Fish Hunt Golf Odyssey

Summary

Shutdown Fullcast – "Fish Hunt Golf Odyssey" Episode Summary

Podcast: Shutdown Fullcast
Episode: Fish Hunt Golf Odyssey
Date: July 22, 2026
Hosts: Spencer Hall, Jason Kirk, Ryan Nanny, Holly Anderson, and Serber

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Overview

This episode of Shutdown Fullcast takes a classic Fullcast approach: college football is present only as a recurring motif while the conversation meanders through absurd tangents, deep Southern culture, country music, religious art, odysseys both literal and literary, the Tour de France, and inevitable debates over the merits of Luke Bryan’s "Fish Hunt Golf Drink." They also detour through the adaptation of The Odyssey in Nolan's latest epic (with tangential celebrity gossip and Greek mythological analysis), finally connecting everything back to the familiar theme of “dudes rocking.”

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Country Music Name-Game and Luke Bryan Discourse

(00:07–15:00)

• Opening Tangent: The hosts start off with a discussion about video game music, but quickly veer into a disorienting but hilarious exploration of male country singer names and their interchangeability—Luke Bryan, Luke Combs, Zach Bryan, etc.
• AI Songwriting: A callback to country music becoming formulaic, almost AI-generated, including past Fullcast jokes (“Jean Short Cutie music”).
• Name Mashup Game: The hosts play a game, trying to create new “country singer” names by mashing together first names ("Ty Baker," "Taylor John," "Luke Taylor"). Serber acts as the arbiter, checking if the names actually exist.
  • “The only one I know is Luke Combs because he did the COVID of Fast Car.” — Serber [03:15]
  • “All Taylors are Luke's. I feel like we agree on that.” — Ryan [05:08]

2. Religious Art in Methodist Churches and Country Star Apostles

(08:12–15:00)

• Methodist Apostle Art: Ryan describes paintings of apostles in a Methodist church, which oddly resemble 1970s country stars or the Oak Ridge Boys. Listeners from other states report similar church décor.
  • “They all look like a different Oak Ridge boy.” — Ryan [08:36]
• Country Star Apostles: The gang muses about “Bart Judas” or “Brothers of Thunder” as band names, connecting this to paintings that look like LP covers.
  • “It's important that you know that all of the apostles were hot in a Camaro kind of way.” — Spencer [16:52]
  • “This is like saying the archetypical guy... it’s right here on the Shutdown Fullcast, brother.” — Ryan [05:21]

3. What Is ‘Fish Hunt Golf Drink’—And Why Is It a Meme?

(22:04–35:00)

• Title Genesis: The episode title and song "Fish Hunt Golf Drink" comes from a new Luke Bryan single, which listeners flagged as particularly egregious. The group debates its grammatical structure and meaning.
  • “Think of it as an incantation, a summoning.” — Spencer [22:37]
  • “Finally, a Meow Wolf for men.” — Ryan [22:23]
• Is It Actually Bad? Spencer mounts a defense: the song is harmless, a standard “country life wishcast” about preferring the outdoors and drinking, and far from the worst Bryan has done ("this song is cake").
  • “This song is fucking harmless. This song is like nothing. This song is fine. It is like that.” — Spencer [37:04]
  • “I'm pretty good at drinking beer. It’s like that one.” — Holly [37:04]

4. The Odyssey Parallels: Nolan’s New Movie & Ancient Dudes Rocking

(38:40–1:15:00)

• Odysseus = Dudes Rocking: The Odyssey is reframed as an ancient template for “dudes rocking”—guys leaving their jobs, wandering around, eating, drinking, and trying to get home.
  • “This movie specifically is about leaving beaches. Nolan has thus surpassed even ultimate beach hater, M. Night Shyamalan himself, as the premier beach disliker in all of cinema.” — Jason [87:01]
• Nolan Adaptation Review: Detailed (spoiler-friendly) discussion of the new Odyssey movie, including Matt Damon's performance.
  • Matt Damon, exhausted dad of four daughters, as Odysseus: “This man has not known a moment’s peace for at least two decades.” — Ryan [91:31]
  • Favorite moments: the sheep scene, Anne Hathaway’s godlike role, Robert Pattinson’s “camp” performance, soundtrack notes (Ludwig Göransson), Nolan’s use of female characters.
  • “It is vital screen time.” — Jason [113:31] (on Zendaya, Elliot Page, and Lupita’s roles)
• The Odyssey as a Football/Coaching Movie: Odysseus is compared to a haggard coach with unreliable assistants.
  • “This is about coaching… not necessarily good coaching.” — Jason [96:42]

5. Tour de France 2026: Chaos, Crashes, & Doping Tangents

(48:02–68:32)

• Tour de France Update: Holly gives a deep rundown: Jonas Vingegaard crashes out after a late-night anti-doping control; tactical fallout for contenders and team dynamics.
  • “They were awoken in the middle of the night by anti-doping control… 2 and 5am.” — Holly [50:22]
  • “If UCI had tested us in 2001 at 2am, we’d all have been suspended and saved the sport 25 years of trauma.” — Jonathan Vaughters (quoted) [55:10]
• Cycling Suffering Lore: French sporting tradition as lawless, chaotic: stealing wine, shutting down cities.
  • “The Tour is also basically an excuse to just sit and drink in the sun.” — Spencer [67:55]

6. Meta-Jokes, Podcast Business, and Fullcast Lore

(69:11–82:18)

• Announcements and Plugs:
  • Homefield Apparel riff involving USC Trojan odyssey.
  • Channel 6 newsletter, Patreon, and upcoming After Dark.
  • Phantom Island podcast, killer ants music, merch charity update.
  • “We broke the knob off the content faucet a long time ago.” — Spencer [77:59]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Country Name Mashup:
  • “We remembered who he was because we kept calling him Latmuke because it sounded like a Phantom Menace, like, minor villain.” — Ryan [03:50]
  • “There's a guy named Derek Trucks... that’s Butch Truck’s son.” — Holly [06:06–06:10]
• Methodist Art as Southern Culture:
  • “All the apostles were hot in a Camaro kind of way.” — Spencer [16:52]
  • “If you asked Kenny Powers—not Danny McBride—Kenny Powers—to paint biblical figures, this is what you would get.” — Serber [13:55]
• On the Fish Hunt Golf Drink Song:
  • “This is a country song that’s been written like 3,000 times.” — Spencer [35:28]
  • “I think what set off this corner of Canadian blue sky... is the opening line, ‘if it wasn’t for the tax man.’” — Jason [38:36]
  • “You should not put more effort into dunking on Fish Hunt Golf Drink than went into writing Fish Hunt Golf Drink.” — Serber [41:48]
• Odyssey & Nolan Movie Deep Dive:
  • “The Odyssey is reframed as the ancient template for dudes rocking.” — Recurring
  • “It’s about coaching… not necessarily good coaching.” — Jason [96:42]
  • “Did you think if you dug a hole, the sun god wouldn’t see you eating?” — Damon as Odysseus (quoted by Jason) [93:16]
  • “He’s secretly your father.” — Serber, on Dwayne Allman as Artful Dodger [25:19]
• On the Tour de France and Doping:
  • “Waking up at 2am for anti-doping.” — Holly [50:22]
  • “If UCI had tested us in 2001 at 2am, we’d all have been suspended.” — Jonathan Vaughters (via Serber) [55:04]
• On Dudes Rocking and Humanity:
  • “I find it comforting that the history of dudes rocking stretches back as many millennia as it does.” — Ryan [13:22]
• Podcast Business & Show Lore:
  • “You sent these people to me and now I bring them back to you. And that’s the report on who heard it and who didn’t hear it.” — Serber, on Fullcast in-jokes [20:26]

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Important Timestamps

• 00:00–05:30: Country music naming confusion, AI songwriting jokes
• 08:12: Methodist art & apostles as country stars
• 22:04: "Fish Hunt Golf Drink" debate begins
• 31:01: SEC Media Days—transition, brief real football
• 38:40: Nolan’s Odyssey movie, Odysseus = coaching analogies
• 48:02–68:32: Tour de France 2026 update, doping, sport history
• 69:11: Podcast business, merch, newsletter plugs
• 82:32: Movie talk resumes: The Odyssey, sheep scene, Matt Damon, ensemble acting
• 96:19: Football/Coaching parallel to The Odyssey
• 111:38: Casting and meta-commentary (Travis Scott, subversive choices)
• 117:02–End: Final reflections and extended Odyssey riffing—Anne Hathaway, vacation analogies, what’s next for the heroes

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Tone and Style

• The episode is freewheeling, fast, and steeped in Southern and sports-adjacent in-jokes, keeping a warm, slyly irreverent sense of humor throughout.
• The hosts alternate between affectionate parody and genuine insight into music, sports, myth, and male archetypes.
• Ruthless in their commitment to the bit, whether dissecting Luke Bryan songs, church art, or the new Nolan film.

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For Listeners: Why Listen?

• You’ll learn why the Fullcast calls its audience to vigilance concerning Luke Bryan, what church paintings have to do with country stardom, and why The Odyssey is about both coaching and dudes rocking.
• There's fresh, incisive commentary on Tour de France politics and cyclo-culture, as well as bonus content on merch, newsletters, and podcasts.
• The show is both a whirlwind and a comfort: a road trip with irreverent college football aunts and uncles where almost nothing is off the table — and somehow, everything still links back to football.

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TL;DR:
This episode is a quintessential, chaotic Fullcast journey: from county music name games, through religious art and pop-culture goofs, to a surprisingly poignant and academic look at The Odyssey—both as a new movie, an ancient trip, and timeless bro behavior. All roads, inevitably, lead to football...eventually.

Transcript

[Ryan]

Wait, Jason. No, Jason knows this song. He doesn't know this song, but he knows this song.

[Spencer]

Well, hit him with it.

[Ryan]

Sonia duvalade is the Civ 6 theme, the main theme.

[Jason]

What? Okay.

[Ryan]

Yeah, it is the first. Is the first piece of video game. I'm pretty sure it's the first piece of video game music that has ever. That ever won a Grammy, which I think was. Is that 2020? No, the Royal Philharmonic recording was 2020. Anyway, welcome to my special interest episode about Christopher Tin. I'll be your host.

[Spencer]

The Italian translation of Fish Hunt Golf Drink is Cacia Alpecia Bevan de Golf.

[Ryan]

Spencer, let's get this out of the way right away. You believe that? And people were wise to bring this, this new Luke Bryan. They were joint to us because. And especially because it. We ourselves could always use a refresher course in. Wait, which Luke is this? It is your contention that Luke the Brian has been done dirt. That the Brian variant of Luke has been done dirty.

[Spencer]

In this case. In this case only. Yes.

[Ryan]

By our audience?

[Spencer]

I think so. I think so.

[Ryan]

Make. Make your case.

[Spencer]

Well, we are one of the Internet's foremost academic resources for Girl Truck Dean shorts research. We I believe were on the cutting edge of deciding whether country music had fully automated back when AI was fun. Yes, it's system of songwriting and memes and really just kind of turned country music into a blender for words that all connote kind of, you know, a good time that's really like. It's good times music. And that's, that's.

[Jason]

We were on that like way before. That's right, AI right.

[Spencer]

Yeah, yeah, we were on that.

[Ryan]

Those, those song like those song generators that we're, that we used to use to like pop up song lyrics. Like they're, they're. Oh, they're not, they're not like, they're not the, the destroying Memphis brand of A.I.

[Serber]

right.

[Ryan]

They're, they're, they're the analog A.I. that's what I'm going to call them. And then, you know, before that, you know, Jean Truck shorts cutie was a creation of either Jason or Spencer's brain.

[Serber]

Those, those AI generators were running off Mr. Pibb, not water.

[Jason]

Yeah. Which we have too much of.

[Spencer]

Already have too much.

[Serber]

We do. It's.

[Jason]

It's like there's Dr. Pepper and then there's this other that we just need to get rid of.

[Spencer]

We've got 300 million gallons of Mr. Pibb to go through before we even have to start to tap the tab.

[Jason]

Oh yeah.

[Serber]

This computer is so Cool.

[Ryan]

And so before we tap, it's like,

[Jason]

is Mr. Pibb okay? No. Feed it to Ultron.

[Ryan]

No. Get the out of here.

[Jason]

So which one is Luke Bryan?

[Spencer]

So you have to know that.

[Ryan]

Not. Not the one who put Tracy Chapman over the other one.

[Spencer]

Right. Again, not the one who. Who paid. Paid respects to Tracy Chapman and did so I think pretty.

[Jason]

Which one was that?

[Spencer]

That's Luke Combs.

[Ryan]

I had to ask because I can't tell him apart either.

[Spencer]

Yeah, yeah, that's.

[Ryan]

It's also annoying that they're all picking from the same five names, all of which sound like Brian or Luke, even when they'. Brian.

[Jason]

The only one I know. I realize this is a further derailment, but I know the only one I know is Zach Brian because he has a song with Maggie Rogers that's also a different guy.

[Serber]

The only one I know is Luke Combs because he did the COVID of Fast Car.

[Jason]

That's right.

[Spencer]

That's right.

[Ryan]

He sang a song about trying things in a small town in front of a courthouse that is famous for lynching.

[Serber]

Right. And he used to be related to Godfrey.

[Jason]

And he is the second, by marriage, the most racist.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Superstar.

[Serber]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

Yes. This is Luke Bryan. Who you'll remember none of those other five guys. He's the guy without a chin. That's how I remember him.

[Serber]

Who was the old Miss Interim coach?

[Spencer]

We need more names.

[Ryan]

We remembered who he was because we kept calling him Latmuke because it sounded like. It sounded like a phantom menace, like, minor villain.

[Jason]

Now, Matt Luke got all of this other guy's chin.

[Spencer]

Yeah, he did.

[Serber]

Sliders, go. What? You gotta max your min. Sliders.

[Spencer]

That's it.

[Ryan]

How long could we just mash first names together? Until. Can we play a game? Cerber, can you be arbiter? Because you'll probably know who more of these guys can we have. Can we each take it in turn to mash two first names together and you tell us the first time we hit one that isn't already a singer.

[Holly]

Yeah. I will try this.

[Spencer]

Okay.

[Ryan]

It has to be like. No, you can't, like, cheat and use Zach Brown. You have to, like, make it up.

[Jason]

Brian. Matt.

[Serber]

Okay, no, that's not one.

[Ryan]

And also reversing somebody else.

[Holly]

Spell it with a Y, though. Jason, to be clear, I just found

[Jason]

a Brian Matthew is a voice actor.

[Serber]

Ty Baker.

[Holly]

No, not one that. Not one that.

[Ryan]

Neither of those are really first names.

[Jason]

That's a Rice baseball player.

[Holly]

Listen, Texas A M baseball player. Maybe transfer.

[Serber]

Oh, yeah, and it's. Man, this is aggressively baseball. Name.

[Ryan]

I just realized we're naming Georgia Corbett Taylor John.

[Holly]

Oh, no.

[Ryan]

Yeah. All Taylors are Luke's. I feel like we. I feel like we agree on that.

[Jason]

This brings up Taylor John Smith, who's an actor without a shirt.

[Serber]

See?

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Jason]

He was in where the Crawdads Sing.

[Ryan]

Wow.

[Jason]

This is like saying the archetypical guy.

[Ryan]

Where the car crawdads sing. It's right here on the shutdown. Full cast, brother.

[Holly]

I. I'm not gonna give this to you, Spencer, but you are very close. There is a Taylor John Williams who. Who's like Instagram, like, at the top of the page. It's not as at, but it's Mr. Taylor John. You're so close. Like you. If no one gets one, you win.

[Ryan]

Server. Give me Luke Taylor. No. Taylor. Luke Taylor.

[Jason]

Luke.

[Holly]

I think you might have been on to. To Luke Taylor, but Taylor. Luke.

[Ryan]

Luke Taylor, I feel like is maybe the name of Jason Statham's character in something that I'm just not remembering.

[Serber]

I know, I know. I know. This is a person already. So I'm cheating. And it's definitely not a person in the ilk we are thinking. But I'm really delighted that there's a person named Derek Trucks. I'm really.

[Spencer]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Trucks.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Serber]

What? Yeah.

[Holly]

Oh, yeah. It's Butch Truck son.

[Serber]

It's Butch Truck son.

[Ryan]

Who's Butch Trucks?

[Holly]

Oh, from the Allman Brothers.

[Spencer]

From the Allman Brothers. Yeah.

[Ryan]

What?

