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Simple Farmhouse Life
303. Raising Kids Who Thrive: Habits and Foundations for the Early Years | Erin Cox of The Gentle + Classical Press
00:54:05
Practical encouragement for shaping habits, character, and culture in the little years
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- [00:00]
A
As a parent, you want to empower your child to succeed now and in the future. I know a lot of listeners are brand new to homeschooling and seek additional support. K12 can help your child reach their full potential and give you the support you need to get them there. K12 powered schools are accredited, tuition free online public schools for students in kindergarten through 12th grade designed with an engaging curriculum that supports individual learning styles. With K12, learning is personalized and provides the flexibility your family needs. When school can be anywhere there's Internet access, they can learn at their own pace in their own Place and K12 powered schools have state certified teachers specially trained in teaching online. They utilize hands on innovative technology to make learning interactive. K12 powered schools even offer social opportunities, extracurricular activities and in person events. K12 has more than 25 years experience helping students gain the skills they need to thrive in the future. Join the more than 3 million families who've chosen K12 and empower your students to reach their full potential. Now go to k12.comfarmhousetoday to find a tuition free K12 12 powered school near you and enroll. Now that's the letter k the number12.com.
- [01:09]
B
Farmhouse even when I talk about like casting a vision and having a certain intention for your family, that just means that you've put something in the gps, you're going in a particular path. But that doesn't mean there's not going to be detours. We're in charge of sowing seeds, we're not in charge of outcomes. The goal is to not be in control of them. Like literally. The goal is for them to develop autonomy and start making their own decisions if that's what you want them to do. So you want to make sure that in the early years, while your influence is as rich as it is that you're sowing as many seeds toward what you hope the choices will be that they will make as they grow older.
- [01:45]
A
My name is Lisa, mother of eight and creator of the blog and YouTube channel Farmhouse on Boone. On this podcast I like to talk about simplifying your life so you can live out your priorities.
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C
I help you learn how to cook.
- [01:55]
A
From scratch and decorate on a budget through this podcast and my courses Simple Sourdough and the Simple Sewing Series. I also help people reach their goals from home through my business course YouTube Success Academy. I will leave links to these resources in the show notes and description box below. Now let's get into the show.
- [02:16]
C
Welcome back to the Simple Farmhouse Life podcast. Today, as we are getting back into homeschool, or at least some of you might be.
- [02:23]
A
Some of you might be pushing off.
- [02:25]
C
A little bit longer, which is totally fine, too. I want to encourage you, or even if you're thinking about homeschooling, with some words of advice and wisdom and resources from Aaron Cox of the Gentle and Classical Press. So we're going to talk about setting habits, establishing habits in the younger years. If you're a younger mom or even if you feel like this is something that would have worked great if you had done that, and maybe you're having a new baby, that you want to start establishing some of these habits, some foundational homeschool or just character things that will benefit your homeschool. I think you're going to find this very encouraging. So without further ado, let's dive into the interview. Thank you so much for joining me. I was listening to your podcast and getting your take on it was kind of interesting. Your most recent episode, at least at the time that we're recording this, it probably won't be the most recent episode when this comes out, but you were talking about the COVID kind of like the COVID homeschool mindset of getting kids out of school because school's a bad place versus maybe the people who chose to homeschool many, many years before that, who saw it more. We see this as a better, a better option for like a foundational thing for our family.
- [03:44]
A
And you explained it very well.
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C
But I thought that that made a lot of sense, especially because, like you said, there's kind of like the schools are, you know, we have our reasons why after Covid, that a lot of people chose to homeschool. And then you have people who, before maybe that veil was kind of lifted, chose to homeschool as well. So let's just start with introductions. Tell me or the audience a bit about yourself and your podcast and your curriculum as well.
- [04:13]
B
Sure. So I'm erin. I have four kiddos. We've been homeschooling for 15 years now. And my oldest is about to turn 21. We all have summer birthdays, so everyone's 21, about turn 19, about to turn 10, and then eight and a half. And my husband and I have been running this business together for seven years. He left his job four years ago, I think, or maybe three years ago. I'm not good with years. But he, he left it a few years ago just because it grew really quickly, especially because of COVID and kind of the wave of homeschoolers that came through. And yeah, good Timing there. Right. And I could not ship things and also homeschool my kids. And we have a small homestead here as well with animals to upkeep. So I just couldn't do it all my. On my own. So he left his career and we've been doing it together. My oldest works for me as well. So it's like a tr. Like whole family. Family business. Yes. And we love doing it. So I started homeschooling, my eldest when she was in second grade and then my younger daughter for kindergarten and it was, you know, 15 years ago. It's definitely wasn't mainstream at all.
- [05:28]
C
Yes.
- [05:29]
B
And so it was very scary. We kind of did like a test run over Christmas break just to see how it fit and we were quickly addicted to it and just enjoy the freedom and stuff. And back then you mentioned that podcast episode. Back then the goal for homeschooling was really just to. I thought that schools were fine and I mean there were some negatives and it really depends on your local school system, obviously. But ours was fine. There was really nothing wrong with it. But I just felt like we could get so much more done if we did it at home and we could explore their interests and you know, if they're, if they needed to learn things in a particular way, we could do that better at home and really customize their educational experience and do more hands on stuff. And. And so that's where we started at and started out just with my two girls. And there's a big gap there. I have a nine year gap in kids because we were done. And then God was like, no, you're not. And so. Wow.
- [06:27]
A
So two sets of children there.
- [06:29]
B
We do. So we have two girls and then two boys, so it's kind of easy to distinguish. But we started homeschooling them and just kept going. And I found lots of good curriculum. Obviously there's so much good stuff on the market. But, you know, I'm an improver by nature and I see something and I'm like, this is great, but like maybe if it was just this, just a little bit of something, you know. And so in that gap I had the opportunity to think like, if I could start over again with my kids with homeschooling and stuff, what would I do differently? And that kind of is where all of it really began as far as our company and the podcast and all that stuff.
