Are we dead? Are we all dead? Are you??

Summary

Shutdown Fullcast: "Are we dead? Are we all dead? Are you??"

Episode Date: August 5, 2026
Podcast Theme: A humorous, digression-heavy exploration of life, death, and the absurdity of college football—with detours into language, cycling, community theater, and DIY publishing.

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1. Episode Overview

This episode of the Shutdown Fullcast sees Spencer Hall, Jason Kirk, Ryan Nanny, Adam, Michael Serber, and friends pondering existential questions such as "Are we dead? Are we all dead? Are you?" in their signature winding style. While the supposed theme is college football, the crew spends much of their time detouring into French etymology, the strangeness of afterlives, community theater disasters, fan email etiquette, the pain and joys of cycling (especially gravel racing), and their ever-growing universe of fan projects.

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2. Key Discussion Points & Insights

French Butt Etymology, "Petard," and Explosives (00:00–03:57)

• Opening banter around the French language's words for "juicy butt":

  • Adam introduces "petard" as a possible French term, noting its use in the phrase "hoisted by your own petard."
    • "A petard in this context is functionally a grenade. It's more like I stepped on my own grenade and it blew me up." —Jason (00:36)
  • The word "petard" comes from an old French verb meaning "to fart," connecting the conversation back to butts and French humor (01:45).

• French slang and double meanings:

  • In modern French, "petard" can also mean "joint," tying in with American English's use of "butt" (02:15).
  • Spencer notes the term "tonneau," a wine cask, as a French metaphor for a large posterior:
    • "You're literally saying that somebody's packing a barrel back there. If they got a tonneau." —Spencer (02:38)

• Meta commentary:

  • The hosts riff on French culture's unique attachment to both explosives and wine as "core French expressions" (02:49).

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Mets, Wikipedia Intros, and Podcast Lore (03:57–07:00)

• Hosts introduce themselves in a highly self-referential tone, listing their projects and inside jokes.
• Reminisce about past Fullcast video projects and the evolution from old presentation styles to the current format.

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The Afterlife as a Podcast Studio (09:03–14:01)

• Existential musings:
  • The group jokes that the podcast is taking place in the afterlife, complete with purgatory analogies.
    • "Are we all dying?" —Ryan (09:07)
    • "I think we're already dead. To be clear." —Adam (09:10)
    • Listeners who hear one guest, Brian Floyd, are told "only the dead can hear his voice." (10:22)
• Greek mythology riff:
  • The afterlife is likened to the River Styx, with Spencer as Charon (the boatman), and Ryan needing a "faerie" to bring his car (11:07).
  • "Spencer has a boat because he can't swim." —Adam (11:21)
  • Jason proposes it has to be a pontoon for practical reasons:
    • "You want it wide because you're moving a lot of people, and you want something that's really stable because people are going to be walking back and forth." —Jason (11:42)

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Vermont Community Theater Scandal: The Rocky Horror Director Bomb Threat (14:49–19:00)

• Reading of a bizarre local news story:
  • Spencer narrates the tale of Kenneth Grenier, a musical director who sent bomb threats to himself to get out of directing the "Rocky Horror Show" in Vermont.
    • "He allegedly admitted to creating a fake account and sending the messages to himself so he could step away from the show." —Spencer (15:51)
  • Cast commiserates with the director:
    • "Who among us?" —Jason (16:17)
    • "This is the median outcome for a community production of Rocky Horror at most." —Jason (17:09)
  • They speculate about similar scenarios in college football, referencing past coaches:
    • "Urban Meyer would have done this at, like, Bowling Green." —Spencer (18:20)
    • The Jim McElwain "death threat" saga at Florida is recounted for its parallels (18:24).

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Threat Emails and Sports Fan Hate Mail (19:11–22:08)

• Fan bases and angry correspondence:
  • Discussion of which college football fan bases are most prolific and brazen in sending hate mail—even from work emails.
    • "If you hear from two people from the same fan base, your mind goes like, oh my God, they're all psychopaths. And that's not really how it works." —Ryan (19:42)
  • Story about British comedian Joe Lycett escalating a nasty fan email into a stream of humorous office deliveries (20:57).

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Business & Plugs: Patreon, Homefield, and Turfman’s (24:04–33:36)

Patreon Announcements (24:04–25:56)

• A flood of Patreon-exclusive content: two new Q&A episodes (one football, one non-football), Warhammer talk, and a "My Little Pony as college football" segment.

Homefield Apparel Ad (25:56–28:28)

• Extended riffing on Michigan State apparel and the oddly generic positivity of "It's a beautiful day for football," leading into more jokes about college football weather and futility.

Channel 6 and the Debut of "Turfman’s" Magazine (28:14–33:36)

• Big reveal:
  • Spencer and Jason announce "Turfman’s," their DIY zine-style preseason college football magazine.
    • "We made our own preseason magazine. If you're wondering why it's called Turfman’s, you can look it up." —Jason (29:09)
  • The project is self-consciously NOT Phil Steele; it's about their favorite stories, not previewing every team.
  • Contributors: A mix of familiar and surprise writers, promising humor and classic Fullcast bits (Turfman’s Top 25, Hayton Asperger, etc.).
  • Magazine will be a paid, downloadable PDF (with dreams of physical editions and "carpet bombing doctor's offices") (33:15).
• Meta-moment:
  • Jason confesses, "Was that good?" after his promo, to which Spencer says, "That was great." (31:47)

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Side Projects and Patreon Logistics (33:36–36:04)

• Phantom Island plug: Adam shouts out his show with Stephen Godfrey and invites awkward in-person questioning because "I'm not good with conflict in person" (34:01).
• Patreon renewal plea: An urgent note to avoid Apple's subscription cut and use the Patreon website instead. (35:14)

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The Killer Ants & The Merits of Merch (36:32–40:15)

• Band business:
  • Michael Serber promotes his band’s upcoming show at Flat Iron in Greensboro—emphasizing the importance of buying merch and arriving early.
  • Life lesson: always buy the tour shirt/poster—you’ll regret it if you don’t (39:09).
    • "Even if you keep it rolled up in a tube...Unroll that fresh poster from the Walkman concert..." —Michael Serber (39:26)
• Merch panic:
  • Anxiety about "looking like a brand-new fan" is met with wisdom:
    • "Nobody who you think is looking at you in that way actually is. And if they are, that's not a person that matters." —Jason (40:30)
    • "Everybody is somebody's noob." —Spencer (40:39)

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Aging Music Fans & the Bow Wow/Mozart Analogy (40:45–42:14)

• The universality of fandom:
  • Joy in seeing new young fans and the existential terror of aging (“I totally get Salieri though... imagine that you're Salieri and you see this little six-year-old who's better than you'll ever be and you're like, fuck that kid" —Spencer, 41:15).
• Rap as classical music:
  • Lil Bow Wow, Lil Romeo, and Master P are compared to Mozart.

