306. Screens vs. the Village: Why Moms Don’t Really Lack Time | RuthAnn of Homesteading with the Zimmermans

Summary

Podcast Summary: Simple Farmhouse Life – Episode 306
"Screens vs. the Village: Why Moms Don’t Really Lack Time"
Guest: RuthAnn Zimmerman (Homesteading with the Zimmermans)
Host: Lisa Bass
Release Date: September 9, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode features a heartfelt conversation between Lisa Bass (mother of eight, blogger, and homesteader) and returning guest RuthAnn Zimmerman, author and mother of seven (plus a grandma), on the deeply intertwined topics of motherhood, homesteading, the real meaning of "the village," creativity, and how modern screens have altered our sense of both time and satisfaction. Together, they challenge common narratives about time scarcity among moms, discuss generational wisdom, and consider ways to reclaim fulfillment in daily life by reducing digital distractions and reembracing intention and community.

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Main Discussion Points and Insights

1. The True Heart of Homesteading and RuthAnn's Motivation

• RuthAnn introduces her new book, The Heart of the Homestead, explaining that each chapter weaves together practical homesteading skills with relational wisdom: “It doesn't matter if…you’re making hard cheeses for your family…if you’re neglecting to build relationships with those that you love, it’s not going to matter in the end if you did everything else right.” (04:25)
• The primary motive behind homesteading isn’t just self-sufficiency. Growing up Old Order Mennonite, RuthAnn and her husband knew how much work raising all your own food takes, so their real goal was to instill character and work ethic in their children. The journey toward complete self-sufficiency came later as a secondary benefit. (06:23)

2. A Generational Arc Toward—and Away From—Convenience

• RuthAnn notes cyclical generational swings between hard work and convenience, even among Mennonites: “My peers within the Mennonite culture are embracing convenience…But the journey back [to traditional ways] also went quicker because we chose for ourselves that this is not the lifestyle we want.” (08:35)
• Health crises in her own young child connected directly to diet, catalyzing a rapid departure from processed foods and a renewed commitment to homemade, nutritional cooking. (10:34)

3. Screens, Dopamine, and the Illusion of Not Enough Time

• Lisa and RuthAnn challenge the widely accepted idea that moms just don’t have enough time. Instead, they highlight how screens—through constant dopamine hits—fundamentally rewire how we experience both tasks and satisfaction:
  • “When moms lack creativity, everybody suffers in the home. Screens kill your creativity. And then you’re searching for a dopamine hit that is unnatural. It’s like being addicted to a drug.” – RuthAnn (18:26)
  • Lisa adds: “Say you only scroll 30 minutes a day or an hour a day...it’s not that that hour would have been the thing that transformed all the time that you had. It’s what it did to your brain.” (17:11)
• Practical tip: RuthAnn urges listeners to physically acknowledge and speak out loud their accomplishments, such as baking bread, as a way to retrain the brain to experience genuine satisfaction again. (16:08, 25:02)

4. “No Lack of Time, Just a Lack of Creativity”

• RuthAnn’s challenge to the “I have no time” refrain: “Every time that thought comes up, tell yourself out loud: 'I don’t lack time. I lack creativity.' And then force yourself to do something mundane…then speak out loud, ‘Look what I did.’” (18:26)
• She encourages intentional dopamine replacement, retraining satisfaction from natural tasks versus digital entertainment.

5. Pushback Around Screens and Kids' Tech Skills

• RuthAnn receives little pushback for critiquing adult screen use—but considerable resistance for her strict approach to screens for children, especially from other homeschool moms.
• She shares personal examples demonstrating that kids quickly pick up necessary tech skills later, when genuinely motivated: “…that right there is proof that your children do not need to practice on Word before they go to college. Because children…all learn what they want to learn when they need to learn it.” (21:12 - 23:46)

6. Motherhood Narratives and the Crisis of the “Digital Village”

• Lisa and RuthAnn reflect on generational shifts in motherhood. They note how previous generations, lacking constant digital comparison or advice, often felt more settled and satisfied in daily routines, while today’s mothers are told by social media to expect to be “drowning” and chronically overwhelmed.
• RuthAnn clarifies the essential difference between a real, local village and today's digital version:
  • “We’re created to parent within community…in a natural community that looks like you have older sisters or aunts, you have grandparents and even great grandparents in your village…But instead…the kind of village that these young moms are looking at is people…on social media. And guess who’s on social media preying on young moms: influencers, people that have something to sell.” (28:23)

7. What Is—and Isn’t—the Village?

• Lisa unpacks misconceptions: the “village” isn’t someone coming over to do your chores, but a support system for advice, encouragement, and shoulder-to-shoulder experience. (32:49)
• RuthAnn explains that generational gaps and shrinking family sizes mean less firsthand experience—so younger mothers may look to online peers rather than older relatives for advice, further fracturing the chain of generational wisdom. (34:11 - 36:35)
• RuthAnn shares a cautionary tale about what not to say as an “older mom” to struggling young parents: “The way you become somebody’s village is by first hearing what they’re saying and recognizing that their struggle is real. And then the ball’s in their court. And if they ask for advice, then you give advice.” (38:41)

8. Homesteading, Relationship, and the Intentional Community

• Both women agree: homesteading or doing life with intention means rhythms that naturally build relationships and create opportunities for time spent together. Relationships must be cultivated—they don’t just happen. (46:01)
• Social media, paradoxically, can both inspire and derail. Lisa and RuthAnn recommend seeking out digital content that grounds and motivates you, not just content that perpetuates “doom scrolling.” (49:56 - 51:09)
• RuthAnn: “There’s a difference between content that gives you that dopamine hit and content that inspires you to get off of Instagram…that grounds you and regulates you.” (50:03)

