The One Where Nick Learns About Meth

Summary

Sibling Rivalry – "The One Where Nick Learns About Meth"

Date: July 6, 2026
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen, Monét X Change
Guest: Nick Smith

Episode Overview

This episode of Sibling Rivalry brings comic banter and sharp wit as Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change invite their friend Nick Smith for a wild romp through topics ranging from gay culture and drag to accidental blackface accusations, the realities of crystal meth, queer dating codes, viral Internet rumors, and a hilarious, improvised plan to secure Queen Latifah her Oscar. The hosts’ chemistry is off the charts, with Nick’s innocent questions leading to playful roasts, running bits, and memorable bits of drag and queer lore.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Feet, Drag, and Compliments (00:40–05:00)

• The episode opens with friendly teasing about Nick’s appearance and feet, with Monet complimenting Nick’s style but Bob promptly roasting Nick’s wrinkled clothes.
  • Notable quote:
    "You seem really drawn to Nick's feet. No. Because you dedicated the first chunk of this podcast to Nick's feet." — Bob [01:42]
• The trio discusses gay men's love of walking in heels, with Nick and Monét sharing their perspectives:
  • "Why do gay men love walking in heels?" — Monét [02:55]
  • "Makes us feel cunty." — Nick [03:05]
• The ongoing joke about what prompts Bob or Monet to do drag, centering around whether they only perform in drag for money.

2. Drag: Payment, Motivation, and Perceptions (04:23–06:20)

• Discussion about performing in drag for free versus for money, both Monét and Bob clarify they sometimes do drag for fun, but payment helps.
• Nick’s one-time drag experience leads to a misunderstanding and a running bit about accidental blackface.
  • "There was one time you put me in drag and it was basically blackface because we don't have the same skin." — Nick [05:52]
  • "Is this your first day on the Internet, Nick? The Internet... none of the nuance exists." — Bob [07:07]

3. Katy Perry, Gayle & Oprah, and Viral Rumors (07:34–12:00)

• Katy Perry is humorously elevated to First Lady of Canada and accused (allegedly) of being a “nun killer” due to a legal dispute.
  • "Katy Perry is an astronaut. She is a hit maker. She is the first lady of Canada and I will hear nothing." — Bob [07:36]
• The group dives into the longstanding Gayle King and Oprah rumors, referencing recent podcast excerpts:
  • "People are saying I'm something that I'm not." — Nick [00:35] / [10:49]
• Discussion of Gayle King’s real-life relationship drama, with Bob underlining that Internet rumors have little real effect on men’s interest, while Monét offers context from the 90s-2000s.

4. Relationship Roleplay & Monogamy Scenarios (13:43–18:02)

• The hosts propose hypothetical scenarios about coming home to a secretive partner—a setup leading to escalating, comedic roleplay:
  • "If I come home and my own home... I'd be like, what are you talking about? I can come in my fucking house." — Bob [14:28]
• The bit escalates outrageously: Bob pretends to attack (“Homelander”), eat, and reconstitute his cheating partner in a loop of extreme cartoon violence and scatological humor, riffing on “two girls, one cup.”
  • "He’s bleeding now, so I pull my fist back and I hit him again. Homelander. No, it’s worse than Homelander. This is one punch, man." — Bob [17:18]

5. Childhood, Beliefs, & Breaking Rules (21:41–23:32)

• Nick shares his early skepticism around religion, recalling a time he told a church group, "I believe that you all believe this is real," and subsequently was kicked out by his pastor.
  • "I got kicked out of confirmation... I said, I believe that you all believe this is real." — Nick [22:06]

6. Nick Learns About Meth: Pop Culture vs. Reality (23:32–31:37)

• Nick professes ignorance about drugs, leading to comedic attempts to have him describe how meth is taken.
  • "Okay, well, this I’m learning. I didn’t realize you could smoke meth." — Nick [24:03]
  • Bob and Monét push Nick to guess how to smoke meth, introducing the gay code “Tina.”
  • Notable exchange:
    "So you have to chop them up and then apparently not a spoon... you must wrap them up." — Nick
    "Wrap it up in what?" — Bob
    "I don’t know, smoking paper." — Nick [25:28–25:40]
• Monét shares a story about nearly hooking up with a man smoking meth in PV, being chased, and hiding in a janitor’s closet.

7. Queer Slang & Symbolism: “Tina” and Tennis Balls (29:08–30:40)

• Anecdote around the use of “Tina” (meth) and the confusion around tennis ball emojis in Grindr bios.
  • "I know tennis is a gay sport, but there just cannot be that many gays being like, I’m looking for tennis ball really." — Nick [29:57]
• The group speculates on the meaning, from meth to actual tennis games to ball torture, with no consensus.

8. Drug-Free & Partying Myths (32:26–32:58)

• Nick claims he’s never consumed alcohol or drugs, which Monét and Bob (jokingly) contest.
  • "Do you know that I have never drank in my life? And I’ve never done any drug of any kind." — Nick [32:26]

9. The Great Queen Latifah Oscar Plan (41:24–47:48)

• The group devises an “airtight” plan to win Queen Latifah an Oscar through an improvisational writers’ room exercise, jointly inventing a gritty 1990s San Francisco drama featuring Queen Latifah as a lesbian mother seeking justice.
  • Notable moment:
    "What’s the line that people are quoting for years and years...? And she sees these red Converse shoes with rhinestones. And then it just zooms in on Queen Latifah. She goes, ‘You raggedy bitch.’" — Bob [48:17]
• Everyone contributes twists, with Viola Davis cast as the best friend-turned-villain.

10. Drag, Identity, and Uniqueness (33:50–38:56)

• Roasting continues about who does or does not do drag, black women’s hairstyles in drag looks, and whether Bob would perform in drag on Nick’s show.
• Discussion of whether Amber Rose identifies as Black and her “problematic” takes; Bob and Monét mention being on her podcast where she surprised them with “maga” politics and moon landing denial.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bob on Internet Discourse:
  “Welcome to the Internet, Nick. The Internet. Famously the place where all the information lives, but none of the nuance exists.” [07:07]
• Monét on Drag Motivation:
  "I do drag when I want to." [04:53]
• Nick on Religion:
  "I believe that you all believe this is real." [22:06]
• Bob, lampooning the Queen Latifah movie improv:
  "She sees these red Converse shoes with rhinestones. And then it just zooms in on Queen Latifah. She goes, ‘You raggedy bitch.’" [48:17]
• Monét, in the meth “lesson”:
  "I hear a crackling sound. And then I look up... he’s smoking this thing." [26:53]

---

Important Segments & Timestamps

• 00:40–05:00 – Foot compliments, drag and payment (first big comedic volley)
• 07:34–12:00 – Katy Perry, Gayle King & Oprah rumors, Internet speculation
• 13:43–18:02 – Relationship scenarios and escalating “roleplay” violence
• 23:32–31:37 – The “meth lesson” and Monét’s meth hook-up story
• 29:08–30:40 – Tennis ball emojis, queer slang and confusion
• 41:24–47:48 – The Queen Latifah Oscar “writers’ room”

---

Tone & Language

The conversation is raucous, irreverent, and full of in-jokes, running gags, and quick-witted shade. The hosts conflate real-world issues with drag performance, queer culture, and pop culture references, often blurring serious and comedic lines for effect. The energy is high, the laughter contagious, and the chemistry between hosts and guest drives the entire episode.

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Closing

The episode closes with Nick plugging his own podcast, "I Never Liked You," and a rapid bit about show promotion and whether Bob or Monét would ever do drag at Nick’s show, ending as chaotically as it began.

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Perfect For:

• Fans of Drag Race/drag culture
• Queer listeners who appreciate candid talk on drugs, dating, slang, and pop culture
• Comedy and improv enthusiasts who love off-the-cuff humor
• Anyone who loves unfiltered, kinetic podcast energy

---

Listen for the group’s full Queen Latifah Oscar campaign, Nick’s crash course in meth, and a tour de force in inside queer and Internet jokes.

Transcript

[A]

My name is bob the drag queen.

[B]

And I'm monet x james, and this is sibling rivalry. On this week's episode, we teach Nick Smith how to do math.

[A]

We make an airtight plan that is guaranteed to get Queen Latifah an Oscar.