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Cycling on Gravel: The Dirtiest Off-Season (42:26–51:40)

• Valtteri Bottas and the sickos who do gravel cycling:
  • The Fullcast celebrates/mourns Bottas, an F1 driver, spending his off-weeks doing brutal gravel races.
    • "The level of dude it takes to be into that form of cycling…you're just gross all the time and you're good with that." —Michael Serber (43:10)
  • They rail against how insane, painful, and dangerous gravel cycling is—comparing it to "running in sand" and saying it’s "the masochist thing" in sports (45:02, 45:42).
  • Context about how pro athletes in other sports would never be allowed to do something so injury-prone.
  • The ultimate gravel race "Unbound 200" in Kansas is described: 200 miles, 11,000 feet of elevation, $345 entry fee—pure insanity (47:40).
• Analogies to other sports:
  • The crew searches for equivalents to "throwback" suffering, eventually agreeing that "links golf" is similar:
    • "It's like, hey, remember how to play? No, you don't. Fuck you. The ocean wind hates your ass today." —Spencer (50:35, Adam 50:41)

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The Joy of Blasting a Drive & Playcalling Philosophy (51:40–end)

• Comparisons to football:
  • Modern golfers beating historic courses with technology is compared to always calling the "touchdown play" in football, which is simple, effective, and universally loved.
    • "If you call the touchdown play, brother, you'll always have a job, right?" —Spencer (51:40)

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3. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "You're literally saying that somebody's packing a barrel back there. If they got a tonneau." —Spencer (02:38)
• "Are we all dying?" "Oh, definitely." "I think we're already dead. To be clear." —Ryan, Jason, Adam (09:07–09:10)
• "If you just heard Brian Floyd speak, you don't have to worry about getting a colonoscopy … taxes… college debt. You're dead." —Ryan/Spencer/Adam (10:38–10:59)
• "We are community theater here… This will be familiar to anybody." —Spencer (14:49)
• "[Directors faking threats to cancel shows]… is the median outcome for a community production of Rocky Horror." —Jason (17:09)
• "Florida fans will stab you in the front. That's, like, their whole thing." —Jason (18:49)
• "If you hear from two people from the same fan base, your mind goes like, oh my God, they're all psychopaths. And that's not really how it works." —Ryan (19:42)
• "We made our own preseason magazine...This is not Phil Steele. Why do you want another one?" —Jason (29:09)
• "Everybody is somebody's noob, right?" —Spencer (40:39)
• "The level of dude it takes to be into that form of cycling… you're just gross all the time and you're good with that." —Michael Serber (43:10)
• "Hey, remember how to play? No, you don't. Fuck you. The ocean wind hates your ass today." —Adam (50:41)
• "If you call the touchdown play, brother, you'll always have a job." —Spencer (51:40)

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4. Major Segment Timestamps

• French butts and "petard": 00:00–03:57
• Podcast origin lore and intros: 03:57–07:00
• Afterlife/purgatory as podcast metaphor: 09:03–14:01
• Rocky Horror community theater bomb threat story: 14:49–19:00
• Fan email/hate mail discussion: 19:11–22:08
• Patreon, merch, and business plugs: 24:04–33:36
• Cycling/gravel racing tangent: 42:26–51:40
• Golf, touchdown plays, and sports technology analogies: 51:40–end

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5. Tone & Style

Irreverent, meandering, self-aware, and packed with inside jokes and cheerful non-sequiturs—this episode is an exemplary slice of Fullcast culture: equal parts serious observation, genuine camaraderie, and performative chaos.

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6. For First-Time Listeners

If you haven’t heard this episode, expect:

• College football as a launching pad for tangential, often deeply silly group conversations.
• Unexpected deep dives into topics like French slang, Greek mythology, fan behavior, extremely niche sports, and why your band tee will (eventually) become cool.
• Meta-commentary on podcasting, fandom, and the eternal struggle to do things "professionally."

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Summary prepared for your convenience: Skip the queue to the afterlife and catch the full spirit of the episode above.

Transcript

[Adam]

I think, per Reddit, for R French, I think the word for, like, juicy butt that you're looking for is petard, like hoisted by your own petard. There are some other options, but this is the one that Reddit seems most.

[Jason Kirk]

I do like specifically about a thick butt. That's to know, huh? Do it and eau.

[Adam]

And then I'm seeing a lot of discussion about, like. Well, French has a lot of words for butts, but they're not specifically big buts. You have to use an adjective to emphasize the largeness of the butt.

[Jason Kirk]

I want to pause and talk about petard for a second because this is a common misconception that I feel like not a lot of our audience may know. People talk about, you know, the saying of being hoisted by one's own petard, which makes a lot of people think, via the choice of verb there, that hoist means like. Like a noose, like you hung yourself with your own rope or a sling or something. That's not actually what this is. A petard in this context is functionally a grenade. And it's more like I stepped on my own grenade and it blew me up.

[Ryan Nanny]

So hoist, you were like.

[Jason Kirk]

Like you were hoisted, but you were hoisted from beneath.

[Ryan Nanny]

You were thrown.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah.

[Ryan Nanny]

By the landmine. You stepped on that you.

[Adam]

So this, in this case, it would be like my own was the.

[Jason Kirk]

So you know how when they blow up, when they put that bomb in the. In the base to blow up the wall at Helm's Deep, like, that's a. That's a. That would be a little barrel.

[Adam]

Any little barrel that Link can carry and throw that.

[Ryan Nanny]

So what you did was you created an ass that was enormous and it's on the ground, and you stepped on it and you bounced very high into the air.

[Jason Kirk]

So it gets even better. And this is how it comes back to. But the term petard, it originally comes from an old French verb that means to fart, which is how we get back around.

[Spencer Hall]

Well, so. And if you look at a petard, right, like, in terms of what it means for a butt, the petard is like, roughly, like a thick slice of dynamite. Right. Or thick stick of dynamite, like a

[Adam]

roast beef of dynamite, a tonneau.

[Jason Kirk]

Petard is also slang for a joint, by the way, if you're in France. If you're in France, like right now, like modern usage.

[Ryan Nanny]

So. So in both English, specifically American English, and in French, you can be smoking a butt.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah. And if I'm remembering right, it's actually. It's more of like a I didn't do that entirely correctly. I think it's more of like, a blunt because the point is that it's thick.

[Spencer Hall]

Right. There's also the tonneau, which is the name for a wine cask. So you're literally saying that somebody's packing a barrel back there. If they got a tonneau.

[Jason Kirk]

They're casked up.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, yeah. They're cast. I do like that. They're like the two French expressions, explosives and wine. That's it. Explosives and wine. We understand this, Sam. Welcome to the Shutdown full cast. I'm going to give myself a B on that one. Who's me? I'm Spencer Hall. That's right. The host of this show.

[Jason Kirk]

Giving myself a B.

[Spencer Hall]

And. Yeah.

[Adam]

Were you trying. Were you trying, or were you just trying to get it over with?

[Spencer Hall]

I wanted a professional queen, clean, quick execution of it.

[Ryan Nanny]

So you're going for a beat.

[Spencer Hall]

I think I was going for, like, an A and I landed on a B. And we'll do better.

[Ryan Nanny]

Okay.

[Spencer Hall]

Is what I think about that. I am allegedly the host of this show. Joining me is fellow Shutdown full cast host Jason Kirk, who also works for the New York Times.

[Ryan Nanny]

This is so extensive.

[Spencer Hall]

It is Phantom Island's Ryan Nanny. Hi, Ryan. How are we doing?

[Adam]

Hi. Good.

[Spencer Hall]

This is. I know it's very odd.

[Ryan Nanny]

The Wikipedia version.

[Spencer Hall]

And then Channel 6 co founder and legend Holly Anderson. Hello.

[Adam]

Tell us her birth date.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Tell us your star sign.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah. Social Security number, please.

[Jason Kirk]

Oh, Spencer's birth time. So I have his chart. You want to hear about it? Yeah.

[Spencer Hall]

I have to introduce Michael Serber then. You can do that. And that. There's that. That's Michael Serber. He's lead vocalist and guitars for the Killer Ants, as well as podcast producer, full cast member. You do so many things there. This is the only. The Internet's only college football podcast professional.

[Adam]

Do you do other stuff?

[Spencer Hall]

I am the co writer of Channel 6, a great newsletter we'll tell you about later. I did found eds. For better or worse. I've been on tv. I've done a lot of different things. I have two kids. I traveled extensively. I speak like parts of seven languages, but

[Ryan Nanny]

all of us graduated middle school. Except I kind of didn't go to middle school. Did all of you finish middle school?

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Ryan Nanny]

Okay.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, middle school finished me.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah. That might be closer to the Okay.

[Ryan Nanny]

I hear it sucks. I didn't go. Did go to high school. Everyone here finished high school.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah.

[Adam]

We've all been to a football game. Mm.

