Un-Gatekeeping the Unspoken Rules of Success

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Slay The Gatekeeper"
Episode: "Un-Gatekeeping the Unspoken Rules of Success"
Release Date: October 15, 2024
Host: Courtney Johnson

In this enlightening episode of Slay The Gatekeeper, host Courtney Johnson engages in a profound discussion with guest Keisha Slaughter, delving into the unspoken rules of success. Together, they explore five transformative "cheat codes" that aim to dismantle traditional gatekeeping barriers in areas such as marketing, mindset, personal branding, and self-growth. This summary encapsulates their key insights, practical advice, and inspiring conclusions.

---

1. Mastering the Art of Good Questions

Timestamp: [03:19]

Key Points:

• Importance of Quality Questions: Keisha emphasizes that asking insightful, well-researched questions is paramount, especially in professional settings. It demonstrates respect for the mentor's time and showcases one's initiative.

• Avoiding Basic Queries: She advises against asking questions readily answerable via a quick Google search, as this can be perceived as a lack of effort and can frustrate the respondent.

• Strategic Inquiry: Nadine builds on this by suggesting that individuals should formulate specific, deep-dive questions rather than broad or vague ones. This approach not only garners more meaningful responses but also reflects thorough preparation.

Notable Quotes:

• Keisha Slaughter:
  “You don't want to ask questions that you can easily Google and figure out. There's nothing more annoying than being on the other side of that.” ([03:19])

• Nadine:
  “Instead of messaging someone you admire on LinkedIn and be like, hey, do you like working as an influencer marketing manager? Maybe ask something a little bit more specific.” ([05:32])

Practical Advice:

• Do Your Homework: Before seeking mentorship or guidance, thoroughly research to understand the context and background of the topic.

• Tailor Your Questions: Frame questions that tap into the unique experiences and expertise of the person you're engaging with, making the interaction more valuable for both parties.

---

2. Ruthlessly Editing Your Subconscious

Timestamp: [09:36]

Key Points:

• Mental Consumption Control: Keisha highlights the necessity of setting boundaries around the content we consume to maintain mental clarity and reduce anxiety.

• Selective Exposure: By limiting exposure to negative or distracting content—such as certain social media posts or music—individuals can enhance their productivity and align more closely with their personal goals.

• Critical Thinking: She underscores the importance of not just limiting content but also critically assessing the motivations behind the information we consume, ensuring it aligns with our objectives.

Notable Quotes:

• Keisha Slaughter:
  “Having boundaries around what you consume mentally is more important now than ever because we're just constantly bombarded every day.” ([09:45])

• Nadine:
  “Do you have a couple of questions to ask yourself when you're going through your feed? Does it inspire you? Does it expand your perspective?” ([13:21])

Practical Advice:

• Set Time Limits: Use tools like timers to restrict time spent on distracting platforms (e.g., limiting TikTok scrolling to 15 minutes a day).

• Curate Your Feed: Regularly review and clean up your social media following lists to ensure that your digital environment remains supportive and positive.

---

3. Embracing Success Without Resentment

Timestamp: [17:57]

Key Points:

• Positive Outlook on Success: Keisha challenges the notion that resenting wealthy or successful individuals is a barrier to one's own success. Instead, she advocates for reprogramming oneself to be inspired by others' achievements.

• Owning Your Advantages: She asserts that everyone possesses unique advantages and that recognizing and leveraging these can propel one's career forward.

• Breaking Stereotypes: Keisha dispels myths about inherent disadvantages based on gender or ethnicity, emphasizing that qualities like emotional intelligence (EQ) can be significant assets in professional settings.

Notable Quotes:

• Keisha Slaughter:
  “Everyone has advantages and disadvantages. If you think you have no advantages in life, then that's the whole other thing that is not going to be solved by listening to this podcast.” ([17:57])

• Nadine:
  “Instead of being resentful of other people's success, you want to reprogram yourself instead of being jealous to be inspired.” ([24:48])

Practical Advice:

• Choose Your Circle Wisely: Surround yourself with successful individuals to absorb positive behaviors and mindsets through a process akin to osmosis.

• Leverage Your Strengths: Identify and capitalize on your unique traits, such as EQ, to navigate and excel in professional environments.

---

4. Being Fiercely Protective of Your Time

Timestamp: [28:23]

Key Points:

• Setting Boundaries: Keisha discusses the challenge of managing time effectively, especially when faced with numerous requests for mentorship or advice.

