Podcast Summary: "What Are You Like When ‘No One’s’ Watching? with Doormen Daryl + Joe"

Smart Girl Dumb Questions
Host: Nayeema Raza
Guests: Daryl and Joe (NYC Doormen/Concierges)
Date: October 28, 2025

Main Theme & Purpose

Nayeema Raza invites two veteran NYC doormen/concierges, Daryl and Joe, to share what it’s like being the gatekeepers of New York’s high-rise buildings. The episode explores human behavior under observation, the quiet power and responsibility of doormen, their unique relationships with residents, and what they observe about city life when "no one" thinks they're watching.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Professional Observer: Life as a Doorman

• Vantage Point: Daryl and Joe see residents at their best, worst, and weirdest—an ongoing social experiment in privacy, discretion, and human nature.
• Discretion is Key: Both stress their role as confidantes and silent witnesses—never exposing private information.
  • “There are over 27,000 doormen in the city...what are we like when nobody’s watching? But you guys are always watching.” — Nayeema Raza [00:28]
  • “That’s the job.” — Joe [00:33]

2. Memorable Stories from the Front Desk

• Wildest Incidents:
  • Daryl rescued a drunk, half-naked resident from a hallway after a cat sitter mistook him for a homeless person. [01:04]
  • Joe freed a cat locked in an apartment by accidentally triggering the door lock—again, tipped off by a cat sitter. [02:02]
• Cat Sitters = The Whistleblowers: “Cat sitters are really the whistleblowers of NYC buildings.” — Nayeema [02:25]

3. The Solitude and Culture of Doormen

• Solitary Profession: Few doormen become friends with others in the same profession.
  • “It’s a sort of a solitary job, really...all the trust is being placed in you.” — Joe [03:20]
  • “If I wasn’t friends with you before this job, most likely I’m not gonna be friends with you after.” — Daryl [03:45]

4. Paths to the Profession

• Joe: Worked across West Chelsea, East Harlem, and Upper West Side—assisted living, rehab centers, luxury buildings. Found meaning in sustained relationships with residents. [04:52]
• Daryl: Bronx native; started at UPS, then construction, commercial security, and eventually became head concierge of a major West Village condo. Finds joy in uplifting others’ moods and “going the extra mile.” [06:59, 08:17]

5. Doormen as Everyday Superheroes

• Superhero Vibe: Both joke about having superhero qualities—protecting, rescuing, being role models.
  • “You are a superhero.” — Nayeema to Joe [09:42]
  • “Say it more heroically: Doorman.” — Joe [09:52]

6. The Subtle Art of Blending In

• Furniture Analogy: Some see the role as “part of the furniture”—there but invisible.
  • “You want to make the interactions as minimal as possible because you want to respect the time of the residents.” — Joe [10:26]
  • “I’m never furniture. I’m very outspoken. I read my tenants, I study them...” — Daryl [11:20]

7. Reading Residents & Emotional Labor

• Emotional Intelligence: Both tailor their greetings, support, and conversation based on subtle cues and body language (“ocular pat down”).

  • “Ocular pat down—I love that.” — Nayeema [15:03]
  • “You kind of pass on a bad mood or you pass forward…” — Nayeema, on workplace energy [15:39]

• Boundaries & Burnout: The job sometimes weighs heavily when residents are going through tough times; learned to set boundaries and process emotions privately. [16:34]

8. Social Dynamics & Observational Insights

Lightning Round Observations ([17:27])

• Who’s more chatty?
  • “Women.” — Daryl & Joe
• Who’s friendlier—night owls or early birds?
  • “Waking up at 5am.” — Joe

Service Industry Test

• How residents treat doormen/concierges is a window into character:
  • “First impression is everything... I’m kind of their right hand... If I feel something off, but they’re hiding it to them, they’re like ‘Oh, he was perfect’—but with me, he had kind of an attitude.” — Daryl [19:14]

Lying for Residents & Discretion

• Both have covered for residents (e.g., hiding from exes, dealing with stalkers). [22:11]
• Strong “CODE” of silence and privacy.
  • “He violated the code.” — Joe, on a doorman ‘outing’ a resident’s cheating [25:44]
  • “Just be respectful of people’s privacy.” — Joe [25:49]

9. Predictive Powers

• Breakup Radar: Joe claims he can spot a breakup coming; key sign is no overnight stays or couples who need to “smoke a cigarette together outside” (major argument sign). [29:45]
  • “Our senses are a little heightened, our Spidey senses…” — Joe [27:51]
• Daryl admits he’s often surprised who stays together vs. who splits (“the opposite with me”) [28:15]

