The One Where We Get Our Own Planets

Summary

Podcast Summary: Sibling Rivalry – "The One Where We Get Our Own Planets"

Release Date: April 21, 2025

Hosts:

• Monét X Change
• Bob the Drag Queen
• Ryan Reynolds

---

Introduction to the Episode

In the episode titled "The One Where We Get Our Own Planets," Sibling Rivalry delves into a blend of humorous banter, personal anecdotes, and thought-provoking discussions. The hosts kick off with their signature chemistry, setting the stage for a dynamic conversation that oscillates between light-hearted jokes and deeper societal critiques.

---

Word of the Day: Merriam-Webster Misconceptions

[02:20 – 05:23]

The episode begins with the hosts introducing their "Word of the Day" segment. Ryan Reynolds explains the rules: each participant selects a word from Merriam-Webster and incorporates it into the episode, later revealing each other's chosen words.

Bob the Drag Queen muses, "I thought Merriam Webster was a man." This sparks a humorous debate about the true nature of Merriam-Webster, leading to the revelation that it refers to three brothers: Noah, Charles, and George Merriam, rather than a single individual.

Monét X Change clarifies, "There is a Melbourne-based creative writer named Miriam Webster," debunking the initial misconception.

---

Navigating Dead Parent Jokes

[06:07 – 11:19]

A significant portion of the episode focuses on the sensitive topic of making jokes about deceased parents. The hosts share personal stories to highlight the emotional weight such jokes carry.

Bob the Drag Queen recounts, "There was a guy... he goes, 'Oh my God, Josh, this kind of reminds me of your mom's big fat jiggly body.' And then Josh said, 'My mom's dead.'" This interaction underscores the fine line between humor and respect.

Ryan Reynolds reflects on his own experiences, admitting, "I've done crazy things for a joke... but I can't say I wouldn't [make similar jokes]." The conversation reveals the discomfort and potential hurt such jokes can inflict, emphasizing the importance of empathy in comedic settings.

---

The Ayahuasca Conversation

[31:35 – 34:55]

Transitioning from personal anecdotes, the hosts delve into discussions about spirituality and psychedelic experiences.

Ryan Reynolds expresses interest in trying Ayahuasca, stating, "I really want to do Ayahuasca so bad."

Bob the Drag Queen humorously counters, "I can't survive Ayahuasca. I'm not built different. I'm a standard model, baby."

This segment highlights the hosts' exploration of consciousness and cultural practices, blending curiosity with their trademark humor.

---

Critique of Organized Religion

[23:33 – 47:48]

One of the episode's core discussions centers on the hosts' critical views of organized religion. They dissect various aspects, particularly focusing on Christianity and Mormonism.

Bob the Drag Queen vehemently states, "I think religion is the biggest scam on earth, followed closely by higher education."

Ryan Reynolds echoes this sentiment, elaborating on how organized religion preys on vulnerable individuals: "They prey on people who need something to trick them to think this is the only way you can get out."

The hosts critique the financial exploitation within religious institutions, referencing leaders' lavish lifestyles funded by followers' donations. They discuss the manipulative tactics used to maintain authority and control over congregants.

Ryan Reynolds shares a personal transformation from being deeply religious to adopting a belief in a higher power devoid of organized structures: "I believe there's something greater out there than me... but I don't think it's a guy in the sky that has magic powers."

This candid discussion offers listeners a raw insight into the hosts' struggles and viewpoints regarding faith and institutionalized religion.

---

Imagining Their Own Planets: A Utopian Dystopia

[48:26 – 61:01]

Injecting creativity and humor, the hosts embark on a fictional brainstorming session about designing their own planets.

Ryan Reynolds outlines his vision: "I would hire Tim Turico to design it... there will be lots of beaches everywhere." He envisions a planet with a balanced population, sustainable living, and advanced technology that prohibits pollution and private car ownership.

Bob the Drag Queen adds, "You're gonna hire Tim to design it... how deep are your ears?" playfully challenging Ryan's elaborate plans.

The conversation evolves into a satirical take on utopian societies, addressing potential flaws such as population control and governance. They humorously navigate the complexities of creating a perfect society, blending absurd ideas with sharp social commentary.

---

Concluding Thoughts: Balance Between Humor and Depth

Throughout the episode, Sibling Rivalry masterfully balances humor with meaningful discourse. The hosts' ability to oscillate between light-hearted jokes and profound societal critiques keeps the audience engaged and reflective.

Monét X Change and Bob the Drag Queen provide a platform for discussing sensitive topics with both wit and empathy, ensuring that serious conversations remain accessible and entertaining.

Notable Quote:

“Religion is the biggest scam on earth, followed closely second by higher education.” — Bob the Drag Queen [24:11]

---

Final Remarks

"The One Where We Get Our Own Planets" stands out as a testament to Sibling Rivalry's unique approach to podcasting. By intertwining personal stories, societal critiques, and creative musings, the episode offers a rich and engaging experience for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

---

Key Takeaways:

• Importance of sensitivity in humor, especially regarding personal tragedies.
• Critical examination of organized religion and its societal impacts.
• Exploration of spirituality and consciousness through psychedelic experiences.
• Creative envisioning of utopian societies highlights societal aspirations and flaws.

For those seeking a podcast that blends humor with depth, Sibling Rivalry continues to deliver insightful and entertaining content.

Transcript

[Kaley Cuoco]

This podcast is brought to you by Aura. Aura monitors the dark web for users phone numbers, emails and Social Security numbers, delivering real time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free. When you visit aura.comdefens that's aura.comdefens to to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's a u r a.com defense. Certain terms apply so be sure to check the site for details.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail].

[Kaley Cuoco]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra fee, full [e-mail] hey.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Lonzo Ball, it's your agent. What's up? I've got a commercial opportunity for you from Buzzball's Ready to Go Cocktails. Nice. My last name is Ball. The product is a cocktail in a ball. I get it. That's what I thought too. But no, they. They want you for your hands. They think your big hands will show off the size of their new blue biggies. Ball, big blue balls really get blue balls this season with Buzz Balls. Please drink responsibly.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Buzz Balls available in spirit, wine and malt, 15% alcohol by volume.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Buzz Balls LLC, Carrollton, Texas My name is Bob the Drag Queen.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And I'm Monet Exchange and this is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Simply.

[Ryan Reynolds]

On this week's episode. Bob gives us sick asmr.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We build our own planets and we.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Find out what made Bob say this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet was fully in her broom closet. And we found out what made Monet say this babies.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So they come out the puss ready to talk and engage.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mac.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes, dear.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's good, bro?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Nothing much. So I just want to. I just want to let the listeners know. Today we are playing the word of the day again. And for those who have not caught the rules, this is how it go. Okay, Jacob's sibling vocabulary is what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Sibling vocabulary.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We should call it sibling vocabulary.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, Sibling vocabulary.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And Jacob text says the Miriam Definition. Merriam Webster definition of a word. And it's our job to use that word at some point in the episode and at the end of the episode, we have to figure out what each other's words were.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can we get a picture of Merriam Webster?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. What do you think? Wait, before you post it, what do you think Merriam Webster looks like? I think she's a. I think she's a woman with curly hair. Glasses. Dark curly hair and glasses.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I thought Miriam was a man.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I know they're mel. Miriams, but I don't know. I just thought Merriam Webster was a woman because women are way more.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think that he. That he's British. British looking. I think that he definitely wears glasses. Like a fucking nerd. And I think that he probably has like a really high collar in my.

