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- [00:01]
Les
The holidays are all about sharing with family meals, couches, stories, Grandma's secret pecan pie recipe, and now you can also share a cart. With Instacart family carts, everyone can add what they want to one group cart from wherever they are so you don't have to go from room to room to find out who wants cranberry sauce or whether you should get mini marshmallows for the yams or collecting votes for sugar cookies versus shortbread. Just share a cartoon and then share the meals in the moments. Download the Instacart app and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes. Plus enjoy free delivery on your first three orders, service fees and terms apply. Audible's best of 2024 picks are here. Discover the year's top audiobooks, podcasts and originals in all your favorite genres, from memoirs and sci fi to mysteries and thrillers. Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment, like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984 heartfelt memoirs like Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson's lovely one, the year's best fiction, like the Women by Kristin Hannah and Percival Everett's brilliantly subversive James Audible. There's more to imagine when you listen. Go to audible.com imagine and discover all the years best waiting for you.
- [01:27]
Unknown
The following podcast is a Dear Media.
- [01:29]
Les
Production welcome to Balance Black Girl. My name is Les. I'm your host and I appreciate you tapping in. Now, I'll be honest, I'm coming at you with an impromptu solo episode today because I actually came to the studio with the intention of interviewing a guest who is amazing and I'm excited to interview her at some point, but she did not show up today and studio time is expensive. So since I'm here and since the camera's rolling, we're going to. We're going to do a solo and we're going to do it on the fly. And I say that because I want to be fully transparent that if today is not as polished or as buttoned up or if I don't hit my points as well, and as clearly as y'all are used to me doing it is because usually I spend hours prepping for each episode and writing scripts and rehearsing and practicing and having an exact flow, and the delivery of that is just super different than when I'm sitting here kind of coming up on the fly with what I'm going to say. So this episode, as I'm saying It is entirely different than what it was supposed to be today. But that's okay. We're able to just go with it. And so as I was sitting here in the studio thinking, okay, I have a certain amount of studio time left, I'm not going to waste it because it's very expensive. I'm leaving here with something, I'm leaving here with an episode. What can I talk about? So solo and I want to talk about the experience that I've had practicing getting dressed every day for the month of September. That was a really big stretch for me because if you listen to my Style and Beauty Favorites episode that I did back in August, you know that a lot of my background revolved around being a fitness girly. It revolved around me wearing workout clothes all the time. There was a time where I was a personal trainer, I was group fitness instructor. I literally worked at Lululemon, so my work uniform was wearing Lululemon and that was all I wore. And sometimes I look back on that time in my life with like a little bit of sadness. I never really got to be that like 20 something hot girl because I was just wearing workout clothes all of the time. Or even when I was still working in Corporate in my 20s, I was getting ready out of a gym bag and I was waking up at the ass crack of dawn 4am to commute up to the gym, workout, get ready at the gym and then be sitting at my desk by like 6:30 in the morning. And I'm doing all of this while it's pitch blackout outside gloomy Seattle. I mean, none of that involved any sense of style or putting myself together. And so I've always identified as kind of more of a low maintenance girl. And I do think that there are some aspects of that that are just my personality. Like I don't like spending a ton of time doing certain things. I don't necessarily get joy out of doing certain things. I don't love the practice of sitting down and spending hours doing my makeup or spending a lot of time styling, styling my hair. I just frankly don't enjoy those things. So when I say low maintenance, I don't mean like I'm not like the other girls. I just mean I literally don't want to spend my time doing it and I would rather spend my time doing other things. And so I Learned through my 20s and early 30s that I didn't like where being low maintenance got me. I was low maintenance in so many ways when it came to my work, when it came to how I presented Myself when it came to dating, when it came to friendships. And I realized that being so low maintenance got me a lot of like low budget experiences. And when I say low budget experiences, I don't mean, you know, not money, not getting money, or people spending money on me. I just mean lack of quality, lack of effort. I spent my whole 20s in relationships. And if you've listened to this show or if you're familiar with my story, like I spent my whole 20s in relationships. I was in one relationship after another from the age 19 to 28. And then since 28 I've been single. So it's been almost seven years now. I'm 35, so my whole 30s, I've been single. My whole 20s I was in relationships. And also from 28 to 30 I was just in situationships, even though I wasn't informal relationships during that time. So I was able to hop from one relationship to another, one situationship to another, because I accepted such low quality experiences that it's really easy to come by. And then when I got into my 30s and I started questioning some of the things that I was accepting and I started questioning some of the experiences that I was having and wanting things to be higher quality, it led me to thinking a lot more critically about what I accept of others and what I accept from myself. And so this journey of me focusing more on how I present myself has actually been a long time coming. And I think that I'm just now beginning to visibly see the changes in myself. But these are really seeds that have been planted in me. About five years ago, honestly, I would say when I moved to LA and when I left the Pacific Northwest, that was really when a lot of seeds of wanting higher quality lived experiences got planted in me. That was when I realized, oh, I don't have to accept the bare minimum in every situation. I don't have to