Dating Expert: The Brutal Truth About Why You’re Still Single... (and How to Fix It)

Summary

Slay The Gatekeeper – Episode Summary

Podcast: Slay The Gatekeeper
Host: Courtney Johnson
Guest: Joel Monteleone (Dating Coach & Event Host)
Episode: Dating Expert: The Brutal Truth About Why You’re Still Single... (and How to Fix It)
Date: December 9, 2025

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Overview

In this energetic episode, Courtney Johnson sits down with renowned dating coach Joel Monteleone to unlock the unapologetic “cheat codes” of modern dating. The conversation branches into issues of mindset, personal responsibility, the reality of attraction, and practical strategies for both elevating your dating life and building a magnetic personal network. Courtney and Joel's banter brings levity to deep topics, offering listeners both tough love and permission to have fun.

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Key Topics & Insights

1. Radical Ownership: No Room for Excuses

Timestamps: [00:06], [03:20]

• Joel’s Coaching Philosophy: Joel refuses to indulge client excuses or "victim" mindsets. You can’t expect to get what you want while repeatedly making choices that sabotage those goals.
  • “If you want something and you say you want it, then you get to go after it. But you can't say you want something and do something else.” – Joel ([03:20])
• Alignment: The harmony between stated desires and actual behavior is essential for success, whether in dating, business, or life choices.

2. Courtney’s “Problematic” Dating Cheat Codes

Timestamps: [04:41]–[07:05], [07:30]–[08:26]

• Art of Seduction (Cautiously): Reading manipulative books like The Art of Seduction can help identify when you're being played, but shouldn't be weaponized.
• Spreadsheet Dating: Creating a restaurant bucket list and focusing on experiences (not the date outcome) inadvertently made Courtney appear less available—raising others' interest.
  • “I was so focused on rating the restaurants and completing my bucket list, I didn't really care about the dates. And because I didn't really care about the dates, all the boys were obsessed with me.” – Courtney ([06:28])
• Side Hosts “Cheater Code”: To avoid premature attachment or obsession, Courtney suggests dating multiple people at once—at least at the beginning.
  • “If you find yourself being obsessed with someone after the first date, chill the fuck out and go on a different date... so you're not so obsessed.” ([07:30])

3. Value of Clear Standards & Ditching the Scarcity Mindset

Timestamps: [09:01]–[09:31]

• Discussing dating guru Matthew Hussey’s “dump him” ethos and the importance of not tolerating disrespect or low standards.

4. Joel’s Non-Negotiable Dating Principles (The Cheat Codes)

a. Take Responsibility & Leave Victimhood

Timestamps: [09:43]–[11:03]

• Victimhood creates stagnation; blaming your city or the dating pool won’t change your single status.
  • “You gotta look in the mirror and see there's one common denominator to all the cities you live in... and that's you.” – Joel ([10:17])

b. Invest in Your Social Circle

Timestamps: [13:23]–[15:14]

• “Pay for your friends” by investing in clubs, gyms, programs—go where people you aspire to meet hang out.
  • “Go where your goal is already normalized, not where people are trying to get to your goal.” – Courtney ([14:49])

c. Be Hot, Make Your Bag

Timestamps: [15:44]–[16:57]

• Hotness is accessible: fitness, self-care, and confidence matter. It’s less about looks, more about vitality and self-respect.
  • “Being hot is just like 90% of it is just being happy, being fit, taking care of yourself, having friends…” – Courtney ([16:48])

d. Life Isn’t That Serious—Just Play

Timestamps: [17:00]–[19:46]

• Joel created “Netplay” and “Hot Takes Hot Dates” by making networking and dating events playful, not stiff or serious.
  • “Life isn't that serious. And I've actually made a lot of really successful businesses based on that thought.” – Joel ([17:08])

e. Polarity: Masculine & Feminine Energies

Timestamps: [20:45]–[24:16]

• Modern, driven women sometimes struggle to activate feminine energy in dating. Masculine polarity must be balanced for magnetic relationships.
  • “If a woman is going to bring the masculine energy... the only way that that can balance out is to have a more feminine man.” – Joel ([22:27])
• Quick Activation Tip: Letting the man order for you on a date can help signal feminine energy.
  • “I’m like, Joel, you can order for me. Easy way. It activates it right at the beginning.” – Courtney ([24:13])

f. Intentional & Honest Dating Profiles

Timestamps: [25:37]–[28:53]

• Dating profiles should disqualify, not please everyone; don’t fear fewer matches—aim for better ones.
  • “Your profile… should be used to disqualify people. Because all men are just going to say, 'hot girl, let’s go.'” – Joel ([27:20])

g. The Power of Delusional Confidence

Timestamps: [28:53]–[31:26]

• Creating empowering, even borderline delusional, narratives boosts dating energy and self-esteem.
  • “Every single man I meet is so in love with me, and I feel like it really worked in my energy.” – Courtney ([29:37])
  • “If someone rejects me... that is 100% their loss. I know what I bring.” – Joel ([30:29])

h. Vulnerability & Honest Communication

Timestamps: [31:59]–[34:43]

• Vulnerability isn’t just about sharing pain; it’s about being in alignment between feeling, thought, action, and communication.
  • “Vulnerability is when what you're feeling, what you're thinking, what you're saying and what you're doing is in total alignment.” – Joel ([32:21])

i. Statistics Don’t Define Your Reality

Timestamps: [34:49]–[36:36]

• Dispel stories that you’re too old, unlucky, or doomed because of population-level statistics.
  • “I'm not everybody else. I'm one person. I just need to know what my one stat is going to be.” – Joel ([35:32])

j. Dare to State What You Want

Timestamps: [37:41]–[41:50]

• People often minimize or bury their desires because they’re afraid they’re impossible. Name your standards and be willing to wait if your “wishlist” is rare.
  • “You get to have everything you want… [but] the more specific... you want a person to be, the more willing you have to be to wait a very, very, very long time.” – Joel ([41:50])

5. Practical Event-Building Advice

Timestamps: [44:15]–[48:39]

• Start Small & Imperfect: Host an event, however informal, and iterate. Joel’s first event was his birthday party, used to gather people on the pretext of celebrating with him.
• Create Micro-Transformations: Even a simple gathering should help guests leave as an improved or more joyful version of themselves.
  • “Can you have them leave a different version of themselves that they came?” – Joel ([46:51])

6. Reclaiming Playfulness & Fun

Timestamps: [48:44]–[49:54]

• Many resist childlike fun, but reconnecting with curiosity and playfulness makes networking, dating, and relationships vastly more enjoyable—and more authentic.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Zero Tolerance Coaching:
  “You have zero wiggle room for any bullshit at all.” – Courtney ([02:21])

