← She's So Lucky
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- [00:01]
A
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with a name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it at progressive.com, progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates Price and Coverage Match Limited by state law. Not available in all states.
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B
The following podcast is a Dear Media Production.
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A
AC welcome to the show.
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C
Thank you for having me.
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A
I'm so excited to have you. I've wanted to have you on the show since early, early balanced Black girl days. I don't know what took me so long, but the timing is always perfect.
- [00:43]
C
Yes, we're here now.
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A
We're here. So happy to have you. Absolutely. So this month on the show, our theme is all about how we can get what we want. And how I arrived at that theme was in thinking about she's so lucky. The direction of the show now really helping all of us embody more luck. The times that I feel the most lucky are usually when I have some sort of desire that is fulfilled. Like that is when I have those pinch me like, oh, I'm so lucky moments when I get something that I want. Sometimes it can be something deep, sometimes it can be something shallow. And I thought, okay, well let's talk about that all month long. And so I was really excited to bring you on to talk about more of the spiritual elements of that and how us being more of ourselves and embodying who we really are is a really big part of that.
- [01:31]
C
Yes, it's extremely important for everyone. Whatever you do want is to focus on the truth of that. I like to say that a lot of people are not telling the truth about what they want. They're trying to sugarcoat it or look to other people to see what they have. But that's the number one key of creating the life of your dreams is to be honest about what you do desire. Regardless of how it looks in today's climate, with all of the things that are happening online and in social media, if you want thing A, don't say, well, I don't know if I want thing A, maybe I want thing B because this is what it's supposed to look like.
- [02:12]
A
And in terms of people lying about what they want, I can definitely see an instance kind of like what you just described, where maybe people kind of water down their desire to make it be more palatable. Is there also a version where people may not necessarily know what they truly want and they need to go on some sort of journey to uncover that yes and no.
- [02:33]
C
I truly, truly believe in the work that I've been doing over a decade now in helping men, women, is everybody knows what they want. They just afraid to say it out loud. You know what you want. If I. If I asked you, do you like strawberry ice cream? Do you like strawberry ice cream?
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B
I don't really.
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C
Exactly. So then if I brought you a cake that has strawberry ice cream on it, and it was a beautiful cake. It was gorgeous. It was made by the most amazing cake designer. And then you cut it open and it has strawberry ice cream in it, Are you still gonna eat it? Probably because I brought you the cake instead of you saying to me, oh, my gosh, this was so nice, but I don't like strawberry ice cream. And so those little things, those. They pile up year after year, week after week, and then you get lost into not knowing the core and the essence of actually what you want, because you've been saying yes to so many things that you don't want. And then you wake up and you're like, what the hell happened? Why is my life like this? Or what I notice mostly in people is they feel stuck. They feel a perpetual stuckness in their body, in their being, when they're going to work, when they're doing stuff. They just can't figure it out. And it's not that you're stuck. You're just not clear.
- [03:53]
A
That's a word. It's not that you're stuck. You're just not clear. How do people distinguish between a desire that they may be influenced to have, maybe by other people, their community, family, church? I think these are all big things that influence people. You know, wanting what they think they want versus the. Their soul's true desires. Because sometimes I think people get confused between the two. I know I've been confused.
- [04:17]
C
Well, I mean, that's the easiest one is looking at what religion has done for your family. Or I'll even look at it as school. That's a big one, especially in the black community. What school you went to, what neighborhood, what type of jobs you have. All of those things are so, you know, esteemed for. Okay, well, you went to this school, you went to that school, so you must be doing well. You must have your future planned for you. And you might not. You might not even want to join that sorority or fraternity, but you had to because your uncle said or your grandfather said, well, everybody does it. Everybody's a doctor in our family. Everybody's an accountant. Everybody's an attorney. Everybody. Everybody goes to this school. Everybody lives here. And so you get caught in this cycle of doing what everyone else is doing. And then one day you wake up and you're not happy and you're trying to figure out why. So like I said, it's more of you're adding on layers. Every time you deny yourself of what you desire, you're adding on another layer of self rejection. And then it just piles up and piles up. And then one day you wake up and you can't breathe. So it's your own doing, but it's also something that I think everyone has a realization about. Capitalism and patriarchy have sold us a lot of things, and it's worked. So now when you look at it and you're like, well, I don't want that. You look crazy to some people. And they're like, what do you mean? You don't want to make baby, you don't want to do this. You don't want to. It looks absolutely insane. If everybody in your family, if your friends, if everybody is pursuing this thing, this ideal, and you're like, you know what? I think I want something different. That's also scary for people because now you have to defend your truth, defend your desires, and that shakes things up. And back to the original question of how do you get. Get out of that? It's by telling yourself the truth. One day at a time, one decision at a time, one choice at a time, one movement in the right direction, and then your life changes.
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A
Can we talk a little bit more about what that means and what some examples of self rejection are?
