Accordions vs. Bagpipes: a musical debate

Summary

Smash Boom Best: Accordions vs. Bagpipes – A Musical Showdown

Episode Release Date: May 1, 2025

Introduction

In this electrifying episode of Smash Boom Best, American Public Media dives into a harmonious yet heated debate between two iconic musical instruments: Accordions and Bagpipes. Hosted by Anna Weigel, filling in for Molly Bloom, the show features Mary Mack—a comedian, voice actor, and writer advocating for the accordion—and Aron Woldeslassi—Brainsound producer and steadfast supporter of the bagpipes. The judge for the evening is Phoenix, a passionate enthusiast from Auckland, New Zealand, known for her love of Dungeons & Dragons, soups, and whistle playing.

---

Round 1: Declaration of Greatness

The debate kicks off with the Declaration of Greatness, where each side presents their most compelling arguments for why their instrument reigns supreme.

Mary Mack passionately champions the accordion, emphasizing its versatility and global appeal:

"Accordions have some stellar nicknames too, like Button Box, Windjammer, or Stomach Steinway. Makes you smile, doesn't it? ... The accordion is basically a party in a box."
(04:24)

She highlights the accordion's role in various musical genres, from zydeco in Louisiana to French cafe jazz, arguing its universal adaptability and festive nature. Mary humorously contrasts accordions with bagpipes, suggesting that the latter resemble "a giant squid... attacking" and are unsuitable for intimate settings like a Parisian cafe.

"Bagpipes don't look great and they don't sound great."
(06:35)

In response, Aron launches a rebuttal aimed at undermining the accordion's practicality:

"Accordions are super heavy... they're 10 kilos, 20 pounds. Are you playing an instrument or getting a workout?"
(09:36)

Aron criticizes the accordion's weight and dismisses its musical quality, labeling it more as a cumbersome object than a serious instrument.

Round 1 Highlights:

• Mary emphasizes the accordion's joy-bringing versatility and aesthetic appeal.
• Aron counters by questioning the accordion's practicality and musical quality.

---

Round 2: Micro Round

Next, the Micro Round challenges debaters to envision an international holiday dedicated to their instrument.

Mary Mack introduces Accordion Accords in a whimsical setting:

"I officially declare, according to the Accordion Accords, anytime a single note emanates from a squeeze box, all within earshot shall be in a state of holiday."
(26:36)

She paints a picture of a society celebrating endless dancing and joy, free from work obligations when listening to accordion music.

Aron Woldeslassi presents Interrupting Bagpipes Day:

"The only day of the year when people are encouraged to randomly interrupt each other with bagpipes."
(24:50)

His portrayal involves humorous interruptions and the cultural significance of bagpipes, aiming to showcase their vibrant presence.

Phoenix's Analysis: Phoenix critiques Mary's holiday concept as economically unsustainable:

"Mary's micro round is economically going to destroy itself."
(28:35)

She points out that constant holidays could hinder productivity and the accordion industry.

Round 2 Highlights:

• Mary envisions a utopian accordion-centric society.
• Aron offers a playful yet culturally rich vision for bagpipes.
• Phoenix raises valid economic concerns about Mary's concept.

---

Round 3: Sneak Attack

The Sneak Attack segment requires debaters to craft original kid-friendly jokes about their instruments.

Mary Mack delivers a series of humor attempts, blending silliness with her stance:

"Why did the big piper have to take lactose pills when he was around the accordion? Cause he's allergic to squeeze."
(31:12)

She further extends her humor with a knock-knock joke, albeit less effectively:

"Knock, knock. Bagpipe. ... I couldn't hear you because that bag piper came in here and ruined the show."
(33:20)

Aron Woldeslassi counters with witty, streamlined jokes:

"In bagpipes walk into a coffee shop. The barista goes, hey, how's your music competition going? To which the bagpipes go? It's in the bag."
(31:34)

His humor highlights the bagpipes' enduring presence and cultural embedding.

Phoenix appreciates the humor, noting particularly Aron's concise and relatable jokes:

"Oh, I liked that a lot."
(31:45)

Round 3 Highlights:

• Mary employs elaborate humor, blending jokes with character play.
• Aron delivers succinct and culturally resonant jokes.
• Phoenix favors Aron's approach for its clarity and relatability.

---

Round 4: Final Six

In the Final Six, each debater encapsulates their instrument's essence in just six words.

Aron Woldeslassi succinctly captures the bagpipes' impact:

"Bagpipes. We'll blow you away, friend."
(35:41)

Mary Mack counters with a heartfelt statement:

"Accordions promote joy and world peace."
(35:57)

Phoenix deliberates her decision, ultimately awarding the win to the bagpipes based on their compelling portrayal and emotional resonance.

Final Six Highlights:

• Aron's phrase emphasizes the bagpipes' powerful and captivating nature.
• Mary's phrase highlights the accordion's ability to bring joy and foster unity.

---

Conclusion and Decision

After a spirited exchange across all rounds, Phoenix tallies the points, balancing Mary's vibrant declarations with Aron's sharp rebuttals and humorous contributions. Ultimately, she crowns the Bagpipes as the winner of this musical debate battle.

