S2: #49 - Getting Dumped By Your Therapist (Smosh Advice)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Smosh Mouth – S2: #49 - Getting Dumped By Your Therapist (Smosh Advice)

Release Date: February 5, 2020
Hosts: Shayne Topp (Short), Amanda Lehan-Canto (Tall), Sarah Whittle, Monica Vasantani, and Courtney Miller

---

Introduction

In this episode of Smosh Mouth, hosts Shayne Topp, Amanda Lehan-Canto, and their friends Sarah Whittle, Monica Vasantani, and Courtney Miller delve into a series of listener-submitted questions, offering advice on a range of personal and professional challenges. The episode is a blend of humor, candid conversations, and heartfelt insights, culminating in Sarah's personal experience of being abruptly discontinued by her therapist.

---

1. Is College Worth It?

Timestamp: [04:38] – [07:50]

The hosts engage in a discussion about the value of pursuing higher education. Monica shares her positive experience with community college and a full-ride scholarship, highlighting the benefits of reducing debt before transferring to a four-year institution. Sarah expresses regret over attending a four-year school instead of community college, emphasizing the financial strain it imposed.

Notable Quotes:

• Monica: “I think college was really worth it for me because I always knew I wanted to get into media or television or some type of production like that.” [06:29]
• Sarah: “I wish I had just gone to community college, saved the money.” [05:43]

The conversation underscores that while college can be beneficial, especially for those with clear career goals, it isn't the right path for everyone. Trade schools and vocational training are presented as viable alternatives.

---

2. How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Timestamp: [15:23] – [19:16]

Addressing the common struggle of self-comparison, the hosts offer strategies to combat feelings of inadequacy and self-deprecation. Monica emphasizes acknowledging the behavior and recognizing its mental health implications. Sarah suggests imagining how one would advise a friend facing similar issues, encouraging a compassionate internal dialogue.

Notable Quotes:

• Monica: “The first step is you acknowledge that you're doing this and it's just not mentally healthy.” [16:59]
• Sarah: “Imagine that you are saying this to a good friend.” [16:59]

They advocate for focusing on personal growth, setting manageable goals, and celebrating individual progress rather than measuring oneself against others.

---

3. How to Maintain Friendships with People Who Have Changed

Timestamp: [20:09] – [25:51]

The hosts discuss the natural evolution of friendships and how to navigate changes in friends' behaviors, interests, or life circumstances. Monica shares her perspective on not forcing friendships to last when mutual respect fades, while Sarah emphasizes evaluating the value friends bring into one's life.

Notable Quotes:

• Monica: “Friendships change and ebb and flow... If these people are changing in a way that you're not favorable, either you can address those changes with them or maybe adjust the friendship.” [20:38]
• Sarah: “Spend less time with them... It took us a little while to find what worked for us.” [22:15]

They highlight the importance of open communication, setting boundaries, and prioritizing relationships that contribute positively to one's well-being.

---

4. Handling Being a Virgin in Late Twenties

Timestamp: [32:14] – [38:31]

Sarah opens up about her experience of being a virgin at 27 and the challenges it presents, including fetishization and rejection. The hosts offer supportive advice, emphasizing personal choice, the importance of finding a respectful partner, and normalizing one's experience.

Notable Quotes:

• Sarah: “Honestly, the difference between being a 27 year old virgin and being a 29 year old virgin, not that much.” [36:23]
• Monica: “At the end of the day, it's a big deal, but it's also not... it's only as powerful as you make it.” [35:41]

Monica shares a humorous anecdote about dating an older virgin, illustrating the importance of openness and mutual respect in relationships.

---

5. How to Stop Being a Picky Eater

Timestamp: [39:42] – [45:40]

The discussion shifts to addressing picky eating habits. Monica and Sarah provide practical tips for expanding one's palate, such as trying new flavor profiles, incorporating new foods gradually, and understanding underlying issues like ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). They encourage experimentation and patience, sharing personal stories of overcoming food aversions.

Notable Quotes:

• Sarah: “If it's something that you don't like to do every single day, it's not like, oh, this one time this month I tried something new and it was gross and I never did it again.” [44:40]
• Monica: “Your taste buds can change. You can get used to it.” [44:10]

The hosts advocate for a gradual approach to trying new foods, emphasizing that repeated exposure can lead to appreciation and enjoyment.

---

6. How to Stay Motivated While Job Hunting

Timestamp: [48:49] – [57:58]

Job hunting can be a daunting and disheartening process. The hosts share strategies to maintain motivation, including networking, refining resumes, leveraging side hustles, and seeking support from friends. Monica emphasizes the importance of a concise, honest resume, while Courtney highlights the value of follow-up calls to demonstrate assertiveness.

Notable Quotes:

• Monica: “It just takes one gig... How can you best situate yourself to have the best arsenal of things to fire off when you need to make sure that resume is solid.” [49:26]
• Sarah: “Put all the numbers out there... Don't think about all the packets I sent out to people who did nothing with it.” [52:15]

They also discuss the emotional toll of job hunting and the necessity of maintaining a positive outlook by focusing on achievable goals and seeking temporary employment when needed.

---

7. How to De-stress

Timestamp: [57:49] – [77:42]

In the final segment, the hosts explore various de-stressing techniques. They offer a mix of practical advice and personal preferences, such as mindfulness, hobbies, physical exercise, and aromatherapy. Monica emphasizes the importance of small rewards and engaging in activities that require focus, like painting or sewing. Courtney suggests organizing thoughts through journaling and detaching from uncontrollable outcomes.

Notable Quotes:

• Courtney: “Mapping out what you're stressed about... Just write it out. Comb out that pasta and just figure out what's really the issue.” [69:26]
• Sarah: “Do things that require something to quiet your mind... Cooking is a great one because it uses my hands. It uses my mind.” [73:00]

They also discuss the impact of sensory experiences, such as favorite smells, on reducing stress and fostering a sense of calm.

---

8. Getting Dumped by Your Therapist

Timestamp: [59:28] – [67:00]

A pivotal moment in the episode is when Sarah shares her unsettling experience of being abruptly discontinued by her therapist after only a few sessions. She describes how the therapist informed her mid-session that she would no longer be providing therapy, leaving Sarah feeling abandoned and confused. The hosts empathize with her, discussing the importance of finding a compatible therapist and the challenges of seeking mental health support.

Notable Quotes:

• Sarah: “She's like, oh, by the way, I am gonna be taking a break from doing therapy.” [60:09]
• Courtney: “Don't knock it... If you have, like, if you're being rejected and stuff, like, it's just not meant to be.” [54:52]

Monica reflects on her own positive experience with therapy in her teens, highlighting its life-changing benefits. The conversation underscores the significance of perseverance in seeking mental health support and the necessity of finding a therapist who truly understands and supports one's needs.

---

Conclusion

The episode wraps up with the hosts offering final advice on de-stressing, sharing personal anecdotes, and promoting their merchandise. They emphasize the value of self-care, supportive relationships, and proactive approaches to personal challenges. The heartfelt discussions, combined with their signature humor, provide listeners with both entertainment and meaningful insights into handling life's myriad issues.

Speaker Sign-offs:

• Monica: “I'm going to glue all the ones that fell off back on. See how long that lasts.” [77:58]
• Sarah: “Shout out to that.” [78:55]
• Courtney: Promotes new merchandise and encourages listeners to subscribe and engage with the Smoshcast community. [78:57]

---

This episode of Smosh Mouth offers a blend of relatable advice, personal stories, and comedic banter, making it a valuable listen for anyone navigating the complexities of personal growth, relationships, and mental health.

Transcript

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[Monica Vasantani]

I've always like had like two thoughts. One is I don't have to be friends with everyone and everyone doesn't have to like me. Once you really think, think about that. It's totally fine.

[Courtney Miller]

I feel like all my life I learn by observing other people and other people's mistakes.

[Sarah Whittle]

Honestly, the difference between being a 27 year old virgin and being a 29 year old virgin, not that much.

[Courtney Miller]

Are you both in therapy? Are we all in therapy?

[Monica Vasantani]

Are you? I am not in therapy.

[Sarah Whittle]

I got dumped by my therapist.

[Courtney Miller]

What?

[Sarah Whittle]

I don't project. That's not in my skill set. I heard you, daddy.

[Courtney Miller]

Yes, daddy.

[Sarah Whittle]

What did movie at the time. It's like listening in a mirror.

[Courtney Miller]

What is the ear equivalent of a mirror? Not like for eyes.

[Sarah Whittle]

Is a mirror a headphone?

[Courtney Miller]

But I guess so.

[Sarah Whittle]

Like it's an echo. It's an echo.

[Courtney Miller]

An echo.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yep.

[Courtney Miller]

We're using those ear mirrors. That's what headphones are. And echoes. Guys, welcome to this episode of the podcast. You have three very educated, very intelligent women here today. It's me, Corny Miller. We got Monica Vasantani.

[Sarah Whittle]

Say it again.

[Courtney Miller]

Vasantani.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah, you got it right.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, I fucking. I just shouldn't have hesitated.

[Monica Vasantani]

Now spell it.

[Courtney Miller]

V A S A N D A N I. Whoa.

[Sarah Whittle]

We've come a long way.

[Courtney Miller]

So I farted on the podcast. I'm proud of myself.

[Monica Vasantani]

And then we have Sarah Whittle.

[Courtney Miller]

Yay.

[Monica Vasantani]

You said my name right?

[Courtney Miller]

Yes. Yeah. So we're doing an Advice podcast today. It's gonna be fun. We were just talking about, like, weird stuff just now.

[Monica Vasantani]

A lot of stuff.

[Courtney Miller]

A lot of weird stuff.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah, we really ran through all of the, like, female body weird stuff.

[Monica Vasantani]

We did a body check. Female body check.

[Courtney Miller]

Body check. Yeah. Yeah. We had a tweet that went out asking if you guys wanted some advice from three very qualified human beings.

[Sarah Whittle]

Where are they?

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, well, that's my.

[Sarah Whittle]

Where are they?

[Monica Vasantani]

Where are they?

[Courtney Miller]

I don't know.

[Monica Vasantani]

It's my birthday this week, so.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

When this podcast.

[Sarah Whittle]

Congratulations.

[Monica Vasantani]

You know, we're wise. I'm wise.

[Courtney Miller]

And you're turning 21.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yep, exactly.

[Sarah Whittle]

Oh, my God, I can finally drink. So wise.

[Courtney Miller]

So wise. I was thinking about the other day, how it's crazy how, like, when we're little or, like, 13, how we think we literally know everything and that we have it all figured out.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yes.

[Courtney Miller]

And, like, even me looking at myself a year ago, I'm like, wow, that bitch.

[Monica Vasantani]

I think every. Like, I think that goes up until you're, like, 25 at 32.

