Loading summary
Transcript297 lines
- [00:01]
A
The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode of she's so Lucky. My name is Les. I am your host and I appreciate you tapping in. This podcast is all about the different ways that we create our own luck. And today I am joined by a guest who has certainly done that. Now, authenticity is a word that we hear thrown around a lot, especially when it comes to how we all show up online. And it's also a hot topic of conversation around content creators and how content creators show up online. So I was really excited to sit down with a creator who I think really embodies authenticity and who really beautifully brings her audience along on her journey. So I'm joined today by Jazz Smith. You may know her as just jazzy idk on TikTok and on Instagram to talk more about what it has been like to kind of grow up and evolve in your 20s and to bring your community with you. So we talk about everything from the different ways her life has changed as she's evolved her platform, the business behind creation, navigating friendship, changes as life changes in your 20s and 30s and so much more. So please join me in welcoming Jazz to the show. Jaz, welcome to she's so Lucky.
- [01:27]
B
Oh, thank you. I'm excited.
- [01:28]
A
I'm excited to have you.
- [01:29]
B
I've been following you for a while. I feel like it's been like a minute.
- [01:32]
A
Really?
- [01:32]
B
Yeah.
- [01:33]
A
Oh, my.
- [01:33]
B
I think so. Wait, that. That at least a year, which feels like forever to me. It does.
- [01:37]
A
Yeah, for sure.
- [01:38]
B
Like, content, timeless. You get to know a lot. It is.
- [01:40]
A
No, a year is a long time. I mean, I've been following you for a long time, too. I think probably still in Covid, like, when you would, like, stand on the.
- [01:48]
B
Coffee table, I'm like, that's a be dream to me. Like, I. That time period of my life, I look back and I'm like, oh, my gosh, that was. Feels like a lifetime ago. Like, how much has changed in this short period of time?
- [02:00]
A
Yeah, but I think the beautiful part of having that documented is you're able to look back at that version of yourself.
- [02:05]
B
That's my favorite thing. Like, even when someone, like, likes a video of mine that's, like, older and I click on it and, like, I watch it back, I'm like, oh, my gosh, I'm cringing so hard. But also I'm like, oh, that's amazing that I'm, like, way more comfortable in front of a camera now because, like, I wasn't I thought I was at the time. Yeah.
- [02:21]
A
Yeah. And then I also feel like it helps you have all this compassion for your younger self.
- [02:25]
B
Yes. Yes. That's like, healing a part of me every single time.
- [02:28]
A
Yeah. So I would love to start off by hearing about a time when you felt really lucky. This could be a moment where you felt like things either came together in alignment or you created the luck for yourself.
- [02:39]
B
A couple things. Getting laid off from my job. Like, I got laid off. Peak. Peak Covid. And I was in love with my job. Like, I was working so much overtime. Like, if anyone needed me to cover, like, I'm working. I worked in, like, real estate doing, like, property negotiation, and I loved it. And I got laid off. And I was devastated. I was like. What do you mean? Like, I was, like, the highest ranked person on my team. Like, it did not make sense to me. And I was like, life is literally over. Like, my entire identity at the time, like, was my job. And it took me a little bit of time, but after a while, I ended up moving to New York because I got laid off. And, like, meeting my husband because I got laid off. I ended up, like, having social media as a career because I got laid off. And, like, once things started falling into place, I was like, thank goodness, because I never would have left that job. Like, you would have had to drag me out of there. And I kind of did have to, but I never would have left. And, like, my life turned out, like, so much better. Like, either career wise, like, mentally, emotionally, because that happened.
- [03:33]
A
Okay. I love that example. And I asked that question of all the guests I have for the past couple of months now, and I think you are the first person who has given an example of something that's been a catalyst or. Yeah, one of those, like, rejection is redirection moments where this thing first happens and it feels probably devastating, but actually ends up being really great.
- [03:52]
B
Yeah. I think I've always said, like, everything happens for a reason, but it takes time for those reasons to show up. And in those time periods when you're waiting for that reason, it's, like, the worst thing ever. There's, like, nothing to look forward to. But, like, once you finally have the understanding, once it finally gets there, like, okay, I get it now. And, like, having that moment of appreciation is, like, huge.
- [04:10]
A
Yep. Like, it all worked out how it's.
- [04:11]
B
Supposed to, which you can never kind of understood when it was all happening. But I have that outlook for, like, everything now because I've had such a big difference. Because that one thing that felt like the actual end of the world.
- [04:22]
A
Exactly. Do you sometimes still feel like work is something that you identify so heavily with, even though your job is obviously very different now?
- [04:31]
B
I think it's. It's the same thing, but in a different way. Because before my identity was, like, in numbers, like, having good numbers, and now it's like. I wouldn't say it's super analytic wise, but it's as staying. There's so many parts to it. It's like staying authentic, like, being true to myself, like connecting with people, like building relationships and like, having good content and like, people like, liking me for, like, the actual version of me that I'm putting online, which obviously is, like, as authentic as I can be, but not just, like, liking an idea of me. It's a messy game to play with yourself. My, like, identity and brand and like, my income all comes from, like, me as a person. It's like finding that person and constantly having the growth and understanding and be like, yes, this is who I want to be perceived as. This is who I actually am, my core, and not what I'm pretending to be.
- [05:18]
A
Right. Because it's you. It's not a character.
- [05:21]
B
It's, like, messy when you're like, your worth and things get tied into your entire brand as a whole.
- [05:26]
A
For sure. I think that's something that is so tricky about content because so much of it, for many creators, it is your life and then separating. Okay, if something does well, how do I not let this inflate me too much? But if it doesn't do well. Yeah, how do I not take this personally? Because we are all out here being ourselves in one way or another. How do you handle that?
- [05:47]
B
I handle it much better now. I would say at the beginning, it was very difficult for me because I was so focused on, like, oh, you misunderstood me. Like, I can help you understand. I can further explain it because why would you not like me based off, like, there has to be miscommunication somewhere. And I recently have gotten to the point of it's okay that not everyone likes me and it would be a problem if they did. Like, it's a good thing this way. And I'm not gonna please everyone, and I shouldn't. And if I, at the end of the day, I'm, like, happy with who I have around me and who I am at my core day to day. Like, everything else doesn't really matter, and you can hear that a million times, but until it actually clicks for you, it doesn't actually matter until you're like. And it recently, I would say, like, in the last, like, six months, it actually clicked. And prior to that, I said it all the time, but it didn't actually, like, I didn't, like, take it in fully.
- [06:31]
A
No. I relate to that so much and have been in such a similar space where I'm beginning to become okay with the idea of people not understanding me or not resonating with what I'm saying. And it's not even that I felt like I was a big people pleaser. I want everybody to like me, but it's. It's just this wanting to be agreeable all the time that we literally can't be.
- [06:52]
B
Yeah, I'm. I'm very sensitive. I take things very personally. And I just got to the point where I'm like, I don't like everyone, and not because, like, anything's wrong with a ton of people, but just because, like, we don't align, which is okay. And, like, it would be a problem. People, like, were all aligning with me. So it's like, I don't like everybody, but nothing against them.
- [07:10]
A
Exactly.
- [07:11]
B
And, like, it's not personal. Someone doesn't vibe with me or doesn't want to watch me. Like, that's okay.
- [07:15]
A
Yeah. And learning that not. Not disliking something but not needing to be super close to something or be accepted by everybody also doesn't mean, like, hate it, Beef.
- [07:27]
B
Like, there's so many parts to the spectrum that's not one side or the other. And, like, having that understanding, like, makes all the difference.
