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Simple Farmhouse Life
The Farmhouse Edit: Why Moms Feel So Overwhelmed (And What to Do About It) | Hannah Keeley
00:54:04
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A
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B
do some women falsely believe the more productive I am and the more plans I have, I have less time to worry about having these wrong thoughts. Do you know what I mean? I think that's something a lot of us chase.
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C
Well, I think how you would know whether that's true for you or not is when everything quiets down. Where does my mind go at the end of the day when things are still? Do I have to to create some type of stimulation in my brain so I'm not left with my thoughts? Do I have to watch tv? Do I have to scroll on my phone? Do I have to pick up something to distract myself?
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B
My name is Lisa, mother of eight and creator of the blog and YouTube channel Farmhouse on Boom. On this podcast I like to talk about simplifying your life so you can live out your priorities. I help you learn how to cook from scratch and decorate on a budget through this podcast and my courses Simple Sourdough and the Simple Sewing Series. I also help people reach their goals from home through my business course. YouTube Success Academy will leave links to these resources in the show notes in description box below. Now let's get into the show. Welcome back to the Simple Farmhouse Life podcast. Today we are having on Hannah Keeley to talk about mom brain. So mom brain can cause symptoms like overwhelm, distraction, anxiety. I think a lot of us maybe deal with some or all of those things and that's because our brains change after we have kids. And I can't think of a better guest to bring on to speak on this and encourage us than Hannah Keeley, mom of seven. Mom Coach. Let's dive into the interview. All right, well, Hannah, welcome on the show. Today we're going to talk a bit about mom brain, mom exhaustion, overwhelm, distraction, all of those things that, you know, every mom encounters at some point during different seasons of life. And I know that you help coach moms through those times and help them to get through that. And so first let's just talk about, share who you are, your book, and how you help moms.
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C
Absolutely. So I've been like, titled America's Number One Mom Coach. And I've done it. There's a TEDx talk I've done on the mom brain, books, coaching, all of that. But the, the main thing, Lisa, is that I basically came to the end of my row. Like, you know, God uses sometimes our worst days to create our best lives. And it was one of those days. And I was like, what is wrong with me? Before I had kids, I had a whole career as a behavior therapist. I helped people with, you know, stress, helped them with being able to engage with life. I found myself at like a pit and none of my strategies are working. So basically started researching the mom brain. I mean, I can tell you a little bit about that day if you want to really know the grizzly truth. But so today I just help moms understand nothing's wrong with you. Like, the main problem why moms are overwhelmed and stressed out and overstimulated is because we don't understand mom brain and we haven't learned how to work with it. That's. And it really does boil down to that.
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B
Okay, so before doing this interview, I was looking through your book. I was reading quite a bit of that. And then I also was thinking about mom brain. Because usually I'll hear, I'd say newer moms say, you know, oh, mom brain. And I don't mean that in a way of like, it's not real. Because I was thinking, man, I don't think I've ever experienced mom brain. But then I'm like, wait a minute, I have been pregnant or nursing for 17 years, so maybe I just don't know what a brain is like, not on mom brain. So I sometimes think I need like a fresh perspective on what that even means or like, what the symptoms of it are because, like, ah, my brain's always worked this way. Like, wait a minute, because you were saying you had a career before being a mother. I didn't. So I went straight from like, sort of a. On like an abnormal life. Like school is, you know, that's not like the real world. I went straight from high school to college to pregnancy, you know, marriage and pregnancy. And so I feel like my perspective might be a little bit off. Do you know what I'm saying?
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C
Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, it wasn't much different in my case. Went from, you know, high school, college, grad school, and then, you know, being a. Being a wife and a mom. But and so our lives are kind of similar because I have seven kids, and it was. I'm either pregnant or breastfeeding.
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B
Yes. For. For so many years.
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C
Like decades. Right.
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B
Ye.
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C
But. And so we get used to mom brain. We get used to navigating with mom brain. That's not always productive, but at least we're surviving. At least we're making through. So. So first of all, here's some ways to know if you have mom brain now, if you had these situations, like, you can't focus, get distracted. ADHD before children, it may not be 100% mom brain. So. But if you notice, gosh, after I had kids, it seemed like I can't get back to normal. It seems like I'm not focused. It seems like I'm overstimulated. That's mom brain. And some of the symptoms are overstimulation. We just, like, just too much sensory stimulation. Sight, sounds, noise, all that. Also not being able to focus, not being able to complete tasks. You start things, you don't finish them. Memory loss. You walk in a room, you're like, what? Why did I come in here? Again, I don't remember. Free floating anxiety, which is anxiety, and you can't pinpoint it. You just feel like the heart racing and you're not sure why. It's like, I'm scared and I'm upset, but I don't even know what got me here.
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B
Yeah.
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C
And another one is anger. Anger that is not localized. So you're mad and you don't know why you're mad. So if this has been something that any of you know the listeners have been struggling with, chances are it's mom brain, because 87% of women do get mom brain. And you can look at an mri, Lisa, and see the changes in a woman's brain before and after she has children.
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B
Okay.
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C
There's actually a 4%. There's a study that came in this past year that revealed there's a 4% loss of gray matter in a woman's brain after she has children. So your brain has changed anatomically and cognitively, and if you don't know how to deal with it, you're just gonna keep on bumping up against that membrane wall and keep stressing out and wishing things could get back to normal. I wish you weren't such a crazy lunatic with your kids. And that's not the case at all.
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B
So what's the reason for that that that happens with the brain? Is it hormonal? Is it just too many things going on? Like, I also Related a little bit to not really experiencing any kind of anxiety before kids. But then afterwards, waking up in the middle of the night and thinking like, oh, no, what if this thing happens to this child? That's something I think, like, well, I relate to that.