• Mic Drop on Victim Mentality:
  “There’s one common denominator to all the cities… all the men and women you meet—and that’s you.” – Joel ([10:17])

• Fun Over Seriousness:
  “My networking event, we play games in the park, just like we used to as kids, and it's just… it's easy, it's fun.” – Joel ([18:33])

• Cheat Code for Feminine Energy:
  “On a date, let the man order for you.” – Courtney ([24:13])

• On Rejection:
  “If someone rejects me, I just say, wow, they made a massive mistake.” – Joel ([30:19])

• Why You Can—and Should—Be Delusional:
  “Who says that's delusional?” – Joel ([31:23])

• Hosting Events Secret:
  “My first Netplay, I strategically hosted it on my birthday so that I would guilt people into coming to it.” – Joel ([45:22])

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Segment Timestamps

| Topic | Start | End | |----------------------------------------------------|---------|---------| | Introduction, energy & Joel’s coaching style | 00:00 | 03:20 | | Courtney's "problematic" dating cheat codes | 04:41 | 08:26 | | Standards & Matthew Hussey reference | 09:01 | 09:33 | | Joel’s cheat codes (ownership, investing in self) | 09:43 | 16:57 | | Masculine & feminine energies in dating | 20:45 | 24:16 | | Practical dating app strategies | 25:31 | 28:53 | | Delusional beliefs and rejection | 28:53 | 31:26 | | Vulnerability as alignment | 31:59 | 34:43 | | Statistics don't apply to you | 34:49 | 36:36 | | Stating & waiting for what you want | 37:41 | 42:14 | | Event-hosting: start small, create transformation | 44:15 | 48:39 | | Embracing playfulness & final thoughts | 48:44 | 49:54 | | Where to find Joel & ways to connect | 50:12 | 51:08 |

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Final Takeaways

• If you want anything in dating or networking, you have to take radical ownership of your choices.
• Playfulness, clear standards, and delusional levels of self-regard are effective “cheat codes.”
• Don’t let statistics, scarcity beliefs, or societal scripts define what’s possible for you.
• Vulnerability, honesty, and fun are compatible with ambition and attract higher-quality relationships.
• Host or attend community events: be around people who are what you want, not just those aspiring to it.

Connect with Joel:

• Instagram: @joel_monteleone
• Event: @hottakeshotdates
• Offers: Free (public) dating profile reviews via DM

Episode energy: Unfiltered, practical, fun-loving, and direct—a must-listen (or read!) for anyone wanting to “slay” their romantic rut or level-up their social life.

Transcript

[A]

You're going to be our most fun guest ever.

[B]

I hear that a lot.

[A]

Like, you have zero wiggle room for any at all.

[B]

Yeah. I don't believe in people, like, being victim to their circumstances. If you want something and you say you want something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then you get to go after it. I said I wanted my life to look a certain way, but I spent all my time drinking, partying, and then at a certain point, it's like, I can no longer say I want my life to look this way if I continue to make the wrong decision over and over and over again. I'm wearing pajamas. And it's just, life isn't that serious. And I've actually made a lot of, like, really successful businesses based on that thought. It's very challenging to find a man that is so masculine that he's going to put you in your place. You know what they want?

[A]

Like, the most feminine.

[B]

The most feminine woman.

[A]

I went on a date with billionaire one time.

[B]

Yeah, it's probably.

[A]

It was not great. I'm sure he was, like, going to the bathroom to do, like, every few minutes. We're on a date, Joel.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The waiter comes by.

[B]

Wow. We're on a date.

[A]

This is.

[B]

This. This got. I was good. We're already in bed.

[A]

Welcome to Slay the Gatekeeper. I'm your host, Courtney Johnson, and I am here to un gatekeep the gatekept. Thank you so much for being here. Enjoy.

Hello, Joel.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Welcome to Slay the Gatekeeper.

[B]

I'm so excited to be here.

[A]

You're gonna be our most fun guest ever.

[B]

I hear that a lot.

[A]

Guys, Joel's gonna officiate my wedding.

[B]

Was that the official ask?

[A]

Well.

I'll do a proposal to you or something.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, Perfect.

[A]

Yeah. You know, we have some dating cheat codes, some transformation cheat codes. By the way, for everyone listening, Joel has made, like, a massive, huge impact on my life. So thank you, Joel.

[B]

Thank you. Like, I appreciate that. You were so fun to work with. And, yeah, I. I love what we've created in our friendship and working together. So thank you so much.

[A]

Joel's, like, the best coach ever, because he does not take any. Like, he sees right through you. Like, sometimes my clients will be like, oh, Courtney, like, well, I didn't finish that thing, so we'll talk about something else or whatever. Like, you were. You're like, no. Like, fuck that.

[B]

Yeah. No.

[A]

Like, you have zero wiggle room for any bullshit at all.

[B]

Yeah. I don't believe in people, like, being victim to their circumstances. If you want something and you say you want something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then you get to go after it. And if you don't, then there's some disconnect that I won't really allow.

[A]

What I think is interesting about the way you coach is you just don't give. You don't, like, pay any attention to when people are in their. Like, for example, Lucas does this really well, too. Like, I'll be like, I just think it's funny how. And he's just like, no. Like, it's like, no entertaining of it. No. Whatever. He's just like, no. Like. And that's exactly how you coach. You're like, no, that's not. I'm not entertaining that. That's not. That's really silly.

[B]

Yeah. Unless, like. Unless you're like this also in coaching environment. If it's with friends, yeah. I'll have a different version of me. Um. But yeah, it's all about, like, essentially being in alignment with the things that you say you want and the actions that you take.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we can get into this in a little bit. But, like, I think for a big part of my life, like I said, I wanted my life to look a certain way, but I spent all my time drinking, partying, and then at a certain point, it's like, I can't. I can no longer say I want my life to look this way if I continue to make the wrong decision over and over and over again. And so at some point, I tell my clients, I tell my friends, like, hey, if you want this thing, then you get to go after it. But if you don't actually want it and you just want to keep making these decisions, that's okay, too. But make those decisions powerfully. Don't tell yourself that you want something else, because it just creates dissonance and disconnect. So, like, I will coach my clients and say, like, whatever you want, you go get it. But you can't say you want something and do something else.

[A]

Yeah. A framework. I ask myself, is, is this decision bringing me closer to or further away from my goals?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Just, like, a really easy way to simplify it. But I've been saying that to myself for years. So I was that annoying person in college being like, is that brat party getting me closer to making the cheerleading team? I don't think so.

[B]

I thought it would have. I thought it would have. I thought going to a frat party would definitely get me closer to the cheerleading team. I don't know, but I guess we're different types of cheerleaders.