accept the first offer that a job gives me, or the first offer that a brand gives me, or these breadcrumbs that a man is giving me. I actually don't have to accept that, that there is more, that it's okay to want more and that I can have more. But it was a really long journey to understand what that meant for me and also what I needed to do to start receiving some of that. So all this has been a really long time coming. And over the past year of real reflection being in New York, I've started realizing that a lot of the ways that I was getting these low quality experiences came from my own behavior. It came from me Being a little too easygoing from me, being a little too low maintenance from me, accepting things that I just didn't need to accept. And so that first step over the past few years has been acknowledging that, like, maybe I want more and maybe it's okay to have more. And now I'm in a phase of okay, so how can my actions, how can my choices, how can my behaviors set me up to start receiving more, if that makes sense. So it's funny, last night I was on TikTok live. If you don't know, I usually go live on TikTok on Tuesday nights to talk about that episode that I released earlier that day. And just whatever topics come up because people ask me a lot of questions and I'll talk about life and I'll talk about whatever people ask me about clothes or makeup or wellness stuff or books, and we just kind of talk about everything. And so I was talking about this a little bit on the TikTok Live that I was doing recently, and someone said, you know, it's interesting because there's another woman here on TikTok who is getting dragged for telling women to not be low maintenance. And you're kind of saying stuff like that, but you don't get dragged. And I was like, I don't get dragged because I'm not telling anybody what to do. I am purely speaking from my own experience. And I think when people start telling other people what to do or making general blanket statements about how women should be or what women should do or how they should present themselves, that's where you get into trouble. Because women don't have to do anything. Women don't have to be palatable. Women don't have to present or contort themselves in any given way. We actually all have free will to show up how we all want to show up. What I'm saying is that what I have learned in my own life of having spent most of my life being a more low maintenance person, is I did not like what being low maintenance got me, which honestly was absolutely nothing if we're being real. I didn't like where being low maintenance got me. And I see where I want to go and I realize that it's going to require a different level of presentation to get there. So I'm willing to try it out and I'm willing to step into some new habits and do something differently. Because if I don't like how something's working out, I'm always going to switch it up and do something different. And I'm always speaking from my experience, I don't think that that means that everyone else needed to get dressed every day during the month of September, that everyone else needs to, you know, wear makeup or do these things. Nobody has to do anything. I am speaking purely from my own experience and the results that I want in my own life. So these are all things that have been going through my mind as I've been having this different experience in perceiving myself differently so that the world can perceive me differently.
- [10:13]
Unknown
Let's talk about something we all need but often overlook.
- [10:17]
Les
Proper hydration. You know, I'm all about helping you.
- [10:20]
Unknown
Feel your absolute best. And that's why I'm excited to introduce you to Element, the electrolyte drink mix that's changing the game. Element isn't just another sports drink. It's a science backed, no sugar electrolyte blend designed to help you hydrate effectively whether you're crushing a workout, powering through a busy day, or recovering from a night out. Now, what sets Element apart is that it's got the optimal ratio of sodium, potassium and magnesium, which are the key electrolytes your body needs. And the best part is there's no artificial ingredients, no added sugars and no sketchy fillers. Just clean, effective hydration that tastes amazing. Now, I've been using Element for years now and I don't go a day without it. Let me tell you, the difference is real. I noticed better energy, improved work, workout performance and even fewer headaches. It's become my go to for staying hydrated and balanced. My favorite flavors are the grapefruit salt, citrus salt and raspberry salt. But they're truly all so good. So whether you're an athlete or a busy woman on the go, you need to be replenishing those electrolytes that you lose through sweat for optimal health. And Element is here to help you do it. Get your free Element sample pack with any purchase@drink element.com balanceless. That's D R I N K L M N. And also try the new Element sparkling, a bold 16 ounce can of sparkling electrolyte water. These days we are all prioritizing, taking care of our skin. So let me tell you about a skincare line that needs to be on your radar. Den Day Skincare Den Day is the first bio based skincare line to target what scientists now understand to be the root causing of visible aging in skin known as inflammaging. Inflammaging is something we all experience. It's the silent underlying ongoing inflammation that leads to the breakdown of collagen and elastin in our skin. Dende's science backed formulas are clinically proven to improve moisture, elasticity, tone and texture, while also targeting fine lines and dryness. Their formulas feature a proprietary biotech ingredient to target inflammaging that's 15 times more effective than niacinamide. I recently added their serum to my skincare routine and have felt such an improvement in the texture and brightness of my skin. It's packed with antioxidants and vitamins that even out your skin tone, reduce hyperpigmentation and give you that radiant glow we all crave. So I'm really focused on building and maintaining collagen and their serum has been an amazing addition. Now what sets Dende apart is their commitment to innovative science backed products that truly deliver. But Dende isn't just about looking good, it's about feeling good too. Their products are cruelty free and sustainably packaged so you can feel great about what you're putting on your skin. If you're ready to transform your skincare routine, you can get 15 off your first order@denday.com code balanced less that's D E I N D E.com code balanceless for 15 off.
