Culver’s and Health: A Podcast at the Intersection

Summary

Shutdown Fullcast – "Culver’s and Health: A Podcast at the Intersection"

Release Date: July 1, 2026
Hosts: Spencer Hall, Jason Kirk, Ryan Nanni, Cerber, Server
Main Theme:
A riotous deep-dive into the intersection of fast-casual dining (namely Culver's), personal food choices, the health-industrial complex, and the increasingly surreal world of college football sponsorships.

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Episode Overview

While allegedly the "world's only college football podcast," Shutdown Fullcast spends most of this episode delightfully off-topic. The hosts spiral from a running joke about Culver’s fried shrimp, through the absurd politics of what constitutes "poor food," to a satirical analysis of American food and health trends, culminating in an exploration of college sports jersey sponsors—from local fast food titans to ominous biotech companies. The conversation is peppered with memorable anecdotes, absurd hypotheticals, and familiar Fullcast camaraderie.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Server’s “Death” & Visual Gags

00:00–02:00

• Server is jokingly “dead” (because of lighting & attire: “I was wearing white…breaking the rule to not shoot in front of a window”).

• Cerber suggests Server looks angelic; Jason and Spencer riff about heaven, hell, and who’s “breaking the rules” (of both lighting and life).

  • [01:05] Spencer: “I’m gonna take these sweatpants from my very warm dead body.”
  • [01:36] Cerber: “I assume you’re like, ‘Oh, he’s dead, but he is so warm.’ That’s awesome.”

• The hosts banter about sweatpants in the heat, and the classic “from my cold dead hands” phrase, with twist: “from my hot dead thighs.”

2. Culver's Fried Shrimp Discourse

02:26–14:00

• Spencer confesses to eating “ten fried shrimp from Culver’s,” which triggers a breakdown of a viral political tweet about a politician eating at Culver’s.

  • [02:26] Spencer: “I had 10 fried shrimp from Culver’s yesterday. So yes, the answer is yes [I’m a ticking time bomb].”
  • [03:30] Jason: “It’s like some weird politics account was like, …they’re rich, they’re fake poor. Correct. And that was the whole thing.”
  • The group mocks the idea of shrimp as “rich people” food, especially at a fast food place, and the weird class anxieties that food discourse brings.

• Spencer admits Culver’s fried shrimp is "fine" and only ordered it because of the discourse.

• Culver’s Shrimp in the Car Incident: Revealed that Spencer ordered and ate fried shrimp in the car on a hot road trip without consulting passengers. Ryan recounts, “seafood makes me gag,” but Spencer doesn't consider others’ welfare when food is involved.

  • [07:24] Spencer: “I just ordered shrimp.”
  • [07:27] Ryan: “About eating seafood in the hot car on the eight hour car drive…”

• Cerber draws a link between fried foods and cognitive distance: “When we take an item and we bread it and fry it, it ceases to be the original item.”

• Ryan’s classic dig:

  • [15:01] Spencer: “Isn’t life lived in the hope of being better?"
  • [15:04] Ryan: “You’d feel bad about [ordering offensive food] up until you forgot about it. And I don’t know why I’m using a subjunctive tense here. You forget about it.”

• Ongoing bit: what if Culver’s sold other seafood—would Spencer eat it in the car? Absolutely, except raw oysters (maybe).

3. The Proteinification of Food

17:39–26:38

• Cerber brings up America’s obsession with "proteinifying" everything.

  • [18:03] Cerber: "I saw a jar of peanut butter that was advertising it as extra protein peanut butter, which baffled me.”
  • For Cerber, the line is if Entenmann’s Danish embraces protein branding—too far.

• The group laments the loss of snack food identity:

  • [20:36] Spencer: "I will destroy both [savory and sweet snacks]. But if I had to pick… If we protein Doritos, that's wrong to me."
  • Zapps Voodoo chips as the ultimate betrayal if proteinified.

• Spencer admits willingness to try all these protein snacks regardless: “If it is several degrees removed from reality, I will automatically try it.”

• Exchange about medicinal, protein-heavy chips and the weird, dry “pharmacy aisle” of the snack world.

4. Doritos Recipe Atrocities

26:38–28:41

• Group discovers Doritos’ official website features dystopian recipes like Doritos Nacho Cheesecake, Doritos macarons, pasta made with crumbled Doritos.

  • [27:34] Cerber: “Doritos macarons. That’s an item on the Doritos recipe.”
  • [28:18] Cerber: “I don’t understand…who wants to make homemade pasta and also Doritos. That’s TikTok, that’s what that is.”

• Reflection on stunt food content and the Fullcast’s own inadvertent heritage in viral food weirdness.

5. College Football Jersey Patches: The Corporate Weirdness

29:54–54:07

Wisconsin’s Culver’s Patch & Societal Commentary

29:54–37:15

• Culver’s is Wisconsin’s men’s sports patch sponsor; hospitals sponsor the women’s teams.

  • [37:12] Jason: “We’re gonna send the men to Culver’s…they’ll die off. Women will be well cared for at the hospital.”

• Hosts joke that feminism will advance as men die off from eating fast-casual shrimp.

  • [37:55] Spencer: “If I’d eaten 20, I would have made a serious contribution to feminism by dying.”

Other Notable College Jersey Sponsors Breakdown

30:33–54:07

• Arkansas: Tyson Foods. Jokes about Razorbacks (pigs) partnering with a giant chicken slaughterhouse.

• Memphis: FedEx ("duh").

• USF: Tampa General Hospital ("Where else are you going to go if you break your arm…Hooters?").

• Discussion devolves into the hilarity of hospital sponsorships:

  • [33:01] Ryan: “If you’re on this show or listening to this show, you’re probably not going to go to the hospital."
  • [34:49] Spencer: “If you want the best care, go to gay hospital. If you want affordable care, come to General Hospital.”

• New Mexico State: End of the Mountain Gods Casino—tribal casino with a fantastic, mythic logo.

  • [39:31] Jason: "It’s the End of the Mountain Gods Resort and Casino [patch]...It looks like a mountain god, I’ll tell you that much."

• Michigan State: "Bank"—credit union sponsorship is lampooned as the most boring option.

• Hosts riff about persona of college football fans making medical decisions based on sports team sponsors.

• UNLV: Most dystopian—sponsored by “Assesso Biologics,” a regenerative medicine company with products like “Regen Putty” and “Crunch Matrix.”

  • [47:31] Spencer: “Start Assesso Regen Putty.”
  • [47:45] Ryan: “I don’t think anything you put in a syringe should crunch.”

• Long tangent about fictional sponsors ("Gay Hospital," "Blood-as-a-Service") and hypothetical Yelp reviews for such places.

Mountaintop: What makes a good sponsor?

• Conclusion: “Mountain Gods” casino gets a "blanket exemption"—the best, most interesting of the bunch.
  • [52:01] Jason: “If there’s a Mountain Gods Bowl, I’m like, yes, good.”

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6. Musings on Old-School Football Physiques: The Big Neck Mystique

69:45–78:17

• Spencer brings up a football culture deep cut: the “big neck” phenomenon in 1980s Penn State teams.

  • [70:35] Server: “When did, like, football people stop...harnessing [the big neck]?”

• Explains it was due to training emphasis: neck and legs were prioritized in early sports science, with bizarre exercise routines using neck harnesses.

  • [73:46] Ryan: “Neck big. In just one direction.”
  • [76:39] Jason: “That’s how old football players ended up so square…modifying all the parts outside the core, making them rectangular as well.”

• Jokes that peak neck was achieved with Takeo Spikes.

  • [77:14] Jason: “It’s like seeing Wemby…that’s it, the extent of it.”

• Concludes with a tongue-in-cheek “lesson learned” about why old football players looked so different.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [02:26] Spencer: “I had 10 fried shrimp from Culver's yesterday. So yes, the answer is yes [I’m a ticking time bomb].”
• [06:30] Spencer: “Cerber is shooting in front of a window, which is giving him a heavenly glow…he looks like he’s died and everything worked out real well. As opposed to some of the rest of us…in our dingy basements and tank tops…received a very different judgment.”
• [15:04] Ryan: “It would never occur to you to consider the welfare of others. And you'd feel bad…precisely up until you forgot about it.”
• [19:54] Cerber: “The vibe of Entenmann’s with protein feels so wrong to me. Feels so, like, spiritually bereft.”
• [22:29] Cerber: “That's a betrayal of so many things...[protein Zapps] feels like a cultural betrayal.”
• [27:34] Cerber: “Doritos macarons. That’s an item on the Doritos recipe.”
• [37:25] Cerber: “You’re saying Culver’s is poisoning the patriarchy from within?”
• [47:45] Ryan: “I don’t think anything you put in a syringe should crunch.”
• [54:39] Spencer: “I've read the classic Zeuses getting, like, a 1.3 at best [on Yelp]. He's so petty.”
• [70:35] Server: “When did…football people stop…harnessing the [big neck look] as a characteristic?”
• [77:14] Jason: “It’s like seeing Wemby…that’s it, the extent of it [peak neck].”
• [78:17] Spencer: “Work that neck from my hot dead [body].”

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Segment Timestamps for Key Moments

• [00:00–02:00] – Server’s “death,” visual heaven jokes, hot sweatpants
• [02:26–14:00] – Culver’s shrimp, on-the-road food crimes, class and food
• [17:39–26:38] – The rise of “proteinified” foods, snack betrayals, “medicinal” chips
• [26:38–28:41] – Doritos website recipes: cheesecake, pasta, macarons
• [29:54–54:07] – Jersey sponsorships: Culver’s, Tyson Foods, FedEx, hospitals, casino, credit unions, Assesso Biologics
• [69:45–78:17] – Peak neck: How football players got freakish necks in the ‘80s, strength coach history
• Select segments between [14:00–29:54] & [54:07–69:45] – Ongoing banter, satirical asides, fictional sponsors, business/ad reads

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Episode Tone & Style

• Irreverent, highly referential, conversational
• Frequent inside jokes, layered references, absurdist riffs
• Heavy on food metaphors and football culture deep cuts
• Self-aware, meta-commentary on their own tangents (“We’re at the intersection of Culver’s and health!” [49:57])

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Summary Takeaways

This is classic Shutdown Fullcast: a reckless, hilarious journey from fast-casual fish to the bizarre landscape of college athletics and beyond. There’s an undercurrent of social satire about how America processes food, class, health, and identity, all filtered through the hosts’ relentless commitment to the bit—and to one another’s escalating anecdotes. Perfect for listeners who love their sports tangential but their commentary sharp.

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For further details, belly-laughs, or a full rundown on Regen Putty, protein chips, or the ways to optimize your neck muscles, queue up the episode or peruse this summary at your own risk.

Transcript

[Spencer]

Ryan, we have to update you. Server has died.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Cerber]

Yeah, it looks like it went well.

[Server]

Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. It was all. Everyone's here.