[Spencer Hall]

We've all Been.

[Adam]

I think.

[Spencer Hall]

I think we've all watched.

[Adam]

All of us have been to a football game together. I don't know that all five of us have, but I don't think so selfishly.

[Jason Kirk]

Didn't drive cross country for Yukon, Vanderbilt.

[Ryan Nanny]

Everyone here has played wave race, I assume.

[Michael Serber]

Yeah, I was there. I had better seats, just by the way.

[Ryan Nanny]

That's true. When's the last time each of us played wave race?

[Michael Serber]

I played 1998.

[Ryan Nanny]

What?

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah, it's on the switch, isn't it?

[Ryan Nanny]

Oh, is it? Yeah, I played wave race in a long time.

[Jason Kirk]

I think I played it when it first hit the switch.

[Spencer Hall]

I played wave race on a 64 two years ago before the 64 stopped working.

[Ryan Nanny]

So, Ryan or Holly, you're our most recent wave racers?

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah, I believe so.

[Michael Serber]

Yeah.

[Ryan Nanny]

Okay, so add that to our wikis.

[Spencer Hall]

Okay. That's important.

[Ryan Nanny]

Yeah.

[Spencer Hall]

Anything else you need to know? Yeah, I work for espionage, but we don't talk about that.

[Ryan Nanny]

That's the thing though. We do.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, we do.

[Adam]

Talked about it for a never never

[Spencer Hall]

counterpoint. No. Yeah. And that's it.

[Adam]

This podcast used to be a video that was just Jason Spencer.

[Ryan Nanny]

Long, long ago.

[Michael Serber]

Weird.

[Spencer Hall]

It's very weird.

[Adam]

They both had longish hair and no facial hair.

[Ryan Nanny]

Yeah, at the time I was bald. Spencer was, I thought.

[Adam]

Oh, were you? I thought you had like kind of shaggy hair for a while.

[Ryan Nanny]

I'm pretty sure I was. I had a shaved head at the time. I did.

[Adam]

Is this the tight intro you were hoping for, Spencer?

[Spencer Hall]

It is, yeah. I think you guys are nailing it. You're nailing it.

[Ryan Nanny]

Or was it Spencer who had a shaved head at the time?

[Adam]

I think Spencer might have had cuz

[Ryan Nanny]

I did for most of my adulthood.

[Adam]

Sure.

[Ryan Nanny]

Until pretty recently when it was like, you know, I don't know how much longer the hairlines got. So I'm going to work it for all it's worth.

[Spencer Hall]

Nailing it. Killing it.

[Michael Serber]

Wasn't there a hot dog thing you did, Spencer, where you were also shaved and looked like a hot dog in the video?

[Adam]

I did look.

[Spencer Hall]

It was like a long hot dog looking man eating.

[Michael Serber]

You want to know something embarrassing? I didn't. I didn't really know you before. At Learfield they were like, hey, let's do. And so I looked up Spencer hall and that was my good preconceived notion.

[Ryan Nanny]

And you're like, oh, this will work. This will work.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah.

[Spencer Hall]

You're like, this guy's cool. That seems about right.

[Jason Kirk]

Of the greatest PR email. Not PR email. Of the greatest like celeb adjacent email we've ever gotten where. Cuz, you know, there's always somebody who's like, hey, I can put you in touch with so and so to be on your show, but after Spencer did that hot dog thing, I got an email from somebody offering to connect us with Joey Chestnut's sister's friend.

[Ryan Nanny]

O. Wow.

[Jason Kirk]

Who could speak. Who could speak to his. His life and career?

[Michael Serber]

Marie.

[Jason Kirk]

Y. Yeah, it sounds like a Marie kind of thing. That. That she would total.

[Ryan Nanny]

What if it's. What if it's revealed that she's, like, incredibly talented all along?

[Jason Kirk]

Like, then I guess I owe some apologies.

[Ryan Nanny]

Yeah. And we. We missed our shot, and that turned

[Spencer Hall]

out to be Olivia Rodrigo.

[Adam]

Let's see. You hiked a mountain on. On camera. You.

[Jason Kirk]

I did.

[Michael Serber]

And failed.

[Spencer Hall]

Failed.

[Michael Serber]

Yeah.

[Spencer Hall]

Failed to get to the top.

[Adam]

You did stunt driving.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah.

[Jason Kirk]

Are you dying?

[Spencer Hall]

I did, yeah. We're recapping all of this.

[Ryan Nanny]

Are we all dying?

[Jason Kirk]

Oh, definitely.

[Adam]

Oh, I think we're already dead. To be clear.

[Ryan Nanny]

We're all dead.

[Adam]

I think this show.

[Ryan Nanny]

As of when. As of when? When did we die?

[Adam]

The minute we started this show. Today. Long ago. Nope.

[Michael Serber]

I died like, a month ago.

[Ryan Nanny]

So.

[Adam]

The first.

[Ryan Nanny]

So, yeah, this podcast has been some sort of an afterlife for us.

[Adam]

You too. And I think out of Jacoby, you've been reserved. You died first. Adam moved on. Adam.

[Ryan Nanny]

So did Adam come back to life when he left the show in 2013 or whatever?

[Adam]

This is purgatory.

[Ryan Nanny]

So this is. So he's in a different. He's in another realm of the afterlife.

[Adam]

Yeah, that's right.

[Ryan Nanny]

What about our guests? Are they people experiencing near death experiences?

[Adam]

Yes. Roger Sherman has almost died several times.

[Ryan Nanny]

Yeah, like. Yeah, like, they're flatlined. Kushner and Richard Johnson and, you know, they just sort of pop.

[Adam]

Harry Lyles.

[Ryan Nanny]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Almost died. Not today.

[Ryan Nanny]

What about Brian Floyd? Does he still haunt the living realm? Because he is here.

[Adam]

All right, this is for the audience. If you can hear Floyd, that means you're dead.

[Ryan Nanny]

Ooh. So when he speaks, he is some sort of vision from the beyond for the listener.

[Adam]

Only the dead can hear, can channel his voice.

[Ryan Nanny]

So that's how they know.

[Adam]

What's that, Floyd? Everything I'm saying is right.

[Ryan Nanny]

Okay, yeah, yeah, that's. He's confirming.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, that's. That's. Ryan Walks around all day.

[Ryan Nanny]

Here's the good news.

[Spencer Hall]

You're doing great, buddy.

[Ryan Nanny]

If you just heard Brian Floyd speak, you don't have to worry about getting a colonoscopy.

[Spencer Hall]

Nope.

[Adam]

Taxes done with those yeah, don't pay them.

[Ryan Nanny]

Oh, that shit's over for you, Sid.

[Adam]

You don't have to worry about it, Abel.

[Spencer Hall]

The noise. Only people under 40 can hear. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam]

Oh, no, my college. Whatever. You're dead.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, it's fine.

[Adam]

That's why Spencer says welcome every time, because he's welcoming you out of life into death.

[Ryan Nanny]

New newcomers to the River Styx.

[Adam]

That's right.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah.

[Michael Serber]

Slings all the snakes.

[Ryan Nanny]

So Spencer is the boatman and.

[Adam]

Yeah, yeah, those two. Those two coins on your eyes. That's podcast business right there.

[Ryan Nanny]

Spencer has a boat because he can't swim.

[Adam]

Yes.

[Jason Kirk]

Okay, you know what I just thought about? Yeah, fellas. It never occurred to me before. The river. The. The boat on the River Sticks pretty much has to be a pontoon, right?

[Ryan Nanny]

How so?

[Jason Kirk]

Practicality. Not a.

[Adam]

Not a gondola, not a raft.

[Jason Kirk]

You want it wide. You want it wide because you're moving a lot of people, and you want something that's really stable because people are going to be walking back and forth. You don't want the boat rocking. This is not.

[Adam]

Are they heavy? Are. Are you heavy?

