
The village isn’t lost— it’s misunderstood, and screens have twisted it into something moms CAN reclaim
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Lisa
Say you only scroll 30 minutes a day or an hour a day. It's not that that hour would have been the thing that transformed all the time that you had. It's what it did to your brain. Like you're saying, we're not satisfied with these little things we do, like tending to your garden or kneading your bread or making a meal from scratch.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
It's exactly right. Screens kill your creativity. When moms lack creativity, everybody suffers in the home. Then you're searching for a dopamine hit that is unnatural. They give us a dopamine high that we can't get in the natural world.
Lisa
My name is Lisa, mother of eight and creator of the blog and YouTube channel Farmhouse on Boone. On this podcast, I like to talk about simplifying your life so you can live out your priorities. I help you learn how to cook from scratch and decorate on a budget through this podcast and my courses, Simple Sourdough and the Simple Sewing Series. I also help people reach their goals from home through my business course, YouTube Success Academy. I will leave links to these resources in the show notes and description box below. Now let's get into the show.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Foreign.
Lisa
Welcome back to the Simple Farmhouse Life podcast. I just finished recording this interview with Ruth Ann Zimmerman. She has been on the podcast before. This conversation took quite a few turns and I think some things were said that really need to be heard by mothers everywhere. Whether you want to homestead or, or you don't. We. We both are mothers of many and she's years ahead of me and a lot of you. I'm years ahead of a lot of you. I'm not. Either way, I think she shared just such great insight that I had to just. It was just such gold. So join us for this conversation. I really think you'll be encouraged by it. All right, well, Ruthanne, I'm so excited to have you on. You and I were able to actually meet recently at the Modern Homesteading Conference, so that was pretty fun. And I, I actually don't even know if I got to hear you speak because I think it overlapped with stuff that I had to do. But. But I heard it was really good from a lot of people. But I wanted to have you on to chat about all kinds of things. You're best known in the homestead world for your homesteading and your family content and cooking. And you have a new book, the Heart of the Homestead. So tell us about you and your new book.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
So I was very happy to meet you at the Modern Homestead Conference. Lisa, you were on my list of homesteaders that I have not yet met, but wanted to. So I actually saw one of your children first and it caught my eye and I'm like, oh, Lisa's here somewhere, so I recognize that child. So I was very happy to meet with you too. So real quick background for those of you that don't know. My husband and I, we live in northeast Iowa. We have seven children. Our two older children have already flown the nest. We are grandparents and our youngest son is 10 years old. He's nine. He's actually nine years old.
Lisa
So coming right up.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Yes, our lives are very busy with the family and those relationships. But not only that, we have our homestead has evolved into from what it first started as animals so that our children have chores and build the character that comes with having homestead chores is now evolved into being self sustaining more or less and, you know, producing all of our own food, trying not to go to the grocery store more than we have to. So our lives are very full and busy. And so about my book. Yes, I signed a two book contract with Harvest House publishers and the first book is about to release. It will release in a little less than a month. And.
Lisa
Okay, yeah, and this comes out in September, so it's probably out at the.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Time that people are doing this, so you'll be able to find it anywhere. By the time this is published, people will be able to just type in the search of the title of the book and find it. But in the book, I wrote a lot about real practical homestead knowledge and. But within each chapter is the, the heart of the homestead. So basically, you know, in the milk cow chapter, yes, you can do all of these things with the milk cow, you know, with your milk cow, with your raw milk, all these recipes and the nutritional, you know, value of it. But within each chapter, I try to leave the reader with, it doesn't matter if you, you know, are drinking raw milk every day and if you're making, you know, hard cheeses for your family and not buying any dairy from the grocery store, if you're neglecting to build relationships with those that you love, it's not going to matter in the end if you did everything else right. So, yes, in the book I tried to encourage readers in a homestead way. But for those that are overwhelmed, want to do all the things, I tried to leave them with a big sense of comfort that, you know, what if I only have the time and the knowledge and the skills to build relationship, right now, I am still doing something worthwhile.
Lisa
Yeah. Yeah. So it sounds like the motivation behind creating a homestead for you and for your family. You mentioned having a routine for your children to work, which homesteads lend themselves to that very naturally, but then also building that relationship. It wasn't just about practical things like filling up our. Our pantry and making all of our food for the year. Growing it all. It sounds like it was a quite a different motivation that maybe people don't always think of.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
So growing up old order Mennonite, I often say that Elvin and I already knew all the work that goes into raising all of your own food, because that's the way we were raised. So that wasn't our motivation because we knew that it's a lot of work to raise all your own. So our primary motivation was simply to instill the character into our children that we felt we had gotten. Growing up on the homestead and on the farm, with having to do chores before school, you know, and having to take care of animals. But it, you know, as I said earlier, it evolved into, oh, this chicken tastes a whole lot better, and this beef is a whole lot better. So it was a gradual process. But, no, we did not start out with, hey, let's raise our own food, because we knew that that's a lot of work.