- [13:49]
Les
All of these things have been culminating in my little corner of the world for the past few years. And they kind of came to a head in September. In September of 2024, I got to the end of August and I thought, okay, I'm in the second half of my 30s. I see where I want to go, I see this higher version of myself, and I'm seeing a gap between where I am and where I want to be. So how can I start stepping into her? And I think the best way to do that is to figure out who I am a little bit more and to present a higher version of myself. And I think that that just means getting dressed and just practicing getting dressed. So I had that conversation with myself at the end of August. And so I decided to do an exercise of getting dress dressed every day for the month of September, only wearing athleisure or workout clothes when I'm actually working out and figuring out a way to intentionally dress myself every day. And that doesn't mean that I'm out here wearing stilettos and ball gowns because that's just not even me. That's not even my style. Sometimes it's a cozy matching set, sometimes it is a cuter outfit. It depends on what I'm doing. But it's really a practice of finding my own style. And I Also, haven't been running around buying a bunch of stuff either. I haven't really bought a bunch of new clothes to do this. A lot of it has been working with what I have to understand what my style is, what do I like, Also what fits my body now. Because a lot of the clothes that I had were things that I had from my 20s, but now I'm in my mid-30s and things fit different and I like different things. And so how can I figure out what works for me? How can I learn my style? And the best way to do that is simply to practice. And so I thought, okay, every day I'm going to practice, I'm going to document it, to keep myself accountable. Accountable. And I'm not out here trying to serve fashion inspo to anybody. Like, you know, I was not one of the girls who was invited to Fashion Week doing all of the things. I'm not one of those people yet.
- [15:51]
Unknown
Who knows?
- [15:52]
Les
Maybe next year, maybe I will be. Maybe I'll step more into that world. But that just hasn't been space that I've occupied quite yet. I'm not trying to tell anybody how to dress or what to buy. I have gotten questions about it, so I'll share if people want to know. But that's really not my intention here. My intention purely is to get to know myself, to get to know my style, and to strengthen that muscle of putting myself together. Because as I mentioned earlier, I, deep down inside, wouldn't say that I actually enjoy any of it. I wouldn't say that I really enjoy picking out outfits every day or that I enjoy doing my makeup. Lord knows I hate doing hair. That's one thing you're never going to get me doing, is to just have hair this laid all the time. Because I hate doing hair, not doing it. That is the one thing that I refuse. I don't really enjoy those things. So how can I strengthen the muscle of doing them anyway? Because they're necessary. There was also a time when I didn't really enjoy strength training. There was also a time where I didn't really enjoy yoga. There was a time in my life where I didn't like drinking water. There was a time in my life where I didn't like eating vegetables. And now those are all things that I do on a regular basis because I know they're good for me, because they're skills that I've developed, because they're muscles that I've strengthened. And so I think putting myself together and having a version of myself that better matches the high quality lived experiences I want to have is a muscle that I need to strengthen if I want to be that person. I can't still be that girl walking around in my ratty Lululemon leggings when I worked there in 2016, expecting to have high quality lived experiences, that is just hasn't been the reality for me. If that were true, then I would be there already because I've already done that. And I didn't necessarily get the results that I wanted to get. I didn't get the opportunities that I wanted to. I wasn't on the stages that I wanted to be on this podcast now, being visual for people who are looking at the video, who like watching on YouTube, who like the clips, what I look like matters, Unfortunately. And in 2018, when I first started and podcasts were only audio, it didn't matter. But again, if I want to reach a certain level of success and I have to evolve and play the game that I am a part of, just like in the Athlete of Life episode, where it's like, are you playing to win or are you getting played? The industry is going to move on without me, so am I moving with it? And if I don't want to play, then I need to go find a different game. At this point in my life, I don't know what other game to play. So I guess I need to figure it out with the podcasting game and with the content game. And that requires me to be seen. And I have noticed that the engagement is higher when I put myself together, that the videos do better, when I look a little bit better. That, you know, that is. That is the name of the game. And if I could have shown up in those ratty 2016 leggings not put together and have y'all still respond well to the content, I would do that. But that's just not the reality of it. And so sometimes we have to have those hard conversations with ourselves and do the things that we don't necessarily want to do all the time to get to where we want to be. And so in this exercise of getting dressed every day, I have learned quite a few things about the process and about myself. The first is that putting myself together each day is actually getting easier the more I do it. Let me tell y'all, by September 3rd, I was standing in my apartment looking around like, oh, I gotta get dressed again. I've already gotten dressed twice and I'm already exhausted. I can't throw these leggings on because I just made this commitment. I was Already exhausted. But each day as I've done it, it has actually become a lot less tedious than it was at the beginning. I'm not having to think as hard about it, about the things