[Jason]

I. I too, do not know anything about Server dying, so I need brought into this loop as well.

[Cerber]

He appears to be in Heaven.

[Server]

Yep. Update.

[Spencer]

Yep.

[Server]

It was all.

[Ryan]

It looks.

[Spencer]

God and Satan are roommates defending your life.

[Ryan]

Model of Heaven fashion. So that's.

[Server]

Satan has an excellent record collection.

[Jason]

So is this. The death thing is just about the light behind you?

[Server]

Yeah, I was wearing white.

[Jason]

I didn't know if there was some. Some fantastical caper that happened moments prior or something.

[Server]

No, I'm just. I'm just breaking the rule to not shoot in front of a window.

[Cerber]

Maybe Cerber is the only human who goes to heaven. Who's to say?

[Jason]

I'm usually the one breaking the rule, but I'm inside today because it is 75,000 degrees outside, and I probably could have changed out of sweatpants, but no need. Just got time for that.

[Cerber]

Don't. Don't bow to nature. You. You. You are the one with dominion.

[Jason]

That's right.

[Spencer]

I ain't a. I'm gonna take these sweatpants from my very warm dead body.

[Cerber]

I'm sweating. I'm doing what it says.

[Jason]

You will peel these drenched sweatpants from.

[Cerber]

From my sweat, very warm course.

[Ryan]

Oh, now I'm just imagining the noise

[Jason]

that's going to make from my melting corpse.

[Cerber]

We always call it from my cold dead hands.

[Jason]

From my hot dead thighs.

[Cerber]

But somebody's got to be warm as hell, right?

[Jason]

I mean, for a while.

[Ryan]

From my hot dead thighs.

[Cerber]

Thank you. Like, I assume you're like, oh, he's been dead for so long. He's cold to the touch. But I bet sometimes you're like. You're like, oh, man, he's dead. But he is so warm. That's awesome.

[Spencer]

That's probably. That's probably not a good sign for the rescuers or discoverers here, right?

[Jason]

It feels like they're. They're probably. I mean, I guess it depends on how you're stored, but, yeah, once you come all the way back around to warm, that's not good.

[Spencer]

Have you been Iron man threed is what I was wondering. Like, are you about to burst into flame?

[Jason]

Well, let's use that from. Based on that film, the. That's a good sign because it means you'll come back as. I understand.

[Spencer]

I think it means you'll come back as a bomb. Like a ticking time bomb.

[Jason]

Better than not being around, which, as

[Cerber]

I lived, aren't we all just ticking time bomb.

[Spencer]

I don't know about you, brother. Me, I had 10 fried shrimp from Culver's yesterday. So, yes, the answer is yes, I know. La dee da can.

[Cerber]

All right. Would you have ordered the fried shrimp were it not for them?

[Spencer]

Okay.

[Cerber]

Nope.

[Jason]

So how much did this Culver's fried shrimp travel thing travel beyond, like, politics?

[Cerber]

I don't. I don't think at all.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Spencer]

Not at all. No.

[Cerber]

I think it's like 2,000 people were talking.

[Jason]

So it was like some tiny, weird, weird account was, like, posting about.

[Cerber]

There are 100% people listening to this episode who are like, I don't know what you're talking about or why you're talking about.

[Spencer]

So we'll bring.

[Ryan]

I was driving this. We were driving back from Michigan, and I missed all of this because I was driving.

[Cerber]

Sure.

[Spencer]

Yeah. So.

[Jason]

So, like, speedrun it like, like 10 second.

[Ryan]

I've just been told that Spencer is fancy for shrimp.

[Spencer]

Yes. So Cat. Oh, my God, I'm gonna slaughter her.

[Jason]

Faster explanation does.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Jason]

So, like, it's like some weird politics account was like, I've found this politician posting about eating fried shrimp at Culver's. They're rich, they're fake poor. Correct. And, like, that was the whole thing.

[Cerber]

That's it. That's.

[Spencer]

That's the whole. I'm gonna add. I'm gonna add two words. They refer to it as fast casual, which is.

[Jason]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, clearly, they were like, fast casual.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Jason]

I don't know.

[Spencer]

It's not even that fast.

[Server]

It's.

[Jason]

It's.

[Ryan]

That's.

[Jason]

Yeah, I think that's what. I think that's what Culver's fast casual means, is like, you ain't in that big of a hurry, are you? If you were, you wouldn't be eating this.

[Cerber]

And it turned into a big. Listen. It went anywhere any Internet conversation goes. What does it mean to actually be poor? Who is food actually? For what?

[Jason]

To be casual.

[Cerber]

That's right. Yeah.

[Jason]

It was clearly like, person found. Was digging for dirt on someone they don't like, and they found restaurant they'd never heard of. So they looked it up, they see the word fast casual, and they, aha.

[Ryan]

Gotcha.

[Jason]

Well, as if any, like, I don't know, fast food is how I describe it. Who cares? Doesn't matter.

[Cerber]

Shrimp is only for the rich, right?

[Spencer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan]

It's bugs.

[Jason]

It's Wisconsin shrimp.

[Spencer]

Yeah. It was inland seafood. That was inland sea.

[Jason]

I know y' all got a lake. It's Wisconsin.

[Ryan]

Gerald shrimp.

[Cerber]

All right. How was how was. They're not a sponsor, so you can be honest. You're honest all the time.

[Jason]

Hard hitting. Hard hitting.

[Cerber]

Shrimp.

[Spencer]

It's fine.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Cerber]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

Yeah, it's fine. I didn't feel. I. I got. I got to admit. Go, server.

[Server]

Well, I'm just curious. Right on. Off top of that, Culver's famous for the concrete mixers. One of the things another fast casual joint named after a young gal named Wendy provides as a Frosty. And I love to dip my french fries in a Frosty. Did you get a concrete mixer and dip the shrimp in the concrete mixer?

[Jason]

And if not, why server? That sounds real bougie. You sound rich.

[Cerber]

Oh, yeah, look at it.

[Server]

I'm real rich.

[Spencer]

Well, yeah. All right. Speaking to us from the afterlife, where resources and money are not a concern.

[Jason]

From the gilded heavens.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

You gotta know right now, by the way, listener, because this is a visual medium. Cerber is shooting in front of a window, which is giving him a heavenly glow. And in addition to that, he is wearing kind of a loose white shirt, which is what you should be wearing because it's 5,000 degrees outside and his hair looks great and he's beaming. He's kind of beatific, and he looks like he's died and like everything worked out real well. As opposed to some of the rest of us on this call, who in our dingy basements and tank tops look like we received a very different judgment.

[Cerber]

Yeah, we all also. Spencer and I also look like we died. Just in a way, prejudgment.

[Spencer]

We're in that rotting stage.

[Jason]

There. There is a. A lounging quality to.

[Spencer]

Yeah, there's. I am looking, like slow, casual, casual. Oh, yeah.

[Cerber]

I didn't know Purgatory would look like a hotel lobby.

[Jason]

If I'm told you don't get in unless you wear a button shirt, I'll be like, all right, guess I'll be in when you change the rules.

[Spencer]

Can't help rules. Let's go. But. But I did not get a concrete for this because I know my limits. And I had waiting, and I was like, I think 10 fried shrimp, which I'm going to eat far too quickly, is going to be a challenge. And in addition to that, I haven't moved all day, and I am hunger responsive to movement. When you were in a car for seven hours, friends, the metabolic demands are low, so.

[Cerber]

And you were the passenger in this vehicle?

[Spencer]

Yes, yes.

[Cerber]

Did you consult the driver, who I assume is Holly.

[Spencer]

No, Ryan. I'm an asshole. Yeah, I didn't. I didn't I didn't. I did actually. I was like, hey, it's shrimp.

[Ryan]

No, no, that's not what happened at all.

[Spencer]

No,

[Cerber]

see, see, this is why I asked the questions. Polly, what happened in this, in the lead up to this transaction,

[Ryan]

I was not consulted.

[Spencer]

I just ordered shrimp.

[Jason]

So there was surprise shrimp.

[Ryan]

About eating seafood in the hot car on the eight hour car drive.

[Cerber]

It seems like, it seems like a conversation that should be had with the driver.

[Ryan]

Well, you know, as a famous, as a person who is famous for liking seafood, I really would have had no problem with this.

[Spencer]

Yeah, but, but yeah, I didn't, I

[Ryan]

wasn't driving with, with somebody who's known me for 20 years who knows that seafood makes me gag.

[Spencer]

I saw shrimp and I struck.

[Ryan]

Yeah, you did.

[Spencer]

And I may have hurt some people. Sort of like a crab.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Spencer, is it possible you thought because it's a Wisconsin chain that it wasn't actually shrimp, that it was like some sort of small land creature?

[Spencer]

It's probably worse than that, Jason. I didn't even think about the origin at all.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Spencer]

I just saw something advertised as shrimp and I dove.

[Server]

It was just cheese curds.

[Ryan]

Dive, dive.

[Server]

Skinny cheese curds.

[Spencer]

Like a great seat. Like a great fat sea bird. I just saw and struck.

[Cerber]

I think that's.

[Jason]

Now call back to one of the rare full gas episodes that I remember when Spencer revealed he enjoys the seafood surprise sandwich from Subway back in the day. So uh huh. As long as it comes from the ocean, Spencer will eat it.

[Ryan]

He's an ocean floor dweller basically. And you can't even swim.

[Cerber]

That's why he's on the floor. That's why he's on the floor.

[Spencer]

That's all the good stuff's down there.

[Cerber]

You don't gotta swim, you just gotta sink.

[Jason]

I lay on the floor with my mouth open and let it fall in.

[Ryan]

Also, by the way, I was not gonna bring this up until he said he was on good behavior. I was not gonna bring this up until he lied.

[Jason]

Yeah, really pushed it.

[Cerber]

In my limited defense of Spencer, I think there is a thing that can happen with some brains. Maybe Spencer's is one of them where when we take an item and we bread it and fry it, it ceases to be the original item. We stop thinking, oh, this is seafood that I'm eating in fr. It's like, no, it's protected from the outside world by the crust and therefore any offending odor or allergy or any unpleasantness. No, I've squirreled it away. I've put a zinc shield around it so that it's not seafood to anyone else, just to me and my tummy. I don't think that's true, but I think Spencer's brain might think that's true.

[Jason]

It's just become nookie.

[Cerber]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

You hope it just smells like batter, right? You hope it just smells like that.

[Cerber]

I'm sure it smelled a lot like batter.

[Spencer]

Not enough battered ocean. So consequently, was anything said to me

[Ryan]

about this in the car?

[Spencer]

Only after, like, oh, whoops.

[Ryan]

There was no whoops. There was no apology. This is the first time you brought it up.

[Cerber]

Spencer, can I say something with love?

[Spencer]

I can't stop you.

[Cerber]

You are the human embodiment for me of ask for forgiveness, not permission.