Lisa
Do you feel like some people that grew up in the same kind of way that you did, do they? And I'm not saying this, like, with any assumptions, because I. I don't know, because I didn't grow up. I grew up with jobs, and I grew up with a farm. But to raise all your own food in your community is a whole different thing, especially without a lot of the modern conveniences that you guys didn'. Have. Do some people when they grow up, kind of go the opposite direction? Or do they, for the most part, do you feel like they appreciate all that was instilled?
Ruthanne Zimmerman
So I think everybody takes a journey away, and there's generational cycles within the Mennonites, the same as it is in every culture, except right now, where you said you grew up with your parents having jobs and convenience was a thing. So. So, yeah, that is now more popular in the Mennonite culture. So I would say they're a. They're a good 50 years behind the modern world as far as the. As you know, their pendulum swinging. Because I would say my peers within the Mennonite culture are embracing convenience.
Lisa
Right? More like I was like, we're like, we're over that now in the English world or whatever, right?
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Yes. Yes. So I see my peers embracing convenience more than my parents did. But you Know, it's just a matter of within each culture, the pendulum still swings. And so I think our personal journey towards convenience was very short lived. So I would say in the Mennonite culture, my peers, their journey towards convenience is slow because they don't have. Or their journey towards convenience foods is slower than ours was because they have to hitch up their horse and buggy and drive to the grocery store to buy their groceries. Right. So that kind of hinders the how fast they speed toward convenience. Whereas ours went really fast towards convenience. But then our journey back also went a whole lot quicker because we chose for ourselves that, you know, this is not the lifestyle that we want. And so we came back around. But yeah, the journey towards convenience in each generation does its own thing.
Lisa
Yeah. Oh yeah, absolutely. I know. I'm thinking about when we were kids of the 80s, just the, the differences in today, like even. It's just all of the information, all of the knowledge. Like, my mom went back then, you know, bought all the snack foods because that's what everybody did. And then now she bakes her own bread too, like, like the culture does, you know, because she sees the value in it. But you said that when you first, I guess you're saying when you first left the old order Mennonite and you and your husband started having children that you went to more of the convenient way. How did that quickly lose its appeal for you? Like, why did you not say, oh, this is amazing, like, now I have all this extra time, I can do whatever I want with it. You said it. You quickly were like, now this is, this is just not all it's cracked up to be.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
What brought us back around really fast was health issues in our. I think she was four or five. So within, within a short amount of time of us embracing more of convenience foods, I was running to the doctor and the answer was take out her tonsils. Right? And I was like, absolutely. Can't do that until I find out what the tonsils really do. And what I learned is that the tonsils help clean your blood. It's actually one of the organs on the lower end of the totem pole. So whatever your kidneys and your liver, whatever doesn't get filtered out by those major organ organs ends up in the tonsils. And your tonsils are also one of the last organs to filter your blood before your blood goes to the brain. So some of you are already following where I'm going with this. But not only were her tonsils inflamed, but there was huge behavioral issues because Some of the things, the things that her tonsils should have caught were ending up in her brain causing lack of focus, you know, ADHD symptoms, all of that. So when I started connecting our diet with her health problems, it all came crashing down around us. Right. Thankfully, we at the time only had two children and it wasn't like I had a family of eight to suddenly, you know, I didn't have any teenagers who had opinions about their own, the foods they wanted to eat. And I wasn't taking Doritos.
Lisa
Yes.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
I wasn't trying to remove doritos from a 16 year old's diet, you know.
Lisa
Right.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
It was just two little girls and my husband and I and so that kind of turned us back to so, you know, so then I'm trying to buy organic snacks, but those were way beyond our budget. So that kind of started us back towards, okay, I have to make the, you know, make our food. And so that brought us back around to being more nutrition and health minded.
Lisa
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Ruthanne Zimmerman
So I think, I think you're absolutely right. Most of us have, we've kind of been born into this age of social media where our attention span is, they used to say 15 seconds, but according to algorithms and YouTube feedback and things, it's more like six seconds now. That's everybody's attention span. And I think adults are very Very much like our children who are addicted to screens, where they become bored very, very quickly because they're used to, you know, okay, so I think when you try to take a mom, let's say she. She says, okay, I'm going to choose two things and I'm going to make them myself. She goes into the kitchen and. And so she's working off of a screen, Right. But her brain is saying, I need to be entertained and I need a dopamine hit every six to eight seconds from.
Lisa
How are you going to sit there and make bread when you need that?
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Yes. So making bread feels dull and it feels unnatural because the brain is looking at a screen and expecting a new scene every eight seconds. And I think. I think we need to get away from number one, write your recipe down or in a book. And because in. Your brain's not expecting a dopamine hit when you cook from a screen, you're expecting that dopamine hit. Anyway, I'm getting off on. On a. On a soapbox.
