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Simple Farmhouse Life
265. Motherhood Does Not Have to Be Overwhelming: Systems for Peace and Presence at Home | KyAnn Molina of Simple Rhythms for Busy Moms
00:57:01
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- [00:00]
A
How you live your days is how you live your life. When I was in this season a few years ago, it was hitting this point where I realized how I'm living each and every day when I'm living in more overwhelm than I'm not, that is adding up. My kids are noticing that. I'm noticing that we have to come to a point where we're like, this isn't how I want to live for the rest of my life. I can make these simple shifts over time to decrease that overwhelm and show up in a better capacity for myself, for my family, for everyone around me.
- [00:24]
B
My name is Lisa, mother of eight and creator of the blog and YouTube channel Farmhouse on Boom. On this podcast, I like to talk about simplifying your life so you can live out your priorities. I help you learn how to cook from scratch and decorate on a budget through this podcast and my courses, Simple Sourdough and the Simple Sewing Series. I also help people reach their goals from home through my business courses, create your blog dream and YouTube success academy. I will leave links to these resources in the show notes and description box below. Now let's get into the show. Welcome back to the Simple Farmhouse Life podcast. Today we're talking about one of our favorite topics here on this show, Rhythms for Busy Moms, implementing systems and trying to get all the things done that you have to get done. And, you know, sometimes we think, oh, man, like, what about rest? We're talking about that, too. Being intentional with our family and our homes and our lives. And we talk about that a ton, but it bears repeating. And it's nice to have different perspectives because we're all different in the way that we do things and the way we process our daily life. And so I like to bring on guests who, you know, can share their perspective in the season that they're in, because, again, we're all in different seasons and we all approach this a bit differently. So let's dive into this interview here with Cayenne from the podcast Simple Rhythms for Busy Moms. Well, welcome on Cayenne. Today we're going to talk about home systems, which is something that we talk about a lot on this channel. I think different people have different ways of doing things, and it's always fun to hear how each mom approaches the sometimes what can be an overwhelming task of managing all the things, which I'm feeling this morning because we've been in and out of the house and, you know, things are lost. And I literally was thinking about this podcast and I was Telling my husband, I'm like, if everybody, you know, if we all, like, follow the systems that we have, everything runs really smooth. But then sometimes, like, somebody will forget to put things where they go, and then the whole, you know, everything just like a domino effect. So, anyways, let's introduce. So tell us a little about yourself and your mission online and what you do.
- [02:34]
A
Yeah, for sure. Thank you so much for having me on. I'm so excited to be here. My name's Cayenne. I am a wife. My husband and I have been married for nine years now, and we have three kiddos, currently four and under. So we actually struggled with infertility for three years at the beginning of our marriage, and then somehow we're blessed with three kids in three years. And so I feel like we're kind of in the thick of just that chaotic, busy season, and we wouldn't change it for anything, but definitely a lot of moving pieces. So I can relate to that. And I'm also a podcaster, so my mission really is helping busy moms to find routine in their days and implement intentional rhythms to both get more done around the house, you know, just be productive and also still be present with their family. So that is a little bit of how I spend my days right now.
- [03:20]
B
I mean, I'm sure, as you well know, just this is what you do. This. There's a huge need for this kind of conversation. A lot of. I think that's, like, the number one question comment I usually get everywhere, which is why we talk about this so much on the podcast. But what do you do when you're in a season of overwhelm? Some form of that question is really, really common, because I think the biggest thing is, I think a lot of young moms, especially when they have, like, you said, like, four kids or three kids, four and under, just feeling like, is this normal? Like, is this the pace I'm supposed to go in order to keep up with everything? Or, you know, is there, like, something I'm missing? So talk about that. Let's talk a little bit about daily rhythms and how that started for you and your own journey to figuring out how to get all of the balls rolling in the right direction and figuring out, like, which ball you could drop.
- [04:14]
A
Yes. Yeah, that's something I talk about a lot, actually, with the analogy of balls and, like, plastic balls and glass balls and which ones are okay, you know, to have hit the ground and you can still pick them back up. And I think this is a common question as far as how do we get it all done. And really being in the thick of it. For me, how I kind of got into this world goes back a few years. I really struggled with postpartum depression after having my second baby. So my first two kids are 16 months apart. Very unexpected pregnancy, obviously. I shared. We struggled with infertility and things, and so. And I also have hyperemesis in my pregnancies, and so I'm hospitalized. I have to go get infusions every other day for the whole pregnancy, the whole thing. So a lot of different things kind of came together. And I think when I realized I was struggling with postpartum depression, kind of a background, that was the trigger point for me realizing so much chaos that I had accepted as normal in motherhood up until that point. I personally struggled with some, like, workaholic tendencies. And I have been an entrepreneur for a long time, and I had kind of fallen into this pattern of putting business first over a lot of different things. So we had a successful business. You know, things seemed great on the outside, but behind the scenes, things were kind of just a mess. And we were really struggling with balance and even simple routines to get things done. So, for example, to give a picture of what I mean, I was telling my friend a story about this season of my life earlier today, and I was in the season of two under two for the first time in my mornings. I was specifically talking about. I have this one morning kind of ingrained in my brain from this period of time, and I woke up with the baby crying. That's how I woke up all the time. You know, you would wake up, and you kind of feel like you're almost fight or flight mode waking up to that all the time. The baby needed to be fed, and then the toddler needed breakfast, obviously. So I'm going to the kitchen. I'm trying to, like, nurse the baby, literally, as I'm walking to the kitchen, trying to get the baby food. And my counter has dishes still on it from last night. You know, the dishes were still out. We hadn't got them put away. And so I'm trying to just quickly wash one bowl with the one hand that I have available at that moment in order to get the toddler food to get her to stop crying. And so as I'm doing this, my toddler goes and grabs a bowl of leftover spaghetti. Of course it was spaghetti. This is probably why it's ingrained in my head off of the table, and it just lies everywhere, like, all over everything. I don't even know it was A mess. And so at that moment, then we're all. Honestly, we were all just kind of screaming and crying at the same time. Like, it's just that overstimulation point of, like, this is just way too much. And so I shared that story because that is one specific morning. But also that happened more than one time. Like, that was kind of a frequent. I wasn't doing these small little rhythms to pick up around the house. And then you would have this outside trigger that came in, and it's just way too much all of a sudden. And so for me, I think this season of postpartum depression and all of it was the catalyst for helping me realize that a lot of my habits in my daily life, they hadn't been intentionally thought through. They just kind of happened. Right? And I think a lot of us fall into that. So that's when I kind of came across the idea of rhythms, and I just glued onto it. I was like, this is what I need. I need to make this shift.