- [07:34]
A
Exactly. Which is hard because I feel like nuance is dying.
- [07:38]
B
Yeah.
- [07:39]
A
In this day and age.
- [07:41]
B
Yeah.
- [07:41]
A
People have a hard time understanding it.
- [07:44]
B
Yeah. And people have a hard time having their own opinions.
- [07:46]
A
Yeah.
- [07:47]
B
Like, they. Someone can love someone and someone can point out things that they never noticed, and then they're going to be bothered by those things. But it's like, are you actually bothered? Do you think you subconsciously. Are you supposed to be bothered? Like, who knows? So I think just, like, being very trusting in, like, your own opinions from the start and not questioning where those are without, like, actual things that are changing your mind.
- [08:08]
A
Yeah, exactly. I want to come back to something that you just shared because you mentioned being sensitive. I've also heard you talk about that on your podcast as well. Sensitive, like feelings sensitive as. As you mentioned it. I'm curious if having such a public job has helped you, like, thicken your skin or how do you navigate being a sensitive person? Also, with so much noise and opinions.
- [08:31]
B
A lot of Therapy. I was in therapy prior to being in social media, but I would say, like, the topics were more, like, my upbringing and, like, my how that affects my day to day and, like, why I do what I do. And I think as I got on social media, it was like, why am I being affected so much by these comments? Like, is it. What's this, like, stemming from? And I think, like, a lot of unpacking things, like, from, like, whether it was, like, earlier life, like, growing up, high school, whatever it is, made me realize, like, oh, like, these are, like, the deeper issues that are coming about. And I think, like, once I actually dealt with them, instead of avoiding the things that I'd been avoiding for a while, probably talking about and probably actually, like, did me a favor because I was forced to deal with things that I probably wouldn't have otherwise because I was being so dramatically affected by all the things being said to me. Because I read every comment.
- [09:19]
A
Yeah.
- [09:20]
B
And, like, now I'm like, okay, whatever. Like, before it was, like, it would ruin my day. Like, not just my day, but my week. Yeah. But, yeah, just, like, with time and, like, talking about it and, like, realizing, like, why I'm actually so affected by something.
- [09:33]
A
Yeah. Getting to the root of it, it.
- [09:35]
B
Sounds like, makes all the difference.
- [09:36]
A
Yeah, for sure. Are you, like, a talk therapy girl? Do you like other types of therapy?
- [09:41]
B
I didn't EMDR when I first started therapy, which I was a big fan of, but then I started doing remote therapy, like, during COVID and stuff. And so I hadn't really done it since. But talking. Yes. But also, I think for so long I did therapy and, like, I would talk, but I would, like, think of something in my head that would be prompted by something else, and I would completely push it away and avoid it. And then I got to a point where I was like, okay, we're having the same conversations. Like, I have to bring up other things. And, like, once I did that and, like, I actually was at the point where I was like, I want to feel better for someone. I wanted to feel better, but I didn't actually want to do the work to feel better because I wanted to avoid talking about certain things. And, like, once I did that, I was like, okay, like, life is so much better. But getting to that point, I think I needed that time to be like, okay, I'm at my breaking point of where, like, I need to actually talk about stuff.
- [10:30]
A
Yeah. Oh, it's so. I feel like for anybody who's been to therapy, the omitting things from the Therapist is something we've all done.
- [10:36]
B
Yeah. And I used to think, like, oh, like, I'll talk to her about anything. So, like, it's no big deal. Like, I'm not really hype. No. There still were things, like, there always is, but I didn't realize it at the time.
- [10:45]
A
Yeah. For sure. I still struggle with that. Or sometimes I'm like, oh, I need to bring this up again. Like, wasn't I supposed to be over this? Yes. And releasing that judgment is important.
- [10:54]
B
Yeah. It should be so, like, kind to yourself and like, even, like, your previous self. Because that goes hand in hand with how you're handling yourself currently.
- [11:03]
A
Exactly.
- [11:03]
B
You don't realize how big of an effect. Like, old things, like, if they're still coming up, they're coming up for a reason.
- [11:07]
A
Exactly. And that there's more to work through.
- [11:10]
B
Like, you thought you were done, but you're not.
- [11:11]
A
You're not.
- [11:12]
B
There's a lot more left.
- [11:13]
A
Exactly.
- [11:14]
B
But that's, like, the beauty of, like, growing up is, like, choosing to deal with it instead of avoiding it.
- [11:19]
A
It's so annoying, but it's so true. Because it's like part of being human is having feelings, even if you like to avoid them. Like, I do.
- [11:27]
B
Yeah. I was the same way. I was very, very, very avoidant. But, like, the older I get, the more I'm like, do I. Which. What kind of person do I want to be exactly? Like, I don't want to be putting my stuff onto anyone else. And, like, I have to be okay, like, with myself. Like, that takes work within me and not around other people for sure.
- [11:43]
A
And it's like, even when we avoid those things, we're still carrying them.
- [11:45]
B
Yeah. So even if it shows up in a different way.
- [11:47]
A
It does.
- [11:47]
B
It's not the same way.
- [11:48]
A
It's always there in some way. Yeah. So at the time that we're recording this, it's summer. We're over halfway through the year. I think when this episode comes out, it'll be like, late summer, early fall. So not that. Not that far away, but you've had, like, a really big year. You've done such a year. Oh, my gosh, you got married.
- [12:04]
B
Which is so exciting.
- [12:06]
A
Congratulations.
- [12:07]
B
I appreciate it.
- [12:08]
A
And, like, low key. Kind of broke the Internet for a second there.
- [12:11]
B
It was a great day. I will say that was actually hard, though, Is, like, going to, like, that peak. Like, I'm like, it's. I can't get back to this peak, and I can't be focused on getting back to this peak just because like, it's just a relevant topic. Like, not my day to day life is not going to be as relevant as this one event, this one singular time.
- [12:29]
A
Yeah. This, like, culmination of a really beautiful day.
- [12:32]
B
Exactly. Which it was a fantastic day.
- [12:34]
A
I.
- [12:35]
B
Everything went perfectly. I have zero regrets. Like, it was a perfect day in my eyes. Like, not even, like, the content and things that came from it. Just like it was everything I wanted it to be.
- [12:43]
A
Yeah. Which is the. Like, that's the dream. That's what we. That's what we want.
- [12:48]
B
But I also didn't have that many expectations. I wasn't very. Like, I wasn't someone who dreamed of my wedding, like, since I was a little girl. Like, I actually didn't want one. And then like, times where I did want when I kind of dreaded it. But I think because, like, I removed all the things that would have gave me anxiety or like, triggered me throughout the day. I was like, nothing can go wrong.
- [13:04]
A
Yeah.
- [13:04]
B
And so, like, it couldn't have.
- [13:05]
A
Yeah. Exactly. What I appreciated about your wedding and the pieces that you shared kind of leading up to it and after is it sounds like you really made it what you wanted and made it, you know, what was going to be special for you and for Kevin. Instead of doing things just because they're tradition or doing things just because everybody does it. And it sounds like, you know, that's a lot of what you're describing of eliminating those things that you wouldn't enjoy or that would stress you out so you could really enjoy it.