• Efficient Communication: She recommends handling inquiries via email instead of calls to conserve time and maintain focus on important tasks.

• Monetizing Time: Nadine introduces the idea of valuing one's time by setting fees for consultations, ensuring that interactions are mutually beneficial.

Notable Quotes:

• Keisha Slaughter:
  “Instead of doing that, just send someone your questions directly via email... that is a much more effective way without encroaching on someone's boundaries.” ([30:03])

• Nadine:
  “Make a pick your brain button, go make a Calendly link, set it up as a hundred dollars for thirty minutes and send that to people.” ([31:22])

Practical Advice:

• Designate No-Call Days: Allocate specific days where you refrain from taking calls to focus on deep work and personal tasks.

• Implement Structured Scheduling: Use tools like Calendly to manage appointments efficiently, ensuring that your time is respected and utilized effectively.

---

5. Consistently Following Up After Networking

Timestamp: [32:41]

Key Points:

• Building Relationships: Keisha underscores the importance of maintaining relationships through consistent follow-ups after meaningful interactions.

• Authenticity in Engagements: She advises that follow-ups should be genuine and contribute to a two-sided relationship, akin to friendships.

• Visibility and Accessibility: Nadine shares her strategy of being open to social invitations, especially when establishing oneself in a new environment, to foster connections and seize unexpected opportunities.

Notable Quotes:

• Keisha Slaughter:
  “Following up after meeting is so important and just like it's the start of a relationship. It's like a friendship.” ([33:31])

• Nadine:
  “I like to just say yes to most things whenever they come up. And also because like especially in Milan, it's like a very small city.” ([34:10])

Practical Advice:

• Personalized Follow-Ups: After networking events or significant conversations, send tailored messages that reflect the specific discussions and express genuine interest in future interactions.

• Stay Visible in Your Community: Actively participate in local events and social gatherings to increase your presence and build a diverse network.

---

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Throughout the episode, Courtney Johnson, Nadine, and Keisha Slaughter provide actionable strategies to navigate the often unspoken rules of success. By mastering the art of asking meaningful questions, controlling mental consumption, embracing success without resentment, protecting one's time, and diligently following up after networking, listeners are equipped with the tools to break through traditional gatekeeping barriers and achieve their personal and professional aspirations.

Additional Resources:

• Intuition University: A course by Keisha Slaughter designed to help individuals trust their intuition, heal limiting beliefs, and align with their soul's purpose. Enrollment details were discussed at the beginning of the episode.

---

This episode serves as a valuable guide for anyone looking to enhance their career trajectories, personal growth, and overall life satisfaction by adopting these potent "cheat codes."

Transcript

[Courtney Johnson]

Welcome to Slay the Gatekeeper. I'm your host, Courtney Johnson, and I am here to un gatekeep the gatekept. Thank you so much for being here. Enjoy.

[Nadine]

Y'All.

[Courtney Johnson]

I want to share a little bit about Intuition University. If you want to learn how to stop second guessing and finally trust your gut and finally create the life you actually want, Intuition University is for you. A good friend of mine, Keisha Slaughter, put together this amazing, incredible course. I've taken it. It has personally impacted my life so, so much. Intuition University helps you stop overthinking and trust your decisions with confidence. It helps you heal your trauma and limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck. By the way, the best way to manifest, the only way to manifest is to heal the limiting beliefs, okay? You already have everything inside of you in order to accomplish your dreams. You already have it all. It's not about gaining anything. It's about stripping away the limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck. Intuition University helps you align with your soul's purpose and live in flow. It feels so good to live in flow. It feels so good to get rid of that resistance. Intuition University helps you tap into higher levels of consciousness to manifest anything you desire. It helps you create a career relationship in life that feels right for you without the second guessing. Intuition University opens for enrollment October 11th and closes October 31st, so make sure you sign up before the end of October. Again, I cannot recommend this enough. Keisha is just an incredible, incredible woman. Her work has been extremely impactful and influential in my own life. And if you want to go one step deeper with your manifestation, with your content creation, with your dream building, this is the perfect way to do it. You can find info for the [e-mail] intuition-university I'll put it in the show notes, but spelled out, it's K A I S H A S L A U G h t e r.com intuition d-university you can find Kaisha on Instagram and TikTok aishaslaughter k a I s h a slaughter I am so excited for you guys to experience Kesha's magic at Intuition university. Again, that's keishaslaughter.com Intuition University.