- [07:08]
C
Yeah, that makes sense. So you took, when you, you had this nine year gap between your second and your third, so you had a good long while to think about like, okay, I've been homeschooling. I had several years, I guess, under your belt at that point. And you're thinking, how would I improve this? Not necessarily knowing that you're going to do it again.
- [07:29]
B
No. And, you know, the, the boys, like, they were kind of a big surprise, and especially the fourth one, he was the biggest surprise, but just had this kind of vision. Like, you know, we went through this, like, thing where we weren't believers, we weren't Christians, with our first girls were born, and they were in preschool and elementary school, and then our family came to cross, and that kind of changed over time. So as I, I grew in my faith and started to learn what it means to like, disciple your kids, you know, I was able to just observe differences. Like, you know, we did things one way when our girls were younger and we just wanted to do things differently. And when my girls were younger, I was very focused on, like, can they read well? And math and sciences and STEM type stuff. And that was to me what like, a good education was. And then as I, you know, learned about classical education and learned about Charlotte Mason and all these different educational philosophies, all of that really shifted for me. And so I was like, well, if I had the opportunity to do this again, I would focus so much more on character development and good habits and discipleship and worldview and all those things from like an earlier age, earlier than even most people usually think that you can. I think a lot of times we diminish how much even 2, 3, 4 year olds can like, understand and memorize and just kind of like begin to develop their character at just such a young age. So that's kind of like where my mind was in that gap. Like, if I could start over again, I wanted to focus on just different things for my younger kids.
- [09:05]
C
Yeah. So you talk a lot about the preschool years from a gentle and classical approach or perspective. What exactly do you mean by that?
- [09:16]
B
So the gentle aspect of it is a little bit of like a innuendo towards Charlotte Mason's philosophies. So I'm sure, like, you may have plenty of listeners that have, you know, they may have homeschooled for a little bit, they've heard of Charlotte Mason or maybe they have preschoolers and they've never heard of her whatsoever. But she was like a Victorian era educator. And once you get into even like the shallowest waters of home education, you're.
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C
Going to start seeing, you know, hearing.
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B
Her name a lot. And so she, to me, was a classical educator also but she had like, very specific things that were unique to her. She really focused on narration and nature study and those types of things. And so a lot of times now it's really not even necessary to say gentle in classical, like when you kind of get into the deep end of the pool. But a lot of people now think about classical education as being the same thing as classical conversations, which is like a super popular curriculum. They do a lot of memorization and early in elementary. So I'm learning that like post Covid families that if you say classical education, they think that it's just like nothing but memory work and that it's very rigorous and like very intense and all those kinds of things. It's like, well, that is one way you can do classical education, but there are other ways as well. And so that's why we kind of have that distinction of like a very gentle, you know, approach to classical education where we mix the two. So it's not. Doesn't feel as intimidating. Yeah.
- [10:47]
C
Okay, so what does the preschool years, what do they look like? I know that's a loaded question, but I, you know, I think everybody has some different philosophies on this. There are people who will buy like a box curriculum where you teach kids to read and write at age 3 or 4. And maybe we've all been on different spectrums with this, with different children, and as we've, you know, had more. And then you have the play based, which is very intuitive because kids just do that. So you don't really have to do a whole lot, except for maybe try to keep screens out as much as possible, allow them to make messes, give them the tools they need to do what kids naturally do. But for you, what does that look like?
- [11:33]
B
So for me, that means Charlotte Mason has this kind of rule that's very commonly, like no formal instruction until age 6. So a lot of people are like, how can you have a Charlotte Mason preschool curriculum? That. And like, that's inherently not possible because you're instructing before age 6. But our goal has really very little to do with ABCs and one, two, threes. Like, there's plenty of time for that. And we introduce it just a little bit like, here's the letter A. But there's no, there's no goal. There's no rigor kind of involved in focusing on ABCs. There's. We have no desire to teach our kids to read before they're six or seven years old. Every child is ready for that at a different time. So our, our goal is on habit formation and character development. We do things like memorize scripture through song and memorize virtues through songs. Like, you know, we can often say to our kids, like, you need to be patient and you need to obey. You need to pay attention to mommy. But sometimes we don't explain to them, what does it mean to obey and what does it mean to be patient and what does it mean? So we give definitions for those things so they can understand it. Being patient means I put off for later what I want right now. And being attentive means I listen with my eyes, my ears, and my heart. And so we just start to give language for some of these expectations we have for our children as we start to cultivate habits in them and develop character. We also focus on, like, little catechisms. And so a lot of people equate that with, like, Catholic, but it's, you know, there's a lot of Protestant denominations that do it too. It's just a question to answer. Like, who made everything? God. God made everything. And so there are songs for those as well. And we have little stories that are super age appropriate for preschool. And so a day for a preschooler for us would be they get up and they play, and we do limit screens, and we try to have as much, you know, outside time as possible. That's a huge part of what we encourage. And we set up this thing called a memory statement board as part of our curriculum. And the goal is not necessarily memorization. Like, I have adhd, adhd. And most of my kids do, too. And so it's. I'm very, like, out of sight, out of mind. And so I invented the memory statement board because I was so busy with my girls who were in middle school and high school when my boys were preschoolers, that I just couldn't remember to do some of the things with them that I wanted to do. And because I had older children, I was aware of, like, how quickly that time goes by. Like, they're in middle school before you know it. And yeah, there were just. There were seeds that I wanted to sow at certain times, and if I didn't have it in my face, I wasn't going to remember it. So we put up, like, on the little memory statement board, we work on patients for, like, an entire semester, and we work on a scripture for three or four weeks. And we have, like, little manners and hygiene statements like, I don't pick my nose and. And I brush my teeth and, like, I can wash my hands and I can pick up my clothes when mommy tells Me to like different types of things just to kind of give you some intentionality in those type of like family habits. Right. Like you're kind of doing that as a family. And once you have a few kids, and one thing that I've noticed, like, once you have a few kids and you've gotten to these rhythms, preschoolers kind of fall into that naturally, right?