Lisa
I think it's an important one, though, honestly.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
I think, I think, you know, there's all this information out there about children and screens and how it affects their focus, but it's the same with adults because that dopamine hit, we get so addicted to it and we need to wean ourselves from that. And we need to instead look at this bread that, yes, maybe it took you a long time to make this bread, but we need to look at it and get a dopamine hit from seeing that bread and saying, this is going to feed my family and I have cut out a dozen or more ingredients. We need to make that be our dopamine hit. And, and living in the day and age that we do, we have to be intentional and we have to tell ourselves, look what I did. Say it out loud, because your brain needs to hear you say, look what I did. I've cut out 12 or more toxic ingredients and we're going to eat of this bread. I'm going to make, you know, sandwiches and then I'm going to make French toast. We have to override in our brains what screens have done to our brains.
Lisa
Yeah, I think it's a really important conversation. I was actually over the weekend talking to one of my sisters about this because she's quite a bit younger than me and she grew up with screens around. Whereas, you know, you and I, we didn't have social media, and you especially didn't. But I didn't have social media till college. And so I very clearly remember Life before and life after, which is a perspective that, you know, kids these days under, like, I guess under 30ish, maybe a little younger than that, don't have. And she's coming from that perspective of being quite a bit younger than me. Say you only scroll 30 minutes a day or an hour a day, which the data bears out that that's really actually not true. You're honest with yourself. It's worse than that. But it's not that that hour would have been the thing that transformed all the time that you had. It's the. What it did to your brain, like you're saying very clearly, is that we're not satisfied with these little things we do, like tending to your garden or kneading your bread or making a meal from scratch. We can't even get our brains to go there because they're just so bored and that's so dull that we have to fill things up with things that are a little bit more exciting.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
It's exactly right. So, number one, screens kill your creativity. And for moms, that's huge. When moms lack creativity, everybody suffers in the home. So the screens kill your creativity. And then you're searching for a dopamine hit that is unnatural. It's like being addicted to a drug. Right? Life is going to feel so dull when you start breaking that addiction. But it's very necessary to the beginning homesteader who feels like they don't have the lack of time every. I challenge them every time that thought comes up to tell themselves out loud, I don't lack time, I lack creativity. And then force yourself to do something mundane that feels mundane to you. Maybe go weed your garden or cut a bouquet of flowers or bake something real simple and then speak out loud. Look what I did. I just made cookies that saved me $10 or, you know, something like that. We have to be intentional about rewiring ourselves towards relationships and creativity. And we have to recognize that we are addicted to screens. And screens kill our creativity. And they give us a dopamine high that we can't get in the natural world. And once I think once people recognize that, then they have all the tools they need because they'll be quicker to lay their phones down and they'll be quicker to seek out those natural dopamine hits. For me, a natural dopamine hit is just being outdoors and. But I've trained myself because. So when. When we left the Mennonites, of course, screens were huge. And I would say that I fast became addicted to scrolling especially. Especially because I Had little ones underfoot, and they. They're emotionally exhausting. So I kind of now call. Yes, it was my way of doing something for me. So I. I'm. I know what it feels like to have to step back and become intentional. But when you. When you understand what's happening to your brain when you're on the screens, it helps you become intentional. And once you. You start having that dialogue with yourself, then you have all the tools that you need. So the beginning to the beginning homesteader, back to your question that says they don't have time. I would simply say every time that that thought pops into your head, you know, chastise yourself and say, no, it's not a lack of time. It's a lack of creativity and an addiction to screens. That's all it is.
Lisa
Ooh, do you get a lot of pushback for this?
Ruthanne Zimmerman
So I don't get pushback when I talk about adults and screens. Here's where I get pushback. And I get pushback about. And believe it or not, I get pushback from other homeschool moms. I don't homeschool. Right. But I get pushback from homeschool moms when I say no screens for my children. Right. No screens for anybody, you know, under 13 or under 14. Absolutely not. Unless it's family movie time. You know? And so they'll say, but how are your children going to learn to manage their screen time? How are they going to, you know, if they don't play on computers, how are they going to learn Word? Or how are they going to learn Excel, or how are they going to learn spreadsheet? How are they going to cope in college if they don't have any of these skills? And here's. Here's what I want to tell people. I had never used Word in my life.
Lisa
Yeah.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Until I opened it to write the first chapter of my book. And that right there is proof that your children do not need to practice on Word before they go to college. Because children, people all learn what they want to learn when the. When they need to learn it. And another. Another thing where is proof is. So our oldest son, he didn't play on computers, didn't have devices, didn't have laptops, nothing, until he was probably in high school. Right. So they are. They get on laptops in high school, and they do some of their work at our Christian school that they go to. And as a junior last year, he became indispensable to his teachers because he could do whatever they needed him to do on the computer. Anytime the adults at the school ran into a problem, he was able to fix it for them because his brain.
Lisa
Was creative, is what it is, is what it all boils down to.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
It all boils down to he wanted to learn it. And. And so that, to me, was proof. You can keep your kids from all screens. And if they have a need to learn it, they will not be missed. They will not look back and say, oh, if only I had started at 8 years old, I'd be able to support my family now by having an IT job. It doesn't work like that. I. So that those two incidences just proved to me that you can raise your kids without screens, and they will not be lagging behind their peers when it. If they want to go to college or at any time, they're not going to be lagging behind their peers because they didn't have screens. So that argument is invalid to me.
