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- [00:00]
Shannon
Foreign.
- [00:04]
Courtney Johnson
Welcome to Slay the Gatekeeper. I'm your host, Courtney Johnson, and I am here to un gatekeep the gatekeep. Thank you so much for being here. Enjoy. Hello, Shannon. Welcome to play the Gatekeeper. I'm so, so happy that you're here.
- [00:20]
Shannon
I'm so excited to be here. I'm excited to kill this Gatekeeper. I think maybe in this episode we just demolish the gatekeeper once and for all. If we're good enough, we are going.
- [00:29]
Courtney Johnson
To murder, absolutely murder the gatekeeper. And what's so interesting about this is breakups are such. It's such a common thing. Like, we've all been through breakups, and traditional breakup advice is bullshit. It's like, believe in yourself. Love yourself.
- [00:45]
Shannon
You know, the only good thing about hearing that during a breakup is that for a second your rage and anger leaves your partner and it goes to the person giving you shitty advice. Because the amount of people who are like, have you tried yoga after a breakup, it's like, kill yourself. Like, you. No idea what I'm going through. I think the only thing I find beneficial about it is that the fact that some people throw out such advice, it's like, okay, so they went through a breakup, survived, and now are in a good enough place to give me stupid phony advice. Maybe I'll be there too one day.
- [01:17]
Courtney Johnson
Totally. Totally. It's just. Yeah, most advice just doesn't help, which is why I really wanted to talk to you, because you have, like, real fucking advice. Like, things that are actually going to help. Because the thing is, breakups feel like death. Like, it. It feels like someone is dying. It is like the worst feeling ever. Yeah. And.
- [01:35]
Shannon
And that's why I love so much of your content too, because it's always nice to do inner work and we always know what we're supposed to do. But I think that there's a big benefit to just having some sort of checklist of things that you can do cross off and like, kind of subconsciously help you in some ways. Like, I love a good hack, I love a good solution. And even if it's not the number one solution or you have to do it in tandem with therapy and journaling and inner work, it just makes you feel a little bit more productive when you're going through something painful to, like, have these different hacks to do.
- [02:06]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah. And. And I love something that's like, slightly unethical.
- [02:09]
Shannon
Right.
- [02:09]
Courtney Johnson
Like, it's a thing that, like, chat. You're talking to chatgpt about. And chatgpt is like, well, have you considered the ethical repercussions of this? Like, that's when you know you're on the right Track.
- [02:19]
Shannon
I've trained ChatGPT so well. I was looking to online stalk someone last night, and I put a prompt in being like, I already the typical ways to online stalk someone, like Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and then I also know the other ways, like Pinterest, Spotify, Venmo. I'm like, what are other niche ways you can help me find a way to online stalk someone? And it gave all of these great ideas. I was like, oh, thank you, Chat. You know, it gets me.
- [02:42]
Courtney Johnson
Wait, I need to know one of these ideas.
- [02:44]
Shannon
This is. This is a cheat code they had. Of course, you know, they had Goodreads, they had Tumblr. Also something that I already do is when you have someone's username for, like, Instagram, Pinterest, you know, Facebook, whatever, you have to put that username into Google with quotes around it to see if they have any other accounts with that username. So, Yeah, I think ChatGPT, it knows how crazy I am.
- [03:08]
Courtney Johnson
Okay. One of my favorite ways to stalk people is I think the website is called, like, Max Pro or Max Preps, and it's people's like, high school sports stats.
- [03:18]
Shannon
Oh, my friends used to always do that when they were dating a guy because it would show their actual height. So they would be like, oh, on hinge, it says 16, too. But on his, you know, baseball thing when he was a senior, it said that he was 5 11.
- [03:29]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah, that's a really good one. And also, you can search, like, legal documents around stuff. So if someone's been like. If you're dating someone that's been divorced, you can find, like, the court proceedings sometimes.
- [03:40]
Shannon
Oh, that's good. See, the real joy is when you're able to find someone's Reddit username because, like, oh, that's so beautiful. But it's really hard. Normally you have to, like, be friends with them. They're showing you something on Reddit and you get a glimpse at the username. That happened to me once, and it was like. It was like I struck gold oil. Yeah.
- [03:58]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah. One time somebody found my Reddit username and that, like, a friend of mine, and that was.
- [04:03]
Shannon
So I had to delete it and start a new one. I was like, oh, I forgot how honest I was on Reddit. Ooh, same.
- [04:10]
Courtney Johnson
It's because I. I posted something about, like, oh, I made this blog about LinkedIn tips, and the blog, like, went back to A website I used to have. And anyways, they found me. Yeah. But yeah, I love. Okay, let's get into some of these breakup cheat codes. So let's say you're going through a breakup. You're in the suck again. I don't even want to call it a suck. It's like horrific death of like, you.
- [04:33]
Shannon
Want to go to the hospital, you need to be hospitalized.
