Metal Gear Sorsby 4: Guns Up

Summary

Shutdown Fullcast – Metal Gear Sorsby 4: Guns Up

Podcast: Shutdown Fullcast
Hosts: Spencer Hall, Jason Kirk, Ryan Nanni, Holly Anderson (with Michael Serber on the ones and twos)
Date: June 10, 2026

Overview

This episode dives into two highly idiosyncratic yet culturally intersecting worlds: the bizarre genius of Hideo Kojima's Metal Gear series and the spiraling saga around Texas Tech quarterback Brendan Sorsby, NCAA enforcement, and college football’s ongoing brush with chaos. The crew, energized by Ryan’s Kojima-fueled brain and the week’s college football scandal, mines both topics for their tangled logic, frustrated systems, and accidental comedy. Tone: irreverent, analytical, and gleefully absurd.

---

Main Themes and Discussion Segments

1. Metal Gear, Kojima, and Brain Rewiring

[00:00–11:16]

• Kojima Brain: Ryan has been deep in replaying the Metal Gear games, admitting "it's really rewiring me in some interesting ways" (00:15).
  • Spencer compares this to “benign AI psychosis” and predicts Ryan will see mystical meaning everywhere: “Dude, it’s unlocking the 98% of my brain I normally don't” (00:22).
  • Ryan: “I'm lucying myself” (00:30), referencing Lucy and supposed unused cerebral capacity.
• Meta Commentary on Metal Gear:
  • The games’ mix of dense philosophical themes, jank gameplay, and self-referential absurdity: “It just feels…like varying degrees of having a high fever and taking a lot of cough medicine.” – Spencer (04:07)
  • Jason: “Like, eight college lectures all at once with a fart joke.” (04:27)
• Favorite Metal Gear moments and motifs:
  • Jason and Spencer both declare MGS V as their favorite, despite criticisms that it’s unfinished: "Don't you know it's not finished? I'm like, it looks finished to me." – Jason (01:55)
  • The team lampoons game mechanics: sedating bears and sending them into the sky, tapes of bowel movements as stealth strategy, and enemy distractions via cardboard glamour models.
  • On in-game absurd sexualization: “These are games that are not horny but they are sexual. It’s very hard.” Ryan (07:40), “Nothing about this is erotic, but it’s horny.” – Jason (07:45)
  • Kojima as a subversive within Japanese culture: “I am sending up a desperation signal... I, Hideo Kojima, demand the thickness…I'll put a thick ass in a video game. All 32 polygons of it.” – Spencer (08:07)
• Kojima compared to College Football Coaches:
  • Both are masters of attaching accidental brilliance to random happenstance: "If you go to Kojima... he'll be like, 'perhaps that is part of the context.'" – Spencer (09:49)
  • Jason on Kojima: “He graciously gives us glimpses of how smart he is, but he humbly understands that we can never be on his level” (10:02)
• Imaginary Kojima Ideas: Fantasizing about the games Kojima never makes – “Fart Wizard 3000...Butt Smasher 5…General Butt Hammer Man...Punished Ben Franklin” (10:33–12:00).

Key Quotes

• “Every single one of his games feels like varying degrees of having a high fever and taking a lot of cough medicine.” – Spencer ([04:07])
• “Like, eight college lectures all at once with a fart joke.” – Jason ([04:27])
• “I'm lucying myself.” – Ryan ([00:30])
• “I'll put a thick ass in a video game. All 32 polygons of it.” – Spencer ([08:07])

---

2. The Brennan Sorsby Saga: College Football, Gambling, and NCAA Chaos

[13:40–62:29]

• Sorsby’s “Medically Necessary” Football:
  • Sorsby’s eligibility at Texas Tech is protected by a court injunction, with a judge ruling that it’s “vitally, critically important that this young man must play as much college football as possible, medically necessary” – Jason ([14:17]).
  • Heavy references to Speed and Crank as metaphors for his forced participation: “If he is ever not playing college football specifically for the Texas Tech Red Raiders, we don't want to know what's happening. But it's the only thing holding back dark forces.” – Jason ([14:20])
• Absurd Stakeholders:
  • The team skewers reactions from major college football power brokers, schools refusing to schedule Texas Tech in protest (“Really? Georgia declared that they wouldn’t schedule Texas Tech. Really?” – Holly [17:48]), and overreactions by the NCAA (“With what? With what? There’s a hole in the bucket, Dear” – Holly [21:16]).
  • Widespread mockery of conference and school virtue signaling: “Thanks, guys. Nebraska leading the way in the Big Ten as always.” – Jason ([20:05])
• Legal System as NCAA Arbiter:
  • Courts replace the NCAA as rule-enforcers, with rulings now determining eligibility timelines and consequences (“If you become a judge because you were a lawyer and you had to do all that before and now you don't want to do. Now you're like, no, it's my calendar.” – Ryan [28:31])
  • The farce of rapid, haphazard rulings and their disparate impact.
• The NCAA’s Place in the Modern Game:
  • General agreement that NCAA's authority is performative and incompetent—“It has not legally designed itself as a thing that can do anything.” – Jason ([22:13])
  • Parallels to broader NYC labor, workplace, and legal ambiguity, and comparisons to “bitcoin bros realizing they need a Federal Reserve” for sports governance ([23:13]).
  • Ubiquitous gambling ties in broadcasts, undermining NCAA’s high-minded bans.
• Big-Money Boosters: Cody Campbell:
  • Segment lampooning Texas Tech booster Cody Campbell, characterized as both savior and villain, and at the core of a wild, possibly (not at all) plausible conspiracy fantasy: “That diaper is full, buddy.” – Spencer ([39:49])
• Riffs on Sorsby Himself:
  • Sorsby’s mixed record (“Not a very accurate quarterback” – Spencer [46:42]). The likelihood that much of the attention is less about Sorsby, the person, than about being a vessel for larger chaos.
  • The panel speculates that those fighting for Sorsby are more interested in breaking NCAA precedent or gaining leverage than helping his gambling addiction.
  • The impending circus of televised Sorsby games, with a predicted tug-of-war between moralizing and celebrating adversity—“If Tech is 7–0, then look at what he’s overcome.” – Jason ([50:43])
• Systemic College Football Absurdity:
  • The NCAA and schools oriented to maximize profit, evade accountability, and treat college football like “maritime law or a radioactive 19th-century mine—valuable, dangerous, but legally unidentifiable.” – ([57:26–58:38])
  • No one is really in charge, and the “boosters are Batman now.”
• Media and Broadcast Critique:
  • The hypocrisy of media partners pushing gambling content, then wringing hands over Sorsby’s situation.
  • College football as a calculated gamble at every level, including by LSU: “LSU would be like, gambling’s good. We do it on every play.” – Spencer ([63:23])

Key Quotes

• “This is like a drunk who works in a bar.” – Spencer, on Sorsby playing while struggling with a gambling addiction ([51:49])
• “It's just a really shitty mechanism to have it go through, frankly. It’s just all going through the wrong machine.” – Ryan ([54:43])
• "College football is kind of a ridiculous, bullshit game at times that somehow manages to hold meaning despite all of this." – Spencer ([37:10])
• “You are not ready for Metal Gear 5.” – Jason ([38:04]), warning to those who cannot handle reality's absurdities.

---

3. Comedy Games & Meta-Segment: “Big 12 Coach or Walker, Texas Ranger Character?”

[71:24–78:13]

• Announcement: Ryan delivers a comic, tongue-in-cheek confession of being a government mole sent to destroy the Fullcast. He “admits defeat” and announces his forthcoming departure at the end of August ([69:49]).
  • “So I am announcing for real that I am leaving the show at the end of August...I swear that I will no longer attempt to sabotage this podcast...” ([69:49])
• Game Segment: The group plays "Big 12 staff member or Walker, Texas Ranger character?"
  • Names like Victor LaRue, Slade Nagel, Boomer Knight, Cosmo Von Duesenberg are tested on Spencer, who performs admirably despite the vague boundary between football coaching and bad 90s TV writing ([72:31–75:33]).
  • Side-chat about Walker, Texas Ranger's improbable plots and Chuck Norris’ fluid, appropriative identities.
  • Joke about the crossover between the logic of Metal Gear and Walker episodes: “If you imagine that every Walker episode is actually Riker in the holodeck playing Walker, they all make sense.” – Ryan ([77:23])

---

Notable Quotes and Moments

On Kojima’s Style & Metal Gear:

• “Every single one of his games feels like varying degrees of having a high fever and taking a lot of cough medicine.” – Spencer (04:07)
• “Like, eight college lectures all at once with a fart joke.” – Jason (04:27)

On NCAA Futility & Absurdity:

• “It has not legally designed itself as a thing that can do anything.” – Jason (22:13)
• “College football is kind of a ridiculous, bullshit game at times that somehow manages to hold meaning despite all of this.” – Spencer (37:10)
• “You are not ready for Metal Gear 5.” – Jason (38:04)

On the Sorsby Case:

• “This is like a drunk who works in a bar.” – Spencer (51:49)
• “It's just a really shitty mechanism to have it go through, frankly. It’s just all going through the wrong machine.” – Ryan (54:43)

On Boosters and Broken Systems:

• “That diaper is full, buddy.” – Spencer, on Cody Campbell (39:49)
• “I'm Batman now.” – Jason, on modern boosters' unchecked power (60:51)

---

Important Timestamps

• [00:00–11:16]: Metal Gear and Kojima brain talk; game mechanics and meta themes; sexuality in the franchise.
• [13:40–56:56]: The Sorsby saga, NCAA’s legal failings, and the nature of enforcement (Georgia, Nebraska, the Big Ten, legal mechanisms, hypocrisy).
• [39:41–41:47]: Cody Campbell speculation and conspiracy riff.
• [46:42–53:01]: Dissecting Sorsby the player; discussion of how legal timelines intersect with practical NCAA enforcement.
• [69:49–71:14]: Ryan’s “spy confession” and resignation announcement.
• [71:24–76:13]: “Big 12 coach or Walker, Texas Ranger character?” game; musings on Walker, Texas Ranger and cultural fluidity.

---

Section Summaries

Metal Gear and Kojima

• The Metal Gear series as a perfect avatar for the combination of high intellect and absolute nonsense, which mimics the logic of big-time college football.
• Kojima’s intentional and unintentional genius, and the impossibility (and comedy) of deciphering his work.

Brennan Sorsby & NCAA Drama

• Analysis and satire of the Sorsby legal saga as emblematic of NCAA weakness and college football's irrepressible weirdness.
• Skewering both the institutions (NCAA, administrators, big schools) and individuals (boosters, Sorsby, lawyers).
• Explores legal, labor, and cultural tensions at the intersection of amateur athletics, money, and the law.

Booster Power and the Texas Tech Machine

• Satirical pseudo-conspiracy positing that Cody Campbell is orchestrating the whole chaos to ultimately benefit himself.
• Observations on how, in the void of authority, boosters fill the power vacuum.

Closing Fun & Announcements

• Ryan’s farewell in classic Fullcast fashion—a deadpan, meta confession.
• Surreal and wry trivia game segment blending Big 12 and Walker, Texas Ranger tropes.
• The episode ends with loose plans for future World Cup coverage, fittingly chaotic.