[A]

Okay. Before we get into your cheat codes. I want to share some of my problematic dating cheat codes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And see what you think about them.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay, first one. Have you read the Art of Seduction?

[B]

No.

[A]

It's the most problematic book in the entire world. It's really horrific, and I would absolutely never implement anything in that book. However, I think it's really helpful to read it to see when other people are playing you, because it's. This is going to sound really bad, and I promise I've never implemented anything from it, but it's like understanding people's trauma is the best way to seduce them. And anyways, it's really fun. It's really problematic, but I read it, and then I started noticing other people doing it to me when I was single. So you got to read the book.

[B]

What was the trauma that they were exploiting to seduce you? I mean, we don't get. That's actually a crazy question to ask. I guess my question is, like, what would they. Like, what would they do in order to seduce you? Like, how did you notice it in them?

[A]

I think it all happens subconsciously.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

I think it's like we attract people who mirror somebody in our life.

That we want to. Like, our brain wants to remedy the situation and go back. I'm sure you see this with your clients. Like, they're going back to the same pattern, the same cycle, and it's essentially just bringing to consciousness how that happens unconsciously. So that's like, one of my biggest problematic dating cheat codes is to read that book. It'll tell you a lot about why we have those patterns, but I think it can be really weaponized too. So don't. So don't read that book. Okay. My next dating cheat code is a spreadsheet method where when I was single, I made a spreadsheet of every single restaurant I wanted to try in Austin, and then a finsta to rate the restaurants. And then I would go on these dates and be like, hey, take me to whatever. Like, I don't. I can't think of a single Austin restaurant right now. Okay, take me to Otoko. And then I would go on Instagram and I would rate it on my Finster. And I was so focused on rating the restaurants and completing my bucket list, I didn't really care about the dates. And because I didn't really care about the dates, all the boys were obsessed with me.

[B]

Oh, okay. I was waiting for the cheat code part of this. So because you were just, like, you were not interested in them, they wanted.

[A]

To, like, Well, I was interested in them, but I wasn't so focused on the outcome. I was more focused on the outcome of, like, taking a cute picture or.

[B]

You like, writing notes.

[A]

I was. I was going to the bathroom and, like, this. This steak is overcooked. 2 out of 10.

[B]

So you have dating or you have cheat codes? I have. What are I called? Dating hot takes. And you know what my hot take is about? Restaurants, Right.

[A]

That you love every restaurant.

[B]

That all restaurants are overrated. Except for In N Out and Chick Fil A. Those are properly rated restaurants, but every other restaurant is just overrated.

[A]

And 1618 Asian fusion.

[B]

And 1618 Asian fusion is properly rate rated, too.

[A]

I don't agree with you, Joel. This is where we disagree. Okay. Another dating cheat code I have that you're gonna hate. It's not ethical.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But if you're getting too into someone, you need to distract yourself with, like, a side host. You're not as into that person. A distracted person. B.

[B]

So it's. It's literally a cheat code. No, it's a cheater code.

[A]

No, you're not in a relationship with this person. It's just, if you find yourself, like, being obsessed with someone after the first date, like, chill the fuck out and go on a different date with a different person. So you're not, like, so obsessed. Because you know what I did? I'm, like, psychic. So I, like, know if I'm gonna date someone. So everybody that I'm, like, gonna be in a relationship with our first date, I just, like, get really nervous, and I'm like, I'm gonna marry you. I did that with my first date with Lucas. I'm like, we're getting married. And he was like, this is too much. This is so weird. I just met you.

[B]

So then did you go on a date with somebody else right after that? Nice.

[A]

And then it chilled out, and then he was like, okay, I'll take you on a second date. And then our second date, I'm like, you're gonna have my babies be my boyfriend? And he's like, we just met.

But it worked out in the end.

[B]

It did. It did work out. I would say that's a good cheat code. Date other people so that you can marry the man you like.

[A]

Exactly. You can't. You just can't be too, like, obsessed. You have to have your own hobbies and interests and stuff.

[B]

Totally. I mean, those are two completely, completely different statements. But, yeah, I agree. I mean, totally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You get to have your own ho. Hobbies and your own interests and Spend time with your own friends and like, have your own life and then you get to have your relationship in addition to that.

[A]

Exactly. Do you know who Matthew Hussey is? Oh, yeah, I used to listen to his YouTube videos on repeat.

[B]

Yeah, Legend.

[A]

Do you think, do you agree with his. He's problematic?

[B]

No, I think, I think Matthew Hussey's great. Yeah, I think he's been like, he's done a lot of really good things for women in the dating world.

[A]

Yeah, he basically, his whole ethos is just like, you're a high value woman, don't stand for no bullshit. And it's really great. And people will send in dating advice. Well, what, he said this and he's like, dump him. Oh, well, he did this. Dump him. Everything is just like, dump him. Have high standards.

Period.

[B]

Yeah, Period.

[A]

Okay. Period. Getting into Joel's cheat codes, cheat code number one, don't be a victim. Take responsibility. Be in ownership. How do you know if you're in victim mentality?

[B]

If you're complaining a lot? If you think everything is happening to you and not for you? Like, we live in a world where everyone is consistently stuck in victim and.

We actually now live in a world where a victim is rewarded. Like, if you are a victim, then you expect people to feel bad for you and people will feel bad for you. So then you get social capital because people feel bad for you. And it's really an anticipation of what you want to create. Because if you're constantly thinking that everything is out to get you and everything is happening to you, then you, you give all of your personal responsibility away to other people, to other things. And like in dating, I see this all the time, right? It's like, oh, I. The city that I live in is so bad for dating. Oh, the men that I live in, the city I live in are so bad. The women are so bad. It's like, well, at some point you gotta look in the mirror and see there's one common denominator to all the cities that you live in, all the men and the women that you meet, and that's you, and the moment that you actually take that responsibility, then it's like, okay, great, I can now make a different decision here. But if you constantly blame everybody else, like, nothing's going to change because they can't make you do something different.

[A]

Yeah. If you are complaining about the city that you live in sucking for dating, just change yourself or move to a different city. But totally complaining is not really much.

[B]

I have a hot take that Austin is an Incredible city to date. It.

[A]

It is an incredible. It's so many people that are like fit and smart and hot. Young.

[B]

Yes, Hot, smart, young and successful. Like, if this is a hard city to date in, then we're fudged.

[A]

It also is like a good, like the culture is you get into a long term relationship relationship in like late 20s, early 30s. People are like, there are some cities where people literally don't get in long term relationships and don't get married till they're like late 40s. And Austin is like very much. It's not as crazy as small towns, but it's. You don't have the excuse of like, well, nobody wants to be in a relationship in your 30s or whatever, because they do 100%.