[Ryan]

He's never asked for forgiveness. I think there's. I think he's a secret third thing.

[Server]

Ask for permission and then do it anyway.

[Ryan]

It was only 108 degrees breeze. We're fine, Cerber.

[Spencer]

You're dead anyway, you can tell me. Forgiveness, the whole thing. That's right. Yeah, there's.

[Cerber]

That's.

[Spencer]

It's horseshit.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

You don't need to worry about that.

[Server]

No, no, he's good. You're getting in. You're fine.

[Spencer]

Yeah. See?

[Server]

You want a Z28?

[Spencer]

Free. Yeah, free. Badass.

[Jason]

This is awesome.

[Ryan]

Anyway, I don't feel good today, and I can't figure out why

[Spencer]

are you

[Ryan]

once again re emphasizing. I was not gonna bring this up.

[Cerber]

You're telling me. But then he tried to paint himself

[Ryan]

with Cerberus angelic brush.

[Cerber]

Yeah.

[Server]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Oh, I was in the shrimp hot box.

[Ryan]

So in the shrimp hot box with a guy who. I said, do you want to dj? And he said, how would you feel about some wham? And I was just like, I'm sure. I've been in worse situations.

[Spencer]

I was in the mood to listen to some wham.

[Ryan]

It was hard to think about.

[Spencer]

Yeah. Who doesn't want to be listening to. Wake me up before you go. Go. While a guy eats 10 fried shrimp next to you in a hot car.

[Cerber]

While a guy eats 10 fried shrimp next to you in a hot car with alarming speed.

[Spencer]

Well, yeah, I did eat it really quickly.

[Jason]

That's good.

[Cerber]

Which is probably good.

[Jason]

On the whole, that went away fast,

[Cerber]

but still part of the sensory experience

[Server]

for the driver and terminology there, Ryan.

[Spencer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

Probably the wrong thing. Another thing that will only be very funny to people who are very familiar with how Spencer conducts himself online. He opened the box, and it came with lemon wedges.

[Cerber]

What'd you do with the lemon wedges?

[Ryan]

I had A moment of hope, because I was like, oh, he's gonna get mad and pitch it out the window. I'll be fine.

[Spencer]

Nope. No, I was like. I was like a common. You're lucky if your seafood doesn't come with cheese on it at Culver's. So I felt pretty blessed. And that is not an exaggeration because I have, in another moment of extreme consideration for my car mate, ordered fish from Culver's and the fucking shit came with cheese on it.

[Ryan]

So I thought that was pretty funny.

[Cerber]

Like a filet o fish style sandwich.

[Spencer]

Yes, yes. They will put a. They will put a slice of American cheese on top of your fish, which in a tolerance.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah, that's the other funny part. This has happened before.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Okay, We. We have been through this at Culver's before.

[Cerber]

All right, Spencer, I'm gonna list some foods.

[Ryan]

Not the spot where Spencer gets cheese. The part where he orders seafood to eat in a hot car.

[Cerber]

Spencer, I'm gonna list some foods, and you tell me if Culver's offered them and you were driving somewhere with Holly, if you would order them.

[Spencer]

Okay.

[Cerber]

It's all.

[Ryan]

The answer is all yes.

[Cerber]

Lobster.

[Jason]

Yeah, of course he would like a platter. Whole platter of lobster.

[Ryan]

You gotta understand that other people aren't. Spencer, the other people aren't people to censor, but in like, not in like a sociopathic way. In like a somehow genial way, which just makes it worse because you're not allowed to get mad at it.

[Spencer]

Again, I'm going to cite servers. Lore from the afterlife, the forgiveness thing, it's.

[Server]

Oh, you're good.

[Cerber]

See, Calamari.

[Ryan]

I didn't say anything in the car.

[Cerber]

Yeah, sure.

[Ryan]

Cuz I was just like, sure. Why not?

[Spencer]

Kalamart. Yes.

[Ryan]

Charity bowl event was great.

[Jason]

Subway seafood surprise.

[Spencer]

Yes.

[Cerber]

Tuna. Tuna sashimi.

[Spencer]

Okay, so I was at a. I was at a pilot, and I don't want to spend money at Pilot, so I just went to the bathroom there. But I did notice they had sushi at the pilot. And for a moment, you run. You know, my Terminator brain is like, menu options select. And it was like gas station sushi from a pilot. And my objection was not the fact that it was sushi, it was that it would have given money to the Haslams. So I decided that, yeah, I would probably.

[Jason]

So you took your rich ass to Culver's instead.

[Server]

That's right.

[Cerber]

But if the sushi had been available at Culver's.

[Spencer]

Yeah, I'd give it a run.

[Cerber]

And my last question. Culver's announces, hey, you can drive through our restaurant and we will sell you for a reasonable price and with confidence that you are getting a food safe version of this. Raw oysters. Are you ordering raw oysters to eat in the car next to Holly?

[Spencer]

Not next to Holly, because that might end up. No, this is it. This is a vomit situation, potentially. So.

[Ryan]

So that's.

[Spencer]

But am I gonna post about it? Am I gonna go to Culver's and be like, let's see how this goes?

[Cerber]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

Yeah, I can't lie. I would.

[Ryan]

You're lying right now.

[Spencer]

How's this? I hope I'm not lying.

[Ryan]

And really

[Spencer]

isn't life lived in the hope of being better?

[Ryan]

You're lying because it's not that you would. It's not that you would consider the welfare of others and then discard that notion out of hand. This is not malicious. It would never occur to you to consider the welfare of others. And you'd feel bad about that. Precisely up until you forgot about it. And I don't know why I'm using a subjunctive tense here. You forget about it.

[Spencer]

No, no, no, no, no. Just get into it.

[Ryan]

You beat yourself up about it just long enough. Forget about it. Which doesn't take long, and then you do it again.

[Cerber]

Spencer, it's awesome. I say this with love as well. I hope that one day you get to be on the stand or in a deposition chair and you get to say the sentence. I hope I'm not lying.

[Spencer]

I kind of have been in that situation already.

[Jason]

I mean, that's pretty much what Jonah Arc said when they were like. They were like, are you good to go? Are you going to heaven? And she's like, ah, I might be. How should I know?

[Cerber]

Listen, once you. Once you have those raw oysters from Culver's, you're going to start having some visions too, brother. I think God wants me to free France from Wisconsin. From Wisconsin.

[Spencer]

People living in Wisconsin would understand that. They'd be like, oh, yeah, I think that's a great idea.

[Jason]

We'll get there when we get there.

[Spencer]

Yeah, I would totally get oysters from a Culver's. Welcome to the shutdown full cast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast, sponsored by Culver's new oysters. Come on down.

[Jason]

Get you.

[Cerber]

You've never had them so raw.

[Jason]

They're fried and raw.

[Cerber]

So raw it'll scream at you with cheese.

[Spencer]

So midwestern and so raw, it apologizes as it slides down your throat. Culver's fresh oysters.

[Cerber]

Oh,

[Jason]

Oops. Oopsters.

[Spencer]

Ah, geez.

[Jason]

Let me just scooch down your throat real quick, Spencer.

[Cerber]

I'm gonna let you know right now I want to derail your intro.

[Spencer]

Okay.

[Cerber]

But I want you to have some choice in the matter. Trying to be a good co host here. So would you rather talk about protein or the sun?

[Spencer]

I would rather talk about protein.

[Cerber]

Okay, we'll talk about the sun another day.

[Spencer]

The sun and I are enemies right

[Cerber]

now about the sun another day. I'm sure we've talked on this show about the protein ification of all food.

[Ryan]

Spent a lot of time on the

[Cerber]

pop Tarts and on the whole. I'm fine with it. Like it's. I think it's fine for people to have more choices. I understand why certain people like need to get more. Whatever. I don't really feel that strongly about it. I don't have a diatribe here, but it did occur to me the other day that there is a line where if this specific food item becomes proteined, if I see a version of this where it's like now with 18 grams of protein, I will become sad. And we've already crossed like ice cream you can get in protein form. I saw a jar of peanut butter that was advertising it as extra protein peanut butter, which baffled me. But I think if Entenmann's Danish rolls out a protein Danish, that's where I will say like, oh, we have lost something here. Entenmann's Danish, to me, for whatever reason is the thing that's supposed to be like, you should never feel like this is good for you. You should never feel like this is the thing that you are. I'm doing this for my health. This is the thing I'm doing to. Nope.

[Jason]

I think the protein line for me is, is there a scenario in which you eat it and then not long after that go to exercise? Because protein is almost all understanding. It's. That's the stuff you put in and then you exercise. Yeah, yeah, sure, yeah. So like that could be either it's an actual like thing you would probably eat if you were looking to gain muscle versus it's something that if you eat it you think, oh shit, I better get to work. Get rid of this Intenman's. Obviously that's the thing. You should probably. The latter. But also it might be more the kind that's just like a. Ah, fuck it. Right? Like I'm not working this off. I don't give a shit.

[Cerber]

Right? Yeah.

[Jason]

So I, I could. Yeah. Like, like there are certain unhealthy foods that. That. That spur you to greatness, which is my entire, entire dietary model.

[Cerber]

Yes.

[Jason]

But there are others that are just. You're punting.

[Cerber]

Yeah. The vibe of Entenmanns with protein feels so wrong to me. Feels so, like, spiritually bereft. And I just wanted to know, Spencer, if you have. If you have a similar sort of place in the grocery universe where it's like, hey, if I see this Protein Max version, I will. I will similarly feel sad if I.

[Spencer]

So I am more of a savory snack person than a sweets person. On the whole, I will destroy both. But if I had to land on one side of the other a big bag of Doritos or some shit, we protein those. That's wrong to me.

[Cerber]

Oh, yeah.

[Jason]

That makes.

[Spencer]

We have protein burritos. Yeah. It's not good. It makes me very sad because the whole entire purpose, the entire idea. And this is where maybe we can return to Holly's theory that I am just a big cat in a cage. Need enrichment. The entire takedown hypothesis. There's plenty of ways to test it. We're working on all of it.

[Ryan]

By putting you in a big cage. Oh, man. You think if I put you on the roof like Mitt Romney's dogs, anybody would actually complain? Not me up there.

[Spencer]

Yeah. Breeze in my hair.

[Cerber]

Once they find out he's a podcaster, they'll be like, ah, it's a stunt. It's fine.

[Spencer]

That's a stunt.

[Cerber]

Content. Don't call the cops.

[Spencer]

You're not doing it for the love of the. Riding on top of a.

[Cerber]

Probably some Mr. Beast knockoff.

[Spencer]

Yeah, more like hanging on the roof does rule, though.

[Jason]

Yeah, it does.

[Server]

Not as a punchline. It's just.

[Jason]

It's sick as it's awesome up there.

[Spencer]

It is awesome. That's why server's in heaven right now. He's riding on a car.

