#63 - Reading Even More Weird Subreddits

Summary

Smosh Mouth - Episode #63: Reading Even More Weird Subreddits

Release Date: September 23, 2024
Hosts: Shayne Topp (Short), Amanda Lehan-Canto (Tall), and rotating Smosh friends
Description: Join Shayne, Amanda, and friends as they delve into bizarre and intriguing subreddits, sharing their favorite posts, engaging in lively discussions, and exploring the weirdest corners of the internet.

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1. Introduction to the Episode

At the outset of Episode #63, Shayne welcomes listeners to another installment of "Reading Even More Weird Subreddits." He introduces Keith and Noah, setting the stage for a deep dive into some of Reddit's most unusual communities.

Notable Quote:
Shayne [01:06]: "Welcome to Smoshmouth. I'm Shane, and today we're diving into the third installment of browsing weird subreddits. We've compiled a bunch of the strangest ones we've found, and we're excited to share some of our favorite posts with you."

---

2. Exploring r/Bald

The trio begins their journey with the subreddit r/Bald, a community where bald individuals share photos of their hair loss journey, often showcasing dramatic before-and-after transformations.

Key Points:

• Before and After Photos: Members post their progression into baldness, highlighting the positive transformations after shaving their heads.
• Supportive Community: The subreddit serves as a supportive space, dispelling the stigma around baldness by showcasing how many look better bald.

Notable Quotes:
Noah [05:35]: "This is like a late-night TV bit but the opposite. Instead of getting more hair, you're shedding it, and it's awesome."
Keith [06:18]: "He kind of has a peanut-shaped head, but he still looks great. It’s like Mr. Peanut."

---

3. Delving into AskHR

Next, Shayne introduces the AskHR subreddit, where HR professionals respond to workplace dilemmas. They highlight a particularly bizarre post involving a candidate who appears differently on the first day than during the interview, sparking discussions about potential fraud.

Key Points:

• Identity Fraud Concerns: A user describes interviewing a candidate who didn't match the appearance during their first day at work.
• Community Reactions: Fellow Redditors share similar experiences, emphasizing the importance of verifying identities to prevent fraudulent hires.

Notable Quotes:
Shayne [16:24]: "This post is insane. Someone hired a candidate who looked entirely different in person than during the interview. It raises serious questions about identity verification in hiring processes."
Noah [17:54]: "I think he's either a spy or alien. That's where I'm going with it."

---

4. Hypothetical Scenarios Subreddit

The hosts then explore a subreddit dedicated to hypothetical situations, focusing on scenarios that involve money and risk. They discuss intriguing and sometimes life-threatening hypotheticals, engaging in thought-provoking debates.

Key Points:

• Egg Challenge: Receive an egg that must remain uncracked for a year to claim $10 million, with strict handling rules.
• Language vs. Money Dilemma: Choose between receiving $3 million or being able to speak every language fluently.
• Space Trade-Off: Get $1 billion now but must step foot on the moon within 10 years or face dire consequences.
• Pill Gamble: Face a thousand pills where one is lethal, but each taken pill grants $500,000.

Notable Quotes:
Keith [29:56]: "I'm not gonna say anything that's so ... there's no wrong answer, but the right one for me is taking the $3 million."
Shayne [32:36]: "With a billion dollars, you could probably get to the moon. It’s a tough choice."

---

5. MadLads Subreddit Highlights

Moving on, Shayne introduces r/MadLads, a community celebrating individuals who take extreme or unconventional risks for fun. They share stories of audacious acts and celebrate the daring nature of its members.

Key Points:

• Risk-Taking Celebrations: Members post about reckless but entertaining endeavors.
• Humorous Anecdotes: Example includes Daniel Radcliffe wearing the same outfit for six months to frustrate paparazzi.

Notable Quotes:
Shayne [48:16]: "In 2007, Daniel Radcliffe deliberately wore the same outfit for six months solely to piss off the paparazzi. That's the kind of mad lad we're talking about."

---

6. Explain Like I’m Five (ELI5) Explained

The Explain Like I’m Five subreddit is another focal point, where complex topics are broken down into simple explanations. The hosts discuss a post questioning the feasibility of annual full-body MRIs to detect cancers.

Key Points:

• Misconceptions Clarified: A radiologist explains the complexities of MRI technology, debunking the idea of a one-size-fits-all full-body scan.
• Practical Limitations: High costs, resource allocation, and the risk of false positives make such practices impractical.

Notable Quotes:
Shayne [49:04]: "I always thought MRIs could just show everything in your body, but it's actually very specific and complex."

---

7. Our Fellow Kids: Adults Trying to Relate

Saying goodbye to adults attempting to connect with younger generations, the Our Fellow Kids subreddit becomes the next topic of discussion. They discuss posts where older individuals use outdated slang to appeal to youth, often resulting in cringe-worthy outcomes.

Key Points:

• Cringy Attempts: Examples include school lunch notes using current youth slang awkwardly.
• Generational Gaps: Highlights the difficulty older generations face in authentically relating to younger audiences.

Notable Quotes:
Shayne [56:13]: "This is where adults try to speak the language of kids and it just comes off as super cringy."
Keith [57:05]: "Like, lady, do you not realize we take the tag off now?"

---

8. Don’t Put Your Dick in That: Unusual Warnings

The hosts wrap up their subreddit explorations with r/Don’tPutYourDickInThat, a community dedicated to humorous and bizarre warnings against placing male genitalia in inappropriate objects or situations.

Key Points:

• Humorous Warnings: Posts feature images and scenarios where such warnings are showcased with a comedic twist.
• Absurdity and Humor: The subreddit thrives on the absurdity of the scenarios presented, blending humor with unexpected instructions.

Notable Quotes:
Shayne [59:47]: "It's just things like, 'Hey man, don't put your dick in it.' It makes total sense but in the weirdest way."
Shayne [60:27]: "These banana washers on Amazon are just getting a new use case. It looks like someone's groin had an adventure."

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9. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode nears its end, the hosts reflect on the diversity and oddity of Reddit communities, appreciating the unique spaces that allow individuals to share and celebrate the unconventional. They also engage in light-hearted banter, reinforcing their camaraderie and the fun dynamic that makes "Smosh Mouth" engaging for listeners.

Notable Quote:
Shayne [66:32]: "Thank you both for being here. This was fun. I had a great time sharing these weird subreddits with everyone."

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Insights and Takeaways

• Diversity of Interests: Reddit's vast array of subreddits caters to every conceivable interest, no matter how niche or bizarre.
• Community Support: Many of these subreddits provide supportive environments where individuals can share experiences and find like-minded peers.
• Humor and Absurdity: The hosts highlight how humor thrives in online communities, especially in spaces dedicated to the weird and unconventional.
• Cultural Reflections: Subreddits like Our Fellow Kids reflect the ongoing generational dialogues and the challenges of authentic communication across age groups.

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Final Notes

Episode #63 of "Smosh Mouth" offers listeners an entertaining exploration of some of Reddit's most unconventional communities. Through engaging discussions, humorous interactions, and insightful commentary, Shayne, Keith, and Noah provide a comprehensive look into the weirdest corners of the internet, making it a must-listen for anyone curious about the platform's diverse subcultures.

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Disclaimer: This summary excludes all advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections to focus solely on the valuable discussions and insights shared during the episode.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

It is Ryan Seacrest here. There was a recent social media trend which consisted of flying on a plane with no music, no movies, no entertainment. But a better trend would be going to chumbacasino.com it's like having a mini social casino in your pocket. Chumba casino has over 100 online casino style games, all absolutely free. It's the most fun you can have online and on a plane. So grab your free welcome bonus [e-mail] sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Shane]

No purchase necessary VGW Group Void where prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply. Geico's motorcycle expertise gives me the coverage I need. Like 24.

[Noah]

7 claims, I'm on cloud nine.

[Shane]

Clouds are wholly unable to support the weight of an adult human.

[Keith]

What's happening?

[Shane]

Furthermore, clouds are not numbered. Even if you procured a jetpack and searched, you'd find no cloud numbered nine. However, at that altitude, you'd likely befriend a flock of migrating snow geese. Geese who'd encourage you to leave your 24.7geico motorcycle claims insurance behind as they would take you in and even share their dinner of crickets and clovers with you. GEICO assumes no liability for any indigestion that may occur from a clover cricket dinner. GEICO expertise for your motorcycle. Hello, welcome to Smoshmouth. I'm Shane and I am joined today by Keith and Noah.

[Keith]

Yeah, what up, what up, what up?

[Shane]

Welcome, Keith. You are just fully green.

[Keith]

Yeah, look, I'm thinking about money. My hands are itching right now too, as we speak.

[Noah]

So is that a sign of wealth?

[Keith]

I think so. That's what I heard. You never heard if your hand, if your hand itches, the money's on the way.

[Noah]

Never heard that.

[Keith]

Really?

[Noah]

It wasn't money. I think it was poison oak you.

[Shane]

Were touching, which is also green.

[Keith]

Black people don't. We don't go to the woods like that. So I don't have poison oak or poison ivy. This is definitely money on the horizon. Shout out to God.

[Noah]

God's in your hands.

[Shane]

Even your bracelet's green.

[Noah]

You went hard.

[Keith]

I'm telling you, it's hella money coming my way.

[Shane]

Is that a plan you do in the morning or do you do it like the day before? You're like, tomorrow it's green day.

[Keith]

It depends on if there's a specific event. Like if we're doing. If we have an appearance or something. I'll be like, okay, I want to wear this for it. But like in the mornings that I wake up, I don't know how I'm gonna dress. I don't know how I feel. Sometimes I wanna be baggy. Today's a baggy day, you know? And other times, I wanna be, like, titan European. You know what I'm saying?

[Noah]

Would you say that. You ever feel like a plastic baggie?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Keith]

Mm.

[Shane]

Drifting through the wind.

[Keith]

This reminds me of something. I just don't know what it is.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Keith]

You know who my favorite pop artist is?

[Shane]

Well, it is a woman's world.

[Keith]

That's right.

[Shane]

That's right. So, you guys, I've told you a little bit about what we're doing today. Very third installment of browsing weird subreddits. So I have compiled a bunch of weird subreddits that I have found. There's tons. We're gonna go through them, show some of my favorite posts that I've found. We'll just talk about them, talk about other bullshit we can talk about, whatever.

[Keith]

Okay.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's the idea.

[Noah]

Do you have, like, a burner Reddit account that gets recommended just the strangest subreddit?