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “Screens kill your creativity. When moms lack creativity, everybody suffers in the home.”
  — RuthAnn, 00:50 & 18:26

• “Every time that [‘I don’t have time’] thought comes up, tell yourself out loud: ‘I don’t lack time. I lack creativity.’”
  — RuthAnn, 18:26

• “We have to be intentional and tell ourselves, ‘Look what I did.’ Say it out loud, because your brain needs to hear you say, ‘Look what I did...’”
  — RuthAnn, 16:08

• “Nobody is created…to parent alone. We are created to parent within our community.”
  — RuthAnn, 28:36

• “The way you become somebody’s village is by first hearing what they’re saying and recognizing that their struggle is real.”
  — RuthAnn, 38:41

• “Relationships don’t just happen. You have to be very intentional about them. And relationships are built on time spent together.”
  — RuthAnn, 46:01

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Key Timestamps

• 02:49 — RuthAnn introduces herself and shares her homesteading journey & book
• 06:23 — Motivations for homesteading: character over self-sufficiency
• 10:34 — Health wake-up call sparks dietary return to basics
• 14:40–18:26 — Effects of screens on satisfaction, creativity, and the sense of time
• 23:00 — Tech skills: Do kids need screen time to keep up?
• 27:47 — Scrutinizing the motherhood narrative and time scarcity
• 28:36–32:49 — The real vs. digital village; problems with influencer-driven advice
• 34:11–36:50 — Generational disconnect and why young moms may ignore older advice
• 38:41 — How to be an effective village (listening, validating, advising)
• 46:01 — Building intentional relationships through homestead rhythms
• 49:56–51:09 — Choosing digital content that grounds and inspires, not just entertains

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Conclusion

This episode leaves listeners with both a challenge and encouragement: to examine the true source of their stress and feelings of "not enough time," and to intentionally seek contentment, creativity, and relationship in the everyday—often, by intentionally unplugging. The guest and host provide practical, relatable advice rooted in their lived experience, reminding modern mothers that the greatest transformations—in our homes and in ourselves—begin with replacing digital noise with intention, connection, and genuine community.

For more of RuthAnn’s rhythms and resources, find her as "RuthAnne Zim" on Instagram and YouTube, and her book The Heart of the Homestead wherever books are sold.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Say you only scroll 30 minutes a day or an hour a day. It's not that that hour would have been the thing that transformed all the time that you had, it's what it did to your brain. Like you're saying we're not satisfied with these little things we do, like tending to your garden or kneading your bread or making a meal from scratch.

[C]

It's exactly right. Screens kill your creativity. When moms lack creativity, everybody suffers in the home. Then you're searching for a dopamine hit that is unnatural. They give us a dopamine high that we can't get in the natural world.

[B]

My name is Lisa, mother of eight and creator of the blog and YouTube channel Farmhouse on Boom. On this podcast I like to talk about simplifying your life so you can live out your priorities. I help you learn how to cook from scratch and decorate on a budget through this podcast and my courses Simple Sourdough and the Simple Sewing Series. I also help people reach their goals from home through my business course, YouTube Success Academy. I will leave links to these resources in the show notes in description box below. Now get into the show. Welcome back to the Simple Farmhouse Life Podcast. I just finished recording this interview with Ruth AN Zimmerman. She has been on the podcast before. This conversation took quite a few turns and I think some things were said that really need to be heard by mothers everywhere. Whether you want to homestead or or you don't, we we both are mothers of many and she's years ahead of me and a lot of you. I'm years ahead of a lot of you. I'm not. Either way, I think she shared just such great insight that I had to just it was just such gold. So join us for this conversation. I really think you'll be encouraged by it. All right, well Ruthanne, I'm so excited to have you on. You and I were able to actually meet recently at the Modern Homesteading Conference, so that was pretty fun. And I actually don't even know if I got to hear you speak because I think it overlapped with stuff that I had to do.

[C]

But.

[B]

But I heard it was really good from a lot of people. But I wanted to have you on to chat about all kinds of things. You're best known in the homestead world for your homesteading and your family content and cooking. And you have a new book, the Heart of the Homestead. So tell us about you and your new book.

[C]

So I was very happy to meet you at the Modern Homestead Conference, Lisa. You were on my list of homesteaders that I have not yet met, but wanted to. So I actually saw one of your children first and it caught my eye and I'm like, oh, Lisa's here somewhere, so I recognize that child. So I was very happy to meet with you too. So, real quick background for those of you that don't know. My husband and I, we live in northeast Iowa. We have seven children. Our two older children have already flown the nest. We are grandparents and our youngest son is 10 years old. He's 9. He's actually 9 years old.

[B]

So. Coming right up.