[Ryan Reynolds]

My mirror Webster. My Merriam Webster is like Bellatrix Lestrange with glasses on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All right, Jake, I'm going to secure a picture of Merriam Webster.

[Monet X Change]

I have. So the issue is that Miriam Webster is actually three people and it's their last names. So first we're going to start with. We're going to start with. This is Noah Webster.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, wow. He looks like Leslie Jordan.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I call her.

[Monet X Change]

And then these are the brothers Charles and George. Miriam.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All wearing high collars.

[Ryan Reynolds]

See, there y'all go again. One fact. One fact.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you didn't get one. You literally got zero. Zero. And of course you would think.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Of course you would think it was. It was a man. You would.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I was right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Because you believe in misogyny.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because I believe the system is real. The system is real. So I. I got more. There's also Monet erasure. I got more than one.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I dare to believe in something different. You just want to accept the status quo, which is fine.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet. This is a. This is. This is a weird way to. To admit you were wrong. This is a weird way to say I was wrong.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Whatever.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But it is very macaroni and cheese, I'll give you that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Because macaroni cheese is a very prolific ass. Bitch know that.

[Monet X Change]

First of all, there is a. There is a Melbourne based creative writer creative writer named Miriam Webster. And this is her.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's G. Now, would you like to apologize now or later?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But this is not Merrill. This is a random person named Merriam Webster.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, Jake, I just told you.

[Monet X Change]

She's giving Bellatrix.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is a random person named Merriam Webster. This is not the Miriam Webster we were talking about.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And you're not.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And you're not going to gaslight me into believing that you just happen to be talking about this bitch.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What's up, Bob? I have a question. What's up with these jabroni ass niggas trying to see Compton?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know, but the industry can hate them, you know, Fuck em all they mamas. How do you feel about. I know you don't have any dead parents, but how do you feel? Well, that's not true. I know your father passed away.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I know you two weren't terribly, terribly close. But that's not the point. The point is how do you feel about someone being like yo mama. And then someone being like, my mama's dead. And then someone being like, well then fuck your dad ass mama.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I mean, my mother's not dead. I mean if someone said about my dad, dad, it'll be, it'll be a lot for me, I.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Would you throw your dead dad out there? Would you be like, my dad's dead?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I mean, I've done crazy things for a joke, for a punchline, for a bit, but though I don't know, to be honest, I never have. But I can't say I wouldn't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know because I feel like if you throw your dead parent out there, you are just daring someone to up the stakes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. I think if you throw it in the mix, you can't be mad if someone spits it back at you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, you can't be mad, but you are. You are basically daring them. Like you're saying like, I dare you to make fun of my dead parents. I told this story right here before, but there was a guy, these two guys in college, One of the guys name was Nick. Nick was holding this jello in the cafeteria and the jello was really jiggly. He looked at this other guy whose name I think was Josh, and he goes, oh my God, Josh, this kind of reminds me of your mom's big fat jiggly body. And then Josh said, my mom's dead. And then Nick said, oh, so you mean it's like your mom's big fat jiggly corpse. You know, I feel like if I was Josh, I would have shut my fat ass up. You know what I mean? But did he drag his mother's.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay, Nick dragged his mother, Dragged his mother into it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

First Nick dragged his mom into it, but then Josh was like, my mom's dead. Assuming that Nick would be like, oh, I'm so sorry, I know your mom was dead.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. Okay, that context, Yeah. I think that the person who initially, like, if you bring. So. So you're joking about my mom that's dead. It happened last month.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I'm not. I'm. I'm joking about you. I didn't know your mom was there. Like, Nick didn't know his mom was dead. Like, you and I, we're jonesing, back and forth, yada, yada, yada. We just do it. It's even back and forth. I. I hit you with a yo mama. You hit me with my mama's dad. And then I upped the stakes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right. But you brought it in first. You said, this Jellaroo reminds me of your mom's jiggly body.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And I was like. I was like, my mom's dead. Whoa. Like, oh, you mean your mom.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And to be clear, Josh didn't go, whoa, whoa, whoa. My mom's dead. He was like, my mom's dead. It was like, I got you, bitch. Actually, my mom's dead. Don't you look stupid? Don't you look dumb.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I gotta see. I gotta see this in action. So if it was you, how would you feel?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You have seen this in action. You told me about a story where you were there with a person who was like, my dad's dead. You told me a story just like this.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Did I?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. I don't wanna give you all the details. It's gonna give away who it is. But you were there when someone said something, and then someone said, my dad's dead.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't remember. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you've been there before when someone's been like, as a matter of fact.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I have been there. Right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And did that. Did that person up the ante or they like, my bad bomb?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't remember, but I feel like the person was like, my bad. I don't remember. I don't remember, though.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I feel like if I was in that situation, someone goes, whoa, that really hurt. Sorry. I know we're playing around, but my mom's dead. Ouch. I would back off, but if they were like, my mom's dead. Don't you look dumb?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'd be like, what if it was you? Would you. How would you feel?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't think I would. I would not drop my mom's dad as, like, a. As a. As a coup de grace.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But if someone just referenced your mom, like, if someone says something about your mom, would you. You just do another joke and just, like, bypass like you didn't hear it?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It depends. I've had people reference moms and stuff before. Not. I feel like, yo mama's jokes are really kind of out of, like, really out of play these days. Like, no one really does them anymore. But I don't always drop that my mom's dead on people. I'll just like, move on or. But I've never dropped the, like, I've never dropped in my mom's dead shut up card.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Got it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, one time online, someone was like, I was talking to some, fighting with some. With some Twitter trolls about eliminating Dorinda.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Uh huh.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I was like, they were like, someone was mad that I swore to God. They were like, I can't believe you swore to God. Like, and then I was. And I was in a completely separate chat. I was like going on about how tough it was to do the traders because my mom had passed away two weeks before. And then someone goes, well, why didn't you swear on your dirt napping ass mama? And then I said, joke's on you. My mother was cremated. There is no dirt nap. And then, then they, then their account got suspended.