[Sarah Whittle]

I've never felt dumber.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah, actually. Cause, like, between 25 and life really humbles you. Cause they're like, you thought you were hot and young, and you knew your shit.

[Sarah Whittle]

You're wrong.

[Courtney Miller]

I think my brain's developed enough to realize how stupid I am.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yep.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, definitely. Okay, so, yeah, we have some tweets from you guys to answer. We were joking. There's one of these here. Who said, I'm just gonna throw it out there. Cause it's funny. The how to hide a body. And my first initial instinct was, don't hide your body. Love your body.

[Sarah Whittle]

Don't hide it.

[Monica Vasantani]

How can I hide a body?

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. That was Greenplaya. So that's my answer. Love your body. And if it's a dead body, Love that de.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

That's bad advice.

[Courtney Miller]

Okay. Just canceled myself.

[Sarah Whittle]

Courtney comes out as a necrophilia.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh.

[Monica Vasantani]

Oh, boy.

[Courtney Miller]

Don't knock. No, no, no.

[Sarah Whittle]

Keep going. Sell me on it. Pitch me on it.

[Courtney Miller]

No.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to be sold on this.

[Courtney Miller]

Courtney Miller cancels herself on the Smosh cast.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yep.

[Courtney Miller]

Okay, so the first real question we're gonna ask is from Jack Trash. She or they ask, is college worth it? You guys both went to college?

[Monica Vasantani]

Like, actually legitimately?

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. Completed.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

What'd you get?

[Sarah Whittle]

I have a bachelor's degree in business management.

[Monica Vasantani]

Hell, yeah.

[Sarah Whittle]

From a fashion school?

[Courtney Miller]

Hell, yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

Did you go to fidm?

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah, I did.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, my God.

[Sarah Whittle]

Calm down, Courtney.

[Courtney Miller]

Sorry.

[Sarah Whittle]

I think you can tell me this.

[Courtney Miller]

Already, but like I just. FIDM was always the commercials on tv. So it seems like a famous commercial.

[Sarah Whittle]

It didn't feel famous when I was there.

[Monica Vasantani]

What did you study?

[Sarah Whittle]

So I have one degree in product development. My associates and I have my bachelor's in business management. Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

So what did you initially want to get into?

[Sarah Whittle]

I had no idea. So I did really poorly in high school. I graduated with a 2.8 GPA.

[Courtney Miller]

Ooh wee.

[Sarah Whittle]

So there were very few schools I could get into. Nice. But my parents wanted me to go to a four year school. I actually super regret going to a four year school.

[Courtney Miller]

Really?

[Sarah Whittle]

I wish I had just gone to community college, saved the money.

[Monica Vasantani]

That's what I did.

[Sarah Whittle]

Figured it out from there. Yeah, Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

I got a two year degree and associate's degree from a community college in Wyoming. Cause also I was offered full ride scholarship. So not only for speech and debate in theater. Wow.

[Courtney Miller]

Dude, that's awesome.

[Monica Vasantani]

Super nerdy.

[Courtney Miller]

That's awesome.

[Monica Vasantani]

So I. And then also Wyoming had a scholarship that if you stayed in school or stayed in state for college, they would pay you extra money because they want their people to stay. So I did that for two years and got my degree and then I went to a four year college. So that saved a lot of money. Didn't help me from still the massive amount of debt that I had.

[Sarah Whittle]

But are you glad that you went to college?

[Monica Vasantani]

Yes, yes I am, I think. But I do think it's not for everyone. So I think like college was really worth it for me because I always knew I wanted to get into media or television or some type of production like that. So I knew I would just have to like, I don't have to get a degree, but it's better to get a degree. So that's what I did. And I also wanted to like go out to New York and so that was kind of the best way to do it. But it's not for everyone and especially financially. Like when I was 16, 17, money didn't seem like a real thing. No, it was like, so it was like oh, 50k a year, 45k a year, 60k a year. Like those all seem like, oh yeah, I'll be making so much money when I get out of college. You don't for a while, for a very long time. Especially if you don't stay in the same industry or whatever if you're doing.

[Courtney Miller]

Just the bare minimum.

[Monica Vasantani]

Exactly.

[Sarah Whittle]

And at 17 to be like, yeah, I'm gonna go into this massive amount of debt is like that's just like.

[Monica Vasantani]

A, that's just a societal American problem too that they wanna profit off of education and young children. But that's a rant for another day. But is college worth it? I think it's not for everyone and I would actually love to see, see you know, generations and coming up and going into more trade schools because at the end of the day like we still need carpenters and plumbers and like.

[Sarah Whittle]

Those kind of like technical good money during doing that stuff. But the thing is that I think in most industries in order to even compete for the job you have to have a four year degree because now it's so ubiquitous, like so many people have them.

[Monica Vasantani]

It depends on the industry because I have a friend that she went to college but I think she only got her associate's degree which is totally fine. And then she went into retail and she's a very, she's on a high level, she's like a general manager of a story making like lots of money and she doesn't have any student debt. So some careers rely on you just diving right in and doing a good ass job.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, that's true.

[Monica Vasantani]

And then some you need like a little bit of technical school for. So it's like it's all up to you. It's really what you, you know, what your goal is. But if you don't know, if you graduated high school and you feel lost and you're not really sure what you want to do, go to community college. Yeah, just get a two year degree.

[Sarah Whittle]

I would say that if your parents are paying for your college, if you're lucky enough for that, then it's a great opportunity to get a good degree. Yes. Get out of the house, learn to be an adult. But on a much lower level where you're kind of feeding yourself, kind of doing your own laundry and stuff. But it's a good stepping stone before you're cast out into the real world.

[Monica Vasantani]

Take advantage of it, but get something out of it.

[Courtney Miller]

I feel like nowadays there's this whole surge of people wanting to be influencers and YouTubers. I can't help but wonder if there's going to be a shortage of like scientists and mathematicians or marine biologists like in the future because those just are not being thought of.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah. And I mean I do know that some industries are already having that like pilots for example. There might be in the next five years a shortage of pilots because during like, because they're required to retire at a certain age and all the people that came from like the wars and during that time, like, they have to retire now. And a lot of people aren't going into that industry because it's very expensive and hard to get into. So I could easily see it being a thing.

[Courtney Miller]

Did you know there's only 8,000 police people staffed in LA County? Only 8,000.

[Sarah Whittle]

That's not many.

[Courtney Miller]

They have a crazy shortage right now.

[Monica Vasantani]

Wow.

[Courtney Miller]

Probably because, like, I don't know if political climate has anything to do with that, but. And I feel like kids think that in order to have that like, fun, creative lifestyle, you have to pursue being a YouTuber or an influencer. But that's not always the case. I know so many people who like, are working coding at Google and they're like the coolest, like, most entertaining, like, awesome person. Like, you don't have to have like.

[Monica Vasantani]

No. And if you want to become a content creator or something like that, you can still pursue a job outside of it. Simply Nail Logical is a perfect example. She's a crime statistics analyst and then she does YouTube on the weekend. And she also just, just had her like, own nail polish line open up last year. So you can do it all. It's just like really doing it in a smart way.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. Using that, the, the something to pay the bills for that dream hustle. I think that's so important. Agreed. Yeah. I went to. I only did half a semester at community college, but it was, I think a lot of it had to do with my ability to learn is just I can't do classes once a week or so of a subject. And like also the campus just felt very unhappy to me. And so when you are picking colleges, it really is more important than you think. I feel like when you're picking a campus to stay on.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah. And I found a really nice community in my community college. Like there are people in community college that kind of like stay there forever and take classes forever. And some people just take classes for fun. Maybe they're later in life. But for me, I know I had an end goal. I had an end goal. I want to get a degree as soon as possible. Let's get all those requisites out of the way and then I can see where I can go next.

[Courtney Miller]

Hell yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah, dude.

[Sarah Whittle]

Heck yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

So I hope that covers it. I mean, I'd say like, money wise, it's tough with college. You know, I almost got a scholarship for UCLA for pole vaulting. Whoa, did I talk about this already?

[Monica Vasantani]

You can pole vault?

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, that was my, that was my favorite thing in high school. I did track for like Seven years. I think from, like, fifth grade all the way through high school, pole vaulting became my main thing. And, like, whoa, that's so cool. Our coach would take us to UCLA like, a couple times a week to practice with the college pole vaulting coach. And he was calling me his new recruit. I was feeling real good. But, like, our coaches at the time were at the high school were like, really, like, kind of really bad conduct. They got fired the next year. They're just. They did some. They did bad things. They're manipulative and, like, wouldn't let me do the events I wanted to do. They even tried to, like, not let me have a boyfriend. It was really. So they kind of turned me away from track. Senior year, I just, like, didn't. I just ditched it. And then I also was like, damn, I can't afford college unless I do have a scholarship. And then by that point, I'm like, I haven't done sports enough to even. So it's like, by then it was too, too late.

[Monica Vasantani]

But, man, I didn't know you could pole vault. That's so cool.

[Sarah Whittle]

That seems very scary.

[Monica Vasantani]

I'm so not physically able at all that it just blows my mind. I just.

[Sarah Whittle]

I can't let go of the idea of like. Like, don't run with scissors. Like, the idea of, like, running with.

[Monica Vasantani]

Like, a large stick, a fiberglass thing.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Sarah Whittle]

And then you jam it into the ground and then you what, go up? I don't understand the physics of it. It doesn't make any sense to me.

[Courtney Miller]

I'll teach you.

[Sarah Whittle]

Sometime I feel like I could pick.

[Courtney Miller]

Up a pole and get right back into it.

[Monica Vasantani]

I'm sure you could.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

Do you think Monica and I are really made for the air? I don't think so. Pole vaulting.

[Courtney Miller]

A lot of it. You'd be surprised.

[Sarah Whittle]

I like to stay planted.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, you'd be surprised how a lot of it is just form. It's not even like. I mean, there's sprinting, like, and. And. And upper body strength. Do have some. You could totally do it with your upper body strength and your climbing ability.

[Monica Vasantani]

Oh, yeah, sure.

[Courtney Miller]

I bet you'd really surprise yourself. And pole vaulters are short, so.

[Sarah Whittle]

Oh, my God.

[Monica Vasantani]

Are you calling Monica short?

[Courtney Miller]

No, no, sorry.

[Monica Vasantani]

Are you calling me a pole vaulter?

[Courtney Miller]

Monica, you're so tall. You could.

[Sarah Whittle]

Now you're just being patronizing. You'll never make me happy I'm mad no matter what you say it's time.

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[Courtney Miller]

Don'T know how I'm going to.

[Monica Vasantani]

You don't have to segue.

[Sarah Whittle]

No no no no.

[Courtney Miller]

Speaking of being tall versus short.

