Grief, Hang-xiety, and your Partner’s Instagram Likes 💌 Magic Mailbag

Summary

Sleep Magic: Episode Summary - Grief, Hangxiety, and Your Partner’s Instagram Likes

Podcast Information:

• Title: Sleep Magic: Sleep Hypnosis & Meditation for Sleep Podcast
• Host/Author: Sleepiest: Hypnosis for Sleep Podcast, hosted by hypnotherapist Jessica Porter
• Episode Title: Grief, Hang-xiety, and your Partner’s Instagram Likes 💌 Magic Mailbag
• Release Date: July 23, 2025

---

Introduction

In this heartwarming and insightful episode of Sleep Magic, host Jessica Porter delves into the personal challenges faced by listeners through the Mailbag segment. This episode specifically addresses three pressing concerns: maintaining long-distance relationships, coping with the loss of a spouse, and navigating the complexities of a partner's online interactions, particularly Instagram likes. Jessica brings her extensive experience in hypnotherapy to offer compassionate advice and practical strategies for emotional wellness and restful sleep.

---

Listener Question 1: Navigating Long-Distance Relationships

Question from Quilted Kitty Cat: "Could you give me some advice on long distance relationships?"
(00:34)

Discussion & Insights:

Jessica and her co-host explore the dynamics of long-distance relationships (LDRs), distinguishing between relationships that start at a distance versus those where distance becomes a factor later on.

• Excitement and Adrenaline in LDRs:

  • Jessica Porter (04:23): "Built into the distance part is a longing for one another and even a mystery about one another that can heighten the attraction and the pleasure, at least at first."
  • The initial phase of LDRs is often fueled by heightened desire and the thrill of the unknown, driven by the release of hormones like oxytocin and adrenaline.

• Settling Down Phase:

  • Over time, relationships typically transition from the adrenaline rush to a more stable, oxytocin-driven bond. LDRs can interfere with this natural settling down process, making it challenging to build the same depth of intimacy found in geographically close relationships.

• Pros of Long-Distance Relationships:

  • Heightened Desire and Longing: Maintains excitement and prevents quick boredom.
  • Independence: Allows both partners to maintain personal space and autonomy.

• Cons of Long-Distance Relationships:

  • Emotional Strain: Longing can turn from romantic to painful, leading to insecurity and self-destructive behaviors.
  • Distrust: Physical absence can breed doubt and jealousy if not managed properly.

• Practical Strategies:

  • Enhanced Communication: Establishing clear and intentional communication routines is crucial.
  • Incorporate "Boring Time": Engage in mundane activities together virtually, such as cooking or paying bills, to build a sense of normalcy and shared daily life.

Notable Quotes:

• Jessica Porter (05:13): "But a long term, healthy relationship generally goes through this settling down phase."
• Co-host (08:29): "But most of all, I think it's about not being able to settle into that more grounded, sometimes boring phase, which is actually where lots of trust and bonding is built."

---

Listener Question 2: Coping with the Loss of a Spouse

Question from Jaylynd: "My husband of 60 years just passed away. I married at 16. Besides mourning, I don't know who I am. I've always been a wife."
(13:06)

Discussion & Insights:

Jessica offers profound insights into the grieving process, especially for individuals who have spent a significant portion of their lives in a marital role.

• Identity and Loss:

  • Losing a spouse often means losing a significant part of one's identity, especially if the relationship started young and was central to personal development.
  • Jessica Porter (14:44): "When we lose someone close to us, we lose a part of ourselves."

• Rediscovering Self:

  • Emotional Skills: Empathy, endurance, forgiveness, patience, cooperation, and other skills honed through marriage remain valuable and are part of one's core identity.
  • Practical Skills: Daily tasks and responsibilities managed during the marriage, such as cooking, organizing, and managing household duties, are now solitary skills to be recognized and utilized.

• Embracing Change:

  • Continuous Growth: Acknowledging that personal growth will continue independently of the spouse.
  • New Connections: Encouraging the formation of new relationships and support systems to aid in the healing process.