---

Takeaways for Listeners Who Missed the Episode

• The podcast is less about specific news and more about dissecting the layered, intertwined absurdities of big college football in 2026, using the Metal Gear series as the perfect metaphor.
• Both Metal Gear and the current state of college football are systems where logic collapses under weight of lore, bureaucracy, and human nature. The hosts admire, mock, and even cherish the resulting chaos.
• The Sorsby/Texas Tech situation has become a lightning rod for the hypocrisy and performative outrage within college football powers, exposing the NCAA’s lack of real power and the legal system’s new, odd place as arbiter.
• Boosters have become the real power brokers in the sport, free from meaningful regulation, with Cody Campbell as the case study.
• The Fullcast crew continues to blend cultural analysis, game trivia, and conceptual comedy with an ease few others can match.

---

If you only remember three things:

1. Kojima games and college football run on the same bizarre internal logic—making sense only because they never quite have to.
2. NCAA enforcement is an elaborate, performative house of cards, now collapsing under legal pressures it was never built to withstand.
3. The fun is in the madness—and whether it’s Metal Gear or college football, you have to laugh at the high-stakes farce (and occasionally, send a sedated bear home via balloon).

Transcript

[Spencer Hall]

I love that Ryan is so Kojima pills right now. He is. Dude, you are in. Your brain is at a fine sous vide right now. It's gonna be so perfected by the amount of Hideo Kojima you are applying to it.

[Ryan Nanni]

Replaying the Metal Gear games is really, really doing things. It's really rewiring me in some interesting ways.

[Spencer Hall]

I feel like you're gonna get to a point where you start saying mystical things about it where you're like, dude, it's unlocking the 98% of my brain. I normally don't.

[Ryan Nanni]

I'm lucying myself.

[Jason Kirk]

What is the status of this replay?

[Ryan Nanni]

We are. I am. We were doing metal gear solid 2 now and we agreed that our midway point would be after the harrier fight. So I am up. I am through that and. And waiting for everybody else to catch up and do the episode before we do the next one.

[Spencer Hall]

So, yeah, you're gonna. Dude, you're gonna be like, this will be like what I would consider to be benign AI psychosis. Right? Like, you're gonna be like, no, no, no. Kojima was like, the game talks back to me.

[Ryan Nanni]

It's also just like. And I'm sure we'll talk about it when we do that recording. But like, there's so much jankiness in how these. Like. So sometimes these games are real pain in the ass to play. Like, which I think kind of works on your. Like increases the psychosis as well. Because you're like, oh, this feels so, like, awkward and unnatural. And maybe the machines are right and everything starts sideways.

[Spencer Hall]

Maybe I'm the one who needs to evolve.

[Jason Kirk]

Metal Gear games are such good excuses for themselves. Is like. Like, five is my favorite. Spencer. I think five might be.

[Spencer Hall]

Five is also. Five is also my favorite.

[Jason Kirk]

And when you say that online, people say, don't you know it's not finished. I'm like, it looks finished to me.

[Spencer Hall]

It's.

[Jason Kirk]

I. I bought. I bought a disc that had the game on it. I put the disc in. The discs do not have holes.

[Ryan Nanni]

How would you know if a Metal Gear game was exactly right?

[Jason Kirk]

Oh, have you noticed the last 10 missions are just redos of the previous? Are the others supposed to be significantly different? You're telling me I'm not having fun leading my dog with a knife into a base and taking it over. I'll do it 50 more times.

[Ryan Nanni]

I don't know. I don't know. My not son paired up with his psychic child. Seems like it's done to me. Yeah, they hijacked him back dude, what are you doing?

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, I'm playing a tape of a guy taking a shit to fool people outside the portalette. I'm hiding in. Later. Taking a shit.

[Jason Kirk]

Later.

[Ryan Nanni]

Later I'll play David Bowie.

[Jason Kirk]

Like, hey, did you notice this base you're building kind of doesn't have any point. And you're just stopp. Stocking up on these like captive soldiers for no reason. Yeah. I'm gonna go grab a half dozen more. What you want?

[Spencer Hall]

I'm gonna put me to apologize for

[Jason Kirk]

spending my time this way.

[Spencer Hall]

I'm gonna sedate a bear, tie it to a balloon and take it home.

[Jason Kirk]

Why the wouldn't I do that?

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, it's not, by the way, it's not David Bowie. It's mid year's version of the man who Sold the World, which is even more that he's like, no, no, no, no, no. This weird 80s remake of this thing. Put it in a walkman, go kill some Soviet troops. Put up a giant like cardboard display of a girl with big tits and be like, hey, Soviets, look.

[Jason Kirk]

Distraction.

[Spencer Hall]

And they're like, hubba hubba.

[Ryan Nanni]

Yeah, man, It's. It's so. It's Soldier Island. It doesn't have to be finished.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah, right, right. Like the entire shit is about a utopia for soldiers where they don't have to have governments. I'm like, why do I want that to happen? I don't know. Master Kojima told me I want that to happen.

[Spencer Hall]

Are you a good boss? Yeah. I come home every day and beat the shit out of my employees.

[Jason Kirk]

Thank you, sir.

[Spencer Hall]

Thank you, sir. Mercilessly.

[Ryan Nanni]

It is very like mastering Commander. If there were no other ships. If it was just like, yeah, man, we just sat here on the boat vibing.

[Jason Kirk]

Thriving oceans are now HR meetings. But fun.

[Spencer Hall]

It just feels. Every single one of his games feels like varying degrees of having a high fever and taking a lot of cough medicine.

[Jason Kirk]

It's like. It's like 80% high culture. That is far too beyond my way of perceiving anything. And then 20% the lowest culture you could think of.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah.

[Jason Kirk]

Like eight college lectures all at once with a fart joke.

[Holly Anderson]

It's.

[Ryan Nanni]

It's like, what if AEW decided like, hey, this season the theme is nuclear proliferation. That's what we're going with of the mind.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah. Every. So there are eight Chris, Jericho, and they all hate each other, but they're all married.

[Spencer Hall]

And the games themselves do not lend themselves to coherence because they allow deliberately points where you can short circuit the flow of the game. Simply for no other point than for Hideo Kojima to go meta. Meta. You're playing again.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. The shit fucks up. And you're like, what is he saying? What does he mean by this?

[Spencer Hall]

And you're like, I don't know. Maybe you thought it'd be funny if you could annihilate and just gun down a guy in the middle of a villain monologue, right? Like, Snake the size of a gun. Shut up.

[Jason Kirk]

This gives me much to ponder.

[Spencer Hall]

You did it, Snake. You learned the lesson. What lesson? I just shot a guy in the face while he was talking.

[Jason Kirk]

You are the game, Snake.

[Ryan Nanni]

They're so. They're so, like, thematically dense that I'm not even that worried about. Like, oh, I wonder if this was, like, bad for kids. I'm like, I think there was too much here for, like, I can't do there. You can't. All kidding. You couldn't get brainwashed into it because you couldn't pick one thing.

[Jason Kirk]

I mean, when you're a kid, you're like, one hand. Like, boring big words. I just want to blame Blam, Blam. Like, even the sneaking parts are like, come on, hurry up.

[Ryan Nanni]

But then you're like, nano machines.

[Jason Kirk]

It's seeping in. You just don't realize.

[Spencer Hall]

So I played Phantom Pain. I've replayed it pretty recently with my elder son. And when Quiet appears. Quiet. Quiet is the extremely fast assassin who

[Jason Kirk]

I thought you're going to be extremely naked.

[Spencer Hall]

Who, due to a skin allergy.

[Jason Kirk]

It's very vitally, critically important.

[Spencer Hall]

Some sort of critically important breath. She has to wear next to nothing. Yeah, right. Like, her skin has to breathe.

[Jason Kirk]

She has, like, a gambling addiction to not wearing clothes.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, that's right. I think Quiet should be declared eligible due to her skin allergy to clothes.

[Jason Kirk]

If you haven't yet unlocked Dog with Knife, then the lady who must be nearly naked, she should be your quarterback.

[Spencer Hall]

She's. Yeah, exactly. So if you can't get Dog with Knife, you get Quiet and Quiet. When she appeared, my son, who is adolescent, looked up and goes, oh, come on.

[Jason Kirk]

So, like, too much for a young man.

[Spencer Hall]

It's too much. A young American teen looked up and was like, hideo Kojima. That's some bullshit. But, like, come on.

[Ryan Nanni]

This is. I appreciate the con. The internal, serious consistency. When we played Metal Gear Solid, like, one of the running themes is that like, Merill. Merill got a thick butt.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah.

[Ryan Nanni]

Like,

[Spencer Hall]

what a can.

[Jason Kirk]

It's like the most serious, you know, blah, blah, Whatever. And then, like, the camera's like, you saw this, right? Just wanted to make sure you didn't miss the polygons I constructed for you.

[Ryan Nanni]

These are games that are. That are not horny, but they are sexual. It's very hard.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah. It's a very psychosis where it's like, nothing about this is erotic, but it's horny.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah. Also, I feel like Hideo Kojima is broadcasting to the rest of the world when he does this. Right. That. When he does the Merrell butt thing, he's like, I live in Japan. This is a land that, like, a lot of highly developed economies is like, we value the thing that we are not. Right. Like, we are like, the epitome of beauty on both sides is going to be an underfed person who reeks of wealth. Right. Meanwhile, Kojima is like, I am sending up a desperation signal. I, Hideo Kojima, demand the thickness. That's right. That's right. A rebel. I'm a rebel in all forms. I'll put a thick ass in a video game. All 32 polygons of it.

[Ryan Nanni]

Yeah, it's. It's a lot. It sure is a lot. It is good for my brain and my outlook on the world. Yeah, for sure.

[Jason Kirk]

I think so.

[Spencer Hall]

Listen. Yeah. I think you're gonna come out of this a better man.

[Jason Kirk]

It's good to process information. Lots of it. Information of any kind.

[Spencer Hall]

You know, not that you needed it, Ryan. I just think that, like, you know, iron. Iron sharpens iron.

[Ryan Nanni]

Sure. Yep. Got to get the reps in here.

[Spencer Hall]

So I think. I think this time in the forge is just going to make you an even more beautiful and stronger knight.

[Jason Kirk]

I like iron. Sharpening iron, indicating that Ryan is also making Metal Gear better, which I think that's true.

[Spencer Hall]

I think it's true. No, I think Kojima would agree, too.

[Jason Kirk]

If he. If.

[Ryan Nanni]

If.

[Jason Kirk]

If the. The master creator said that's true, I would believe him.

[Ryan Nanni]

Yeah.

[Spencer Hall]

This is a very important part that I think Hideo Kojima and every coach have in common, which is that all great coaches, when confronted with total bullshit that they've said, will attach it to something that happened that was positive. And go see, See, Right. Somebody will go, hey, coach, when you reference this obscure work by Blaise Pascal in the speech, and the coach is like, I don't even know who Blaise Pascal is, but turn a phrase, whatever, I'll do it. Yeah, that was intentional. I did that. You know, I get the guys to read books I had them read that. He didn't. He Didn't. So if you go to Kojiman, you'd be like, did this mean that in the game? He'll be like, perhaps that is part of the context.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah. Yeah. Good shit. Really good shit.