[Sarah Whittle]

Go on, go on.

[Courtney Miller]

This next question is about how to stop comparing yourself to others. Oh, so was that okay?

[Sarah Whittle]

That was a great one.

[Courtney Miller]

Thanks guys.

[Monica Vasantani]

How does not look at each other like that judging. We were comparing each other to each other and we're like how do we stop this? No, I think when you grow up.

[Courtney Miller]

Hardcore Haas is the one who asks how do you come Are they. I'm sorry, how do you combat? I can never tell with the abvies and stuff. Yeah, how do you combat self deprecation and comparing yourself to others believing you're not good enough. Okay, now get back now get back in that momentum. Swing in.

[Monica Vasantani]

How do you stop? Well, the first step is you acknowledge that you're doing this and it's just not mentally healthy. So sometimes when you're growing up you just gotta quit doing stuff and really make an effort to do it. So it's so easy with social media and scrolling through your feed, seeing how cute this girl is and how successful this person is, how tall this person is. It's very easy to compare yourself and if you do compare yourself, then take away what you're comparing. Is it you wish you were more fit or you wish. And is it a wish that can even be fulfilled? So it's just something that you have to like, really stop doing. And with the self deprecation thing, I think self def. Deprecation. Defecation is defecation. I think self deprecation is good at a healthy level. I think if it's actually you spotlighting, putting a spotlight on an issue that you actually have, that's when it gets a little dangerous. So knowing the difference between just poking fun at yourself and actually hurting and bullying yourself.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah. And when you get into that space of beating yourself up, bullying yourself, this is a lot easier said than done. But I think if you kind of remove yourself from that situation and imagine that you are saying this to a good friend, or I think some therapists go with the like yourself as a child thing and really think about if you would let someone treat your best friend this way, your sister, brother that way.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

I feel like growing up I had this kind of blind confidence. I think it was just I was so oblivious of my flaws or oblivious of the things that I was doing was weird. So I'm very. I feel like I'm lucky in that way, but also like being oblivious, I think it's. It's always good. It's like, yeah, self deprecation is good. I think being aware of yourself and like when what you do or how you affect others is fine. But yeah, there's a healthy level of doing that. And also if you're comparing, like everyone is comparing themselves to everybody, like there are people comparing themselves to you, like they maybe want features that you have. And then you have no idea. Literally, you will never have any idea, like how everyone in the world feels about you. So there's no point in trying to be any certain way.

[Monica Vasantani]

And also if you're constantly looking to compare yourself, you're always gonna be kind of disappointed. If you're looking for the negative, you will find the negative. If you look for the positive, you will find the positive. So it's like, obviously we're all work in progress. We're all working on something. You know, you can still like yourself. And so how do you create yourself to be someone that you like?

[Sarah Whittle]

And if you're comparing yourself to someone, I think comparing. Try to compare yourself to yourself in the past and just make sure that you are being the best version of yourself. And that might help you feel a little bit better. If you're like, oh, you know, I don't like that. I do this one thing. I'm gonna work on that. And if you can look back and say, hey, I used to do that thing a year ago that I think was a bad behavior or whatever, and I've eradicated that, then you can celebrate that.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

With that being said, you can still have body goals and career goals and stuff like that to look forward to. Aspirational. I want to be X, Y, and Z, but do it in a manageable and healthy way.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, totally. We're not saying, don't change. No point in changing, because there's.

[Monica Vasantani]

You have to evolve.

[Courtney Miller]

I have a huge anxiety of. I constantly am just trying to figure out how, like, how I can be better. And it's like, it can be really hard sometimes when that's just, like, a weight you have. But it is good to want to improve. And the fact that you're even asking the question, it's very. It's very. You should listen. Why do I.

[Monica Vasantani]

You should do it.

[Courtney Miller]

You should. Yeah, just. It speaks. It speaks positively to yourself that you're even wondering that. I don't even know why I said it that way.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah. You're trying to better yourself.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. That will kind of segue to this next one. That's a good one, because this one is how to maintain friendships with people who have changed. This one, this one's from artisttamen, and they said, yeah, I haven't felt comfortable with some of my friends lately, and I feel like they're changing into someone different. But I really don't want to stop talking to them or hanging out. How do I handle these changes?

[Sarah Whittle]

Hmm.

[Courtney Miller]

I wonder what they mean.

[Monica Vasantani]

I mean, I've had a lot of friendships. Like, this is the thing, people, friendships, relationships, they all evolve. They all change for better or for worse or the same. But that's just a part of life because everyone's on their own journey, and you can't expect everyone to be going on their same. On the same path. For me, I've always, like, had, like, two thoughts. One is, I don't have to be friends with everyone, and everyone doesn't have to like me. And so that's just, like, tough one.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

But that's, like. Once you really think about that, it's totally fine. It's just like. It's like. Yeah, it's freeing because it's like, for me, I don't like mustard. Is it changing my life that I don't like mustard? No. Is mustard fine without me? Yes. So that's how I feel about me. It's like, if you don't like me, if you're not friends with me, that's totally fine. As long as there's like a mutual respect. Or if there isn't, then I just don't ever talk to you. And two, I don't have to stay with friends, maintain a relationship with someone just because I have in the past. Some relationships can be like seasons where you had a really good time in the past and they're very fond memories. But then the relationship changes over time. Life gets in the way, jobs get in the way, other relationships get in the way. And so that's just a part of life, that it's changing and ebbing and flowing. And if these people are changing in a way that you're not favorable, either you can address those changes with them and just say you're uncomfortable, or maybe, you know, adjusting the friendship. You hang out with them a little less. You hang out with them in smaller doses and smaller group sizes. And it's not. It's not anything to, you know, it's not a breakup. It's just friendships change.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Sarah Whittle]

And I think it's okay to just, you know, spend less time with them. Well, first, like, evaluate whether you still like these people, whether they are still bringing something good into your life or you just want to hang out with them because it's what you're used to. I felt this in a big way when I had a kid because there are people who are not comfortable hanging out with a kid or they just, you know, we are in different places in our lives and it took us a little while to find what worked for us in terms of setting aside time to hang out, not getting my feelings hurt that I wasn't being invited to stuff anymore. It took a while to get there. And I think that's okay.

[Monica Vasantani]

That's totally okay. Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. There's rough patches all the time. And I'm curious, like, what they mean about changing. Whether it's like, taste and stuff or what they're into, or just literally their values as a person.

[Sarah Whittle]

Right. Or if it's like, oh, my friends now like to vandalize cars. Not tight.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. Cause I mean, you. Do you wanna surround yourself with people that are positive and bring a positive light to your life? I've had friends that were changing, and it was to the point where they were very much affecting my life negatively. They were hurting my day to day. I felt like my mental health was slipping. So sometimes you do have to Cut people out of your life. And it doesn't have to be in a negative way. You don't have to be like, you're done. Snip. And if there are other people in your life that you enjoy spending time with more, that's okay. I think that's such a great. I don't know if the word's analogy, but the mustard thing, that's great. Mustard is fine without me.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

I had a friend who had something similar to that where I was so nervous and sad that I can't go to this party. I feel bad that I can't go. And that friend was like, well, in a way, that's selfish thinking to think that everyone's gonna be so affected by your not attending this thing. Cause, yeah, it's not like nobody cares. Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

I mean, yeah. It's knowing that you're an active part of life in general, but you're not the only part.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. And like I said, like, there are friendships with rough patches. Sometimes people just get weird for a little bit. But it's fine. You and your friend Monica, you guys worked that out and things are still good, you think?

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah, I mean, we're still friends. We had to kind of get past the initial hurt of not talking as much and feeling like this person doesn't like me and rather realizing that it was the circumstance of just being at different places and being okay with someone going from being a best friend to, like a tier two friend that, you know, we're not as close as we once were, but we can still leave it in a place where we still have warm feelings towards each other instead of letting it get to the point where we're not addressing stuff and it's just blowing up.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yep. I had a similar thing too, because it's like, four years ago, I was single, living in LA by myself, no pets, just a roommate that I wasn't really friends with. Like, that was my life. So obviously had a lot of time for different friendships and going out and all this stuff. And fast forward now my time is even more divided up. And so, you know, friendships have had to be adjusted. But that doesn't mean there's any less love there. It just means that, you know, we're hanging out a little less. And so I think with. Luckily, with this friendship, I'm able to be open and honest with her that I'm like, you know, my. My time's more divided up, but that doesn't mean there's any less love. That doesn't mean that I don't Want to. I don't want to hang out with you. It just means that, like, life is intense. And that's the thing, too, is, like, invest your time into relationships that you really want to foster. Like, yes, It. I'm not saying you can't go to coffee with someone and just, like, you know, be very casual, but the older you get, time goes by faster. Time gets divided up even more. Really, you don't have to hang out with people that you don't want to invest into just because you guys had a past. And that sounds super brutal, but, like, mustard will be fine.

[Courtney Miller]

Mustard will literally be fine.

[Sarah Whittle]

Mayo will thrive.

[Monica Vasantani]

No, mayo's my buddy.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. I feel like in high school, I bounced around in friend circles a lot, but by the end, it's like freshman year, you feel like you're friends with people just to have someone to sit with at lunch. And then my senior year, I had, like, one friend that I need to.

[Sarah Whittle]

Be a little more discerning.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, because you're focusing on yourself. Let's switch it up a little bit. We've been doing friends and, like, changing stuff. Dude, let's freaking now. Switch it up. Let's go. This one is related to what to do when you and your partner enjoy different things.

[Sarah Whittle]

That's me, for sure.

[Courtney Miller]

This tweet is from.

[Sarah Whittle]

I sent that in because I want.

[Courtney Miller]

To know, is this your fake Twitter account?

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

So this one's from izarddallan. I love my girlfriend, but we're polar opposites in taste and personality. In parentheses. She's outgoing, loves people. I'm introverted, don't like people. She likes a city. I like the countryside, et cetera, et cetera. Any advice on finding things to do together?

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah, it's fun to bring someone else into your world knowing that they are also going to bring you into theirs. I mean, I think that's one of the great things about dating someone who is different from you because you get to kind of live this second life through them.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah. And you get, like. Kind of like. Yeah, you get to, like, peek behind the curtain. So, like, how. How opposite would you say you and your wife are?

[Sarah Whittle]

Totally.

[Monica Vasantani]

Really?

[Sarah Whittle]

Or when we met, at least. Yeah, Like, I was definitely going out all the time. I like to make friends with everyone, you know, I. I'm just very social. And she was like, if she could just sit at home and read and not talk to anyone, she would be totally fine. Whereas I go insane. Like, I'll get stir crazy after six hours at home.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah, me too. Maybe I don't like myself. Oh, God, we don't have time for that, Monica. No, no, no. Let's go there.

[Courtney Miller]

I'm ready.