- [04:36]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah. Literally. Have you ever gone through a breakup and you're like, I kind of hope I, like, get mildly hospitalized.
- [04:41]
Shannon
That's all of my breakups. Like, literally all. I'm like, first of all, then they would feel bad. Then. Then also, it's almost like you feel so much pain on the ins that you want to validate it by having your arm broken or something. Because a breakup is so strange because on the inside, you are a shell of yourself, but on the outside, sometimes you've never looked better. And it makes it. I don't know, like, you kind of. You just want people to know that you're in pain sometimes.
- [05:06]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah. And you're like, I. You know, I don't want to get in, like, a car accident or anything, but if I got, like, a really bad IBS where I got a hospital bracelet on my Instagram story.
- [05:19]
Shannon
No, I think that all the time. Or like, you go and make a blood donation and you just, like, take a picture of the needle in and you're like, who knows what?
- [05:24]
Courtney Johnson
It could be so mysterious. I love that. Okay, so we're going through the breakup. It's really, really hard. First thing you do is change your phone background. Why?
- [05:35]
Shannon
How I change my phone background and my phone case, and this is my number one hack. If you're going through a breakup or maybe you got laid off or a friendship breakup, anything painful where you're like, you know what? I feel like I need to enter a new chapter of my life. Change your phone wallpaper and change your phone case. And this is because we don't normally change our wallpapers and cases that much. I usually have the same case on my phone for like a year, two years. But over all of those days, every single time you've been in a relationship with someone, you have picked up your phone and you have looked at the image in the background, the colors on it, whatever type of. I don't know if it's a picture of someone, if it's a cart, and you have seen that visual image at the same time that your ex was reaching out to you, or you would look at that image before you would go to FaceTime them, or you would pick up the phone. So all of those, like, textures on your phone, all of the images, the color palette, your brain has kind of associated them with speaking to that ex. So once you break up and you go no contact, which I really don't even talk about in my ebook because I just think no contact is like, you have to go no contact. Changing your wallpaper and your phone case, it makes you feel fresh. It kind of gets rid of those, like, subconscious neural pathways that are linking you to talking to your ex. And it just makes you feel very clean and like you're starting a new chapter. And it's kind of depressing because we shouldn't be disconnected to our phones. But if you give your phone a little bit of a visual makeover, it does make you feel like you're starting a fresh new page.
- [07:06]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah, I feel like you could probably change your computer background, too. Or, like, if you have an iPad or maybe even something in your car, like, maybe you hang a new car air freshener. Just the things you see multiple times a day.
- [07:18]
Shannon
Yeah, I think that's great. You know, people always talk about getting a haircut, and for sure that's great. But what if you like your current haircut? You know, there's other things in your life that you can change around, and I think it would be cool if you could look at it. So, for example, you're looking at your phone. You're also looking at your nails. Maybe do something different to your nails that would have more of an impact than whitening your teeth or a new shade of lipstick, because you're going to be looking at it a lot.
- [07:42]
Courtney Johnson
Totally. Yeah. Maybe, like, instead of cutting all your hair off, you could get, like, lash extensions or something. I don't know, laminate your eyebrows. Do you do anything with, like, an excess contact in your phone? Like, do you change it to don't text? Or, like, evil? Or do you change it to someone's name? I'm so curious.
- [08:00]
Shannon
I delete it. I'd like. I make sure that a friend has the contact just in case, but I delete it. Like, I can't have it anywhere. And I delete all of the messages just because I really don't trust myself after a breakup. So I feel like I need to put up guardrails. Otherwise, I'll just say this. Every single friend that I know who has kept an ex in their phone ends up texting them. So I. That's why I delete it. What do you do?
- [08:23]
Courtney Johnson
Okay, I would usually Have a friend change it to like a random person's name. Like someone that maybe I went to a college class with and if they texted me, I'd be annoyed and like, oh, this guy hit on me in college. I don't want to talk to him. Something like that. They would change it to, that's a good idea.
- [08:38]
Shannon
Yeah, A lot of my friends change to something else, but, like, they'll be showing me something on their phone and I'm like, why are you texting someone named Don't? And they're like, oh, we ended up talking. And I'm like, yeah, of course.
- [08:50]
Courtney Johnson
No, don't do it. Don't do it. Yeah. I mean, I love that you're saying going no contact is just like a non negotiable because that is so true. You have to go no contact. And I actually have a cheat code for this that's so unhinged. But I go no contact. And then I tell. I literally gasp myself to be like, yeah, I don't even know if I believe in reincarnation, but in a breakup I do. I'm like, yeah, they weren't meant for me in this lifetime. But in the next lifetime, we're gonna have a great reunion after we both fix our issues. And like, that's really the path that's meant for us. Like, is that true? I have no idea. But it makes me feel better.