[Holly]

He's one of the drummers, One of the percussionists in the all.

[Serber]

That's not his, like.

[Ryan]

That's not his real name, though.

[Spencer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Holly]

They're from Georgia.

[Serber]

I'm sorry. I'm not from Georgia. Holly is right.

[Ryan]

I'm not a jam band human.

[Serber]

Holly is right.

[Ryan]

I gotta say this. I have Allman Brothers blindness.

[Serber]

Butch is a nickname. His first name is Claude. He's Claude Trucks.

[Holly]

Wow. Like, Dwayne's nickname is Moondog.

[Serber]

Same thing.

[Ryan]

Before everybody yells at me. I'm not from Florida and I'm. Or I'm not from Georgia and I'm not a jam band person. I don't. I don't know who any of these.

[Jason]

There is no shame in not knowing.

[Ryan]

Is it like T R U C H s like cheating?

[Serber]

No.

[Ryan]

Is it Trucks?

[Serber]

What?

[Holly]

Trucks.

[Ryan]

Damn.

[Serber]

Trucks. Like, we're going to buy. We're going to the Ford dealership to

[Ryan]

buy somebody in the band. I might have given the Almond Brothers a chance. Probably not now.

[Serber]

You know. Where did Butch Trucks go to school? Florida State. 100%. Yes.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

When you get down past Valdosta, that's basically Florida. Sorry, Jason. Go ahead.

[Jason]

And lots of these names I'm hearing often it feels like we're really circling the four names of the authors of the Gospels. Is there a Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, or some combo thereof?

[Holly]

Matthew, John, Matthew, Mark. Something that sounds like a contemporary Christian.

[Ryan]

Matty Mark. Give me Matty Mark, Brian with a

[Jason]

Y. John, Mark, Luke, John.

[Serber]

Okay, there is a. There is. I am seeing a producer named Luke Johns.

[Jason]

Yeah, yeah. So we have Matthew Marks.

[Serber]

I don't think he's.

[Holly]

Oh, yeah, Is that Glenn Johns of the Luke Johns?

[Jason]

I don't think Matthew Marks is an art gallery,

[Ryan]

Jason.

[Serber]

What about Mark Math?

[Jason]

Mark Matthews is an offensive tackle.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Jason, did you spend any time in the. In big Methodist outcroppings when you. In your youth?

[Jason]

Why specifically Methodist?

[Ryan]

Because in the church where we are currently rehearsing for this show that I'm doing, there is a gallery of paintings in the hallways of Jesus. Spencer has seen all these. Don't spoil it. Where.

[Spencer]

Where.

[Ryan]

Where Jesus and the apostles all look like the Oak Ridge Boys. Like, not. Sorry, it's not Jesus, but it's all 12 apostles. They all look like a different Oak Ridge boy. And I posted a couple of them, and I got messages from, like, six people who were like, I don't live in Georgia, and I'm not Methodist, but I don't live in Georgia, but I am a Methodist. And these were in my church growing up, and they were from, like, six different states.

[Jason]

Very curious about what is specifically Methodist

[Ryan]

about that, But I don't know. But all the. Everybody I talked to was a Methodist. That. That's Thomas right there on his way to steal your girl.

[Serber]

Well, maybe. Maybe what we're revealing is that what country music needs is to go beyond.

[Ryan]

Look at James. Look what they did. He looks like James Taylor.

[Serber]

I think we need to go beyond this. The. The four gospel writers and go like, give me. Give me a country singer named Bart Judas. I think that. I think Bart Judas,

[Jason]

that's a rowdy boy.

[Holly]

Fred job.

[Spencer]

Bart Judas's new album, Grand Theft Auto.

[Ryan]

Hang on. I took a couple more pictures because I'm trying. I'm trying to snap these cover, and the hallways are always full of people. And I don't want to be weird.

[Serber]

Give me. Give me a Thad Simon.

[Jason]

I want a Simon. Peter Simon.

[Serber]

Little guitar. Let me tell you what.

[Ryan]

Brian. Brian prob.

[Serber]

I bet there's a Brian Bryans.

[Jason]

I'm telling you, man, you want to start a country Band. You call it the Brothers of Thunder. You're good.

[Serber]

The Thunder Warrior.

[Ryan]

We should just be in charge of

[Serber]

this

[Spencer]

Warhammer faction or country music band.

[Ryan]

Oh, here. Here's. Dude, here's. Here's the real good one. Look at John.

[Serber]

Wow.

[Ryan]

Look at those flowing locks.

[Spencer]

He looks like he was on the TV show. The hit TV show Nashville.

[Serber]

He looks like he's a backup quarterback.

[Ryan]

I'm sorry, one more. The quiet Charlie Whitehurst. Philip.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Now that is. That is hair.

[Serber]

That was the one. I was like, how are we getting hair like that back?

[Jason]

Because, like, up until then, I was like, these guys were around at the time. Yeah, it was iPhone face at the time. There were. There were country singers at the time, but that hair.

[Serber]

There wasn't time. There wasn't hair products.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that is like a Brazilian oil product.

[Jason]

Like, they're. They're. Yeah, they were oiling their hair at the time. But keep in mind, this is a group of broke boys by design.

[Ryan]

Yeah, you can't.

[Serber]

You can't. You tell me you're fishing with that hair. Fuck no.

[Holly]

You're right.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jason]

You just got out the lake, and then you were, like, ferrying 5,000 children all day in the sun.

[Ryan]

Hey, Thomas, I'm doubting you haven't been in the John Mitchell chair all day. If you're Methodist, and you know what the deal is with these paintings. I love them. Please send me all the information you have.

[Jason]

And if you're not Methodist, if you're

[Ryan]

not Methodist, I want to know if you had these.

[Serber]

If you're not Methodist, get the hell out of here. No.

[Jason]

And this is specifically a Methodist podcast. But, like, if. If the. These descriptions of these paintings are registering for you, and it's not just any old religious painting, it is a very specific look that I agree does look like a painting of a 70s country star. I want to know how far that spread throughout the denominational diaspora.

[Ryan]

It was a little fun. It was funny because it was okay because it was somebody I had met before. I would have been a little, like, freaked out. But when I first posted these pictures, immediately I got a dm and one of our longtime listeners was like, why are you at my church? But then I got a whole bunch of other people going, why are you at my church? Who lived in Nebraska? So.

[Jason]

And they're all Methodists. If I were.

[Spencer]

If I were to summarize.

[Ryan]

They've all been Methodist.

[Spencer]

If I were to summarize the general ethos here, it would be Aunt Carol's Companions, a gallery.

[Ryan]

It looks like, they look like if you started singing, like they would just turn their. Their heads would snap to you. Like predator.

[Serber]

Like, what if there was an apostle named Skip?

[Jason]

Yeah, I think that is a pretty good corollary for half these ride a

[Ryan]

motorcycle, but gave it up.

[Jason]

I mean, like, the vibe for these guys is half of them are Skip. And then there's like a former Officer Jenkins Skip.

[Ryan]

Or you're a tracer.

[Jason]

It's like half of you just walking past some dirt bags and like, you. Yeah, you got what it takes to just walk away from your job and go wander around nowhere with me.

[Serber]

It. I didn't like this. I didn't like my boss. Anyway, let's go.

[Jason]

I'd rather not have one. Let me go hang out with some guy named Josh.

[Spencer]

What are you doing? We just sit around and eat.

[Serber]

We just have dinner, crash weddings.

[Jason]

He says some crazy stuff I don't understand. It's all incredibly simple.

[Serber]

We thought we dug up a dead guy. That was awesome.

[Jason]

He'll tell me like two sentence Aesop fables and they all whiz way over my dumb ass head.

[Ryan]

It's. I know sometimes we get frustrated about the fact that humanity never learns certain lessons, but I find it also intensely comforting that the history of dudes rocking stretches back as many millennia as it does, I think.

[Jason]

And the fact that throughout, some of these rocking, dudes have been reiterating these lessons. So it's, it's, it's. They have to sink in over and over and over. It'll never just be one guy said some things and then it took forever.

[Ryan]

Well, no, because if you only need one guy, then what's the point of having a band?

[Serber]

What these paintings are is if you asked Kenny powers, not Danny McBride. Kenny Powers.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Serber]

Paint biblical figures, this is what you would get.

[Jason]

Which is like, like use your minor league baseball teammates to model as the apostles.

[Ryan]

It's like they all went.

[Jason]

Well, of course, I'm Jesus.

[Ryan]

It's like they all went to glamour shots at the mall. Not Olin Mills specifically glamour shots because they got their hair teased.

[Jason]

Actually, I'm Joseph. I'm the one. I'm the one taking care of Ms. Mary.

[Ryan]

Also, these paintings are in a windowless hallway lit only by fluorescent light. And they are faded to. So they got. They have been there for like 50 years.

[Jason]

So like, they really, really could function as LP covers that you're pulling out the back crate.

[Ryan]

Yeah, we only have a couple rehearsals and I'm like, I'm trying to get the whole set, like, preserved in my phone.

[Jason]

I want to see. Yeah, I want to see. That one was it. Which one was it? With the big hair?

[Ryan]

Hang on.

[Jason]

Philip.

[Ryan]

Philip.

[Serber]

You got Philip on laser disc fest.

[Jason]

It's got, like. It's got, like, thin gold cur. Immersive font. Philip Montgomery sings his hits Simon Comes Alive.

[Spencer]

Yeah. No, that guy left the band to do Eliza Minnelli musical. That guy left the band to do some high. He's like

[Jason]

rhinestone cowboy.

[Ryan]

Young David Geffen.

[Spencer]

Now, he was one of those guys who took a guest turn at Les Mis, right?

[Serber]

He's like, Little Whorehouse in Texas. Only ran for six. Six shows.

[Ryan]

But the other series, if you're. If. I know podcasting is a visual medium and we're not doing a great job here, but if you put. If you put one of these. The other message I got over and over again after I posted this specifically was like, is that Jeff Fisher? That's very.

[Serber]

That's very kind to Jeff Fisher.

[Ryan]

Hey, it is. These are my boyfriends you're talking about.

[Serber]

Okay.

[Spencer]

Nevertheless, yes, he did. We went and saw him in a production of Big River. It was eight shows and got canceled.

[Serber]

It was the.

[Ryan]

I thought it was pretty good. Eddie George is doing great in Shakespeare.

[Spencer]

Yeah. It was just like. You should have seen it. It was just like that.

[Serber]

Is that why you went to the Mac Macbeth? Is there something to it? Oh. Oh.

[Spencer]

See the signs?

[Ryan]

This one. Like, this one, you. You could convince me that they did Thomas with, like, a young Kris Kristofferson as the model.

[Serber]

I would believe. I would believe that at some point in this church's previous history, some of the male leadership of the church paid to get these paintings done of themselves, panicked and was like, actually, no, that's. That's totally this guy from the Gospels. Yep. That's not me. It happens to look like me, but

[Jason]

he's got way bigger hair than I do because I'm Methodist, which means

[Serber]

I

[Jason]

have 215 business meetings per week. So my hair is extremely short.

[Ryan]

Some of these dudes got a real Lutheran energy to them, too.

[Spencer]

It's important that you know that all of the apostles were hot in a Camaro kind of way.

[Serber]

Yeah, sure, sure.

[Ryan]

Is there another.

[Jason]

That makes sense.

[Ryan]

Try not to be redundant.

[Jason]

Yeah, that makes sense. That's. I mean, all they did was, like, skedaddle out of one town.

[Serber]

This is the secret 13th apostle, Rob Thomas.

[Jason]

Oh, this town is too hot. We gotta blow this joint. Of course they look like that.

[Ryan]

You're talking about the T top Camaro, right?

[Spencer]

Yeah, yeah. I'm always talking about Iraq, baby.

[Jason]

Yeah, like we're talking about an Iraq gang who just walks right. Like, this is like Flintstones irocs.

[Serber]

Listen, I bet you say that, but I bet once Jesus walked on the Sea of Galilee, they were like, I bet we could take the Iraq out. I bet we could get the Iraq up on the lake. You watch.

[Jason]

Hey, boss. Watch this.

[Spencer]

Hey, man, what.

[Jason]

Why you.

[Spencer]

Why are you hanging out? Why hang out with this guy and his friend Josh? Well, my car didn't work, but then he laid his hands on it and he said, watchful. I'm gonna get this thing running again. We're like, no, you ain't. He's like, no evil. Take a look and just put his hands on it. Damn crank right up.

[Holly]

God is smiting your Internet.

[Ryan]

Yeah, okay. That wasn't me.

[Holly]

We are doing a little too much poking the bear.

[Serber]

That's right.

[Spencer]

No, no, no. I'm going right. I'm going right back at the big fella. You hear me?

[Serber]

Spiritual.

[Holly]

That bear killed a lot of kids. I saw it. I read about it.

[Ryan]

Jason's gonna keep us out of the ditch.

[Spencer]

They deserve it.

[Jason]

Totally fine.

[Serber]

Yeah. I think all we're suggesting is that God loves cool cars and cool dudes. Of course.

[Ryan]

And that jackass is an apostolic story cycle.

[Jason]

Same

[Serber]

God loves cool ladies, too. Or God loves cool.

[Ryan]

We should say this because every Con, every comic book is somebody's first dudes. Rocking is a gen 100%.

[Holly]

Yeah, so is God.

[Serber]

Yeah. Cars are genderless, too.

[Spencer]

Johnny Knoxville. Johnny Knoxville suffered for us.

[Serber]

That's true, man.

[Spencer]

You know who else did? That's right. Bam Margera.

[Jason]

I don't think he did. No, I think he qualifies.

[Spencer]

So the song.

[Serber]

Okay, timeout, Spencer. We'll get to you. I don't know. Here. Because you made me do this. I have. I have information for you in the audience. Here we go.

[Ryan]

Wait, wait, hang on.

[Serber]

Brad heard it. Stitch heard it. Javelina heard it. Bianca heard it. Miguel heard it.

[Ryan]

Javelina.

[Serber]

Listen, I'm just. Some of these are just people's blue sky handles that. I'm just pulling bits. I'm not doing full handles.

[Ryan]

Oh, I thought you were naming more Allman Brothers.

[Serber]

KHW heard it, David heard it, Germs heard it. Maybe a crook heard it. Jefferson heard it. MC Toy heard it, Emma heard it, Jim heard it, Micah heard it, Chris heard it, Michael heard it, Young love heard it, Jay heard it.

[Ryan]

I guess this is fair after what we did to Ryan.

[Serber]

Mike heard it, Anthony heard it. Full court heard it. Stan Cranky heard it. Doug heard it. Major heard it, Bodhi heard it, Jimothy heard it, Malachandra heard it, Jamie heard it. Late to everything heard it. Nominal heard it. C. Sloth heard it, Marcus heard it, Earl heard it, Eliza heard it, Brendan heard it, Douglas heard it, Aaron heard it, Matt heard it, Jeff heard it, Roger didn't hear it. I don't know what it is, and I'm not gonna find out.

[Ryan]

But you.

[Serber]

You sent these people to me, and now I bring them back to you. And that's the report on who heard it and who didn't hear it.

[Ryan]

How do you even know what they were talking about?

[Serber]

I don't. I just had people saying I heard it over and over again. And so I said, all right, if this is going to happen, I'm going to catalog who heard it. And almost. And almost everybody who tagged me heard it. Except for Roger, who only tagged me today and said, like, Serber, I didn't hear it. I'm not gonna find out what it is, and I don't wanna know. But that's who heard it.

[Jason]

I didn't hear it.

[Serber]

I didn't hear it either.

[Ryan]

I heard it on playback.

[Serber]

I didn't hear it.

[Holly]

You know how, like, sometimes your ears are ringing and they're like, oh, that's the frequency that you'll never hear again is the sound you're hearing.

[Ryan]

If we hit your resonant frequency, you

[Serber]

have full cast tinnitus. That's what I was gonna say first.

[Holly]

I think a combination of that and Dinosaur junior with no earplugs has permanent.

[Spencer]

You sure it's not the lat? You sure it's not. You sure it's not Famously the loudest band on the planet. Not named My Bloody Valentine this show.

[Holly]

But then a little bit Dinosaur Junior, but mostly with no earplugs. Dude, I. Listen, I didn't say anything to you about the welcome for the first two years. Do you have any idea what that did to me?

[Spencer]

Not J. Matthews with, like, a gigantic wall of hands.

[Ryan]

Let this be a lesson about advocating for yourself.

[Spencer]

Oh, okay.