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C
Oh, my. You just nailed it. Like, okay, the reason this happens, it's not really hormonal. What happens in your brain is it's a change in the prioritization system of your brain. So before you have a child, the number one priority of your brain is to keep you alive. It's not about your success, it's about your safety. I'm going to keep you alive. After you have a child, a woman's brain, now the priority changes. She's no longer the top priority. Now your children, top priority. Keep your children alive. So what happens as a result is we. It's kind of like we drop a filtering system. You know, sometimes you'll pick up your phone and you're. Well, maybe not you, but me. I'll like, what is wrong with my phone? Like, videos aren't loading. Things are slowing down. It's just kind of acting janky. I don't know what's up. And my kids will be like, mom, let me see your phone. And they're like, oh, my gosh, mom, how many apps do you have open? Like, literally, like, they're just, oh, I
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B
never close my apps. Yeah, I forget all about it.
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C
Yeah, exactly. All right, imagine mom brain is like a brain with all the apps open. Because now since your job has become Keep my child alive, you cannot filter your environment. Like you used to be able to filter your environment. Everything now is a potential risk. Right. And so that's why, like, you just talked about. One of the symptoms of mom brain is an incredible imagination. However, we use it to create the worst case scenarios because everyone is always preparing. Like, I've got. I'm. I'm in prep mode for whatever catastrophe could happen. So we will imagine the most gruesome, horrific things happening to our children and think, oh, my God, what is that coming from? Yeah, yeah. Where did that come from? And then if you're a Christian, like a faithful person, you're like, oh, this is horrible. I need to capture this. This is a toxic thought. But it's just your brain preparing for any of those potential cases. But it doesn't even make sense. It's not even logical. So there's this one time when my husband, Blair and I, we watched this movie on television about some kind of. Is like an alien abduction or something. So we go to bed, he just rolls over and goes to sleep. I am up till it was like 3:45 in the morning devising a strategy when and if aliens ever invaded our home, how I was going to get all the kids. Like, I was gonna put the baby in the front of my shirt and like tie it up in the top on my back. I'm gonna put the, put, put the stairs down, you know, and, and the ladder down. And then my oldest could go first and that like, I'm literally planning all this out. I mean, fortunately, we have not been invaded by aliens.
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B
Not yet. Yeah, not yet.
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C
But if it happens, you know, this woman's gonna have a plan, right?
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B
Well, and more, more likely, how do you get all the kids out during a fire? Like, that's the real thing. Like you're. Oh, that's a realistic thing.
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C
You're thinking, imagine it. Oh yeah, we'll imagine our van careening off the side of a bridge into like an ocean. And how am I going to get all the kids?
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B
And, and like, you mentioned about your husband and I've noticed with like, all men because, you know, and maybe I can't say all because I haven't talked to all men, but when I compare notes with other moms that I know personally, that I, you know, confide in all the time, men don't have this happen. What's the deal with that? Like, they're just more logical. Why would that happen? I'm like, why do all women do this?
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C
It's, it's mom brain. This is how our brain evolves. And one of the things is, and you know, this happens all the time is that we're always, especially, you know, with your, with your audience and the level that God has brought you with influence. We're trying to help people take better care of themselves. Right? I was like, you got to take care of yourself. And often people use this illustration of the mask dropping from the top of the airplane. You know, they're like, okay, in the event of a drop in cabin pressure, you know, you know the spiel. And we're supposed to put a mask on ourselves and then our kids. Like, that would never happen. In an actual emergency. The mom brain would take over.
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B
You absolutely would not. I agree with you.
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C
You would not. You would have a bunch of kids and toddlers with mask on and a bunch of passed out moms all up and down the aisle.
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B
You absolutely would.
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C
And I, I can actually prove this because when like, my children are grown, they don't need to be in the backseat. But I don't care if I have my 31 year old in the front seat of my car. If I come to a stop, my arm.
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B
Yes, absolutely, yes.
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C
That one action says, I will freaking go through this windshield, but you're going to stay safe. So our mom brain still is active in that way of always making sure our kids are okay, which is why self care is so hard for moms. It is such a struggle. It's counterintuitive to the way the mom brain is wired.
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B
Okay, so in some ways, because you're mentioning, like, you're still, you know, worrying about your 31 year old, because I understand that my oldest is 16, but you still, you don't stop worrying any less than you did before. Like, my mom still tells me to text her when we leave her house when I get home. You know, I'm going to be 40 this year. So in some ways I would think, okay, the more kids you have, maybe the worse it gets because you have more kids to worry about. But then also maybe not. Or the older your kids get, maybe more perspective slightly helps you realize, like, some of the things that aren't going to happen or what's been your experience with that?
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C
Well, my experience, of course, is just having a lot of kids. I don't know what it's like to, I mean, as soon as one was, you know, immediately you're like, pregnant with another. But I, I will say, in all of my coaching for moms, I've never noticed any difference aside from what we've trained our brain to do. So if you've trained your brain that worry is productive, you will worry about your children for the rest of your lives.
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B
Okay. Yes. Right.
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C
If you trained your brain to operate in faith over fear and learn how to put the best energy and the best intention forward, then you will do that for the rest of your life. So if you're, if you're like thinking, oh my gosh, I can't wait for my kids to be adults who I don't have to worry about them anymore. Nope, not going to happen. If you're like, oh, as soon as they're out of this chapter, it's going to be so much easier. No, it won't. Like, don't deceive yourself in thinking that circumstances are going to change because we actually are creating our circumstances through the power of our mind and what we're putting all of that mental energy toward. Right.
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B
That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. So what are some of the things that we can do to train Our brains. And do you think some people are more prone? Like, I've seen moms who, you know, and I've seen moms who I think appear very, very, very chill. And I'm like, oh, you never worry about anything. But then something will come up and you realize, oh, you actually do. You just don't show it to me. So do you feel like there are some people who. It's easier for them not to worry than some people obsess over very minor details? And if that is the case, how do you retrain your brain? Especially if you're in the camp of, like, an over worrier?
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C
Yeah, well, you know, I've heard some people just say, well, I'm a worrier. That's just.