Lisa
Well, and is anybody actually, when they're talking about the screen time they're fighting for, are we really talking about opening up Word. Because I don't think we are. Right. Like, I don't think that's what they mean when they're. When we're arguing for it. I think the most important part is we've talked about the dopamine hit and not being satisfied by just daily routines and rhythms. That your mom and my mom didn't struggle with this because they didn't have this, too. And even me, when I was a young mother, when I first had my first two daughters, we didn't have Internet in our house, so I had no screen addiction. There wasn't anybody telling me that I shouldn't be satisfied with learning how to bake bread. Even if I did it the wrong way, I. I just didn't have that competing for my attention. And so I was genuinely very satisfied with, like. Like you said, oh, I made this, and then I turned that into this many meals for $10. I remember having those thoughts, like, ooh, this is like a gourmet meal. And this only cost me $4. Like, really being satisfied with those everyday homemaking type of things that I think today it just takes so much more to get us, like, I. Yeah. Happy. Yeah.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
I think that. I think the key to that, Lisa, is for. For people to speak it out loud, because I know for myself, I have to be intentional. I have to say, kings don't eat this good. We raised all of this. You know, I like the more dialogue I have. And it started with me having dialogue because I wanted to influence my Family. I wanted to let them know, right? But the more I did that, the more I had dialog about what I was doing and how I felt about it out loud, the more I was able to override the dopamine hits that would come from screens. Right? The more, like, when I sit, when I go get the cows in the morning, the. The more often I stop and say, isn't this beautiful? Look at the clouds and listen to the birds. The more often I verbalize that, the more it becomes my dopamine hit because I stop and I verbalize it. And the more often I do that, the less. The more bland whatever I see on screens feels to me.
Lisa
Right. Yeah. Well, one thing, I was actually listening to a podcast, and these were two moms who were about 15 years apart, and one had her little kids when there wasn't social media and Internet, and our brains weren't dopamine obsessed, basic, or just dependent. Dopamine's something that we all need, but just the amount now that we have at readily is the problem. And then the other mom who 15 years later, had her first couple children all through that. And it's this narrative and this given story that we all have and believe. And you can tell me what your take is on this, that when you have two or three little kids, life will be crazy. Just, like, so overwhelming. There's. You do not have enough time in the day. You are exhausted. It is a just a crazy time of life. And I truly didn't have that experience. I think sometimes I almost rewrite those years. Like, yeah, they probably were. Like, I've tried to relate in some way, but I don't really feel that that's true. And I'm like, is it just because I didn't go into the expectation and, like, not saying there's not hard moments, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that the. This overwhelming, like, I am drowning. Like, that is what so many moms say today, that how could I ever start a garden or learn how to bake? I am drowning. Do you know what I'm saying with this?
Ruthanne Zimmerman
I think it's a narrative, because I think it's a narrative of the generation, and I think it comes from social media. And one of the things that happens, and there's a lot to unpack, but I'm gonna pretend I'm speaking to my daughter, who is just beginning their family. And so I'm gonna just pretend I'm talking to my daughters, right? Because I do have a heart for. I do have a Heart for the moms that are, you know, in that stage. And. But here again, I'm gonna blame social media.
Lisa
Oh, I'm always on social media. I think some people, like, you blame it too much. I'm like. But I remember, like, I had a motherhood of two and three little children before this. So, guys, this is, like, really a big deal.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Yes, yes. And what happens is. So we're created to parent within community, right? Nobody. Nobody is created. God created us to parent within our community. And in a natural community that looks like you have older sisters or aunts, you have grandparents and even great grandparents in your village, right? And so they come along and their experience, and they will emotionally regulate the young moms, and they're the ones to say, oh, this is fine. This is just a stage. This is what happens. And it brings this calmness into your village because you're rubbing shoulders with moms that have been where you are, and they're like, oh, you know, they just speak that power and. And they've been there. But instead, the kind of village that these young moms are looking at is people. They've made their village. We've become so separated that young moms are looking to social media for their village. And guess who's on social media preying on young moms? Influencers. And when I say influencers, I mean people that have something to sell. Mm. You know, so. And. And, you know, there's. There's a. You know, there's two sides of the road. There is moms on there that are trying to encourage, and they have nothing to sell. But then there's influencers that are like, oh, if you don't have this baby carrier, then your baby's hips are going to be out of joint because this is not the proper one. And here's my link. So if you buy it, then, you know, so. So there's a motivation that is unnatural on social media and. And the anxiety of young mothers trying to encourage young mothers, you know, like, oh, no, you can't ever put the baby on their stomach to sleep. I don't care if it's screaming every time you put it on its back. That's just against the rules. You can't do that. Your baby's going to die of sids. You know, all of that.