[C]

Yes, our lives are very busy with the family and those relationships. But not only that, we have. Our homestead has evolved into from what it first started as animals so that our children have chores and build the character that comes with having homestead chores is now evolved into being self sustaining, more or less and, you know, producing all of our own food, trying not to go to the grocery store more than we have to. So our lives are very full and busy. And so about my book. Yes, I signed a two book contract with Harvest House publishers and the first book is about to release. It will release in a little less than a month and.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, and this comes out in September, so it's probably out at the time

[C]

that people are hearing this. So you'll be able to find it anywhere. By the time this is published, people will be able to just type in the search of the. The title of the book and find it. But in the book, I wrote a lot about real practical homestead knowledge and. But within each chapter is the. The heart of the homestead. So basically, you know, in the milk cow chapter, yes, you can do all of these things with the milk cow, you know, with your milk cow, with your raw milk, all these recipes and the nutritional, you know, value of it. But within each chapter, I try to leave the reader with, it doesn't matter if you, you know, are drinking raw milk every day and if you're making, you know, hard cheeses for your family, not buying any dairy from the grocery Store, if you're neglecting to build relationships with those that you love, it's not going to matter in the end if you did everything else right. So, yes, in the book, I tried to encourage readers in a homestead way, but for those that are overwhelmed, want to do all the things, I tried to leave them with a big sense of comfort that, you know, what, if I only have the time and the knowledge and the skills to build relationship, right now, I am still doing something worthwhile.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So it sounds like the motivation behind creating a homestead for you and for your family. You mentioned having a routine for your children to work, which homesteads lend themselves to that very naturally, but then also building that relationship. It wasn't just about practical things like filling up our. Our pantry and making all of our food for the year. Growing it all. It sounds like it was a quite a different motivation that maybe people don't always think of.

[C]

So growing up old order Mennonite. I often say that Elvin and I already knew all the work that goes into raising all of your own food, because that's the way we were raised. So that wasn't our motivation because we knew that it's a lot of work to raise all your own. So our primary motivation was simply to instill the character into our children that we felt we had gotten growing up on the homestead and on the farm with having to do chores before school, you know, and. And having to take care of animals and. But it, you know, as. As I said earlier, it evolved into, oh, this chicken tastes a whole lot better, and this beef is a whole lot better. So it was a gradual process, but, no, we did not start out with, hey, let's raise all our own food, because we knew that that's a lot of work.

[B]

Do you feel like some people that grew up in the same kind of way that you did, do they? And I'm not saying this, like, with any assumptions, because I. I don't know, because I didn't grow up. I grew up with jobs and I grew up with a farm. But to raise all your own food in your community is a whole different thing, especially without a lot of the modern conveniences that you guys didn'. Have. Do some people, when they grow up, kind of go the opposite direction? Or do they, for the most part, do you feel like they appreciate all that was instilled?

[C]

So I think everybody takes a journey away, and there's generational cycles within the Mennonites, the same as it is in every culture, except right now, where you said you grew up with your parents having jobs and inconvenience was a thing. So. So yeah, that is now more popular in the Mennonite culture. So I would say they're, they're a good 50 years behind the modern world as far as the, as you know, their pendulum swinging. Because I would say my peers within the Mennonite culture are embracing convenience.

[B]

Right. Was like, we're like we're over that now in the English world or whatever.

[C]

Right? Yes, yes. So I see my peers embracing convenience more than my parents did. But you know, it's just a matter of within each culture the pendulum still swings. And so I think our personal journey towards convenience was very short lived. So I would say in the Mennonite culture, my peers, their journey towards convenience is slow because they don't have. Or their journey towards convenience foods is slower than ours was because they have to hitch up their horse and buggy and drive to the grocery store to buy their groceries. Right. So that kind of hinders the how fast they speed toward convenience. Whereas ours went really fast towards convenience. But then our journey back also went a whole lot quicker because we chose for ourselves that, you know, this is not the lifestyle that we want and so we came back around. But yeah, the journey towards convenience in each generation does its own thing.

[B]

Yeah. Oh yeah, absolutely. I know. I'm thinking about when we were kids of the 80s, just the, the differences in today, like even. It's just all of the information, all of the knowledge. Like my mom went back then, you know, bought all the snack foods because that's what everybody did. And then now she bakes her own bread too, like, like the culture does, you know, because she sees the value in it. But you said that when you first, I guess you're saying when you first left the old order Mennonite and you and your husband started having children that you went to more of the convenient way. How did that quickly lose its appeal for you? Like, why did you not say, oh, this is amazing, like now I have all this extra time, I can do whatever I want with it. You said it. You quickly were like, now this is, this is just not all it's cracked up to be.

[C]

What brought us back around really fast was health issues in our. I think she was four or five. So within, within a short amount of time of us embracing more of convenience foods. I was running to the doctor and the answer was take out her tonsils. Right. And I was like, absolutely. Can't do that until I find out what the tonsils really do and what I learned is that the tonsils help clean your blood. It's actually one of the organs on the lower end of the totem pole. So whatever your kidneys and your liver, whatever doesn't get filtered out by those major organ organs ends up in the tonsils. And your tonsils are also one of the last organs to filter your blood before your blood goes to the brain. So some of you are already following where I'm going with this. But not only were her tonsils inflamed, but there was huge behavioral issues because some of the things the, the things that her tonsils should have caught were ending up in her brain causing lack of focus, you know, ADHD symptoms, all of that. So when I started connecting our diet with her health problems, it all came crashing down around us. Right? Thankfully, we at the time only had two children and it wasn't like I had a family of eight to suddenly, you know, I didn't have any teenagers who had opinions about their own, the foods they wanted to eat. And I wasn't taking Doritos. Yes, I wasn't trying to remove doritos from a 16 year old's diet. You know, it was just two little girls and my husband and I and so that kind of turned us back to so, you know, so then I'm trying to buy organic snacks, but those were way beyond our budget. So that kind of started us back towards, okay, I have to make the, you know, make our food. And so that brought us back around to being more nutrition and health minded.