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C
Yeah, self rejection, boundaries. They're all in the same kind of family. And so going back to the ice cream, say, you didn't say anything, right? You said nothing to me, that you didn't like the strawberry ice cream cake. And then now every single birthday, we have cake with strawberries on it and strawberry ice cream. And I tell everyone, oh, Les really loves strawberry ice cream. We got her that cake last year for her birthday. Let's get it again. And then now two, three different events have happened. You've said nothing. You've rejected a part of yourself that doesn't like strawberry ice cream. And so now you're looking to us and to your friends and your community like, oh, my gosh, they don't understand me. They don't, they don't hear me. No one, no one knows what I like. Well, you didn't tell us. We, we've been buying you strawberry ice cream now for the last four birthdays, and you've never said Anything. There's people do that all the time. All the time. So that's what I mean by self rejection is allowing number one, other people to make decisions for you. But you self rejecting the idea and yourself of not sticking up for yourself, of not telling people what you desire and creating that boundary, creating that, that declaration, whatever it is. It can be, as I'll use another example with romantic relationships. And this is something that helped me out because I have trauma, not trauma attached to it, but a little bit of a story. So every year, my dad growing up, he would buy my mom and me a huge box of Godiva chocolates and we would each get a huge box of long stem red roses. I hate red roses. So when men buy them for me or they say what's your favorite flower? And they'll give me roses, I don't like roses. That's not my favorite flower. I like peonies, I like lilies. I like that I'm, I can express that. And so there's people who accept roses, they don't even like roses. Probably don't even like roses. So it's those little things of getting to know yourself and understand what you like and what you want and being able to vocalize that.
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A
The vocalizing I think is the hardest part sometimes. I had an experience last year where I was dating somebody and I would like to think that I'm somebody who stands on business. And I realized in so many instances when I was dating that person, I don't at all actually when it comes time, I talk really well about it, really good at standing on business. When it comes to like my business. This here, very good at it, that space, not so good at it. And so that whole relationship was truly a mirror to me of all the different ways that I self abandon and while I know what I like and want, did not vocalize it at all.
- [09:34]
C
Well, romantic relationships are the hardest, especially for women. I don't know so much. Well, for men, yes, some of them, but mostly for women. Especially if you come from a traumatic background or a background where your caregivers and your parents were emotionally immature. It's hard to stand on business because there is a part of you, and we all have it, that is searching for them to fix things subconsciously. That little person inside you is waiting for. So when you say stand on business, it's not that you didn't stand on business, you just had these expectations that you probably didn't vocalize and that you were also afraid to vocalize because when you vocalize those Things there's a loss, that person could say, well, I don't want to do this no more. And then that's scary. And so what I tell people, especially in romantic relationships, when I work with women, when I work with men, is you have to not make the things that you desire and love your master. You have to take it off of a pedestal. You have to learn how to nourish yourself, learn how to care for yourself, learn how to give yourself the things that you're looking for, this other person to give you and find it within yourself. And that's going to, that's a journey in itself. What does it mean to nurture yourself? That can mean making sure you have home cooked meal for yourself, making sure you have underwear and new bras and sheets and towels. All of these things I always tell people to do. Assessment of what does it take to nurture you? Because if you can give that to yourself when someone else shows up and they can't give it to you, you'll look at them like, oh, well, this is not a good fit. You can't give this to me because I'm giving it to myself and I know what I need. So I always hear that like, oh, I haven't stand. Stood on business. You're not standing on business for yourself. So it's going to be very, very challenging for you to do it with another person in the mix. So are you making sure you're eating properly? Are you making sure your, you know, your house is the way you want it to be? Are you making sure all of those things are taken care of? Whatever it is for you that you need to be nurtured, make sure that's taken care of. Because then when someone else doesn't do it, you'll be able to recognize it quicker.
- [11:53]
A
Something that we touched on a little bit, but I would love to get more of your thoughts around is almost what feels like a collective awakening amongst a lot of women realizing that they may not want a lot of the things that they've been raised to want. And I think that's why we're seeing a lot of things like birth rates going down, maybe because women are thinking a little bit more critically about do I actually want to have children or do I want to have them later? Do I want to have them on my own? Do I want to settle down with a partner and have a life structure that looks that way? It just seems like for the first time, women have a lot more options and there is beginning to be this collective awakening around do we Want the things that we have been kind of trained to want. I'm curious if, from your perspective, there's some sort of spiritual element to that. Have you also seen that in your work? And where is that coming from?
- [12:49]
C
We're moving into so many things astrologically, where that's another, like, two hours. But I think what is really happening is everybody's just waking up to the fact that you don't have to buy into what they've sold you. And, you know, when it comes to children and marriage and the whole decentering men conversation, I have a very different stance on it. I think, yes, you should do all of those things to decenter men and choose the life that you want. But if you want it, be honest about it. Don't get into this thing of being caught up in like, well, I'm going to decentral men because I'm having trouble dating and all of that stuff. Do you even know how to date? Like, why don't you work on some. Some of these things? And then you can go ahead and say, I'm gonna decenter men. And there's this conversation around that. And I just feel that it's harmful because it's making people sad. It's making. Especially the women that I work with and even some of the men, it's making people depressed because they're like, well, gosh, I really do want a relationship. I really do wanna have children. But everybody's saying, decenter men. My thing is just don't make it your master. Like, you can have what you want. Don't make it your master. But I think that people are just waking up to the idea of that you can find fulfillment in other areas besides a relationship. When it comes to pregnancy and having a baby, that is a whole nother conversation. But I truly believe that as long as women know that you can birth so many things outside of your womb besides a baby, that's more important. And I think that's what's happening is they're saying, well, I want to start my own business. I want to write a book, I want to open up this, or I want to travel. There's so many things that you can birth besides a baby outside of your womb. Women, we are magical beings. Our womb energy is not just to house children, it's for other things as well. And that is something that we need to embrace. And that's part of your purpose that you can do as well. But when it comes to relationships, and I just like to tell people, if you still want to get married, and say that. Don't say, well, I'm going to decenter men and blah blah blah. Like you sound crazy.