[Serber]

Anyway, that's who heard it and who didn't hear it. Spencer, you're about to tell us about Fish Golf Hunt.

[Jason]

So, beer. There's a song mentioned 22 minutes ago that we're about to talk about. Yes.

[Spencer]

Fish Hunt, Golf Drink.

[Jason]

Are there commas.

[Ryan]

The existence of which was no to us by multiple listeners?

[Serber]

No, it is. This is basically odd.

[Jason]

Future Wolfgang, kill them all. No, no punctuation.

[Serber]

I would say this is More like a New York Times connections category where you're like, I guess these things all. Sure.

[Spencer]

Yes.

[Ryan]

Finally, a meow wolf for men.

[Jason]

So it's written as if it's a noun.

[Serber]

It's not one word. It's just four words in a What?

[Spencer]

Think of it as.

[Jason]

It's one proper noun.

[Spencer]

Think of it as an incantation, a summoning.

[Serber]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

This is like. No, no. But what if it's like Buffalo. Buffalo. Buffalo. Buffalo. Buffalo. Buffalo. Buffalo.

[Serber]

Can you do that?

[Jason]

Doesn't that have punctuation?

[Serber]

Fish noun. Fish Hunt verb. Fish Hunt. Golf, Drink. Yeah. Fish are on the hunt for Arnold. Yes. Fish hunt, Golf.

[Ryan]

It could also be an imperative. This could be a command.

[Serber]

Fish.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jason]

When you're at the fish hunt, golf, you drink, Right?

[Serber]

Sure.

[Jason]

Those are all adjectives describing the drink. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Your buddy Fish, after the cart girl drove away, Could. Could be sent after her. And he only understands how simple commands. Because it's 2pm and he is nine Pacificos deep.

[Jason]

Is it all just one person's name, like in the.

[Holly]

Like your long lost son?

[Serber]

Fish Hunt.

[Ryan]

Golf Drink. Let some. Somebody do the test.

[Jason]

Your last name is Drink. He's. This kid's name is Fish. Named after your grandfather's golfing hunt. Fish Hunt.

[Holly]

Golf Drink. If I ain't be down here.

[Serber]

I think Fish Hunt is his full first name. We call him Fish for short. But now you know he's in trouble because you're using your first name, your full name. Fish Hunt.

[Jason]

Mama said Golf.

[Ryan]

Fish on Golf Drink. If you don't go out there and cut yourself a switch.

[Spencer]

He just wants to be called like Dave or John.

[Ryan]

No, he goes. But. No, please. He goes by Trey. We know his people.

[Serber]

Trip.

[Spencer]

Trip.

[Jason]

Hey, my name's Hunt. Anything else in that name? No, just Hunt.

[Holly]

I swear it's Tripp because he's the third.

[Serber]

That's right.

[Jason]

And the first two have normal names.

[Spencer]

Yeah. Silverberry.

[Serber]

I'm David Drake.

[Jason]

I'm Alex. Drink.

[Ryan]

Silverberry. Fish hunt. Man. That sounds kind of lordly. I'm Silver Heart Silverberry. Fish hunt. Obe Order of the Brian Empire.

[Spencer]

Yeah. This is on.

[Serber]

This is the.

[Spencer]

The duality of Southern names is that you're always like a little bit close to sounding like in like English nobility. But then like, you shift a gear and it is totally like Alabama or

[Serber]

England has several levels. Yeah.

[Spencer]

Like the. Like, the Allman Brothers are perfect for that because you go. Derek Alman, mp. Attended Magdalene College, studied classics, Represents Stoke and Trent in the House of Lords. Right.

[Serber]

Butch Trucks. American as well.

[Spencer]

His brother's Dwayne. You know, like Derek Ullman and his brother Dwayne. Like, Dwayne can't do that shit. Dwayne didn't go to Cambridge. You name him Dwayne, he's like, oi,

[Ryan]

I know who I'd rather rob a convenience store with.

[Spencer]

Oh, yeah, we're getting out of that convenience store.

[Serber]

Dwayne Allman in Artful Dodger, mate.

[Spencer]

He's secretly your father.

[Serber]

Anyway, tell us about the stupid song.

[Spencer]

Tell us about their stupid song.

[Ryan]

28 minutes ago.

[Spencer]

Three minutes ago, we were talking about the song. And I am bounded determined.

[Jason]

You were so determined, man.

[Spencer]

Oh, yeah. I'm gonna get this up.

[Holly]

I was like, I have to hit record or else we're gonna miss this

[Jason]

server's like, I hope I get the button pressed before we get this song.

[Spencer]

Before we get the song out.

[Ryan]

Giving us shot clock violations just so I can play this noise because I'm so happy. We have a shot clock violation button now.

[Serber]

Yeah, please do.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

All right.

[Spencer]

And go ahead and hit it.

[Jason]

We're well over 29 divided by 60.

[Spencer]

Let's see.

[Jason]

I'm trying to calculate how many shot clock violations.

[Serber]

Oh, the game's over.

[Spencer]

Yeah, we've. I've been red carded. They don't even have those in the United States basketball. But, yeah, I got carded.

[Ryan]

Oh, we got all kinds of buttons in here that we hadn't used since football. Oh,

[Spencer]

yeah. That doesn't seem necessary.

[Ryan]

It still works.

[Spencer]

So this song was shared on by who? By Luke Bryant.

[Ryan]

Who?

[Spencer]

To be clear, remember, we have him over in the bad, not tolerable. Lesser Brian. Lesser Luke's.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Spencer]

And lesser Luke's. Yeah.

[Jason]

So this is not what.

[Ryan]

That also sounds like. An English bird.

[Serber]

A Luke Brian.

[Ryan]

No, a lesser Luke.

[Serber]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan]

A type of fish or a specimen

[Spencer]

caught by this specimen caught by Professor Derek Ullman.

[Jason]

Any lettuce is lesser these days. Damn, folks, have you heard about this one? Have you heard about the diarrhea salad? It's everywhere but Taco Bell.

[Serber]

Well, you'll be a rambling man then. I'll tell you what. Phew.

[Jason]

Luke Brian be so cute after that.

[Ryan]

Matthews Band is a little too intentional.

[Spencer]

Girl, do not shake it here because that thing's loaded.

[Jason]

We ain't driving over them back roads after you decide. No.

[Spencer]

Yeah. Body like a mud track.

[Ryan]

There we go.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Jason]

The windows down for. For a whole other reason, Girl.

[Ryan]

Was this on the show when we did? Girl, is your body like a bat? Is your body a back road nasty like it's infested with raccoons.

[Jason]

Girl, you had that salad of crapple disease

[Serber]

again. Tell us about this song, girl.

[Ryan]

Is your body a back robe? Because the police will never tell us what happened around there.

[Serber]

Hey, Serber. What I want you to do is the minute he starts talking about the song. Final edit, just cut to the intro music.

[Spencer]

I'm gonna come back to it, you

[Holly]

know,

[Spencer]

have to murder me.

[Jason]

It's like Spencer will always come back to the thing. Like there is. You can get him off course. He will do whatever it takes to venture across the world as if he is Odysseus of podcasting. Back to the thing he wanted to say.

[Ryan]

We gotta talk about Odysseus.

[Jason]

So now it's time to get to that.

[Spencer]

Odysseus fishes. He hunts. He drinks. He doesn't. He doesn't golf.

[Jason]

A form of truck. He has a boat. He's got a dang boat for a while.

[Ryan]

He visibly regrets owning a boat.

[Jason]

He got himself. He bought a dang boat and then.

[Holly]

God dang it.

[Jason]

I never should have got on that boat.

[Serber]

I would say soldiering in these times was the equivalent of golf.

[Jason]

I think the. The golf.

[Serber]

The thing about golf, how to do in a group.

[Jason]

You want to get all day. You want to get good enough at golf to be able to say, hey, y' all watch this, right? And Odysseus does some of that.

[Spencer]

Yeah, sure.

[Jason]

Yeah. Can't nobody else put this ball into that hole. I'm the only one who can do it.

[Spencer]

Do you know why? It's golf. He spends a lot of time on the beach, just like me on the links, baby.

[Jason]

Pulls out the putter nobody else can wield.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Go ahead, Spencer.

[Spencer]

Yeah, so this. This song, it got shared.

[Ryan]

I genuinely forgot what song you were talking about for a minute.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

So it turns out that 32 minutes and 30 seconds is my personal horizon.

[Spencer]

We got it. I keep going.

[Jason]

Luke Bryant. Oh, that guy.

[Ryan]

He's in commercial talking about the song from the Odyssey.

[Jason]

This guy's in commercials and stuff. Yeah, I just now looked up his face.

[Ryan]

You guys want to do podcast business?

[Serber]

Sam to the shutdown.

[Spencer]

Full cast. You're listening to the Internet's only College Football Podcast. 33 minutes in and change. You're getting the intro. I'm Spencer hall, joined always. Bye. Jason.

[Jason]

Kirk. Hello.

[Spencer]

Holly Anderson. Ryan, Nanny.

[Serber]

Happy SEC Media Days week.

[Spencer]

This is the SEC Media Days week, and we're gonna talk about it.

[Jason]

Break it down. Everything important.

[Spencer]

Bring down all the. All the big news.

[Ryan]

Talk about a odyssey that's you want

[Spencer]

to talk about being way late? You want to talk about.

[Ryan]

You want to talk about being stranded at the beach?

[Spencer]

You want to be stranded at the beach, baby?

[Ryan]

Stranded at the worst Beach.

[Jason]

Took me 20 years to get back to Tampa. Yeah, there I was. There I was on the beach with Charlize. There on. It was only the drugs that made me stay there. I swear, honey. I swear.

[Serber]

As if.

[Jason]

That's better.

[Ryan]

I was in Banana Republic dick prison.

[Jason]

I just could not turn myself loose. Dang it. She had me cornered at every turn.

[Serber]

Anyway, how have you been? How was your day?

[Spencer]

I see you've taken up knitting.

[Jason]

You got a lot of friends.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Holly]

Cool.

[Spencer]

A lot of friends. Wow.

[Jason]

Who drank all my beer?

[Serber]

No, they. They referenced that.

[Ryan]

Tom Holland brings this up specifically.

[Jason]

You son of a. You drank on my daddy's beer.

[Spencer]

I came in, drank all my. Kicked my dog.

[Jason]

Kicked my dog.

[Serber]

Get me.

[Jason]

My God dang rifle.

[Ryan]

Started.

[Spencer]

Started messing with my stuff. That's it. That's also it.

[Jason]

Give me my rifle. That sounds like a banjo. An ominous banjo.

[Spencer]

He does the dad thing of like, where's my stuff? Somebody hide all their stuff for me. I can't face them with all this stuff. You gotta hide that upstairs.

[Jason]

Who took my trucking garage?

[Serber]

Who touched my drill?

[Jason]

Shut the goddamn garage door.

[Serber]

What do you mean you didn't charge the battery?

[Spencer]

That's a Makita.

[Holly]

Take care of it.

[Spencer]

Paulobus is like dewalt for life.

[Serber]

Get your goddamn Riley. Hands off my tools.

[Jason]

You ever gonna talk about this damn song?

[Ryan]

All right, so what song?

[Spencer]

So fish hunt, golf, drink. We've now done a 30 minute infomercial for this.

[Ryan]

35.

[Spencer]

35. You're welcome.

[Serber]

This is either extremely effective or extremely ineffective marketing for this song. I can't decide which because there is some portion of the audience like it. I'm just gonna go figure out what it is.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Jason]

And they're gonna go to the material.

[Spencer]

They're gonna think. The thing that I think, which is that this has been.

[Ryan]

Is he mca? What label is he?

[Spencer]

Good Lord, who knows?

[Ryan]

Oh, his capital. Okay. Capital checks. Ryan down. Ryan, when you. When you go see our fine friends at Capitol. Yeah, Capitol Nashville. Yeah, Just pick up our checks.

[Serber]

I'll have words.

[Jason]

He's from Edison, Georgia. That town I'd never heard of. Then went to Georgia Southern.

[Spencer]

Yeah. And he has. He has resting shark face. Like, if you look at him, he looks like a guy who's just gone. Oh, no.

[Jason]

Like, he definitely ate a salad.

[Serber]

Damn. Damn. The Comments on this YouTube video are not Good.

[Ryan]

Of the song.

[Serber]

It's the music video.

[Ryan]

Yeah, there's a music video.

[Serber]

I'll just give you a few. It's like Coco Melon for Hicks as a silverback gorilla climbed tree. Really resonated with me.

[Jason]

I like that Ryan is telling us about this song before Spencer is.

[Spencer]

That's good. Yeah. So I'm really only mad, by the way, at Luke Bryan for existing and for people who thought this was like a sure dunk because I don't trust Blue sky anymore. Because like, like as again, as a foremost researcher of Jean Short Cutie music, this is like the most harmless, innocuous version of it. This is. This is a standard country song. Like, this is the. Because we only get the dumb.

[Jason]

We only get the dumb blue sky. We're freaking out. Like, this is right.

[Spencer]

They're like us. Listen to this garbage. Yeah, Peace poor through the World Cup.

[Jason]

Now listen to this garbage first. They need their hydration breaks

[Spencer]

chicken.

[Ryan]

This is an attack. I swear, I'm not playing this as an attack on anyone but Canada.

[Spencer]

Yeah, but yeah, like, oh, of course.

[Jason]

It's a song about guns.

[Spencer]

I was like, this is.

[Ryan]

I was like.

[Spencer]

I was like, this is a very.

[Ryan]

Doesn't say what they killed him with.

[Serber]

Straight.

[Spencer]

True. But this is a very corny ass chorus. And I was like, well, unlike people on social media, I'm going to engage the whole text. I'm gonna read the whole thing. Right.

[Ryan]

You're not wasting any part of this buffalo.

[Spencer]

No, I'm gonna go ahead and dig in and this fish.

[Jason]

This buffalo.

[Spencer]

This is the most.

[Jason]

This buffalo.

[Spencer]

This is a country song that's been written like 3,000 times. This is the like, hey, I got all this work and stuff to do, but if I wasn't working, you know what I'd be doing? I'd be fishing, hunting, golfing and drinking. It's the most. They've been writing this song for 50 years minimum. Right. And the great turn from country for being like, at one point, country music is about. Things are really fucked up in my life and I'm very sad or I'm being chased by the authorities. Right. Or occasionally I've been committed to a mental institution. There's a Porter Wagner song called Rubber Room that is about being committed to a mental institution. And it's one of the weirdest country songs you'll ever hear.

[Ryan]

But sometimes this. These themes can yield rich fruits, such as when T. Pain tackled them in his song about trucks.

[Holly]

Yeah, I think there's also. It's not also always something bad. Like just about driving trucks and loving the road. There's plenty of that, right? Being a late night DJ and having a lady you're looking forward to call every night. You know, things like that, they're not always. Things aren't always going bad.

[Ryan]

Spencer, you're the only one that's heard this song. Although we would have all had time to listen. Listened to it many times over.

[Spencer]

You've had time to record it in

[Ryan]

the recording of this song. So like. And you're saying that there should. That this. This should be allowed to pass.

[Spencer]

I. I'm saying that. I'm saying that there are or that

[Ryan]

there are greater enemies out there.

[Spencer]

I'm saying there are so many greater enemies out there in the Luke Bryan catalog alone. This is not. This is. This is something that they just bought and tagged on at the end of recording. This is a. This. This song is fucking harmless. This song is like nothing. This song is fine. It is like that.

[Holly]

I'm pretty good at drinking beer. It's like that one.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Holly]

Nothing.

[Spencer]

Yeah, that's not gonna hurt nobody. It's. Listen, this is just one of those. Hey, let's. Let's jump into the mind of your most median dad. That's it, right? Like stuck in my car, I'd rather be fishing. That's the song. That's the whole thing.

[Serber]

And so now, because I'm now stuck in the research for this. Thanks for this. Now I'm seeing Luke Bryan responding to people like calling him out with YouTube comments. No, imagine this appears to be on Instagram.

[Spencer]

Oh, better.

[Holly]

Where real men do their fighting from a locked account.

[Jason]

I dare you to meet me in

[Serber]

the comments where he says, I'll just cut to the chase here. Go get on a boat. Quit scrolling on your phone all day.

[Jason]

I mean, I mean, I mean, don't

[Serber]

make me defend Luke Bryan twice.

[Spencer]

That man looks like he just ate the diarrhea lettuce all the time. He looked like he wake up and want to die every day. And yet I'm sitting here telling you you could take better shots at this man. Because this song is like. This song is cake. This song is nothing.