- [14:51]
C
Yes.
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B
But when you are starting out and maybe your preschooler is your oldest child or your second child, it's just easy. It's like hard. You still haven't found those rhythms for your family. And so this kind of helps to establish those for families as well. And it introduces the concept of like, your child can do that at three and four years old. You don't have to wait until they're older to teach them these things. And then we want them to know mom's full name and dad's full name and phone numbers for safety purposes, those types of things. And sometimes we forget about that. Just like I just realized the other day my seven and a half year old couldn't. Or my eight year old couldn't tie his shoes yet because, yeah, didn't notice that because he had Velcro shoes for eight years. You know, like, so there's these things that we just like kind of life is crazy and busy and out of sight and out of mind. And so if we don't have something kind of pointing us to that, that it's easy for the time to get away from us, and us kind of have some regrets about what we wish we had done a little bit earlier or focused on. And so it's really just about establishing rhythms and introducing intentionality into the day. And we have like, you know, if we read a book, we might do a little sewing craft or a cooking craft or something that goes along with that. But that's something that multiple kids can join into and the whole family can do it. So it's not, it's not the approach to preschool that would be like, here's an, you know, maybe a curriculum that's an app, that kind of thing. Right. Or it's very living book. You know, all the classic children's literature is what we read those types of things. So to me, that was like, what was missing was there was a lot of online stuff like, you know, like, teach your kid to read online kind of things. And there was some stuff that was like very craft heavy. But I was busy and I did not have time for that. Yeah. And so you only have so much time for the preschooler if you're homeschooling other kids as well, but you don't want to just not do anything with them. And so this is kind of that, like, happy little medium is what we tried to develop and what has worked for our family.
- [16:48]
C
Yeah, I think that's important distinction. I was reading your. I think it was your intro on your Instagram, and you were talking about what homeschool looked like when you had two little girls. Like, you were like, we would go and do, like, these Laura Ingalls, you know, like, we would be pioneers for the day and, like, all this stuff. And it kind of reminded me of when I had two little girls and no other children yet, you know, and the kind of way that our day was structured and just thinking about how that looks and then how now looks and how even if I had two little girls, it just literally could not look that way, like, because of, you know, how seasons change. But I like the idea that you're still setting up, like, these little rhythms and you're being intentional with your preschoolers to introduce them to things. And I also think it's great. Like, I'm thinking about some people I know who have their firstborns who. Who don't necessarily have those rhythms yet, who maybe feel overwhelmed. So for the mom who feels overwhelmed or inadequate with homeschooling, especially in those early years, what would you say to that mom?
- [17:55]
B
So that's almost all moms, right? Like, it's most moms, their deepest desire is to, like, give their children everything in the world and to do everything right the first time and all that kind of stuff. And so I just like to encourage moms, especially if they're younger moms and they're like, just have their first couple of babies that, you know, God has, like, gifted that child to you. He picked you for that child and that child for you. And so he didn't do that on accident. That was not a mistake. And you, like, we teach our children so many things, right? Like, we teach them to eat and use the toilet and all these things, and then in speak, like, literally speak, and how to have manners, and we just teach them so many things, and then we just have this belief that there's just becomes a certain point in their life where we. We aren't capable of teaching them anymore, and we have to hand them off to someone else to do it, and that's just a falsehood. Like, we. We do have the ability to teach our children anything, and moms are resourceful. So even when it comes to seasons or time in your child's life that you can't teach them something for some reason. Well, somebody can like you. Yeah, like the resource will come available to you. So my encouragement is always like, just to recognize that you can. Accepting, like, I've gotten them this far and I've taught them all this stuff. And just recognizing that kind of helps you recognize that you can do the next thing as well. But also that, you know, you're not gonna. One bad day doesn't mess up your child. Like, you're, you know, things are not going to be perfect. They're not going to be beautiful all the time. There's beautiful moments, right? Like we, you know, see those on YouTube and all these signs. We all have these beautiful moments, but that's not like every moment of your day. You know what I mean? And so just kind of like having realistic expectations for what it looks to live as a homeschool family. Your house is a mess most of the time, but you're, you know, you're always cleaning up and you're after the babies and you're changing diapers, you do these things. It's like, it's constant and it's not messy, but that doesn't mean it's not necessarily beautiful. It just might not be ready for Instagram. And that's okay. That's normal. Like, there's such a. These younger moms now, like, my heart goes out to them so much because they're just coming up in this time in our culture or the amount of information that is sugar coated is. So that's all they're seeing, you know, or like the beautiful kind of, you know, moments and stuff. And I mean, obviously, like, that's what we want to share. But then it just gives them this feeling of like, if my life doesn't look like that all the time, like it feels like her life does, then I'm not doing a good job. And I just feel like there's a lot of comparison that moms struggle with now that, like, you know, I'm about to be 44. When my girls were younger, you know, Instagram did exist. And then once it did. Yeah, once it did, it was pictures of people's food, wasn't their, like, perfect homeschool day, you know, and so there wasn't that kind of constant, like, you know, feeling a failure, being behind and all those types of things. So that's always an encouragement because I feel like when you're younger and you're spending much time on social media, that's a Huge part of the overwhelm is seeing other people like all the fun stuff they're doing and you're like, I'm just sitting over here with a baby and, you know, barely surviving this day. And they're on their nature walk and I can't get out on a nature walk. It's 110 degrees and I have a newborn. So I mean, I just think having those realistic expectations is really important.