Phoenix's Final Remarks:

"Mary won the declaration of greatness. Aron won the rebuttal. Aron won the second round. Mary won the third round. So it was the last round, and I thought that the pun was better than the world peace."
(36:40)

Both debaters express mutual respect despite the competitive outcome, with Aron praising Mary's engaging presentation and Mary acknowledging Aron's strong arguments.

---

State of Debate: Logical Fallacies

The episode also featured the State of Debate segment, where Mary Mack and Rudy Piper from the bagpipe side dissected the bandwagon effect—a common logical fallacy. They illustrated how popularity doesn't necessarily equate to quality or preference, using playful scenarios like ice cream flavor preferences:

"Just because most people like vanilla doesn't mean Kim and Miles should give up on all their other ice cream flavors."
(21:33)

This segment reinforced critical thinking among listeners, encouraging them to evaluate arguments beyond their popularity.

---

Closing Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, it teases upcoming debates and encourages listener participation. Eli's vote for the Eevee vs. Pikachu debate adds an interactive element, fostering community engagement.

Final Farewell:

"Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brainson and APM Studios... We'll be back with a new smashboom Best debate battle next week. Jellybeans versus Beans."
(38:22)

Listeners are invited to continue supporting public media and engage with future debates, ensuring the lively spirit of Smash Boom Best endures.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Mary Mack - "Accordions are basically a party in a box." (04:24)
• Aron Woldeslassi - "Bagpipes inspire deep appreciation all over the world, but especially in Scotland." (13:26)
• Phoenix - "Mary's micro round is economically going to destroy itself." (28:35)
• Mary Mack - "Accordions promote joy and world peace." (35:57)
• Aron Woldeslassi - "Bagpipes. We'll blow you away, friend." (35:41)

Final Result: Bagpipes Crowned as the Smash Boom Best

---

This episode not only showcased the vibrant debate between accordions and bagpipes but also entertained with humor, cultural insights, and critical thinking prompts. Whether you're a music aficionado or a casual listener, Smash Boom Best offers a harmonious blend of facts and fun, making debate a true blast for all ages.

Transcript

[Anna Weigel]

Hi, friends, it's Molly.

[Phoenix]

And this is a message for you adults listening. I want to take a minute to talk to you about public media. You may have heard that public media is facing federal budget cuts, but what you might not know is that smashboom Best Brains on moment of um. And all your favorite Brains On Universe podcasts are part of the public media ecosystem. If you want to protect your favorite public media podcasts like this one from.

[Anna Weigel]

The brains behind Brains on, it's Smash.

[Phoenix]

Boom Best, the show for people with big opinions.

[Anna Weigel]

Hi, I'm Anna Weigel filling in for Molly Bloom. And this is Smash Boom Best, the show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. Today's debate is a majestic musical showdown. It's accordions versus bagpipes. We've got comedian, voice actor and writer Mary Mack ready to sing the praises of the squeeze box for team Accordions.

[Mary Mack]

Accordion for the win.

[Anna Weigel]

Yeah.

[Mary Mack]

Yeah. Then the crowd goes wild.

[Anna Weigel]

And Brainzound producer Aron Woldeslassi is here to try to snag a win for the windy warbler Team Bagpipes.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Oh, Anna Boy. The pipes. The pipes are winning.

[Anna Weigel]

How did you know my nickname, Anna boy? And here to judge it all is Phoenix from Auckland, New Zealand. Phoenix loves dungeons and dragons, eating any kind of soup and playing the whistle. Hi, Phoenix. Hi. So, Phoenix, can you tell us because maybe not everyone knows what being a whistle player means.

[Phoenix]

So a whistle is essentially an Irish tin whistle. So it's a metal whistle. It looks quite a lot like a recorder. It's better and you play a lot of jigs and reels on it. And I probably am a bit more biased towards bagpipes because instruments that you blow with your mouth and all that.

[Anna Weigel]

What's your favorite song to play on the whistle, please?

[Phoenix]

I like playing the spongebob theme. It's very fast and quite hard.

[Anna Weigel]

What is your D and D character like?

[Phoenix]

My current D and D character is a changeling cleric with the biggest not my problem attitude that you'll ever find.

[Anna Weigel]

Ooh, I love that. Does that have certain aspects that your own personality has?

[Phoenix]

Probably leaning into a lot of the darker aspects of human. The human condition mostly.

[Anna Weigel]

Oh, my gosh. Why aren't we playing D and D right now? What are we doing? Do you have any advice for our debaters today?

[Phoenix]

Play fair.

[Anna Weigel]

Okay, important check. Will Phoenix side with Mary or Aron? Only time will tell.

[Phoenix]

But first, smashboom Best is a non profit public radio program.

[Anna Weigel]

That's right, Phoenix. Which means we rely on support from our listeners to keep the show going. There are lots of ways you can support the show.

[Phoenix]

You can donate, become a SmartyPass subscriber.