- [15:10]
A
It's another form of self rejection.
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C
Correct? Because you're not being honest with yourself.
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B
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- [18:47]
C
And that's the thing that I have a huge issue with the conversation. Maybe you don't want to have children. Be honest about that. Maybe you don't want to physically like go down and get married, but you do want a long term, committed monogamous relationship with someone. Say that. I think that's the only poison that this conversation is having because that article in British Vogue having a boyfriend is embarrassing. Is it? Yes, in some cases with the wrong person. But I think that was actually harmful for people who do still want these things and they're embarrassed now to say it. And for me, that stops that connection with you spirit, God, whatever you call him or her for trying to get the things that you want and build the life that you want. So for everyone listening, if you want a relationship, please say that. Just be honest about it. You're. It's not embarrassing to, to want to have a partnership. It's not embarrassing if you still want to have a baby. My whole thing is don't make it your master. Maybe it shouldn't be number one and number two on your vision board. There's other things you can do, you know, there's other things you can do in your life besides those things.
- [20:01]
A
I agree. And I think it's funny that you bring up that article because that article in particular was super triggering for a lot of people. And I could also tell that the they didn't read it because the article basically said exactly what you. What you just said is, it's only embarrassing if someone is out here, literally embarrassing, embarrassing your whole life. But it wasn't. The premise wasn't partnership is embarrassing. People just saw the headline, didn't read the article and took it there and got triggered. Probably because there was a bit of either self rejection happening or the ecosystem.
- [20:31]
C
Of decentering men is there. So when that article and you don't read it, it's like, oh my gosh, I can't have a boyfriend now. It's embarrassing. It's like, no, having the wrong type of man is embarrassing because you all are on TikTok saying that, oh, I asked for a present and he got me a hammer. Like, of course that's embarrassing. You're telling us that you made a horrible decision and then you're like, oh, he's just, he's just joking. Get off the Internet.
- [21:01]
A
Yeah. With your loser partners. And also too, coming back to what we were saying about being clear about your desires is what someone else says on the Internet or what someone else writes. If you felt that confident in your desires, then a headline like that wouldn't trigger you.
- [21:18]
C
Because it didn't trigger me. I was just like, oh my gosh, this is hilarious. Yeah, because I know what I want. Right. I read the article, I was like, oh, well, I mean, it's true. Yeah, but I know what I want.
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A
Exactly.
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C
So if you know what you want and you can be honest about what you want, then those things don't trigger you. When you see these things on TikTok, on Instagram, on these other platforms, they don't bother you as much.
- [21:40]
A
Exactly. I would love to get into some of the tools that we can better understand to understand ourselves and our desires. And something that I really appreciate about your work is how well you explain various different spiritual tools and kind of meaning making systems and how they integrate together. Because sometimes it can be a little bit confusing if you know a little bit about human design, or a little bit about astrology, or a little bit about numerology. And then you're like, okay, wait, but how do I use these tools to better understand myself? How do they intersect? I think that you do a really great job of helping us all understand. I know. Even before we were rolling I was asking questions because I'm still confused about some of the tools. And we can get more into that. But I would love to get into some of the things that you think would be helpful for us to understand as we begin to uncover and move towards our desires.
- [22:35]
C
Well, every modality, astrology, has a meaning and also a use for different areas of your life at different times. You can use them all together or you can use them separately. I'll start with astrology first. Astrology is the who, what, when, why of you. And human design is the how it's going to play out in your life. And then numerology is the vibe that you're. It's all happening under. And so each of these tools, you can use them at different times or altogether to help you not only get to know yourself, but to understand the energies at play. I always say that like, well, what's the energy? Because, you know, everybody will say, well, it's, you know, I read that somewhere I'm supposed to have a great job this year, or I'm going through this type of perfection year, or the transit is happening and I'm like, oh, I'm supposed to find love this year. But you didn't leave your house. You think, he's going to show up or she's going to show up. Like, that's not. You didn't leave your house. So how is that going to happen? It's creating an ecosystem or an atmosphere for you. So all of these things are creating the conditions for you to have the best possible outcome. With astrology, I love astrology as a tool because it helps you understand where you come from, what you're developing into and where you could go. But it all still takes action. These tools are very, very accurate. I like to my 80, 20 rule. 80% of this stuff is completely accurate. Then you have the 20%, which is your socioeconomic status, religion, race, all of these things that can impact that. And a lot of people are living in the 20% of their lives. We all need to get back to the 80%. And so these tools are there to help you remember who you are. Because what people fail to forget is that you are a soul having a human experience. You chose this keep you, this is, you signed up for it. I talk about this in my book that I like to say that your soul is like, if you ever work shift, work, like at a restaurant or anywhere, a clothing store, and there's like a board full of shifts, you was like, okay, I'll do that shift. And then you Picked all of the lessons that you want to learn. Because people ask me, what about all the bad stuff? The bad stuff is not necessarily predetermined, but the lesson from it is like, if you come into this world and you have self worth issues, if you have abandonment issues, your soul is setting up the conditions for you to learn those lessons. And they come how they come. And your job, I like to say your soul came here with a mission. It is your job to complete the mission. And many people are afraid to do that. You have to complete the mission. Are you going to do it again next lifetime? Who wants to do that? I don't want to do this next lifetime. I'm coming back as a spirit guide. I'm not even coming back. I don't even want to do this.