[Jason Kirk]

In death, fuller souls may vary shades.

[Spencer Hall]

That's true.

[Ryan Nanny]

Shades are. Shades are typically lighter.

[Jason Kirk]

Everybody's reaction to the River Sticks is specific to their fitness needs.

[Spencer Hall]

All right?

[Adam]

All corpses are beautiful. I agree.

[Ryan Nanny]

What about a fairy? Because I'm going to need my car, bro.

[Adam]

Oh, my God.

[Spencer Hall]

That's not leaving without.

[Jason Kirk]

That's where they sent Brian o' Connor and his little white skin Skyline when they.

[Ryan Nanny]

Yeah, when they buried Emotional when they buried Pharaoh Bryan with all his sports cars.

[Jason Kirk]

That's where he went after the end of Fast Seven. And it's a shame they never made any more movies after that.

[Spencer Hall]

I'm telling you, my uncle. My Uncle Ralph ain't going without the T top. It's not. Yeah, they're gonna have to. They're gonna have to institute. Institute that as, like, some kind of rule because he's gonna want to take the Firebird.

[Ryan Nanny]

I mean, is that Ghost Riders deal? Like, he's like, I'm not going without my motorcycle. And now they're like, okay, well, you gotta.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah, you gotta make a great Facebook T shirt. I'm an uncle with a flaming skull who's from Tampa, and you're not taking me to hell without motorcycle.

[Ryan Nanny]

You can bring motorcycle.

[Adam]

And I vote you can bring your

[Ryan Nanny]

motorcycle, but your head's going to be on fire, and you're going to have a superpower that never works.

[Adam]

That's right.

[Ryan Nanny]

That anyone. Anyone can just. No. Sell for Any reason?

[Adam]

Sign me up. No cops. No cops. All right, let's go. You are the cop.

[Spencer Hall]

Listen, keep talking.

[Jason Kirk]

Your souls are stained with the blood of the innocent.

[Spencer Hall]

That is the Marvel character who. Who after Satan has been defeated, is in hell and is just like. Nobody's sitting there. I'll take it. Yeah. I'll take the throne. Let's go.

[Ryan Nanny]

He can try, but he never. He never fucking wins anything.

[Spencer Hall]

No, no, no. He wins that by default. And he decides to stay. He's like, oh, it's pretty chill down here. I got it.

[Ryan Nanny]

Okay. When there's absolutely no other competition.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, when there's no other competition, man, he's. He's aces. He's like, y. This seems awesome. It's better than Tampa. I'm good. Let's go.

[Ryan Nanny]

That much is true.

[Spencer Hall]

I wanted to start not in Tampa today, but in Vermont, which. When we think about. When we think about.

[Adam]

Of New England in a lot of ways.

[Jason Kirk]

Vermont's lovely, and I've spent many wonderful summer vacations there.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, but.

[Ryan Nanny]

But. And it's.

[Jason Kirk]

It's got some Tampanian aspects. Respects.

[Ryan Nanny]

Liquid.

[Jason Kirk]

Well, you know how New Hampshire's live free or die motto. I've been told by several people that the real motto is live free or cheap. Now I'm also in further trouble by conflating New Hampshire and Vermont greater desire to be independent than perhaps is healthy

[Adam]

love of Tom Brady.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's there, too. There's only one accent, American accent that I really struggle with comprehending, and it's Maine. But you'll get some. You'll get some. Nice crossover broke there. Anyway, none of this is the point. Spencer. Do you want to just read this story aloud? It's short.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, yeah. Because we believe in community theater here. That's something everybody knows about. The full cast. We are community theater. And I think this will be familiar to anybody. Essex, Vermont, A planned production of cult classic play the Rocky Horror show was sabotaged by the play's own director, according to police. The Essex County Police Department said Kenneth Grenier, who was the musical director for the Essex county or the Essex Community Players production of the hit 70s film, sent himself threatening text messages from a subscriber based cell phone app in order to get the show canceled.

[Jason Kirk]

Here comes the good part.

[Spencer Hall]

Police said they first began investigating after a grineer, 26, of Hyde park reported receiving a series of harassing and threatening texts from an unknown person. These threats eventually led to the theater company shutting down production of the play due to safety concerns.

[Jason Kirk]

Sorry, I forgot that's not the good part. This is the good part.

[Spencer Hall]

Investigators later learned that the threatening messages were coming from an IP address registered to Greinear's home. When confronted by police, he allegedly admitted to creating a fake account and sending the messages to himself so he could step away from the show. Instead of what he described dealing with what he described as difficulties with the cast and crew, this case has been referred to the Chittenden County Community justice center for Resolution.

[Adam]

What crime was committed here?

[Jason Kirk]

I'm saying thank you. Like I said this. My immediate reaction to this was, who among us?

[Ryan Nanny]

Like, other than the technical crime.

[Adam]

Even the technical crime seems like a little. Like a little bit of a reach.

[Michael Serber]

Calling in a false. Whatever.

[Adam]

Yeah, who cares? Whatever.

[Michael Serber]

I mean, I think the other cast members were being unreasonable, more than likely.

[Jason Kirk]

Here's the thing. Okay? Here's. Here's. Here's the situation, okay? About this story. First of all, you will note that at no point in this story do you hear anybody speaking up in defense of the cast or crew. No, I would like to know a lot more about everybody involved. Second of all, if you're not familiar with this production or with theater people, let me just tell you from subject matter, expertise, experience, this is. This is the median outcome for a community production of Rocky Horror at most.

[Adam]

What, like, you think on average, they're

[Jason Kirk]

like, everybody involved in this got off easy.

[Adam]

Spencer, does the article specify what the threats were? That's the part I'm a little fuzzy

[Jason Kirk]

on because, like, I understand it was bomb threats, right? Shut down the theater to can't. Okay, okay, I'm extrapolating there, but I assume it was like somebody was threatening to kill you. And. Because here's another thing. I think if somebody was threatening to kill the director, that's not enough to shut the theater down by itself, because, again, then we would have no theater.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, I want to know. Like, I want to point out here that you said it was median, which means that the conversation. You've done Rocky Horror, right? Yeah. Costumes, Amazing score. Could be better. How was your lead? You know, they did their best. Bomb threats. Exquisite bomb threats. We got the usual bomb threats, and it was. Was amazing. That was the best part of the show, actually. We nailed that. I was trying to think of when somebody else had done this, and I'm like, I could totally see a college football coach doing this. I could totally see it. Urban Meyer would have done this at, like, Bowling Green. He would have been like, I'm not ready. I can't do it. We're gonna Lose, we're only gonna win by 20.

[Adam]

I mean, there's a Florida coach who, like, we're not sure, might have done this.

[Jason Kirk]

There's a couple.

[Spencer Hall]

Careful now.

[Adam]

Like. Like, I don't want to get. I don't.

[Jason Kirk]

I'm not allowed to say any of this out loud, but I think we

[Adam]

can say the Jim McElwaine stuff. Jim McElwain, towards the end of his Florida tenure was like, oh, been getting some death threats. It's tough. It's a tough road over here in Gainesville. And the university was like, cool, can we see them? He was like, sorry, gotta go. I always found that very busy, very busy today.

[Jason Kirk]

I always found that profoundly offensive on McElwain's part because, say what you will about Florida, and I've said plenty, Florida fans will stab you in the front. That's, like, their whole thing.

[Adam]

Sure.

[Jason Kirk]

They're not. They're not canny.

[Adam]

Nope.

[Spencer Hall]

Not one bit.

[Jason Kirk]

This is the most normal outcome for a community production of Rocky Horror I could have imagined.

[Adam]

A dangerous sociological experiment I would like to contemplate but not undertake, is how many people send threats to sports media members or angry emails to sports media members with their government names. And can you map it by fan base? Do you want some level of precision?

[Jason Kirk]

I used to keep a spreadsheet.