[Sarah Whittle]

So it was nice to, like, there would be nights where I would plan ahead. We're going out tonight. She would be in. Cause she would have enough time to prepare herself mentally. But she knew she was doing this for me. And then maybe we skip the next party and plan something at home. So the introverted person feels like they're still doing something they enjoy, like a puzzle or whatever. So I think that, you know, just keep trying different things.

[Monica Vasantani]

And honestly, like, I think the Christmas party was the first time, like, I had spent, like, a considerable more amount of time with your wife than before. Just, like, drive by and like, Claudio and I had so much fun. She was so funny, and so she was like. I would have assumed that she was the outgoing one.

[Sarah Whittle]

No, I know. She's.

[Monica Vasantani]

She just dove right in.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yes. She's super funny, and she's like. She's awesome to talk to. She can get along with anyone. She just doesn't want to.

[Monica Vasantani]

Well, I'm glad that our interactions was, like, something she didn't want to do.

[Courtney Miller]

I really didn't want to talk to them, but I did.

[Sarah Whittle]

I did this for you.

[Monica Vasantani]

I agree. When I dated Claudio, he was kind of an introvert, too, because he was, you know, he's like, obviously a foreigner and new to the country, knew the language. So he also didn't speak the best English either. And so he was. He's an introverted guy.

[Courtney Miller]

He's come a long way.

[Monica Vasantani]

He's come, like, super long way.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Sarah Whittle]

He knows so many words.

[Monica Vasantani]

He knows all the words almost. He knows. I do for sure.

[Courtney Miller]

Can you just, like, read a dictionary and be like, yeah, I know that one.

[Monica Vasantani]

But yeah, he kind of has like a.

[Courtney Miller]

He's.

[Monica Vasantani]

I say he's like an extroverted introvert, and I'm like, an introverted extrovert. I think if you're. If you have a natural curiosity about your partner, which I hope you do, you want to find things that make them tick. So for Claudio, you know, he's like, a huge film buff, and I like movies casually, but, you know, he wants to go see this weird movie. I'll go with him. And I'm fascinated to see when they're. When he lights up about stuff. And so it's kind of like that vice versa thing, and then finding things that you guys do have in common and really do those. Claudia and I love to eat. We love to try new Recipes. And so that's what we do. I think if you're dating a carbon copy of yourself, that might get boring.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, Yeah. I agree that it's cool to do something that your partner likes. Just purely seeing that light in their eyes and just being like, yeah, I'm enjoying this because you enjoy this. I personally prefer to be with someone that we're in the same industry or where we are more similar and on the same wavelength in terms of, like, what we like to do, what we want to do with our lives, just because I feel like I feel more understood in that. Just me personally, I gotta say, sometimes. And I think that's so great to make it work and, yeah, just try each other's interests and find compromises. But also sometimes I feel like people stay in a relationship and for reasons that they don't really need. So if this person is so not. If you guys are so not on the same wavelength at all and that's what you prefer, don't just stay. The first few words of this tweet are, I love my girlfriend, but I understand.

[Monica Vasantani]

I mean, this is a super dumb minute, like, little thing, but it is like, I love getting my nails done. All my nails fell off, so I'm not gonna show em right now. But I love getting my nails done. And one time I was dating a guy and had, like, pink glitter nails, and he was like, ugh, it looks like a little kid's hands. And I was like, ugh. And I was like, this is. I don't like that. You don't like that I like to do this.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, that's who you are.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah. And on the other side, like, Claudio doesn't care about nails, but he's like, those are so cute. I like those. I like that you're doing. He's like, every time I get them done, he's like, send me a p. What is it like? And it's like, he obviously doesn't love them, but he likes that I like him. And I, like, get joy out of it.

[Sarah Whittle]

That's so important because if somebody's shitting on the thing that you like, there's a difference between, like, that thing is dumb versus that's not for me. But I like to see you happy, and if your partner's not giving you that I like to see you happy thing, then what are you doing together? If you don't like to see the other person happy, then there's no point.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. So I think there's both ways that sometimes relationships not worth it. But if it is worth it. Check those things out that they like. This one's really sticking out to me. 27 year old virgin.

[Monica Vasantani]

Oh, I love that movie.

[Courtney Miller]

What is that one called? 40 years. That's 40. Okay.

[Monica Vasantani]

It's actually one of my. It's. It's the movie that I've seen the most. Really? I love that movie.

[Courtney Miller]

God damn. I think I've only seen it once, all the way through.

[Monica Vasantani]

So hilarious. And watching it over, like, I hadn't watched it in like five years probably. I just watched it recently. I'm like, damn, this is so funny and dumb.

[Courtney Miller]

So this one is from who? Dumb poo.

[Sarah Whittle]

Great.

[Courtney Miller]

Dumpu. Yoohoo. Dumpu.

[Monica Vasantani]

Literally, that's how my grandpa, my Korean grandpa would say, dump, Dumpu.

[Courtney Miller]

Okay. So he said, or they say, I'm 27 and still a virgin. It didn't bother me at first, but lately I noticed that when I bring it up to guys, I'm either fetishized or they're scared off. At this point, I want to lose it for the sake of losing it, but I also don't want to lose it to. Some random advice would be nice. Ooh, wow. That sucks. I'm sorry that you're being. You're being looked at in that way. And then also there's being scared off. That sucks.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah, I mean, that's a tough one. I dated. I dated a virgin for a while, but I dated someone who was an older virgin. And it's funny because he didn't actually tell me for a long time. I figured it out on the second date. Oh, oh, this story is so funny. Hopefully he doesn't listen to this podcast. So we went on our first date and it was fine, but it was like an OkCupid date. This was many, many years ago. And he wasn't super flirty, but he was very funny and I had a great time. So I was like, oh. Cause usually guys are very flirty on online dates. And I was like, oh, that's fine. Maybe he's nervous. Second date, he was like, hey, come over to my house. We'll go hang out with my friends or something like that. And I was like, oh, okay, we'll do that. I showed up at his.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, God, please.

[Monica Vasantani]

And I was like, what are you doing? And he was like, come help me. I'm building a pyramid out of pennies.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh my God.

[Monica Vasantani]

So he had like a billion pennies at his house, and he was like, stacking them like 10 at a time and making like a square, a huge square, like one by one of pennies, like in a square. Then the next one he'd go like, one less row. So it just was like a pyramid. And that's what we were doing. And in that moment, I was like, he. He's a virgin.

[Sarah Whittle]

Oh. Oh, I know it.

[Courtney Miller]

He never told you?

[Monica Vasantani]

He never told me.

[Sarah Whittle]

Fuck that guy.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah.

[Sarah Whittle]

That sounds so good.

[Courtney Miller]

Let's play with. Let's do penny stuff.

[Monica Vasantani]

It was so funny and I was like, this is so just like such confirmation of my like, just gut thing.

[Courtney Miller]

Wow.

[Monica Vasantani]

But. But him and I, we kept dating and honestly, it's intimidating. And you know, just being open about it's really important. Like why hasn't it happened or anything like that. And that's not a judgmental question. It's just like, where are you?

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, it's a person to person.

[Monica Vasantani]

Where are. Yeah, exactly. And some people aren't super sexual and some people just never had the opportunity. Some people have and they didn't feel comfortable. Like, I think everyone's story is their own. I wouldn't fret about it.

[Courtney Miller]

No.

[Monica Vasantani]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. I would. I also wouldn't just get it done just to get it done. Unless you feel like the moment's right and that's, you know, just something you want to do.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

At the end of the day, like it's a big deal, but it's also not, you know, like, it's like, I feel like we put. Make this thing so precious and it's like if. If you want to be someone who's sexually active, obvious, obviously, be very safe and plan ahead, but it's only as.

[Sarah Whittle]

As powerful as you make it.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Sarah Whittle]

And I think that it's okay to not tell people. I mean, I think that obviously we want to be open and honest and stuff, but you don't have to lead with that. If you feel like people are treating you differently because of it, if it's something that you talk about or that comes up and if they treat you differently because of it, then you can always walk away. And I know that's frustrating if you want to have sex and you see these kind of opportunities slipping away. But it'll be right and it'll be fine. And honestly, the difference between being a 27 year old virgin and being a 29 year old virgin, not that much. So if it's something that takes a little bit of time, then I think.

[Monica Vasantani]

That'S, that's so true. And being open and honest about it, it's like, it's like, you know, you date someone and you want to have that open communication with them. So it's like, you know, you can be on, you know, don't lead with it, like Monica said, because that doesn't define you. But if you're having a conversation, you can be like, hey, there's this thing about me. I'm a virgin. But I feel very comfortable that you know, with you to tell you that. And it's like, no pressure either way. Like, I'm not asking for anything. I'm not not asking for anything.

[Sarah Whittle]

Also, I think maybe it's okay to straight up lie. Like, not super paper lie, but I've.

[Courtney Miller]

Got tons of sex.

[Monica Vasantani]

No, but just all the ways.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah, you know, the sex way. Let's move on.

[Monica Vasantani]

The sexy way.

[Courtney Miller]

Vampires, sex.

[Sarah Whittle]

But it's okay, I think, to just be like. I just like to take it slow.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sarah Whittle]

And, you know, maybe keep some things under wraps a little bit.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, it's very. And I think it's so person to person as to why some people are just like, yeah, they just didn't find the right person. Or every time it was gonna, like, there could be just bad luck or it's not a bad thing. Can we normalize not making someone else's virginity about ourselves?

[Monica Vasantani]

Yep.

[Courtney Miller]

Like, if someone tells you a virgin that is not about you, that is their thing. It's not like, oh, I can't. It's not your body. Like, you're. You are your own person. You're on your own path. Like, let them. Let them figure that out. And like, yeah, if you're. I'd say you don't have to, like, tell everyone when you first meet them. Hi, I'm Courtney. I'm a virgin.

[Monica Vasantani]

Like the Bachelor.

[Courtney Miller]

But if you're. If you're considering, like, someone in that way, then if you feel like you want them to know, like, if you feel like safe telling that person and maybe it's a good sign if they're getting scared off or if you're seeing they're clearly fetishizing you, then maybe they're not the person to lose it to. I feel like it's a big deal until you lose it. Or if then you're sexually active and have had sex with other people, then it feels like you look back and you're like, it's not that big of a deal how I lost it. I don't know. I don't know.

[Monica Vasantani]

Everything feels big in the moment.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

And then, you know, it's a story.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. But don't rush it just because you feel like you have to rush it. 27, verse 29. I love that. That's so, so true.

[Monica Vasantani]

And if you're not that type of, like, if you're not a super sexually flirty person and you're. You want to be, then try it out. Try to learn how to flirt a little bit. Try to be that and maybe create those circumstances if that's something you want.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

Because I know some people are just, like, scared of flirting and scared of, like, sexual things, and maybe that's why it's happened. I'm not saying in this case, but. But, you know, work on your flirt game.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah. Take some of the mystique out of it.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

Like this?