Lisa
Uhhuh. There's so many rules that I just.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Didn'T even know exist. So many rules. But you know what? Most times in a natural village, the aunts and the grandma will say, it's okay. Your baby can sleep on the on its stomach. If that's how you get rest, then that's how you do it. Because guess what? That's how what I was told. I left the hospital with our firstborn and I had strict instructions of never putting the baby on its stomach to sleep because that's how SIDS happens, right? And after a week or two, I'm calling my mom and I'm in tears and she's like, what do you mean the baby? You can't put the baby on its stomach. And this is before social media, right? This is me going to my village. And. And she's like, I always put all of you on your stomachs. That's how you slept. Because that, you know, that's how you felt.
Lisa
That's what baby's like.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
So I'm like, okay. And so I also had an older sister and so I called her and she'd already had three babies and she had them in the hospital, you know, so I knew that she would have heard the same instructions from the hospital that I did. And I'm like, did you follow that rule? And she's like, you know, I did for a week or two. And then I'm like, you know what? I need sleep. My baby wants to sleep on its stomach. That's what we're going to do. And so that's what a natural village looks like. But when you have, when you have young moms trying to help young moms, that's where all of this anxiety comes from and all of this, their brains are so full of the rights and the wrongs and all the equipment, the proper equipment that you need. And so social media and young moms, I promise young moms, if they would step away from social media. But then we have to be willing to be their village and help them find their natural groove. But social media is where all of this anxiety and I have zero time is coming from because it's an unnatural village. It was never meant to be that way.
Lisa
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Ruthanne Zimmerman
Okay.
Lisa
I have been having a lot of thoughts lately in my head about the village and this is. Why do you find that the village is extremely misunderstood? Because I was talking about this with my sisters again. All my conversations happen with my sisters. My natural village, even though I'm the oldest. So I'm kind of their village. Anyways, I think that these women on social media think that the village means that somebody's going to come over to your house, your, your mother, your, your mother in law, your grandma and like clean your floors and cook food for you. I don't think people quite understand what the village is which the village like you said. And I looking back I kind of thought, oh well, I don't have a village. I don't have anybody that comes over and helps me. Nobody like takes the child while I get stuff done. And I think we all think that's what the village is. But I totally have a village because when I was a young mom, I was asking my mother in law, I was asking my mom, what'd you do about this? What'd you do about this? But also young mothers don't trust old moms anymore. So have you, have you found that to be the case where it's like I took my mom and my mother in law's advice and I actually thought it was good advice back then. Like I didn't. There was nobody else competing for it.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
So what happens again? There's a natural break in the village and here's how it happens. So let's take my daughter for example. She was present when I was raising my babies, right? She was already a teenager and she watched me raise the baby. She was alongside of me. So the, the disconnect happens because, and I'm not pointing fingers, right, I'm just saying. So let's say the disconnect happens because families are smaller. So if we would have only had three children, right. Our, those three children would have never seen me parent babies. Right. And, and so they would have grown up and they wouldn't trust my advice because they never saw me do anything.
Lisa
They never saw you struggle.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Like you always kind of think too.
Lisa
Like it was probably easier for you for xyz. I don't know what we could make up about that because it's the same thing for everybody across all generations. Babies are babies and they, they're challenging and you know, it's not like it's.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Easier for so, so but the disconnect happens because there's families are small and daughters never see their mothers pregnant, breastfeeding or, or parenting when families are small. But now let's take, let's take my younger sons, right? So here's how it works. So our younger sons are never, never have seen me in that stage. They're never going to remember. So they're going to disregard any advice I have. But guess who they saw parenting firsthand?
Lisa
Children. Yeah.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
They see their sister. And so who are they going to go to for advice? They're going to go to their sister. So that's part of the reason these young moms are disregarding the older generation because they think we don't know what we're talking about. And so they go to their peers because I can see that you're struggling. Right. I can see that you're in the same boat that I am in. So they're trying to get their advice from their peers because families are smaller and there's not this overlapping of the generations that happened in our grandparents time. And just like I explained with our family, so our younger sons, they're probably not going to come to me for advice but they'll go to their sister because that's who they serve. Saw in the midst of it. Well yeah, so that is part of why, that is part of why us older moms, our advice is disregarded because they don't see us having any first hand knowledge and it must all be old fashioned, outdated.
Lisa
You just forget you don't know anything. And I think we all have a little bit of pride in our hearts to do that. But like you mentioned, I, I went to my mom and my mother in law because I was the first on any side to have children of, amongst my friends, everything like that. But then my youngest two sisters, they're, they both have started families in the last two years. They come to myself and my sister who we already are, you know, a decade plus beyond that as far as raising Kids. So I think you're right. Like, they may be. I bet they don't call mom and say, what did you do when this happened? Whereas I did. And then they, they call us. And so I, I think, I think the village thing is just really something I've been wanting to unpack on the podcast because I see it thrown around constantly. And I really think that moms think it's something else. They think that generations past had something that they don't, which they do, but I think they're misunderstanding what it even is.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Lisa, let's unpack what it looks like for us to be a village. And I, if I can share a story. One of my first experiences of being somebody's village was with my younger sister, right? And this can be a story, a cautionary tale of what us older moms should never say to younger moms. So, so she was have. She was struggling, right? And because she's so much younger than me, I had already been to that stage and already moved on to a different stage. And so you know what naturally happens? A 2 year old versus a 12 year old. Right? So if you have, if you're parenting a 12 year old, you look at, back at the 2 year old and you're like, oh, that's peanuts. It gets much harder, you know, or something like that.