- [21:24]
A
I noticed that in the summer I like my makeup look to be really simple because there's a lot of hot days going on, I spend a lot of time outside and it's just not the time for heavy, cakey makeup. Just a nice face, sunscreen. I like a little mascara and a highlighter in the corner of my eyes to wake up my look. But nothing full glam in the summer.
- [21:45]
C
Not that I'm ever full glam, but.
- [21:47]
A
There are occasions for a bit, bit heavier makeup and summer is not that time. Thrive Cosmetics is my go to for a simple, clean and radiant summer look. Minimal effort, maximum impact. I have a couple shades of the brilliant eye brightener, which is easy to apply for a person like me who's not super into knowing exactly what to do with makeup. But it's shimmery and it brightens my eyes and makes me feel awake and put together. Though minimal, I put it on my eyelids and then the waterline and that's when I can have it because my teenagers actually really love it too and so they've been enjoying it as well. And then the brilliant under eye brightener loose setting powder has been really great again to make me look a bit more awake.
- [22:29]
C
And it's great for aging skin, which.
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A
Mine definitely is, cuz it blurs the lines and the wrinkles and it brightens dullness. It's not this heavy cakey powder that.
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C
I could get away with in my younger years that just don't look good on me anymore.
- [22:43]
A
Thrive Cosmetics gives back for every product purchase they donate. Products and funds to help communities Thrive maximize your look with minimal effort. Go to thrive cosmetics.comfarmhouse for an exclusive offer of 20% off your first order. That's Thrive Cosmetics. C A U S E M E t I c s.com farmhouse in business, I'm always trying to make sure I get the best product for the best deal. So I'm slightly ashamed to admit I haven't even looked at my life insurance policy for a good decade.
- [23:19]
C
I don't even know if what I'm.
- [23:20]
A
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- [24:07]
C
That's SelectQuote.com Farmhouse well, it's funny because I feel like I'm like, I sometimes think I'm immune to comparison because being on like the influencer end of it, feeling like people unfairly compare, like, you know, we all know things are curated and so yes, I can show you the mess, but you know, there's a mess. Come on, right? And so I feel like, like I, I being on the other side of it, understand that you don't show everything. And so I'm like, well, I wouldn't compare. And then I think about certain people and I didn't like consciously think of it, but I think I subconsciously like think their kids are all just really easy, perfectly obedient, they never fight. And I'm like, wait a minute, they're not gonna show their kids fighting on Instagram. Like, you know, like, you have to correct yourself and be like, wait, I think I thought her kids were perfect. And I didn't even, I didn't even like consciously think that. I just subconsciously thought that. And it's not her fault. And that's one thing too. I get really annoyed with the Internet because it's like, it's your fault if they're comparing themselves to you. And it's like, nope, because she never said her kids didn't fight. She just simply didn't get out her phone and record her kids fighting or overshare about her kids struggles. And here I'm over here like literally subconsciously thinking this person's whole homeschool and her kids and like, she never, just because of what she shares, like, I'm thinking she never gets upset with them or impatient. And I'm like, wait a minute, that Is not true. Like, I made that all up.
- [25:39]
B
Yeah, 100%. And it's so easy to do. Like, I know, like you, you know, you're making your sourdough or whatever, there's a mess in the sink at some point, you know, and you're not showing us that you're cleaning it up, but.
- [25:49]
C
Well, because it's obvious, like, I have to show you. Like, you know what I mean? Like, yes, there's a dirty bowl window goes in it. You know what I mean?
- [25:57]
B
But there's just, like you said, this very unconscious inference in the back of our mind that just like, oh, this is all beautiful and peaceful. Like, especially, you know, sometimes, you know, when you're recording, like your house may be super loud and so you're going to throw music over it and just do a voiceover. When the house isn't loud, people are.
- [26:15]
C
Like, where are your children? Like, did you notice the music? Yes.
- [26:20]
B
Yeah, it's hard, but I think we all do that unconsciously to someone and I think if you've never been the one creating and curating the content, then it's even.
- [26:30]
C
It's even worse.
- [26:31]
B
Yes, it's even worse. Yeah.
- [26:33]
C
Yeah. But it's so funny, like having this revelation that as one who creates and curates and I feel like I'm honest, like, I feel like I tell people this, but still people do it. But as one who does that, I still realize that there's so many people online who I imagine something like, better in their private life than what is probably accurate.
- [26:54]
B
Yes.
- [26:55]
C
Like about their kids, about their marriage, about just whatever you enter in, like whatever thing you might think.
- [27:03]
B
And I think our imaginations fill in the blank. And it's always.
- [27:08]
C
That's what I. That's one of the more annoying things about being on YouTube is people will see like a 20 minute span of the week and they're like, your husband doesn't help, your kids don't help. Your kids are never in your home, they're being watched by somebody else. And I'm like, I literally chose out a very selective. And you filled every gap just in with whatever you made up, which is what humans do. But it's good for us to be aware that that's what we're doing because I do it too. And I think it's a good reminder for the overwhelmed mom because that's how we got on this topic that you're probably comparing to something that never even was true. Like, we need to have real life friends that we actually know all the ins and Outs. That's how it was meant to be. Like, you have people you're close to and you know they're not perfect. Right. Because you're close to them. And that's how the Internet just isn't set up for that.