[Nadine]

Okay, Nadine, you have some incredible cheat codes specifically around kind of your background of working with billionaires and working in finance. And you've seen a lot of crazy shit. You've seen a lot of successful people. You've learned a lot, absorbed a lot, and digested a lot. And you share that with others. So I would love to go through five of my favorite of your cheat codes. So the first cheat code is learning the art of good questions. Tell me a little bit more about how you learned how to ask good questions and how the audience can learn to ask better questions.

[Keisha Slaughter]

You know, I think this is a skill that everyone should learn early on and take the time to learn. Actually, this was drilled into my brain when I interned at Goldman on the training floor in London. I was 19 years old at the time. It was like freshman year. And everyone who I shadowed who was like, you know, doing really well as an analyst or whatever, would tell me the number one thing you can do as a junior is learn how to ask good questions. It's like a skill. What I mean by that is you don't want to ask questions that you can easily Google and figure out. There's nothing more annoying than being on the other side of that, like, when people ask me questions and I take time out of my day when I have, you know, a million other things going on and someone asked me like a very basic question, like, what's the basis point? You know, you could Google that and figure it out in, like a millisecond. So, yeah, I think it's really important to do that. And also not. It's not only a form of respect to the person that is giving you their time of day to kind of like mentor you and like, guide you, but it's also for your own benefit. If you think about it. You know, when you come to a discussion, having done your research, you get way more out of that conversation, knowing the background, context, and like, everything you can know beforehand. And then you simply fill in the gaps by asking someone who has, you know, decades plus more experience than you. And that stuff you can't really find on Google or easily online.

[Nadine]

Yeah, that's such a great cheat code. I always tell people to not ask easily Googleable questions to their bosses or when they're onboarding, because that just shows you have no ability to find shit out for yourself. Like, it's really, really bad thing. Yeah, but you had a really good example of saying some of these billionaires, maybe instead of asking something like, how do I invest in art? They would ask, what are the historical patterns of up and coming artists that have achieved unprecedented valuations? And obviously that's going to get you into a much better place in investing in art than just how do I invest in art? So what are some ways to dive deeper into these? Like, get deeper with your questions.

[Keisha Slaughter]

Well, I think now we Live in an era where information is not only easily available, but there's just so much of it. And like, the second part of that cheat code really is learning how to sift through a large amount of information and understanding what's relevant and what's not. But I think something that a lot of young people can benefit from, and this is something that I like an exercise I would do when I was in my early 20s is I would try to think from the perspective of the person that I'm asking and think, okay, like, what have they done? And what are some things that I can get myself up to speed before I go into a conversation? You know, for example, like you mentioned, like, I did work for people who are extremely successful, extremely powerful, have very, very, very limited time. But obviously if I can get five minutes of their time to answer a question that I personally had about like, work and like, give me a piece of insight, I'm not going to waste that five minutes on something that's, you know, not only easily accessible in terms of, like, easily googleable, but like, I'm not going to ask a question that I can ask anyone else. I'm going to ask them a question of something that they can only answer or something that is so unique to them and so unique to their experience. And so, yeah, part of that mindset is a let me put myself into the perspective of the other person that I'm asking and like, think about their experience. But then also it's like, how can I make the most out of these five minutes that I have with this person? Like, what, what is something that I would pay to like, know and let that guide you along with obviously doing the research and like understanding context beforehand.

[Nadine]

Yeah, that's really, really helpful. Adjacent cheat code that I've talked about a bit is if you are a student, you have this student privilege of being able to ask questions and people are excited to, to mentor you or answer your questions. And something that I kind of realized in asking questions, someone that's early in your career, if you are early in your career, is to ask people extremely specific questions. So instead of messaging someone you admire on LinkedIn and be like, hey, do you like working as a influencer marketing manager? You know, maybe ask something a little bit more specific of what's the most valuable skill that you've learned in your last three years working at this influencer marketing management firm that you're going to take into your next just like going one level deeper, maybe even like asking the question to yourself a couple of layers Going to get you to a really specific question. Yeah.

[Keisha Slaughter]

And to that, you know, I'll say one thing, that it's brutally honest, but, you know, there's really two types of people in this world and there's one type of person who can figure it out and can, you know, do exactly what we're just talking about without having to be told multiple times. And then there's, you know, the other person who won't take the initiative to figure it out, won't take the initiative to learn how to ask the right questions. And, you know, the reality is they probably will be left behind. So it's something that, you know, especially if you're, you know, if you're listening to this and you're in your 20s learning the art of asking good questions, it can literally catapult your career. Maybe not overnight, but, you know, like subtly you kind of show that you're able to A, figure it out and then B, also earn credibility while you're young and like, that you can be trusted, you know, in these high level situations. That's like invaluable and that is something that truly can put you really ahead of your group.