[Shane]

No. That's a good idea, though. I'm fully just like, a lurker, and I have been. I've never, like, liked a post or even joined a subreddit. I just scroll about. But I feel like, Noah, I feel. I feel like it was years ago that you were the one who introduced me to Reddit. Like 2015, 2016. You were like, oh, yeah, I'm looking through Reddit. And I was like, what is that? And then eventually I started, yeah, my.

[Noah]

Brother showed it to me, and I think it's just like, once you're shown Reddit, you're like, oh, this is. I think I'm gonna be here forever. I think that's how it kind of works.

[Shane]

I think I'm doomed.

[Noah]

Way, way back in the day when there was a lot of cringe sayings, like, he used to say, when does the narwhal bacon. That used to be a huge Reddit joke. Yeah. You wanna know the answer? No. At midnight. If you didn't know the answer at midnight for, like, 10 solid years, that's how people would find out. If you were a Redditor, you would say in a conversation, do you know when the narwhal bacons. Not even kidding.

[Keith]

Wow.

[Shane]

See, I feel like nobody who's a Redditor wants anyone to know that they're a Redditor.

[Noah]

Yeah. Especially when that was the culture. When it was less normal stuff and more like that, it was a little harder to be Open about.

[Keith]

Are you still on Reddit?

[Noah]

Yeah, yeah, I'll go around here. Yeah. I. I'm similar to you. I lurk for a little bit. I had an account for certain things back when I like, liked esports a lot. I like student in esports.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Noah]

You know.

[Shane]

Yeah. There is a. There is a subreddit for absolutely anything. Like anything you're into. Any musician, they have a whole subreddit. Any show. Hold on.

[Keith]

They have a Michael Jackson.

[Shane]

Oh, absolutely.

[Noah]

You would be the moderator.

[Keith]

Really? Can we set that up somehow? I don't know how to go about looked.

[Shane]

I've never looked. If there's a Michael Jackson subreddit, I'll have to look. There probably is multiple.

[Noah]

We should set up for a year. Like how everyone thought that when did Arasha got booked in a Marvel movie. But set up for a year. A burner account for Keith to try to get ingrained in the Michael Jackson subreddit.

[Keith]

Okay, let's go.

[Noah]

That's right.

[Shane]

All right. We can start that journey.

[Keith]

I'm down. I don't even know what's about to happen, but I'm with it.

[Shane]

Yeah. All right. Let's just hop into it.

[Noah]

Yeah. What do you have for us today?

[Shane]

Okay.

[Keith]

What do you have for. I love your dude. Like your radio. It's kind of like a radio voice right now. You have a really great voice.

[Noah]

Thanks.

[Keith]

You should think about, like doing radio.

[Shane]

Radio.

[Noah]

I should do more radio.

[Shane]

I think they're looking for more radio hosts now.

[Noah]

I think so.

[Shane]

I think that's a booming industry. So.

[Keith]

Yeah.

[Noah]

They say I got the legs for radio.

[Keith]

What you do? I would agree. I would agree.

[Shane]

Okay. So this first subreddit, there's a subreddit called R. Bald. And it's just where bald people post photos of the post. Yeah. And it's really great. A lot of the posts, though, are dudes who are balding. Like, they're in the process of it. They're maybe trying to hold on and. And then they shave their heads and then they show the after photo. They're like, guys, I'm officially bald. Here's the before and after. And what's amazing is how much better they always look.

[Noah]

I can only imagine.

[Shane]

Shocking. So I have a bunch of photos that I found before and afters.

[Noah]

Oh, God, it's so interesting. This is like a late night TV bit. The opposite. They're always like Bosley. Put this on your head and you get more hair. This is the opposite. I'm gonna make that company. It's just called Razor Shave it off. You'll look back before and after. $20.

[Shane]

It's crazy. Cause, like, I do think, like, I don't know, there is such a stigma on being bald. Like, you know, unfortunately, like, you know, dudes deal with a lot of baldness, and I feel like a lot of people look fine. Well, especially so here's this guy, right? And he was like, guys, I finally pulled the chair. So there's him before, but look at him after. Whoa. Whoa. Insane. Whoa. 10 years younger. Like, I mean, way hotter.

[Keith]

He kind of has a peanut. Peanut head. Peanut shaped head. But he does look great. Yeah. At the same time. That is a peanut at its finest.

[Shane]

But that's okay. I mean, your head has to have a shape. And yeah, He's. He's sexy. Mr. Peanut.

[Noah]

I. I'm surprised that I. And not even trying to be mean, there was sex appeal underneath there. I did not expect.

[Shane]

No, it's. It's. It is shocking when you see that. And then you're like, wait, whoa.

[Noah]

It was also, like, a bad photo, but, like, yeah.

[Shane]

Oh. That's also the key to a before and after photo is to, like, be in the first photo. Be like, yeah. And then the second one, you're like.

[Keith]

Yep, he looks cool. It's nothing like giving, like, as a man, y'all. Like, for me, like, when I cut my hair, like, it felt so good. And I definitely felt like I felt better at the. At the. At the. At the beginning.

[Shane]

I'll never forget when you revealed that you were fully bald.

[Keith]

Oh, bro.

[Shane]

That's like one of my favorite smosh moments. It was Winter Games.

[Keith]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane]

And. And this is reveal. Like, I went bald and not just like, shaved your head, like, fully shiny.

[Noah]

I mean, you, like, squeaky, like, it was unbelievable.

[Shane]

How did that feel?

[Keith]

It felt great. I could feel all the air on my head. It was really cool. I felt like Michael Jordan, but without the money. It was really cool. It was really just good. And chocolate. Good chocolate and bald. Hey, I know it works.

[Shane]

There's this guy.

[Noah]

He's giving. Yeah.

[Keith]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

Now that's a perfectly shaped head.

[Keith]

Yeah. That ain't a peanut. That ain't a peanut.

[Shane]

Unbelievable.

[Keith]

That's. That's nice.

[Noah]

That's crazy, right?

[Keith]

That's a one.

[Noah]

One. I'm looking at one.

[Keith]

Did you. That's where they go with the other one.

[Noah]

I'm not sure.

[Keith]

Oh, my God. Like testicular cancer almost going that way.

[Shane]

We have this guy. Lastly, this guy. Now, it's unfortunate, he's trying to hold on but that hair is way back.

[Keith]

Can I just say. I don't. It's given. Serial killer.

[Noah]

It's.

[Shane]

Oh yeah, the glasses with the hair.

[Keith]

Oh my God.

[Shane]

Unfortunate.

[Keith]

What's the guy that eats like boys?

[Shane]

Jeffrey Dmer.

[Keith]

Yeah, that's Jeffrey.

[Shane]

Yeah, he is giving Jeffrey Dahmer there. Okay. But boom, way better.

[Keith]

I think I. I'm. Reverse it. Flip it and reverse it. Like Missy Elliott. I think that he looks better before.

[Noah]

Wait, scroll up, scroll up, scroll up, scroll up.

[Keith]

That's. That's cool that he's actually kind of like a cool hipster guy right now.

[Shane]

Are you talking about the glasses and stuff? Cuz he can put the glasses back on.

[Keith]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Shane]

I think he looks better. Bald person.

[Noah]

Yeah.

[Keith]

Really?

[Shane]

I just. I don't know.

[Keith]

I think it has more character there. I like his little.

[Noah]

But we're not seeing the back of his head. What if he's also balding in the back?

[Keith]

Oh, my God. Lord Jesus.

[Noah]

But I can see.

[Shane]

I love this subreddit because it gives me hope because I feel like I inevitably am going to be bald one day and just swoop it over. Just fully. Just swoop. Just swoop it.

[Keith]

Oh, that's it.

[Shane]

No, that's awful.

[Noah]

I like that. I like that there's a subreddit. Like, it's a little weird, but actually it's just like a very unique and specific support community. I think that's totally. You know what I mean?

[Shane]

There's a ton of that. I mean, and that one's just very positive. And I just love all these dudes who are probably terrified and they're like, shoot, like, all right. And then to have a bunch of people be like, you look great. You actually look way better.

[Noah]

Yeah. That's also like a hard one to be like. If you're just like 32 and you're like, do I just like text someone and be like, hey, how do you think I look now?

[Shane]

Right?

[Noah]

That's just like an odd.

[Shane]

It's a great place to post it. And I do feel bad for dudes because some people lose their hair at like 16, 20. It happens, bro.

[Keith]

I straight up had a roast session with someone like, recently. And the thing was, I don't like to talk about people, but no one knows when I go there. Sometimes I go there, you know, And I was meeting up with some friends. We're all going to hang out, you know, he has some friends there. I'm coming into some people that I don't motherfucking know. And I get There. And the first he's like, oh, man, you ugly. You dark as shit, dog. Yo, yo, I'm just setting you up like this thing. I don't know this guy. People are a little intoxicated. But I'm just like, hold on, what? So it's also coming from a light skinned black guy.

[Shane]

So I was going to say, what if this is a white guy?

[Keith]

But no, but even still, guys, I'm a dark skinned black guy. A light skinned black guy telling me like, oh, you dark as, you ugly. It's like, hold on, this is going somewhere that I.

[Noah]

This lane. But it's parallel.

[Keith]

Oh my God. So in my mind, these guys probably mixed. So I'm thinking like, your white side's talking. So I just let him get it.

[Noah]

Off a couple times.

[Keith]

I let him get it off a couple times. And before I knew it, I just started unleashing. So I just looked up and I looked up and I looked at that hairline or the lack thereof. The lack thereof. And it gave me ample opportunity to talk my shit. Because he also had glasses. Right here.

[Noah]

No, no, he was trying to cover.

[Keith]

It like a bandana. Like, bro, I said, you know what? I said I might be ugly and I might be dark. But I said, your hairline starts all the way back here and you're trying to cover it up with this hairline, this hair, like this hair band of a sunglasses that you got on. But let me tell you something, I don't know how old you are, but you got to be older than me. He was younger than me. Anyway, guys, when I tell you, I l lit him up. And by the end of the night, my friend was like, yo, like, what happened? I said, bro, I said, you know, I don't start it with anybody. But he called me ugly. He called me. It was just like, you know, he's whatever. I don't know what it was, but for me, somebody like me, if you give me the chance or the opportunity to talk my shit, you're gonna wonder what happened at the end of it. He was like, he forgot that he called me ugly. He said something about my teeth. Everybody knows my teeth. For me, it hurts. You go there. He's like, look at your teeth. I'm like, all right, but look at the hairline. I can't even see it. Yeah, but he gave me the perfect opportunity to talk my shit. And I don't feel bad. Shout out to all the other people that are balding out there. I would never just come for somebody. But if you gonna talk about somebody being ugly. Just make sure that hairline has penciled in. Make sure your ha is penciled in. Or I'mma get up in that ass. Yes, I am. I'm a get up in that ass. I hurt some feelings that day and I like, I actually woke up the next day and I felt bad. I was like, oh my God. But then there's the other side of me, like, gotcha.