• Support Systems:

  • Connecting with Others: Engaging with individuals who have experienced similar losses can provide catharsis and mutual support.
  • Emotional Expression: Embracing the new ways to love and remember the deceased, allowing the connection to transform rather than disappear.

Notable Quotes:

• Jessica Porter (15:18): "You have been changing your entire life, from the day you were born through childhood and then when you were 16, being with this person, changing through this relationship."
• Co-host (21:56): "Finally, ... as she grieves, remember that you can now learn to love your husband in a new way."

---

Listener Question 3: Concerns About Partner’s Instagram Likes

Question from Mia: "My husband doesn't know I can see his likes on Instagram. It's full of gym bunnies in revealing poses. Do I bring it up? Is it important?"
(23:06)

Discussion & Insights:

This segment tackles the modern complications introduced by social media into intimate relationships, emphasizing the importance of trust and communication.

• The Impact of Social Media:

  • Ubiquity of Attention: Social media platforms like Instagram make it easy for partners to engage with others, sometimes leading to feelings of insecurity.
  • Energy Drain: Jessica likens relationships to plants that require nourishment; excessive online interactions can divert emotional energy away from the primary relationship.

• Trust and Boundaries:

  • Assessing Trust Levels: Evaluating whether the partner is trustworthy and how they handle online engagements.
  • Setting Boundaries: Establishing clear agreements about social media interactions to protect the relationship's integrity.
  • Communication: Encouraging open dialogues about how social media affects each partner emotionally and what compromises may be necessary.

• Personal Reflection:

  • Self-Awareness: Understanding one's own feelings and insecurities about the partner’s online behavior.
  • Mutual Agreement: Both partners should agree on boundaries that respect and strengthen their connection.

Notable Quotes:

• Jessica Porter (25:30): "The subconscious mind does not distinguish between fact and fantasy, doesn't distinguish between the digital or the real world."
• Co-host (29:43): "It's not about her being controlling. It's about her knowing herself and wanting to actively protect their connection."

---

Conclusion

In this episode of Sleep Magic, Jessica Porter addresses complex emotional issues with empathy and practical advice. Whether it's maintaining love across distances, finding oneself after profound loss, or navigating the intricacies of modern social interactions, Jessica provides listeners with the tools to foster emotional wellness and achieve restful sleep. Her compassionate guidance encourages self-reflection, open communication, and the cultivation of healthy relationships, all essential for a balanced and peaceful life.

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Join the Conversation: If you have questions or personal experiences you'd like to share, Jessica invites you to reach out through HelloSleepMagic FM or the Ask Me Anything feature on their Supercast link. Engage with the community, gain support, and continue your journey toward better sleep and emotional well-being.

Support the Podcast: Consider becoming a subscriber to unlock extended content, bonus episodes, and support the creation of more transformative episodes like this one.

---

Sleep well and take care of your emotional health.

Transcript

[Jessica Porter]

Hi, I'm Jessica Porter and welcome back to Sleep Magic, a podcast where I.

[Co-host]

Help you find the magic of your.

[Jessica Porter]

Own mind, helping you to sleep better and live better.

[Co-host]

Hey everyone.

[Jessica Porter]

Welcome to this month's Mailbag episode where.

[Co-host]

I will do my best to answer the questions you've sent in. But before we dive in to some of these juicy issues, a few things.

[Jessica Porter]

First, I am not a professional expert on any of these topics, except one could argue hypnosis. I will give my experience and my perspective, but if I don't know the answers, I won't pretend to know stuff I don't know. If you require or want professional help with these issues, I encourage you to seek it out.

[Co-host]

Second, this episode is probably not appropriate for children.

[Jessica Porter]

And if finally you fall asleep, because.

[Co-host]

That'S what you do when you listen.

[Jessica Porter]

To my voice, please don't listen to this in the car or operating heavy machinery. You might want to put it on while you're taking a walk or something so you can get all the information.

[Co-host]

Great. Here we go. Let's dive in. Before we get started, let's hear a quick word from our sponsors who make this free content possible. Have you ever gone through something like.

[Jessica Porter]

A breakup, burnout, big life stuff, and.

[Co-host]

Thought I wish I had someone to.