[Serber]

This song.

[Ryan]

Faces of Woke 3 are continuing to puzzle me.

[Spencer]

Yeah, we got it. Listen. Do the reading.

[Serber]

Do the listening.

[Jason]

I think what set off this corner of Canadian blue sky which granted like there was always a chance that they would a light on beer truck song number one million and treat it like

[Ryan]

beer truck to do up there Jason. Because they've solved all their own societal problems.

[Jason]

I think it's the opening, opening line, if it wasn't for the tax man. And this immediately sets off in Canadian blue sky mine. Americans don't want to pay their taxes. Like, right. Like it's. It's a policy thing. It's a. It's a. You see what I'm saying?

[Ryan]

Yeah, it's like Luke Bryant for the Cato.

[Jason]

And everyone loves paying taxes. That's my Canadian accent.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that was good. That sounds like Wolverine. The only Canadian we know.

[Jason]

That's. Honestly. Yeah, that's probably what I'd go for if someone's like, impersonating Canadian.

[Ryan]

It's a strong pull. It's a strong pull and it's merciful.

[Jason]

Even so, I think it's extrapolating that it is unpleasant to pay taxes, which you could say leftistly, which considering what the government spends money on. So really I'm adopting Luke Bryan as far woker than Canadian blue sky.

[Ryan]

And to our Canadian brothers and sisters, again, that's the fight. You're gonna pick with us.

[Spencer]

Oh, yeah, this is. Listen again. If you're gonna stab, you have your pick right now.

[Ryan]

And always.

[Spencer]

If you're gonna stab. Yeah. Do it accurately. Also, you got the entire. You got the entire province of Alberta up there. Okay, I know which one's that?

[Ryan]

Is that the one with the fish?

[Serber]

It's the. It's the lady gate alligator.

[Jason]

Is it the Colorado.

[Spencer]

It's the. Yeah, we'll call it Colorado.

[Jason]

Is it the Wyoming? The Wyoming.

[Spencer]

Wyoming.

[Jason]

I think Nebraska.

[Spencer]

It's the Petro State. Yeah, it's the Petro state of.

[Ryan]

Wait. Oh, not that kind of Petros.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Spencer]

No, it's not that. No.

[Jason]

So the West Texas.

[Spencer]

Yes, it's the West Texas of Canada. Right. I guarantee.

[Jason]

You got to put this in terms of places that are real.

[Spencer]

There's some people up there. Fish, hunt, golf, drinking. Okay. In Alberta. Real hard. Also, I like the comment that somebody says if you make a list, you can make some. That's always been your. Yeah, that's always been true. I quote the legendary Jay Z. Sasquatch, Godzilla, King Kong.

[Serber]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

Goblin, Ghoul, A zombie with no conscience.

[Jason]

Question.

[Spencer]

All these things have in common in their lives.

[Ryan]

Quick.

[Serber]

Area code number five. That's a list.

[Jason]

Ten crack commandments.

[Serber]

Yep.

[Jason]

That is numerated.

[Serber]

What's your fantasy? That's a list song.

[Jason]

That's a list of ludicrous has thought about.

[Serber]

Yeah, yeah. Of course they all wanted to. On the Georgetown 50 while Atlanta kicks a field goal.

[Jason]

Johnny Cash. Everywhere, man.

[Ryan]

Everywhere. Including the.

[Spencer]

These Americans are so sports addicted. They can't think of sex with a football field.

[Ryan]

Where's that?

[Jason]

DMX wrote a song that is just elitist list of women's names and that

[Spencer]

is the song Freak a Leak. What about Freak A League? All we're doing is we're naming ladies. That's it.

[Ryan]

Pablo.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Name of some states.

[Spencer]

Yeah. Shamika, Keisha, Tara, Shauna, Sabrina, Crystal.

[Ryan]

The Animaniacs nations of the world.

[Jason]

Damn.

[Ryan]

It's in the title for sake.

[Spencer]

How. My point being how your primary school like how half assed are you when Luke Bryant scores on you, you. You try to take a shot and look.

[Ryan]

Yeah, this is some like losing to Wake Forest.

[Spencer]

You're embarrassing me. Step it the up.

[Serber]

I think you should. I think the lesson here is you should not put more effort into dunking on Fish Hunt Golf, drink, then went into writing Fish hunt Golf. Like that. That is where you have. You have inverted things have become inverted upon you.

[Ryan]

And let me be clear. And I know that when people say let me be clear, they're about to say something completely full of. And you should absolutely take that to heed here. We are not here to scold our own readers for bringing us. It's there. It's. It's never ever a bad thing to maintain constant vigilance around people named things like Luke Bryan. And you got some reps in. You all did the right thing by warning us. And now we are reviewing the film. So I. I want you to take all this to heart. You did the right thing and now we've all learned a little bit.

[Spencer]

Yeah. I'd also like to point out that this song wisely includes four activities to do when hungover. Where you can poop in the woods seems very. I'm just saying this whole thing seems practical.

[Jason]

I mean, these days the woods make you poop, man.

[Serber]

Most. I will say the. The predominant theme of this list is Please don't talk to me. Please don't talk.

[Spencer]

That's it. I'm gonna go sit in a tree.

[Serber]

Please don't talk to me. Please don't talk to me.

[Jason]

I just read the lyrics.

[Spencer]

Oh, Denise, just let me go poop.

[Jason]

There's a lyric that's like, want to play 18 holes? It's like, yeah, better make it 36. I gotta be away from these people twice as long even.

[Ryan]

Listen, my cat wants to come in the bathroom.

[Serber]

Even if you're coming with me, please don't talk to me.

[Spencer]

No, don't take me back.

[Serber]

We're fishing. You gotta be quiet. We're hunt. I'M swing. I'm in my backswing. Shut the up. Here, put a beer in your mouth. So you don't talk to me.

[Jason]

Are you actually hunting? No, I don't want you to find me.

[Spencer]

I don't think you should make fun of a song if like 50 or 75% of the activities described as being desirable also sound good to you. You can't like, like fishing. Fine. That sounds like a great time, right?

[Ryan]

Sit.

[Spencer]

Do nothing. That's awesome. Hunting, Honestly, hunting is great because you don't really hunt. You just kind of sit out there and you're like, right, right. Well, I got a bunch of snacks.

[Ryan]

You ain't gonna hang out sitting in a tree with snacks.

[Spencer]

It's sitting in a nice chair and a comfy coat.

[Serber]

I just wish there was one.

[Jason]

Wow, what a provider up there working hard for us.

[Serber]

I do wish there was one. Zag. I wish it was fish. Hunt, golf, catan. Like that would have been really valuable.

[Jason]

Yeah. What now?

[Spencer]

Canada. Yeah. It is a social game resource hoarding.

[Serber]

Americans once again just obsessed with the longest road.

[Spencer]

One more road, bro. That's all.

[Jason]

Monopolizing our sheep.

[Ryan]

The longest road is life, brother.

[Spencer]

Hey, a Canadian told me once that it was a highway.

[Jason]

Okay?

[Spencer]

Life, that is. Listen to your elders. Know your own culture.

[Ryan]

You know, if we. These, all these country boys, these pro country boys would be so much better if we just mix the name of a large cat in between. In between their given and surnames.

[Spencer]

Yeah, this is. This is Puma, Brian Mittens, Luke Mittens Combs.

[Ryan]

Oh, I didn't think about that kind of cat name, but that's even better. Yes.

[Spencer]

Yeah. Jason.

[Ryan]

Jason Whiskers Aldean.

[Spencer]

Tuxedo Aldean. Yeah.

[Ryan]

These also risky, man. If I ever.

[Spencer]

Listen, Randy Frisky Travis.

[Ryan]

If I run into a guy.

[Jason]

Whoa.

[Serber]

Listen, that. That's a little too accurate.

[Spencer]

That's a little too accurate, brother.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I had. We had a long running theory on edsbs that Randy Travis was a space alien sent here to observe human interaction. Such was the basis for such a long time of his carrying on without visual. Invisible arm.

[Jason]

What did this guy do? What was his deal?

[Serber]

Travis?

[Jason]

Is he still around?

[Spencer]

Oh, yeah, he's old friend, you know.

[Jason]

I know. I know the name.

[Holly]

How many, how many times was he arrested naked?

[Serber]

Let's just go to that wick.

[Spencer]

Yeah. You know, when Tay K was on, they were like, man, Tay K couldn't do all those crimes. It turns out TK did all those crimes.

[Ryan]

Godamn.

[Spencer]

Randy Travis had a run like that with like public in talks. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[Serber]

Here's all you need to know. Several incidents in which the singular singer became publicly intoxicated were reported in the early 2010s.

[Jason]

Yeah, it was a trying time for America. We were all going through.

[Ryan]

I. I maintain that he was impervious to most intoxicants for most of his life because he is a space alien sent here to observe humanity's actions. But they made his voice a little too beautiful. Six gram. So this was him trying to. To. To Nerf himself.

[Serber]

That's right.

[Spencer]

Yeah. Otherwise unstoppable. I have a. Like the.

[Holly]

They.

[Spencer]

They changed it to They. A totally different song if we change

[Ryan]

it to also Randy Travis. Song of Lists. Lists of Things. My Love is. Is better than.

[Spencer]

Yeah, but totally, totally different song. If we change this to Fish Hunt. Golf Twink. That would be much different because like, you're. Most of the audience would be right there.

[Jason]

Then it's this little fella you take outside.

[Spencer]

That's true. Just a buddy.

[Serber]

He's peppy.

[Jason]

It's my small friend. He likes golf.

[Spencer]

He ain't football size, you know.

[Ryan]

Friends, this is just your caddy,

[Serber]

Luke

[Spencer]

Bryan, going out with this extremely charming, enthusiastic, thin gay man.

[Jason]

His name's Fish Hunt.

[Spencer]

Yeah. Golf Twink. Yeah, don't sleep on him. He is.

[Ryan]

Is.

[Spencer]

350 off the tee with a driver off the deck. Speaking of illegal supplements. Bonjour, monsieur.

[Ryan]

Oh, even better.

[Spencer]

France Comos. Yeah. What's up?

[Holly]

Went crazy all of a sudden.

[Ryan]

Serber. We heard about crashes. There have been crashes.

[Holly]

Big crash. Bad crash. Yeah. Jonas Finger Go is the only guy to ever beat Toddy Pogachi on the Tour de France. He was sitting second. He's only ever finished first or second in the Tour de France. He crashed out of the race on Sunday afternoon about 20k from the finish.

[Ryan]

Oh, geez.

[Serber]

Broke his collarbone.

[Holly]

Broke his collarbone. Very sad scenes of him climbing into the ambulance. The climb is kind of the. The approach to the climb is kind of calm for a moment as everyone processes this information. This opens up the podium battle to. To a point that we haven't seen in quite some time because with Jonas, who was two minutes, two and a half, maybe three minutes down on Pogacha at that point. Everyone else was around four minutes down, but more importantly, they were within about 30 seconds of each other. I think fourth to ninth or fourth to 10th at that point was separated by merely 45 seconds. So that made the opportunity to finish second or third, which is kind of career defining for a Lot of riders, especially those who target the Grand Tours to finish even second or third, maybe top five in the Tour de France is a career defining moment. So big opportunity opens up there. Isaac del Toro is the young Mexican teammate of Tadipogacha. He was best placed to kind of take advantage of the unfortunate events that happened. He kind of sits Pogachi's will with Remco, even a Pole all the way up that stage. Remco actually out duels Pogacha at the top of the mountain, wins the stage consequentially. Consequently, Evan Pole also won today's time trial stage by 38 seconds over Pagacha. Interesting. And that he's, you know, four and a half minutes adrift of today right now, but like has really no true chance of winning this Tour de France, but has now put about two and a half minutes between himself and Isaac del Toro as the closest rider. I believe I'm going off memory on these time splits now, but significant time between he and Isaac del Toro, between dropping him on the climb and then also putting over a minute into him. I think today in the time trial, the interesting thing that I need to go back to about Yonas Vinga go. And I'm. And it leads me to an opportunity to shit on Lance Armstrong, which I always like an opportunity to do.

[Spencer]

Let's bring it.

[Holly]

Jonas Vingigo and Tati Pogacha, the night before Jonas Vinago crashes, are woken in the middle of the night by an anti doping control.

[Ryan]

I heard about this at like 2 and 4 in the morning, 2 and

[Holly]

5am why did it twice? So Toddy Pagacha at 5am was awoken to be tested and Jonas Vingigo was awoken to be tested at 2am it was funny. The next morning they were interviewing the all the leaders, one of which of course Tygotch is like, well, what did you think of this? He's like, it's kind of crazy. I think I would have preferred to have been visited 2am because this was awesome. He's like, I go to sleep after midnight anyway. The dude who's just like destroys everyone in cycling is like, yeah, I'm up till 11 in the morning usually and I sleep in. So he was like, I just had to stay up for four hours after they woke me up at five, but maybe if they'd have come at two, I would be able to go back to sleep.

[Spencer]

Sleep.

[Holly]

But the. A lot of people are now kind of positing the idea that perhaps being interrupted in the middle of the night in the world's toughest bike race.

[Ryan]

Serber, didn't you say this to us the morning after it happened, like before the crash. But after this you were like, you said something. I feel like you said something in a chat that was like, just like a, like it was like a throwaway moment of just like, man, it couldn't be clearer. They're really trying to fuck this guy over because they're mad he's made the race boring.

[Holly]

Yeah, there was a little bit of. You might have saw that with someone else, but there, I think there definitely was some gamesmanship that was assumed from the French. But it's worth noting this doping agency I don't think is a French doping agency. It's the world. They cover all sport.

[Spencer]

No water fucking sucks, man.

[Holly]

Yeah, it's not WADA specifically, it's not the World Anti Doping Agency, but it's an organization that covers sports beyond cycling. I believe I could be wrong about that, but I'm pretty sure it's beyond cycling. And the agreement in place is that between the hours of 11pm and 6am you won't be tested. But under unforeseen circumstances you can be tested.

[Ryan]

So as sucks.

[Holly]

Which. And, and, and it does.

[Ryan]

Doesn't like it doesn't matter. They can argue that later, but they already woke you up.

[Holly]

But here is the thing that I think a lot of people are missing on it. And it was the thing that was infuriating for me when I walked downstairs to my basement where I'd watched the Tour this morning. The TV was still going and Peacock, they pissed. They've picked up this piece of shit show called the Move with Lance Armstrong covering the day's races.

[Spencer]

It's a lot like, it's a lot like it's one of these multi, multi athlete desk shows, right?

[Holly]

Oh yeah, it's Lance Armstrong. Bradley Wiggins, who won the Tour de France in 2012 or 2013. I'm blanking on which year he won it, but he basically there was some controversy with he and Chris Froome who ended up taking over leadership and being the guy. But he was the first British winner of the Tour of this generation maybe ever, I'm not sure. But he's on the show with him. A convicted doper, George Hincappy is also on the show with him who is in generally all around nice guy everyone perceives. But he's also Lance's right hand man and a convicted doper, admitted doper, one of the worst dopers. And he wound up on the, he wound up Winning Perry Roubaix dope to the gills. So it's infuriating to watch them this morning as they're like, well, I don't understand why it has to be like this. NBA guys only get tested. They literally said NBA guys only get. They said NBA guys only get tested four times a year and they have two weeks notice. I don't know if that's true, but if it is, fine. Who gives a fuck? The NBA doesn't have a history.

[Ryan]

Created such a hyper vigilant.

[Holly]

They were literally act like, I don't

[Ryan]

understand costumes while they said this.

[Holly]

I'm yelling at my screen like, are you a George? It's because of you. You are the reason why they are doing this. You are the reason why Jonas Finger.

[Ryan]

Go.

[Holly]

Go. Woke up at 2am in the morning, not anyone else.

[Ryan]

This is tough for business reason reasons too, because like the entire point of you having that show is that people know who you are.

[Serber]

So.

[Holly]

Yeah, but peacock is 100. Like, you know, be coy about it. Be coy about the fact that you actually never won a Tour de France because you cheated your way to seven of them.

[Serber]

What do you got, Ryan Server? Did you see what Jonathan Vaughters had to say about this?

[Holly]

I would love to know because he's always got something quite Ryan. So, you know, he is the man.

[Serber]

He's the manager of one of, I think it's one of the American teams

[Holly]

in the EF education. He's also a former doper.