- [07:19]
B
Yeah. Yeah, I can. I think every mom can probably relate to those moments of overwhelm where, like, everybody seems to need something from you. Also, there's something that happens, too. I'd say, like, the more seasons you get in motherhood where there are certain things that you're just like, you know what?
- [07:38]
A
It.
- [07:39]
B
It doesn't feel as urgent if, like, the toddler's crying you can accept, like, okay, I'm going to nurse the baby. Then I'm going to get that for you, and you're going to be okay in that. In that meantime, too. And I. Happens over time as well. Like, I found now that there are certain things, like, situations that happen. And I think back, I'm like, oh, that would have stressed me out so bad when I was a new mom. And now I'm just like, he's crying at your feet, you know, and you're just like, I'm nursing the child and I will get to you. But, like, right now, you're going to be okay. You know what I mean? But talk about, like, the first rhythms that. And you had a whole new variable there where you said, the child threw spaghetti, which would definitely get me. Like, that's where I'd break. But how did you start to establish it? Like, you.
- [08:25]
A
You.
- [08:25]
B
You found out, okay, this is probably. There's something I'm missing. Maybe I'm not, like, flowing through my day in a way that actually gets the next day set up, you know, for success. What did those first rhythms look like?
- [08:37]
A
I think planning ahead was probably one of the initial things that I started doing, taking the time and I think a lot of it, sometimes we have to carve out the margin in our day first, which feels really hard to do because we're like, we have too many things right now. We can't get it done. And that's why a lot of us aren't plan in some of these things. And so I think for me, it was starting to like, plan out my days the evening before, like with the task list of what I need to get done. And then just slowly. It really was a process of working through routine by routine on what is not working. Like what is overwhelming about this. How can I minimize the overwhelm and stress and put some intentional steps in here to, I guess, be proactive instead of reactive. So my journey is interesting because I didn't know what I was doing at all. It was all just trial and error as I went throughout it. And so now that this has become what I do, I think I have a whole system that I kind of lead people through. And mine was a lot of duct taping things together, to be 100 honest with you, and just trial and error and then pivoting and seeing what works. I don't know if that exactly answers the question or not.
- [09:39]
B
I mean, yeah, it does. I think it's going to be a little bit different for everyone. But you mentioned having the things where you're proactive. You can see where things are going to go wrong. Do you find with your listeners there's a common spot where these certain common things that people always run into with just a little intention, it might help to make that not happen. Have you found some common things to be proactive about?
- [10:07]
A
Yeah, I think there's a few mindset things even practically that are really helpful to keep in mind when you're trying to rework a lot of things. The first one is going all in and doing too much at once. That is, I think, the number one thing for me in my life, as well as so many people that I talk to when there's something off. Sometimes it feels like we have to burn the entire house down and start over completely, like from scratch. And I'm guessing that there probably are people listening that are like, you know, it's not just the morning routine. It's not just the meal times. It's like all of it together. And it's just way too much. And so I think one really key thing to keep in mind is focus in on one area at a time. You're not Trying to rework everything in your entire day all at once. Focus on one time of the day or one, like, routine. You know, maybe it's breakfast time, lunchtime, maybe it's your laundry system. Focus on one and kind of go all in on that. Find something that works and then move on to the next one. Don't try and do it all at the same time. I think in general, as a society, we kind of minimize these small changes. I don't know if you relate to that, but we think, oh, it's not a big enough deal. Like, it's not flashy enough. It doesn't feel like that would change my entire life with one small shift. But in reality, like, there's a quote that says success is. Is found in mastering the mundane. And so much of our life is built up in these small things that add up so much over time. And so, I mean, I was listening to a podcast earlier that was talking about Simone Biles. And obviously we know she is very accomplished. She's had 11 Olympic medals, I think, is what it was saying. And she's like one of the best Olympians of all time. And she specifically, it was so interesting because she was talking about slow progress over time. And I was like, I can absolutely resonate with that because she was talking about needing to go little by little in these small steps. She specifically was mentioning she needed to practice more to accomplish, I don't know, a specific move. I'm not a gymnast. I don't remember what it's called. And she was needing to move from 20 hours a week to 24, 28, up to, I think, 30 something. And she just did it in small pockets of times. And that's what her point was, was like, these things that have made the biggest impact in my career were always those small shifts. And I'm starting to see that in so many people's stories. And I think we as moms feel like if I can just master. If I can figure out how to make laundry not feel like it's taking up my entire day. I don't know. It just feels so small to start with laundry. You know what I'm saying?
- [12:29]
B
Yeah, yeah. But that can be that one thing that throws you over the edge. Like, you have the toddler crying at your feet, you have the newborn or whatever age baby that you're nursing, and then you walk, like, down, you know, into the laundry room, and you're like, ugh, like it's everywhere. Like, that can be the trigger. So I. I think that that makes a huge Difference. What are some common mistakes that you see or struggles that moms make when they're trying to create new rhythms for their home? I'm sure there's like, a handful that come up all the time.