that I put together, because I'm learning my style better, I'm learning my body better, I'm learning how to put things together better. And it really is like exercise. It really is like a muscle that you strengthen where the more you do it, the easier it gets. And so that has actually been helpful. I know for fellow low maintenance girlies who are used to, you know, not necessarily spending a lot of time on that, it can feel really daunting. And I think also a reason why I previously was so resistant to it was like, I have to work so hard in so many areas of my life. I never get to turn my brain off. I have to work hard at work. I'm holding it down for family, I'm holding it down for friends. My brain is in overdrive all the time. And you mean to tell me this is one more thing that I have to use my brain for, and this is one more thing that I have to think about each day? Again, not necessarily you don't, but if you don't like the results that that's getting you, then yeah, it is something that you need to change. But I've found that it gets easier the more you do it. And so now, a few weeks into it, it doesn't feel nearly as tedious as. As it felt before. Just putting looks together and understanding what looks good with what and understanding for my body type. Okay, if I have this kind of top, what kind of bottom is flattering and vice versa? And what is an accessory that can make this a little bit more interesting? Or if I got this outfit inspiration from Pinterest, how can I tweak it a little bit so that it doesn't look like I'm just copying someone else? How can I take that inspiration and make it a little bit more me? And I found that the more that I've done it, the easier it's gotten. And I've. I've been able to start honing in on my style a little bit more. And I have found that I've been able to incorporate some of those kind of low maintenance things into my style because I am somebody who does just have a little bit more of a casual style. As I started looking at what I gravitate towards, I like things that are a little bit more casual. I like things that are a little bit undone. Because for My taste and preferences. I think it looks kind of cool. I think it looks cool to be put together, but to not look like you're trying so hard.
- [21:52]
Unknown
And.
- [21:53]
Les
And those are the things that I like. So some of that kind of low maintenance comes out in my style where it is a little bit more casual or it is a little bit more toned down, or it is just like a little bit, you know, if I'm wearing like a dress that is a little bit more like, sassy, which I've done, okay, then maybe my hair is a little bit more chill. It's a little bit messy. It's not everything isn't super polished and perfect. There is something that's a little bit undone I think is like part of my style that matches my personality and that is where I get to kind of express myself in that way. Now, the other thing that I've also learned from this experiment of getting dressed every day is that your clothes are not necessarily clothes. Your clothes really communicate to the world around you. I was going for a walk a few weeks ago and I was just doing like a little bit of shoe shopping. And I had popped into the shoe store and it wasn't even honestly like that nice of a shoe store. It was like a. Not like a Steve Madden, maybe like a step above that. I don't even remember what store it was. And so I went in and I was kind of looking at some shoes and the saleswoman, before she came over to talk to me, like, looked me up and down so hard. And I could tell that the way that she was looking me up and down, that was her gathering intel on how she was going to communicate with me. And that was a really good lesson of, ok, okay, what am I communicating through how I present myself? Because that is sometimes going to set the tone for how people perceive you often. And it is going to dictate how people treat you. And it doesn't mean that you need to have the most expensive things or dress to please others. But it does mean that how we present ourselves does send a message. And I'm very big on controlling the narrative and owning our narrative and owning our story. And so now as I'm getting dressed, I'm also thinking less about, okay, what is cute? And more about how am I communicating to the world who I am and how they should treat me. And as I've thought more about it, it has actually made getting dressed feel less frivolous and a lot more empowering of, okay, how I choose to set in here, how I choose to Present myself head to toe is telling people how to treat me. And so I need to make sure I'm telling people to come correctly. And it does take maybe a little bit more time than throwing on my favorite pair of leggings, but it has been pretty worthwhile. I will also say I've started getting more opportunities to participate in events and to step on stages and to do a lot of things I've wanted to do for so long that felt like they kind of eluded me, like I could never just break through and get in there. And I still don't feel like I've fully broken through and gotten in there and gotten to the places and the spaces that I want to be. But I can tell that I'm getting closer. And I don't know if it's a chicken or the egg, if it's a. You know, I feel more confident because I'm presenting myself better or, you know, I don't know. I don't know what came first, the chicken or the egg. I think it's all connected. But it is really interesting to see the perception of yourself change in real time when you engage with people and when you interact with people. And so I've almost started thinking about getting ready as more so telling. As I'm putting myself together each day, I'm thinking, what is the story that I want to tell today to anybody who comes, who I come across? What is the story that I want to tell them about who I am, about how to treat me, about how to perceive me? I actually think that there's a lot of power in being able to control our narrative in that way. And as I started thinking about it more that way, it has felt a lot less daunting and exhausting.