[Anna Weigel]

Or buy our merch like a Smashboom Best hoodie, pencil pouch, or keychain.

[Phoenix]

Head to smashboom.org to show your support and thanks.

[Anna Weigel]

Now, onto the rules. Every debate consists of four. The Declaration of Greatness, the micro round, the Sneak Attack, and the final six. After each round, our judge, Phoenix, will award points to the team that invites her the most. But she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate. Listeners, we want you to judge too. Mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website, smashboom.org and vote for whichever team you think won. Okay, Mary, Aaron and Phoenix, are you ready?

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Let's do this.

[Phoenix]

I'm ready as I'll ever be.

[Anna Weigel]

Then it's time for the declaration of Greatness. In this round, our debaters will present a well crafted, immersive argument in favor of their side. Then they'll each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements. We flipped a coin and Mary, you're up first. Tell us all about the allure of the accordion. Mary. Hey, Mary, it's your smashboom best producer Anna Weigel here. Can you please stop dancing?

[Mary Mack]

Sorry, Anna, can't stop. I'm having too much fun with this accordion baseball music.

[Anna Weigel]

Yeah, Mary, you're contractually obligated to speak about the accordion's greatness.

[Mary Mack]

Okay, yeah, I'm getting winded anyways, right there. Listeners, you just heard some of the accordion's greatness and that it is a major party starter. It first became really popular in the early 1800s when polka music like you just heard was all the rage in Europe because those people knew how to party.

[Anna Weigel]

Mary.

[Mary Mack]

Oh, sorry, can't help myself. It's so fun. Accordions have some stellar nicknames too, like Button Box, Windjammer, or Stomach Steinway. Makes you smile, doesn't it? Another nickname, Squeeze Box, came about because in order to make sound, the musician squeezes the accordion sides to enable its bellows to force air through thick, thin pieces inside called reeds. Then you use the keys and buttons along each side to turn that air into music. The accordion is basically a party in a box. Plus, you can easily sing while playing it. When people play the bagpipes, however, it looks like a giant squid is hanging out of their mouths, attacking them. The accordion, though the only thing attacking you are all your fans. Accordions are popular all over the world and in all kinds of music. From fast paced zydeco in Louisiana, Jewish klezmer, or even swanky French cafe jazz. Can you imagine trying to sip an espresso in a quaint Parisian cafe listening to the bagpipe? Ah, you snuck up on me. Who are you?

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Hi, I'm Larry. I've had 20 years of bagpipe lessons and that's how good I sound.

[Mary Mack]

Oh, no. What a waste of money.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Wow. I can't believe they let me in the studio here. Normally, they force us bagpipers to play outdoors.

[Mary Mack]

That's right, Larry. Out you go. Scoot, scoot, scoot. Which brings me to my next point. We mostly listen to the bagpipes outdoors. Like at poorly attended parades. They're so awful to listen to, people won't even let them inside. Go away, Larry. With the accordion though, you not only get to come inside, but if you're good enough, you can become a celebrity. Like Weird Al Yankovic.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Hey, what about all the celebrity bagpipers? Like.

[Mary Mack]

That'S right, Larry. There aren't any. I hope the door is still locked. Not only is the accordion beautiful to hear, but it's beautiful to look at too. They come in all shapes and sizes and colors. Some are red or blue or pearlescent. Some are bedazzled with gemstones. Some even have multi colored bellows. A bagpipe, on the other hand, is like a sad deflated balloon. Or maybe a pruned up piece of roadkill with spheres sticking out. Who wants to look at roadkill? Bagpipes don't look great and they don't sound great. In the early days of Scotland, bagpipes were used to call soldiers into battle. Maybe because they sounded so terrible they could scare the enemy away.

[Rudy Piper]

No. Anything but bagpipes.

[Mary Mack]

You ever hear of Braveheart? The movie about a fictional Scottish warrior? He probably got that name because he was brave enough to listen to the bagpipe every day and still not quit. The accordion does the opposite of calling folks into battle. It makes people feel good, like they're part of a festive community. It inspires joy. One could even say accordions help create world peace. Come on, Larry, let's dance.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

No one's ever loved me before.

[Mary Mack]

I know, Larry. Aw.

[Anna Weigel]

Larry finally found love. What a happy ending.

[Mary Mack]

Aw.

[Anna Weigel]

Phoenix, what stood out to you about Mary's declaration of greatness?

[Phoenix]

It was engaging. And at least she showed examples of the music.

[Anna Weigel]

Mm, very true. Very true. Okay, Aron, it is time for your rebuttal. Tell us why the accordion is just Cumbersome. You've got 30 seconds and your time starts now.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

So just off the bat, did you notice that the accordion music hijacks the body and forces you to void contracts? That's how our declaration started. All right. And like, do you know how to make an accordion play on pitch? You throw it on the ground and hope it lands on a bagpipe. That's how you do that. All right. You know who plays the accordion? Pirate monkeys. Not hardworking civilian monkeys, but pirate ones. All right. You gotta be a criminal to play this thing.