[Nadine]

Definitely. Yeah. One more note on asking questions is get really curious when you're being assigned tasks, especially if you're starting out. Maybe you're an intern, maybe you're first or second year into your career and you're being assigned tasks in projects. Get really curious, like ask your boss, ask whoever is assigning this to you, why am I doing this? What is this leading back to? How is this affecting the company? How is this helping you, like, get really, really curious instead of just taking orders? And that's going to start getting you into the strategic thinking mode as well.

[Keisha Slaughter]

Yeah, totally. I can't stress that enough.

[Nadine]

All right, Cheat code number two. I love this one. Ruthless editing of your subconscious. Tell me a little bit more about this.

[Keisha Slaughter]

I cannot get full credit for that specific phrase because it's from this woman who has like manifestation program called to be magnetic. She's amazing. Highly recommend her. Every day we are so bombarded by so much stimuli. You know, we're always on our phones, we're always watching content on multiple platforms. You know, I'm always on Instagram and TikTok. We're on emails, we're on text messages. There's so many things that go on during the day that kind of pull you away from maybe what's the most aligned for you. And I find that, you know, when, when I am pulled away and I'm Kind of like away from that equilibrium, I find myself more anxious, more stressed, you know, less functional. But then, like, if I take time to think, okay, like, what are some boundaries I can draw between me and the things that I consume? Maybe subconsciously. So, for example, if it's setting a timer on your phone of how long you can mindlessly scroll TikTok per day, if it's like 15 minutes a day, you lie yourself that and just that. Or if it's like, you know, if you don't want to watch a certain type of content that, you know, brings you down or listen to certain music that. That puts you in, like, a sad mood, and that kind of, you know, affects your productivity. I think having boundaries around what you consume mentally, it's more important now than ever because we're just like, you know, constantly bombarded every day.

[Nadine]

Definitely. I manage social media profiles for tech founders, and there's this one tech founder I worked with for a couple of years. He is extremely, extremely successful. And I ran his LinkedIn and his Instagram, and I remember the shock the first time I logged onto his Instagram and saw his feed. Because every single post was either like, something so motivating, something so positive, or even the memes, instead of memes being like, something negative, or like, oh, when you look in the mirror and you look like a. Whatever the memes were. Like, when you love your wife so much and she's so positive and encouraging. And then it was like a cute squirrel. And then it's just like, motivational quotes, education. And I'm like, holy, of course this guy's so successful. Look at his feed. Like, this is what he's putting in his brain every day. This information diet is so, so positive.

[Keisha Slaughter]

Yeah, definitely. And like, to that, I'll also say, I think it's also really important to think about what you consume, not only in terms of social media, but in terms of, like, articles that you read online and also applying critical thinking skills to what you consume as well. I think nowadays with. With how social media is structured and how the Internet has basically been our go to for any information, we kind of, a lot of us default to thinking that what is out there is automatically correct or that it's not biased. So I think it's also really important to, you know, ask yourself, okay, like, what is this person's motive or what is this media publication's motive in having a message like this? How does this impact me and how does this impact, you know, what I'm trying to get done? So I think it's also, there's another layer to like, editing your subconscious. It's also like, you know, critically assessing if something is right for you, productive for you, or if it's just completely going to bring you down.

[Nadine]

Absolutely, yeah. And going back to some, like, work tips and hacks for your career, learning and reading from different perspectives, even if you don't agree with it, is so helpful because you're so important. Dealing with people of all different backgrounds and perspectives that you do have to have empathy with. Figure out what they want, how they think and live their lives in order to properly, like, work with them or sell to them or whatever you're doing with them.

[Keisha Slaughter]

Yeah, totally.

[Nadine]

Do you have a couple of questions to ask yourself when you're going through your feed? Does it inspire you? Does it expand your perspective? Does it educate you? Or are these things bringing you down? Are they triggering feelings of jealousy, hatred and insecurity? I think it's super important that we all, like, take some time. Just as we clean our house or clean your kitchen or whatever, go through, clean up your following list. Clean up your media consumption because it is a diet. Like it is. Yeah, diet.