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A
How do we know when we've sufficiently learned a lesson or completed a mission?
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C
That varies from person to person. What you're looking for is a body feeling. Are you being triggered? For me, it's neutrality. It's a neutral feeling where I don't have any emotion towards it, where I can reflect on it. I learned this. I learned that these are the things that I should have paid attention to. But now I know better and it doesn't trigger me anymore. It doesn't evoke some type of nervous system reaction where I can talk about it clearly and also take accountability for my part in it if there was a part for me to play in it.
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A
That somatic experience.
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C
Yes.
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A
Can we talk more about the importance of how you feel in your body and how it relates?
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C
Your body tells you everything. Your body knows everything. Everything. Pay attention to everything. If you go into a coffee shop, Every time you go into a coffee shop, your leg starts hurting. Your body's telling you something about that. You have to pay attention. Every time you're around someone and you're like, gosh, every time I'm around this person, I'm like nervous all the time. That's your body telling you something. Your body is the first line of defense. And you know, I always say everyone's psychic. Everyone has intuitive abilities. Babies and dogs are the most psychic around because they can't talk. And so their bodies respond. When you hand a baby over to someone and they don't, like, they start crying when a dog barks at someone. It's very simple. Your body's doing that now. It's just that trauma, circumstances, things that have happened to you, it's building up this layer, this wall of protection for you so you don't notice it now when people start healing, doing a lot of deep healing, traumatic healing work, they talk about having psychic experiences because that defense is down. All of those defense mechanisms, that layer of caution, that layer of anxiety, that layer of I need to be on lookout, all of those things that's down in them. So you're more attuned to different things. You're more attuned to energy. I can walk into a room now and be like, oh, this is not it. I need to get out of here. But that's because what I do. And also, I've still done work, so. But your body has all. All the answers. I often tell people that if you are really confused about a decision to actually lay on the floor with your back against the floor, hopefully it can be like a hard surface floor, and just breathe and ask yourself the question over and over, and then get silent and see how your body feels. You will feel it somewhere in your body, what the answer is, and then get up and make that decision. But a lot of people don't listen.
- [28:29]
A
I also find that a lot of people want to outsource decisions to other people. And I'm sure you probably experienced that a lot in your work. I even do, too. I mean, my DMs all the time are people asking me, what should I do for this major life thing? And I'm like, you know better than I do. I don't know.
- [28:45]
C
Yes, yes, a lot. A lot. I like, say my baby psychic self used to do a lot of love work. People always came to me in relationships, and they would hate it. They would hate it. I remember I never forget this one time. And I talk about this a lot because it. It actually kind of. I don't want to say stunted my growth professionally, but what it really did was it made me doubt myself. So at the time, I was a photographer. I was working with a group of wonderful ladies who I'm still in contact with. And they were talking about their relationships. And one of them, like, say, my baby psychic self was giving. You know, I was just reading, you know, just doing what I. And the whole room got silent, and I was like, oh, shit, here you go running your mouth again. And then we went on. A few years later, I was at another event with them, and I talked to the woman, and she was like, I just want to let you know everything that you said was right. And I said, oh, my God. I said, but why didn't anybody. She was like, we were just all in shock. And I winded up staying with him for three more Years. And I was just like. She's like. But everything you said was right. I was just like, I wish I would have had that then, because I would have been, like, just more confident and more secure. But that situation, though, helped me a lot with my abilities and the way I see my mediumship. Because I'm like, well, this is what I see. I know that I'm a vessel. This is what I'm supposed to do. And lo and behold, that people always come back. You were right. I'm like, girl, I know. I don't. I don't argue with people no more.
- [30:16]
A
Yeah, you don't need that, like, affirmation anymore. Not at all.
- [30:19]
C
Yeah, but people do come, and it's just like, I'm gonna tell you what I see. Is it in stone? No. Because you can change it. I'll tell you what your people see when they come through, what's happening. But most of the work that I do is very ancestral. So a lot of. When I do my mediumship work, a lot of people come through their families, their friends, more for healing purposes, because that's really what it is. It's just a part of healing. So my psychic mediumship work is a part of healing, helping you heal and know that you're not alone, that you owe. Okay. That you're on the right path. Sometimes they'll drop in a little. You know, they're proud of you, or, you know, check on your uncle, those things, or. I get a lot of ailments that come up with people's bodies, too. It's mostly a healing thing. And when people do come for those questions, with those questions, for those answers, sometimes people are, like you said, looking to outsource without looking within first. And they're coming from a panic place, from a very emergency place, and then no emergency. Sometimes when it comes to mediumship, psychic abilities, those people who get readings all the time, they're giving up so much of their power, you still are in control. I'm here for clarification, for acknowledgment, for a sense of safety and calm or groundedness, you still have to make the decision. You still have to go through with what you're going through. So when you're going all over the place, asking people, you have to ask yourself first. Your body knows what's going on. Your body has the answer. It's there already. You want to come to me for me to acknowledge it, for me to verify. Sure. But if you just pay attention and listen, it's there. But many people are just Scared, because when you tell the truth, everyone's not going to be happy about that.