[Serber]

Yes. And he isn't. He has admitted he is, but he

[Holly]

has been dedicated to anti doping in the peloton since basically coming clean.

[Serber]

So he posted on Twitter on Monday. Yeah, it would have been Monday even. Yeah, he posted on Monday and he said, I don't post here much, but I'll roll this grenade down the aisle. 2:00am Testing is one of the very effective ways to prevent peptide and Testosterone microdosing. If UCI, the agency in question, had tested us in 2001 at 2am, we'd all have been suspended and saved the sport 25 years of trauma.

[Ryan]

Wait, well, so wait, is the. Is the thinking there? That is the thinking there. And I recognize there's no way to ascribe this like 100%, but is the thinking there that they, okay, we'll test them at 2am then immediately they're going to turn around and do their night night meds. So we test them again at five.

[Holly]

No, no, they only. They were only. Jonas was tested at 2 and Toddy was tested at 5. They were only Tested.

[Ryan]

Okay. I misunderstood this the whole time because whatever headline I read made it sound like the same riders were woken up at 2 and then again at 5.

[Holly]

Now it's worth noting now I think to get into this a little bit more though, the consequence this is once again, I'm saying that these tests should happen. Yes, I'm saying these tests should happen and they should happen whenever the fuck they want to come into. Bang on your door. This is part of the deal of being a professional cyclist. It's a privilege to do that thing.

[Ryan]

Safety issue at some point though.

[Holly]

I get it. And it is for this reason too. Last night at 10 o', clock, riders at red Bull Bora Hansgrohe, the team of Remco Ev Napoleon were the door. Their doors were knocked on at 10pm, which is not 2am but still very late. It's still very late. And the recovery, the, the, the need for recovery during this race is insane. There are, there are, I think, I can't remember the Italian rider it was, but supposedly he would get to a hotel and if they had placed him on the second floor, he would refuse to enter until they had moved him to the first floor because he would not climb stairs. He said it was bad for his recovery. And like they are definitely, they definitely think this way. So like, it's a mental problem. Florian Lipowitz, who was fifth in the Tour and the teammate co leader of Rimco Evnable place second, slid out on a time trial today and broke his collarbone. He's out of the Tour. So I think there is some consequence to this. If it happens to you, then like perhaps your, your recovery is interrupted. But. And I think if you're in the peloton now, you perhaps have every right to say this is bullshit. It's not fair. Even Remco was like, they shouldn't be able to do that. And he was not.

[Ryan]

The 11pm to 6am window even exist if they can claim extenuating circumstances. So it's because I'm guessing if you file, if you have to like register some sort of grievance against the time you were woken up, it has to be done after the fact and you're already awake and your sleep cycles fucked

[Serber]

at that point, from what I have read, it's not. It is in the extenuating circumstances, more or less. We have reason to believe, believe you are doping or are about to. Like, it's more or less like we have a search warrant for your blood.

[Ryan]

But they can say that at any time. So like, why even Like, I guess my question here is, why even bother with the, sorry, window dressing of having a window there where you supposedly don't have to deal with this?

[Holly]

It's for that. It's for that only window dressing. Like, and I'm sure the. The writers, like, the. The writers like association is, like, not cool with it, but, like, this is the consequence of what it is. Now, I think every writer has the right to say, like, this bullshit. We shouldn't have to deal with this. I think the sport has come a long way, hopefully. Unless there is some revolutionary new doping that is going on. I don't think they're blood doping with epo like, they.

[Ryan]

Well, but as long as there is, and as long as there's revolutionary doping, there's going to be revolutionary anti doping. Like, this is. This is a chase.

[Holly]

But, yeah, this is. This is a sport that is uniquely positioned when it comes to this stuff and they kind of just have to eat shit when they're handed it.

[Serber]

Look, I will admit I've been playing too much Metal Gear lately, and maybe that's why this sounds great. And I will also admit that what I'm about to propose is hugely invasive from a privacy perspective, but I think as long as we keep it confined to participants in the Tour, that's okay. I feel like we should just have nano machines in the writer's blood that can sell at all times. You can just sort of type in code and say, this is what rider's blood looks like.

[Ryan]

Nano bike bots. Of course.

[Serber]

I know. I know that the science in Metal Gear Solid is solid. That's. It's in the name,

[Spencer]

famously.

[Holly]

So they wouldn't be allowed to call it.

[Serber]

They wouldn't. Yeah. It wouldn't be a documentary video game series if it wasn't true, people. So, like, I don't know. That's just. My feeling is we should just be able to sort of like, boop, boop. Oh, this is what his. Whatever levels are. We can tell right now. Oh, he's smoking just like Snake does.

[Holly]

We are the. For the final week of the Tour, we're climbing Alpe d' Us twice. They've never done that before. Yeah, they're coming up.

[Jason]

They're coming up out the.

[Ryan]

Help us, baby cyclists. Not. Not cycling followers. Why'd you make that noise?

[Holly]

Alpe d'.

[Spencer]

Huez.

[Holly]

Alp Dway, I believe, is depending on the department of France. Some may say it that way. The.

[Spencer]

Let me give you a clue. First of all, Alpe d' Huez is first listed not As a stage in the Tour de France, but as a ski resort.

[Holly]

Oh, it's on the top of the Alps.

[Ryan]

Are they riding up it or down it?

[Holly]

So there's, there's multiple, multiple ways to go up it. They're taking the hardest way, I think the first day, which is stage 19, which will be, let's see, 16, 17, it was Friday, I believe. And then the next hardest way is actually up the. It's like the cold of Ceron, which is also another Alpine. They're in the Alps for this final week and so it's another Alpine mountain that they climb and then they like do a little dip down and then climb up to the top of the Alp Dua like again from a, like not the bottom of the out away. It's going to be crazy.

[Serber]

There's an entire book written about it, the title of which is the Tour is one on the Alp.

[Holly]

If it's in the race. It is, it is typically the, you know, put in like the penultimate stage or the final week. There are a couple of mountains that, that people shudder at when forced to finish on them. Alp d' Way is one. Col de Colibia is one. The Mont Ventou is another one. I. The Ventou is a little. It's like the worst of the climbs. But the way that they get to it typically is like a long flat run in. So that one's interesting in that people hit it and there's like 70 riders in the group sometimes 60 riders in the group sometimes.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Holly]

And then they hit that wall.

[Spencer]

For, for the, for the non initiated. Alp d' Wez is average 8% gradient.

[Holly]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

There are ramps that go up to what, 13%.

[Serber]

It's also got a shitload of hairpin turns.

[Spencer]

20, 21 of them. Them like.

[Holly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

That is worthy.

[Holly]

Yeah. You find the wheel, you stick to it. In the case of anybody in the podium, it's fine. Today's wheel or find Remco's wheel, find his act del Toro's wheel, stick to it as long as you can and then try and accelerate in the final K. It's just going to be a suffer fest. This race is already blown over, blown open because 41st place is over. Or excuse me, tenth place is over 41 minutes down. Our 11th place is over 41 minutes down. But yeah, it's not going to be close after this final week because Tade is going to try and help Isaac to a point, but then he's going to take away. He's going to like Take off in the final K every stage and get another 30 seconds.

[Serber]

He probably mostly wants him to be success for the white jersey, right?

[Holly]

Yep. And finish on the podium.

[Serber]

Yeah.

[Holly]

She wants him to finish on the podium in third. So, like, Pogacha is going to hold back some, but if Del Toro blows up, which he did in the Giro d', Italia, that he should have won last year, then Tade will kind of take the gloves off and beat Remco to a pulp.

[Spencer]

Yeah. Also, hey, a writer almost got hit by a car.

[Holly]

That was how that was possible. Yeah. Team And Aaron's been. It's. It happens more often than you would think. Right. Like, it's just like America. Like, there's. There's dickheads on the road.

[Spencer]

There's a guy who's.

[Holly]

There was a guy who was poorly.

[Spencer]

There was a guy who was just mad. He was just mad that the cyclists were on the road.

[Ryan]

Like, my commute.

[Holly]

Yes. It's worth noting, like, when the. When. When the Tour comes to your department, when it comes to your region, like, it shuts everything down the middle. It runs through the middle of your city, through your main street, and they close the roads and highways to get there. But the national spirit that surrounds the race justifies it and means that there's very little pushback. But just like here on Super Bowl Sunday, when people are, you know, or like, on the Saturday before Super Bowl Sunday, they're like, these fucking sports ball idiots are the reason I can't make my grocery store run. And they. They get you. Like, it's the same thing, you know. Busy listening to Luke Bryan. Yeah.

[Serber]

Oh, I can neither fish. No hunt, no golf. But I drink the Abbot Rink.

[Spencer]

I'm going to break my Rhinocleo directly

[Holly]

in front of your

[Serber]

ass bank.

[Spencer]

Eat bumper.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

This is. This hearkens back to a French tradition. You say the esprit of the Tour, where, you know, you go through the department, and everyone's supposed to be like, oh, clear the roads. Everybody has this civic agreement to sort of cooperate and make this happen.

[Holly]

And we're not gonna get like, yeah, right.

[Spencer]

And we're not gonna have like, 500 cops who make this all happen. We're just gonna kind of all go with the plan. And that comes from a time when auto racing was this in France. And France did conduct the first auto races, and they did so by doing this. All right, we got 10 rich guys in cars.

[Holly]

Let's all go.

[Spencer]

Let's all get to Marseille as fast as we can. Are we going to warn anyone? Along the way. Fuck, no. No.

[Holly]

I'm not warning a soul.

[Spencer]

Get out of the way, Mary Therese. Like, the people died.

[Holly]

That was the Tour as well. That was based on the Tour because it was earlier than the auto races, like, I'm sure. Because the Tour would be like, okay, you have. It's like, we're gonna go for about three or four days, and then we'll do another stage.

[Spencer]

Yeah. This was Raids. Raids were a part of this. Riders would pull off. They would just pull off into a cafe, and they would just grab wine bottles. They would just grab wine and liquor because they were in pain.

[Holly]

Yeah. They were all so mammoth. Yeah, give me a beer.

[Serber]

Song. Drink, drink, drink, drink.

[Spencer]

Apply the vermouth, the arsenic.

[Holly]

The Tour was won by hours for the first, I don't know, 20 editions of it.

[Spencer]

But the Raids, they would go in and like. Like, 10 cyclists would go in. You'd be having, you know, your. Your two hour French lunch, right? You're like, oh, my.

[Holly]

That just smell like pure ass.

[Spencer]

And these 10 dudes who smell like pure ass, whose eyes are wide open because they're on openly bleeding, right? And they're just shoving rat poison in their mouths and cheese at the same time.

[Serber]

Like a spare tire around their neck, right?

[Spencer]

Carrying a spare tire. They got a black eye because some Belgian was like, fuck you.

[Holly]

This is fucking crazy. The first year they tried to do the Tour, no one signed up. They were like, fuck that terrible idea.

[Ryan]

That sounds like work.

[Spencer]

But they. They would come in, they would take everything in the bar that they wanted. Everything, bread it, your wallet, whatever was there. They would just loot and they would get back on their bikes, and eventually, like, your domestique, or the team would come up and they'd go, I don't know, man. What did they take? What do we owe you? And they would just kind of have to hash it out, right?

[Ryan]

And we're back to the Apostles again.

[Spencer]

And that's. I think that bought them some goodwill because inevitably they were overcharged. Right? Like, how many bottles of wine? 73. Really? I have a gun and a big dog.

[Serber]

Just kidding. It was just.

[Holly]

And then I think there's a big part to play of World War II in it as well. Like, after World War II, the tour finally came back. That was like. We didn't. You know, we missed this. We had. This is a beautiful thing. Now we can, like. We can celebrate France, you know, any. Any opportunity to celebrate France, you know, and it. And it became their big thing. And still, I think it's the most Popular event in France. Unless, like, unless besides maybe the World Cup. And what was that, 2000 or 98? When did they. Yeah, yeah, I don't. I don't know. Perhaps that would be the only thing that really tops the Tour. Is the. Is France hosting a World Cup?

[Spencer]

Yeah, it's. It is. It is also basically an excuse to just sit and drink in the sun. That's right. What are you doing? I'm watching the Tour as they will go by.

[Holly]

Having cheese. I'm drinking.

[Jason]

Yeah, they went by for hunting. I am fishing.

[Spencer]

I am golfing.

[Holly]

Bring me my twink.

[Jason]

Twink. Twink.

[Serber]

Bring me my fish.

[Spencer]

Garon on twink.

[Jason]

I have my fish. Twink.

[Spencer]

Say hello, Philippe.

[Serber]

That's your Tour de France update.

[Spencer]

That's your Tour de France update. Yeah, we told you that if you want to start. If you want to start one of the greatest events in the world, all you need to do is convoy and break the law for a hundred years straight, and eventually you'll become a marketable, valuable resource to an entire nation. Hey, you want to do a little podcast business?

[Jason]

Speaking of valuable resources.

[Spencer]

Podcast business. What's that business? Podcast business. It's a business. Podcast business. Stealing wine from Jacques. We'll pay back later because we're on a bike and we can't stop and we smell like total ass.

[Jason]

So a few days ago, when a little film came out and it hit theaters, it's about. You could say it's about the Trojans.

[Spencer]

Sure.

[Jason]

They're. They're in it. They do some things in it. USC's. USC's social media handles did some like, all right, this is all about our odyssey. And, you know, everyone reacted like, yeah, y' all are in. Y' all are in this story. Yeah, in a way. So because of that, I just. Now I have gone to USC's page at home field apparel.com to see what the Trojans should be outfitted in for their journey to Ga. Get fooled by a horse. And I gotta say, they're gonna be looking really great. There's a hat at the. These. These puffy trucker hats I think are great. I have a few of them. This one says, fight on to victory, which is not what the Odyssey is about from the Trojan perspective. Really. There's. There's some cool old school stuff when

[Ryan]

you enter the story,

[Jason]

fight onto victory hoodie, which they could have used. I think it would provide at least a little bit of armor insulation. But regardless, you're gonna look really great. I think the shirt that I've come To. That really might have changed things. The. The George Tire Biter shirt. It's a scruffy little dog that says bite on. And as you of course, know, the. The Odyssey is a story about a dog. Ultimately, it is a John Wick story. And this little fella would have really.

[Ryan]

That dog wouldn't have thought that was a horse. He would have been barking Market is.

[Serber]

He would have smelled those people for sure.

[Spencer]

Yeah, they definitely smelled.

[Jason]

It'll just bit their asses.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jason]

I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. As the movie makes clear, they're on. On themselves and each other in there and. And George Tirebiter. Dogs love smells. Dogs aren't like, that smells good, that smells bad. Dogs are like, that smells interesting.

[Spencer]

There's like. There's like dead guys in there. That dog would have been like.

[Jason]

That horse would have smelled fascinating to George Tire Biter. And I believe he would have saved the Trojans from their fate. I guess the downside is if there's no Odyssey because there's no Trojan War, if, you know, blah, blah, blah, I don't know. I don't care. But regardless, if this dog had saved the city of Troy 3,000 years ago, then would the Trojans have ever been interesting enough for USC to name themselves after them? Right. Like, no one would really remember the Trojans. So ultimately, George Tyre Biter would have saved Troy but doomed the USC Trojans by. They would have been named, I don't know, the.

[Serber]

Something wouldn't even do. Football wouldn't even do.

[Jason]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, with George Tyre Biter could have ensured that, you know, Reggie Bush played somewhere else. Whatever. Regardless, I think, God, this would have

[Serber]

been great for ucla.

[Jason]

I mean, UCLA could have like. I mean, man, they might be in like the Big Ten or something. Like, they might have a daddy would. So I think if you are. If, if you are.

[Serber]

If.

[Jason]

If. If you are a Trojan and you think it would be cool if the Trojans had not been obliterated at the start of the Odyssey, then I think George Tyre Biter as the guy for you, this is the one who could have fixed it all. If you're a UCLA fan, then you'd like the alternate history where George Tyre Biter had defeated the horse. And you know, really, if you're a Notre Dame fan and you're like, what would it be like if we didn't play usc? Can you imagine that? Again, George Tyre Biter is the one who could have made that happen.

[Spencer]

Jason, thank you for inviting the vision of a person inventing a time machine. To go back and snitch on the Trojan horse.

[Jason]

To sic a dog. To set a scrappy little dog on the beach in a sweater and let him do what a dog does. I'm not putting my thumb on the scale of history. I'm merely returning George Tire biter to

[Serber]

his place of right, to the place

[Jason]

he was taken from.