[Keisha Slaughter]

Yeah, totally. I, I clean out the following list like once a quarter just to like, you know, because it's stuff like it just comes up, you know.

[Nadine]

I also love that you brought up tbm. I love tbm. I've been using it for a few years. Have you. Are do you up or do you just consume some of the content or the podcast?

[Keisha Slaughter]

I have gone through phases with TBM. When I first started, it was like 2018 when they used to be called free and native. It's like long, long, long time ago. I, I found them through podcasts and then I've done like a bunch. I've been like a pathway member for like a couple years. I've got, I've gone in and out of it. But yeah, it's like, it's definitely a resource that changed my life for sure.

[Nadine]

I agree. It's changed my life as well. I think it's a great place for like a great balance of science and spirituality. And I refer a lot of people there that maybe, yeah, need like an easy accessible place to start of overcoming fear of being seen or like wanting to learn about manifestation. So I think that's awesome. Okay. You also have a cheat code around an exercise of thinking about the person you want to become and then asking yourself what content are they actively consuming. I think this is really, really brilliant. Like, how are you doing this? Or how can somebody Implement this little game themselves.

[Keisha Slaughter]

Well, I think about what the people that I admire, like what they, if they have any commentary on social media, like, what is it? And I find that a lot of the times they like to consume content that is popular and trending just to understand, like, you know, get like a sentiment of like, what are consumers watching and how does that impact their purchasing behaviors and things. Just like understanding trends and like, what's coming and, and why things are popular. It's just a matter of like, you know, if you want to be someone who is highly, highly productive in a certain area that requires, you know, full attention, then maybe being on social media and being active on it isn't for you. But for someone like me, I'm an investor and I'm building something on the side. And, you know, part of that is for me to not only have a presence online, but then also to understand what is going on in the world, what is going on in the world of consumer behavior. And a large part of that is social media. So I like to watch it with, with those lens and I like to think about, you know, sometimes I get like a spark of inspiration when I see something like, oh, that's interesting, like, what is that? And like, you know, it'll make me curious about something. But I mean, overall, the, the thing about social media that I think a lot of people should be more aware of is just how much it influences you to think a certain way and to buy certain things and to like, in, you know, adopt certain habits and things like that. So I think, like, the main message from me personally in this context of this question is to question, okay, is this right for me? There's no right or wrong answer, but it's like, is it aligned for you? Is this type of content aligned for you? I think that's like just the bottom line.

[Nadine]

Yeah, yeah. And what your goals are and what you want to become, like, is that helping you get there or is that pulling you away from that goal? And if the content is pulling you away, a piece of content that I or type of content I really had to stop with is just like hot mess memes. I'm like, I cannot be sending to my friends. I cannot be consuming these. I, this is not funny anymore. I need to unfollow these accounts, even like popular accounts. Like, I'm like, I, I gotta stop this because it'll be like when you, I don't know, like hate job or when you're feeling lazy.

[Keisha Slaughter]

I'm like, no, it's like, I can't relate. I like.

[Nadine]

I don't want to relate. Okay. Cheat code number three is really spicy. I feel like every time I've talked about this online, I've gotten a ton of mean comments. So I'm sure you have two. But you're saying you will never be successful, basically, if you are, like, hating on rich people, you. Oh, my God, yourself.

[Keisha Slaughter]