[Jessica Porter]

Talk to, someone trained to really help? I've been there and what I love.

[Co-host]

About Rula is is that they've made therapy so much easier to access, especially when it feels hard to start. Rula is a healthcare provider, not just an app, and they help match you with a licensed therapist who takes your insurance.

[Jessica Porter]

You can schedule sessions that work for you, sometimes as soon as the next.

[Co-host]

Day, and the average cost is just $15 per session. And Rula doesn't stop at matching you. They check in, support your progress, and really stay with you on your mental health journey. So if therapy has been on your mind, or if you've ever thought I could really use someone to talk to, this is your sign. Thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well being. So head on over to rula.com sleepmagic to get started today and after you sign up, they'll ask you where you heard about them. So please support our show and tell.

[Jessica Porter]

Them Sleep Magic sent you.

[Co-host]

Go to r u l a.com sleepmagic and take the first step towards better mental health. Today. You deserve quality care from someone who cares.

[N]

Nothing is worse than trying to fall asleep and not being able to. At least you're not alone. Over 4 billion people say they don't sleep as well as they'd like. Hi, this is N from snoozcast, the podcast designed to help you fall asleep. Listening to a sleep story on snoozcast might seem too simple to actually work, but we bet you'll be pleasantly surprised. Give it a try tonight by choosing one of our over 1000 episodes. Wherever you listen to podcasts, new episodes drop every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

[Jessica Porter]

So our first question is from someone who calls themselves Quilted Kitty Cat. I'm going to assume that this is a female, but I don't think it matters in terms of the answers to the question. So the question is, could you give me some advice on long distance relationships?

[Co-host]

Maybe.

[Jessica Porter]

We'll see. Great question.

[Co-host]

But before we dig into it, it sort of begets another question.

[Jessica Porter]

Is this a relationship that started at a distance, or is the distance occurring later in the relationship because of a.

[Co-host]

Change of job or life circumstances?

[Jessica Porter]

Let's start with the first example, a relationship that begins at a distance.

[Co-host]

Long distance relationships can be very exciting and heady.

[Jessica Porter]

Built into the distance part is a longing for one another and even a mystery about one another that can heighten the attraction and the pleasure, at least at first. In fact, the beginning of relationships are.

[Co-host]

Exciting in general because they make us.

[Jessica Porter]

Experience the chemicals of sexual attraction and oxytocin and dopamine. And the oxytocin helps us start that bond. But there's also lots and lots of adrenaline because everything is new and exciting.

[Co-host]

Just like the first time you bungee.

[Jessica Porter]

Jumped, there was a ton of adrenaline.

[Co-host]

So you're constantly riding this wave of.

[Jessica Porter]

Adrenaline and you're merging with another spirit and that feels like this incredible adventure. And it is.

[Co-host]

But over time, as people get closer.

[Jessica Porter]

And closeness can involve learning each other's annoying quirks, seeing that person in different contexts. It includes conflict and working through it, and boredom.

[Co-host]

Relationships shift into being governed more by.

[Jessica Porter]

The oxytocin and less by the adrenaline.

[Co-host]

And oxytocin feels great too.

[Jessica Porter]

It's that loving bonding hormone I've talked about before, but there's just less adrenaline. People become real partners to one another.

[Co-host]

And devoted to one another and it's a more grounded reality. And lots of relationships don't make it.

[Jessica Porter]

To that stage, which is fine. We have to try things in order to figure out if they're right for us.

[Co-host]

But a long term, healthy relationship generally.

[Jessica Porter]

Goes through this settling down phase. And I presume you might be interested in a good long term relationship but or you wouldn't be writing and asking this question.

[Co-host]

So I think the biggest issue with.

[Jessica Porter]

A long distance relationship is that it sort of interferes with this settling down experience. You know, there's the come and the go, and the come and the go and the come and the go.

[Co-host]

But perhaps that's not a fatal issue.

[Jessica Porter]

I mean, let's look at the pros and cons of long distance relationships. The pros, I think are this heightened desire and longing, not getting bored with one another, or at least not quickly.

[Co-host]

Keeping your independence, which is very valuable to some people. And by the way, some people build some distance into their relationships in order to have some of those things. There are couples I've known where one.

