"Colin Jost"

Summary

SMARTLESS – "Colin Jost" (May 4, 2026)
Host: Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett | Guest: Colin Jost

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Episode Overview

This episode of SmartLess brings on Colin Jost—comedian, author, SNL’s longest-serving Weekend Update anchor, and Staten Island native. The hosts dive into Colin's fascinating (and, at times, absurd) journey: from his childhood speech delay to Harvard, from a Staten Island Ferry purchase with Pete Davidson to comedic heights at SNL. The episode sparkles with trademark banter, behind-the-scenes stories, and unexpected life advice, offering a rich, hilarious, and very human portrait of one of comedy’s sharpest minds.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Banter, Accomplishments, and Set-Ups

• The hosts launch with playful banter about travel, jet lag, and Sean’s recent Off-Broadway run—an energetic, familiar SmartLess warm-up [02:28–04:50].
• Will refers to Sean’s backstage visits from Sam Rockwell and the “adrenaline dump” after big performances [04:10].
• Jokes about Sean’s eating habits on planes lead to broader humor about sleep positions, digestion, and food choices [05:01–06:22].

2. Colin Jost’s Introduction

• Colin is teased as someone who couldn’t speak until age 4 and whose mother survived the South Tower collapse on 9/11. Anecdotes about searching dumpsters for a lost ring and co-owning a decommissioned Staten Island ferry set the tone for humorous reflection [06:35–07:11].

3. SNL Office Realities & Lauren Michaels

• Colin’s office: “These definitely asbestos ceilings...” [07:37].
• Will pitches “Adjacent Abatement,” a mold removal business, playing off Jason’s name—everyone riffing on classic bad business puns [09:25].
• Lauren Michaels: Colin shares insights on Lauren’s reserved yet surprisingly sharp humor and the new Lauren documentary [10:17–11:54].
  • Notable quote:
    “In fact, in some ways, he seems less known having seen it. But it was kind of moving because he is very much him.” – Colin Jost [10:21]

4. SNL Memorabilia and Face Molds

• Sean recounts Colin mailing him a form to get an SNL face mold—a unique memento [12:23–14:21].
• Jason, Will, and Colin riff on the horror (and hazards) of making these molds, including a Jeff Daniels' disaster story [15:01–15:32].
  • Notable quote:
    “They set the mold in the wrong way so it stuck fully to his face... had to chisel it off him...” – Colin Jost [15:09]

5. Snack Habits & SNL Stress

• Colin describes the infamous Tuesday SNL writers’ room all-nighter:
  “They would cover the entire writer's room in candy...” [16:02].
• The sugar, stress, and sleep deprivation once led him to think he was having a heart attack—a panic attack, according to his doctor [16:36].
  • Notable quote:
    “It was a combination of stress, not sleeping, and also having all this sugar.” – Colin Jost [16:40]

6. Early Childhood/Delayed Speech

• Colin explains not speaking until nearly four:
  “My mom said she wasn't worried because it seemed like I was comprehending everything... I just wasn't saying anything.” [19:12]
• He jokes about videos of himself sounding like “Carmela Soprano” as a child [17:57].

7. The Staten Island Ferry Purchase [25:43–34:35]

• Sean asks for the real story behind the “dumbest purchase of his life” with Pete Davidson:
  • Turned out the JFK Staten Island Ferry was his actual commuter ferry for high school, making the buy personal [26:28].
  • “It's named after JFK... It was usually the 7 a.m. ferry I took...” [26:31].
• The business pitch: Why the $280,000 ferry? Jost envisions it as a docked event/club space, potentially moveable between NYC and Miami.
  • “If you put that on a dock in Manhattan, you’ve suddenly got basically a building on the waterfront.” – Colin Jost [31:29]
  • Already recouped his investment through events; the money-pit rumors aren’t accurate [32:20].
  • Dream: A “middle class, pay-as-you-go” swim/play club for families, not an exclusive members-only space [33:41].

8. Education and Comedy Career Roots

• High school commute: An hour-and-a-half daily trek—a bus, ferry, and subway ride [27:13–27:15].
• Harvard journey:
  • Entered as economics major, later switched to Russian literature [44:08-45:19].
  • Lampoon: Wrote 80 pieces before one was accepted. Didn’t know about SNL “pipeline” until he was inside the comedy magazine [36:18–39:50].
    • “I started realizing that that was probably where my interest was, even if I was doing it in these other ways.” – Colin Jost [45:21]
• SNL Application: First submission ignored, but luck, talent, and timing led to eventual hire. Came in with Andy Samberg, Bill Hader, Kristen Wiig, and more [41:35–42:19].

9. From Writer’s Room to Weekend Update Anchor

• Eight years as writer/head writer before Lauren Michaels offered him the Update desk [51:32].
  • “He did call me... He’s like, ‘So you think you could do update?’ like asking me.” – Colin Jost [51:23]
• Initial seasons were rough: audience skepticism, uncomfortable transitions, “thought I was going to lose both jobs.” He almost had to audition for his own job [55:14–56:23].
  • “For the first two years, at least, we thought we were going to get fired every summer.” – Colin Jost [57:18]

10. Weekend Update with Michael Che—Legendary Pranks

• Michael Che’s ultimate prank: Tells audience in advance not to laugh at Jost’s jokes, leaving Colin thinking he is bombing live on-air [57:53–60:17].
  • “He had a plant in the audience that he had yell out, ‘You stink.’ ...So simple, so dumb.” – Colin Jost [60:01]
  • “Truly thinking, like, my career’s over.” [60:32]
• The prank’s notoriety and its aftershock for Jost became an iconic SmartLess discussion moment [58:56–60:39].

11. Impressions & Acting Aspirations

• Jost discusses his “Pete Hegseth” impression and the nerves of new SNL cold opens—even after years of experience [61:24].
• He talks about upcoming acting projects, like "Breadwinner" with Nate Bargatze, and dreams of performing in his own created project [63:59–65:51].
  • “If you could wiggle your nose and have full success come as a writer or actor...which route?” – Will Arnett [65:04]
  • “I would really love to get to perform in something outside—a thing that’s my own voice and get to create.” – Colin Jost [65:24]

12. Pop Culture Jeopardy!

• Colin hosts “Pop Culture Jeopardy!” on Netflix, premiering May 11, 2026.
• Sean surprises the crew with a clip where contestants correctly name only Will and Sean as SmartLess hosts—forgetting Jason [66:58–67:35].
  • Notable moment:
    “That Jason abatement’s starting to look pretty good, huh?” – Jason Bateman [67:48]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I took this [ferry]... Usually it was this one, which is again, I explained to my friends, they're like, yeah, but you also took the subway. You didn't want to buy one of those?” – Colin Jost on ferry nostalgia [26:30]
• “I've never seen Will laugh harder.” – Colin Jost, during Jason’s story about the progressive bus school [29:31]
• “Jason abatement.” – Multiple hosts, running joke for Jason’s hypothetical mold business [08:54, 18:56, 48:48, etc.]
• “For the first two years, at least, we thought we were going to get fired every summer...” – Colin Jost [57:18]
• Michael Che’s epic prank: “He had a plant in the audience that he had yell out, ‘You stink...’” – Colin Jost [60:01]
• “It just was. I mean, I think Seth was leaving. He was, you know, very loved doing the job... I think I was, like, really nervous. And I probably. That I probably smiled or laughed in a way that made people think I was kind of cocky about it when I actually felt very much at sea and panicking.” – Colin Jost [55:17]

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Important Timestamps

• [07:11] – Colin joins the episode, introduced with comedic backstory.
• [10:17] – Lauren Michaels documentary and behind-the-scenes stories.
• [14:21] – The agony of SNL face molds.
• [16:02] – SNL all-nighter food rituals.
• [17:35] – Colin discusses late childhood speech.
• [26:28] – The Staten Island Ferry origin story.
• [31:29] – Ferry as a “building on the waterfront.”
• [41:35] – Breaking into SNL, hired with Samberg, Hader, Wiig.
• [51:11] – Becoming Weekend Update anchor.
• [55:17] – The painful, uncertain beginnings on Update.
• [57:53] – Michael Che’s “no laugh” prank.
• [66:58] – “Pop Culture Jeopardy!” Netflix preview with SmartLess question.

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Episode in a Nutshell

This episode offers a breadth of comedic insight and heart, tracing Colin Jost’s journey from a speech-delayed Staten Island kid to comedy luminary. The laughs flow—on SNL squeamishness, business follies (the ferry!), pranks, and pop culture trivia flubs—crafted in the irreverently supportive, quick-witted SmartLess style. Jost emerges as the rare guest who is sincerely self-deprecating, insightful, and game for all the bit-driven chaos—and the guys clearly love him for it.

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Final Hosts’ Take

• “You’re kicking into high gear right now. And it’s fun to watch, man. Really fun to watch.”—Jason Bateman [68:22]
• “Colin, thank you for being here. You’re a pleasure.”—Sean Hayes [70:07]
• “Every time with him, he’s just, like, easy…”—Will Arnett [71:11]

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For Listeners Who Missed It

You’ll come away knowing why Colin bought a Staten Island ferry with Pete Davidson, the truth about surviving the SNL writers’ room, how to bomb (and bounce back) on live TV, and just what it takes—luck, madness, community, and grit—to ride comedy’s wildest waves.

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(Covers all major segments. Ads and outros were omitted as instructed.)

Transcript

[Sean Hayes]

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[Jason Bateman]

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[Colin Jost]

did the bubonic plague.

[Will Arnett]

Sundays exclusively on AMC and amc.

[Sean Hayes]

Plus the highly anticipated new drama series, the Audacity.

[Jason Bateman]

Genius is about being unhinged enough to do something outrageous.

[Sean Hayes]

The show that Mashable says tears Silicon

[Colin Jost]

Valley a new one.

[Will Arnett]

People who have no integrity.