[Ryan Reynolds]

This is on TikTok.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Twitter.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Twitter. Got it. Nepal. Suspended. Elon out here. Elon does not like dead, dead parent jokes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Huh. I guess he's a, he's not a housewife, Stan. Maybe he's in the drag race.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I mean, I. I just think that, I mean, that was, that was a good one. But I agree with you. Like, dead mom jokes are really like, repugnant. Like, it's repugnant as fuck. No one's doing them anymore. It's kind of whack.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't think people do dead mom jokes. Like, there's not a whole lot of dead mob jokes. But I'm saying, like, someone's like, rebuttaling your rebuttal. They're like, in the spirit of one upping. You know what I mean?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I don't think people really lead in with that. The only people I hear telling dead parent jokes are people whose parents are dead.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, Andy loves a dead parent joke.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, I will say, the other day I was in my studio and me and Rob were here, that someone was like, someone else mentioned their mother. And then this third party was like, must be nice to have a mom. And then me and Rob were both like, yeah, it must be nice. And then they were like, oh, shit, my mom's actually not dead. I don't know why I said that. My mom's very much alive. And as I said it, I realized that your mom just died. This is crazy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You know, sometimes you just have extemporaneous thoughts just come out. You don't even realize that this shit happens. It just happens.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I didn't hold it against. I didn't hold it against my mom.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wow. Would you hold it against me? Can you tell me who it was? Just who was it? Just do this. Who was it? Okay, the way you don't even wait for your hand to get to your mouth. This is you, Bob.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The fuck was that? That's not what happened, Jacob.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Am I lying, Bob? You're literally like Monet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I said the first syllable. I said like Monet. That is what happened.

[Monet X Change]

He said the first syllable.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I said Monet. That could have been Mo'Nique. That could have been Mo. Hart. That could have been Moet. That could have been Moesha.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay, fair, fair, fair. Yeah. You know, I. My father died when I was like, 12, 13. And, you know, we weren't like. I didn't grow up with my dad day in and day out, but towards the end, the last couple years we were making. He made a concerted effort for us to, like, hang out. And he was involved. So when he did pass away, it was really sad. But again, since it wasn't a parent, I like, live it day in and day out. I don't think it would hit me as hard as when my mom dies or something like that because I just. You know, everyone describes it as being a really crazy thing, but, you know, so then I'll have more thoughts and opinions about the dead parent jokes. I mean, knowing me, I probably would bring it up and I would make a bit out of it, and I would not right away. I'll probably need a beat, but I can definitely see myself making. Making that like a week. I don't. Bob, I don't know. I don't. I don't know how long the pain is going to be there. I don't know, to be honest.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I hope you never find out because it's not fun. Gotta be honest. Not no wish around my worst enemy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Are you. Are you coming to my birthday tomorrow? My birthday dinner?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No. Me checking my plans. Wow. It's Jacob's birthday, too.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And you also told me I wasn't invited the other day. Well, we can't.

[Monet X Change]

The issue is that Mitch is in town, which I didn't expect, so we need to invite Mitch as well. And I would also like to take Mikey, and maybe that's too many people to bring to this dinner reservation.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And also my nephew, Cameo. And you were sending me and Jacob's invitation, so I'm assuming we can't Just invite two more people. Three more people.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I mean, we can't just have to ask Andy. Andy's in charge of the plans.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I. I was. It was. It was recently announced us. I don't know. I don't even know where I stand with you.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't understand. Me either. We're all.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We're all confused. We're all broken down a tire. Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's almost our birthday.

[Monet X Change]

I know. Happy birthday. People are going to realize how. How long ago we recorded this episode.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, whoops. You know What? We got 10 minutes. If we recorded this episode last year, you're getting a new episode. Like, I. The comments are gonna be so wild. They're like, ugh, I can't believe they recorded this in December, y'all. It's a new episode. And we were. Sometimes we prioritize, prioritize, prioritized. Getting Tommy ones like candy views for you guys. But it's still new content you have not seen.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, we also are doing current episodes every week for Drag Race, so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Give this to y'all. I beg Monae, can we please do them Current Monae says, fuck those losers. They get what they get. And I say. I say, our fans deserve better. She backhands me and says, shut up. And she called me a faggot. Yeah, we need to take a break.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And I'll fucking do it again.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you ever feel like you're in a dinner loop? Like you just rotating between the same three meals every week because you're too burnt out to plan something new or you just did not grow up cooking creatively? I have, like, three things that I know how to make from scratch. That's me, baby. Between work and everything else going on.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You have three things, and only three looks of drag too, that you got. You just be rotating all the time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I just want to remind you all that'd be money on a cooking competition. Listen, between work and everything else going on, the last thing I want to do is spend time figuring out what to eat, how to cook it, and then running to the store just to forget some of the ingredients. Okay, so finally, I gave Home Chef a try, and I wish I had done it sooner. Home Chef delivers fresh ingredients and chef design recipes conveniently to your doorstep to simplify your cooking experience. I've made meals like they're honey garlic chicken. Am I Emeril Lagasse? Am I Gordon Ramsay? Am I Rachel Ray with green beans and mashed potatoes is so good. And the creamy Tuscan shrimp pasta, which I could bake for Jacob, because Jacob loves pasta, which felt like something you'd get like a restaurant without, you know, the big price tag.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Uh, it's giving more, Ms. Netta. That's what you're giving.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're giving, Ms. Netta. That'S CRAZY.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And speaking of price, Home Chef customers save an average of $86 a month on groceries, which I can definitely see when I'm looking at my little statement. Cause, you know, I've been trying to be more conscious about my money, and I, like the Home Chef is helping me stay that way. The portions are generous, and I don't waste food because everything is perfectly pre portioned, y'all. In the pandemic, I was a home chef, girly, literally all the time. And they beat meals for two. But I was single, and, baby, they were still. Those meals for two became a meal for one. And I was putting them meals away was so good.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You deserve it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You work hard.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You deserve it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I did. I did what I love, though. They have over 30 options every week, and it's surprisingly easy to filter for different dietary preferences. There's even a dedicated family menu and microwave meals for nights when you don't want to cook at all. Oh, and when I really don't want to think, I go for the five ingredient meals. Just five things y'all already measured. Super quick, super easy. It is perfection.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So here's the deal. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 50 off. Did y'all hear that? 50% off and free shipping for your first box, plus free desserts for life. So go to homechef.com rivalry. That's home chef.com rivalry for 50% off your first box, and free dessert for life. Again, it's Home Chef must be an active subscriber to receive free desserts. Don't try to. Don't try to find a loophole. Don't be cute.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Mm. We all feel it. Everything is more expensive these days. Groceries, rent, even grabbing a couple. Bitch. The eggs. What's that ginger binge in the challenge? Eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs. And the last thing you want on top of that is falling into credit card debt with high interest rates. That's why I've been telling everyone about a smarter way to build credit without the stress. And that's Chimes Credit builder Visa credit card. This card is different. It's a secured credit card with a no credit check, no annual fees, and no interest. You build credit using money you set aside. There's no risk of spending beyond your means. And every on time payment you make helps move your credit in the right direction. It's honestly such a great tool for anyone who's been trying to build or rebuild their credit the right way. Right, Bob, You've been trying to do that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I agree. I actually I built my credit up through a time credit card. I had really, really bad credit. I had to get a credit card that could be. That could help me out. I had really, really bad credit. Good credit opens up a lot of doors. It can help you get lower rates on a car loan or mortgage, makes it easier to get approved for a rental, and even help plans for things like a family vacation. Or handle those surprise expenses that love to pop up at the worst times. And maybe we are living in the worst times. Here are a few other features that I absolutely love. You use the card anywhere. Visa is accepted with direct deposit. You can get paid in two chime spot me feature lets you overdraft up to $200 with no fees once you set up qualifying direct deposit. Plus There are over 50,000 fee free ATMs and you can easily find one near you with the Chime app. So turn your everyday purchases and on time payments into steps toward your financial goals. With Chime's Secured Credit Builder Visa credit card get started [e-mail] sibling that's chime.com sibling Chime feels like progress.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The Chime Credit Builder Visa credit card is issued by the Bancorp Bank NA or Stride bank na. Spot Me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Chime checking account required to apply out of network ATM withdrawal and OTC advance fees may apply. Timing depends on submission of payment file. Late payment may negatively impact your credit score. Results may vary. Go to chime.com disclosures for details.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet, stop. I told y'all. Monet gets Joy when I'm in pain. She's not happy unless I'm unhappy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Because you just. You sit in the. You okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's, it's, it's menthol.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You act like you do. Like you do the bump of cocaine.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can't, y'all. I'm. Well, you just see Joy. I don't see me that well.