[Spencer Hall]

It's very. It's very important. It's very important that when. That when somebody thinks you're smarter than you are to not correct them. Hideo Kojima's really good at that.

[Jason Kirk]

I don't know. He might be. I think it's the opposite with him. I think he is too smart, too. He graciously gives us glimpses of how smart he is, but he humbly understands that we can never be on his level. So he doesn't try to force us. He just gives us those glimpses.

[Spencer Hall]

You know, I want to think that. But he allegedly has this disc of games that he will never have the time to make because he is over 60 now, even though he looks like he's 20. Kojima looks like. He looks like kind of a haggard teenager at all times.

[Jason Kirk]

Nano machines.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, yeah. The nano machines are keeping him young. And he has this disc that allegedly has all of these games on it. And he says that after his death, you know, it will be. It'll be the treasure trove somebody else can use to, you know, forge the bold new world that exists only in Hideo Kojima's mind. And when we get those, I'm convinced they're going to be things like Fart Wizard 3000. Right.

[Ryan Nanni]

Just laser shoot Larry games.

[Jason Kirk]

This is where I put all the butts too naked for Metal Gear. Like, I mean, if you're. Yeah, yeah. I remember this interview from, like, a couple of years ago where he's talking about all his, like, ideas for projects. Just jot it down or whatever. I'm like, yeah, man, that's the foundation of a religion. A century from now.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah.

[Jason Kirk]

Or a minute from now.

[Spencer Hall]

Well, it's also just gonna be like. Like Butt Smasher 5, right. They'll be like, what is it you smash the butt with? What? The Butt Hammer. That's. That's what it is.

[Jason Kirk]

Another butt.

[Ryan Nanni]

No, not enough lore. Needs more lore, too.

[Spencer Hall]

No, no, we'll get that. Yeah. That's why you tell the story of Butt Hammer Man. Yeah, General. But Hammer man.

[Ryan Nanni]

Ben Franklin found the butt hammer originally and buried it for centuries.

[Jason Kirk]

But whispered Franklin, we found it even hornier.

[Spencer Hall]

Punished Ben Franklin,

[Jason Kirk]

we found who One

[Ryan Nanni]

who's even more French Ball gag Ben Franklin.

[Spencer Hall]

That's just Ben Franklin.

[Jason Kirk]

That's Ben Franklin. If they'd invented ball gangs, that's just

[Spencer Hall]

old Hellfire Club Ben there.

[Ryan Nanni]

I like that you're suggesting Ben Franklin gets shocked by the lightning bolt and is, like, horny as a result of it.

[Spencer Hall]

That'd be a very Philly thing, wouldn't it?

[Ryan Nanni]

Yeah, sure.

[Spencer Hall]

That would be. Yeah. I got a cousin. You gotta scroll my lightning now. He's, like, super fucking horny now.

[Jason Kirk]

That's my thing.

[Spencer Hall]

It's crazy. It's crazy.

[Jason Kirk]

Go fly a kite. He's like, hell, yeah.

[Ryan Nanni]

Ben Franklin that shoots electricity out of his dick is 100% a metal gear villain.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah. His name is Elect. His name is Electric Dickman. Yeah. Voltage Wizard. Electric Dickman.

[Jason Kirk]

You need to go find, like, Ben Sparkling.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah. And you can't open the door to his office unless you go open the door to your actual house. And the game recognizes that. And they're like, thank you. How do you know game? That's just how good the game is, man. To the shutdown. Full cast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer hall, and I am joined today by Ryan, nanny, Jason Kirk, Holly Anderson, and Michael Serber on the ones and twos. Jason, I interrupted you have. You have college football news?

[Jason Kirk]

I mean, we were already talking about college football news, but, like, there's other college football news we can talk about. I haven't played the second death Stranding, but apparently churches, the actual band shows up, and they run a zoo or something. And, like, and they're not in character. It's just literally the band, they run an animal habitat. So I'm looking to get to that one. But as far as college football goes, yeah, the Brendan Sorsby thing is happening. It is vitally, critically important that this young man must play as much college

[Spencer Hall]

football as possible, medically necessary.

[Jason Kirk]

It's kind of like the movie Crank with him playing college football. If he is ever not playing college football specifically for the Texas Tech Red Raiders, we don't want to know what's happening. But it's the only thing holding back dark forces.

[Holly Anderson]

Ryan, are we in a speed situation?

[Ryan Nanni]

I think we would be in a speed situation if Brendan Sorsby was insisting that he had to keep gambling, that he couldn't stop gambling or else his body would shut down. That would be the speed situation here for me.

[Spencer Hall]

That is the situation I am putting.

[Ryan Nanni]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's not too late to make that legal filing to say, like, hey, my body.

[Holly Anderson]

You're gonna say it's not too late to put him on a bus filled with explosives and sending Out Unfinished freedom.

[Ryan Nanni]

Based on some of the reaction online y yesterday, I think you could get sufficient support for that right now.

[Holly Anderson]

The 700 Club could have learned a lot from Howard Payne.

[Ryan Nanni]

100%.

[Spencer Hall]

I need to play college football or God will call me home. We have done the Oral Roberts.

[Holly Anderson]

There is a college football game in that movie.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, I.

[Jason Kirk]

Mainly the like, yeah, it's the. The argument is made in Sworesby's name. But, like, you know, this is Jeffrey. Jeffrey Kessler's invention. This whole, like, he must be around a team thing. So, like, all credit for that brilliant creation should go to the lawyer. The one of. One of several lawyers who is extremely good at just beating the NCAA over and over. Like that guy formulating the must play football or will die of gambling thing. I think he's the one I'm putting in the bus, so to speak. He's the one who gets to live out this bus bus thing. The other lawyer who is good at beating the ncaa, Tom Mars. He had a quote in Yahoo, like, right after this happened. Like, I. I can't believe this. This is like this. This was so shocking that Sourceby is currently emphasizing allowed to play college football. That it was shocking other lawyers who. Their job is coming up with ways to beat the NCAA Special.

[Spencer Hall]

If you had a speed situation and love it, by the way, it's not a real emergency. This bus can't slow down.

[Holly Anderson]

There might.

[Spencer Hall]

It's not going to be it. Was it going to hit?

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah.

[Spencer Hall]

It doesn't even have to be on the road, man. 55 miles an hour. Yeah. We'll be lucky if we stick to that. Get this thing up to 80 and we won't hit anything for nine hours.

[Ryan Nanni]

What is your. Do any of you have a favorite overreaction to this news? Because. Oh, okay. Holly's hands went up right away. I would like to go ahead, please, please share.

[Holly Anderson]

I was really hesitant whether to even get into this today, but since you asked. The moment at which I don't know why this was it. The moment that pushed me over the edge of I do not care what happens to any of these people anymore. Don't yell at me before you yell at me. I'm not saying. I'm not. I'm not saying that Brendan Sorsby is right. I am saying that he's funny. I am not saying that this is a good, just moral course of action for them to pursue. Can I tell you where I completely hopped off with this?

[Ryan Nanni]

Please.

[Holly Anderson]

Georgia declaring that they wouldn't schedule Texas Tech. Really?

[Jason Kirk]

Really.

[Holly Anderson]

Okay. Setting Aside the biggest really of it all, which is the really where. Can you imagine for one second the tap dancing that Sankey would be doing right now if this was a Georgia player? Can you fucking imagine how? I think we're, I think we're kind of getting off light even with the Cody Campbell of it all. Because this is happening at Texas Tech and this is not happening at LSU yet. This is not happening at Florida. You know, this is not happening.

[Ryan Nanni]

LSU was almost one, the one who won.

[Holly Anderson]

I, I, I said yet. I said yet. But for like, this is, this would have had, this would have had the equivalent effect, you know? You know what could have happened. Do you know what could have happened to have had the exact same effect as this Georgia declaration? Spencer, have you also declared that you will not be playing?

[Spencer Hall]

I am not going to be playing.

[Holly Anderson]

You will not be playing. Texas Tech and football.

[Spencer Hall]

I was so rare in.

[Holly Anderson]

Really? You were gonna swap out Tennessee State for Texas Tech? Really?

[Spencer Hall]

This was the only thing stopping me. That was it. Otherwise I would have given them a whopping at a Whalen. But, but no, my virtue prevents me from scheduling.

[Holly Anderson]

I know, I know what they were doing. I know what they were doing. I'm not even saying they should not form a wall against this sort of behavior because the NCAA equivalent of social shaming, since the legal system keeps not working and also is a weird and dumb tool for this, the social shaming or the NCAA equivalent may be our only way forward in terms of governance, but at the same time, be for fucking real.

[Jason Kirk]

I think it is very noteworthy that you also have the Big Ten talking about this. You have a few Big 12 ads talking about this, and they're the ones who I'm like, no, stop. Like, you're not, you're not, you're not forfeiting conference games. Your valor is not that vast.

[Holly Anderson]

Nebraska said the same thing too. Nebraska last played Texas Tech in 2009.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, like, thanks, guys. Nebraska leading the way in the Big Ten as always. I mean, I get it from like a face value perspective where it's just like, okay, we are signaling that this is not cool and anyone else who does this, you'll be frozen out and blah, blah, blah. Also, it just read, especially when it's Georgia, whose school president is one of the biggest SEC breakaway people. It just reads as one more excuse for, oh, see, the poor schools can't cover themselves. We need to launch our own thing, which Big Ten and sec, they just adore each other. So of course that'll go perfectly if they break away. But, like, yeah, it's on the one hand, somebody's got to do something, and on the other, the schools that are the loudest about it at this time are also the ones who would be fine not ever being with any school in Texas Tech stratosphere anyway.

[Ryan Nanni]

Spencer, do you have a favorite overreaction?

[Spencer Hall]

I think my favorite overreaction is the notion that. That the NCAA, they're like, oh, man, listen, listen, the NCAA's gotta fight this.

[Holly Anderson]

With what? With what? There's a hole in the bucket, Dear

[Jason Kirk]

sir, like, beyond an appeal or what?

[Spencer Hall]

First of all, this is my. This is. To this situation. It's. The analog I have is. Have you ever been with a relative who is dying and there is one of one person who is like, they're gonna make it out, and they really believe it, and you feel real bad for them, you know, but otherwise, the rest of you are kind of like, we're waiting here for this person to die. Anyone who insists that the ncaa, like, get up off the mat. You got it, Mac. No, no. Fight back. Fight back.

[Jason Kirk]

They are.

[Spencer Hall]

Don't give up.

[Holly Anderson]

The last time they fought back, they,

[Jason Kirk]

like, they are fighting back to the. To the utmost that they possibly could.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah.