[B]

And if you continue to find people that don't want to be in relationships in their 30s, go hang out somewhere new. Like, go find a different person. They are not at the proper. Okay. No, they're not at the proper. Stop going to the proper. They're not there. I'm sorry. They're not there.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Stop going to the proper?

[A]

It's weird.

[B]

It's so like, oh, where are we.

[A]

Going to find rich men? Let's go to the proper.

[B]

Yeah. And then they go, wow, these rich men don't want a relationship. It's like, yeah, they're 42 and they're at the proper every weekend. No shit.

What are we doing?

[A]

So where do you find people today besides at your Hot takes hot dates.

[B]

Yeah, Hot takes hot dates. The most fun singles event in Austin, Texas, happening October 22nd.

No, but it's like there, this city especially is. There's so many communities wellness events. Like, there is so much happening and this happens in a lot of big cities. I. I know a lot of people who host wellness events and social events and post Covid. Like, everyone now wants in person relationships, in person connection. And so there are so many things for you to do, but it takes a little bit of one time to like, find the right thing and also time to invest in becoming part of that community. Like, go.

[A]

Joel, I'm curious what you. What you think of my. My next cheat code, if we agree on this. Okay, this is my hot take. All right. Pay for your friends or pay for your network. Like, you can't just expect to like, go to the proper bar and meet people. But like, get in programs, get in clubs. Like, pay for the sports league, pay for the membership club, pay for the golf place or whatever. Like, pay for your friends.

[B]

I 100 agree with that. Yeah. I mean, I go to a very expensive gym, not because I am the most athletic person in the world, because I want to be around the most athletic people in the world, because that inspires me to be more athletic. If I was paying for Planet Fitness, no offense against Planet Fitness, but it's just not how I operate. If I paid $10 a month, I'd be like, that's. I'm never gonna. That doesn't matter. That's just a waste. But if I have a very expensive membership, I'm forced to go and forced to be around people who are also working out incredibly hard. And it just makes me work out harder.

[A]

Well, the thing about Planet Fitness is it's people are tr.

Besides Donut Fridays or whatever, Think about Planet Fitness.

[B]

How do we get here?

[A]

Okay, the thing about Planet Fitness is that people are trying to get fit. So you're surrounding yourself with people who are trying to get fit, but where you. Where do you go?

[B]

Correct fitness.

[A]

Correct. Whatever.

[B]

Formerly on it.

[A]

Correct fitness. People are already fit. So you need to go where your goal is already normalized, not where people are trying to get to your goal. It's like, people are like, oh, I want to be a ultra successful startup founder. I'm going to work at WeWork. That's a great place to work, and that is a great network. But that's not where ultra successful startup founders are. That's where people are trying to become that. So instead of going places where they're trying to become fit, you can go where they already have that thing.

[B]

Totally. If you're. It's like that, that phrase, if you're the smartest person in the room, like, get into different rooms because you don't want to be. You want to be around people who push you to be better. And like, the same is true in everything, especially dating. It's like, if you go into a place where the wealthy, successful, young, hot people are, you're like, well, one, you're like, you feel better because you're like, I'm hot enough and wealthy enough to be in this room. But also it's like, all right, this is what I'm competing against. I got to get hotter and wealthier and more fun.

[A]

Okay, so cheat code. Be hot and make your bag. Yeah, people are afraid to say that. To say be hot. It's important to be hot.

[B]

It helps. Yeah, but I. But I also think that, like, being hot is totally achievable. Right? Like, you're not like, yes, of course some people are born hotter than others. But, like, You've seen people go through transformations. I, I had a pretty big glow up. You saw pictures of me back in the day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like the bolo man, the bolo tie guy. Yeah. It's like you, there's like getting fit, getting healthy, even just like making better choices in life that makes you more attractive to others. It's not about all about physical, it's about who you, how you show up in a room, how do you treat people? Like, are you outgoing? Are you kind of, are you funny? Like that's hot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You don't have to be Brad Pitt.

[A]

Right. And we've all met people that are like strikingly gorgeous, but the minute they open their mouths, it's like, totally.

[B]

Totally. There's a lot of hot people that are very much single because they don't have all the other stuff going for them.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, being hot is just like 90% of it. It's just like being happy, being fit, taking care of yourself, having friends, you know, doing the bare minimum.

[B]

Look good, feel good, look good, feel good, baby.

[A]

Okay, our next cheat code. Your next cheat code. This is hard for some people that life isn't that serious.

[B]

Yes. I mean, look at me right now. I'm wearing pajamas and it's just life isn't that serious. And I've actually made a lot of like really successful businesses based on that thought and that belief and that structure. So I host a networking event called Netplay and a dating event called Hot Takes Hot Dates. And both of those were.

Created from me going to a networking event and a dating event and just sitting there and being like, this is not very fun. Like, this is just really like, it's fine, but it wasn't worth the money, wasn't worth the time. Like, why would I come back here? And especially when it comes to like networking and socializing, like we've really optimized ourselves, especially in the self development world, to like be so serious, so regulated. So like all these things that are like really, really strict and rigid that like, there's not a whole lot of room for fun. And that's what I experienced at this networking event. One of the questions that they asked us was share with the other person.

What is your favorite productivity tool? I just stood there and I looked at this person, I'm like, I don't give a fuck what you're about to say. Like, I just don't care. My favorite productivity tool. I don't know. GCal?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Google Calendar, Gmail. Like, wow, I feel so much closer to this person. Now. And in that moment, I was like, all right, there's got to be a better way. And so my networking event, we literally. We play games in the park just like we used to as kids, because it was so easy to meet friends as kids, and we play games, we connect, and it's just like, it's easy, it's fun. It's not that serious. And every time at the end, everyone's like, wow, that was a really, really transformational experience. I've never. I've never played in, like, years. And it's so basic. We play like, duck, duck, goose. Like, it's not that insane.

[A]

That's so cool.

[B]

Yeah, but there. This is. I mean, that's actually my next hot take about this is podcasts. I think we talked about this before, but I think, especially in the self development world, like, podcasts have gotten so serious. Everyone's sitting across from each other with this lighting, having the same conversation with the same type of person in the same type of way, and it goes on for, like, two hours. And, like, people are just listening to this type of content over and over and over again. That's, like, so serious. Like, marketing funnels, like, they're not that serious, you know? But, like. Like, that's why I love what we're doing right now. Like, this is fun. This is good. This is a great time. It's not that serious, people.

[A]

It's not that serious. I moved my podcast to my bed. I was in, like, the Bro Podcast studio in East Austin.

[B]

Everyone's in.

[A]

I know that everyone's in with the same, like, lighting and the same fake plant. I'm like, I can't.

[B]

Yeah, you don't even know what's. You don't know the.