[Ryan Nanny]

Yeah. And the, like, the per capita.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Ryan Nanny]

Part of it is interesting to me because, like, if you hear from two people from the same fan base, your mind goes like, oh, my God, they're all psychopaths.

[Adam]

Right.

[Ryan Nanny]

And that's not really how it works. Like, obviously, you're going to hear from 100 Ohio State fans per year. They have a lot of people still. That's a huge percentage, if you're doing

[Jason Kirk]

the math on, like, the smaller medium markets like Clemson and Auburn. Congratulations.

[Ryan Nanny]

Yeah, like, there. There are ones you'll be likelier to hear from. And then also at the same time, like, Ohio State has both more people and a higher percentage of diseased minds.

[Adam]

I think my favorite version of it is when you get it from someone's work email. And instead of like, hey, I'm [e-mail], it's like Ron Ronson, VP at Plumbing Biz. And it's at the bottom. It's like, here for all your plumbing needs.

[Ryan Nanny]

Or like, even if they're, like, you know, emailing you about something funny or weird or whatever, you know, like, there was one just a month or two ago where somebody emailed me about, like, all their favorite Prima songs, and dude, is like, and then it has, like, credentials, like, cpa, blah, blah, bi, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And, like, you know, every Prima song has, like, the word butthole in it.

[Spencer Hall]

That's true.

[Adam]

Because they're French.

[Jason Kirk]

There is a British comedian, I want to say it was Joe Lycett, who got a nasty email after a show from some guy who worked at a. At a lawyer's office. And he wrote back to the guy and he was like, hey, I'm really sorry. I would like to make it up to you. I have mailed a signed photo of myself to your office. And the guy writes back immediately. And he's like, hey, no, I work in a solicitor's office. Please don't do that. And he writes back and he's like, my dear Joseph, I'm so sorry to have. I'm so sorry to have done this. I have attached several additional sign photos that I have also mailed to your office. And so he just, like, starts sending this guy flowers and stuff at work.

[Ryan Nanny]

Yeah.

[Jason Kirk]

Which I think is a. Letting the guy off easy and be tremendously satisfying.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Spencer Hall]

Ryan, thank you for reminding me that that was our team that did that. That was great.

[Adam]

You're welcome.

[Jason Kirk]

Not the only one.

[Adam]

Hey, don't worry. Florida football only got better after that.

[Spencer Hall]

It's amazing, though, that it came to this, that an institution. When the coach was like, yeah, you know, like, I'm being publicly threatened, the institution was like, word, let's see it.

[Adam]

No, it's not even that. No, it's not that. They were like, oh, we're going to take that seriously. Please give us the detail. Like, if you have an employee who's being threatened, it's like, okay, well, we. We got to talk about that. And then rumoredly, he was like, well, who can find anything in your Dag on inbox these days?

[Spencer Hall]

Which is, again, pro move, pro move. To be like, I don't know, this crazy iPhone who can say what lurks in its corners.

[Jason Kirk]

Can we get, like, a little jaunty banjo riff? Like, would go at the end of a Dukes of Hazard segment before commercial. That'd be a fun dish.

[Michael Serber]

I have an idea.

[Spencer Hall]

Yes.

[Jason Kirk]

Okay.

[Ryan Nanny]

Squirt D alert D. Speaking of commercials.

[Jason Kirk]

Come on, dude.

[Ryan Nanny]

Podcast business.

[Jason Kirk]

Christ, Alban.

[Spencer Hall]

No, I thought. I thought SER was going to play something.

[Adam]

He doesn't have it right now.

[Michael Serber]

Oh, I'm not ready yet, but just

[Jason Kirk]

give me a moment. Sorry, sorry.

[Ryan Nanny]

So, like, Serpent's gonna whip out. Literally whip out the band.

[Adam]

He's not the beatboxing guy from Police Academy.

[Spencer Hall]

I was waiting.

[Adam]

Just make it come out of his mouth.

[Michael Serber]

I like

[Ryan Nanny]

that. I like the server can't just produce music on command thing while everyone is commanding Spencer to produce music.

[Spencer Hall]

I was just waiting. Yeah, I was just waiting for the. Yeah, I was waiting for the soundboard.

[Michael Serber]

Oh, yeah,

[Adam]

don't start doing sound. Just do the music.

[Jason Kirk]

I'm just gonna start hitting sound buttons.

[Michael Serber]

Podcast business.

[Spencer Hall]

What's in business? Podcast business. Train horn business, Whistle business. Seriously, there's a lot of business in this week. We're gonna say it all right now,

[Ryan Nanny]

folks. So first of all, on our Patreon, we. Which you might or might not have seen by this point, we put up a shitload of stuff today. And I forget how many hours. Somewhere between four and five, all total. I'll look at that as I'm uploading them, but I don't have that number for you as of this exact second. Regardless, it's a lot. We did two different Q and A episodes. One college football, one non college football. Based on things that you asked us on Patreon, which is the way to ask us things. It'll come as absolutely no shock to any of you that you had far more questions not about college football than about college football. But regardless, we answered a whole bunch of stuff either way. College football wise, we finally got around to one of the main mascot questions we've been asked for years, and we devoted serious care and concern to that. Talked about some of our favorite teams this year and of the past and like teams, you know, that we'll watch this year, which is probably not good news for that team. And non college football wise, talked a lot about. You had a million Warhammer questions. Yes, we, you know, we're talking about how do we come back and do another Warhammer episode. We have done one search, the public feed, but Patreon, you want more Warhammer? Which is very funny to me, but we did a little bit of that. We did a little bit of a bunch of other stuff as well in the non college football episode. And additionally, my kid came on to explain My Little Pony to us. Killed it sort of as a detached, cool, ironic adult talking about a thing she used to be into. No, it's. It's a really, really funny show. We talked about My Little Pony as college football. So those are three new Patreon episodes for you. Additionally, we decided that, Cody Campbell, I assume you're listening, that we will create a special million dollars a month tier just for you.

[Spencer Hall]

Just for you, Cody.

[Ryan Nanny]

We will use that feed to say whatever you want until you cancel, at which point we will return to slandering you at every opportunity. Patreon.com shutdownfullcast Additionally, this show, the free public version of the show is always brought to you by home field apparel. Homefieldapparel.com the best website to go to at least once a week. And today I'm gonna go to Michigan State's page on there. Partly because in two of the episodes that went up today I said mean things about Michigan State and I sorted by best selling Michigan State's [e-mail] and the second one that came up says it's a beautiful day for football in Spartan Stadium cit and man, that is so positive and optimistic.

[Adam]

It doesn't say it's a beautiful day for Michigan State football.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, just for football.

[Ryan Nanny]

And also like, you know, people do be saying like when they see some shitty ass weather they're like, ah, football weather.

[Adam]

Right.

[Jason Kirk]

So like you struggle with historical citations

[Ryan Nanny]

for football is definitely an essential appendage to it's a beautiful day. Right?

[Adam]

You can't just say for maybe it's a beautiful day for the football and not for the people. The football's having a great time.

[Ryan Nanny]

Football's loving it.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah, it's a beautiful day because Michigan State isn't going to touch it.

[Ryan Nanny]

Footballs love slopping around in gray mud and never reaching the end zone.

[Adam]

Oh, I'm going to get doked off the field. I'm going to get doinked off that break today. You'll see.

[Spencer Hall]

I keep trying to go to Michigan State but they keep giving it to the other team.

[Ryan Nanny]

Additionally, there's a bunch of other stuff for Michigan State. Of course there's an old cartoony type thing like a newspaper cartoon one. There's one appears to be like a hieroglyphic of a barefooted Spartan man. Like as always, you can just scroll and scroll and scroll through any teams page on homefield apparel.com they have hundreds of teams and each of them you'll see logos you've never ever seen before and you'll just find yourself throwing them into your cart and then ordering them. And eventually it'll be most of your wardrobe. That's how most of you, most of our listeners go out and about is wearing the garments of schools they didn't attend. So Michigan State throw them on the pile at home field apparel.com

[Spencer Hall]

Next we have Channel 6 business. And I mean serious Channel 6 business. Holly, help me out. What we need to we need two hands to lift this Right. We need two sets of hands.