- [12:58]
A
Yeah, I think sometimes we can get stuck in adding in new habits or routines and not cutting anything out. This is something I talk to people about a lot because again, maybe it's this idea of wanting to burn everything to the ground and start over. But sometimes, like, I think one of the key things is a time inventory. This is something I work with my students to actually look at your time, because sometimes you feel like you have absolutely no time in your day. I know I've been in that season so many times. And then if you actually look at how you're spending your time throughout the day, maybe there's these little pockets of scrolling on social media, and maybe it's only for a few minutes, you know, in between things, but you're doing that 20 times a day. That adds up to a lot of time. And so I think taking a step back is something that is really helpful to actually be realistic about how you are spending your time. And sometimes at the same time, it's like doing these systems that you already have in place that maybe aren't working as efficiently as they could be. And so something like laundry is taking, you know, five times the amount of time it could be if you had built kind of an intentional system around it or dishes or, you know, put whatever example you want in there.
- [14:02]
B
Right? Yeah. Whatever everyday thing that happens. Like, I think that's the first surprising thing that happens when someone, you know, starts managing their own home and having children is. It's a job that it doesn't. You don't just cross it off and then it's done. It's a continual job. It's, like, very repetitive. It happens every single day the same way, which in some ways is like, oh, well, that's a good. You know, that means that you can actually create a system because it's fairly predictable. It happens in the same way, but also it's something that you can't just, like, step out of and not have consequences. Like, I always hear these people that say, no, leave the housework that the children won't keep. And I'm like, that's fine, except for now my job's going to be four times as hard two days from now when I didn't do it for two days. So it's like, I see the intention behind that. I get it. But also, you Definitely have to, like, put one foot in front of the other. And I think you mentioned time and, like, finding pockets of time. I think for so many people, it's really not time. It's finding all of the motivation to, like, implement something that is so constant and so demanding. Do you find that to be the case? Like, really, there's time. It's just like, you know, trying to, like, move all day is, you know, can be exhausting.
- [15:23]
A
Yes. Yeah, 100%. And I think it's the mental energy for a lot of people, at least a lot of the people I'm talking to. Absolutely.
- [15:31]
B
Mental.
- [15:31]
A
Yeah.
- [15:32]
B
Mental energy, motivation, like, all that stuff. Yeah.
- [15:36]
A
The thing that I love about, like, rhythms, specifically in my life, is that they give me kind of a loose framework and structure to go through each day. And so I like to give the example of, like, an Internet browser. This is how my brain felt before I had, like, rhythms and systems set up. I would have, like, 50 open tabs, essentially. You can picture this on your computer. You know, you have them all open. They're all loading at the same time. And then inevitably, it would get to this point where it's just that spinning cycle of death. I mean, honestly, like, where nothing will load at all. And that's how I felt in my real life. Yeah, you just get to where you're paralyzed. And I think it's the motivation and the mental energy of I don't know where to start. Everything feels like a mess. This is. I don't even know how to find the motivation to start. And so I think you have to get to a spot first to find a general kind of, I guess, why behind why you're doing this. There's a quote I talk about a lot by, I believe it's Annie Dillard, and it says, how you live your days is how you live your life. And for me, when I was in this season a few years ago, it was hitting this point where I realized how I'm living each and every day when I'm living in more overwhelmed than I'm not. That is adding up. And my kids are noticing that. I'm noticing that. It feels like this is just a season. And it is. I mean, there are seasons that are harder. I'm not saying there's not. But also, I think as moms, sometimes we have to come to a point where we're like, this isn't how I want to live for the rest of my life. I can make these simple shifts over time to decrease that overwhelm and show up In a better capacity for myself, for my family, for everyone around me.
- [17:09]
B
Yeah. And you mentioned the season thing. And I've always mentioned, like, with, with our family and a lot of families, we have an age range of 15 years from the oldest child to the youngest child. And so I had to redefine what would be considered, like, survival mode. Like, people will say, you know, I have children under the age of four or whatever. You know, people have different definitions of what that could look like, but therefore I'm in survival mode. And at some point, you know, you have to almost be like, well, can we somehow make having young children not survival mode? Because I cannot stay here for 15 years of my life or whatever that might be for you or anybody, it might be different. But, like, even if you have three children and you have them in four years, you still don't want to stay in survival mode for six, eight years. And I don't think that you have to. Like, I think that that's something that we mentally do, like, well, in this season of Life, it's like, well, how long is this going to last? Because, you know.
- [18:07]
A
Yeah, yeah. And I think Instagram and social media, and there are many benefits to them as well. But it is easy to see that message of, like, survival mode almost being. I don't know, I don't. I don't want to say praised, but it's just pushed out a lot that it's very overwhelming to be in that season of littles. And there are many hard things about it. There are also many hard things about having teenagers. I'm sure I'm not to that season yet, but I think just being able to make those small shifts to enjoy your life where you're at now, no matter what your circumstances.
- [18:41]
B
Absolutely. It's going to look different for everyone, but just kind of defaulting to. Well right now because, you know, my life looks like this and I've heard that from a lot of women. Well, in this season of Life, you know, there's no way I could ever try this. And you don't have to, but, like, you also really can. Like, it's not. You don't have to live in this place of like, because I'm here, therefore there's no possible way, you know, I could, like, yeah, yeah, you don't have to stay there.
- [19:07]
A
Right.
- [19:08]
B
I've been there and I realized, like, oh, there's certain things I can do. So let's talk a little bit about the rhythms. Like, just. Can you give us some very practical examples, like what kind of Rhythms do you have for those everyday things like cleaning, laundry, you know, dishes, the everyday stuff that you have to do, cooking?
- [19:28]
A
Yeah. Okay, I'll give you a few practical examples, and then I'm going to give you some as far as, like, presence and being, like, quality time with your family. So practical examples as far as home management. Because I feel like there are two pieces at least to how I do this is like, it's the getting things done and the productivity piece. And it's also having rhythms to be present with your family and to enjoy that time and not just constantly do the next thing on the to do list. So home management wise, I have, like, tidy anchor points throughout my day. So those are really helpful to basically clean up around the house. Just take a few minutes throughout the day to clean things up, put it back to normal so that you're not getting to the end of the day, your kids are in bed, it's finally quiet in your house, and now you need to spend an hour, hour and a half cleaning everything up before you can even relax.