- [09:26]
Shannon
No, I do that too. Or sometimes I tell myself, like, oh, my God, like, I really want to get back together with them. The universe will only let me get back together with them after I date two people. So I have to date two people. And then by the time you've already dated the next person, you're like, oh, who cares about my last ex? But telling yourself that you have to do that, it's kind of like a fun way to put you in position where, oh, no, I have to travel the world and I have to go on dates and I have to be kissed. And as you're doing that, you're kind of healing in the background.
- [09:53]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah. You really have to kind of gaslight yourself.
- [09:56]
Shannon
Yeah.
- [09:56]
Courtney Johnson
I think another cheat code I have that's fun is like making a list of people that you can hook up with that you like. Maybe someone like an old person for, I don't know, from like your early 20s that you had sexual tension with that you never hooked up with. Like, make a list of all those people.
- [10:11]
Shannon
The exciting thing is that when you do break up with someone, the world is your oyster. And even though most times when you go through a breakup, you're like, there. I will never find love again. That was the only person for me. Like, this is it. The buck stops now. I, I. Ever since I was, like, 17, I thought that after every breakup, I'm like, well, you know, it was a good run, but that was my last chance at love forever. But I love the idea of making a list, because it could be, like, someone cute on Tick tock who lives in your city. Like, what if it's him? It could be that barista that, you know, has, like, really nice arms. You know, you could just make a list of toys, 20 people, and it just puts you, I think, in the mindset of flexing that muscle, of being like, well, what is there out there? You know? What do I like?
- [10:50]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah, maybe you want to, like, experiment. Maybe something that you haven't done before. Maybe you. Your partner was like, a little prude, and you're like, maybe I'll try something else. That'd be fun. Okay, our next cheat code. This is my favorite one because it's just so real. Maybe ask your doctor for a low dose of Xanax to, like, sleep for the first few nights.
- [11:09]
Shannon
Yes. I do this out of, I think, the past three breakups that I've had. I did this, and it happened on accident. The first time I was in a doctor's office about something, and I'm very fragile after a breakup, and I just burst into tears. And she was like, are you okay? What's going on? And I was like, sorry. Like, I'm just going through a breakup, and, like, it is eating me alive. Like, I just cannot function. Like, I'm getting no sleep. Like, I just think about it all the time. And she actually suggested it to me. She was like, if you want, I could give you, like, a low, like, a week supply of Xanax. And by week, I mean seven days, you know, a week supply. But it was also kind of small of Xanax. And I was like, oh, my God, wait, this is amazing. And it actually made the nights I didn't dread being lonely at night with all of the thoughts consuming me, because I was like, I have my routine. I'm gonna try to stomach a meal. I'm going to have my Xanax, and then I'm just going to drift off to sleep. And it gave me a little bit of a plan. And I think in that first month, feeding yourself and getting adequate sleep are the hardest things to do. And mental health is health. So if you go to doctor, I've even Gone to urgent care before. When this happens, feel free to cry. I think it's better if you're sobbing and if you just say, I've gone through a breakup. If you could. If I could just have, like, a week's worth of sleeping pills or Xanax or something like that just to get me through this period, you know, lie. Be like, I have this huge work deadline coming up, and I can't keep it together at night. They will give you, you know, seven days worth, 14 days worth. And sometimes that's all you need just to make it over that, like, past really hard initial. Humphrey.
- [12:39]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah, it's so true. Because during the first, like, two weeks, you are going to, like, you're gonna want to go out with your friends and drink too much if you drink. Or you're gonna want to smoke a ton of weed. Like, there is going to be that impulse to, like, tap out. So if you can do it in, like, a safe, controlled way from a doctor that you're not, like, binging is probably better. Again, that's why this is, like, a problematic cheat code, because obviously, like, if you can just, like, I don't know if you're.
- [13:07]
Shannon
Don't drink on the Xanax, because then you'll black out. But for me, personally, after a breakup, I don't drink or smoke weed for, like, the first entire month, which is crazy because I normally do that often. But, yeah, it's just. It's water and Xanax and crying. Yeah.
- [13:26]
Courtney Johnson
And eating. Must eat.
- [13:28]
Shannon
Trying to.
- [13:29]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah.
- [13:29]
Shannon
I think everyone remembers the first meal that you're able to stomach down. And that's also one of my tips in the Eat book, is that no matter what it is, order it immediately. I remember I barely ate anything for two weeks after one really hard breakup. And then suddenly one night, I was like, I kind of want linguini with clams. And I just immediately ordered it on door. Dash ate it. And you feel so proud of yourself when you're able to eat that first meal.
- [13:53]
Courtney Johnson
Have you seen that. That breakup show with, like, the musical theater girl? Her name's Rachel. Oh, my God. Oh, crazy ex girlfriend. Oh.
- [14:02]
Shannon
People have recommended it to me, but I don't think I've seen. Yeah. They burst out into, like, song at different parts. Right. Y. I haven't seen it. Have you?