[Adam]

You have two hands.

[Jason Kirk]

Don't know what he's talking about.

[Spencer Hall]

Two sets of hands.

[Jason Kirk]

Whatever you want me to talk about, it's not something we've discussed.

[Spencer Hall]

It's all we discussed.

[Ryan Nanny]

It was. It was in the Slack. I saw it in the Slack.

[Spencer Hall]

Mm. We have Turf, man.

[Ryan Nanny]

Oh.

[Jason Kirk]

You didn't tell me you wanted me to do this.

[Spencer Hall]

I. We need the two of us to do this.

[Jason Kirk]

Okay, you start.

[Spencer Hall]

All right. We as in going great. Holly and I are producing, coordinating, and writing. The Turfman's coordinating. You are coordinating the word effort. You are coordinating.

[Adam]

Well used here, Right?

[Ryan Nanny]

Something is happening.

[Jason Kirk]

Hey, we made our own preseason magazine.

[Spencer Hall]

Yes, we did.

[Jason Kirk]

Because we got bored, which is the reason we do everything. We made our own preseason magazine. If you're wondering why it's called Turfman's, you can look it up. The EDS BS Wiki is a d. Terrifying place, but this is one page that it has absolutely correct. This is named after a 20 year old EDS BS joke is more of a zine than a preview magazine. This is not Feel Steel. Why is this not Feel Steel? Feel Steel already exists. Why do you want another one? We don't need another one. We. We got Phil already. You can have Phil if you want. This is not that. This is previews written in the style that we like to do previous. Did we cover every team? No, we're two people. Are we covering what we think is interesting? Yes. So it's kind of the same way we do everything else. We also have special guests who have come in to help us swing away at this. Some of them you may have heard of. I probably shouldn't announce this until everybody files their stories, so why don't we save who all is in this thing for next week? But we got some of our favorite writers and some of our favorite editors together, and we said, hey, let's put on a show. And we're putting on a show. And nobody has called in a fake bomb threat. I am almost positive. And. Oh, right. If nothing else goes wrong, and we were supposed to get a whole bunch of stuff done today, and instead I broke my foot. If nothing else goes wrong, this will be out Monday, August 10th. So next Monday, if you're listening to this episode in fairly short time, I'll tell you more about this next week.

[Spencer Hall]

Playing through the pain.

[Jason Kirk]

Oh, sorry. One more thing I should say. This is not a Channel 6 thing. This is gonna be something you can buy for money, like on a newsstand, like you would do on a newsstand if we still had newsstands. But this is not a Channel 6 thing. We will be publishing exclusive excerpts of this on Channel 6, available to our paying subscribers. But this is a separate thing that we did because one other thing that we wanted to do, which is my personal favorite thing, is to take people whose work we like and pay them to do it for us. So we would like to pay the writers who wrote for us. And what are they getting paid? Well, that depends, including us, on how many of those things we sell. So you'll be able to find this thing next week on all of our social channels and whatnot. We have a website for this, but it's currently not working because the ain't. Ain't doing real hard. But yeah, check back next week. We made our own preview magazine. This was a fun little project for us. If we like it, we're going to do it bigger next year. So if you like it, buy it, tell your friends. Thank you. Was that good?

[Spencer Hall]

That was great.

[Jason Kirk]

Okay, now you go.

[Spencer Hall]

That was.

[Adam]

You didn't do. You didn't do very much there, Spencer. You said we need two sets of hands.

[Jason Kirk]

I'm going to do this. All right? I'm going to do this. I'm going to say this one thing in his defense, because I did not know that I was going to be promoting this or I would have written something down to read because I'm tired. But the current. The word count for this thing just went over 20,000 yesterday and Spencer wrote most of it. So he has been doing. He has been doing other things. Last thing. Yes, people have already. This is the first thing two things people asked about. And I can already tell you, yes, the Turfman's top 25 is returning. Yes, suspenders will still be ranked number one. And yes, we do have the return of Hayton Asperger in this magazine.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, we're playing.

[Jason Kirk]

We're playing the hits and we're bringing

[Spencer Hall]

some new friends, but you're gonna have to pay for it. And it will be available online, PDF, etc.

[Jason Kirk]

Yep, it's gonna be a PDF. You can download it, you can print it out if you want. My dad certainly will.

[Adam]

I disagree with the strategy. I think it should be only available at Winn Dixie, but that's fine.

[Jason Kirk]

Dude, this is actually how I wanted to do it, but we want to see if people would pay money for it first.

[Adam]

I think you should. I think you should have to go to a Winn Dixie and find somebody at a table in front of the Wind Dixie and buy the physical Magazine from them.

[Jason Kirk]

Food City. But I see the vision.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, sure. Available. Available only next to Jugs at a circlek in 1993. That does inform some of the aesthetics of this.

[Adam]

I do. I do hope you produce print versions of it so people, like, can carpet bomb doctor's offices with them. Just, like, leave them as if, like, oh, this doctor's office said this.

[Jason Kirk]

Oh, listen, if you want to be part of the Channel 6 Street team, I will mail you a physical copy of this to leave in a place where it will be inconvenient to someone.

[Spencer Hall]

Yes, yes. And in the meantime, hey, you can always subscribe to Channel 6, our newsletter, because if you just can't get enough of us, we produce quality banging content there every single week. Two things a week for the low price of $10 a month. Holly and I work like dogs on it. So subscribe, Thrive. We're coming into the season. We got openers. We got some preview. We got.

[Jason Kirk]

Oh, yeah, this isn't the opener either. Somebody's like, oh, you guys are working on the open early. No, we're not. We're doing. Nope, like 5,000 openers worth of work. And then we got to go, right, the opener. I should probably figure out what to it's going.

[Ryan Nanny]

Going to be about.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, we got to do. We got to do. But that's good.

[Jason Kirk]

I'm really excited about this. I'm usually really bored in July and August, and I am the opposite of bored. I'm exhausted. But that is so much better than being bored.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah.

[Ryan Nanny]

Again, that's a lot of us talking.

[Spencer Hall]

August, get on board. Now someone else sells something.

[Jason Kirk]

See, this is why I like to write promos. Because you read. You read them and then you're done. And I'm not doing this idiot that I'm doing right now.

[Adam]

Phantom island is a show I do Stephen Godfrey. It's not always about college football. It will have some stuff that's more about college football coming soon. How will you find out more about this? Depending on how you feel about some of the people we're having on. Yeah, it actually might be a threat. Anyway, you go subscribe to the free feed or you sign up at Phantom island show, or you just, I don't know, maybe run into me somewhere in the world and you say, hey, what's all this? What's this new thing about? And I'll tell you what the new thing is about, because I. I'm not good with conflict in person, and I. I just want to, like, avoid it. So I don't know why? That's all.

[Jason Kirk]

Oh, one more thing. Patreon annual subs are about to come up like in the next like 48 hours. If you made an annual sub on the first day, which it's about to come up for renewal. If you are renewing via the Patreon app at the Apple Store, don't. If you can renew your subscription through the Patreon website itself. Apple takes an insane cut of this. I think it's like, Jason, it's like 30% or something, right? Of each subs and we don't make nearly as much money and not a lot of people actually did. It sounds like most of you did sign up through the website because you are beautiful old fashioned darlings and we love you for that. But if you have the option at all to not subscribe through your iPhone, please subscribe through the website instead because we get to keep way more of the money. Thank you. We love you. Thank you for your money.

[Ryan Nanny]

Also, not many of you went through Apple, but you know if you did, it'll be. It'll keep your money away from them. Other thing, obviously Patreon that I forgot to say is that After Dark is coming soon and that'll be our Patreon will be the home of that all college football season long. That's it for me.

