Episode Overview

Title: Burn-out, Self Sabotage, and Ex Obsessions | August Magic Mailbag
Podcast: Sleep Magic: Sleep Hypnosis & Meditation for Sleep
Host: Jessica Porter
Date: August 27, 2025

This episode is a special Q&A "Magic Mailbag" session, where hypnotherapist Jessica Porter answers listener questions on topics like political divides in friendships, persistent exhaustion despite good sleep habits, recognizing burnout, ethical dilemmas around partner mistrust, managing painful family relationships, and tendencies towards self-sabotage. While the podcast usually helps listeners drift to sleep, this episode blends Jessica’s signature warmth and grounded wisdom with practical emotional advice, offering insights for those struggling not just with sleep, but with messy, complicated life issues.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Political Differences and Friendship (04:00–17:20)

• Listener Question from Rena: Is it okay to end a friendship if a friend becomes politically radical due to their partner’s influence? What if the friend 'returns to normal' later?
• Jessica’s Take:
  • You are the only one who gets to decide your circle: “You are allowed to decide who you interact with. In fact, you're the only person who can decide who you surround yourself with…” (05:30)
  • It’s not always easy to let go of long-standing friendships, despite value differences, and some are worth fighting for.
  • Discomfort isn't always a reason to quit: “Feeling uncomfortable or being afraid of having uncomfortable conversations shouldn’t be the reason I call it quits. Relationships take work…” (07:30)
  • Political values can create a feeling of being 'out of sync' with loved ones, especially now, but expecting total alignment is unrealistic: “If we expected everyone to align with us on everything, we may not have any relationships…” (09:20)
  • Media can influence beliefs, as shown in the documentary ‘The Brainwashing of My Dad’: “When her father no longer consumes the extreme media, he softens in his thoughts and opinions and sort of returns to who he was beforehand…” (11:00)
  • She advocates for approaching value differences with empathy, referencing a friend's conversation with his brother: Reach into shared values, listen carefully, and aim for understanding rather than 'winning.'
• Memorable Quote:
  “We nurture ourselves, the other person, and the relationship… by doing our own work on ourselves and bringing our own good energy to the mix.” —Jessica (07:10)

2. Persistent Exhaustion Despite Early Bedtime (17:21–24:38)

• Listener Question from Kaz: Goes to bed early (thanks to Jessica!) but still wakes up exhausted—wondering why.
• Jessica’s Take:
  • First, define 'exhausted'. Is it sleep inertia (grogginess), or true depletion?
  • Many people don’t ‘bounce out of bed’—it’s genetic: "Scientists are calling this phase of bringing yourself up to speed in the morning sleep inertia. ...I call it waking up slowly, and about half the world does it that way.” (20:50)
  • There are ‘morning people’ and ‘night people,’ and it’s okay to accept your natural rhythm.
  • If you’re tired all day, consider factors like sleep quality, stimulants, alcohol, food choices, screen time, stress, or even underlying health issues.
  • Recommends writing down fears before bed, which can release stress and improve sleep quality.
• Memorable Quote:
  “About half the world wakes up slowly, no matter how well or how long we've slept. And it turns out this difference is genetic.” —Jessica (21:40)

3. How to Know if You’re Burnt Out (24:39–33:55)

• Listener Question from Anonymous: How do I know if I’m burnt out?
• Jessica’s Take:
  • Shares the WHO’s (2019) criteria: energy depletion, negativity towards one’s job, reduced efficacy.
  • Encourages listeners to focus on function and personal wellbeing, not labels:
    • Are you keeping up with your life, relationships, hobbies?
    • Do you have enough energy for extra things and fun?
  • Suggests a holistic approach: check in with a doctor, but also consider alternative perspectives like Traditional Chinese Medicine.
  • Chronic depletion may also relate to handling stress, poor nutrition, or processed foods.
  • Suggests meditation and writing things out as tools for restoring balance.
• Memorable Quote:
  “If you are continually having to soothe yourself to just make it through… you may be in burnout territory.” —Jessica (26:40)