- [25:58]
Unknown
Let's talk about something that brings a little joy to our everyday lives, and that is food. And not just any food, but the creamy, dreamy goodness that is Philadelphia cream cheese. Now, you know, as we strive for balance in our lives, it's important to remember that balance includes treating ourselves to simple pleasures. And that's where Philadelphia cream cheese comes in. It's not just a spread. It's a versatile ingredient that can elevate any meal from ordinary to extraordinary. So picture this. Maybe you have a warm piece of toast on a slow Sunday morning, generously smeared with Philadelphia cream cheese. Or how about a creamy cheesecake that's the star of your next gathering? Philadelphia cream cheese makes it all possible. That's what I love about Philadelphia cream cheese. It's all quality. It's made from fresh milk and real cream cream. It's the gold standard of cream cheese, which is one of my favorite foods. And for those of us who like to be mindful about what we eat, they've got different options. They have their classic cream cheese, their reduced fat and even dairy free varieties. So there is a version for everyone. So whether you're whipping up a quick breakfast, preparing a fancy appetizer, or baking a decadent dessert, you can use Philadelphia Cream Cheese.
- [27:11]
Les
I know.
- [27:12]
Unknown
I am so excited to add Philadelphia Cream Cheese to my holiday baking this year. The other day I was on the phone with my mom and she was telling me about this really delicious pumpkin loaf that she made with a cream cheese icing and I thought okay, I gotta recreate that, but I gotta use my Philadelphia cream cheese for the icing. It's a little touch of indulgence that makes life a bit more delicious. Philadelphia makes everything creamier. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration and to purchase Philadelphia Cream Cheese so you can start adding it to your recipes at home. Now is the perfect time to think about where you stand with your health and potential health needs. It's also time to think about whether you have the healthcare coverage you need to get through this fall and winter or even for the year to come. Health insurance is crucial for securing your financial future and accessing essential tools for a better life. Gaps in coverage or being uninsured can be detrimental, especially for young people and women of color. Thankfully, Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield is here to help. Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield offers resources and support to help you understand and access healthcare coverage. Navigating health insurance can be so confusing, especially if you're new to the workforce, you just turned 26 and you're now responsible for your own coverage or you're an entrepreneur looking for health insurance. Visit myhealthbenefitfinder.com to find helpful information on coverage options from Anthem so you can find health insurance insurance that's a good fit for you. Start by taking action towards health and life improvement with insurance Coverage. Act now to improve your health and quality of life by exploring health insurance options. Visit myhealthbenefitfinder.com and utilize expert advice from Anthem by calling 888-811-2101. Again, that's my healthbenefitfinder.com or you can call Anthem at 8 8.
- [29:29]
Les
Another thing, and this is not necessarily clothes related. It is more so makeup related if you follow me on social media. I've been talking about getting better at my makeup for years Now, I've had a lot of trial. I've had a lot of error. I mean, I was talking about this. This back when I was still living in LA and, you know, failing horribly in a lot of ways. And I do think I'm getting better. And I have also accepted some things about myself where I am not going to be that beauty guru face beat to the gods. Like, I am not Jackie Aina. I love Jackie. I'm not her. I'm not going to be able to have that level of mastery because somebody like a Jackie has put in in years and years and hours, and I'm pretty sure she went to beauty school, like, all of these things to master that skill. I'm not doing all that. I'm just trying to master my own face. So, again, I'm probably not going to be the tutorial girly who can teach you what to do. But I did have to get intentional about kind of mastering my own face and mastering my own features and mastering my own look and figuring out how does the rest of my look communicate with my outfit, which communicates with the world around me. I found that I wanted to be a little bit more polished. I wanted to be a little bit more put together. I very much want to look my age. And when I think about, like, this woman that I want to be who's in her mid-30s and she's chic and she's put together, then it required me to do a little bit different than what I used to do in my early 20s with the urban Decay naked palette. I know y'all love when I bring up the naked palette. I don't have. I got rid of my old naked palette a long time ago, but it required things to be a little bit different. My skin is different, my features are different. Now I have to apply it differently. But it's all part of the whole book. It is all a part of that story that I'm telling the outside world how to perceive me. And it really, I think, tells a story of preparation. The same way that I like to be prepared when I come and record a podcast episode. And today, of course, is an exception. I was prepared. I was prepared for a different episode. So this episode is probably not the best example because I am doing this on the fly. But usually for a podcast episode, I'm not doing this on the fly. I usually have points prepared and questions prepared because I like to have the narrative of being somebody who is good at their job and who comes to work prepared, but also how we present ourselves and Looking like we do put a little bit of time