Lisa
Correct.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Or like, say if somebody has one baby and they're lamenting about, oh, the baby doesn't sleep, you know, our minds naturally go to, oh, wait till you have two. Just wait. You just wait. It gets harder. You've got it easy now, you know, and, and so that was kind of. And I, I know that in my heart. So if somebody said something like that, and you're a young mom, know that they don't mean it that way. It comes out that way. But what they're trying to tell you is be encouraged. This is just a season, right? So my sister, and she's very articulate and she said, it's not helpful when you act like my struggle is not even a struggle compared to yours, right? She's like, that's not helpful. And so we went on to have a real nice dialogue about it, and she said, it's like, I bring my brand new baby with a white blanket, you know, And I, you know, I'm, I'm saying this is really hard. And you guys just dirty it all up by saying, oh, no, what I'm going through is even harder. You've got it easy. And so having that dialogue helped me to understand that the way you become somebody's village is by first hearing what they're saying and recognizing that their struggle is real. And then. Then the ball's in their court. And if they ask for advice, then you give advice. But the first thing, as a village, if we are somebody's village, the first thing to say is, I remember those days are really hard. You know, something just saying that what you're validating that what you're going through is really hard, and then not saying anything else unless they ask for advice. And that is how we become somebody's village. That's how we become the grandparents and the aunts. And that become sought out is by first validating that. Yes, what you're going through is hard, you know, and I, like, I don't ever want to say to my daughters, first of all, get off of social media, then I can help you. You know, even though that's kind of what I want to say sometimes is don't.
Lisa
They might disregard you if you do that.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Yes. Like, you have to understand that that is the age that they're living in and. And they're going to learn for themselves that that's going to drag them down. But to become a trusted member of their village, I have to first validate that their struggle is real and that crying at 2am because your baby won't sleep is a real struggle and is.
Lisa
Something I did, too. Like, now I can let that roll off because I'm like, okay, you can. You just have the perspective of seeing that you get through that season regardless. And, you know, it's. You can literally, you can live through the sleep deprivation, and so you have that perspective. And so what was a very hard thing, though, it's the same thing. No longer feels difficult. When I was going through that with my first baby, it was very difficult. And I remember there were some people in my church, older moms as well, that I would ask questions to. And I can literally remember some of the questions I asked them, thinking they probably thought I was such an idiot. Like, and so I don't want to be that person because. Because they didn't tell me I was an idiot. They actually just answered the question. And now if I heard that question. And this, of course, is coming from somebody who gets a lot of questions because of the way we put ourselves out on the Internet. And so I think there's like a little bit of, like, you know, just. It can be a lot sometimes. But I'm like, do not act like that, because you were totally asking these exact same questions, because these Things felt huge to you when now you realize they're not a big deal, but you didn't realize that. And these mom, these older moms, like they actually just answered the question. Like they weren't like, oh, you silly thing. Like, you know.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Yeah, yes, yes. And I, and, and the truth is, when you are a first time mom, and I was talking about this to my older children because our, our son, we for the first time have a teenage son, right? We already raised two teenage daughters. So now next we have a son and a daughter. And I was explaining to my son because he was giving me some pushback and more or less telling me that I'm, you know, too involved in his life or like too concerned about where he is all the time. And I told him, I said, it's very different raising a teenage boy and you're like a firstborn. Like I am learning things for the first time. And I said it feels strange and it feels new. So you're going to have to remember that. Right? And, but also like I remember and then with our daughter, it just feels like, oh, I've been here, I've done this. Right? But for him, I'm still wondering how I'm going to survive the next six months with him having, you know, this freedom. And, and so that's what it's like with your friend firstborn. You don't care if somebody tells you, oh, in six months it'll all look different. You're worried about how you're going to survive the next six hours because you didn't sleep last night. And so it's all prospective once you've been there. And I keep telling our daughter who's pregnant with her second and she's like, oh, I'm showing so much earlier. And, and I've been able to tell her that with your second baby, with your second pregnancy, you, you're not analyzing everything because you're not a first time mom. So everything goes faster. And those first six weeks don't seem as rough, right, because you've already been there and you somewhat know what to expect. And then you take like you, who has. Do you have 10?
Lisa
I'll have, I'm due with my ninth in a couple weeks.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Okay, so you've done it so often and here's kind of the downfall. It makes the seasons go so, so fast because you're not analyzing everything and it leaves us in. And here's what I want to tell young moms. I wish I could share a little bit of this with them. You know, when the night seems so long and the days are endless because they're just, you know, struggling to survive the next couple hours. The more often you do it than us older moms, we're left, like, grasping at those nights and days, wishing they would slow down because we've done it so often that it just rushes by because we're not analyzing every minute of the day like you are with your firstborn.