- [28:06]
B
Yeah, absolutely. I agree 100%. And as we've shifted some of our communities online, there is less in person community, I think. And so especially if you're in a homeschool area, that maybe there aren't that many homeschoolers or maybe you're super rural, you're not spending as much time with other homeschoolers. And so, you know, after you've been homeschooling for a while, so much of it becomes second nature to you. And then you have new homeschooler maybe come into your life through co op or whatever, and they're just like frenzied about everything, you know, and you're like, it's really okay. Like, you can calm down. And so I'll invite them to come spend a day with us and just, just hang out while we do school.
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C
Oh, yeah.
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B
And she's like, they'll be like, well, I just, you know, your kids are so well behaved at co op. I thought they just sat there and.
- [28:53]
C
Exactly. Their schoolwork, social awareness.
- [28:57]
B
Yes. I was like, no, they're not perfect at home. I mean, they're not perfect anywhere, but especially at home, you know, they have. They argue and start wrestling on the floor in the middle of math lesson.
- [29:07]
C
And don't want to do it and. Yeah, like that all. That's all.
- [29:10]
B
Yeah.
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C
Not the case for probably every homeschool mom ever. Unless you had like one. Like I have, I have one child. One child that has just been easy. Like just. She just was smart and she's obedient and she's ambitious. You know what I mean? And if I only ever had that one child, I would be like, what's your guys's problem? Like, this is really easy, right?
- [29:38]
B
I had that exact same conversation we had at our co op over here yesterday for a family day. And we're sitting around the pool, the kids are swimming, we're all talking about, usually it's our first child. Like if we had stopped at our first child.
- [29:50]
C
That's the one.
- [29:52]
B
Yeah, they're just very like, just easy. And you would think everyone else was a hot mess, that they could get it as good as you.
- [29:59]
C
Sometimes it takes three or four, but still.
- [30:02]
B
Yes, that hot mess number two usually comes sliding in and lets you know what's going on.
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C
Yeah, like, when my oldest was even a toddler, like, she didn't throw everything. Like, you know how toddlers do. They see a bookshelf and they throw the books off, or they throw the socks out of the sock drawer or whatever it may be. And she didn't do anything like that.
- [30:24]
B
Nothing. So, yeah, that was my first. And then I walk into the room when my. My second is a toddler, and she's, like, holding a kitten by the table in the air on top of the kitchen table. Like, no. You know, like, that would have never happened with her sister. So it just. They're all very different, and they all teach us different lessons, which is a very good thing. I always say that, you know, homeschooling, like, even if you're not doing it for your kids, it's like, the most sanctifying thing you could do for yourself, because you see all of your little own things kind of being reflected back to you and all these kids around you, and it's an opportunity for growth for everyone.
- [30:59]
C
It is. You talked about in your. That episode I was listening to on your podcast about the intention behind homeschooling. Not that it was just like, school's bad. I'm pulling them out. What was the culture you were trying to create in your home that led you to homeschooling?
- [31:16]
B
I think initially it was just being able to individualize their instruction. I was, you know, I was in my early 20s when I had my first kid, so I was first making this decision to homeschool in my late 20s. And at that point, my focus was more on the fact that I felt bored in school a lot personally, and I didn't feel like when I was interested in something, that I had the opportunity to, like, stick with it and kind of go deep and follow those interests and things. And so I didn't want my girls to have those types of limitations on just what they were learning. So I just wanted to have that culture in my home of, like, being able to, like, go as deep as we wanted to and just spend as much time. And if we got something in a day and we were done with it, we could just move on. We didn't have to spend a certain amount of time on things that weren't interesting or, you know, for us, that much. And so. And that worked really well. My younger daughter, I didn't know at the time, and so I feel like God definitely caused us to homeschool, but she had, like, multiple really profound learning disabilities. So then once she was getting up and starting to learn to read. And I started identifying her learning disabilities and stuff. Then it shifted things to really being able to accommodate what she needed because had she been in school, she would have been like in a special class and stuff for her learning disabilities. But at home she could read the best books and do all the things her sister could do. Nothing was holding her back because I could accommodate what she needed me to accommodate at the time. And then as we added to the family and just kind of grew up and grew in our faith and stuff, we really shifted toward wanting to make sure we had just a culture of like specific character attributes in our family. Like we wanted to. You know, my husband and I are very like entrepreneurial and very self driven and motivated and integrity and honesty are really important to us. So those were things that we wanted to be like, intentional about fostering in our children and in our family. So we chose educational philosophies that were tried and true, like classical. And Charlotte Mason has been around forever and follow those paths that have already been established for us so that we could sow the seeds that, you know, would maybe be the most fruitful. You know, I always caution moms, especially when I'm talking about preschoolers and kind of getting started is even when I talk about like casting a vision and having a certain intention for your family, that just means that you've put something in the GPS and you're going in a particular path. But that doesn't mean there's not going to be detours. And like, we're in charge of sowing seeds, we're not in charge of outcomes. And so because as our children get older, they're going to, you know, start making their own decisions. You have a teenager or two, and so they start making their own decisions. And. And the goal is to not be in control of them. Like literally the goal is for them to develop autonomy and start making their own decisions. That's what you want them to do. And so you want to make sure that in the early years, while your influence is as rich as it is, that you're sowing as many seeds towards what you hope the choices will be that they will make as they grow older. And then even when they make the choices that don't, you know, that are not the choices you would have made for them, that you still, you know, they still then learn how to pivot. And so that's kind of our goal is just like when I first started out, they were academic goals, but now the goals are just about a family culture where our children are Always honest with us. They always come to us when they need anything, that they. We enjoy to be together and have fun, and that they are capable, productive citizens in the world that are, like, contributing to society in some way. And so I always like to say too, like, it's important to have a vision and put that destination in your gps. But that doesn't mean it won't change over time as you grow and your. Your values change stuff. So I forget what you asked me because I'm a rambler, but that, that's. That.