[Jessica Porter]

Of them works on an oil rig one month on and one month off, and they swear by that recipe. He comes home just long enough to become irritating to her and then he leaves just long enough to be really, really missed.

[Co-host]

So distance can mean more than one thing.

[Jessica Porter]

I know a couple who has two houses, one for each partner, and they live about a block apart and they sort of work out a schedule between them, but they both have their own space. So sounds kind of good to me. The cons of a long distance relationship I think would be beyond the practical considerations of having to go see each other.

[Co-host]

It's just longing. You know, longing is delicious and romantic.

[Jessica Porter]

And sexy until it's not and then it just hurts. At least it does for me.

[Co-host]

And in the absence of the beloved.

[Jessica Porter]

Person, weird things can come up like insecurity, sadness, even self destructive behaviors.

[Co-host]

A long distance relationship can also engender.

[Jessica Porter]

Distrust if you are prone to worrying about what your partner is doing or not doing when you don't see them every day or regularly.

[Co-host]

But most of all, I think it's about not being able to settle into.

[Jessica Porter]

That more grounded, sometimes boring phase, which.

[Co-host]

Is actually where lots of trust and bonding is built. Just being in someone's presence through the.

[Jessica Porter]

Weird little stupid moments in life builds.

[Co-host]

The relationship on levels that the mind.

[Jessica Porter]

Cannot understand or is really any of the mind's business. Because relationships don't come from our minds. They are these mysterious connections with their own essence.

[Co-host]

And they're built from many, often all of those deeper layers of ourselves and being in one another's presence for long.

[Jessica Porter]

And boring and just regular mundane periods of time. That's a very big aspect in bringing.

[Co-host]

Together all that energy.

[Jessica Porter]

That said, I am the first to say that relationships are organic events and you can't really control them. They sort of do us and the best we can do is let them be, enjoy their Blooming, protect them if.

[Co-host]

They'Re good for us, and learn to love the other person as generously as possible and allow ourselves to be transformed.

[Jessica Porter]

Hopefully improved by the relationship.

[Co-host]

So just because a relationship begins at.

[Jessica Porter]

A distance, doesn't mean it's wrong or bad. It's just that particular relationship.

[Co-host]

However, if you find that you are attracted to people only at a distance, that may say something about your preferences or your availability. We're always choosing, always creating our lives from our subconscious minds. Which doesn't mean we can just control.

[Jessica Porter]

Ourselves or our lives like robots.

[Co-host]

But these choices, these deep choices, do give us clues about what's steering us.

[Jessica Porter]

Our fears, our turn ons.

[Co-host]

So if you choose long distance relationships and you find they're not working for you, then it's time to look inside.

[Jessica Porter]

And see what you might be afraid of or what's blocking a more stable, available experience for you. Okay, so remember at the beginning when I said this is a matter of whether relationship starts at a distance or the distance happens later. Now we're circling back to number two. If the relationship started together like in proximity to one another, but then has.

[Co-host]

A distance, I guess that's really about being a very clear communicator.

[Jessica Porter]

Like I said, relationships are their own organic events. It's like we make this unique vibe.

[Co-host]

Or essence with every single person we meet on the planet.

[Jessica Porter]

But the big relationships are the ones where that vibration is intense and pulls.

[Co-host]

Us on a journey with the other person.

[Jessica Porter]

It's a powerful creative act with that person.

[Co-host]

We really feel that our relationship is bigger than the sum of its parts.

[Jessica Porter]

We feel elevated by it, hopefully inspired. Which doesn't mean we don't fight and stuff. It's just the vibe itself is powerful between you.

[Co-host]

So I guess it's about acknowledging that.

[Jessica Porter]

And figuring out how to protect that essence or that vibe over the miles and over time.

[Co-host]

And to communicate about it and to make sure you do spend time together.

[Jessica Porter]

Don't get miserly about that.

[Co-host]

You must actively choose it in order.

[Jessica Porter]

To feed the relationship like a plant.

[Co-host]

When you live with someone or see them regularly, the relationship is prioritized by.