[Colin Jost]

Did you leak the acquisition, Reva? No.

[Sean Hayes]

Maybe from one of the minds behind Succession and Better Call Saul. When we want to save the world or control it, most of us go Dr.

[Jason Bateman]

Evil.

[Sean Hayes]

The audacity. All new Sundays exclusively on AMC and amc. Smart List is presented by Allstate. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking the group text before replying to everyone. Not smart. There's nothing quite like realizing that message was definitely meant for one person. A quick glance would have saved a lot of explaining. Yep, checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Willie, what kind of shirt you have on? What is that?

[Jason Bateman]

It's cotton.

[Sean Hayes]

It's cotton.

[Colin Jost]

Are you.

[Sean Hayes]

What's on the front?

[Jason Bateman]

It's a thing. It's a.

[Sean Hayes]

It's a rooster.

[Jason Bateman]

It's a. Well, no, it's not. It's a Liverpool football club.

[Will Arnett]

Oh.

[Sean Hayes]

What does mine say?

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, and yours says out of office. Yeah. Where did you get that particular freebie?

[Sean Hayes]

I used to work at.

[Jason Bateman]

Listen, I can't wait to hear this, but let's do an older smartless first. Welcome to Smartless Smart.

[Will Arnett]

Less.

[Jason Bateman]

Smart. Less. Smart.

[Sean Hayes]

This

[Will Arnett]

sweet, sweet Willie is. Is over on the pond. Across the pond. Is that what?

[Jason Bateman]

Across the pond? I'm in. I'm in Liverpool.

[Sean Hayes]

Wait, why are you there?

[Jason Bateman]

My home away from home. I'm doing a little thing with the club.

[Sean Hayes]

I didn't know that.

[Jason Bateman]

With our friends at. At Tommy Hilfiger. Shout out. Tommy Hilfiger.

[Will Arnett]

There it is. We've got it. And was it ever Thomas?

[Sean Hayes]

When.

[Will Arnett]

When did he go shorter with it? Have you asked him?

[Jason Bateman]

I Haven't. I haven't asked him. I'm going to have dinner with him later and.

[Will Arnett]

Well, it sounds like a perfect opportunity, which is.

[Jason Bateman]

Which is why it's going to be. And. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

So, Seanie, you're back in Los Angeles.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, God.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

After an incredible, successful run.

[Jason Bateman]

What a run.

[Will Arnett]

What a run. He's got himself an Olivier Award already from this thing. We will see what our friends over at the Tony.

[Sean Hayes]

No.

[Will Arnett]

No talent.

[Colin Jost]

No.

[Jason Bateman]

No bounds.

[Sean Hayes]

No. No. Jay, the Olivier Oscar.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, the Olivier was for a good night. Oscar is still Olivier.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, he sure did.

[Jason Bateman]

No way.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. Isn't that crazy?

[Will Arnett]

But. But Shawnee. Yeah. So we haven't. We haven't started the award circuit yet for.

[Sean Hayes]

No, you. The Unknown. It's called the Unknown. But. But. But you can't. Because it's Off Broadway, so.

[Will Arnett]

Off Broadway has no awards.

[Sean Hayes]

It does, but. And I got nominated for the one that they do, which is called the. I forget what it's called, but is

[Will Arnett]

it called Off Tony?

[Sean Hayes]

Very nice. It's Off Tony. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Are they called the Tinnies?

[Sean Hayes]

The Tinnies.

[Will Arnett]

And let me ask you a question. If you're off Broadway, do you need to go backstage and say hi to people or.

[Sean Hayes]

No, you do not. You do not have to do that, but Sam Rockwell, your ears must have been burning. Sam came backstage.

[Will Arnett]

I know you're working with him, Sammy. Rock and roll.

[Sean Hayes]

He's so nice.

[Will Arnett]

He's the best.

[Sean Hayes]

He's so sweet. Yeah. And. Yeah, I just got back two nights ago. It was great. And by the way, you know, the adrenaline dump. Right? Don't you guys feel that after you do a movie or a TV show or a play or anything like that, when you're done, you're just like. Oh, man.

[Will Arnett]

And usually you get sick because the body knows it's. Now. Now I can be ill.

[Sean Hayes]

Right.

[Will Arnett]

But you came back and. Did you. What was your illness? Just basic nausea from all the saturated fats that you.

[Sean Hayes]

I ate so much. I'm playing back. I had ordered everything that I could. I had.

[Will Arnett]

You. You order food on the plane.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

All the time. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

This is like a menu.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes, yes, yes. I had the chicken, the beef. I had a hot fudge sundae.

[Will Arnett]

You can't order two entrees on a flight.

[Sean Hayes]

You did. And I had, like, three pretzel roll. I was so hungry because I hadn't eaten in three months because of the play. I lost all that weight. Anyway, who cares?

[Will Arnett]

Why didn't you eat during the play?

[Sean Hayes]

Because it's the whole thing. I Told you. You have to watch what you eat when you eat. And you can't eat before a show because of acid reflux. And then you can't talk because then you're constantly clearing your throat like a whole thing.

[Jason Bateman]

Well, where does spaghetti bolognese with a side of Swedish fish fit in?

[Sean Hayes]

So that came. That comes after. Got it. After. When I get home after, like. Like I texted you guys a two show day. I'm like, no, we know I'm done.

[Jason Bateman]

No, we saw the pits, man.

[Will Arnett]

You don't think the acid reflux would come from a midnight bowl of bolognese?

[Sean Hayes]

No, because I stay up long enough for it to not happen.

[Will Arnett]

Six or seven hours.

[Jason Bateman]

No, no, stay up, stay up. It's not like you're going for a walk when you say step. You're just sitting on the couch and. And just letting it sit.

[Sean Hayes]

This is correct.

[Will Arnett]

This is. Why don't you sleep in an upright position? That way you can just eat until the last possible moment.

[Sean Hayes]

I do.

[Jason Bateman]

Sometime you ought to get like a. You ought to get like a sleepable turlet, you know what I mean? That has like thing. And then you could be sure.

[Will Arnett]

You remember how like in Clockwork Orange he had his eyelids taped open? Yeah, maybe you do that. Would do that with your valve. You know,

[Sean Hayes]

just a tube right in there with.

[Will Arnett]

And just go right to sleep.

[Sean Hayes]

Guys, my guest today.

[Jason Bateman]

Why don't you just throw it in the toilet and cut out the middleman, you know what I mean?

[Sean Hayes]

Throw it in the toilet.

[Will Arnett]

I hope your guest understands your dark, dark offensive humor.

[Sean Hayes]

He loves it, actually, which is good. My guest couldn't speak until he was almost four years old. We're gonna learn about that. When he finally did, he says he sounded like a member of the Soprano family. His mom was chief medical officer at the New York City Fire department. She survived the collapse of the south tower on September 11th.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh my God.

[Sean Hayes]

He once went through 12 dumpsters looking for his wife's lost engagement ring. They named their son Cosmo. He co owns a decommissioned Staten island ferry which he has called the single dumbest person of his life. Please welcome the longest serving Weekend Update anchor in Saturday Night Live, it's the hilarious and charming Colin.

[Will Arnett]

I think I got it first.

[Jason Bateman]

Colin Joseph.

[Colin Jost]

Michael Che. What's up? Michael Che here. Hey, how's it going, guys?

[Will Arnett]

What is up? What is up?

[Colin Jost]

What's up, guys? That was really. I loved hearing that you guys run down.

[Jason Bateman]

That can't be true. That can't be true.

[Colin Jost]

I learned a lot about you Guys.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, you're.

[Will Arnett]

By the way, all of it's unsurprising

[Sean Hayes]

you're in your office right now. I can tell by the ceiling.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Colin Jost]

Is that true? Yes. These definitely asbestos ceilings that are still here.

[Will Arnett]

Those are the kind of ceilings that you can stand on a chair, lift up one of them and hide stuff up there. Put this. Put the square right back down.

[Colin Jost]

Definitely.

[Will Arnett]

You could have. That's.

[Colin Jost]

No, this one you see has a large stain of some kind that's been here since before I moved in.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, something up there is leaking that. That was hidden.

[Colin Jost]

They came. They came to the SNL offices like five years ago, and they said, listen, over the summer, you gotta clear stuff out. We're removing asbestos from all the offices. And I was like, I've been in this office for 15 years.

[Sean Hayes]

No way.

[Colin Jost]

It's too late. It's way too late.

[Sean Hayes]

Really?

[Colin Jost]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

They just found that out.

[Jason Bateman]

You ought to call one of. You know those commercials that come on late at night with those doctors. You should join a class action.

[Colin Jost]

I mean. Well, I have that, and I've got my vaginal mesh that I've got a call about.

[Jason Bateman]

No, no kidding.

[Will Arnett]

Is it?

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah. What's progress on that? Good.

[Will Arnett]

The mesh is separating.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah, the mesh is. It sounded great at the time. You know, he's like, you want to do this? Vaginal mesh? Sounds so cool. But then, of course.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, tell me what is. What is. Just. By the way, what is vaginal mesh?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, by the way, I wanted to ask, too, but I was afraid I didn't know.

[Jason Bateman]

Jason, by the way, Jason, get more serious on the question.

[Will Arnett]

Well, I did want to get back to the asbestos and I wanted to pitch Colin because I think I've pitched you guys before, and I don't remember your response, but. Colin, could you please let me know if you think this. I'm thinking about getting into mold remove a mold removal business based on just the company name that I've. I've got nailed down. It's called Adjacent Abatement. And I think if I could just go into that business, I'll do pretty well just based on the name title and just. Just the joke.

[Jason Bateman]

Just the joke. The joke alone.

[Will Arnett]

The paint on the side of the vans, the bus benches, stuff like that. I'm pretty sure I'll get some nice traffic.