[Jason]

He's not on the roof of the. Of the cosmos.

[Server]

Yeah, I'm doing the Teen Wolf thing, Spencer.

[Cerber]

Is there a specific savory snack? Like, is it Doritos or is it Doritos? Oh, if we lost this one specifically.

[Spencer]

Oh, Doritos. Like. Like Doritos or like the whole idea we have lost. Yeah, we did. And that makes me. And that makes. Sad. Because the whole idea, by the way, first of all, grab bag, crinkle.

[Ryan]

Ooh.

[Spencer]

Stimulating to the ear. And the hand rip bag open. Fresh aroma of hog fodder. Right. Covered in salt and artificial flavorings. Crunch. It's delightful. Every single bit of devouring an Entire bag of Doritos when you've had either too much to drink, are very, very tired, or otherwise compromised.

[Jason]

Great.

[Cerber]

Can I, can I sell you on Slightly sadder would be Zaps. Voodoo protein chips.

[Spencer]

That's a betrayal of so many things. Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

Like that feels cultural betrayal.

[Cerber]

Like Doritos, I think at least have enough malleability conceptually where I'm like, sure, you had to do this eventually. Zap. If Zaps went protein mode, I would, I would feel a sadness in my soul.

[Spencer]

Yeah, I would. I mean, then that's like, like Holly said, that's a cultural betrayal. Yeah, Louisiana's not.

[Jason]

This feels like what Ed Ergeron actually eats, though.

[Cerber]

But he makes his own Zaps Protein chips. I'm confident it's zaps. Like, I listen, I'm sure he's got a guy. I'm sure he's taking protein powder, mixing it in sour cream, dumping it and using and having dip. Having chips and dip.

[Jason]

That's my protein dip.

[Spencer]

That's my guacamole. I mean, I know what a Cajun protein chip is. It's a pork rind. That's, that's, that's what it is. That say. No, no, I get that. Like there is a shrimp puff. Now I'm saying all of this, by the way, and I know it from a fact. Because if it is one of those protein enhanced foods, if it's several degrees removed from reality, I will automatically try it. So for instance, those like those high protein potato chips that like, you see not in the regular potato chip section, but in the pharmacy. They're like medicinal high protein tortilla chips.

[Cerber]

Warning, not for dogs.

[Spencer]

Yes. As I, as I paw it off the shelf. Gotta get that shit. Not real food. Yeah, gonna get you. I'm gonna get massive on these fake cupcakes they sell at qt.

[Jason]

Your dog, your dog will fart themselves to the moon.

[Spencer]

Fart.

[Jason]

But you'll be fine.

[Spencer]

Yeah, just like me, baby.

[Cerber]

Whole dog body. If he eats these chips, your dog

[Jason]

will disappear up dog's own butthole. But you'll be fine.

[Cerber]

He'll disappear from the visible spectrum. Don't let the dog eat the protein chips.

[Jason]

You got one of them dog fart ghosts now.

[Spencer]

You're going to be stuck on the connector in high intensity traffic with the ghost of the air latrine disaster in your car. And you can't roll the windows down because it's 102 degrees.

[Jason]

But you're going to get swollen.

[Spencer]

You're going to be so swollen, nobody's going to want to be near you because you'll smell like.

[Cerber]

And the taste is bad.

[Spencer]

It's bad now.

[Ryan]

That's how you know it's working.

[Cerber]

It's like medicine. That's why it's in that aisle. Whoa, whoa. The other aisles are for food that tastes good. You want to go to the bad food aisle. That's what you're looking for.

[Spencer]

It is. They should just call it that. They should feel like this is the bad food aisle. Welcome.

[Ryan]

This is. This is how we. This is our business idea of the week. We open a gentleman's apothecary and it's just this stuff.

[Cerber]

Hey, did you see Snowpiercer and say, mmm, tasty. This is the aisle for you.

[Jason]

I'm looking up the protein chips. Now, these are. They look incredibly dry.

[Cerber]

The Doritos chips or the general protein.

[Jason]

The medicinal protein chips. They come in bags that look like cough drops.

[Spencer]

Yeah, yeah. They're bad. The only ones that are kind of acceptable are the chicken ones. Like, there's ones that are the chicken sort of reconstituted chicken in the form of a chip.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Cerber]

I will tell you, it's closer to a pork rind.

[Jason]

Some ways it's close.

[Spencer]

It's a chicken rind, essentially. Yeah.

[Cerber]

It's a horrifying phrase.

[Spencer]

I don't want to. And by the way, like, you can say that you don't like them unless you're the kind of person who has had a chicken nugget in the last 48 hours, in which case, welcome. That's all you're eating. This is a flat chicken nugget that somebody is kind of like air fried. You know, they're not good. But I will also say that you're

[Jason]

going to get swole.

[Spencer]

They're going to get swole. And they're better than any of the baked goods. Donuts, fake cakes that you can buy. The quest cakes. Oh, Christ on a bike. Those are terrible. Absolutely awful. I'll probably get them again later this week when I get gas. But still. Doritos. Whoa. They make Doritos cheesecake?

[Cerber]

Oh, they don't make it. They don't make it. And I tagged Holly for a reason. There is a whole recipe section on doritos.com what includes an alarming number of recipes.

[Ryan]

And I like the use of the word cradles.

[Cerber]

And one of them is for Doritos Nacho cheesecake.

[Ryan]

I can't believe. Wow. I can't believe they use the wrong form of guilds in here. Okay. Red pepper jelly in here makes This a cultural attack.

[Server]

They got that here too.

[Ryan]

No, no.

[Spencer]

Wow.

[Ryan]

You'll never forget your first bite. I believe you.

[Cerber]

If you. No. Someone's gonna try to do this. I shouldn't have spoken this. Now somebody on the Internet is gonna listen to this episode and be like, I'm gonna make the Doritos nacho cheesecake. And then where do we go from there?

[Spencer]

This is. Those who indulge will never forget their first bite.

[Cerber]

Doritos macarons. That's an item on the Doritos recipe.

[Spencer]

I'm listening. Listening intently.

[Cerber]

Doritos egg rolls. Some of these are just normal Doritos loaded nachos. Yeah, man. I don't need a recipe for that.

[Jason]

I just can't figure it out.

[Cerber]

That's not.

[Server]

I just need some weed, that's all.

[Jason]

So I'm carefully measuring how much gravy to put in on my garbage truck. Nachos.

[Spencer]

They should have a section on here that's like, hello. Hi, people. Click.

[Cerber]

Okay, there is. There's a recipe on here where you make pappardell pasta, but you make it, including crumbled Doritos.

[Ryan]

Oh, no.

[Cerber]

And I just. I don't understand the Venn diagram for people who are like, yes, I want to make my own pasta and yes, I love. I also want to make it with. I don't think, like.

[Ryan]

Like, I'm.

[Server]

That's. Tick tock. That's.

[Ryan]

Oh, Jesus Christ. I just saw the butter board.

[Cerber]

Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I brought this into our lives.

[Jason]

The stunt food subreddits like this. This is. There is absolutely a whole industry of, like, baiting outrage by cooking something really stupid.

[Cerber]

Doesn't make sense.

[Ryan]

What does the Dr. Potato blog rot and I have played into it inadvertently.

[Spencer]

Spilly core.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Ryan]

Oh, we. Yeah. By the way, if you've ever. If you haven't been with us that long and you saw the. The guy making the Gatorade tuna noodle casserole or whatever it was a couple weeks ago. That's us. Inadvertently. It's a long time ago, and it's a long story, but we're responsible for that and we're sorry.

[Spencer]

You're welcome. Yeah.

[Cerber]

And now you can make Doritos cheesecake as his editor.

[Jason]

I'm not sorry at all.

[Spencer]

Yeah. Or Doritos barbecue crusted Jamaican beef patty. I'm not saying no.

[Cerber]

Doritos chicken gourdon bleu.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I'm not really sure I know what sorry would feel like if I ever did experience it.

[Cerber]

Anyways, we could have talked about the sun, but now we're here, I think

[Spencer]

this is a much better place. I feel much more positively about every single one of these atrocities than the ball of gas currently boiling my world.

[Ryan]

Go on, get.

[Cerber]

Let's talk about college football now.

[Jason]

So speaking of boiling gas, Wisconsin is putting a Culver's patch on their jerseys, which is one of the very few jersey sponsorship patches. It feels actually apt and appropriate and cultural and like, oh, y' all are from this place. So is that thing that everyone would know and. Or like if they'd ever tried it. So, you know, good for them. That's cool. So Sports Business Journal had a list of the college. Matt Brown had one as well in his newsletter a few weeks ago. I'm looking at SBJs, and most of them are kind of eh. Arkansas. Their jersey patch, Tyson Foods. Yep.

[Ryan]

They really should play up the abattoir of that more. Yeah.

[Spencer]

I mean, it's kind of funny that. I mean, yes, it makes sense, but if we thought about the fact that the Razorbacks have a slaughterhouse for chickens, right? It's basically like, yeah, eat them. Eat them. Not us. Pork bad, Chicken good.

[Ryan]

I hadn't thought about it as like an in the wild defense mechanism. I was just thinking about, like, you know, welcome to the slaughterhouse over the stadium. But of course, they haven't.

[Jason]

Not of course.

[Ryan]

It's weird that they haven't.

[Jason]

Memphis FedEx. Duh. It's kind of your only. It's. It's. Yeah. That is your entire identity. I get it. USF brought to you by the hospital. Which is always really weird to me because it's like, I mean, if I break my arm, where else was I gonna go? Hooters, you know, like, what are you competing in?

[Cerber]

Florida, brother. Some people might just gonna drink that example.

[Spencer]

I'm pretty sure Tampa Generals were. I'm pretty sure Tampa General's where that guy had the wrong leg cut off.

[Cerber]

That sounds.

[Ryan]

They should have been more Tampa specific.

[Cerber]

That also, like, the problem with that anecdote is you're like. You're making it sound like it's the one time. Yeah, that's a problem. But yeah. Jason, if you can get Hooters in network, Absolutely.

[Jason]

People will go in network. Yeah. That's different. That would change things quite a bit. I'm just saying the hospital advertise. I mean, I realize it's. There are millions of things like this where it's thing advertising. And I'm like, okay, it's either the. You know, I don't need Any helicopter parts and. Or. I don't. You know, there's only one hospital here.

[Cerber]

You say that now.

[Spencer]

Yeah, you say that now. But when you need a helicopter heart, brother, you're really gonna need one.

[Jason]

The first one I look up, of course, is Bell. Regardless, the Tampa hospital deciding that the way to take the focus off all the legs they're cutting off is USF Football. That's okay. That's up to them.

[Spencer]

Sure. That is the most, Richard. Scary, brain level, busy town shit is like the football team sponsored by the hospital. The hospital, right.

[Jason]

The place you. The place you go when you're hurt from playing football.