[A]

The.

[B]

The message that they're trying to make, because it's all. It all gets diluted into the same type of just, like, personal development.

[A]

Yeah. You should be, like, a fun consultant.

[B]

All right.

[A]

You kind of are. That's so.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Okay. This is also problematic. Joel, you're filled with problematic cheat codes.

[B]

Great.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Something I did not know about myself was how problematic I am.

[A]

Our. The goal is to get Joel canceled by the end of this episode.

[B]

Oh, yeah. All right.

[A]

I've actually really been trying to get canceled for a while, and it's. It's just not working. In my book, there's, like, a canceled editor that will make sure nothing will get you canceled in your book. And I'm like, oh, man.

[B]

Send them the cheat code about it's not that serious.

[A]

Okay. I will Yeah, I will. Okay. Women are attracting feminine men.

[B]

Wow. Okay, period. Mic drop, all the things.

Yeah. So, I mean, I think this is a conversation that is very prevalent right now. Like, women, they are achieving success and status to levels they never achieved in human history, which is. Period, which is amazing. And, like, that gets to be celebrated, and they are successful. I love women. Like, I love women. Most of my clients are women. I love my mom. I love my sister. Like, you all are so powerful. You do things that men could only dream of doing.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Yeah, you're welcome. So, like, let me say that first. My whole team is like, women. Like, I love women. I trust them. That being said, if you. If you in that levels of success, like. Like that direct, like, energy that the. The emotions that it takes to be successful, they're generally masculine energies. Like, directness, power.

Like confidence, like, those are all masculine energies. It's not a manly thing. I'm not saying that. I'm saying it's a masculine energy. And when feminine energies are, like, supportive and surrender and grace, and we have a lot of women today who are consistently in their masculine energy in order to be successful in this society that we have, which is great. Keep going. And also, when it comes to dating, like, it's really challenging in relationship to have two masculine energies in a relationship. And so if a woman is going to bring the masculine energy to the relationship, the only way that that can be balanced out is to have a more feminine man. And which is fine. Like, we can have feminine men. The problem is going back to what I said earlier, it's like, hey, if you want to be a masculine woman or you want to have all this in your relationship, then you get to be okay with a feminine man. It's very challenging to find a man that is so masculine that he's gonna put you in your place as a masculine woman. Like, that just isn't gonna happen. I'm sorry to say it, because the most masculine men, you know what they.

[A]

Want the most feminine.

[B]

The most feminine woman. Yeah. Right. Because that's. That balances it out for them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so the thing about masculine and feminine energies is, like, you can balance them both. Right? There are times when I'm very much in my masculine, and there are times when I'm very much in my feminine. I'm in my feminine a lot. Right. And I know how to balance the two of them. And so it comes down to women and also men to being able to master those different energies, understanding how to. How to be them in different environments. Understand how to use them to get the things that you want. Like get being in your masculine energy to be successful in your business. You got that down. What women now get to practice more of is to being in their feminine energy in order to be successful in their relationships.

[A]

I have a really quick cheat code on how to activate this on a date.

[B]

Let's hear it.

[A]

Okay. We're on a date. Joel.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The waiter comes by.

[B]

Wow, we're on a date. This is, this, this got. I was good. We're already in bed.

[A]

This is progressing fast. We're on a date. The waiter comes by, we have the menu, and I'm like, Joel, you can order for me.

[B]

Great.

[A]

Easy way. It activates it right at the beginning.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

I was actually at a dinner last night with just incredible female entrepreneurs that are just like. I was like, how, how am I in this room? How am I at this dinner? They're, they're crazy. And when the waiter came, we're like, we don't know what to order. Like, can you just do it for us, Mr. Waiter?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's like really interesting how they all can shift so quickly. But anyways, easy way to, to set the tone for that on a date.

[B]

100% and even going like further. So I, I coach a lot of women and they like, I see their dating apps and the conversations that they have in dating apps. And even from the beginning of their profile, there are moments that like portray a masculine energy. Right. If you have a prompt that's like, the best way to ask me out is it's like, just ask me out on a date. It's like, well, now you're telling the man to do something. Right? Like, I get that. It's not an invitation. You're telling him, okay, so now the man's. The relationship starts with you telling the man what to do and the man doing what you're gonna say. And then the polarity in that relationship from the first message is already whacked out. And it's like hard to kind of rebuild and re. Establish, especially if you want a long term relationship. It's like, it's gonna take a lot of work to rebuild and real establish those, those roles over time.

[A]

Okay, so then how do you, how does it start with your dating app of being in your feminine energy?

[B]

Yeah. So I have a lot of tips on how to make your dating app work for you, especially if you're looking for a long term relationship or a life partner. That's primarily the people who I work with. I don't I don't coach fuck boys on how to use dating apps to be more of a fuckboy. It ain't going to happen, so don't DM me. But what I tell people, like, in long term, who want long term relationships and life partners is, like, you get to be very intentional and authentic in what you're looking for. Right? When people think that dating apps are meant to get the most amount of matches possible, and so they create a dating app profile that attracts the most amount of people, and they have, you know, stupid prompts like.

I want to know this one thing about you. It's like, what's your favorite ice cream you don't give a fuck about? Like, that has no bearing on whether this relationship is gonna be successful or not. Right? And so that. But that is a easy way for someone to say, oh, I'll just Bono.

[A]

Well, then how do you keep it fun? Because, like, what. What's one thing I want to know about you? That I want, like, four kids or something? Did you write that?

[B]

If you want four kids, Right, but like, but I think that's the thing is, like, all right, great. Then the person that's gonna want four kids is gonna be like, okay, great, let me match with this person.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You don't want a hundred people that you have to sift through and send messages to and maybe meet, and only three of them actually want four kids.

[A]

So we want to disqualify our prospects a hundred percent. But it feels so good, Joel. The ego of I. I opened my eyes and I got a hundred matches overnight.

[B]

100.

[A]

So now you have to give that up. Up.

[B]

You got to give that up. Right? Like your profile should truly, especially for women, it should be used to disqualify people.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because all men are just going to say, hot girl, let's go.

[A]

But Joel, I can change him. He's a fuck boy, but I can change him. Once he meets me, he's going to want to marry me.

[B]

How's that working out for you?

[A]

Well, for me.

[B]

Well, not you, but, like, whoever's listening.

[A]

To this, I'm just saying what I think the listeners might be thinking.

[B]

I hear you. And.

Unfortunately, the person that you're meant to be with.

Likely isn't the one that you're most attracted to on Hinge.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's so true. Also, like, it's so. It's so hard to see someone's whole personality and everything just from photos or whatever else.