[Jessica Porter]

Default because each member comes home to the same house or you have a.

[Co-host]

Schedule that you follow together.

[Jessica Porter]

It may not be a conscious prioritization, but it's kind of in your face all the time.

[Co-host]

But at a distance that coming together requires a more conscious choice. So in order to give the relationship its nourishment, you must not ignore it.

[Jessica Porter]

That said, you might want to build some boring time into it, like facetiming while you're cooking dinner or paying your bills or, you know, doing the dumb, boring life stuff to help with that groundedness and that subtleness.

[Co-host]

Do something dull. Do something dull.

[Jessica Porter]

That might be nice. Okay, those are all my thoughts about long distance relationships. I hope. Quilted Kitty. Is that your name again? I gotta scroll back. Yep, Quilted Kitty Cat. I hope that has been food for thought. Thank you. Thank you for writing.

[Co-host]

Next.

[Jessica Porter]

This is from Jaylynd.

[Co-host]

Jayland1. I listen to you every night.

[Jessica Porter]

Thank you, Jayland1.

[Co-host]

My husband of 60 years just passed away. I married at 16.

[Jessica Porter]

Besides mourning, I don't know who I am.

[Co-host]

I've always been a wife. Wow.

[Jessica Porter]

Wow.

[Co-host]

Well, first of all, I'm very, very sorry for your loss.

[Jessica Porter]

That's huge.

[Co-host]

And what you're saying here makes total sense. How does one go forward after experiencing.

[Jessica Porter]

Such a big loss? Let's explore that. Okay. So you say I don't know who I am. And that's a very real thing.

[Co-host]

When we lose someone close to us, we lose a part of ourselves. No doubt. You have so many habits and thoughts and feelings and memories that were forged.

[Jessica Porter]

With or connected to your husband. And now they must be like, flickering inside of you without the person who understands them best, without the person who can mirror them. And I'm sorry, that must literally hurt.

[Co-host]

Our hearts contain neurons, nerve cells that have feelings.

[Jessica Porter]

And when we experience a loss like that, we hurt.

[Co-host]

Perhaps it might be helpful to think.

[Jessica Porter]

About it this way to get a little perspective.

[Co-host]

You have been changing your entire life, from the day you were born through childhood and then when you were 16, being with this person, changing through this.

[Jessica Porter]

Relationship, changing with your husband. And he was your primary mirror for.

[Co-host]

Those changes, and you were the primary.

[Jessica Porter]

Mirror for his and catalysts for one.

[Co-host]

Another in those changes.

[Jessica Porter]

And I presume it was an amazing experience. Not all was great, but amazing to have this person witness your changes, your growth.

[Co-host]

But now you're going to keep changing just without that particular mirror or with.

[Jessica Porter]

The memory of that mirror. And you'll attract new mirrors. But we'll talk about that in a second.

[Co-host]

So what's in store for you first? Well, you say you've always been a wife.

[Jessica Porter]

Let's break that down to what that really means to you. Because being a wife is a lot of things. It's loving someone, it's caretaking. There's a ton of practical skill needed to run a life with someone and to manage children if you have kids. My mom used to say that most mothers could run a small country because being a mother involves so many different strengths. And, you know, I think she's probably right.

[Co-host]

So you might want to write down everything you learned and practiced by being a wife.

[Jessica Porter]

All the emotional skills, all the practical skills. Because although your husband is gone from.

[Co-host]

The physical realm, those skills are not. They are yours, and they're here to be used. So what are the emotional skills you developed?

[Jessica Porter]

I mean, I'm just going to throw some out there.

[Co-host]

Empathy, endurance, forgiveness, standing up for yourself, fighting, unconditional love, giving gentle feedback, maybe sometimes giving firm feedback, saying no, saying yes, letting go, sacrifice, appreciation, patience, cooperation. And those are just some of the emotional skills. That's a lot. Those are all things in you that have been developed. So I encourage you to write those things down on paper so you see them, see that growing list, and see that this is what you are made.

[Jessica Porter]

Of, what you gave and what you developed in your life. And as a wife.

[Co-host]

Then I'd urge you to write down the practical skills you developed in your relationship.