[Cerber]

Other stuff. From other things. Florida football sponsored by the farm.

[Ryan]

The farm.

[Spencer]

Where your food comes from.

[Jason]

It's not like I have, like, ooh, should I go to this hospital or that hospital? Which one sounds better? Like, I'mma just fucking go to one. The nearest one.

[Ryan]

I mean, if you're on this show or listening to the show, you're probably not going to go to the hospital.

[Cerber]

Do you think there has been somebody who, like, grabbed the ambulance driver by the coat and was like, make sure you take me to the official sponsor of the Tampa Bay Lightning. God damn. Don't you take me to the other hospital.

[Ryan]

Make it.

[Jason]

Because the other one's not for sports fans.

[Cerber]

I'm going to get killed in the group chat if you take me to the other.

[Jason]

The other one's not for sports guys. Like, they made. They made sports clips for your cutting your leg off.

[Cerber]

Rocky's not gonna come visit me if I don't go to the official hospital of USF football.

[Ryan]

God damn it.

[Jason]

The other hospital is gay.

[Cerber]

They sponsor ballet. I don't want that one.

[Jason]

I gotta go to Hulk Hogan hospital again.

[Cerber]

Probably this happened.

[Spencer]

These are things I'm doing. If I'm a billionaire. I'm gonna buy a hospital, Shane. I'm gonna call it Gay hospitals, and I'm gonna make it the best hospital in the area. Every homophobe has to be like, when there's.

[Cerber]

Take me to the Hulk emergency room.

[Spencer]

Right? When they've. When they've. When they have killed them. When they've, like, fractured their spines because they're trying to squat 620 after taking steroids for two weeks. Right? Like, I got a brother. They have to look up at a friend and go, take me to the gay hospital.

[Jason]

Take me to the hospital. Which one? Don't say it.

[Spencer]

I need to go to the gay hospital.

[Jason]

You buy up all 10 hospitals, right?

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Jason]

You make sure one of them sucks and you call that one straight hospital. Like that's the one with. That's the one with. It's failing. Like the. The surgeon General, blah, blah, blah. The health code number is like eight out front, right? All the hospital.

[Cerber]

I know it's terrible.

[Jason]

I know I'm gonna die, but at least it'll be. It won't be supporting USF football.

[Spencer]

Have all of these ass. These. These bros with. These bros with the. Not my presidents on being like, I went to gay hospital and they took good care of me. Thank gay hospital.

[Jason]

Which hospital are you at?

[Spencer]

Y. At gay hospital. I was admitted to gay hospital. I was treated.

[Server]

Yes.

[Jason]

I told him my pronouns. Yeah, I got pronouns now. Got them installed.

[Cerber]

They got at the step. That's what I got.

[Server]

I heard it was the G hospital.

[Spencer]

We told you it's not called that.

[Jason]

I also like that it's Tampa General Hospital sponsoring us. Cuz it was like some super specific hospital. That'd be one thing. Like, oh, I didn't know they have a hospital hospital for that. That's what I needed. But General Hospital, it's like, it's because it's store.

[Cerber]

It's owned by the cartoon insurance guy with Shaq. He owns that hospital, the General.

[Jason]

Oh, okay.

[Spencer]

Come to Tampa General and save some time.

[Jason]

Cut off your leg real fast.

[Cerber]

If you die, shark gets to eat you.

[Jason]

Yeah, that's how.

[Spencer]

If you want the best care, go to gay hospital. If you want affordable care, come to the General Hospital.

[Jason]

Save some.

[Spencer]

Yeah. Save some time. You'll just die.

[Jason]

Just kill you.

[Spencer]

Yeah. Here's one weird hack. Here's one weird hack to fixing all the problems in your life. Die can confirm. Yeah, that's right. Angel server from on high.

[Jason]

Also, Marshall, brought to you by the Marshall Health Network. It's like, duh. Where else was I going to go if I need help at Marshall?

[Spencer]

So if we just boil these down. Usm sponsored by the hospital, right?

[Jason]

Yeah, Marshall brought to you by the hospitals.

[Cerber]

You're right, it is very Daniel Tiger.

[Jason]

Where it's like this has led us to something with Wisconsin. They have two sponsors. All right.

[Cerber]

Okay.

[Jason]

Two sponsors. Culver's does not put jersey patches on everything. They have football, men's basketball and men's hockey. The sponsor for women's basketball, women's hockey. The sponsor for women's sports is the hospital. They're sending men to Culver's and women to hop to the hospital. Which honestly, I'm like, you know what?

[Ryan]

Rather Culver's than go to the hospital.

[Jason]

I'm thinking this is actually gonna fix society in the long run. We're gonna send the men to Culver's. They're gonna. They're gonna die off from eating Culver's. And whereas the women will be well taken care of at the hospital. Culver.

[Cerber]

You're saying Culver's is poisoning the patriarch from within?

[Server]

Yes.

[Jason]

Yeah. We're sending the men to eat the cursed shrimp and the women are getting hospital care.

[Spencer]

And I will tell you, the Wisconsin

[Jason]

badgers are slowly fixing society.

[Ryan]

Brian. It took 38 minutes of recording, but I finally feel better about our trip home. Thank you.

[Jason]

Spencer is dying as we speak. Holly.

[Spencer]

I gotta say, after eating 10 of them, I think that is a form of treatment. But not the one you want.

[Jason]

Feminism is spiking as we speak.

[Spencer]

I think if I'd eaten 20, I would have made a serious contribution to feminism by dying.

[Jason]

Joining spent during server in the after realm.

[Spencer]

Yeah, I mean, server would be up there. Like, it's awesome.

[Jason]

They got plenty of shrimp up here.

[Ryan]

They do.

[Spencer]

You know that Shoney's breakfast bar shit where it was like a hollowed out Twinkie and you could put stuff in it. That's all we eat.

[Cerber]

It's called Ally ship. Cause it's in the ocean getting shrimp to kill.

[Spencer]

That's right.

[Jason]

And I. Cause I'm trying to eat all that shrimp. That's all my shrimp.

[Spencer]

The USS Indianapolis was a real allyship because it was all dudes and they all died there.

[Jason]

Yeah. Ideal. Perfect.

[Spencer]

There are two sponsors on here, though, that I want to single out as being uniquely strange New Mexico state.

[Jason]

Oh, this is a good one. This is like a good one in terms of nomenclature and in terms of how the actual patch looks. This is a local hotel thing, resort

[Spencer]

type thing called a casino resort.

[Ryan]

Are we sure it's real? Because you know that one time.

[Jason]

Oh, yeah, there was that one time that bowl fell through. That one time the bowl fell through because the thing didn't actually exist. However, this is the end of the Mountain Gods Resort and Casino. What bringing to you New Mexico State. And I am not going to attempt to guess who this individual is in the patch. It is. It's got. This person looks awesome. Let's put it that way. It looks like. It looks like a mountain God, I'll tell you that much.

[Spencer]

If this is. This is a. This is owned by the Mescalero Apache tribe.

[Jason]

Got a. Got a knife. Got. Also got a different blade. That's not a knife. Got a sick hat. Studio Sick man. That's the end of The Mountain. And it's on. It's. It's next to fucking New Mexico State's Pistol Pete. Like, what a duo. What. What a tag team this is. Pistol Pete and the Mountain. God.

[Spencer]

Mm. Listen, you want some featured games? They got blackjack, they got poker, they got a $60 showdown tournament.

[Cerber]

Whoo.

[Spencer]

They got a weekly $120 ante up on this.

[Cerber]

My only note is that Pistol Pete, as I am picturing him, feels more in line, vibes wise, with hospital than casino.

[Jason]

I don't know.

[Cerber]

Maybe not. No, no. Maybe. Yeah.

[Spencer]

Why not?

[Jason]

Sending people to hospital.

[Cerber]

Yeah, yeah, okay. Never mind. You're right. You're right.

[Jason]

Keeping hospital in business, right?

[Cerber]

This is part of the cycle of Pistol Pete life. I apologize.

[Spencer]

Why not poly market the hospital? Are you gonna make it through this surgery? How much do you believe that?

[Jason]

Well, partner, the two of us ain't going to the same place tonight. I'm going to casino. Your ass going to the hospital. Blah, blah.

[Cerber]

Don't worry, it's gay hospital.

[Spencer]

I love it.

[Jason]

Your ass going to gay hospital. They got a Hooters. They got a gay, gay Hooters.

[Spencer]

I'm Mike Gundy, and let me tell you.

[Ryan]

Does that sound like how you made it sound like a children's book? Like, in the gay, gay hospital, on

[Jason]

the little green hill, in the big, big house beside the big white truck. I also want to spot a lot of little shrimp. Michigan State sending you to the bank.

[Spencer]

Death, taxes, banking. Michigan State football.

[Jason]

As exciting as watching Michigan State football.

[Cerber]

Which bank?

[Jason]

Of the bank? The Michigan State Federal Credit Union.

[Cerber]

Not even a bank of credit union.

[Jason]

Just like, yeah, it's a type of bank. It's type of bank where you're like. I recall scrolling past someone on Reddit who's like a huge disciple of you should always go to the credit union. That's the extent of my knowledge about the credit union. Having said that bank, I just.

[Cerber]

It's. It's funny that this school that previously was like, N.F. tuck. The future of digital. Get away from traditional finance. Take your money to the credit union. They'll give you 1.2%. Stop being crazy.

[Jason]

Put it in the bank. That's more boring than the bank.

[Cerber]

Here's a $2 bill. Happy birthday. It's Michigan State football.

[Jason]

This is Pat Fitzgerald brain, as far as football tactics are concerned, is like to do a bare minimum, do, do, do. Aim for six points.

[Cerber]

If you have more than $25 cash on you, you're asking for trouble. Go to the bank. Go to the Credit union.

[Jason]

It's gonna get robbed by bandits.

[Cerber]

That Pistol Pete is a real asshole.

[Spencer]

Keeps all.

[Jason]

All of his money on his person.

[Cerber]

You should have enough cash to buy culver shrimp for you. And none for your lady because she goes to the hospital.

[Spencer]

I go to shrimp hospital. Michigan. That's perfect. Michigan State's pitch is, like, in all directions, too. Like Michigan, they'll want you to do fancy things like a mutual fund. You know what's mutual? Disrespect. We feel disrespect for their speculative financing. Come on down and get 1.3% a year at the Michigan State Credit Union. Ohio State.

[Server]

I hear you.

[Spencer]

With that funny money. Those crypto guys over there, you just know you keep that fake stuff. Come over here at 1.3.

[Cerber]

I'm not grave Robin. Crypto. Get over here.

[Spencer]

Thank you for the.

[Ryan]

I mean, give them the choice.

[Spencer]

Thank you for the implication that Ohio State fans in the imagination of a Michigan State fan are robbing graves.

