Podcast Summary: "How Much Does Love Cost??!"

Podcast: Smart Girl Dumb Questions
Host: Nayeema Raza
Guest: Matchmaker Maria Avgitidis
Date: November 11, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Nayeema Raza invites fourth-generation matchmaker Maria Avgitidis (a.k.a. "Matchmaker Maria") to unravel the economics, psychology, and evolving traditions of matchmaking. They discuss the cost and culture of hiring a professional matchmaker, what intentional dating looks like, the complexities of power dynamics, and the sometimes surprising truths beneath modern romance. The conversation is peppered with humor, behind-the-scenes anecdotes, and practical advice from Maria’s new book, "Ask a Matchmaker."

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Maria’s 12-Date Rule and Modern Dating Practices

• Maria's "12-date rule" is less rigid than it sounds: it includes video calls, phone chats, and in-person meetings of at least 20 minutes and at most three hours ([02:14]).
  • Maria: "The purpose...is to actually show you, like, here's how you're going to be intentional in getting to know someone to see if you're emotionally compatible before you are physically compatible." ([02:14])
• Texting and audio messages do not count as dates—intentional, direct interaction is key ([03:44], [06:03]).
• She debunks the idea that 12 dates is a lot: most people don't make it to 12, and by then, you'll know if you want to keep going ([04:31]).
  • Maria: “Twelve-date rule method on average takes about two and a half weeks...I’ve gotten thousands of people engaged because of this method.” ([04:31])
• Why so many dates? To surface real emotional compatibility and counteract “perception bias”—the illusion of intimacy created by frequent but shallow texting ([03:22]).

2. The Business (and Price!) of Matchmaking

• High-end matchmaking is expensive: $25,000–$150,000, varying by level of customization, outreach, and client needs ([09:01]).
• Some contracts include a "success fee" if the match leads to a relationship lasting over six months ([08:09]).
• Constraints: The matchmaker’s time, the client's selectiveness, and the willingness of potential matches ([09:53]).
• Pricing too low can backfire: “If I was the cheapest, every single first date I set them up with had to be better than a trip to the Bahamas. And that's not possible. The expectations are too high.” — Maria ([11:06])

3. Handling Rejection and Client Preparation

• Maria rarely discloses all rejections back to clients, sparing them unnecessary discouragement ([09:08]).
• "Glow ups" are real: Maria’s team includes stylists who sometimes help clients spruce up their homes and wardrobes to improve overall appeal ([12:05]).
  • Anecdote: Even millionaire clients might be missing basics like a headboard or have flannel sheets—details that matter in building attraction ([12:26]).
• If a client is better served by therapy or advice than matchmaking, Maria is up-front about it ([15:11]).

4. Who is the Best Matchmaker?

• In an unconventional take, Maria claims a next-door neighbor is often a better matchmaker than a mom or best friend ([15:45]):
  • Maria: "They don't know you enough to reject really great people...Best friends tend to be the worst matchmakers..." ([15:45], [16:26])
• Friends’ and moms’ biases can narrow options to “single profiling,” a theme echoed in discussions about diversity, race, and cultural matchmaking expectations ([16:43], [16:58]).

5. What Makes a Relationship Work?

• The single most important trait for compatibility: conflict resolution skills ([17:18]).
  • Maria recommends introducing “friction” early on—a trip to IKEA or a Hibachi restaurant can reveal impulse control, communication styles, and adaptability ([17:29], [19:15]).
  • Maria: "Taking someone to IKEA can be a really great way to discover if you have complimentary conflict resolution styles." ([17:29])

6. Power Dynamics in Matchmaking

• Nayeema raises discomfort about being on the “product” side of matchmaking. Maria clarifies: the paying client doesn’t pay to meet a date; they pay to expand their network and increase opportunities ([21:25], [21:53]).
  • Maria: "My clients pay me to expand their social network so that I can introduce them to someone that they are compatible with that is enthusiastic to meet them." ([21:53])
• Discusses the import of inbound (attraction) versus outbound (aggressively recruiting) clients, drawing a contrast with pop culture depictions ([23:24]).

7. Matchmaking: Tradition, Technology, and Regulation

• Maria is a fourth-generation matchmaker, tracing her roots back to her Greek great-great-grandmother ("proxenitra") who built community and made introductions based on deep family knowledge ([25:40], [26:23]).
  • Cultural parallels with South Asian matchmaking—family and community are central ([27:33]).
• Today’s matchmaking is more technological, yet the philosophy is similar: community, context, and intentionality matter ([24:25]).
• Professional matchmaking is regulated by state (and province), with a code of ethics and industry conferences—yes, matchmakers have conventions and even a trade association ([33:10], [34:02], [34:30]).