[B]

And we find out what made Bob say. Say this.

[A]

You start shooting up. And we find out what made Nick say this.

[C]

People are saying I'm something that I'm not. And we find out what made Monet say this.

[B]

Why do gay men love walking in heels? Mick, I complimented on your shoes, and they're very. Do you. Do you. You have very nice feet.

[C]

Thank you, Monet.

[B]

Do you ever get your.

[C]

You're the only friend that compliments me, actually. Well, I don't.

[B]

Well, there are a lot of things. Complimentary compliment about you.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

Do you ever get into footstep?

[C]

Remember, famously, I had.

[B]

Oh, I was not even. I forgot. That was a big.

[A]

Oh, then you got. When you. Yeah.

[D]

When you.

[A]

When someone rode your toe.

[C]

My toe was essayed.

[A]

How was your. How was your pedicure that day?

[C]

I had. That's the crazy part. I hadn't. I was in between pedicures.

[B]

Do you have. Do you have soft, like, naturally soft feet or naturally hard feet?

[C]

I have naturally soft everything. I'm not.

[A]

I'm not a worker. Do you want to give your assessment?

[B]

No, I don't want to find out. I don't want to touch anyone's feet.

[D]

I've.

[A]

You're like a virtual version. You have an aversion to feet.

[B]

I don't have an average. I'm just not interested in touching. I don't have an aversion to or. I don't. I'm not drawn to. I just don't want.

[A]

You seem really drawn to Nick's feet. No. Because you dedicated the first chunk of this podcast to Nick's feet.

[B]

Well, it's not the chunk. I think it's the first one, too.

[C]

Well, as a friend, she wanted to pay me a compliment.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You want to compliment something about Nick that you see today?

[A]

You know, actually, I think I'm done giving it compliments.

[C]

In fact, I was standing here in this outfit, and he said, are you gonna change for the episode?

[D]

I disagree.

[C]

That was his compliment.

[A]

That's all. The drag queen. No, what I said was, get dressed. I thought you were gonna put on something nice.

[B]

So you don't think what Nick's wearing right now is nice?

[C]

No work.

[B]

Why is that not. It's not nice.

[A]

You know, there's a lot Going on with it. There's a lot happening. I thought you steamed it, but then this part is all wrinkled.

[C]

Well, I tried, but your steamer doesn't work very well.

[B]

Also, your pants are wrinkles.

[A]

The steamer works perfectly fine.

[B]

How you go for his face. Your pants are wrinkled too.

[A]

That's a wrinkle.

[C]

Wrinkle.

[A]

Well, I didn't steam mine, though. That's the difference. But the steam works perfectly fine. It's also. I think it's a. It's a user error thing.

[C]

Could be it doesn't work.

[A]

Let's see if Taylor uses for stuff

[C]

all the time and it's wrinkled.

[B]

All right, how big are your feet?

[C]

An 11. Oh, okay.

[B]

Men's 11. Well, yeah. You don't wear women's shoes. Nick can walk in heels, though. What is it? Mateo can. Nick can. Jacob can.

[C]

I can. Mato can't.

[A]

I don't. I've never seen Mat walking hills.

[B]

Because he can't.

[C]

He's tried and can't.

[B]

Every time Mat comes hair on my.

[A]

He's always wearing heels, but they're big. They're too big for him. So I would say you can't walk.

[C]

Even if you got him his size, he can't walk.

[B]

Why do gay men love walking in heels?

[C]

Makes us feel cunty. Got it.

[A]

I mean, why do you like walking heels?

[B]

Because I do it for work. You don't like walking?

[C]

Do you wear heels for work? I thought famously. You didn't.

[A]

That's what they're not saying.

[B]

Okay, you're doing a bit.

[C]

When you showed up today in half drag again.

[B]

Yeah, it's not drag. This is. This is how I have my gender expression, Nicholas.

[A]

Okay, so Nick's asking, why don't you. Why aren't you hearing drag on the podcast? Because this is what Nick is asking.

[B]

Because I don't do. I only do drag when I want to.

[A]

And when do you want. When do you want to do it?

[B]

When I'm not around you.

[A]

You've done drag, Rami.

[B]

Several times. I know. Because I had to. Cause we're getting a good check.

[A]

Well, you said when you. Okay, now I'm confused. You said when you want to, and then you said you had to.

[B]

No, I'm not saying I had to. I said I want to.

[A]

You said, I do it when I want to.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then I expressed the last time we did it, I said, you've done drag, Ram. And you said, well, I had to.

[B]

I did not say had to. Also, someone debunked you last episode.

[A]

Can we run that back. So when they just said I had

[B]

to, Someone debunked you. Last episode of where you said, don't try to move.

[A]

Don't try to go back to. You just said, because I had to.

[B]

I did not say that. You can rewind the footage right now. You say there's no footage of me saying I have to.

[A]

First thing you said was, when I want to. And then I said, I've done jury around you. And you said, because I had had to, I was getting good check.

[B]

I did not say had.

[C]

I have a question.

[A]

I cannot. Jay, by the way, Jay, I need you to loop it twice. I need you to put it two times.

[C]

Two times.

[A]

Because of how wrong mon.

[B]

Take it back now, y', all, I

[C]

have a question for both of you regarding drag

[A]

the fix.

[C]

Would you say that you only do drag if you are being paid now?

[A]

No, no, I get paid and I still don't do drag. I do. I. I do drag when I want to do dragons when I. So you've done drag without getting paid? I was getting. Yeah, I've done dragging. Paid and I've been paid and not done. I got paid to be on the Traders. Like, I wasn't there for charity work. I was there because I was getting paid.

[C]

I'm saying, when you do art, when you are in drag, is it only when money is coming?

[A]

No, no, it's. It's when I want to do drag. I do drag when I feel like doing drag.

[B]

For example, I went to the last culture recess awards. I did drag. Cause I felt like it.

[C]

Challenge.

[B]

Yeah. I had a drag. I wanted to. I didn't. I wasn't getting paid.

[C]

Is that the $10,000 dress that you wore?

[B]

That was a $10,000 dress. Thank you.

[C]

And that was worth wearing?

[B]

It sure was. It was. I want to go. I. They were like. They had no expectations of me going to drag. I was like, I'll go drag.

[D]

Why not?

[A]

Now, when do you do real estate?

[C]

I don't.

[B]

Wait, are. Are you, like, done with your. With your day job?

[C]

Pretty much, yeah.

[B]

Oh, now, did you have to, like, sign, like, a paper like, I'm not coming back? Did you quit? Like, No.

[C]

I mean, the thing with real estate is you just kind of have a license. So I. I mean, it was never the end game. It was just a job to pay bills and what I needed to do.

[B]

And I don't need that job to pay your bills now. I don't need to pay your bills.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Your drag.

[C]

My drag that I only do if I'M getting paid. Yeah.

[A]

When do you do drag?

[C]

When I'm getting paid.

[A]

No, like drag, drag. When do you get up in drag? Because you've been in drag before. I was there.

[C]

There was one time you put me in drag and it was basically blackface because we don't have the same skin.

[A]

Wait, they haven't seen a picture.

[B]

Where were the pict?

[A]

Not blackface.

[B]

You put Nick in blackface?

[A]

No, I never. It's just there was no. It was no black.

[B]

I don't know why Nick said that.

[C]

He just couldn't.

[A]

Was in white people foundation. I don't know why Nick said he wasn't black.

[C]

Nick wasn't in white people foundation. You didn't have foundation for me.

[A]

White people foundation.

[C]

You didn't.

[A]

Yes, I did. We have.

[D]

I think we. We did, but it was definitely tanner than Nick is.

[B]

You just said it was given, like, Crystal Versace.

[C]

Do you have the picture still somewhere you.

[A]

If we found it. This is the picture. Nick is not in blackface. Don't tell me not in blackface.

[C]

You just didn't put me in found because you didn't have. You put me in eye and makeup.

[B]

It was so. It was like Chris and Versace. Raven skin tones. Sure.

[A]

Nick was white.

[C]

I was literally just not wearing.

[A]

Why did you say now? As part of the conversation.

[C]

It was a joke.