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B
Yes, yes, I've definitely heard that.
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C
Right, right. I remember talking with someone. Can I. Can I be, like, faith a little bit? Can I just bring in.
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B
Absolutely, yes, yes, absolutely.
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C
Okay, cool, cool. I didn't know if you. Okay, yes.
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B
I'm a Christian.
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C
Okay, cool, cool. So I remember this one person telling me, well, that's just who I am. I just. I'm just a worrier. And I was like, that's like saying, I'm just a liar. That's just who I am. I just lie.
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B
Right.
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C
Or I'm. I mean, I know this sounds like I'm just a murderer. That's just what I am. They're like, no, come on. I just worry. It's like, well, how many times are we told not to fear.
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B
Yeah.
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C
And not to worry? So we have to realize, if God is so clear on saying, this is not something I want in your life, why are we taking authority over it? Why are we letting it, like, be our identity? I'm just a worrier. What you're really saying is, this is where I find solace. This is where I find peace. And this has become my source. So I feel like worry is basically. Worry is like worship, except to the opposite throne.
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B
Yeah. And I do think that moms think if they worry more, they love their children more. So sometimes it's like a worry competition. Like, well, I mean, that's not even, like, a thing. That is exactly what so many moms believe. Like, well, I worry more, therefore, I'm a better mom. I mean, I don't know. I don't know if it's so direct, but I do think it is. Yeah. Yeah, it is. It is.
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C
It is. It's like, look how much I care.
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B
I care. I care. Yeah, Yeah.
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C
I mean, I have been told, like, for example, you know, With. I remember my daughter, my two of my daughters, they went off to Iceland for just a week, just a camp, and they went with, like, two backpacks. And I remember someone saying, aren't you worried? And I'm like, no. And they're like, oh, my gosh, do you not care? I'm like, well, let's not confuse care with worry. And also, what if we didn't care? Like, I know, okay, that sounds a little dramatic, but let's just go to the word. Jesus said, cast all your cares upon me because I care for you. So if we really know that he cares for us, we. Why are we choosing to hold care that comes from a place where we feel validated as a mom? So we have to really think, where am I seeking my validation? Where does my identity come from? Am I proving that I'm a good mom because I worry? Is it showing that I care, or is it showing that I can't release them to know that God loves them even more than me and I can trust him with their career?
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B
Oh, that's the struggle. That's the struggle. Because it doesn't always mean that your kids are going to live long, happy lives or live in the earth. Something's going to happen in the way that we see it from a worldly perspective, because I've seen. Very loving. Obviously, you know, things happen to, like, a mom who has given it all to God, and it still has turned out in the way that we wouldn't recognize as good from a worldly perspective. And so I think that is. That is the tricky part.
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C
Well, I want to. I want to share something with you, and I'm going to be kind of bold sharing this. Very vulnerable, very transparent, and I don't think my son would mind, but I want to speak to that mom who is, like, gosh, letting them go, that's. That's terrifying. And I don't even know what that means or how I would do it. I remember one time, one of my sons was hanging out with people that I didn't like him hanging out with. Like, they were a bunch of potheads, and they were, you know, just not good people. And he was starting to exhibit those qualities. He was hanging out with them. I knew he was probably, like, smoking pot with them. I knew he was probably, like, getting into whatever they were getting into in prayer. God said, release it. Let me, like, take your hands off, and I'll put my hands on. And I'm going to tell you this, Lisa. It was. And I am being very vulnerable in sharing this. But I think vulnerability helps other moms, too. Like, we. Let's just put all the pretense aside. We all do struggle in areas, and it was a struggle. And I remember I'd never set a curfew form. I didn't tell him he had to stay home. I didn't tell him I didn't want him hanging out with them. I just let it go and then prayed over that. And this is how I prayed. I said, God, thank you that you love him even more than I do. Thank you that you go before him, that you're caring for him. Thank you that you're going to give him revelation and in his heart and you're going to give him wisdom and you're going to bring him back. That was so hard. But every day I. After that point, I celebrated and I was like, God, thank you that you're there where I can't be, that you're overhearing conversations that I don't have access to, that you're in places I can't go. And thank you, thank you, thank you that. That you are bringing him back. And the craziest thing, Lisa. Oh, my gosh. I remember I was sitting on the back porch and the Holy Spirit said, text him and just tell him you love him and you're proud of him now. I was not. I was not proud of him. I didn't like the people he was hanging out with. I didn't like his behaviors. But I texted him and I said, hey, I just want you to know I love you and I'm so proud of you. And he told me he got that text when he was hanging out with his friends, and he said he immediately left and he never saw them again. That was the day that changed everything. So I'm saying, could I have created that? Probably not in my own power, but letting go and letting God invade that situation and then operate by faith, not, oh, I hope he's okay. Oh, I hope he's not getting too messed up. Oh, I hope it doesn't get in a car wreck. Oh, I hope not that. But like, God, thank you that you got him. You're over that. I release it and I celebrate it. And using faith in that way, I don't ever want to go back.
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B
I think I'm. I think I'm far from feeling like that. I will say, I think that, you know, obviously there's a time and a place for boundaries, but then also there's certain things as a mom that you can't control that you might think that you can control. And, yeah, the wisdom to not try to control everything, I think is the hard part. And it gets harder and harder because
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C
it's counterintuitive to the brain, too. We want to control and make sure every single kid is okay and the house is okay and the money's okay and the food is okay.
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B
And the whole process of being a mom is just a slowly letting them out into the world. And you don't maybe necessarily feel ready, but there's a time and a place where, you know, you might control every aspect of their environment for so many years. And then at some point, it's just like you're out in the world. No matter. No matter how protective of a mother you are, that moment will happen. It might happen when they're 24. It might happen, you know, for. Depending on the maturity of your child and what that might look like, it might happen at a younger age than that, but it's going to. And I think that's the. If you haven't practiced giving up that control and giving it over to God in prayer, I think at some point it's going to be, you know, you might turn into like the controlling mom that everybody dreads. Right, right.