8. Who Hires Matchmakers (and Why)?

• Maria’s firm (currently) only takes straight male clients, due to the complexity and emotional bandwidth demands of serving diverse markets; she refers female and LGBT clients to trusted colleagues ([28:08], [28:22], [29:09]).
• Women are increasingly paying for matchmaking, but tend to have more detailed or strict criteria than men—especially after waiting longer to make the investment ([30:10]).
  • There's a pattern: the longer someone waits and the more they pay, the higher their expectations ([30:10], [31:02]).

9. Ethics, Industry Codes, and Matchmaker Origin Stories

• Global Love Institute sets the profession’s code of ethics, which includes boundaries such as not dating clients ("don’t get high on your own supply"—a theme parodied in films like "Materialist") ([33:00], [33:10]).
• Some matchmakers started the job to meet a partner, but it’s generally discouraged ([32:19]), and onboarding clients with unreasonable standards is considered unethical ([35:22]).

10. Rapid-Fire & Fun Segments

• "Fuck, Marry, Kill" segment: Maria would marry a match from a stranger on a plane, kill arranged marriages, and “fuck” dating apps ([35:58]).
• Maria would choose "philia" (deep friendship/brotherly love) as the second-best form of love after "agape" for long-term partnership ([38:38]).
  • Maria: "If we can have a good community in Philia, it changes everything of how we feel supported in the world. And I think that's what's missing in dating right now is that support." ([39:49])

Memorable Quotes

• On the high cost of matchmaking:
  "If I was all they could afford...every single first date I set them up with had to be better than a trip to the Bahamas. And that's not possible." —Maria ([11:06])

• On the rules and intentions of dating:
  “The only way to [date intentionally] is to judge emotional compatibility first.” —Maria ([04:32])

• On self-improvement for clients:
  "[We make] sure that the house that they live in is the house of...a person who is just outsourcing this to a matchmaker...we have had clients who didn’t even have headboards." —Maria ([12:05])

• On matchmaking’s biggest constraint:
  "...the number of people the person who wants to be matched actually is interested to meet with, and the number of people who want to meet back with them." —Nayeema ([10:00])

• On bad best-friend matchmaking:
  “Best friends tend to be the worst matchmakers because...the only title that they're confused about is the single.” —Maria ([16:26])

• On conflict resolution as key to compatibility:
  "Taking someone to IKEA can be a really great way to discover if you have complimentary conflict resolution styles." —Maria ([17:29])

• On relationship success rates:
  "I have rarely had a client go on six dates through us and not marry that person." —Maria ([08:12])

• On the difference between modern and past matchmaking:
  "What she did...was build community out of nothing...then it’s about taking in the information that people are telling you when you build that community." —Maria ([26:23])

• On the power of community and support:
  "There's something really powerful in community. And Philia is part of that...if we can have a good community, it changes everything of how we feel supported in the world." —Maria ([39:49])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 12-Date Rule & Modern Dating Defined: 01:01–06:24
• Professional Matchmaking Costs & Client Experience: 07:41–11:35
• Handling Client Expectations, Glow Ups, & Rejection: 11:35–13:04
• Who Makes the Best Matchmaker? (Neighborhood vs. Mom): 15:23–16:43
• What Matters Most: Conflict Resolution: 17:18–19:29
• Power Dynamics & the Feeling of Being ‘the Product’: 21:25–24:14
• Matchmaking Across Cultures & Time: 25:40–28:08
• Codes of Ethics, Industry Standards, & Conferences: 33:00–34:30
• Rapid-fire: Fuck/Marry/Kill Relationship Types: 35:46–37:26
• Greek Types of Love & Final Takeaways: 37:45–40:14

Notable and Fun Moments

• Maria reveals she fired her own mom from the family business after just two weeks:
  • “She was a terrible matchmaker…she just does not know how to hide her facial reactions. She was just kind of judging.” ([24:35])
• Insight into the matchmaker “union” – conferences (sometimes on cruise ships!) and a real code of ethics for professional standards ([33:36], [34:02]).
• Maria’s final “dumb question”: Is there a secret reserve tank in cars when the gas runs out? ([41:04])
• Lightning round on whether you can trust a single matchmaker or if you should "date your own supply"—industry insiders say that’s a no-go ([32:02], [32:19]).

Summary Takeaway

If you’ve ever wondered “How much does love cost?” in the era of apps and swipe-fatigue, this episode lays it all out: intentional dating means slowing down, the best matches often come via community not algorithms, and true love (or at least a lasting relationship) might cost as much as a luxury vacation. But as Maria and Nayeema’s candid—and hilarious—conversation reveals, the real investment is in self-awareness, clear communication, and sometimes, in making sure you have a proper headboard.