I literally, I cannot. I mean, I understand why people feel that way. And I can see, yeah, obviously, if you are born with, you know, a big last name or, you know, you're born with, like, certain advantages in life, obviously, yeah, sure, you're going to have a leg up, but that doesn't automatically guarantee any sort of success at all. So that's like, the first side of it is understanding that, you know, just because someone was handed a set of opportunities, a lot of people don't take advantage of that. And they don't, you know, execute what they could have. And it is what it is. So it doesn't. It doesn't necessarily mean that. And then the other side of that is there are people who are handed those opportunities and they do take them, and they're just not good at it. I know tons of people in my life who. They should, have, in theory, been ultra successful because of, you know, everything that they've been handed in what they do specifically, but they're just maybe not that good at it. So I think, like, the bottom line, what it boils down to is you. Everyone has advantages and disadvantages. If you think you have no advantages in life, then that's the whole other thing that is not going to be solved by listening to this podcast. But everyone has a set of things that makes them different, makes them unique. It gives them a different perspective. And I come from, like, my parents are immigrants. They had to rebuild their entire life in their early 20s in the US they did not have it easy at all. But I think also, like, coming from that immigrant mentality of, like, sink or swimming, being resourceful and just, like, making it at all costs was definitely, like, instilled in me very, very, very young. So, like, for me, like, it was only until I was active on Tick Tock that I realized that people actually think that way. That, like, oh, just because you're not, whatever, the son of or daughter of whoever, that you have no opportunities or. Oh, yeah, of course. And when. Whenever people would, like, comment on my videos and be like, oh, you're like a Nepo baby, or you're a trust fund kid or what, it's like you have no Idea, like, you have no idea what I. To get to where I am now. It's so funny how people villainize that. And I think it's more of a projection of maybe an insecurity that they feel within themselves or, like, that they don't feel that they could do the same or, you know, there's like some sort of. It's a sense of failure that they're trying to project and not take accountability for. But I really do think that, like, more people should realize, like, how much power they truly have in their own lives. You know, know your actions every day dictate your outcome. And then the other part of that is one other thing I have noticed, especially on TikTok, is this notion that being a woman or being someone who's not white is a huge disadvantage. I full, full, full on disagree. I don't think that that's the case at all. Even though I have, you know, as. As a young Asian woman working in finance, I've heard every, every comment in the book. There's nothing that shocks me. I've seen it all. I've seen literally the worst behavior that could come out of that environment. But even so, I still do think that being a woman and being someone who can, you know, not only women, but a woman who can create space for herself in that world, in whatever world that you're in, matters way more than who your parents are. You know what I'm saying? So anyone who's listening to this, who feels like, oh, because I am someone who's of color or I'm a woman or whatever, I'm whatever, it's a disadvantage. You know, also, like, going back to your part about the second cheat code about editing your subconscious, stop consuming this, like, feminist business content. That's like, oh, only 2% of funding goes. VC funding goes to women. Rah, rah, woman. It's like that type of content also disempowers women in business because it's recycling the idea or, sorry, like, how do I say, like, pushing forward the agenda that women are inherently disadvantaged. It's not true. It's absolutely not true. If you know how to play the game and if you know how to be someone who can, like, you know, I think women have EQ as a huge, huge, huge advantage. And EQ in terms of, you know, getting someone to get on a call with you or getting someone to take a business meeting with you or networking and finding your ways into certain circles that other people maybe don't have access to, that is how you use your Advantage. You know, it's not all like, oh, my dad isn't a managing director at Goldman Sachs. I'm screwed. I'm never getting a job at banking. Like, absolutely not. If you can figure it out. It's all about natural selection, which I know sounds really brutal, but it's very Darwinian.

[Nadine]

I love your honest, like, insight. I think we need more of this, especially, like, with other young women in their career. Like, this is why I have my whole platform, because there's so much career advice that's like, yeah, and you can do this and you can act like that, and if something's going wrong, just do this and HR will definitely help you. Like, no, it's like, deal with each other or else we're not going to be able to support each other and get to our. You're just get like, touting advice. That feels good.

[Keisha Slaughter]

Yeah, exactly. It's like a lot of that advice also is what gets a lot of views because it, it's, it's an emotionally charged message. A lot of the times do you.

[Nadine]

Get comments that are like, easy for you to say, you're an attractive woman?

[Keisha Slaughter]

Yeah, I get that. I, I mean, it's like, use the cards that you've been dealt. If you're someone who is a pleasant person, you're very charismatic. You know, you, you can hold a really good conversation at like, an event or, you know, you can infuse humor into like, a serious business meeting. Like, those are all, like, such invaluable skills. And I think, like, a lot of people maybe don't realize that they have them or don't realize that they're valuable, like, in the context of business. But yeah, I mean, I think especially, like, as women take everything you can get. Really?

[Nadine]

Yeah, yeah. And I think a lot of our business advice and stuff is kind of centered towards men. And when women take on that advice specifically, it can be difficult. But like you're saying, and some of the advice is good, some is not. Whatever. My point is, it is important as women that you see your own unique strengths rather than just trying to have the strengths that are traditionally male strengths. Like, you're saying EQ is something women are so good at, like, lean into that you don't have to build your career or your advantages. Like, as a man, you can lean into these, like, typically more feminine traits or advantages.

[Keisha Slaughter]

Totally.

[Nadine]

So you're saying that instead of being resentful of other people's success, you want to reprogram yourself instead of being jealous to be inspired?