- [14:09]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah. That really helped me get through my last breakup because the whole thing is actually how to grieve a breakup. And every episode is, like, a different stage of grieving, and you kind of follow this character's Journey as you're going through your own journey. So I kind of use that as my therapist. I, like, journaled after every episode. It's really helpful.
- [14:25]
Shannon
A lot of people recommended that to me then if I ever, God willing, don't have to go through another one again. But if I ever do, I'm going to check that out. I think my crutch was action movies, because I was like, I don't want to see a smic of anything related to romance. It would just send me over the edge. So I watched, like, a lot of Mission Impossible and stuff.
- [14:46]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah. To be clear, neither of us are going through a breakup. This is for y'.
- [14:50]
Shannon
All.
- [14:50]
Courtney Johnson
I hate that someone listening is going through a breakup, but fingers crossed, no breakups for the rest of our lives. Okay.
- [14:57]
Shannon
Let's hope. God willing. Yeah.
- [14:59]
Courtney Johnson
No more. Okay. Our next cheat code is to get touched.
- [15:04]
Shannon
Getting touched is good. And I know a lot of people say the best way to get over someone is getting under someone, and I think that that does work for me. It takes a couple of months before that would work. Otherwise, I feel like it would set me backwards. But when you break up with someone, you realize just how much you are getting touched by them. And getting touched, especially for women, it releases oxytocin, which is a lot more meaningful to us than it is to men. So what I would do is go get a bunch of hand and foot massages. Like, if you want to go get a pedicure, a manicure, obviously a massage is good. Getting a blowout where they really, like, get all up in your scalp, that's so nice. But something that's cheaper and in a lot of cities are just hand and feet massages. You can get one for, like, 20 bucks for 30 minutes. And it feels good, and it just feels nice to be touched by someone. I don't know how to describe it, but if you're a little bit too vulnerable to hook up with someone, there are a lot of different options that you can still have that feel, feeling. And even though it's not romantic, it just kind of. I almost think of you being, like, a sim and, like, you have, like, the green bar of your needs. It gets that need filled up of, like, physical comfort.
- [16:14]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah. I feel like you could also do, like, a dance class or something. Or have you ever done, like, a tantra workshop?
- [16:21]
Shannon
No, but I would love to. That sounds cool.
- [16:24]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah, that. Like tantra workshops, There's a lot of different flavors of them, but I've been to some where you're kind of like, In a group, and you just, like, caress each other's, like, arms and faces in, like, a meditation. Like, your eyes are closed, you don't know who you're touching.
- [16:39]
Shannon
But it's like, I'm like, not me getting turned on. I like that.
- [16:42]
Courtney Johnson
It's very pg. I mean, it can be more than pg, but it's very pg. But it's called Latihan, I think, is like, that specific one. And it's like, comes out of, like, dance contact improv. Anyways, this is, like, getting a little weird, but that might be an alternative solution.
- [16:58]
Shannon
I love that. I think that's really cool. I once had. You know when sometimes you get the massage and someone's doing. Or, sorry, the pedicure. Someone's doing your toes, and then someone's doing your hands while you're in the chair and it's massaging you. That happened to me once, and I almost came, like. I don't know what it was about it. So I would do that workshop, but I would have to, like, control myself.
- [17:17]
Courtney Johnson
It's like the DP of it is.
- [17:21]
Shannon
Or it almost feels like those scenes in Game of Thrones were like, all of the ladies are tending to Daenerys and it's like, oh, that feels so nice just to be tended to, you know?
- [17:31]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah, there's. I feel like. I don't know if you've seen this, but some of my friends that are pregnant are getting, like, pregnancy blessing parties where basically, like, their friends draw them a bath and like, everyone rubs their feet and head. And I'm like, we should do that for breakup.
- [17:46]
Shannon
That's a really good idea. I'm. I haven't seen that before, but I find that funny.
- [17:50]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah. There's also, like, self touch hypnosis or meditations on YouTube where, again, you're like, touching your hair and your arm and you're just like, I don't know, meditating. And that might be helpful if you're like, zero budget. Give me the free YouTube thing.
- [18:04]
Shannon
Yeah.
- [18:06]
Courtney Johnson
Okay. I love this next cheat code. And that is to do, like, a hokey challenge. Like, say yes to everything for one week. Like, what are some other hokey challenges? And have you done this? Have you done the say yes for one week?