[Noah]

You know what you should do? You know what, you should just send him a link to the subreddit. Oh no, no, just shoot him a link.

[Keith]

You know what's funny? On my Instagram, like all the time, a lot of stuff for like balding and like, you know, getting your hairline, your hairline rejuvenate has been coming up and I've been thinking about sending it to my friend so he can send it to his friend. But I'm not that petty. But hopefully I don't have to run into him again.

[Shane]

That's insane. I mean, I've heard, I've heard online of like the light skin, dark skin. I didn't know. Is it ever like that blatant.

[Keith]

Oh, bro. Yes. Because people can go for it. So like let's be, let's keep it funky. Let's like, let's break it down so like it's easier and darker skinned people can get away with calling somebody light skinned. You know what I mean? Mean, it's like you light bright, you know what I mean? We can get away with it, but like a light skinned person saying it to a dark skinned person. Oh, all hell is breaking loose. All hell is going to break loose and we gonna get up in that ass and then you gonna really, I'm telling you, you're not. It's not gonna be, it's not gonna be fine and the levels are off. But like rightfully so. It's just like, you know, certain things you can say and certain things you can't say. There is a double standard, if you will, but just know that it's set up like that. So go for it.

[Noah]

If you want to question on the double standard, do you feel like the double standard of it, which makes complete nutter sense? Yeah, the reference of a lighter skinned person calling out you for being darker skinned. Does it feel worse because it feels like they're attempting to reference the world's point of view?

[Keith]

Yes, all of that. Absolutely. And it's just like, it's like a privilege that comes with being lighter skinned. Like truly. We all know that. So it's just like even. But like, white people would only look at black people as if they're like, one group. Yeah, but, like, but. But at the same time, there are some privileges that come with, like, being lighter. Like, for some people, they don't seem as, I guess, dangerous. You know what I mean? It's like certain little things like that. So, like, it's so real. Like, I've experienced it, and I kind of experienced it that night where, like, the guy was like, light skinned. Like, straight up light skinned. I was like, where is this coming from? Because I'm like, I just met you. I just said, hello.

[Noah]

Yeah.

[Keith]

I'm like, okay. And we were in the dark, so I know all he seen was eyes and teeth. You know what I mean? Like, truly, it was one of those situations where I'm like, I'm just like this. I'm cheesy.

[Noah]

You hit him with your white.

[Keith]

He said, jack Lee, you're dark. I'm like, oh. Oh, my God. But he was so light. I could see, like, the pieces of hair when his hairline individual one that was missing. Yeah. It was crazy. Sorry, guys.

[Shane]

No, that's insane.

[Noah]

Yeah.

[Shane]

All right, moving on.

[Keith]

This is where to start it off.

[Shane]

Yeah. Hey, that's the hope.

[Noah]

That conversation.

[Shane]

That was crazy.

[Noah]

Shave your head.

[Shane]

Whoever should have made our next subreddit comes, we have one I found called Ask hr.

[Keith]

Oh, my God.

[Noah]

HR professionals.

[Shane]

So HR professionals are in the subreddit and they can answer questions. So people go, hey, this happened at work. Like, what should I do? But this one is crazy. This one's really been popping off. The guy who started today is clearly not the guy we interviewed. And no one else has noticed. This person wrote in, they're like, hi, a bit of a weird one here. I helped my team interview a candidate a couple of weeks ago. By helped, I mean I asked all the questions and engaged with the candidate while my bosses worked on their own projects and half listened. I really liked the guy. He was outgoing and quick, knew what he was talking about on a very high level, and his experience matched. Now, normally I wouldn't mention ethnicity or physical characteristics as it does not even factor into my opinion of a candidate. But since it's relevant here, the guy was, I believe, Guatemalan and had a slight accent. He had black curly hair and a stubble. He was also average height. We ran four other interviews for the position and ended up hiring this guy, let's call him Josh. Since he had the experience and there were no red flags in the interview, he. We hired him. He was scheduled to start today. So after morning meeting, I swung by his new office to say hello and welcome to the team. But when I get there, all I see is some tall white guy, brown hair.

[Keith]

Yes.

[Shane]

The nameplate on the door had Josh's first and last name. So I asked the guy if Josh was in, kind of assuming he was the IT guy helping set up. The guy said he was Josh. And the kicker is he also said, it's great to see you again, and used my name. I hadn't yet introduced myself. He said it was. He said it with what I would say is a Midwestern accent. I couldn't interrogate him to. I couldn't interrogate too far because he was called into some onboarding thing. But I was really confused. I ran into my boss afterwards. He said he had a nice conversation with Josh this morning and he feels reaffirmed that we made the right choice. Now, I should point out he said earlier now that is that during this interview, his bosses were kind of half listening and working on other projects. So he was the only person who, like, paid attention to this interview. No one else seems to have noticed that. It's a completely different guy. I haven't brought it up outright to anyone yet, but want to. But I want to because this is weird and seemingly fraudulent. I just don't know how to bring this up to a superior or hr. This is insane.

[Noah]

What.

[Keith]

You know what? I'll be straight up. Like, he got that far at that point. You just got to be like, hey, bro, like, I don't know what you're doing here.

[Noah]

Yeah, you got to call it out. You got to call it out.

[Keith]

But also, you got to, like, you got to give it to him. He killed that. Like, anybody to. Okay. Like, we would all be scared. Let's be straight up. We would be scared out of our minds.

[Shane]

I think that I've lost my mind.

[Noah]

Oh, I'm going to spies. And if not spies, alien spying. I mean, that's where I'm going.

[Shane]

Because all your bosses who weren't paying attention, like, yeah, it's so great. Yeah, Josh on the team. And I'm like, I could have sworn that this guy. This guy. That's not the guy.

[Noah]

Okay.

[Shane]

They're like, that's the guy.

[Keith]

Yeah.

[Shane]

The fact that that guy committed, being like, it's nice to see you again. Had a great conversation with you.

[Keith]

That's scary. That's actually. That's scary at first. I'm like, you know, you got to give it to him and be like, yo, yo. No, I know. It's like, bro, no, actually, you got to call the cops. Oh, the cops.

[Noah]

Actually, first thing I do is I, like, am being nice. Whatever. Oh, yeah, Great to see you again. Whatever. Going back to, like, the security footage from the day of the interview. I'm going. I'm doing everything I can.

[Shane]

Well, I think it was a zoom call. I think. I think that's. I think. Yeah.

[Noah]

I hope maybe they didn't record the zoom call.

[Shane]

Now. What's crazy is in the comments, people are like, I've had this happen before.

[Keith]

Really?

[Shane]

All these people are like, we terminated the employee for dishonesty. This wasn't hard to figure out because the candidate spoke perfect English on the phone, and the individual who showed up on the first day only spoke Spanish.

[Noah]

Oh, wait, but that one. And not trying to say that Josh first. Josh didn't speak perfectly. No, he spoke. That's a flip of Damn.

[Shane]

He was just saying appearance wise. It was like, this is just a different.

[Noah]

Yeah, but, like, what the comment says is almost like that one feels more like fraud. Cause, you know, maybe you're trying to hire someone with a certain skill. You know, like if I told you, like, oh, I can ride horses, and so you hired me to ride horses in a commercial, and I can't fucking ride a horse.

[Shane]

There's another one. I had a more blatant one. I interviewed a very capable candidate by video. Smart, knowledgeable, focused, and had the right skills. Then he turned up for work. I was somewhat surprised because I'd interviewed a woman.

[Keith]

Oh, wow.

[Shane]

Whoa. And I realized I'm like, oh, no different than in college. People pay people to write essays for them. People must pay people to do interviews and, like, get them. This was by video, but yeah. Yeah, but you think about, like, big companies where maybe you're not gonna interact with the person who interviewed me. Interview interviewed you? Like, you just kind of get in. But it's still crazy to me.

[Keith]

Yeah. I would really want to know their train of.

[Noah]

What's the. How does the economy of that work? Like, am I getting a flat fee for getting you hired? Am I getting a percentage of what you make every year on the deal of the salary deal? Am I getting a little bit of every paycheck? Cause at some point they're gonna find out, like, have we signed a deal? How do you set this up? Where my job is to just mass interview for people? Cause I'm so good and everyone will love me that somehow that's a profitable. I don't know how that happens.

[Keith]

Yeah, yeah, it's weird. Like, it's so weird because it's like face to face. Like you've. They've seen the person in the interview. It's just like. Like, I can understand.

[Noah]

They interviewed an AI.

[Keith]

You know what I mean?

[Shane]

Like, that's gonna start happening.

[Noah]

Let's be real.

[Shane]

That stuff is gonna start happening. Well, it's already effectively happening. Yeah, kids are writing chatgpt essays and stuff.

[Noah]

Do it the old fashioned way. Like you said, pay people.

[Shane]

Yeah, just pay a human. Give the human work to fake your interview. Like, if you're gonna commit fraud, at least pay someone. I can't believe how many were like, yeah, this also has happened.

[Keith]

Insane.

[Shane]

I'd never heard of it. I never thought about that. Yeah, but it's real.

[Keith]

I mean, people like you have to do like P test, right?

[Noah]

It depends on the job.

[Keith]

A lot of jobs don't, but sometimes it's easy.

[Shane]

I didn't have to do a P test when I got hired at Smart.

[Keith]

I don't think any of us, none.

[Shane]

Of us did imagine. Wait, I did.

[Noah]

But it wasn't me doing the pee.

[Shane]

I paid someone to pee. Well, people do fake that shit. Yeah, I've known that for a long time.

[Noah]

Yeah, so this isn't so interesting, but you're suggesting doing a P test to confirm identity. Now, see, you're not even saying for drug testing. You're like, I want to make sure it's the same job.

[Keith]

See what I'm saying?

[Noah]

I want to make sure the flavor's the same.

[Keith]

That's what we need. Exactly.

[Shane]

Anyways, that's ask hr. There were a bunch of others, but none of the others were as entertaining.

[Noah]

What if someone did that here?