- [32:17]
A
I think sometimes when we know something to be true in our bodies or in our gut and we are looking to other people to be a source of information or truth, it's because we're hoping that they'll say something different.
- [32:28]
C
You want to agree with your and your craziness. You want them to be on board with you. You. You out here looking crazy. You look absolutely insane. And you wanted me say yes. Go ahead, be insane. Be stupid still.
- [32:42]
A
Yeah.
- [32:43]
C
No, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to tell you the truth. Listen, I know with some of my friends, I'm the last person they come to because I'm going to tell you the truth.
- [32:52]
A
But sometimes we need to hear it.
- [32:54]
C
Yeah.
- [32:54]
A
I want to come back to what you said about us being in control and what that looks like. And as you were talking about that, there were a few different things that I was thinking. One, I was thinking about a lot of the premise of this show, particularly since I rebranded it, was this idea that we in a lot of ways have an ability to create our own luck. And what you described as the 80 20, I think it would kind of fit into, like, that 80% place of, like, the things that we do that can help contribute to our outcomes kind of that 80% space. So as you were talking about being in control, I was thinking about that. The other thing that I was thinking about is how I think for a lot of us, particularly women, and I think this could be particularly prevalent for black women, because we know a lot of us grew up specifically in the church, is that we are raised to believe that we're not in control, that we are kind of at mercy of something bigger than us. So what does that look like? How can people reconcile that to feel more in control without feeling like they're doing something wrong?
- [33:57]
C
Oh, gosh, the church. This is what I'll say about the church and religion, especially me as a psychic medium. My grandmother told me very young, the only difference between you and a prophet is one of you can recite Bible verses quicker. And it's not me. So that's it. Either we get our. We get our information from the same place. And I always ask people who are not necessarily confused but unsure about that connection there, and I say, well, if they wanted you to believe that you had the power, they would have told you that already. But that's not beneficial for them in religion to tell you you have the power to change your life. You wouldn't show up every week, you wouldn't participate. You wouldn't buy into the patriarchal ways and capitalistic ways of religion. That doesn't benefit me as a system, as a structure. If I tell women that all of their hopes, dreams, wishes and desires and is externally outside of them and also they have to give all of their control over to a man, you'd never show up. This place, the place would be empty. The place would be absolutely empty. So of course that is scary. If you started going to a place since you were a kid, your mother's went there, your grandmothers went there, all the women in your family have gone to this place, this structure, this being, and told you this is how you're supposed to act, be and do to get X, Y and Z. I would be absolutely terrified to do anything outside of that and would be terrified. The people who are deconstructing religion and the church culture, I commend them because that is very, very hard. You literally were brainwashed into thinking one thing and now you're saying, well, that doesn't make sense. That's absolutely scary. And I want to acknowledge that even though I don't agree with it, it's a scary thing that people are dealing with. And so they'll say, oh, astrology is the devil. That stuff doesn't work.
- [36:10]
A
Demonic is everyone's favorite word.
- [36:12]
C
Oh, the D word. Demonic. It's demonic. And it's just like, you don't think that your pastor telling you to have a God fearing man and all of this stuff, who, who cares how he, his character is? He might be a piece of crap that's demonic, but you don't see it like, well, I have a man because that's what I'm supposed to have and it's supposed to be this. And you know, I always, anybody who's any man that's like, oh, I'm a God fearing man, I'm like, please get away from me.
- [36:40]
A
I have a joke with my friends that if his Instagram bio says God first, his behavior is going to be God last. Because they are the worst. They are.
- [36:48]
C
The worst behavior does not exist.
- [36:50]
A
The worst.
- [36:51]
C
There's.
- [36:51]
A
You want to get dragged through the mud? Do that.
- [36:59]
B
When I first started this podcast, I had a million what ifs running through my head. Like, what if no one listens? What if I say something dumb? What if I mess it up? Or what if it just flops? Starting something new is exciting but also low key terrifying. And if you've ever launched a business, a brand. Even a side hustle. You know exactly what I'm talking about. And that is why I love what Shopify does. It takes so much of that early overwhelm and turns it into clarity. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world. From household names to people just starting out with a big idea and a little bravery. Shopify is that too tool you can build your entire online store with their easy drag and drop templates so your brand actually looks like your brand. They've got AI tools to help you write product descriptions and even polish your photos because not everyone has the time or resources for a full on photo shoot. And the marketing tools, they make it feel like you've got a whole team helping you reach your customers whether they're scrolling Instagram or checking emails at midnight. And the cherry on top is the purple shop pay button. Fastest checkout on the planet. Period. More conversions, less cart abandonment. It's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com balance black girl that's shopify.com balanced black girl lucky girls know what's going on with their finances. They're not afraid of the numbers. They don't avoid their bank accounts and yes, they have weekly money dates. I have been doing mine with Monarch and it has changed the game. Every week I open the app, I check on my spending, my savings goals, my investments, all of it. It's all in one place in one beautiful dashboard and actually makes sense. So there's no messy spreadsheets, there's no chaos. Monarch is an all in one personal finance tool that helps you move from tracking your spending to actually planning your financial future. You can set up budgets, you can track your debt payoff, set goals for things like a house, travel, retirement, whatever's on your list. And Monarch gives you a clear picture of how you're progressing. It was built to help you be proactive, not just reactive. Like it doesn't just show you what you spent last week. It auxiliary also helps you plan smarter for next week. You can even share your account with a partner or a financial advisor. Seven out of 10 members said it actually helped improve their money conversations with their partner, which is so important and truly speaks for itself. Having visibility into your finances is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Set yourself up for financial success in 2026 with Monarch, the all in one tool that makes proactive money management simple all year long. Go to monarch.com use the code lucky for 50% off your first year. That's monarch.com code. Lucky.