[Sarah Whittle]

Oh. Oh, that's working, Is it working on it?

[Courtney Miller]

Are you sweaty?

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah, I'm too into this.

[Courtney Miller]

What about this?

[Sarah Whittle]

Oh, I'm so into that.

[Courtney Miller]

Everyone stop.

[Sarah Whittle]

Please stop it. I like it too much.

[Courtney Miller]

All right, let's switch it up again, huh? What do you guys think? All right, this one's about being how to stop being a picky eater. Ooh. Uh. Oh.

[Monica Vasantani]

What's the Twitter tweet say?

[Courtney Miller]

This is a tweet say. This is from P'PMM.

[Sarah Whittle]

I'm sorry, what?

[Monica Vasantani]

What?

[Courtney Miller]

That's what it says. Capamemm. C. A P N. EM. So, Cap'N. Mm.

[Monica Vasantani]

Is it like a backwards meme? Meme?

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, yeah. Cap'n meme. Captain meme. Yeah, you did that meme. Lord.

[Sarah Whittle]

Wow.

[Courtney Miller]

There she is.

[Monica Vasantani]

I'm a detective.

[Courtney Miller]

Cool.

[Sarah Whittle]

Next question.

[Courtney Miller]

So I guess our tweet said in a pickle, and so she was like, speaking of pickles, how can I stop being a picky eater? I won't even eat noodles or hamburgers. If my food is touching, I'm not eating it. I'm 22. I'm too old for this. Emily. That's her name.

[Monica Vasantani]

Emily.

[Courtney Miller]

Emily.

[Monica Vasantani]

Emily.

[Courtney Miller]

Mm. Your name. I don't think she. Maybe she didn't realize it said name backwards. Well, now she has that.

[Monica Vasantani]

Mm.

[Courtney Miller]

Mm.

[Monica Vasantani]

Damn. Damn. You're missing out on so much.

[Courtney Miller]

It's okay if your food touches. Dude, it's all going in the same place and then out the same place.

[Monica Vasantani]

Also, flavor profiles. When things are mixed is fun.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, yeah.

[Sarah Whittle]

So there is this thing called arfid. Avoidant Restrictive food intake disorder. It's a real thing. I'm not super duper educated about it. I just know the acronym. That's as far as my knowledge goes. But it's something that you can address in therapy if you are really worried about it. Because if it's something that, you know, if you're, if you eat foods that are touching or if you eat foods that are certain textures or whatever and it makes you feel physically ill. It's like this psychological thing that would be worth looking into if you find that your quality of life is suffering because you're not able to enjoy things that other people enjoy.

[Monica Vasantani]

But what if you're like a Noah? You're like a Noah who just loves buttered noodles and water.

[Courtney Miller]

Dude. Dude. I think moving to LA and working in la, I, I changed my palate completely.

[Monica Vasantani]

Well, your taste buds do change. True, they do change. And I may never get to a day where I like mustard. That's totally fine, but mustard will be fine. But I was talking about black coffee. I used to never drink black coffee, but a couple years ago when I did a pageant as a joke, but I had to drink coffee straight up black. And I liked putting sugar in cream. But. But week one, it was horrible. Week two, a little less horrible. Week three, little less horrible. And then by week four, I love black coffee.

[Courtney Miller]

Whoa.

[Monica Vasantani]

And ever since then I've like, my taste buds have changed and so I like black coffee. I like things that are a little less sweet, less salty. Your taste buds can change. You can get used to it. Just like Monica said earlier, beer. The first time I drank beer, it was horrible. Now it's like my favorite thing in the world.

[Courtney Miller]

I'm still not there. I still can't get down with beer.

[Sarah Whittle]

We'll bully you into it.

[Courtney Miller]

You want to bully me?

[Monica Vasantani]

I can give you some cider ish beers that you probably would really like.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, I probably could transition like deeper into the beer community.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah. Because I started with like fruit beers and I was like, oh, they're fruity and fun and sweet and then you can. Your palate changes.

[Sarah Whittle]

Oh, I full on went for it and started with just like the worst trash piss beer because that's what was available.

[Courtney Miller]

It's like the opposite of quitting cold turkey. Just jumping right into the thick of it. Growing up though, like I legit my. Especially after my parents were divorced, I was fed very much a lot of just like boring, bland fast food Costco microwave dinners. I never spicy was very new to me.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah, I know a lot of people like that.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. It wasn't until like I started living in LA and then I had a boyfriend that just loved spicy food. Like just straight up putting habanero in burgers. Spicy. But a lot of it is, I mean, I mean like a lot of it is like fear of tasting something that's not good. Like I used to have that issue a lot where I would only want to order specific things at restaurants. Cause I didn't want to risk having a subpar meal. But it's like even Shane's. One of his New Year's resolutions is to try something new every time he goes to a restaurant.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah, I like that.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. I think I've gotten, I feel like I specifically have gotten a little less picky and I'm trying to try new things as well. Because especially when you're eating at restaurants or things like that, like, like they're.

[Monica Vasantani]

Gonna have a bite of your friends food. Like just to. If you don't wanna commit to a full dish. But it was like same for me. Like I grew up in a like Asian American household, but mostly eating Asian food all the time. And we didn't have a lot of cheese in our. I used to never have a burger with cheese. I used to. And that's probably why I'm lactose intolerant now.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

But we didn't have a lot of cheese. Now I get down on a cheese plate. Hell yeah. Like, I love cheeseburgers even though, you know, I'm lactose intolerant. Like, I think your taste can evolve if you just give yourself a little chance here and there. If you're not like legitimately suffering and.

[Sarah Whittle]

If you're not like, you know, if it is just like, oh, I'm a little picky, I'm a little turned off by this. I think one, try something new. Like incorporate new things into the every single day so that new things aren't like, it's not like, oh, this one time this month I tried something new and it was gross and I never did it again. Yeah. Don't be afraid to do things that you don't like every single day. Because honestly it's one bite of food.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah. And find the flavor profiles you like and the texture you like. Because just like mustard now you don't have to like it all. So it's like if you like only chicken nuggets, maybe try fried chicken and then waffles. Chicken and waffles.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

Find the flavor profiles that get you excited and really be curious about it and see what you like about it. See what you don't like about it. Because. Because if it's manageable and you just don't like certain types of food, that's totally fine. But if you're at a restaurant and you can only have like buttered bread that's like something that needs to be acknowledged.

[Sarah Whittle]

I will say though that having things for me, if it's something that's completely new, I'm more likely to be into it versus something that's adjacent to something that I already like. Cause then I'm just missing the thing that I want it to be, versus being like, this is. This is a whole new flavor, texture, experience. It can be its own thing. And it's not like, oh, here's a shitty version of a thing I like.

[Monica Vasantani]

Well, I will say oysters is kind of the perfect example. Cause I never liked oysters and Claudio loves oysters. And so he used to take me and I used to just think it was so gross and slimy and stuff. But then they have the. What is it the mignon yet? The vinegar? Yeah. What is it called? Nygna. Ned.

[Courtney Miller]

I don't know. I only had oysters once and it was with you guys.

[Monica Vasantani]

So it's like a vinegary thing and then it has like chopped up little onions in it or shallots in it. And it's kind of like kimchi esque or like pickled onions, which I really like. So that was like a great way for me to like make the oyster something that I've. I now enjoy to eat.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

Because I have. I knew I like that flavor.

[Courtney Miller]

And it's so true. Like at the end of the day, it's like, if there's anything that you can have experience or experiment with that is. Has like little to no consequences is food. Like. And also like seeing what your friends eat. Or like if you're at a restaurant, like what is the waiter like?

[Monica Vasantani]

Because it's.

[Courtney Miller]

Odds are it's freaking good. Like I. The first time I had ramen, sohinki took me to Jinya and like that was my first time having ramen that wasn't top ramen, like microwave shit. So like change my world, changed my life, dude. Or a friend showed me sushi and.

[Monica Vasantani]

You'Re just like, yep, you.

[Courtney Miller]

I. And you end up liking just cause they said it was good. I had something else. I feel like I have this thing where I'm Michael Scott where I get on a train of thought and I had an idea in the beginning of the sentence and then I just forgot it.

[Monica Vasantani]

I think that's everyone.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, we're all Michael Scott sick. All right, next. How do you guys feel about giving this advice? You feel good? You feel confident in your answers?

[Monica Vasantani]

I think I'm a pretty good advice giver. Maybe not in my own to myself, but yeah, we're all. I think I'm good at giving advice just cause I'm. I'm also very humble that I don't know everything. I'm just frickin going shooting at my hips. Is that what hip shots old people say?

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah, that's.

[Monica Vasantani]

They say that spitting at my hips.

[Sarah Whittle]

Spitting on your hips.

[Monica Vasantani]

I'm spitting off of my hips.

[Courtney Miller]

Sorry.

[Monica Vasantani]

Kevin, how do you feel about giving advice?

[Courtney Miller]

I feel alright. I feel like all my life I learn by observing other people and other people's mistakes.

[Monica Vasantani]

Ooh.

[Courtney Miller]

So I feel like it's also. Yeah. Kevin's nodding his head ferociously right now. So like I feel like giving advice to others. Yeah. It's much easier than looking inward.

[Monica Vasantani]

Monica.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah, I just, it's just judging in a different way and I love judging people.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. Next time we do this, I want more tea related like drama questions. Like I'd love to learn what your guys drama is in your lives and if you need advice. Yeah.

[Sarah Whittle]

Tell me all the weird things about your life so I can shit all over it publicly.

[Courtney Miller]

Tweet all your personal friends details like.

[Monica Vasantani]

That Bethany Spill spilled milk on me and I think she did it on purpose. Can you tell me how I can piss?

[Courtney Miller]

Oh yeah. This advice is what's the best advice.

[Monica Vasantani]

To bitch slap her?

[Courtney Miller]

Elizabeth made my feet my food touch and I'm pissed.

[Sarah Whittle]

This advice questions are only from really.

[Monica Vasantani]

Bitchy first graders who want to just fight.

[Sarah Whittle]

Anthony spilled milk on me.

[Courtney Miller]

All right, what do you guys want to answer next? We got, we got how to de stress. We got.

[Monica Vasantani]

Oh, you said jobs, right?

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, we got jobs. How to stay motivated while job hunting.

[Sarah Whittle]

Ooh.

[Courtney Miller]

All right, I love that one. I was a hustler when it came to hunting for jobs back then.

[Monica Vasantani]

Dude, me too because I moved to LA for a job and then four months later got laid off. Yeah. So then I was unemployed for a while. How do you stay motivated?