- [13:33]
B
Yeah. I think I just. It comes from therapy. Like, I know myself so well. Like, I know things that would make it, like, positive or negative throughout the day. I'm just like, being very intentional and also communicating with Kevin. Like, these are things that, like, would be an issue for me. For example, like, he danced with his mom. Like, which is so fun. Like, I love that for him. Like, I didn't want to have a first dance because, like, that's also reminds me that I'm not in a good spot like with my dad. Like, so I was like, eliminating that as a whole for me. Made my day good. And like, I felt like I had zero pressure from him to, like, do certain traditional things. Like, I was like, you can dance with your. But I'm not going to watch because, like, I. It will trigger something in me. So I talked to my. My Mar. The entire time. Yeah. Like, but she was okay with that.
- [14:11]
A
Yeah.
- [14:11]
B
But like, it takes also, like an understanding partner to like, be willing to not do things that are traditional or not be like, it's not about you fully, you know, because, like, it's a 5050 thing. But understanding it and getting to create.
- [14:24]
A
Moments that feel special for you. Like, probably having that time with your friend was so nice because in most weddings, people actually don't get to talk.
- [14:30]
B
To their friends at all. And I was, like, getting to, like, recap, like, what's happened so far and talk about your favorite parts. Like, that was a super fun moment for me throughout the day. And I got to walk down with him as well, which was, like, took away all my anxiety. And, like, that was, like, a fun, special thing that me and him got to have, like, of our own time.
- [14:44]
A
Yeah, I love that. How has married life been since then?
- [14:47]
B
It's been great, but it's honestly been the same as before we were married, I think, because, like, we already lived together. Like, we already had, like, done all the holidays together, like, with each other's families, already had, like, dogs together. Like, there wasn't a lot to change at that point in time because we already were kind of, like, splitting finances and stuff. Nothing was really going to change after marriage. I just love being able to say husband instead of fiance. I hate the word fiance.
- [15:10]
A
I've heard a lot of people say that. Why do you think that is?
- [15:13]
B
I don't. To me, it just sounds pretentious. It sounds like, pick me. I. I don't know what it. Maybe it's like an internal thing for me, but I just. I don't like it. I said mostly boyfriend the entire time, or then I guess switched to husband. But fiance just sounded like asking about my wedding, which wasn't for me. Yeah. And also, I hated. I hated talking about it leading up to it because, like, I was like, that's not my identity. Like, my identity isn't. Like, my life is good now because, like, I found someone. Like, I'm getting married and, like, I'm having a marriage. Like, that was which I felt like most conversations steered that way.
- [15:42]
A
Yeah.
- [15:42]
B
I didn't want to, like, support that narrative.
- [15:44]
A
No, for sure. I think that was also why a lot of what you shared surrounding your wedding was so refreshing, because it was like, you let us in on this special moment, but at no point did it feel like it was your whole identity or personality.
- [15:56]
B
Yeah.
- [15:56]
A
And I think that made it more fun to watch.
- [15:58]
B
Yeah. It was just like, we're having a party with our friends.
- [16:00]
A
Yeah.
- [16:00]
B
Like, I mean, we're celebrating, like, how, like, we have such good relationships with different people in our lives. Including each other, which was like a better way to look at it for myself personally, for sure.
- [16:15]
A
You know those outfits that look so good in your head until you put them on and realize you have no bra that works with it. Strapless doesn't cut it. Sticky bras just play in your face. And those foam pads that come in sports bras? Absolutely not. So let me put you on to something that actually works. Sticky Cakes. These little lifesavers are comfortable, seamless adhesive nipple covers that can be worn with every outfit. I've been wearing them under tanks, tees, dresses, and they've stayed in place through heat, humidity, sweat, and a whole lot of moving around. They have been a lifesaver for me. What I love is they're actually made for comfort. I forget I'm wearing them, but still feel covered. I also love that they're seamless and come in all of these different shapes and sizes so you can find the right fit for you. And my favorite part is they also have this adhesive free, non sticky center called the nip nook to protect the sensitive nipple area, which means they don't feel like you're peeling off a sticker at the end of the day, which if you know, you know. Also, I love a brand with a good Y. Cakes is on a mission to provide boob solutions for all women that make them feel flattered and free while supporting women's health causes. To check out the product for yourself, go to cakesbody.com and you can use the code lucky for 20% off off your first order this fall. That's cakesbody.com using the code lucky for 20% off. This episode is sponsored by Cotton. Now more than ever, I have been prioritizing wearing items made from natural fibers as much as possible. And cotton is that fabric that I come back to again and again because it feels good, it wears well and is so versatile. Especially now that the weather's warming up. I reach for cotton more than ever. Light, breathable tops, flowy cotton dresses, the softest sleepwear. I love knowing that what I'm putting on my body is gentle and not trapping heat or irritation and that it won't bother my skin. It really does make a difference when you're wearing something all day and you want to feel comfortable and put together. Whether I'm wearing denim or a simple tee, cotton based fabrics are a staple in most of my outfits. And as someone who is on the go a lot, I appreciate that. Cotton is also super durable. It doesn't fall apart in the wash. It keeps Its shape. And it's just not the kind of fabric that you have to fuss over. Really easy to take care of. And that matters to me because I want my clothes and my linens to work with my lifestyle and not be another thing that I have to worry about. Cotton is the fabric of our lives. So next time you're shopping for clothes, bedding, or home goods, check the tag and choose cotton. You can learn more@the fabricofarlives.com again, learn more at the fabric of our lives.com to learn more about cotton. I know a big topic of discussion after your wedding was around the content and was around, like, the organization of your content that was shared during that day. And you had shared this post where you gave everybody a glimpse into your.
- [19:27]
B
Spreadsheet of how I'm so Type A. Yeah.
- [19:31]
A
Of how your team did that. Okay, so let's talk more about this. I want to talk about one, you being type A and how that manifests for you and how that's helped you. And then I would also love to talk more about the business side of being a creator, because I think people who aren't in the creator space, from the outside looking in, it just looks like you just kind of do stuff all the time and you just share about it and things magically happen. And there actually is so much organization and strategy behind the scenes that people don't see.
- [20:00]
B
Yeah.
- [20:00]
A
So first, let's start with you being type A and if you've always been type A and how that manifests for you.
- [20:06]
B
I think I always have been. Yeah. Yeah. I think I just. I thrive on having control. I think that just, like, stems from, like, me not having control, like, with who was in my life and who I was growing up around and all those kinds of things. So anything that I could control, I always have, and that's turned into. I was like, me, my corporate jobs, like, now, obviously, with this. But I also know, like, when I don't have control, when things, like, don't go how I planned them, it stresses me out. So, like, whatever I can do to eliminate that, I will always do, which is where the spreadsheet came from. I was like, I don't want to, like, miss things that are important to me, but if it's all planned out, I can do it in two seconds. It doesn't take away from me being present and being there with people like, that I love and care about. Because I also hate, like, when I first started, I would, like, go home for holidays and I'd be, like, working like, on my phone and recording everything. And my grandpa's like, what are you doing? And, like, he doesn't understand it one. But also too, like, I don't ever want anyone to feel like I'm taking away from something. So I try to be very aware of that so I can, like, limit things. And the best way to limit it was doing a spreadsheet. So, like, for probably six months prior to the wedding, I was, like, saving videos, like, that I thought, like, were fun or I wanted to do at a certain moment in time just so I could, like, lay out, like, what I needed throughout the day. And, like, my assistant, she's amazing. She's. I couldn't have done that without her because she was like, oh, hey, like, you're doing this right now. And it's. I already knew what the sound was, and I'd record it and then it was done. She'd save it on my phone. We call it a day. So probably 20, 30 minutes of my day was recording things, but only because there was, like, eight hours of planning prior to that. But it worked out great. I loved it.
- [21:38]
A
Yeah, for sure. And I loved also what you said about having the help, because I think that when you know what you want and when you have a plan in place, it's also easier to delegate.