into ourselves also tells that same story the same way. I wouldn't come interview somebody and not have questions prepared. I don't feel like I should be facing the world without having myself prepared. And I think that I was always really good about doing that on the inside. As a wellness person. I was always really good about, you know, doing my journaling and doing my meditation and getting my mind right and having that centered within myself and having my fitness right. Those things I've been able to master for a very long time. And that inner work is super important, but it didn't necessarily reflect on the outside. And so getting the outside to match the inside has been a really important part of telling that story. So now people can see, okay, not only am I somebody who takes care of myself because I meditate, because I journal, and because I'm centered and I exercise and do the things, but there's also now a package that shows preparation, even though sometimes I am still really lazy and don't want to do it. I have also struggled a little bit with time management in this whole process, because intentionally picking an outfit, it, doing my hair, doing my makeup, you know, all of these things, even if I pick something ahead of time, sometimes it's like you put it on, then you're not feeling it that day or whatever. It all takes time. And I've been late, y'all. I be running late because I still have not yet mastered how to do all those things and be somewhere on time. And then you throw the subway on top of that, and it's a whole situation. So I'm still working on the time management aspect of it, but in terms of the way I think of it, I'm beginning to see that getting ready is an important daily deposit. For me, that is just as important as exercise. It's just as important as my journaling. It is just as important as my meditation time because I done so much work on the inside. Making sure that the outside matches the inside is very important for the story that I want to tell, because I do have a job that is so visual and so visible, and it is a part of the game. Y'all know what I've all what I keep saying in all these episodes, Play to win or get played, it is the same thing. And I keep saying that because it's a lesson that I am really learning in real time. As I was doing this whole experiment in September, I was also getting a lot of tags from many of you with your outfits or with you following along or with you doing the same thing, which I love. I love getting to see your own spin on it it. And I think if you were somebody who is also in the same boat, where you are wanting to focus a bit more on how you present yourself and putting yourself together or even finding your own style, I really think it starts with working with what you have. So this kind of challenge that I did for myself was really all about me finding my style with what I already had. I got a few new things here and there, but it wasn't like me go out and buy a bunch of stuff, or even me go out and buy a bunch of expensive designer stuff because I want to tell a story that I'm expensive. And all of this, that can come later. And that is all well and good, but I do think when it comes to how we present ourself and when it comes to intentionally dressing, we focus so much on the new that we don't focus a lot on the style. And I'm going to be honest, I know a lot of people who wear expensive stuff and their style is not that good. Just wearing designer stuff doesn't mean that you have style. A big part of style is expressing your personality. It's about telling that story. Like I was talking about earlier, you were telling a story about who you are and what you like and what is important to you through how you present yourself. And there's not necessarily a price on that. So don't feel like you need to get up and go buy a bunch of stuff. I've actually been really intentional about, okay, how can I take what I already have have, and how can I use it to tell a story in a new way? How can I use it to express myself in a new way? Because if I already have it, then that means at some point, I liked it. At some point, this clothing item spoke to me. At some point, this was my style. So how can I adapt it to make it my style now? How can I figure out who I am from a style perspective before I go just spend a whole bunch of money? Because if we go do that, that's going to be one, expensive, two, really unfulfilling. Because it's like you don't even know what you like. You don't know what you want. You don't even know what works and what doesn't. And so I really, really think that this exercise is important to do with working with what you have, working with the clothes you have, working with the body you have. Not saying when I Lose xyz when I get xyz, when I do this, when I do that. Who are you now? What body do you have now? What is in your closet now? What lifestyle do you have now? So for a lot of people on social media who dress so cute, all this designer stuff and designer heels and all of these things, if I were to look to them to be all of my inspiration, that's just not practical for my lifestyle. Because for me, I'm not catching Ubers everywhere. I'm going to be on the subway, I'm going to be out walking. I'm super active. I'm running from event to event and place to place and thing to thing. So when I'm thinking about how I'm getting dressed or putting myself together, I'm thinking about what's practical for my lifestyle. So if you are somebody who is a, you know, mom, who works from home, what is practical for your lifestyle? Don't compare yourself to somebody who is, you know, living in a totally different city with a totally different budget, living a totally different life. What role works for you?
- [38:04]
Unknown
This podcast is brought to you by Bobbi Brown Cosmetics. If you've been listening to the podcast.
- [38:09]
Les
Or following me on social media, you.