[Monet X Change]

Have you ever taken care of Bob when he was sick, Monet?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I have before for sure. And when I tell y'all, Bob becomes a literal toddler.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Taken care of. You ridiculed and belied and harassed me when I was sick. Also, go buy my book. It's called Harriet Tubman Live at Custer. You can go to readthedragqueen.com right now to get a copy of the book.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Is there ASMR audience for people who are sick just being like making all sick sounds with a microphone? It probably is, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's called civic rivalry. This episode, the one where Bob does sick. Asmr.

[Ryan Reynolds]

There's a market for everything. Everyone loves stuff like that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I need flow days. I have to get flow days. And I know people don't. People say, like, don't use it. Don't use. You'll get dependent on it. I need it. I can't live right now without flow days.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Flay doesn't work for me. No matter how many times I pump that shit in my nose, that shit does not work for me. You hear me?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because all else. If you put your nose. You do cocaine.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't do cocaine.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why are you wearing a white shirt? So when the cocaine falls, you won't see it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We debunk this. You were the one and people and the real survivor listeners. Y'all remember that time when I called Bob Al for doing cocaine? And y'all were like, oh, my God. I think when they were called me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Out for doing cocaine.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Jacob, do you remember this?

[Monet X Change]

Absolutely, yes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Cause it was. And we linked it back to when you started to do the sniffles heavy. It was because of the coke.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Coca Cola, which. We can't drink coke anymore. Mexicans hate coke now. So now I'm switching over to Pepsi Max.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You think maybe the vaping is contributing to your sickness?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's probably exacerbated the symptoms, but there's no connection. That vapes make give you colds. Not yet Vape my nuts, bitch. Not yet my nuts. As they scrape across your chin as they make their way to your eyes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, thank you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I prefer the one nut on each eye. How about that?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I wonder my mouth, Daddy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, no, you don't get the pleasure.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Do you know my favorite TikTok video is that big black eye, and it's with that old man. And he comes out, and then they're all doing something like a backyard. And he goes, daddy, chill. Like, what the hell even.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think it's what the fuck even is that. Or what the hell even is that?

[Ryan Reynolds]

It is problematic.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Daddy, chill.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Daddy, Daddy, chill.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What the even is that, Bob?

[Ryan Reynolds]

We got. So we got. We got to talk about the elephant in the room. Actually, we. We. We had to talk about the man on the cross in the room with the. With. With the holes in his hands and his feet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. So a lot of our. A lot of our listeners have been very annoyed at how Anti religious I am. Which is shocking to me. Like, are y'all new here? Like, Tamar? Do you even watch the show Tamar? Like, what did y'all ever think I'd be like, ooh, religion gives?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, I think that a lot of new people to the Patreon. Right. I think that as people who are Drag Race fans, but they didn't necessarily have. Maybe haven't seen. I mean, maybe haven't seen your season, but it didn't. Like, they didn't digest all of your content in that way until they're learning about you and they're like, oh, Bob is really not in these religious streets.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, welcome.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hi.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you're a new listener, welcome. My name is Bob the Drag Queen. I have a lot of religious trauma. I think that religion is the biggest scam on earth, followed closely second by higher education. I grew up Southern Baptist. Wait, wait, wait.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You think that not education, like, just going to college is higher education specifically, like, paying for it because it's so expensive?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, in America, specifically.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay. Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But especially private education.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. Okay, Private.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Especially private colleges.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Thank you for playing it. I'm happy I actually cleared that up.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, elementary school is a scam.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I thought you're saying, like, going to school is a scam. I was like, wait, what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, going to college. Higher education in the States is a scam.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, it's fucked up.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Y'all. Y'all know when you go to these fucking colleges, they will add a parking lot that no one asked for, then raise your tuition $3,000. Do y'all know they would fire three deans and then raise your tuition to pay for the ball?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Fire them. Oh. Cause they had to pay them, like, severances and shit like that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yep.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Let me tell you something.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If then you graduate, they call you and keep asking you for money.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Not even. This is. This is. This has been. I've been spiraling about this country for the past, like, two weeks because I cause of shit like that. And I just. This. This place is so upsetting. It's so upsetting to be from here and live here. I mean, again, even when you don't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Graduate, they still call you and ask you for money. Bitch, I'm still paying. I didn't even finish paying.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Y' the only other places, like, higher education is just not this expensive in other places, Right? Not in Europe, not. I mean, I don't know, for Asia, not in Australia, in the Caribbean. A lot of times Caribbean people send their children to. To go to school in Canada because Canada is not like, crazy, like America. And some people do opt to go to America because, you know, think of the land of opportunity, yada, yada, yada. But it's so ridiculous. Let's talk about religion. We can't. I just.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can't. So, as you all know, I think they're both scams. So if you. If you want. Like I said, if you want to feel safe in your religion, you. You are obviously free to practice your religion. I don't care. Be a.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Be a.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Be a. You know, be a Christian, be a Muslim, be. Study Judaism, study whatever religion you want to study. But if you were looking for someone to, like, affirm you and be like, yes, honey, God. Ms. God Mama, go listen to fucking gingerbreadge. Okay, yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. I mean, I think for me, I think organized religion specifically is hell, I think organized religion has been used to dupe and subjugate and trick people for centuries into doing dumb shit that is of no value to them or can do nothing to further their place in life or their status in life. But they prey on weak. They prey on people who need something to trick them to think this is the only way you can get out. Right. Like, you know, think about in churches that I grew up, like the Pentecostal cogic. All these churches where you see the leaders and stuff. Not even all the leaders. It'd be the. It'd be the niggas at the top falling in these, like, Gucci suits and these. These Prada loafers and they have all this money.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The Pope only wears designer, you know.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wait, the Pope.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The Pope only wears designer. Custom designer.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Like the Pope of the Vatican.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's only one Pope.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And what then. What then. What are these motherfuckers called? What are. Who are they? The ones that be looking just like him in the dressing room.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know. Maybe they're deacons or maybe they're archbishops or something. But there's only one Pope.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Got it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And the Pope only wears designer. And I believe it's Versace. Well, the Pope's car is custom.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, because it needs to be bulletproof.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And why is that, by the way? They sell bulletproof cars that are. That are like. You can buy a bulletproof Lincoln. Yeah, but they already sell bulletproof cars.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But he's in that clear one that people can see him and, like, he can.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, we got to see the Pope driving through with the fucking Pope. We got to. We just got to. That's what all your tithing's going to buy the Pope Versace clothes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, and so I just think that, you know, it's just been used to trick people into thinking it's the only way out. And that is the saddest part of it, is that you look at these congregations, you look at these conjugations full of people who are clinging on, hoping for, praying for healing, financial stability, a way out of their situation to not be beat up by their wives or their husband, whoever it is. And these. These people, these leaders, they trick y'all. If you just give 10% of your money, if you just come here every night, if you just do all these things, like we, like, you'll be saved, you'll be fixed. The world will be a better place for you, for you and your kids and stuff. And to give all this stuff and they get nothing in return. And that is a part of religion that pisses me off so much, is that it just preys on weak people, and they just drink this Kool Aid, this thing that they will never be better from.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I was going on TikTok being like, I believe that LGTBQI identity is a social contagion. And I was like, baby, you know, it's a social contagion. Christianity, and it's spreading a whole lot faster and a whole lot wider. It has a much bigger impact. And I don't think anyone's ever went and shot up a school in the name of transgender people.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Facts.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't think anyone's ever blown up a building in the name of bisexual people.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Facts.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't think anyone's ever done entire crusades where they. Where they kill people in entire villages over polyamorous furries.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know what I mean?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. And that's a big part of it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because I am so anti. I don't. I don't think I have any religious friends. Like, the only people I know who are truly religious that I'm genuinely close to are in my family.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. And I mean, and again, and I don't think. And I want to be very clear about, like, organized religion versus, like, believing in a higher power or, like. Or getting your strength and your energy for something from something that you believe in that gives you hope. And, like, I'm not saying to devoid yourself of hope because. But I'm just asking people who are in bed with organized religion to look at that and look at the history of it and believe in something. Right. I think that for some people need to believe in a thing to get up and go throughout their day. But just look at who you're giving Your money to look at what that organized religion has done to people over the past decade or century or whatever it is, and make a more conscious decision about what you are choosing to believe in and align yourself with. I think that over the years, I've. I was super, super, super, super, super religious. If you're new here, very religious. Going to church twice a week, getting my. Getting my confirmation. I was singing with an inspirational ensemble, the Songs of Solomon inspirational ensemble. We would do tours around America, around Canada, going to these big church conventions, speaking in tongues, all these things. I did that for a long time. I thought that, you know, I was. I was drinking the Kool Aid of it. And I think now, as I look at myself now, I'm someone who. I believe that. I believe there's something greater out there than me that created all this stuff. And. But I don't think it's. I don't think it's a guy in the sky that has magic powers to turn water into sauvignon Blanc. I just don't think that that's what it is. I just, you know, I can't say what it is, but I believe in something bigger for me, but I'm not into the organized religions of it all.