- [21:48]
B
Oh, 100%. I didn't used to be very good at delegating. I really wasn't. But I just realized I needed other type A people that, like, understood the way my brain worked in order to feel comfortable enough to delegate throughout it. But also, like, a big part of it, like, of why I did it, is, like, I got to have my dream wedding, which I didn't even know I had a dream wedding until, like, I got into planning because, like, I've had this job for the past, I don't know, four or five years that I was able to, like, save so much money in order to do it, not have to question if it was, like, worth it or not. So I was like, I want to share as much as possible. And that was the easiest way to do it.
- [22:20]
A
Yeah. Bring your community.
- [22:21]
B
Yeah. I was like, I got. Also got so many dms, like, leading up to the wedding, people asking to come, and I'm like, absolutely not. Like, I love you guys so much. Like, that's. That's too far.
- [22:29]
A
That is a very boring.
- [22:30]
B
I'm not inviting some people I actually know, like, in real life. So, like. No, but, like, the next best thing that makes me feel like at a distance was sharing throughout the Day and also made it way more fun for me too, because, like, I didn't want to stress about, like, oh, someone posted my dress. And I haven't posted it yet because, like, I did have a lot of influencers that were there that do have followings that, like, overlap with mine. I was like, if I'm just going throughout my day beforehand, like, it just eliminated that entire section of, like, don't shame me before I share.
- [22:56]
A
Yeah, yeah, because you already had a plan. Wait, I have to go back to people DMing you, asking if they can come. That is incredibly bold.
- [23:04]
B
Yeah. But I think to a certain extent, I do understand it. I think because, like, with my content, there is no, There is nothing that I don't share. Like, I'm. I genuinely am an open book. I don't really have any boundaries, which for me, like, makes it more fun. It's not for everyone. I don't recommend it necessarily. Like, that's just the way that it ended up unfolding for me. I've built up a little bit of boundaries here and there, like, as time has gone on. But I get why it is parasocial. Because you do. On one side, you do know everything about me. Like, I don't know anything about you, but, like, you. You don't think you know. You actually do know, like, everything. So I get why you feel like I want to go to her wedding. Like, I've been there from the beginning. Like, you have. Like, I do get it, but obviously a hard no for me. But I. I also, I understand the ask. Like, to a certain extent.
- [23:51]
A
That is so nice of you.
- [23:53]
B
I think it's like, I have empathy and understanding of how you got there.
- [23:56]
A
Yeah. Yeah.
- [23:56]
B
And like, also, like, when I did first start, like, I would people if you DM'd me. Like, I would. I knew people's life stories. Like, when I only 10,000 followers, I would have the time to go through my DMs and we get to know each other. And, like, I was also, like, very lonely during COVID I didn't have any friends. Like, I was locked away, basically. And, like, working my job. I was like, I was connecting with the Internet. Like, I felt an alternative, like, parasocial relationship as well. Like, I built that, like, through the community. And, like, that's why I have the life that I have now.
- [24:22]
A
Yeah.
- [24:22]
B
So, like, I have understanding, but, like, not enough to, like, be like, yes, come on.
- [24:25]
A
Yeah. Not enough to, like, extend. Extend the invite. I want to talk to, like, the business side of things and being a Creator. I'm curious if there have been any skills or things that were transferable from your previous career in real estate that you apply to your creator business now?
- [24:41]
B
Yeah, I used to do property negotiations. Like when I got into like creating a big part of like me handling my own stuff was negotiating. Like that's, that's what I did all day long, I think, understanding like the worth behind something. Also just like being analytics wise, like paying attention to like what else is going on in the marketplace. I did real estate, so I'm always checking the market. Like I did the same thing like with other creators. Like that's what I did when I started and I continue to, but not as much anymore because like I have a team now. But I was like very aware of like comparing things and seeing what else is going on when getting started. So I'm like, oh, they, they're working with this brand. I could probably work with this brand. Well, what's the other content look like? Why did they get picked for this? That kind of thing. So it's been very helpful to be very analytical.
- [25:25]
A
Yeah, yeah, that's super helpful because I think for a lot of people who may have entrepreneurial aspirations, they may feel like, okay, I'm in this job, I want to do something entrepreneurial, whether that's being a creator or some other business. And sometimes it can be hard to see what's transferable, but there's actually so much that's transferable. And having worked in corporate for a really long time also before I became a full time creator, I'm like, oh, I'm so glad I had that experience because I got to learn all of these skills. I got to learn how to manage.
- [25:53]
B
A team and even just building relationships.
- [25:55]
A
Yeah.
- [25:55]
B
And like knowing how important like one interaction is, I think going to like events and stuff. Like I recognize how everyone's always, everyone's paying attention and people talk and like I think that made me show up differently in every single setting because I had gone to like so many corporate events and had so many like different connections, relationships built through things I wouldn't have expected to build something from that. I'm just like more aware of things and paying attention to my surroundings.
- [26:21]
A
For sure. It's, it's like that professional maturity piece. And even if you are an entrepreneur, have your own business or a creator, whatever, you're still interfacing with people who are corporate.
- [26:31]
B
Yeah.
- [26:31]
A
All of the time. So being able to speak their language because those are often the decision makers for a lot of the things we do.
- [26:37]
B
And recognizing who is too. You can tell, like, pretty quickly, like, when you're. When you walk into a room, like, what that looks like.
- [26:43]
A
Exactly. It's super, super important. Has there been any other things related to business that you feel like you've really learned or skills that you've really honed in since being a creator?
- [26:53]
B
I think also just being on time and being time. Like, I had deadlines at my other jobs, and I think a lot of. Not a lot of. There's a decent amount of creators who don't take deadlines seriously. I think that I've been able to renew so many things and continue to get things because I'm. I am always on time and I'm respectful of other people's timelines because, like, I hated when I worked my job when people would be late. I'm like, you threw off all my stuff. And so I think just being mindful of that is I continued to do that with being a creator and even more aware of, like, asking people questions that are, like, are working in pr, working on a team, like, what are, like, the biggest, like, hiccups you tend to have? And being the complete opposite of that.
- [27:30]
A
That's a really good tip, actually. Understanding the pain points of the people you work with, making sure you don't contribute. Yeah.
- [27:36]
B
I don't want. I don't want to make anything difficult ever. I think also, like, it's very easy to get a reputation of, like, they're bad to work with. I was like, was it someone else on their team? Like, there's so many, like, nuances, like, why that could have happened. So just, like, building a good team around me. Also, who's representing me well, because I don't want, like, if my shit was on time, I want it to show up on time to the other person.
- [27:55]
A
Exactly.
- [27:56]
B
Yeah. Just, like, trusting who you have built around you.
- [27:59]
A
Yeah. Can we talk more about your team structure? I know we mentioned your assistant who is helping you with the wedding day content.
- [28:03]
B
Yes.
- [28:04]
A
Who else is on your team? What does that look like?
- [28:06]
B
So I'm best friend and I, who's also creators. She. We share an assistant, so she works on the podcast and on. On our personal stuff. And then I have a manager and then a coordinator under my manager as well.
- [28:14]
A
Okay, cool. And what's the difference between what those two people do?
- [28:17]
B
So my manager does all my inbound deals, like, all the negotiating, and then the coordinator coordinates, like, timelines for things. There's normally a brief for, like, submitting ads and stuff. Any briefing calls for the content itself and submitting the content and any edits that need to be made. Okay, great.