[Keisha Slaughter]

Yeah, I think this is again, like it was a little shocking to me to hear that people even thought that way because I've always been someone like when I see someone who is like, you know, self made and like really, really successful and has done a lot of cool things, like, I want to know how they did it and I also want to be like in their orbit. I mean everyone already knows this by now, but like choosing who is in your orbit is so important because you know, the process of osmosis whereby you kind of take on, you know, certain perspectives and behaviors of the people around you, it's so, so important. So I, I just cannot in my mind comprehend why people would push others away that they can really learn from and, and honestly benefit from.

[Nadine]

Yeah, I think there might be some people that really don't believe it though. There is people that are like, I do not believe that any of these people like have success on their own because they've never seen examples of it in their own life. Yeah, that's why. It's because like I have a tick tock video where I'm like, here's how to get your first six figure job on LinkedIn. And people will be like, not anyone can get a six figure job. Like that's so hard. Whatever. I'm like, no, literally, yeah, you don't have to have a college degree. Like you can break into tech, you can start making six figures, but if you don't have an example of it around you, you're not going to believe it's true. So like go hang out with people that are more successful than you. Start like climbing that social ladder. Success, because you're not going to believe it's possible unless you see people around you. Like, yeah, you see someone online, maybe that's not real to you. Like find people around you or like go work at like a nice restaurant or something where you can like actually, yeah, people in real life.

[Keisha Slaughter]

Yeah, totally. And then the other thing is like, if you are resentful of a certain type of person, but you like secretly wish you were them, like holding onto that resentment definitely will not get you there. And yeah, to like your point, like that's actually something that TBM really pushes, like finding expanders and finding examples. And like in my case, for example, I remember being a student, so I went to university in London and in my course there were a lot of people that would go into investment banking or consulting and whatever. So I always knew that I, well I was really motivated by being financially independent. I was like, I need to like ball out when I graduate. I cannot do the like brokey grad life. So I had like, in my mind I was like, I am going to go to any, every single networking events. I like befriended a lot of people who are like, you know, analysts at investment banks. I would hang out with them and like, kind of just like get myself into that environment and you know, it. I, I don't know if like that alone necessarily got me to where I am now, but for sure, knowing that it's possible, like you don't even think about it. You're like, yeah, of course, yeah, obviously I'm going to get a six figure job out of school. Like why wouldn't I? Versus that mentality of what you were saying like oh, not everyone can get that or not anyone. You know, that's not really possible for me.

[Nadine]

Yeah, yeah, it is possible for you and it's possible for you if you see it in others and you have an expander. Okay, cheat code number four. This one is good. Be fiercely protective of your time. Having firm boundaries create space for deep focus on things that actually matter. This one is tricky. I think it's really hard for people to set those boundaries around their time.

[Keisha Slaughter]

Oh yeah, this is like a hard one. Like pretty much after. I mean I'm sure you experience this too. But when you're online and you're sharing, you know, career tips or anything related to like your professional world, you do get a lot of people reaching out being like, can I pick your brain? Can I have 15, 20 minutes of your time? Blah, blah, blah. But for me, if I get on a phone call with someone, it like takes out, you know, at least an hour of my day. Just like kind of getting out of my like work focus and like back into it. And then it just takes a lot of energy that I don't feel that is like, you know, particularly accretive to like what I'm trying to do. And it like, to be honest, I feel that a lot of the times these calls are very one sided. So I think it, it has been interesting to kind of like figure out what those boundaries are. And I almost always feel bad because I'm like, oh, this person is a good person probably and they just wanted to like get some advice. What I would do or what I would tell people to do instead is instead of asking for time over a call because also calls are like annoying to schedule. Like I hate scheduling calls and like there's so many of them, you know, during the weekdays. Instead of doing that, just send someone your questions Directly via email. Just say like hey, like I saw, I saw you on TikTok or I saw you on LinkedIn. I'm, I'm a, whatever. I'm a student at X University trying to break into X program. Like what are these are my three questions and I think like that is a much more effective way without you know, encroaching on someone's boundaries and being respectful of their time.

