Podcast Summary: "Sex Magic with Dr. Laura Berman"

Sibling Revelry with Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson iHeartPodcasts | January 12, 2026

Episode Overview

In this candid and insightful episode of "Sibling Revelry," Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson dive deep into the nuances of sexuality, intimacy, and modern relationships, joined by renowned sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman. The trio explores everything from the evolving nature of sex in long-term partnerships, mismatched libidos, and the rise of alternative relationship structures like throuples, to the impact of stress and technology on intimacy. Dr. Berman offers both practical advice and scientific background, as well as discussing her new book, "Sex Magic," which reframes sexual energy as a powerful, transformative force in relationships.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Significance of Sex in Relationships

• Sex as a Mirror to Intimacy

  • Dr. Berman explains (08:28–09:51) that sex is one integral part of a relationship—not the only one, but when it’s not working, it significantly damages intimacy and the relationship’s health.
  • “When sex is working in a relationship, it's just a part of the working relationship...When it’s not working, that’s when it starts to fray the fiber of your connection.” — Dr. Laura Berman (08:28)
  • Living without sex often means “you're living like roommates.”

• Masculine vs. Feminine Sexual Dynamics

  • Dr. Berman: “In order to have a healthy sexual connection, you need polarity. One of you needs to be more in your masculine, the other needs to be more in their feminine. It doesn't matter what gender you are.” (10:16)
  • The conversation highlights the classic dynamic: men (or the masculine partner) often use sex to feel connection, while women (or the feminine partner) seek emotional connection to feel sexual.

2. Personal Experiences and Self-Reflection

• Kate’s Approach

  • Kate reveals her own libido shifts and how sometimes, initiating sex can restore closeness even if she isn’t initially feeling it:
    • “Sometimes I think you actually just need to have sex with your partner. Even if you're not feeling it, you need to kind of almost get your head around it differently, because usually afterwards you feel a different sense of closeness.” — Kate Hudson (12:13)
  • Dr. Berman affirms, “Once you get going...women say this to me all the time…you’ve now created deeper connection with your partner, and then he is more emotionally tuned in.” (13:24)

• The Libido Timeline & Hormones

  • Kate’s “theory” about mismatched libido timelines for men and women (14:10-15:17) is addressed:
    • Dr. Berman clarifies: hormonally, women’s desire (testosterone) generally declines from their 20s onward, but women often become more confident and open sexually in their 30s and beyond thanks to life experience and comfort in their bodies.
    • “Emotionally and intellectually, she's more there. Whereas guys, yes, their testosterone slowly declines...for women, any kind of stress can affect her libido. For men, the primary stress...is job or money related.” — Dr. Laura Berman (15:17)

3. Modern Relationship Structures: Throuples & Open Relationships

• Possessiveness and Emotional Maturity

  • Kate shares her fascination with friends in throuple relationships:
    • “I would go crazy. There's no way I would be able...I'd be like, I would find myself feeling insecure or, or, or, you know, maybe having a, you know, feeling jealous…” (20:26)
  • Dr. Berman discusses survival rates: Open relationships require “so much emotional maturity…healed so many wounds…and keeping the communication so clean and pure.” (22:21)
    • “Very few throuples, open relationships survive because they don't have what you're describing. You have to be so emotionally mature...It very rarely works because of that, but when it does, it's because everyone's doing that so effectively.” — Dr. Laura Berman (23:01)
  • She notes a post-pandemic shift (“Pornhub went free and everyone was stuck at home...all kinds of stuff started evolving out of that.” — 23:01) and a generational change in expectations about monogamy and commitment.

• Evolutionary View of Monogamy

  • Dr. Berman: “We are not designed for monogamy for life...The highest divorce rate is when the youngest child reaches three years...” (24:15)

4. Communication, Honesty, and Gender Dynamics

• Honesty as Relationship Fuel

  • On recommitment and honesty: “That whole myth that it's supposed to be effortless if it's love is a crock of...No, it requires constant commitment and recommitment.” — Dr. Laura Berman (26:12)
  • Dr. Berman encourages couples to take personal responsibility for their needs and to be direct about what they seek from the relationship, while also participating in fulfilling those needs (27:08).