[A]

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[C]

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[B]

visit quattro dog.com well, let's talk a little bit about time and the amount of time that all of this takes, because I think that's one of the top arguments that people have. They feel like, okay, but if I go to. If I do a home or have a homestead, if I make my food from scratch, I already feel stressed. I already feel like I have too much on my plate. And I have a. A little theory that. And I've talked about this before on some of my podcast episodes, that people in some ways have too much time, and we end up filling it like, if, okay, you probably have a rhythm to your day that's very busy and steady, but not really stressful. And I think that's hard to grasp when you come from, like, a very stressful, bam, bam, bam type of schedule where you didn't set it up for that kind of lifestyle. Do you know what I'm saying?

[C]

So I think. I think you're absolutely right. Most of us have. We've kind of been born into this age of social media where our attention span is. They used to say 15 seconds, but according to algorithms and YouTube feedback and things, it's more like six seconds now. That's everybody's attention span. And I think adults are very, very much like our children who are addicted to screens, where they become bored very, very quickly because they're used to, you know, okay. So I think when you try to take a mom, let's say she. She says, okay, I'm gonna choose two things and I'm gonna make them myself. She goes into the kitchen, and so she's working off of a screen, right? But her brain is saying, I need to be entertained, and I need a dopamine hit every six to eight seconds.

[B]

And make bread when you need that.

[C]

Yes. So making bread feels dull and it feels unnatural because the brain is looking at a screen and expecting a new scene every eight seconds. And I think. I think we need to get away from number one, write your recipe down or in a book. And because in your brain's not expecting a dopamine hit, when you cook from a screen, you're expecting that dopamine hit. Anyway, I'm getting off on a soapbox.

[B]

I think it's an important one, though, honestly.

[C]

I think. I think, you know, there's all this information out there about children and screens and. And how it affects their focus, but it's the same with adults, because that dopamine hit, we get so addicted to it, and we need to wean ourselves from that. And we need to instead look at this bread that, yes, maybe it took you a long time to make this bread, but we need to look at it and get a dopamine hit. From seeing that bread and saying, this is going to feed my family and I have cut out a dozen or more ingredients. We need to make that be our dopamine hit. And living in the day and age that we do, we have to be intentional and we have to tell ourselves, look what I did. Say it out loud because your brain needs to hear you say, look what I did. I've cut out 12 or more toxic ingredients and we're going to eat of this bread. I'm going to make, you know, sandwiches and then I'm going to make French toast. We have to override in our brains what screens have done to our brains.

[B]

Yeah, I think it's a really important conversation. I was actually over the weekend talking to one of my sisters about this because she's quite a bit younger than me and she grew up with screens around. Whereas, you know, you and I, we didn't have social media and you especially didn't. But I didn't have social media till college. And so I very clearly remember life before and life after, which is a perspective that, you know, kids these days under, like, I guess under 30ish, maybe a little younger than that don't have. And she's coming from that perspective of being quite a bit younger than me. Say you only scroll 30 minutes a day or an hour a day, which the data bears out. That that's really actually not true. If you're honest with yourself, it's worse than that. But it's not that that hour would have been the thing that transformed all the time that you had. It's the what it did to your brain, like you're saying very clearly is that we're not satisfied with these little things we do, like tending to your garden or kneading your bread or making a meal from scratch. We can't even get our brains to go there because they're just so bored and that's so dull that we have to fill things up with things that are a little bit more exciting.

[C]

It's exactly right. So number one, screens kill your creativity. And for moms, that's huge. When moms lack creativity, everybody suffers in the home. So the screens kill the your creativity and then you're searching for a dopamine hit. That is unnatural. It's like being addicted to a drug. Right. Life is going to feel so dull when you start breaking that addiction. But it's very necessary to the beginning homesteader who feels like they don't have the lack of time every. I challenge them every time that thought comes up to tell themselves out loud, I don't lack time. I lack creativity. And then force yourself to do something mundane that feels mundane to you. Maybe go weed your garden or cut a bouquet of flowers or bake something real simple, and then speak out loud. Look what I did. I just made cookies that saved me $10. Or, you know, something like that. We have to be intentional about rewiring ourselves towards relationships and creativity, and we have to recognize that we are addicted to screens, and screens kill our creativity. And they give us a dopamine high that we can't get in the natural world. And I think once people recognize that, then they have all the tools they need, because they'll be quicker to lay their phones down and they'll be quicker to seek out those natural dopamine hits. For me, a natural dopamine hit is just being outdoors. But I've trained myself because. So when. When we left the Mennonites, of course, screens were huge. And I would say that I fast became addicted to scrolling, especially because I had little ones underfoot. And they. They're emotionally exhausting. So I kind of can check what they now call, yes, it was my way of doing something for me. So I. I'm. I know what it feels like to have to step back and become intentional. But when you. When you understand what's happening to your brain when you're on the screens, it helps you become intentional. And once you. You start having that dialogue with yourself, then you have all the tools that you need. So the begin to the beginning homesteader, back to your question that says they don't have time. I would simply say every time that that thought pops into your head, you know, chastise yourself and say, no, it's not a lack of time. It's a lack of creativity and an addiction to screens. That's all it is.

[B]

Ooh, do you get a lot of pushback for this?

