Podcast Summary: Simple Farmhouse Life
Episode: 285. Why Moms Feel So Overwhelmed (And What to Do About It)
Guest: Hannah Keeley
Release Date: April 15, 2025
Host: Lisa Bass

Introduction

In Episode 285 of Simple Farmhouse Life, host Lisa Bass welcomes Hannah Keeley, renowned as America's Number One Mom Coach, to delve deep into the prevalent issue of "mom brain." This episode explores the reasons behind mothers feeling overwhelmed, distracted, and anxious, offering practical strategies and insights to navigate these challenges effectively.

Understanding Mom Brain

Definition and Prevalence

"Mom brain" refers to the cognitive and emotional changes women experience after becoming mothers. Hannah Keeley explains that these changes are not just hormonal but also involve a shift in the brain's prioritization system. Approximately 87% of women experience mom brain, characterized by symptoms like overwhelm, distraction, anxiety, and memory lapses.

Hannah Keeley [04:46]: "The main problem why moms are overwhelmed and stressed out and overstimulated is because we don't understand mom brain and we haven't learned how to work with it."

Anatomical and Cognitive Changes

Recent studies indicate that motherhood induces real changes in a woman's brain. An MRI study highlighted a 4% loss of gray matter post-childbirth, signifying significant anatomical and cognitive shifts.

Hannah Keeley [07:19]: "There's actually a 4%. There's a study that came in this past year that revealed there's a 4% loss of gray matter in a woman's brain after she has children."

Symptoms and Causes of Mom Brain

Common Symptoms:

1. Overstimulation: Excessive sensory input from the constant demands of motherhood.
2. Inability to Focus: Difficulty concentrating and completing tasks.
3. Memory Loss: Frequently forgetting why you entered a room or misplaced items.
4. Free-Floating Anxiety: Unexplained feelings of fear and anxiety without a clear cause.
5. Unexplained Anger: Sudden bouts of anger without a specific trigger.

Hannah Keeley [06:10]: "Overstimulation, distraction, anxiety—these are all things we've got to deal with."

Underlying Causes:

Hannah attributes these symptoms to the brain's shifted priorities post-childbirth. Before having children, the brain prioritizes survival and safety. After becoming a mother, the brain's focus shifts to ensuring the well-being of the children, often leading to constant vigilance and reduced cognitive resources for other tasks.

Hannah Keeley [08:34]: "What happens in your brain is it's a change in the prioritization system of your brain...After you have a child, a woman's brain, now the priority changes. She's no longer the top priority. Now your children are top priority."

Training the Brain to Manage Overwhelm

Awareness and Interrupting Negative Patterns

The first step in managing mom brain is becoming aware of the negative thought patterns. Hannah suggests using external stimuli to interrupt these patterns, allowing mothers to assess and redirect their thoughts consciously.

Hannah Keeley [28:12]: "The one thing I tell moms to do is get some type of external stimuli to interrupt an internal pattern."

Practical Techniques:

1. Bow Tying: Completing tasks by adding a final touch (like tying a bow) to release dopamine and reinforce the habit of completion.

   Hannah Keeley [44:00]: "So we have this cortisol... we're like, oh, I don't like. ...Instead of putting the laundry down, fold it, put it away. ...just do the last little bit."

2. Pattern Interrupts: Using devices like whistles or timers to break the cycle of anxiety and refocus thoughts.

   Hannah Keeley [29:00]: "I wore a whistle around my neck...every time I felt tension in my chest and my shoulders...I would blow the whistle as a pattern interrupt."

Handling Distractions and Maintaining Focus

Strategies to Enhance Focus:

1. Structured Schedules: Creating and adhering to a daily schedule to minimize unplanned distractions.

   Hannah Keeley [32:04]: "So how would gauge that is where does my mind go when there is stillness? Am I okay with that?"

2. Involving Children in Tasks: Encouraging children to participate in completing tasks to reduce distractions.

   Hannah Keeley [46:38]: "Bring them into the finishing touch. ...Could you help me out by taking this all the way upstairs and putting this in your sister's room?"