- [20:14]
B
Right.
- [20:15]
A
So that's a really practical example of one. Another one is, like, with laundry, having a system around that. Like, for example, I have a laundry basket that is very small, and that's intentional because I do laundry every time the laundry basket gets full. It's a very small laundry basket so that I'm not waiting days and days and days, and then I suddenly need to spend all day putting the laundry away. Another example, as far as, like, home management, is we do a weekly planning meeting. This is mostly me, but then my husband comes in for the end of it, because we use it as kind of like a communication get on the same page time. And I will look at our calendar, look at what's coming up. So we communicate, my husband and I, so that we're on the same page, you know, whatever we need to get done that week. But then I also take the time to meal plan during that. I have a staple grocery list that I work off of, and then I plan all of the meals for each day. And I know everyone has different systems as far as meal planning, so it really is something that I talk through, how to make this personal to you and your preferences. But for me, having that staple grocery list, and I know this is something you talk about in your content as well, you may not have an actual physical list, but, like, in your brain, the things that you pull from all the time. And for me, having it written out in my notes helps me so much to visually see that. And I Can just go through and be like, am I out of this? Am I out of this? So that when I'm, you know, cooking from scratch the next week, I'm not out of all five ingredients that I need to make some random thing. Yeah, yeah. And then as far as, like, the presence piece of this and being, like, present with your family. A few rhythms around that. We do a family Sabbath that has been really huge for us in, I think, like, unplugging and just connecting as a family. Slowing down. Another one is getting outside first thing in the morning. With my kids. One, there's so many scientific benefits to getting sunlight in your eyes first thing. That's something that I feel like a lot of people talk about. But also it's helped me to just have those few minutes with the kids where we're sitting outside, we're looking at the trees, we're talking about whatever season it is and just enjoying those. Those moments together instead of just rushing to the next thing constantly. Because I can get very stuck in that. I. I could keep going on a whole list of things. But that probably gives you an idea of, I think also rhythms help me to stick to my priorities in practically making sure that those things happens. I mean, how many times have we talked about wanting more time with our kids or wanting to invest in that, whatever, wanting to go on more walks, wanting to look in their eyes more. But it's easy to get caught up in the busy hustle, bustle of the day, even stay at home moms. We're with our kids, you know, maybe 24 hours. But how often are you actually slowing down and fully investing in them and not seeing them as an interruption? Which probably sounds harsh, but I think it's easy to get caught in that.
- [22:57]
B
Yeah. I mean, that's so recently we started implementing this, like, where we go on a walk and we pack up bikes and we go somewhere. And for so long, I felt like we didn't have any time to do it. And then just lately, around 4:00 looks like, all right. And then it starts packing kids in the car. And I'm like, I mean, we technically do have time to go do this. Like, I think we do. We do just kind of have this mindset of what our lives look like. But then maybe if you actually, like you said, taken time, inventory, or if you wrote it all down or had an outside observer look at it, someone might actually say, really do have time for that. Because I really felt like we don't have time to go on a walk. I don't have time to work out. But what's funny is when I get in this habit randomly of like going on a walk or doing some workouts, magically, there's time. It's just really funny how some intention can change the story about like, what you tell yourself your days look like when they might not actually be near as chaotic as you're making them out to be in your brain.
- [23:56]
A
And I think so often, like, we get caught in the urgency of today of like, we need to do this thing for work or we need to finish this project around the house or whatever. And so it's, I think that, at least for me, is why I fall into that a lot of like, oh, I have so many things to do today, I can't fit that in today. But sometimes we just need that anchor point to build that in and make it happen so that it's not down the road. A year down the road. Yeah.
- [24:19]
B
Yeah. It's amazing what you have time for. Well, just kind of think about like any regular things. Maybe you have, like we have Wednesday night church, we have just a few things throughout the week and somehow we can always make it to those because they're on the calendar. And so anything I've decided that literally anything we put on the calendar with a little time block, we're probably going to do it. And so building in some of that intentional stuff, no matter what it is, we can do it if it's on that calendar. Makes you really question the not having time narrative.
- [24:52]
A
Mm. Yeah. And I think that's where I found myself caught up is I wasn't putting things on the calendar and making that space. And man, it opens up your whole life when you realize you really do have more time than you think you do.
- [25:04]
B
Uh huh.
- [25:05]
C
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- [26:52]
B
It's a lot.
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C
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- [27:43]
B
Shopify.com farmhouse so what about the you have on on here? We were one of the things we were going to talk about is like raising kids, taking care of your home, a business on the side and not figuring out like what thing to work on. And then we're talking about oh you actually do have time but what about the mom who feels like she can't creating margin for that. I know you're an entrepreneurial type, so you've had to navigate this throughout the Last, especially four years alongside kids. What did it take like or how did it look creating that margin.
- [28:19]
A
Yeah, the first thing that I usually like to talk about in creating margin is really helping to get people out of that chronic overwhelmed cycle where they're overwhelmed more often than not. And now I put a preface in here to say you're not never going to be overwhelmed again. I don't think that's realistic at all, however.
- [28:37]
B
Oh, no, it's not exactly.