Lisa
Yeah. Yeah, it is. It is all perspective. I think that, like you said, like, the whole heart of. Of homesteading, to get back to that, is building this community. And I like that your desire is to be the village. I think we live in a culture that is just a little bit selfish now, you know, and. And we're not used to people just caring about other people and wanting to be that for younger generations, even though that is the heart behind what you do. That's the reason why you want to live this simple life, to cook from scratch. You want to bring people together and focus on the things that are the pleasures I think, that we were meant to enjoy.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Yeah. I really am passionate about making sure that people understand that relationships don't just happen. You have to be very intentional about them, and relationships are built on time spent together. And therefore, that's your number one way of being people's village or building relationships is just the sheer amount of time spent together.
Lisa
Yeah. Yeah, I think that's so true. And I think the homesteading lifestyle lends itself to that because you build your life around rhythms at home, things that require your daily attention. Like if you have a dairy cow, that's something that there's a very much a rhythm to your day. You're not taking on tons of outside obligations. If you have a garden, it's something you have to put your hand to regularly. So I think that that's. That's probably why you've leaned in so much to the homesteading lifestyle and why you're such an inspiration in the homesteading space. So tell the listeners about your book, where to get it, and where to find you, because I know you share on YouTube, you share on Instagram, where would be your recommended platform for them?
Ruthanne Zimmerman
So I share every day on Instagram, and I just share our daily rhythms. You know, what we're doing. And I'm also on YouTube. I am not on any platform for entertainment purposes, meaning that I'm not out there trying to film and. And publish the next exciting thing. Right. So my content is very much just the daily rhythms, the weekly rhythms of a homesteading family that you Know, puts relationship first. I have, I put out a lot of recipes, but by no means am I trying to be entertaining, if you. If you know what I mean. Like.
Lisa
I know what you mean.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Okay.
Lisa
It's hard because in order, you know, with, with Instagram, with YouTube, to get the views, you know, it's like, okay, how can we package this up in a way that people will actually want to click on it? Because we are dealing with the attention spans today as creators.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
So, so it becomes a. It comes a fine line of. I have to. Because I'm a creative person, I have to make sure that my content brings me joy. Because once that's gone.
Lisa
Yeah.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Then I, I won't want to show up anymore. Right. Because then it's just a job. So, number one, my content has to bring it. I have to find pleasure in what I'm doing before I am able to share it and to not get hooked on watching my analytics or the algorithms and, and understanding that my content has to, number one, be pleasing to me more than it has to be entertaining to my audience. But all of that aside, I am Ruthanne Zim on Instagram. If you put Ruthanne Zim into YouTube, that's where I'm at. And my book can be found anywhere books are sold. Amazon, barnes and noble.com ChristianBook.com is a big distributor of it. So. And I think next week I have to go record the audio. So it will also be available on audiobook.
Lisa
Oh, nice. So, yeah. Yeah, that's great. And I, I always tell people too, if you're a lot of what we said today as a young mom, if you do find that social media is what is causing a lot of the, of the time restraints and your, your stress and your mental load. Pretty me like watching YouTube videos is a much more intentional form of media because you can literally go on search Ruthan Zim watch your days and they're in a little bit of a slower format that you can actually. Well, and I'm sure your stories are. And your. And your reels are too. However, when you're on there, you get sucked into every different thing. Right.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
So that's the problem.
Lisa
It's not really your content or mine because I also share on Instagram very regularly.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
But I think you're right. There's a difference between content that gives you that dopamine hit and content that inspires you to get off of Instagram or get off of social media and do your own creative things. There's a difference between content that grounds you and regulates you or content that makes you want to continue to scroll. And that's part of. If I see your things on Instagram, you. It almost always motivates me to put my phone down. And now we can't tell Instagram this or they'll stop showing me your things. Don't tell me because they want me to stay. They want me to stay on Instagram and keep scrolling. But when I see your, like, you're very productive. Your reels are, you know, like, oh, you're, you know, cooking or baking or doing something. I'm almost always motivated. Ruthie Ann, put your phone down and go do something productive. Because I know that I feel better when I'm productive. So, yeah, you're. You're like. So my advice would be to make sure that you're consuming the kind of content that inspires you to get up and go do something.
Lisa
That. That is such a good point. Yes. Not. They call it doom scrolling. Right? Like, where you're like, yes, something make me feel better. I'm lost in this hole.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Yes, yes, yes.
Lisa
Well, awesome. So we will leave link down below all your channel, your Instagram, your book, but I think people can find it also just by searching Ruthanne's M on the platforms and then also the Heart of the Homestead, which is your new book. So thank you so much, Ruthanne, for joining me.
Ruthanne Zimmerman
Thank you, Lisa. It was a pleasure to be here.