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C
And sometimes I don't think it's moment. I don't think it's even like a chapter. I think it's process learning. Yeah, it's a process. It's learning to release. Take. Take captive your thoughts. First of all, take every thought captive. Is this thought dominated with fear or faith? Take every thought captive, pull it under, under the obedience of Christ. And then it's the process of raising adults. We're not raising kids, we're raising adults.
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B
Right. Well, raising kids is easy. It's raising adults that's the hard part. Right, right.
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C
But that starts from the very first. Mom. Teach self discipline. When you. When you teach honor, when you teach respect. And it just. And all of a sudden they're. They're like out there and they're doing their thing. And I've seen so many women struggle so much with not being able to fall into an identity of a powerful woman, aside from being a protective mom.
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B
I've seen it.
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C
And so, yeah, it is a process.
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B
Yeah. Okay, so let's talk a little bit about. Because we've kind of touched on the anxiety portion and, you know, all of that, because I think probably all of us can relate to that, even if it's more of a private thing, because like I said, I've seen moms who think you think are so Laid back. But then they express concerns, and you're like, okay, you actually worry about the same things as me. What about things like forgetfulness, distraction, overwhelm? How does mom brain relate to that?
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C
Well, it actually causes all of that. So that's why the overstimulation. That's why the overwhelm. One thing that we have to do. Well, we can't really change our thoughts until we're aware of them. So one thing, and I want to give you such practical help because I wish someone had helped me before. It took me like, 10, 15 years to understand how to do this, but the one thing I tell moms to do, if you're wanting to take control of this anxiety and overwhelm and overstimulation, first you have to be aware of it. And so there's so much going on internally that sometimes we're not listening to our own thoughts. They're just kind of like a dull roar in the background, and we're not really listening to what we're telling ourselves. So the first thing that I tell moms to do is get some type of external stimuli to interrupt an internal pattern. So we're not even aware of an internal pattern. So we need something outside of ourselves. You can't battle a thought with a thought. You need something outside to kind of like interrupt that pattern. Right? And so I use. I remember when it. When I first started learning how to work with my mom brain. I went to Walmart and got the cheapest watch with an hourly charm is before cell phones even. And every time I would hear that go off, I would stop and I would say, what am I thinking about? What thought am I holding right now? Is it powerful? Is it productive? Is it peaceful? And most of the times it wasn't. But. So that's what I had to start doing is interrupting. I wore a whistle around my neck like a litter. Like YMCA coach whistle, right? And so every time I felt tension in my chest and my shoulders, every. Everyone feels it differently. That was telling me where I was going into anxiety. I would blow the whistle as a pattern interrupt. Okay, stop the thinking. Get out of your head for a minute, because if you're staying your head, you're dead. Get out of your head and say, what was I thinking about? Now we can bring it. Bring that thought captive. Is that really true? Is it empowering me? Is it weakening me? And then we start to become more aware of our mom brain. And when we're aware of our thoughts, only then can we start changing the
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B
way we're Thinking, do some women falsely believe? And I. I think I'm one of them. So I don't know. You can tell me if this is wrong, but I feel like the more productive I am and the more plans I have, I have less time to worry about, like, having these wrong thoughts. Do you know what I mean? I think that's something a lot of us chase.
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C
Well, I think how you would know whether that's true for you or not is when everything quiets down, where does my mind go?
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B
Oh, right.
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C
So. So at the end of the day, when things are still, do I have to create some type of stimulation in my brain so I'm not left with my thoughts? Do I have to watch tv? Do I have to scroll on my phone? Do I have to pick up something to distract myself? Because I find that moms respond to stress, really in four different ways. We either project toward others, blame others for it. We protect, we buff ourselves from it. We watch TV or scroll on our phones, or we start to produce, which means, I'm busy, I'm working hard. And the last one is that really learning how to promote our thinking. That's the last one we do, unfortunately, because we get so caught up in the other things. So how you would gauge that is where does my mind go when there is something. Stillness. Am I okay with that? And if you're not okay with that, first of all, no guilt, no shame, no condemnation. Just be curious. Ask yourself, I wonder why.
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B
Yeah, that's a really good gauge. I think that's something that I. I definitely struggle with. But my mind, I feel like I have so little time like that, you know? Yeah.
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C
Because we got a thousand things to do, right? And there's. And. And also, you're a very creative person, and so am I. And we're always like, oh, I got a new idea. I got the next idea. Right. And so that's not bad. Like, I remember people, and this probably bothers you, too. And people are like, you should slow down. You shouldn't work so hard. You need, like. No, that's actually, like, joyful for me.
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B
I do think we have to. Yeah, people, we really have to be aware of personalities, because one mom will say, well, you should do this. It'll make you feel so much better. And what they're saying would make them feel better, but would be the exact opposite prescription for somebody who has a personality different from them. Yeah, Right, Right.
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C
So me and my husband, like, we will go, like, let's say, you know, go to Mexico for a few days and he's fine sitting back, having a margarita in a chair by the pool. And I'm like, oh, I need my notebook.
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B
Yeah.
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C
And I need to listen to a podcast, and I need to be writing down notes for my next thing. Both of us are in a completely chill, relaxing, productive state.
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B
Yeah. But very different from each other.
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C
Very different. And so we need to appreciate that. But how uncomfortable are we when we're not producing? Like, is there a time when we can just not. Not that even. Even the stillness. Even in the stillness, we can be productive in our relationship with God. And. And how. How can we still our minds to meditate and pray? And can we do that? And so often the reason a lot of moms avoid open time is because we don't like where our mind goes.
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B
Right.
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C
Often goes into blame, shame, condemnation. And that's very uncomfortable. So we may as well fill that with something that validates us and gives us a little more worth. And. And, okay, well, I'm being productive. Even worry I'm being productive.
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B
It feels productive.
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C
It does. I'm doing something right. Yeah.