[Keith]

Oh, that would be hilarious.

[Shane]

Small of an operation. Yeah, like people would figure it out.

[Noah]

Yeah, you'd think so. Do you know my real name?

[Keith]

What? Hold on. Wait. What?

[Noah]

You guys don't know my real name? I've never shown anyone my birth certificate at this company.

[Keith]

Hold on.

[Noah]

That's all I'm saying.

[Keith]

Oh, okay. No, you're playing.

[Noah]

I just started. That's how easy it is to start. Bullshit.

[Keith]

You almost got me. I'm like, wait, hold on. Where are we going with this?

[Noah]

Was I born in Hawaii? Keith.

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[Keith]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Shane]

This next subreddit I think is where we're going to spend most of our time. Because it's awesome.

[Keith]

Okay.

[Shane]

And I, I, when I found this one I was like, this is perfect for you too. This is the subreddit hypothetical situation where all people do is put out hypothetical situations and discuss what you would do.

[Noah]

If you my bread and butter.

[Shane]

Okay, here we go. I picked a couple of them. They all for some reason have to do with money because of course, first one, you are, you are given an egg. And if after 365 days the egg remains uncracked, you will receive $10 million. It is a completely ordinary EG receival. No cracks. After the 365 days, the egg will be thoroughly inspected to ensure there are no cracks whatsoever. In order for you to claim the money, replacing or cooking the egg is not permitted. As well as that the egg cannot be stationary for more than 24 hours at a time and cannot be touched by anyone other than you during this 365 day period. Finally, failure to protect the egg will result in a permanent ban from eating eggs again, as well as losing out on the potential money. So tell me, what's the strategy you will employ in order for you to insure the money?

[Keith]

So okay, a real quick question. You can't just leave the egg in one spot.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Noah]

More than 24 hours.

[Shane]

More than 24 hours. No, no, no.

[Noah]

It can't be stationary. It can be in one spot. It just can't be stationary.

[Keith]

Oh, okay.

[Shane]

So like, like you just have to pick it up once a day? Yeah, yeah.

[Noah]

Or, or it could be rotating.

[Keith]

Oh my God.

[Shane]

Yeah, it could be rotating.

[Keith]

What would it rotate on, Noah? What the hell are you talking about?

[Noah]

Lazy Susan? Or you could suspend it by rubber bands or bungee cords or like one.

[Keith]

Of those like things that clean the floor.

[Noah]

You could tape it to pork chops and it would never be stationary.

[Keith]

But it will break on pork chops. She'll break on pork chop on.

[Noah]

Yeah, but I'm just saying to get around stationary, like so I could take it how you will look, I could.

[Keith]

Come in just like boop boop boop, dumb done.

[Noah]

Yeah.

[Keith]

Oh my God.

[Shane]

But where are you keeping it? That's going to be guaranteed to be safe. Now my thought is probably literally a safe that I get. And then I, like, every day, I just have to kind of, like, pick it up lightly and put it back. And I have, like, pillows on all. Every side. Like, or I have it fully encased in Styrofoam. Like, I have Styrofoam cut out perfectly in an egg shape.

[Noah]

Yeah, but you're gonna need it to be temperature controlled. Cause for a whole year, you're gonna go through every season, and inside of that safe, it could be very, very hot and then very, very cold. And that could cause the egg to crack.

[Shane]

Yeah. I mean, I'm assuming if an egg goes bad, it would maybe crack on its own.

[Noah]

So maybe maybe just by the amount of gas it might produce. Who knows? I've never had food. Regardless, I think what you would have to do.

[Shane]

Or a freezer.

[Noah]

A freezer would be good. Yeah. Cause you would want to create an outer, an extra shell. So I would just shellack it every day for a year. You know, I'd cover it in shellac or the closest thing that I could find to, like, a calcium essence.

[Keith]

What the hell is shellac?

[Shane]

That's so smart. What's the stuff people like? Resin.

[Noah]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Keith]

Like, smooth.

[Noah]

You just put it in there.

[Shane]

But resin would. The heat would crack it, probably.

[Noah]

Well, yeah, but that's why you'd do something more like a nail polish. Ooh. You know, you just put 50 layers of nail polish, and then you'd go get flex, seal, and then you'd flex, seal it. You know what I mean?

[Keith]

What the hell are you guys talking about?

[Shane]

Rushed this.

[Noah]

I'm stuck.

[Keith]

I'm stuck at shellac. What the hell is shellac?

[Noah]

Shellac is like when maybe a painting or a version of shellac could also be for, like, nails. You know, it's like a clear coating that you put afterwards to protect what's underneath.

[Keith]

Okay. Okay, cool.

[Noah]

So you do that so the outer layer is okay. And then you put it in some sort of rubber cement. And then you'd probably. I would just glue it to my ceiling fan and then just turn the fan on for it.

[Keith]

Noah, that sounds like that. That gets on my nerves, because. Noah, come on. Think about it. $10 million are on the line, and you're gonna, like, tape it to your ceiling fan. To your ceiling fan.

[Noah]

But it's covered in all this bullshit.

[Keith]

But it's also high up, like, you need to look at.

[Shane]

Okay, let it.

[Noah]

So I'm not gonna bump into it on accident.

[Keith]

Oh, my God. But, like, what if the tape Decides that it just wants to get loose, you know, get loose. Get loose and it falls off.

[Shane]

Get low.

[Keith]

There we go.

[Shane]

Fully encased. Someone did say encase egg in resin and bring with me everywhere.

[Keith]

Oh, wow.

[Noah]

That works too. Oh, yeah. Just put it right in your butt. I walk around all day, right?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Noah]

I mean, what's wrong with that? Hens do it.

[Keith]

What the hell is he talking about? That's crazy.

[Noah]

Is that what you'd want? That's probably what.

[Shane]

No, that's how nature works.

[Noah]

I'd say my butt or my mouth. Yeah. But no, maybe I'd flip.

[Shane]

All right. I think Noah and I agree on, like, what. Ultimately, it would be covered in, like, some sort of thing that would encase it.

[Noah]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Keith, what do you think?

[Keith]

I think I wouldn't do all of that. That would be touching it way too much, guys. I would just, like, maybe put it in a little small box, put some pillows around it. I did, like when you said what you said there. But other than that, all this painting and nail polish and shalik, like, I just don't think it's necessary. I think that's a lot of.

[Noah]

Can't be stationary. You just, like, rotate the box.

[Keith]

That's. That's all I'm saying. Y'all.

[Noah]

You guys are doing way too much.

[Keith]

You are the guy. This morning, and I woke up to it. I sleep on my floor. That's the thing. I would put it.

[Noah]

Oh, you're your own. What's it called? The seismograph. What's it called? Are you your own Richter scale? You lay on the floor so you know when the earthquake's coming so you can pick the egg up.

[Shane]

Do you sleep on the floor by choice or, like.

[Noah]

By porches?

[Shane]

I'm like, what's going on?

[Keith]

I don't. Okay.

[Noah]

So he splits his apartment with his roommate. His roommate gets the top half of the apartment.

[Shane]

I was like, you have a bed, right?

[Keith]

Look. Okay, so is the thing. Okay, we're just gonna go there. I have a. My neck is really bad, right? So I always sleep in my living room because my TV's there. I don't have a TV in my bedroom. I have one there, but I haven't connected it. I haven't Roku'd it or any of that. Any of that stuff, Right? My couch. No one knows he sat on this couch. This couch is like. I done slept on it for four years straight, man. My neck. My back. My neck and my back is so messed up from just sleeping on it. So now I'm not going to my bed. That is not happening. I'm not going to my bed. I'm not even going to buy another Roku. So what do I do? I sleep on the mother floor every night.

[Shane]

Why don't you just move your bed to the living room and switch?

[Noah]

Because that's ghetto.

[Keith]

I'm not doing that. Y'all. Like, I like to have people look.

[Noah]

That is like, get a new couch.

[Shane]

To sleep on a new couch. Get a better couch.

[Noah]

I'm telling you.

[Keith]

Oh. So who wants to buy me one?

[Noah]

I don't. You don't.

[Keith]

Let's talk about it.

[Noah]

You want to buy yourself one because right now you sleep on the floor.

[Keith]

If I wanted to buy me a new couch, I would have done that already. I don't mind the floor.

[Shane]

Sleeping on the floor, like, helping, like, is it.

[Keith]

It was at first, because when I was sleeping.

[Noah]

I don't think so. He. He opened with. My neck has been hurting.

[Keith]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, guys, listen. Listen to me. Listen to me. So my neck and my back was hurting for a while, right? It was hurting. And I was like, okay. Like I'm. It's obviously hurting because I'm sitting on the couch. Like the. The couch.

[Shane]

The.

[Keith]

The springs within the couch whenever I.

[Noah]

Sit down, just to give everyone an image of what his couch looks like. When you look at the couch where you sit, if you imagine going to like a museum, but for like ancient whales. So on the ceiling is all the bones and it's like It's. It's an 80 foot long whale. So it bends and it's just warped. Do you get what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. It's just a big. This is the green.

[Keith]

No, stop. You doing something?

[Shane]

Green couch.

[Keith]

The green couch. You've seen the green couch? The green couch. It looks like a camel now.

[Noah]

Oh, yes. Yes.

[Keith]

Yeah, it got some humps.

[Noah]

Two humps.

[Keith]

Shout out to Fergie.

[Shane]

I think we're less worried about the egg and more concerned for you if you can make it through the year.

[Keith]

Look, I'm doing good.

[Noah]

I think you should start a subreddit.

[Shane]

Help. Our help.

[Keith]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

Okay, our next hypothetical. I feel like. Keith. I know your answer, Noah. I'm curious about yours. You get $3 million or you can speak every language fluently. Wow.

[Keith]

I'm not gonna say anything that's so.

[Shane]

I don't think there's a wrong answer in this one. I think both are great. This is a great situation.

[Keith]

There's not a wrong answer. But I know the right one.

[Noah]

Yeah, no, that is super interesting. Cause obviously learning a lot of languages is useful. Obviously. I'm gonna be a pedantic semantic asshole. So they said that I can only speak the languages. That's not very useful for me if I don't know what I'm saying. I can speak a lot of phonetic things and not know what I'm saying.

[Shane]

Saying. Okay, I think. I think they. Okay, let's. Let's take it. Yes, yes. Edit. Yes. You can also read and write every language.

[Noah]

Okay, thank you.

[Shane]

Including.

[Noah]

Thank you.

[Shane]

Including extinct languages.