- [38:11]
Unknown
Know, I've been putting more intention into refining my look and I'm excited to share something that's been a game changer for my makeup routine. Now, when it comes to foundation, I am all about having a flawless, natural look. So I found a new favorite. Bobbi Brown's Weightless Skin Foundation. Now picture this. You have a foundation that is so light you forget you're wearing it. But it's also so effective. It gives you that I woke up like this glow. And that's exactly what this foundation does and why I love it. I also love that it caters to all skin tones. I mean, Bobbi Brown Cosmetics is known for their complexion products. And with 5053 shades available, there is a perfect match for every beautiful tone. And let me tell you, the coverage is fantastic. It's buildable. So you can start with a little, if you want something a little bit more sheer, you can build up to medium. You can really customize your look. I personally don't like wearing heavy foundation on my skin, but I do like having good coverage for when I'm on camera. But I still want my skin to look and feel like skin. And the weightless skin foundation gives the perfect skin, like, finish. It feels like I'm wearing nothing, but my skin looks amazing with 24 hour moisture and 24 hour wear the smart skin Balancing technology adapts to what your skin needs. Bobbi Brown's ultra lightweight formula feels like nothing on your skin and it even stays put while on the move. Yes, even in humid climates. See more of the In My Skin campaign and discover your perfect shade of weightless skin foundation@bobbibrown. So here's the thing. Toothpaste is not the sexiest product, but it is really important. And that is because taking care of your oral health really impacts your overall health. So I gotta tell you about Bokeh, the game changer in oral care. Bokeh isn't just another toothpaste. Bokeh is really on a mission to inspire more mindful oral care. And their star ingredient is Nano hydroxyapatite. So it's a mouthful to say, but here's why it matters. This mineral makes up 97% of your tooth enamel and 70% of the dentin beneath it. So unlike traditional fluoride toothpaste, Boca's nano hydroxyapatite actually remineralizes your teeth, making them stronger and less sensitive. Plus it's completely non toxic and safe if swallowed. Perfect for the whole family. My favorite flavors are the classic element and I also really love the cocoa ginger and they have great flavors for kids that are just as effective and safe to swallow. Plus, if you're looking for whiter teeth, you can get their whitening toothpaste that is safe for sensitive teeth and uses safe ingredients like coconut oil and baking soda. But Bokeh doesn't stop at amazing toothpaste. They've got your whole oral care routine covered with their eco friendly bamboo brushes, natural floss and mouthwash tablets. It's a complete system designed to keep your smile bright and your mouth healthy. For a limited time, Bokeh is offering listeners 15% off its bestselling toothpaste on Amazon and Boca.com with the code Balanced15. That's B, A N C E D15. Make the switch to non toxic Bokeh for the whole family.
- [41:43]
Les
I also think a lot of us get tripped up looking too much for inspiration. And as a Pinterest lover, I have fallen down the Pinterest rabbit hole many times because I love me some Pinterest. But the danger with Pinterest is that once it learns what you like, it can kind of serve you a lot of the same things over and over. And I think so much about style and presentation is individuality. And it's really hard to find your individual style if you are constantly mimicking someone else's and so throughout this process, I have also tried to kind of limit how much of other people's outside inspiration I'm taking in. I will, you know, I, of course, have a Pinterest style board, or I have a, you know, ticket TikTok folder where I save things that I like. But instead of then just trying to recreate it, I will sit down and I'll look through my TikTok or I'll look through my Pinterest, and I'll say, what is it that I like about this? What elements of this do I like? And how does that relate to what I'm trying to convey? So do I like the color? Do I like the shape? Do I like that that look maybe seems really practical? Do I like that maybe that person has a similar body type as me? So if that cut works for her, it might work for me as well. Okay. How can I take what I like about it and make it my own, as opposed to just buying exactly what someone has and styling it, exactly how they style it? How can I take that element that really speaks to me, and how can I make that work for me, and how can I make it uniquely mine? Because I think a lot of us with social media, it's a little bit too easy to find inspiration. And so instead of looking for carbon copy be, we can look for ways to make things more our own and really look for ways to make things work for your lifestyle. Another thing that I've gotten when I first kind of announced this challenge was a lot of people would be like, oh, but I work from home, or, oh, I have an active job, or, oh, I, you know, organize people's homes, and I need to be comfortable. And I'm like, that's great. So you now are tasked with figuring out how to express yourself while also being practical for your lifestyle. I said this in an episode if you months ago. I think it was the how to get everything you want archetype embodiment episode. Or maybe it was the how to start over in your 30s episode where I said, are you looking for problems or are you looking for solutions? So how you present yourself is a puzzle that you're putting together, factoring in your budget, your body type, your lifestyle, your taste, your preferences, what you like, what works for you. The climate. That's a big one. Honestly, the weather child is usually the biggest factor in how I decide what I'm putting on that day. Cause I'm not trying to be cold. You then get to take all those puzzle pieces and look for a solution. That will help you feel your best. So as opposed to being