[Jason Kirk]

This is what it looks like when they fight back. They have created. They have. They have equipped themselves with these weapons. There were other weapons they could have equipped themselves with in any decade in the previous century, but these are the slappers they've chosen for lots and lots of people within college sports. Like, lots and lots of people are not like, the CEO or whatever of Fox Sports. Lots of people are just like, hey, we want to be part of a sporting association that makes some degree of sense. And I get that. And, like, somebody's got to do something the NCAA can't because it has not legally designed itself as a thing that can do anything. But, like, somebody's got to have a way to make it so that, like, the one and only, like, universally acknowledged sports rule can be enforced. So, like, Big 12, you're gonna do anything. Playoff. And playoff can't do anything. Individual schools, which is, like, kind of how you recreate the NCAA from first principles. Is this, like, individual schools all being mad about the same thing?

[Holly Anderson]

This is like watching a bunch of bitcoin bros get scammed and be like, we need a Federal Reserve of some type of.

[Spencer Hall]

Someone needs to step in. Somebody's got to do something about.

[Holly Anderson]

We should invent some monetary policy.

[Jason Kirk]

It's like, we have, like, Elon and his bros going into the Federal government ripping shit out and then realizing, like, oh, that's why that was there. That was load bearing. It's like that, except we never had the load bearing thing to begin with. And every institution in college sports has spent this entire time looking for it and, like, realizing the NCAA isn't it and has never been. It has never been empowered to be it because it's not serious. It's raining here. That's what that noise is.

[Holly Anderson]

Oh, it didn't look like it was raining. I thought you had a fan on or something.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah. Is it too loud?

[Ryan Nanni]

No, no, no.

[Holly Anderson]

I just.

[Ryan Nanni]

It's soothing.

[Jason Kirk]

I'm glad to hear it. Sounds awesome because it sounds great here, but, like, the.

[Holly Anderson]

I'm sorry for typing. Do you hear loud white noise while Jason was talking? I was not talking about Jason Server

[Spencer Hall]

currently doing a joker laugh, by the way.

[Jason Kirk]

That was my. That was my nickname back in high school with a Z. Oh, everything sounds fine here, guys.

[Spencer Hall]

Very soothing. That's old DJ Cool Ray.

[Jason Kirk]

But, yeah, like, they're gonna. You know, like, the SEC is gonna break away to make its own rules, literally right now. They just tried this. They just tried. We're gonna make an nil governing body. Oh, we all hate it. They're gonna make an sec, okay, where LSU is stealing Ole Miss's coach. Texas is talking about Ole Miss's academics. Everybody's robbing players left and right, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, they're going to enforce themselves. They're going to have their own, like, circuit judges and cops who. Who ride around. Just the Southeastern Conference that now spans from Oklahoma to South Carolina. But, like, like. Like there's this thing. We need to make a new governing body. Okay. You got to give it cops. The current cops can't do shit. What are new cops going to do?

[Holly Anderson]

Jason, you said an incredible phrase in there that I feel like we could unpack in an entire episode of its own making that was just fan fiction. SEC circuit judges.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah. I mean, like, there was like, there. It was like, okay, can the playoff ban Texas Tech? Well, if they do that, that means they got to ban the next school that falls through the cracks. That means they need cops to do that. That means they're taking. That means next thing you know, there's an entire rule book on the college football playoff.com that is a duplicate of the NCAA's rules, and someone challenges the College Football Playoff in court and gets to see same result. Like, it's like. It's all just fundamentally the. Is not designed as a workplace.

[Ryan Nanni]

So this is this is what leads me to my favorite overreaction. And I saw this from, like, multiple people who I think are smart who were like, oh, oh, God.

[Holly Anderson]

We lost Jason to the elements.

[Ryan Nanni]

The rain has taken him. I'm sure he'll.

[Holly Anderson]

It really. I. It took me a while to notice it, but I noticed how loud it was now that it's gone.

[Ryan Nanni]

My favorite overreaction is smart people being like, oh, well, I guess baseball and football, pro football and basketball are all screwed with their G. I guess. I guess anyone can gamble on anything everywhere.

[Jason Kirk]

Now.

[Holly Anderson]

You don't have to call people smart just because they're nice to us. When they say shit like that, yeah, that's dumb.

[Ryan Nanni]

No, I don't think this opinion was.

[Holly Anderson]

I don't actually know who Ryan's talking about, but if you do and you're one of our friends, I'm sorry, that was some dumb shit you said.

[Ryan Nanni]

It was like the idea that what happened. There is a general thing happening here where people. The, the. The sort of like slightly less dumb, but still pretty dumb version of this is, well, if I'm a college football player, I'm just plopping down $10,000 tomorrow because I can do whatever I want. Which is done for two reasons. Number one, at no point at any of this has it been suggested that Brennan Sorsby was good at gambling.

[Jason Kirk]

Right?

[Ryan Nanni]

He said he. He said he hasn't. He himself. Himself.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah, he bet on the Indiana Hooers before Kurt Signetti.

[Ryan Nanni]

Right. Like there. I think there is a difference between, oh, there's somebody who's working with usually organized crime to like, fix a match and get paid to do it, and somebody who's like, I gamble a lot, and based on the odds, I can tell you how well that I. I play a lot of parlays, brother. I know how that turned out for you. It didn't go great. This was not some, like, huge profit opportunity for you. So number one, that's out there. Number two, if you think, like, well, this is my sign, I can rely on this retired judge who got pulled off the bench to come make one ruling in one case in Texas, and therefore, like, everything's good and that will definitely happen to me. That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.

[Jason Kirk]

Especially because, like, we haven't seen the appeal yet. And like, there is this assumption that, like, oh, it's going to take 12 months and he'll be already be in the NFL, but you don't fucking know that. They've accelerated several of these things. There's been several of these things where it's like kid gets ruling, it can play judge to overturns it a week later.

[Ryan Nanni]

Even if it does, this erases the

[Holly Anderson]

additional incredible specter of they accelerated and lose again.

[Ryan Nanni]

Even, even if it does go past the season and he gets to play the whole time because of like the way that the appellate system works and,

[Spencer Hall]

and because judges will not change their goddamn schedules. Not for I'm in a hurry. That's too bad.

[Ryan Nanni]

No, this is great. When you, you, you, you become a judge because you were a lawyer and you had to do all that before and now you don't want to do. Now you're like, no, it's my calendar. I decide when I go on vacation with Barb, you don't decide.

[Spencer Hall]

Daddy is going to the Bahamas in

[Jason Kirk]

the appeals court where it's four Texas Tech judges and the chief judge was, I believe, the head of Texas Tech law at one point or might still be. I don't know it like Judge Talking Horse. You can, you can, you know, talk yourself into like, okay, they'll just slow walk this and haha, we got away with attending one playoff game. Like that's the upside for Texas.

[Ryan Nanni]

Like if you better just slow walk

[Holly Anderson]

something than Judge Talking Horse.

[Ryan Nanni]

If you're the ncaa, you will see this through to the end. Because even if you, even if you can't sort of like nail Soresby and get him thrown out of this season, you still want to get a final ruling from wherever you have to get it that says yes, the NCAA can enforce its anti gambling provisions. There is no scenario like I understand that like in this specific scenario, Sorsby may have pulled a fast one and Texas Tech may get away with it. And you can be mad about that and you can think that that's bullshit, but I think it's very Chicken Little to be like. And therefore the NCAA can never enforce this ever again. So just, just line up at FanDuel today and start the game.

[Holly Anderson]

Just as it is being used as cover by the sec, by the Big Ten to advance their interests that don't really have anything to do with this at all. So too is it being used to advance anxieties that have nothing to do with this at all.

[Jason Kirk]

I see the argument that like right now, for the time being, the message that is being sent to all these adolescent athletes is it right? And like in the scenario where the NCAA finally gets a sane and sensible ruling a year from now rather than a week from now, like that's an entire year in which athletes are seeing Brendan Sorsby highlights watching Texas Tech games? Because a lot of people are going to watch this. If he actually sees the field and just take the message like, okay, fuck it. So, like, yeah, eventually we might get back around to, like, all right, the NCAA is allowed to enforce its rules on this specific thing and nothing else. But, like, it's gonna be. Even more education will be needed. We've already seen a lot of education has been needed.

[Holly Anderson]

And I'm gonna do one of those pithy little statements right now, but it's because I think this one is actually gonna have some relevance. He's playing next season, and a lot of people are going to watch these games. And all of the broadcast crews on every single one of these networks that's showing these games is going to throw to their DraftKings partner or similar and then go back to shaking their heads.

[Ryan Nanni]

I think, like, the most sane view of the NCAA's ability to enforce gambling legislation at this point, gambling prohibitions at this point, rather, is that it is inconsistent in its enforcement and its. And its strength. The NCAA by its own practice was very inconsistent in terms of, like, who got a transfer, who got cleared to transfer or who didn't, who got punished for this behavior or who didn't. Like, I think this idea that if it's not 100% all of the time, the hammer must be dropped, that you have no deterrence effect whatsoever. And everybody will think that, like, the rules don't exist flies in the face in both directions of, like, how the NCAA has actually existed with coaches, with athletic directors, with athletes all. Like, they have always lived in a world where it's like, the rules exist. And you might get. You might get. You might get absolutely slammed for it, you might get smud for it, or you might get unc' ed for it. Like. And the idea that you can predict that and say, like, aha, I understand the future now based on this one thing that happened is fucking foolish. Yeah, there are plenty of schools who. Ohio State thought they understood that and didn't get to play for a national championship because they thought, well, we don't need to take a bull ban. We'll go lose to Florida and fucking the Gator bowl and. And we'll be. And they miscalculated. USC thought they understood how the NCAA were, and they miscalculated and lost a shitload of scholarships.

[Holly Anderson]

I don't even know if you can use miscalculated as the word there, because that implies that there was some set, correct mathematical answer. That those schools got correct when really sure it was the math that was the problem, not their calculation of it.

[Jason Kirk]

Yes, that's when guessing what the answer was. When there was. There wasn't one.

[Holly Anderson]

So, like, they were doing astrology.

[Ryan Nanni]

If. If. If the court. If the appellate court says yes, we think the ncaa, like, okay, now your alarm level can go up a bit because that's like a trial court actually. Like, if we get through a trial and if we actually sort of like, hear this out, because nothing that happened. I think what has been wildly misunderstood here is that nothing that happened yesterday was a judge saying, like, I've decided the NCAA rules aren't real. That's not what a preliminary injunction is. And I'm not going to get too far into it because, honestly. Alex Kirschner on Split Zone Duo did a great episode with a special guest that, like, explains this better than I could. Sam Erlich. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is an NFL show, but because of the supplemental draft, that's the possible connection there you have. So thank you. Yeah, I just. I. I think it's been very interesting to see, and maybe it is a reflection of the sort of, like, this is the one rule that everyone says, like, that that's the thing you can't do. Like, it has created a. A truly impressive amount of furor.

[Jason Kirk]

I think, to an extent, it's valid because, like, this is such a red line and this is so ingrained in so many people that, like, as. As a thing that is just so on its face, obvious and universally accepted that to even appear to somewhat fuck with it is, like, terrifying for a lot of people who want sports to be, like, you know, competitively valid or whatever for those who care about that. But, like, the fact that, you know, this. This judge just sort of shambled in and didn't really explain it. Just like, yeah, the kid needs football. He needs. Hook him up to the football machine. He needs it. Or explode.