[Keith]

Oh, whoa.

[Shane]

Now I'm taking that because you now can.

[Noah]

If we're doing. If we're doing extinct, are we also then putting in future. Because if I can do one from the.

[Shane]

No. Just extinct. Just extinct. But that is such a useful skill because there's ancient languages that nobody knows. You're paying. You're getting. You're like, give me $3 million and I will interpret this ancient Sumerian or whatever.

[Keith]

That's awesome. But I also believe in a little bit of mystery. So I'm gonna just take the three. The three million? Yeah, easily just.

[Shane]

You just prefer to not know.

[Keith]

I don't need to know shit. I don't know shit right now. I don't think. It just is.

[Shane]

And then you're gonna have a $3 million couch.

[Keith]

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I don't need that. I'll keep my old green camelback couch.

[Shane]

You're gonna keep the couch after you get $3 million?

[Keith]

Hell yeah. Don't forget where you came from. Neck still hurt?

[Noah]

You got a bionic neck.

[Keith]

Yes.

[Noah]

No, I'm definitely. I'm doing the languages. Cuz that's just really cool.

[Shane]

It's awesome.

[Noah]

It's very awesome.

[Shane]

The. The edit of the extinct languages and being able to read and write them. I have to.

[Noah]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I simply have.

[Noah]

Thanks for doing that. Yeah.

[Shane]

I can't not.

[Keith]

That's good. That makes sense for you guys.

[Shane]

But for me, take the 3 million. I don't fault.

[Noah]

How about this? $3 million. But you can never understand any other person ever again.

[Shane]

You never get to speak.

[Noah]

You get it? You only speak your own language.

[Keith]

Well, if that's the case, I'm going to learn all the lang.

[Shane]

Okay, this next one is my favorite. Probably you get $1 billion.

[Keith]

Nice.

[Shane]

Right now.

[Noah]

Oh, that's like nothing.

[Shane]

But it's like.

[Keith]

That's like, no, my back. My hand almost hit your chin like dead ass. I'm like, this is not a lot. What that's like not actually you get.

[Shane]

$1 billion right now, but in the next 10 years, you must step foot onto the moon or you are instantly killed. Do you say yes?

[Keith]

Oh, my God. Whoa. Okay, so see, read it one more time for me, Shane, because I just really want to get everything right.

[Shane]

You get $1 billion right now, but in the next 10 years, you must step foot onto the moon or you are instantly killed. Do you say yes?

[Keith]

Oh, my God. Okay, so I have an issue with this, first of all, because I'm afraid of heights. I am afraid of heights.

[Noah]

Once you're on the moon, you're not even high.

[Shane]

It's technically not even higher. In spite space.

[Keith]

But that's the. But y'all gotta understand. I have to go up to get there.

[Shane]

You will have to.

[Noah]

But you'll also have to go up to get back.

[Keith]

You see what I'm saying? But. And then come down. I don't like coming down. See what I'm saying? I don't like any of this. I don't like. I don't need to. Also, guys, I support. And I'm so glad people are going up into space and space exploration.

[Shane]

I support astronauts, bro.

[Keith]

I support all of it.

[Noah]

That's kind of controversial.

[Keith]

Well, bro, I support them all. But at the end of the day, you are not gonna see my black up in space anywhere. I don't need to know what's going up there. I don't care.

[Shane]

I want to know what's going on in space.

[Keith]

No, because a much as I can, like, I'm like, oh, damn, it's nothing up here but, like, some cold. Like, I don't need to know. Just tell me what it is. Send me some pictures. But, like, I don't need the billion dollars. I'm cool with being here on Earth. I don't need. Like, I don't. Guys, if it was for us to be up there, some people did need to be up there to study and do, like, whatever, science, all of that. But for me, I am staying here. I'm good. I love Earth. I do. I love it. Would you guys go to space?

[Shane]

Oh, if I got the opportunity to go to space, I. Ooh, that'd be really enticing.

[Noah]

It'd be enticing, but it'd be a difficult choice.

[Shane]

It's a tough choice because it's. It's. There's. You can't go to space for a little bit.

[Noah]

Yeah, well, I mean, you could if you took one of those planes that just go to, like, super upper atmosphere and you kind of play with it a little bit.

[Keith]

Aren't some people stuck in space right now?

[Noah]

Yeah, for a long time.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Keith]

Till like next year.

[Noah]

I'm not. I'm actually not sure what the current date is because I know they're still working on the safety approval.

[Shane]

That's the thing. It's like I think being in space would be really dope for like a couple days and then be like, I'm really scared now. Yeah, I want to go home.

[Noah]

Yeah, it definitely is.

[Shane]

It's also boring as hell.

[Keith]

Well, that's what I'm saying. What the fuck?

[Shane]

You really can't do much in space because it's a safety concern. Like I was reading about how they don't even have alcohol in space. Not because like, not even because of a moral thing or anything. It's because alcohol could get like mess up the systems. It's so dangerous to like the materials and everything.

[Keith]

They can't even.

[Shane]

They can't even risk it. Yeah, it's like if I can't have a beer in space, I can't have.

[Keith]

A tequila soda up in space is going to mess up the. No, I'm good. You guys can have it. Take you and your billion dollars out of my face.

[Noah]

I'm going to take that billion dollars. I'm going to take that billion dollars.

[Shane]

I don't get to space.

[Noah]

I don't think I need to get to space at all. I think that there's an incredibly fast.

[Keith]

What the hell is wrong with him.

[Noah]

For me to get out of that with a billion dollars at my disposal.

[Keith]

No, they're gonna kill you.

[Noah]

All of which are gonna be legally bound. So first and foremost it's gonna be whatever contract we sign. I've got a billion dollars, so I'm gonna put a couple lawyers on that. From the get go. I'll earmark probably about 5%.

[Shane]

I will say the. There's an edit in that like this below. It says you also can't tell anyone else about the death clause or else you will die instantly.

[Noah]

That's fine.

[Shane]

I don't like that. I like that you can get other people involved and it's like what are your means of getting.

[Noah]

I don't think death is the issue. I think getting to the moon is the.

[Shane]

That's the more fun thing.

[Keith]

We can hit up Elon Musk, but.

[Noah]

I just gotta step foot on it. What is step foot to you?

[Shane]

That's true.

[Noah]

That's what I would spend a lot of my billion dollars changing. Because if you don't agree with me, I've got 10 years and a lot of money to fund in some organizations, some super PACs, some education. Look, all I'm saying is I could probably get a group in Alabama to go in and add to the educational board some bullshit line that says, like, step foot. Let's teach that to mean a little bit lighter. Different definition.

[Shane]

I think you're making a deal with some sort of. Of deity or demon out. The devil that the lawyers.

[Noah]

Look, that demon loves contracts. They love semantics at this point because they're putting a deal in front of me. I think at a minimum, I'm going to give them a run for their money.

[Keith]

This is giving Illuminati.

[Noah]

That's. Yes, it is. For a billion dollars. And I got to go to the moon or I die. I don't know who you are. You're either the devil or I don't know.

[Keith]

Or Jesus.

[Noah]

Jesus.

[Keith]

Hey, give him the.

[Shane]

I feel like with a billion dollars, you could probably get to the moon.

[Noah]

I think you could buy a ticket. I don't know.

[Shane]

Getting to the moon is really expensive.

[Noah]

I would sooner cut both my feet off and send them to the moon. Like, what is step foot to you? Can I bring regolith to me?

[Shane]

If you can launch your foot at.

[Noah]

The moon, what is moon to you? Moon.

[Shane]

No, but that's such a good point. Cut off your foot and. And just ship it. Launch it at the moon.

[Noah]

Million dollars in 10 years, I got to lose a foot.

[Shane]

What if you launch it at the moon and you miss?

[Keith]

No, like, oh, you're watching it.

[Shane]

It's like it gets to Mars, you separate.

[Noah]

Okay? We all know stepping requires probably the ball of your foot and the toe. So I would separate toes on five different missions. Okay? We're sending a toe each time. Look, we're gonna do this, okay? Look, it's gonna be a big moon. It's gonna be a great plan. I don't have a plan. I've got a concept for how I'm gonna get my foot to the moon.

[Keith]

Oh, my God. I don't. Hold on, Shane. What about. Would you. What would you do? Would you take the one billion.

[Shane]

Oh, man. I think I. I'd have to research how possible this would be because a part of me is like, yeah, I could get to the. But no, I don't think 10 years is enough time.

[Noah]

Yeah, let me frame it to you this way. You'll die in 10 years, but you can feed 10 million children for the rest of their lives. That's true. You get 10 years. In 10 years, you die. But you will feed every single child in America for the rest of their lives.

[Shane]

That's true.

[Noah]

What about that deal?

[Shane]

You're so right. You get a billion dollars and it's like, all right, at the end of 10 years, I'm going to like, just.

[Noah]

And guess what?

[Shane]

That's. That's huge.

[Noah]

I'm gonna be an asshole because I'm only donating like 90% of it. And the other 10%, I'm gonna live on a yacht and then build such a big statue. Oh, my God. And it's gonna have the biggest schlong.

[Shane]

And it's gonna be me. It's gonna be me with a little moon.

[Noah]

Oh, yeah. And you know what? You press a button, cheeseburgers come out. Feeding people to the end of time with that much money. Yeah. You know what? Maybe people will love me.

[Shane]

You buy a huge property, you title it the moon, and you stepped foot on it.

[Noah]

God, you're so much smarter than everything I said for the last 20 minutes. You just name something. The moon.

[Keith]

He was really about to cut off a foot and send it into our face.

[Noah]

He's five different spaceships.

[Keith]

That's right.

[Noah]

It still would have worked.

[Shane]

Our last hypothetical situation. This one's tough. Okay, there are a thousand pills. Imagine on this table, there's a thousand pills. One of them kills you instantly, but you get $500,000 for every pill you take. How many do you take? You have a thousand and one shot of dying instantly on the first pill. How many do you chow down if you die? The money you have so far, if any, goes to your next of kin with no tax implications.

[Keith]

Oh, my God.

[Noah]

Okay, I've got some questions. Is the pill a poison specifically for me or is it like rat poison?

[Shane]

I think. I think this pill. I think it's it. This is only you, Only you can take these pills, right? This isn't like us three, this.

[Noah]

But like, if I had a twin, would this pill also kill my twins? Quinn?

[Shane]

I. I don't think so. I think this. I think we're talking about. We're talking about. We're talking about.

[Noah]

I'm just trying to figure out cuz I could convince someone for half.