3. Limiting Screen Time: Setting timers and creating negative associations with excessive screen use to prevent distraction.

   Hannah Keeley [48:12]: "Set a timer. If you want to do a screen...you can set a timer for 15 minutes."

Addressing Emotional Responses to Distractions:

Understanding that many distractions stem from an attempt to avoid uncomfortable thoughts is crucial. By addressing these underlying emotions, mothers can better manage distractions.

Hannah Keeley [33:53]: "It often goes into blame, shame, condemnation, and that's very uncomfortable."

Raising Independent Adults

Shifting from Control to Guidance:

Hannah emphasizes the importance of transitioning from controlling every aspect of a child's life to guiding them towards independence. This mental shift is essential for both the mother's well-being and the child's development.

Hannah Keeley [27:44]: "Take every thought captive...It's the process of raising adults. We're not raising kids, we're raising adults."

Building Self-Discipline and Respect:

Teaching children self-discipline, honor, and respect from an early age lays the foundation for their independence and reduces the mother's anxiety over time.

Hannah Keeley [27:37]: "Teach self discipline. When you teach honor, when you teach respect...they're like out there and they're doing their thing."

Practical Strategies and Hacks

1. Complete What You Start (Bow Tying):

Finish tasks completely to trigger a positive dopamine response, encouraging the habit of task completion.

Hannah Keeley [44:42]: "Tie a bow around it. ...you're going to start practicing that habit."

2. Timer Method for Screen Time:

Use timers to limit screen usage, ensuring that time spent on devices is intentional and not excessive.

Hannah Keeley [48:23]: "Set a timer...give yourself permission within limits so you'll know when to get off."

3. Cognitive Reframing:

Pair negative activities or distractions with visualization techniques to reduce their appeal.

Hannah Keeley [48:29]: "Pair the activity with a negative response...create an image in your head of damage it could be doing."

4. Embrace Sloppy Success:

Accept that not everything needs to be perfect. Striving for 'sloppy success' can alleviate the pressure of perfectionism.

Hannah Keeley [57:33]: "Success beats perfect failure because I can go for perfection...It's not possible and it sounds so boring."

5. Use External Stimuli for Awareness:

Implement tools like timers or whistles to become more aware of your thoughts and redirect them positively.

Hannah Keeley [29:00]: "I would blow the whistle as a pattern interrupt."

Emotional and Spiritual Support

Faith as a Coping Mechanism:

Hannah shares personal experiences where faith played a pivotal role in overcoming overwhelming situations, emphasizing the importance of trusting a higher power.

Hannah Keeley [24:57]: "God, thank you that you're there where I can't be, that you're overhearing conversations that I don't have access to...Thank you that you are bringing him back."

Releasing Control Through Prayer:

Letting go of the need to control every outcome and relying on prayer can significantly reduce anxiety and foster a sense of peace.

Hannah Keeley [25:21]: "Let go and letting God invade that situation and then operate by faith."

Conclusion

Episode 285 of Simple Farmhouse Life offers a comprehensive exploration of the challenges posed by mom brain and practical solutions to manage feelings of overwhelm and distraction. Through insightful discussions and actionable strategies, Hannah Keeley empowers mothers to understand and retrain their brains, fostering both personal well-being and effective parenting.

For more resources and to learn about Hannah Keeley's coaching programs, listeners are encouraged to visit her website at hannakee.com and explore the Mom Brain Makeover.

Notable Quotes:

• Hannah Keeley [04:46]: "Nothing's wrong with you. The main problem is we don't understand mom brain."
• Hannah Keeley [08:34]: "After you have a child, a woman's brain, now the priority changes. She's no longer the top priority. Now your children are top priority."
• Hannah Keeley [44:42]: "Tie a bow around it. Keep on going to that."
• Hannah Keeley [57:33]: "Success beats perfect failure because I can go for perfection. But success beats perfect failure."

Additional Resources:

• Hannah Keeley: Visit hannakee.com for more information on her coaching services and the Mom Brain Makeover.
• Related Courses by Lisa Bass: Explore Farmhouse on Boone for recipes and YouTube Success Academy to learn income strategies online.