- [29:34]
B
It's not. I. I'm totally. I'm totally comfortable with not being productive, but I want there to be some. Some kind of plan. Like, I. I don't mind if the plan for the day is fun. Like, the entire day is fun. That's totally comfortable with that. It's. The thing that makes me really uncomfortable is having, like. I'm good with, like, a schedule day, too. Like a day where we have our breakfast, our homeschool, our lunch, a few work hours, and then, like, evening plans. Great with that. Great with the day where I say, I'm gonna leave at 8am with all the kids. We're gonna go do this very fun thing, meet up with friends at a park, whatever. What I don't. I cannot do is a. An open Saturday, for example. That's.
- [30:19]
C
I.
- [30:19]
B
Is that just personality or is this bad?
- [30:22]
C
That is enough to induce nausea in me as well. No, I'm serious. And people. Okay, so I'm a very, very much an extrovert. I very much like. I love to go to any party. I love meeting people. But give me a day with no plans, and I go banana pants. I've got to. And it seems like people who are very creative, like you, like me, would be good with that. But we're not. We're like, no, no. I just have to have a structure to put my craziness into.
- [30:53]
B
Right. Yeah. I do think that people would think the opposite. Like, oh, you must love being Home all day and just creating. And I don't. I do. I. I. I just have to have. Like you said, as long as there's
- [31:03]
C
a plan associated with.
- [31:04]
B
There's got to be a plan associated with it. Like, just to say, like, it's Saturday. We don't really have, you know, our normal school work, you know, schedule. Just. Just hang out at home. That is just, like, I cannot do it. And I know that there's so many
- [31:19]
C
introverts on the chalkboard.
- [31:21]
B
Oh, it's the worst.
- [31:22]
C
The nails on the chalkboard are. Well, I don't know. What do you want to do?
- [31:26]
B
No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. There'll be people who are like, oh, we're gonna have a peaceful. We have all of our plans fell through for Sunday, so we're just gonna stay home. And I'm like, oh, like, ew, that sounds awful. And it's funny because, yeah, like, one person would think, how would you ever recharge for the week if you don't have that day? And I'm thinking, how do you ever recharge for the week if you can't, like, get out and do something? You know? I'm not talking about work. I'm talking about, like, meeting up with family, spending the day outside. I'm totally okay with that. Like, that's. I'll spend way too many days doing that. Like, I'll ditch work, do that.
- [32:01]
C
Oh, but just. Absolutely, yeah.
- [32:03]
B
No plan.
- [32:04]
C
But don't give me, like, all these loose ends.
- [32:06]
B
Right?
- [32:06]
C
Like. And there are people who are actually listening right now. Like, I do not understand what you guys are talking about. And that's totally okay, too. A perfect example of this is. And we talked about this briefly, like, the weather before we started yesterday, and day before, it was going to be, like, 70 degrees, not a cloud in the sky. So my husband's like, cool, we can go outside and enjoy the day. And I'm like, all right, I'm gonna look at my calendar. We're gonna go out on the lake and kayak for these. This many hours. And then we're gonna sit, and this is what we're gonna have for lunch. And then we're gonna have this open thing, and maybe we can watch a movie, but I need to know.
- [32:42]
B
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And so maybe that's not bad. Maybe that's just personality. But I've definitely heard moms say things like, well, you just need a whole whole day to hang out, you know, maybe in your home to recharge. I'm like, I don't I don't think that works for me like that.
- [32:57]
C
No. I would, like, give me a wall to paint or something. Like. Yeah. I. Well, even, like, when it's sunny, I'm like, all right, I'm gonna spend this many hours weeding. So he's like, doesn't matter what he does. He'll sit around. He'll do whatever. He's that kind of person. Yeah. Which is fine for him, but I'm like, I'm gonna be weeding, and then I'm going to be moving the plants outside. They're going to be pruning these bushes, and then we're going to go on the kayaks. And so I Now my mind can, like, chill because you know what? Because I don't have to create something.
- [33:28]
B
Yeah. And it's funny because I don't really. For some reason, I've always called myself not a planner. Like, I'm not a planner. I'm just not that type of person. But this would kind of suggest that maybe that's not totally true. And then the way I run my business, too, I'm like, maybe I am a planner more than I thought.
- [33:42]
C
I don't know if you're a planner or if you love structure.
- [33:46]
B
I would always say I don't like structure, but, like, I obviously can't stand unstructure, so I guess that's true.
- [33:54]
C
But. But I think you didn't like structure and what was put into that structure.
- [33:59]
B
Yeah.
- [34:00]
C
So, for example, I couldn't stand. I mean, I homeschooled all my. My kids. It's like the school structure was like, all right, now we're gonna get 45 minutes of sunshine. And now back to this book. And then it's like, no, give me the structure, but let me decide what to put in it.
- [34:16]
B
Right. Yeah, I think that's. I think that's accurate. Yeah.
- [34:20]
C
Yeah.
- [34:20]
B
Yep. Solve that one.
- [34:23]
C
And everyone's. We're all different. We just seem to, like. We totally vibrate at that level where it's like, I want to be super creative in a plan provided. In a structure provided.
- [34:34]
B
Yes. And maybe it's just the. More kids, too. It's like, it just feels so chaotic to have anything other than a plan. I think that could be true, too. Like, sometimes you forget the situation in life maybe you're in, but I don't know, Maybe. Maybe it'll always be that way. I don't know. It's hard to remember.
- [34:49]
C
Maybe there's a lot of kids, because I think about a day without plants. When all my kids were little would be a living hell. I'm sorry. They're going to find something to do.
- [35:01]
B
Yeah. Yeah. Right, right.
- [35:03]
C
So it's like, okay, we're gonna do. That's why, you know, I homeschooled, and that's why we had. I called it RNR time. Like reading and rejuvenation. Like, no, you're gonna sit and you're gonna read for one hour, and then you have one hour, and then we're gonna go outside, and then we have these learning activities. It was probably mostly for me so they wouldn't wreak havoc all over creation.