[B]

A hundred percent. This is. Their profile is literally the best version of Them? Yeah, it's like they, like, they've sat there and they've crafted the best version of them. And so that's what I like to think about when people. I look at people's profiles and they have these, like, prompts or these responses that are either one, basic, two, not that funny, three, like, kind of mean. I'm just like, this is the best version of you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So.

Literally anything that, like, is going to be worse than this. Right. And so create. If you're going to take your time to create the best version, create it intentionally, authentically. Like, let them actually see the best version of you, not the perceived best version of you.

[A]

Joel, I have another cheat code. I'm curious what you think. This. This helped me bag an amazing man. But when I was single, I had. I had this delusion where I'm like, every single man I meet, the Trader Joe's cashier, the guy I went on a date with, like, every single man is obsessed with me. And if they're not obsessed with me, they're just, like, they're gay or. Because, like, why would you not be obsessed with me?

[B]

I mean, gay guys could be obsessed with you.

[A]

Yeah, but, like, if they're obsessed with women, they're obsessed with me. Like, obsessed. If they're not, they're gay or they have a thing of, like, they only, like. Like Asian girls or something. Something I can't change. But other than that, every single man I meet is so in love with me, and I feel like it really worked in my energy.

[B]

I think that is a great way to approach life. Like, it's truly just coming up with the most empowering story possible. Right. Sure, you can operate around and say, everyone hates me, and a lot of people do, but that's not empowering. That's not going to support you. I have this conversation with my clients all the time. Whenever they get, like, rejected or dumped, they're all. They're upset. And I. And, like, the way that I've created, if someone rejects me, I just. I say, wow, they made a massive mistake. Like, that is 100% their loss. Because I know what I bring. I know how amazing I am. I know what I bring to relationship and how I treat people, and it will make somebody very happy one day. And so if they choose not to have that, that's their loss. Like, that's on them. And that's like, a similar kind of belief because, like, I talk to my friends and clients of mine so much, and they. They're upset when they get rejected. Because they might not look a certain way or they might not make enough, whatever it is. And I go, do you realize how many people would kill to be in relationship with you? Like, you are growth minded, you are successful, you care for people, you want to provide and raise a. Like there are so many women out there, or men, whatever, whoever I'm talking to that would are dreaming of you. And so if this person doesn't want that, that has nothing to do with you, has everything to do with them.

[A]

So the cheat code is to make up any sort of empowering story, but it's fun if it's delusional. Like, it's fun if I'm like, well, he didn't like, whatever, he dumped me or he didn't like me. But it's really because he just really liked short girls and I'm tall and like, that's why.

[B]

I mean, yeah, who says that's delusional?

[A]

Says that's solutional. It's not.

[B]

It's not.

[A]

That's so fun. I love that you get to work with single people because I just think everyone, everyone should be in love.

[B]

I agree. I agree. We need more relationships, we need more babies.

[A]

We do need more babies. Or like we're dying out, I guess.

[B]

I don't know what the stats say, but.

Anecdotally, it doesn't look good.

[A]

Yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't look good. Okay, next cheat code. Vulnerability is a strength. So you said that a lot of your clients are like, I want this, I want that, but they're not actually communicating that they're clients.

[B]

Yes. And clients, they're with their loved ones.

So vulnerability is a big word in my life. I am a man. I cry so much. Anyone who knows me knows that I, I'm very much a crier and I'm authentic and honest. And I'll tell you what I think and how I feel.

A lot of the time, Most of the time, 90% of the time. And I think when people think about vulnerability, they think, oh, I need to be sad or like talk about the really hard things. And I don't like, to me, vulnerability is when what you're feeling, what you're thinking, what you're saying and what you're doing is in total alignment. And so if you're mad, you're mad. If you're sad, you're sad. If you're happy, you're happy. And yeah, I think in, in relationship we have a, like, vulnerability, like fear because we think that if we say something, we're afraid of how the other person's going to respond. And so if I'm honest in this moment, they're going to get angry at me, and then they're going to dump me and I'll be alone forever. So I'm not going to say what I think. I'm going to say what I think this person wants me to say. And that is just disconnection, and it lacks vulnerability. And eventually you're now living a relationship that is not in alignment because you're not saying the things that you're thinking, and your partner is responding to the things that you're not thinking. And so it just creates more and more disconnect until eventually you break up. Right. And like. And so it's so important to be vulnerable early because the people that will love you unconditionally will love you unconditionally, and the people that won't, won't. But great. Better to know that now than five years down the road.

[A]

Yeah. Imagine like, being in a relationship, and that's also, like lying. That's, like, out of integrity. If you're saying you don't, you. You're not saying your desires, not saying what you actually want, and then it's five years into the relationship and you've, like, wasted their time.

[B]

Totally. Yeah. Or your own time. Right. Like, you're preserving something that might not be worth preserving. And I, like, like, my clients all the time, they say, hey, I want this thing, or I feel this way, or this person did this thing to me. And I go, great. Well, have you told them that? And they're like, oh, no, that would be really uncomfortable. Or, I don't know. And I go, well, what are we doing here? Like. Like what? Like, you know what you need to do. Like, what do you think I was going to say? You think I was just gonna feed your victim story? No. Cheat code number one, don't be a victim.

[A]

Don't be a victim.

[B]

Go take responsibility and have the conversation. I promise you, it's not never going to be as bad as you think it's going to be.

[A]

Yeah. It never is. No. Okay, next. Cheat code. Statistics don't apply to you. Like, you know the around. Like, if you're not married by 35, you're 70, whatever, you're. You're 2,000% more likely to get a divorce if your hair is green. Like, you know, all that. All that. A lot of people tell themselves these stories over and over, and it really impacts their 100.

[B]

Right. Like a big one is. And this is one that I believed for a very long time, right? It's like 50% of marriages end in divorce, right? And it might be different now, but that was like a big stat growing up. Like 50% of marriages end in divorce. It's like, okay, well great, I have a 1 in 2 chance of it working out. And you know me, I'm probably going to fuck it up. So, like, it's not going to work out like 100%, blah, blah, blah. And it, like, if you really believe in those stats, it will prevent you from taking risks. It will create a victim story. Oh, well, if no one else can do it, then I can't do it either. But the cheat code is understanding that one stats are kind of bullshit in general, right. It's like they are created by surveying a specific group of people. And so if you want to believe stats, do your research. But like, the more delusional view of it is just like, okay, great, I'm not everybody else. Like, I'm one person. I just need to know what my one stat is going to be. I don't care what 3,000 people surveyed in Kentucky. Right. Like, I just care about me. And if I'm in ownership and responsibility, I can create whatever outcome that I want. And so it's taking personal responsibility and not being swayed by what everyone else is doing. It doesn't matter. If you want to live a life that is different from everybody else's, you get to believe that you're different than everybody else.