[Mary Mack]

Also, did you concert tv.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Did you know accordions are super heavy? It's interesting you didn't mention that. They're 10 kilos, 20 pounds. They're so heavy. Are you playing an instrument or getting a workout?

[Anna Weigel]

And time?

[Mary Mack]

Listen, at least somebody was brave enough to throw an accordion onto a big pipe and smush it. That's all I got to say.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

That's the only think it's good for throwing it away. That's what people want to be doing, right?

[Mary Mack]

Of the two most, least desirable instruments in the universe, I'd say the accordion is slightly more desirable than the bagpipes.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

It's not even an instrument. It's a shoddy shot put. That's what it is. All right. It's heavy and you want to throw it away.

[Anna Weigel]

Okay. Whew. It's your turn, Aron. Tell us why bagpipes should blow us away.

[Rudy Piper]

Oh, hey there. Name's Rudy Piper. I'm the best darn bagpiper in town. I love playing the bagpipes. They're versatile, remarkable, and tons of fun. But there is one problem with being a bagpiper. Hello. Uh huh. You want me to play a wedding? Sure, as long as I get a slice of cake. Anyway, as I was saying. Oh, sorry. Hello. You need me to play at a battlefield? Well, okay, but you need to provide the kilt.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Hahaha.

[Rudy Piper]

What I was trying to say was that people always want to hear bagpipes. So you never know when. Oh, come on. Hello. You need me to play at the International Space Station. A very real place where people have played bagpipes. Fine, but you're driving.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Wow, Rudeus sure is busy. But that's the life of a bagpiper. You might think of bagpipes as a Scottish instrument, but people have been playing them all over the world for centuries. Welcome to the International Bagpipe Association. When I say the name of your bagpipes, please play them. The Nayanbum from Iran. The Todopille from Estonia. And this just says Lenny.

[Mary Mack]

Hi, I'm Lenny, and I play the accordion.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Oh, wow, that's so interesting.

[Mary Mack]

Security.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Yeah, an accordion could never substitute for the bagpipes. Sure, bagpipes have a truly unique sound, but how they make sound is even more amazing. A bagpiper blows through a long tube to blow up the bag like a balloon. When they squeeze the bag, it forces the air out through other pipes, and that makes the music. Even though the instrument looks like it came from space, it sounds like it came from heaven. Bagpipes inspire deep appreciation all over the world, but especially in Scotland. Don't take my word for it, though. Here's Scotsman and Smashboom. Best fan, Ewin Care. Talking about bagpipes.

[Rudy Piper]

I mean, they were just always there. Growing up in Scotland, it's just part of the national identity. You hear pipe music fairly regularly, I suppose, for a long time. My favorite song when I was very young was Scotland the Brave, which is played on bagpipes.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Ah, Scotland the Brave. You've probably heard it before. Of course it's played on bagpipes. Can you imagine it played on some lesser instrument? Oh, wait, you don't have to. Let me show you. Ugh. Sounds like something you'd hear on the poop deck of a pirate ship. And since I don't want scurvy, I won't be looking to hear any of it. Unlike the accordion, bagpipes are really good at conveying intense emotions. The notes are powerful and continuous, which makes them great for sad dirges or raucous anthems. No matter the genre, bagpipes give music extra oomph.

[Mary Mack]

Ugh.

[Rudy Piper]

Our metal band needs something super hardcore.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Bongos. Bongos. More like Bong knows.

[Mary Mack]

What about an accordion?

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Accordion? Oh, this isn't the Polka Pizza Palace. It's a metal band. Well, how about this?

[Rudy Piper]

Oh, dude, that totally rocks.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

It does. Totally rock. Tons of bands have used the bagpipes in their music, including icons like Paul McCartney, AC DC and of course, the Red Hot Chili Pipers.

[Rudy Piper]

Whoa, did you say the Red Hot Chili Peppers?

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Great question. Rudy Piper. I said the Red Hot Chili Pipers, the triple platinum Scottish band that's been making awesome bagpipe music for decades. Like this. Hit it. Now that's what I call rock and roll. And that's the power of bagpipes. Bagpipes are great for any occasion. They're played all over the world and they'll knock your socks off. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta get Rudy to outer space for his next bagpiping gig. Let's go, bud.

[Anna Weigel]

Wow. I feel like Rudy Piper and Larry the accordion player should meet.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

I mean, like, yeah, I think Rudy would be happy to sign an autograph, if that's what you're trying to do.

[Anna Weigel]

And Larry just wants love. So, Phoenix, what did you think about Aharon's declaration of greatness? Did any moments in his argument really stand out?

[Phoenix]

You missed one key point. John Farnham also uses bagpipes in his music.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

That's right.

[Mary Mack]

This contest is skewed. It is boxed from the beginning.

[Anna Weigel]

Phoenix is a very fair judge. She can handle this.

[Phoenix]

I love both. And accordions are used in lots of Irish music and Scottish music, as well as bagpipes. So they're both equally very important to my tradition of music.