[Spencer Hall]

Irreparable harm.

[Holly Anderson]

Oh, God. It was like E.T. and Elliot.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah, he needs it. He needs it back.

[Ryan Nanni]

You're scaring him.

[Jason Kirk]

And he just sort of ambles off. Like, I don't. Like, if there'd been a longer explanation. Like, if, like, I think, you know, court people should explain the absolute fucking basics sometimes. You know, like, by the way, I am not saying the NCAA doesn't have jurisdiction. I'm literally just saying we have to, like, put the brakes in this for blah, blah, you know, or whatever the fuck, but, like, I think it is valid for people to be very alarmed by something so unanimously popular as, you know, for at least the past century, being with in any way. And especially, I think part of it is it's the NCAA on the other side. An organization that we've seen lose time after time after time after time, which, you know, lends no confidence to the idea of the ncaa, like, getting a favorable ruling because it just. It just. It has looked completely vulnerable for 40 years now. Because it is. And so when it is the only thing standing against, like, a sport becoming pro wrestling in the pejorative sense, like, I get it. I get. I get why it's alarming.

[Spencer Hall]

I do not get one thing, which is an accusation I saw leveled several times of. It's just, you know, college football's a joke. It's a joke. By the way, dumb guy alert. If you refer to something as a joke or someone as a clown.

[Jason Kirk]

Clown. Bush league. Clown.

[Holly Anderson]

Fraud.

[Spencer Hall]

Bush league. I want something serious, like mlb. Yeah, sure, dude. A serious league like the NFL?

[Ryan Nanni]

Yeah.

[Spencer Hall]

You mean a fucking cartel?

[Jason Kirk]

The NFL or the mlb Literally playing in minor league parks right now.

[Spencer Hall]

Literally playing in minor league parks. Like, literally can't do, like, anything. Anytime anyone tries to do anything in mlb, they're like, it's just too hard. Too hard. Pirates pay people in sawdust and they're like, nothing to be done. Nothing to be done. That's when people say, wow, college football is a joke. Yeah, that's why we're here. But also, as above, so below, this is a major court. Like, this is a minor court case at best. Like, I don't think this is indicative of any grand fracture in the crust of this particular world. I don't think that this is a big pivot point, but I do think it's indicative of. Most of life is ridiculous and a lot of it's bullshit. And this is. College football is kind of a ridiculous, bullshit game at times that somehow manages to hold meaning despite all of this. And if you find it very offensive, the notion that you were involved with a joke or something deeply unserious or I think that this myopia is probably benefiting you on a mental health basis. You should embrace it. You should stick to that. Don't look at the larger scale of things. Don't. Your tiny little mind will fall apart like a house made of matchsticks.

[Jason Kirk]

You're not ready for Metal Gear 5.

[Spencer Hall]

You're not, dude. You are so not ready for the phantom Pain. I need you to stick to Fortnite. Just buy a little.

[Holly Anderson]

Commissioner Kojima. Okay.

[Jason Kirk]

The sense that, like, you know, one Thing explains everything else. And like, I completely agree with that. Like college football, like, yeah, it is especially cartoonish. But I think you're completely right that it is a reflection of things that appear to be better constructed. Because why is the NCAA so powerless here? Because it's not an actual workplace. Because it has never actually collectively bargained the ability to punish any of its employees because they're not employees. Like, it has never. It is the same anti worker mentality that permeates so many other things in society. Like, yeah, the NFL has that too, but it also has a different kind of paperwork. So it has more power. But like, the NFL sure as fuck wouldn't want to have to abide by rules if, you know, if it could, if it could make that trade. The NCAA wanted a world in which players aren't employees. Okay, this is what happens. And all that goes back to, you know, anti labor class warfare, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Spencer Hall]

Like this is one of the reasons, by the way, that the NFL doesn't want a minor league. They already have one. They don't want to pay for it. And they don't have to because they have one that's subsidized by. Hold on, let me see a list of the most of the least likely people. Public universities and private universities makes total support. I'm looking at this. And apparently the car dealers of Mississippi, Mississippi inadvertently subsidized the Los Angeles Rams. Okay, yeah, that all checks out.

[Jason Kirk]

Of course, the CEO and co founder of Double Eagle Energy holdings is holding this whole thing afloat. Can we talk about Cody Campbell?

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, can I, can I give you. Yeah, first of all, Cody Campbell, that diapers, that diaper is full, buddy.

[Jason Kirk]

This fucking guy. This like, this dude who like bought himself bought Texas Tech University, bought the football team, bought Brandon Sorsby is trying to buy, buy the commissionership of college football, setting himself up as a savior of the sport. They're running a bunch of commercials, smiling at me and not really explaining what he wants me to type in the QR code or whatever the. For like this guy being at the centerpiece of both propping up Texas Tech's whole thing here. And in a statement saying, I'm trying to fix the system, I'm trying to fix the broken system of college football

[Holly Anderson]

by using Ted Cruz. Great job, sir.

[Jason Kirk]

Like you, you are the man in the hot dog suit. Like, you know, like this is. It is so on the nose, on the face. There aren't even any jokes about it. The dude funding the, like most reviled, like most. Let Me say most unanimously reviled decision in college sports history, perhaps. And also being propping himself up as I'm the guy who's going to save this. Like what the fuck do you even do with this, man?

[Spencer Hall]

All right, so I have my most hair brained conspiracy theory. I'm not saying this is plausible, but I am saying don't back off it.

[Ryan Nanni]

Say it with your chips.

[Spencer Hall]

No, no, no, no, no. I got the dumb juice for you, okay? What I need you to do is go ahead and pour this poison straight in the ear of your dumbest friend. You ready? Okay, here it is.

[Holly Anderson]

All my dumbest friends are on this call.

[Spencer Hall]

Okay? Who's. Who's the one funding all this? Who's one. Go think about it. Go look at as Cody Campbell, right? That's old CC Cody Campbell, okay? And guess what?

[Holly Anderson]

Even spell Cody Campbell. Without Obama you can't.

[Spencer Hall]

Again. Again. Listen, you're getting a little ahead of me here. I don't want to.

[Holly Anderson]

You got one a too many.

[Spencer Hall]

Listen, I got a lot of bombs to drop, okay? And that's one. But I need you just go ahead for a minute, okay?

[Jason Kirk]

One bomb defused. However.

[Spencer Hall]

However, I need you to go ahead, play it out with me. Play it out for me here, okay? What does Cody Campbell do? What's the school? Texas Tech. Who's their quarterback?

[Jason Kirk]

Texas?

[Spencer Hall]

Brandon Sorsby. Brandon Sorsby? Yeah. He might have come. Might have come with some. Some demons. Might come with a couple skeletons in that closet.

[Holly Anderson]

That would have been so much better if he'd come with demons.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, you know what? He did come with a demon. A demon named Gambler and Gambler himself coming to Texas Tech. Why would he do that? Just go ahead. Give me the little Brian Windhorse. Why would he do that? Why would he bring this quarterback in? Well, what's the one thing that can fracture the integrity of a league? What's the one thing that can shake a system to its core? That's right. If we question very integrity of the contest upon which that sport is based itself. And what better way to do that than to cast doubt on them? By putting at the core of the competitive product a quarterback who might have been playing for the other team. That's right. Vice, crime.

[Holly Anderson]

And where's the conspiracy theory?

[Spencer Hall]

You ready? You ready?

[Jason Kirk]

So here it is.

[Spencer Hall]

By putting all of that in there. By putting all that in there at the core of the game itself, who stands to benefit?

[Holly Anderson]

Who?

[Spencer Hall]

Why? The very person calling for the salvation of the sport. The very person who. By buying off a senator boy A really purchasable senator, by the way. Just like, legs up, ready to go. That's Ted Cruz. Write a check and his eggs can be yours.

[Holly Anderson]

Is he at the ob gyn? What is this?

[Jason Kirk]

Eggs popping out?

[Ryan Nanni]

Sorry, I gotta say this right now. Ted Cruz cloaca. Okay, I'm good.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, I'm not even. Listen. I didn't even flinch.

[Jason Kirk]

Noted, counselor. Yeah, you're gonna have to do way worse than that.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah. So who stands to benefit? That's right. Cody Campbell. By securing this, does he? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason Kirk]

I guarantee you people gonna be flocking, like, save us Cody Campbell from this. I granted, I understand. Also, there are numerous recent examples of Americans fleeing to the person who broke the thing. I get it. I understand. But that was with dumb, boring sh. Here. We're talking about college football, the thing people take seriously.

[Spencer Hall]

What are you doing?

[Holly Anderson]

Know who this guy is?

[Spencer Hall]

What are you doing? By passing this act, you're effectively salary capping it. Let's go make business. Cheaper for Cody Campbell, but at a scale which is still sufficiently advantageous for a booster with his kind of money.

[Jason Kirk]

Right. Also, I see this dude calling for this thing and I'm like, must be a bad idea.

[Spencer Hall]

Yes, but you're smart.

[Jason Kirk]

No, I am approaching that from the. That's the Texas Tech guy, right? Perspective. That's all I need to know about him.

[Spencer Hall]

Oh, well, listen, didn't he.

[Jason Kirk]

Didn't he do the. Wasn't he the gambling quarterback guy? That's all I need to know.

[Spencer Hall]

Well, yeah, but, you know, you could put two and two together for the rest of us, we have to teach.

[Jason Kirk]

That's one and one.

[Spencer Hall]

We have to teach him how to open that third eye.

[Holly Anderson]

That's one.

[Ryan Nanni]

So there is. That suggests that there is a real up alternative path here where Cody Campbell instead goes the opposite way and says, no, I am instructing Texas Tech to cut. Cut source B. To be like, we must stand against this. This breach and therefore become, like, reinvigorate himself as the hero of college athletics. Potentially.

[Spencer Hall]

All depends on how it lays.

[Holly Anderson]

I still don't think enough people know

[Ryan Nanni]

who he is, considering how much he's been on tv. I think.

[Jason Kirk]

No, I know there's that, but I think there's also. I don't think you need to know who he is. I think if you hear, this is the Texas Tech booster. Those words are poisonous right now.

[Spencer Hall]

But at the same time, like, I'm

[Jason Kirk]

not asking people to do like, seventh level Kojima trigonometry philosophy Texas Tech guy.

[Ryan Nanni]

Okay, so all we need to do. Then Cody Campbell's just got to pick a new like Texas Tech. That brand is tarnished. Decide to move on.

[Holly Anderson]

I'm getting there. Hang on. Koji Campbell.

[Ryan Nanni]

It's time for you. It's time for UCF booster Cody Campbe.

[Spencer Hall]

Wow.

[Jason Kirk]

Thinkable levels of toxicity.

[Holly Anderson]

Where's this bet going to the moon.

[Ryan Nanni]

That's right. It's time. It's time for South Carolina super donor Cody can listen. Thank God South Carolina is not doing so well that they would say no to Cody Campbell. Dollars? You kidding me? Come on.

[Holly Anderson]

Is there anything. Is there any power in the universe that might induce South Carolina to say no to go to Campbell?