[A]

I was talking to a friend that was telling me that there's a statistic about like, what percentage of women cheat by like, race? And he was only going for one race because they statistically cheat the least amount. And I think that's crazy.

[B]

Yeah. And also, like, there's the thing of like self fulfilling prophecies, right? If you operate thinking that like a certain race is just gonna cheat on you all the time, then like, you're probably gonna generate that in your life to reinforce the beliefs that you have. Like, I don't really think that my future partner will ever cheat on me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And if she, if she does, then like, I was wrong. But like, I'm not gonna go into it thinking that that's gonna happen because what good is that gonna do for me? Yeah, it's gonna make me weird and creepy and scared all the time.

[A]

Controlling.

[B]

Yeah. I won't let her go out ever.

No girls nights.

[A]

No girls nights.

[B]

We're watching a movie.

[A]

You have to stay right here. Okay.

Oh, okay. Our next cheat code.

Some people are Afraid to admit what they want because they don't believe it's possible. So something I see a lot in my clients. I'm sure you see in yours, too. It's like, oh, I'm like, what's your dream? What's your vision? They're like, well, I. It's really embarrassing, Courtney. I can't say it, you know? Oh, it makes me feel weird. Like, why do you think we have so much trouble, like, verbalizing our dreams and desires and goals?

[B]

Yeah. Because we don't believe it's possible or that we're wor. We're worthy of it. Yeah, right. Like, this shows up a lot with my clients and their relationships. And I think I asked them, hey, what do you want? Like, what's what? And they go, oh, I don't know. I don't know. It's like, there's no way. You don't know what you want. You think about what you want every waking moment of every single day for your entire life, whether that is in relationships or career or money or home or car, whatever. Right. You know what you want. But people don't share it or believe it because they don't think it's possible. Oh, I don't want to believe that I can marry or. I don't want to say that I want a woman who is really successful in her business, is a certain height, is a certain hair length. Because, like, I don't want to. I want to hedge my bets. I don't want to discount, you know, someone who might be 5, 6 instead of 5 4. And it's like, okay, well, yeah, of course not. But also, if you want something.

Believe it, say it, say it. Powerfully orient your life around to attracting it. I remember one. One of my. My friends, we were having a conversation, and I asked her, do you know what you want? She goes, yeah, of course I do. Oh, great. What do you want? She goes, well, you know, said all these things. She said, there's a couple things I don't really know. I don't know if I want them to be Jewish, and I don't know if I really want them, if I want them to have kids or not, or, like, want to have kids. And so I looked at her, I go, okay, so you don't know what you want? Like, you don't. And she, like, stopped for a second. She's like, oh, I guess not. And then I. I said, well, I think that's because you definitely do know. Like, if I had. If I put two men in front of you, One was Jewish, one was not Jewish. I'd say, which one do you want?

[A]

Want?

[B]

You'd say, the Jewish man. If I took two Jewish men and said, one of them wants kids, one of them doesn't, which one would you pick? The one that or the one that wants kids. Right. So you do know what you want. You're just afraid that there's not enough time or resources to attract them. And so then you hedge your bets and you. And you believe that anything will do. But then you spend time on dates and in relationships with those people that aren't in alignment, and it's a waste of your time. You become disillusioned around the dating environment in general, and then it's actually repelling you and making you further away from actually attracting the one that you know that you want.

[A]

This is. This was my story for so long. Like, around this, I'm like, well, there's like 8 billion people, so 4 billion men and 1 billion are adult age, but only 500 million are blah, blah, blah. And then only 250 million are taller than me. And then only 50 million of those make more money than me. And then only 10 million. And then I'm like, like getting. My brain is going down to, like. And then there's zero. There's zero people for me. But the, the new story that I decided and created is really delusional. But I was like, actually, like, God is creating a person for me in a different dimension, and he's just going to spawn. To literally serve me and be the perfect man for me. And it worked.

[B]

Yeah, I don't really know how to respond to that.

[A]

Be delusional is what I'm saying. Be delusional.

[B]

What I would say, right, is like, you get to be picky. You get to have everything that you want. If you have a laundry list of things that you want in your partner, you get to have them. But a very important thing is the more specific and the more unattainable that you want a person to be, the more willing you have to be to wait a very, very, very long time. Okay, so the more specific you want to be, the more willing you have to be to wait.

It's delusional to think, oh, I want 001% of the population and I want them now, like, that's just not. That's not going to happen and say, okay, great, what are things that I'm able to. To give up on, right? Like height or weight or hell, like these things that will make it a little bit more attainable if you want your relationship to happen sooner.

[A]

Totally. Yeah. Because you could easily be like, well, I want a trillionaire that's 7 foot 4 and has like. I don't know, like, you can, you can be unreasonable.

[B]

You better be hot and living in Los Angeles if you want those things. It's possible, but it ain't possible if you're not in those environments.

[A]

Yeah, you can, like, go do like the Elon Musk baby mama thing where he gives you.

[B]

Yeah. So one of my. One of my friends when I first moved to Austin, they. They said, hey, Joel, is it better to date in Austin or la? And I told him, austin a million times over. And she was confused to why that was. And I said, well, here in Austin, like, you don't have girls. You're not dating girls who have been on dates with billionaires or Brad Pitt. Right. In Los Angeles, like, it's legitimately possible for women to be on dates with movie stars and billionaires. And her response to me was like, yeah, Joel, but like, once you go on a couple dates with billionaires, you know, it's not all it's cracked out to be. And I looked at her, I go, yeah, I'd rather they just never been with a billionaire, you know? Like, it's like, I. I don't feel the need to compete with something that's not a normal life experience.

[A]

Yeah, I went on a date with a billionaire one time.

[B]

Yeah, it's probably.

[A]

It was not great. I'm sure it wasn't. I. I was living in Dallas and it was like, his parents were billionaires and he was just like, really? He was like, going to the bathroom to do coke, like, every few minutes.

[B]

I mean, you don't have to be a billionaire to do that.

[A]

But it was, it was not. It was not a great experience. I will say. Turned me off from the Billy's, but I'll be a billionaire one day.

[B]

100. The codes.

[A]

The codes. Okay. Our last cheat code. You have created majorly successful events. I think you like, what you've. What you've made is just incredible. And you have a secret to events. You have the best dating event in Austin and the best networking event in Austin.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

So some people might be listening to this being like, oh, my God, I want to make the best event for yoga or the best event in Dallas or the best event in New York for knitting. I don't know, what would your advice be to them? To create the most awesome spectacular event ever.

[B]

So a couple things. One would be just to do It. Right. And it doesn't have to be perfect. We think that, oh, my first event has to be south by Southwest. It's like, it doesn't get a group of people together, create an experience that people like, and then do it again.