[Anna Weigel]

Well, there you go. Awesome job. Okay, Mary, it is time for your rebuttal. Tell us why bagpipes are just all hype. You've got 30 seconds. And go.

[Mary Mack]

Oh, he said it sounds like it came from heaven. Yeah. Cause it sounds like it's the angel of death coming to let you know you're done for. Cause bagpipes only play at funerals. And get. By the way, Randy's answering a landline. He can't make enough money playing the bagpipe to get a cell plan. All right. I can't do a lot of rebuttal because I left the room. Cause one of my illnesses kicked in. That illness has a little bit of taste, so I had to leave the room to puke.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

I think anyone's allowed to have a landline. If you run a successful business, you would have a landline for people to call you. Also, keep in mind he went to outer space to play the bagpipe. A place where you can do that. You know, where no one's ever played accordions.

[Anna Weigel]

Where?

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Outer space.

[Mary Mack]

Well, let me tell you, you're droning on and on. Not unlike the instrument you're trying to defend.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Thank you for that compliment.

[Anna Weigel]

Okay, Phoenix, I want you to give one point to the declaration of greatness you liked the best, and one point to the rebuttal that won you over. Don't tell us, but you get to decide what makes a winning argument. Did one team's jokes make you giggle? Was another team's logic impeccable? Have you made your decision?

[Phoenix]

Point one. Point two. Done.

[Anna Weigel]

Excellent. Aron and Mary, how are you two feeling so far?

[Mary Mack]

Hmm. I feel like Aharon's favorite misuse of sound cues really has me at a disadvantage. I did not like how he took my beautiful sounds of the accordion and perversely bent them to meet his own cause.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

I think it's interesting that me playing accordion music is the same thing as saying bad things about accordion music. All right.

[Mary Mack]

No, no, no. Playing accordion music in the way that you did.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Yes, with open ears. That's how I did it. Right.

[Anna Weigel]

Open ears, open heart.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Although I will say I am feeling quite good. I think I'm making very good points across. I think Phoenix is enjoying my points as well.

[Anna Weigel]

Okay. Presumptuous, but okay. It's time for a quick break. Polish your keys and tune your drones.

[Phoenix]

And we'll be right back with more smashboom Best.

[Anna Weigel]

You're watching State of Debate. Home to raging rhetoric and awe inspiring argumentation.

[Mary Mack]

How we doing, debaters? Taylor Lincoln here with my debater from another mother, Todd Douglas.

[Rudy Piper]

Hello. Hello, Taylor. I just got back from the grocery store and guess what I found. A big old logical fallacy.

[Anna Weigel]

Uh oh.

[Mary Mack]

Clean up on aisle nine. A logical fallacy really rocks the wind out of your debate.

[Rudy Piper]

Sure does. And I've got a real humdinger for you today, Tay Tay. The bandwagon effect.

[Mary Mack]

Ooh, yeah, that's when you argue something must be true just because it's popular.

[Rudy Piper]

Like Legos. Must be more fun than board games because all of my friends play with Legos.

[Mary Mack]

Oh, or cats make better pets than dogs because everyone in my class has a cat.

[Rudy Piper]

This logical fallacy is everywhere. Even the ice cream shop. Let's go. Hey, Kim, we just sold our 1000th ice cream cone.

[Anna Weigel]

Wow, Miles, at this rate, we'll need to buy more ice cream.

[Rudy Piper]

You bet. But we should only get vanilla.

[Anna Weigel]

What? Why?

[Rudy Piper]

Almost everyone is buying vanilla, silly. Hardly anyone is getting chocolate, strawberry or tutti frutti hot and moody.

[Anna Weigel]

But we've been selling vanilla for years and only just started selling tutti Frutti Hot n moody. Shouldn't we let others keep trying it?

[Rudy Piper]

No way. People only want vanilla.

[Mary Mack]

Hold up. That's two scoops of bad logic.

[Rudy Piper]

I'll say. Just because most people like vanilla doesn't mean Kim and Miles should give up on all their other ice cream flavors.

[Mary Mack]

That's right. Maybe people need time to try chocolate, strawberry or tutti frutti hot and moody. Like they tried vanilla. Maybe it's all a matter of time.

[Rudy Piper]

So what exactly does tutti fruity hot and moody taste like?

[Mary Mack]

Mmm, like. Like a fruity volcano exploding in your mouth. Let's go get some.

[Rudy Piper]

Last one there is a melted sundae. This has been State of Debate.

[Phoenix]

Brains on Universe is a family of.

[Anna Weigel]

Podcasts for Kids and their adults.

[Mary Mack]

Since you're a fan of Smash Boom.

[Phoenix]

Best, you'll love the other shows in our universe.

[Anna Weigel]

Come on, let's explore.

[Mary Mack]

It's alien exercise hour. Hi yah hoo ha. While I stretch my snoodles and bounce on my trampolini, I'll listen to a new podcast. I'm going to try Forever Ago, the best history podcast ever.

[Anna Weigel]

To understand why anyone would think a TV show could change the world, we.

[Mary Mack]

Need to go way back to America.