[Jason Kirk]

South Carolina's like, you got any more of them, Gam? We can use a few.

[Holly Anderson]

Love you, Shane.

[Jason Kirk]

This is Shane Beamer. I'm down to my last card, so to speak.

[Ryan Nanni]

So if you guys,

[Holly Anderson]

if you don't mind me saying, you can see I'm out of faces.

[Ryan Nanni]

I do think Brandon Sorsby's life is gonna suck this year. Like, pretty bad.

[Spencer Hall]

Well, here's the thing. He's. He's not a very accurate quarterback. Right?

[Ryan Nanni]

No. Yes. That's part of it. Yes.

[Spencer Hall]

Huh. He's. He's got terrible accuracy numbers and he papers over. They're not good.

[Jason Kirk]

Awesome.

[Spencer Hall]

No, man, like.

[Holly Anderson]

Like Spencer, show your work.

[Jason Kirk]

Clark Brook.

[Spencer Hall]

Clark Brooks, formerly SEC stat cat. Clark Brooks is like. Yeah, dude. Like, he's. He is like in the bottom quartile of accuracy as adjusted. Like adjusted accuracy for all quarterbacks.

[Ryan Nanni]

Last year at Cincinnati, his completion percentage was just under 62% and he threw 27 touchdowns and five picks

[Spencer Hall]

at Cincinnati.

[Ryan Nanni]

Last year at Cincinnati.

[Jason Kirk]

Yes. In the same conferences.

[Ryan Nanni]

In the same.

[Holly Anderson]

Yeah, right?

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah. In the same conference.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah.

[Spencer Hall]

But I. I don't think he's. Listen, if this were all on the up and up and this were all played straight, it does not seem like the player you would want to go out on this particular.

[Jason Kirk]

Right. I'll completely agree with that. Like $4 million. Okay. I'm getting Carson Beck vibes all over.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah. Like. Like one thing. But one thing. One thing. And by the way, that in the court case, that made me laugh when it says like, it was like, it will do irreparable harm to him. And I'm like, this is a back. Back ass words way of saying that this is the peak of his potential earning look.

[Ryan Nanni]

But.

[Jason Kirk]

But that's the same thing.

[Ryan Nanni]

Like Trinidad Chambla said, man, the jets drafted Zach Wilson. This happens at all levels of football.

[Jason Kirk]

That's the same thing. All of these lawyers say is like, I must be allowed to play college football or I will be broke tomorrow.

[Spencer Hall]

Right. What I'm saying, no one else will

[Jason Kirk]

ever pay me money to play football.

[Spencer Hall]

What I'm saying is that in this case, I don't know if that's inaccurate. I think they always say that and in some cases it's more accurate. And I think like, for these cases, for me, source B is like, that's going to be a college first guy.

[Holly Anderson]

Yeah, the range is not here.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah. I mean, he was also getting like, I don't know, fourth round supplemental draft type, you know, type discussion. Especially because it was like a very light crop of quarterbacks this year. So I don't know, like, stout white boy tends to be a popular quarterback pick.

[Ryan Nanni]

I, I just think like, the attention he's going to risk. Like, I, maybe I'm stupid for saying this. I do kind of feel like I'm mostly mad at Texas Tech and maybe Kessler because I'm like, oh, I don't think you're actually invested in helping Brennan Soares be.

[Jason Kirk]

No.

[Ryan Nanni]

Have. Have like a better life, like, deal with like, I absolutely buy that he is a gambling addict based on what he has sort of disclosed to the NCAA and to the court. And I think it should be the goal of everybody involved, the, the, you know, responsible adults to sort of do what they can to help him deal with that. And I, I can't help but feel like, yeah, that's a, that's a thing that some of these parties are hiding behind and they don't actually give a. As to whether Brennan Sorsby beats this gambling addiction like, or, or, or learn or learns to live with it in a healthier way as long as he can play quarterback for them.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah, like, I have felt fine making some jokes about the gambling addiction thing because so is Texas Tech. Like, they're not taking it seriously. So it must not be that bad. Like, yeah, the dude was gambling on Angolan handball. It's pretty bad. But like, if you're trying to have it both ways, like, I have to be allowed to do my 5 million dollar job because of the rules I broke because, you know, like, it's trying to have it both ways. And the broadcasts are just gonna be spectacles. Texas Tech broadcasts. Like, it's going to go in every direction. You're going to, you're going to get some like it. You're going to get moralizing and you're also going to get, I think at some point, like sympathizing.

[Ryan Nanni]

You'll get the adversity storyline for sure.

[Jason Kirk]

It'll depend on the win loss record, right?

[Ryan Nanni]

Yes. And it'll depend on how he plays.

[Jason Kirk]

If tech is 7 0, then look at what he's overcome.

[Ryan Nanni]

Yep.

[Spencer Hall]

He has overcome so much himself, technically.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah.

[Ryan Nanni]

Which will. Which will be. Yeah. The whole thing is, man, the whole

[Spencer Hall]

thing sucks because at one point, at one point, you know, you're going, well, he obviously did have a serious issue. And at the same point you have to say, well, when am I gonna stop thinking about that? Watching him? When am I gonna. Like, every time he throws a pick, right, I'll be like, oh, what was he seeing? Someone in your head's gonna go, dollar signs, brother.

[Holly Anderson]

To say nothing of that's a problem that's going to get worse when he goes to the NFL.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah.

[Holly Anderson]

If he goes to the NFL.

[Jason Kirk]

Like, if it is. If it is that serious, then treat it that serious. And like, yeah, I understand he did a month of rehab. But like, if it remains such a problem that a judge has to step in, the judge stepping in to say, the solution is to play high stakes football where you have a ton of money in your hand. Like this big disconnect.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah. Like, for an ad, for an addict. This is like a drunk who works in a bar.

[Ryan Nanni]

But I think that's like, mostly. To me, that is mostly reflective of. Oh, the fact that the court system is the way to deal with this is totally bonkers.

[Spencer Hall]

Crazy.

[Ryan Nanni]

Like, and it's. But it is the way, for all the reasons Jason laid out earlier, it is the way that all NCAA business effectively happens now. Like, there are pros and cons for sure about baseball handling all of its business internally and deciding what will happen with suspensions and performance enhancing drugs. And, you know, like, God knows, labor issues are not in a great place with that organization right now. But court, like, okay, so for instance, the timeline is the thing people are really harping on about, like, ah, you know, this, this thing's gonna stretch out. He's gonna get to play the whole season. And I think it's getting painted as like this canny thing that Texas Tech and Sorsby did to be like, aha, if I get this injunction, it will effectively free me from NCAA bullshit for a whole year. And I knew that and that was my plan all along. And it's really just like. And it's really just a function of the way courts work.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah, it was largely. The supplemental draft is coming up.

[Holly Anderson]

This would be also a very funny time for any of the parties involved. From Soursby all the way on up to the NCAA to develop medium to long term thinking.

[Jason Kirk]

Right.

[Ryan Nanni]

Like the whole. Yeah, there's just a lot of this. That the Holly and I were talking about the venue shopping thing as well. And everybody's so eager to be like, look at this court they filed in and look at this judge. Even though the judge who ended up hearing this is a Houston grad who was retired and isn't even up for. Isn't even from the county, whatever. And it's like, yeah, man, that happens all the time. Like, this is. There is nothing people are getting mad at.

[Holly Anderson]

It's like switching jerseys.

[Ryan Nanni]

Yeah. People are getting mad at the court system for functioning in the ways that it functions for everything. Like, nothing that happened here is particularly, like, sinister. Yeah, yeah. You might not like it. And I think Jason is right that, like, I also would have liked to hear some more detail. I. I am a little confused as to, like, the probability of success argument here and why that justified an injunction. But, like, from the pure perspective of this judge was asked, like, hey, do you think Brendan Sorsby has a case against the ncaa? And if so, can you sort of like, prevent him from suffering. From suffering consequences that could not be recompensed? I think he did the right job. It's just a really shitty mechanism to have it go through, frankly. It's just. It's just all going through the wrong. The wrong machine.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah. And like, if, you know, if they do the thing that has been done in other cases and in two weeks, they say, okay, we now, we are ruling on this. Now that we've all taken a beat and we're gonna say, okay, you can't game. You know, like, if it all works out, that'll be a funny moment, I guess, but it'll still. It'll still real, you know, it'll still be a thing where like, oh, the NCAA was on pins and needles, and the entire time they were counting on a Texas Tech law judge most likely to. To rule against Texas.

[Ryan Nanni]

The whole thing is just sort of like, you know, to the extent the house settlement is direct payment of players, it's like, okay, how did we get there? Was it like through some form of something like bargaining between the ncaa, its member institutions, players? No, it's a class action lawsuit that's being overseen by third parties and includes this whole new creation full of baseball bros who get to decide what nil is real and what, like, we have worked ourselves. And by we, I really do mean the NCAA and the schools have worked Ourselves into such logic pretzels. And now everybody is like, I don't like that these pretzels have holes in them. This is crazy. How did this happen? And it's like, like, how could it not, man?

[Jason Kirk]

And like the 20.5 million dollar thing, the salary cap that every school has for its own payments, like, where'd that number come from? A judge said, let's do 20.5 million. Like that's it. It wasn't. It wasn't like the two councils of arbitrators and that this is the perfect formula. And it's like, that's what the court said.

[Holly Anderson]

A judge clearly cashing out his own cow. She bet to make that number.

[Jason Kirk]

And then. Yeah. And then like every school is like, we'll just breeze past it, see what happens. And like every school, I imagine how many schools whose coaches, administrators, blah, blah, blah, are mad about Texas Tech. Their own budgets are all sailing past 20.5. You know what I mean? And that's not to say that, like, people should be allowed to gamble. It's just to say nobody follows the rules. This is just the one you have to follow.

[Holly Anderson]

And when would these schools have ever had to learn that their actions have consequences? Consequences, yeah. And that when those consequences come, that they have to accept them. Well, because they've ever had to learn

[Spencer Hall]

that, like the central property at the core of all of this, there's two things that are. That are of value. One is the player's skill. Right. Like the player's labor is of value. And the second thing is the actual game itself that is sold as a product. And the player's value we have attached to people. Now that's it. That's cool. Like, it took us 150 years, but we managed to attach value to person. The next step in all of this will be establishing that college football exists. Something.

[Holly Anderson]

Any minute now.

[Spencer Hall]

Any minute now. It's essentially a. It's essentially right. Right now. It is essentially legally what mines were in the 19th century. There are a lot of laws that

[Holly Anderson]

apply to this number of levels.

[Spencer Hall]

Right? There is a lot of laws that apply to mines. But whenever something goes wrong in the mines. Whoa, whoa. Mine doesn't exist. This company has the rights to it. Well, a boulder fell on a worker and they're like, technically that's an act of God because the earth just fell on it.

[Ryan Nanni]

Sorry. 50% of this mine is owned by a whale in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and you'll never serve him with paper.

[Jason Kirk]

We're trying to. Trying very hard to Find him.