- [40:06]
A
That's why I think so many people feel very torn. And those who are leaning more towards kind of deconstructing those beliefs, there's a lot of work that goes into it. Do you think for some people there is a way for those beliefs to coexist?
- [40:21]
C
Yes, and this is going to be a very, very drastic example. I'm a researcher, as I like to say. I'm a researcher, and I like looking at systems and structures, have a very huge fascination with the CIA. But that's another topic for another day. But I'll use an example of Leah Remini. She was part of Scientology and that brainwashing, all sorts of things and years and years and years. And she said when she was leaving Scientology, her therapist said, you don't have to throw all of it away. Some of this stuff benefited you. You know, one of the things she said benefited her was even though she was brainwashed into this, she's like, people think that, oh, you're a Scientologist, you're going to be a famous actor. And so that was like a lot of the programming, like in the 90s. And so she said what was really happening is that they made us feel so superior to everyone who existed who wasn't a Scientologist, that when she would go on auditions, she would feel so confident because she thought everybody was beneath her, and that's why she would get the benefited her. Right. And so her therapist says, you don't have to throw that away. If you got your confidence from auditioning in that way, you don't have to throw that away. So that's what I tell people. You don't have to throw the bad stuff away. You know, I grew up. My grandparents were Catholic. And then when my grandfather died, my grandmother was a member of the Church of Unity. She didn't throw certain things away. She taught us everything. But you don't have to throw the good things away. The stuff that helps you, the stuff that is actually benefiting you. If prayer and fasting works for you, keep that. You don't have to get rid of it. But don't totally disregard everything else that you're trying to incorporate as bad, especially if it's helping you.
- [42:19]
A
And as people kind of work through that and get more comfortable with the idea of being in control. Right. Creating their own luck. What we talk about a lot here, getting what they want. What does that look like in practice?
- [42:33]
C
Clarity. That's the biggest thing. It looks like clarity. I can't not emphasize. The more clear you are, the easier spirit can bring it to you. Confusion is what's stopping now. I didn't say it's gonna happen overnight or it's gonna come tomorrow. But the more clear you are, the easier it will be to find you because you can recognize it. You can recognize it quicker. You know that it's there. If you go wavering all the time, well, maybe I don't want this. Maybe I want that. Maybe I want it to look like this. I'm not saying that you can't change, but the ultimate vision, the ultimate goal that you have for yourself, whether that's career, relationship, financial, all of the things spiritual, mentally emotional, all of those stuff, have that clear idea. Like, I want this. What's your favorite kind of ice cream?
- [43:26]
A
My favorite kind of ice cream. Ooh, I like a cookie dough.
- [43:30]
C
Okay. I love cookie dough ice cream. I only want cookie dough ice cream to come into my life. So now when I bring you a cake, don't have cookie dough ice cream instead of strawberry. Because you told me I'm available and ready for cookie dough ice cream. So now it can show up in all ways. I'm available for this type of relationship, for these type of experiences. Sometimes I say, you know, in the morning, what I like saying is like, you know what? Today I'm available for something really amazing to happen, something that's going to bring me joy or make me light up, and then it happens. It's really about alignment and being in flow with these things. And the more clear you are, the more in flow it can be. It's like it's a straight line now, the straight line. You don't know if it'll happen next week or in a year or two, but you just have to keep that straight line.
- [44:23]
A
Yeah. Yeah.
- [44:24]
C
Open.
- [44:25]
A
Comes back to what we were saying earlier about actually knowing what your desires are and not being too shy to.
- [44:31]
C
You cannot be afraid.
- [44:32]
A
Yeah.
- [44:33]
C
Just tell if this. If you want this, then just say you want it. Even if someone says, oh, my God, that's never gonna happen for you.
- [44:40]
A
So.
- [44:41]
C
Right. Okay. Nothing I could do.
- [44:44]
A
Yeah. For you.
- [44:45]
C
Right. But nothing I can do for you. I'm gonna still keep this for myself.
- [44:50]
A
I think sometimes what can also be so terrifying about being honest about what you want and going after what you truly want is the fear of rejection, the fear of disappointment, the fear of being told that what you want is too big. Because also, in a lot of these structures that we talked about, you're kind of not Supposed to want anything.
- [45:12]
C
Well, you're not supposed to. And also, I always tell people, you don't have a problem with failing.
- [45:19]
A
It's the success.