- [35:17]
C
No, that was pretty much it. Like, why'd you homeschool? Like, what was this intention behind it? And ours were a lot of the same. I also like the family, not everybody going in a different direction all the time, too. And everybody has different personalities. So in some ways, like, they'll. They'll operate differently within the family, obviously, but it is toward a similar goal. I was going to ask you, because your husband's home as well. Does he, with your younger boys, like, step into the homeschool some? Is it a combined effort or just out of pure curiosity, how do you guys tend to do that?
- [35:55]
B
So we kind of split our days where he works in the morning on shipping and stuff and, like, farm chores, and he's always building and fixing something because that never ends. And then that's when I usually do the homeschooling. But he is a math person and I am not. So if anybody is stuck on a math concept that gets booted to dad. We've got multiple dyslexic learners. So, like, we do two reading sessions. So I do the harder teaching of reading. And then he does, like, the fluency listening in the afternoon. So he definitely participates. And then he is the guy that's taken them to jiu jitsu and kickboxing and football practice and all that stuff.
- [36:34]
C
Right.
- [36:35]
B
And while I'm doing my work here in the afternoons and the evenings, things and stuff. So we just kind of like divide and conquer throughout the day.
- [36:42]
C
Yep, that's exactly how we do it, too. And it changes throughout the years and seasons. You know, we've added several children because we, we started homeschooling from the beginning. And so, you know, we had one, then two, and we're about to have our ninth. And so it's, you know, it's ever changing on who does what, because I get asked that question a lot, like, well, what do you do and what does he do? I'm like, well, depends on the week. But yeah, I can tell you one thing. We're both always is busy. I know that much.
- [37:10]
B
100. Yes.
- [37:11]
C
Yes. There's. There's plenty to do. And I know you know that with your homestead. We had a few audience questions. One of them was looking back on your early homeschool years. What do you wish you had done more of or less of during that foundational time?
- [37:28]
B
So with the first batch, I think I've kind of answered that already. I really wished that we had worked more on, I think, habits, like something I've really learned from Charlotte Mason, she talks about in her volume one, home education, is about habit formation and, like, investing in being consistent. I think what I struggled with the most as a young mom and what I see other young moms struggle with the most is just having the energy to be consistent. But then it's the inconsistency that usually costs us the energy, because when we're not consistent, they were having to fight that same battle over and over again, whether it's brushing their teeth or staying in the bed at night, like, no matter what it is, or doing the school lessons, but just once you have, like, you know, drawn a line in the sand, like, you better mean it. So I've definitely learned to be consistent. So the habit formation that she talks about and anybody wants to those. I think those books are free online. Like, all of Charlotte Mason's volumes are free online to read them. And that always, always suggest that one. Like, even if you don't plan to homeschool, it's a great parenting God as well. Yeah. With young kids, because everybody has their.
- [38:33]
C
Kids home for a certain number of hours. You know, it's not like there's not time for that.
- [38:39]
B
Right. Absolutely. And so just kind of developing habits. So we. We kind of instated that a little bit more with our boys and just that shift from, like, obviously academics are important, and I'm not trying to say that they're not, but I was really focused because I was a public school kid and I was very, like, grade oriented and, you know, wanted to be the best of the class and all that kind of stuff. Then when my girls were coming up, I was very, again, grade oriented with them and, like, peer oriented. Like, I. Because when you're in public school, you just have lots of friends and your friends are almost family.
- [39:15]
C
Right.
- [39:15]
B
Yeah. It's just a given. Yeah. And so shifting that paradigm to where, like, our family is our family and we're the first kind of influence and the first attachments that they make and all those things and kind of keeping things like a Little bit tighter. Not that we're, you know, not spending lots of time with people, but just not wanting the peer influence to be their number one influence as they get older.
- [39:39]
C
Right. Yes.
- [39:40]
B
And so that's, you know, a lot of times people worry about socialization with homeschool and so they'll kind of push their kids to make friends or they'll over commit to outside activities because they're wanting to make friends, make friends, make friends. And really that's just what us wanting to make sure our kids feel normal. Right. Like we don't want them to feel weird and homeschooled and. Or be weird and homeschooled. But I always joke and say, like, if kids are weird, it's because their parents are weird. Like usually that schooling doesn't.
- [40:06]
C
That's true. If you're homeschooling. Fifteen years ago, maybe.
- [40:10]
B
No. Yeah. But now there's so much to do, there's so many opportunities. So. So, you know, I, I think, you know, we don't want to keep our kids trapped at home, obviously. And, and different ones are different. Right. Like my oldest is very introverted. My next was very extroverted. Then we've got an extrovert and then we've got an introvert and so, you know, different. Yeah. All over the place. So you have to do what's right for each child is important. You can't just blanket. You kind of have to do that with a. For efficiency somewhat. But you can't just treat everybody the same, obviously. So I think those are kind of the things that have shifted, like the individuality of my children. Honoring that, recognizing that, not making socialization like an idol of some sort and just understanding like they're just going to be who they are. They don't, you know, they don't need a friend group early on in life to be socially normal children and adults. So.
- [41:03]
C
Yeah, yep, I agree with that. I've seen that.
- [41:07]
A
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- [43:05]
C
Okay, so another question we had was how can parents discern when a child is truly ready for formal learning and what habits matter most in the early years?