• Gender Differences in Expressing Needs

  • Kate: “It is not hard for me to say this is what I need...But I find that anytime I'm sitting with a group of women, it's always about like, I've said it, I've been saying it for years...And then what happens is then women are just done.” (27:41)
  • Dr. Berman suggests men especially need practical, literal “instruction manuals” for emotional attunement and are less trained societally to access or express feelings (27:53–30:24).

5. Somatic Work and Healing Sexual Shame

• Connecting Body, Emotion, and Sexuality
  • Kate: “A huge part of sex is being connected to your spiritual center and like how you're able to let go, how you're able to open up...” (30:24)
  • Dr. Berman outlines her somatic work: “Your body is your transceiver...one of the most beautiful things you can do is start to...attune to where you're holding tension in the body, where you're shutting down...” (31:59)
  • She shares a practice where clients locate feelings in their body and trace them to early shame or trauma, releasing blocks and opening up to deeper intimacy (33:08).
  • “Sex at its finest…that feeling of intense excitement is so much more available to you when you can open the channels and start moving that sexual energy through you, in between you. And that’s like—that’s why, you know, that's what sex magic is about.” — Dr. Laura Berman (34:55)

6. Porn: Risks and Conversation

• Porn’s Double-Edged Sword
  • Early on, Dr. Berman supported porn as a tool in healthy relationships (35:58), but warns:
    • Easy access and high frequency have shifted her view—porn can be addictive, rewires arousal toward 2D instead of 3D partners, and escalates in intensity of content required.
    • “You are training the body to respond to 2D versus 3D. So what they're seeing is that men who are watching a lot of porn are having a harder time getting aroused by a three dimensional woman or man.” — Dr. Laura Berman (35:58)
  • Both boys and girls are learning from porn—and often confusing fantasy with reality. Dr. Berman laments that many young people have “lost the art of fantasy,” needing to be taught how to use imagination rather than only stimulation by visual aids (41:49).

7. Sex Positivity, Shame & Social Influence—Especially for Girls

• Early Shaming & Expression

  • Kate notes how girls’ early self-expression and confidence is quickly policed: “It’s so fascinating how we, especially women, not men, [are taught that] a woman's true nature, like her divine feminine, is very early on, like squelched...” (44:01)
  • Dr. Berman: Societal programming and victim-blaming teach girls to suppress themselves for male comfort: “It's so misogynistic...It’s saying to women all the way through...you have to shut this down because men can't control themselves.” (44:40)

• Seeking Validation and Peer Effects

  • Dr. Berman discusses girls objectifying themselves for clout and popularity, especially through social media trends, which leads to both social advantage and slut-shaming (46:28).
  • She illustrates the looping cycle of expectation, attention, and peer judgment in teenage sexuality (47:45).

8. Raising Sexually Healthy Children

• Teaching Consent, Fantasy, and Porn Avoidance
  • Ongoing, open sex conversations are crucial.
  • “Consent” should be taught early, with clear communication and understanding that intoxication negates valid consent (49:27).
  • Dr. Berman emphasizes caution with porn’s impact on developing brains and suggests honesty with boys: “If you watch too much porn, you're gonna have a hard time getting it up with a real woman. They will not watch as much porn.” (50:56)

9. Practical Tips for Rekindling Intimacy

• Everyday Practices

  • Dr. Berman’s “relationship care and feeding” (52:00–54:10):
    • Intentionality with sex, including scheduling and anticipation.
    • Emotional connection: at least 15 minutes/week of non-logistical talk, and intentional tech-free, focused time.
    • Appreciations: “Five genuine expressions of appreciation a day…”
    • Physical affection: 30-second heart-to-heart hugs and regular 10-second kisses.
    • Taking vacations as couples—alone, not with family.
  • “When you’re in choice in the relationship, you’re out of that codependence.” (54:10)

• Playfulness in Sex

  • Oliver shares “Sexual Jenga” and repurposing board games for foreplay, stressing fun and creativity (54:26).
  • “You write on the blocks what you want done to you or what you want to do to your partner…so it builds up this intensity…” — Oliver Hudson (54:34)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Sexual Polarity:
  “One of you needs to be more in your masculine, the other needs to be more in their feminine...the one that lives in their masculine achieves a sense of emotional closeness and connection through the physical act of sex. The one that is more in their feminine achieves...emotional connection.” — Dr. Laura Berman (10:16)