[Nadine]

Yeah, I'm glad you brought up it being like one sided versus win win because that is important too. If you are going to ask somebody for their time, it does need to be win win. I know some people are in a season of mentorship where maybe they are in that place where they're like holding space to mentor people like for free. But most people are not. What I would recommend is this book called Content Based Networking and it's essentially how to make get free advice in a win win fashion. For example, maybe you have a blog about your industry. Let's say you're in finance and you have a blog about finance or newsletter or whatever and you are asking for contributions. You are asking someone a specific question in order to feature it in their blog and share that out. That just helps their brand and their credibility. That's a great way to like get advice and start those conversations. So anyways, Content Based networking tells you how to do this. It's basically the Oprah model, Oprah spotlight and other people built her own personal brand. But another thing to do if people keep reaching out, hey, can I pick your brain? Can I pick your brain? Make a pick your brain button, go make a calendly link, set it up as a hundred dollars for thirty minutes and send that to people. And if they really want to book with you, they'll book with you. But don't keep giving away all your, all your shit for free.

[Keisha Slaughter]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. I know. I remember you sent in, sent a newsletter about that and I was like, yeah, that's actually so true.

[Nadine]

And then the people too, like the person that's like kind of your friend but maybe you met once and like you don't really want to dedicate all the time to them, but you do want to help them. Like name your price, what's new for you? Even early in your career you can start doing this because yeah, maybe you don't have a ton of experience in your industry but maybe people are reaching out with questions on how to get into grad school or how to study for this certification. You can talk to people about that?

[Keisha Slaughter]

Yeah, totally.

[Nadine]

Do you have Like a, any strict blocks on your calendar? Do you have like a no meeting day or deep work day or like a self care day?

[Keisha Slaughter]

I don't take any calls on Mondays, like Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursdays are like my big call days, like in the afternoon because I'm based in Milan so I'm like, you know, hours later. So Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday are like back to back calls in the evening, afternoon evenings. And then Mondays I like do not have any calls.

[Nadine]

Yeah, that's smart. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do the same. No calls Mondays, no calls Wednesday. And like Friday is only like social E call.

[Keisha Slaughter]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nadine]

Okay, last cheat code number five. This is a pretty actionable cheat code and that is just to always follow up after networking. Tell me about this.

[Keisha Slaughter]

Yeah, you know, it's, it's actually shocking how many people don't follow up after having a meaningful conversation. And then like years later when they like need something, they'll like pop up out of the woodwork. So I think like, don't do it for like every single person you meet because that's not authentic. But if you genuinely have connected with someone and you want to build a relationship with them in which like you contribute and you know, they also contribute. So it's like a two sided thing then. Yeah, I think like following up after meeting is so important and just like it's just the start of a relationship. It's like a friendship, you know, like you don't reach out to a friend like, or someone you met at a party years later and be like, hey, what was the name of that? Whatever, you know, you just, it has to be like more like natural.

[Nadine]

Do you have any cheat codes around scheduling and time for friendship stuff or like networking stuff?

[Keisha Slaughter]

Actually no, I don't have like a formula around it. But it's funny because I, I didn't have to fully think about it as much until I moved to Milan because obviously like I'm new here and there's like the language barrier. So like now whenever I, I do get invited to something, I like make sure to say yes because otherwise like it if you, you know, if you constantly are like on too much on the other side, like oh, I can't do anything because I'm always working and blah blah, blah, that it kind of like prevents you from these like, you know, meeting cool people that you really connect with and like also like synchronistic opportunities that come up out of the blue. So now I like, I like to just say yes to most things whenever they come up. And also because like Especially in. In Milan. It's like a very small city. It's like a big town, essentially. And so it's like in New York, too. Like, New York feels pretty small once you get, you know, acclimated. And same with, like, la, like, all these places, you know, you see the same characters running around. So I think it's, like, good to just, like, be visible.

[Courtney Johnson]

Yeah.

[Nadine]

Make yourself a. I love that one.

[Keisha Slaughter]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Nadine]

Well, thank you for all your cheat codes, Nadine. Where can everybody find you?

[Keisha Slaughter]

You can find me on Instagram. So the Instagram is the Stanza media, and then there's a newsletter signup link on there as well. But I'm definitely more active on Instagram than TikTok.

[Nadine]

Beautiful. Yeah. And your newsletter is so awesome. I read it. I think it's incredible. It's just such a cool take on fashion, luxury, hospitality, like. Like, finance, everything. It's really, really fascinating. I'm.

[Keisha Slaughter]

Thank you.

[Nadine]

Yeah. Well, thank you for coming on.

[Keisha Slaughter]

Thanks for having me.

[Courtney Johnson]

Okay, y'all, if you like this episode, you would love, love my Patreon. Okay? You get exclusive access to me, exclusive content, tons of other resources, and a lot of juicy shit.

[Nadine]

Okay? Okay.

[Courtney Johnson]

So I hope to see you on my Patreon.