[Shane]

You don't know which pill it is though.

[Noah]

I know, but they could test it first.

[Shane]

Well, they. They test a pill first and then they. They. They get the $500,000, y'all.

[Keith]

Noah has the weirdest half of it ever. You have the most weird takes and it's like, I can't. I just truly.

[Shane]

No, no, no. Here's how we're doing this. You're in a room. It's just you. You with a thousand pills.

[Noah]

Okay? I can't leave.

[Keith]

Simple.

[Noah]

Simple.

[Shane]

And. And you can take as many pills as you want. Every pill that isn't the kill you pill gives you $500,000.

[Noah]

And I die the moment it's in my mouth, not on digestion.

[Shane]

Yeah, you throw it in your mouth, you die. It just. You just. You just disappear. You like. Like Avengers.

[Noah]

Not even the pill. A bullet hits. I just. If I pick the wrong one, just.

[Shane]

A bullet, Some guy stabs. I think it's Avengers. Infinity War. Like, you just fade.

[Noah]

Okay?

[Shane]

Never exist.

[Noah]

Okay. I get a second or two.

[Shane]

But. But. But, no, you can't spit it back out. So how many pills do you take? How much of a risk are you willing to take?

[Noah]

Okay, so the realistic answer, in my opinion, is there's two options. One, if I'm aware that I have a terminal illness that will immediately, in some capacity, end my life, I will take as many pills as I can. I'm trying to tell y'all because the money would be for someone else.

[Keith]

Okay?

[Noah]

Because at that point, the money that I'm making, no matter how much many pills, the money's going to my children. And I will always add my life to my children.

[Keith]

Got no kids.

[Noah]

Okay.

[Shane]

With no kids, you're adding to this hypothetical.

[Noah]

If it's just.

[Shane]

You are, Noah, right now.

[Noah]

Right now, I would not take a single pill. Because the fact is, even if there's a chance of even just the smallest chance, that if I step on a crack, it's not actually a crack, it's an abyss I fall in and I die immediately, that is too large of a chance I'm willing to take because I have things in my life that I value more than the opportunity to that money.

[Keith]

And he would also, like, pick up the wrong pill.

[Noah]

The first. Oh, without a doubt. Without a doubt. But before I make that choice, I'm definitely. I'm touching every single one. I'm putting them over a light. I'm listening. I'm trying to see if there's any hint.

[Shane]

I don't think there's any hint. I think they're all. It's like, just a bunch of Tic Tacs.

[Noah]

Yeah. That's unreasonable. To even take one is unreasonable.

[Shane]

Really?

[Noah]

Completely unreasonable. Unless you're under imminent threat of death.

[Shane]

Thousand to one odds.

[Noah]

One thousand to one odds. No, not even if it was a million to one odds.

[Shane]

Really?

[Noah]

No. If you told me that every lottery ticket I had, right? There's like, one chance of that. I could die just by pulling my random thing. I would never take that chance. I don't care how many people are in that lottery. You know what? I would have to be 80 and on life support and have children that could get the money. Like, that's the only world, like, right now.

[Keith]

I'm liking the way you're thinking. Before that you were, like, taking me somewhere that I did not want to be. Like, for me, personally, I don't like to gamble. I'm not into gambling. I'm not into Russian roulette. I don't think that's really not Russian.

[Noah]

Roulette, but gambling's pretty, like, the only.

[Keith]

The only y'all. The, the. The. The farthest I go with my gambling is tokens at Chuck E. Cheese. And I ain't been at Chuck e. Cheese since 85. You know what I mean?

[Noah]

But it's okay.

[Keith]

What are you.

[Noah]

Are you. It's a skill based game. It's not necessarily gambling, bro.

[Keith]

I haven't gambled in years. I have not stepped foot into Chuck E. What did you say?

[Noah]

I said Chuck E. Cheese is more of a skill based environment.

[Keith]

Oh, okay. I just. It's always one hater in the room. And I think.

[Noah]

I just think the reason why you never got the big prize of the two dolphins that go back and forth is cause you weren in the game. Sorry I cut you off.

[Shane]

You're very lucky. You're just really shitty.

[Noah]

Sorry I totally cut you off. Why am I gambling?

[Keith]

It's just not my thing. Like, I don't. My money is my money. If I give you $1, like, and I don't get anything back, I'm going to be upset about that, you know.

[Noah]

You don't like the chance of, of just coming.

[Shane]

I don't think it's worth gambling in real life is. I don't do it because your odds, the odds are super against you. Right. Like, I don't think anyone who goes to Vegas regularly is up. Like, if you go to Vegas multiple times, you're down.

[Keith]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You. You paid Vegas money.

[Keith]

Yeah.

[Noah]

The business model requires, at best, you have 49% odds when you go to.

[Shane]

Vegas and you look around, you're like, this is built upon people thinking they can beat this system. They can't. And I think I have particularly bad, like, dice and cards luck. Like, that's where I'm unlucky. I think I'm very lucky in most other ways in life. But that's the Area. So I do think I'm like, thousand pills in front of me. I am probably picking the bad one.

[Noah]

Yeah.

[Shane]

By just. Because that's my luck.

[Noah]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Million to one odds. That's where I'm like, a million. I mean, that's crazy.

[Noah]

Yeah. But you might instantly die. 5. Listen, at $500,000, to look at a million pills and to think about how much money that is at $500,000 each in a million. I mean, you're looking at. What is that? $500 billion. Okay. At that point, you're in maybe a reality where there's no world where my life and $500 billion are equal. Maybe.

[Shane]

Right, but you only have to take one.

[Noah]

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Maybe in that case, I would take the risk just. Cause at that point, it is so.

[Shane]

It's like.

[Noah]

It's so hypothetically insane.

[Shane]

But 1000 to 1 is a lot to bet. Like, your family and friends and everyone's like, damn, would you get that.

[Noah]

Would you get on a plane if you thought there was 1001 odds you weren't gonna land?

[Shane]

No.

[Noah]

Would you get in the plane if you thought it was a 2001? Oh, yeah.

[Shane]

No, I mean, someone know what the reality. If the captain looked at me and said that, I'd be like, hey, there.

[Noah]

Even if he said, like, hey, I've flown a thousand times. I've never crashed before. I'd be like, okay, now I'm uncomfortable. Like, you don't need to. Really?

[Shane]

Why did you say that?

[Noah]

Yeah, it's kind of. It all makes me a little iffy.

[Keith]

Yeah, for sure.

[Shane]

All right, so we're all walking away.

[Keith]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Noah]

But if it's squid games, I might want to see how many pills I can get to before.

[Shane]

Oh, interesting.

[Noah]

Might be fun.

[Shane]

Okay, moving on.

[Keith]

Sorry. He. Me up.

[Shane]

I love.

[Noah]

I'm gonna actually go. I might make a Reddit account just for that subreddit.

[Shane]

Do it.

[Noah]

I won't tell anyone the account name, but they might be able to figure it out after a few answers. Let's be honest.

[Shane]

Someone. Someone said they're gonna grind it up into a. Into a powder and snort it. Someone said they'll take one pill a year, so they give themselves a 500k salary and they lower the chances of life. Like, elongate the chances.

[Noah]

That's odd.

[Shane]

But that's still like taking like 50 pills out of a thousand. Your odds are a lot higher.

[Keith]

Yeah, for sure.

[Shane]

That's.

[Noah]

Yeah. I mean, maybe you do take one. I mean, thousand and one odds. Look, let's be honest. I have, let's call it $0. Cause that's what I have. I get to increase that by an infinite amount. Like, when I look at it that way, statistically I go from zero to an infinite amount of money. So maybe, maybe, maybe I'd do it, y'all.

[Keith]

He was not lying.

[Noah]

I really, I was like, let me think about this number. Let me just. One, two, one, zeros. How many zeros can you put? You can put as many as you want.

[Shane]

Oh, a quick one. There's our Lego. And I love, I love Legos. And this dude. So this account's name is literally Pineapple Fucker is the, is the username.

[Noah]

Interesting.

[Shane]

And he built the Millennium Falcon LEGO set out of. Of different colored pieces.

[Noah]

That's incredible.

[Shane]

So I don't know how long that took him. I think he said it took him a long ass time. Let me see.

[Keith]

I don't know how long it took him.

[Shane]

I think he took him a long ass time. Let me see. I think he said, After 10 months, I finished my seven 75,192 piece Millennium Falcon made from random parts.

[Noah]

This is a question if he designed what he was going to do beforehand? Because I've built with my brother a Lego essentially like rubber band Uzi like shaped like a gun. And then it functions and everything. And the way that you do it is there's plans online that people have and they list all the pieces. And we went, we got a little drawer as if we were like soldering things, but we bought every single piece, the exact number we needed, and then we organized them and then we built it step by step. But that's why we were able to do it. If he designed what pieces he needs, I don't think he figured it out.

[Shane]

This is a real set.

[Noah]

Yeah, yeah. But even still, it's like, oh, here's a circle piece that's meant for the Millennium Falcon Falcon. They might not sell this circle piece in a different color than Millennium Falcon. You have to now say, okay, I need four of these. Or, you know, you don't know how.

[Shane]

I don't know.

[Noah]

Even on the inside, like, is it hollow? Is it not hollow?

[Shane]

It looks so cool.

[Noah]

Like, that's. That is really amazing.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's incredible.

[Keith]

Incredible.

[Shane]

Next subreddit is our mad lads. So you've probably heard he didn't say the term mad lad. He's like, what a mad lad. It's here, let me just look at their description. It's. It's typically Like. Like dudes who take. Take risks. Okay, Risks. Just. Just for the fun of it. Just for the hell of it. A place to celebrate a lad who is a complete savage and. Or a crazy risk taker. Often used sarcastically. The. The example I found that I love. This was a. I. I heard about this forever ago, and I always thought it was so cool. In 2007, Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe deliberately wore the same outfit for six months solely to piss off the paparazzi and make their photos unpublishable. So this is true. He wore this jacket and hat everywhere for a whole year, effectively so that every photo looked like it was the same photo.

[Noah]

Wow.

[Shane]

So that paparazzi couldn't really sell them.

[Noah]

What's that last subreddit. Subreddit we were on? Because he. He was there. The hypotheticals. What would you do? Hypothetically. That's the best answer that made everyone stop. That's so smart.

[Shane]

Yeah, he's awesome.

[Noah]

What a mad laugh.