- [43:16]
B
So for us, answer the second part of that first, the habits that matter most for us, and we've kind of of embedded those into our curricula too, is like we can't obey our parent until we can be patient enough to listen to them. And we can't listen to them unless we can pay attention to them. So that's why we work on patience, attention and obedience kind of in the preschool years. And then we work on things like kindness and gentleness and self control in our kindergarten level type thing. And so that's that's kind of the scaffold for habits, which those are virtues, but they're also habits, right? Like we can have the habit of being impatient or the habit of being patient. We can have the habit of speaking kindly or the habit of not speaking kindly. And so we work on those things. And then there's the also like, you know, just the normal habits of like there's too many people in our family that Everyone doesn't clean up after themselves.
- [44:13]
C
And oh, I'm saying that constantly. I'm like, Listen, there's 10 people here. I can't be the one doing it all.
- [44:20]
B
Absolutely.
- [44:21]
C
It's too many people.
- [44:22]
B
Yeah, I need like full time staff if they're not doing it. So, you know, there's too many people not to pick up after yourself and take personal responsibility. If you notice that it needs doing, then please do it. If you've reported to me that it needs doing, it means you noticed it. So now it's your job. And so, gosh, this is one of those individual things, like not just by the family, but by the child as well. Because I'll kind of like stereotype girls are typically a little bit earlier that they're ready to maybe sit down, practice their letters, start to actually try to blend some words together and be attentive for the amount of time that it requires to actually learn something. As far as reading and math and those formal kind of academics, boys tend to be a year or two older. So, and that's kind of like from my, my family, but also like, like everybody I know. Their, their boys usually are not starting to really like, want to read or really start to click until they're closer to six into the seven where their girls are like starting to read and maybe things are starting to click when they're, you know, five or so. So as far as that is all like, you know, pray about it. It's my first, you know, kind of encouragement. Like, if you feel like God's called you to homeschool, he's not going to abandon you where you have to make every decision without him, so you can pray about it and see what's right for that child. Keep them short. That's my number one thing. Like the favorite thing that I ever learned about teaching kids, especially with any challenges, was whatever the energy is that you end a lesson with that is how they're going to start that lesson the next day. So if you're extending reading lessons to the point that someone's crying about it at the end of each lesson, that they're going to come into reading the next day with that, like, negative association. And so if you're talking about teaching your kindergartner how to read or do you know, basic math concepts, I'm like, start at five minutes, set a timer, and we're going to do this for five minutes and we're going to have fun and you do it. And it might not be fun, but we're going to Try to keep it a good attitude. And then if they're going along great and the timer goes off, that's it, the timer's over, we're going to end on that positive note. And then just add time from there a lot of times. And even some curricula has like 25, 35, 40 minute language arts lessons, lessons in kindergarten and first grade. And it's like, I just don't know anybody that's going to stay focused, you know, at that age for that amount of time. So kind of watch their attention span. How long can they stay focused on something? And then as long as it's at least five to seven minutes and you think that they're like noticing letters in their environment and they're noticing numbers and maybe counting some things and starting to recognize things, then you could start to work on it. If they're oblivious to all of it and they don't care and they just want to play all the time, then I think it's wise to wait.
- [47:14]
C
Yeah, well, one thing too, I think I thought when I first had children, you forget that they learn on. They learn a lot of things on their own too. And you think that every single thing that comes into their brain has to come from you directly saying it. And that's very overwhelming because it's like, okay, they have to know everything and I have to tell them everything, which is so not true. Kids just gather, gather, gather information all the time. And so if there's good information in front of them, take heart. This is not all 100% on you.
- [47:49]
B
Absolutely. I think Charlotte Mason says something along those lines, like a good teacher is just a facilitator. Like you're giving them the opportunities, you're putting them in the right environment and you're allowing them space to be curious. You're answering the questions and maybe directing them some, but that's kind of all that you have to do. And then they'll kind of take on the rest. Unless, you know, your kid is really struggling to learn to read, then that can be a different camp altogether. But fortunately, that is not most kids.
- [48:17]
C
Well, and this could be a generalization and it could be like, I don't have any formal studies to back this up whatsoever. But it's an observation that I had of myself when I was a kid and of kids I know now. So I know like a lot of kids who go to school, I know a lot of kids who homeschool. And I feel like when children are always told exactly like they're put into a system where it's like, you have to wait for somebody to tell you what to do in the summertime. They don't know what to do with time, and they get really bored addicted to screens. Whereas, like, kids who have get. Were given more freedom to, like, learn and kind of manipulate their environment and find ways to be creative with boredom and all this kind of stuff, they seem to take free time and do something with it. And this is just a revelation I had recently. Cause I was thinking about me during the summer when I was a kid. And then I have some kids that I know pretty well that, like, they can't figure out. Like, the summer has just been like all. You know, there's. They can't figure out what to do with it, and they're very, very bored. And they're just in their homes not doing anything. I'm like, maybe that's. Maybe that stems back to that.
- [49:31]
A
And I could be wrong, but.
- [49:32]
C
But kind of seems like maybe it was.
- [49:34]
B
I think there's probably.
- [49:36]
C
Yeah. Cause like, now I love free time because I know I have, like, a million things I can accomplish with it, and I know just what to do. And my kids are all the same. Like, free time is not a problem. We're not sitting around thinking, like, what can we do? That's never a thing. And I'm like, maybe that's just. Is a learned behavior that I eventually learned in life. So all hope isn't lost. If you're feeling like right now your kids are those kids, like, it's summer, and they're just like, like, what do we do? Not hope isn't lost. Because when I was a kid, that's exactly how it was. Like, I just sat inside and I was so bored. I couldn't wait for school to start again because I was just so bored. And I can tell you that all the kids I know who are homeschooled, at least there are some homeschoolers who have different philosophies and they kind of do, like, school at home. And maybe their kids feel that way. But, like, the ones that I know, they. They know what to do with that boredom.
- [50:28]
B
Yeah. And. And we're the same way here. Like, my boys treat school like it's an interruption to their. Like, yeah, a lot of stuff they have to do.