Lisa
Thanks as always for listening to the Simple Farmhouse Life podcast. My husband Luke and I and our eight kids work together side by side on our little homestead and use our blog, podcast, podcast and YouTube channel to reach other homemakers, home cooks and home setters with practical recipes and daily family life. For everyday sourdough recipes, make sure to check out our blog, farmhouse.com and to dig deeper, we do also offer a course called Simple Sourdough over at Bitvit Ly Farmhouses. That's all one word. Bit Ly farmhousesourdoughcourse. If you're looking for looking to learn how we earn an income online, check out my YouTube course at Bit Ly Farmhouse. YouTube course, all one word.
Screens vs. the Village: Why Moms Don’t Really Lack Time
Host: Lisa Bass
Guest: RuthAnn Zimmerman (Homesteading with the Zimmermans)
Release Date: September 9, 2025
In this episode, Lisa Bass welcomes RuthAnn Zimmerman, homesteader, author, and mother of seven, to discuss the impact of screens on creativity, the myth of not having enough time as a mother, and the misunderstood concept of "the village" in parenting. Through their own experiences in large families and homesteading, Lisa and RuthAnn explore generational changes, the neuroscience behind dopamine, the value of analog community, and tangible strategies for mothers to reclaim satisfaction and sanity in daily life.
Screens Impact the Brain and Creativity
“It’s what it did to your brain...we’re not satisfied with these little things we do, like tending to your garden or kneading your bread or making a meal from scratch.” —Lisa (00:00)
“Screens kill your creativity. When moms lack creativity, everybody suffers in the home. Then you’re searching for a dopamine hit that is unnatural.” —RuthAnn (00:17, repeated at 19:33)
Dopamine Addiction & Everyday Fulfillment
Both RuthAnn and Lisa reflect on motivations for homesteading. While self-sufficiency is part of it, both stress the importance of building character in children and family relationships.
RuthAnn’s new book, The Heart of the Homestead, takes a practical and philosophical approach: “If you’re neglecting to build relationships with those that you love, it’s not going to matter in the end if you did everything else right.” (04:25)
Generational cycles: The desire for “convenience” rises and falls in waves, even in communities like the Mennonites. (06:47-09:09)
The Real Resource Lacking is Creativity, Not Time
“Every time that thought comes up… tell themselves out loud, I don’t lack time, I lack creativity.” (19:33)
Intentional Practice:
What the "Village" Was—and Was Not
“We’re created to parent within community… their experience, they will emotionally regulate the young moms.” —RuthAnn (29:44)
Breakdown of the Village
“Families are small… daughters never see their mothers pregnant, breastfeeding or parent… so they disregard any advice.” —RuthAnn (38:37–41:15)
Why Young Moms Ignore Older Moms:
Step Away from Screens:
Screen Skills Myths are Overblown
“I had never used Word in my life until I opened it to write the first chapter of my book. That right there is proof that your children do not need to practice on Word before they go to college.” —RuthAnn (23:13)
How to Be Someone's Village:
The Value of Presence
“Relationships don’t just happen. You have to be very intentional about them, and relationships are built on time spent together.” —RuthAnn (50:26)
Homesteading life naturally supports the rhythms of relationship, as daily tasks require regular attention and keep families at home together.
RuthAnn and Lisa discuss the tension between creating meaningful content and succumbing to "entertainment" for algorithmic growth. Both aim to post intentionally, preferring to model realistic family rhythms rather than “dopamine-hit” content. (52:19–55:42)
Choose grounding, inspiring content over “doomscrolling.”
On what’s really missing:
“I don’t lack time, I lack creativity.” —RuthAnn (19:33)
On tech skills for children:
“I had never used Word in my life until I opened it to write the first chapter of my book. ... Children, people all learn what they want to learn when they need to learn it.” —RuthAnn (23:13)
On real village vs. social media:
“We’re created to parent within community… their experience, they will emotionally regulate the young moms...instead the kind of village that these young moms are looking at is people…influencers...with something to sell.” —RuthAnn (29:44)
On building relationships:
“Relationships are built on time spent together. That’s your number one way of being people’s village.” —RuthAnn (50:26)
On social media’s effect:
“Social media is where all of this anxiety and ‘I have zero time’ is coming from because it’s an unnatural village.” —RuthAnn (33:55)
How to be a helpful elder:
“The way you become somebody’s village is by first hearing what they're saying and recognizing that their struggle is real...Then the ball’s in their court, and if they ask for advice, then you give advice.” —RuthAnn (43:07)
In Summary:
This episode challenges the prevailing “time poverty” narrative among mothers, suggesting the real culprit is a creativity-draining digital culture. RuthAnn and Lisa highlight the healing, grounding power of daily rhythms and authentic community, targeting both new and seasoned mothers with practical encouragement and hard-won wisdom. If you’re a mom feeling like you’re “drowning,” this episode offers both hope and a path forward—offering a reminder that the village is not lost, but must be rebuilt through intentional, real-world relationship and the quiet pleasures of creative homemaking.