[Colin Jost]

Oh. When people have extensive mold in their house, they just want to laugh. They just want a funny. They want to know they can laugh.

[Jason Bateman]

They're looking for a pun.

[Will Arnett]

Honey, I hope we find some mold, because I just want to call it Jason abatement.

[Sean Hayes]

That's good, by the way. I've never heard that.

[Will Arnett]

It's good, right?

[Sean Hayes]

Colin, thanks so much for doing this and being here.

[Colin Jost]

Thanks for having me.

[Jason Bateman]

It's a busy. What is it, Thursday night? This is a busy time for you.

[Colin Jost]

We are off. We're off this week. I just came here. Cause I was doing something nearby and it seemed like a good place to. It's so quiet here.

[Jason Bateman]

Well, that doesn't sound shady. Doing something nearby.

[Colin Jost]

I was doing something nearby. Edit that out.

[Jason Bateman]

Are you bugging Lorne's office again?

[Colin Jost]

Not in a way he would suspect.

[Will Arnett]

Have you seen the new Lauren documentary?

[Colin Jost]

I did. I just. We went to the, I guess, premiere of it that was at Lincoln center last week and. Have you guys seen it yet or. No. It was very. It was funny. It's. There's, you know, a lot of people in it are really funny. And I found it kind of moving. I don't know that I even necessarily learned anything about him. In fact, in some ways he seems less known having seen it. But it was. It was. I found it kind of moving because he is very much him. And it felt like it was of his. In his voice, weirdly. I don't know.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

I love that he finally allowed somebody to, like, kind of dig in. Right?

[Colin Jost]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

I think the thing that people don't know about Lauren, and you can attest to this, Colin, is that Lauren's really funny. Yeah, Lauren is really, really funny. Yeah.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah. And he is. He is funny in it. Like, he's funny in it, but he'll, you know, someone will be talking an idea on a. Whatever, Friday night and pitch something, and he'll just look at them and be like, idiot. Like, he'll do things that are very out of character and always very surprising and funny. But it is. It's fun. He's funny in it. And. And he. He lets them go to, like, his house in Amaganza, his house in Maine. And you see, like, not like all the inside of the house, but, like, you see where. Why he goes to those places to kind of escape and be in the woods and be in nature. It's.

[Will Arnett]

It's.

[Colin Jost]

I didn't. I was surprised at that.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

He seems very kind of. When I. When I worked there, when I did the show, I think 83 years ago, he was always a little. He's scary if you don't know him, you know, because he's a little off putting. Like. Like, he doesn't speak much, so you don't know where you stand with him. At least that was my.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah, he's kind of. Yeah, he's kind of reserved until.

[Jason Bateman]

What if. What if, Colin? Just like, what are you talking about? He talks to everybody. Like, he talks to everyone.

[Colin Jost]

He's never.

[Jason Bateman]

Did he not talk to him?

[Colin Jost]

He's like the most outgoing guy.

[Will Arnett]

He's like one of the most Ton of jokes, and you gotta.

[Colin Jost]

You gotta. You gotta slow him down. It's so hilarious.

[Sean Hayes]

Colin. I think the first time we ever met was only last year at Robert Downey's birthday party. Right? I think. Yeah, it was the first time. And you were so kind. I don't know if you remember this. You mailed me the form that you have to fill out to get a face mold on Saturday Night Live. You mailed it. Do you remember mailing that to me

[Colin Jost]

for Louis to get it to do with Louis?

[Sean Hayes]

I don't know, but it was like a format with my Polaroid on it and all my measurements and my head measurements to get, like a mold. And you just sent it to me. I was like, oh, that's so nice.

[Colin Jost]

I happen to. Yeah, like, see, you know, I think Jody, who does all the wigs, and Louis does. I think they had all these things and they were kind of getting rid of them, and I was like, wait, some of these are. I'd be cool. Like, they're also. Some of them are historic and everything. It would be cool.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, they're cool. It's cool. It's like a cool memento to have.

[Will Arnett]

Did you.

[Sean Hayes]

Did you.

[Will Arnett]

Did you go ahead and get the face mold measurements, Sean?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. And.

[Will Arnett]

And did you. Did you have a couple of spares

[Sean Hayes]

made up of my face?

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Well, just walk. Could we.

[Jason Bateman]

Let me ask you this. Could Jason and I make masks and go as you for Halloween or if

[Sean Hayes]

you wanted to scare the shit out

[Will Arnett]

of just target practice and stuff like that? Why were you excited about pursuing a face mold?

[Sean Hayes]

Well, you have to. You did it. You supposed to stand out there. Didn't you get a face mold?

[Will Arnett]

I don't remember. And I don't think. Doesn't everybody track down the information on how to get one myself?

[Colin Jost]

It's a horrible process. God, I don't know why you have

[Will Arnett]

to go on over there with you and Scotty.

[Colin Jost]

You probably did it and you probably blocked it out because you get. You can't breathe. You know, you're breathing through just straws in your nose. Cause your mouth has to stay steady. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Colin Jost]

It's very claustrophobic and.

[Will Arnett]

But Did Sean. Did you get. You got information from Colin about how you can go ahead and get another face mold of yourself, or all that

[Sean Hayes]

information is on the form that they make for you?

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, Right.

[Sean Hayes]

So now I have it. Anyway, let's move on.

[Will Arnett]

We're not going to. Now you have it, and that's a great thing.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, why not?

[Will Arnett]

Just in case you might want to make a face mold of yourself.

[Sean Hayes]

Unless my head is shrunk or grown or something, it should be the same, right, Colin?

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, man.

[Colin Jost]

You got to get a new model every five years, by the way.

[Jason Bateman]

By the way. Right, Colin. Like, as if Colin fucking knows. And about how this process.

[Sean Hayes]

He keeps tabs on me.

[Jason Bateman]

He just found a piece of paper, and he was like, here's the person that you should talk to. He's not investing.

[Colin Jost]

No, no. Then I went back to the files, I compared. I was like, these measurements are a little off from the last time.

[Sean Hayes]

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. All right.

[Colin Jost]

You know the famous thing about Jeff Daniels got it done right when he was hosting.

[Sean Hayes]

No way.

[Colin Jost]

They set the mold in the wrong way so it stuck fully to his face, and he was stuck with just the straws in his nose for, like, hours. And they had to chisel it off of him, and he had, like, all this sort of scarring. Not scarring, but, like, almost burns from it. And then had to host the show.

[Sean Hayes]

No way.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

That's a night that's a fucking nightmare, man.

[Sean Hayes]

You could still. You could still. You could still sip Coca Cola through, like, he could still drink something.

[Colin Jost]

Oh, yeah. So he was fine.

[Jason Bateman]

But. Yeah, don't worry, Sean. You can still taste of coke. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

You can still have your sugar sodas.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

Has anybody ever put Swedish fish in a blender?

[Will Arnett]

Okay, what's your go to tackiest awful snack, Colin? What's. What do you. What do you. What, Are you ashamed that you keep it pretty tight?

[Colin Jost]

I'm fine. I eat. I don't eat great. Like, I don't. I don't have any discipline to eating and drinking. But I. I'll eat Swedish fish, actually, at snl, because there's, like, a pot every Tuesday when there was a writing night, they used to come in when you're up all night and just pour a pile of candy. Like, cover the entire writer's room in candy. And so I would have all Tuesdays. I used to, you know, eat candy all the time. And then being up all night. There was one time in Lauren's office Wednesday, after the table read where I was having, like, heart palpitations.

[Sean Hayes]

I have that in my.

[Colin Jost]

Having a heart attack?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. I thought that was from stress or something.

[Colin Jost]

It was a combination of stress, not sleeping and also having all this sugar. And I thought I was having a heart attack and, like, called the doctor and in Lauren's office.

[Sean Hayes]

Was it. Was it afib? Do you know?

[Jason Bateman]

Paddles wants to know what. What it was?

[Sean Hayes]

Well, Jimmy Kimmel calls me Paddles because I've had so much afib so many times.

[Colin Jost]

It was not. It was not. It. It was. It was just a. Yeah, it was. It was like a. Probably a panic attack, essentially, that was brought on by.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay, but you haven't had one since?

[Colin Jost]

No. And I. And they were. The doctor I went to, he's like, it'll be. You gotta try to sleep a little. And you gotta. You. You can't have sugar all night like that or, you know. I was like, whatever.

[Will Arnett]

Sugar doesn't make you. Sugar makes me so tired. That. That. That sugar peak. And then the crash. I go right to sleep.

[Sean Hayes]

It doesn't affect me. I can run or sleep. It doesn't matter.

[Colin Jost]

Here we go. But then I was just at an age where I was like, it didn't matter. And I. And then it caught up with me at some point.

[Sean Hayes]

I was like, colin, wait, talk to me about this. I found this fascinating. What do you mean you didn't talk to. You were four years old. What does that mean? And then. And then I read that it wasn't Tony Soprano that you sounded like. Because I was like, oh, he must have compared himself to Tony Soprano when you opened up his mouth. But what do you mean, you didn't talk?

[Colin Jost]

No, I said Carmelo Soprano.

[Sean Hayes]

Carmel. Carmela, that's right, Carmela.

[Colin Jost]

Like, I was just. Videos of me, like, trying to, like, sell a bike that I had. It's like, yeah, it's pretty good. It's got two wheels, you know, you can get on. It's got brakes. But I'm genuinely talking like that. And I'm six. Really? Seven. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

When does a kid usually talk? I forget. With my kids, it was like, what, like one? Or like 18 months, something like that. They start.

[Colin Jost]

It's typically like, yeah, 18 months around that. And I think it's Almost always before 2.

[Will Arnett]

Or usually girls before guys, I think.

[Colin Jost]

Yes. Yeah. And there's people a little later. People. But I think it was just getting to a little bit of a more extreme place where they didn't know what was going on. My parents, what Were your first.