- [28:32]
A
Yeah. So you have, like, support on all of those fronts. I also wanna talk about the podcast side of things because he had posted a video. I think it was maybe a month or two ago now. I don't know. Time. I don't know what time is not real. But you had posted a video. I think it was. It was actually not long after your wedding because you'd hit the milestone of like 500k on TikTok, a hundred k on Instagram. And you had also mentioned, like, oh, the podcast is now profitable after a couple of years. And I think people may be surprised to hear that we talk more about the podcast side of things and, and why it took a couple of years to become profitable.
- [29:05]
B
Yeah, people were surprised in the comments. Like, what do you mean? It's just not profitable. Like, we were pumping our own money into it for so long. Like, it takes a. You have to reach a certain threshold before, like, you're actually making money. And there's so much money that went into it because we didn't just treat it as, like, oh, it's a hobby. It was treated as a business. Like, we had a whole legal team. Like, we have an llc. Like, we hired our assistant through our podcast. Like, she's a full time, like, W2 employee. Like, we put money into, like, studio time. We also have studio equipment that we record with at our apartments. We, like, there's so much that goes into it. And also you were doing outreach to brands. Like, we had. We made like, a little bit of money here and there on, like, those ads we had. But, like, we also had merch for a while. We also did a live show once. Like, and all of that was us funneling our own money into it. And, like, we just broke even. Like, after, like, two years of pain points. That was a lot of work, but it was worth it. And, like, now it's great because, like, it's successful. Like, I was editing that podcast myself up until a month ago, which is a lot of work. Every single week. A lot. Yeah. And, like, managing our email and, like, doing our ads. Like, we just finally got to a place where it's like, this makes a lot of sense. Which I'm so happy we're finally there. Yes. But there's a lot of work and time that went into it beforehand. But, I mean, probably could have got there faster if, like, we delegated or had more help. But, like, it wasn't in the budget.
- [30:22]
A
Yeah.
- [30:22]
B
No.
- [30:23]
A
That's so real. I had such a similar experience with this show where it probably took me around two years to start making money from it. And then by, like, the third year, that was when it started actually generating where I wasn't just breaking even. And for a really long time when I first started. Because I started off on social media and then I started the podcast, and I was still working corporate, so it was like the corporate was me living. The money that I made from social media would funnel into the podcast before the podcast made any money. And it was. It was like a cycle. It was like one thing was feeding another for multiple years until those things started making enough. And I think people just don't realize that. Or they don't realize. They think podcasting is. Oh, you're just sitting and talking. But there's so much that goes into it.
- [31:06]
B
But also so much marketing the podcast. We were just marketing it, like, on our channels. But also, like, we're not. We are paying for clips to be cut.
- [31:14]
A
Yep.
- [31:14]
B
And, like, every single penny that was made, like, we were making money. Yes. But it was all going back into it to eventually get us to somewhere where we're making, like, actual money. Not just like, oh, we're good today. We're okay this week.
- [31:24]
A
Yeah.
- [31:24]
B
You know.
- [31:24]
A
Exactly.
- [31:25]
B
And, like, I'm so. But we did that because, like, we were successful in other areas. It made sense to expand somewhere else because, like, it's so important to have, like, multiple streams of revenue. Like, you don't know when something's going to get banned or go away.
- [31:36]
A
Exactly. Yeah.
- [31:38]
B
Been important to focus on.
- [31:39]
A
Yeah. And I think it's important for people to hear those stories because they'll see successful creators doing something. Not realizing how much time goes into it. It might get discouraged if it takes time for them too. And I think probably one of the biggest lessons I've learned not only as a creator but just in life is, like, everything takes longer than we think it should.
- [31:57]
B
Absolutely.
- [31:57]
A
And when you just. When you know that you're not as discouraged. When it takes time.
- [32:00]
B
100. But also think it's. You have to enjoy what you're doing. Like, I think people are so quick to come on to the Internet and, like, make content because they want to make money. I can't take. But I think you're not gonna be successful if you're only in it because you want to have the influencer lifestyle. I think you have to genuinely enjoy what you're creating and building a community and, like, doing all these things. Or it's first of all, it shows up super differently. Like, you're either coming off authentic or you're not. And also, you're not making any money at the beginning. Like, you're getting made fun of. Everyone's on you for, like, enjoying your life. Like, you have to actually enjoy yourself or else. Like, but you're not gonna get anywhere with it. Like, in my opinion, it's like, I'm so happy I enjoyed making content for free for so long or else I would never be making content for money, for sure.
- [32:44]
A
Oh, yeah. It's like you have to enjoy it and you also have to have a certain amount of. I don't know if self motivated is the right word, but either your enjoyment of it or something has to keep you doing it and keep showing up, even if you're not necessarily being compensated or getting the response that you're hoping to get.
- [33:01]
B
Yeah. People are so quick to be like, why is no one following me? It's like, why should they? Yeah. Also, like, it doesn't. It takes like, I've been doing this for five years now, and I just now have gotten, like, a little bit of, like, validation towards the amount of work that I've been doing. Like, it takes a while.
- [33:18]
A
It does, yeah. Yeah. I feel that so heavy. I mean, I think when I went full time with this podcast, it was like four years in which even to do something for several years, it's like, are you willing to stick it out?
- [33:33]
B
And most people aren't. Like, what if it's tomorrow? Like, you just, like, don't know. That's why you have to, like, be enjoying it. And this is worth it to me. Like, even if it doesn't work out for another five years, this is still going to be worth it that I put all this work and time and effort into it.
- [33:46]
A
Exactly. You also had mentioned authenticity, which is a perfect segue, because that's something that I wanted to talk to you about. Because I do think that being authentic is something that you do really well in terms of what you share and how you share it. Feels like if I were to just FaceTime you, it would be like the exact same thing as what I would see if I'm opening up a TikTok video. And I also think that people use the word authentic perhaps a little bit too much. And authenticity is something that I don't think you can manufacture in the ways that we can sometimes try to because we know it's a good thing. But, like, knowing how to do it can be really tricky.
- [34:24]
B
Yeah.
- [34:24]
A
So I just love to hear your thoughts on authenticity and how you remain so authentic.
- [34:28]
B
I think it's also just hard to be authentic with having boundaries.
- [34:31]
A
Yeah.
- [34:31]
B
I mean, like, finding out what those are. Because it's not just like, being authentic isn't just like oversharing. It's like you're showing up like, as who you actually are with, like, who you would show up with with anyone else. Like, I may not give you every detail of a story, like when I'm online, but I'm still sharing the same story that I would share offline with someone else and I'm going to tell you the same story the same way. That's like, also because to me, like, I do have a parasocial relationship with my followers and I enjoy having that. Like, that's, that's fun for me. Like, it, it's joyful that I have like, relatability and like, you may relate to what I'm going through currently or what I went through previously. And like, it gives you hope that like, you can be in a better place mentally later on. Like, that's fun for me. At no point though do I want someone be like, no, she seems fake. Like, that's like my least favorite thing ever. And I think it's easy to be authentic when you're having a fun time. It's like, it's hard to be authentic when you're not enjoying what you're posting.
- [35:28]
A
Yeah. And do you think having expectations around a certain outcome when you're sharing also hurt authenticity?
- [35:35]
B
Yes. Like, I'm focused on numbers when it comes to like, ads and things like that. But my day to day posts, I'm not focused on numbers. Like, if I like it, I'm gonna post it, which is where it comes back in with like, I enjoy posting like organically because if I was focused on performance, I'd be like, I'd start questioning, like, oh, like, is this performing back is like, you don't like me or. Cause I said something weird and I'm getting in my head about it, which I can't do. It gives me too much anxiety. I just have to be like, this is. I like this video and I'm gonna post it and if it performs well, great. If it doesn't, like, I also don't care.