- [45:20]
C
Failure is easy. Yeah, I mean, comfortable. It's comfortable if you're black or brown. It's. The system is set up for you to fail anyway. So the problem is really you succeeding. That's what your nervous system is. Scared. What if it actually does work? Then what? Because I've been told all my life that it's not gonna work, or I see around me that it can't work, or people have told me, what if it actually does work? What now that's scary. So you have to prepare yourself for it working, you getting what you want and. But I always tell people to start small, start really tiny, but also start in your community. If you live in a community where there's a local grocery store, a local restaurant, a local coffee shop, everybody should know your name. Everyone should know your name. Because that is a part of you getting what you want and manifesting you pouring into the people who are in your immediate surrounding. I can go now to the coffee shop by my house and forget my wallet by accident. I will. I'll walk out with coffee and probably something to eat too. Why? Because I go in there, I deposit love, energy. I get to know everyone. I'm inquisitive and curious about who they are, what they're doing. I know all the girls who work at the coffee shop by my house. They're all in college. I know what they're studying. We have conversations like, people should know who you are in your neighborhoods. Neighbors. That's iffy. You know how people are sometimes. Neighbors. Try and get to know at least one or two of your neighbors. But these are the things that move your world, that allow things to come into your life. It's so simple. Start with some small things or manifesting, start with something little so you can start recognizing like, oh, this can happen. For me, I love manifesting cups of coffee at different places. There's so many things that you can do.
- [47:15]
A
Like proof of concept.
- [47:16]
C
Yeah, proof of concept. Make it a game.
- [47:18]
A
I have a notes app in my phone called the lucky log that I'll put anytime something good or nice like that happens, something small. If it's like someone paid for my coffee or my seat on this flight got upgraded or somebody gave me a really nice compliment, I save it all to that note, yes, all of those.
- [47:35]
C
Things create opportunities for things to happen, good things to happen for you.
- [47:41]
A
So you also have a book Coming out soon. It'll be coming out right around the time this episode is out, which I'm very, very excited for. Can you please tell us more?
- [47:50]
C
Yes. It's called embody your magic. It's called manifest the life of your dreams through human design, astrology, numerology, metaphysics and mediumship. And it is about healing is not a one size fits all approach. So it's using these different modalities and telling you when to use them. I take people on a journey through the canyon. What I call and the canyon is the shadow of yourself. Everyone has to go through the canyon. You might have to go through it several times in your life. When things happen, what happens is people try to avoid the canyon and they try and look over it and then they're. They're stuck and then they. You need to go into it. So each of the modalities is connected to an embodiment. And that embodiment is as part memoir, part workbook, part getting to know yourself. It's just pretty much telling you, like, what the purposes of these different modalities are and why you should use them and how they help you move forward in your life and get clearer about what you desire. It starts off with knowing your story. I think it's very important to know your story. And that's your birth story and the conditions that you were born in, your parents. There's some hard questions to ask in there. That's probably the only chapter that I'm like, please don't skip is the first chapter. Knowing yourself and knowing that story of how you were born, what those conditions is? Your parents like each other. What? Or they in love or they're not. Those are really important things because these are the things that you wind up chasing in your life. It's a part of you already. And so if you could ask those questions to the people around you or people who knew your parents, if you don't have contact with them or our family members, then it would really be helpful.
- [49:41]
A
Yeah, yeah. Such a big takeaway that I'm getting is that really understanding yourself is integral to all of this. Yes, you have to, you have to do that.
- [49:52]
C
The best study is yourself. And I'm not saying that you have to be in school for years studying yourself, but study, apply, study, apply. There's always going to be some new thing. And many people ask me, like, oh, this same situation happened. I dealt with the same type of person. Yes, they were the same. But every time you handle it differently, every time you react differently, every time you Learn something new. That's you growing. So. And those are all important things.
- [50:21]
A
Yeah.
- [50:22]
C
So that's what the book is about. It's just about helping everyone understand themselves. I like to say I teach people how to play the cards that they've been dealt. Everybody's been dealt a set of cards. Let me help you play them to the best of your ability so you can win at your life.
- [50:40]
A
So good. That's something that we talk about so much on this show. It's just figuring out what is your edge and what can you do with what you have to get to where you want to be.
- [50:49]
C
How can you win at your life?
- [50:51]
A
What do you.
- [50:51]
C
How do you want to win?
- [50:52]
A
Yes. Win the game that you're playing, that.
- [50:55]
C
You'Re playing, because everyone's playing a different game. And the problem where people get stuck and lost and confused, you're trying to play somebody else's game. That that game don't have nothing to do with you. You shouldn't even. You shouldn't even be on the board with that person because that's a whole nother thing that they got going on that they've overcame, that they've accomplished. You need to move on and focus on what you have. And the wonderful things, whether you think that they're not wonderful or not, the wonderful, amazing things that you have for yourself. Everyone is made of wonderful, amazing qualities and traits and characteristics and worth. You're worthy just because you exist. And once people just feel that, even if you feel it for a second, a day, for a minute a day, set a timer and just feel worthy for five minutes and allow that to, like, wash over you, that everything in your life is good. You have everything that you want. All things are well. And if you want to go back to crying and wallowing after that, then go ahead and do that. Everyone deserves to feel that. And I know that that's what people are. Are desiring right now to feel worthy, to feel loved, to feel like they belong. Create it for yourself, even if it's just for a second.
- [52:13]
A
I love that. That's like, such a good daily practice.