- [28:40]
A
But I think the chronic overwhelm, where you are overwhelmed more often than you're not, that is kind of the problem that I like to work with people on to get them back to a space of feeling more balanced in their days. And so a few things that I really like to focus on with my students especially is one, putting your phone in a drawer for an hour at the beginning and the end of the day. And this is something that I started doing back when I was doing all this work. And this was honestly a game changer for me and my mental capacity, especially because when you're not starting the day, being bombarded with notifications and social media scrolling, or even like, if you work or have a business of some sort, you know, getting an email that you need to respond to and all of these different things, controlling your attention before your feet even hit the floor. Right. Having that space first, that helps free up so much mental capacity and allows you to be more present in the moment. So that's one thing. Another thing is making it a priority to spend 15 minutes of fully focused present time with your kids each day. And I think when I say this, a lot of times people are like, 15 minutes, like, that's. That's nothing. And it's true, it is nothing. Yes. But at the same time, I think I mentioned this earlier. How many times are we going through the day, being with our kids, doing all the things, you know, feeding them, caring for them, whatever, cleaning up after them, but not having that time where we can, I think, just slow down and see how their heart is doing, check in with them and enjoy those moments for ourselves. As a mom, too, I know those are the moments I really looked forward to in becoming a mom, were those connection moments. And so it varies on how we personally spend the time. Each day I do it with all my kids together. I don't do 15 minutes each child separately for each child. Right. And I just let each kid pick something based on the day we kind of rotate through. So it could be reading books, it could be doing a craft that they love. It could be having morning coffee time together. That's something that we love, but it just varies depending on the day. And then one other way to free up some capacity is waking up before your kids. And I say this because I know there will be people listening. Yes. And I know I will say there are seasons. Obviously, my kids are close together. There are seasons, you know, when your kids aren't sleeping through the night, et cetera. I don't think that this has to always be the case, but I have found, I think people think you have to wake up two hours before your kids. And something I'm trying to make more normalized is like, it does not have to be two hours. It can literally be five to 10 minutes, 15 minutes before your kids. But when I am waking up with intention before everyone is tugging at me at the same time and everyone needs me at once, it literally calms my nervous system down on a very practical level, helps me to not feel like I'm in fight or flight mode. Just constantly, you know, bouncing from thing to thing. And maybe this is a season of little children as well. But prioritizing at least a little bit of time to wake up on my own, get my heart in the right place before everyone else does, that actually frees up. It may not be physical time, but it frees up so much capacity that genuinely I have more time and margin in my days from. From just that alone. So that's something that I like to. I like to mention as well. And I know there's many people that are not going to like that answer, but.
- [31:46]
B
Well, I think it works for some people, maybe not for others. My question, how do you know? Like, I don't have a consistent time when the kids wake up, so I would never know, like, when to do that.
- [31:58]
A
Yeah. I think in this season, my kids wake up at a consistent time, so it makes it easier for me to plan for. But when I had kids that weren't sleeping through the night, one thing that I did for a long time was after my baby woke up the last time, usually it was early. I mean, like five or six in the morning, and then I just stayed up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what worked for me in that season. Yeah, yeah.
- [32:20]
B
Everybody has different. Like if your kids are all over, let's say six or five, even. Maybe even four, you know, then it's like, you know exactly what to expect. You could, you know, even set your alarm to it. For me, it's always like, the baby is always such a wild card. It's somewhere between you know, 5:30 and 6:30 probably. So what I, the way that I approach it and I have for years is I just take like a long time in the morning. I make some coffee and yes, I have kids like crying at my feet while I'm doing that. And then I sit down with two chairs. I put my feet up on one chair and lean back against the other chair. And then they just pile on and I just sit for at least 30 minutes, maybe longer. So it's kind of like I have that rest time.
- [33:06]
A
Yeah.
- [33:06]
B
Or you know, I'm not like, I never am hit, I'm never hitting the ground running. I'm not like right away making breakfast. I mean literally doing anything. And then I start really moving. I'd say about like 7:30, ish. So sometimes I sit there even longer.
- [33:20]
A
Yeah, but yeah, and I mean even if your kids wake up and they're happy, you can always take five minutes before you go grab them.
- [33:26]
B
You know, that's true.
- [33:28]
A
You know, there are so many ways to apply this.
- [33:30]
B
Yeah, that's totally true too. Like some ages, I feel like one's kind of age one is kind of tricky. Like my youngest is one, but by like age two, you know, you can do those little. We had one of those light up alarm clock things because when it was summer I had kids age 5, 6, like thinking they could get up when the light was, you know, on. And so I got one of those little. There was like this little thing on Amazon that you could set it to like whatever time you designate. And over a certain age you just be like, don't come out of your room till this, you know, goes on. You know. And then like you said, like sometimes the one year old could potentially like not wake up screaming and you could predict it more that way. So I think, yeah, I think having time. And this of course is for moms who don't have to get out the door. School, work, like we're, we're home, we homeschool, we work from home. So of course like it's a very different schedule. Like I have that luxury, but just not like rushing right into like, gotta go, gotta do this thing, do that thing. Like that to me is the way I prefer to live. It just helps me so much to not feel like I'm like go, go, go.
- [34:37]
A
Feel so tied to like efficiency in your to do list constantly. Which I'm not saying those things aren't good, but slow. Yeah. Peaceful start to the day to an extent.
- [34:46]
B
And like I've gotten in rhythms where the Kitchen, when I wake up and I'm sitting there with my coffee, is clean. Like, really clean. Like, we. I have probably gone to bed with a kitchen that's messy, like, less than five times in the last year. So I think that's, you know, an important distinction is the day doesn't already feel overwhelming when I wake up. Like, it's pretty tidy. The laundry is under control. Like, usually there's something in the dryer that whenever I get up from my coffee, I'll go in and I'll, you know, put those into the appropriate baskets, and then I'll start the next load, and then I'll go make my bed. But it's. It's not like I'm waking up to chaos. And I think that's probably also what affords me that luxury of sitting there and just sipping coffee.
- [35:30]
A
Yeah. Yeah. The rhythm of, like, closing the kitchen every single night, that was like a game changer for me once I got in that habit. It helps you mentally so much to walk out and know your house is, like, it's okay. It's. It's not everything everywhere, like, we're reset. And I think the tidy anchor points is kind of the same thing throughout the day, so.
- [35:48]
B
Yes, absolutely. And when you get into that rhythm, it's not that hard. Like, this doesn't feel like this big thing. Like, every night I gotta clean the kitchen. It's not even a thing I think about. It's just something that we just do, and then I just don't wake up to an overwhelming feeling of, like, everything's crashing down around me. It all feels very manageable. So.
- [36:12]
A
Yes. Yeah. And you're not even thinking about it. It's like, that's what I say about rhythms, too. It's kind of like on autopilot, literally, in my life. Like, I. It's not a conscious thing I even have to do anymore. It just happens.
