Podcast Summary: "What If Your Father Is Having a Baby With Someone Your Age? Plus: David Duchovny Gives Us Advice!"

Since You Asked with Lori Gottlieb and Gretchen Rubin
Host: Lemonada Media
Release Date: November 25, 2025

Episode Overview

This season finale delves into advice on complicated family dynamics, honesty in friendships, and personal growth, with Lori Gottlieb (psychotherapist and author) and Gretchen Rubin (happiness expert and writer) offering nuanced, empathetic perspectives. The highlight: addressing feelings when a father has a new baby with a much younger partner. The episode spotlights listener stories, crowd-sourced wisdom, and advice from special guest David Duchovny.

Key Topics and Discussion Points

1. Listener Updates (02:15–06:43)

• Grandparent Overindulgence Update:
  Tonya thanks the hosts for advice on her overindulgent mother-in-law and shares she's more focused on happy memories, understanding boundaries and the fleeting nature of childhood indulgence.
• Office Candy Dish Dilemma:
  A listener embraces Gretchen’s advice:
  “What's fun for other people may not be fun for me.” (04:25)
  She decides to moderate her own candy intake without changing others' behavior.
• Dealing with 'One-uppers':
  Molly shares a polite but assertive real-life technique:

  “His son-in-law held up his hand, told him that 'I am not done speaking', and that he should be quiet. ...It worked perfectly.” (05:56)

2. Honesty About Appearance & "Botox and Fillers" Dilemma (06:43–11:48)

A listener asks how to tell a close friend that cosmetic procedures are making them look unnatural.

• Balancing Honesty vs. Harm (07:15):

  • Is it helpful or hurtful to comment on appearance?
  • Appearance choices are personal and may reflect aesthetic preference, not lapse in judgment.

• Empathy for Societal Pressures (08:45):

  "There's so much pressure in our culture to look younger than we are. Sometimes we fall into the trap of getting on the beauty treadmill, and we don't realize how fast we're running." — Lori (08:45)

• Who Should Deliver the Message? (09:47):

  • Lori and Gretchen discuss if critiques are better from family or friends. Preferences differ:

    “I would rather hear it from a family member than from a friend.” — Gretchen (10:00) “I would not want my mom to say that to me. I would rather have my closest friend say that to me.” — Lori (10:05)

• Actionable Advice (11:48):

  • If friend is satisfied, no need to intervene.
  • If she expresses self-doubt, gently inquire/support without judgment.
  • Weigh costs of honesty versus risk to friendship.
  • Empathy and tact are crucial.

3. High School Reunion Poll: Wisdom of Crowds Segment (16:36–23:54)

A social poll reveals only 28% of listeners attend reunions. Experiences are diverse and relatable.

• Negative Experiences:

  • Susan: “Not my best self in high school...not a time in my life I want to remember.” (17:41)
  • Deborah: Felt cliques persisted even at 50th reunion. (18:06)
  • Joanne: Avoids reunions due to extensive bullying. (19:14)
  • Colin (UK listener): Worries about "comparison of success." (19:23)

• Positive Experiences:

  • Lorna: “As time passed, the cliques, the cheerleaders and athletes, even the invisible people, these identities faded and all became real people. ...the depth of friendship I have now [are] deeper than whatever we had on the playground.” (21:10)
  • Kimberly: “It’s nice to see...popular group all goes to the wayside with age.” (21:43)
  • Funny Note:

    “Every Saturday, I was homeschooled.” — Sarah (21:49)

• Hosts’ Views:

  • Gretchen: "I go to high school reunions, two college reunions, ...and I am just going to reunions a lot. ...I get a huge happiness boost from it." (22:00)
  • Lori: Shares story of apology and closure at a reunion:

    “It didn’t change the pain...but it gave her a new perspective.” (23:02)

4. Main Dilemma: Dad’s New Baby With Someone Daughter’s Age (27:53–34:51)

Louisa’s Question:
Her father (in his 60s) has a new baby with a partner almost 30 years younger—closer to Louisa’s age. Louisa feels anxious, angry, and wrestles with her own delayed plans for motherhood. The father expects his adult children to accept this change and fully participate.