- [36:04]
A
Yeah. Yeah. I think the beauty of that authenticity is you also have a community that really roots for you and is. Is so genuinely supportive. Like, you had recently posted the McDonald's ad.
- [36:15]
B
Yes. And everyone, everyone in the comments is.
- [36:17]
A
Like, this is so aligned, like they were so hyped to see you have that because it's something you've talked about for years on your own.
- [36:23]
B
Yes, exactly. I think it's also why it's important to like, have partnerships that do align with you authentically. But also it can get frustrating too, because I posted partnerships in the past. People like you don't even use this. I'm like, I do, though. You didn't see it in my 25 minute YouTube video from three weeks ago. Because you don't watch me there.
- [36:40]
A
Yeah. Or you don't see it.
- [36:41]
B
Exactly. It's like I post videos, like five. Or at one point I was posting 15 times a day. Like, you haven't seen everything. But it's when you're very consistent with certain things, it's so cool to see your community show up and be like, oh my gosh, like finally, like they finally noticed you. Like, that's. That was very fun for me.
- [36:58]
A
Yeah. And that's, that's ideal when it's like you have the community that's in it with you. Because there also can be those moments where people were like, oh, I don't like ads, or I don't like this. But when the community is genuinely rallying around something because it is authentic, that's when it's such a win.
- [37:12]
B
Yeah. It's amazing. Which is also where I'm like, I love that you're parasocial, that you, that you know all these details. Like you're waiting for this to happen.
- [37:18]
A
Exactly. Yeah. Or when everyone was tagging you for your opinion on the snack wrap.
- [37:22]
B
Yes, exactly. And like, I have talked about this so many times. It's just the consistency.
- [37:26]
A
Exactly.
- [37:27]
B
But I'm also like, I could have stopped posting McDonald's because they didn't want to work with me, like for the past five years. But like, I kept posting it because I'm like, eventually maybe they'll appreciate me, but also if they don't like, no big deal. Like, I still like eating it.
- [37:37]
A
You authentically like it. So it's like, no harm, no foul.
- [37:40]
B
Yes.
- [37:40]
A
Yeah. So my hair has been through it. This summer I had knotless braids in four months. And while they were cute and low maintenance, they also left my hair needing some serious tlc. So now I'm focused on making sure my hair is strong and healthy for silk press season. And for me, that means taking Nutrafol. Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand trusted by over one and a half million people. And yeah, I was skeptical at first. You've probably seen a million ads for hair growth products and thought, sure, like that actually works now. I did too until I started taking Nutrafol last year and learned that Nutrafol isn't like everything else out there. It's physician formulated, clinically tested and dermatologists recommended. You can also feel good about what you're putting in your body because Nutrafol hair growth supplements are backed by peer reviewed studies and NSF Contents Certified, the gold standard in third party certification for supplements. And the best part is, it's easy to stay consistent. Adding Nutrafol to your daily routine is so simple. You can order online, no prescription required. Automated deliveries and free shipping keep you on track. Plus, with a Nutrafol subscription you can save up to 20% and you'll have access to free one on one naturopathic doctor consults to support you on your hair growth journey and a headspace meditation membership is included. See Stronger, Thicker, Faster Growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months with Nutrafol For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping. When you go to nutrafol.com and enter the promo code Balanced Less Find out why Nutrafol is the best selling hair growth supplement brand@nutrafol.com spelled n u t r a f o l.com promo co balanced less that's neutrophil.com promo code balanced less so as you kind of move into this next season, I'm curious what you're looking forward to. Like, still a newlywed, you have your house that you're remodeling in a lot of transition. What are you looking forward to?
- [39:55]
B
Being home? Yeah, yeah, I'm looking forward. Like I really am enjoying this time period of being so crazy and hectic and very busy and like very, very on the go. Because I don't intend to have it forever. Like one, it's not sustainable and two, like I look forward to the time period, like when I slow down eventually, but I don't ever want to look back and like, oh, I wish I would have done more before I slowed down. I do want to like have kids and like not, I don't like the phrase settle down because I'm like that just like, like you're stopping everything else around it, surrounding it. But I'm like, I do want to like have it be a little bit slower at one point so I can be present and everything. But I don't want to be like, oh, like I have resentment that I built up because I decided to slow down too fast. So I enjoy being exhausted at the moment because it's not a forever thing. And I want to look back like, oh, I'm so glad I enjoyed and explored all those different things before I was like, let me take a little bit of a break.
- [40:49]
A
Yeah. So leaning fully into the season.
- [40:51]
B
Exactly.
- [40:52]
A
Yeah.
- [40:52]
B
But like, right now I love being exhausted. Like, I say yes to everything, but it's not, it's not a forever thing.
- [40:57]
A
Yeah, I know. Well, we were kind of talking about this a little bit before we started recording. I'm like, I need to figure out what is your caffeine routine? Like, what kind of coffee or energy drinks do you like? Because how do you have the energy for all of these things?
- [41:10]
B
I think I just function on less sleep as, as more time goes on. Yeah. Genuinely. Because I feel like I used to, I needed eight hours. Like, I was not a pleasant human being if I didn't have eight hours. And now I'm like, I can nap and call it a day. I'm like, I'm fine just because I'm excited about what I'm doing. Like, I think that genuinely keeps me, like, awake. I drink coffee here and there, but I'm like, not heavily, like every day, like, reliant on coffee or like, honestly, really, really. I drink a lot of Diet Coke actually. That is a lot of caffeine.
- [41:35]
A
Okay.
- [41:35]
B
But I have like, I guess a lot of those a day. But that's my, that's my version caffeine. Yeah. But also just like the joy of, like, this is so fun right now.
- [41:45]
A
Yeah.
- [41:45]
B
Like, like, yeah, I can have a two hour nap in between two things and be fine because, like, these are both fun things.
- [41:51]
A
Yeah. Genuinely being energized by what you're doing.
- [41:53]
B
I think also, like, I used to sit at a desk and work like 60, 68 hours a week. Like, this is like being exhausted because I'm flying back from a different country. Like, that's fun.
- [42:02]
A
Yeah. That perspective.
- [42:04]
B
Yeah.
- [42:04]
A
Is really good.
- [42:05]
B
And I get to share, like, what I want to share and people like, can enjoy that and relate to that. Like, that's fun to me. And I love, like, when I get DMS from someone who like, has been following me for like five years and like, saw me like, when I was super depressed and like suicidal and like, not doing well and like, couldn't imagine a day when like, life would get better. It's like, me, now we're like, life is so much better. Although I do hate when, like, you were like, oh, like, it only got better because, like, you got married. Like, you found a man. Like, that has nothing to do with it. Like, I was so much better. Like, did that enhance my life? Yes. But that didn't complete it and, like, make it all happy and whole, like, for sure. And I was, like, wanted someone who. Who would enhance my life and, like, not complete it. Like, I was, like, I did all that work on myself to, like, get to a good spot and, like, that's why it ended up working out with him when it did, because I'd gotten to such a good spot and it wouldn't have otherwise.
- [42:49]
A
It's so interesting that people would say that, that they could attribute your happiness now to that relationship without also factoring in all of the ways that your life has changed over the last several years, where it's like being in a different environment, doing work that you really enjoy, having an element of financial freedom that's different than what you like. Those are all things that I would think have a big impact on happiness.