[Shane]

Daniel Radcliffe freaking rocks. There's tons of stuff like that. There's another subreddit I love called Explain like I'm five. Explain Like I'm five is great because it's like, they'll ask, like, genuine questions, but they'll be like, can you explain this in the simplest of terms? And this one I thought was really interesting. Someone said, why can't we get a yearly full body MRI to scan for cancers? Like, why can't I just go to the doctor once a year? And they're just like. And you just be like, where is it? What's wrong with my body? I agree.

[Noah]

I mean, come on. I mean, how many of these machines do we have? How many people do they need? When is it actually going to be useful? What are the side effects?

[Keith]

I mean, just. Bro, I would like to do that.

[Noah]

Does the MRI scan help you if you don't have a qualified person with enough time to then analyze the scan?

[Keith]

What the hell are you talking about? We're talking about cancer here, dog.

[Shane]

We have answers.

[Noah]

Oh, yeah, because what's great is people. Sorry, that's me. I'm Captain. Don't Google Captain. Don't Google.

[Shane]

That's me. Like, we'll never know.

[Noah]

There's no way to find out. Is all I'm saying is there's no way to ever find out, ever.

[Shane]

So someone responded and they go, radiologist here. This is not actually how MRIs work. And a common misunderstanding of the modality. MRIs are highly specialized exams with different scanning protocol for each body part. For example, even an MRI Cervical, spine, the bones in your neck is different than an mri. Soft tissue, neck.

[Keith]

Wow.

[Shane]

MRI liver is different than mri kidney. You could attempt to do a broad catch all study that tries to include the most useful parameters, but then you run into resolution and field of view issues, making it a poorer quality study. Full body MRI is actually offered as a boutique pay out of pocket service in certain country, certain countries. But it often creates more questions than it does answers. And the patient likely would have to go back to reimage the body part in question just to get the right sequences and evaluate it properly. All of which may end up in it being something totally medically irrelevant or incidental. All in all, on top of a lot of things already mentioned by other commenters, the cost to the system is not worth it. So I didn't know that because I always thought I'm like x rays and MRIs, I'm like, yeah, it just shows everything in your body. It's like no, like very specific. We have to do this specific.

[Noah]

Can you imagine like, like with obviously no knowledge of anything, just being like, oh yeah, go in there and just hit me with the whole spectrum. Just give a microwave me. What is it? How many minutes for popcorn? Do a couple left seconds.

[Shane]

Just fry me.

[Noah]

Can I just find out? Just cut me in half and then put it back. Yeah, you know, but give me a picture like it's a gobstopper or something.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Keith]

Oh my God.

[Shane]

Another one is that. I've always wondered that. I thought this was really interesting. Why do humans need to eat ridiculous amounts of food to build muscle, but gorillas are way stronger by only eating grass and fruits?

[Noah]

Oh my bro, it's our brain, it's not our muscles. Our brain is like 80% of all calories consumed.

[Shane]

Oh, interesting.

[Noah]

I think, I mean that's again, I don't Google shit. I'm just saying that.

[Keith]

Oh, see, he makes.

[Noah]

That would make sense to me. What's the difference between you and a gorilla, Keith? Is it your muscles?

[Keith]

Maybe. I don't. You think it's the brain?

[Noah]

Yes, I think it's the brain.

[Keith]

Explain that. Please explain that.

[Noah]

The brain requires so much constant caloric intake and so much rest and so much bro evolution. We're the only ones with a brain like this. If you think it was easy, there'd probably be more of them.

[Keith]

Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah.

[Noah]

You know how we eat so many varied foods and we have to have, you know, such trace minerals. It's cause like we got special pathways happening, bro.

[Keith]

I see what you mean?

[Noah]

But what's the real answer? Because that may. That's probably wrong.

[Keith]

Oh, I feel dumb as hell.

[Noah]

Right?

[Keith]

I'm like, yeah, I get it. I get it.

[Shane]

Someone first points out ridiculous amounts. A human male requires 2,500 calories a day. A silverback gorilla eats nearly four times that.

[Noah]

Oh, man. Oh, okay, so we're just starting from a. Not.

[Shane]

But. But there's another part of this, which is humans produce a protein called myostatin that inhibits. Inhibits muscle growth. It makes it difficult to grow big muscles. Having.

[Keith]

Oh, this has a hating ass.

[Noah]

Shane could use a little. I got some.

[Shane]

I got extra.

[Keith]

I got some on back pocket. Yeah, I got some.

[Shane]

I got a plethora of, like, a treat. Having too much muscle slows you down and tires you and your heart out. That protein limits muscle growth so that humans don't need to consume ridiculous amounts of anything and can survive when resources are low. Gorillas don't have that protein. That is true. I. So I'm assuming, like, humans do have the ability to, like, not eat for a while.

[Noah]

Yeah, true.

[Shane]

And survive. I also think humans. I may be wrong. I think humans are more built for endurance. Like, we're built to, like. I've always heard, like, ancient. They talk about how ancient humans would, like, hunt things by just kind of chasing them down day after day.

[Noah]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And just, like, they would run, they would outrun us, and suddenly we'd come above the horizon.

[Keith]

I disagree with what you're saying. Cause I'm.

[Noah]

Wait, wait, no, wait. Listen to her opinion. He remembers. He's been there. He remembers what he used to do.

[Shane]

I am 5 million years old.

[Noah]

What did you used to do, Keith? He didn't used to chase him for a couple days. What was your strategy?

[Shane]

I want you to go to a science talk and be like, I disagree with what you're saying.

[Keith]

Oh, my God. I do. Because you said we're here for endurance, right? What did you say? You said, oh, I said for a.

[Noah]

Good time, not a long time.

[Keith]

No, I'm here for love.

[Shane]

Okay?

[Keith]

Feel me. Okay, Y'all need to get on it. Give on the love trick.

[Noah]

Do you think love requires a little endurance?

[Keith]

Actually, you've been saying some real shit lately. You keep saying some real shit.

[Shane]

Most people are saying that gorillas eat so much more food than us. They have to, like, basically constantly be eating.

[Noah]

You know, it's funny, Shane, I've mentioned this to you before, but there is. I believe it was a. An old, old forum, maybe even before Reddit. Of a bodybuilding forum. This is a famous forum that I need you to look up so you can read it. And it is bodybuilders commenting on how he eats gorilla chow. And he found gorilla chow helps his bodybuilding. Cause it's large calories, it's only 18% sawdust, and it's super cheap. Straight up buys it from Chef.

[Shane]

No. Bodybuilding forums used to be the most insane thing.

[Noah]

People eat dog food now. Cause it's high in protein, low in cost.

[Keith]

Was chow like, due to.

[Noah]

No.

[Shane]

What is food? Like chow, but, like gorilla?

[Noah]

I mean, in French, I think it's goodbye gorilla chow.

[Shane]

Dog chow. And like, you know, like bachelor gorilla.

[Keith]

Oh, why did he say that then? Like, why couldn't he upset?

[Noah]

Because that's what they called it. He's. I think they call it gorilla chow. I think it's a bag. I never heard shout out on it.

[Shane]

I was gonna say what I also think because they're talking about how they have to constantly be eating and they're eating like, large amounts, but they're eating just like grass and fruit roots and stuff.

[Noah]

Oh, that sucks.

[Shane]

But I remember there was a.

[Noah]

I.

[Shane]

Feel really bad for them, dude.

[Noah]

Imagine I need four times the amount you do now. But you gotta eat just like.

[Shane]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna go to this.

[Noah]

Flying around.

[Shane]

Go to the zoo and throw him a burger, man.

[Noah]

Here's my charity. Drop steaks in the forest.

[Shane]

I don't think gorillas want to eat steaks.

[Noah]

You don't know? Have you ever attempted to feed a gorilla? Wagyu, Wagyu, Wagyu. You tell me that guy's gonna put it down. He's gonna be like, no, bro, the grass. What are you doing? What is this telling you? He says, I want the nuts.

[Keith]

He's saying some real.

[Noah]

They're trying to grab me nuts.

[Shane]

Listen to this, man.

[Keith]

That's right, dog. Yeah, my bad.

[Noah]

Knock on wood.

[Keith]

Yeah.

[Shane]

What I was gonna say is because I think humans have evolved around fire too.

[Keith]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane]

Like, we cook our things externally, like. Or we, like, partially digest our things externally by cooking them, so.

[Noah]

Oh, you're right. That helps in digestion. You're right. So maybe they don't want the rami. Okay, so we dropped Gordon Ramsay.

[Shane]

That's why gorillas don't have those big stomachs.

[Noah]

You're telling me that's why they got great.

[Shane]

They've got the, like, huge stomachs. That's because they digest things so differently internally.

[Noah]

I thought you meant externally. You were commenting on their looks.

[Shane]

Gorillas look really cool. Another subreddit is our fellow kids. Oh yeah, you've heard of this one? Yeah.

[Noah]

It's gonna be like 80 year olds with their hats backwards.

[Shane]

This is where like adults try to appeal to kids and it comes off just super cringy. I have one post that I found it where the lunch ladies at a school left a note out at the. Like, they left this placard out.

[Noah]

I want to love lunch ladies. So I'm hoping.

[Shane]

I know I'm hoping, but they clearly, like, this is like the instructions for like when you're in line at lunch at school, like what you should do. So they go. Starts off and goes bruh. You must have at least one fruit or vegetable to count as a lunch. No cap, just yeet. One on your tray so you can slay all day. You can take up to two fruits and two veggies if you want. Want. We don't want you getting hungry later. That would be low key. Skibidi, Ohio Stay busing. Stay busing. You're the goat.

[Keith]

I don't like this.

[Shane]

The lunch lady.

[Keith]

Oh my God. This, this. Okay, look, we're not about to go here, but I'm gonna go here. This was obviously a white woman. Middle aged white woman in an inner city school.

[Noah]

Go harder. We should pull their funding, bro. We should pull it. Why do they have an arts program?

[Keith]

No, I cannot do this with him. Them.

[Noah]

Six periods of English.

[Keith]

No, no, no, no.

[Noah]

That's something school gets.

[Keith]

Something's really wrong.

[Noah]

Six periods of English to a P.E. they have us here talking about vegetables a lot.

[Keith]

Oh my God. I'm talking for all of you guys out there. That's what's currently going on right now.

[Noah]

Tell me about it.

[Keith]

I don't got nothing else.

[Noah]

She's a white woman who.

[Keith]

What she. I said what I did.

[Noah]

Inner city school, white woman. Tell me about it.