- [36:22]
B
Yeah.
- [36:23]
A
It does take intention in the beginning to set it up, but. Yes, then it becomes literally just mindless.
- [36:28]
B
Yes, absolutely. Okay, I'm going to go down to some of these audience questions and see if there's anything that, like, we haven't really talked about. We got some questions about family culture. Okay, this is.
- [36:42]
A
This.
- [36:42]
B
I thought this one was good, because I think some of us kind of all. You know, in the beginning, like, I feel like I'm. You know, I've been a homemaker for so long, I don't really wonder this anymore, but I have in the past. So this person says I'm constantly cooking and cleaning Am I doing something wrong or is this normal?
- [36:57]
A
As a mom, you are not doing something wrong. I think this is. Yeah, as far as I know, every single mom I know is definitely cooking and cleaning all the time.
- [37:07]
B
All the time. Yeah.
- [37:08]
A
I think as far as streamlining it, this is something that kind of depends on your personality as well. So I really go two ways and people I talk to. Either you prefer to batch tasks together, and now not everything can be batched, but there is a lot of tasks that you can batch together. So for an example of how I batch things, when my kids outgrow clothes, this is something that I batch now. My kids outgrow clothes regularly, but as they outgrow them, I have a spot, a bin that I literally put all of them in. And until that bin gets full, I don't touch it. I just leave it in there. And then once the bin is full, that is the time that I go sort through everything. If I'm going to donate it, I put it in a pile, go take care of that. If I'm gonna. Whatever I need to do instead of, you know, every time my kids outgrow it, having these random pieces of clothes that I have to go get out of storage, all my kids organization stuff.
- [37:57]
B
That'S a good idea.
- [37:58]
A
So then I can kind of put all that mental capacity into like, one concentrated time or the other option is to do things in small pockets. And so I think with cooking and cleaning, specifically, like dishes, this is, again, based on your personality. I prefer to do all the dishes. We don't have a dishwasher. We haven't had a dishwasher in over eight years. And so I'm doing dishes.
- [38:19]
B
Same. Okay. I never meet somebody who also. Now, is this by choice or does your house just not have one?
- [38:25]
A
No, we just don't have one.
- [38:27]
B
Oh, okay.
- [38:27]
A
We don't have one. Okay.
- [38:28]
B
Because I actually have something to say about this. But go on ahead.
- [38:32]
A
Go ahead. Go ahead and say what you want to say.
- [38:34]
B
So people all the time are like, what? What kind of point are you trying to prove? I'm like, I'm not trying to prove a point. I literally just don't think that dishwashers save me time. And the reason for that. And I was thinking through this recently, I'm like, what? What's the reason that I literally don't think they save me time. And I came to a few conclusions. One is that I think dishwashers are for kitchens that close at designated times per day. Mine doesn't. And so, like, it's so much easier for me to take that pot, like, cook one thing in it, then put bones in it for bone broth, and then I'm cooking rice and, like, maybe rinsing it slightly in between. Yeah, but, like, what would I. When would I run it? Like, maybe overnight.
- [39:11]
A
Yeah.
- [39:12]
B
So anyways, I finally came to the conclusion. Like, I know my kitchen doesn't close, and so there's never a time when I'm like, you know, maybe at night. At night I could see running a dishwasher, but. And then I also learned that my standard, probably for, like, the sanitization of my dishes is lower than average. So my sisters were discussing it because it was so funny. One of my sisters and I, we both feel like the dishwasher doesn't save us time, and we, like, literally are faster. Just. Just rinsing and going and rinsing and going. And my other sister was like, well, it's probably because she likes her dishwasher. It's probably just because you're not that worried about it getting sanitary. I'm like, oh, okay. And, okay, listen. We use. You know, we. We get them clean.
- [39:53]
A
Okay.
- [39:53]
B
But just, like, I don't feel like they have to get, like, perfectly. Like, there's not, you know, like, they're heated to 500 degrees in order to be able to use them again, like, that is not something I've worried about. So, anyways, well, and also, you have.
- [40:07]
A
A large family, so with cooking from scratch, I mean, you would have to have so many dishes. I feel like if you. I don't know. I mean, I get that train of thought. So.
- [40:16]
B
Okay.
- [40:16]
A
I don't know.
- [40:17]
B
People act like I'm insane. I'm like. I literally think I spend less time because I've. We've had dishwashers in the past, and I feel like it just doesn't. There's no less time spent interacting with the dishes without the dishwasher, and you've.
- [40:30]
A
Gotten into your rhythm of how to do it, so it's not overwhelming.
- [40:34]
B
Right.
- [40:34]
A
You just do it. Yeah. I think with. So what I do with dishes is I actually don't. We cook from scratch almost. I mean, not fully. We're not perfect, but we cook from scratch. The majority of things do sourdough, all of that. And I was struggling to do the dishes after each meal. I know that's something I'm pretty sure that you do. Kind of just as you go is like, the dishes from each meal, wash it. I do not. I actually. I tried that, and it didn't Work for me. And so what I'm doing instead, if I have a large pot or something like that that I'm cooking with, I'll wash that immediately. Because it's big enough and bulky enough, it would take up the whole sink. So those I wash. Yeah, up immediately and. And let dry and everything. But the dishes throughout the day for meals, I actually just set in the sink and that is like my container to hold them. And, like, I rinse them off, obviously, so they don't get crusty and nasty, but they sit there. And then in the evenings, I come and do all of it and I'll put a podcast on while I'm doing it. It's something that I doesn't. I enjoy that time now. I usually put a candle on as well, which sounds silly, but it just. I don't know, it's almost like relaxing, which some people will think is crazy. People are either. I feel like dishes people or laundry people. They hate one of them. And dishes. I don't mind dishes, so. But my point is just.
- [41:42]
B
I've talked to a few moms recently who do that exact same thing. I didn't even know that that was, like, a thing some people did. They don't wash any dishes through the day and they wash them all at night. And it was. We were standing in a group of like, five moms and two of them said that same thing. I'm like, oh, I didn't even think about doing it that way. But, yeah, everybody has the way. They have personality.