like, well, Les, tell me what to wear. I don't know, boo, because I don't know you. And I'm working with different pieces of a whole different puzzle. So you get to work with the pieces of your puzzle, and you get to find solutions. And that's actually part of the fun of it. And that's also been another big learning that I've had, is learning how to have more fun with it. I used to see it as kind of a chore. Basically, anything that doesn't involve me laying in my bed reading my Kindle, I kind of feel is a chore. But I'm really learning to reframe my mindset, to see it as something fun of, okay, this is a creative mindset. This is a creative project. This is a problem that I get to solve. This is a puzzle that I get to solve. I get to put all of these different pieces of the puzzle together and come up with something totally different to tell a story. And I think when we reframe our mindset that way, it can be really helpful. And so you get to decide what that is. Remember, you are the author of this story, and how you present yourself is part of the story that you tell. So I don't. I don't know your story. I don't know what story, what your story has been, or what your story has the potential to be. You do. And so you are the best authority author of that story when it comes to how you best present yourself. Not the girls on Pinterest, not the girls on TikTok. Maybe something like a stylist can help you better tell that story. And I do think that a stylist is something that, you know, when I reach a certain financial point, I would love to invest in, particularly for the events side of things, especially as I'm getting more opportunities to speak and I'm entering larger stages, I'm thinking more about, okay, how is what I'm wearing in these settings telling a story. And in those settings, sometimes you might need a little bit of outside help. And so, you know, when I get to the point when I can afford that, I would love to enlist the help of a stylist to help me better tell that story. But really seeing it as an empowering thing that you get to choose how people perceive you to an extent. Right. Because we can't necessarily change all of the systems that are in place. We cannot necessarily change people's biases, and that's not our responsibility. Other People's biases, other people's beliefs, other people's insecurities. Whether or not someone else perceives you as intimidating or whatever, none of those things are your business, because that is all about the other person. It's not about you. You can control the pieces that are about you. But when I started thinking of it as storytelling and having a bit of fun with it, it started becoming a lot less daunting and less taxing to think about. So those have been some of my biggest learnings and my biggest takeaways from this experiment of forcing myself to get dressed every day in September. And I. That's not to say that I will not ever walk around in Athleisure again, because I will will. I most certainly will. Winter is coming. It's getting cold. You know, we like comfort, but it has taught me a lot about my own creativity and about my own ability to control a narrative. And it has really inspired me to continue putting my best foot forward and to continue also just having a bit more fun with how I express myself and not see it as so much of a chore. And even in the short time that I've been doing it, you know, I have seen good results in my life in terms of my work and the opportunities that have come my way. And so I'm really excited as this continues, to see what other results that I can get from a professional standpoint, from a personal standpoint, I think the sky can really be the limit, and we just have to be willing to do things a little bit differently to get there. And, you know, now that I'm thinking about it, especially as we kind of wind down in 2024, I don't even know if I intentionally did this, but 2024 for me has been a big year of, like, investing myself. And a lot of that has been money. I spent a lot of money going back to therapy.
- [48:54]
Unknown
Therapist is expensive.
- [48:56]
Les
Love her, though. Love her down. But she is pricey. You know, getting things like a new gym membership, that was pricey. My invisalign, pricey. But these have all been really good investments in myself and in. In the person that I want to be and the life that I want to live and really taking care of myself from the inside out. Like I said, I was really good at taking care of myself on the inside, but not necessarily the best at taking care of myself on the outside. And it's all a full picture. It's all related, and it's all one part of our greater story. And so I really encourage you to think about the story that you are telling. All right y'all, that is what I have for you for this very impromptu on the Fly episode. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope I made some lick of sense. Normally I like to be so much more prepared and buttoned up and today was just stream of consciousness. So I hope you enjoy it. It was a little more off the cuff, but I am really glad that I was able to get some of these thoughts out because it has been a really transformational time in my life and I like getting to share that. If it resonates with you, great. And if it doesn't, that's okay too. Again, and I'm never here to tell anybody what to do. I'm just here to share my experiences and you can take what works and you can leave what doesn't. Because as kind of the whole point of this episode, we are all authors of our own story. So that is what I have for you today. Thank you so much for tuning in. If you like this episode, please make sure you leave us a five star rating and a review on Apple Podcast. You can also rate us on Spotify. Spotify also has comments now, which is pretty cool. Make sure that you're subscribed on Apple podcasts, Spotify and YouTube. It really helps support the show. That's all I've got. Thank you so much for tuning in and I will see you next week.
- [51:17]
Unknown
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.