to you, right? What's important to you. So I think it's like taking, take, take the. It's not. There's no they out there stopping you, right? Like there are is absolutely systemic systems, right? It is all designed, right? These systemic institutions are designed to keep us from having money as people of color, as women. It literally is designed that way. And despite that, we still have agency. We still get to decide, what am I going to wake up today and decide I'm going to do? What goal am I going to set, what am I going to work towards, right? We still have agency and control. So, so let's use language that reminds us that we are in the control seat, right? We get to say what happens next and how we do it. And there's nothing that we might want that is not available to us. If you want to build a billion dollar company, you could go do that, right? That's what I'm trying to do, right? If you want to have some, you know, mansion in Malibu, you can make that happen, right? Like literally no matter what it is, you can actually find a way to make it happen. So just decide that everything is available to you and reframe some of those negative beliefs or limiting beliefs that you might have around money and just replace them with things that make you feel more abundant. That's really what it is. It's like, it makes me feel like I have options. It makes me feel like things are available to me. Because that's true, right? You do have options, right? Even when I was broke, I had options. You know, that's one of the things that I would recommend people do is just reframe those limiting beliefs. And sometimes it's literally like, okay, so if you, you might have a thought that's like, I'll never make more than $50,000. Maybe that's what's playing in your head. Okay, cool. Write that down. I'll never make more than $50,000. Is that true? That's the question to ask yourself. Is that true? And you might say, yes, I think it's true. Okay, well I want you to write down all of the evidence that you have that it's not true. Right? So look in your life for the evidence that it's not true. Okay? I have a friend who has a similar degree and experience, and she's making $100,000 a year. Right? Okay. So that's evidence number one. You know, I've seen other people who have similar experience to me who got hired in tech, and they're making more money. Okay, great. What else? I have another friend who started her own business, and she's making more money than me. Great. What else? Right? And you just keep coming up with, like, oh, I have this, like, skill set that people always ask me for. I bet you if I charge for it, I can make more money. Write it down, right? So it's like. Then we start to create, like, 25. I want you to write 25 reasons. And if you can't think of it in one sitting, keep coming back until you have 25 pieces of EV.

[Les]

That.

[Kinsey]

That is a lie, because what you're actually doing is changing the neural pathway in your brain. Right? Because we have these neural pathways when we say the same thing over and over again, it becomes like a tape. It's like a record playing in our heads. We have to change the tape. In order to change the tape, we have to create evidence that that's not true. And that allows us to create a new pathway. Right? Going into a positive place instead of a negative place. So that is part of the practice of, like, changing your thinking.

[Les]

Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode of she's so Lucky. If you're ready to create your own luck, hit that subscribe button wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube so you don't miss an episode and head to the show. Notes for resources, links, and discount codes. And if you are really feeling lucky.

[Tricia Lee]

We would appreciate your rating and your review.

[Les]

It really helps us be able to.

[Tricia Lee]

Improve the show, to get great, great.

[Les]

Guests, and to understand what you want to hear more of. Thank you for tuning in, and I'll see you next week.

[Tricia Lee]

Hi, y'.

[Rachel Rogers]

All.

[J]

I'm Kinsey and I'm the host of Houseguests podcast. I am a Gen Z wannabe Martha Stewart meets Dolly Parton trying to live in a Nancy Myers movie. We talk all about life, relationships, and navigating your 20s. I'd like to set. I'm multifaceted. I'm either waking up at 4am in the sauna, tending to my garden, or closing out the bars until 2am you just never know what you're gonna get. It's either me at home in my house in Texas that I spend way too much time in or in the studio with some pretty cool guests. You can follow us at thehouseguestpod and listen or watch all new episodes every Thursday wherever you get your podcast or on YouTube.

[Tricia Lee]

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.