[Jason Bateman]

What were your first words, Will? No.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Colin Jost]

I'm not just saying that. I mean, I know.

[Jason Bateman]

Of course. I believe. I'm looking at your face, and I know that you're not just saying that. That's incredible.

[Colin Jost]

And that's it. And then I didn't say another. Anything else for five more years.

[Jason Bateman]

Why bother?

[Sean Hayes]

Why bother?

[Jason Bateman]

Jason Abatement.

[Sean Hayes]

Jason Abatement.

[Colin Jost]

Because there had been so much mold in my brain, so I needed.

[Will Arnett]

And it was nothing. They didn't pursue any sort of reason. There was no diagnosis. It was just. You just weren't ready.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah. Something. And, yeah, my mom said she. She wasn't worried because it seemed like I was comprehending everything that they were saying. I just wasn't saying anything. A lot of went to, like, speech special. A speech specialist at Staten Island University Hospital, which maybe sounds like a setup for joke, but. And I mean, you do your own.

[Jason Bateman]

Everybody can do their own math on that one. I like the idea. You were just nodding along. Like you're nodding a lot and doing a lot of winking. He was winking a lot of people.

[Colin Jost]

So we knew he was cool. We knew he was cool.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, Dr.

[Jason Bateman]

Note.

[Will Arnett]

He's following.

[Colin Jost]

He was winking and doing the hands where he makes the curved hourglass of a woman's figure, but he still thinks he's fine.

[Will Arnett]

And then walking. There was no pausing in the walking. The walking was on time.

[Colin Jost]

I was walking so much. Couldn't stop walking.

[Will Arnett]

Okay.

[Colin Jost]

All night. All through the night. It was basically. They based that horror movie this year, weapons on me because I would just walk out through the woods, the arms

[Will Arnett]

out, like, you're flying, you know?

[Jason Bateman]

Do you know? I remember. I remember when my. My middle son Abel was. You know, he wasn't walking. He was like, 13 months. He was a little bit later. And, you know, his older brother had walked before a year, so. I know. So we were nervous. Not really, but we. And I remember my. I remember Amy being like. When she's like, he's not walking, he's not walking. And I go. She goes, he's never gonna. I go, look, out on the street. Do you see people dragging themselves by their hands, pulling themselves along the side? He's gonna get it. Okay.

[Sean Hayes]

He's gonna pick it up.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah. I mean, you ask people, like, what are you doing? Like, I never picked up walking.

[Will Arnett]

It just wasn't for me.

[Jason Bateman]

I never picked it up. I never wasn't for anybody.

[Colin Jost]

I mean, in New York. In New York, there might be like, 20 to 40 of those people.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, that was just not for them.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah, it's just not for them.

[Sean Hayes]

We'll be right back.

[Will Arnett]

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[Sean Hayes]

All right, so I want to talk about something you're probably so sick of talking about, but I don't know anything about it, which is the Staten island ferry you bought with Pete Davidson. Because I've seen you tell jokes about it on the show on Saturday Night Live. And I always laugh because I kind of know the gist of it. But why? And what was the plan and what's the goal and all of that? Because you paid like, you still have to pay like a dot like, don't you?

[Colin Jost]

Are you still paying like Exact questions a financial advisor asks me what and what is the plan and what is the.

[Will Arnett]

Is it just fun?

[Sean Hayes]

But was it because of your. Because these guys don't. Jason and Will don't know. But when I was doing my research about your reading is the journey you took an hour and a half every single day to go to school from Staten island to Manhattan. And you took the Staten island ferry.

[Colin Jost]

I took this. I actually this one.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, you did.

[Colin Jost]

Exactly. Usually it was this one, which is again, I explained to my friends, they're like, yeah, but you also took the subway. You didn't want to buy one of those. Or a bus. But it was right. It's named after jfk. It's named, it was, it was commissioned for John F. Kennedy when he, after he died. And, and it Was. It was. It was usually the 7am ferry that I took got. Because I went up to this high school called Regis High School that's up on the Upper east side. And it's free if you get in. It's a really great school. And so most people that go don't live in Manhattan. Most people come from.

[Sean Hayes]

Wow.

[Colin Jost]

Brooklyn, Queens, Staten Island, Jersey, even up.

[Sean Hayes]

And it was about an hour and a half every day.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah, I took the bus and back.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, man.

[Colin Jost]

Each way. Yeah. Bus, ferry, subway.

[Sean Hayes]

How old are you?

[Colin Jost]

Six? 14. I did it 14 to 18. You know, it's just high school. They don't have it. But it was so. I mean, now it seems like a lot, but now everything seems like less of a trip, you know, it's like. So, you know, and I was never, you know, you. And once you're there, you're like, in Manhattan with your friends. So it was. Yeah, it was very fun.

[Will Arnett]

You'd use the time for homework and whatnot. Like, you wouldn't really feel the. Yeah, yeah.

[Colin Jost]

I never. I really never rarely did homework at home because it was such a, you know, trip.

[Jason Bateman]

Jason went to school on an actual bus, which is true.

[Will Arnett]

On a bus.

[Jason Bateman]

Is that true? Yeah, for a while.

[Colin Jost]

How does that work?

[Will Arnett]

Not well.

[Jason Bateman]

A lot of massaging. That's also true.

[Will Arnett]

There's some.

[Jason Bateman]

It's also true. Ask him, please call and follow up.

[Colin Jost]

What is the nature?

[Sean Hayes]

Why?

[Colin Jost]

How does massaging get involved? No bus I'm ever on is like. And we do massages.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

This is one of my favorite areas. This is second only to Ernest Borgnine jerking up all over his house. Keep going, Jason. Go. This was.

[Will Arnett]

This was an experimental school. Colin, a friend of my father's, started one of these things in his home out in Calabasas, and it was called Heart Light. One word. Heart Light.

[Colin Jost]

Like L, I G H T Light.

[Will Arnett]

That's right. And. And there were. Because Calabasas is as. As you know, you're familiar with the city here. It's a great deal of traffic, about another hour and a half, just like yours, from Cal into the city. And so there were city days and country days. The city days. We'd go in and see the museums.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, my God.

[Will Arnett]

And so they thought a good way to take advantage of that traffic time is to run classes in the back of this bus, you know, because they're an incredibly progressive group. And. And so we did that. There. There'd be some motion sickness. And then on the country days, that's when we'd get into all the fun electives like massage, TP building. It wasn't an accredited school, Colin. I don't want to paint a inaccurate picture here, but.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Colin Jost]

I've never seen Will laugh harder.

[Sean Hayes]

It's funny.

[Jason Bateman]

Most fun. I love. I love Jakey Bates so much.

[Will Arnett]

I love it out of my own pocket. I. I was forced to pay for the school

[Colin Jost]

and now like regular bus fare. Like school fare?

[Will Arnett]

No, no, I did do some bus fare.

[Jason Bateman]

It was the massages exit extra. And did you tip?

[Colin Jost]

Did they pay you?

[Will Arnett]

It depends if I'm giving or receiving on that. On Tuesdays and Thursdays was the massaging.

[Colin Jost]

Colin, what a great. It sounds like such a great idea concept. Like. Well, might as well use the journey for the school.

[Sean Hayes]

Sure.

[Jason Bateman]

By the way, that part makes kind of sense in. In that way. Right? Like that. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

You have to applaud them for the idea, but.

[Colin Jost]

And then you're sitting so long on the bus, you got to massages.

[Will Arnett]

It starts getting away from it pretty quick. The donut they had to give each kid to sit on. You know, there's so much class time on the bus. Not great.

[Sean Hayes]

Anyway, Kyle. Lynn.

[Colin Jost]

Well, so anyway, we bought. So I texted Pete, which is the. Is the wrong person to text with when you have an idea like this. And I was like, should we buy this?

[Jason Bateman]

Right.

[Colin Jost]

The city was auctioning it. And he was. Yeah, he was immediately was like, yeah, we got to do this. So. And I texted my dad, who's a teacher on Staten island, and he literally was like, did you do your homework? Which is such a teacher thing to say. And I was like, dad, I'm just sort of texting you as a formality. I already bought the boat. And then I texted Scarlet like, guess what? We own a ferry now. And she was like, we

[Will Arnett]

did it stay in operation.

[Colin Jost]

It was in operation until they. There was a new boat that came in. And the new boat cost like 300 million to build. So I was like, I'm getting an old one for only 280,000.

[Jason Bateman]

Right.

[Colin Jost]

This is a deal.

[Will Arnett]

All the ferry costs was $280,000.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah. And I thought as a real. I thought. I was thinking in a real estate way, if you put it somewhere, it's 70,000 square feet.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, my God.

[Colin Jost]

So I was like, if you put that on a dock in Manhattan, you've suddenly got basically a building on the waterfront.

[Will Arnett]

That was.

[Colin Jost]

Where was that the value?

[Jason Bateman]

Scarlet, that could be a school.

[Colin Jost]

That could be like three school

[Jason Bateman]

kindergarten and elementary school and a high school.

[Will Arnett]

Did you ever explore that opportunity? Like that you could actually park it there on the east river and kind of have yourself a little. A little. Not a little. A house right there.

[Colin Jost]

We are in the process of doing that and it's just. It's a long process because all the waterfront stuff is just. There's environmental, there's. So we're in that process and I think we're actually getting close to that process. Having a dedicated spot.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, wow.

[Colin Jost]

Yes. Which I joke about it a lot, but it is. And we've done some events on it where we really have already made back the money we've invested and the money we've spent on stuff to dock it and all that. So it's very misreported that it is some sort of crazy money pit.

[Jason Bateman]

Hey, man, I'm not your dad. I'm not your dad. You don't have to prove it.

[Colin Jost]

It's going to be fine. Is this a good financial sign where you're like, it's fine.

[Jason Bateman]

What's going to be.