[A]

But don't you know how the Internet works now? The Internet's like, Nick. Nick does blackface, and Bob put him in blackface. Cause you created the canon now.

[C]

Well, I would have assumed they all knew we were joking.

[A]

Is this your first day on the Internet, Nick?

[C]

Obviously you didn't put me in blackface. It was a joke because we aren't the same skin tone, so we don't wear the same makeup.

[A]

Well, welcome to the Internet, Nick. The Internet. Famously the place where all the information lives, but none of the nuance exists. This is how the Internet works. So now Nick is a serial blackface. You and Justin Trudeau, you might as well. Next you gotta start dating Katy Perry as punishment.

[B]

He's fucking Katy Perry. Well, sorry. They're dating him still?

[C]

Allegedly.

[B]

Oh, he's not the first.

[C]

They've been seen around Montreal.

[B]

He's not. He's not the Prime Minister anymore.

[A]

No, Katy Perry is the first lady of Canada.

[B]

She's not.

[A]

I don't care. Katy Perry is the first lady.

[B]

Lady Perry.

[A]

Lady Perry.

[C]

Lady Perry.

[A]

Katy Perry is an astronaut. She is a hit maker. She is the first lady of Canada and I will hear nothing.

[C]

A nun killer.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Allegedly.

[A]

Wait, she killed another.

[B]

Wait, yeah, Like Caitlyn Jonas.

[D]

Katy Perry really wanted a house, but it was Katie. She wanted to buy a house. It was currently being occupied by a convent. And. And there was some legal battles over Katy Perry trying to buy the house. The convent sued her, and the stress of the legal battles killed a nun. One of the nuns have a heart attack.

[C]

So the Internet jokingly says she killed a nun. Allegedly.

[A]

She killed a nun. She's the first lady of Canada. She is an astronaut. She writes the hits.

[B]

And she. One time she kissed a girl and

[A]

she liked it, and she kissed a girl and she liked it.

[C]

And she still does more drag than the two of you.

[A]

And how much are you doing?

[C]

I don't claim to be a drag queen.

[A]

Well, does she do drag queen?

[C]

It's not on my business card. Drag queen.

[A]

The question is, does she do drag as often as you do blackface?

[B]

Are you fucking.

[A]

No. No. Does she do drag as often as you do blackface?

[C]

That's a question. You're the one putting me in it.

[A]

Here's a picture of Nick in blackface. Jacob, I need your Photoshop skills. No, no, no. Here's another picture of Nick in blackface

[C]

with a frozen sign.

[B]

Here's a third picture of Bob putting Nick in blackface in the Afro this time.

[A]

And this time he's wearing a dashiki.

[C]

You want to play games, Nick?

[A]

Let's play games.

[C]

We're nap.

[B]

Have y' all seen this thing about Gail finally talking about the. Her and Oprah?

[C]

Yes. Mat and I were just talking about it.

[B]

So interesting.

[C]

It's kind of sad.

[B]

Why? Why sad?

[D]

What happened? They're not best friends anymore.

[B]

No, no, no. They are still friends. Gail just did the Call Her Daddy podcast with Alex Cooper. Famously call Big, Big ass podcast. And Alex is like. So for years, people are talking about that. You and Oprah were like, lovers. She was like, no. She was like. She's like, it's never been true. We're just really good friends. And she was like. And she's like. I asked Oprah. She's like, we need to talk about. And Oprah was like, no, we don't need to.

[C]

But what? Gail doesn't address the thing. After that, Gail said kind of made me sad, where she was like, that's fine and dandy for you. You cannot talk about it because you're dating someone. I'm single.

[A]

Yeah, but I. But is. I mean, I'm not Gayle King, so obviously, I don't know what's up in Gail's life. But like, are the rumors of her dating Oprah so vast and why that now she can't get a man?

[B]

I would say in like the early

[A]

hours, I would say right now, it

[C]

was always the punchline.

[A]

Every lesbian I know me, this being a confirmed devout lesbian will not stop a man from hitting on you. You can probably, you can be holding hands with your wife, finger blasting her, kissing her, wearing a pride flag. That will not stop a man.

[B]

I say, but like in like the late 90s early odds where Ellen had just got her entire life canceled cuz she was a lesbian. I think it was a little different cuz. Cuz she, she was foreseeably dating one of the most successful and biggest stars of the time. She still is. So I think it probably has a different effect than just dating a Susan down the street.

[A]

Again, I want to reiterate, I'm not Gayle King, so I can't speak for experience.

[C]

I don't.

[A]

So I do not think that any accusations ever stopped a man from hitting on Gayle King. Men, straight men, will hit on you at your mother's funeral.

[C]

I don't think the argument was mentioned. Aren't hitting on me. So we need to talk about was people are saying I'm something that I'm not.

[A]

But, but I'm talking about the sad part. You were like, but you, it's fine for you. You have a man. I don't. So that seems to insinuate that the accusations of them dating are somehow stopping her from having a man.

[B]

Well, that's her experience. That's what she said. Gail was saying like, this is, this is affecting my dating life. So she's saying, ostensibly it is affecting my dating life.

[C]

No, the sad part. Meaning she's saying Oprah can prove, look, I'm not a lesbian because I'm with Stedman. Gail can't be like, look, I'm not a lesbian because I'm with. There's no one there.

[B]

Because her husband had just cheated on her with her best friend.

[A]

Gayle King's husband.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

She was going out.

[B]

She was flying out of lax. And then back in the day, she said the airline used to call me and be like, your flight is delay. But this is. They did it. Whatever. So she goes back home and she, she sees a security on. She's like, that's fucking weird. Because of the time of day. It is. She goes in the house, her husband runs onstage with a towel around him. He's like, hey, you can't come upstairs. She's like, why?

[C]

She's like, this is my home.

[B]

She's like, someone's here. And he's like, she thought he was fucking around, which I don't know why I didn't think he was kidding around. In a towel, sweating, coming downstairs like, you can't come upstairs. She's like, get out of the way. So she goes searching around. She finds her best friend hiding behind.

[C]

Not Oprah.

[B]

Not Oprah.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. Her best friend. Continue.

[B]

One of her best friends standing there behind Katy Perry. Katy Perry standing behind naked door in an astronaut outfit. Standing behind a door naked. Cause her and her husband were just fucking. And then she's like, oh, my God, this is crazy. And he's like, do not. And her husband.

[A]

Well.

[B]

And she's like, I'm gonna call her husband. He's like, no, you can't call her husband because I'm gonna drop her off so he doesn't know what's going on.

[A]

Let me call. Whose husband? Oh, the friends married too.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And then she said. She said her famous tagline and what in the tree.

[A]

And where were you? In there doing blackface. Nick was hiding in the corner.

[C]

We have to cut the black face.

[A]

No, no. If you keep dragging it, I'm gonna drag it.

[C]

You're the one dragging it at this point.

[A]

I know. Every time you mention dragon, I'm gonna triple up on blackface. So every. Every drag that's different. They're gonna be three blackface accusations.

[C]

You not doing drag is fun and dandy. You photoshopping me in blackface.

[A]

These are real photos. We didn't photoshop these.

[B]

There is document to prove that you and your sneaky ex. Boyfriend. Ex boyfriend. Sneaky little boyfriend. Doctor images.

[A]

These are not doctored. People who went to college with Nick.

[C]

No, you're not putting votas up.

[A]

The votas are already there. They exist on the Internet. Nick. I don't know what you want me to tell you now.

[B]

And now all the comments of people

[C]

photoshopping, thinking black things, so please don't put that in. I don't need that.

[A]

We don't.

[D]

This.

[A]

This is not. This is not. I never like. We don't. We don't cut stuff on this podcast, Nicholas.

[C]

Cutting that. I don't need them putting me in black.

[A]

This is. This is civil, right?

[C]

People online nowadays, they'll believe it.

[B]

They sure will.

[A]

The Internet, where all the. All the information is there, but none of the nuances there.

[B]

Okay, so what if you and Jacob are in a monogamous relationship, right? And then you Come back from. You're flying out to Wolvesworth to Wisconsin. Your flight gets delayed. You come back to the house. You see and Jacob, you open the front door of the apartment. He goes up like, you cannot come inside here. He's like, you have to wait at the door.