[Monet X Change]

Have you had any spiritual experiences while you were in Mesopotamia?

[Ryan Reynolds]

You know, I have. Like, when I. When I. When I. The first time is. If you're new here, say I went to Mesopotamia the first time. I did acid and I did shrooms. You cannot tell me I did not go to ancient Mesopotamia. I was. I was transported back to Mesopotamia and I was part of a society of people and I was contributing to the work and I was seeing, like, where we all came from. I really genuinely felt what that. That was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But Monet was fully in a broom closet on the wall listening to the washing machine go. And that turned into Z Z, Z, Z Z Z, Z, Z, Z, Z, Z, Z, Z Z.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You know, and so I. And that's why were a lot of.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Black people in ancient Meso.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I can't explain it. They weren't a. It wasn't a color of people. They were just people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, we. We were in a.

[Ryan Reynolds]

In a Ranni. Tell y'all the vision I have. It was. We were. We were all sitting. It was like thousands of people in lines and rows in, like, a square, right? It's like a big square and a little square. We're just. All just communing together and we were all doing this thing. We were going left, back, right, back, left, down, right in this, like, Synchronized thing, girl. Again, this is obviously, first of all, you know, the mind is the most. That is not. When they say the mind. The mind is a powerful thing. A powerful thing to waste. I'm not kidding. Your mind is so fucking powerful. I obviously. I know. Doing psychedelic drugs and shit like that. I know that that was in. I induced or I was. The gag is I was probably using this little piece of my brain right here. Probably did all of that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know what I mean?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm not stupid. I know, but the feeling that I had was weird. That's why I want to do something like, I want to do ayahuasca. I really want to do ayahuasca so bad. I don't want to do the thing where I'm going to, like, a. I think that feels. There's like a whole thing about, like. I don't know. But. Yeah, let's talk about.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you want to. You want to. You don't want to go actually do it with the people who say. The culture.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You want to do it, but you. But I don't want. But I don't know. I was reading. I don't know about how that is, like, disrespectful, really, to the people. So I want to do it in a way that is conscious and mindful about it, but not disrespecting anyone, if that makes sense. I want to do it a way that is correct but not like centering my own, you know, cultural colonialism of all. You know? I mean, I don't know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've done little to no ayahuasca in my life.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So, I mean, I do ayahuasca with me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, Got it. Also mainly because I heard you get really sick the next day.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I think. I think you. But they say it's not everyone. Because everyone says, oh, you, yourself, and you vomit. Not everyone has that experience. Some people do, but it's. Not everyone has that experience.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I came back from Europe and this is how I sound. You think I can survive ayahuasca? I can't even survive white people. I won't survive ayahuasca. I'm not. I'm. I am not built different. I'm a standard model, baby, okay? I'm made out of the regular stuff, okay? If it makes you sick, it'll make me sicker. Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So that's my thing about organized religion. It's just so sad and it's just so. It just. It's upsetting. It's upsetting. I just also don't see how people who Are who are in organized religion don't see like what, how what they're doing like you do you really think these pastors ambitious from the stuff it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Looks like you are in your ears up to the knuckle. Like it. It looked like this. It looked like you were tickling your bitch. You just touched Mesopotamia. Do it again.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I just hit my hair.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Gee, how do you get so much of your fingers? Look how much you can still see my fingernails. Do it again and turn your Beatles to the outside. How deep are your ears?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Can you answer my question?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do it one more time, please. But I want you to say it this way. Jesus Christ. He was like.

[Monet X Change]

Wait, what are you doing?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do what you do it. I can't get that far. This is as far as I can go. How deep are you getting your ears? Jacob, wait. Come close to the camera. Jacob. Shut the hell up boy. That ain't stupid. Yeah, but they has deep ass ears.