[Jessica Porter]

And I'm sure there are a zillion of them. This is going to sound very 1950s, but.

[Co-host]

Cooking, cleaning, making appointments, amateur haircuts, first aid, throwing dinner parties, keeping relationships together, managing the family calendar, organizing vacations, decorating, etc.

[Jessica Porter]

Etc. And if you're a mother, that list gets even longer.

[Co-host]

Look at how many things you do. Look at how many things you're good at. Those are real skills, and it's important that you connect with them because they haven't died. So can you imagine bringing some of those strengths to another context?

[Jessica Porter]

Maybe it's too early for that, and I get that.

[Co-host]

But I want you to see that they are not a function of being.

[Jessica Porter]

A wife per se, so much as they are aspects of you that marriage helped to develop.

[Co-host]

And who knows, maybe there were parts.

[Jessica Porter]

Of you that were repressed within your.

[Co-host]

Marriage or things that you wanted to do that didn't really fit into that context. If, as you're writing down your list.

[Jessica Porter]

Of things that you did develop, some of those other things bubble up, well, that's good too.

[Co-host]

Write them down.

[Jessica Porter]

Maybe you want to go bungee jumping.

[Co-host]

Maybe he never wanted to travel. Maybe there's just parts of you that are now liberated. No marriage is perfect.

[Jessica Porter]

No marriage allows us to be every single facet of our being.

[Co-host]

You are a whole person. And although your marriage served you and.

[Jessica Porter]

You served it lovingly and you loved your husband, you are still a whole person. And this is about rediscovering that, or.

[Co-host]

Maybe discovering it for the first time.

[Jessica Porter]

Considering you guys melded your lives at such a young age.

[Co-host]

Finally, I encourage you to be with other people who have lost their spouses, too. There's a reason women mourn for years.

[Jessica Porter]

In other cultures, because parts of our.

[Co-host]

Identity do die when we lose a spouse or it feels that way for a long time.

[Jessica Porter]

I would imagine it's similar to empty nest syndrome, which a bunch of my.

[Co-host]

Friends are going through, where the kids.

[Jessica Porter]

Who have changed beyond recognition and who were totally dependent on you suddenly don't need you. It's a real victory in terms of parenting, but a huge loss at the same time.

[Co-host]

So, yeah, like I said before, you've developed a whole neurological set of patterns.

[Jessica Porter]

In relationship to your husband, and it's.

[Co-host]

An enormous shift physically, emotionally, and on.

[Jessica Porter]

Hidden, mysterious levels of your psyche. So I encourage you strongly to surround.

[Co-host]

Yourself with people who are in your position only.

[Jessica Porter]

They will have unique insights and be.

[Co-host]

Able to see you through this transition as you will be able to see them.

[Jessica Porter]

They won't be able to see exactly as your husband did, but they will.

[Co-host]

See the wife in you. They will honor your loss. And you may find that listening to.

[Jessica Porter]

Others going through the same thing is very cathartic and nourishing. And together you can midwife one another as you are sort of reborn.

[Co-host]

Finally, finally.

[Jessica Porter]

I said this on the last podcast.

[Co-host]

Last mailbag, to someone who had lost a brother.

[Jessica Porter]

As you grieve, and that is very.

[Co-host]

Big, remember that you can now learn.

[Jessica Porter]

To love your husband in a new way.

[Co-host]

The love's not gone, the connection's not gone. You just experience it differently. And for what it's worth, I believe.

[Jessica Porter]

Whether it's in you or in that vibration you created together or across some.

[Co-host]

Veil of existence, he's here to cheer.

[Jessica Porter]

You on, and he wants to help you step into this new sense of self as well. I hope that's all okay to say. You know, who knows how much of this actually lands with the letter writer, but those are my thoughts on that. And thank you. Thank you for writing, and I wish you all the best during this transition or this experience.

[Co-host]

All right, next.

[Jessica Porter]

From Mia.

[Co-host]

My husband doesn't know I can see.

[Jessica Porter]

His likes on Instagram.

[Co-host]

It's full of gym bunnies in revealing poses.

