Smart Girl Dumb Questions – "Dating Zeitgeist Digest"

Guest: Nayeema Raza (host, journalist, dater)
Host: Maria Avgitidis (Matchmaker Maria – Ask a Matchmaker podcast)
Date: November 25, 2025

Episode Overview

In this special crossover, Nayeema Raza appears as a guest on Maria Avgitidis’s "Ask a Matchmaker" podcast. The two dig into the current dating zeitgeist: Why does having a boyfriend seem embarrassing to some? How are AI relationships changing the landscape? Is the “tradwife” backlash real? They also touch on notable pop culture and dating success stories, and reflect on how community, culture, and even tech are reshaping intimacy in the 2020s.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing? (00:14–07:26)

• Maria references a Vogue UK article asking if having a boyfriend is "embarrassing" now, noting a trend toward subtle or hidden relationship posts on social media (e.g., blurred faces, cropped photos).
• Nayeema finds this practice exhausting and performative:
  • “Tell me you have a boyfriend without telling me you have a boyfriend is more annoying than just telling me you have a fucking boyfriend.” — Nayeema (01:48)
• Both discuss the "tradwife" trend backlash, and its performative, often privileged underpinnings.
• Societal pressure swings: From “can I have it all?” feminism to rejection of both trad norms and single-girl hustle.
• Memorable:
  • Nayeema describes her ideal of the “forever boyfriend” over "husband," drawing on Richard Curtis and Emma Freud’s 30-year partnership:
    • “I like a forever boyfriend… I don’t have one right now, but I like it. And I’m not embarrassed to want it.” (05:45)

2. Subtle Social Media Dating Signals & Realities (06:39–08:08)

• They critique the “soft launching” and hidden partner game:
  • “If you want to show me the back of your hot boyfriend’s head… just post him.” — Maria paraphrasing both of their feelings (06:39)
• The “tradwife” and influencer dynamic: Many “not working” wives are in fact running businesses or producing content with their husbands as Instagram husbands.

3. The Happiness Paradox & Women’s Choices (07:26–10:05)

• Both discuss the misleading narratives about single vs. coupled happiness. Nayeema cites research showing women married to men are least happy (“Men married to men, happiest. Women married to men, least happy”).
  • “I can tell you the happiest was men married to men. And the least happy was women married to men…” — Nayeema (09:23)
• Disputes the notion older men are simply "more desirable"; rather, women often just want their own lives after divorce.

4. The Challenge of Cultural Pressures & Individual Choice (10:05–11:31)

• Whether it’s marriage/dating or career/singleness, each “side” is an echo chamber.
• “We have this one life… most of us are going to live in the gooey middle.” — Maria (11:31)

5. Motherhood, Agency, and New Definitions of Family (11:31–15:41)

• References an NPR article on single women choosing to have children, and the social pressure to “do things in order”—dating, marriage, then kids.
  • Esther Perel’s advice cited: “...holding yourself hostage to a person you don’t know, to have a future that you dream of is [not] a necessary step. And I find that very liberating.” — Nayeema (13:18)
• Emerging norm: Community and family can be reimagined; support doesn’t have to follow the nuclear family model.

6. Loneliness, Individualism, and Social Infrastructure (15:01–20:13)

• They lament the erosion of community and the rise of loneliness/AI companionship.
  • “You’re in a relationship with your phone, you’re in a relationship with your AI…” — Nayeema (15:57)
• Maria notes lack of town squares in America; contrast with cohesive Greek summer community.

7. AI Relationships and Atrophying Social Skills (16:41–19:30)

• Discussion of AI dating companions (Eva AI Café in NYC) and reports that many young people form emotional bonds with AI.
  • Nayeema critiques the quality/meaning of survey data about AI dating: “You have to be a sophisticated consumer of surveys… there’s a correlation between people who would have a relationship with AI and those who answer those surveys.” (17:58)
• Both agree: AI-dating and convenience culture risk eroding basic caring skills essential to real relationships.