[C]

So I don't get pushback when I talk about adults and screens. Here's where I get pushback. And I get pushback about. And believe it or not, I get pushback from other homeschool moms. I don't homeschool. Right. But I get pushback from homeschool moms when I say no screens for my children. Right. No screens for anybody, you know, under 13 or under 14. Absolutely none. Unless it's family movie time. You Know. And so they'll say, but how are your children going to learn to manage their screen time? How are they going to, you know, if they don't play on computers? How are they going to learn Word, or how are they going to learn Excel or how are they going to learn spreadsheet? How are they going to cope in college if they don't have any of these skills? And here's, here's what I want to tell people. I had never used Word in my life until I opened it to write the first chapter of my book. And that right there is proof that your children do not need to practice on Word before they go to college. Because children, people all learn what they want to learn when the, when they need to learn it. And another, another thing, whereas proof is so our oldest son, he didn't play on computers, didn't have devices, didn't have laptops, nothing, until he was probably in high school. Right? So they are, they get on laptops in high school and they do some of their work at our Christian school that they go to. And as a junior last year, he became indispensable to his teachers because he could do whatever they needed him to do on the computer. Anytime the adults at the school ran into a problem, he was able to fix it for them because his brain

[B]

was creative, is what it is, what it all boils down to.

[C]

It all boils down to he wanted to learn it. And so that to me was proof. You can keep your kids from all screens. And if they have a need to learn it, they will not be missing. They will not look back and say, oh, if only I had started at 8 years old, I'd be able to support my family now by having an IT job. It doesn't work like that. So those two incidences just proved to me that you can raise your kids without screens. And they will not be lagging behind their peers when it, if they want to go to college or, or at any time, they're not going to be lagging behind their peers because they didn't have screens. So that argument is invalid to me.

[B]

Well, and is anybody actually, when they're talking about the screen time they're fighting for, are we really talking about opening up Word? Because I don't think we are. Right. Like, I don't think that's what they mean when they're screen. When we're arguing for it. I think the most important part is we've talked about the dopamine hit and not being satisfied by just daily routines and rhythms that Your mom and my mom didn't struggle with this because they didn't have this, too. And even me, when I was a young mother, when I first had my first two daughters, we didn't have Internet in our house, so I had no screen addiction. There wasn't anybody telling me that I shouldn't be satisfied with learning how to bake bread. Even if I did it the wrong way, I. I just didn't have that competing for my attention. And so I was genuinely very satisfied with, like. Like you said, oh, I made this, and then I turned that into this many meals for $10. I remember having those thoughts, like, ooh, this is like a gourmet meal, and this only cost me $4. Like, really being satisfied with those everyday homemaking type of things that I think today, it just takes so much more to get us, like, I. Yeah. Happy. Yeah.

[C]

I think that. I think the key to that, Lisa, is for. For people to speak it out loud, because I know for myself, I have to be intentional. I have to say, kings don't eat this good. We raised all of this. You know, I like the more dialogue I have, and it started with me having dialogue because I wanted to influence my family. I wanted to let them know. Right. But the more I did that, the more I had dialogue about what I was doing and how I felt about it out loud, the more I was able to override the dopamine hits that would come from screens. Right. The more, like, when I sit, when I go get the cows in the morning, the more often I stop and say, isn't this beautiful? Look at the clouds and listen to the birds. The more often I verbalize that, the more it becomes my dopamine hit because I stop and I verbalize it. And the more often I do that, the less. The more bland whatever I see on screens feels to me.

[B]

Right. Yeah. Well, one thing, I was actually listening to a podcast, and these were two moms who were about 15 years apart, and one had her little kids when there wasn't social media and Internet, and our brains weren't dopamine obsessed, basic, or just dependent. Dopamine's something that we all need, but just the amount now that we have at readily is the problem. And then the other mom who, 15 years later, had her first couple children all through that. And it's this narrative and this given story that we all have and believe. And you can tell me what your take is on this, that when you have two or three little kids, life will be crazy. Just, like, so overwhelming. There's you do not have enough time in the day. You are exhausted. It is a just a crazy time of life. And I truly didn't have that experience. I think sometimes I almost rewrite those years. Like, yeah, they probably were. Like, I try to relate in some way, but I don't really feel that that's true. And I'm like, is it just because I didn't go into the expectation and, like, not saying there's not hard moments. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that the. This overwhelming, like, I am drowning. Like, that is what so many moms say today. That how could I ever start a garden or learn how to bake? I am drowning. Do you know what I'm saying with this?

[C]

I think it's a narrative, because I think it's a narrative of the generation, and I think it comes from social media. And one of the things that happens, and there's a lot to unpack, but I'm gonna pretend I'm speaking to my daughter, who is just beginning their family. And so I'm gonna just pretend I'm talking to my daughters, right? Because I do have a heart for. I do have a heart for the moms that are, you know, in that stage. And. But here again, I'm gonna blame social media.

[B]

Oh, I'm always blaming social media. I think some people are like, you blame it too much. I'm like. But I remember, like, I had a motherhood of two and three little children before this. So, guys, this is, like, really a big deal.