[Jessica Porter]

Do I bring it up? Is it important? Thank you for writing, Mia. Ah, the Internet strikes again.

[Co-host]

The Internet poses so many problems that were never there before.

[Jessica Porter]

Forgive me for sounding like an old.

[Co-host]

Biddy, but back in the day, if you wanted to have a relationship with.

[Jessica Porter]

Somebody, energy had to be exchanged for the most part.

[Co-host]

In person.

[Jessica Porter]

I mean, relationships either took place in.

[Co-host]

A room or on the phone, or maybe on paper, in letters that were thought about and put in envelopes and put in the mail. And if someone wanted to cheat, they.

[Jessica Porter]

Engage some kind of illicit portal, they had to go through some other door. Like you took out a personal ad, or you somehow behaved in secret, or you sought out a sex worker or whatever it was. May not technically be cheating, depending on the relationship, but you know what I'm saying, you had to find actively a way to get behind the relationship.

[Co-host]

And the person wanting to act outside of the relationship had to make some sort of move, had to show agency in order to try and connect with another person.

[Jessica Porter]

But not so today.

[Co-host]

Today the Internet offers up perfect strangers who are willing to bust right into our lives or slide into our DMs without any prompting on our part. It's like we're all standing in a huge stadium full of people. Sometimes needy, vain people, while we scroll on our phones. Lying in bed, we're also standing in.

[Jessica Porter]

That stadium at the same time. Psychologically, it's very weird.

[Co-host]

And in this situation, the energy flows both ways. So this is not just about your husband. You might trust him implicitly. He may be a totally mellow dude.

[Jessica Porter]

Who'S not fazed by stuff like this at all and is not a player.

[Co-host]

But he's not the only person we're talking about. There are people who pose in public.

[Jessica Porter]

Because the Internet is public. Scantily clad, as we old bitties used to say.

[Co-host]

Basically trolling for attention, male and female.

[Jessica Porter]

Now I love women, but we are human and humans like attention. So all I'm saying is that now we have a way of people reaching out to us, whether we like it or not, to our brains, to our.

[Co-host]

Inboxes, to our psyches. And that's new.

[Jessica Porter]

And it makes this issue much more complicated. It's like I used to get dressed up to watch the Partridge Family because I had in my weird seven year old mind this fantasy that just as I could see them, and by them I really mean David Cassidy, maybe they could see me. I mean, I kind of knew that they couldn't, but I indulged the fantasy that they could.

[Co-host]

But now that's real. Like you can actually reach out to.

[Jessica Porter]

A celebrity and God only knows, they may read their own Instagram and just, you know, ping you back.

[Co-host]

But what would it be like if.

[Jessica Porter]

Say, during dinner, these women phoned your husband or showed up at the door? Because that's kind of what's happening.

[Co-host]

Energetically the subconscious mind does not distinguish.

[Jessica Porter]

Between fact and fantasy, doesn't distinguish between.

[Co-host]

The digital or the real world, really. So real engagement can take place online very quickly.

[Jessica Porter]

So first, like I said, there is.

[Co-host]

A question of whether you trust your husband.

[Jessica Porter]

He may be super chill and this is just a silly thing and not a big deal.

[Co-host]

Only you know him and how he.

[Jessica Porter]

Has behaved around these types of temptations or people in the past.

[Co-host]

But second, regardless of how you think he's handling this, what's it like for you? Your relationship with him, like I said.

[Jessica Porter]

Earlier, is a vibe, a unique essence.

[Co-host]

And it has its own life force.

[Jessica Porter]

I like to think sometimes relationships is like plants. They're as organic as a plant, and.

[Co-host]

You need to nourish it and protect.

[Jessica Porter]

It so that it supports you both.

[Co-host]

So is social media nourishing your relationship?

[Jessica Porter]

Does it make you feel more secure or less?

[Co-host]

Does it strengthen that overall energy or.

[Jessica Porter]

Poke holes in it?

[Co-host]

It's important that you figure out what.

[Jessica Porter]

You feel about the situation, and then I encourage you guys to talk about it. Maybe this makes you feel insecure, and.