[Will Arnett]

What's. What's a home run? What's. What's the goal with it once it's parked there?

[Colin Jost]

I think the goal, a home run for me is like, it's a thing that could be used for an event space, but also has like a norm, like an everyday purpose of like two versions of it to me are like, it could be an operating entertainment like club. Like a place where you can go, like, you could have parties or there's regular parties on it. And then like I grew up, growing up in Staten Island, I went to this place, it was called the Great Kill Swim Club. That was like a swim club where people would just go and the kids could all hang out, adults could hang out. And I could imagine creating a place like that that's not like a weird, fancy members club, but it's actually more like middle class. In Manhattan, you just pay as you go. You can go pay to use it. Yeah. And you play it. And like there's a pool on the top and a diving board off the drift. And you have these crazy.

[Will Arnett]

Just dive into the east river and enjoy yourself.

[Colin Jost]

Really enjoy yourself. Really swept down.

[Will Arnett]

You're really pitching a swim club on the East River.

[Colin Jost]

Yes. Like, but a pool on the roof deck.

[Jason Bateman]

But the pool.

[Colin Jost]

Diving board into the pool, not into the.

[Sean Hayes]

It's like a cruise ship that doesn't leave.

[Colin Jost]

A cruise ship that doesn't leave. But for families. And it would be actually a great. Like people would. Would spend summers there. And then it's also movable. So. So then half the year would be Miami and it would be. You'd have that in the winter when it's cold here and you'd have summer there. And I think it could be a

[Jason Bateman]

great place to Miami. Now. Now I'm seeing the Carmela Soprano in you. This is your picture.

[Colin Jost]

Then we go to Miami. We take over the high lie racket.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, my God.

[Jason Bateman]

So I gotta say, I'm kind of sold on this con. You kind of got me a little bit.

[Colin Jost]

And then you'd have weddings and like people already want to rent it out. And we. Which we. We will do. We've done it a couple times, but we'll do it when we have a permanent spot. It just makes the economics way better.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Colin Jost]

And this is all about economics ultimately, obviously.

[Sean Hayes]

Sure.

[Jason Bateman]

And then. And then you registered in Liberia.

[Colin Jost]

Yes. We're very open to pirates, if anyone.

[Jason Bateman]

I can't wait. I'm going to approach it on a zodiac with a mouthful of cats. Qat are we.

[Colin Jost]

I feel like the cat used to just fall. Have you been doing any recently? I feel like we've not.

[Sean Hayes]

What is cat? What is cat?

[Colin Jost]

It's like a plant you chew that has like almost a combo of cocaine and hallucinogenic. The thing I read about it, that it makes you. It's the phrase I read was it makes you immune to atrocities, which is such a great description.

[Jason Bateman]

I think they use it a lot. There was a lot of usage of it sort of in the. The Horn of Africa. Right. Am I right about that? And so. And a lot of. They accused a lot of these. These pirates of. Who would go and commit piracy to. Of chewing on it. And it makes. Yeah, it makes you just do crazy shit.

[Colin Jost]

It's an appetite suppressant as well. It could give you. It's like a. You know.

[Will Arnett]

You know, this sounds like a fucking silver bullet. Where does one. You need to be in the. On the. The southern tip of. Of Africa to find it?

[Jason Bateman]

No, up in like up. Up near sort of Somalia, Ethiopia. Up. Up in there.

[Will Arnett]

So it's closer.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah. Eritrea. Yeah, like right on the. It's very private. Come to you. You see these huge bushels of it. It's terrific. I got a guy. I'll get you a number. Are you on WhatsApp?

[Will Arnett]

All right, Colin, first question for our guest today.

[Jason Bateman]

Wait, Colin. So, Colin, you go to. You go to this school. You go to the script school because you're really smart. Clear.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, no. Well, say the school is Harvard.

[Jason Bateman]

No, Harvard. I'm talking about the school you went.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, that One. Oh, sorry.

[Will Arnett]

Okay.

[Colin Jost]

For Regis. Yeah, yeah, Regis.

[Jason Bateman]

From there. You get into Harvard, evidently. Based on. On your academic merits, I'm guessing.

[Will Arnett]

As opposed to.

[Colin Jost]

What do you mean? I'm not a traditional athlete?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, Like, I'm not a D1 athlete.

[Jason Bateman]

In your mind, you're. Well, you don't. You don't have your A name on a building is what I'm saying, like.

[Colin Jost]

Or that's true.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Colin Jost]

Not even on my own ferry.

[Sean Hayes]

Right. So go ahead, Will.

[Jason Bateman]

No, no, I was gonna say you go take it over to Harvard.

[Sean Hayes]

No, no, no, I was just gonna say, you know, you got involved with Lampoon, right?

[Colin Jost]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

And then you wrote 80 pieces before you got one accepted, which is funny.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Colin Jost]

Trying out. Fred, tell me.

[Jason Bateman]

I mean, there was a time, Colin, five years ago, where Sean.

[Will Arnett]

Sean was nominated interviewer on an anime. You want from Cat anywhere? He's the best.

[Jason Bateman]

The fallout for him and his questions.

[Will Arnett]

And since that nomination, he's gotten tight and he can't spit it out. No, no, no. You be quiet.

[Sean Hayes]

No, because I wrote down a bunch of stuff that I know you wanted.

[Will Arnett]

Baby girl, you get it?

[Colin Jost]

Give him.

[Will Arnett]

Give him your best one. Take some time. Find the best one in there and you give it to him.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, 80.

[Jason Bateman]

80 sketches. None of them picked up, right?

[Sean Hayes]

I. I would stop 80 failures, but I would stop it, too. Like, like you really wanted to be around.

[Jason Bateman]

How did you get involved in Lampoon?

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, that's so much better. I didn't know any.

[Colin Jost]

I didn't know about it. Did you guys have any awareness? Like, had you ever heard of it? I mean, I had heard of the National Lampoon.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. I mean, but I didn't know what it meant.

[Jason Bateman]

I didn't understand what it was until I started knowing some of those SNL guys who'd come out of it. Right.

[Will Arnett]

So for Tracy, it is. It is literally a magazine there at the. At the school.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah, it's just a magazine that has been there. It's actually the 150th anniversary is coming up in like a week, so we're going back, like bunch of, like Conan and a bunch of people are all going to go back and for this thing, which. But it just was like a student magazine and then like a precursor to

[Will Arnett]

like, kind of like something like the Onion or even like MAD Magazine. Right?

[Colin Jost]

Something like that. Yeah. And they started. People from there started like Spy magazine back in the day, which I never. But that was. And. And they started. They did like, Lampoon magazines and yearbooks and stuff.

[Jason Bateman]

And then Spy magazine was. I remember it in the New. In New York in the 90s. Spy magazine was phenomenal.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, I loved it.

[Jason Bateman]

It was so good. And there were so many people you mentioned, Conan, so many incredible comedy minds, sort of big sort of icons of comedy, you included, have come out of the Lampoon.

[Colin Jost]

A lot of. A lot of it was like back in the day, it was a lot of writers, like literary writers, you know, like John Updike and George Plimpton and George Santayana and all these like, people. And also business, like, William Randolph Hearst was a member. There's a business board. So he. A lot of. He helped fund the building that's there, like this. This Lampoon castle. And he and Isabelle are. Stuart Gardner, who has the museum, who had the museum in Boston. She collected a lot of stuff that went to that museum on the same trip with him. And he. A lot of the stuff he got went to the Lampoon, which is.

[Will Arnett]

And it's a bit of a feeder for SNL too, isn't it?

[Colin Jost]

Yeah, yeah. So, like around the 70s, 80s, a lot of it was this guy, Jim Downey, who I'm sure you guys have met through these. But he. He went to SNL in the. He was a writer. The first year at snl, of snl. And. And then after that, people kind of saw that you could write in comedy instead of necessarily only writing novels. And. And then people started getting into it there. But I didn't. So I didn't know. Have any awareness of it when I went, like, I went to school for economics, weirdly. And I didn't have any idea that there was like a humor magazine or anything like that. And I'd always done comedy. But you didn't know it was really a job. You just did it with your family.

[Jason Bateman]

It wasn't a destination for you to get into comedy.

[Colin Jost]

It just didn't. Yeah, I didn't know you could really, like. It didn't seem like a real thing. And so that was the first place where I went and people just were really funny and I wanted to hang out there. And then I started learning that people would graduate and go apply and work at different shows and.

[Jason Bateman]

So did you just apply for snl? How did that happen?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, you just cold submitted. That's.

[Colin Jost]

I actually submitted a package.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Colin Jost]

And then it was just the wrong time of year. I submitted it and so no one read it?

[Sean Hayes]

No. No agent, no nothing. You just did it yourself? You mailed it in yourself?

[Colin Jost]

No. No agent, nothing. And I submitted and no one looked at it. Because it was the wrong time of year. And then the next time, you know, it was like the next summer. And then I ran into someone who was. Who had been in the Lampoon, who was like, I heard it's. You have to submit in the summer in like, June or July, whatever the deadline was. And so I put together another packet and submitted it then. And I was, you know, I was just lucky. There was a ton of turnover. I wrote like, six sketches.

[Will Arnett]

Okay.

[Colin Jost]

And there was a bunch of writers that left. And then I. I got like, Tina was the. One of the head writers, Harper Steele, and they liked some, you know, something that was in there and brought me an interview. And then I interviewed with Lauren, which was insane. And. And then just was very lucky that there was an extra spot. And I was probably the last person hired. And I got hired with Samberg and Samberg and Sedis and Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig and then the Lonely island guys, Yorma and Akiva, and a guy, Brian Tucker, who came from.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, Tucker. And. And. And Sedegas was just hired as a writer first for that first season.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah, yeah, that was. He just started. He. He had just. Just got hired into the cast when I started. So that was the eight of us.

[Sean Hayes]

That amazing.