• On Just Doing It:
  “...there is a lot of power to just doing it.” — Dr. Laura Berman (13:24)

• On Stress & Libido:
  “For women, any kind of stress can affect her libido. For men, the primary stress that seems to affect their libido is job or money related stress.” — Dr. Laura Berman (15:17)

• On Monogamy:
  “We are not designed for monogamy for life. We're actually—we evolved to be serially monogamous.” — Dr. Laura Berman (24:15)

• On Sexual Communication:
  “Men need an instruction manual. They need...a 20 item list of things that are romantic, because that’s a different definition for everyone else.” — Dr. Laura Berman (28:49)

• On Healing Sexual Shame:
  “The body keeps the stimulus score...it's all about attuning to your body as your transceiver...once shame is brought to the light...they evaporate...” — Dr. Laura Berman (33:06)

• On Porn Addiction:
  “Now I actually feel differently about it because [porn] has become so accessible and insidious and ... you are training the body to respond to 2D versus 3D.” — Dr. Laura Berman (35:58)

• On Sex Positivity for Girls:
  “There's this insidious shutdown of [sensuality], and what you're watching...just start tamping down her aliveness, her sensuality, her ability to feel comfortable in her body.” — Dr. Laura Berman (44:40)

• On Practical Intimacy Tips:
  “A 10 second kiss several times a day...just like what I was saying about the care and feeding of your connection.” — Dr. Laura Berman (54:10)

Most Playful Moment

• Oliver’s “Sexual Jenga” suggestion: “If the Jenga falls?... Then you divorce, it’s over.” (55:05)

About "Sex Magic" – Dr. Laura Berman’s New Book [55:43]

• Dr. Berman explains that “Sex Magic” goes beyond traditional sex advice, teaching ways to cultivate excitement and deep connection through sexual energy as a “sacred energy exchange.” She draws on ancient techniques and reframes sex as a vital tool for manifestation and growth—both for singles and couples.
  • “It's teaching you how to access the energy of your sexuality. So it's not just located in your genital, but you can run it through your body, you can circle it between you...It's basically making modern and accessible Tantra, Kundalini, Kama Sutra, Taoism...and it even teaches you how to use sexual energy to manifest.” — Dr. Laura Berman (55:43)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 08:28 — Importance of Sex in Relationships
• 10:16 — Masculine vs. Feminine Approach to Intimacy
• 12:13 — Kate on Having Sex to Re-ignite Connection
• 15:17 — Hormones, Libido, and Stress
• 22:21 — Open Relationships & Emotional Maturity
• 24:15 — Evolutionary Roots of Monogamy
• 27:41 — Gender Differences in Expressing Needs
• 30:24 — Spiritual/Somatic Approaches to Intimacy
• 35:58 — Porn: Risks and Neurological Impact
• 44:01 — Early Sexual Shaming of Girls
• 52:00 — Dr. Berman’s Practical Relationship Tips
• 54:34 — “Sexual Jenga” Game Idea
• 55:43 — What is “Sex Magic”?

Tone & Style

• Candid, warm, slightly irreverent, but always grounded in curiosity and a desire to normalize open conversation around sex.
• Kate and Oliver bring their sibling dynamic—light teasing and deep support—making topics accessible and even fun.
• Dr. Laura Berman is frank and evidence-based, but nurturing and non-judgmental.

For Listeners Who Haven’t Tuned In

This episode is a refreshingly open conversation about sex, relationships, and the cultural quirks that shape our desires—perfect for anyone looking to better understand their own needs, dismantle a little shame, or simply add more spark to their partnership.

Memorable Sign-off:
Kate: “I love that. Ollie, I'm a sex magician.” (57:45)
Oliver: “No, you’re not.”
Kate: “I am. I am, actually… Even if I wasn’t, it is now how I’m gonna define a huge part of it.” (57:54)

Recommended: For honest insight, healing laughs, and a peek inside the transformative possibilities of 'sex magic.'