[Ryan]

I know horses. Not horse.

[Serber]

Not horse.

[Jason]

Yeah, that ain't no dang horse.

[Spencer]

They're screaming at you, probably stabbing you with spears because you're yelling at them in this weird language. Pointing at us, pointing at a horse.

[Jason]

They're like, no, we're talking about a dog, not me.

[Spencer]

Yeah, no, I was saying you can send the dog.

[Jason]

The dog is barking weirdly. They're like, like, oh, that dog is barking like Californian.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Jason]

There was me and my kid a while back. Go to homefield apparel.com. me and my kid a while back were looking up how they write out like, dog bark in other languages. And like, they're all so great. Our favorite that has lingered to this day that we say to each other all the time, supposedly the French one is like, jape, jape. That's how French people describe dogs barking. Why is your dog japeng?

[Holly]

No wonder they haven't won the tour in four years.

[Serber]

They do have that dog in them. But that dog is very fancy.

[Ryan]

Another dog bit their tires. It's in the name,

[Jason]

someone's robbing your house. And shut up. That dog, it will not stop.

[Spencer]

That's my. Listen. This is my favorite Tour de France moment ever is when a rider hit this big golden retriever that was out in the middle of the path.

[Serber]

Path.

[Spencer]

And when he hits it, it's. You could tell, you're like, this is. This is a good eating boy, right? This is a good like, like it's one of those, like 130 pound golden retriever.

[Serber]

And when he hits Iowa, like offensive guard of dogs.

[Spencer]

Yeah, yeah, it is. And it wanders out and it's so happy that people are there visiting, right? It's like a bunch of people and you can see them. They're going, oh, no, no, no, no.

[Ryan]

And like amis.

[Spencer]

Yeah. And. And the dog is like, oh, sava, Sava tout le mans. And the biker hits it and immediately the wheel, the wheel tacos. Like, it, like, it's like, it's like the dog isn't even budged.

[Serber]

It breaks the physics engine of the bike.

[Spencer]

It does, but it gets smacked and the dog kind of like the bike goes flying over the dog. Dog is fine. Dog has no injuries. Bike going 25 miles an hour is kidding. And the dog is like, huh? And the rider goes like ass over tea kettle. Like eight feet the other way. And the dog knows something has happened but isn't sure what. And this is from the aerial cam, right? And Phil Liggett is narrating. And it's like, oh, the dog's looking a bit perplexed there. And the dog looks around like, oh, oh, something bad. What happened? What? The riders are like, oh, my collarbone broken. The dog is like, I'm gonna go take a nap. Star of the tour.

[Jason]

Just want you to know if you're a person who usually skips through the ad, and this time you didn't. But like, this time you didn't. Now you realize, oh, yeah, there was valuable content.

[Spencer]

More show.

[Jason]

So much more show. We should be sure to do this every time. Slip in. Go to homefieldapparel.com for lots of dog garments there. You know, lots dogs, horses, dog spots. You'd name the animal. Yeah, nymphs who will strand you on a beach. That should be a mascot. Probably Drug nymph.

[Spencer]

Drug nymph tweet.

[Jason]

I've decided to enroll at Drug Nymph University.

[Ryan]

Yeah, this is our.

[Spencer]

This is our.

[Ryan]

This is our student section. Dick Prison.

[Jason]

This is Florida Gulf coast drug nymphs.

[Ryan]

There's gonna be one of those Florida basketballs.

[Jason]

Whatever majors they got is the are mine. Homefield apparel.com [e-mail] shutdown fullcast we're doing a. Let's put like this. We're putting up multiple episodes at some point in the near future. We have solicited to patreon.com for your questions, episode ideas, blah, blah, blah. You know, obviously we won't get to all of them. You send in hundreds, hundreds of items.

[Ryan]

So much good stuff.

[Jason]

Yeah, there's plenty to work with. We're going to get two fun episodes out of this and then we'll see additionally how many more we get along the way. We're keeping track. If you can believe it or not. Multiple of us really do like making spreadsheets. So we are keeping track of these ideas. Patreon.com shutdown fullcast of course, as you know, After Dark starts in a number of weeks. I'm not going to count how many, but, you know, around the time the season starts, we'll see exactly when. But yeah. Patreon.com shuttownfullcast it's still July.

[Ryan]

We're gonna live forever is fine.

[Jason]

Yeah, that's. That's a problem for future me.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

Yeah. Well, keep this Quake.

[Ryan]

You should.

[Spencer]

You should subscribe to Channel 6, the newsletter that Holly and I write. Two things a week for the low price of $10 a month. Got some World cup stuff coming up for you. Got the last few offseason newsletters because that's coming up too. The free version that you can subscribe to for just your email. But of course you should become a paid subscriber because all the good shit's about to come down the pike. But college football preview stuff, stuff review column that we write, the top whatever throughout the year, on and on and on and on.

[Ryan]

A little something that's not Channel 6, but I suppose we'll talk about that next week.

[Spencer]

Yeah, well, just a little. Little something. Little bonuses for you. So.

[Ryan]

Little treat.

[Spencer]

Yeah, the. The. Listen, we broke. We. We broke the knob off the content faucet a long time ago. It's just running. Yeah, we could use some. We're gonna do a raid. We're gonna come to your house, we're just gonna take a bunch of liquor and then someone will come along in like three hours and be like, like, what did they take? Channel six. Subscribe. Enjoy.

[Jason]

I'm going to say that in an episode where we opened somehow talking about the Gospels and the apostles, I should probably like once a year plug the Vacation Bible School podcast, a podcast I do with my wife Emily. Our most recent episode is still the one that Spencer did over a year ago, but we have talked about getting around to recording a follow up episode. So, you know, it's a good time to catch up also. So at this point, it's all so old that you've forgotten listening to it, so you might as well go back through the Vacation Bible School podcast. We have a lot of fun talking about things that too often people don't know how to have fun talking about.

[Serber]

If you go to Phantom island, where you listen to anywhere you listen to podcasts. This week we have partial tape of Robbie Caldwell at SEC Media Days talking about inseminating Trump turkeys. That's all I'm going to tell you. Yep. Spencer's making a face of like, oh my God, you found it. We've. Yeah. With. With, with help, we have secured partial audio of Robbie Caldwell.

[Spencer]

This is history.

[Serber]

Vanderbilt interim head coach for 2010, clearly not prepped, talking about working on a turkey farm.

[Ryan]

Not just any position on the turkey farm.

[Serber]

Nope. Yeah, insemination specifically.

[Ryan]

I'm only interrupting you because I was in the wrong room.

[Serber]

So I learned.

[Ryan]

I learned Turkey insemination room.

[Serber]

I learned to say that Godfrey was in the room as well. I didn't know that.

[Ryan]

He's.

[Serber]

He's pretty sure he was sitting with you and Spencer. We have a whole episode about behind us.

[Ryan]

Richard Johnson was somewhere adjacent.

[Serber]

If you have no idea what I'm talking about. We get into it on this episode of Phantom Island.

[Ryan]

We didn't know what was happening either.

[Serber]

We have Matt Stahl from AL.com on to talk about how this tape has been impossible possible to find for years.

[Ryan]

Actually retroactively offended that I'm not in this episode.

[Serber]

You are now. You're the connective tissue right here.

[Ryan]

Gross.

[Serber]

Sorry. Phantom island show.

[Jason]

It'd be like that.

[Holly]

You can search for killer ants with a Z and listen to my music. Apparently people in Bond Germany are listening to it.

[Spencer]

What's up Bond?

[Holly]

What's up Bond?

[Ryan]

So much better than burn.

[Jason]

What? Do they have a Z in their Alphabet there?

[Holly]

I don't know. Does Germany have a Z?

[Ryan]

Yes.

[Holly]

Das does Z? Yeah.

[Jason]

No way. There's no way to know.

[Ryan]

No, they do. I think it's.

[Jason]

It's impossible. According to Google. AI. It's a Z, but it's AI, so that's probably not true.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Holly]

DASA Z.

[Jason]

Also it's apparently. Oh, right. There was a whole Russia Ukraine thing with this. We'll bail out of that pretty soon.

[Holly]

Gnarly. Okay. Yep. Listen to killer ants. We're rock bands. Forget your problems or think more about them. Actually, let us help you make new ones. Yeah, you got emotional problems. Check me out. Anybody else got business?

[Serber]

No, we got the store. Still, we should talk about the store real quick. Right.

[Ryan]

We did just send a fourteen hundred dollar donation thanks to a very generous matching gunner to the Transition Gender Resource center of New Mexico. You're welcome. That's proceeds from our PTKU merch collection at our exclusive merchandise shop which is available only at pre owned airboats.com real website, not a trap. We have other stuff in there too. We'll probably get around to adding new stuff in there one of these days. Or maybe not, because Ryan's leaving us forever.

[Serber]

You've. You've designed like the last 12 things that have gone in here.

[Ryan]

I know and I enjoy doing it. And honestly, if I had one part of this show that I would do as my actual job and I had to get rid of everything else, I would just make dumb stickers about this show. It does bring me a great deal.

[Spencer]

I don't think these are dumb stickers at all.

[Serber]

Graphic design is our Passion.

[Ryan]

It is.

[Spencer]

They look.

[Ryan]

We have, we really worked ourselves into a shoe re our love of graphic design.

[Spencer]

All right, I think that concludes boots podcast business.

[Ryan]

If you say so, boss.

[Jason]

So speaking of, let's see.

[Ryan]

Boisterous.

[Jason]

I guess it's tour. It's a tour, right? The old, the, the original tour. Yeah, tour day, Mediterranean, then in Canada, if you believe certain theories out there. Odysseus went to Canada. This is a popular thing. Apparently. So.

[Serber]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Who all has seen the big movie?

[Spencer]

I've seen the big movie.

[Ryan]

I've seen the big movie.

[Jason]

Ryan, you have not seen the big movie server.

[Ryan]

You have not seen the big movie Server?

[Holly]

No, I saw one from like the 60s. It was sick.

[Jason]

But was it?

[Holly]

I think so. I don't remember. I was like four.

[Jason]

It is really funny to me how few adapt.

[Serber]

Oh, you mean Troy? Do you mean Troy? Yeah, I saw Troy.

[Jason]

Okay, so, yeah, obviously a. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, this feels like the kind of thing where it's like, there should be like 18 adaptations, you know, and it's only, it's only a thing where like people can say like, oh, no, there's no brother. Where Arthur. Yes, we all know, we all know that was based. But like, it is very funny how few times this has been in a big movie.

[Serber]

I think we should start making up things. I think we should start saying like, nope, Battlefield Earth, that's space on the island. Odyssey. You didn't know. You probably didn't know it probably.

[Ryan]

The Odyssey itself, I suspect a lot of people looking at it and they were like, that sounds like work 100%.

[Serber]

They picked up, they picked up a book, a translation, they were like, nah, too thick. Can't work with that.

[Jason]

Too many. Apparently. There were a lot of filmmakers who thought, oh, it's unfilmable. And it's like, I mean, guy goes to a place and goes to a

[Spencer]

different place and I mean, it's, it's a mess. Like, like Homer's just. There's like a 40 minute period.

[Ryan]

Structure ain't been invented yet.

[Spencer]

No, it really, it really hadn't. Like, of course it's a mess. But like, I get it when somebody's like, well, if you approach filmmaking from the perspective of a normal person and you say, well, we have to explain why there's this monster in the rocks and a whirlpool. It's gonna fuck you up.

[Serber]

Right, Listen, man, we have, we are, we are living in a time where Dune and the Odyssey have successfully been translated into popular films that live. Lots of people watch you can't say anything's unfilmable after this. You cannot say it.

[Jason]

But like movies, monsters in a movie and people are like, oh my God, who would ever. How could there possibly. Every movie has a monster that comes out of the water and what have you. Oh, there's a weird guy in a cave. We can't possibly adapt this like a

[Spencer]

weird guy in a cave. Well, listen, we all can.

[Serber]

I tell you, Brendan Fraser's the Mummy much.

[Ryan]

Yeah, another perfect film. Can I tell you the cave produced my favorite part of the movie because the Ryan this doesn't like. I know that there's no such thing as this spoilers for, for the Odyssey, but I don't want to like, I don't want to like rob you too much of your good time, but that's okay. There's this. When they, when they first get to get to the cave, there is this one sheep who like, they, they follow this one sheep into the cave. And of course many more sheep eventually come. But this first ram that the camera follows into the cave like settles himself down by Cyclops little campfire with such assurance. And the camera lingers on him for just a beat. And I was like, is this sheep gonna talk? And honestly, I wouldn't have been mad if. But it was like it, it was, it was. He settled down with this air of like. It's like, what's up, sluts? I'm the mayor of sheep town. Get your asses over here.

[Spencer]

It's the most good evening sheep I've ever seen in my life.

[Ryan]

Like, this here is sheep country.

[Jason]

The movie really emphasizes this theme of like hospitality versus hostility. So like was if this sheep speaks, it could really go toward one of those, toward one of those directions.

[Ryan]

Hey, there's some house rules you should know about here in sheep town. Would have been useful.

[Serber]

We do things a little differently here.

[Jason]

Which one are you gonna fetch me

[Ryan]

my golf and my John T Edge? And I'm being eaten alive by a one eyed Gian.

[Spencer]

Here in the Ionian Islands, there are these men, they make meat.

[Serber]

Cyclops feta's made a little differently down

[Jason]

these parts, as you boys know. I'm gonna eat one of you. Despite being a sheep here.

[Ryan]

Again, a small dog, very helpful always. Yeah, not even a medium sized but loud dog. Very helpful.

[Jason]

I think for me, this movie, it resonated to anyone who has ever had the sense of wanting to get the fuck out of here. There is a lot of that and I think, you know, as a person who will always argue with nuance on the subject of whether the beach is good or not, sometimes the beach is the best place in the world. Sometimes the beach is the worst place in the world. This movie specifically is about leaving beaches. And I think I would argue that Nolan has thus surpassed even ultimate beach hater, M. Night Shyamalan himself, as the premier beach disliker in all of cinema.

[Ryan]

Because this is a very. This beach in particular for the guy who had.

[Jason]

For a variety of beaches. This is the guy who made the Dunkirk movie, which is. Yeah, this beach. This is the guy who. In Interstellar, the single worst thing that happens is by the ocean. For too long, we spent how much time by the ocean? This. And then in this movie. This movie, there were complaints from people who were like, oh, they used American English. They should have used the authentically accurate Shakespearean British. Matt Damon delivers one of the greatest. Matt Damon delivers one of the most appropriate lines in all of cinema. He says, we gotta leave this fucking beach. They're sick. They're sick of being on the beach of Troy. And they go to desperate. They take desperate measures in order to get the fuck off that beach. Then they go into a horse. The horse is itself stuck on the fucking beach. This is two instances already. If you. If you. If you line the story up chronologically, which of course, is Nolan. So it's not. But we have two instances with the two. First things that happen are people being sick of being stuck on the beach. Right? Then the journey begins, blah, blah, blah, skipping a lot of things. At one point of. As mentioned, Odysseus ends up stuck with the beach nymph Charlize Theron for seven years. It's horrible. Oh, it's horrible. She gives him. She gives him the greatest cushion in the world. Oh, it's totally horrible, honey. I swear to God, it was a vital, vital mission. I was. I could not possibly. Anyway, Panama City Beach Police needed me for their investigations.

[Serber]

You don't understand.

[Jason]

Before that, again, it's a Nolan movie

[Ryan]

because I was in pain.

[Jason]

She's just my therap.

[Spencer]

My massage therapist, he was investigating for sure.

[Jason]

Yeah, the weed lady was just my massage therapist. So before that, I was happy. Him. And the boys are really hungry, so they go to this island where they're like, oh, hell yeah, we're on this beach and there's all these. All this meat we're not allowed to eat. I bet this will go great. But the wind keeps them again stuck on that fucking beach until they're like, oh, no, we have to eat the cursed, bad meat. The one of the keys is to find the secrets to the way, blah, blah, blah, they have to go to the beaches of hell. Where by the way, Elliot Page delivers the hardest acting of the entire thing on the beach of Hell. But again, you're stuck on the beach of hell. And this is where there's the. Again the much mocked line from the trailer of Matt Damien saying, let's go. He's not saying let's, let's go attack. He's saying let's go. Get the fuck off this. Let's get off hell.

[Serber]

Beachly beach.

[Jason]

It keeps going. I feel like I'm forgetting several.