[A]

Okay. There are so many caveats here that don't exist in the world that I have to like, we're in a monogamous relationship. There's a lot.

[B]

Role playing, Bobby.

[A]

Roleplay. I'm communicating about how. How. I didn't say it's not possible. I said, there's just so many layers of, like, pretend in this that it's hard to even imagine. Even in a open relationship. If I come home and someone says, you can't come in here. I'm like, what are you talking. I don't care if.

[B]

If.

[A]

If I come home and my own home. My nephew was like, you can't come in here. I'd be like, what are you talking about? I can come in my fucking house. This is crazy.

[B]

What did you say?

[A]

I have.

[B]

There's, like, a surprise. Like, you have to sit at the door, like, I'm doing something for you.

[A]

Well, I've had a center like that. One time I came home and Ty was doing a Christmas, and he was like, you can't go in this one room because. And I said, okay. And I just stayed in the other. And I just stayed in the living room.

[B]

Okay. But this is not the living room. Jacob said, you can't come to the house. I'm preparing to enter the house. You can't come in the house. You have to stay at the front door. Like, outside the front door.

[A]

So in this scenario, is my birthday coming up?

[B]

No, your birthday's not coming up.

[A]

So it's just a random day.

[C]

It's a random Tuesday in September.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Jacob is asking me not to come into the house.

[B]

Correct.

[C]

You get to the front door, he stops you and goes, you can't come in.

[A]

And I would say, why?

[B]

He's like, I'm. I'm preparing something.

[C]

There's just something going on. So you cannot be home right now.

[A]

What do you mean, something?

[C]

He doesn't want to ruin this price. So he just says, something's happening, so you just can't come.

[A]

What do you mean something, Jacob?

[C]

This is what he's saying.

[A]

I'm showing you what I'm doing. What do you mean something?

[B]

Can you just trust me? It's just something.

[A]

No, when you say something, I need to know what you mean by something. What is a surprise? You're surprising me. You're surprising something.

[B]

Yes. You can't come in the house right now.

[A]

Okay, well, how long do you need the apartment?

[B]

Probably about 20 minutes.

[A]

Okay, I'll see you in 20 minutes. All right. But if I say. But if I. If he keep going something, I'd be like, what do you mean something? I wouldn't just take something. I'd be like, what do you mean, something? If you say surprise, I'm like, okay, this I can actually process. But you give me. Like, something's happening.

[B]

Then.

[A]

No, that's. That's not.

[B]

But then you hear a rustling in the kitchen, and you hear a. I

[A]

would assume it was part of the surprise, and I would keep. Like, I would keep leaving.

[B]

Okay, now Jacob's closing the door. I just closed the door. You see my figure run across the back naked?

[A]

I would assume you were part of the surprise naked. Well, I don't think Jacob wants to fuck you, so I'm not really worried about it. I don't think Jacob has any interest in having sex with you, so I genuinely be worried about it.

[B]

Okay, work. So the Jacob. I close the door, we finish fucking, and then I. I go down the fire escape, and then no one's the wiser.

[A]

Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I just don't think Jacob wants to bone you, so I'm not interested. And also, if Jacob. If you and Jacob really want to have sex, I really don't care if you have sex with me.

[B]

You're monogamous. Y' all don't. It's not open.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. So now I have to change who I am in the thing, too? Like.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Never mind, Bob. Because when we do our superpower generator.

[A]

We have superpowers. Well, in this, we're bending. We're in a world.

[C]

You're so good at rolling with the punches.

[B]

No, I'm like, well, I can't think

[A]

about this because that's. If we're in a monogamous, like, I have to change who I am to like. So now I have to create me being a jealous person.

[B]

Well, just like the roleplay would play when you were a baby.

[A]

You're not a baby. When was I a baby?

[B]

In the roleplay.

[A]

But we were playing. We were different characters. You want to be a whole new character? I'll be a character.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

No, you created where I'm me. I can be a character. You want to be a character? You want to beat Jacob up? Go back. You get out of My house. I paid the mortgage in this. And then I punch him in the chest. But that's not enough.

[C]

And that's all we were asking for.

[A]

No, I'm not done. I'm not done. He's bleeding now, so I pull my fist back and I hit him again. Homelander. No, it's worse than Homelander. This is one punch, man. He's through the floor. Now. I jump up and I dive down his body. No, I'm not done. His body explodes. And then I take all the pieces, I put them back together.

[B]

And you do it again.

[A]

No. And then I start eating them.

[C]

Okay? Cannon.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Army hammer.

[A]

I'm chewing on them. And then I shit them out. I'm not done. And then I shit them out. And then I flush them down the toilet.

[C]

No, you eat it again. Two girls, one cup style.

[B]

Then you bend over, you shoot it out your asshole. It comes back into your mouth.

[C]

Now, was that so hard? That's all we wanted.

[B]

That's all we wanted.

[A]

Oh, there you go. You got it.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

God.

[D]

One of the best bits I ever did, really prime bit, was that we were living in New York and Nick was coming over. Hey, are you home? Can I come over and hang out? And I was like, yes. But I have this bit. So we're going to do this. So I go to Bob and I say, hey, babe, I have a hookup coming over like a guy from Grindr. We're just going to go into the other bedroom, which is kind of far away down this hallway.

[B]

How long we all together at this point?

[D]

About a year and a half gone.

[C]

Okay, two years.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

So Nick comes in. I just say, hi. Nick doesn't say anything. Nick and I go to the bedroom. We wait there for maybe five to seven minutes. I come out. I say. I go to. I say, babe, the guy who came over, he. I don't know. Something was off, and he just. He passed out on the bed, and he's not moving, and I don't know what to do. He rushes the room. Nick is pretending to be.

[A]

But I was like. I was like, all right, let's deal with it. I'm pretty sure I'm just kind of like, all right, what's going on?

[B]

When you went in, when you saw it was Nick?

[D]

Well, first he saw somebody passed out on the bed, and then it took a moment for him to realize that was Nick, too.

[A]

Then I was like, oh.

[C]

And then he dragged me out of the house and threw him.

[A]

And threw him in the gutter.

[C]

Chopped me up. Shit me out.

[A]

He exploded. I put him back together. Put him in pieces. Yes, exactly. So what do you do in the situation where. Where you're. You come home and your partner. Your monogamous relationship where you don't believe in. You don't believe in open relationships?

[C]

I would probably say I'm coming in anyways. I would probably still barge in because I don't like surprises. So I would probably be like, well, I don't like surprises, so I'm coming out.

[B]

I'm coming in anyway.

[C]

Something feels off.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You didn't trust that your partner is doing a surprise for you?

[C]

No, because if they're my partner, they know I don't like surprises.

[B]

Right. And I'm thinking if I came back from a thing. So I have three suitcases with me, I'm probably annoyed that I went all the way to the airport and my thing to cancel. I was like, you know what? I'm putting my bags inside. I was like, the surprise can't be that fucking good. Cause now I have three suitcases, a hoodie, a sweater. I'm annoyed or irritated.

[C]

Unless the surprise consists of every square footage of my home, I can at least walk into this area.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

And be in here. I don't wanna stand outside of my own home. That I pay for.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And then if they really press, then I'm like, okay, now I'm really coming in.

[B]

Yeah. Something is weird.

[A]

Well, when I.

[C]

And then I would chop them up into pieces.

[A]

I mean, around Christmas time, I came home and Tal was coming out of the guest room, and he was like, oh, I didn't know you were coming home. I was like, oh, yeah.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

He goes, I'm doing something in here. He was, like, doing a gift thing. He was wrapping gifts in the bedroom, and he was like, just don't come in this one room. And I was like, okay. And then I just stayed in the home, and I just didn't go to that one room.

[C]

Well, that's kind of different because it was around Christmas. It was for Christmas. So then I'm like, all right, whatever.

[B]

Wait, so what was the surprise?

[A]

He was rapping. He's just wrapping Christmas gifts.

[B]

Oh, got it.

[A]

Yeah. And that's the room that Cody's normally in. So I was gonna go say hey to Cody.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

But he was just repping Christmas gifts is all.

[B]

Got it. Nick, are you ever gonna get a pet?

[C]

No.

[B]

A gerbil.

[A]

Do you know Nick?