[A]

Wait, I want to stop you there because I want to share some examples. So maybe you're thinking we have this great event with a DJ and a venue and whatever. Your first event could just be getting five people together at lunch or going on a walk or going to the park together. Like getting some people to come over to your house for dinner. Like, if you've never done that, it's going to be really hard to have an event with 100 people. Like, get your reps in of hosting. And it can, it can start that small. Like, I'm sure the first net play is just at a park. It's zero dollars. I mean, it's still at a park, but zero dollars. And probably was like eight people that you already know that you like, personally invited.

[B]

My first net play, I strategically hosted it on my birthday so that I would guilt people into coming to it as my birthday party.

[A]

That's so genius. That is a freaking awesome cheat code.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so just start. Start small. Like just.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, you can't host an event with 150 people if you can't host an event with five people. Right, right. Like, that's just. That's not going to be possible. And. And you'll be so scared to do it that it will paralyze you and create in the event. So just start small. Host a dinner, host people together, go for a walk, whatever it is. Get into the practice of being the person and being the. Being that host for others, and then just continue to do it. Right. The first one will have five, and then the next one will have 10 because they'll all bring someone else. And then 20, 30, 40, 100, 150. Like, it happens quickly, but it takes consistency because most people, if it was easy to host an event, everyone would do it. Yeah, but it's not. But it's also not impossible. And so if you want to do it, it's incredibly valuable. Like, the moment I started hosting events, like, people just think that you're like a massive connector and like community builder. And like, I hosted my first event, netplay, and like, the people that came just assumed that I did this all the time because that's. Because they're like, wow, this person's doing something that most people won't do.

And then my other. My Other cheat code around hosting events is like creating an experience that people will not forget. Right. Is there a transformation that can occur in whatever time you have with this person? Right. And the transformation can be small, but you want the person to leave a different version of themselves than they came in. Right. And so that's where I had some trouble with these. These networking events was like, I felt like the same person leaving as I did coming. Sure, I got a few phone numbers, right. And I met a few people, but I felt like the same person. And the most powerful experiences, most powerful events, and the most value that you can give your attendees is within the short amount of time that you have with them. Can you have them leave a different version of themselves that they came? And so with Hot Takes Hot Dates, it's a comedy show, right? It's meant to be fun. It's a singles event that's not like anything anyone else has ever created. Like, it's fully meant to be fun. And so people come in nervous about dating, afraid to meet new people, like kind of maybe burnt out with the dating apps. And whether they meet somebody romantically or not, they leave Hot Takes Hot Dates in a state of joy. They leave with a bunch of new friends. They leave more excited about dating in general. They leave with an experience that they actually were not expecting. And therefore that makes them want to come back and tell their friends. Because within that short two hour period, yes, to them it was some conversations, a comedy show, but they truly leave a version of themselves that's different than the one they came in.

[A]

Damn mic drop. That's so great.

I have a funny story before we wrap up is that I. You started netplay a few years ago, right?

[B]

It's like, like a two years ago.

[A]

Yeah. When the. I remember the first or second or something. Net Play, I saw it in like a group chat and it really triggered me.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. Because I was so serious and I was like, net Play, like, are we children? What do you mean? Like, I need to go to a network. And like, this is not for me. Yeah. But I was wrong.

[B]

That's amazing. And that I. I get that a lot. They're like, oh, I don't want to play. It's like, well, if you don't want to play, then you need this more than anybody else. Right. Because again, it's not that serious. And I invite people in the beginning. I go, hey, this is gonna might seem weird. You're gonna play Duck Duck Goose. We're in Zilker Park. People can see you. Right. But like, let me invite you into the version of you that used to do this as a kid. They didn't care what other people thought. They walked up to somebody on the playground and said, hey, I'm Joel. I'm your best friend now. And, like, what would your life look like if you approached every experience, every connection, every relationship, every date with that same energy, with that same playfulness? I guarantee you, your life will be a lot different.

[A]

Yeah. So powerful. Well, I think everybody listening to this needs to go on google.com and type in flight to Austin and literally book a flight to come to Austin, because it's. It's really that good and that amazing. And you're literally the best dating coach ever. And everyone should DM me on Instagram.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

If you're single, you just can't complain unless you've talked to Joel first.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you started doing Hinge profile.

[B]

I review profiles on Hinge and Bumble. Like, any dating profile, I review it, find me on Instagram. Joel J O E L underscore Monteleone, M O N T E L E O N E or Hot takes hot dates on Instagram. Like, those are direct lines to me. And, like, I love having conversations. I am a coach, a teacher. Like, I just love to support people. So if you have questions, DM me, and I will definitely respond. Also.

[A]

If you. So maybe you want to invest in dating coaching, but if you're like, no, I want something that's free. 99. You do free Hinge profile reviews, but they're public. Like, they're on your Instagram.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So you can submit screenshots of your Hinge profile if you want a public review. And they're kind of funny. It's a little silly and comedy, but you can also do that.

[B]

Yeah. If you want a fun review of your profile. I make videos of people's hinges, and it's just fun. It's not that serious. And you'll get a lot of great value. But. But I love doing it. And. Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so go screenshot your profiles and DM them to Joel, and he'll for free, make a video about it and then pay for his coaching.

[B]

Yeah. If you want me, I'll tag you. And you get all these people to DM you.

[A]

Yeah. Wait, side note, have you seen the post? That's like, my single application. It's like a post type people are doing on Instagram.

[B]

On. I see it on TikTok, too.

[A]

Yeah. It's really good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Maybe you're like, no, I mean, it's fine. I think it's fine.

[B]

It's, it's, it is. It's always interesting right up to like, see, like, oh, hey, this is my application for dating of the version of me that I perceive you to be attracted to. Right. Like, they don't say, hey, I'm a little neurotic sometimes.

[A]

Right?

[B]

It's just like, I like to hike, I like movies, and I'm a big sports fan.

[A]

Well, that looks crazy.

[B]

That's not your life.

[A]

If you're like, I'm neurotic. That would be crazy.

[B]

It would be great.

[A]

Like, what if your pinch was like, I'm a crazy.

[B]

Well, that's okay. All right. That's my, that's my. Like something I see with these hinge profiles is they don't say, hey, I'm a crazy, but the way that they answer prompts, portray that you're a crazy.

[A]

Okay? So if you don't want to be a crazy on Hinge dm, Joel Monteleone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we'll get you all the info.

[B]

I'll get you, I'll get you a match with the most aligned partners and get you your long term relationship very, very easily, period.

[A]

Well, thank you, Joel, for coming on. Slay the gatekeeper. You're amazing.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

You're the best.

[B]

Thank you.