[Michael Serber]

This is a new killer ant show that's happening on September 5th at the Flatiron in Greensboro. A really cool thing happened at the Flat Iron. I will. Maybe I'll find the article and link to it, but you can just Google Flatiron Greensboro outpouring of support. I don't know. They just had a rough time this past year as all live music venues did. They just kind of talked about it and were honest about it and the community came together in a really, really awesome way to save the Flat Iron. And we're super stoked to be playing there again. We've gotten to play there several times. It's a really awesome venue. Josh and his crew are awesome. We're playing with Wolves and Wolves and Wolves and Wolves as well as Ort Patrol. That's gonna be a really cool show. We'll have CDs for sale, we'll have shirts for sale and I'll be there. The doors are at seven and the show is at eight. And one thing that I think is kind of lame is when we do that, usually then people don't show up till like, I don't know, 7:50. Show up at 7 and have a couple extra drinks and like talk to the bartender. And get to know the place and maybe buy your merch then, so that we don't have to do it when we're all sweaty. Because you might want to shake our hands. And that's gross. And maybe we do it before we're all gross after the show. But it's just the thing I've been thinking. Get to shows early, stay at shows late, do it at our shows, do it the shows that you're going to. That's all I got. Also, we may listen to it if

[Adam]

you're old like me. If you go to the show early and do all that stuff, then once the show is over, you can immediately go home and sleep. You can immediately go sleep.

[Michael Serber]

I like, end of the show. Let's split.

[Jason Kirk]

Pointing this directly at our audience.

[Michael Serber]

Go rock.

[Adam]

No.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah.

[Adam]

No.

[Michael Serber]

There's even, like, a chance if it's a. I mean, if you're a real pro and we're. We're definitely not this band. But if you're going to, like, see an. Like, a signed band, that's. That tours and stuff, like, go on Setlist fm, check out how they end their sets. Maybe you don't need to see that last song. And you'd be amazed what five minutes at the end of a concert can do to your trip home. Especially if it's a band you've seen before. Like, I've seen Dinosaur Jr. A lot of times. Yeah, maybe I don't need to see them play the. The golf song. I can't even remember the name of it off the top of my head.

[Ryan Nanny]

The encore is gonna be like, here's our two most popular songs that you've heard 50,000 times. I'm good. I've heard them. I'm good.

[Michael Serber]

Yeah, I was good with not hearing Beverly Hills at the Weezer concert. I was like, all right, cool, this one. I'm gonna go get my merch. And then there was, like, one at the end that I've also heard a million times. I'm like, come on, let's. Let's get home an hour and a half earlier just because we leave this concert.

[Spencer Hall]

3.

[Adam]

Also, just a quick. Just as a quick addendum. Just get the merch. Like, every time I've gone and not gotten the merch, I'm always pissed late. I'm always like, why didn't I get the. Even if the merch is not like, oh. Oh, man. Just always get the merch. Just get the merch.

[Michael Serber]

Get a tour poster. Like, they almost always have those. And, like, even if you keep it Rolled up in a tube. Maybe there will come a day when you have a, when you've redecorated your like little corner where you have your desk at your house or like you know, if God forbid you've reproduced and had children. Like there's gonna come a day when they think all the stuff that you thought was cool is cool someday. Unroll that fresh poster from the, the Walkman concert that you bought that you were like, I don't want that T shirt but poster looks cool.

[Ryan Nanny]

I think the thing about the tour shirt, poster, whatever is like in the moment. It's like it feels like I'm advertising this ongoing five years from now it's be gonna cool.

[Michael Serber]

Yeah.

[Adam]

100% do future US salad and just get the merch.

[Ryan Nanny]

I think the tour specific merch is the one that I most think like damn, I should have picked that up.

[Michael Serber]

Yes.

[Ryan Nanny]

Cuz it's like a limited time thing cuz like I think part of it is like oh, I don't want to look like a brand new fan that I only clocked in in 2026, but in 2036 it's like oh wow, look at this ball. Knower has been around since before 2026.

[Jason Kirk]

You're going to be tell you a secret about your anxiety over being a new fan. Nobody who you think is looking at you in that way actually is. And if they are, that's not a person that matters.

[Spencer Hall]

Them. Yeah, yeah, everybody is somebody's noob, right?

[Adam]

Not me. I know all not.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, unlike Ryan who was there.

[Michael Serber]

It is cool. It is, it is super cool though. When you go to a concert for a band you've been seeing since you were 16 and now you're in your late 30s or early 40s or you know, 70s. Spencer.

[Adam]

Yeah, six and he sucked.

[Michael Serber]

But then you see like, you see like a 15 year old there or like somebody in their early 20s, like a group of friends in their early 20s and you're like God damn, I'm old. But also this band does fucking rule. I knew I was right.

[Spencer Hall]

I. You know what? I totally get Salieri though. Because imagine that you're Salieri and you see this little six year old who's better than you'll ever be and you're like fuck that kid. Yeah, look at him. Little giggling ass.

[Adam]

I bet that's how people thought. Thought about little Bow Wow for a while.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, that's how Nelly.

[Michael Serber]

That was our Nelly.

[Ryan Nanny]

Very brief moment

[Spencer Hall]

on the shelf. But I'm back you off and put you on the shelf here I don't think anyone really.

[Ryan Nanny]

Look at this massive talent that has emerged.

[Adam]

I bet there was a brief moment of time when Lil Bow Wow was considered the young Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart of rap.

[Ryan Nanny]

Now when they saw Lil Romeo, they were like, oh, it's a wrap for all of us. We've been surpassed.

[Spencer Hall]

I don't think that's.

[Ryan Nanny]

The chosen one is here.

[Michael Serber]

Master P has broken the mold.

[Spencer Hall]

I'm just gonna say no on that one.

[Ryan Nanny]

No, I don't think that's accurate.

[Adam]

Yeah, it doesn't matter. It's in the ad.

[Jason Kirk]

They didn't see Tokyo Drift clearly.

[Adam]

That's right.

[Spencer Hall]

I think that concludes podcast business.

[Adam]

You're gonna miss me when I'm not here to say things like that.

[Jason Kirk]

I will. They won't. That's true. Hey, server, can I ask you a cycling question?

[Michael Serber]

Yes.

[Jason Kirk]

If I were to see, over the weekend, that longtime friend of the program and our close personal friend Terry Bodass won a cycling trophy or a cycling race over the weekend?

[Michael Serber]

A UCI cycling race. Correct. Like this?

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah.

[Jason Kirk]

So gravel. That's. That's actually what I was asking. And I might be like, oh, that's cool. Terry's keeping up. Can you explain what sicko shit he is?

[Michael Serber]

Terry is. Terry's a bad.

[Jason Kirk]

Because he won a race that was a cycling race that is run on gravel.

[Michael Serber]

Yeah. I never thought about the fact that he smells real bad until I saw that. And now I'm like, dude, that guy probably stinks real, real bad. The level of dude. The level of dude it takes to be into that form of cycling. Like, you, you're just gross all the time and you're good with that and you embrace that.

[Jason Kirk]

Can you explain this circuit and what. What exactly he was racing in? Because I know nothing about it. And I just sent this to. I just sent this to some friends, like, look at Terry Bodass. And they flipped out.

[Michael Serber]

I don't know this specific, like this specific course, but it's pretty regular for gravel to be just long. Like gravel races just be suffer fest that have insane, like, climbs and like, terrible. When it's. When it says gravel, it's like, do not picture that they have freshly laid down gravel on a course for these guys to ride down. It's not like that at all. It's like the most intense off road experience. Like cyclocross is the next extreme of gravel, but gravel is, like, pretty fucking tough. A lot of like Ironman type, I think competitions include some sort of gravel racing in them. I think it's just. It's just the gnarliest form of like, let's put you on an incline with a road that wants to like, push you backwards and is pushing you backwards actively.