- [18:18]
Shannon
I've done different versions of this where, like, yeah, absolutely. Every opportunity you have, say yes to it. Or this was. This one was really crazy. I heard that this was, like, a clip that people were making fun of from some, like, very Catholic podcast. But these girls were saying, anytime you get. Sometimes you get invited to a party or a work happy hour and you say yes in the moment, but then when the time comes and you really just don't want to go, you just want to stay at home. They were like, that's because Satan is putting his influence in there and the greatest blessing and gift is for you at that party or that happy hour and he's preventing you from going. And people were making fun of them for saying that. And I'm like, that is oddly the only thing that would get me to go out when I'm in a mood that I don't want to. So sometimes something like that I think can be helpful or maybe, I don't know, let's say you always take the subway to work. Maybe say that you're going to take the bus. Maybe say that you're gonna mix up your routine. May would come in early, leave early. Now you're going to come in late, stay late. Just some sort of aspect of your lifestyle or routine that is habitual and trying to turn it on its head in a little bit just to see what happens and try it for a week. Because I think that's the big benefit of a breakup. You now get to try everything. Like the most demoralizing thing is that you lost this concept of a future and what you had planned. But then the most beautiful thing is that now you get to weave in all of these other aspects that you didn't know you had kind of written off because you were planning and banking on a future with XYZ person.
- [19:51]
Courtney Johnson
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- [23:36]
Shannon
Have you seen that tick tock thing where people go for a hike and they greet someone starting with a different letter of the Alphabet? Like I feel like something like that could be fun.
- [23:44]
Courtney Johnson
That's such a great reminder. I'm gonna do that later when I go on a walk.
- [23:47]
Shannon
Yeah, do it.
- [23:48]
Courtney Johnson
It's really fun. Okay. I have another really unhinged cheat code, and that is that I got sight myself into being like, the universe just wants what's best for me. And I manifested too hard. So I'm like, I manifested too hard to where the universe is actually going to bring me someone with the exact qualities of this person that I just broke up with, but their dick's going to be a little bit bigger and they're going to be a little bit taller and they're going to make a little bit more money because, like, the universe knows that, like, that's where. That's where we were lacking. And that has really helped me.
- [24:18]
Shannon
I think I have a section in the E book that's all about different celebrity breakups and then success stories that kind of inspire me. And that one that you just talked about is Miranda Kerr. I remember when her and Orlando Bloom broke up, everyone was like, well, how do you do better than Orlando Bloom? You guys were a perfect couple. And then she ends up marrying Evan Spiegel, founder of Snapchat, who was at the time before Kylie, the youngest billionaire in the world. And I'm sure when they broke up, I mean, she talks a lot about her breakup. And she would also do hokey things. She would wear, like, a rose quartz stone. She would sew it into her bra strap so it was close to her heart, like, doing all of these cool spiritual things. She was really upset by their breakup because how do you get better than Orlando Bloom, the youngest billionaire in the world? Like, even she had a step up with the next guy. So I like to think of that, too.
- [25:07]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah. So maybe it's just like, the universe is bringing you a billionaire and you just got to chill out.
- [25:12]
Shannon
Yeah. With a huge dick.
- [25:15]
Courtney Johnson
With a huge, huge dick. Yeah. So I know I have a friend and her, like, one life goal is to, like, heal billionaires through their dick. She wants to seduce them and, like, bring them into love through sucking their dick. And I think that's so beautiful.
- [25:30]
Shannon
First of all, I'm impressed she's able to find and meet these people. Where? Where do you find a billionaire?
- [25:35]
Courtney Johnson
I don't know.
- [25:36]
Shannon
I have no idea.
- [25:39]
Courtney Johnson
It's like magic. Really? Yeah.
- [25:41]
Shannon
I would just hang around Lauren Sanchez and, like, wait to see the places that she frequents because she already did it.
- [25:47]
Courtney Johnson
She's, like, so magnetic that I just want to follow her around and copy everything she does and, like, absorb her energy. Yeah.
- [25:53]
Shannon
I'm fascinated by her you know, of course there's. There's issues with her, but, man, is she a fascinating case study.
- [25:59]
Courtney Johnson
She is really fascinating. She has. Yeah, she's. You're right. She's got some shit. And she has power, and I want to learn to get that power. Like, yeah, girl, what are you doing? Okay, next. Cheat code. This is so fun. See a psychic.
- [26:14]
Shannon
You have to see a psychic. If anyone wants to DM me and Courtney, I can give you two. There's one that my friend swears by, and I'm seeing her sometime this month. And then there's another that Rachel, she's my psychic and she's perfect. But when you see a psychic, make sure that you do one of the tarot readings, not one of the palm readings, where, like, they tell you about your future. So ask around. Like, ask some of your friends. Look up, like, different. You know, maybe post in your city's subreddit, is there a good one that you know of? And I will say they can be just as good over zoom as they are in person. I think a lot of people think that, like, over zoom, it won't work or something like that. I've had some of my best psychic readings over zoom. And also, if you don't have money for it, pick a card. Readings Anthrodite and Alice Love Exists vision. They are my favorite on YouTube. They are psychic. Like, they're so dead on.
- [27:06]
Courtney Johnson
You could also have CHAT GPT to give you a reading.
- [27:09]
Shannon
Totally. And you know what? I don't know if I was talking with you about this or another friend of mine. The way that I put so much stuff into ChatGPT, like, every time I journal every day, I'll just upload it into ChatGPT and be like, file this away in your memory. You know, like, asking it things throughout the day. I asked ChatGPT the other day to make a week, month, and year prediction for me based on everything it knew. Because, you know, data collection, pattern recognition, the way that the week and the month one came true, and now I'm waiting for the year. It spooked me. So that could be something fun for you to do, too.