- [43:11]
B
I also have fantastic friendships, too. Like, I've removed a lot of things like. Like, that probably weren't good for me. And, like, I've added a lot of things that have been fantastic for me. And, like, that was like, the cherry on top was, like, meeting him. Like, I was in a great spot before, if you, like, really paid attention. But I would. I mean, I also get it. Like, if you haven't seen me in five years, like, you saw I was, like, single and, like, trying to date and, like, whatever before I. You can make that assumption. I guess. I mean, it's incorrect, but I can see how you would get from point.
- [43:34]
A
A to point B. Yeah. And I think a big takeaway there, at least for me, is I think sometimes we can want to pinpoint happiness or being in a better season on one thing, as if there's one thing that's going to fix it.
- [43:47]
B
Yes.
- [43:47]
A
One job that's going to fix it. One relationship. But the reality is, as people, we have all of these different factors in our lives that are happening all at once. And oftentimes when our lives improve, it's because several things are improving. Because if we put all the pressure on one thing, one relationship, one job to carry all of our happiness, that's not beneficial.
- [44:06]
B
No.
- [44:06]
A
And it's not going to work.
- [44:07]
B
No. I think it's also too, like, why would. I got laid off previously? Like, I was so devastated. All my happiness wasn't work. Like, there was nothing else to bring me joy. It was just that. So when that went away, I was like, oh, I'm screwed. But, like, I think that also made me, like, correct, like, having multiple things, like, bring me happiness and joy, and, like, being comfortable with, like, not having my identity in just one thing. Because then if it goes away, it's like, oh, now what?
- [44:31]
A
Exactly. Yeah.
- [44:32]
B
Learning lessons.
- [44:33]
A
No, for real. That's an important lesson, though, and a really good one. And. And then when you have other things that are fulfilling, it's like, okay, maybe if. If work is a little rough right now, but I have really great friendships. Cool.
- [44:44]
B
Or, like, kind of thing, too. Was like, female friendships. Like, I don't. Like, I've learned to appreciate, like, those so much more than I used to, I think before I was like. So I wasn't, like, when I first started dating, like, a lot, like, in my earlier 20s, I was like, I just, like, want to find, like, my person, you know? And I'm like, I found my person so much through friendships. Like, that's been so great. And I'm like, if I. I. I looked at it at one point, I was like, if I met my person tomorrow, like, I'd be done being selfish and, like, not in the way where, like, you're going out and doing whatever. Selfish in the way where, like, you're making decisions solely on you and what you want. Like, I get to. I used to pick up and go to London for two weeks and swap apartments with some random person because I wanted to that week. And, like, you don't get to do that when you have a partner. Not because, like, it's controlling, but because you care about. You have to factor in and how it affects them. Yeah. And so I'm like, if you're single, I'm like, that could be. If you met your person, like, at the coffee shop tomorrow, it's done. It's over. I'm like, are you really done with that portion of your life yet? Like, I'm so glad I had all the living and experiences and selfishness that I had prior, because many appreciate, like, that time period, but you don't know when it's gonna happen, right?
- [45:54]
A
Yeah. It's also a lot of pressure to put on another person to be your sole source of happiness.
- [45:58]
B
You can't. You can't do it. Like. Like, you just. It's so important to have all those areas, like, and I'm so happy I found that balance between all them because for a while I was like, I don't know what parts I need and all that kind of thing. But with time I'm like, wow, this is like, this is so great to be fulfilled in like, multiple different areas of my life.
- [46:17]
A
Yeah, yeah.
- [46:18]
B
I know how to fix it when it's not fulfilling because, like, I know, like, oh, this part's a little bit off and this part over here is a little bit too high or whatever it is.
- [46:26]
A
I would love to talk a little bit more about the friendships piece because I do think friendships are something that can change a little bit as we get older. And so I'd love to hear just about how your friendships have evolved over the past couple of years along with like all of the other areas of your life that have evolved.
- [46:41]
B
Yeah, I mean, I have a couple, like, core friendships I have from like being in like middle school, high school, like that I can't imagine ever ending. And I think those friendships will continue to be forever friendships because not only did we grow up in similar environments, but we also have always had this, the same like, morals and values and like, that's how we stayed friends. I've also have friends I met earlier on that that wasn't the case, which is why we've are no longer friends. I think it's. It's hard also to give yourself grace with letting your friendship go when someone's been around for so long and you're like, nothing's really that off. But I don't feel the need to keep going with it. It's like people grow as they should grow. Like, it's. That's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. And like, like sometimes you grow apart from someone. Like, nothing bad has to happen, but just like, not meant to be there forever. Like, I had friends. I'm like, that I'm so glad at that part of my life with you. And like, that served its purpose, but it wasn't meant to be anything more than that. Like, that's okay. And I have other friendships that I've like, gotten like, through adulthood. I'm like, wow, like, I needed this friendship. And like, even we've only been friends for a few years, I'm like, we are. So when you meet someone, like when you're in like, like 25, 26, 27, 28, I'm like, oh. Like, I know who I am as a person and so do you. And because of that, we can have such a healthy, confident, like, non caddy friendship because we both are secure in ourselves. I think it's very hard. In like, early 20s, I was like, everyone's Figuring themselves out. You don't know who you are. And you, like, you're like, why am I jealous? Or why am I this? Or why am I that? Like, why is there, like, this resentment? And when you meet someone older, I feel like you're. You don't have that because you've done the work on yourself.
- [48:24]
A
Yeah.
- [48:25]
B
Which is, like, made my friendships that I've made at this age so much better and even strengthen the friendships that I've had from the very beginning, which I, like, have so much appreciation for.
- [48:33]
A
Yeah. Yeah. There's so much truth to that. And I think the older you get, the more intentional you have to be about friendship. So it's like, if you have a friendship that is strong, whether it's from when you were younger that you've maintained older or you make friends older, and you maintain that friendship as adults, it's. It's like there's so many things going on. Everybody has to be so much more intentional about it, and it can make those friendships so much stronger.
- [48:54]
B
Yeah. Because you. You get so busy as an adult and, like, and like, when you really care about someone, like, you make it a time, you figure it out. You don't have time to do that with 20 people like you did when you were younger. So, like.
- [49:04]
A
And when you're young, oftentimes friendships are about proximity. It's like, who's in your class, who's on your sports team, who do your.
- [49:10]
B
Parents want you to be friends with.
- [49:11]
A
Right.
- [49:11]
B
All that. That.
- [49:12]
A
And you can still have great friendships from that. But you didn't necessarily choose that.
- [49:15]
B
Yeah.
- [49:16]
A
Around it. And then when you're an adult, you get to choose it.
- [49:19]
B
Yes.
- [49:19]
A
And that can be, like, really beautiful.
- [49:21]
B
Yeah. And choosing who you get to spend your time with and who you pour into and you understand also who's pouring into you. I feel like when you're, like, younger, you don't necessarily understand, like, how you're giving, giving, giving, and you're not necessarily getting anything back or vice versa. And understanding that as an adult is fantastic.
- [49:37]
A
Yeah. For sure. And how has it been working with your friend? Because I know you work a lot with your friend Hallie.
- [49:43]
B
Yeah.
- [49:43]
A
How has that been?
- [49:44]
B
It's been great. And I think it's because we both have the same, like, morals and understanding for things. We both also very communicate very well. I think communication is huge. And I've gotten to be such a better communicator as I get older and, like, through therapy and figuring out, like, things that I do want to communicate and how to communicate them and that. That things can be received, like, in a poor way, and it doesn't mean it's going to be the end of the world. So figuring that out has been super helpful. But both of us are just on the same page because when we're not on the same page, we communicate it and we correct it and we figure out, like, oh, why did that go so poorly? And, like, how can we correct it for the future? Because we both just have a lot of care for the friendship as well. To where we'd rather have confrontation than have it be the end or cause further issues.