- [35:25]
B
Yeah.
- [35:26]
C
If I let them go. And that's why, like, I would go somewhere and my husband would have them. He's like, I don't know how you do this. This is complete chaos. I'm like, well, what did they do? Well, I mean, I just let them do whatever. There you go. There you go.
- [35:42]
B
We had way too many days like that in the winter that were just like, oh, we can't do this. We cannot do this.
- [35:48]
C
I know winter is hard with the. With the big family.
- [35:52]
B
Yeah, it sure is. It sure is. Okay. We had a few audience questions on things like distractions, because that's one of the symptoms of mom br. And I know a lot of moms, at least maybe when they're new moms, struggle with figuring out, like, how to still move through distractions and get things done that are important to get done. So this one says, how do you keep focused on tasks outside of the usual kid distractions? Once I get a second to work on something, I either forget what I needed to do, or I'm stressed out and just want to relax.
- [36:26]
C
Okay. So I have a bunch of mom brain hacks.
- [36:29]
B
Oh, okay.
- [36:29]
C
So I like to make things super practical for moms, so it's not some, like, theoretical thing that you're never going to apply. But one of these mom hacks is called bow tying. So I want you to imagine we, like, giving someone a gift, and you wrap it, but the last thing you do is you always put a bow on it. Right. Like, that's usually how we gift wrap. We wrap a present and we stick a bow on it. The reason moms often get distracted is they've done a job about 85% of the way, and it was enough to reduce the stress of it not being done, but not enough to release the dopamine of it actually being completed.
- [37:09]
B
Okay. Yeah.
- [37:10]
C
So we have this cortisol. Like, we look at our dirty kitchen, and all of A sudden, we have this cortisol and this adrenaline. We're like, ugh, I don't like this. And so we'll get all the things off the counter and wash a few dishes. The cortisol level goes down a little bit, and then we're okay. Now we're back to surviving and not freaking out. But we haven't done that last 15% where we're like, yes. Oh, my God, this feels so good. And so I always tell people, tie a bow around it. Tie a bow around it. Like, keep on going till that. Like, those habits of completion. Because what it's going to do is you're going to start practicing that habit. It's going to release more dopamine in your brain. And then you're like, well, this actually feels really good. You know, this one person in our Facebook group, she's like, this is how my house looks because I'm tying so many bows around all these projects. And she had literally taken this huge ribbon and wrapped around her kitchen counter, like, the whole counter inside a big bow. She's like, everything. Like, my house looks like all the. All the bows are being tied because it started to release that dopamine. She's like, I completed it. Like, just do the last little bit. It's going to be hard to drag yourself to do that last 15%. Instead of putting the laundry down, fold it, put it away. Instead of putting that thing at the base of the stairs to go up, take it up there. Like, that last thing, Putting it in that resting place is going to be so fulfilling. You're going to be like, I should have been doing this all along. Yeah.
- [38:41]
B
The most tangible thing. Like, you said, the kitchen. Like, you not only do the dishes and all of that, but you wipe down the stovetop, the counter or the counter and the cabinet fronts really quickly, and you walk out. Like, that just looks so good.
- [38:55]
C
It feels so good. Like, no kids are allowed in this kitchen for the next 10 minutes.
- [38:59]
B
Yeah.
- [39:00]
C
Because it looks so good. And even, like, wiping out the sink, and then it becomes so fulfilling, too.
- [39:06]
B
Yeah. So what would you say to the kid distractions when it comes to something like that? Like, well, yeah, but as soon as I go to do that last 15%, there's children that are, you know, under my feet or distracting me from finishing it.
- [39:22]
C
Okay. This is going to be what moms do not want to hear, but it's so effective. Bring them into the finishing touch. Bring them into it. Okay. You wipe down this part of the kitchen, and I'm going to wipe down this part and then we're going to. And I'm going to be all done. And you can even tell them I've got to do this much more. Could you help me out by taking this all the way upstairs and putting this in your sister's room? Or like get. Let them understand the power of completion, you know, because. Just because they need you. Right, right. Then could they help you and then you help them and then they're learning to respect your role as a mom and the work that you do and you're teaching them the skill of patience.
- [40:05]
B
Yeah, that makes sense.
- [40:06]
C
It with my seven kids, I mean, we were joking the other day about how differently they were raised than some of their peers because it's like, no, we all, we all chip in, we work together, we have each other's back and, and we, we could do hard things.
- [40:21]
B
Yeah. Okay, what about screen time? Because I think this has increased mom's anxiety. This person says, I find myself using social media to distract myself from the feelings of overwhelm often in order to cope. How do I pull myself out of this rut and how do I get a handle on all of it? Because that's the age old question.
- [40:41]
C
Yeah. You know, I think about it this way. More is caught than taught with our children. And if you're absorbed in the screen, then they'll be be absorbed in the screen.
- [40:50]
B
I think this mom's talking about how to get herself out of the rut.
- [40:53]
C
Like even if you're not, that our children are watching us.
- [40:56]
B
Oh, okay.
- [40:57]
C
We're teaching them these habits. Like everything you're doing, you're giving your kids permission to do the same. Everything you leave undone, every word that comes out of your mouth, every bad habit you have, you're saying to your children, I want this to be in your life as well. That is enough. It should be enough to lift you to a higher standard. Say, wait, what if I could just set a timer? I can scroll on social media, but I'm going to set a timer for 15 minutes. I literally have this egg timer that I keep. And I mean old fashioned, turn it, you can hear the tick, tick, tick. Right. I keep this available because it helps me remember that every minute matters, every second matters. In the Bible, it's like, you know, just help me remember that my life is just a series of these little moments. And if we can hear that tick, tick, tick, even in our heads, we realize, is this what I want my time to be filled with? So the way we can get off screens is Number one, realize what they're doing, potential damage, what they're teaching our children. Number two, set a timer. If you want to do a screen and really want to scroll on your phone, give yourself permission, but give yourself permission within limits so you'll know when to get off. And number three, if it's really, really bad, like I have a really bad addiction to it, then I would pair the activity with a negative response. I would. Every time I picked up the phone, I would try to create an image in my head of damage it could be doing. So I'm releasing that. It's basically pairing, pairing negative responses together in your brain to create damage around like. Like to create a break of that pattern. So. But I think usually it's enough to be like, wait, I. I can respect my children, my future, enough that I can get off this. I do have the power to do this. I'm not subjected to it. No one's handcuffing me and making me watch this. I'm choosing this. And we have to have power behind what we choose.