- [27:42]
Courtney Johnson
Well, was it positive?
- [27:44]
Shannon
Yeah. Well, one was. One was kind of neutral and then the other one was positive.
- [27:50]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah. Because if it was negative, that would be. I'd be like, what can I do to change the trajectory of this?
- [27:55]
Shannon
Yeah. And you know what it would tell you? Because it's everything.
- [27:59]
Courtney Johnson
Okay. Another free way to do this. And I'm going to sound so deranged, but I Do it all the time is like, like those random ass tick tock lives. Yeah, I'm in there. I'm. I guess it's not. They're not always free because sometimes you have to pay like 50 cents and give like a star or something. But those psychic, those psychics can be good. Yeah.
- [28:20]
Shannon
I also like sometimes too, asking for the universe for a sign. But you have to set it up for success. Like, don't make the sign be, you know, if he misses me, I see this. But if he doesn't, blah, blah, blah. Don't make it about your ex, but make it something future oriented. Like the next person I meet, if they're going to be really rich, show me a red balloon sometime this week. But if they're going to be super hot and good in bed, show me a green turtle or something like that. And then as you go throughout the week, you look for these signs. Neither of them are bad, but it gets you into that motion of like optimistic daydreaming for the future.
- [28:55]
Courtney Johnson
That's so beautiful. Yeah, One of my friends talks about that, of like creating a language for the universe, sending you signs. So like, for her, seeing a bird means she's going to have good luck that day. And seeing like a lizard means that blessings are on its way or whatever. And basically everything she sees, she's like a tree. I'm abundant. Oh, my gosh, there's like a child running around. That means I'm fertile.
- [29:20]
Shannon
I used to live in New York and San Francisco. I'd be like, when I see poop smeared on the sidewalk, that means that I'm. A blessing is upon me.
- [29:31]
Courtney Johnson
It's so good. It really is. Okay, next cheat code. Rearrange your furniture.
- [29:37]
Shannon
Oh, I love rearranging your furniture. I do this after every breakup and once again, it's good. Any big transition that you're going through, similar to the phone hack, where you feel like you need to change things around a bit, move stuff like change the chair from one direction to the next. If you're able to spend money, I think getting a new duvet cover or a new rug or new curtains, that's like one tiny thing that you can change that makes a big difference. Or maybe different throw pillows. But just moving the furniture around, like this desk, can you angle it 90 degrees? Can you have it face another direction? Can you swap your bed and your chair in the apartment? Anything like that? It just makes you feel like you're coming into a new home. And then when you step into your place, you're no Longer seeing, like, this ghostly vision of when you went, your ex were on the bed or, you know, like, on the couch over there. It's swapped. So now it's. To me, it's the life hack where you want to move after every breakup. You're like, I just want to move to a new place. You can't, and moving sucks. But you can rearrange your furniture and it will feel different.
- [30:39]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah. There's this YouTuber, her name's Paige Wassell, and she talks about the Facebook Marketplace challenge when you want to. Like, you're feeling the desire to rearrange your furniture. So maybe you're going through a breakup, and the Facebook Marketplace challenge is like. Like, sell your couch for 500 and then get a new couch for 500. And the whole thing is like, you can't spend money. You just have to sell something you already have and then buy the same thing to replace it with the same amount of money. And you just, like, leave the money in your Venmo. I think that'd be a great way to rearrange stuff too.
- [31:07]
Shannon
Love that. And also, so many people on Facebook Marketplace give things away for free. You just have to make sure that you're, like, you know, checking. Checking things. I would suggest those. Have you ever joined any of those buy nothing groups in your area? Yeah, those people are vultures. Like, the minute something goes up, they're like, got it. I'll be on my way. I'm like, I can't be a part of this. Like, I'm not on my computer enough.
- [31:28]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah. Luckily, I live in a neighborhood with so many old people, so there's one, and it's free range because they're all old.
- [31:35]
Shannon
That's amazing. See, too many millennials here in Denver. I'm like, they're too techie.
- [31:41]
Courtney Johnson
I love that. Yeah. Rearranging your furniture feels so good. Or even just like, putting a blanket over your sofa or lighting. Oh, my God. Getting those, like, red lights on Amazon. Mm.
- [31:52]
Shannon
I love those red lights. I used to get. I used to do my makeup in purple lighting, and then I would, like, you know, get sexual in red lighting or go to bed. Like, it's just nice.
- [32:02]
Courtney Johnson
It's very cool. The only sucky part about getting new furniture on Facebook Marketplace after a breakup is, like, sometimes you kind of want a man to, like, help you carry the thing, and then you have to find someone. Then it's like. And then you're like, my ex could have helped me.