[C]

Yes, yes. And what happens is. So we're created to parent within community, right? Nobody. Nobody is created. God created us to parent within our community. And in a natural community that looks like you have older sisters or aunts, you have grandparents and even great grandparents in your village, right? And. And so they come along and their experience, and. And they're. They will emotionally regulate the young moms, and they'll. They're the ones to say, oh, this is fine. This is just a stage. This is what happens. And. And it brings this. This calmness into the. Your village because you're rubbing shoulders with moms that have been where you are. And. And they're like, oh, you know, they just speak that power and the. And they've been there. But instead, the kind of village that these young moms are looking at is people. They've made their village. We've become so separated that young moms are looking to social media for their village. And guess who's on social media preying on young moms Influencers. And when I say influencers, I mean people that have something to sell. Mm. You know, so. And. And, you know, there's. There's a. You know, there's two sides of the road. There is moms on there that are trying to encourage, and they have nothing to sell. But then there's influencers that are like, oh, if you don't have this baby carrier, then your baby's hips are going to be out of joint, because this is not the proper one. And here's my link. So if you buy it, then, you know, so. So there's a motivation that is unnatural on social media and. And the anxiety of young mothers trying to encourage young mothers, you know, like, oh, no, you can't ever put the baby on their stomach to sleep. I don't care if it's screaming every time you put it on its back. That's just against the rules. You can't do that. Your baby's gonna die of sids. You know, all of that.

[B]

There's so many rules that I just

[C]

didn't even know exist. So many rules. But you know what? Most times in a natural village, the aunts and the grandma will say, it's okay. Your baby can sleep on the. On its stomach. If that's how you get rest, then that's how you do it, because guess what? That's how. What I was told. I left the hospital with our firstborn, and I had strict instructions of never putting the baby on its stomach to sleep, because that's how SIDS happens, right? And after a week or two, I'm calling my mom and I'm in tears, and she's like, what do you mean, the baby? You can't put the baby on its stomach. And this is before social media, right? This is me going to my village. And. And she's like, I always put all of you on your stomachs. That's how you slept. Because that, you know, that's how you felt.

[B]

That's what babies like.

[C]

So I'm like, okay. And so I also had an older sister, her. And so I called her, and she'd already had three babies, and she had them in the hospital, you know, so I knew that she would have heard the same instructions from the hospital that I did. And I'm like, did you follow that rule? And she's like, you know, I did for a week or two. And then I'm like, you know what? I need sleep. My baby wants to sleep on its stomach. That's what we're going to do. And so that's what a natural village looks like. But when you have, when you have young moms trying to help young moms to. That's where all of this anxiety comes from. And all of this, their brains are so full of the rights and the wrongs and all the equipment, the proper equipment that you need. And so social media and young moms, I promise young moms if they would step away from social media. But then we have to be willing to be their village and help them find their natural groove. But social media is where all of this anxiety and I have zero time is coming from. Because it's an unnatural village. It was never meant to be that way.

[B]

This is gold, Ruthanne. Like, this is gold. Because I haven't. Okay. I have been having a lot of thoughts lately in my head about the village. And this is. Why do you find that the village is extremely misunderstood? Because I was talking about this with my sisters again. All my conversations happen with my sisters. My natural village, even though I'm the oldest. So I'm kind of their village. Anyways, I think that these women on social media think that the village means that somebody's gonna come over to your house, your, your mother, your, your mother in law, your grandma, and like clean your floors and cook food for you. I don't think people quite understand what the village is, which the village, like you said. And I, looking back, I kind of thought, oh, well, I don't have a village. I don't have anybody that comes over and helps me. Nobody like takes the child while I get stuff done. And I think we all think that's what the village is. But I totally have a village because when I was a young mom, I was asking my mother in law, I was asking my mom, what'd you do about this? What'd you do about this? But also young mothers don't trust old moms anymore. So have you, have you found that to be the case where it's like I took my mom and my mother in law's advice and I actually thought it was good advice back then. Like I didn't. There was nobody else competing for it.

[C]

So what happens again? There's a natural break in the village and here's how it happens. So let's take my daughter, for example. She was present when I was raising my babies, right? She was already a teenager and she watched me raise the baby. She was alongside of me. So the disconnect happens because. And I'm not pointing fingers, right? I'm just saying. So let's say the disconnect happens because families are smaller. So if we would have only had three children right Our, those three children would have never seen me parent babies, right. And, and so they would have grown up and they wouldn't trust my advice because they never saw me do anything.

[B]

They never saw you struggle like you.

[C]

They always kind of think too like

[B]

it was probably easier for you for xyz. I don't know what we could make up about that because it's the same thing for everybody across all generations. Babies are babies and they, they're challenging and you know, it's not like it's

[C]

easier for so, so but the disconnect happens because there's families are small and daughters never see their mothers pregnant, breastfeeding or, or parenting when families are small. But now let's take, let's take my younger sons, right? So, so here's how it works. So our younger sons and are never, never have seen me in that stage. They're never going to remember. So they're going to disregard any advice I have. But guess who they saw parenting firsthand?

[B]

Children. Yeah.

[C]

They see their sister. And so what, who are they gonna go to for advice? They're gonna go to their sister. So that's part of the reason these young moms are disregarding the older generation because they think we don't know what we're talking about. So they go to their peers because I can see that you're struggling, right. I can see that you're in the same boat that I am in. So they're trying to get their advice from their peers because families are smaller and there's not this overlapping of the generations that happened in our grandparents time. And just like I explained with our family, so our younger sons, they're probably not going to come to me for advice but they'll go to their sister because that's who they see saw in the midst of it.

[B]

Well yeah.

[C]

So that is part of why. That is part of why us older moms, our advice is disregarded because they don't see us having any firsthand knowledge and it must all be old fashioned and outdated.