[C]

I know, but I mean, a gerbil.

[A]

Nick doesn't like pets.

[B]

I know, but. But I feel like, is it any, anything about you? Like, I'm getting old, I want to care for another human being.

[C]

No. Whenever you're growing up and you're always like, I don't want kids. And people are like, when you get older you'll change your mind. I've never changed my mind about animals, kids, none of that.

[A]

You must have changed your mind about

[B]

something in your life.

[A]

There's no way you think the same way you do.

[C]

I meant that stuff.

[A]

What have you changed your mind about? You must change your mind about something in your life. Otherwise you're still 16 year old. Nick, that's crazy.

[C]

I know. I'm trying to think. I feel like I have a lot of the same opinions. I know there's no way but like top of mind religion I've never believed in. Even when I was a child. I got kicked out of church.

[B]

As a kid.

[C]

Yes. I got kicked out of confirmation. I sat in confirmation, they went around and they said, let's all go around and say what we believe in. And it got to me and I said, I believe that you all believe this is real.

[A]

When they say what we believe in, they just like, in general they're like in reference to religion.

[C]

Religion.

[D]

So.

[A]

So. But isn't there just. I mean, I reckon there's just one answer. Like everyone just said they believe in Jesus.

[C]

I don't know. Yes. I mean people were like, I believe that there's a God, I believe that the Bible's real or whatever like that.

[A]

That's an odd practice. I literally say what you all believe. It's just so open ended.

[B]

Well, maybe they're trying to sift out the.

[C]

And then afterwards, Pastor Joyce, who watches all my content. Shut up. I mean they all, for the most part, most of them love me. The reason I went to the church, it was across the street, made a really big music program and like, like kid program. So I did a lot of shows there and singing there. This at this point was probably 13. And so she was like, why don't you stay after class or whatever you

[A]

at 13 this tall.

[C]

What grade are you in in 13.

[B]

13. That's 7:30. That's no, that's nine.

[A]

Seventh grade.

[B]

13.

[A]

Yeah, because. Because you have four years in high school. So 13, 14, 15, 16, that would be, that would make you 16 when you regular high school.

[C]

I was probably like five, 10 maybe. And then I shot up to my.

[A]

You start shooting up?

[C]

I started shooting up.

[A]

This is crazy.

[C]

And how do you think shooting up works?

[A]

Can you show me what you think it looks like to shoot up?

[C]

You know I don't like needles.

[A]

No, just. I'm like ask you to use a real name.

[C]

I know, but, you know, I don't even.

[A]

I just exploded. I just exploded Jacob into bits and shout him out.

[C]

You were different. You know, I don't like needles or talking about it.

[A]

You can't even talk about.

[C]

No. Wow. It's making me uneasy right now because now I'm thinking about it and I can't imagine somebody. Meth?

[A]

Yeah. How do you smoke meth?

[C]

Okay, well, this I'm learning. I didn't realize you could smoke meth. I thought.

[B]

How did you think you do it?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

What do you like.

[A]

You think you ate, man?

[B]

Like an edible.

[A]

You think you have met edibles.

[B]

That might be a good market.

[A]

There are myth edibles, but that's not. Yeah, there are meth edibles. That's not the main way to do it, though.

[C]

So these gays are out here smoking.

[B]

Smoke it.

[A]

It.

[B]

You smoke it and it comes from like. Well, you describe.

[A]

Yeah. What do you think? What do you think? How do you think you smoke meth?

[C]

Well, now, I don't know if you use your.

[A]

You can't use your. You can't use your image. Use your imagination.

[C]

You see, neither of us are entertained by that.

[A]

Use your imagination.

[B]

Why does it make everyone so, like, so dopey?

[A]

I was doing y' all a second ago. Use your imagination.

[C]

Okay. Is it with the spoon?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes.

[B]

No. Oh, yeah.

[C]

Use your imagining.

[B]

Why about. You didn't know.

[C]

So not a spoon, but you're smoking it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You do smoke.

[C]

Okay, so.

[B]

Oh, sorry.

[C]

Well, what does it even look like?

[D]

You never stop Breaking Bad.

[C]

No. I watched first episode and I thought,

[A]

what do you think it looks like? We're trying to get you to build this. You try to get us to answer the question for you.

[B]

I always.

[A]

He's like, so how do you do it?

[B]

What does it look like?

[C]

Well, I always assumed it looked kind of like coke, but instead of snorting it, people were like putting it in their mouth.

[B]

But they call it crystal meth. I'm see, I'm giving the crystals.

[A]

Nick has not answered a single question. We have answered all the questions for Nick. Use your imagination.

[C]

Crystals. And you smoke them. So you have to chop them up and then apparently not a spoon. So you're. If you're smoking it, you must wrap them up.

[A]

Wrap it up in what?

[C]

I don't know, smoking paper.

[A]

Like. Like a joint.

[B]

No, they're doing that seaweed Seaweed. Seaweed leaf.

[A]

Are you saying like a joint?

[C]

Doing it with seaweed.

[A]

Are you saying like a joint?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And then smoke it.

[A]

And how do you. Do you use your lighter? Do you use like a.

[C]

Use your mind.

[A]

No, I mean, do you use like an open. Like, what kind of lighter do you use? Do you think?

[C]

Whatever flame is available to light it.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

Oh. So my crystal mess story was I was in PV and I picked up this guy off the street, really hot guy coming back from the club. And, you know, you know, you've been gay. You never cruise. Have you cruised?

[A]

No.

[B]

So you've cruised.

[A]

Nick doesn't cruise.

[B]

Like, you know, cruise or cruise once. Like, kinda.

[C]

I've been to one spot.

[B]

Okay. So we were walking back and, you know, just make gay eyes. You're like, oh, right, right. On the same type of time. Come back to me.

[C]

I've never picked up someone off the street.

[B]

It was off the street.

[C]

I would be too anxious.

[B]

Yeah, I know you would. But this, you know, I was in PV and I was living.

[C]

That's the place to do it.

[B]

Exactly. Walk by the hotel, get into. Bring him to the thing. And I'm like, now, talking, kissing, whatever, and I start sucking his dick. And as I'm down there, I hear a crackling sound. And then I look up. So meth is like a skinny pipe with a bulb at the end of it.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And then I hear the smoking and I look at.

[C]

Isn't that what you smoke weed out of?

[B]

No, that's a bunch of.

[A]

No, no. Yes, that's it.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

It's like glass and there's a little round.

[A]

And the little round thing.

[C]

Yeah, but you can smoke weed out

[A]

of it and you put the weed inside of it, right?

[C]

Yeah, no, I'm not doing a bit.

[A]

Literally, I'm not either. We're on the same page.

[C]

No, but that is correct.

[A]

Right, Nick? We're on the same page.

[C]

No, you're doing something.

[A]

Doing anything. Go ahead, continue.

[C]

Has to be correct. No, but I know that I have seen the little glass tube with the small ball at the end.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

With weed in it.

[A]

Yeah, 100%.

[B]

Where did you see that?

[C]

Some house party or something.

[A]

House party.

[B]

Does it have meth pipes running around?

[A]

No, it's a weed pipe.

[C]

At your house.

[A]

It's the weed. It's the weed pipe.

[C]

It was at the house Katy Perry was trying to buy.

[B]

Okay. So, yeah, so I hit a crack and I look up and I see him smoking this thing. Now, I had never Seen meth before. I'd heard about it.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And then I said, it crackles because it's a crystal. I guess it crackles. So I look up at him. I was like, hey, you can't smoke in here. He's like. He says to me, don't worry, it doesn't have a smell. And I was like, does it?

[D]

No.

[B]

Meth. It didn't smell. I guess meth doesn't have a smell. And I was like, you still can't do that in here. And then he continued to do it. So then I was like, oh, no, actually, my friend, I was saying by myself. I was like, my roommate is coming back, so you have to leave in my hotel room.

[C]

Okay, wait. Math is like, when gays are doing terms. Is that a big T?

[A]

That's the one.

[C]

So when it says party, that's.

[B]

That's. This is called a colloquialism from meth. Is famous drag queen T. A famous drag queen. Come on.

[A]

With a T. A famous singer as well?

[B]

Yeah, famous.

[A]

A very. Like, one of the most famous singers of all time is her first name.