[Anna Weigel]

In the 1960s.

[Phoenix]

Rock and roll was pretty new.

[Anna Weigel]

Ford released the iconic Mustang muscle.

[Mary Mack]

Back here. Podcast must listen to Forever Ago.

[Phoenix]

Now listen to Forever Ago.

[Anna Weigel]

Wherever you get your podcasts, Smash Boom Best. You're listening to smashboom Best. I'm your host, Anna Wego, filling in for Molly Bloom.

[Phoenix]

And I'm your judge, Phoenix.

[Anna Weigel]

And we love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Take a listen to this Pokemon debate idea from Eli.

[Mary Mack]

My name is Eli and my debate idea is Pikachu vs. Eevee.

[Anna Weigel]

Pikachu vs. Eevee. What a playful debate. We'll check back in at the end of this episode to see which side Eli thinks should win.

[Phoenix]

And now it's back to our debate. Accordions versus Bagpipe.

[Anna Weigel]

That's right. And it's time for round two, the micro round. For the micro round challenge, each team has prepared a creative response to a prompt they received in advance. For Mary and Aharon, the prompt was International holiday. We asked you to imagine that there's an international holiday devoted to your side. What's it called? What are the traditions, lore, and decorations associated with this special day? Tell us everything there is to know. Mary went first last time. So, Aron, you're up. Tell us all about your bagpipe themed holiday.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Hello. And Merry Interrupting Bagpipes Day. The only day of the year when people are encouraged to randomly interrupt each other with bagpipes. It just couldn't be sillier. Ma'am, have you been interrupted by bagpipes yet?

[Anna Weigel]

Not yet. I was just telling my sister that.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Oh, you got me. See, people love interrupting Bagpipes Day. And speaking of love, Helga, my love, you're the greatest part of my life.

[Rudy Piper]

Will you marry.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Thank you so much. So much for the gorgeous music. You've made this special moment even more magical. Wow, he seemed so in love with those bagpipes. Hey, speaking of bagpipes, let's check out the unveiling of the city's latest music store, Bagpipes Universe.

[Anna Weigel]

In honor of today's historic holiday, I'm Proud to announce that my bagpipe store is now open for this.

[Mary Mack]

Oh.

[Anna Weigel]

Oh. How dare you interrupt me with your accordion. Do you know how rude that is? This is a place of business, not some two bit pirate ship. I have half a mind to take that accordion and. Oh. Oh my God. Goodness, it's bagpipes. I thought someone was trying to interrupt me with an accordion. Ugh. Everyone come into my store so we may join in the festivities.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Wow. What a day. I'm so glad you took some time to learn about my favorite holiday Interna.

[Anna Weigel]

Wow. I'm like looking around the room to see if there's a bagpipe that's about to interrupt me. Mary, it is now your turn. Tell us about your accordion themed holiday.

[Mary Mack]

Welcome, one and all. I, Princess Accordiana, am pleased as a pickle to announce the signing of the Accordion Accords here in Polonia. Signifying that anytime you play or hear an accordion, it constitutes a holiday. You've heard of the Magna Carta? Well, this is Magnetop of the Chartas. Anyway, big celebration and sausage buffet at my place today to celebrate the signing of the Accordion Accords. No one has to go to bed because we'll be dancing all night. And have no fear, I've sent the party police out to patrol the kingdom. They have strict orders to tickle any bagpiper ruffians they see. So you know, they aren't so serious all the time.

[Anna Weigel]

They can't steal our Riz. Crank up the jams.

[Mary Mack]

Love enthusiasm. But hold up. We've gotta get the royal quill and frill and officially sign for real. I officially declare, according to the Accordion Accords, anytime a single note emanates from a squeeze box, all within earshot shall be in a state of holiday. Good moods shall abound. Furthermore, while listening or playing accordion music, no person shall be required to go to work or school. For tis a holiday simply upon the hearing, all honor the accordion according Accord. All honor the Accordion Accords.

[Anna Weigel]

Ah, Princess Accordiana. What a breathy little sweetie. Okay, Phoenix, what did you like about Mary and Arawn's micro rounds?

[Phoenix]

Mary's micro round is economically going to destroy itself.

[Anna Weigel]

Oh no.

[Phoenix]

Because if everybody goes on holidays to when they hear an accordion, people will stop working and there won't be money enough to make more accordions.

[Mary Mack]

Princess Accordiona, checking in here.

[Anna Weigel]

She's here.

[Mary Mack]

Just wanna let you know, here in Paulownia we've devalued money. Nobody really has to work. It is an overabundant society and we do not need to check in and out or clock in and out of any workplace.

[Anna Weigel]

Oh, I would like to live there. Sounds nice. And what did you think about Arawn's micro round?

[Phoenix]

Absolute glorious kale.

[Anna Weigel]

Oh, you accurate.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Although, can I just say, Mary, like you didn't. You have no way of knowing this, but Bagpipe Ruffians is actually the name of my biker gang. Thank you so much for the shout out.

[Anna Weigel]

Wow.