8. Dating Community: City vs. Suburb (20:13–22:47)

• Maria contrasts New York’s “efficiently communal” vibe with suburban America’s isolation.
• Capitalism and cost-of-living are blamed for eroding urban communal ties—even in NYC.

9. The Zoran Mamdani & Rama Duaji "Meet-Cute" (22:53–25:46)

• The story of NYC mayor-elect Zoran Mamdani and wife Rama meeting on Hinge becomes a beacon of hope for app daters.
  • First date at a mom-and-pop coffee shop, subsequent civil and religious weddings.
  • Meme-ification: "Could have been you, but you didn’t want to go to Queens…" (24:25)
• Both praise the normalcy, groundedness, and possibility of meeting partners in unpretentious settings.

10. Coffee Dates vs. Marathon Dates (24:00–25:48)

• Maria advocates for first dates as “vibe checks” over extravagant outings.
• Nayeema references cultural and familial nuances: In Pakistan, first dates are typically simple, often in a coffee shop—a trend now visible in NYC community spaces too.

11. Chemistry with Previous Podcast Guests (26:11–29:22)

• Light, playful banter about Nayeema’s famous episodes with Diplo (and their “chemistry”), Mark Cuban, and Esther Perel.
  • “Your chemistry with Diplo on a previous episode, I still think about it. Did you guys go on a date?” — Maria (26:11)
  • “Letting an interview guest touch your feet is not something [the New York Times] would have approved…” — Nayeema (28:59)

12. Behind the Scenes of Podcasting and Matchmaking (29:22–32:51)

• Maria and Nayeema openly discuss insecurities and nerves as podcast guests, and what makes their questions and interviews unique.
• The business of matchmaking: industry associations, “matchmaker cruises,” and economics get a meta-shoutout.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On performative subtlety:
  “Tell me you have a boyfriend without telling me you have a boyfriend is more annoying than just telling me you have a fucking boyfriend.”
  — Nayeema (01:48)

• On relationship happiness stats:
  “The happiest was men married to men. And the least happy was women married to men.”
  — Nayeema (09:23)

• On individual choice:
  “You have this one life… most of us are going to live in the gooey middle.”
  — Maria (11:31)

• On AI companions:
  “It’s gonna make it harder for you to date in the real world because your expectations… you do not learn how to care. Caring is such an important part of what makes us human.”
  — Nayeema (19:30)

• On possibility of love via apps:
  “Imagine the benefit of the doubt in someone that you haven’t even met. It’s a very romantic and beautiful concept.”
  — Nayeema (24:52)

• On social atrophy:
  “...online dating apps do contribute to social atrophy, as does everything else that’s currently impacting modern dating.”
  — Maria (22:30)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:14 – The “boyfriend backlash” and social media’s role
• 05:45 – “Forever boyfriend” vs. “husband”
• 09:23 – Who’s happiest in relationships?
• 13:18 – Esther Perel’s advice on motherhood and agency
• 15:57 – “In a relationship with your phone”—loneliness and AI
• 17:58 – Questioning AI relationship statistics
• 24:25 – Zoran Mamdani’s “Hinge meet-cute” and dating memes
• 26:11 – Diplo episode chemistry & podcast behind-the-scenes
• 29:22 – Matchmaker industry revelations

Tone & Style

• Spirited, frank, humorous; both women combine journalistic curiosity and openness with sharp-witted social observation.
• Candid and irreverent, comfortable with vulnerability and self-deprecation.
• Academic citations and pop-culture references balance expertise and relatability.

For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

This episode is a lively, layered conversation brimming with wit and candor about the weird rules of dating, shifting relationship norms, and what it means to find (or want) connection in the era of AI and Instagram. Nayeema and Maria question cultural pressures—on posting about partners, the ideal first date, or who gets to be happy. They celebrate owning your desires (traditional, alternative, or undefined), the value of community, and the hard-won wisdom that no one has it all figured out.

Whether you’re debating whether to soft-launch a boyfriend or wondering if your next date will be an AI chatbot, this is an insightful, nourishing, and genuinely funny listen.