[Cerber]

You want to tell me, bro, do

[Spencer]

you know how much protein there is in the graveyard? Yeah, all the carbs decay, cash, protein, carbs unstable. Aged bone marrow forever.

[Cerber]

You sprinkle a little Dorito on that. Oh, my God. Delicious.

[Spencer]

You say gross, but have you seen my vascularity, bro? Have you seen it?

[Ryan]

The whisper makes it so much worse

[Jason]

in a way that I. Yeah, yeah. Because like, it sounds like I'm close enough to you to be inspecting your vascularity.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Cerber]

Whether you want to or not.

[Jason]

I can't help but notice. Literally cannot help but notice your vascularity.

[Spencer]

Hey, listen, man, if you. Listen, if you want the dough to rise, you got to do a little digging, you know? That's all I gotta say. No. As the plaintiff.

[Jason]

No.

[Spencer]

Why did you say that?

[Ryan]

I'm out of indignation after the past like 72 hours. I'm just protesting with what's left of my soul.

[Cerber]

You think Indiana Jones School. You should see Ohio State Jones.

[Spencer]

Wife's a won't let me have Nintendo Switch.

[Ryan]

That's just Temple of Doom.

[Cerber]

Oh, my God.

[Spencer]

I think nineteen hundred dollars for the switch extended is totally worth it.

[Cerber]

Oh, my God. The amount of protein in a human heart, you kidding me?

[Spencer]

It's like. Well, that's a no brainer, bro. Yeah, no brainer.

[Cerber]

Yeah, Nature's put it. Nature's lollipop. That's.

[Spencer]

That is put it on the grill. Put it on the grill. There's one more in here that is extremely bizarre. And I did look up what they did. I need you to look at UNLVs oh, no. All right. Yeah.

[Jason]

So we have what's happening here.

[Spencer]

Sponsored by bank. We have sponsored by casino and hotel and resort. Sorry. Into the mountain gods. You're so much more than that. But we also have sponsored by Assesso biologics. Excessive biologics. You may go. Hey, man, that sounds kind of Terminator 2ish. That sounds a little downright dystopian. I'm going to keep reading. And it's one of those things where I say one term and another question arises. Nothing about me explaining this will help. It only grows more sinister. You open their website and it says advancing the field of regenerative medicine.

[Ryan]

Regenerating what? I guess is my first question.

[Spencer]

So they specialize in sports medicine allographs, spine and ortho allographs and PRP therapy which is platelet rich plasma. That's what this company does.

[Jason]

Okay. This shit is weapon X is what I'm gathering. I think so.

[Spencer]

I think that's what you got. Platelet rich plasma therapies where you take their own blood, take someone's blood and then use the centrifuge to concentrate it so that it's all platelets.

[Ryan]

It's blood plus.

[Spencer]

It's blood. Yeah, that's a great. Yeah, that's a great way of.

[Cerber]

Is this Dracula Plus? I think we finally found it.

[Jason]

It's got protein.

[Cerber]

And what is. What does Dracula want? Excesso. That's what he wants.

[Ryan]

I knew it was real.

[Spencer]

Let me in your house.

[Server]

Excess.

[Jason]

So biological.

[Spencer]

Excesso.

[Jason]

It's like he's some sort of a spell.

[Spencer]

I'm just gonna read the names of some of their products which they advertise on here.

[Jason]

I hope it's blood.

[Spencer]

Excesso Strut core.

[Jason]

What?

[Spencer]

Assesso Regen Chips.

[Jason]

Chips.

[Spencer]

I try them. Assesso Crunch matrix.

[Ryan]

What?

[Spencer]

And then the one that really disturbs me. Start Assesso Regen Putty.

[Ryan]

What? Oh, that is the worst.

[Jason]

Mind you, crunch matrix. I just looked up the comes in a syringe.

[Cerber]

Spencer has left out Excesso power tendon.

[Ryan]

I need to say something here.

[Cerber]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

Yes.

[Ryan]

I'm not a doctor. I'm not a medical professional. I think our country has gotten into a lot of trouble by treating people who aren't doctors like they have valid medical opinions. That said, I don't think anything you put in a syringe should crunch bravely.

[Jason]

I think that's my bag.

[Server]

To death.

[Jason]

That's how you wound up in heaven.

[Spencer]

Great. Great job.

[Ryan]

Just not. Not being rfk, just doing the voice.

[Spencer]

Yeah. Somebody was really sick of that.

[Jason]

So there it was. Shooting Crunch.

[Spencer]

Does it.

[Server]

Can you read all the assessors things in a Arnold Schwarzenegger accent, though? I think they'll be cooler.

[Spencer]

I'm going to land on assesso as the. Well, actually, it's Arnold, so he's going to say accesso.

[Cerber]

So.

[Spencer]

Okay.

[Server]

Yeah, you have to learn how he's

[Spencer]

going to do it. Excessive biochip crystals.

[Server]

Excessive.

[Spencer]

Regan Putty. Regen Putty. Accesso Fiber Flex. Flex Putty. Accessible vital fibers Flex. Accesso Bio block sponge. Yeah, this is disturbed.

[Ryan]

Trying to imagine all this in Dan Mullen's accent.

[Spencer]

Dan Mullen's probably just like, got bowls of this stuff on his desk.

[Ryan]

Just eat.

[Cerber]

Delicious.

[Spencer]

It's just putting Regen putty on a salad.

[Cerber]

Hey, it's great.

[Spencer]

It's a knot.

[Server]

It's amazing.

[Spencer]

Yeah. So I've read all of these things and I still can't really tell you half of what this company does. And that's how you know it's good.

[Cerber]

This company appears to be headquartered in a mall. Like, it's down. It's down the mall from a Zales.

[Ryan]

That's like most of Las Vegas architecture. It saves on air conditioning. That's fair.

[Spencer]

So this is Mall Hospital. We have shrimp Hospital. Mall Hospital. Gay hospital.

[Cerber]

I just wanted to be like, the future of medicine is down the block from Maggiano's Little Italy.

[Ryan]

Mall Hospital daughter or shrimp Hospital son.

[Jason]

This definitely sounds like something you encounter in a video game. Like there's a row of stores and one of them you stop in for. Power up syringe.

[Cerber]

Hey, this is sort of. This is where Culver's meets Hospital.

[Jason]

Yeah. At last we have found the junction. We're gonna launch a podcast at the intersection of Culver's and Health. Actually, we kind of have.

[Spencer]

We have. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah. This is. This is our pilot at the intersection

[Jason]

of tech, politics, hospital tutors.

[Server]

They have zero Google reviews. How is that possible?

[Jason]

I guess we'll be the first.

[Cerber]

Because they get so healthy that they don't need online anymore server.

[Jason]

They're done with computer too.

[Ryan]

Happy.

[Cerber]

Yeah. I no longer need computer. I only touch grass. Not unless I want these.

[Spencer]

Touch gravel. Is that what you tell people in Las Vegas? Go touch gravel.

[Cerber]

Go touch parking garage.

[Spencer]

Yeah. Touch rhinestone.

[Jason]

Go walk.

[Ryan]

Like garage has a nice.

[Jason]

Go walk a quarter of a mile and touch absolute wilderness.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Touch the desolation that should be here.

[Spencer]

I think. Also, by the way, can you imagine the Yelp review that they would get, which is, you know, I've had better Regen putty Yeah. From a different mall based health concern.

[Jason]

From Hooters.

[Spencer]

Yeah. From. From Hooters Hospital is a form of urgent care. Yeah, that's, that's, that's all.

[Jason]

It's a weird collection of jersey patches. I don't really know what I expected, but like getting to the point where it's like, okay, there's one thing on here that's like a product and everything else is like, it's an entity.

[Ryan]

It's kind of the bowl. We're kind of having the bowl problem or the bowl conundrum.

[Jason]

All this stuff is like, yeah, they take money.

[Ryan]

Do they make goods and services anymore?

[Jason]

Yeah, FedEx. FedEx, I guess counts because if I'm like UPS or FedEx. Well, I saw FedEx logo more recently. I don't know.

[Ryan]

But otherwise, if a mere hospital were to sponsor a bowl, I think we would all be thrilled because that's something that we can identify.

[Jason]

I will say into the mountain gods counts because it is by far the most interested I have ever been in visiting Mescalero, New Mexico.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I think we can just, I think if we created just a blanket mountain God's exemption. Yeah. From bitching about sponsors, I think that's going to cover a lot.

[Jason]

If there's a mountain God's bowl. I'm like, yes, good.

[Cerber]

Oh, 100%.

[Jason]

I don't care where it is.

[Spencer]

Actually, I'm now interested more in a fictional sponsor than anything else. Because the first program that has gay hospital as its sponsor, I am 100% on board. Like, that's a great program.

[Ryan]

I am googling mountain gods of New Mexico. Mexico.

[Jason]

I want to see like the mountain gods of, like, Florida or like mountain gods of Nebraska, you know,

[Spencer]

483ft.

[Ryan]

All right, now this is fine. This makes a lot more sense as a college football sponsor. 366 Yelp reviews, 2.7 stars.

[Jason]

Oh, that's. That's just. They lost money while they were there.

[Ryan]

That's just. You can't get in an argument with the mountain gods.

[Jason]

They failed to appease the mountain gods.

[Spencer]

Listen, the mountain God. The mountain God is always hot at the craps.

[Cerber]

You're a God and you're getting 2.7. That's actually pretty good batting average.

[Jason]

It's above average, honestly.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Does that mean you're doing it correctly in terms of like, smiting versus blessing?

[Cerber]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe so. Yeah. I think if you're too high, it's like, how much of a God really are you? And if your rating is too low, it's like.

[Jason]

I think if it's too high, it's just like, oh, you're not doing any coaching.

[Cerber]

That's right. Yes. Yes.

[Jason]

Yeah, I want a genie. Like, five is genie, one is devil.

[Cerber]

Right.

[Jason]

Two in the middle. Mountain guy.

[Cerber]

That's. That's good. Mountain God right there.

[Spencer]

I've read the classic Zeus is getting, like, a 1.3 at best.

[Cerber]

If he's cracking one, it's. I think there's a little inflation going on there.

[Spencer]

He'd be heated about it, too, I think. He's so petty.

[Jason]

The point three is like. I don't know, they just, like, liked the stories or they never actually interacted with it.

[Spencer]

You know, just me talking Zeus from behind a private account on Instagram. Be funny if you could reply.

[Jason]

Click.

[Server]

This is super chill, man.

[Jason]

Oh, really? Once you get up there, it turns out he's just. He just fucks with us, not y' all up there.

[Server]

He's really into his garden, I think.

[Jason]

Server. This is really highlighting off when we talk about, like, death, like, you being dead, you know, and then you comment on it every time.

[Server]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Like, it makes me wonder if we're just. This is, like, all we talk about on here.

[Cerber]

I do think there are some people giving Zeus, like, giving one star. Because not Cronus, probably. There is, like, some element of that.