[B]

And she's rolling down the river.

[C]

Tina.

[B]

Tina, Correct. Correct. Cause so I've seen old gays go back and forth about this. Some say it's called Christina, some call it Tina. But there's a mix up between the generations of what the lore is around why it's called Tina.

[C]

Does the tennis ball symbolize something on Grindr?

[A]

Yeah. Old guys. Is it you put a tennis ball into your walker?

[B]

No, I think it's for big balls. No. Yes.

[A]

That can't be a thing.

[C]

Isn't it? I thought it meant a drug of some kind.

[D]

I think it might be, like, ball torture.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

We all. Okay, none of us know what it is.

[B]

Do you like. Do you like your ball tortured?

[C]

I just see so many guys on Grindr with, like, tennis in their bio, and I'm like, they probably. These people all can't be playing tennis.

[A]

Actually, I will say, I actually see a lot of people on. In. In la, Unless I just don't know. They're all, like, looking for a tennis partner.

[C]

That's what I mean. That it has.

[D]

Maybe it's. It's tennis balls, Tennis tea, meth.

[B]

So you think tennis ball is like a symbol for meth?

[D]

It could be tennis T. Meth or tennis. I like my balls hit really hard.

[C]

I mean, I know tennis is a gay sport, but there just cannot be that many games being like, I'm looking

[B]

for tennis ball really.

[A]

But I've had guys Say genuinely looking for a tennis partner.

[B]

But is that a code for something?

[A]

I do not know it to be a code. I just thought people really, like these

[C]

really are into tennis ball coming back. But in New York, where there's barely any tennis courts, I see it all the time.

[D]

It's meth. They're looking for meth.

[C]

Okay, okay.

[A]

Tennis partners.

[B]

No. Oh, the tennis balls mean meth.

[A]

Oh, that's what I'm saying.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Because the tea got it.

[A]

So now we're hearing this reference. I don't know. Okay. I don't know what it is.

[C]

Sound off in the comments. Yeah.

[B]

What y' all think the tennis balls are? Anyway, so long story short, I. I tell him my. My roommate's coming back, who I was sitting in a room with, and he. I was like, you gotta go? And I get him out the room, and then we're in the elevator. As we get in the elevator, I step out as it's closing. Cause it was a shitty elevator, so the sensor wasn't working, and I run. But then he gets off on the next floor and is trying to. So he's like chasing me up and down the stairs in this building. And I had to hide in a janitor closet for like 25 minutes.

[A]

You're being chased by the meth head?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

That's what you get for cruising. I know.

[A]

Like, chased, chased. What was he chasing you to do

[B]

to get back in the room? I don't know, but I, like, left in the elevator.

[C]

He clearly wasn't in the right state of mind.

[B]

It was wild. Also because he. On so much meth, his dick wasn't like. No, it was not in drag. His dick was not even getting.

[C]

Of course not

[D]

that.

[C]

We didn't need to ask that.

[A]

He's the one.

[C]

You said it first.

[A]

He's the one saying. Obviously.

[B]

So. Yeah, that was my best story.

[A]

I've never. I've seen people do meth, but, like, on the street never. Like in my street, where I lived in Berkeley for six months, I saw a lot of people doing meth. I saw folks doing meth on streets

[B]

in New York City.

[C]

Grew up in New York. You didn't ever see someone do math?

[B]

No. The first time I ever saw someone do drugs on the street. Like, I saw someone shooting up in. In. In sf in San Francisco.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

They were doing what?

[C]

Shooting up.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I didn't hear it. I didn't hear it.

[B]

Stop at a traffic light. What did it look like?

[C]

Stop.

[B]

It was a really long needle.

[A]

Was it rusty?

[B]

Or clean. It was rusty.

[A]

Were they, like, bleeding everywhere?

[B]

Blood.

[C]

Oh, I can't. This la la.

[A]

Like so many needles.

[B]

Like Magneto.

[A]

How many needles, Nick? We're done. We're done. We're done. We're done, we're done.

[C]

Do you know that I have never drank in my life? And I've never done any drug of any kind. I've never smoked a cigarette. I've never done wheat.

[B]

Well, so you lied.

[C]

I've never had a full drink in my life.

[B]

But, you know, that's not what you said. You said I never.

[A]

That's. Yeah, you caught him in a lot.

[B]

Yeah, you caught him. Never had a drink. A shot is a drink. Just.

[A]

Yeah, we just caught him in a lot. That's crazy.

[B]

Not as a shot of diamond.

[D]

I saw you do math two weeks ago.

[B]

You had those tennis balls on your profile in Blank vs.

[A]

With needles.

[B]

Okay, stop. Wait, Nick. Tell me about. So I'm very. A little hurt about what? That you're doing a show.

[A]

Very A little hurt that.

[B]

A little. Doing a show in LA and you didn't invite me to be on the deus or whatever. To be a part of the show. The one that you just added a second.

[C]

I literally.

[B]

No, the one you added a second show to.

[C]

Okay. I just asked you last night.

[B]

Oh, that's. That show?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

So now.

[B]

So now what other was the difference in. Now I'm not mad anymore.

[C]

And there we go. We squashed that beef real quick.

[D]

See?

[C]

See how civil that was?

[A]

I don't give a. Go be civil on your. Go be civil on your own podcast.

[B]

I am on my own podcast.

[A]

No, you're all on podcast. What's y' all gonna be called? I never. Rivalry.

[C]

Are you gonna do. Are you gonna do drag on my show? Of course not.

[A]

I don't do drag on my show. No, I'm not doing drag.

[C]

He doesn't do drag.

[A]

I don't wanna do drag on your show.

[B]

Now that you have hair, do you think you do, like, looks without a wig?

[C]

No.

[A]

The answer is no.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Black women do their hair like that sometimes.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Okay. Black women also are bald.

[C]

I know.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. You used to do bald looks.

[A]

I don't. I don't really do bald looks. I've maybe have done maybe one or

[B]

two bald looks in my life.

[A]

So I'm saying I think that the way my hair was before was also how black women do.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But the answer is no. I' interested.

[B]

If I had hair, I would totally do that. I would love to look at Amber Rose. I. I would cook.

[A]

I thought, he's a black woman.

[B]

Oh, yeah. She said she's not black. I can forget what she said.

[A]

Look at that recent picture. Amber Rose.

[B]

I know where she stands on it now. She's black.

[A]

There's, like, a recent picture of Amber Rose. Like that. There it is.

[B]

That looks like a white lady. Wait, is she black?

[A]

I don't know anymore. I don't follow Amber Rose's career enough to know if she's black or not. I know there have been pictures where I thought to myself, gosh, she looks black. And then there are moments where I think myself, these are parents. No, that's a child.

[B]

Oh, that's. No, that's a. That's hurting the son, though. Those are her parents.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

So that's a white man. And it looks like a black lady to me. But I could be wrong.

[A]

I don't know. I don't know her genealogy enough to know if she's black or not. I. I don't know.

[B]

Work, Nick. So tell me about your thoughts on Amber Rose. Blackness. Do you think she's in blackface or

[C]

you think, I don't particularly really know this woman. I've known the name, and I obviously recognize a picture, but I don't really know anything about her.

[B]

Got it.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Would you go on her podcast?

[C]

She has a podcast?

[A]

She had one, yeah.

[B]

Bob and I did it.

[C]

Oh, she loves a Javier. Is she. Isn't she a controversial person?

[A]

No.

[C]

Doesn't she love Trump?

[A]

No. You should go.

[C]

I'm pretty sure she's trying to try

[B]

that, but I know she has a podcast.

[D]

That's.

[A]

I will say we went on her podcast, and then, like, the next day, she's like, maga. And we're like, that's crazy. We're like, that's. That's crazy.

[B]

We did her podcast and she just started saying, like, problematic things. Remember, she was thinking thing about dating, like, Asian something, and we were like, this is getting crazy.

[A]

I don't fully remember what I. My biggest takeaway was that you and her at some point were talking about aliens. And I. If I recall correctly, I think we may have shifted to the moon landing at some point. I know there was a weird alien thing, and she had some crazy. I feel like she might be a moon landing denier, I think. But I honestly, I genuinely can't remember. Like, I have not. I didn't. I gotta be. I don't. I don't. I don't go back and Rewatch podcasts that I'm on.