• Key Points:
  • It’s hard for adult children to accept parents as adults with their own lives.
  • The new family may evoke feelings of replacement, rivalry, or envy, especially if children have their own fertility struggles.
  • Acknowledge that feelings are valid, but "confrontation" isn't likely to be helpful.

    "There's no need to confront her father. ...It wasn't her decision to weigh in on." — Gretchen (30:07, 30:20)

  • Set boundaries on engagement; you decide your level of involvement.

    "He doesn’t get to set the terms of your relationships and you don’t get to set the terms of his relationships." — Gretchen (34:04)

  • Consider underlying emotions (envy, loyalty to mother, general discomfort with family change) vs. just the age gap.
  • Don’t punish innocent child (new sibling) for adults’ decisions.
  • If emotionally raw (e.g. due to own fertility issues), communicate the need for space honestly, but without blame.

5. Life-Changing Advice Shared (35:01–43:53)

Special Guest: David Duchovny

“Nothing is as good or as bad as it first seems.” (35:47, 36:00)

Lori Supplements:
Shares the story of the farmer’s luck—how we can never truly know if an event is good or bad in the moment. (36:02)

Listener-Submitted Advice Highlights

• On Relationships:
  • “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” — Sandra/Maya Angelou (37:03)
  • “No is an answer.” — Christine (37:15)
  • “Never take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from.” — Pam (37:33)
  • “Sometimes your biological family isn’t your logical family.” — Connie Ann (37:56)
  • “Don’t make others a priority who make you an option.” — Colleen (38:04)
  • “You promote what you permit. It applies to every relationship.” — Gina (38:11)
• On Mindset:
  • “Live each day as if it’s your first is much better advice than live each day as if it’s your last.” — Cynthia (39:13)
  • “If you choose not to find joy in the snow, you’ll have a lot less joy in your life, but the same amount of snow.” — Michelle (39:54)
  • “You can look at the darkness, but don’t stare.” — Laura quoting RuPaul (40:12)
• On Taking Action:
  • “The time will pass anyway.” — Earl Nightingale via Vic/hosts (41:17)
  • “Whatever you aren’t changing, you’re choosing.” — Kathy (42:11)
  • “Aim for the B grade. Good enough is good enough for most everything, and the extra effort is rarely worth it.” — Ann (42:47)
  • “Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.” — GK Chesterton, via Wendy (43:31)
  • “Work will expand to the time you give it.” — Larry (43:45)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On beauty and feedback:

  "People do tend to dislike people who are the bearers of bad news or who tell them unpleasant things." — (08:11, Gretchen)

• On reunions and perspective:

  “You feel this level of intimacy because you knew each other when you were young, and you have all those shared experiences, like the music and the world events.” — Gretchen (22:00)

• On compassion in family conflict:

  “It's not really fair to take something out on the child because you don't like who the mother is.” — Lori (32:55)

• On “no” as a complete sentence:

  “No works, no justifications necessary.” — Gretchen (37:33)

• On dealing with regrets or delayed action:

  “Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway.” — Vic/Earl Nightingale (41:17)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Listener Updates — 02:15–06:43
• Honesty about Appearance (Botox/Friend Conversation) — 06:43–11:48
• High School Reunion Segment — 16:36–23:54
• Main Question: Father's New Family — 27:53–34:51
• David Duchovny & “Best Advice” Segment — 35:01–43:53

Tone and Style

The episode is thoughtful, occasionally humorous, gently challenging, and always empathetic—encouraging listeners to reflect without judgment and prioritize growth and self-awareness.

Summary Takeaways

• You’re allowed to set boundaries and honor your feelings, especially in sensitive family scenarios.
• Honesty in friendship requires balancing compassion with consideration of impact.
• Reunions and closure offer unique chances for healing, but not everyone needs to revisit the past.
• Wisdom shared by others often resonates most when it affirms your own truth.
• Don’t overreact in the moment—things are rarely “as good or as bad” as they first seem.
• Community engagement (polls, shared advice) adds depth and perspective to everyday dilemmas.

To share your dilemmas or advice, visit sinceyouaskpodcast.com. The podcast will return with a new season in the new year.