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. So here's the hrissyfertado. One asks, how do you not get discouraged after failed attempts at landing a job? Also, how does one get a job at Smosh? Let's go to that first part first.

[Monica Vasantani]

The first part. Well, stay encouraged. Cause it just takes one. That's the thing. It just takes one gig and then hopefully you impress the people there. It could maybe lead to the next gig and you could build up, build up. Or it just takes one gig to learn enough to be like, I don't want to do this. It just takes that one person, that one hiring person to see the potential in you. And so that's the thing that sucks though is like you can send out a billion resumes and a billion cover letters and all these things and not hear anything back. It's very, very discouraging. That being said, the biggest piece of advice is make your resume one page. Make your resume easy to read visually, nice to look at and make it like I can look at it and just understand what you're about. But without going into too many details. No long paragraph, no, no lies. Do not lie. And especially if you're just starting out, do not lie. Because people don't like liars. They like someone who's honest and it's like, hey, I'm looking to enter the work, blah, blah, this industry and I'm really eager and I'm willing to learn and I'm flexible and that's all people want to hear when you don't have experience.

[Courtney Miller]

Agreed. I think one thing I learned and this was in like, like starting out jobs, like working at a pharmacy or I worked at like a daycare for a while. When you apply and sometimes it's just a job application, no resumes, but resume, hell yeah, those are great. Call like after you submit it, then call. If you haven't heard anything, call like, hey, just want to check in. Because like I've heard that's really good to show that assertiveness and that you're like willing to. Because some people are afraid of calls. And like sometimes when you're able to do that, it speaks a lot to your ability.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah, I think call or email. I think it depends on the thing. Yeah, some job postings are like, do not call. And you know, like, you know, in 2020, it's like a phone call.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

But I think like play it by ear in each one. But if it's like, yeah, if it's like a Target or Kmart or you know, Walmart or something like that, like easily call and see what's up, see where they are in the hiring process.

[Sarah Whittle]

And also, you know, maybe lower your expectations because getting, finding a job is really hard. So if you're kind of putting your heart into all of this, into if you're imagining what every job is gonna be like and you're already kind of living it, then you are going to be hurt and discouraged. But cast a wider net, you know.

[Monica Vasantani]

Talk to people around you and see what if they know anyone. Cause it's like most of my jobs I've got because I knew someone, not because I was best friends with someone. It's Because I asked about it. I was like, hey, what have you seen? Do you know anyone at this place? Do you know anyone here? Do you know about this? And they're like, oh, I have a friend of a cousin that da da, da, da. And let me see what I can do.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah, I harassed friends with my sketch packet. And that's honestly how I got here. Because I just was like, hey, would you be willing to look at my sketch packet and then pass it along if anyone's ever looking for someone? And so really just put all the numbers out there. And I don't think about all the packets I sent out to people who did nothing with it because I can't focus on that stuff. I can focus on, eventually I got the job. And also, if you're trying to light a fire under your ass, run out of money, it definitely makes you find a job real fast.

[Monica Vasantani]

Well, you know, I'm always the type of personality that, yeah, if I run out of money, I'm gonna be like, doing a side hustle. That's maybe not my career, but, you know, it's helping me eat. I think that's just my personality type. I'm willing to, like, buckle down and get it done.

[Sarah Whittle]

But, yeah, especially if you know that it's temporary.

[Monica Vasantani]

Exactly. Exact. And it can easily get discouraging. Job hunting. And also the amount of jobs that are just like, hiring full time right now is like, so rare. So it's really like, how can you best situate yourself to have the best arsenal of things to fire off when you need to make sure that resume is solid, make sure you know how to talk to people, work on your interview skills, like, all those things. So just when the opportunity does come, you'll be ready to go.

[Sarah Whittle]

And you might not recognize it as the right opportunity at that time. Like, you may go to an interview for a job you don't really want and they wanna hire you, but there's really. It can't hurt you to take the job, see how it is, and then decide from there.

[Monica Vasantani]

Exactly.

[Sarah Whittle]

But collect the paycheck in the meantime.

[Monica Vasantani]

And I did tweet this a while ago, like, if you show up at a new job and the first week you're like overwhelmed, tired, crying, you feel out of it. That is normal. Do not quit your job after a week. And I'd say give it a month at least, if not three months. Cause there's so much going on up in the air and you're gonna be overwhelmed. And it's just really like the people that push through that and really, really, like, have a goal in mind of like, I wanna really see what this is about and can I manage it in my life. Those are the people that are really gonna gear up for success.

[Courtney Miller]

I think also, like, I can't help but believe we have a path that's happening and like, we are meant to be wherever we're at. So, like, if you're being rejected and stuff, like, it's just not meant to be. I think staying positive and looking forward to when you do get that new job, like, there's gonna be so many new people in your life that you're gonna see. Be seeing all the time. Like, look forward to wherever you go. Like, don't dwell on the failed attempts because, like, there's no point.

[Monica Vasantani]

There's no point. And ask the people around you maybe who have a little more experience for.

[Courtney Miller]

Advice and don't be afraid to ask those questions.

[Monica Vasantani]

I've done and I've. Many of our friends, I've been like, send me a resume and given makeovers to. And they. Then they go out and get a job.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, you've. Yeah, you've helped a lot of people with that.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah. Because I believe in sharing the love. Like, why. Why do these people, you know, why do my friends and people that I care about or even I don't even have to care about them. I just want to help because it's like I had to go through so many things. I had to make the mistakes. Why should they go through the mistakes? Like, I can help them. I can give them a cheat code.

[Sarah Whittle]

You never know when someone then is gonna be in a position to be able to help you.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Sarah Whittle]

Which is maybe that's a bad way to look at things.

[Monica Vasantani]

It's nice.

[Courtney Miller]

Speaking of cheat codes, every job interview I've ever had, they always want to ask you what your three weaknesses are. Always have those planned ahead of time. Do not say you care too much. God damn, that makes you seem really ingenuine. I think I'm just gonna give away the ones. I'm kidding.

[Monica Vasantani]

Just be honest.

[Courtney Miller]

Be honest.

[Monica Vasantani]

Be honest.

[Courtney Miller]

Mine were always. I am not great with names. Sometimes I lose track of time. Which sometimes can be seen as a good thing. Cause I'll just like keep working. Or that might be seen as I'm being late, but I'll let them take that as they will. And then I had one third one that was really good. But yeah, always have those prepared. And yeah. Practicing interviewing, being humble. Yeah.

[Sarah Whittle]

I say I'm too pretty. I'm too Smart.

[Courtney Miller]

I'm too humble and too horny.

[Sarah Whittle]

Ooh, yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

I do a fourth. I'm too horny for this work.

[Courtney Miller]

That's a fourth.

[Sarah Whittle]

Too horny for this.

[Courtney Miller]

Too horny. And number number five. I give too many examples.

[Monica Vasantani]

Also I don't know how to count.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh yeah, I had a story number nine. I once tried to help a friend with a resume once and she was at my house. This was years ago. She's at my house and this is the friend I cut out of my life. She was at my house and I was about to go work for a few hours and she was trying to figure out her resume. She needed a job. She was already living in LA and was trying to figure it out, didn't have a job. So I, I showed her my resume and then showed her a template to type her own in. And a couple hours later I came back from work and she was still there working. And I saw that she was just copying mine, completely copy pasting my resume. And that was really sad. So don't do that. Don't just copy what you see.

[Monica Vasantani]

Make it your own, make it easy to read. Make it one page. One page, one page. I don't care if you had 100 jobs. One page.

[Sarah Whittle]

And also don't advertise that you've had 100 jobs. That means that you left 100 jobs.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah. Just put what's appropriate to it. Yeah. And if you don't have anything appropriate to it, put what you have and then be honest about it.

[Courtney Miller]

Okay. This one is also a job. Do you want to do this one?

[Monica Vasantani]

Okay, sure.

[Courtney Miller]

How to survive a job you hate but need til you find a new one.

[Monica Vasantani]

Well, we kind of just talked about that.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

Sometimes you just gotta hustle.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

If you gotta end game, you just.

[Sarah Whittle]

Buckle down and do things that you like outside of work that make you happy and feel fulfilled. If you have, if there are people you like at work, foster those friendships. And then sometimes you gotta tell yourself when you have to do something you don't want to do, that's what the money's for.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yes, exactly.

[Sarah Whittle]

But that's what the money's for.

[Monica Vasantani]

At the end of the day, a job is a job and you're not always going to do the things you like. And that's the thing that I think unfortunately is getting lost in all this. Like, treat yourself, love yourself, da da da. It's like, yeah, we're going to treat ourselves and love ourselves, but also sometimes.

[Courtney Miller]

We just, we just gotta fucking work and challenge ourselves.

[Monica Vasantani]

We gotta challenge Ourselves.

[Sarah Whittle]

But do have a light at the end of the tunnel. Something that you're working towards of, like, this is the job I really wish I had, and how do I get there? Make that happen for myself.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, I will say like, and it's speaking to surrounding yourself with people at work that you like and spending the time with them. I learned at previous jobs being with people that I disliked very much, but learning to coexist with people that you dislike, that was something very valuable. Like, a tool that I learned was just how to coexist with people that you just don't agree with and don't vibe with. Like, it's a very important tool because there will be shitty people everywhere you go, and that shouldn't ruin who you are.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah. Find the silver linings also in that job, if there are any. Like, for me, when I used to waitress on top of working a production job is I really like to, like, talk to random people and tell them about beers. Like, that was my silver lining. Was like, what other job do you, like, walk up to strange. And you're, like, just starting a conversation.

[Sarah Whittle]

Or if there are, like, sodas in the break room, take two every day, bring them home. Look forward to that.

[Courtney Miller]

This one I personally really look forward to answering. Are you both in therapy? Are we all in therapy or are you?

[Monica Vasantani]

I am not in therapy.

[Sarah Whittle]

I got dumped by my therapist.

[Courtney Miller]

What? Can we talk about that? Can you tell the story? Can you tell the story? Oh, my God.

[Sarah Whittle]

So I started going to therapy. I like this. This was, I don't know, maybe four or five months ago. I had been having really bad anxiety. One of the things that we were talking about was how I overthink everything, and I, like, just overanalyze stuff. I assume that. Relatable.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah, very relatable.

[Sarah Whittle]

I assume that people think the worst of me when, I mean, I'm sure the reality is that they don't think of me at all, which would be height up. No, no, I'm gonna be tight.

[Courtney Miller]

Mustard is fine.

[Sarah Whittle]

This was maybe my third session. And we started the session off with talking about this thing I do and how hard on myself I am and how that's not reality and stuff. And 20 minutes into the session, she's like, oh, by the way, I am gonna be taking a break from doing therapy. I can set you up with another therapist. And. And it felt like it came in the middle of the sentence to me. So I was like, oh, no, consider this right now.