[Co-host]

Maybe feeling insecure is not great for your connection with your husband. Security is a very real thing in.

[Jessica Porter]

A primary intimate relationship, and it's important.

[Co-host]

To have conversations about what does and does not support that feeling of security.

[Jessica Porter]

I know a couple with a really healthy relationship, and they have discussed these boundaries explicitly. The husband does not have close female friends.

[Co-host]

Acquaintances, sure. Friends, yes. But friends he processes his emotional life.

[Jessica Porter]

With or texts in a way that.

[Co-host]

He'S creating some alternate river of energy.

[Jessica Porter]

Not so cool with his wife. So they've agreed that that won't happen. Personally, knowing him, I think he's a.

[Co-host]

Really safe person and would make an excellent close friend to women, but that's just not going to serve his marriage, which is his primary relationship, that special vibe. And they've both agreed to it. And it's not about her being controlling. It's about her knowing herself and wanting to actively protect their connection.

[Jessica Porter]

As far as she's concerned, that emotional.

[Co-host]

Energy belongs in the marriage, not outside of it. And she's not protecting the connection just from other women, but from her own insecurities constantly being triggered. And it makes sure that they're both bringing their best energy to one another because we only have so much energy and social media wants to have it.

[Jessica Porter]

Leak in a million different directions. It's not a real thing. It's an algorithm making someone money.

[Co-host]

So this is between you guys, and.

[Jessica Porter]

It'S worth having a really clear conversation and probably more than one about this topic.

[Co-host]

Social media is a thing. It's not an idea, it's a force. So how much of it do you want invading your consciousness and what are your boundaries? Because if you don't have some say in that, social media will just roll.

[Jessica Porter]

Right over you and possibly your marriage.

[Co-host]

And like I said, if he turns out to be completely cool about all.

[Jessica Porter]

This and you're cool about it, fine.

[Co-host]

But don't be unconscious.

[Jessica Porter]

If you want to create a healthy.

[Co-host]

Connection over time, when you can both start to approach the relationship as a precious force that requires nourishment, protection, and.

[Jessica Porter]

Regular inventorying, the digital world will fall into place. Thank you, thank you. Thank you Mia for that question. I really loved thinking about that topic. I think it's pertinent to all of.

[Co-host]

Us in some way or another as.

[Jessica Porter]

We navigate this world of technology. All right, next, from Megan do you believe in astrology? Like horoscopes, crystals charging in the moon.

[Co-host]

Mercury in retrograde sort of stuff? It seems the younger girls I know are into it more than my peers.

[Jessica Porter]

Is it a Gen Z thing or should I get into it?

[Co-host]

Tarot too?

[Jessica Porter]

Love that you end your question Tarot too.

[Co-host]

And that's where we'll leave it for today's free version of the Mailbag episode.

[Jessica Porter]

If you want to unlock the extended version of this episode, become a subscriber.

[Co-host]

And join us over on Team magic in just two taps on Apple Podcasts or visit sleepmagic.supercast.com by joining, you'll not only unlock this full episode with bonus.

[Jessica Porter]

Mailbag questions, maybe including yours, but you.

[Co-host]

Can also enjoy ad free listening and listen to over 40 bonus episodes, plus the whole sleep Magic back catalog. So it's a pretty sweet deal.

[Jessica Porter]

You'll also be helping us to keep creating the show and helping even more people find great rest, so your support.

[Co-host]

Goes further than you know. If you have questions you'd like me.

[Jessica Porter]

To respond to in the next mailbag.

[Co-host]

Please send them to HelloLeepMagic FM or use the Ask Me Anything feature on.

[Jessica Porter]

The Supercast link in the show notes. And remember, you can ask me anything, whether it's about a personal issue, something you're curious about, or just a life question. I'm here to share my thoughts, opinions, experiences, and I look forward to hearing from you. Don't forget to leave a review or.

[Co-host]

A comment wherever you listen to this.

[Jessica Porter]

Show to let me know what you.

[Co-host]

Think of the episode.

[Jessica Porter]

Your feedback is invaluable. Okay, I won't keep you any longer. Some of you might be ready to drift off.

[Co-host]

Sleep well and have a great night.