[Kaley Cuoco]

This podcast is brought to you by Aura. By the time you hear about a data breach, your information has already been exposed for months. On average, companies take 277 days to report a breach. That's nine months where hackers have access to your personal data. Your name, address, phone number, even your Social Security number before you even know it's out there. Think about it. Nine months is enough time for criminals to open accounts in your name, rack up debt and disappear. All while you're left dealing with the message. And when the company finally tells you it's too late, the damage is already done. Data breaches aren't slowing down, they're getting bigger. And the delays in reporting them aren't helping right now. Your personal information could already be on the Dark web and you wouldn't even know it. How long do you want to wait before taking action? That's why we're thrilled to partner with Aura. Aura monitors the dark web for users phone numbers, emails and Social Security numbers, delivering real time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. Additionally, Aura provides up to $5 million in identity theft insurance, offering a robust safety net in the event of a worst case scenario. Aura goes the extra mile by scanning the Dark web for your sensitive info and alerting you instantly if anything is found. And if ID theft strikes. No need to panic. Aura's US based 247 broad resolution team works around the clock to fix it fast and get you back on track. Aura is a complete online safety toolkit which includes a variety of other features to keep you safe online, including a VPN for secure browsing, data broker Opt out to stop companies from selling your personal information, a password manager to help you create and store strong passwords and more. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free when you visit aura.com defect defense that's aura.com defense to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's a u r a.com defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hey there travelers. Kaley Cuoco here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Sorry to interrupt your music.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Great artist, BT Dubs, but wouldn't you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Rather be there to hear it live? With Priceline, you can get out of your dreams and into your your dream concert. They've got millions of travel deals to get you to that festival, gig, rave.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Sound bath or sonic experience you've been dreaming of.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Download the Priceline app today and you can save up to 60% off hotels and up to 50% off flights. So don't just dream about that trip. Book it with Priceline. Go to your happy price.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Priceline.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This episode is brought to you by. Meundies Underwear Drawers are like the wild west.

[Kaley Cuoco]

You never know what you're going to.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Pull out or what shape it's in. So upgrade your collection with the buttery, soft comfort of Meundies. Meundies signature fabric is soft as a warm hug from your favorite sweater. Plus, it's breathable and oh so comfy, making it ideal for all day wear. Get 20% off your first order plus free shipping on orders of $75 or more at MeUndies.com Spotify Enter promo code Spotify. But so the thing is, these pastors, when you look at these pastors, especially when you're up there, who's the one who said he doesn't ride in tubes in planes because they're demonstration.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Who said that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob. Look him up, pastor. He bought a play from Tyler Perry and he was like, I don't ride in commercial jets because they're full of demons. His name is Jamal Bryant.

[Monet X Change]

Kenneth Copeland.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Kenneth Copeland. Going to Kenneth Copeland's church and being like, yeah, this makes sense. I will never understand that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, that part, that part. That, that is crazy. Like you, Bob, you are. You. You make $60,000 a year every Sunday morning. You are, you are tithing temperance. And you, you're giving the church 6,000 of your $60,000 a year. Quick math, huh?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Quick math.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And your pastor is out here flying private. He bought a Private jet with your $6,000. Because the commercial plane that you have to get on, by the way, when you want to go see your family for Christmas. He said, there are demons in there. You can't ride on my jet. I use your money to buy, but you can't ride on my jet. It's not for me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Exactly. And make your money on. Pay for a will on that jet.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, it is crazy to me. And everyone's like, you have way more smoke for Christianity than for Islam or Judaism or Buddhism. Yeah. Because I, I was never part of those religions.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, I am.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I am versed in Christianity.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. I can't. I can't confidently speak on the, the pillars of, of. Of Islam or Buddhism or Judaism because I.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I bet you would not be hard pressed to find some ex Muslim or ex Mormon or ex, you know, Jewish person to also tell you those religions are also not great for them. I'm just. I don't. I was obviously never been. I've never been Muslims. I don't. I don't know all the things about that stuff, but I do know about Christianity because I. I was in it for so long. You know what I mean?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. Also occurs to me too, because Andy and I have to have had this conversation before about talking about Scientology, and he's like. He's like, well, and. And. And I, I was like. I was like, well, I mean, believing that somebody walked on water is to me not as different as someone who's saying that. That you get a.

[Monet X Change]

Negative emotions are caused by alien souls that are haunting you.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm like, yeah, the idea that Zeus.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Turned into, like, a bull is really not any crazier than the idea that a whale swallowed a human or that one man fit two of every single animal on the planet onto one ship.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It all sounds quite fantastical.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And what the. What the Mormons believe that when you die, you get a planet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you're a good Mormon, I'm about.

[Ryan Reynolds]

To say, bitch, you can go down to the DMV and get. I can buy you a star today. There will be a. By the time the eod. I can have a star with Bob the Dragon disguise. I could do that for you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, but you get to own the planet. You get to, like, be the God of your planet.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You own the star.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, you can't be the God of the star yet. You are, like, overseeing the star. Like, God. Like, you are literally manipulating the people on the planet.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, you. You manipulate people on the planet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know if you lives on the planet or what, but you get your own planet. Like, you are the. Like you are the literal God of a planet. There's only for good Mormons. Mormons don't believe in hell. There's no hell.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So where did. So where did the bad Mormons go?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Spiritual prison.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Spiritual prison?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Which is. Where is this? Like, just. It exists on a spiritual plane.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was, like, next door. I don't know. But also, when you're in spiritual prison, you can repent. And they'll be like, okay, it's fine. Come on up. Like, if you go to spiritual prison, like, man, I. Up. They'll be like, yeah, you did. It's okay. Now you can go. So there's like layers of heaven with Mormonism.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Got it. And I think that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And I think the part of it that is so egregious, too, is it all in all of them. In Scientology, in Christianity. Well, again, I can't speak for Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, but I know in Scientology, in Mormonism, in Christianity, it all centers around money. It's all about money. It's about giving your money so we can be better. Give us your money. Give us your money. Give us money. Money, money, money.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Christianity is a blatant plagiarism of other religions that came before. There are, like, entire Egyptian religions that had, like, the virgin birth, the baptism, John the Baptist, the whole night, the Father, Son, the Holy Ghost, the whole night.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But Christian, I've heard that argument. And Christian said, but no, that those weren't real. Like, that's not real.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But it was before that even happened.

[Ryan Reynolds]

They say that it was in existence. They put that in history. But that's not real.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Convenient. Convenient. Their source is nuh. How great with your argument is nuh. Okay, girl, sure. You ate me up with that one.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And also the thing about morbidism that's so crazy is this. So you know. You know about the golden tablets?

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, but if. If. If it's a drug, I'll try it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No. So the golden tablet, Jake, Was it Brigham Young or was it John Smith who got the golden tablets? Can you look it up real quick?

[Monet X Change]

It was Joseph Smith.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Joseph Smith. So Joseph Smith got the golden tablets, right? And he is the only one who can look at them, and he's the only one who can read them.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Joseph is the only one that can read these tablets or even see them.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

People can see them, but he won't let you see them.