[Monica Vasantani]

She's like, this is the moment I've been It's in the movie where she's like, I need to quit being a therapist.

[Courtney Miller]

Wait, okay.

[Sarah Whittle]

So then. And I'm like, oh, yeah. I mean, this is kind of out of the way for me, so I don't really want to see another therapist in the office. You're just taking a break? Are you gonna get back into it? And then she was really dodgy with me about it. She was like, oh, yeah, in a few months, you could just look me up. Up. I'll be working somewhere in Burbank. Like, was really weird about it. Oh, no. So this is a therapy nightmare. So maybe this isn't helpful, but we ended the session early. It was supposed to be an hour session. We ended it after 35 minutes.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, my God.

[Sarah Whittle]

No.

[Courtney Miller]

Did you have to pay for the full session?

[Sarah Whittle]

My insurance. I paid the copay. My insurance.

[Courtney Miller]

Copay.

[Sarah Whittle]

So I left. And I was just so dumbfounded. Cause I'm.

[Monica Vasantani]

That's weird.

[Sarah Whittle]

And I thankfully had the presence of mind to think it's funny that I'm talking about how I think people secretly hate me. And then my therapist is just like, I don't do therapy anymore. Bye. Don't call me.

[Monica Vasantani]

You made her quit?

[Courtney Miller]

What the fuck?

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah, she essentially, in a nice way, ghosted me. That being said, I'm gonna get back into it. It's scary at first to be like, I'm. I'm gonna talk to this person, a new person about this stuff.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. Starting over. Must be.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah. I went to therapy when I was in my teens, and it was very beneficial for me.

[Courtney Miller]

Why?

[Sarah Whittle]

Were you a bad girl?

[Courtney Miller]

Bad girl?

[Monica Vasantani]

No. I had some things I had to work through.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

Being bad.

[Courtney Miller]

Well, the question is. Fromoshtour. Wow. They got that.

[Monica Vasantani]

Whoa. You guys are gonna be on tour when this is live? Oh, yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Speaking of which, we still have tickets left for San Diego and Phoenix, which is happening, you know.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah. How's the tour going so far?

[Courtney Miller]

It's going so great. You know, one day we'll be like the tiny meat gang and be able to record these while on tour. Yeah. We still have tickets in San Diego and Phoenix if you want to come. Please. It's gonna be really fun.

[Monica Vasantani]

Can be so much fun.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. So, yeah, at Smoshtor.

[Sarah Whittle]

You.

[Courtney Miller]

You secured that? At. What are you guys. What are your guys experiences going to therapy? I've considered trying it out, but don't know much about it. So I will just say to that, like, sometimes it's also like finding the right therapist. And sometimes, like, you. You think you've like, yeah, this therapist is doing their job. But like, sometimes they're. They'll ghost you and clearly they weren't there for you fully.

[Monica Vasantani]

They're humans too. It's like dating. You got to find your right person, you got to find your right therapist. But I think if you're genuinely needing that in your life, like, do it.

[Sarah Whittle]

I think everybody needs it. I think if you, if you are, especially if your insurance coverage therapy, do it even if you don't think you need it, it's great to have someone to talk at.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. And if you have health insurance, and I think this is mostly an American thing, If you use psychologytoday.com you can find a therapist under your insurance. I found my therapist through that. She ended up not being under my insurance, but her bios, because you see their profile, what they specialize in. And I'm sure there's other websites that are equivalent to this in other places. But her bios just spoke to me in a way that I understood compared to the other ones. And we talked on the phone and like we were laughing on the phone. I was like, this is cool. We're clicking and she's the best. Like, I would invite her to my wedding if it wasn't weird, you know? Cause I wouldn't want people. I gotta go.

[Sarah Whittle]

When's your wedding, Courtney?

[Courtney Miller]

Tomorrow. Yay. Yay. I didn't get an invite. I'm marrying myself. No, I don't know. But like, she's that level. I think I got very lucky though, because I feel like I've heard people will have gone to therapy for a while and they will. I don't. I feel like they're not always utilizing their therapist in the best way.

[Monica Vasantani]

Well, I mean, it's a two way street. So it's like the therapy can't hurt you or can't help you if. If you're not, if you're not being open, if you're just like, totally. I'm like, you know, the sky's blue and I had a burger today. Like, you're just not going to be able to unpack anything or if you're.

[Sarah Whittle]

Not willing to put in the work. Because I think that that acknowledging that there's something that you need to change is the easy part. Even though obviously that's a huge thing of being like, oh, I do this thing, I've identified it. But then working through it and changing that, that's work. And it's not fun and it's not.

[Monica Vasantani]

Easy and it's very, very hard. Yeah.

[Sarah Whittle]

But Then you get to be a better person.

[Courtney Miller]

I feel like I have this knack of wanting to face my issues or face issues head on. So I think I got lucky in the sense that I went into therapy and I was just like, I'm afraid that I'm crazy. Like I. And I just listed out all my fears. Just I literally the can of worms was open and poured out on the table. Cuz I was just like, this is their job. Like they need to handle this and if they can't handle this, then I'll go to the next one. And I think I've said this before, but it's like this is literally someone that you're paying to tell them whatever you want, whatever you feel about a person or what you like. It is your diary out in the world. And like they are that person to tell you, like, if you're like, am I crazy or is this normal? Because one of the things I've learned so much is like, hey, that's normal that you're feeling that. No, you're not crazy for thinking this thing and, or validating your feelings. Because there are some, like, sometimes you just have friends or relationships where they don't fully understand your day or what you're going through, but you will. And especially if you find the right therapist and you go to them for a while, then they are that person who fully understands you and it's best to get them before any crazy shit happens.

[Monica Vasantani]

Well, yeah, and it's like, it's the same thing of like what you said earlier about bullying yourself and talking to like yourself as a kid. Like those are the things that if you were to say those things to your friends, it would honestly like hurt the relationship. It would hurt your friends. Because it's like for me, it's like, I don't want my friend talking about herself like that. But those are the things you unpack in therapy.

[Courtney Miller]

Yes.

[Monica Vasantani]

And that, that doesn't affect your actual relationships.

[Sarah Whittle]

And it's a person that you like, that is their job. That's what they're there for. So you're not that friend who's just like rolling up to everyone with their weird emotional baggage and dumping your stuff on your friends because obviously you know your friends want to be there for you and stuff. But don't be the person who's drowned.

[Courtney Miller]

Don't make other people responsible for those things. And a therapist will be that person who's like, if I'm like, I just feel like I'm so stupid and I'll.

[Monica Vasantani]

Just be like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop.

[Courtney Miller]

Don't call yourself that. And she'll catch you in that moment right then. Cause if you're like, take off that filter when you're with a therapist.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah, I agree.

[Courtney Miller]

Because you don't wanna, you don't. If you go to a therapist, don't try and say things in the nicest way or the best way possible. Because that is not like. Just say it how you wanna say it because that helps them. It's literally helps them understand you and fix the problems. Like, I've been going to mine for over a year now. And just last week I realized that there was something that I hadn't addressed and I needed to talk about all the time. Even when I don't think I'm gonna have anything to talk about, I'll come out and be like, I had been crying and I'm like fully healed about something. And it's just, I'm so lucky that they were there and ready to understand me.

[Monica Vasantani]

That's awesome. Yeah. And when I went to therapy when I was, it was, it was monumental. It was really like, it was actually life saving for me. So I think it's like if you're willing to sit down and like looking at yourself is the hardest thing to do and really addressing what is wrong with me and not hating yourself over it and realizing you're human is very, very hard. But it's super necessary if you want to be healthy, like mentally and with your relationships. Because as soon as you work on yourself, everything else will like click into place a little better.

[Courtney Miller]

And I had a lot of friends growing up that genuinely needed therapy and they just completely would shut the idea down because they think only crazy people go to therapy. I feel like that's kind of old news and old stuff now. But yeah, it is a preemptive band aid. I feel like when there's nothing wrong and then it is the band aid on whatever you need help on. Well, we have how to de stress.

[Monica Vasantani]

I like the de stress one. Cause it's like, we'll end it on a nice note.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. So this will help you de stress for the rest of your day. For those of you who are starting your day with this pod.

[Sarah Whittle]

Uh huh. And this pod is making you really stressful.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, we're stress stressed the hell out. Or it's the end of the day and it's time to de stress from the day. Here we are. Let's do it. So the Tweet is from BlueBellabunny. That's cute. Hey. Yeah. That is cute. Hey, freshman in college here. Just wondering, is there a good way to lower stress levels? Cause second semester is kicking my butt. Any tips or tricks would be awesome. Love you guys.

[Monica Vasantani]

Love you. How do you de stress, Courtney?

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, it's on and off with my abilities to de stress. But therapy is a great help in at least understanding why things stress me out. Because sometimes. Sometimes I'm just stressed out about things. To be stressed out about things. Mapping out what you're stressed about. Something I've learned is you take out a notebook, write out what's stressing you out, and sometimes those things aren't really worth stressing over, and you just gotta let go.

[Monica Vasantani]

Oh, I like that a lot.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. And then. Or if there's things. If there's clearly a stress there, how do you plan on addressing it? Or how would you feel better if that thing would disappear? How can you make that thing disappear? Because sometimes when you're stressed out, your brain kind of just becomes spaghetti. And, like, you gotta write it out. You wanna write it out. Comb out that pasta and just figure out what's really the issue. I know. I don't know.

[Monica Vasantani]

I like that visual. I want to comb pasta now.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. Turn that mess into an organized mess. And then, you know, get rid of the unimportant stuff. Because, like, I will find myself stressing over things that there's no point. And the answer to those stresses is, like, this has been my mantra for a long time is detach from outcome. At the end of the day, you can't always control what's happening, but you can't control how you react.

[Monica Vasantani]

You can't. Exactly. Yep.

[Courtney Miller]

And you can find a lesson in the negative things and be thankful for the positive things. And then, like, breathing. Just stop and breathe. Like, when you're stressed and you're feeling overwhelmed, just go outside. Just breathe. If you don't have a notebook on you. Because sometimes we don't always have that when we're, like, in the middle of something. But. And then just sometimes just, like, looking at the faces of the people you care about, I just feel like I just got outside.

[Sarah Whittle]

It's weird that you mostly looked at Sarah when you said that. You just kind of looked past you.

[Courtney Miller]

Swift past. Yeah. I care about you, Monica. I care about you.

[Monica Vasantani]

Your insecurities are coming out.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yes.

[Courtney Miller]

I'm comparing you two.

[Sarah Whittle]

I was better. Don't answer that.