- [50:30]
A
It's so important.
- [50:30]
B
Yeah.
- [50:31]
A
And I think oftentimes if you do have some sort of, like, conflict, even if it's not anything severe.
- [50:36]
B
Yeah.
- [50:37]
A
But just having conflict and things that you're able to talk through and communicate and get on the other side, I think often makes friendships so much stronger.
- [50:43]
B
100. Mostly you just have to care to, like, want to fix it. I think for this friendship in the past, like, oh, I don't. I'm glad something happened because, like, now that's over, you know, and with her and, like, our friendship, like, I know nothing could ever, like, like, really end our friendship because people have so much care and understanding to want to figure it out. That the level of comfortability, like, makes confrontation, like, not a big deal because you know that it's going to come out on the other side and be okay.
- [51:07]
A
Right. Yeah. And it's like, when you have a core friendship where you know that other person's heart, even if there is something that happens, you know the intention.
- [51:14]
B
Right.
- [51:14]
A
You know, it's not malicious. It's like, okay, there's a misunderstanding. Let's get on the same page.
- [51:19]
B
Yeah. Yeah. Because I think in the past, my, like, I don't know your intent. And so I didn't really care to find anything else out. I'm like, for her, I'm like, I know something's off here. Like, I know there's a miscommunication. I know that was not how it was supposed to go down. Like, let's figure this out with all my friends at this point in this age. I'm like, I always know. Like, that was out of character. Like, this isn't. There's something else going on here. And, like, we'll figure it out. But this isn't right.
- [51:42]
A
Yeah. That ability to give people grace.
- [51:44]
B
Yeah. Which is huge. And I. I would want the same grace from my friends, which I think is why I'm so, like, that seems off.
- [51:54]
A
Yeah. So if you're having one of those moments, let's say you're having a time where maybe you're feeling a little bit off. Maybe you're just, like, super tired. Something's going on. I don't know anything. As people, as women, we have these moments. What helps you come back to center and feel like yourself again?
- [52:09]
B
Yeah, I think just like, self awareness. Also, like, having friends who are willing to call me out on my. Like, I. I appreciate that I'm never going to take. And also be being willing to appreciate that they said something sooner rather than later. One of my life is willing to call me out, which is fantastic. But also, I think I will also call myself out very quickly. Like, all. If I do something, like, I'll be like, you know, like, maybe take me 10 minutes, but I'll be like, you know, that wasn't about you, that was about something else, like apologizing and, like, moving forward from it and, like, making the correction. So it's not like a pattern.
- [52:40]
A
Yeah. Yeah. Like the accountability from a loving person. Huge.
- [52:43]
B
Yes.
- [52:44]
A
Yeah.
- [52:44]
B
Which I love. I have so much appreciation. People who are willing to be honest and care enough to, like, figure it out.
- [52:50]
A
Yeah. Because it's like, when people who love us hold us accountable. I feel like that's where true accountability can happen, where it's like, okay, I was having a moment.
- [52:57]
B
Yeah. One thing that you love and you care about, you respect is saying something. You take it in a completely different way than someone who's just like. You're like, who are you and why are you saying this?
- [53:05]
A
Exactly. And it's also, I think, very different than when people try to be like, accountability police on the Internet.
- [53:11]
B
Because it's like, like, it's so frustrating to watch. I'm like, do you. You don't want to hold someone accountable. You just want to, like, complain?
- [53:17]
A
Yes.
- [53:18]
B
Like, you don't want to see them change, like, make any correction. You just, like, want to join the bandwagon. That's why I have a hard time with cancel culture. I'm like, do you actually care about, like, the actual root cause and the root issue and, like, want to see someone, like, actually, like, make an actionable change? Or do you want to be like, yep, they suck.
- [53:32]
A
Yeah. You want someone to be mad at. I think a lot of people do.
- [53:35]
B
I think it also goes back to control, though. It's like, there's so much to just. It's so hard to feel, like, a sense of control, like, with the world and everything that's happening. And like the world, it just like, gets to be a lot. So I think anywhere someone can find a sense of like, oh, I. Yep, me too. Like, I'm. I. No to you. It's like, comforting, which kind of is an issue. But it's. It's a big thing. It's very common right now.
- [53:57]
A
It is. It is a little. A little exhausting. But I also think it's for certain things because sometimes it's like, okay, yeah, a cancellation needs to happen in some instances, and then in other times it's like, like, okay, I see this for what it is. We take it with a grain of salt.
- [54:10]
B
Yeah, exactly. And social, just the Internet, just things get so out of hand so quickly. And it's very. So much misinformation too, which makes it like, so difficult, like to find like the source and like where something came from and like, what actually is happening. It's gets to be a lot.
- [54:24]
A
It does, it does. Yeah. Well, Chaz, thank you so much for being here.
- [54:29]
B
Chatted so quickly.
- [54:30]
A
We did. I know.
- [54:31]
B
So easy to talk.
- [54:32]
A
I know, I know. But I loved this conversation.
- [54:35]
B
Same.
- [54:35]
A
And thank you for sharing so much with us. I feel like, like so much of what you shared is truly the definition of. Of creating your own luck.
- [54:41]
B
Well, I'm. I'm lucky. Yeah.
- [54:45]
A
And you've also done a lot that. That has contributed to that luck. So much of what you were saying about therapy and the healing and like the self reflection.
- [54:52]
B
Yeah.
- [54:52]
A
Creates luck.
- [54:53]
B
It really does.
- [54:54]
A
Yeah.
- [54:55]
B
The work is worth it.
- [54:56]
A
Yeah, definitely. Can you please let the girls know where they can find you if they are not following you already?
- [55:02]
B
Yes. Everywhere at Just Jazzy, IDK3ZS and podcasted delusional Diaries.
- [55:08]
A
Perfect. We'll make sure we have all of that linked in the description. Thanks for being here. Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode of she's so Lucky. If you're ready to create your own luck, hit that subscribe button wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube so you don't miss an episode and head to the show. Notes for resources, links and download discount codes. And if you are really feeling lucky, we would appreciate your rating and your review. It really helps us be able to improve the show to get great guests and to understand what you want to hear more of. Thank you for tuning in and I'll see you next week.
- [55:53]
B
Why does everyone think that beauty editors are so skeptical? That's because we are. Carlene and Jill here, host hosts of Breaking Beauty podcast.
- [56:01]
A
We're two longtime magazine beauty editors turned beauty podcasters who have seen it all.
- [56:06]
B
And swatched it all. And we're coming at you every single.
- [56:08]
A
Wednesday, chatting about the breakthrough people, products and moments in beauty.
- [56:12]
B
We've gotten up close and personal with celebrities like Haley Bieber and Tracy Ellis Ross, and we're delivering all of the beauty tips from the glam squads behind.
- [56:21]
A
Their epic looks like Jennifer Aniston's hairstylist.
- [56:24]
B
Kim Kardashian's makeup art artists, plus the.
- [56:26]
A
Very best skincare experts. And if you want to know which.
- [56:29]
B
Products would dare touch our faces, don't miss our hashtag damn good episodes. Listen for free or watch us on.
- [56:35]
A
YouTube at Breaking Beauty Podcast.
- [56:37]
B
See you Wednesday.
- [56:39]
A
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.