[Colin Jost]

That all.

[Sean Hayes]

And how old were you when you started?

[Colin Jost]

22.

[Will Arnett]

And so. So, well, so you. So you go into school to study economics. Was it. Was there ever a thought that. That there would be a career in economics, or was it just, I gotta.

[Jason Bateman]

Gotta.

[Will Arnett]

I gotta declare a major and let's have it be this.

[Colin Jost]

I think it was a. I thought I could maybe work. I mean, I. I interned at, like, Merrill lynch when I was in high school, and I just thought that was in Staten Island. Like, there were certain. All my family was firefighters. Like, my whole mom. Like, my. My mom was in the fire department, my grandpa, my great grandpa. So that was like a clear path. I knew. And then from Staten island, like, people would go take the ferry to Wall Street. There were people that worked in. In finance. And then obviously there was a. I knew about being a doctor or being a lawyer. Like, those were the kind of jobs that I understood. And so I sort of thought. But I would do something in that range. Like, I would do work in finance or I would try to be a doctor someday or try to be a lawyer.

[Will Arnett]

And then. So. So then. So then you start to get the kind of. This be in your bonnet for. For comedy. Did you, like, talk to me about the. The calculation you were making at your. So you're Sitting at Harvard where you really, whatever field you decide to study and get your diploma in, get, get, get, get your, your degree in. You've got a pretty good sort of base salary to assume there. And so, like, picking what you're going to get your degree in is kind of. You're declaring what your life is going to be and it's going to be, going to be pretty good. And so you're thinking comedy economics, or I can study this. At what point were you kind of like, all in it's going to be, going to go into comedy writing, or did you mitigate that risk by minoring in something else? Like, just walk me through that.

[Colin Jost]

I, you know, my parents definitely were worried. You know, just once I was, once I was going down a comedy path. I mean, when I was there, I switched. So I switched from economics to. When I declare, I declare I was going to be in economics. But then when you actually had to declare, I studied Russian literature, like, I went, that's lucrative. I was reading a bunch of books and so I was like. And then at some point I had to learn Russian. I had to live in, in St. Petersburg for a summer, and I was going down that path. But let's pause there for one second.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. Why, why Russian literature? What, what was, what was super interesting?

[Jason Bateman]

Are you a Russian asset?

[Will Arnett]

You have a great cover.

[Colin Jost]

I'm open to it. Are they asking? I just like the books. I just liked reading. I read in high school. I read some Nabokov and Tolstoy and Dostoevsky books, and senior year I liked them, so I wanted to read more. And then it just kept going down that line like I didn't have a plan for it. I certainly wasn't assuming it was going to be a career.

[Will Arnett]

Right.

[Sean Hayes]

Can you speak Russian?

[Colin Jost]

I was, yeah, fluent in Russian.

[Sean Hayes]

That's crazy.

[Will Arnett]

That's awesome.

[Jason Bateman]

Okay.

[Will Arnett]

All right.

[Colin Jost]

So then, so then. Yeah, so then I.

[Jason Bateman]

Sorry.

[Colin Jost]

That. Then I. I realized, I guess when I was at the Lampoon that most of the things I did in my life leading up to that were kind of comedy versions of what I did. Like, I ran the school newspaper, but I did the comedy, you know, wrote comedy for it rather than like regular news. I was working at a newspaper, but I mostly wanted to write comedy there. I performed in plays and musicals, but I really only cared about the comedy part of it, not the serious part of it. I did speech and debate, but I only did funny, like, oratories that I wrote that were kind of versions of comedy or performed funny things and didn't do any, you know, so I just, I started realizing that that was probably where my interest was, even if I was doing it in these other ways. And that there's, there's not really a funny version of finance.

[Jason Bateman]

Right.

[Colin Jost]

Again, along with abatements, it's not.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, unless you buy a Staten island

[Colin Jost]

fairy, but then it is.

[Will Arnett]

There's certainly some more predictable financial security in the lane of economics as opposed to the world of comedy.

[Jason Bateman]

You're talking about it. You're talking about him like taking, making the bet on it and going all in.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah, yeah, I did. I just did. I didn't have another plan and I didn't. I honestly don't know that I could have imagined then going to law school or after that. I think I just decided that whatever version of it it was going to end up being, I was going to enjoy being around people that were funny and doing things that I tried things that were funny. And regardless, the lifestyle didn't necessarily.

[Will Arnett]

It's so great. I mean, I'm sorry, a reason I keep hammering you on this because, you know, I've got a daughter that's in her first year of college and even my youngest, the 14 year old, she's, you know, they're both sort of like, you know, as kids do, wondering about, you know, am I doing the things that I should be doing to set myself up for the best possible, you know, life? Am I making the right decisions? And I keep saying, well, as long as you're pointed at something, a lot of opportunity comes your way. And so you're gonna see some forks in the road that might not necessarily be, you know, the lane you're on right now, and that's good, that's okay. But you're not gonna find those forks unless you're driven in, in some direction on something. It doesn't matter what that is. And so I guess you're sort of a great example of that, that you're driving towards economics and you found comedy.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah, and for her too. Like, I mean, I think the peer element of it is so important to me. You know, you find people that, that are serious about something, even if it's comedy, and are really driven or are really, you know, and then you, you learn from them, you're competitive in a healthy way with them. You're, you know, you're, you're hearing about opportunities from them eventually, you know, like when you're, when you're trying to do things or I think that's so important too. And so that you have a, you're not doing it in a vacuum, right?

[Sean Hayes]

We'll be right back. Guys, big news. Fish tacos are on the menu tonight. Normally that might mean overspending at a restaurant, but thanks to Gorton's, it's easy to make fish tacos right at home. Their new taco tenders are perfectly portioned, breaded and come in flavors like cilantro, lime or taco seasoned. Just pop them in the oven or air fryer, add toppings and enjoy. With Gorton's, the kitchen just became the favorite favorite restaurant. Guys, I have half a bag of taco tenders in my freezer. Why only half a bag? Because I ate the other half and they're delicious. Visit gorgeons.com to learn more, find a store and get recipe inspiration.

[Jason Bateman]

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[Sean Hayes]

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[Will Arnett]

all right, back to the show.

[Jason Bateman]

So you go to SNL that year that, that you mentioned with all those dudes. How long was it before you got the update chair?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. Did you go with the intention of wanting to do update or did you go or did it just happen or like.

[Colin Jost]

No, no, no, I was, I wouldn't even. I wouldn't have conceived of that.

[Jason Bateman]

I think I, you know, Colin, I called you in here because I think you're ready. What was it kind of like that?

[Colin Jost]

He did call me. Yes. He. He. I didn't even know why he was calling me in.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Colin Jost]

And he's like, so you think you could do update, like asking me?

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

And I was like, meanwhile, you had only been a writer on the show for a year or two or three.

[Colin Jost]

No, no, I'd been there for a long. So, I mean, I had been there for a long time. I was there. I was probably there eight years or something. Seven or eight years.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah. That's what I was getting at. Yeah.

[Colin Jost]

And. Cause I, So I got snl. I would have been happy to have any job in comedy. Right. Like, I applied everywhere that had a job. I wrote a. I wrote a Arrested Development spec script when I, When I was going out.

[Will Arnett]

Like, you told me this once and this.

[Colin Jost]

Maybe I did. Maybe I did tell you that. Yeah. And.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, my God, I want to read that.

[Jason Bateman]

What was Job's story? It doesn't. Sorry.

[Will Arnett]

It was Job A story or B story?

[Colin Jost]

It doesn't matter.

[Jason Bateman]

Who cares?

[Will Arnett]

I'm pretty sure he was in it.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah. Maybe the one. Can I tell you the one thing I remember about it, which was now, which is that it was for. For George Michael was self conscious and wanted to lose weight. And so he tried, he tried joining a. What he saw was a recreation society, but it was a recreation society and he got cast as Ben Franklin and so ended up gaining a bunch of weight.

[Jason Bateman]

That's really funny.

[Colin Jost]

So dumb.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, my God, Mitch Hurwitz would have loved that. That's a great bit.

[Colin Jost]

So I wrote. I wrote, applied all these places and I was very, you know, very lucky to get hired snl. And I felt like then I just wanted to be good at that and figure it out and, and enjoy it. I loved, I love on camera.

[Will Arnett]

Aspirations.

[Colin Jost]

No, no, not. I mean, but I did. I, I had performing aspirations. I just didn't think of it always as SNL related. Like, I did stand up.

[Will Arnett]

Right.

[Colin Jost]

So while that time I'm doing stand up in New York.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, you are? Okay.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah. While I'M writing. I would go after when there's nights that you could get out, and I would go do stand up like three

[Jason Bateman]

or four times, like a stellar or whatever. Did you ever. Were there ever. Any summer, like, end of seasons of SNL and you can be as honest as you want to be where you were like, you know what? I'm going to move. I'm going to leave. I want to do something else. Like, did you ever have one of those moments in those eight years before you got the update check?

[Colin Jost]

Yes. Not like. Not. Because there was sort of a little bit of a. Like, you know, I had a journey as a writer there where I got promoted to, like, a writing supervisor, and then I got promoted to be head writer. And that was like a real honor that I loved the idea of getting to do that someday. So that was. That was really important to me, and I felt excited about that. It was. I found it to be a really nightmarish job in a lot of ways, because you're suddenly doing the same job you're doing, but you're also having to manage everyone you're working with. And that was a very weird period of time for me because it also coincided with getting Update. Like, it almost exactly coincided. So I suddenly. Yeah, it was like maybe a year or half a year that I was a head writer and then got update and. But I had my only. As I was there for a little longer, I did like performing. I did like doing standup. And honestly, I wanted to do some version of act, not necessarily acting, like, in a serious way, but performing in some way in a comedy way. And I thought, I've done this as a writer now. I thought maybe after a few years of being head writer, maybe there would just be something else I'd want to do or create a show as a writer or do something different. And then got this opportunity to do updates, and then it was. It kind of went so badly at first for a while that I then thought I was gonna lose both jobs, that I was gonna be so bad at update that I was also really.