[D]

I don't even. Okay.

[A]

I'm. I'm like, I was there.

[B]

I hate seeing stuff for myself. I hate hearing myself.

[C]

I hate seeing in every medium, like, even on TV most.

[B]

I mean, pretty across the board.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't, like. I don't enjoy hearing, like, it. It depends. There's sometimes I'm like, oh, yeah. I actually like how. How I sound there, but I think my voice sounds a little like. I don't always love hearing my voice back.

[A]

Yeah, I get that.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, but. And I hate hearing your voice back as well. I love hearing your voice because yours is so unique.

[A]

My voice is super unique.

[B]

No, it's not. Yours is unique, though.

[A]

You heard a lot of voices like mine?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's crazy, because I've been told that I have a really unique voice. Usually across the board, I have a very. I have a hard to imitate voice, but it is very. Like, if you heard my voice behind you be like that, you. You would know that was me.

[C]

I actually would say, in our friend group, we all have. Have pretty unique voices.

[A]

Jacob does not have a very unique voice. There's, like. There's, like, three people. Three people in our friend group who sound like Jacob. Jacob, Mitch, and Jay are constantly getting confused for each other.

[D]

Jay and I sound anything alike. I don't know who's continuing this narrative.

[C]

I don't hear that, but I don't hear that.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

They say it.

[C]

But, like, I would say, you have a unique voice. You have a unique voice. Mateo has a unique voice. I have a unique voice.

[A]

Peppermint has a unique voice.

[C]

Peppermint has a unique voice.

[A]

Alfredo has a pretty unique voice.

[C]

Yeah, I feel like we're.

[B]

Alfredo's pretty neutral.

[C]

But that's also. You could boil down to the fact that we're a very diverse friend group, as opposed to. We are pretty diverse other gay friend groups.

[B]

True. There's. There's black people, There's. There's white people. There are women, there are men.

[A]

There's, like, two ladies.

[B]

Exactly. They don't exist. Their voices don't exist.

[A]

There's, like, two.

[B]

Exactly. But they exist. I'm sorry.

[C]

Two more than most of those Hell's Kitchen groups.

[A]

Hello. Actually, we only have one. We have two if you include Kennedy.

[B]

Yeah, Kennedy.

[A]

And who's Mateo? Mateo, the other woman. Yeah.

[B]

To be fair, Kennedy. I feel like there was a big push.

[C]

Patty has a unique voice.

[B]

Patty does a big push to have Kennedy be part of friend Group. Kenny was like, no, I'm good.

[C]

Kennedy was like, I'm moving to Colorado.

[A]

It's been announced Mateo Langs is making his Broadway debut in Chicago as Billy Flynn.

[B]

That was so tastic. Go see it. That's gonna be so fun.

[C]

Only four weeks.

[B]

That's all.

[A]

Your.

[B]

Your. Your. Your polls of your. Your pitch to be Roxy. How. How do we get that?

[C]

I mean, ideally.

[A]

I heard you turn the roll down,

[C]

obviously, cuz K. It's a K. They Katherine Hudson.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

No, I really would love to do Amos. I think that that would be fun.

[B]

Who Aim. I. I've never seen the sh.

[C]

He's the one that.

[B]

In Chicago, we. Every time I say not even the movie.

[C]

You've seen the movie?

[B]

No. You said, we do have the conversation four times.

[C]

You've never seen the movie, though, Mon. That's what you need to see. Maybe.

[B]

Well, I want to see the.

[A]

You didn't go see Jinx?

[B]

No, we. No. Should I. Okay, here's the thing.

[C]

Apologize to Jinx. Yes.

[B]

Should I go see. Should I watch the movie before I go see the show or should I watch the show?

[D]

That's the next purse. First movie night.

[C]

I'm going to say watch the movie first.

[B]

Watch the movie first.

[C]

Familiarize yourself with the music and story, because you definitely know the music.

[B]

I know like, some of, like the big songs, like Big Spender, Big Spinner

[A]

is not from scratch.

[B]

It's not.

[A]

Not even a little. It's from Sweet Cherry.

[B]

When you get to Mama. Mama Morton. Yeah. Divine gravity.

[C]

Razzle dazzle. You know, I don't know. Give them the old razzle.

[B]

I don't know that.

[C]

That's Mateo's song.

[B]

That's Mateo's song. I don't know that. I know Big Mama Morton song.

[A]

You. You keep saying the same song over and over. You keep going, Mama Morton's. And then the one with Mama Morton. I also know the one with Mama Morton.

[B]

The one in the jail. Hip, hip, swish, pop. What's it going? She had it coming.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She had it coming.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I know.

[A]

What's the name of it.

[B]

The Honey Rack.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

I know the other one that.

[C]

So you know Chicago.

[A]

I want to hear this other one.

[B]

The one where she's. That the name on everybody's list is going to be Roxy, but I don't know the name of that. So song.

[A]

What do you think it is?

[B]

Roxy.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Word.

[B]

Is it called Roxy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I can't tell you because you did a whole bit with him earlier.

[A]

It said.

[B]

Yes, I Don't trust. I j. You know, I don't trust you and the two. Y' all be colluding regardless.

[C]

You should watch the movie first, cuz it's an incredible movie.

[B]

Movie.

[A]

And it's one of the best movies.

[C]

Catherine Zeta Jones is unbelievable.

[A]

I'm going say right now. Every single person in that film is incredible. There is literally not a dub. Queen Latifah eats Catherine Zeta Jones eats Renee Zellweger.

[C]

Lucy Lou.

[A]

Lucy Liu eats Richard Greer.

[C]

I mean, I will say everyone in it is an amazing Lewis, but Catherine Zeta Jones, you're like, I get why you won the Oscar.

[B]

She showed an Oscar for this.

[C]

Sure did.

[A]

And Queen Latifah was nominated for supporting.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

And Catherine was. Maine. Like, for lead.

[C]

Lead. I want. I've said this on our podcast. I want Queen Latifah to win an Oscar. And we need to figure out how to make that happen.

[B]

Okay. Where is she? Can you check with Jacob? Where is she on the EGOT status? Does she have a Tony? I think she. What does she want to produce? Huh?

[A]

Oh, she's a producer.

[B]

I think she's a producer on. On A Color Purple.

[C]

No.

[B]

Am I making that up? Yeah, but what's her like, what does she have?

[A]

She has an Emmy for. For.

[C]

She has an Emmy.

[A]

She has a Grammy for. For her rap music. She has an Oscar nomination.

[C]

So no Oscar.

[B]

She needed an Oscar or Tony. She's gonna see if we can get a Tony for. On something.

[C]

She can get an Oscar.

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[C]

How are we getting her an Oscar?

[B]

It's gonna be her big dramatic role. Which. What is. What, what role is Queen of Tiffany gonna play?

[D]

Here's the thing. She did Bestie. Have you seen Bessie?

[B]

So it is amazing.

[D]

Like, that's the role.

[B]

Yeah. Like, how does she not get even?

[D]

She got an Emmy for Bessie. So I don't. I don't think Bessie would have been

[B]

nominated for an Oscar.

[A]

Was a TV movie.

[B]

Yeah. Like, she. Like what. What role gets what. What role is she doing? This gives her an Oscar.

[A]

I think that maybe the role could be if they do a movie version of Madam C.J. walker.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

It was a TV and it was

[B]

Octavia Spencer.

[A]

Yeah. So maybe a movie version.

[B]

It was. It was a Netflix show.

[A]

Yes, it was a Netflix show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Maybe. I mean, they've already done Ma Rainey, so it couldn't be that.

[C]

Yeah, Viola.

[B]

But maybe just an original story, I think. Okay. I think her Oscar comes when she just leans into the faggot tree of it all. And she plays.

[A]

She did in. What set it off.

[B]

Yeah, but no, that was.

[A]

You can't lean hard of Matt. No, she was as dice.

[C]

I don't think it comes. It's gonna come from that. I think it's gonna be an original. A 24 movie that she agrees to sign on to.

[A]

What is the. What's the movie about?

[C]

I don't know. It's an original.

[D]

Say it.

[B]

He said, why you such active. Say it. Say it.