[Spencer Hall]

Like, what kind of bullshit maritime law shit is this? Because we can't actually attach any laws or rules to it because no one admits that it exists. It is a business that is incorporated under universities, that technically is not a business and it's played by technically not employees. Everybody is running away from the uranium that we are all mining, right? That is radioactive, making people sick and makes bombs and is extremely valuable. And no one wants to admit that it's. That it has to be somebody's responsibility. They're like, I don't know if you should do it. I don't know. Just be careful.

[Jason Kirk]

I think the hybrid nature of academia, enterprise and big business, like for decades and decades, all of those 150 years, the powers have been able to dance between both of them and be one thing and the other at the same time, depending on what most benefits the situation here. Obviously you see both of them in that the school and its boosters had the money to pay for super expensive lawyer. And also the judge sees, well, the kid needs to be on his college teammates, right? Like the judge does. You know, the judge doesn't see. And I understand this isn't the final decision. The judge isn't making the final decision, but still the idea that like, oh, oh, these are, these are just the boys in the schoolyard. He has to hang out with his buddies.

[Holly Anderson]

You know, this is extra funny given that we have no idea in either direction how popular he is or is not in that locker room.

[Ryan Nanni]

He just got there.

[Holly Anderson]

That, that all. That's the biggest reason why we don't know.

[Ryan Nanni]

It does occur to me that if the NCAA is regretting any. Well, I don't know if the NCAA is capable of regret, but if they are, I think one of the like hardest parts about the NIL era at this point, and technically it's not totally gone, but it's effectively pretty well dead, is that you can't dissociate. Like it's so much harder to disassociate a booster this point. I think we have probably always had Cody Campbell's in the sport guys who are like, I got a scheme and this is how we're going to do it. And I understand, but Bobby, louder 100%. But the NCAA had some ability to say like, hey, that guy, we hate him, he's a pain in the ass and he's causing trouble and we would like him to go away and at least have a more difficult time being the face of this, being somebody that people have to listen to, being somebody that like reporters will go to for information, but now they can't do that. Now, like the Cody Campbell's of the world. And I frankly, I doubt he's the only one. Are sort of like, ha, ha, Batman's dead. I'll do whatever I want.

[Jason Kirk]

But like, like I'm Batman now, right? Like I am the I am.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah.

[Ryan Nanni]

I guess it is a little more death of super. What it is.

[Jason Kirk]

It's very much like no one is in charge, therefore. And it's both. I can get away with whatever I want and I am the one. I am the one who should be in charge.

[Ryan Nanni]

Yeah.

[Spencer Hall]

And mind you, this is also lovely

[Holly Anderson]

cheese pizza just for me.

[Ryan Nanni]

Just for Texas Tech.

[Spencer Hall]

Like a last note on the Texas Tech ness of this, by the way, is that Cody Campbell's obviously the person writing the biggest checks there. But all politics are local. There is no guarantee whatsoever that we know how this is actually playing out within Texas Tech. There's none. Like you assume, you go, oh, hey man, they're all on the same page. Nope. From what I've seen, that place is a bucket of crabs. And I don't care how sizable a crab Cody Campbell might be at the moment, somebody wants to kneecap him.

[Ryan Nanni]

There is also, I think I understand the impulse from Texas. Texas fans who are like, wait a second, all this shit happens somewhere else? And it seems like the second school where it didn't. Where, where he wasn't betting on his own team, they might have known about it. And like, I think there is this like sense of hot potato about, like, why the fuck are we the ones who are gonna have to eat all this shit and be the villains of college football when Indiana was not properly supervising what was going on, and while Cincinnati maybe knew about it and let it happen. Like, I, I understand the frustration with that of this idea of like, it would be a little bit. If you sign an NBA player. And then they were like, we've decided he's suspended for the season based on these technical fouls from two years ago when he played for somebody else. Where you'd be like, all right, well, yeah, those fouls happen, but why do we have to eat all the. For it Again? It's just a fucked up system.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah. Also, you were last. That's.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah, everyone's paying his lawyer.

[Spencer Hall]

That's it.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah, I think to me, that's the thing.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah. Right now you are currently holding might be it. I suggest you get him to transfer somewhere else. If that bothers you a whole lot. Go ahead, throw it to a Fourth. And you know what? Somebody would pick it up. LSU would pick. Lane would be like, yeah, yeah. It's controversial. I'll do it. Sounds awesome. And LSU would be like, gambling's good. We do it on every play.

[Jason Kirk]

I bet.

[Spencer Hall]

We score.

[Holly Anderson]

Life is a gamble.

[Ryan Nanni]

Will Wade calling bread. And so, hey, man, you who.

[Holly Anderson]

Welcome to our LSU basketball recruiting episode.

[Spencer Hall]

It's our most profitable one. I think it's time for a little business.

[Holly Anderson]

Should we make it

[Spencer Hall]

podcast business? What's a business? Podcast business. It's a business. Podcast business. We go too long now.

[Ryan Nanni]

Yeah, no, I. I'm gonna keep this one. Really. I can keep this really short, actually.

[Jason Kirk]

All right.

[Ryan Nanni]

Thinking about how to do this. Okay, I'll do this. One of you is going to do the home field read. I'm going to do the. I'm going to do the collective read for everybody else. The common element of Channel 6 Phantom island until Saturday, Killer ants with a Z is that they are limitless resources. Where, hey, you can sign up today. You can go to Channel six. Is it Channel six? Six.

[Holly Anderson]

Channel six. Six News. Spell it out. Don't be lazy.

[Ryan Nanni]

Thank you. You can go to Phantom island show. You can. You can find the Until Saturday newsletter from the Athletic. And Jason, you can find killer ants with a Z. Or a Z, depending on the country in which you live, on music platforms pretty much of your choice. And you think, I can do this whenever. There will never be a. The club will never get full. We will never reach the fire code of, Sorry, but what if that's not true? What if one day Holly and Spencer say, no, we have as many Channel 6 subscribers as we want and no more are coming? What if Jason says, Until Saturday is free, but we've decided the people who are here are the ones we want? What if Cerber says, that's it. The rest of this stays in the vault. If you don't already have Killer Ants music, you can't have it anymore. What if Stephen and I say, nope, no more Phantom island subscribers?

[Holly Anderson]

Which one of us is running Paramount in this scenario?

[Ryan Nanni]

I nominate Spencer, because I think that's funniest.

[Holly Anderson]

Yeah, on a number of levels. Yeah.

[Ryan Nanni]

Why would you risk that? Like, you can't assume that just because the door has been open the whole time that it always will be open. So that's my only suggestion to you today, is that, like, don't assume that this is always the way it's going to be, that the Internet is always open and free and accessible. We could. We could slam the door shut. We can bar you.

[Spencer Hall]

That's right.

[Ryan Nanni]

We can say you may never enter the hallowed halls of Phantom Island. Channel 6 until Saturday. Killer ants. We can say no, boss. We have the people who are welcome and no one else may get on the boat. So don't take that risk. Just go sign up for all those things. What if the shutdown full cast says no? No more Patreons. We have patreons. Enough. You may go now. You may not hear the special bonus con. You will never hear Jason waxing poetic about the X Men. You will never hear Spencer explaining for all mankind. None of these things are available to you. You lose.

[Holly Anderson]

Sir.

[Ryan Nanni]

Don't be that person. Go sign up for all of these things. Fair. I did all the reads for those things in one fell swoop. And I just need one of you to take the baton. Do the home field Read now.

[Jason Kirk]

Homefieldapparel.com My favorite website. It's time once again to visit it. Let's see here. The school we've been talking about most today. Texas Tech. Have we. Have we looked at their paraphernalia recently? Yes, we have. We have. Again, I'm looking.

[Holly Anderson]

What they need right now is more money.

[Jason Kirk]

They. They're gonna freaking need it. The Texas. The Texas Tech page we have looked at recently South Carolina. We have established that you need help. So let's sell some South Carolina shirts. Let's see at home field apparel dot com. First thing I see is a. It's great to be a Gamecock trucker hat. It will be once you folks buy some stuff so they can afford some players. Lots of other great stuff [e-mail] South Carolina page. The fighting Gamecock shirt with the old timey looks like a hand drawn chicken. I say that with all Perry's. It's a very nice drawing. The Black Magic hat. I don't feel like I should be wearing that as a white baby. But it is a very nice hat. It is a phenomenal hat.

[Holly Anderson]

Stick to the white Cox hat of your forebears.

[Jason Kirk]

It might have been one I would have attempted to get away with in high school. You know what I mean? Because there were times. There were times when listening Joe Morris. Go for it.

[Holly Anderson]

Okay?

[Spencer Hall]

That's what you need to know about the Black Magic era. He was on one.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah. I did have a Morehouse hat that I got away with.

[Holly Anderson]

So does it say more hat?

[Ryan Nanni]

I understand. I had a FAMU shirt and I got lots of compliments on it, frankly.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah. It just feels. This is a little like the FAMU

[Holly Anderson]

snake is so cool that it just transcends.

[Ryan Nanni]

It's fun to do this.

[Holly Anderson]

That is the most fun. Yeah. Like fan gesture.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah.

[Ryan Nanni]

Anyway.

[Jason Kirk]

Homefieldapparel.com also the forever to the South Carolina hoodie. The chicken appears to be bowing. I mean, this is. This is a strong page. I didn't know. I didn't know what my hopes would be. 97 South Carolina basketball. But I just tell you, man, every single week I pull up homefieldapparel.com and just look at a school's page that I maybe haven't looked at in years. And every time I'm like, damn, I would wear all of this stuff available for me at home field apparel dot com.

[Ryan Nanni]

That's like an art gallery you can buy.

[Jason Kirk]

Turn your body into an art gallery. Here's a health Carolina.

[Ryan Nanni]

I have that one. I have that one.

[Spencer Hall]

Oh, I love that one.

[Holly Anderson]

Yeah.

[Jason Kirk]

I don't know what the hell that means.

[Spencer Hall]

Doctor.

[Jason Kirk]

Leave it.

[Ryan Nanni]

Yes, that's correct.

[Spencer Hall]

Yes, Dr. Chicken. The surgeon General.

[Ryan Nanni]

It's what we decided. It's what we decided. Yellow bile was not one of the humorous chicken. Was, though.

[Jason Kirk]

Well, your blood's got plenty of chicken in it.

[Ryan Nanni]

Off you go.

[Jason Kirk]

I don't want to see you back around here.

[Spencer Hall]

That seems. Seems accurate enough. Homefieldapparel.com all right.

[Ryan Nanni]

Is it announcement time?

[Spencer Hall]

Announcement time?

[Ryan Nanni]

Okay, I have a prepared statement here.

[Spencer Hall]

That's it. That's the whole statement.