- [52:16]
C
Yeah.
- [52:17]
A
Compliment. Absolutely. Just set a timer for a minute or two.
- [52:20]
C
Yeah. And just feel what feels like to just imagine everything's working out for you, all of your bills are paid, and you have nothing bad happening. And just feel what that feels like. And then you can go back to whatever.
- [52:34]
A
Yeah, go back to it. But I would imagine over time, I.
- [52:37]
C
Believe that feeling compounds. It compounds. And you feel the angst and the.
- [52:42]
A
Despair less, which is ultimately the goal.
- [52:45]
C
Correct.
- [52:46]
A
Right.
- [52:46]
C
Yes.
- [52:47]
A
Yeah. I just love the title of the book, embody your magic. Really emphasizing that we all have magic. It's just understanding what it is and how to work with it. It's also why I'm very big on people understanding what their good qualities are, what their luck is, what their thing is. Because it can be so easy to think like, oh, she got that. Because she has this quality. And she's just special. And I'm not. She's lucky. And I'm not. She's magic and I'm not. No, we all have the ability to be that. It might look different or feel different for each of us, but we all have that ability within ourselves.
- [53:23]
C
Yeah, we all have it. And I always tell my clients, my business, just mind your own business. Worry about yourself.
- [53:29]
A
Yes.
- [53:30]
C
Worry about yourself. Worry about yourself and what you're doing. If you can focus on that, everything in your life will change for you. You're. But everyone's so concerned about everyone else, what everyone else is doing, how everybody else is doing it. Worry about yourself, and then you'll be fine. Once I started worrying about myself and really focusing on what I wanted and how I wanted to get it, my whole world changed. Everything changed. And I stopped feeling like I was missing out on something. You're not missing out on anything. No one's missing anything. You have everything you need. Bring me the people in my path who will help me get there, but also let me recognize them. Because there's people that come into your life that you think, oh, well, she don't. Maybe she's jealous of me. Or maybe this. They want to take my spot. No, they were actually. They were sent to help you, but you too blind to see it, silly. Because you're in your ego to ask that. Ask God, spirit, whatever you call him or her, please send me people in my path that can help me get to where I want to go, but make sure that I can recognize them and. And worry about yourself.
- [54:46]
A
Boom.
- [54:47]
C
Yeah. Boom. Worry about.
- [54:49]
A
So the core message.
- [54:51]
C
Yes.
- [54:52]
A
So helpful. Thank you so much, ac. This was so good. I learned so much. Good. Per usual.
- [54:58]
C
He be here.
- [54:59]
A
Yes. Please let the girls know where they can find you, how they can work with you, and where they can find your book.
- [55:06]
C
Well, they can find my book wherever you can get book sets. So just buy the book somewhere. Just Google it. It's a beautiful purple cover. They can find me@acbrown.com and I offer one on one, invite me to speak, workshops, all of that stuff. I love gathering the girls. And as people say, oh, you going to read us for filth? Yes. I love doing that.
- [55:27]
A
We love it. And we love when you read us to filth.
- [55:30]
C
Love reading you for filth. And then we hug at the end and then that's that. And you can find me on socials. CBrown on YouTube. It's just AC Brown, number one.
- [55:39]
A
Perfect, thank you. Make sure all of your info is linked in the description. And before we go, if there's just one thing from this conversation you hope the girls take from it to either embody their magic or to get what they want. Have their, their lucky 2026. What would it be?
- [55:54]
C
Oh, gosh, especially for 2026, it's universal. One year so we all have this clean slate energy and you feel like you wanna conquer the world. Conquer the world. That's number one. But number two would be to actually take yourself seriously. You have what it takes. You don't need anything extra. Start from where you are and go and just walk the path. You don't need to know what's going to be on the path. You don't need to know the next steps. All Spirit wants you to do is take one, one step and let everything appear. And also, like I said before, to really call in and ask Spirit to send you people who can help you along your way and to make sure that you recognize them.
- [56:41]
A
So key. Thank you so much. You're welcome. And thank y' all so much for tuning in to this week's episode. So if you are not already subscribed to she's so Lucky on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, wherever you get your podcast, wherever you're listening or watching this right now, I don't know what you're doing, babe, but if you want to be lucky, make sure you're subscribed. Make sure you tune in every Tuesday. Make sure you leave us a review. Lately, reviews have been a little. A little stingy. So make sure you drop that five stars wherever you get your podcast. And if you're watching on YouTube, leave us a comment below to tell us one way that you're embodying your magic in 2026. Thank you for tuning in and I'll see you next week.
- [57:24]
B
Thank you for tuning in to this.
- [57:25]
A
Week'S episode of she's so Lucky. If you're ready to create your own luck, hit that subscribe button wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube so you don't miss an episode and head to the show. Notes for resources, links and discount codes. And if you are really feeling lucky. We would appreciate your rating and your review. It really helps us be able to improve the show, to get great, great guests, and to understand what you want to hear more of. Thank you for tuning in and I'll see you next week. If you've ever been laying awake at three in the morning replaying something you said literally months ago, this show is for you. I'm Carla, the host of Don't Think, a podcast that will not fix you, but it will make you laugh, make you feel seen, and hopefully give you a break from the chaos of your own brain. New episodes every Thursday. This is Don't Think a break for your brain. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.