- [42:01]
A
Yeah, for sure. So you can either batch it or go. Yeah, go throughout the day. So another way to streamline, too, that I was going to mention is deciding once on things like this is something for cooking that has been very, very helpful. Having a list of, like, tried and true favorite meals that are very easy. Don't take a lot of thought. That is helpful in meal planning so that you're not looking all over the place for different recipes. But then you can also even have set days so you could have, like, pasta Tuesday or sheet pan dinner on Wednesday. And like, we have church on Wednesday nights as well. So we're doing, like, grilled cheese with sourdough bread. That is something that we do very regularly with like a side. It's very simple and easy so we can get out the door quickly. So having things like that, I think help streamline as well.
- [42:42]
B
So since you're a batch person, like, your personality probably likes batching because you were talking about, like, putting all the clothes in that basket and then one day you sit down and do it all, and then you put all your dishes in the sink, and then at night you do it all. Are you. Do you like, like meal prep days where you cut a bunch of vegetables, cook a bunch of meat, that kind of stuff?
- [42:59]
A
I have not actually done that personally yet. No, I haven't found a way that has started. I. It just took too much time when I tried to do it. So same I do prep.
- [43:08]
B
Like, maybe it's a personality thing, but I don't. Don't like it.
- [43:11]
A
No, I don't like it either. I will do, like, with sourdough, I will try to have a day that I make our bread for the week. And so I've started doing that. And that helps me, I think, just with the timing of when the sourdough is active and everything like that. Honestly, I think more than anything that that is really helpful. So.
- [43:28]
B
Yeah. So, okay, you. You have, like, you just mentioned some systems that you do that work really well for you. And, you know, that's how it might work differently for me in my life. But how do you. Or somebody asks, how long do you test a new system before deciding it's working for you or not working for you?
- [43:46]
A
Yeah, I usually recommend two weeks because I think sometimes, I mean, it does depend on the system, but two weeks is kind of the general because sometimes you just need to get in the flow. It feels hard at the beginning, and then you kind of get in the flow and it starts working better. So I would test, you can pivot a little bit within that two weeks. I'm not saying it has to be strict, but be consistent with it for two weeks. And if it's not working, then pivot and find something else that's working for you to give it kind of time for even everyone in your household to adjust to. At least for us. It takes a little bit for my husband and kids to kind of fully recognize what's happening and be able to kind of participate in that.
- [44:20]
B
Yeah. If you don't give it that good long while, you might not have given it on a shot to really see if it's working. But it is so funny because I listen to lots of, you know, podcasts and other moms and I talk to other moms on interviews like this and something that one mom will just swear by, like, you have to do it this way. Another mom's like, nah. And I. That happens just all the time, you know, where one mom's, like, trying to convince me, and then maybe I'm trying to convince Them, like, this is the answer. And they're like, I don't think so. You know, we just don't recognize that how differently we all see the world and what works for our own personalities is so important because, you know, I hear systems all the time, and I'm like, see, I don't. How would that help? But then, same thing. Like, just opposite. I think it is important to. To test a lot of different things out and just find what works.
- [45:11]
A
Yeah, I think I struggled with that when I was finding things because it just wouldn't work for me. And I'm like, okay, is something wrong with me? Like, what am I doing wrong? And I'm so passionate now about saying, like, it really depends on the season you're in and your personality. Like, these systems that I'm talking about, they are helpful, but it's not even the systems themselves. It's like having the framework in your mind to know how to conquer the overwhelm in a certain area so that then as you move forward, you know how to make your own system or rhythm. I think sometimes it's natural and it's built in. Like, this is something that I did in my work, and so it naturally applied over the years to my life now, but it's not built in for everyone. And so I think that has been really. I don't know, it's just really important to me to say, like, it is not one system that is going to change your entire life. It's really figuring out what works for you.
- [45:58]
B
Yeah. And I. I think also it's so important. Like, I think people forget or don't realize how difficult it can be to keep all of these plates spinning. Like, if you're not a homemaker or maybe you, you know, you haven't yet, you don't have children, or you're. You're not home all the time. It might sound like, like, how are you struggling to get these basic things done? But it actually, like, step in. Stepping into the role requires a lot of thought, a lot of planning, and it actually, it's. It's not crazy if you find it to be a bit of a challenge.
- [46:38]
A
Yeah. Yeah. You are not alone in that, for sure. Yeah.
- [46:41]
B
Yeah. Okay, so let's talk a little bit about some specific rhythms. We already talked, I guess, a bit about. I don't know if you mentioned. Did you mention your laundry, your laundry rhythm? And then somebody also says toys. Laundry and toys.
- [46:56]
A
So laundry. I am now. I was doing a load every other day. We have five people in our family, and we have now hit the point of needing to do a load every day, or at least that's what works for me right now. So I have, I think I mentioned my laundry basket that I keep small. And so what I was doing previously is just as soon as I was full, I would wash. I'm still doing the same thing. It's just every day it's getting full. And so I usually put a load in in the evening and transfer it to the dryer and then I put it away the next day. So I am not. I don't really care if it gets a little. It doesn't get that wrinkle to me. If it sits there overnight, I think it's fine. So then I'll just go and grab it and put it away the next day and then put, you know, that evening, then I'll put another load into the laundry. Toys. Oh my goodness. Toys are a whole thing. Toys. We love a toy rotation. That's what I will say about that. That has helped us, us a lot. We have been given so many toys. I don't know if you struggle with this, but man, we have so many people that have wanted grandparents and all the things bringing in all the toys. And so having a toy rotation has really helped to. I have. Let's see how many. I have like one of those cube organizers. I think it's an eight. I think there's eight spots. And so I just rotate it usually every couple weeks with new toys. It helps my kids. My kids are still pretty little. I mean, my oldest is four. And so it helps them to stay entertained, especially with independent play. I really think that that has been a big thing to help them play better. Not having all the options everywhere. And I personally just didn't want to.