[Ryan Nanni]

Roughly. Roughly 13 years ago, I was still a practicing attorney in the state of New York, and I was approached with the FBI with a request that I have not disclosed until today. The government wanted me to infiltrate and destabilize a relatively new podcast known as the quote, shutdown full cast. And because I love my country, I accepted this assignment without hesitation. And over the ensuing years, I cannily worked my way into full time employment at Vox Media, where I secretly worked to destroy the show as my sole focus. Sometimes this was with incredibly poor audio. Sometimes it was with bad opinions or terrible jokes. Sometimes it was with advertising reads intentionally designed to alienate sponsors and ruin the commercial prospects of the full cast. But today, I admit defeat. Despite my best efforts and the assistance of several corporate media partners in my job, the full cast cannot be brought down. It cannot be sunk. So I am announcing for real that I am leaving the show at the end of August. I want to congratulate Jason, Holly, and Spencer for outwitting me for all these years. And I swear that I will no longer attempt to sabotage this podcast going forward, Though I reserve the right to undermine it in minor ways over the next three months.

[Jason Kirk]

You thought you could get away?

[Holly Anderson]

You know, I was gonna be real sorry about this until you said Ted Cruz cloaca. And now I'm fine with it.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, good. Totally good with it.

[Ryan Nanni]

Do you want to play a game?

[Holly Anderson]

I love games.

[Spencer Hall]

Would love to play a game.

[Ryan Nanni]

Play us out first. Spencer, this is a game specifically for you. You may enlist the help of Jason, Holly, and Serper as you play it, though.

[Spencer Hall]

All right.

[Ryan Nanni]

Obviously a big, big 12 day here on the shutdown. Full cast. Big day for Big 12 and crime and law and justice. And so, Spencer, we're gonna play a very simple game. It is called Big 12 staff member or Walker, Texas ranger character.

[Holly Anderson]

Wow.

[Ryan Nanni]

I'm going to give you a name.

[Spencer Hall]

This is the hardest game you have ever created.

[Ryan Nanni]

I'm going to give you a name, and all you have to tell me is whether it's the name of a character who was on Walker, Texas Ranger. If you could tell me anything about them, that's fine and fun, but you don't have to. Or whether this is the name of somebody who is a coach within the Big 12 footprint.

[Spencer Hall]

Okay.

[Ryan Nanni]

Do you understand the rules?

[Spencer Hall]

I understand the rules, and I'm ready to proceed.

[Ryan Nanni]

I'm gonna start with some easy ones just to warm you up. Okay.

[Holly Anderson]

Okay.

[Spencer Hall]

Victor larue, that is a Walker, Texas Ranger character.

[Ryan Nanni]

That is correct. Victor larue had a multi arc run as a villain on Walker, Texas Ranger.

[Spencer Hall]

Morgan Scally, that is Utah's head coach.

[Ryan Nanni]

That is correct. Yes.

[Holly Anderson]

All right, so you don't have any good cowboy noises.

[Ryan Nanni]

You've got. You've got the game down. All right, here we go.

[Spencer Hall]

These are what? These are warm ups. You're about to get to the hardship.

[Ryan Nanni]

Brian Falcon.

[Spencer Hall]

Come on. Brian Falcon. I am going to assume that's a Walker character.

[Ryan Nanni]

That is indeed a. A native American character on Walker, Texas Ranger.

[Spencer Hall]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[Ryan Nanni]

Brian Falcon.

[Spencer Hall]

Brian Falcon.

[Ryan Nanni]

Boomer Knight. K, N, I, G, H, T. Boomer Knight.

[Spencer Hall]

I'm gonna listen. All right. I know this is like a B. A b. But I'm gonna guess B and say that it is a Big 12 coach.

[Ryan Nanni]

Nope. This is Hulk Hogan's character on Walker, Texas Ranger.

[Spencer Hall]

How could I have forgotten? How could I have forgotten the lore?

[Ryan Nanni]

All right,

[Spencer Hall]

Honestly, Ryan, I have watched a shitload of that show and I had totally forgotten that Hulk Hogan.

[Ryan Nanni]

All right. Slade Nagel. Slade.

[Spencer Hall]

That is a coach. That is a coach.

[Ryan Nanni]

Slade Nagel is the offensive coordinator at Houston.

[Spencer Hall]

That's correct.

[Ryan Nanni]

Rob Grande.

[Spencer Hall]

Rob Grande is 100. A Walker character.

[Ryan Nanni]

Rob Grande is the special teams coordinator at Iowa State.

[Spencer Hall]

Rob Grande. Big Rob.

[Ryan Nanni]

All right. Cosmo Von Dusenberg, Walker, Texas Ranger character. Cosmo Von Duesenberg was indeed a German police officer on Walker, Texas Ranger.

[Spencer Hall]

Yes, he was. They were like, what's the German name? And they're like, ah, easy answer. Everyone knows I taught him something to

[Holly Anderson]

sing for the baroness.

[Ryan Nanni]

I'm sorry, that hit me late, but it hit me good. All right. Cody krill. Cody krill. C o d y c r I

[Spencer Hall]

l l cody krill is a coach.

[Ryan Nanni]

Cody krill is indeed the coach. He's the offensive line coach at oklahoma state. You have two left. Okay, donovan riggs.

[Jason Kirk]

Here.

[Ryan Nanni]

No, I'm gonna give you both of them and you tell me which one is the Walker character, Which one is the Big 12 coach? Ready?

[Spencer Hall]

Okay.

[Ryan Nanni]

Donovan Riggs and Jordan Dove. Just like the bird.

[Spencer Hall]

Jordan. I think Jordan Dove is a coach and I think Donovan Riggs is the character.

[Ryan Nanni]

Jordan Dove is indeed the defensive tackles coach at Kansas State. And Donovan Riggs is character on Walker played by Gary Busey. That's it. That's the whole game. You won no matter what.

[Spencer Hall]

You won the game. I thought I did really well.

[Ryan Nanni]

I think you did. Yeah.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Nanni]

I originally did this with characters from the not the Land menu. What's the Yellowstone Universe? But I was much happier. It was more fun, honestly, to switch it because Gary Busey hasn't been in the Yellowstone universe. That seems not yet crazy. Not even Jake Busey.

[Spencer Hall]

I don't think he's just going to. He's going to end up in the universe, but like not because Sheridan wanted him there.

[Ryan Nanni]

There are also too many. There are also too many Yellowstone universe shows and I appreciate that. Walker, Texas Ranger. No spin offs, just core material.

[Spencer Hall]

That's right. Then we just what? Wait, like why would you spin it off? You would get further away from Chuck Norris and thus the warmth central to the universe's well being show.

[Holly Anderson]

So good.

[Spencer Hall]

Dude, I know you're replaying the Metal Gear games. Really? You need to just do an extended sit in the watch of those things. The El Coyote arc alone, where Chuck Norris goes undercover as a Mexican migrant worker and attempts to be like a believable Mexican.

[Ryan Nanni]

And you're probably thinking, well, he probably does some accent. Nope, not a bit of accent work.

[Spencer Hall]

He doesn't talk. That's his disguise. He puts on some bronzer and he puts. He puts on a bronzer.

[Ryan Nanni]

Does he dye the beard at all?

[Spencer Hall]

No, it's just it's just Walker. But, like, he puts on some bronzer and a bandana.

[Holly Anderson]

Yeah.

[Spencer Hall]

And a weird duster. And he's like, I'm Mexican. And you go, I. Dude, this is so offensive. But it all. See where it goes.

[Ryan Nanni]

If you imagine that every Walker episode is actually Riker in the holodeck playing Walker, they all make the show. Makes total sense.

[Spencer Hall]

It does. Additionally, I do think Chuck Norris, for those episodes, did believe he was Mexican. You know, like, he's one of those guys who. When you were. When I was like, hey, so, you know, he was part Native American. Okay, cool. Hey, Chuck, did you know you were part Korean? Yeah, I studied in Korea, so I'm now part Korean. Okay. Yeah, sure. He was one of.

[Holly Anderson]

He's a real New Yorker.

[Spencer Hall]

He had that Steven Seagal thing of, like, I studied martial arts. So suddenly I'm unmoored in time and identity. Like, he's just like, yeah, I've always been here. I climb Mount Everest. I'm Uzbek. Yeah. But I'm also Congolese.

[Jason Kirk]

Or like.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, yeah. He had no identity permanent, so the last place he went was where he was from. He's like, yeah, I went to a Thai restaurant and now I am Thai.

[Jason Kirk]

Like, the Latino community claiming Scott Hall.

[Ryan Nanni]

Like, Mega Man. No, like Kirby, actually.

[Spencer Hall]

I think the Latino community claiming Scott hall is completely real. It's completely legit. If they say he is.

[Jason Kirk]

Yep. Yeah.

[Spencer Hall]

100%. That's like me claiming Foghorn Leghorn as an official Southerner. Yep. Cartoon actual great Southerner.

[Ryan Nanni]

God. The Walker Texas Ranger episode about Brennan Sorsby would have fucking ruled. Cody Campbell would have got Roundhouse kicked. Right the dick.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah. I've had enough of you. Walker. Pow. And a judge being, like, completely justified use of force. Clang.

[Holly Anderson]

Have a known Big 12 affiliation?

[Ryan Nanni]

Not to my knowledge.

[Holly Anderson]

Like, which one? I just assume. I just assumed Texas, but, you know,

[Spencer Hall]

I mean, they were out of Dallas, so I'm gonna give him smu.

[Jason Kirk]

He's from Oklahoma.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, but he's from Oklahoma. But he's got real Oklahoma State energy.

[Ryan Nanni]

Yeah.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, he does. But Walker was from. Walker was from Dallas. So, like, that's.

[Ryan Nanni]

That's pretty Oklahoma State, too.

[Spencer Hall]

That is. That's true.

[Jason Kirk]

Lived in Kansas and then California.

[Ryan Nanni]

Man, he really is the pack.

[Holly Anderson]

Actually, if you lived in Kansas and California, regular Texas would probably be the most logical.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah. Or Ohio State. You're gonna love Columbus. Where do you live? La. I haven't been back there in years. LA is awesome. I think we also wanted to, very briefly, if we can. The World cup is happening whether we want it to or not.

[Jason Kirk]

And honestly, like, I don't. We could just skip this.

[Spencer Hall]

I just want to skip it. Yeah, we're at three. Listen, man, we're like an hour 20 if you just want to.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah, yeah. We're already at 80 something minutes.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah, I mean, it's a bummer. So we don't have to talk about it.

[Holly Anderson]

It'll still be here next week and it'll probably be dumber.

[Spencer Hall]

Yeah. The as.

[Ryan Nanni]

Yeah, yeah. That random.

[Jason Kirk]

Yeah.

[Holly Anderson]

Yeah.

[Jason Kirk]

Hey.

[Ryan Nanni]

Hey, y'.

[Holly Anderson]

All.

[Jason Kirk]

We had like sort of floated, like doing some sort of. It was. I. I sort of said a couple days ago in slack, like, I guess we should do some sort of World cup thing and then. Did I flesh that idea out? No. No, not at all.

[Spencer Hall]

So here.

[Jason Kirk]

Here we are.

[Spencer Hall]

Here's how. Here's how we're gonna do it. Okay?

[Holly Anderson]

A rare post show meeting.

[Spencer Hall]

Hey. Hey, Jason. Do you want to. Do you want to talk about the World Cup?

[Jason Kirk]

Scotland's gonna win. That's all I know.

[Spencer Hall]

O Father Storm, come. When will we see your life again?