[Mary Mack]

I don't know what kind of mind games or brain puzzles Arona's playing, but I'm already voting for the bagpipes and I can't stand the bagpipes.

[Anna Weigel]

No, we really don't know what's going to happen until we know. So, Phoenix, it's time to award a point. But don't tell us who you're voting for. Have you made your decision?

[Phoenix]

Point awarded.

[Anna Weigel]

Fantastic. Then it's time for our third round. The super stealthy sneak attack. This is our improvised round where debaters have to respond to a challenge on the spot. Today's sneak attack is called joke book. You two are both comedians, so we thought you could handle one of our toughest sneak attacks. We want you to think of three brand new short kid jokes related to your side. Along the lines of guess what? Chicken butt or why did the chicken cross the road, etc. Themed on your side. Debaters, are you ready for your sneak attack?

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Yes.

[Mary Mack]

Maybe.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Yeah.

[Mary Mack]

Yeah.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Anna Weigel]

Let's do this. Yeah.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Absolutely.

[Anna Weigel]

Yeah.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Yeah. We're gonna make this happen.

[Anna Weigel]

This is great. Oh, the enthusiasm.

[Phoenix]

You're filling me with confidence.

[Anna Weigel]

Yes, me too. Okay, we'll start with Mary. Let's hear your first accordion inspired joke.

[Mary Mack]

Um hmm. Why did the big piper have to take lactose pills when he was around the accordion?

[Anna Weigel]

Why?

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Why?

[Mary Mack]

Cause he's allergic to squeeze. What?

[Anna Weigel]

Like cheese? I love it.

[Mary Mack]

I confused myself.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Yeah, I like it. I like this a lot.

[Anna Weigel]

No, that is a straight no from Phoenix Craig. Okay, now, Aron, it is your turn. Let's hear your first bagpipe. In bagpipes walk into a coffee shop.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

The barista goes, hey, how's your music competition going? To which the bagpipes go? It's in the bag.

[Anna Weigel]

Oh, I liked that a lot. Okay, Mary, let's hear your second joke. Okay.

[Mary Mack]

Okay. What? Why did the monster choose to eat an accordion when it had a choice between accordion and bagpipes?

[Anna Weigel]

Why?

[Mary Mack]

Because bagpipes taste like disgusting, gross, rotten, fermented leather sunken down under the ocean and brought back up and just stomped on by a bunch of sweaty footed expired grape crushers. And so that's why he chose to eat the accordion because that's what bagpipes are.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

I will forfeit this entire competition if you can repeat everything you just said.

[Mary Mack]

No, I can't. Okay, that was a long one.

[Anna Weigel]

Aron, it is time for your second joke.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Okay. Two bagpipers are arguing. One says, the first bagpiper gives him an insult. The other goes, ah, you're all full of hot air.

[Anna Weigel]

Oh, great.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

There it is.

[Anna Weigel]

Okay.

[Mary Mack]

Pretty good.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

It's a thinker.

[Mary Mack]

That's pretty good.

[Anna Weigel]

Mary, let's hear your third and final joke.

[Mary Mack]

Okay, I have to have you assist me on this.

[Anna Weigel]

Great.

[Mary Mack]

Because it's a knock knock joke.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Okay.

[Mary Mack]

Okay. Okay. Knock, knock.

[Anna Weigel]

Who's there?

[Mary Mack]

Bagpipe.

[Anna Weigel]

Bagpipe. Yeah. Yep, Yep.

[Mary Mack]

Sorry.

[Anna Weigel]

Really good.

[Mary Mack]

I couldn't hear you because that bag piper came in here and ruined the show.

[Anna Weigel]

Must be that holiday, I guess, after all. Okay, Aron, let's hear your final joke.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

I just want to point out that Mary literally stole my joke. I was going to do that exact bit.

[Anna Weigel]

Now what are you going to do?

[Aron Woldeslassi]

I'm going to play it off. I'm going to improvise this.

[Anna Weigel]

Okay, great.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Yeah. So. Oh. Okay. Two Scotsmen who live in Scotland are arguing about the best place to get real estate.

[Anna Weigel]

Kids love jokes about real estate.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Already. Already. I'm. Already I'm leading the way. One goes, what's the best place to get real estate in Scotland? The second goes, the place full of bagpipes. To which the first goes, oh, the great Highlands.

[Anna Weigel]

Wait, what?

[Mary Mack]

I'm so sorry.

[Anna Weigel]

Did that land the way you wanted it to?

[Mary Mack]

No. Okay.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

I'll say. You know what? It's better to bomb with bagpipes than it is to succeed with accordions.

[Mary Mack]

Oh, my gosh. That is wonderful sentiment right there. I can't really argue on that.

[Anna Weigel]

Phoenix, I do not envy you. But you need to think about which side impresses you the most and award your fourth point. But don't tell us who you're giving it to. Have you made your decision?

[Mary Mack]

Yep.

[Anna Weigel]

Perfect. Then it's time for our final round. The final six. In this round, each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. Okay, Aharon, let's hear your six words that prove bagpipes are the best.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Bagpipes. We'll blow you away, friend.