[Will Arnett]

Did it not.

[Sean Hayes]

Why did it go bad? What do you mean?

[Colin Jost]

It just was. I mean, I think Seth was leaving. Seth was leaving. He was, you know, very loved doing the job. You know, I came in, I started with Cecily Strong. We only. We did, like, six episodes together. That's it. At the end of the year.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Colin Jost]

And, you know, I think I just wasn't very good at it. It's very. It's a hard thing to come in and do And I don't. I think I was, like, really nervous. And I probably. That I probably smiled or laughed in a way that made people think I was kind of cocky about it when I actually felt very much at sea and panicking. People were giving me all kinds of advice that was contradictory, and I didn't know how to do it. And then.

[Sean Hayes]

Right.

[Colin Jost]

And then basically in the summer, I got told, after those six episodes, I got told, like, you might get to audition for it. And I was like, which seems like a bad job sign to audition for the job you currently have. And then they tried me with different combinations of people also. So, like, I did an audition with Leslie Jones. I did an audition with Vanessa Baer. I did an audition with Chris Kelly, who's a really funny writer at our show.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Colin Jost]

And I did an. And I auditioned with Che, who I knew from Stand up from before he came to SNL as a writer. And, you know, I love the idea of getting to do with him because he's really funny, but I had no idea what, you know, what they were gonna go with. And they also brought in Anthony Jeselnik just to audition on his own, like, just to go in a totally different direction, bring someone else in. And I'm sure he would have been very funny at it. And. And then they. They did these auditions, and then I didn't even know what was happening. And suddenly. So I was involved in all these processes of cast and hiring, and then suddenly I was completely cut off, really, from, like, all my friends for. For periods of time where everyone was probably nervous for me or didn't know whether I should do the job genuinely. Like, not. Not that they were being bad friends, just probably were like, I don't know if he's right for it. And then they picked me and Shea. And then for, like, the first two years, at least, we thought we were going to get fired every summer. Like, we were. We were put on suspension kind of, or put on extension, and we didn't know whether we were going to get it or not. And we. We. And then something sort of just started clicking, really. Just. We gave Lauren was. We were lucky that he gave us enough time to start figuring it out. And then. And then it started feeling okay, and then it started feeling better and not like a huge existential crisis.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, you guys have such a great dynamic. You're so, so good at it.

[Sean Hayes]

One of the funniest things I'd ever seen was. And I couldn't believe I was watching it, and I can't believe it happened. Which is Michael told the audience before you showed up to not laugh at one joke you said. And that was the joke. And I'm watching it going, oh my God, this is horrible to watch. Like, did you. What was going through your head?

[Colin Jost]

I was like, it's all over. It was so perfect. It was so perfect because I changed a joke between dress and air early on. And so he had told he met. By the way, this is the most proactive Che has ever been about anything. He went and met with the audience before they loaded in, like, looked him in the eyes and were like, listen, you're not laughing. I don't care. You do not laugh at anything Colin says.

[Will Arnett]

This is while they're still downstairs.

[Colin Jost]

This is while I'm waiting. Yeah, they're still waiting downstairs to get loaded in. And he goes down, meets them. Hell's that.

[Sean Hayes]

I remember watching it. I couldn't believe it.

[Colin Jost]

And then. So I changed one joke early on between dress and air and it. So at air, it bombs. And in my head I'm like, oh, I shouldn't have taken that swing. But it's perfect because I don't. I could still believe. Believe it's, you know, then, then, then he goes and he crushes. Great audience kills. He does two jokes. Then it comes back to me and I tell next one, which worked really well. Address. And it bombs. And I'm like, oh my God. Because at first I was like, oh, maybe it's a bad crowd. Then he crushes. So I'm like, oh, no.

[Will Arnett]

Meanwhile, he keeps looking at you like, oh boy.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah, just not leading. And then. And the fourth joke bombs and I'm truly thinking, like, my career's over. Like something's. It's a turned. I'm never getting it back. It's over. And someone. He had a plant in the audience that he had yell out, you stink after. So simple, so simple. So dumb. John Hagen, he just goes, you stink like old timey heckling.

[Will Arnett]

Not you. You suck.

[Jason Bateman]

You're a bum.

[Colin Jost]

And I. And I heard that and I was like in full. You can tell if you look at. In shock. And then Shay's like, dude, I gotta tell. I gotta tell you. I told him not to laugh at anything. I was like, you.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

So angry.

[Will Arnett]

Is this live? Is this on episodes?

[Sean Hayes]

What a great YouTube. It. You can YouTube.

[Colin Jost]

It is so horrifying. Now. Now you know, and you'll look and you'll be like. And it's. You're fascist. I was genuinely traumatized for like two more shows. Cause then the Next show back. I didn't know what to. I didn't know what was coming.

[Will Arnett]

Did you immediately start thinking about payback? Are you a prankster?

[Colin Jost]

Of course.

[Jason Bateman]

By the way, did Che run it by Lorne? No, he just did it. He went rogue.

[Colin Jost]

He did, and I think basically Lorne talked him into eventually telling me versus never telling me.

[Jason Bateman]

Right, right, right, right.

[Colin Jost]

Which made it much better, actually, that he did tell me. And otherwise would have been perhaps.

[Jason Bateman]

No, it's better to get your reaction on camera and see it dawn on you. I mean, that's. But it's amazing.

[Sean Hayes]

And then. And now what I love, Colin, is you're appearing more and more as Pete Hegseth, which is so brilliant. It's so good. It's such a gift. But does any part of you get nervous about, you know, doing that at all?

[Colin Jost]

Well, on a couple levels. I mean, first of all, I still. I get nervous even within. In an SNL world because it's suddenly a new thing and a new rhythm. Like, even though I've been there for so long, coming out in the cold open is its own weird feeling. And after all these years, it's good at it.

[Will Arnett]

You don't have to admit to this, but you've got to privately just be like, so excited to go out there and show off a little bit because you're so goddamn good at what you do, whether you're doing the update or doing he. I mean, it just. You gotta be. I'd love to see more. More doing your thing.

[Jason Bateman]

I think it. I think it's one of my. I think it's one of my favorite politician impressions. Yeah. Yeah. It's really funny that I can remember in the long. And I'm not just saying that. Cause you're here. It's so good.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

But. But there is also the added. Because, I mean, obviously he's the. He's the Secretary of War and officially. Right. That's a. That's officially awesome name passed by.

[Will Arnett]

It's the only country in the world where we call that department. The part. The Department of War as opposed to Department of.

[Jason Bateman]

I think it's fun that we've now let. Like, they're obviously letting school kids just name departments. Is that what's going on? So they're just taking letters. Yeah. War.

[Colin Jost]

You can tell the generals are just like, oh, God, yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

But. But is there. To Sean's question, like, is there an added. Is there another layer of trepidation as you've been. As much as you're comfortable telling us, has there Been pushback in a weird way.

[Colin Jost]

I don't. I mean, I'm definitely like a little NER nervous about. I kind of just think it's not. It's such. In the scheme of things, like probably, I hope, barely on his radar. Like, it really does feel like there should be bigger.

[Will Arnett]

But there's so much satire on SNL politically, always has been. So, like, how is this gonna make any big, huge wave? People are conditioned to look for satire

[Jason Bateman]

politically, end up having a big night. He's got a couple cocktails under his belt and he might start. He might start calling you.

[Colin Jost]

There could be some vindictiveness.

[Will Arnett]

Guess what? I'll bet he loves it.

[Sean Hayes]

I'll bet he loves it.

[Colin Jost]

The first time I did it, my brother, I have a younger brother. My younger brother was like, it's just so great that America finally gets to see the real you.

[Will Arnett]

Well, that's what I was going to ask was like, so, like, you know, what would you like to do more? I would love to see you do more acting, whether it be on SNL or not. Do you think you'd ever carve out some time to do more of that?

[Sean Hayes]

Well, you got a movie coming up.

[Colin Jost]

I would love it.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Colin Jost]

I did this movie with Nate, with Nate Bergetzi, who I love, called the Breadwinner. Breadwinner. That's coming out May 29th. May 29th is what I'm told. And I think I have a fun part. Like, Nate's basically forced to be a stay at home dad because his wife goes on Shark Tank and hits like, gets a lot of traction. And the sharks. The Shark Tank scene is so funny and you really. It's so, so funny. And the Sharks basically make Nate agree to be a stay at home dad. So his wife on camera. And I'm the only other stay at home dad in the neighborhood. And I'm really scared. He's taking over my territory and he's like a really funny dad that comes in and it was so. And I was. I loved the script and he sent it to. You know, I was. People. I never think people really think of me for things. So I was very grateful they. That they thought of me for it. And it was really fun to do. And I gotta say, getting to perform, not live, is even more liberating because you can just swings and you know, it's not. I never get a second chance at things.

[Will Arnett]

You could, if you could, if you could, if you could, could wiggle your nose and have full success. Come as a writer or as an Actor. Let's say in the next five or 10 years, like, let's say, go the route of, like, you know, let's say Will Ferrell or go the route of, like, Mike Scher. It's tough, right?

[Colin Jost]

Very good options. I mean, I would. I would really love to do. To get to perform in something outside, you know, a thing that's my own own voice and, And. And get to create. I mean, you know, it. Well, like, it's. You know, it's. It. That would be really satisfying. I think that would be really fun.

[Will Arnett]

In the same project.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah, maybe. Or. I mean, I. I don't need to be. I don't need to be the. I would rather be. Perform. Get to perform.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Colin Jost]

But I would, like. I would obviously be involved in some way. I don't think I would not be able to, but I would. I would like to figure out an idea, maybe ideally both. Both where. It's a world that's my own in my. From my own mind, too. I would love that.