- [48:20]
B
How.
- [48:21]
A
We have a 800 square foot house, so we have a very small home.
- [48:23]
B
Okay.
- [48:23]
A
Yeah. And I didn't want people to walk in and just have like toys everywhere. And so that helps us. We don't have a playroom, you know, we just have this one organizer with the toys and then we have books in the living room and then in their room as well. But that's kind of how we handle toys.
- [48:38]
B
So do you have like the rest of them stashed in the basement and then you put them like you rotate them out of the cube organizer?
- [48:44]
A
Yeah, I have them in like.
- [48:46]
B
Okay.
- [48:47]
A
What are they called? Just the, the big bucket things.
- [48:49]
B
Yeah. The rubber whatever.
- [48:51]
A
Yeah. Rubber made. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I'm working on dividing them into rotations because I noticed a little bit of friction point of like I was kind of taking longer to switch them because I didn't want to get the boxes out. And so I'm working on putting them in individually into a toy rotation already because I kind of have a system in my head of like a puzzle and you know, a magnetile or something, open ended, blah, blah. So I'm working on doing that.
- [49:14]
B
Yeah.
- [49:15]
A
Because again, you pivot as you go. As your kids evolve, you learn to just pivot and make it work so well.
- [49:20]
B
Yeah. Because like I, when I had kids that were four, two and a baby, I think we had so many more toys because there was less siblings to play with. And then also that's, those are really young ages and so it's not like anybody can just go outside. Whereas like now my son who is nine can go outside with the two year old, you know, and there's like a lot of sibling interaction. It's just, it's so different. So you can never compare. Like people will say to me, how do you not have this? I have this. And I'm like, it's just completely different situation. Trust me, if you, you know, when your kids are older, you'll see what I'm saying. It's just so hard to, to really like compare notes like that. But the whole toy rotation thing to me sounds like an amazing idea that it might sound like a big job to, you know, swap these things out, bring stuff up from the basement. But the amount of hours that you are not spending cleaning up toys every single day because there's a manageable amount in your house is probably like 12 times the amount of time that you spend doing that swaparoo. So it has, you know, ultimately that is going to be saving so much time. Plus kids, they don't know what to do with a lot of toys. Like when we're in, there's a couple different nurseries I work in because we have a homeschool co op, we go to church. And so I'm in nurseries like, like ridiculous amounts of time because my kids are really shy and anyways I'm in nurseries all the time. And it's just funny. Like they play with some of them, but most of them they're just dumping out. And so like having access to less toys makes them, I think, play better. And then, you know, it makes your life easier because you're not like gathering stuff all over the house, trying to put it back.
- [50:57]
A
And your kids can help. That's something I found too, like from a very young age they're less overwhelmed because there's not as much to do that they can help put.
- [51:04]
B
Yeah. Otherwise like I don't know what to do with this. Like where does even go.
- [51:07]
A
Yeah, because sometimes we feel like that if there's toys everywhere, like I don't know what to do with this either.
- [51:12]
B
Yes, absolutely. All right. Well, I think a lot of this will be very helpful, especially coming from a perspective of someone who's, you know, obviously four, two and baby, you can't get much more in the trenches than that. Unless you'd had all twins like that would. That would be even more. So tell everyone where they can follow along with you and get more of your encouragement and your rhythms and just continue to be encouraged.
- [51:37]
A
Yeah. The best place to find me is my podcast. So that's called Simple Rhythms for Busy Moms. And we talk all about how to simplify your daily routines for more time with your family. So really just all the things we talked about here more in depth with intentional systems and boundaries to simplify and organize your life, to take things like out of your head and put them into an actual system so that your life can flow on autopilot like we talked about. And also to help you slow down and prioritize rest in your life life instead of just constantly having this never ending to do list that you're never accomplishing. So I would love for your listeners to come listen and say hi. And then the second place, I am not on Instagram anymore, so the second place I hang out the most is my free Facebook community. So I'm in that group daily. And it's really just a bunch of like minded moms that are trying to balance motherhood, home, faith. Some of them have a business on the side as well like I do and I love to do like challenges in there where like quiet time challenges or waking up before your kids screen time challenges. Just these different things to kind of give you that extra accountability to help us get off our phones and just be more present with our family. So sharing easy recipe ideas, all of that kind of thing. So I do have a free morning routine download. So if that's something that you want to look at. It's all about how to get up and have a morning routine that serves you even if your kids aren't sleeping through the night. So if you come join that Facebook group, you can grab that and there your listeners can get that. And that is at bit lead slash simplerhythms community.
- [53:00]
B
Awesome. We'll leave links down in the description box and the show notes below sounds like a great place to, you know, find a community of other moms who are trying to be intentional. And I think probably half the reason why you're so productive is because you're off Instagram. Way to go on that one. Oh man, it can suck you in so much.
- [53:19]
A
So it was a big move as far as business. It was a scary move. But yeah, podcast past is the main thing for me now and it definitely I don't regret my decision.
- [53:27]
B
So yeah, a lot of people are going in that same direction. I think we're all feeling that constant overwhelm there. So awesome. Well, we will leave links for everything down below and you can continue to follow along with Cayenne. Well, thank you so much for joining us.
- [53:42]
A
Thank you so much for having me, Lisa.
- [53:46]
B
Thanks as always for listening to the Simple Farmhouse Life podcast. My husband Luke and I and our eight kids work together side by side on our little homestead and use our blog, podcast and YouTube channel to reach other homemakers, home cooks and home setters with practical recipes and daily family life. For everyday sourdough recipes, make sure to check out our blog farm.com and to dig deeper, we do also offer a course called simple sourdough over at Bit VI. Farmhouse Sourdough Course. That's all one word. Bit Ly FarmhouseSourdocourse. If you're looking to learn how we earn an income online, check out my free blog Success Masterclass at bit ly farmhousebloggingschool and my YouTube course at bit ly forward slash farmhouse YouTube course. All one word.
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