[Anna Weigel]

Wow. Okay, Mary, it's your turn. Give us your six words of accolades for accordions.

[Mary Mack]

Accordions promote joy and world peace.

[Anna Weigel]

Okay, it's time to award a point for the final six. Phoenix, have you made your decision?

[Phoenix]

Yes. Indeed.

[Anna Weigel]

Are you ready to crown one team? The Smash Boom Best.

[Phoenix]

Yep.

[Anna Weigel]

Drum roll, please. And the winner is. Bag Kite.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Yes.

[Anna Weigel]

Wow. So, Phoenix, was there a moment that decided things for you?

[Phoenix]

So Mary won the declaration of greatness. Aaron won the rebuttal. Aaron won the second round. Mary won the third round. So it was the last round, and I thought that the pun was better than the world peace.

[Anna Weigel]

Oh, what a name. Lighter.

[Rudy Piper]

So six words.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Close.

[Anna Weigel]

Goosebumps.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Mary, can I say your declaration of greatness and your mic around were so good. Like, just the sound design and all the different variations of accordion music, from jazz to polka to, like, French jazz, that was amazing. I. I learned so much. I didn't know how much accordion music there was out there. You did such a great job.

[Mary Mack]

Oh, well, you want to. I thought. Thanks. That makes me feel a lot better because I was quite sad from losing the debate. I love as a performer, how you came right out of the gate, came out fighting, especially with the rebuttal round. I loved your confidence in bringing in all these characters to highlight the questionable attributes of the bagpipes. I mean, you got me to vote for you.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Thank you so much.

[Mary Mack]

So you're a genuine salesperson.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Honestly, if I couldn't do this, I would be a bagpipe salesperson.

[Anna Weigel]

Oh, wow.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

Absolutely.

[Anna Weigel]

It's on the back burner, just in case.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

That's my fallback.

[Anna Weigel]

And that's it for today's debate battle. Phoenix crowned bagpipes the Smashboom Best book. What about you?

[Phoenix]

Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you think won.

[Anna Weigel]

Smashboom Best is brought to you by Brainson and APM Studios. It's produced by me, Anna Wegel, Molly Bloom, and Aron Woldeselassi. We had engineering help from Gene Barron with sound design by Anna Wegel. Our editors are Shayla Farzan and Sandon Tot, with fact checking by Anna Goldfield and Rebecca. And we had production help from the rest of the Brainzn universe team, Rosie Dupont, Rachel Breese, Nico Gonzalez Whistler, Ruby Guthrie, Lauren Humphrey, Joshua Ray, Mark Sanchez and Charlotte Traver. And our executive producer is Beth Perlman. And the APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati and Joanne Griffith. Our announcer is Marlee foyer worker Otto. And we want to give a special thanks to Austin Cross, Taylor Kaufman and Andy Doucet. Mary, is there anyone that you'd like to give a shout out to today?

[Mary Mack]

Oh, I want to thank Phoenix for tuning in all the way from New Zealand. And thanks to all the Smashbone best listeners. Super fun people. I got some nice emails from some people listening to the last one I did and it meant a lot.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

I love that.

[Anna Weigel]

So nice they found you.

[Mary Mack]

Yeah.

[Anna Weigel]

How about you, Aron? Any special shout outs for you?

[Aron Woldeslassi]

I want to thank the great nation of Scotland. Thank you so much for your. For your. For your incredible culture and heritage. And speaking of which, I want to give a very special thanks to the incredible Ewan Care, who has. Who has recently retired after giving us 40 incredible years. Thank you so much, Ewan. You are a champion of public radio. And I also want to make a special shout out to the bagpipe ruffians. Fellas, you know who you are. You make it. You're doing great stuff out there. Thank you so much.

[Anna Weigel]

Phoenix, do you want to give any special thanks?

[Phoenix]

Thanks to all the accordionists and bagpipers and people who are musicians. You make the world go around.

[Mary Mack]

Aw, that's true.

[Anna Weigel]

Before we go, let's check in and see who Eli thinks should win the Pikachu vs. Eevee debate.

[Mary Mack]

I personally think Eevee should win because.

[Anna Weigel]

Evie is stronger than Pikachu. If you're between the ages of 13 and 18 and you'd like to be a judge, or if you're any age and you have an idea for a knockdown drag out debate, head to smashboom.org contact and drop us a line. And make sure to subscribe to Brains on Universe on YouTube where you can watch animated versions of some of your favorite episodes. We'll be back with a new smashboom Best debate battle next week. Jellybeans versus Beans.

[Mary Mack]

That's awesome.

[Anna Weigel]

Bye.

[Mary Mack]

Bye.

[Anna Weigel]

Better than the rest. It's smash the west. It's smash the west.

[Mary Mack]

Oh, I'm. Oh, am I being attacked by ducks? Oh. Oh, no. That was just a bagpipe.

[Aron Woldeslassi]

You know what's a surefire way to get attacked by ducks? Play them. The accordion. That's how you'll know.