- [50:36]
C
They got stuff to do. And then you're. That's exactly right. It's an interruption from, like, real life stuff.
- [50:41]
B
It's like, yeah, yeah, this is our first job, guys. Like, we actually have to learn some stuff. But, like, I have to find them, to get them to come in and start school. And then I, you know, we want to do the things mom wants to do because mom has all these great ideas and stuff. And, you know, we want it to be engaging and stuff. But as soon as we're done, they're like, summertime is just less of me interrupting them. That's what summertime is.
- [51:06]
C
Exactly. Yes, I feel that way, but it was the opposite when I was a kid. And I'm looking back and I'm like, man, I wasted so much time. Like, what was I doing? Like? Because now I know I could think, you know, I could think of a thousand things that I could have done, but I just didn't. I didn't have any grasp or gauge for. I have free time now. Figure out what to do with it, you know?
- [51:26]
B
Yeah. I think it's a part of our brains that like, that part of our. And it's probably the part that's very much like associated with boredom and the, the part of your brain that like comes up with new ideas. Because I was a public school kid and summertime was long and I loved school. I just want to go back to school because that.
- [51:43]
C
Yeah, me too. I want to get back all day long. Tell me what to do.
- [51:49]
B
100.
- [51:50]
C
I was that way all the way until even after I got married, I didn't get a job right away because I already was pregnant within like three months of getting married. I'm like, well, I'm gonna be a stay at home mom, so like now why go get a job? And I did not do anything good with my time. It wasn't until maybe being home for a year or two that I was like, okay, like necessity. Like, I can't, I can't do this. This is like way too boring. Because I am an ambitious person. So, like, I went to school, I got the A's, you know, I, I was in the sports and all that. But I needed somebody to tell me what to do. And then all of a sudden you're home and I, I can't. I'm gonna have to go get a job and have somebody tell me what to do or I'm have to figure something out because I cannot stand just doing nothing. And it, it's, it's fine. Like, it was a. I learned it in my early 20s. It wasn't like, you can't learn that later. But yeah, it's an interesting dynamic that I've been thinking more and more about with just observing summer. Because right now, as we're Recording. It's like middle of summer and kids are thoroughly bored. I think by the time this comes out, we're starting school again. For the most part, people are, but we're at that, like dog days of summer where, you know, if you don't know how to find something to do, it's gonna be a little boring.
- [53:11]
B
Yeah. Especially when it's hot outside. Like, it's a. Here in Alabama, it's. I think our heat index today is 110. So you gotta be creative to stay entertained. Yeah.
- [53:20]
C
Yes. It's. It's so hot. My kids are playing in the hose constantly because we are fortunate to have.
- [53:27]
B
A pool in a pond. So they are either out fishing or they are swimming the pool. So, yeah, the pool is a life scent. Like, I mean, it's just. Well, we are.
- [53:36]
C
We're putting in a pool and it should have already been done, but it's not. And so I feel the same way. I'm like, we gotta make out outside. Has to be fun, like year round, you know. Yes, it's close in the winter. In the summer, we need water, but it's gotta be fun. Okay, so tell the listeners all about your curriculum, where to find it, where to go next with you.
- [54:00]
B
Sure. So if any of this sounded interesting, if they want to learn more about Charlotte Mason and classical education, all of our teachers guides are completely free. So I hated that feeling as a new homeschooler where I would look at like four pages of a preview of a curriculum online and then I would get it and I was like, oh, the rest of it's ugly. Or I don't like what's in it and you just couldn't get a picture of like the whole thing and know everything was in it. So all of our teachers guides, we have preschool, kindergarten, we have nature studies, marine biology. We just released agricultural science last year, which is everything to do with homesteading and, and small farms. And yeah, it's really fun. We're using that for our boys this next year. And so you can download all the teacher's guides for free and find out exactly what's in it, our philosophy of education, and just see if it's a good fit for you. And then we have samples of everything too. Like two, three, four week samples because we don't like for people to be like, I bought this and I hate it.
- [54:59]
C
Right.
- [55:00]
B
We want you to know that you love it before you get it and that we're your people because we're not, you know, every curriculum is not fit for everyone. If you want something that's scripted or that's gonna like pop up and tell you what to do that day, that's just not us. I mean, that's not what how we develop things. But if you want to focus on character development and theology, worldview and artist study and composer study and like hands on science and literature rich stuff, then we may be a good fit. So our website is shop gentle classical.com and just google Gentle Classical and it'll come up as well. And then we're on Instagram and YouTube under those same names as well.
- [55:42]
C
Awesome. We'll leave links down to all that below as well in the show notes or the description box. Thank you so much, Aaron for joining us. I feel like this was a great conversation and as people are getting back into the swing, or maybe this is the first year that they're even pulling their kids from school and they feel very lost, especially the younger years, I think that this has been an encouragement to them and you've offered a lot of great resources. So thanks.
- [56:06]
B
Thank you. Lisa. Thanks for having me.
- [56:09]
A
Thanks as always for listening to the Simple Farmhouse Life podcast. My husband Luke and I and our.
- [56:13]
C
Eight kids work together side by side.
- [56:15]
A
On our little homestead and use our blog, podcast and YouTube channel to reach other homemakers, home cooks and homesteaders with practical recipes and daily family life. For everyday sourdough recipes, make sure to check out our blog, farmhouse.com and to dig deeper, we do also offer a course called Simple Sourdough over at Bitvit Ly Farmhouses. That's all one word. Bit Ly Farmhouse sourdoughcourse.
- [56:42]
C
If you're looking to learn how we.
- [56:44]
A
Earn an income online, check out my YouTube course at Bit Ly Farmhouse YouTube course course. All one word.