[Courtney Miller]

No. You're both amazing in your own ways. Just those people are there for a reason, and they're always there for you. Even when you feel like. I don't feel like unloading my stresses on this person. You don't have to. They're this positive energy in your life that is just there for a reason. And they'll help you even just by existing. So. So yeah. What about you guys?

[Monica Vasantani]

For me? Yeah, for me. Claudio helps me a lot. He always, like, when I'm, like, losing my mind, sometimes he'll. Well, he calms me down most of the time. Yeah. And then sometimes I'm just not consolable, but. But yeah, so. So he's there. Obviously, the cats. A thousand percent, the cats. And, like, I used to, like, laugh at my mom because she would always, like, growing up, she would just go to the dogs and be like. And I'm like, dude, if we didn't have the dogs, mom would, like, be murdering us. And it's like, now I understand because I come home and they're just, like, following me and meowing me. And they don't talk. And you just, like. They're just so wonderful. So definitely the pets, like, help me out a million percent. Like, they really are just, like, support and just make my house feel like a home. And it's just, like, wonderful. And then for me, it's like. It's like. Like the small rewards that help me get through it. So for me, I like getting massages done.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

Or going to the Korean spa or the gyms.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

I mean, I have to force myself to go to the gym. Cause my body feels so much better when I go to the gym. So I'm working on that this year. That's the one thing I'm trying to work on. Loving my body a little more and being less frustrated with it and treating it better. So that's like 2020 goal for me. Those are the things. Maybe like a little treat, like a. Like a little pad Thai. That's, like, naughty but not going overboard. So it's like, all a balancing act with that. But yeah, just the little tiny rewards. Something to look forward to. Is always really good for me.

[Courtney Miller]

Target. Target always makes me feel better, even just walking around, even if I don't really, like, buy much.

[Sarah Whittle]

Oh, my God. Target stresses me out so much.

[Courtney Miller]

Really?

[Sarah Whittle]

Yes.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, God, I don't know.

[Monica Vasantani]

And also makeup. Actually, as dumb as that sounds, it's, like, really fun because it's a hobby of mine that I get to do every day.

[Courtney Miller]

It's a form of meditation, too.

[Sarah Whittle]

It's anything that. That you can do where you are shutting off the part of your brain that's like, these are the things I have to do. And then you're doing something that requires all your focus, but it's something you enjoy. So for me, it's going to the gym, specifically climbing, because that's all I'm thinking about in that moment. Cooking is a great one because it uses my hands. It uses my mind. Like, everything is in use. So the worrying part of my brain is just shut off. So I think it's important to do things. Things with your hands. So I agree. Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

For me, it's like painting. I get to paint. I get to wake up every morning and paint. And so I. That's what I do when I, like, put on my makeup.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh.

[Wix Ad]

Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

It's just like this nice thing. I'm trying to get into more hobbies and I want to read more books, but, you know, it's hard. And I want to get back into sewing. I used to, like, sew and knit and do all those things, so I want to get back into them.

[Sarah Whittle]

And even if it's something as simple, as simple as, like, building a Lego thing or whatever, something that requires something to quiet your mind. Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, that's great. I like that. Fuck. I had something. Oh, no, that was a separate thing.

[Sarah Whittle]

All right.

[Courtney Miller]

So that was my brain doing its thing. She destressed. I thought I had one last thing on how to de stress.

[Monica Vasantani]

What's your guys like, favorite smells? I was just asked this on Grace Helbig's podcast, but what's your favorite de stress smell?

[Courtney Miller]

I love vanilla relaxes me. I think it's because my stepmom, when I was younger, she was like this amazing energy. So now I have. The smell of vanilla is just completely relaxing to me. Apple, cinnamon apple.

[Monica Vasantani]

Oh, very fall. You're very fall.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah. Very autumnal.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. And then there's. And then there's some, like, Urban Outfitters candles that really do the trick for me, like teakwood and tobacco.

[Monica Vasantani]

Tobacco.

[Courtney Miller]

Teakwood and tobacco. It doesn't smell like tobacco, but it's a lovely, calming smell.

[Monica Vasantani]

Oh.

[Courtney Miller]

How about you guys?

[Sarah Whittle]

For me, it depends. So I like as a smell, I like sandalwood and I like jasmine a lot. But something that always feels a little calming is the smell of onions and garlic cooking. Because it's just like, you know, growing up. Yeah. Food is such a comfort thing. My mom always cooked, I cook, so so that anchors me and makes me feel like I'm home. So that's a very.

[Monica Vasantani]

The smell of white rice to me, honestly, like, it calms me when I'm sick or something. I love just having like rice and kimchi and that just like calms me because of the smell and the taste and everything. I really like minty. I like eucalyptus, I like spearmint and I like citrus. But they're all toxic to cats, so be aware if you're into essential oil that there are lots that are toxic to cats and dogs, so be careful with those. And I also. Well, this is like a weird thing and it's totally side. But I love the smell of like laundry exhaust. You know when you're like drawing. Yeah. You know when you're like drying something in the dryer and then it was like had a pipe going out and it was like that exhaust. So when I was younger I used to like stand under them and like, like I loved how it smell. Probably not. Okay.

[Sarah Whittle]

Oh, dude. I love the smell of gas burning. Like a two stroke engine or.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Or like the gas car.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

Oh, yeah.

[Sarah Whittle]

Don't know why. I love.

[Monica Vasantani]

Or like campfire wood. When you smell like campfire for a little bit. That's nice too.

[Courtney Miller]

The smell of asphalt and when it starts raining. That's a great smell.

[Monica Vasantani]

Love that.

[Sarah Whittle]

I hate that one.

[Courtney Miller]

Isn't there like a term for that smell? Really?

[Monica Vasantani]

There's a Japanese word for it, but I don't know what the actual.

[Sarah Whittle]

Smells like dirt to me.

[Courtney Miller]

I don't know what it is. I think it's a childhood smell. Like being on the blacktop and like. And then the gas station or like the smell of boat fuel. Like it was just pretty much. But like childhood thing.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

Of the day. I think petrichor is the name of the asphalt smell. Petrichor. Wow.

[Monica Vasantani]

Petrichor. I think that was a word.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yep.

[Monica Vasantani]

That was a spelling beat word.

[Courtney Miller]

Yes. That's why I was like.

[Monica Vasantani]

Why I was like, yeah, that sounds really familiar. Oh, the smell. Smell is like the top memory. Like callbacker.

[Courtney Miller]

Yes.

[Monica Vasantani]

So if you smell a smell, like your memory will be like, you know, your ex's cologne and you're like.

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, yeah. And then there's definitely like essential oils. I know that it can be toxic to cats, but those are also. Can be very calming.

[Monica Vasantani]

They're very calming. Do your research, please.

[Courtney Miller]

But yeah, hopefully that was all helpful to you guys, especially that de stressing. Hopefully that was a good way to. I think that's a great way to end the podcast, actually.

[Monica Vasantani]

I think so too.

[Courtney Miller]

Get out of here now. Carry on with the rest of your days like that. Take what we've given you and go.

[Monica Vasantani]

Do you Want to shout out anything in particular?

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah, it's time to do all the stuff. Okay, well, do you guys have anything you're working on or you want to shout out right now?

[Monica Vasantani]

Me personally?

[Courtney Miller]

Yeah. Like on your own time? The painting.

[Monica Vasantani]

Painting my face.

[Courtney Miller]

Your nails. Can't wait to see what's next with your nails, Sarah.

[Monica Vasantani]

I'm going to glue all the ones that fell off back on.

[Courtney Miller]

Hell, yeah.

[Monica Vasantani]

See how long that lasts.

[Courtney Miller]

Recycled art.

[Monica Vasantani]

Let's see how long that lasts if they don't stick.

[Sarah Whittle]

Can I have them?

[Courtney Miller]

Yes.

[Monica Vasantani]

Well, it's because I've been working out so much and they just fall off. And you can't look cute while working out. And it just freaking sucks because it's like, literally all I have right now because I'm trying to prove myself. It's fine. I'm fine, guys. De stress, de stress, de stress.

[Courtney Miller]

What about you, man?

[Monica Vasantani]

You got anything?

[Courtney Miller]

What's up, money?

[Sarah Whittle]

Shout out to my son.

[Courtney Miller]

Love your son.

[Sarah Whittle]

Don't listen to this.

[Courtney Miller]

Shout out to my son.

[Sarah Whittle]

Oh, he. Arlo has started saying oh, shit when he drops stuff.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, no. Who did he learn it from?

[Monica Vasantani]

Who did he learn it from?

[Sarah Whittle]

My wife and I have been arguing over that.

[Monica Vasantani]

Amazing.

[Sarah Whittle]

We don't know which one of us it is. Sometimes he says, oh, which is very cute. And then sometimes he's just like, oh, shit.

[Monica Vasantani]

And you're like, shit.

[Courtney Miller]

No. Oh, my God.

[Sarah Whittle]

Oh, shit. He said, oh, shit.

[Courtney Miller]

Oh, shit.

[Sarah Whittle]

So shout out to that.

[Courtney Miller]

Nice.

[Monica Vasantani]

I like that.

[Courtney Miller]

Shout out to cute baby stuff. Another shout out. We have some new merch in the merch store. It's some cute stuff. I'm very excited about it. We got Academy Weird sound shirt.

[Monica Vasantani]

Heck, yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

We've got a diary shirt.

[Monica Vasantani]

I love that shirt.

[Courtney Miller]

No more boys.

[Monica Vasantani]

And it's so soft too.

[Courtney Miller]

It's so cool.

[Sarah Whittle]

Oh, I would love that shirt.

[Monica Vasantani]

Yeah.

[Courtney Miller]

And then we've got a smosh floral. A smosh floral hoodie. And we're doing a throwback shirt that's just got. Shut up. All over it. In a little secret, all of us in the office wrote sh. Shut up. Including the cats. Yeah. So it's a. It's. I'm loving this. I'm very excited. I'm looking at the pictures right now. If you guys love these podcasts, keep listening. We. Or keep watching. If you're watching. Keep. Keep watching them on the Smoshcast YouTube channel. Subscribe and thank you if you already have. And if hit that bell if you don't want to miss the next one full video episodes. Come out on Fridays, but if you want to listen to the full audio episode sooner, it's on all your listening apps, and those come out on Wednesday. Wednesdays. Uh. Oh.

[Monica Vasantani]

I like the pose at the end.

[Courtney Miller]

Guys, we just casted a pod. Whoa.

[Sarah Whittle]

Yeah, we casted that pod.

[Courtney Miller]

We did.

[Monica Vasantani]

Good, good, good.

[Courtney Miller]

God. Good game.

[Monica Vasantani]

Good job.

[Sarah Whittle]

Good game, God.

[Monica Vasantani]

Good game.

[Courtney Miller]

God. Bye.

[Monica Vasantani]

Bye.