- [32:15]
Shannon
That's why I do all those ones. I. I search for delivery in the search bar. Because then some people say, like, oh, I'll deliver for 20 bucks or something.
- [32:24]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah. And you're like, yes, yes, yes. Okay. I have another cheat code that helped me through my last breakup, and that is going on YouTube and typing in Matthew Hussey and watching every single thing he's ever done. Have you heard of him?
- [32:38]
Shannon
Yes. And that name is a throwback. Because I think, like, in college I watched a lot of his videos after a breakup. But he's. He's. From what I remember, he was like a perfect mix of no nonsense, but also kind. I just, like, I kind of fell in love with him a little bit watching. Is he dating anyone?
- [32:54]
Courtney Johnson
Okay. He's hot. I think he dated, like, Camila Cabello. Stop.
- [32:59]
Shannon
Wait. That kind of rings bell now that you're saying it.
- [33:01]
Courtney Johnson
Okay, yeah, he's. No, he is. I know that he. What? I mean, he was single for a while. I heard of a couple people. I've dated him and had good stories. He sounds nice. But yeah, there's some things that he says that are pretty problematic. But I don't know. That binging, that YouTube channel, it's literally all I would have on in the background. And it is really empowering. It's like, basically people write in and ask him questions, and his answer to everything is, go. No contact. You're better than that girl. Like, keep going. And I don't know, something about it was really helpful for me.
- [33:36]
Shannon
There was one. Do you ever watch Shallon Lester on YouTube?
- [33:39]
Courtney Johnson
No.
- [33:40]
Shannon
She's also. She sometimes says problematic things too, but she gives, like, advice and she ties it into celebrities. And I remember if you type in, like, Shallon Lester, break up Adele. There was one video she did about Adele's breakup, and I still sometimes watch that video because she just speaks so profoundly in it. And also it's nice, like, find yourself a little guru when you're going through a breakup because, like, you need a new obsession. So why not fall down some sort of content creators rabbit hole or, you know, it's. It's fun to distract yourself in that way, I think.
- [34:12]
Courtney Johnson
Oh, and songs like, if we're thinking about things that you just need to fill background noise with love that. Yes. All these people on YouTube, some breakup audiobooks, but also there's just really great breakup playlists on Spotify that feel either really sad and, like, wretched or inspiring.
- [34:28]
Shannon
Oh, and you know what a good hack for that is, too? If you put together a playlist of, like, all of these breakup songs that impact you the most and you're like, I swear to God, like this song. These five songs completely get what I'm going through. Put those five songs into Chat GPT and then say, what are the main themes that all of these songs have in common? And that was something that was really insightful because I remember going through a breakup and I kept listening to Rare by Selena Gomez and all of these other songs and they were like, oh, you feel unspecial, you feel unworthy because this person left you. And I'm like, wow. So that is what it is for some people it's rage. For some people it's I wasn't sexy enough or you know, blah, blah, blah. So I think you can kind of look at the songs that really resonate with you and kind of get to the core of maybe naming a feeling that you're experiencing and that could help you too.
- [35:17]
Courtney Johnson
Oh, that's wild, dude. I feel like you could, you could have like a e book that's like self development prompts with Chat GPT. I.
- [35:25]
Shannon
The only thing is I had to do an episode on Patreon because people are like, it's so bad for the environment and AI is in general. But each individual chatgpt prompt, it takes the amount of water that if you end your shower one second earlier, that's the same water. Or if you have a microwave go on for eight seconds, that's how much energy it takes. So as long as you're taking short showers and you know, trying not to eat meat and maybe carpooling with people, I'm like, I, you know, carbon footprint wise, you're able to use as many prompts as you want in a day and you kind of won't ever match up.
- [35:59]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah. Also you're never going to match up to like the companies that are putting in millions of, of like processing whatever it's called, triggers or whatever.
- [36:09]
Shannon
Like even just making a TikTok video and using the AI to translate captions and put that, you know, like we use it all the time for everything. I mean, if you run a video game, I think if you play a video game on a console for an hour, that's equal to 400 ChatGPT prompts. So just don't play video games and use ChatGPT.
- [36:31]
Courtney Johnson
Okay, last cheat code is, I think this is the perfect time to go absolutely unhinged into like a self development program. Go on a weird retreat, maybe like a yoga retreat, like go all in on something like that. Have you ever done that?
- [36:52]
Shannon
I haven't done that. Because I get sad traveling after a breakup. But I remember during one bad breakup, I watched the movie Bullet Train with Brad Pitt. And Brad Pitt's character in the movie is like getting into therapy and like meditation and really focusing on himself. And I remember thinking, this is kind of a really good hack because a lot of self work and inner work. It is. It sounds bad to say that it's selfish, but it is very self focused and self centered. And I think that's what you need to do during a breakup rather than why. What about this? What is he thinking right now? It's good to focus on yourself. So I'm a fan of something like this.