[Monet X Change]

He has a sightstone that he can use to translate. He's the only one With God's permission to translate the tablets.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And Mormons believe that. Cause how long ago did this man exist?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Maybe, I don't know, 1800s. Yeah, it was 1800s. Yeah, it wasn't long ago.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Got it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So he would go behind.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The last question is, do Mormons believe in AD and BC? So Mormons believe Jesus was born 2,000.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Years ago in America. No, Mormons believe Jesus was born less close, much sooner. And here in the States. Got it in Missouri.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Got it in Missouri.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Him and Nellie, both from Missouri. So Joseph Smith would go behind this curtain, he would read the plates and he'd be like, okay, yeah, so this is what God said in the plates. And they'd be like, can you go back and read that again? He'd be like, yeah, for sure. Go back, read it again, come back. It's like slightly different. It's not quite the same as it was the last time he read it. And he's like, yeah, that's cause God, like low key be changing it. Is that crazy? And everyone's like, yeah, I believe you.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, I think it also speaks to the deep desire in people to believe in something. Like people just want to. And I think that probably makes sense to me too. Right. Well, I want this like, belief. I have this belief in some higher power because I want to believe there's something bigger than me out there. But I think. But I'm also not like gonna. Again, I'm not saying that all religious people ruin their lives for their. For their thing. They're not like all going broke or whatever for. For their religion. But I think that I feel like I have enough common sense. I'm like, you know, it's my own thing. I'm just gonna choose to leave something out there that's different than like relying solely upon this religious system to make my life better. And I think that's the difference.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, ironically, to quote the Tri State Singers, sometimes you have to believe in yourself. Believe in you, bitch. Believe in your motherfucking self. Also, don't be so egotistical to believe that you are literally the biggest thing in the world. You're not the biggest thing in the world. Even I don't believe in God and I don't believe that I'm the be all and end all.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You know what I mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Obviously, obviously there is a. Is a force greater than me. I don't think that the force is divine.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think that force is. I think the force is actually quite natural. I don't think it's divine. It doesn't have to be divine. If there is a divine power in the universe deciding all of this, who is shaping the universe? That force is racist. That force is transphobic. That force is misogynistic. That force is capitalist. That force loves torture. It loves sickness. It loves sadness. It loves famine. It loves violence. If there's a force doing all this stuff, you know what I mean?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Thank you so much, Mitch. Did you eat your drinks?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, no. What? You ordered again? Lo.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Nays. You don't mind, do you? You don't mind if I breathe? Is it okay with you, or do you control the air?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I mean, if I finally got my own fucking planet, I would.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Would you? What would you do with your own planet?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Ooh, if I did my own planet, I would. First of all, I would hire Tim Turico to design it. We're gonna put all this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You did, too. You have to wait till he dies.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Tim's gonna die before me for sure.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Cut 2.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I will hire Tim to design it. We gotta figure out where we're gonna put the water features. There will be lots of ocean. Well, that's already here, but no, sorry. There'll be lots of beaches. We have lots of beaches everywhere. I would definitely have mermaids on my planet. We're having mermaids. Mermaids will not be mythical creatures. There will be mermaid societies. There will be under.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's beaches everywhere. Then how small? So there's no, like, massive lands? Everything's like a small island?

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, but every coast will have a beach.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, you are so dramatic, Bob. But you. You. I cannot.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do y'all see this?

[Ryan Reynolds]

You are so dramatic. It was a.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Let me take my medicine. I wanna take my medicine, bitch. I wasn't talking about how dramatic. You were waddling around with your fucking ugly boots on the other day.

[Ryan Reynolds]

My ugly boots? I had ugly boots?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You were waddling. Waddle, waddle, waddle, y'all.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Cause we did a Reach L A gala, and I still. Heels are a little tough. I put him wearing them for long periods of time, so I had to wear my fucking clogs under my black and red gown. So we can do that gig. That was wild. Um, yeah. So I would.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So islands are. They're all small islands. There's no big. Big.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, they're big islands. But I think, like, for example, there will be one big beach that goes from Maine all the way down to Florida.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So is there, like, a strip of water through the.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, there is just Maine.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So. So. But what about people who live, like, in the Ohio of your world? Like, we. We have lots of beaches.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We would be like. We would be like, australia, Ain't nobody living in the middle of the country. Everyone's living on the coast. Okay, I'm not doing this many people. This many people, y'all. Y'all niggas on Earth have proven that y'all would destroy shit. So we're not doing this many people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's the limit?

[Ryan Reynolds]

We're. We're. We're. We're capping our population at about 10 million.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What in the Communist China is going on up in here? So how are you going to stop people from giving birth?

[Ryan Reynolds]

When we get new births, we will send it to another planet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This sounds very problematic. This sounds very problematic, but no, but you know what?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I lie. We will have same amount of people, but there's gonna be. Half of us are gonna be mer people. And mer just like fish. We just don't produce a lot of waste. Like, we don't. Like, we just don't produce. We eat and shit in the same place that we live.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you gonna be. Can they see you?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes, you can see me? Are you hanging out sometimes? I'll kind of be like, Gaia, are you all powerful? I'm not all powerful.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So they could overthrow you.

[Ryan Reynolds]

They could, but that's not gonna be part of the design of the. We're not gonna be a vicious, evil, nasty species like y'all earthlings here on planet Molashkin. We're not like that. There's no overthrowing. We don't have wars. We don't have all this stuff. We just live in a peace.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, the issue with every utopia is that it's actually a dystopia. There are no utopias.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, in my thing, in my world, we're gonna have Fruitopia.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But what happens when someone doesn't want what you want? We want to move inland.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay, you can. You can. You can move inland.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you just said no one lives in the middle.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, that's good. Well, then you won't have beaches. But I'm gonna design everything. So we're by the beaches. But if you don't want that, that's also fine too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So it's okay to not live by the beaches?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes, it's okay to, but I would like everyone to, if they wanted.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What if I want to have eight kids?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I could have eight kids.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So there's no. So there's no more limit. No more. So you. You X dated the population limits.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, what I would strategically do is give some people kind of like Silo, they will not be able to produce.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you're gonna, you're gonna fix spay and new to your pets? Yes, basically without their permission.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, they're my creations.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you just like zibbity bobbidi boop is how you do them or do you have other people?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Other people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Other creatures on the planet do it?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Not more of a squiggity bobbidi bow.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Also, it's just like through magic. It's not through actual procedure.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Correct.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do they know what's happening? Do you tell them first?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, it's part of the contract. When you decide to be on this planet, you haven't signed a contract as babies.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Also, you don't decide to be. You're just born. Babies don't decide to be here.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, but as a baby you get to. You see, that's. You're thinking like such a humanoid. Of course you do. Babies have. They can make their own decisions. They are conscious. From the time you're on this planet, you get to make your decision. And be clear.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Babies are conscious on earth too.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, but they, but they are. But they are autonomous at a point. They can make their own decision for themselves. They speak fluently. First of all, you're born speaking three languages. You speak mer, you speak Malaccan, and you also speak Croatian.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So there's no English at all.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No English. Fuck English.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Gang. Gang.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, but babies, so they come out the puss, ready to talk and engage.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are there politicians?