[B]

You just forget you don't know anything. And I think we all have a little bit of pride in our hearts to do that. But like you mentioned, I, I went to my mom and my mother in law because I was the first on any side to have children amongst my friends, everything like that. But then my youngest two sisters, they're, they both have started families in the last two years. They come to myself and my sister who we Already are, you know, a decade plus beyond that as far as raising kids. So I think you're right. Like they, maybe. I bet they don't call mom and say, what did you do when this happened? Whereas I did. And then they, they call us. And so I, I think, I think the village thing is just really something I've been wanting to unpack on the podcast because I see it thrown around constantly and I really think that moms think it's something else. They think that generations past had something that they don't, which they do, but I think they're misunderstanding what it even is.

[C]

Lisa, let's unpack what it looks like for us to be a village. And I, if I can share a story. One of my first experiences of being somebody's village was with my younger sister, right? And this can be a story, a cautionary tale of what us older moms should never say to younger moms. So, so she was have, she was struggling, right? And because she's so much younger than me, I had already been to that stage and already moved on to a different stage. And so you know what naturally happens? A 2 year old versus a 12 year old. Right? So if you ha. If you're parenting a 12 year old, you look at back at the 2 year old and you're like, oh, that's peanuts. It gets much harder, you know, or something like that.

[B]

Correct.

[C]

Or like say if somebody has one baby and they're lamenting about, oh, the baby doesn't sleep, you know, our minds naturally go to, oh, wait till you have two way. You just wait. It gets harder. You've got it easy now, you know, and, and so that was kind of. And I, I know that in my heart. So if somebody said something like that, and you're a young mom, know that they don't mean it that way. It comes out that way. But what they're trying to tell you is be encouraged. This is just a season, right? So my sister, and she's very articulate and she said, it's not helpful when you act like my struggle is not even a struggle compared to yours. Right? She's like, that's not helpful. And, and so we went on to have a real, real nice dialogue about it. And she said, it's like, I bring my brand new baby with a white blanket, you know, And I, you know, I'm, I'm saying this is really hard. And you guys just dirty it all up by saying, oh no, what I'm going through is even harder. You've got it easy. And so having that dialogue helped me to understand that the way you become somebody's village is by first hearing what they're saying and recognizing that their struggle is real. And then the ball's in their court. And if they ask for advice, then you give advice. But the first thing, as a village, if we are somebody's village, the first thing to say is, I remember those days are really hard. You know, something just saying that what you're validating that what you're going through is really hard, and then not saying anything else unless they ask for advice. And that is how we become somebody's village. That's how we become the grandparents and the aunts that become sought out is by first validating that, yes, what you're going through is hard. You know, and I, like, I don't ever want to say to my daughters, first of all, get off of social media, then I can help you. You know, even though that's kind of what I want to say sometimes is don't.

[B]

They might.

[C]

If you do that, yes. Like, you have to understand that that is the age that they're living in and. And they're going to learn for themselves that that's going to drag them down. But to become a trusted member of their village, I have to first validate that their struggle is real. And that crying at 2am because your baby won't sleep is a real struggle

[B]

and is something I did, too. Like, now I can let that roll off because I'm like, okay, you can. You just have the perspective of seeing that you get through that season regardless. And, you know, it's. You can literally, you can live through the sleep deprivation, and so you have that perspective. And so what was a very hard thing, though, it's the same thing. No longer feels difficult. When I was going through that with my first baby, it was very difficult. And I remember there was some people in my church, older moms as well, that I would ask questions to. And I can literally remember some of the questions I asked them, thinking they probably thought I was such an idiot. Like, and so I don't want to be that person person, because they didn't tell me I was an idiot. They actually just answered the question. And now if I heard that question. And this, of course, is coming from somebody who gets a lot of questions because of the way we put ourselves out on the Internet. And so I think there's like a little bit of, like, you know, just it can be a lot sometimes. But I'm like, do not act like that, because you were totally asking these exact same questions because these things felt huge to you when now you realize they're not a big deal, but you didn't realize that. And these mom, these older moms, like, they actually just answered the question. Like they weren't like, oh, you silly thing. Like, you know. Yeah.

[C]

Yes, yes. And I, and, and the truth is, when you are a first time mom, and I was talking about this to my older children because our, our son, we for the first time have a teenage son, right? We already raised two teenage daughters. So now next we have a son and a daughter. And I was explaining to my son because he was giving me some pushback and in more or less telling me that I'm, you know, too involved in his life or like too concerned about where he is all the time. And I told him, I said, it's very different raising a teenage boy and you're like a firstborn. Like I am learning things for the first time. And I said it feels strange and it feels new, so you're gonna have to remember that. Right? And, but also like I remember and then with our daughter, it just feels like, oh, I've been here, I've done this, right? But for him, I'm still wondering how I'm gonna survive the next six months with him having, you know, all this freedom. And, and so that's what it's like with your friend firstborn. You don't care if somebody tells you, oh, in six months it'll all look different. You're worried about how you're going to survive the next six hours because you didn't sleep last night. And so it's all prospective once you've been there. And I keep telling our daughter who's pregnant with her second and she's like, oh, I'm showing so much earlier. And, and I've been able to tell her that with your second baby, with your second pregnancy, you, you're not analyzing everything because you're not a first time mom. So everything goes faster. And those first six weeks don't seem as rough, right, because you've already been there and you somewhat know what to expect. And then you take like you, who has. Do you have 10?

[B]

I'll have, I'm due with my ninth in a couple weeks.