[A]

What's the movie about?

[C]

What just happened?

[A]

Say it. When I say it again. Say it.

[B]

No, you say it.

[C]

What's happening?

[A]

Use your imagination. Use your imagination.

[C]

I thought you two were doing like a Helen Keller bit.

[A]

No, it's a bit that we've established in this realm on this podcast already.

[C]

And no one has said it like that.

[A]

No, we did.

[C]

Just so you know, we knew wrong.

[A]

What's the movie? We'll all come with it. So you tell. Where is this set?

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Like, time.

[C]

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

[A]

We need an answer quickly.

[C]

We're wrapping up the pod, I think. Okay. I don't know. I don't know. I'm so on the spot to just come up with an Oscar winning movie.

[A]

All we need is a time.

[B]

Jesus. Period.

[A]

Say not now. Is it a western?

[B]

Is it in the 1800s? Like, what? Give us a time.

[C]

I'm gonna say.

[A]

We're gonna come back to you, so get your juices going.

[C]

I'm gonna say it's now.

[A]

No, I said that you're gonna pick something different. What time is it?

[B]

Said any decade. Any time. The seventies.

[A]

No, I said, this is what we did with the crystal meth. We answered it for you. And you kept being like, yeah, pick a decade. You say one. It could be the future, just not this one.

[C]

The 90s.

[A]

Okay. All right, Monet, where is it?

[B]

This is set in San Francisco in the 90s.

[A]

Okay. Now ask me a question.

[B]

Okay. What is her backstory?

[A]

Oh, I think that she is a mother, okay. Of several children, but the father has passed away and she's recently come out as lesbian.

[B]

I think it's a lesbian story, too.

[C]

Now, Nicholas, I didn't know we were doing this together. I've now caught on. I thought you were asking me to just come up with everything.

[A]

The main antagonist of the film. I don't think the bad guy.

[C]

Okay. Name the fictional name or name an actor who's playing them.

[D]

I think her husband was killed.

[A]

Thank you, Jacob, for picking up the.

[D]

And she's. She's looking for justice. Yes.

[A]

She's Looking for justice. Okay, now. Now, Nick, we need you to answer this one without a question.

[C]

Okay?

[A]

Okay. What is. Does she get the vengeance she needs? Because you know that she's a mom in the 90s in San Francisco. Her husband was killed and she's a lesbian and she's looking for vengeance. Is she?

[C]

I don't think this is an Oscar winning vigilante.

[B]

Oh, damn.

[C]

This sounds too campy. Now, Nick.

[A]

Yes. And you know, you're literally the worst. Yes. What you were doing me earlier because I. You're. You're doing what? Way worse.

[B]

Way worse.

[C]

Okay, what do you need?

[A]

We just told you, you're out of the game.

[C]

No, what do you need?

[A]

Me and Monet and Jacob will be

[C]

what do you need? And I'll give it to you.

[A]

So who's helping her do this?

[D]

This

[C]

Viola Davis.

[A]

Not an actor.

[C]

Well, Viola, if Viola's in the movie, it's going to have Oscar. Viola Davis playing who is her best friend.

[B]

Give us a little more. Is she a cop? Is she a social worker?

[A]

I think I hate Nick. I think I hate Nick. I think I hate Nick. I think I hate him.

[C]

No, it's her childhood best friend, that they've grown up together and now she's helping her. If Viola's in the movie, it's going to get Oscar buzz.

[A]

Okay, now, Monet, what is the scene where people go. That is where Queen Latifah is getting her Oscar.

[B]

Okay, so she's.

[C]

I know the answer.

[A]

No.

[C]

She finds out Viola killed her husband.

[B]

That's good, Nick. That's Jacob.

[A]

What does she say? What's the line that people are quoting for years and years when she discovers that Viola Davis character has killed her? We can all think of one.

[B]

I lost circulation. I haven't lost.

[A]

When Nick tapped in, he tapped in.

[B]

That was good.

[A]

That was good. Okay, I'll think. I feel like what's happening is actually. It's a little bit camp, but it's actually really good because they're looking for something. They're looking for like evidence. And then she either remembers or she sees something.

[B]

Something. Some document, some paper.

[A]

You know what it is they're hearing? They've been saying over and over again, like the red cumber shoes with the rhinestones. The red cumber shoes with the rhinestones. And she's in Violet Davis closet. She's under everything. She's looking for something. And she sees these red Converse shoes with rhinestones. And then it just zooms in on Quintessentially. She goes, you raggedy bitch. I think that is the line.

[C]

So in this movie, Viola's doing drag and you still aren't.

[A]

And what are you doing? You want me to it?

[C]

No. Yeah.

[A]

They. Shut the fuck up.

[C]

Okay. So what's your ending?

[A]

Is that the ending of the film ending?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Or the. The climactic moment.

[B]

And then so. And then Viola comes into the room. She sees that she's made this.

[C]

No, no, not the Red Shoes. I thought we were all coming up with our own version.

[B]

What are you saying? Wait, what?

[C]

So not the Red Shoes. How would you. What's your climactic moment of her finding out Viola killed her husband?

[B]

Right, Right. They're in this car because they.

[A]

They.

[B]

They're on a. They're on a hunch that it's. That it's something. So they're in the car together and they're going to the thing and they're driving. They're speeding down this highway. And then Viola said something out of her mouth. She says, they're talking about Harry. His name was Harry. And she said. She says something to the effect of when Harry. Something that alludes to. She was there in Harry's last moments.

[A]

And, like, she could have not known it was possible.

[B]

She could not know it was possible. True. And then Queen Latifah was like, what? And then they look, and then Queen Latifah is riding the back seat because. Cause one of her daughters is in the front seat. So then when she says that, Viola looks in the rearview mirror and Queen Latifah catches her eyes in the rearview mirror. And Viola realizes she slips up and she tries to kill all of them. She tries to turn the car off. The bridge.

[A]

Crash. Cirillo.

[B]

The killer style.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Gorilla.

[A]

The killer thing.

[B]

And the car is now going underwater, and now they're trying to get out of the vehicle altogether.

[C]

So I think Viola's been helping Queen Latifah the whole movie, try to find the killer. Yada, yada, yada, throw her off the pace. And then all of a sudden, the climactic moment, they're all home talking about it or something. And one of the kids says something regarding seeing Viola. Because they kind of were witness to. Right before the father died. And seeing something. And the room goes silent. And Queen turns and sees Viola. And Viola turns and looks at the kid and goes, shih Tzu. No. And goes, I wish you hadn't done that. It turns black. And the next scene, the kid is tied up and Queen is tied up and Viola's pacing around and going. It didn't have to come to this.

[A]

And she's got a bunch of needles.

[C]

Shut up. She goes, it didn't have to come to this. And then Queen, she takes the. Whatever she jammed in her mouth and she takes it out and she goes, we could have just blamed this on anyone else. It didn't have to come to this. And Queen goes, you can kill my husband. You've killed our friendship. But what you will never kill is my child. And she breaks free and drops kick Viola.

[B]

That was the fucking wwe.

[A]

She hits all the stone cold stunner

[C]

and she does the tombstone pile, drives Viola right into the glass coffee table.

[A]

All right, we must have done this episode, but we have to because we. We got to keep. Yeah, because we have. We have a guest waiting. Nick. Where can they find you? What's going on? How can people support you?

[C]

I have a podcast with Mateo Lane called I never liked you that you can watch on YouTube or anywhere. You get podcasts.

[A]

What day is it coming out, Jacob? Like how far from when I. No, I mean before the show. 23rd.

[D]

It'll be after the show.

[A]

Oh,

[B]

so you just did your shows. How. Then the two. Two sold out shows. How do you feel?

[A]

Were they great?

[C]

They were great. Okay, what if something.

[A]

He's the worst.

[C]

What if something happens? I don't want to say that. They were great, and then all of a sudden.

[B]

I don't think anyone.

[A]

No one's going to hold you to this. They to.

[C]

Okay, ask me again.

[A]

No, we're using the clip we use. Thank you for coming on our podcast.

[C]

Find me on my socials. Thank you, Nick Smith. 09. Yeah, the year I was born.

[A]

All right, bye, everybody.

[B]

Bye.