[Serber]

Can I, can I add one thing to this even though I haven't seen it?

[Jason]

Yeah, yeah.

[Serber]

All of the suitors at Penelope's. At Odysseus's house with Penelope, you know where they're not, they're, they're, they're all like, this is house.

[Jason]

We're not at beach house is awesome.

[Serber]

Oh, I love being in house

[Jason]

on the beach. And he's like, where the hell am I? The beach of Ithaca. Finally home. And he's like, where the hell am I? And then he's like, oh, I'm home. The The Odyssey has truly just begun. He's still got so much more work to do. He's on this beachy, this beachy rocky place and he's still got beached ahead of him.

[Ryan]

And how did he even get there, by the way? By submitting himself fully to the ocean.

[Jason]

Surrendering to the whims of Beach Poseidon, God of the beach. So in just three hours, half the movie is about being sick of the beach.

[Ryan]

Can I tell you too that. Okay, I found out something very important this weekend which is there's, There is something about Matt Damon that not everybody knows. I, I too was dismayed. I. I admit I was wrong about this. I too was dismayed initially because there was, there were lists of actors coming out, you know, a couple years ago who were supposed to be in this, in this Christopher Nolan movie. And they weren't saying who was who. I too was dismayed when I was like, Matt Damon is playing who in what? Not too long after that I had a realization where. And I think I even posted about this. I have receipts. You can go search my post for this, whatever where I thought this might have secretly been an inspired choice on Chris Nolan's part. Not just because of looking back at where and how he has used Matt Damon in his movies before, but because thing that not a lot of people know about Matt Damon. Do you Guys know anything about his family? Like, not his parents. His. His. His wife and children.

[Serber]

I know she's Argentinian because this came up during the World Cup Final.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Serber]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

He's been married to. He's been married for, like, 20 years. His wife had one daughter from a previous relationship who he then raised as his own. They then proceeded to have three additional daughters. Matt Damon has four daughters, all of whom look like their mom, who is herself a great beauty. Buddy, I have never felt an act. And he's not a Met. He's not a method guy. Like, he. He has done interviews where he talks about, like, working with other method actors like Christian Bale and what that's like. So this is not for him. No one, nobody else in Nolan's stable that I can think of, nay on earth, had the depths of exhaustion and aggravation to draw on. Like a man who has four daughters who are in their 20s. This man has not known a moment's peace for at least two decades. He has not had a full night of sleep. I heard it. There was a couple times where I just. Like, it was so you could tell he was just.

[Spencer]

He.

[Ryan]

He was digging deep and he was pulling all up. He's like, no, we can't land there. It's the sun God's island. Jesus Christ, who is not born yet.

[Jason]

I see what you're saying. Parent of that many kids. Like. Like, there's a moment and it, you know, blah, blah, blah. It's like, there's no way to spoil the story. But there are fun moments that. So when his guys are eating the cursed meat, he walks over and he looks down, and he is not so much in his, like. Like, gravelly Odysseus voice that he has cultivated.

[Spencer]

He.

[Jason]

It is Matt Damon voice. He looks down at him and he says, did you think if you dug a hole, the sun God wouldn't see you eating? Yes.

[Spencer]

Yeah, exactly.

[Holly]

That was one of the.

[Jason]

So resigned. It is so good. Like, he kills everyone in this movie. Kills it. But the moments where you see he's just playing Matt Damon are incredible.

[Ryan]

And, like. And knowing that, it made it a richer text for me. Knowing that he had the experience of. Of four dog, which is a very different pro. Like, gender is a construct. Four daughters is a different set of

[Jason]

problems than four, I think, because that incense. You're.

[Spencer]

You're.

[Jason]

It's not because, like, girls are more this or that. It's just more like they are all on a side.

[Ryan]

Correct. It is.

[Jason]

You are the lone person on your

[Ryan]

side not Only is it four on one, but in. In the overall balance of the house, it's five on one. And also you're so you're playing zone solo.

[Jason]

So, like, it would be the same as being the mother of. Of four boys and a.

[Serber]

Beyond that. It's also not. It's also. You can't. You actually can't do the like. Well, girls are this. You're like, oh, no. There's different armor types and classes and oh, you have these powers. That one didn't have these.

[Ryan]

That one's a fire spot.

[Serber]

You're a chat. What the. I don't know how to do this. God damn it.

[Ryan]

This one's weird in this way and this one's weird in that way.

[Jason]

Right.

[Ryan]

But also, like, ultimately, this one really

[Serber]

liked that and this one is poison. What?

[Ryan]

But also ultimately, like, when he. Like when he knows what. What is going to happen to his men and they don't, ultimately you will never be able to completely relate to them in a way because you have never. You have never been through. There are lived experiences that they're having that you're never going to be able to have. Chain yourself to the mask man.

[Jason]

Yeah, in a sense, it's very much like, I don't know about this one. Go ask your mom. But your mom is not around.

[Serber]

We're trying to get to your. We're trying to get to your mom. Okay.

[Jason]

If you would just let.

[Serber]

If you would just get off the beach, we can go to my mom.

[Jason]

Let me randomly charge in a random direction on the Mediterranean. We would possibly somehow get the gods to. If we don't have to stop at

[Serber]

us the bathroom yet again. We can get to your mom.

[Jason]

I swear to God, if you don't stop saying what you're saying, I'm going to go live with Charlize Theon for seven years. I willing to take that sacrifice.

[Serber]

I will pull this.

[Spencer]

I'm not the. I'm not the one who banged the beach nip for seven years.

[Ryan]

Can you imagine, like, there again, he can pull from that too. Imagine the faces of your four daughters as you pull back into the driveway having been stuck on a beach with Charlize Theon for seven years.

[Spencer]

Right.

[Ryan]

She doesn't even begin to cover.

[Jason]

This movie is very much about guilt. There's a lot of discourse about, like, how much of that is Nolan adding versus pulling out of what is already there there. And I think it is a very strong, very strong, well written theme. I think, you know, it's. It's an interesting choice Interesting adaptation. The image that you have presented, Holly, I think, really captures the spirit of the film. Like, I can't go home and face my wife.

[Spencer]

I. I have. I have an alternate comparison, which I think that. And this is. You say, hey, we've gotten an hour and a half plus into this podcast, and we've barely touched Football friend. But to put my hand right on that oven bang. Because the oven.

[Ryan]

Football in it.

[Spencer]

Yeah. This is. This is about coaching. That's what this movie is about. It's about coaching.

[Ryan]

It's about setting the tone and creating a culture.

[Spencer]

It's about.

[Jason]

It's about. And the word not necessarily good coaching. It's about coaching.

[Ryan]

I agree.

[Spencer]

Listen, what does he do? What does he do?

[Ryan]

First, here is a coach who has had to learn how to be a coach.

[Spencer]

And listen, first, Odysseus, you know what he is? He's. He's got. Got some good FCS experience. He becomes a coordinator at the FBS level. His coach doesn't care. Kind of a dick, right?

[Jason]

Bound for very much. A CEO who just wants to look cool.

[Spencer]

Exactly.

[Jason]

Agamemnon is head coach. Batman, Undertaker.

[Serber]

I'm a little worried that. I'm a little worried that Odysseus is Norv Turner. And the Trojan War is those, like, cowboy Super Bowls.

[Ryan]

He coached the Chargers, where you're like.

[Serber]

Where you're like, hell, yeah, look at us, we're champs of the world, baby. And then you're like, all right, what's next? And it's like, well, Washington, San Diego, Miami, Oakland, San Francisco, San Diego again, Cleveland, Minnesota, Carolina.

[Jason]

I'm getting some John Harbaugh here, where it's like, damn, what a big win. And then success of no, no consequence.

[Spencer]

My fine love is killing Trojans with my friends.

[Jason]

I can't wait to get 20 years of.

[Spencer]

Well, you.

[Jason]

That's kind of amazing how well you

[Spencer]

did, but just keep it.

[Serber]

Keep it moving, brother.

[Ryan]

She may have been visible, she may have been not, but we have all had those moments where. And not a word was spoken. But you turn your head and there's the goddess of wisdom, and she's looking at you, and if. And if her thoughts could have a caption, it would be in all caps 20 foot high on the screen, there would be one word, and she would just be saying, dude.

[Jason]

Really? Yeah. Like, there is the. The. The cast was talking about, like, getting praise from Nolan and how, like, how hard it is to really. Yes.

[Ryan]

The Zendaya.

[Jason]

And, like, it was. It was like Damon was like, the best I ever got. Was like, that's pretty good. And Hathaway is like, wow, I got like one awesome. And I felt incredible. And then they're like, Zendaya, she was just getting perfect. So she was like Gordon Ramsay when he like, oh, dear, oh, dear, oh dear. Like, she's amazing. Dude, Dude.

[Spencer]

Matt Damon getting the, like, you doggy.

[Jason]

She's in it for like four total minutes. She says maybe a paragraph of lines. She just. All she does is cut. Looks at Matt Damon and she's flawless at it.

[Ryan]

There's a. In one at one point on their press tour, which has been an odyssey in itself, but for real, God bless them. This is so many costume changes. Matt Damon and Tom Holland are doing a joint interview. I feel like this was for gq, but Zendaya was helicoptering in from Dune. Like, they, like, was having to fly back and forth. Yeah, Was having to fly back and forth to do all this. So, like, on top of like. And you know, she's got Spider man coming out this summer too. And she's flying in and out. And they're, they're there for much more of the time than they're. Because they're in much more of the movie than she is. But they're. They're talking about this one day. I forget if it was her first day. But Nolan is famously. He's not like a tyrant. Like, this is not a David O. Russell sky situation. He is famous for running extremely. We are here to work. This is a place of work type sets. Like, he, he plans out his shoots for a really long time. He knows what he wants with the shots and he goes and gets them. And it's, it's not a lot of. He's not a chit chat guy, right? And they've been shooting for however many months already. I think this happened in Iceland. Matt Damon and Tom Holland have been getting, you know, their usual little, little tiny kibbles and bits of praise from Nolan. And Matt specifically was like, you know, he won't tell you, like, you did good or that was good. You know, they'll call cut and he'll be like, all right, that's it. Next one he'll ask for another one. And then, you know, you know you fucked up. And if he doesn't ask for another one, you know, you keep it moving. One of the first days she was there, Zendaya had like flown in that day and done a scene and they ended and he was like, oh, magnificent. And Matt and Tom said they both turned to each other and they're like, has he ever called you magnificent?

[Serber]

No.

[Ryan]

And she left the next day. But he said for, like, the next week, they would just like it. Like, this was all told in, like, a friendly, jocular tone, but they would just. They would bitch at each other privately of, like, he didn't give me any compliments today. It was hilarious.

[Jason]

The other one I really liked, this was this. This part of that reminded me of this in the crowd I was in for. I saw it Friday night at the imax.

[Serber]

The.

[Jason]

There's a look that Anne Hathaway cuts at Tom Holland during her. Her big speech moment where he's talking

[Ryan]

about, like, I'm gonna run.

[Jason]

She shoots a look at him, and a dude, like, right behind me yelped as if it was a jump scare. And it gets better because this is people. During the trailer, when people were pretending to be mad about this movie, they screenshot this moment, this speech, and they said, oh, Botox face. Can't act, dog. She acted so hard, a man who wasn't even in the movie flinched and yelped about it.

[Ryan]

All right, I know the exact shot you're talking about. It was incredible. Like, her eyes are. And also, this is an argument for seeing it in imax. I cannot imagine how much harder that hits when the eyes themselves are 10ft high.

[Spencer]

I. I was. I was particularly taken by, like, the last. Like, the last point bit with this crew, because it's the point where I think from one perspective, you have Odysseus being told by the gods, very conveniently, these guys are gonna make it. You're. You're the only guy. You're the only real guy. They're just you. They're. They're dead. They're already. They're pre dead. They're just so dead. And Odysseus being like, oh, oh, oh, this is awful. How terrible. When you go from another perspective, his crew is like, this dude's a terrible manager. Oh, my God, he got so many of us killed. He tied himself and listened to the sirens for no reason. Like, oh, my God, this dude. Absolutely.

[Serber]

No, not for no reason. That's the real. I could land a plane.

[Jason]

Shit.

[Holly]

You know, it is the most.

[Spencer]

It is the most. Like, well, I smell bitch. Like, it is the most.

[Ryan]

Is the original built different?

[Spencer]

Yes, it is.

[Jason]

I would simply hurdle the whirlpool.

[Spencer]

That's the moment I quit this. Listen. That's the moment I quit the job.

[Serber]

Sorry to the gods, but, yeah.

[Spencer]

He's like, yeah, tie me to the mast. I got this. And you're like, oh, God, they gotta fire this. Oh, my God. He's so. We gotta have a better system of doing this. He's gonna get us all killed. He's like, I told you not to eat the cattle. And you're like, it doesn't listen. It.

[Jason]

It's all respect to the sirens, but yeah. That is literally what they do.

[Serber]

Feeling.

[Spencer]

Yeah. He shows up like, he shows up back home. And they're like, so where are your men?

[Ryan]

They.

[Spencer]

They were doomed.

[Ryan]

They.

[Serber]

They were all.

[Spencer]

I tried.

[Jason]

I will never all tell you the odyssey of how my men died.

[Serber]

The fates woven against them irreparably.

[Jason]

It's incredibly important that having arrived on this island, I immediately get the out of here.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Jason]

So.

[Spencer]

So the ocean was real mad. Was it something you did?

[Holly]

We could talk about other things.

[Ryan]

Things I believe your lying eyes are the relentless rage of the God of the ocean.

[Jason]

Poseidon was having a bad day. Is that my fault? Who could say?

[Serber]

Detective Stabler. I don't have to answer these questions.

[Spencer]

There's a lot of that. Right? He's like, so that was two years, right?

[Ryan]

Huh? Yeah.

[Serber]

Yeah.

[Jason]

So about the other seven.

[Spencer]

What about the other seven? Can I get some.

[Ryan]

Can I get some. Some water or.

[Spencer]

Yeah. I got to be honest. I was fresh.

[Ryan]

Fresh water.

[Jason]

Did you hear that over there? Robert Pattinson is doing something nefarious.

[Serber]

He Horny. Horny.

[Ryan]

I really wish you were in our screening when Robert Pattinson was camped out by the weapons respawn, shouting the names

[Jason]

of weapons that are so dude. Incredible. Like, there is not a lot in a Nolan movie that is camp. But Robert Pattinson was camping his ass off. He is in every sense of the word in that scene.

[Ryan]

I just love on a sidebar. I love that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart both got free of the Twilight board, got through all that mania and was like, we're going to make nothing but weird shit.

[Jason]

This gotta happen at some point. They gotta do a movie and it's. And it. And make it as weird as Robin.

[Ryan]

Put her in the next Batman.

[Serber]

I love it.

[Jason]

That's brilliant.

[Ryan]

When he's playing Batman, he's playing a weird little guy.

[Jason]

Make her his joker. How about that?

[Spencer]

It is such a thing.

[Ryan]

I think you and I are gonna do this forever.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Like.

[Spencer]

Like he shows up. He shows up as. As you know, the. The king of the suitors, right? Like the. The leader of the suitors. He shows up and you're immediately like, pervert. Yeah, here's a pervert.

[Jason]

I cannot wait to watch that dude get shot.

[Spencer]

Yeah. That's awesome. Is he going to do. Is he gonna act like a pervert and he just, like, cringes and you go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Serber]

Why does he have a long cigarette? That's weird.

[Jason]

Is he gonna say the word beggars like a racial slur and, like, just make you think. Think, I am going to relish this dude getting shot.

[Ryan]

He kicked the dog. And then, like, I made, like I was gonna jump out of my seat, like, stop myself.

[Jason]

It's like both. Okay. That is how you establish a ultimate bad guy. That is. It's like the, you know, Cheap heat. Yeah. But also totally in character. Completely validly in character.

[Spencer]

It's really a comedy of manners, this whole thing, because it's basically about having manners. That's it. If this is. Yeah, the whole thing's about manners. I think it's also a fight between PlayStation Boys and Outdoor boys. I think Nolan is like, the suitors are the indoor boys. They stay in all day, eat hot chip, lie, and play PlayStation. Right.

[Jason]

Sitting around running my damn light bill up.

[Spencer]

Can't even string a bow.

[Jason]

Leaving my damn garage door open. Oh, my damn AC blowing out into the ocean.

[Spencer]

Leave on my ac. Mess with my woman. Right. Rude to the lady of the house.