[Jason]

Like rival camps.

[Cerber]

Yeah, yeah. Like, better than Cronus.

[Spencer]

But somebody still bit somebody still bitter about the cat, about the change. Right. Like, yeah. I liked it better when the show

[Jason]

Titans had fell off once it became.

[Ryan]

Oh, my God. And what were the Titans famous for?

[Spencer]

What?

[Ryan]

What was the Titans famous for? Having a season record of 8 and 8 in their heyday.

[Spencer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Back when they played real ball.

[Cerber]

Back when they believed.

[Spencer]

Yeah, back when they believed.

[Ryan]

I want my jersey. I want my jersey from my college football team to be sponsored by Ultron. Who had the right idea? No, Thanos, sorry.

[Cerber]

Ultron just had different right idea.

[Ryan]

Ultron kind of does sponsor Tennessee.

[Jason]

I think Ultron is more just like, don't go online. That's a good message for today's youth.

[Spencer]

The lessons we can learn from Ultron, many.

[Jason]

Stay off the computer because you already are computer.

[Spencer]

I think it may be time. Should we knock on a little podcast business?

[Cerber]

While we're on the subject of commerce,

[Jason]

while we've made all this money for usf.

[Spencer]

Podcast business. What's that business? Podcast business. It's a business podcast business sponsored by the farms where you get your food.

[Cerber]

It's called the farm.

[Spencer]

And that's why they Sponsor your football team.

[Jason]

This shutdown full cast is brought to you by shirt. Not just any shirt though. Homefieldapparel.com is the shirt company that makes best shirt. And man, have we looked at USF recently. I don't think we have.

[Cerber]

I don't think I recall.

[Jason]

This is spectacular stuff. This is a bright, bright vivid green on all these USF throwbacks available for you at home field apparel.com they have the old, they have the old. The bald bank bowl logo.

[Cerber]

I do like Bank Bowl.

[Jason]

That's amazing. It's got inaugural 1997 season with Bank Bowl. You can, you can LARP as a. As a full time original ground floor USF bull which will probably get you like into the front of the line at the hospital.

[Spencer]

Or Hooters.

[Jason]

Or Hooters either. Yeah. The manager will call you right to the front.

[Spencer]

I'm going to tell you, you get front row at Hooba's tank. If you're an OG USF fan.

[Jason]

Where's Hoopa Stank from? I don't know.

[Spencer]

South Florida.

[Jason]

Spiritually.

[Spencer]

Are they spirit? No, I don't know. I have no idea.

[Jason]

It's somewhere Aguara Hills, California. Well, so we'll look at wherever that is.

[Spencer]

It's the Tampa, California.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that's a little bit North Valley. I got caught cousins there.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Ryan]

But they're Penn State fans.

[Jason]

I also like at home field there says Big Ten thing. I guess retroactively. Maybe they Big Ten expanded because of them. Also at home field apparel.com another USF garment. I really like sailing at South Florida. Just a picture of sailboats like it. I feel really advertised to. I want to go to Tampa to sale in my homefieldapparel.com USF gear.

[Cerber]

I like the golden Brahmins logo. This is on a like yellow shirt and it has. Is it truly an anthropomorphized mascot? If we haven't changed any. Like if it has hooves and it's just standing on its back hooves and holding up its front hooves but we haven't like made them in any way like hands. Does that count or are we just showing like a up bull at this point?

[Jason]

It's wearing a jersey.

[Cerber]

It is wearing a jersey. But you could put a jersey on an animal.

[Jason]

You could put a jersey on a pet and they are that you haven't.

[Cerber]

That doesn't make it a mate. Right? Yeah, yeah. It's sort of like it really plays with your idea of like what does it mean to be human. It's wearing shorts. Yeah.

[Jason]

Imagine putting shorts on the bull.

[Cerber]

All veiled apparel is constantly questioning, like, what does it mean to be human versus animal? That's why I go there. I mean, the shirts and the sweatshirts are comfortable too, but it's to confront like the very notion of am I human or not?

[Jason]

Yeah. Really, I go there to do that and I just accidentally start buying stuff. Yeah.

[Ryan]

And then.

[Jason]

And then it's a surprise treat for me. And I'm like, w. Wow. This was brought to me by a far more wise and philosophical version of myself.

[Cerber]

And then I think, like, but only humans could buy home field apparel. Surely a dog could never. But maybe one day a dog will buy home field apparel.

[Jason]

In a way, shopping at home field apparel is very affirming for me as a human because it's like, wow, I am truly conscious and sentient because I am the one who bought this stuff. Really, it is the most life affirming thing there is about life, is to [e-mail] is to shop.

[Cerber]

Yes. Yeah.

[Server]

Yeah.

[Jason]

To purchase and consume mainly homefieldapparel.com everything else is capitalism. And that's bad. Home field apparel is great because you get clothes that are very pretty.

[Cerber]

But what I'm gonna do bad capitalism. I would rather do bad capitalism at Channel 6. If, like, if, if I'm gonna do it somewhere, it's gotta be at Channel six. Because I gotta tell you, Channel six only delivers me newsletters I enjoy reading and never shrimp that I eat in the car next to a driver who didn't say it was cool if I ate shrimp in the car. Channel 6 has never once done that.

[Spencer]

Never once has it done it to you or will it do it to you?

[Jason]

To you, to you.

[Spencer]

That's right.

[Cerber]

It's your ad read. Now you gotta take the ball and run with it.

[Spencer]

I'm ready. I had to let. I'm giving you some room for the mirth. And now I'm gonna proceed to the pitch. That's right. Channel six Channel.

[Cerber]

It's time to go die for more shrimp. Here we go.

[Spencer]

Yeah, here we go. We do it twice a week and we always come back with a bounty. That's right. Two pieces of find content delivered to your inbox per week. Channel 6 News. $10 a month for two things a week. Yeah.

[Server]

Subscribe.

[Cerber]

Baked, not fried.

[Spencer]

Baked, not fried. Unless you want fried. We'll deliver that to you as long as you give us the $10 little crispy bits.

[Ryan]

News.

[Cerber]

Spell it out too. Don't use numbers.

[Ryan]

Spell the numbers. Don't be lazy.

[Cerber]

Numbers are for the bank. And you don't go to the bank. You go to Culver's.

[Ryan]

Bet you can remember it before Spencer does.

[Jason]

Culver's. The everything app.

[Cerber]

I would much rather bank with Culver's than with Twitter.

[Jason]

I would trust Culver's.

[Ryan]

Culver's Credit Union.

[Cerber]

Hell yes. My God. That's what will bring the big ten together. Culver's Credit Union. Eat that, Michigan.

[Spencer]

That's right. That's right. Do all of your banking at Channel S I X News.

[Cerber]

Did it. Great. More bad capitalism can be found over at Phantom Island. Phantomisland show. All your money goes directly to Stephen Godfrey, the worst person of all, a Falcons fan and an old miss graduate. Can you think of a worst person in the whole world? Also, he's tall. Does that make him smart and handsome? I don't know, but he sure is tall. So if you want to just give money to bad people, Phantom Island's place to do it, you can tell myself.

[Ryan]

We had a projection screen of incredible size at the Channel 6 Charity bowl event that we held in Ann Arbor, Michigan over the weekend. And listen, I'm not saying that I am a Christ figure for my shrimp suffering. I think I am a Christ figure for having a thumbnail that they made of Stephen Godfrey's head for the Yahoo Show. A face that I have referred to in private on previous occasions as matcha vecna. And I did not put his head up on the projector screen.

[Cerber]

Are you not merciful?

[Ryan]

I just. I want. I'm good. I want credit for that.

[Cerber]

You should. You deserve credit for it.

[Ryan]

I don't know if I deserve credit for it, but I do want it.

[Spencer]

You, I think, can I give you. Can I give you one line, by the way, from the show that I think needs to be shared randomly without context and immediately.

[Ryan]

Was it Brian Phillips saying, anyone can get hit by a torpedo?

[Spencer]

Anyone can get hit by a torpedo.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Cerber]

Yeah. My only other pitch for Phantom island, the show I did with Stephen Godfrey, is please support us. Because the other day my youngest was asking me how I got the job that I have now, and I said, that's. That's complicated. I used to do some other things, and before I could finish, he said, and you were bad at them.

[Spencer]

So.

[Cerber]

Gotcha.

[Ryan]

So how old is younger one?

[Cerber]

He's four. Four year old. Toasted. My professional resume doesn't even know what it looks like.

[Ryan]

You have a little guy free. That's fun.

[Cerber]

Yep. So there aren't enough little Godfrey based on. Based On a four year old's judgment, I can't go back to the old life. So please support the life I have now because otherwise I'm so there I

[Jason]

was failing and unimpressing my kid, who didn't even know what I had allegedly failed at. Folks, if you want to abandon capitalism entirely, I have a free news newsletter for you. It's called Until Saturday at the don't look up the website because that there, there's a lot of money there. I'm just saying if you don't want to involve yourself with money, just subscribe to it. Just blindly subscribe to it. No, it's. It's part of a really great company that I work for, so I hope they don't fire me for any of that. It's all called Incidental Saturday. It's about college football. It's got a lot of college football stuff in it. More than this podcast usually, which, you know, that could be read as like me apologizing for about it, but no, I'm not really going to. It's just, you know, it's two different things. But it's really good, I think. And you don't have to do any capitalism in order to subscribe to it.

[Cerber]

If you want to undermine capitalism, all you got to do, you go to any, any like Apple Store, anywhere there's got accessible computers, all right? And then you go to Spotify or whatever music streaming service. You don't even have to log into it. You go find Killer Ants with a Z or zed, depending on your country of residence and where you're, I guess, whichever computer store you happen to be in. And you just hit repeat on a chorus for the Wasteland, the new Killer Ants album. And you will just be siphoning money away from the fat cats that, you know, music label or recording concern or whatever. And you'll be giving it to Michael Server in heaven.

[Server]

Yeah. Zero notes. You're my manager now. That's the Killer Ants pitch for this business, this podcast business. Everyone please go do that. That's a really good idea.

[Spencer]

Heaven's expensive. Yeah, we need. Yeah, need some streams.

[Ryan]

Didn't we used to do this for papm? Like take our, Take our relatives phones and subscribe.

[Cerber]

Yeah, I think we did just that at one point. Yeah. Yeah. But now we're doing it for Killer Ants.

[Server]

Oh, yeah. Do it with like your mom's phone too. That's cool.

[Cerber]

Yeah. What you do, set it on, start playing. Make sure you hit repeat so it keeps going. Change your password so she can't unlock her phone. Sorry, Bob.

[Spencer]

We don't even have to do that. If we're being honest, most of the time, probably a lot of those cases for most of our relatives. Yeah.

[Cerber]

Or dad. It's not just moms. It could be dad.

[Spencer]

Dad.

[Cerber]

Let's be clear.