[Keith]

No, she's just trying to like, keep up with the youth and she's trying to. To see more. What's the word I'm looking for? Relatable.

[Noah]

Yeah, yeah. She's trying to. She's trying to connect which.

[Keith]

Which never goes right in situations like that. And it didn't go right even hearing you read it. It was cringe as. I like that. Just don't like it. Just don't do that. Speak how you speak.

[Shane]

She's serving lunch. She's got a cap with the tag still on. They're like, you're 20 years behind, lady.

[Noah]

Your hair split down the middle, one on each half.

[Keith]

Like, lady, do you not realize we take the tag off now.

[Shane]

That was a long time ago.

[Noah]

It is pretty interesting how she somehow blended almost two distinct languages. It was like two different generational periods of her life.

[Shane]

She speaks every language.

[Noah]

Yes, she does.

[Shane]

Every language.

[Noah]

As a lunch lady, she should have taken the money. Should have taken the money.

[Keith]

I'm done. I am done.

[Noah]

I do think that if you want to be relatable to kids and you wanna try to use their language. For me, what was always effective as a kid is just cursing. That's the closest thing I think you can get to talking.

[Shane]

Like, I would take a fucking veggie, dude.

[Noah]

I think that'd be so much more clear to me if you wanted my attention instead of the sign saying, like, yo, eat two veggies or like, two things or it's not a lunch. If you just said like, bro. Like, no take out, bro. Okay, sorry. Hey. Fucking idiot. You need to keep your jaw. Gonna die. The end. If I don't see you with some carrot ferrets, you're dumb.

[Shane]

I think you're getting fired.

[Noah]

I get fired from most jobs, and that's why I got hired here.

[Keith]

Oh, my God.

[Noah]

No one else accepted me. They didn't even know it was me. I'm telling you, I showed up Guatemalan Josh.

[Keith]

Oh, my God. He's getting on my nerves. I can't stand him.

[Noah]

Dude, I had Keith audition for me. He didn't even know me.

[Keith]

Somehow we're both here. Still. No, he gets on my nerves. Oh, my God.

[Shane]

Our final subreddit.

[Noah]

Oh, God, what could be weirder?

[Keith]

I just wonder what he's gonna say next.

[Shane]

There's a subreddit called don't put your dick in that.

[Keith]

Oh, God.

[Noah]

I'm listening.

[Shane]

It's just things where it's like, hey, man, don't put your dick in it. Don't do it. Yeah, makes sense. Someone posted this photo. They're like, these dishes better quit playing.

[Keith]

Is that a butthole? Oh, I love it.

[Shane]

Nope. That just kind of formed that way.

[Noah]

They did the little.

[Shane]

They did. This is real. These are banana washers that you can find on Amazon. Banana washers that are washing the exterior of the banana.

[Keith]

Can I. Can I say what it looks like?

[Shane]

Yeah, we. I think we all know what it looks.

[Keith]

Okay, I'm not gonna say it.

[Shane]

Well, I.

[Noah]

To me, it looks like someone found a new use for a diaper Tyson fan.

[Keith]

I don't like him.

[Noah]

If no one's seen what a banana cleaner looks like, it kind of looks like a conic.

[Shane]

I Don't think a banana cleaner is a real thing.

[Noah]

No, you don't.

[Shane]

I don't think. Why would. You need to clean the banana, right?

[Keith]

You peel it.

[Noah]

Look, Shane, let's be honest. If people are using it for what you're suggesting, why do they need the machine? You clean a banana with your hands.

[Keith]

Ooh. See, he's really. No, okay. He's really saying some shit today. Like, hands down, back and forth between.

[Shane]

Being like, this guy's incredible to. I hate this guy so much.

[Keith]

Like, back and forth. But when it's good, it's good. I give credit where credit is.

[Noah]

I got.

[Keith]

I'm killing it, dog. That's what I'm talking about. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. See, right now I can't stand up. Can't stand up.

[Shane]

Someone put this. Tub of butter.

[Keith]

Hey.

[Noah]

Wow. I don't know, Some people might say any tub of butter.

[Shane]

Someone put this. They found this in the woods. It's a side of a tree. They said, where the moss is greener, I put my wiener.

[Keith]

Oh, my God, that's great.

[Noah]

Love that.

[Keith]

That's awesome.

[Noah]

Oh, my God. You know what? That reminds me. There's a place that, you know, you can hike to where I grew up as a kid at Victory Trawheads. But you keep going up. You keep going up. There's a place known as the vagina caves.

[Shane]

What?

[Keith]

Then that's it.

[Noah]

It's like a huge. It looks like probably like.

[Shane]

Is that where they write the monologues?

[Keith]

The Vagina Monologues.

[Noah]

If you wanted to. And you know what's so about them is that you enter in what would be, you know, the vaginal canal. And when you go in there, you go in and it's kind of interesting shaped and you can kind of go up and then there's a spot to look out. And it would kind of be where like maybe the pee hole is.

[Keith]

Oh, I said the belly button.

[Noah]

Can I say that?

[Shane]

What the fuck are you talking about?

[Noah]

I'm saying that if you want to, I can hike you to a place with large, almost female anatomy in nature. It's beautiful.

[Keith]

Oh, my God.

[Noah]

Like all female anatomy.

[Shane]

It's beautiful. Okay, man. Is. Is it really called the vagina cave?

[Noah]

I don't.

[Shane]

Or do you call it that?

[Keith]

No, see, he just be making stuff up.

[Noah]

See, that's the thing. I was interested.

[Shane]

We caught up a hike up through them.

[Noah]

Look, it was just. There was an 80 foot man and he's like, yo, don't put your dig in this, but I'mma show you it's a great place to hike. No, no, it was just like a spot on a trail and that was like, oh, I'm going to take you to, like, the Vagina Caves. I was like, what? And it was, oh, let me show you. I've been there three times in my life. A lot of graffiti in there.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Noah]

It's a lot. A lot, a lot of graffiti in there.

[Keith]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Shane]

That's crazy.

[Noah]

I'll take it.

[Shane]

It always. Okay, don't put your dick in it.

[Noah]

Well, it kind of will because you're going in the cave in general. What were you saying?

[Shane]

I was gonna say, side note, thinking of graffiti, I'm very fascinated by, like, seeing graffiti in places where I'm like, how the hell did they. Like, I was. I was driving the other day and there was an abandoned building and like a big, like, tall building, like at least 10 stories. And there was graffiti, like on the sides of the building where I was like, how did they do it? Are they rappelling off the sides? Like they have like.

[Noah]

I think so. They're building their own scaffolding.

[Shane]

They're building scaffolding. Getting up there, spray painting it and then taking it all down.

[Noah]

Yeah, I think. I think it's like some things is light repelling because I've seen, you know, unlike freeway overpasses in Los Angeles, there's some areas that you can kind of access if you were to climb a fence with a little bit of barbed wire. But you'd still have to be going down onto something that's hanging over the freeway. And unfortunately, I've seen multiple videos of people in Los Angeles falling as they're tagging. Oh, no, they're all usually fine because, you know, they're falling. It sucks. But you're falling about 20ft. Like. Yeah, you're probably, like, messed up, but, like, you're not dead, but like, yo, dude's tagging and someone's filming him tagging. And again, it's LA. It's like 5pm so no one's driving fast. He's just like falling, like, falls. It hits a car and everyone's like, yeah, that's what's gonna happen when you're trying to do that.

[Shane]

There's so much. There is everywhere. I remember when I was younger, there was this. There was this like, tunnel, like, kind of where like the floods would come out of, you know, like, like in the wash. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the canals and kind of like the LA River. It would lead to this, like one tunnel and there was a gate in front of it, but it was propped open that someone had propped it open. There was, like, a rock holding that open. And my buddies and I went in it once. And, I mean, this was, like, endless. This tunnel went on so long that it was just endless darkness. And you're walking. It's. It's like, high up. It's a big tunnel, but you get to the point where the entrance is like a tiny blip of light.

[Noah]

Whoa.

[Shane]

But that far down, there's still tons of graffiti. I'm like, when does this end? Like, how far do people go in just to do graffiti? Blows my mind. Because I'm like, at that point, you're not, like, tagging. This isn't a public display. This is just kind of.

[Keith]

That's where they practice.

[Shane]

I hope nobody sees this.

[Noah]

I used to be good friends with somebody who showed me the Vagina Caves. But they run, like, a hiking page for, like, Los Angeles. If anyone's in Los Angeles and wants. I think it's called, like, LA Hikes or some simple shit. But he would take me in the abandoned gold mines, which is kind of similar to these tunnels that you're talking about, where they just go on for miles in different directions. Some of them are collapsed, some of them aren't. Areas are flooded. And, you know, you walk down these mines for maybe 20 minutes. You're in the middle of nowhere. You know, it splits into a fork. You decide to take one turn, and you go. And it's a dead end. Maybe another quarter mile. But in that dead end, it's then just mannequins and, like, random shit. Just like. Hell no. Whole scenes that people have set up. Little baby dogs. Because people who like to go through these caves. Someone hiked up the mountains and brought an entire scene just to freak. Whoever the fuck was gonna go there next.

[Shane]

The dedication blows my mind. Yeah.

[Noah]

Like, you had to be in that mine for, like, an hour in total darkness. Like, it's insane. And then we ate a can of beans back there. Chili. Chili. Can of chili. Really bad chili.

[Keith]

Are you ready to go? Because. Are we ready to wrap this up? Because you talking about chili? Chili caves and chili.

[Noah]

Eat some chili.

[Keith]

I'm good.

[Noah]

You don't want any chili in the mines?

[Shane]

Fine.

[Keith]

Hell, no.

[Shane]

With mannequins that are scary.

[Noah]

Look, that's what we do in California. Get used to it.

[Keith]

Well, I'm from Ohio, where pets are skippity.

[Noah]

Am I right?

[Shane]

Wow. Well, that's. That's all the subreddits I've got for today.

[Keith]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Thank you. Thank you both for being here.

[Keith]

This was fun. I had a good time.

[Shane]

This is a great time. Yeah.

[Keith]

I think I love you again.

[Noah]

You do?

[Keith]

I do. Give it.

[Shane]

Give it two minutes.

[Keith]

Hit that elbow. Ow. That's right.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Noah]

Got it. Done.

[Keith]

That hurt.

[Shane]

All right, well. Yeah. Thanks.

[Keith]

You're welcome.

[Shane]

How many times? All right. You. All right. Thank you guys for watching. We'll see you later. Bye.

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[Shane]

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