[C]

Okay, so you've done it so often and here's kind of the downfall. It makes the, the seasons go so fast because you're not analyzing everything. And it leaves us in. And here's what I want to tell young moms. I wish I could share a Little bit of this with them. You know, when the night seems so long and the days are endless because they're just, you know, struggling to survive the next couple hours. The more often you do it than us older moms, we're left, like, grasping at those nights and days, wishing they would slow down because we've done it so, so often that it just rushes by because we're not analyzing every minute of the day like you are with your firstborn.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, it is. It is all perspective. I think that, like you said, like, the whole heart of. Of homesteading, to get back to that, is building this community. And I like that your desire is to be the village. I think we live in a culture that is just a little bit selfish now, you know, and we're not used to people just caring about other people and wanting to be that for younger generations, even though that is the heart behind what you do. That's the reason why you want to live this simple life, to cook from scratch. You want to bring people together and focus on the things that are the pleasures I think that we were meant to enjoy.

[C]

Yeah. I really am passionate about making sure that people understand that relationships don't just happen. You have to be very intentional about them. And relationships are built on time spent together. And therefore, that's your number one way of being people's village or building relationships is just the sheer amount of time spent together.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, I think that's so true. And I think the homesteading lifestyle lends itself to that because you build your life around rhythms at home, things that require your daily attention. Like if you have a dairy cow, that's something that. There's a very much a rhythm to your day. You're not taking on tons of outside obligations. If you have a garden, it's something you have to put your hand to regularly. So I think that that's. That's probably why you've leaned in so much to the homesteading lifestyle and why you're such an inspiration in the homesteading space. So tell the listeners about your book, where to get it, and where to find you, because I know you share on YouTube, you share on Instagram, where would be your recommended platform for them.

[C]

So I share every day on Instagram, and I just share our daily rhythm. So you know what we're doing. And I'm also on YouTube. I am not on any platform for entertainment purposes, meaning that I'm not out there trying to film and. And publish the next exciting thing. Right. So my content is very much just the daily rhythms the weekly rhythms of a homesteading family that, you know, puts relationship first. I have. I put out a lot of recipes, but by no means am I trying to be entertaining, if you. If you know what I mean. Like, I know what you mean. And it's okay.

[B]

It's hard because in order, you know, with. With Instagram, with YouTube, to get the views, you know, it's like, okay, how can we package this up in a way that people will actually want to click on it? Because we are dealing with the attention spans today as creators.

[C]

So. So it becomes a. It comes a fine line of, I have to. Because I'm a creative person, I have to make sure that my content brings me joy. Because once that's gone.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Then I. I won't want to show up anymore. Right. Because then it's just a job. So, number one, my content has to bring it. I have to find pleasure in what I'm doing before I am able to share it. And to not get hooked on watching my analytics or the algorithms and understanding that my content has to, number one, be pleasing to me more than it has to be entertaining to my audience. But all of that aside, I am Ruthanne Zim on Instagram. If you put Ruthanne Zim into YouTube, that's where I'm at. And my book can be found anywhere books are sold. Amazon, Barnes and Noble.com, christianBook.com is a big distributor of it. So. And I think next week I have to go record the audio. So it will also be available on audiobooks.

[B]

Oh, nice. So, yeah. Yeah, that's great. And I. I always tell people too, if you're a lot of what we said today as a young mom, if you do find that social media is what is causing a lot of the. Of the time restraints and your. Your stress and your mental load. For me, like, watching YouTube videos is a much more intentional form of media because you can literally go on search Ruth and Zim watch your days, and they're in a little bit of a slower format that you can actually. Well, and I'm sure your stories are. And your. And your reels are too. However, when you're on there, you get sucked into every different thing. Right.

[C]

So that's the problem.

[B]

It's not really your content or mine because I also share on Instagram very regularly. It's. It's.

[C]

But I think you're. I think you're right. There's a difference between content that gives you that dopamine hit and content that inspires you to get off of Instagram. Or get off of social media and do your own creative, you know, things. There's a difference between content that grounds you and regulates you or content that makes you want to continue to scroll. And that's part of, like, if I see your things on Instagram, it almost always motivates me to put my phone down. And now we can't tell Instagram this or they'll stop showing me your thing because they want me to stay. They want me to stay on Instagram and keep scrolling. But when I see your, like, you're very productive. Your reels are, you know, like, oh, you're, you know, cooking or baking or doing something. I'm almost always motivated. Ruthie Ann, put your phone down and go do something productive. Because I know that I feel better when I'm productive. Right? Yeah, you're. You're like. So my advice would be to make sure that you're consuming the kind of content that inspires you to get up and go do something. That.

[B]

That is such a good point. Yes. Not. They call it doom scrolling. Right. Like where you're like, yes, something make me feel better. I'm lost in this hole.

[C]

Yes, yes, yes.

[B]

Well, awesome. So we will leave link down below all your channel, your Instagram, your book, but I think people can find it also just by searching Ruthanne Zim on the platforms and then also the Heart of the Homestead, which is your new book. So thank you so much, Ruthanne, for joining me.

[C]

Thank you, Lisa. It was a pleasure to be here.

[B]

Thanks as always for listening to the Simple Farmhouse Life podcast. My husband Luke and I and our eight kids work together side by side on our little homestead and use our bottom blog, podcast and YouTube channel to reach other homemakers, home cooks and home setters with practical recipes and daily family life. For everyday sourdough recipes, make sure to check out our blog farmhouse on Boone.com and to dig deeper, we do also offer a course called Simple Sourdough over at Bitvit Ly FarmhouseSourdo course. That's all one word. Bit Ly Farmhouse Sourdoughcourse. If you're looking to learn to how how we earn an income online, check out my YouTube course at Bit Ly Farmhouse YouTube course, all one word.