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Sleep Magic: Sleep Hypnosis & Meditation for Sleep Podcast
A Hypnotherapist On... Negative Thinking
00:11:15
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I was out with a friend recently who has a daughter in her late teens, and my friend was telling me that her daughter believes that any negative thoughts she has are inherently bad, like that she shouldn't have negative thoughts at all. And this belief that negative thoughts are problematic causes her daughter to try to repress them while at the same time judging herself negatively, I'm sure for having them, which I can only imagine leads to a highly repressed, shame based layer cake of negativity and anxiety. And I felt really bad for this kid. By the way, if you haven't already, you can close your eyes now because I have more to say. And I can't help but think that a person this age is getting this idea from a mix of social media, peer pressure to be perfect, and a sort of black and white thinking that the Internet and its algorithms serve up. It makes sense that you might come away with negative thoughts are bad, judgments are bad, or worse, a sign of mental issues. So sometimes it's nice to be on the older side of things with some experience. So I can say for anyone who needs to hear it, negative thoughts are normal. And I don't mean if you're unlucky enough to be burdened with negative thoughts. That falls within the range of normal. No, I mean in no uncertain terms. If you have a brain, you have negative thoughts. If you have a heart, you have negative feelings. If you have a soul, you have existential angst and pain. They come with a territory of being a natural organism in the natural world, period. And if you deny that or repress them or judge them, you're just setting yourself up for more trouble. Doesn't that feel good? And there are some reasons for this. First, in hypnosis we talk about something called the critical faculty. Now, this is a defense mechanism of the mind, constantly vetting new information, protecting you from thoughts and ideas that might seem threatening. So anything that's new or doesn't align with your current belief systems or tastes, you will judge, criticize and reject, at least initially. And that's okay. That's just your Stone Age brain protecting you. And hypnosis is actually all about getting past the critical faculty, reaching a part of your mind that's more receptive. But you don't always need hypnosis. All you need to do is sit through that, rejecting thought, take a deep breath and just open to the new idea. Make some space for something new, and you learn. However, you may also let that new thought past your critical faculty and test it from a deeper place inside of you. And decide still that it does not align with your belief systems or values. And that's okay, too. We are all allowed to be discerning, to have considered thoughts and opinions that differ from those of others, all the while understanding why someone else might think differently than you do. That's what being an individual is. Relaxation helps to soften the critical faculty. But some things make this defense mechanism stronger. So when you're in situations that are stressful or pressurized, or you've had too much caffeine or other stimulants, or rather when you're coming down from them, you may find your thinking more defensive and negative. So just be aware of that and give yourself a break. Second, we have what Carl Jung called the shadow, unconscious material deep in our psyche that we repress because it will cause us pain or shame or guilt or some other negative feeling. Everyone has a shadow. We couldn't function without repressing some of our more painful thoughts and feelings. We also wrestle with inappropriate urges, taboos, and fantasies that aren't safe to share with everyone. Even just the fact that this ride we call life will end at some point is something we tend to avoid thinking about. So it ends up in that unconscious pile we call the shadow. And that's all par for the course. We are human. We are not brands or content to be served up to the digital maelstrom. We are not our follower counts. We are human beings, complex, messy, and often contradictory. I'm hauling my shadow around right now, and you have yours. And the most enlightened spiritual master still has theirs. No one is exempt. So can we forgive ourselves a little? Here are a few ways of handling this natural negativity. The first is to be still, maybe in meditation, and allow those darker thoughts, feelings and impulses to come up to the surface to be processed and released. This brings the shadow into the light. You can also write this stuff down. Write down your resentments and fears. Unload them. This can help you get past that initial defensiveness of your own mind. And as you plumb your resentments and fears, it may show you some of the darker, deeper veins of energy within you. Take a look. See what you're carrying around. Get some perspective on it. Notice when it repeats. And what carries a lot of energy. As you get more and more comfortable with your own negative baggage, it tends to loosen its grip and make room for more positive thoughts and feelings. You can listen to this and other recordings like it to help you make friends with the negative energy that's simply a part of life. You can even watch some comedy. It's a great way to diffuse negativity. Jokes often probe at the shadow, bringing up some of that inner darkness, releasing the pressure on it and letting us laugh at ourselves. And after all that negative stuff is expressed, focus on the positive. Your positive thoughts, attitudes and actions are the most powerful and creative gifts you bring to yourself and to the world. Until the negative thoughts come back. And they will. And then you just handle them again. And while you're at it, we all need support. It's very healing to connect with others who understand that they too are are human. They have flaws and vulnerabilities and contradictions and real depths. By sharing the shadow, it tends to dissipate. One final thing, if you struggle with thoughts that scare you or are persistent, it's best to speak to a qualified professional so you can get support working through them. And even if you don't, you might want to work with a professional just to make your life better. So thank you for indulging me. I just really wanted to address that because I felt for this kid. Before we get started, let's hear a quick word from our sponsors who make this free content possible. Have you ever gone through something like a breakup, burnout, big life stuff, and thought, I wish I had someone to talk to, someone trained to really help. I've been there. And what I love about Rula is that they've made therapy so much easier to access, especially when it feels hard to start. Rula is a healthcare provider, not just an app, and they help match you with a licensed therapist who who takes your insurance. You can schedule sessions that work for you, sometimes as soon as the next day, and the average cost is just $15 per session. And Rula doesn't stop at matching you. They check in, support your progress, and really stay with you on your mental health journey. So if therapy has been on your mind, or if you've ever thought I could really use someone to talk to, this is your sign. Thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well being. So head on over to rula.com sleepmagic to get started today and after you sign up, they'll ask you where you heard about them. So please support our show and tell them Sleep Magic sent you. Go to r u l a.com sleepmagic and take the first step towards better mental health. Today you deserve quality care from someone who cares.
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