10. Packages, Deliveries, & Urban Logistics

• Package Volume: Daily packages can be 150–300/day (especially holidays). [32:05]
• Weirdest Deliveries: Expensive art, large crates; doormen coordinate everything except physically installing. [33:04]
• The Couch Doctor: Service comes to disassemble/reassemble furniture for tight NYC apartments. [34:07]
• “Kill Amazon” (in F/M/K), unanimously: “Food delivery is not that bad. Marry food delivery.” — Daryl [36:52]

11. Safety & Security

• Profiling for Protection: Can usually spot “ladies of the night” or dealers, especially on night shifts. [37:09]
• Vigilance: Daryl lets suspicious people get “stuck” in elevators—they’ll have to come back and ask. [38:13]
• Changing NYC: Joe: “Neck wreck”—phones make people less street-aware, increasing risk. Daryl: City is getting more dangerous, even in wealthy areas. [38:49, 40:07]

12. Tipping, Gratitude, and the Social Contract

• How much? Ballpark: $100–$500/year, but much more in high-end buildings expected. [41:09]
• Can you judge a person by their tip? Sometimes, but many factors at play (personal finances, frequency of stays, level of gratitude). [41:21]
• “If you live in my building, you’re good...even when they lose, they make.” — Daryl [41:42]

13. Door Women & Building Diversity

• Still rare, but exists; safety concerns and tradition contribute. [40:23]

14. Final Reflections & Curiosities

• Dumb Curious Questions:
  • Joe: “What’s the oldest pizza shop in NYC?” [44:29]
  • Daryl: “Are women ever satisfied?” (In relationships) [44:46]
  • Joe also: “I wanted to know how podcasts are made.” [45:34]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Residents' Secrets:

  • “People tell more to the front desk, to doormen, to concierges, than they do to their therapist.” — Nayeema [46:48]

• On the Code:

  • “You just don’t say.” — Daryl [26:01]

• On Predictive Skills:

  • “That ocular pat down is like X-ray material.” — Nayeema [27:11]

• On Emotional Labor:

  • “Some things cut through for sure…losing pets and relatives… sometimes they tell you these stories in confidence…” — Joe [16:48]

• On Changing the City:

  • “Neck wreck—people on their phones with their heads down, violating the social contract… you’re just opening the door for criminals...” — Joe [38:56]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Intro & What Doormen See: 00:00 – 01:00
• Funniest/Weirdest Incidents: 01:04 – 02:34
• The Solitude of Doormen / Social Lives: 03:11 – 04:29
• Career Path Stories: 04:52 – 09:01
• Role Definition (Doorman vs. Concierge): 08:54 – 09:53
• Blending In & Emotional Labor: 10:12 – 16:34
• Lightning Round - Gender & Talkativeness: 17:27 – 20:01
• Service Industry Observations: 18:12 – 20:01
• The Code & Lying for Residents: 22:11 – 26:04
• Breakup and Spidey Senses: 27:36 – 28:52
• Package Logistics & The Couch Doctor: 32:05 – 34:47
• Safety, Security, & Profiling: 37:07 – 40:13
• Door Women & Tipping: 40:23 – 41:42
• Closing Reflections / Dumb Questions: 44:29 – 45:57

Tone & Style

Conversational, candid, and humorous, with a trusting, deeply New York dynamic. Daryl is more direct, gregarious, and self-assured; Joe is thoughtful, observant, and occasionally understated. Nayeema keeps a playful, inquisitive tone, framing the conversation as equal parts social investigation and celebration of the “invisible” heroes of city life.

For Listeners Who Haven’t Tuned In:

This episode is a look behind the city’s velvet ropes into the world of doormen—equal parts anthropologists, security, crisis managers, secret-keepers, and sometimes, matchmakers or counselors. Packed with stories about cat sitters, package mysteries, breakups spotted in real-time, and the unspoken “code” of privacy, it’s a revealing, affectionate portrait of some of the city’s quietest power brokers.

Key Takeaway

Doormen aren’t just part of the NYC backdrop—they quietly shape the mood, privacy, and safety of urban life, carrying both the keys and the secrets of thousands.

Notable Closing

“I think they are superheroes. I had so much fun talking to them…they are anthropologists.” — Nayeema [46:16]