- [42:56]
B
It is so addictive, and it's weird because it's self sabotaging. We all know that we feel more rested if we lay in the bathtub with a book or even, even watching a show. While not scrolling your phone is a more restful activity. Yeah, but people get addicted to the point where it's like sometimes even the self control methods don't even necessarily pull them out of it. I do like your idea of setting the timer because that's a very tangible reminder of like, wow, like I just waste. What could I have done with, you know, an extra 30 minutes.
- [43:33]
C
Yeah, what could I have done? I scrolled on Instagram for 30 minutes. What could I have done? Not scrolling on TikTok. Oh my gosh.
- [43:39]
B
What could you do if you had 30 minutes and people aren't scrolling Instagram for 30 minutes, they're scrolling way more than that throughout the day if you add it all up. So if you had an extra, let's just say two hours a day times seven days a week. You know, sometimes we think there's not enough time to do, like, just the basic things, like to take care of the house, just, you know, some of the basic things to keep us alive. And that's a sobering reminder.
- [44:04]
C
It is.
- [44:05]
B
That.
- [44:05]
C
It is. I remember one time I was coaching this mom and it was on a zoom call, and she's like, I really. I'm homeschooling the kids. I got four kids. I. And you're telling me to, like, set up, you know, these zones in my home and be able to, like, manage it. I do not have time. I literally do not have time. I said, okay, you're doing this on your laptop, right? She said, yeah. I said, go get your phone. Where is it? She's like, it's right here. I said, okay, go to a Screen Time app, and I want you to open up your Screen Time app. This was. And there was an audience. Like, it was there, like, 32 people in this zoom call.
- [44:38]
B
She's like, no, no, no.
- [44:39]
C
And I said, you found it. And I said, okay. How much time did you spend on your phone yesterday? You're. I don't know if you're gonna believe this. 7 hours, 42 minutes.
- [44:52]
B
Now, were there podcasts?
- [44:53]
C
But I did listen to some podcasts. I said, for seven, almost eight hours.
- [44:58]
B
But still, even. Even having eight hours of, like, distraction, even if it was all podcasts, like, your brain's halfway somewhere else, halfway engaged.
- [45:07]
C
I said, so we're gonna take that whole theory you created about time. We're gonna roll up in a little ball. We're gonna throw in the trash, and we're gonna talk about what really is standing in the way, because you have time. So we're gonna work.
- [45:19]
B
Well, it's almost always a lie that
- [45:21]
C
we don't like, girl. Always.
- [45:23]
B
Yeah, I. I've done this with working out, and, like, literally today I have. I have this app that has, like, a personal trainer, and I'm supposed to do my workouts on this day. And I was like, all of a sudden, I was sitting on the porch with my kids, just sitting there, listening to my son play ukulele and the other one. And I were just on the little, you know, porch swing, and all of a sudden, I was like, oh, my workout. Like, I'm just sitting here. What excuse is this? Like, I could pull that little app up and just be sitting here still, or not sitting, but standing, doing the little thingies. She tells me to do it. It's such a lie. Because I feel like I could, like, somehow. And I say this, like, I'm so busy, but I could make the argument, you know, I have. I almost had six kids. I have eight kids. We homeschool, we work from home. Like, I have no time. And that is not never true. I just don't like to work out.
- [46:13]
C
I know. I just don't want to.
- [46:16]
B
I just don't want to do it. I don't like it. I don't see the point.
- [46:20]
C
Reverse lunches right now. Like, no.
- [46:23]
B
Yeah, because I always have time to cook. Like, when people tell me, you know, I don't have time to bake bread, I don't have time to cook, I'm like, oh, come on. Yeah, it doesn't take that much time. But then they're like, you should work out. I'm like, but see, I don't have time for that. You don't understand.
- [46:34]
C
Someone who works out avidly every day is like. Like, I don't see how that's true. And then you can tell. They're like, oh, God, no, I don't have. I don't have time to bake.
- [46:45]
B
Yes. And in reality, and this is controversial, because I actually made a reel one time, or I made a YouTube video, but then my social media manager turned it into a reel. And reels are where things can go viral and people can come out of the woodwork with their commentary. Commentary. But I said something like, you do have time. And, you know, on these things, you're speaking to. I'm speaking to myself, too. I'm not like, you guys have time. I'm the one over here getting it all done. And you're all a bunch of lazy. Like, that's not what I'm saying.
- [47:12]
C
But that's what they're hearing.
- [47:13]
B
But the defensiveness on that reel, which was interesting because we are watching a reel. We're commenting, we're responding to comments. It proves my point. Yeah, but, like, we're very. We're all very defensive about the we have time thing. Like, very defensive. Like, if somebody comes on, if I come on here and I say, honestly, there is enough time to do just, like, the basic things in your home that. That definitely triggers some people.
- [47:44]
C
And maybe we need to look at why we're holding so much sensitivity around that. Nothing, nothing can trigger us unless we believe to some extent that it's true.
- [47:53]
B
Yeah, that's true.
- [47:55]
C
So, yeah, sorry.
- [47:57]
B
Yeah. And like I said, I'm speaking to myself, too. Like, there's so many things I don't have time for. Like, I.
- [48:02]
C
It's.
- [48:03]
B
It's just, you know, we have to be honest with ourselves because. Yeah, we're buying.