[Spencer]

It's usually dad.

[Cerber]

Yeah.

[Server]

Oh, yeah. No, it's my. To be clear.

[Jason]

Talking about my dad.

[Spencer]

Yeah, Yeah. I do like the dads who are like, you get them a cell phone and they're like, that's cute. I called you three times, dad. Oh, my phone. It's at home.

[Cerber]

But don't worry, the ringer is set to the loudest tone possible.

[Spencer]

So what about the reverse of that

[Server]

when, like, they call you five times and you finally get back in touch with them, they're like, I just wanted to see if you were home.

[Spencer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Server]

A common text message.

[Jason]

Yeah. My family. It's like, text them and immediately they call you immediately.

[Server]

Yes. To say, yeah, that sounds good to me.

[Jason]

Yeah, I got your text.

[Ryan]

Good.

[Cerber]

But I was worried if you have killer ants course for the Wasteland playing continuously on their phone, they won't be able to call you because they'll be like, oh, I don't even know how to text you.

[Spencer]

That's right.

[Cerber]

Music off. I can't.

[Jason]

All right, now I'm sold.

[Spencer]

Why would I.

[Cerber]

Right? Leave me alone. You're interrupted by my listening session. Don't call me on my touch tunes.

[Server]

I'm listening to my stories.

[Jason]

And I think also note that if you want to fully and finally eradicate truly, the finishing blow of capitalism would be to subscribe to patreon.com shutdown fullcast, which is really the home and the fount of the revolution, many have said. And over there, we have. I was looking. We. We have posted 29 episodes. It has not been. It's been about 10ish months that we've had this thing up. So we're well over counting After Dark. Well over two episodes. We had no real clear goal on how often we were going to be posting to that thing. But, you know, we've. We've managed to post quite a bit and we got another one coming. As noted, another little one may be up before this.

[Server]

I think it's gonna be up.

[Ryan]

Yeah, because we were just finishing that up before we recorded today.

[Jason]

It's a fun one.

[Spencer]

So go.

[Jason]

If, if that one is up, go listen to it, let's put it that way.

[Ryan]

And listen, even if you don't think it's a fun one, you cannot deny it's.

[Jason]

A long one, but it is a fun one. Let's just tell them it is Cerber telling us all about Gilmore Girls.

[Ryan]

And even if you don't think you would like it, you should try it because again, it's long.

[Jason]

And every time. Every time we do this thing where one of us talks at great length about a subject, everyone likes it. So that'll happen again.

[Spencer]

I want you to think about this. Everyone. Everyone's like, oh, man, Richard Wagner, what an amazing musical composer. Right? Wrote the like. Like the cycle of the ring. Right, the ring cycle. You know what? He didn't put out as much quality content as we have. Therefore, full cast. Greater than Richard Wagner.

[Ryan]

Damn.

[Jason]

No question.

[Cerber]

Gilmore Girls would be a really good jersey patch for like Yale or something. Like, if it was just so good.

[Spencer]

Yale should just be sponsored by Capital Capital.

[Cerber]

My bank.

[Spencer]

Just no bank

[Jason]

money.

[Spencer]

Yeah, yeah. Yale sponsored by white people. White people, Yeah. And then the like motto would be

[Cerber]

Stanford sponsored by blood. I'm confused.

[Spencer]

Blood too. Is it blood? Not exactly. Does it do what blood does? Mostly blood too. Sponsored by subscription base blood.

[Jason]

Yeah, I'm sure that's under.

[Spencer]

There we go.

[Cerber]

Blood as a service.

[Spencer]

That's it. I've never felt better. Subscribe now and receive 29 days of blood a month.

[Jason]

And you'll be told that, like, the 30th day is like, that's a cleanse. Cleanse your veins.

[Cerber]

Sure.

[Ryan]

Here at the shutdown. Full cast. We will feast on your cowering flesh.

[Jason]

I'm on a blood fast.

[Spencer]

Yeah, the returns. Think of the returns. If you use something other than blood to live. I have some important academic research that I have done on a point that has mystified many observers of college football for years. And it's this. There are a series of. Of photographs of Penn state in the 1980s and Penn State in the 1980s. If you don't know and you've seen these photographs of players like Shane Conlon or safety Michael Zordich, all of them have so much neck. Oh, my God. They've all got necks wider than their heads. They've got necks that stick out. No lie past their ears.

[Server]

When did we stop? When did, like, football people stop, like, noticing this and like harnessing it as a characteristic? I remember announcers in the late 80s and 90s when I was like growing up and learning about football, like, necks were mentioned often. Especially if someone had a long, skinny neck. They were like, he's got to be careful. He's got that longer neck. I remember them saying that about Rocket Ishmael, specifically one time. And I remember my dad, like pointing out a linebacker one time. He's like, look, he's got a short, broad neck, perfect for a linebacker. But no one talks about that anymore. I know, it was a thing.

[Spencer]

Yeah, it was a thing. And I'm going to tell you why. Because I was looking up, I was like, well, surely they weren't just recruiting on neck circumference. It wasn't like, it wasn't like the

[Ryan]

Penn State coach, it won't hurt when he gets hit, right?

[Spencer]

They kind of were. Kind of. But also this, the emphasis in training when it came to strength training. Remember, it starts in Nebraska and they're just lifting anything, right? Like there's just Boyd Epley, their strength guy, and he's just in a barn and he's just trying to figure out what the best blend of lifts is going to be from the three main disciplines of lifting. And he's just trying shit. And he did this on himself. If you want to know one of the craziest things anyone has ever done, Boyd Epley, in order to come up with the first real strength program for a football program, decided to test powerlifting, bodybuilding and Olympic lifting on himself, right? And he was like pretty young at the time, but he was working out like two or three times a day trying to just. And observing himself. I think his notes were probably just ow, ow. But he came up with it. And then over time, people evolve their own approaches to it. If you want to know why everyone in Penn state in the 80s had these gigantor necks, it wasn't because of some natural recruiting tendency where they were like, come to Penn State, you get a big neck. No, they worked them and they made it a focus of their training.

[Ryan]

How does one work the neck?

[Spencer]

There are a number of different ways. You can do neck specific exercises which involve putting sort of a strap or a harness on the head.

[Ryan]

Okay. I kind of was picturing that and I figured that that was stupid.

[Spencer]

No, it is stupid looking. It works, like to work those little erectors and all of those muscles that move and stabilize the neck, you can make them thicker. And one way, one way to do that is with a harness that you're going to apply directionally. So it's a harness and it's weighted. You might be at a bench and have this harness that is strapped, say with the weight loaded down from your forehead, right? And you are lifting it up like you're knotting. Or it might be loaded to the side. You would do ideally you would do every direction. In order to stabilize the muscles of the neck. You can also work all of the traps.

[Ryan]

Neck big. In just one direction.

[Jason]

You just got a big old lump.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Hump. What?

[Server]

Hump.

[Spencer]

Just looks like you've got a goiter. Just like. Yeah, man.

[Ryan]

No, but I'm thinking more. It just. It just. It's not. It's not a lump or protrusion. It's just like from this side of your face, your neck goes out to here. And from this side of the face, your neck just goes out to here.

[Spencer]

You could do. I mean, you could like your head.

[Ryan]

It looks like you're. Until it looks like your head sits asymmetrically on your body. And then you can peek around corners at babies.

[Spencer]

If you subscribe to the shutdown Full Cast Patreon, I will put a strength program for the unidirectional neck where you can get the looking around corners up to you, man.

[Cerber]

Oh, I think you gotta pick a direction.

[Spencer]

No, I'm. I'm here to make you great, Ryan. Whatever direction you want, people will abuse it.

[Cerber]

They'll just get all the directions and then they will.

[Ryan]

Yeah, we have to. This is how we're going to identify ourselves tribally. Right?

[Cerber]

This is your sneetch's moment, man.

[Jason]

What about front neck and back neck? Can you get a big spine?

[Cerber]

Is it front?

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Cerber]

All right, so let's do throat. Let's do huge, like, bullfrog type throat.

[Ryan]

This is for bebop and rock city.

[Cerber]

That's also a way to sit, to assert, like sexual proclivity.

[Spencer]

We are no boy. I am.

[Ryan]

It asserts sexual.

[Spencer]

The directions. My brain just went, oh, no, it's bad in here. It's so bad in here.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Who started this?

[Spencer]

So you can work the neck and you can also work the muscles around it. So you could do traps, you can do shrugs, you can do all of the sort of trap related stuff, which are all stabilizers, you know, leading up to the neck. So you can work all of those as well. Front raises or like front raises. Where. Not front raises like for lats, but front raises or for your. Your shoulder muscles. Like front raises where you pull up. That's also one of the things that they would do. So consequently, these guys basically just did. And I have a fantastic excerpt from the original strength from the strength coach at the time there, which is what area of muscle groups do you prioritize? The most important area that we feel for a football player is to train the neck, because that's where a football player can get injured most seriously, any one of our players walks on the field to play, they have the chance of possibly not walking off. And every year, there's anywhere from six to 10 neck injuries. This dude who was their strength coach. No lie. Only prioritized like. Or mainly prioritized like, one, two neck and legs. That's it. That's like bare, minimal benching in this program. You just had super big quads, giant calves, and a big fucking triceratops workout.

[Jason]

So that's how old football players ended up. So square is modifying all the parts of themselves outside of the sort of naturally rectangular core of the athlete, making everything else rectangular as well.

[Spencer]

Yeah, that's why. So if you go like, hey, man, it looks like they only worked out their neck kinda.

[Cerber]

Do you know. Do you know where? I think we finally decided, like, all right, we don't need to do this anymore to KO Spikes. I think we were like, that's.

[Jason]

That's as far as science has gone, too.

[Cerber]

Yeah. I think we're like, well, that's shit, man.

[Jason]

It's like seeing wimby. It's like, that's.

[Cerber]

That's it.

[Jason]

That's the extent of it.

[Ryan]

Right?

[Cerber]

Right. Like, never gonna have neck bigger than. This is the biggest neck I ever saw.

[Jason]

I feel so inadequate looking at that neck.

[Spencer]

In 1995, we reached peak neck with the key of spikes. Yeah. So that's why if you want to know if you've gotten this far and you're like, hey, did I learn anything in this podcast? Yeah, you did. People used to have big, old thick necks in the 1980s, because maybe they were more honest about the toll football takes it. They're like, oh, yeah, you can get totally killed out there. You should get a thick neck. You should do that.

[Jason]

I guess it is interesting to realize that, A, there was a logic to it, and B, the logic made sense.

[Spencer]

They basically tried to look like that figure. That is the ideal car crash survivor. That's it. Like, if you look at, you know, the, like, super thick neck and then super thick legs for, like, pushing, that was it. That was all they. They did. So if you want that look, y' all get his look.

[Jason]

And who wouldn't?

[Spencer]

Yeah, work that neck from my hot dead.