[Jason]

Running up a goddamn UberEats bill like you never seen.

[Spencer]

Hey, can we get Wingstop? Can we get Wingstop?

[Jason]

Can you wig stop. And. And Anne Hathaway the entire time is like, Jesus Christ. Zeus is. Who hasn't been born yet. Zeus is gonna smite me if I don't get these dudes more pizza and beer.

[Ryan]

And Hathaway herself might be playing a God in disguise in this movie. A theme of the movie for not personally murdering all the people around her who are like, I can't believe you don't want to one of these guys, right? Yeah.

[Jason]

Don't. Look at these glorious potential we've gotten.

[Ryan]

Okay. It is a mark of how good in the performances are that we have gotten this far into this and we have not even brought up John Bernthal, who I was prepared to laugh at.

[Jason]

He's perfect. I was like. I was like, he's gonna play King Punisher. Yep.

[Ryan]

Yes.

[Jason]

Let me tell you, Spider man, war is hell. Now what you gonna do is when you go home, Spider Man, I need you to kill all those who are trying to. Your mom, Spider Man.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

You know my brother, you know, I'm

[Jason]

gonna shoot this bird. Bam.

[Spencer]

He's too trusty.

[Ryan]

Until I saw them walking together through the olive grove. That he's even in this Next. Spider.

[Serber]

Spider Man.

[Jason]

Yeah, there's two. There are two Punisher, Spider man movies. They're gonna be one and two in the box office.

[Ryan]

Okay. And they, like, he comes on screen. Like, I cracked up when he got on screen, and I feel bad about that, but I was prepared to keep cracking up.

[Serber]

No, he sold it.

[Jason]

Everyone did an amazing job in this movie. There's, like, some memes about, like, oh, Tom Holland was being out. Acted like, no, in the house.

[Ryan]

Leguizamo is getting. I already feel like Leguizamo's performance is getting overshadowed. And this movie's been out for like, four days. He needs to. Like, awards are stupid. I don't care. He should win every. He should be buried in trophies.

[Serber]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Like, he should win every award under the sun. That was the best performance in the movie.

[Spencer]

He was great. And that's coming after the stellar achievement that Jon Bernthal pulled off of. A, not being John Bernthal recognizably, completely, but also being. And then B, time traveling Punisher saying the most eloquent. Oh, God, this would kill Christopher Nolan. I hope he never hears this. And he won't. And that's good. Doing the most eloquent these hoes ain't loyal speech I've ever heard in a movie.

[Ryan]

Okay, listen, Chris Nolan has worked with Travis Scott on two movies now. He's probably more literary.

[Jason]

Travis Scott is the first and last voice you hear, but I love having a rapper in that role.

[Ryan]

Yeah, Like, I wish. I wish it wasn't Travis Scott put

[Jason]

Andre 3000 in that role, right?

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

I was like, Travis Scott in a crowded room.

[Serber]

No, Andre's gonna bring the flu.

[Jason]

Oh, my God. Travis Scott. There's too many people in the room.

[Ryan]

Yeah. It was like. Well, that's how I. I forgot for a minute that he did, like, the. That he did the song from Tenet. I was like, oh, they cast him for his experience watching people being trampled who were just trying to have a good time.

[Jason]

I would say my personal. Like, if we're handing out six, six man awards, right? Like, not. Not lead actors from this movie. Elliott Paige from me. But it's so hard because everyone fucking brought.

[Ryan]

Yeah, there's no, there are. No, there are not. There's not a weak link in this.

[Jason]

See, I. We also got a shout out soundtrack by white boy of the century, Ludwig Gordon. He did the music from Sinners. Oppenheimer. Timid, like the Atlanta.

[Spencer]

He did all of the music for Atlanta.

[Jason]

Unbelievable breadth as a musician. And then this one is using, like, bronze Gongs and shit. Like, can we.

[Ryan]

Can we hold here for a second? Because I. There's one thing I want to talk about. My favorite, favorite part of this movie is I kind of think that it's beautiful that everyone has been mad. The worst people in the world have been mad for months. About Lupita, about Elliot Page, about Zendaya, who are in this movie for like 6% of the movie's runtime, but who still don't deserve a single slinger arrow that they got. But there is a bigger you to those people in this movie. And it's Travis Scott. It's Travis Scott whose voice is the first you hear and whose voice is the last you hear. Because we're going in and I'm like, oh, man, Travis Scott. What, are we gonna get a fucking rap over the closing credits? Yeah, we are. Guess what? So here's the thing that. And I saw some people floating around like. Oh, like the rapsodes, like the Greek storytellers of old. No, that's not actually where we get the word rap, at least as far as I know. I did like. Like, I did some fairly, like, not extensive. I shouldn't say that. I did a little bit of homework on this. Rap as it's used in English, actually enters the Oxford English dictionary as the striking verb, as in like, to strike in the mid-1500s, possibly also coming in from repartee. But anyway, I don't think it matters that there's not a direct causal, like, linguistic path from rhapsodes to rappers. What matters, and I think what is fucking beautiful, is that Christopher Nolan is parking a rapper at the start of the movie and at the end of the movie and pointing directly at him and saying, hey, here is the heir. This is what the heir to the modern heir to the oral storytelling tradition is. And. And I'm gonna make $500 million in one weekend telling everybody. So I. I fucking love that, man.

[Jason]

I love everything about that. Except just the. Except I think there's an even bigger you, which is in one of the scenes, one of the islands that sucks to go to, which is Matt and the boys roll up. Matt and the boys roll up. And there's way bigger boys there. All right. Then it's like the island of Giants. Oh, my God. How'd they do this? Did they film it with perspective? No, they literally found some seven foot dudes and put armor on. They found a bunch of wimbys and put armor on them. And then they had really short stunt doubles. Odysseus, stunt double. For part of this scene is a woman who is 4 foot 5. All right, so the greatest warrior in the history of Western literature and blah, blah, blah, was for at least a second, in the biggest ever adaptation of that story, played by a woman. Her name is Devin Dalton. She looks like a superhero compacted down. She's jacked as fuck. Damon said, she has the greatest arms I've ever seen. But like Odysseus, played by a woman. Fuck you.

[Ryan]

That's so cool. Yeah, Ryan, this is like kind of maybe a spoiler earmuffs or take your earphones off for a second. But, like, I say that, like, Lupita and. And Zendaya and Elliot Page are on screen for, like, six minutes. And that's like, you know, I get that there's wishing they had more to do, but also, like, you know, they're not on the boat. What do you want? They're not on the boat. Yeah, but he's not just. Nolan gets this criticism for some of the way he. He deals with female characters that I completely disagree with and. And will fight people over. And that's another three hours for another day. But it's not. The time that they get is not throwaway time. There's a. There's a shot where. The moment where he points the camera and he's talking about Sinon, and he's like, the finest young man I have ever known. Yeah, it's not subtext, bitches.

[Serber]

It's text.

[Jason]

And, like, the importance that you've ultimately realized the characters in Daya is playing. And, like, it's. It's not. It's not screen time.

[Ryan]

It's.

[Jason]

It is vital screen time. Right. And yeah, it is funny with Nolan, how much? Like 2008-2010, circumstances, criticisms, people just repeat them unthinkingly. Oh, he made a movie about Morgan Freeman, turns off the Patriot act once they kill bin Laden. Therefore, he's right wing, right? If people just repeat the movie where

[Ryan]

all the cops are bad is a concern.

[Jason]

There's one good cop that's right wing, right? And now he's made a movie where, yes, it's harkening back to something that is gone and that is, on a surface level, kind of conservative. But the thing that is.

[Ryan]

Wait, Jason, what is it that's gone?

[Jason]

Oh, you know, it's taking care of immigrants, right? Oh, what a right winger, right? Yeah, yeah, It's. It's just so unthinking, man. And ultimately, what a really funny Trojan horse this movie turned out to be for so in so many ways.

[Ryan]

Oh. And it's just like, I. I love it because it made the worst people in the world mad for all the wrong reasons. And it comes wrapped in so many other bigger things that they would get mad about it if they had an ounce of critical faculty, and they don't. And I like the movie.

[Spencer]

Or if. Or if you just.

[Serber]

Just.

[Spencer]

If you just didn't appreciate a movie that comes down to a bunch of guys being like, hey, mom, get us pizza rolls. That's it. Central. Central conflict in the movie. It's not between man and nature. It's between suitor.

[Ryan]

It's between man's inhumanity.

[Jason]

It's between man and manchild.

[Spencer]

That's a really good joke.

[Ryan]

I promise.

[Spencer]

That's it. Also, the cure to male loneliness is finding a terrible manager and following him to your death.

[Jason]

Death cure to male loneliness is hanging out with Charlize Theron Drug beach. He wasn't lonely. He wasn't lonely. He's like. He's like, how long are you gonna keep me imprisoned here, dog?

[Ryan]

That's the fourth dog.

[Spencer]

The Florida section of the movie.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Holly]

How long?

[Jason]

How long, foul witch, are you gonna keep me trapped here?

[Spencer]

I got a little habit. I was into piling up driftwood. I taking pcp.

[Jason]

Simply didn't have a boat.

[Ryan]

I really hate that. I mean, for a number of reasons.

[Serber]

Damn you, Janine.

[Ryan]

But I hate that song. I hate that song of the south was made by a bunch of insane racists because the concept of a brier patch and being put into one so good.

[Jason]

And we've never anything but Charlie there on beach. Huh?

[Spencer]

This is. This is what?

[Ryan]

Please don't put me in the Banana Republic drug briar path.

[Jason]

What Hell I'm in. Also this. The. The. The movie on the. The. The trailers before this movie. One is like, there's a horror movie where there's too many Jessica's chastains. And that's the. And she's very flexible.

[Spencer]

No, not her.

[Jason]

Oh, no.

[Spencer]

I'd better investigate this.

[Jason]

I'm a paranormal investigator.

[Ryan]

Jason.

[Serber]

Did you guys get.

[Ryan]

Did you guys get the dune clip before yours, or was that just.

[Jason]

Honestly, if we did, I was more thinking about, like, what if they were too Jessica chest? Probably missed entirely.

[Ryan]

See, see, these stories are timeless. They rest.

[Jason]

And then we saw the movie where there's two Lupita Nyongos. Like, what do you want me to think about, man? What am I supposed to think about?

[Ryan]

Hey, here's.

[Jason]

Now there's. Now there's two Florence views.

[Ryan]

She didn't Hatch out of a swan's egg.

[Jason]

Right? Yeah. This is not biblically accurate. She didn't. She wasn't born from Zeus's skull.

[Spencer]

Just the idea of you stun locked from multiple.

[Jason]

I mean, I don't really give a. About Dune 3. I'm gonna see Dune 3 anyway.

[Spencer]

It's just you with your hair up of Jessica Chastain's on Ass beach eating the lotus flower. And you're like, I'm broke. I can't afford this much sunscreen.

[Jason]

The two Jessica Chastains won't let me leave.

[Serber]

They keep tagging each other out. I'm fucked.

[Jason]

They got the. They got only the strongest weed we smoke. Way too tough. My lobster's so buttery.

[Serber]

I can't leave.

[Ryan]

This is actually what not a lot of people notice. This is actually what the Michael Bolton documentary Steel Bars was about.

[Spencer]

I can't escape this. More weed, Jason?

[Jason]

Oh, no. Too many Doritos.

[Spencer]

This beach is cursed. With what? Proximity to quality takeout and doordash selection.

[Serber]

It's like.

[Ryan]

It's literally the beach from, like, those Cialis ads. Like, if you pan up just a little bit further, there's two bathtubs sitting

[Jason]

side by side is always hard. Which I do believe was textually the problem.

[Spencer]

I think that was the. There's a. Like, last thing. There is a moment when Calypso looks at him and goes, you were happy.

[Jason]

And the subtext, there's like, find the lie, brothers. She's got you there.

[Ryan]

And listen, every good. Every story is. You know, every story continues on right after the curtain closes is the idea. And this is a smart idea for where to make an exit. Because please note that Odysseus gets Penelope onto the boat at the end. New boat. And we all sail happily to the sunset before she's like, so who's Calypso?

[Jason]

No note. Note. They sail west, which indicates to me that Calypso was east.

[Ryan]

I will order my men that away.

[Jason]

That away. Nothing to see over there.

[Serber]

Wait, there's nothing to follow you on Facebook. Don't.

[Jason]

Don't swear I blocked her. I swear I blocked the wheat nymph.

[Ryan]

Yeah, honey, I know you've been going for seven years, but this. This Instagram algorithm is crazy.

[Serber]

Yeah, it's weird. I got hacked.

[Jason]

My phone, mega hacked.

[Ryan]

Like, Barrett Sally's Instagram.

[Jason]

Like, my phone was turned into a pig by a whole other woman you don't need to know about. They didn't film any of that for this movie. But that happened, too.

[Ryan]

For a year only.

[Jason]

Only a Year with that one.

[Spencer]

Why do you have.

[Ryan]

For that one, I was like, okay, Samantha Mor.

[Jason]

Yeah, they sit down once he gets his. Gets his boys, which. That scene is incredible. That scene like, dude, that's another you.

[Ryan]

That's another you. The whole speech they get her to have with, like, they're not in disguise

[Jason]

turning pigs back into men, saying, okay, take off your disguises.

[Ryan]

Like, with. With the voice of like, the most patient primary school teacher.

[Spencer]

See, y' all were. Y' all were all at the end being like, oh, they're heading west to a new. No, he's gonna go pay. He's gonna go pay off his spiritual debt to the men. But there's nothing that can't take that boat back east. Ass beach. Two of them get along.

[Ryan]

That's why they call it the international date line.

[Jason]

You want. You want some beach drugs?

[Spencer]

Oh, no.

[Serber]

The world has spun us east. Oh, no.

[Jason]

Oh, no. Poseidon is angry.

[Spencer]

Just. Hey, what's she like? Oh, she's cool. I think you'll like her.

[Jason]

I think you'd like her really, really cool. Leave the boy.

[Serber]

She's.

[Ryan]

She's flexible. What?

[Serber]

I mean, she's relaxed.

[Jason]

I think you won't want to leave, right?

[Spencer]

You watch the house. House. We gotta go to Hedonism.

[Jason]

Spider Man's got that. Got the kingdom. Now you got this Spider Man. Me and. Me and Catwoman are gonna go. Also, the number of Nolan movies that are about. We finally made it home and we are immediately. Seconds later, get the hell out of here. Leaving with very specifically Anne Hathaway.

[Ryan]

Why does he put all.

[Jason]

There are three of these movies about. At the instant you're done, you go find Anne Hathaway and get the out of here.

[Ryan]

This is one of those. Those that. Man, I'm not gonna get into another three hour thing, but this isn't one of those like, oh, you think Chris Nolan hates women. Have you seen the way Anne Hathaway is, friend?

[Jason]

Hathaway is like the pinnacle of humanity according to Chris Nolan.

[Serber]

This. Honestly, this just sounds like a variation on the vacation movies from what you're telling me.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason]

It's very much every Nolan movie as

[Ryan]

I would have to look up which one first, but.

[Serber]

Yeah, yeah, right, yeah.

[Spencer]

By the way he describes. He has a very metaphorical description of what. Or he has a very, like, poetic description of what the sirens sound like. And this is why I want the date. Homer. Yeah, I know. Yeah, Homer. They sounded like pizza. No, he has this very poetic description, right? And this is why I want the Danny McBride version. Right? So what did it sound like the hottest chitch you've ever heard?

[Jason]

Hottest chitch saying the nastiest shit.

[Spencer]

Nastiest shit.

[Ryan]

Oh, man, the aeneid's right there.

[Jason]

Yeah, they're. They were saying it was sick. I can't even remember how dirty it was, man.

[Spencer]

Like, the filthiest ever.

[Serber]

I think if you're gonna give a classic work, I mean, kind of already

[Ryan]

is Eastbound and Down.

[Serber]

I was gonna say the Inferno. I would really like to see Danny McBride's the Inferno.

[Ryan]

Oh, my God.

[Jason]

With Jody as Virgil and. And he is. He is Dante. So that means he is the one populating hell, specifically listing guys Danny McBride hates.

[Spencer]

Yeah, it would be. It would be all of his collaborators, right? He'd be like, here's Bill Hader,

[Ryan]

here's David Gordon Green down here with the virgins.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Jason]

This is North Carolina Inferno.

[Ryan]

This is NCSA Inferno.

[Spencer]

No cheer wine may flow in any of these circles.