- [48:09]
C
I don't have time to do my taxes. Are you kidding me?
- [48:11]
B
You guys don't have time? Government. I'm sorry.
- [48:14]
C
I didn't have time. I had to get caught up on this Netflix series that I died to do that. Yeah.
- [48:20]
B
I think if we're all a little bit honest with ourselves.
- [48:23]
C
Yeah.
- [48:23]
B
I don't know how we got to that. But the next audience Question was overdoing it. Advice for moms who just keep pushing themselves to do it all until they get sick.
- [48:33]
C
Wow. She must have known my mom. My mom would do, do, and do and do until she physically would get sick. And I remember seeing that pattern and being like, I could do that, but I don't want to. So a lot of times the reason we overdo is we are again. We just keep getting back to this validation. I have got to be validated with motherhood. It's not like we can say, look at my degrees and look at my success and look at how much money I make.
- [49:03]
B
Right.
- [49:03]
C
Is so intuitive. And it's so, like self regulated. Sometimes the only way we can get validation is by showing how much we do and showing that we're exhausted and showing that, see, I got sick again because I'm doing so much. And so a lot of times the reason sickness comes about is not because you're doing too much, but because the doing is operating as a result of the mindset of worth, of unworthiness. That's what's making you sick.
- [49:37]
B
So how do you change that?
- [49:39]
C
You have to. You have to like get in there and figure out what you're thinking. That's that interruption. Well, did. Why did I think I had to do this right? Why did I think this had to be perfect? One of my mantras that I live by is sloppy sickness. Success beats perfect failure because I can go for perfection. But number one, it's not possible and number two, it sounds so boring.
- [50:01]
B
Yeah. And it's. Where do you draw the line? Like, if you're gonna make your house perfect, where do you draw the line? Because, like, there's lots of things I could do right now if I want to make it perfect.
- [50:15]
C
Like, can you just like spray something on that pile on the kitchen floor and mop it with a paper towel on your foot and throw it away? Or do you have to like mop
- [50:23]
B
right the kitchen or right.
- [50:27]
C
Do you have to like, can you just throw all the socks together? Like, can you safety pin them together, throw them in a drawer? Or do you have to like sort everything and.
- [50:36]
B
Yeah.
- [50:37]
C
I mean, my mom would even iron sheets.
- [50:41]
B
Yeah.
- [50:43]
C
And it's like, wow, okay. You know, that's right.
- [50:47]
B
That's when I say you have time to get the basic house things done. I'm not including matching all the socks. I'm not including ironing sheets or full blown mopping your house in that.
- [50:58]
C
Right.
- [50:58]
B
Just mean, like, you know, it's like basic stuff.
- [51:00]
C
Sloppy success. I remember after, like, my mom learned how to chill a lot. And later on in life, she was. She just had such a different perspective. And I think she realized it really didn't net me anything different. I could have gone through every day with enjoying it and not trying to work so hard, improve anything. And I remember she said, I said, mom, I. I sewed these curtains and they look so horrible. Like, from far away, they look so. They, they look kind of normal, but when you get close, the seams are off and all that. She's like, hannah, you don't see much on a running horse. I was like, I can, I can live with that.
- [51:42]
B
Yes.
- [51:43]
C
Like, that's a good one that my kids are in, on in theater. And there's always the 20 foot rule. Like, if you didn't notice it from 20ft, you're not going to notice it at all. So it's like, okay, go by the 20 foot rule. If you really want to look under my bed, fine. That's. I mean, that's kind of scary, but if you want to go there, sure.
- [52:00]
B
Yeah. Well, that's, that's where I've. I've eased up in so many things. Like, my standards are just not as high as they were as a young mom. And I think that's partially just from survival, but, like, to get, just to get like the, you know, we're talking basic cleanliness. Things are clean. They're not perfectly sorted. They're not, you know, perfectly folded and pressed and ironed. And I'm probably not going to have on the coolest outfit or, you know,
- [52:27]
C
but it's clean enough to be a house, it's dirty enough to be a home.
- [52:31]
B
You're full of the sayings. I love it. I'm going to use that running horse one because I have a daughter who is. She gets so much done, but she is not a perfectionist. I'm like, that's.
- [52:39]
C
Yep, that's it. Sloppy success, baby.
- [52:42]
B
And they can't see it on a running horse. That's a good one. All right, well, tell the listeners where they can find more from you. You are the number one mom coach. So if they're feeling especially overwhelmed, distracted, they have mom brain to the degree that they're like, I'm just wallowing. Like, I cannot get past this. Tell them where they can find you and learn more.
- [53:07]
C
Well, definitely, you can go to my website, HannahKeeley.com we also have a mom brain makeover. If you want to just go there and learn a little more about mom brain, you can go to Mom Brain Makeover and check that out too.
- [53:18]
B
Awesome. Well, we will leave that all down in the description box or the show notes depending on where you're listening to this episode. And thank you so much Hannah. This has been very encouraging.
- [53:27]
C
Yeah, thank you. Love what you're doing. Keep doing it.
- [53:31]
B
Thanks as always for listening to the Simple Farmhouse Life Life podcast. My husband Luke and I and our eight kids work together side by side on our little homestead and use our blog, podcast and YouTube channel to reach other homemakers, home cooks and home setters with practical recipes and daily family life. For everyday sourdough recipes, make sure to check out our blog, farmhousehomboon.com and to dig deeper, we do also offer a course called Simple Sourdough over at BitVit Ly Farmhouse Sourdough Course. That's all one word. Bit Ly Farmhouses. If you're looking to learn how we earn an income online, check out my YouTube course at Bit Ly Farmhouse YouTube course. All one word.
- [54:37]
D
Support for this podcast comes from Progressive, America's number one motorcycle insurer. Did you know? Writers who switch and save with Progressive save nearly $200 per year. That's a whole new pair of riding gloves and more. Quote today Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates national average 12 month savings of $197 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between October 2024 and September 2025. Potential savings.