[Ryan Reynolds]

No politicians.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you are the, you are the sole. You are the decision maker.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And that's not true. I'm lying for.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So we're living in a dictatorship.

[Ryan Reynolds]

There will be a nice. There will be a collection of malash.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

A council.

[Ryan Reynolds]

A council, Right. One from each mer society, which there are seven. And there will be one from each human land dwelling society, which there will be eight.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And are we all humanoid? Are there some creatures who look like bulls? Are there some creatures who look like large centipedes?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay, again, human. I don't know what a centipede and a bull is, but there are people. Not everyone looks the same. Everyone is of a different species.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Some of us fly.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And variety. There are flyers. Yes. And what about you? What is your. What is your little plan looking like?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, first of all, it is massive. The size of Jupiter maybe.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wow.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, I would say our global population is somewhere around like currently alive. All at the same time. I'm going to go somewhere around 575 billion.

[Ryan Reynolds]

575 billion people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And is all of your planet inhabitable or are we all forced to live on Earth?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, it's completely habitable. There's not a single spot that's not inhabitable, that's not uninhabitable. Not even one.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

From sea to shining sea, from coast to coast, from north pole to south pole, east to west, the equator to the latitude, longitude. Every spot is habitable from pole to.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Pole, and then so and then. But how densely populated are you? Are you, like, on top of each other?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Spread out? It's pretty spread out. I would say maybe as populated as in some of the more dense areas. Los Angeles is some of the more sparse areas. Ohio. Okay, like Cleveland? No, like. Like Akron.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What about, like, Montana?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Montana's pretty sparsely populated.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. So you want to.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So we don't have any of that?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, you don't have any of that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So if I just really wanted a lot of space, like, I had to live like I was at Akron. So there's persons maybe, like, two miles away from me, probably.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. And it's mostly big cities.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Mostly big cities.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We do have a few wooded areas. There are beaches. Not a ton of them, though, but it's mostly. We're city girls.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So your planet does not have a lot of water. Kind of like Jupiter.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We have water. Like New York City has a lot of water. The New York City's surrounded by water.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, you know, there's. I've heard of a planet earth where there's 70% water. Do you think, like, what, what, what. What percentage of water is your. Is your geography?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

71.

[Ryan Reynolds]

71% water?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yep.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So there's a lot of water.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's no salt water. So it's all fresh water, all drinkable water.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So 71% of your planet is so similar to Earth. Then you have 30% land, 70% water.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No. 29% land. You lose. It's 71% water.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay. And are your continents spread out? Are they just one big continent? In the rest water, they're strips. Strips.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

From North Pole to South Pole, there are. There are 20 strips evenly divided around the planet.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wow. So.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And to get from continent to continent, you take a train underwater.

[Ryan Reynolds]

An underwater train.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There are no airplanes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

How is. How is technology on your planet? Are you guys pretty advanced?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, it's remarkable. First of all, there is no gas. We do not fly. We do not drive. Everyone's either taking bikes or they're taking trains. It is legally mandated. If you build a car, you will go to prison.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, so you have prisons on your planet? Yes. Is there a lot of Crime on your planet?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, like building cars.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And what are some of the forms of crime? Maybe, if I can make a suggestion, maybe you might want to make gaslighting illegal.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, I didn't make suggestions for your crummy little planet. Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Why I gotta be crummy?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Here's the. That are legal, extreme capitalism. You can sell stuff, but the prices are gonna be set. It is what it is. Pollution is very, very, very illegal. Sponges are illegal.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Why sponges?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It is what it is. The girls who get it, get it. The girls who don't, don't. Let's ask the audience.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And then. So what if you break this rule? Like, do you go to prison? Is it jail?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Prison?

[Ryan Reynolds]

For how long? What is the sentencing? And how is there a judge?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There is. You're tried by a jury of your peers. If you build like a lawnmower, we'll put you in jail. Prison. It's straight to prison, by the way. No jail.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Straight to prison.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Straight to prison.

[Ryan Reynolds]

In the interim between the arrest and the sentencing. What's happening to me?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're the. You're in the cop car, and then you go to the. You go straight to the courthouse, and then from there you go straight to prison.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Got it?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you build, like a lawnmower, you'll be in prison for, like, 15 days. If you build a car, you're gonna go there for one year. If you build an airplane, you're getting life, life, life.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And are we not focusing? Are we censoring rehabilitation at all? Or we're just putting us in there just to.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It depends on how big of a. Like, if you like.

[Ryan Reynolds]

How many planes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How many planes? Give me the. Give me the offense. How many planes? We're talking about pollution. How many planes have you built?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, baby. My name is Jeffrey R. Boeing. I've been secretly building planes for the past century.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How many?

[Ryan Reynolds]

3,000.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Death. Death. Literal death. By plane, by the way. We're gonna put you against the mountainside and then fly a plane into your body. Oh, my God. Right into your chest. You love planes so much. You love planes. Good.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And how do you exist? Are you omnipotent? Omnipotent?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I am neither of those things. I am like you all, except I don't die.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So you just have a.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I can. But to be clear, I can be killed. But just so you hoes know, if I die, the planet dies.

[Monet X Change]

Can you get charged for a crime?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I certainly can. I certainly can. But if I die, the planet dies.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And then. So what happens when we reveal kind of like Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana, that you were Jeff R. Boeing all along. And you, you made those planes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When I get hit by that plane, this whole motherfucker's coming down.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Coming down.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So just know it's like when a movie where they like when the bad guy's like, I have connected a bomb to my heart. And if my heart stops, the Empire State Building blows up.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Got it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you can kill me, but might not be a good look.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So he's saying the rules don't apply to you. Really? No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The rules apply to me. But there's consequences. Cause I made all this. This. See, this is why. If I can't enjoy it, you can't enjoy it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

This is why we can't be war, honey. Because we going. Our plan is to be a mess. You know what our first act on Malashka is? To fucking send a fucking nuclear napal bomb and go wipe your shit out.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you have nuclear weapons?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes. Well, we. We built them specifically to fight your planet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, first of all, to be clear, we have a shield around our planet. You couldn't touch it if you wanted to.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And not only that, the way our shield works is it deflects it, right? It re hones it at twice the velocity. And then we attach a new nuclear warhead to it. You will be obliterated.

[Ryan Reynolds]

This is why you can't wait. Bobbing a playground. You're like, I have a gun that can shoot to your bullet. Actually, I have a shield that only blocks your type of bullet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Goodbye.

[Kaley Cuoco]

This podcast is brought to you by Aura. Aura monitors the dark web for users, phone numbers, emails and Social Security numbers, delivering real time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free. When you visit aura.comdefense that's aura.comdefens to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's a u r a.com defens. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.