- [37:30]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah, I think that this is like a common, like wound or thinking that women have like that, that it's selfish to go inward. And I'm like making this way deeper than it should be. But. But a quote that I really like from Martin Luther King Jr. Says, the only thing I can do to help you is work on myself. The only thing you can do to help me is work on yourself. So just like having that reframe of it's not selfish to go inward and work on yourself and do these like, again you're saying focus on your meditation or yoga or like self development. A lot of times we can feel, especially as women, like, this is selfish. I need to be putting it on other people. But in fact, this is like the best thing that you can be doing. This is how you can help others by helping yourself first.
- [38:09]
Shannon
Totally. I think it would be a good way to get rid of that rumination too and like, obsessive thinking.
- [38:15]
Courtney Johnson
Totally. Okay, a little bonus. Do you know that there's breakup retreats? Like breakup boot camps?
- [38:22]
Shannon
Yes. Are you talking about Amy Chen's?
- [38:24]
Courtney Johnson
I believe there's a few. I don't know. I don't know who created them, but I just think this is so genius. In fact, I want to see more of this. Like, I don't know. I. I love that. I just think it'd be like a good business idea, especially for like, content creators.
- [38:38]
Shannon
You should reach out to Amy because she has a podcast. She came on mine maybe about like a couple years ago and we talked about the breakup boot camp that she does. And she said obviously more women usually join than the men, and the men are very popular there. But she was saying that they have all of these different activities. They even bring in a certified dominatrix to teach you about, like, power roles and power dynamics. And it just sounds like a really cool experience. And I kind of like Similar to that TV show, Crazy Ex Girlfriend that you mentioned. When you go through a breakup, it is a withdrawal. You do get addicted to someone. You do have, you know, all these, I don't know, hormones and chemicals firing off when you're around them. So I think looking at things in kind of that scientific, clinical way, I mean, you're bad at work. You get put on a performance improvement plan. You know, you want to work on your body. You have some sort of workout regimen. And I feel like we think it's stupid to apply that to either dating or healing from a breakup or making new friends. But I think everything can be organized, and there can be, like, a process and a procedure done for it. And it might make you feel a little bit better if you know that there's a plan.
- [39:48]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah, Maybe, like, there could be storefronts that are like, the breakup. I am always throwing around, like, silly business ideas on my podcast, but a storefront, and it's like the breakup healing center. And then people come from, like, all around the world, and then they have all those things in one place 24 7. And it's just like, massage, Xanax, prescriptions, psychics.
- [40:10]
Shannon
Wait, here's. Okay, so let's say that there was one country in the world, and they get to be, like, the breakup healing country. What country would you recommend that people go to? And, like, all they do is just provide you with free breakup relief.
- [40:23]
Courtney Johnson
I mean, I. I've never been to Bali, but so many of my friends have gone there after breakups, and they leave being like, I'm a change woman. So maybe Bali. I don't know. I've never been there.
- [40:34]
Shannon
Yeah, but.
- [40:34]
Courtney Johnson
And I feel like if it was a state, it should be something random like Nebraska. What do you think?
- [40:42]
Shannon
Or maybe one of those. What's that, like, really fancy one in, like, New Mexico that they have, like, the Amarana Amerinia, and, like, all the celebrities go there. It's like four grand a night. Yeah, maybe something like that. But I do like the idea of Bali because I feel like sometimes when you swim, just, like, you're waking up in the morning and going for a swim in the waters. I feel like that would be very much like shedding the old rebirth kind of those ideas.
- [41:08]
Courtney Johnson
Yeah. And I know it's, like, expensive to get there, but I heard that once you're there, it's like $20 a night for, like, a nice hotel and stuff, so maybe you can ball out a.
- [41:16]
Shannon
Little ball balling and Bali.
- [41:18]
Courtney Johnson
Ballin and Bali. Okay, so everybody go book your ticket to Bali. Okay. Beautiful. Well, Shannon, where can people dive deeper into your breakup? Genius.
- [41:31]
Shannon
We have a 99 page guide to a breakup ebook over on fluently forward.com and then also over on our podcast, Fluently Forward, we do fluently fixed episodes. So sometimes people write in. Somebody just did. We did an episode all about Limerance and being obsessed with someone and having, you know, ways to kind of detach from, like a really intense attachment to someone. So we cover little bits of self help on there, sometimes sporadically on Wednesdays. And the guide is on fluently forward dot com.
- [42:01]
Courtney Johnson
You also have really good advice on your Patreon as well.
- [42:05]
Shannon
Thank you.
- [42:07]
Courtney Johnson
Well, Shannon, thank you so much for coming on the show. You're so amazing.
- [42:11]
Shannon
Thank you. Love being here and love your podcast. So happy to be on.
- [42:16]
Courtney Johnson
Okay, y', all, if you like this episode, you would love, love my Patreon. Okay. You get exclusive access to me, exclusive content, tons of other resources, and a lot of juicy. Okay? So I hope to see you on my Patreon.