4. Is It Okay To Look At Your Partner’s Phone? (33:56–44:57)

• Listener Question from Anonymous: Is it ever okay to look at your partner’s phone if you suspect cheating?
• Jessica’s Take:
  • It’s both an ethical and emotional dilemma: suspicion begets more suspicion and secrecy.
  • Validates the ‘gut feeling’ as a real, body-based response: “We as humans tend to catalog tiny bits of information about the people we love… when someone we know well violates the patterns…the established patterns in the database, we feel off. There's a glitch, and we feel it—that is real.” (36:40)
  • Recognizes the role of projection and past trauma.
  • The true pain of infidelity is often about the break in trust/lies, not just the act.
  • Suggests open conversation first: express your concerns, ask for phone transparency openly rather than secretly, and pay attention to your own integrity.
  • If the partner resists sharing, that’s also data.
• Memorable Quote:
  “Because the truth is a force, not an idea. And it will out… Even an awful truth may be better than being lied to because you stop trusting your own gut when you get lied to.” —Jessica (41:55)

5. Being Hurt by a Sibling’s Jokes and Family Dynamics (44:58–53:55)

• Listener Question from Diane: Her brother's jokes have always hurt her, damaging their relationship; her parents push for a connection.
• Jessica’s Take:
  • No, you’re not ‘an a-hole’ for setting boundaries: “Relationships can be hard, hard…and especially within families. We have a constellation of people we’re born into, and we’re sort of forced to work things through with them that might be deal breakers with our friends.” (45:40)
  • Recommends addressing resentments directly by writing them out, then communicating clearly and calmly: “When you make these jokes, I feel bad and it makes me want to pull away from you. If you keep making the jokes, I am going to pull away in order to protect myself.” (49:35)
  • Her approach: state your truth calmly, focus on content not emotion, give others a chance to respond/change.
  • You're entitled to set boundaries in family as anywhere.
• Memorable Quote:
  “Why does your brother get to say whatever he wants and even hurt you when you don't get to say your piece?” —Jessica (52:00)

6. Self-Sabotage and Relationship Drama (53:56–54:40)

• Listener had written about starting fights or feeling energized by drama, wondering if it’s self-sabotage or normal.
• Jessica signals this question will be addressed in the extended (subscriber) edition.

Notable Quotes

• “You are allowed to decide who you interact with. In fact, you're the only person who can decide who you surround yourself with.” —Jessica (05:30)
• “Relationships take work. They involve vulnerability and have a magical capacity to grow when we show up for them in brave and authentic ways.” —Jessica (07:30)
• “Scientists are calling this phase of bringing yourself up to speed in the morning sleep inertia. ...I call it waking up slowly, and about half the world does it that way.” —Jessica (20:50)
• “If you are continually having to soothe yourself to just make it through… you may be in burnout territory.” —Jessica (26:40)
• “Because the truth is a force, not an idea. And it will out… Even an awful truth may be better than being lied to because you stop trusting your own gut when you get lied to.” —Jessica (41:55)
• “When you make these jokes, I feel bad and it makes me want to pull away from you. If you keep making the jokes, I am going to pull away in order to protect myself.” —Jessica (49:35)
• “Why does your brother get to say whatever he wants and even hurt you when you don't get to say your piece?” —Jessica (52:00)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 04:00 – Political differences and friendships (Q1, Rena)
• 17:21 – Exhaustion despite sleep (Q2, Kaz)
• 24:39 – Recognizing burnout (Q3, Anonymous)
• 33:56 – Phone checking & trust in relationships (Q4, Anonymous)
• 44:58 – Hurtful family dynamics (Q5, Diane)
• 53:56 – Self-sabotage (teaser for extended edition)

Tone and Final Thoughts

Jessica maintains a gentle, thoughtful tone throughout, blending personal anecdotes, scientific references, and actionable advice. She's validating, honest about the limits of her expertise, and consistently encourages boundary-setting, self-reflection, and open communication. Listeners looking for both sleep support and emotional clarity will find this episode resonates well beyond bedtime.