[Ryan Nanny]

Yeah.

[Spencer Hall]

Like, when was the last. When was the last time you, like, we're trying to think back the last time you actually biked on. On gravel.

[Michael Serber]

I mean, I, I think, I think me personally, I would have been sick at this if I wasn't scared of falling and breaking everything. Like, if I was really into, like putting. Getting my bike out on the road or getting a bike out on the road, this would be the thing I think I'd be the most natural at because of. When growing up, I. 90% of the bike riding I did was on gravel roads.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah. But to be clear, it fucking sucks. Like, I don't. I can't really.

[Adam]

It's kind of the cycling equivalent of running in sand, right?

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, running in sand. Or if you're a climb, like climber, it's like climbing and chos. If, if we're doing football things here, slow track doesn't begin to describe what you would be running through. Like, this is. This is. It doesn't even have the joy of being a mudder when it comes to running because at least then you kind of have the relief of having all of the stuff tamped down. This is just particulate matter. And gravel falling sucks. Going sucks. It's just, it's. This is, this is a masochist thing. Yeah, it's 100amasochist. It's.

[Michael Serber]

It is. It is wild that. It's wild that he was allowed to do this. Yeah, Right, isn't it? You got you.

[Spencer Hall]

Because I can tell you, I can

[Michael Serber]

tell you, my resident expert, tell me now. Yes.

[Spencer Hall]

I can tell you what everyone else in Formula one is doing, right, in their off weeks, okay. They're in the simulator, they're hanging out with their girlfriend. They are sim racing for fun. If you're Max Verstappen, right. Or you are maybe doing some light sponsor work, that's what these guys are doing. The young guys, by the way, are all doing this. They're hanging out at home in Monaco or they are on a boat. Right? That's. I'm not lying. Like, George Russell is like, oh, week off. And he's like in white linen pants on a boat. That's. That's typically what these guys do on a week off. And on his week off, Valtteri Bottas will go out to a gravel race somewhere in the Czech Republic, get the kicked out of him for three hours straight and then finish second.

[Michael Serber]

Yeah, it means he doesn't. Like. Yes, he did that on his off week, but it means he's doing it all the time. It. Like, he. He didn't just do that. Like, he.

[Spencer Hall]

No, nobody just pulls it out.

[Michael Serber]

Yeah, he's doing that all the time, even when he's on. Which is. Even. Which is crazy, too. It's just what, like, football players aren't allowed to do this. Basketball players wouldn't be allowed to do this. Like, their. Their contracts wouldn't allow them to even participate in something like this. It's wild to me that someone at Formula one level is even, like, allowed to participate in something that pretty commonly just breaks people's collarbones, tears rotator cuffs, tears, ligaments and knees. Like.

[Adam]

It.

[Michael Serber]

It's the. It is. It's so much more dangerous than regular road cycling.

[Adam]

If. If a baseball player did this, it would be like. And he exploded, and he'll. He'll miss two months because he exploded.

[Michael Serber]

CC Sabathia. On this. In this terrain. Like, I don't.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah. The. Just to give you one notion of what the super bowl of gravel racing would look like, what our championship game is here, when I say, hey, a nice place to cycle across, you don't think Kansas. That's right. Because it's not outside of Emporia. Kansas is the gravel unbound 200. It is 200 miles. Almost entirely on gravel. Oh, but that's Kansas. It has to be flat. Fuck you. There's 11,000ft in elevation change. 11,000ft over 200 miles. Yeah. And 1500 people pay $345 to do this.

[Michael Serber]

Yeah, I think it's considered. I think that's commonly considered one of the toughest races in the world.

[Adam]

I'm trying to think. So, like, my rough understanding is basically gravel cycling is a little bit of a. Like, it's throwback cycling. It's like, hey, this is. This is how you used to it. Is there any other sport in which we do this? In which we're like, yeah, fuck it. Now you gotta. All right.

[Michael Serber]

You're doing a Field of dreams baseball game. I guess it's like, yeah, out in a shitty ballpark. But don't they build really nice, like, locker rooms for them for that?

[Adam]

Right.

[Michael Serber]

So it's not really the same. To your point, it's like playing football,

[Adam]

and they're not like, all right, all right, boys, you have emphysema for this game. Here we go. Yeah.

[Michael Serber]

Leather helmet, Pro bowl makes that game more watchable. Though, if they were to do that. To your point, Holly, are there other.

[Spencer Hall]

Other golf tournaments where they play with, like, a mashing and, I mean, does St. Andrews count?

[Michael Serber]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Oh, yeah, that's probably. Yeah, you're right.

[Michael Serber]

Links golf. But that's like YouTube Golf, you know, like, that's. The PGA doesn't really. Even. Even when they play at St. Andrews, the pros, like, they're using this crazy technology. It's only, like, YouTube golfers. Yeah, but he still hates Old Hickory.

[Jason Kirk]

It's like playing a link's muni course.

[Spencer Hall]

I think it would be, like, the closest thing we have is that it would be like.

[Michael Serber]

Yeah.

[Spencer Hall]

I want to say, like, mind you, by the way, these gravel dudes are not out there on, like, fixies. They're not out there on, like.

[Adam]

Sure.

[Michael Serber]

Carbon fiber, state of the art. Yeah.

[Spencer Hall]

If you did that, I think you should be institutionalized, if that's something you want to try.

[Jason Kirk]

Still have to pedal through gravel, Right?

[Michael Serber]

Right.

[Spencer Hall]

You're still pedaling through gravel. I suggest you use whatever technology is available to you up and through and including, like, rocket boosters, engines, whatever, just to get through it. But, yeah, we don't really have a sport, I think, where you play, like, nobody's done that. Like, oh, let's play complete throwback football, because somebody would die, because that's what people did when they did that. Nobody does that with. Nobody's like, oh, let's play basketball with a basket, which now that I'm sitting,

[Adam]

now that I'm said it, no shot clock.

[Spencer Hall]

No shot. Pass, pass, pass, pass, pass. It'd be like watching Spain. Spain play soccer, Right? Just pass, pass, pass.

[Michael Serber]

I love that shit.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah. There's very few sports where I can think of where we. Where there's actually a.

[Adam]

No. Holly nailed it with links golf. That is the one where it's still like, all right. Hey, remember how to play? No, you don't. Fuck you. The ocean wind hates your ass today.

[Michael Serber]

You see the hole over there? You see that?

[Adam]

Yeah, it's right there.

[Michael Serber]

Cool, isn't it? All right, now there is a light tower about 300 yards the other way. That's your aim.

[Spencer Hall]

Aim at that.

[Michael Serber]

You're gonna go for that.

[Adam]

You missed. Now you're in a bunker. That's someone's grave. Fuck you.

[Michael Serber]

It's your grave now. You have died.

[Spencer Hall]

I. I do like that. Even with Lynx Golf. Even with Lynx Golf, there is now. People are so good and the gear is so good that they just blast over. Some of the things I've seen that on commentary where they go, ah, yes, the diabolical seventh hole. Enormous bunker you can't get out of hidden bunker on the. And he's just blown 300 over it. Just this just completely.

[Michael Serber]

Screw you.

[Spencer Hall]

300 yards completely.

[Adam]

Listen, Jane coast and talks about the all PI offense. That is essentially what a lot of golfers are doing at this point. We're. If I hit it in the grandstands, I could just do whatever I want. Fuck you, dad.

[Spencer Hall]

This is why everyone loves passing football. Ultimately, I know you have to run the ball. Running the ball is philosophically important on so many different levels. But if you call the touchdown play, brother, you'll always have a job, right? If you can throw the deep ball, because that's one play. Okay, well, we've got a really complex deep ball. That's it. Throw the goal ball. Throw ball, call, touchdown play. That's what driving long is. That's why people love it. They're like, oh, that's simple. I get that.