[Will Arnett]

And to think we almost lost you to Bear Stearns or something like that.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Colin Jost]

You're doing so much better. I could be long retired. Really?

[Jason Bateman]

Exactly.

[Sean Hayes]

But what about you?

[Jason Bateman]

If you got a Bear Stearns, it would have been a disaster.

[Colin Jost]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

You could have become.

[Will Arnett]

You could. You could. You could have become dandies, you know.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, great.

[Sean Hayes]

Dandy's the great dandy. Colin, you also do Pop Culture Jeopardy, which is fantastic.

[Will Arnett]

Wait, is that the one that's on Netflix?

[Colin Jost]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Colin Jost]

Okay, that's coming out on Netflix on May 11th.

[Sean Hayes]

Season two, right?

[Colin Jost]

Yeah, season two. Yeah. It's really fun. I cannot believe the level of knowledge that these teams have about pop culture. It's really scary. And.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, I have a surprise for these guys, which is a clip if Bennett can play it. Or Rob.

[Will Arnett]

Really?

[Colin Jost]

Oh, yeah.

[Will Arnett]

I don't think we've ever run a clip before.

[Jason Bateman]

We've never done a clip. Let's go to the clip. Oh, my God.

[Colin Jost]

Three in the category of so Help Me Pod, the Smartless podcast is hosted by this trio of funny guys. Anna Marie, who is Sean Hayes. That is one. Alex, who is Eric McCormick.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, Jesus. No one.

[Sean Hayes]

Sorry. Jesus Christ.

[Will Arnett]

Steve, who is Will Arnett.

[Colin Jost]

That is the second. And Ashley, who's Fred Armisen. That is a person, but no Justin, with Hayes.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm sorry, this is hurtful.

[Colin Jost]

The one we were missing Jason Bateman. But the other two are gonna be very happy to throw it in Jason's face.

[Will Arnett]

Got it. It's gonna hurt in the renegotiations. But thanks for running the clip.

[Jason Bateman]

So let's go.

[Sean Hayes]

First reactions.

[Jason Bateman]

Let's go around the horn. We'll start with you, Jason.

[Sean Hayes]

I thought that was so great.

[Jason Bateman]

So you know what? That Jason abatement's starting to look pretty good, huh?

[Will Arnett]

Nice old.

[Colin Jost]

Doesn't sound so bad.

[Will Arnett]

So this was not Tournament of Champions, I guess, you know, these weren't the World Beaters.

[Colin Jost]

No, these were the most knowledgeable.

[Will Arnett]

Come on.

[Colin Jost]

I think that was the only answer wrong in that whole game. Jesus.

[Jason Bateman]

That cuts.

[Colin Jost]

Which you never see. Almost trembling.

[Sean Hayes]

But the point is Breadwinner, Celebrity, snl, like, all of it. You have so much going on and you have kids and you have Scarlet and you have like just a whole. I mean, it's. You have a ton of stuff going on.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, you're really. You're kicking. You're kicking in. Into high gear right now. And it's fun to watch, man. Really fun to watch.

[Will Arnett]

It's fun to swing a golf club on top of it all.

[Jason Bateman]

I know we keep. We've threatened to play. We gotta. Let's.

[Colin Jost]

We gotta. Maybe this summer you'll be out and we'll do it.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, we're gonna be on Long Island.

[Colin Jost]

You guys do. Do you ever do. Go to do the Tahoe event or anything like that? Or you like

[Will Arnett]

rock and roll with the. The boats on the fairway and. What?

[Jason Bateman]

Well, now he's never going. But

[Will Arnett]

what's. What's happening? Unplug the speed.

[Colin Jost]

There's filthy people in Tahoe.

[Jason Bateman]

I just.

[Will Arnett]

I don't understand how it just.

[Jason Bateman]

We did. We've done. We've done a couple of them before. We did. We did the pebble beach back. Back in the day.

[Will Arnett]

No, that's a tournament.

[Colin Jost]

That must have been fun. Right?

[Jason Bateman]

We did that and we've done the Genesis a few times.

[Sean Hayes]

Times. And.

[Jason Bateman]

And yeah.

[Colin Jost]

Oh, yeah, because that's fun.

[Jason Bateman]

Yes. In la. But start our own golf tournament, you guys.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, let's do that. You know.

[Jason Bateman]

What do you say?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Colin Jost]

Out on Long island, you know, I'm in.

[Will Arnett]

Keep it real.

[Colin Jost]

I'm in.

[Jason Bateman]

We've taken up so much of your time. So much. We can talk forever to this guy. This is unbelievable.

[Colin Jost]

Yeah, I can stay. I've. I've, like a lot of time.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, oh, no problem.

[Colin Jost]

Don't even feel like you gotta wrap it up.

[Jason Bateman]

I gotta go. I'm gonna have dinner with Tommy Hilfiger right now. That's a. That's a true story.

[Colin Jost]

Talk to him. He did an. Tommy Hilfiger did an event on our Staten island ferry. Oh, hang out with him.

[Jason Bateman]

Right now, what I'm going to say is we drag it out to Sag harbor for the summer, Right? Let's start talking about that.

[Colin Jost]

That's what every neighbor wants to look up and see. An orange vessel.

[Jason Bateman]

All those billionaires, they're not going to be mad at that.

[Will Arnett]

It's fun. It's kitschy.

[Sean Hayes]

Colin, thank you for being here. You're a pleasure.

[Colin Jost]

Thank you for bringing in Sean.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, Sean, I'm sorry we were abusive towards you and your. And your question, as. Did you get to. Did you. Were you able to ask our guests the things you wanted to ask?

[Sean Hayes]

Some other things. There's many other things. But that's okay. We'll get it next time.

[Will Arnett]

I'm sorry, Sean.

[Sean Hayes]

That's all right.

[Will Arnett]

Will brings out the worst in me. Sorry it's Will's fault.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay, well, get back to work. Colin, I know you have a lot of work there with it, especially cleaning up that asbestos above your head. Yeah, because I can still see it. That's amazing.

[Colin Jost]

I'll let you know what I find.

[Will Arnett]

Thank you, my friends.

[Colin Jost]

Thank you guys very much. And I would love to play this summer if you guys want to play anytime.

[Jason Bateman]

I'm gonna hit you up. We're gonna finally do it.

[Will Arnett]

Yes, please.

[Jason Bateman]

Okay. We're gonna finally do it.

[Colin Jost]

Bye, guys.

[Jason Bateman]

Bye. Colin Jones.

[Colin Jost]

Good to see you waving. I'm waving. Like that's gonna register. Audio.

[Will Arnett]

Audio wave. Audio wave. Audio wave.

[Jason Bateman]

Thanks, dude. Sean, what a great guest.

[Sean Hayes]

What a lovely man and a funny, funny.

[Colin Jost]

I really like.

[Jason Bateman]

I really like Colin. He's such a funny guy.

[Will Arnett]

I really.

[Jason Bateman]

Every.

[Sean Hayes]

He's.

[Will Arnett]

Every time with him, he's just, like, easy. Well.

[Sean Hayes]

But isn't it amazing? He's the longest. I don't know if you heard in the. In the. In the intro. The longest. What am I saying? Of Weekend Update, the guy who's been there. The longest of anybody. Longest tenured host or something.

[Jason Bateman]

Did. Did you not sleep last night?

[Sean Hayes]

What happened? I'm still catching up.

[Will Arnett]

Is your CPAP hose clogged? Just purge your hose.

[Sean Hayes]

Isn't that wild, though, to just be. To know, like, he just

[Colin Jost]

too.

[Jason Bateman]

And Michael. Who? My double.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, Michael is hilarious.

[Jason Bateman]

Hilarious. Those guys are so funny.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

What was the joke? Somebody reminded me of that. They did this last weekend. They played like, a clip of Trump saying, you know, look, we're holding all the cards, and then. And then they come back to colonies. Like, they're literally holding a straight.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes, I saw that. Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

I thought it was a pun. It was a pun.

[Will Arnett]

It's a pun. You know, guys, there's, you know, there's

[Sean Hayes]

a lot of purchases we've all made in our life and you know, what

[Will Arnett]

started out as this good buys and some are bad buys.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay.

[Will Arnett]

So. Okay, but we're gonna back and finish it. Well, why don't you give it a little bit of a. A head? Like talk about the ferry and then in the middle talk about. Sometimes there's good.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. I mean. Yeah. The Staten Island. What an interesting thing to learn about that. He what drew him to buy that Staten island fair when he was spent.

[Will Arnett]

You spent it right there. You can't say bye until the end.

[Sean Hayes]

So still purchase. Okay. It was an interesting thing that he purchased that Staten island ferry with Pete Davidson because it brought, you know, because he took it when he was a kid to go to school. Yeah. So, you know, we've all kind of made interesting purchases. Some are, some are good, some are bad. But that started out as a seemingly bad purchase, but in the end it was a good.

[Will Arnett]

I know what he's.

[Jason Bateman]

Goodbye.

[Sean Hayes]

Goodbye.

[Jason Bateman]

I like this.

[Sean Hayes]

Goodbye. I really love.

[Jason Bateman]

I gotta take a leak. So fuckin bad.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay.

[Will Arnett]

Love you. Think of me when you hold it.

[Jason Bateman]

Smart. Smart less smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Michael Grant, Terry, Rob Armjarve and Bennett Barbico. Smart Less.

[Colin Jost]

Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co founder of angie and one thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home. Because with every fix, update and renovation, it becomes a little more your own. So you need all your jobs done well. For nearly 30 years, Angie has helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter from plumbing to electrical roof repair to deck upgrades. So leave it to the pros who will get your jobs done well. Angie the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find a pro for your [e-mail] every

[Sean Hayes]

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